Berner Phone - Happy Accidents

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

This week, Des reacts to your butterfly effect moments.   NEXT WEEK'S PROMPT: Weird things people have said while you're grieving, funeral stories, anything grief/death related!   Call [phone] to leave us a voicemail! International Dialers can leave us a voice memo on WhatsApp: [phone]   FOLLOW DES: Tickets: https://punchup.live/desbishop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desbishop Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/desbishop X: https://x.com/desbishop YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desbishopcomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desbishop5   FOLLOW NICOLE: https://www.instagram.com/nicoleclyons/   Produced by Nicole Lyons Productions Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolelyonsproductions/ Website: www.nicolelyonsproductions.com

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the Burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, our little dialers and welcome back to Burnafone. It's Des and Nicole here. Nicole, who will always turn off her audio, but there was somebody shouting in your microphone as I was doing the intro. I was really hoping you wouldn't hear that. For some reason, I live right by an intersection, and there's, like, for some reason, I live right by an intersection,

and they're randomly doing construction on it all the time. And they're never fixing, like, the road outside is so bumpy. Every time a truck goes over it, it sounds like there's an explosion. And they've never fixed that. We've lived there for five years. Never once fixed that. They're only constantly redoing parts that I can no longer walk on. Well, people that have been listening to Burn a phone regularly since you've come on the show,

I think they all probably think the same thing I do, which is you're in an abusive relationship with your apartment. Your apartment seems to be bringing nothing with stress. And I think that you're like in denial about it. Honestly. I am in denial because so what you guys have to understand is I live in Jersey City and I've lived here for five years. Most of my friends live in New York and they're paying like $4,000 a month for an apartment. Yes. We pay for a two bedroom, $1,800. Okay. We have parking included. We have laundry. We have all these magical things that many people don't have, and it's very, very cheap. The trade-off is that there's a threat that it's going to burn down any day.

There's always construction outside. We're beefing with the people downstairs. You know, these are things you trade off to have a dishwasher and laundry and all of those luxuries. We are moving, though. Yes. So that is happening. That is happening. Yeah, we're actively looking, but it's so hard when you have this, you know, you're spoiled for so long.

you're paying a certain amount that anywhere we go, it's like less for paying more. But what you may find is that your apartment shouldn't provide so many strange factors to your life. Totally. The peace of mind, the piece of mind has a value. So anyway, welcome to the pod. Thank you for your suggestions. Because, you know, fun fact, a bit of admin, right?

you know, you have various different podcast providers. So we, we've been with somebody for a while. It's not like any, it's not an exciting deal or anything, but, uh, Libson does, you know, organize a lot of our stuff. But now we're coming to the time where all that stuff kind of renews. So if we were going to change the name, actually now would be the time, you know. So, uh, so thank you for some suggestions that the Spotify comments came up good. I'm leaning. So here's, here's the three that I'm leaning towards. Okay. I like. dialed in, right? Except that there's like eight sort of like self-help performance executive podcast called dialed in. Dial-up I thought was good too. Dial-up with Des or whatever. And DesConnected was one that I thought was a good pun. We won't go with that, but I do like a good pun.

And let me see. I was texting my agent, such industry speak. But he was actually asking me about it. But anyway, those are sort of the, those are sort of the main ones. I saw another one that I forgot. Anyway, we'll keep, we'll keep trying to figure that out over the next couple of weeks. So we thank you for that feedback. We've got a lot of great happy accidents in.

But before we do, we've had a very strong dark matter post, which I'd like to, I'd like to share with the class. Long time listener, first time caller, always wanted to say that. First I have to say, I'm Des. We started Dark Matter over here. Love the show, great show. I'm a big fan of Severance. However, I have a bone to pick. We never watch trailers.

However, we watch the trailer on this, trying to pitch the idea to my household to watch. We watch the trailer. It gives the whole plot away of the first episode. Or maybe the whole series. I'm not sure. We were very excited, not sure if you had this same thing happen to you. Anyways, but a happy accident that happened to me. During COVID, I was a doctorate school, and that didn't work out.

And back then it seemed like the worst thing in the world, but now I have a great career working still in medicine, but I work from home, I travel, actually just got a new job or a new role starting here in a couple of months. But just being said, I did not know that what I do now was a thing until doctorate school didn't work out. So I think without that not working out, I wouldn't be where I am today or as happy as I am. Because to be honest, the people that are in the field of what I was going to do, they're absolutely miserable. So anyways, I might be an advocate for saying that sometimes things do happen for reason. Anyways, gonna try episode two of Dark Matter tonight. Wish me luck.

Bye, guys. First and foremost, let's discuss the Dark Matter thing. So I actually, obviously you know that Burnaphone highly recommends Dark Matter. We are a Dark Matter positive podcast. It is no severance, but I think that people, if you liked Severance, you will like dark matter. But what I will say is I did not have the experience of this dialer because I had a friend say you should watch Dark Matter. I had never heard of it. This is long before the season

two came out, which I feel like it's getting a bit more publicity now. Like all things Apple TV, they don't really pop off until season two. But I just got into it. Actually, my episode one experience was very much, I had no idea. So all the crazy things that happened throughout episode one were a surprise to me. However, what I will say is relax. because all that's been spoiled for you is episode one. The series will continue to throw up curveballs that perhaps you weren't expecting. But yes, I feel, I actually these days, I don't watch the trailer much. I actually read East of Eden this week because I wanted to watch the series, but I didn't want to,

I'd never read East of Eden. I love John Steinbeck, particularly the Grapes of Wrath. And I'd never, you know, so I was like, screw it. You know, I'm always looking for something to read. Let me, so I plowed to East of Eden, which actually, honestly, I'm not going to lie. I think it's one of the best books I've ever read. You know, like it was profoundly affected me. I finished it yesterday morning.

I was sitting in a coffee shop and I was actually crying in a coffee shop at 7.30 a.m. As I got to the end of, of, of this book. Like, it was very, very moving. It's not, it's not uplifting. But it's not depressing either. It's just very realistic about life. I don't want to give anything. Anyway, it doesn't matter.

I plowed through the book. So Hannah and I started watching the East of Eden on Netflix last night. And after episode one, it was immediately playing like a trailer. And I was, I immediately got off it because I was like, I don't want to, you know, I don't want to see. And I was already annoyed because. there's a character in the book that I think either I had just been introduced to him

while I was reading it or I hadn't even been introduced to him yet but the I happen to see like a poster or something about just just a still image from the Netflix series which kind of annoyed me because it did poison my mind on how this guy looked

to a degree so I just didn't want and I also to me on it's half through the book, I saw that Florence Pugh was cast as the main female character. But it actually didn't really poison my mind about how she looked. Even though I did think it was decent casting, I would have casted somebody else. I won't say who, because I don't want to poison your mind just in case you're going to read the book first. But anyway, I try to avoid the trailer, so I'm with you. As for your happy accident, I do feel like it is one of those things where when you end up in another career and you think like I'm so happy it is one of those things what's like yes it's a happy

accident but also it's one of those things where it's like we just don't know you know which actually I think dark matter it really fits into this theme you just don't know would it have been better or worse you know and that's that's the wonder of life you know the great unknowing but all you can know is how it turned out and it turned out good And that's a positive. Because for every positive story we hear about, I ended up doing this, there's got to be just as many people that are like, I ended up doing this and it was the biggest mistake I ever made in my life. And then the question is, how long do you stay in your mistake? You know?

By the way, just in case people think I sound distracted, Nicole has decided to, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me the sound, Nicole. No, it's driving me crazy and I'm too paranoid. I'm annoyed to mute, so I'm moving. So there's just, there's a lot going on behind the scenes here, folks, but I think you guys should know, rather than have us edit this out. You know, we've had some technical issues already, which you missed, but as a result, Nicole's paranoia is such that she's decided to move into the kitchen to torment me with it with a diet Coke box in my mind. And the beer. Well, one I am addicted to still and the other I have long since said goodbye to.

But not the bastion of health on that fridge, it has to be said. No, it's bad. And the beer. But, you know, but if you want to fill that fridge up with healthy stuff, you should get hungry root. Hunger root, one of our sponsors here on Verdephone. Anyway, dark matter, after this episode. episode. We talk about happy accidents and just like where your life could have. Dark matter is a very good show to watch in conjunction with this ep, you know? And honestly, East of Eden the book,

I can't speak for the series because I've only watched two episodes. And I'm already a little disappointed because there's a sort of a lack of focus on some characters I would think that are pretty important, not just because they're Irish. But anyway, I think East of Eden too, a little bit with this kind of concept, particularly of sort of harping on or maybe being stuck in things as a result of your decision. So let's continue on with the happy accents. I'm very, I'm very, as a result of being profoundly affected by East of Eden, I'm very deep in this kind of concept of choice and its repercussions for your life. So let's continue on. Well, there is something we need to listen to first, I think.

Oh, I forgot. I should have opened with that, really, shouldn't I have? Hey, does it, Nicole, it's a spoon girl. So, story them how I swallowed a spoon. I'm a really fast eater, and I was eating one of those fruit right bars in one bite. I swallowed it in one bite, and it was choking, and I was panicked because my parents were upstairs and I see a spoon from probably another snack I was eating and I shove that shit down my fucking throat and I dropped the spoon by accident like it got really slippery and it just fell down

my throat and I'm thinking like oh that went down too easy I don't need to sell my mom picture this instead of winter my mom's just sat down with a glass of wine it's 10 p.m. her 21-year-old daughter. No, I wasn't 4 or 5. I was fully 21 years old. Comes into the room and I said, Mom, I think I swallowed a spoon. And she takes me to the fucking hospital.

And I tell the girl, like the admin bitch, and I say, hey, like, there's a spoon inside me. And she goes, oh, you were having a better. and I said, and I was, and I said, no, it's all I swallowed it. What prompted me to call in was the gerbil in the ass, I think. Either I shoved it at my vagina or shoved it out my ass, no, babe, I swallowed that shit. And they put me in the psych ward pretty much close to it. And they got it out with an endoscopy, but they didn't call the guy in.

Like, immediately they waited until he came in at 7 a.m. to fucking get it out. And he was like, oh, you have a very open throat. Like the endosody didn't even hurt. I woke up. Didn't even have a sore throat. I was ready to party. I was like, pass me the fucking lies. I was drink.

So yeah, that's my story on how a 21-year-old swallowed a soon. Peace and love. Tell Hannah. I say, hey, tell her the story also. I think she'll like it. I mean, I don't know if any girl wants to hear you have a very open throat. No, like, is that a medical diagnosis? Like, don't say that to me.

me for a doctor. It's like you got into the wrong industry. There's a place for you. The dark parts of the internet. Also, I guess I figured my throat was open if I swallowed a whole spoon. I guess I thought she was like, it was lodged in her throat the whole time. I didn't realize that she fully, like, I guess then you stopped choking because you swallowed the spoon and it passed your little snack and they're both in your tummy.

But I assume that it's safer to get it out than like wait to pass because I assume that passing a spoon. Like, are we, you know, like, I'm assuming that there are narrower passages than her open throat, you know? I passed a spoon is, I mean, that's, I want to see that, I want to see, I want to see, I want to see that x-ray, you know, like, I want to. It was a good story. There's, there's no way around it, inspired by it. That is crazy. I sort of feel like you must be, like, this can't be the only crazy thing that's happened to you, because I feel like, I feel like, have friends like this where they're constantly getting into shit where it's like, how is this always happening to you? It sounds completely made up. Like you're maybe like the clucks of your friend group.

Like I feel like you must get into other weird activities if this happened to you. And I also want to say, I wonder how hospital administrators feel about being called the admin bitch. Right. We both had a reaction to that. But we like your storytelling. style and we're very pro profanity here so this is no judgment uh very very funny story honestly i i was expecting the the passing of the spoon to be a part of the story i wasn't expecting an endoscopy so pretty awesome the fact that they got that back out like fishing for a spoon great story so let's uh let's continue on with uh not the type of happy accident we were expecting there Let's continue on with our happy accidents.

Hi, guys. First time, or first time, Zyler, long-time giggler, I would say my happy accident was drunkenly agreeing to a blind date with a guy in Alaska and waking up to realize I did that. And seven years later, we are celebrating our daughter's first birthday next month. So, yeah, blind days can work. Also, I am like Nicole where I need like a reference or referral. His sister, who I was friends with, asked me if I would be interested in going on the blind date. And he then reached out and asked me to go on the date. But I did fly out, do that 10-hour flight. So I would say it was like a crazy happy-ass accident.

Wow. So she flew to a. Alaska for this blind date. I need to know where they live now. Yeah. You know? Does she live in Alaska? Maybe.

I mean, Alaskan men are kind of scary to me. So I went to Alaska once, and I think every guy I encountered was really spooky. So it's very impressive. Like, this is an inspiring tale that you made it out and that you have a successful relationship. Well, what do you expect from men that?

live with quite a lot of darkness for numerous months of the year. Have you been to Alaska? I've never been to Alaska. Oh my God. I feel like you, well, I went to like a scary part. I did not go to the beautiful part. And it was really fun. But it's very clear that one of the only things they have to do there is drink.

And I think it's the summers where it's just light all the time. Yes. So there's nothing to stop you from. drinking like the night doesn't really end. Yes. So it was a spooky time. I have to say, of all the signs of aging, I think one of them would have to be just becoming so acutely aware of the different

angles of the sun throughout the seasons. Wouldn't you say? Because like I really, as a kid, I just was really not that aware of like the different angles and the different places where the sun sets. But these days, not only am I aware. of it, but I really enjoy the different times and the different angles of the sun. When do you think you became aware of the angles of the sun, Nicole? I mean, I don't think I'm quite where you're at in terms of like you're taking pleasure.

You're like taking pleasure in this. I think like the thing, if anything, it gives me anxiety. Like I really don't like when you get to the time of year when you go into like a building or an appointment or something in the afternoon. and you come out, it's dark. It's dark. Yes. That, that I've always hated. I've hated, I hate to change back to normal time. The one thing I agree with Trump on, my one Trump thing is I would have loved daylight savings to be all the time. But, you know, or just not change it because the day that it changes, you know, the day that it falls back, it just breaks my soul, honestly. like absolutely breaks my soul. So, um, I, I, I, anyway, that is, that is just something I've, I've

noticed. Like, I, even as it, it's funny, like, our house growing up was, uh, I guess it was like northwest facing. So like, in the evening, we did get nice sunlight through the living room, but like obviously just wasn't like northwest facing house. Like, it just wasn't bright a lot of the time. But at certain times of the year, the sun would come through the other side of the house. I was at a time where you got home from school in a way that I would always be like, something's different, but like it didn't enter my brain that it had anything to do with the angle of the sun or the time of the year. But it would just be like, oh, that's different.

And I actually loved it, but I wasn't aware of what it was. And I just, I wished that I had been more aware of it. I wish I could have actually felt it with the knowledge. But in a way, maybe it was better than I didn't. I just felt it for what it was, you know? That's really beautiful. Is it? I just like, I just not, I just wasn't aware of it, but I'm very aware of it now to the point

where I've come to expect it, you know? Anyway, let's, let's continue on. There's a lot of sort of meat cutes, by the way. Not all of them, but there are a lot, but they're varied. In life, there are things that are too good to be true. Time shares, those pop-ups that say you want a free iPhone, the international prince that wants to give you money. You know what's not too good to be true?

Mint Mobile with their premium wireless plans that start at $15 a month since the mystery WhatsApp has become sponsored by MintMobil. I can tell you from experience. You can do the research. MintMobile is the best deal. It's the best deal going. All plans come with high-speed data

and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. You can even bring your current phone and your number. Choose from three, six, or 12-month plans and say goodbye to a monthly bill. Ditched overpriced wireless with Mint Mobile. It's so easy. Sign up online and get three months of premium wireless service for $15 a month. When I got the new number for Burn a phone, I did it super quick. In that case, I got a new phone, but you can switch over your phone, no problem.

So to get new wireless plans for just $15 a month, go to mintmobile.com slash burner. That's mintmobile.com slash burner. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash burner. That's it. There's no catch. $45 up front payment required, equivalent to $15 a month.

New customers on first three months plan only speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA pet health insurance program and brought to you by Butter the Cat, Butter Burner, who also endorses having health insurance for your pet because let's face it your cat or your dog or your pet

just doesn't want you to be worried about ending up in financial stress when something's not going right for them god forbid there's an emergency god forbid they're just doing things that make you think that something seriously wrong they want you to feel comfortable just bringing them to get checked up now they might not love going to the vet as they have expressed in the past but they definitely like being healthy. The ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program offers customizable accident and illness plans that can fit your budget, your lifestyle,

and even your pet's particular quirks. Because let's be honest, vet bills can add up fast. ASPCA Pet Health Insurance has been around for almost 30 years and has covered over 1 million pets. And when it's time to submit a claim, it's easy. Just use their app and receive reimbursement for eligible vet bills directly into your bank account. so you can get back to focusing on what really matters, your pet.

To explore coverage, visit ASPCA pet insurance.com slash burn. That's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash burn. Again, that's ASPCA pet insurance.com slash burn. This is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either independent American insurance company or United States Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance.

Guys, we all know that rent and mortgages are only getting more expensive. That's why Built created three credit cards designed to offer the richest rewards on rent, mortgage, and everything else you spend on. Whether you rent or own, you can earn up to 1.25x points on every housing payment. Without the transaction fee, no matter where you live, points can be redeemed for flights, hotels, lift rides, future housing payment and much more. Turn one of the most unavoidable payments in your life into the most rewarding.

Find the card that's right for you and apply at joinbuilt.com slash burn. That's J-O-I-N-B-I-L-T dot com slash burn. Use our link so they know we sent you. Terms apply subject to approval and eligibility. Built cards are issued by column N-A. Remember FDIC pursuant to a license for MasterC international, Incorporated. My cousin Nicole, my butterfly effect moment, was after my college boyfriend, I broke up.

We're living in a very small town where he was going to met pool. And so I, before I could, like, change jobs and move out of the city, I was like, I just need to get out of here and would go to Boston and New York on the weekends. One weekend, I was in New York and had the apps running. back in my day there was no hinge that was bumble um and i matched with someone um by the time i saw the match we were back on opposite coast where we lived um but we started talking and um now we're married and have a child so it's creepy if i wasn't randomly in that neighborhood on that weekend when my husband see yeah i mean that's pretty that's

That's pretty cool, you know. You're just swiping while you're traveling. I don't know if she was sending to that message while she was on a jog. I was feeling a breathlessness. Yeah, because, like, you know, single people, I know I won't name any, but like sometimes I tell them, I'm like, did you, did you put the app on them and you're in that place? And they were like, why? You know, I don't live there. I'm like, well, you just never know, do you?

you know like fucking turn it on you never know married with a child I told you this before that Hannah and I were at a bumble event did I tell you about that I don't know Hannah was invited well we actually this was the one random time where it was actually Hannah and I were invited to this bumble event

but it was like a it was like a job like a gig but the gig was to be there and uh but it was about like successful relationships as a result of Bumble. And that was quite cynical about it. But actually being there, and we actually got talking to this lovely couple that was like at our part of the table.

And they were a straight, just like Bumble Swipe that now is like a marriage and success. And they were a super cool couple. But then this guy starts giving a speech. The couple that we were with, they also gave a speech, but the guy, the other guy starts giving a speech. And I'd been judging the pants off, to be honest with you, throughout the thing. I was like, like, like I was just judging him. I won't say what I was saying, but I was just like not buying it.

And then like he gave his speech about how he met his wife. And it was like quite moving, you know, just like the randomness of a swipe. So I left very uncynical about what the apps can provide. I feel like they get a lot of negative publicity these days. You know, I hate the apps. I'm sick of being on the apps. but like there really has been a lot of lives created through the randomness of that swipe, you know? Talking about like, just to bring it back to dark matter, I don't want to give any spoilers,

but just like how much like life has evolved, not just from apps, but just technology like just the amount of the change in events as a result of this technology. is really hard to fathom, like, how many less people would have met? It's mind-blowing, actually. Did you meet your partner on one of the apps? We met in college, actually. So we initially met our freshman year of college, and we had like a brief dating situation. And we broke up and we weren't together for the entirety of college and then got back together when we graduated. Yeah, because I had like a brief phase of like trying to use the apps at school, but like my school was so small that it was so brutal. Like you're seeing like your roommates, your friends. Like it, there was not like a random hot guy that would show up. It'd be like, oh my God, like,

that's one of my friends. I know. What's your rule on? I, so like when I was on the apps, sometimes I would see comedians. And it's kind of like one of those ones where you're like, do you swipe just like as a joke or do you just not swipe? You know? I think I would swipe if I knew them and was friends with them. Yes. That was my take too.

Yeah, but I don't know because that's interesting to hear you say that because I guess that makes me feel better because sometimes when my guy friends would swipe back, then I got like a weird vibe where I was like, oh, I thought we were like swiping because we know each other as a silly joke. but do you actually want to hook up with me? It was kind of like a weird situation. Yeah. Yes, yes.

Well, I was going to say something else, but it doesn't better. Any, Hannah and I didn't meet on the apps, but we met on an app in that. I slid into our DMs, but it wasn't. And like, let's face it, a DM slide is somewhere in between the apps and the way it used to be, wouldn't you say? Yeah. Totally.

the DM side is the DM slide is the equivalent of like dear Fanny my brother tells me that you're single and in search of a in search of a mate I think you'll find that I'm quite the prospect perhaps the next time I'm in New Hampshire we could meet up for a stroll a gentle courtship and see where it leads I have 500 acres

but now it's just like fire emoji react to the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, I think a DM slide is somewhere on the spectrum of modern technology versus like having to have the confidence to walk up to somebody in a bar or at a fucking Catholic school dance. I think it's somewhere in between. So can we take the AA one by any chance?

Hey, folks. Well, Desmond, Nicole. This is for the prompt of Happy Accidents Slash the Day Everything Changed for you. Des, you may find this relatable. I don't know. I was in therapy. My life was going terribly. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Turns out the root cause of my problems was the fact that I was an alcoholic. My therapist had experience with recovery, and she was like, you know, there's a meeting down the street, Sundays at 1130. If you want to have a friendly face in a meeting, I will meet you there because I've been terrified to go to AA. So I was like, you know, well, I don't know, maybe I'll think about it. And as the week went on, I realized like, hey, you're not going to get this chance again. So time comes around, like, I'm kind of waiting to the last minute, I'm crying, but I decide, you know, get in the car, drives to the meeting, I show up about five minutes late. If it just so happens, my therapist was also five minutes late. we drove into the parking lot at the exact same time so that I didn't have to walk in alone,

going to the meeting, it's a huge meeting, and the topic of the meeting was, what moment or event made you realize that you were an alcoholic, which was the perfect topic for someone like me that was pretty sure they were an alcoholic, but maybe didn't want to admit it. And that was in January of 2009. And here I am. When is that coming? 17 years later, never having taken a drink.

So that was a pretty big moment for me. And it was a very happy accident that my therapist was also late and that she had offered to meet me at that meeting. Thanks. Great. You know, obviously I wanted this one because I have so many happy actions. accidents related to this topic. Here's a fun one not related to me, but related to my, my dad. I think both of the people in the story are dead. Certainly my dad is, but I won't say

his name, but kind of like somewhat famous, successful British actor that had just like a very long career in the UK. Long before my dad moved to the States, he was walking into an A meeting and this actor saw my dad and assumed that it was just like an audition or something and followed my dad in. But he was a terrible alcoholic, this guy. Saw my dad. My dad got him to stay. And he never drank again after that moment. Randomly ended up at an AA meeting. By the way, my father didn't maintain his sobriety after that meeting. He did later on, but not after that meeting. But that random moment of this actor stumbled. in following my father led to his sobriety.

But actually, one of the craziest happiest accidents or like random AA moments I had was when I was like 45 days sober on this now 31 year run of sobriety, my brother's friends came out to West Hampton, my younger brother's friends. And they were there to drink and take drugs. and one of them who just fun fact has since killed himself. I mean, this guy was an absolute terror to all around him. Just it really never got it together. Sad case.

But at the time, he was just like a fucking lunatic headcase. Shows up with mushrooms, right? And I'm like, I'm having a weak moment and I buy mushrooms off this guy, you know? And I'm like, fuck it once again, because I've been two years now doing this like in and out song and dance with trying to keep it together. And I'm like, I'm going to do it. They leave, by the way. They go off and do whatever they're doing. So I'm just on my own with these mushrooms and I'm thinking about, I'm going to take them, I'm going to drink. And, you know, back in those days, I really believed in the getting on your knees and so. So I like, I get on my

knees and I like, I just, I like, I pray like, please just like, I know it's gone too far. I've been here before, but like something, anything, like, please just like help me. And like within a few minutes, the phone rings, the landlines is before cell phones. The phone rings. And it's my dad's friend, John, I won't name a second name, who's a member of A.A. and, you know, a friend of my dad's, but also like, he's Irish from Ireland and North, from fucking Nord and fucking John here. And I was like, my dad's not here John but because you know he I guess he called my house phone back in flushing and he wasn't there so he said I'll try out in West Hampton I said my dad's not here I said but it's funny you call because like I think I'm about to have a slip I didn't tell him about the mushrooms I told them I was

about to drink but uh he was like just just don't whatever you do just like get to a meeting just you know get the book just you know like whatever he gave me his whole spiel and I was like fuck it, he's right. And I flushed the mushrooms down the toilet. And by the way, I did not have a driver's license. This is the early summer of 1995. So I didn't have a driver's license. My younger brother did. Right. So I took my mother's Mitsubishi Galant, which was our second car, without a driver's license. And I drove to Port Jefferson, Long Island, to what was a young person's meeting, but it was like a midnight. It was like a late night meeting. And I drove to that meeting.

And at the meeting, this guy was in there crying because he had slipped that day and he had given in. And I was like, I should be that guy. But for that phone call. And so that was a pretty fucking happy accident. Obviously, I know that some of you are saying it wasn't a happy accident. You reached out for the hand of God and he came in there for you. And you know, you may or may not be right one day. we may discover that to be the case.

But either way, that was a happy accident. But more importantly, the best happy accident that came from AA is that the guy that got me into comedy was from recovery. And he was a resident emcee of a comedy club in Cork. And he used to let us all guys that were going to meetings with him. He would let us all go in for free. And it was there that I started getting up for the joke competitions. But then, and I don't consider the joke competitions to be the beginning of my comedy career.

because anybody could get up and just tell like an Irishman, Scotsman, Englishman walk into a bar jokes. But after he saw how comfortable I was on stage, he forced me, like literally said, in two weeks' time, you're doing a show. And that guy, God rest him, he's also dead. A lot of people dead in these stories. That guy, Frank Toomey, who's dead,

so I'm not breaking his anonymity, he was the one that got me into comedy. And who knows, had I not gotten sober and gone to fellowship, would I or would I not have been a comedian? We can never say that's the great thing about this. You just, we just don't know which of these situations would have happened anyway or not. We'll never know. So I got to think AA brings a lot of, a lot of crazy happy accidents.

So we'll take another, Nicole. Hey, Des. Hey, Nicole. I'm calling in again because I feel like I didn't originally do my story justice. But my happy accident is one night I was out drinking with my friends. and I fell and I hit my elbow on some ice. I thought potentially like I might need to go to the emergency room or something because I thought my arm was broken.

Very dramatic. I was fine. So I was trying to call my boyfriend at the time and he wasn't answering probably because it was like 2 a.m. So instead I called one of my other guy friends that I thought might be up and sober. And fast forward, now eight years later, we are married. We've been married for six years. dating for eight and we have two kids. So if I hadn't gotten super drunk and hurt my elbow,

I don't know if we'd be here. Just a fun, happy accident. That's a good one, right? So she was saying that her ex-boyfriend, her boyfriend at the time didn't respond, but the friend did, right? And now she's married to the friend. Like that's, that's, when I read that one,

I was like, well, that's, that's a, that's a good one. Yeah, guys, you got to, to step up because you could lose your girl at any moment. There are people on the sidelines waiting for this opportunity. Although I do need to know everything about your relationship now because I want to know about the first moment you and this guy had like a romantic connection because he was just your friend and he picked you up and he helped you out. I would love to know the details of like how it all came together. I don't like the fast forward eight years. I want to know all the details on how you got there because that's like kind of the best like friends to lovers

sort of thing. I really, I really like those details. Yeah. I got to think. Yeah, me personally. I got to think, I'd love to know the stats

on like the success of relationships, friends to lovers, versus immediately lovers. Because I've always had this like, this secret thought that friends to lovers is a recipe for a greater relationship.

But I could be wrong. I don't know if it pans out, you know? Because I know a terrible story of friends to co-parents, you know, because it was a gay guy and a woman who just was like, it's time for me to have a kid. And I'm just like, I'm not in a relationship where I think that's going to happen. Or I'm not in a relationship at all. So gay guy and woman have child and it's gone to shit. So I'm not saying it's a guarantee.

But I'm just, I'm curious. What's your opinion out there? Diler. What's it? dialer country what's the what's the dialer army what's dialer army what's your opinion is friends to lovers a better recipe for success or a recipe for a disaster or a way to fast track ruining a friendship you know interesting to know but i've always but it my non my non scientific like anecdotally i i've always thought that that would be better but i could be absolutely wrong i wonder if anyone

has the has the stats out there I don't know how much money they invest in this type of research. So let's take some more. Let's keep it rocking. Hi, Des, hi, Nicole. Also, hi, Hannah. Huge Giggler here. This is my first time calling.

I'm leaving a answer to the prompt of the happy accidents. So when I was in college, I was a freshman, and I lived in a very small apartment with my roommate and her boyfriend was always over and my boyfriend was always over and one day everybody was over hanging out in the living room and there's only one bathroom in this apartment and it's right next to the living room so if anything happens in the bathroom the entire apartment is listening and this was like very early on in my relationship and I just did not want everybody to hear the explosive diarrhea that I was about to have like it was like almost food poisoning bad so I thought hmm what do I do I'm about to shit my pants so I thought I would go downstairs to like the business

center of the apartment complex where there was like a private bathroom but I thought okay I have to make an excuse to go down there right now so I said I have to go down there and print something and I thought well now I need to have something to print to come back up to have in my hands or else people are going to question why I just randomly disappeared um so I ended up printing a job application that I actually wasn't on planning on applying to. But then when I printed it, I thought I might as well turn it in and submit it. And I did. And I worked there for five years and I loved it.

And I feel like it opened up my life to a whole different field and so many other things. And so my explosive diarrhea led to my five-year job. And I love that. Bye. I mean, there's so many things about this story that I love, including the fact that the fact that printing stuff is so fucking annoying that you wouldn't you know, like, you weren't going to print, you weren't going to apply to that job because printing is such a pain in the ass. And then because, no pun intended, because of your pain in the ass, you had to print it to cover your fucking diarrhea tracks and you got the job.

I mean, I just love it. That's, that is the craziest. It's so, it's small on one level. It's like you would have got another job. It would have been fine. But the art, we all poop. We all have diarrhea. answer is fucking poop positive.

It's a poop positive podcast. But for some reason, the shame that we all have around our pooping, you know, like altered your life. That's crazy. We're all pooping. It made you take a job for five years. I mean, it's amazing. But a positive experience, though.

I am really impressed at your quick thinking that if you really did have explosive diarrhea, that you thought that quickly to be like, oh, I could just print this job application downstairs and say that's what I'm going to do. That's incredibly quick thinking. Yeah, that's just so impressive to me. And also kind of hilarious that you're in the middle of hanging out with your friend and your boyfriends and you're like, I got to print something. Like what?

Like just leaping to suddenly like, oh, actually, guys, I got to go print something. Stop the part game. But also the need to feel like you need to cover your tracks, you know? Like, why don't you go, hey, guys, I'm fucking. struggling in the old belly department here. So I'm going to save you guys the odor, and I'm going to go down to the business center and blow that out. That would have been totally acceptable.

Agreed, and I'm very open about when I feel like I'm going to shit my pants, I like I tell everybody. And anyone who's willing to listen, I'll tell. But she did say she was really early in her relationship. So like maybe that played a factor. I mean, I have been blessed in my relationship that since day one. We've been like very open about shitting. Poop positive relationship.

Yeah. but I know a lot of people who, like, they're like, I, you know, I'm years in and I still won't fart in front of my boyfriend. I, I won't, I don't want him to know that I even poop. Like, that's, that's crazy to me. But I do understand early on being like, I'm going to have explosive diarrhea and they're going to hear me in there. So I'd rather, you know, I have to make them an excuse to get, go, you know, shit. But what I, what I love is, like, I hope you got a job in problem solving because, or like, or if you're a serial killer, I think you're going to be a successful serial killer because like you're literally thinking about all the evidence the trail of

evidence behind it's like oh god now i have to get so i'll print something all it's it's it's pretty cool and now i have to apply to the job because they're going to ask like hey how did that application go did you get an interview yeah but honestly like printing is so annoying if you when you successfully print something you feel like wow this is amazing i have to i have to use this my life has changed god i mean like in ireland in ireland in ireland for the fucking when you do your company reports. Like, there's still, Ireland is always so behind

with the fucking digital signing and they've gotten so much better. But there's this one document where they'll accept a scanned PDF of the signed document, but first it has to be printed and signed physically.

Then you can scan it and send the PDF. What? Just fucking accept the e-signature, bro. It's crazy. Except the ESIG, bro. Oh, my God. Oh, it drives me crazy. Like, it's torture.

For a long time, they finally changed it. For a long time in Ireland, for e-banking, right? To set up the e-banking, you initially had to get your passcode snail mail to the house. That was the only way to start it. So, like, you,

because it had to be like proof of address. so you had to wait for it to be mailed at the house but if you were away, if you're like away trying to fucking sort out your online banking which is the time you need it the most right? Especially back in I so it's like well I'm not going to be there so then you have to be like hey man can you go to my house

and if I can check the I just fucking torture they still do this with YouTube like to get to sign up for absence yes that was the other foot to your house it's crazy is that still is it still like that

yes and like we I was trying to help someone get signed up for their and the whole process takes months, and then they send you the pin to your address, and I just wasn't even getting the mail. And I was like, hey, where the pin at? And they re-sent the pin, never got the pin, removed them from AdSense.

They were demonetized. I'm like, why do we need the pin? Why do we need the pin to be sent to the house? It's so annoying. And then like, sorry, guys, we're really going to get into it now. Meta, we'll do these things where they'll change things around, and then suddenly they'd be like, you're not getting your money because you haven't signed up for this. It was like, what are you talking about, bro?

I was getting it. Now I'm not. You know, it's so annoying. And then you have to, I think this is probably inside baseball, so I won't get into it. But anyway, your happy accident was very inspiring to us. So, by the way, I like, I recently had to print something and I don't have a printer here. And I went to the FedEx shop. and to print in FedEx. Like, fair play to them.

Like, the printing system works. But to print in FedEx, you have to, you get an account, and then you upload the document, and then you get like a pin. And then when you go to the printing, you log in to the printer and then put in the number, the number for that, and it prints. It took me like 15 minutes. But it did happen. and I did FedEx back the thing that I was just talking about to Ireland for $130.

$130 to FedEx one sheet of paper. So many dollars. But I did it because I had procrastinated so long that it needed to go back. But anyway, I won't bore you with any more of my admin hell detail. Let's, will we take one more before we, before we wrap it up? Hi, Dr. Nicole. I'm calling in about the prompt of something that happened that changed the rest of your life. It's like simple, but crazy.

I don't know. I was adopted from China, so if I wasn't adopted, I'd be just living in a completely different life. And sometimes I think about that. Yeah. I mean, honestly, this is short and sweet, but like adoption, like adoption is such a fascinating, like, just fundamental shift that happens before you have memory. And I'm sure you have some adopted friends. I have some adopted friends. Some of my adopted friends have actually done shows about it and how it affects them.

I have an adopted friend who's very publicly spoken about the fact. that he found out that his parents stayed together and he has full brothers and sisters, not half brothers and sisters, like full brothers and sisters and all the effects of that. But then I can't imagine this sort of the double whammy of, obviously, like, if you're adopted from Asia, say, I don't know if she had, like, white parents or like non-Asian parents, but like you're, I feel like you're probably aware earlier than other adopted people, you know. So like, I can't imagine like, you know, what that is, but positive or negative, I have no idea. I almost wish we could do like a full episode on it with to have a couple of like extroverted people on the pod that like want to talk about it and also respond to the dialers.

Maybe it's something we could do. It would be a deeper episode, but it would be very interesting. But I had mentioned it recently, but I got in a weird algorithm of Asian kids, like adopted kids that were adopted from Asia, like talking about that experience. And one of them was because the parents had filmed the whole experience. So she has the video of like the orphanage that she was in. Did that ever come up on your algorithm? I think I might have seen something like this.

Yeah. I found it very emotional. I was like in floods of tears, you know? But in fairness, this woman that was posting it was like very positive, you know? Because obviously you can see, you know, when you get into like opinions on this, you can see a lot of negativity about it and, you know, it's rife for exploitation, right? Like they, you know, or or even like the value of it for a period of time. By the way, I don't have any facts about this, but like the value of, say, putting up your child for

adoption could could like be too much of an incentive for people to do it in a way that's like, you know, makes people uncomfortable. Anyway, whatever. You could get into all that, but just, just this personal experience seemed very positive for her. She's speaking about it positively. But I still, I found it very emotional because you have this, you have this couple that like their life is changing and it's a wonderful thing. You have this child that on paper is going to be getting a better life. But then you have this backstory that's just like it's, it's tragic. It's either, right? It's, it's poverty or it's the fucking one child policy or, you know, or just any number of factors, you know, out of wedlock, you know, like who knows, you know,

or like not even out of wed, like such a fucking day to term, but like a situation where, you know, maybe it's a secret or, you know, anyway, it's, it's so loaded, you know. But this person messaging, it seems quite positive, you know, but it is like, It is, that is the, I mean, that is the most, of all the things that we've had, that is the most profound, I think, you know, for her and for all those people. But like all life, you know, like life is so fucking fair, unfair, like the randomness of life, which is like this episode is rife with it. The randomness of life, it's neither fair nor unfair, right? It's like you just never know how things are going to turn out. But like it is, you know, in this situation, it is, I mean, I can't put my emotions on it because they're not my emotions.

But we're looking at it from a distance, I just, it really makes me, it makes you realize that like you have to just fucking go with what you're given, you know, in a way that is, uh, easy to say in my situation relatively easy, but in other situations, it's fucking unfair. I think, I think actually people don't talk about the unfairness life. By the way, I'm not saying it's unfair for this woman. I'm just talking more in general. It's made me think about it. Like, life is inherently unfair for, I think, more cases than not, actually. And I think sometimes we don't want to admit that, but it just is.

I know it's kind of a comedy podcast, but I think if we're actually all. All of us could accept that into our hearts, our minds, and our souls a bit more. We would actually have, like, a slightly fairer society. I don't think people want to, like, admit that. I think they really want to admit that people have more agency over their situation, particularly when admitting the unfairness of it would cause you to sort of, like, have to look at your own privilege? Oh my God. You know what I mean? I know that the word privilege can be kind of a trigger for people who think it's like, oh, it's so super work. But no, I don't mean it.

I do mean it that way, but you shouldn't be triggered by it actually in this situation. Because like, shit's fucking unfair. Like, for example, like, if you're in Ukraine right now, most of your life you've lived like a pretty peaceful life. And now suddenly, like, the last last year, you're completely war-stricken. And like, we can't see ourselves in that, right? Like, a lot of times, like, we live in this society. But that could fucking happen to us. Like, that's how random life is, right?

So for those people, it's like, that's not unfair. It's fucking extremely unfair. So you have to open your heart to it, I think. You know? Anyway, I'm not surprised that's where this episode took us. Yeah, you've solved world peace, it seems. I haven't, actually. I've just pointed out.

It's a fucking, you know, how unfair life is, you know? But honestly, I've been deeply affected by East of Eden, to be honest with you. Yeah, yeah, the emotions are still riding high. They're in me. They're in me. Or on me as John Steinbeck, a greater awareness of Irish culture than I was expecting, particularly because he says a lot that the emotions are on me, which directly comes from the Irish language.

That's the actually correct Irish grammar for, for features. feelings, you know? So you say, Taokrusorum, the hunger is on me, you know? And John Steinbeck has an awareness of that in a very natural way, like not like in a showy-offy way, in a way that I actually think, I think actually was part of his upbringing, because there's elements of East of Eden that is autobiographical. And by any stretch of the mention, he wasn't a great dad,

which is interesting because it's kind of, I think he's sort of admitting that in this book. But I highly recommend watching it. We'll see what the series is like, but, uh, anyway, it's been a great episode. I like, I like, I like, I like a bit of, uh, I like a bit of depth at the end. Um, I didn't think of next week's, we had all that list of prompts. Do you have any, do you have, did you do a list? I didn't.

Um, I, what was our other favorite? I did write down a couple. What was our other favorite? Hold on. Let me get my book because I wrote it down. Oh, you wrote it down? Oh, you wrote it down? Back in my original room. All right.

Well, Nicole gets your book. What gets her book? Don't forget, it's 917-512-1-17-58. 9-17-5-8. And for the WhatsApp, which we didn't get any on the WhatsApp, actually, unless we got one in the meantime. Let me check if we got one in the meantime. Mystery WhatsApp. Well, no, because we didn't have any mystery WhatsApp.

There was a WhatsApp. about something. Oh, there was a WhatsApp about the famine, but I, I, I, I, of course there was. I'm not going to get into that now. No, we don't have the time. But the WhatsApp is plus one, six four, six, four, two, three, seven zero to zero, plus one, six four, two, three, seven zero. What, what, what did you, what did you, what did you have there? Okay, so these, these other ones were some of my favorite.

Let me know if you want to do one of these. One is craziest ER stories. Right. Two is unhinged things happening at weddings, the most unhinged things you've seen. And then also another unhinged one, unhinged humor during grief. Oh, can we do? Oh, I'm sorry, guys. You know me.

Can we do that, please? Death, death, death, death. Can we do that please? I literally had one the other day. I'll save it for next week. Unhinge grief humor. Come on. Just unload. Please.

I love it. Give me all that grief humor, funeral stories, wake stories. Also, just for inspo, how this originally came to us, the dialer said that her ex-boyfriend from high school's dad. I want to, when she lost somebody, I think she said, was it her mom that passed away? she lost someone and the ex-boyfriend from high school was like, oh, she'll be watching you when you're banging your husband or her. Just crazy weird things said to her.

So like, that's the context. Like crazy shit people have said, I know a lot of people have like, you know, even when I lost people, people say weird shit to you. So like weird things people have said maybe how you've responded.

Yes. Any death topics here or except. Love it. We love it. Please. Unload. 9-17-5-1-2-1-7-58 And well, we'll talk to you guys next week

Thank you so much for listening to Berndiphone Spread the word, by the way, guys. Got a nice little rhythm. Don't be afraid to spread the word And we'll talk to you soon.