Berner Phone - Funniest Things Said During Sex

Episode Date: June 15, 2026

This week, Des records solo from an undisclosed location and listens to voicemails about the funniest things people have said during sex.   Call [phone] to leave us a voicemail! International Dialers can leave us a voice memo on WhatsApp: [phone]   FOLLOW DES: Tickets: https://punchup.live/desbishop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desbishop Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/desbishop X: https://x.com/desbishop YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desbishopcomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desbishop5   FOLLOW NICOLE: https://www.instagram.com/nicoleclyons/   Produced by Nicole Lyons Productions Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolelyonsproductions/ Website: www.nicolelyonsproductions.com

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Hello, my little dialers, and welcome back to Burnafone. A slightly special episode today in that I'm on my own. Nicole will still be editing, so your hellos to Nicole will not fall on deaf ears. I'm filming a secret thing, very demanding, crazy schedule. in an undisclosed location. So it's just easier this way. We had banked a couple episodes. The last few weeks of episodes I recorded before I headed off onto this thing.

Nicole also had a little holiday, so we were very organized. But now we are back in recording on the week that it's coming out. Anyway, you guys don't need to know all that stuff. Needless to say, I want to start by saying, that I appreciate all the feedback. I feel like the Google Voice number is working out. We have some Google Voice and some WhatsApps for this week. And because I'm on my own,

I really just want you guys to guide the episode. Now, I know I often say that, and then I end up talking a lot myself, but this will be you guys. Anyway, we're a couple of months into the different era of burn a phone. We hope you're appreciating. If you are, please spread the word. obviously there are some people that are naturally going to fall away fans of Hannah or fans of

just Hannah and I together but perhaps not this iteration and we're totally fine with that it has been quite the change on Burnaphone so if you know somebody who stopped listening that's don't think that we're offended in any way but now that we have what is the new iteration of Burnaphone and you love it spread the word spread the word on Instagram let people know like and subscribe on Apple Podcasts if you haven't done that. And if I post a clip on Instagram, maybe you might share it. But we really appreciate you guys sticking around. I had some recaps, you know, because we've actually,

because we were far ahead, we've had some recaps on. So let's just do a couple of because it was a very great response to our nostalgia episode. So somebody was writing back about, or somebody was messaging back about handwriting. Hey, Desh. Hey, Nicole. I'm giving a call about the handwriting discussion that you had on last week's episode. I am a fifth grade teacher and I wanted to call it and give you a teacher perspective on all that. Kids have horrible hand rating because of all the emphasis on like reading comprehension and test scores, kids now. days don't take time to practice handwriting. And so I'm getting kids in fifth grade that cannot form letters. Like I cannot read their writing at all, whether it be like it's chicken scratch. I had a student recently that I truly could not make out anything that they were writing

and like parents were made aware, everyone was made aware, nobody cared, nobody changed it. So handwriting is definitely going to the wayside these days because kids are using their computers more. I try and incorporate handwriting and things like that as much as I can, but I'm noticing that a lot of the teachers around me are focusing on the computers a lot more. So it's kind of sad. Notes still are past. I've confiscated my fair share of notes. but I don't know, sometimes you can't read them.

Have a good one. Nice out, very good out. Yeah, I mean, I'm conflicted on this because when I learned Mandarin, I basically decided I was going to save time and not learn how to write the characters. I was going to learn how to read them, and I was going to learn the typing method. There's a way that you can type Pinyin,

which is the Western lettering or the Roman lettering of the Chinese words like when you see a Chinese restaurant like Chonghua kitchen that's Pinyin and so there's a way to sort of type and get the Chinese characters so I can text in Manza or Fantizzi as it is and sorry Jian Tizu I actually don't use Fantizzi as traditional Chinese if you ever see in the list of languages Jien Tizzo which is for the Giendan, which is easy, simplified Chinese. And anyway, so I didn't learn how to write the characters. So on one level, I can kind of understand, like, is learning how to write,

is this like good management of time? I would assume, and I think we discussed this, that there's actually some learning things. Because as I said, I still prefer writing down my jokes. Anyway, I don't really know what's going to happen in the future, but it is the great transition. I mean, we don't take out the quill. You know, I wonder back in the day with that like, oh, nobody's using a quill anymore.

What's happening to society? You know? It's like, well, there's a lot less fucking stained fingers. So who knows? Who knows what's going to happen? Let's recap a couple of other. Actually, just in a celebration of the fact that Hannah special's out, which I'm sure you know,

but if you don't know, make sure to watch Hannah Special on YouTube. also I have a special on YouTube I say fucking YouTube Hulu Hanna's special on Hulu But also I have a special coming out on Hulu In like two and a half weeks

So That'll be coming out Not in as grand a venue as Hanna special filmed once again at the comedy seller But if you saw me live over the last sort of two years It's a version of that show I called it Bridget in Tunnel because I'm from Queens and I always hated this kind of dismissal of people from New York City that are from the boroughs and also people from New Jersey.

But I actually judge them too. So I don't like to include myself with people from New Jersey. But this actually does also, it's relevant to them. They called us bridge and tunnel because we're coming into the city, coming into Manhattan through a bridge or a tunnel. and we were somehow less than. And so Bruce Springsteen was talking about that on the Billy Joel documentary and he was talking about that him and Billy Joel

with Bridget and Tunnel. And I was like, Bridge and Tunnel, I fucking hate that. There's a lot of themes about growing up and flushing in my special. I'm calling it Bridgetin Tunnel. In other words, I'm proud of who I am, motherfucker.

So that's coming out. And in celebration of Hannah's special being out, let's listen to this oh my gosh i had no one else to call so i'm calling in because i called in last week about the which generation or time of the century should i have been born in and i was saying that there's a positive to being born now because back in my day as a millennial we used to have to grind in the club and not know who is behind us i just started the none of my business tour by miss hannah Berner herself, and I am gagged because she is literally doing the little bit that I just called it to do.

I had not seen this. It was a universal experience. She obviously made it hilarious, and I was not copying Ms. Burner when I called in last week. I just hadn't seen the tour yet, and, yeah, just thought I'd throw that out there, so you didn't think I was just copying her material and trying to use it as my own. That has been a joke that I have always wanted to see someone do. So thank you, Hannah, for sharing that universal experience,

especially the part of who made it the rule of not being able to turn around and look at the person behind you. Exactly. Anyway, hope you are doing well. And thank you again for continuing the podcast and continuing with the little dialers. Oh, you know, it's so funny. Well, first of all, great bit by Hannah. This resonated with me because the grinding thing, to me, I'm pretty sure I'm a fair.

It's fair that I say this. Was it distinctly American slash North American phenomenon as far as I was concerned? Because when I came of age, basically when I came to an age where I was going to start like trying to like get girls. In Ireland, it was mostly slow sets. you know we had an actual like three or four song collection or like i talked about in the laces roller skating rink we had couple skates so there was like this time where you would go up and like ask somebody to dance and it was face to face or side to side in the case of roller skating and so then when i would come back to new york for the summers or for like christmas vacation

and like all my friends that i grew up with down there going out in new york it was very different and like it was like you got to just like grind on girls like that was like the norm. And I actually found that kind of weird because it just wasn't the thing in Ireland at all. And like Irish girls would have definitely been like, get the fuck off me. Because not because they're brutes, but just like it just wasn't the thing. You know? So I'm glad that's kind of gone.

I guess it's gone. I always thought that was kind of weird, you know? And I was never super comfortable with it unless. there was like a vibe where they were backing it to you like there were times particularly as i got you know like a little older a little more confident that you know you could tell that a girl was like you know back into you so then that's fine you start like dancing you know but i wouldn't be so as into the grind as i would be into like let's dance i would try to like move together anyway the grinding thing always freaked me out so great bit sorry to all those millennial slash genx

uh americans north americans or other cultures wherever you are let us no. Sorry that you had to deal with that. I mean, I'm sure sometimes it was fun, but I'm sure a lot of times it was like disgusting. Although whoever made the decision that you couldn't turn around and look it's fucking ridiculous. I guess judging from the humor of Hannah and a lot of her friends, if you turned around to look and you were looking over the top of their head, that would be your ultimate nightmare. Um, so anyway, let's, let's, let's keep it moving. Anyway, Hannah special's out now on Hulu. Check it out. Oh, this was a funny, this is a funny bit of feedback about something I said.

Hi, Des. So I just listened to your last episode where you were talking about if you were to make a rap group and your name would be PTSD. I thought a good group name could be trauma dumpers. And then obviously everyone in the group would have their own names and your name would be PTSD. does, but I just wanted to call in and give you that thought. I think this is hilarious. In fact, I thought I said PTSD, but that's also fine. I actually feel like I need to make this sketch. I actually, I need to find somebody who can make this sketch, like the Gen Z, Gen Z rap groupers. I don't have to be a Gen Z joke, but I just feel like I just, I don't know why.

feel like that would add to. But anyway, trauma dumpers. We're going to write a song. PTSD, and I just need like two other people in my crew, you know, to be in the trauma dumpers. Maybe I'll ask Marcus Monroe, who I love. He does the, he does the terrible jokes on the subway, dressed just different characters, which I just can't get enough of. And maybe Chris Barnes, who is the boyfriend slash partner of Caroline Banner, which was on the pod, who's also very good at those types of things. And maybe my wife, Hannah,

will be mixed, gendered trauma dumpers. Maybe we get Carolyn, too, actually. I think we a good, kind of like a black-eyed peas kind of vibe. Anyway, speaking of trauma bonding, I feel like this is a good time to have a life hack brought to you. by Rula. You know we have a great relationship with Rula online therapy here on Burnafone. And we have a life hack with Rula segment coming up. And you know what? I thought today we'd have a special life hack because, well, who, what wise people do I have in my life life. These days,

to impart some wisdom not only to me, not only to Hannah, but also to the dialers for our life hack section. Well, let's see who messaged in. Hi, Des. It's your mother and father-in-law. What about Des?

We have a lot of life hacks because we're old. My life hack that I've been living by, especially the last few years, and I guess it has different connotations in different life chapters of your life. But for me now, I live by just because you can doesn't mean you should. Be grateful for what you have, not what you don't think about what you don't have. Yeah, and don't spit in the wind, especially as well. Bye!

there you go everybody my in-laws bringing in the knowledge um we love the life hacks section we love rula we love our relationship with them i hope that some of you guys have tried at rula online therapy as i always say i wish it was around in my younger years uh this has been life hacks with rula if taking care of your mental health has been something you've been putting off this is your sign to make it easy. Head to Rula.com. That's Rula.com to find a therapist the easy way. Again, that's Rula, Rula, Rula,

to get started. Lifehacks with Rula. Coming to you every month with some knowledge about life. A quick message from today's sponsor, the ASPCA pet health insurance program. All right? We all know having a pet super stressful

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Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. obviously we've so much feedback from all these episodes but uh this actually this was this made me nostalgic hi does and nicole listening to your episode about what generation you wish you grew up and i wanted to respond to the dialer who is talking about handwritten notes um i am a fourth grade teacher and no absolutely not at least in fourth grade these kids are not writing each other notes. They even have a hard time writing down their phone number to give to their friends so that they could talk on the phone because they all have, like, messenger kids. Like, they just genuinely

don't know their parents' numbers. But I was born in 1999, and I still very much grew up in the time of cell phones, and vividly remember writing notes to my best friend in middle school, and we had a binder that we would leave them in, and we would leave them in the chorus room. So when we would have chorus class that day, we would go and see the notes. And then it became a binder that all my friends started to write notes to each other in, and one of them still has it. Super cool. I absolutely know what the styler means about the different handwriting. And it's really sad that our students don't have that anymore. They don't even, dare I say, have the creativity to draw some of them. there's just no motivation there for that.

So, yeah, I don't think maybe once they get to middle school, they do handwritten notes, but I highly doubt it. So, sorry, the reason I played that, I know it's quite similar to the previous message, but the reason I played it was, because when she mentioned binders, I immediately was like, holy shit, I haven't thought about a binder in so long.

And they were so important, these binders. and I feel like I've had nobody talks enough about binder injuries like the amount of skin catching and just like scrapes binder incidents that existed over the time and like these these

these denim binders back in the day and you like draw on them are they still around I bet you they're gone the denim binder you know and then there were the shitty plastic ones but they always broke then I moved to Ireland. Okay, so America.

Three loops, right? Loose leaf. That's my life. Okay? I'm a loose leaf, three-hole guy. Then I moved to Ireland. Oh, we don't say loose-leaf. It's A4 Fultzcap.

Take out a Fultzcap. And it's two holes. Longer page, but two holes. Not as supported. Not as supported. Okay. You know, a lot of people ask me, what was it like?

moving from flushing queens to Wexford in 1990 as a 14-year-old. And obviously, my life was just riddled with cultural differences, culture shocks, fish out-of-water experiences. But I'm having, for the trauma dumper, I think my first song is going to have to be full scap versus loose leaf. I forgot to talk about the fact that everything I'd ever known, about collecting my pages of work was completely changed

when I moved from a three-hole to a two-hole life with an A-4 full-scap binder. So I really had a lot of nostalgia when I heard the word binder. I hadn't thought about binders in a long time. I wonder are they still a thing. I really think it was kind of an odd. You know, because they were always ripping out, you know,

and spiral notebooks, always ripping out, you know? A lot of unnecessary spirals, you know? A lot of unnecessary, you know, fucking bits of paper when you pull out your spiral. You know what I'm saying? It's just a lot of, you know, early printers, man. With the fucking, you got to rip off the sides. A lot of, a lot of wasted paper. Excuse me.

Hey, fever season. Anyway, listen, I'm going too hard. Hey, fever season. I'm going too hard on the nostalgia these days. It just happens, man. You just get to an age and the nostalgia is so goddamn entertaining. As a result, maybe I'll save some more nostalgia for a next episode. Because the theme of today's episode, the dialed it in, it's actually kind of a dirty one.

A dialer had messaged in on Instagram the funniest thing somebody said to you during sex or after sex, which, you know, could also be the funniest thing that happened during sex. so warning the rest of this episode gets a little racy what i'll try to do is i'll try to ramp up the raciness so it'll be dirtiest by the end of the episode just in case some people are you know less inclined for the for the racy stuff i i wouldn't know why you would be but you know uh maybe they you know kids in the car something

although yeah i don't really i'm not looking for people to listen to this with kids in the car in general just heads up if that's something like you think this is like kids friendly pod. I mean, I would say it's not. You know, I mean, sure, 14, 12 up, really. You know, sometimes like families will bring, like, their kid to my show. The kid will be like 13. The people get uncomfortable. Like that 13 year old people are like, I was 12. I was like loving full on comedy. So really, in actual fact, it's totally fine. So, um, let's, uh, so this is the funniest thing that people said during sex. Let's, uh, let's get into it. So this isn't necessarily funny, but the craziest thing someone's ever said to me during, like, any sort of sexual activities was my ex-boyfriend told me that I gave him the second best blowjob, which at the time I took as a compliment.

But now, after him being my ex, I can realize that's kind of fucked up. Another time, he told me I was the perfect amount of fat. I'm 5'3 and 125 athletes who competed at World Championships in my sport so more like things that were kind of toxic but I choose to look back at and laugh and be like wow that was such a crazy time in my life that was a crazy time in your life

that was a that was some subtle toxic negging right there the perfect kind of fat that is insane you for sharing very funny. Second best blowjob. Hilarious. Um, so now, sorry guys. I'm, I'm on the ones and twos here as well as, uh, doing the app. But you know, we're using Riverside these days. And I have to say, it's really a great apparatus for, uh, for playing the things. I'm also distracted because I got so into the feedback that I didn't realize I, I, I really, um, I jammed up I jammed up the list with a lot of stuff from back in the day.

All right, this one just came in. This one's hot off the press. I was actually, I was just about to start and this came in. It's long, though. So let's just get with it. All right. So my name is Kayla and my story about sex for this upcoming podcast, hopefully, is one in which I, I'm also a comic.

I'm a comic in Utah and I had sex with somebody and you know they talked a big game they had you know set all the right things to get to that point the outcome wasn't really

you know driving with what they what they had promised anyway so moral of the story is just don't trust someone that tells you that they're going to do all these things to try to make you come and then, you know, I had to fake an orgasm. I had to fake it, unfortunately. I didn't want to hurt his ego. This is not something I do

very often. But this, you know, I don't want to hurt this guy's feelings. So what ended up happening was, yeah, I faked it. It was like crazy theatrics or something. I'm like, oh, just, you know, like, oh my God, I came. And right after that, he looked me dead in the face and said, welcome back to Earth. Welcome back to Earth. And, you know, I wish I just could have told them right at the point. Like, I never left, bitch.

I never left. Never left Earth, unfortunately. So whatever you think you did, you didn't do. And sure, maybe I had a. role to play in, you know, making him think that he did something. Again, there was no theatrics. It wasn't crazy. I was just like, oh, I came and he said, welcome back to Earth.

He's been trying to get at me again ever since then. This was like two years ago. He's been talking a big game again. So, I don't know, maybe this time I'll actually leave Earth. Maybe this time I'll actually have a spaceship. Either way. I hope you guys enjoy this. Thank you so much.

Love what you guys do. Yeah. Okay. Bye. I found this so interesting because the whole faking orgasm thing slash like hurting men's egos and just that whole dynamic is so fascinating to me. And I mean, I'm 100% sure that I've been with some people. in the past that faked an orgasm. However, for me, it's never been like an ego thing.

It's actually been like, I would like you to get there. But I've also always been aware that like it's not just a me thing. So I'd rather them, instead of faking it, just be like, hey, this will be way better if you do this. And then I'll do that. because as you know I have this joke about Google Maps for Sex about like you need a whole new set of directions when you're with a new person like I have no ego when it comes to that stuff I'm aware that you might be you know you might be a programmed a little different to somebody else you're wired is probably the better term in a good way you know so but I am also aware particularly from doing the shift to Katie Boyle that a lot of men which I think this guy is, they have a lot of ego when it comes to sex. They really, like, they really believe in, like, their skills. And so you would think in this case, she faked it.

You would think, you know, that's her fault, right? But then when he says, welcome back to Earth, it's like, oh, this guy really, like, this guy really believes in his game. So it's absolutely hilarious. Just the whole, you know what it is? Like, it's just, I, it's such a weird thing. like male ego with this stuff. It's just like there's a certain type of man that just really like he needs to feel like

he's the best fucking lover of all time. You know? Whereas I am still firmly of the opinion that the best ones are the ones that are like willing to do what works for you. with the caveat of I think there's a good need to be confident and not take control in like a dominating way, but also like show that you know what you're doing, but at the same time being aware that, you know, not everybody's the same. The only problem with that is if you're so aware of, you know, how everyone's not the same,

it means that you've tried it a lot. so you're giving up your spot you're giving up your spot not all the rehearsing anyway listen a very funny message uh welcome back to earth let's keep it going hello des um i think this is

i'm a second time caller i made it into another episode um so yes um this is something that i actually didn't say during sex. It was afterwards that me and my current boyfriend actually still talk about. The first time we had sex, you know, he's a tall, leaner fella and, you know, didn't know what he was working with. And after we had sex for the first time, which I very much wanted to, before how long it took for us to get there, when we finally did, you know, I was proud of him. I was shocked. I was not prepared. I did not, I did not see

what he had for him. And after we had sex for the first time, I, um, high fived him. And I said, good for you. So, yep, um, we've been together for over a year now and we live together. So needs this to say. I think the high five really secured his confidence. And yeah, high five and, um, a good for you, a good for you. So, hey, thanks. Bye. Bye. Listen, there's not that much difference between men and dogs. Every man loves a good boy. You know? Every man likes a little treat.

A high five, as you know, a high five to a man. This is a high value treat in dog training language. Hilarious. By the way, love this story because I just think that like that level of comfortability in a new situation is such a green flag for your compatibility. So, high five for me to you guys. I wish you the best. Hopefully one day, we'll be having a message in saying, hey, remember the high five guy?

We're about to get married. And maybe you should put a high five into your vows. Instead of you may kiss the bride, it's like, you guys may high five. High five your way into a long and healthy life together. wonderful message let's keep it going let me keep to my promise of letting you guys uh you know I love this one because it's so like I'd love a running gag hi Des and Nicole um I wanted a message in about the prompt for things people have said doing sex excuse me this didn't happen to me but it happened to one of my friends at uni she asked a guy to talk to her when they

were having sex because I think he was just being totally silent. He said, O'ar me hearties in a pirate accent, which was obviously hilarious. And he was my now husband's roommate at the time. So obviously, we never let him forget this. We would turn up to events with eye patches, make references to walking the plank. I think one of my friends got a little parrot of stuffed toy parrot, which she would put on her shoulder when we were going around there. and, you know, he's never lived it down since. Thanks, bye. So funny.

Love that. Never let him live it down. We all obviously, you know, we love the accent. Literally, I think you should be like a voice over person. Obviously, you're not going to, you don't have to send a picture. It's really funny, but I would love one. but I also appreciate the anonymity of sharing intimate details about your life. So I think I'm right in saying that your friend was with this guy and then you ended up marrying him, right?

I think that was the vibe. And then you guys have been just ripping on him since, which I think that I just love it. He must have been drunk, obviously, to say, ooh, harmy hearties. It's very funny. He was trying to be funny at the end. I get it. You know, I just think like, you know, the thing is that like there's a running theme. right? Like the last one with the high five,

like, there's like, there's something endearing about like, you know, being funny at the end of it, but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. This was like a fail, but really it was a win because it's just like you've got this wonderful running gag. That was our first WhatsApp message that has played on the pod.

So don't forget if you're not in the United States, you can call us on 646 plus one, 646, 4, 2, 3, 70, 20. plus one, six, four, six, four, two, three, seven, zero, two. The Google number, it's Google, by the way, is 911, five, one two, one seven, five, eight. Nine one seven, five, one two, one seven, five eight.

Save these numbers on your phone, guys, okay? And, uh, so that was our first WhatsApp. Here's another one. Here's another one from WhatsApp. The funniest thing that happened during sex or that was said during sex. I was hooking up with this guy for the first time and he said oh my god you're really hot and I said yeah the temperature is really warm in here

unbelievable hilarious nice and quick hilarious get to Canadians in just like the blood that would leave my face when I misunderstood something like that in that situation but also just like

the not being in tune with the vibe of that moment is absolutely hilarious. But you know, also like, I mean, it's cute. He was trying, right? You're really hot. He was trying. But it's also like, you know, maybe he didn't have the right. Maybe he sounded like he was talking about the weather.

You know, it's supposed to be like, you're really fucking hot. See, some people are like, they're against curses, but like, I feel like that's, that requires an F word, you know? Because in fairness, you thought he was talking about the temperature. It must have been his delivery. I wouldn't, I wouldn't feel his bad, you know?

He mustn't have had that, you know? It's like, you're really hot. You know, it sounds almost like, I think you have a fever. Whereas, like, you know, he needed to be like, you're so fucking hot. fucking really fucking hard you got to put a fuck in there sorry it's my opinion um all right let's

let's keep her lit here hi dozen friends um i saw this prompt today and cracked up because it reminded me of the time i was hooking up with somebody and he kept making this really weird face and i was concerned because obviously you don't want to be hicking up with some guy while he's making a weird face it's like my issue whatever and i'm not the issue he's always been the issue but he says making a face and I'm like, what is going on? I'm going to go, sorry, I just can't stop thinking about the time my grandma told me had a pretty little face. There seems to pull out.

Jesus is everywhere and it gets in his own mouth. Scarred me for life. That's dirt. That was so much dirtier than I thought. Oh, dear. Oh, dear, dear, dear. The things that, well, first of all, you're not responsible for the crazy shit that comes into your head.

I mean, if we all had to live, by the consequences of just the shit that we think, it would be a horrible life. But in this situation, it's like, you just don't share that. It's such a weird thing, you know? That his, the sort of, the barrier,

the toll booth between his thoughts and his, what he says, somehow the, the barrier rose. Shocking. Absolutely shocking. Yeah, you just don't bring up your grandmother. during sex. You can think it if you're trying to like, I don't know, delay orgasm, but anyway,

um, thanks for sharing. Don't forget to call us 9-1-7-5-1-2-1758. WhatsApp plus 1646, 423-70-20. Now I'll start doing it because now I have the number in front of me. It's very important for the future, you know? Let's keep, uh, let's keep moving along here. All right, they're getting dirty now, okay?

All right, we'll go one non-dirty, then one dirty, all right? Hi, Des. Hi, Nicole. I love the enthusiasm in the voicemail message, but this is more of a funny thing after sex. So when I was in college, I was talking to this guy on Tinder, and we decided to get together and hook up. And then it was phenomenal. As far as I remember it, I actually couldn't tell you how it. was whatever. I don't know why I'm talking about, probably because the next part was really embarrassing for him, probably. Anyways, so when we were done, we were laying in bed, and then

he gets up and is in, like, so much pain, and he's standing in the doorway, like, oh, my gosh, I need to go to the hospital, and I was like, what? Like, what's going on? Okay, so it turns out he had like some kind of muscle spasm or something and something was wrong with his back. So I had to take him to the emergency room like first time meeting him and waited for hours. And the next day I had this really important test I had to take. And it was, it turned into like a whole thing. And I was like, dang, if we don't get married after this. Anyways, yeah, I never saw him again after that.

He lived in a different state. And as far as I know, his back has healed. but I do wonder if that's ever happened to him since. Bye. Listen, let me tell you something. He dodged a bullet there because if he's getting back pain at that age, it's not going to be a good life.

You know, I'm 50. I got a lot of issues with my back, but, you know, I'm 50. If he's that age and he's having these back issues, it's not going to be good. Well, I don't want to bring up Luigi Mangione, but, you know, back pain had a lot to do with that. So you don't need that.

You don't need young guys with back pain. You know, girls, you want a red flag? A guy talking about spasms, a 21. Yeah, 45 spasms, basically small talk. 21 spasms, red flag. Alert, alert, alert, get the fuck out of there. Okay? You get to 45 joint pain, stuff like that.

You talk about it a lot, you know? You make noises when you sit. These are normal things. 21, no way, bro. No way. It's going to be a problem for life. So you dodged a bullet there. You know, although I do find that the whole going to hospital.

I would have found that to be a much more bonding experience. Surprising that you guys didn't have some time together. Fair play to you. I have had, you know, I definitely probably have had back spasms during sex, but I've 100% had cramps. I think we've all had the cramping experience, you know, where you try to stretch out your leg when not letting them know, you know, especially if it's early on in a relationship where you're still trying to act like you

Mr. Casanova you can't let them know you have a cramp so you try to like straighten out the leg change position I don't think there's a man out there that hasn't had at least one cramp during sex um that's just part of life you know um all right this one's dirty and then I think we're gonna wrap up the dirtiness because I can't it's funny I'm becoming a prude I think. Let's go. Hi. The weirdest thing that's ever been said to me during sex was one time a gentleman went down on me and he looked up at me and he said, you look like you need your ass eaten. And I laughed.

I thought he was kidding. He was not kidding. He then proceeded to do that. And I didn't really know what to do or the fact that what does that even mean that I look like I need that. But, yeah, I thought that was done. Let me tell you some ladies. This is just like a little, let's have a learning moment with Dan. here on Burnifone,

sometimes we like to let our majority female audience know that there are certain things that men do that aren't really about what you need. It's about what they want. And when a man says, you look like you need your ass eaten, what he really means is, I'm going to eat your ass in the Supreme Whole,

hope that you will reciprocate this action. Because really, I know I want my ass eaten, which is what he was saying. So, just remember that when a man says, you look like you need your ass eaten, if you, in fact, have no desire to have your ass eaten, you should probably clearly state right at that moment. that's not really my thing and this will not get reciprocated and then if they don't know what reciprocated means

never talk to them again that was our sexual health moment with DES or as some people know me PTSD DESE let's uh let's wrap up on that finish off can I I'm sorry

I just love the the recap messages can I Can I play this one? I can't remember what it was And I know we've had a lot of like Handwriting stuff But can I play this?

Because I want to hear what it is. Hi, my name is Ashton And I'm listening to the generational podcast And as you were talking about pens And he said something about maybe it's not even that big of a deal. But it is.

Me and my husband fight over the type of pin that we use. Even my, as my husband calls them, my work husband. The Sharpie black pen is the best pin of all time. I agree that the fine tip pins are trash. but I just felt like I needed to say that the Sharpie pens are the best. Love y'all. Thank you. Yes, I think it's the Sharpie pen that I love also.

I love that Sharpie pen. And Sharpie, reach out. Send us some Sharpie pens. Yeah, you know what we don't get a lot of on this pod? Sharpie sponsors. We don't get a lot. We don't get it for the amount of love that we've been getting to, writing, we're not getting enough sponsorship from pen companies, man.

Not enough sponsorship from pen companies. So, uh, anyway, don't forget, message us on 9175-1-1-2-1758. And if you're outside the States, send us a WhatsApp plus 1-6464-2-370-20. Uh, by the way, I realize also that we haven't changed the song at the beginning. don't believe. And I'm just thinking now that I'm going to do a new song with the number. You know, the way it's like, one, eight, seven, seven cars for kids, which is controversial, actually. I'm not going to get into it, but you can look that up yourself. But I think I have to try to come up with like a song like, nine one seven. But I think it has to be like a trauma dumper song, you know.

Unfortunately, I didn't pick fucking rhyming numbers, you know. Don't wait. Call 9-17-5-1-2-17-58. Listen, I'm a better rapper than this. It's time to call, you know. 64-6-4-2-3-7-0-2-0. You know? Be a hero. Call 64-6-4-2-3-7-0-2-0-0-0.

Be a hero, you know? So I'm going to write. We're going to get a little song, a little auto-tune. 9-17-5-1-2-17-5-8. and then just get that jingle in your head. Like, I didn't, I haven't also, I haven't tried to figure out a word. Hey, dialers, here's a task.

Here's your homework. Let's see if we can, for the 646, it's not as important. For the plus one, 6464, 6, 4, 2, 370,200. It's not as important because I can post the link on that. Save it in your WhatsApp, but I can also post a link for that on my Instagram. But for the 9-1-7-5-1-2-17-8, let's uh who's gonna do the the work of figuring out something fun to say 917 and then some letters maybe we can find that's your homework you know they've got numerous combinations majority three letters

per number right except for the 9 but we don't need to do the 917 a 5121 7 you got three letters per number so you guys can figure out a good word to help people learn the number and then maybe we can put that into the song. So let's finish with one more recap on our episode about what is legal, what was legal when you were younger? Hey, Des. Uh, Jen Z. Dialer here. I just wanted to say after listening to today's episode, something that was legal but isn't now. I grew up in Canada going to summer camp in the 2010s. And it felt like at the beginning of my time going to camp, we used to be able to do so many things.

And as I got older, everything was cracked down on and it was like they banned fun. Like we used to go on canoe trips and go bridge jumping. We used to play this thing called water soccer where people, it was very violent, very brutal, but very fun. I feel like most formative childhood memories are doing things that are a little bit dangerous, but very fun. and by the time I was old enough to be a camp counselor at my summer camp, all of the fun activities we did as junior campers were banned. Yes, I mean, hey, I know that Hannah upset a lot of people because she called me a boomer on Giggly Squad, but I just consider the sort of all-encompassing term for a nostalgia

material to be boom humor, so you won't get any pushback from me on the old. It used to be more fun because it was, bro. You know, British Bulldog and all these rough games. Proper Dodgeball. Are they still playing Dodgeball? I don't know. All that stuff was so fun, bro. You know?

So we all know that. And it's kind of unfortunate. And God, I remember like Boy Scout camp at the crazy shit we used to do. So fun. Anyway, we're going to wrap it up there, guys. Thank you so much for bearing with me. For the record, I didn't want to complain, but this thing that I'm doing is, so fucking intense

I've like this I've never been more tired in my entertainment career and I'm not complaining I'm just like it's it's hard and I literally was like struggling to to find

like a second to do this so if my energy was a bit low today I apologize the heat fever is off the charts and and I take Claritin every day and I'm trying to Claritin Pepsi-AC mix that I saw on TikTok, which I can't tell if it actually makes a difference. But anyway, we have one more week where I'll be in this situation.

And then we'll be back to normal. And then the special will be coming out. Don't forget about Hannah special. Don't forget to like and subscribe. don't forget the number. 9175121-1-7-8-6-4-2-3-370-0-20. And don't forget your homework. 9-1-7-5-1-2-17-8.

Let's see if there's a fun seven letters that we can put together into two words to make the number easier to remember. Save the number. As you can see, I think the feedback, like the recap stuff, like the responding to the episode is so fun. Like, I love it.

and just boring admin, but now with the Google voice, like I'm getting back in the Telby days, you know, I had to go on the Telvi to see the message, whereas now I can see the message, and it's fun during the week to see people's responses. So listen, Burnaphone is all about the dialers, and it's not just about the episode for me. I love the feedback from the dialers.

don't forget Spotify comments. You can always respond there. If you haven't ever left a review on Apple Pods, leave a review there, send out a message anywhere you post, even on X, even though I don't go there because it's a toxic cesspit. But I don't go there.

Not sure what we're going to do for next week, but I'll have a thing. But you can always message 9-1-175-1-2-17-8, 646-4-2-3-70-70-0-0-0. thank you for listening to Burn a Phone. We love our little tireless and we'll be back next week.