Berner Phone - Fat Carrie Bradshaw: Social Anxiety & Alter Egos

Episode Date: December 19, 2018

Chris Burns is famous for his Instagram alter ego @fatcarriebradshaw who is shameless, confident, and probably stole your man. However, the real Chris Burns deals with social anxiety, insecurities, and is really fucking single. Will the real Chris please stand up? LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Chris Burns on Instagram: @fatcarriebradshaw --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning in Hell. Today, in hell, I have invited Chris Burns, but more widely known as at Fat Carrie Bradshaw. What a voice. Why is so creepy. I feel like I am in hell. I'm burning. I am creepy. I mean, yeah. Also, I just love to hear my voice in this microphone. That's why I started a podcast. Yeah, no, it sounds so expensive. I know.

I like it, and it's like flat, rammed. It's nice. Why do you have to get sexual immediately? I didn't get sexual. We're 22 seconds in. You're the one that got sexual. I was just commenting on how I like the mic, and your sick mind went straight to sex.

Anyway, you look handsome today. Thank you. But I wanted you on this podcast for many reasons, but one reason is because I love you. Oh, I love you too as a friend. And also, I take full credit for your entire career. That's true. And fair.

And fair. Can I tell the story of how we met? Yeah, of course. Chris and I, if you know, have worked together on Betch's videos, but it really started one day I was writing a sketch, types of girls at brunch. And I'm a lazy piece of shit and did not want to cast five different annoying actresses and i was going to elise morales's show what was it called keeping up with

the Kardashians episode 666 the airs a Kardashian manner so it was amazing and chris was playing no one other than kim Kardashian obviously because he only stars strictly strictly only kim will never play anyone else except maybe kiley when she actually hits the billionaire status true so i'm watching him perform out there in drag and I'm like if this guy owns a couple wigs we have something so I went up to him after the show and I was like you were great I laughed hysterically the whole time how do you feel about playing five different girls at brunch and what did you say probably like fuck yeah or something like that you were like yes please I'd love to along those lines so yeah probably before I knew I was probably very polite yeah you were nice used to be nice to me I'm always nice to people before I actually

them before we go to hell together um so the video came out did you think the video is going to be good i was excited for it to come out but do you like we never talked about this did you believe in me or did you think it was going to be shit i believed in you i didn't know i like knew i only knew you like professionally like i didn't know anything else about you so i had no reason to be like she's an idiot well if it makes i didn't know if it's going to be good i loved it we also like got so um in depth back then oh yeah we had you wear my wigs and do over the shoulder yeah we did over the shoulder shots and i had to put on wigs that we thought the person sitting across from him was sitting like now we don't give a shit we just have you talk to the camera because it doesn't matter

we've realized so the video comes out and it just killed it got over a million views yes that was my first viral video and a star was born like fuck lady gaga a star was born a star was born Chris went from how many followers did you have in the beginning Less than a thousand How was I even your friend? I think I had like 700 or something It was funny because you were so funny on Instagram

And I remember thinking like this dude needs more followers Every caption was about like stealing someone's husband Or like making fun of why you're not Why you're richer than everyone I like was like that even when I had no followers Because it's true you're not like faking anything just to make people like you. You're just being yourself

and now you're just like a little more fabulous. Yeah. And you could say like less funny shit and people still think it's funny because other people like it. That's, I mean,

I feel like now I have more confidence in what I'm posting because before, I guess it is crazy that it would get like 10 likes when I would still be posting like, I fuck the shit out of your damn husband,

you bitch. Because you really just want to make your friends laugh. Yeah, I guess so. Like your three friends. my like three friends back then make your roommate like it exactly it was so you're what what are you at right now on instagram i'm like 38.4 okay so you're not 40 yet so i can still make eye contact with you i'm almost at 40 also chris texted me and said when's the next video

dropping i need to hit 40 i need to hit 40 before new years and i think i will do you remember whining about hitting 10 to me i hit 10 on new years of last of this year last year oh my god so you It's been a year. You tripled. Because I remember my New Year's resolution was to have $10,000. And then I got it at like 1145 on New Year's Eve. You know, they don't even have Instagram. Do they have any idea of the shit you do?

They have, they've seen the videos. Do they like them? I think so. My sister-in-law shows them things. I love that. Like my mom texted me and was like, I heard you dressed up as Rosie the Riveter on election day. and you're like you're welcome oh yeah they've gotten much more um comfortable as since the first video came out i think i remember the first video you made a comment like my parents are gonna love

watching this and i felt bad i was like shit this is such an incredible video that millions of people are laughing at and you're you're worried that your parents won't laugh no it wasn't even it was that but also like they were not like i was like they are not ready to see me like in a wig and have they never seen you in drag not in real life they've seen pictures now because of the videos um but now they like don't even my mom's like oh i saw the video it was so funny but before i think it was just hard not even hard for them just like to get used to the fact we're salt of the earth people where are you from like outside of albany new york so the capital State? Yeah, like upstate, but they...

Like not Westchester, like upstate. Like up past Albany, upstate. What do people do upstate? It's like, go to Target. But we've made so many videos since then of this type of girls series. We've sold it to brands. We've done... We've done types of girls who talk shit. Types of girls on a diet. Types of girls at Thanksgiving. We have so many. I recommend you guys check it out, Google it. I don't know, find it. You can find it on my website or on the website. Or on our Instagrams. Yeah.

Scroll through the whole Instagram. But I want to ask you, what's the difference between Chris Burns and Fat Carrey Bradshaw? Honestly, everything. And I think it's something hilarious because people will message you like they're talking to Fat Carrie Bradshaw, like inviting you to their wedding or like real like personal things. And then you'll text me and be like, I'm so uncomfortable. What do I do? But they see you as this like not giving a fuck person. How would you describe the difference?

I think that fat Carrie was like born from my, I'm actually super anxious a lot of the time and like nervous and like going to parties where I don't know anyone is like terrifying. And truly I think online fat Carrie was just born as like that's the person I wish I actually was. Like I wish I was more not giving a fuck. She would have been arrested by now. like she would have totally been in jail and like have no friends and have been murdered probably but she doesn't give a shit but she doesn't fucking care about any of that so she's kind of like her alter ego yeah she's my sasha fierce yeah as she's gotten bigger and more successful more loved how has that affected the real chris burns i think that sometimes when i'm feeling like that or i'm feeling like rejected or dejected i'll be like i'm fucking fat hairy brownshaw like who does this person think the fuck that they are and I do I recently got in like a thing where I told you about this a lot of times um but I was like rejected in this weird way and I got really angry and was like like push someone and like and that after that I was like oh my god like the line

is starting to blur like because old Chris would have just gotten depressed and like ate a bunch of pizza and fell asleep yeah and not said anything. And I literally had to, I was like, I'm sorry, like, sometimes fat Carrie comes alive in the night time. Did you feel better that you, like, spoke up and freaked out? I felt like the next day. I was like, well, I said what I wanted to say and I did what I wanted to do. And I guess I'll never, like, wonder what would happen if I had said something. I love that.

I can, I feel like you have grown a lot since when I first met you. Yeah, right? I feel like I have too. I just said that. But, no, I'm just kidding. I think you have. Me and you have just, we both. When your video was starting, I was starting as a video producer for Betches.

So we both were really, like, trying to prove ourselves. And I think we've both done a great job this last year in proving ourselves. So now, like, we get to feel good a little. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. Speaking of feeling good, what doesn't feel good, I'm working on my transitions. I like it. Is anxiety.

What gives you day-to-day anxiety? We get everything in the world. No, I like to think if I had money. I would be a lot less anxious. Like, I'm like, a lot of the times I'm just worried about, like, where that next paycheck's coming from. That's why when rich people talk about being anxious, I'm like, shut the fuck up. But then even when I'm not worried about money, I just worry about other things.

So I think it's just like... I have a theory with anxiety that you put your anxiety wherever the easiest place is at the moment. Like, if you're having trouble with your relationship, you'll just... Exxiety is like an obsessive thought that's not logical. so it's like if you're having boy problems you want a boyfriend you can obsess about it in a not logical way to the point that it's like really bad but if you didn't have a bad boy problem and you still have anxiety let's put it into your job let's put into your family yeah because i will if i'm like feeling sad about a boy or something i like get so it's like the only thing that and you forget you don't have money yeah literally i'm like and i don't care like i'm like i don't care i would go in further into debt just for this person to like it's like Like, not be a dick. Where do you think your anxiety stems from?

I think probably growing, like, if you knew me when I was like in high school, I was a completely different fucking person. I wish I did. What were you like? I was so, I was in the closet until I was 20. Were you fucking straight? Yeah. Was it like, were you good at being straight? No.

I mean, everyone knew I was gay, I think. Or people that knew what gay was knew that I was. Did you talk differently? I did not. I didn't talk. I didn't say girl and bitch after everything and like tongue pop and oh, I definitely tried to like butch it up. Yeah.

Because I knew people thought I was gay. So then I was like trying so hard not to seem gay. Like for example, I found a thing in middle school where we had to write like our favorite everything that was our favorite at that time. I said that my favorite musical artist was the bare naked ladies because I didn't want to seem gay and put my real favorite artist who was Shania Twain. And the favorite song was I feel like a woman. Like literally, my first concert was Shania Twain. Oh, I love you so much. Did you feel like growing up where you grew up, it just wasn't accepted with other gay guys in your high school?

some have proven to be gay now 10 years later there was like two that came out when we were in high school and I like spread those rumors also like I was like did you hear that someone says gay you're like who would do that like I remember the most fucked up thing I ever did this is so fucked up I was talking about it actually with Elise the other day but it's the most anyway so this like one guy that I knew that was gay because everyone knew he was gay was like talking to this other kid who wasn't gay at the time. I think he actually is gay now. And I like secretly had a crush on the one that wasn't gay. And so then after he would talk to him, I'd be like, you know he's gay, right? To like try to freak him out from talking to him because I was jealous. How old were you? This was when I was like

16. I was like manipulative. I thought you were like yesterday. No. Yeah, that's some shit I would do now. I did some fucked of shit like that when I was in middle school. I was 11. So like I've, I've been manipulating since day one. I had the biggest crush on this guy and he was going out with my friend and I was like, this isn't happening. So I told him, like, I was like, low key, like, you don't know this, but like, she's going to break up with you today. And I was like, you better break up with her before she breaks up with you.

And then I went up to her and I was like, he's going to break up with you. So you better break up with him before he breaks up with you. And like clockwork at lunch, they both met each other and broke up with each other. And I was like, Dale is done. I got it. Honestly, like, I was, that's the sickest shit. That is fucked up. And to this day, they both don't know, but you know what?

They weren't meant to be, okay? Did you date him after? No. So, but I still, like, know him, and he, like, kind of wanted to date me. Like, there, there was a thing. Oh, my God. That is crazy. Do you look at me differently now?

No. Or do you think I'm, like, an artist? No, I'm impressed. I'm like. I wish I had thought of something like that first. Yeah. It's like anyone listening, you want to break up a couple. Do that.

And if they're meant to be together, they're meant to be. But if they break up that easily, come on. Honestly, it's not your fault that they're not being open with their communication. It's not my fault. It's not my fault. Honestly, you tested the relationship and the relationship failed. Emma can't be put on you. So anxiety comes in a lot of different forms.

What kind of ways does your anxiety show itself? I'm sorry, that was a complex question. um i i feel like uh i get very nervous and then i don't talk a lot so then i'll drink a lot if it's like in a situation where drinking is which also then i'm like oh my god am i too drunk and then i get anxious that i'm too drunk it's like being in your head yeah it's totally and you're like everyone thinks i'm so drunk right now yeah no i need to know at least a couple of people at a party to not feel completely overwhelmed it sucks because you get to party we don't know anyone you find the one person doesn't really know anyone and then you're both like you're

both drowning but you're like can we hold each other and then drown together because you both don't want to even be talking to each other and then you can't tell if she actually wants to talk to you and then it's just it's really sick I hate parties same I used to come up with excuses to tell my mom like I don't have to go to this party right and like that's when I realized that I have social anxiety Yeah, because my like, I'm like, I would so much rather, like, go to someone's apartment, like a one-on-one, like a small group where I know everyone. Yes. And drink wine. Then, like, uh, show up at a bar where you have to pay $15 for a cocktail and then wait in the bathroom line for 45 minutes.

It's really sick. Like, who decided that was a fun thing to do? Bathroom, the bathroom situation in New York City is out of fucking control. You're a dude. Call your senators, people. You're a dude. You know, it's like for a woman? I can't imagine.

Women pee every three seconds. And the line's crazy. You do make a lot of friends, though. Yeah, but like while waiting to pee, there's no worse feeling. We bond over it, though. The pain. I guess. The pain in your bladder.

I had a friend in college who used to, one friend would pretend she was really, like, drunk. And then the other friend would, like, hold her and run through the line, being like, she's going to throw up, she's going to throw up. And then they would get to the front of the line and just pee. I think we should call this how to manipulate the fuck out of people. But honestly, I remember being like, that's a good idea. Yeah. What's your biggest insecurity, physically or emotionally?

What is it? Physically, that I, physically absolutely nothing. No, I'm just kidding. Well, that's fat care braggia. Who, ironically, it's because I'm fat, which is probably also. why I use it so much as Carrie Bradshaw because I try to own it more than I actually do. Yeah, because Fat Carrie Bradshaw is a whole lot of woman and she doesn't give a shit. That's what I always say to you is like, I'm like, you've seen me naked more than anyone because

when I'm like getting changed for videos and stuff, I don't care. I love your body. And I don't know why. I think you're adorable, especially when you wax your chest for me. Oh my God. I love the pain that you go through for my love. I can't, you know what the worst part about having a wax chest is when it starts growing the fuck back. Yeah, it gets all, oh no, scratchy. It's good for exfoliating. I guess. If you need a sign from

the universe to start your own podcast, this is your sign. Burning in hell has been around for three years and I started it with anchor and I'm still with anchor. It's free and anchor by Spotify is the easiest way to make a podcast with everything you need all in one place. You can record and edit your pod right from your phone or computer and when you host on anchor it distributes your podcast to listening platforms like spotify apple podcast and more everything you need in one place completely free download the anchor app or go to anchor.fm to get started tell me what podcast you start and just remember if you feel like it's your purpose to start a podcast you do it i believe in you anchor dot fm well my question is in terms of like dating do you feel like it inhibits you if you're insecure about your body to want

to put yourself out there i think it's totally that and then i've gotten so in my head about that that like it affects everything else when it comes to dating where i get very like and i'm a very um jealous and needy person like honestly and very self-aware like and i am self-aware but i'm like i know i'm crazy but it's not changing anything it's funny though i feel like you just have to find a guy who likes crazy guys like there's so many dudes who love a crazy girl like I joke with my friend he's like no it's true I want her to threaten to burn my house down and like I'm immediately erect like there's so many I have dudes who have hit on me and been like are you crazy and I'm like no and they're like oh you want me to go nuts over super shit I'm like I'm

crazy with myself but I'm not going to be crazy with a significant other that much see I because I like I'm trying to survive over here I don't have time to like fuck up your life too i'm fucking my own life up i think i am just like insecure so then it comes from like if i like a guy and he like talks to another guy like i don't care if it's been his best friend for 25 years wait but i'll be like have you ever had a boyfriend no and this is why what was the closest you've ever had to a boyfriend uh um there was this guy a few years back when I first moved to the city that I really liked and hung out with like every day. And I would say that it was the closest thing. I don't think he would say that. Was he gay?

Yeah. Okay. He was my first kiss too. But he would always talk about how he lived with his roommate and then I found out like six months in that it was actually his boyfriend. Oh. So maybe he was just like interested in you a little. He liked your attention. I think that his, I think that he was. I think that he was in love with his boyfriend and his boyfriend maybe wasn't so in love with him okay and so then he was getting from me like the puppy dog affection and I knew it but it was like a full

year of knowing it before finally I was just like I well good for you from moving past that it sounds like he was using you and we're still in like the same group of friends so I see him from time to time and it's fine because now there's nothing like truly being over someone and then seeing them like you know how you say you're over people yeah actually see them and you want to Do you feel dumb because when you're actually over them, you see them for everything they really are?

Yeah. No, when I see them, I'm like, oh, my God. When you have a crush, I had the biggest crush. Well, I was dating all these athletes in college because I was an athlete who was like the only people I knew. And then I got a crush on one of the mascots at Wisconsin. And he was so funny and he was like chubby and he was kind of mean. But like all the hockey guys liked it. He was a dick.

And I was like, he could be my boyfriend. Like these hockey guys, they're kind of dirty. I don't need that cockiness. I'm like, he's lucky to get my attention. And then he turned that shit on me real quick. The second I started liking him, he was like, I'm not about it. And I got so fixated on the fact that he didn't like me. I was like, this isn't how it's supposed to be.

I'm like, you, I know that you like me. And then I was just like a whole summer was spent just me like. being upset that this how this guy couldn't like me well there were probably tons of guys that I could be talking to now I'll see him on Instagram and I'll be like are you fucking kidding me you wasted a whole summer with this kid who's like so different than you literally we're not a look at all it's just he was a mascot it was I messed with my own head again obsessive thoughts they really keep me going totally they really run my life like it's crazy I feel like crush is people don't talk about the like addiction to a crush like you know that high you get from

having a crush sometimes like that's why you don't see red flags the guy could be doing the worst shit but you love the high of the crush so you just lie to yourself and your brain is like whatever you want and like my best friend maisie at the time knew him also and like hated him and was like he is the worst and you never listen to your friends and i would always be like no you don't know him like i do but they see it's like When we're alone, it's different. When you're not attracted to the person, you see them for what they are. So you're friends, if they're not attracted to him, especially a girl looking at a gay guy,

she sees past all his charm. He was giving you the charm. Oh, yeah. No, I remember there was a moment where I was like, I literally feel like if he called me and was like, I need you to help me kill this person, that I would have like been like, um, okay. And that's when I was like, I have to cut this off. Speaking of killing people, what's your biggest, fear not killing someone no I'm just kidding um like my actual biggest fear is probably like

you be fucking honest with me never being successful in the way that I've always wanted to be and what is that like I want to be able to do whatever I want basically so have freedom like I want to be like a male Tina Faye in the sense that I can like do whatever I want I've proven myself people love me and I have money that I don't have to worry about money and I have money for like what kind of creative stuff do you want to do like if you didn't have to worry about money I want to be able to like focus completely on my comedy stuff and like TV and write a feature link like I want time to be able to do everything that I do now but it just like takes longer now because I have to do everything else that I don't like to do it because you have to work and pay

rent yeah rent is the worst Who created that concept? I also want to know When was the last time you were depressed? Like fucking today, probably. It's funny because I've known you've been anxious And then you opened up to me about your depression a little. Because there's sometimes when it just gets really bad where I like can't even focus

Because I think I like owed you a script or something and I just like couldn't get to get it together. It's not that you owed me a script, but I'd like hit you up about stuff because I love your writing. And it had been a while and I thought you forgot and you just responded and you were like, I'm sorry, like, I've been such a funk and I'm depressed right now and I can't get anything done. And I was like, that's totally cool. Like I respect that. I do like think. I like know I have to do things, but I'm like I just can't like bring myself to do it half the time. So does it just come over you for no reason sometimes? Like a couple of waves. Like I'll just wait. Like when I'm feeling really happy, I, in the back of my head, I'm always like, well, get it like take it in because it's not. going to last for long. How long have you been coping with that? I think probably like my whole life, but it's only been, like, the, since I've been an adult that I, like, realize what it is. Yeah, because when you're a kid, you're just like, why have I been crying for the last 12

hours? But as an adult, you're like, oh, I can't get anything done right now because I've been crying for 12 hours. And my parents are very, like, sensible in that if I would talk about being sad when I was younger, they'd be like, why? What do you have to be sad about? And I'd be like, oh, okay, you're right. They say that with children, when they're sad or if they, like, hurt their knee or something, you shouldn't negate their emotions.

You're supposed to acknowledge it and be like, instead of being like, you're fine, you're fine. You should be like, that hurt. That probably sucks because it told you to, like, kind of suppress it. Yeah. I mean, no, I'm totally like, I'm fine. I once had a boss, like my straight Israeli boss, like, was like, you're not fine. Just tell me what is wrong. And I was like, I'm fine.

He's like, Chris, you're crying. You're not fine. because I am a cryer too so I'll be like trying not to cry but also being like I'm fine isn't it crazy that you bring so much laughter to so many people I got I do like to think that you do that like I'm like okay everyone in your well you also make a lot of people die everyone on your Instagram's dying yeah it's true um well thank you but yeah I do like it to I think I'm in a better place now than I was like say the first like when I was I try to look back at like when I was in the closet for

example and be like that was when you were fucking low like you can go back to that bitch so what are you doing right now when you're dealing with anxiety and depression but you're still trying to take over the world and conquer your dreams what do you do to get over it what do you do to cope um I feel like I and it's okay if you don't think it's like a good thing but you just do it? I get high. I mean, I do think that it's um like I don't know I guess I just like push through it and then I always try to have like something to look forward to. So like if I don't have a show in the future or something like I try to get a show or if like there's not a video coming out or something I try to like do something that I have something to look forward to. Yeah.

It's like so you don't get stuck. Yeah. The last time I was depressed was after a breakup. Well no, it was like during the breakup because I thought he was the one for me but then but then I didn't I wasn't happy then I like convinced myself that I was sabotaging it because I wasn't happy with this guy who I thought was the one yeah so I like started all the repeating OCD thoughts of like you're fucking it up you're fuck up you're sabotaging and then when you get lost in that you feel helpless and there's no answer and then that depression comes knocking on the door and it's like hey anxiety you want to party you want to chill watch some Netflix so then I got depressed because I felt so like there wasn't an answer so it's like it's true it's really believing in like the future and your brain is so malleable like a year ago today I was still dealing with depression and I can say right now like I'm not depressed yeah and it might happen in the future but like your brain doesn't it's like waves it doesn't stay and you have to like yeah exactly leave that and I feel like yeah I've gotten so much further than and I'll call, like, Macy will be like, remember how you were back then?

Like you, and it's true, like, I've come a long way from when I was at the lowest. But you really forget. Like, when you're dealing with shit today, you're not like, oh, let's compare myself to a year ago. But sometimes it takes my friend to be like, hey, let's stop for a second and look at the big picture of things. It's true. anxiety stems from getting like really specific in your life, like in a moment, like your boss had something. And then you could spiral into like a really scary place and you're like quickly let's stop i'm okay i got a full-time job i'm getting paid i have parents i'm healthy i'm gonna eat my lunch later sometimes it's to be as little as getting excited that i'm gonna have a good lunch yeah no truly though like it's little things that

keep me going um but i'm feeling so positive that i mean that's good though for today yeah until tomorrow yeah until tomorrow when you're burning in your own hell can we end with a game Seven Deadly Sins What are you greedy about? Are we being honest? Yeah, we're being honest. I'm like... No, I want you to fucking lie to me.

No, I'm like... Trying to think, okay, but like, honestly, probably drugs and, like, alcohol and stuff. You know, when you're at a party and you have something and then everyone's like, they want it? Well, it's expensive. And I'm like, I paid for these. Yeah. And I'm not talking like serious drugs. If you paid for it, it's not that gritty.

Um, and also, like, you're not talking serious. You're just talking like math. Yeah, I'm just talking about like crack. Yeah. Um, no, but also like I do that with say, um, really good food or something. Like don't fuck, if you wanted to order it, you should have fucking ordered it. But if it's like the hottest boyfriend ever and he's like, Chris, can we share? Would you do it? In a heartbeat. Good. Okay. I just want to see how greedy you were. Yeah. No, I'm not actually. Who are you envious of besides me? Anyone that's younger than me that's, um, more famous. who's someone specific um i mean there's like a lot of like real people in my life but like um like justin beeper i feel like like uh there's a lot of but i feel like envy's the worst emotion like pt davidson yeah example well you got to find a guy who's famous and hot and date him and then break up yeah but i'm also like no i'm like jealous because he's like 23 years old. I know, but his dad did die in 9-11. Everyone says that.

I know. He gets literally, it's like Pete Davis said more murdered 10 people, but his dad died in 9-11. I'm like, once you drop 9-11 in New York City, everyone's like, oh, yeah, becomes off-limits. I like haven't even gotten to the World Trade Center Museum because I'm like so triggered by it. Like my friends will visit and be like, let's go. And I'm like, nope, I don't give a shit. I haven't seen you in three years. I'm not going.

No, I can't. what do you gluttonous about besides drugs and alcohol um because you've talked about that enough are we talking about food that can be that's what i always think of what i think of glutton is your food that you go ham on potatoes bitch any kind of potato do you like home fries i live for them do you like tater tots live for it i'm the same i love do you prefer like do you put vinegar on it no Manehs. Disco fries. Like, if I was going to the electric chair, I would have, like, disco fries.

You know what those are? No, I'm not white trash. It's just french fries with cheese and gravy. So it's like Putin. Yeah, but like... Poutine. Sorry, Putin's the... Wrong. Poutine.

Yeah, it's like that. That sounds amazing. I like mayonnaise on my french fries. I like mayonnaise too. I like mayonnaise on anything. Yeah. Some people hate mayonnaise, and it. It's like, you know what? No, I don't get it.

Don't get until you try it. Yeah. You don't have to eat it raw. That's disgusting. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Probably that, what I was talking about before when I freaked out on this guy. Why did you freak out on him? I liked him.

He didn't even like me. He was not. He owed me nothing at all. Like, like, there was no reason for what I did. And I regret it. Was he hitting on? And someone else? He was making out with someone else.

Oh. And I freaked out. That's, you know what? You just wanted some attention. I freaked out. It was, I saw red because, okay, quick story, that same guy I was talking about before once we were at a bar and I turned around to get us more drinks at the bar. And when I turned back around, he was making out with someone.

And so I think when the exact same thing happened again, like four years later, I, like saw that. Except this guy was not your. flashed in my like I Were you sober? Mostly Okay Like I would say I knew what I was doing

Just some meth as usual No like I didn't I can't blame it on any substance Like that was all me When was the last time you were a sloth I try to have a sloth day like every three weeks or so I need a day where I just don't leave the house I feel like I was a sloth day once a week

But I mean like a legit sloth day. off day. Oh, like, you don't get out of bed. Like, I'll get out of bed, but I won't leave the apartment. Yeah. Probably like once a month. I feel like it's a refuel. I need sometimes. But if I'm too, like, are you burping, really? Yeah, I had a Pellegrino. That was the bougiest shit you've ever said. I had some sparkling water. I feel like if I stay home consecutively too many days, I get so in my head that I, like, think I have no life purpose after too long. No, that's even if, After a day, I'm like, oh, I'm such a loser. Like, that's when you know it was a good rest day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to hit that point. Totally. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? This is a tough one. I'm very good about not letting my pride get in the movie of something, I think. Look at you. Because I'm trying, I like try to live my life by not letting.

Like no ego? Yeah. Like I try to, I'm trying to think of like. It's really difficult to do. How are you good at it? because I am shameless I think for a lot of things so like with people I will not be ashamed to be like I but I love you why are you doing this to me oh I love that has it worked in your relationships no okay not at all okay so I don't suggest it but maybe it just that right person

hasn't been in the receiving end of your I think so openness um no I I think that I am pretty open and I've been told vulnerable occasionally I've gotten a couple of nudes DM to me are you would you ever like just have a hook up from it I don't know I mean maybe I feel like you're so shy it's so cute I am also only 9% of my followers are men what yeah it's 91% women even though you have everyone's gay podcast yeah I'm 23% men I have mostly women in between the ages of 25 and 35 I mean it's a great compliment because it means you have good humor girls have high brow humor you know thank you I just made that up no I mean I agree yeah when was the last time you lusted over someone oh like who's the last person you thought like

I want to fuck them oh just like lusted yeah I saw I was in Amsterdam recently and there was a guy working at this coffee shop and I like can still picture I've it has been so long and I was like you're the hottest person what about him he was kind of a dick and he was like I love what you could tell he was a dick by how he was sitting no he was working he was like the the barista oh so how he was pouring and he was just so hot and I literally was like and then I was with my friend and she also I could hell was like and is he straight or gay I think he was straight but European yeah so yeah but when we walked out she was like oh my god my knees buckled and I was like I he literally couldn't breathe like I don't even remember what we were doing there I love that put in the spank bank but honestly

he's in the spank bank forever amazing I want to end this podcast with one final question I think a lot of people follow you and a lot of people might be rising comedians or insecure about their own stuff but have kind of dreams. And I feel like you've really passed that first initial, like, obstacle to get where you are right now. What advice do you have for people who are kind of insecure, have social anxieties or deal with depression to, like, actually accomplish what they want? I say you actually, what was your tweet today?

Because I saw your tweet today and it literally made me think of what I... My tweet was, if you're having a bad day and life's going to, you do. down just remember then no one cares because that's true too and I do I think of that I'm like I'm so worried about this thing no one else cares because everyone only cares about themselves and I would say I once had um like my comedy like coach that I had for years she like coached improv when I used to do improv and now she's on on insecure um but she once told me to never let the fear of looking stupid get in the way of being funny and i feel like that i took that and really just ran with it i love that and so that's like for the videos and everything like i did videos in a bra and in the middle of central

park with tourists walking around yeah which i am not like that like i wouldn't take my shirt off in central park in july i feel like i can get you to do the most ridiculous shit yeah but it's because also I just like know that that's a different it's a character or whatever I guess so my advice is if you're you yourself don't feel strong enough come up with an alter ego that is actually you that you just can pour it into I love that and over time you and your alter ego might become one yeah and then you'll have a lot of followers on Instagram yeah you might have 38,000 yeah maybe 40 by the new year fingers crossed well I want to thank you for coming to hell with me I think it got spicy and hot And I wish you best of luck. Everyone follow at Fat Carrie Bradshaw. Also subscribe, rate review to Burning in Hell. And I'll see you next time.