Berner Phone - Heather McDonald: Professional Blueballer & 27 Year Old Virgin

Episode Date: July 30, 2020

Comedian Heather McDonald discusses all the people she’s blue balled in Hollywood, why she didn’t lose her virginity until she was 27, how she decided to get into comedy, how to drop people’s names on podcasts, why she doesn’t have a Netflix special, setting the bar low as a mother, what she would do if she was a Real Housewife, married couples on TikTok and the moment she almost became a scientologist.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning in Hell. What is up, you guys? It is another very hot episode of Burning in Hell. Today, we have one of my favorite comedians, and I was on her podcast in the past. It's Heather McDonald, of the critically acclaimed podcast, Juicy Scoop, with over 30 million downloads. Thank you. Critically acclaimed.

I think we're up to like 70 million. I think that was from like a couple years ago. But who's counting? I don't know. I've been doing it for five years. So I've been doing it a while. Holy crap. That's a long time.

Two episodes a week. Yes. But we're also here to talk about your second stand-up special that's coming out August 7th. I first discovered Heather. I've been creeping on her for a while from the Chelsea Lately show. Every night I would fall asleep watching like the funniest women on TV. And you produced, you wrote, you performed over seven years. But you've also been all over the place as in you've been on watch what happens. You've been on keeping up with the Kardashians.

No, I, I've only, I've only been on watch what happens once about eight years ago. Well, what the hell? They have not asked. Did you piss Andy off? I don't know. I, I, well, no, I don't know. I'd love to find out. I've only been like promoting their, shows and talent consecutively for five years in a very positive light. But who knows, life is weird and this business is weird. And, you know, that's what's so great about where I am now with podcasting and the stand-up because that stuff doesn't really matter anymore. You're so right. Well, your first book, yes, I did my research, wasn't your first book about like Burning Bridges or something? Burning Bridges? No, it was, you'll never, well, kind of.

you'll never blue ball in this town again is which is the title came from there were a bunch of books in the 90s and this is about my life in the 90s that came out that were like you'll never make love in this town again and it was sort of about like a high priced hooker there was you'll never nanny in this town again the original book was you'll never work in this town again and then from there people kind of was like oh I was a hooker in the town I was a nanny in the town so then When I was thinking about writing this book about my adventures in my 20s and the 90s, I said, oh, you'll never blue ball in this town again because I was a 27-year-old virgin and I just blue-balled a lot of people and probably, you know, piss them off a little bit. So you're very hard to get, which I love a woman who plays hard to get, but was this because of your religion or because you were, yeah, what was it because of? It was just sort of like a procrastination and then also just not. like having like a real boyfriend

and so then as I got a little bit older like once I was past like you know high school age or 18 or 19 then I got to college and it was just you know a lot of fun like frat parties and making out like dry humping people and then I'd never hear from them again and I would think my God I'm so happy I didn't like

give my virginity to this guy that just like skateboarded past me and you know and then and then I graduated at 21 from call it from USC and then it starts to get weird that I would tell a couple guys that I thought I liked and we were like dating and I was like okay I'm I keep blue-balling him he's probably wondering why I'm doing this I should probably just tell him I'm a virgin and then he'll realize it's not personal and I did that with a couple guys and then they were like oh goodbye don't want anything

to deal with this you know and I don't know if it's that what that is you know and so then I stop telling anybody like even new girlfriends that I would like meet in in theater or in you know the groundings or whatever I just kind of kept it like private and um and then as and then it gets weird and weirder as you get older so yeah so it wasn't having your driver's license it's cute in the beginning and then people are like what did you what's wrong with you yeah were you were you molested in a car but I do have say dry humping is so underrated and needs to happen more often and a lot of the time the hottest four player the hottest thing in general is not having sex but I can imagine guys in the early 20s are

like oh god she's a virgin it's going to be a whole emotional thing and I'm my brain is the size of a of a squirrel's nut right I can't handle this well I don't think you can have a real relationship you know without a normal boning relationship at a certain point and so yes I was raised Catholic and my mom did like teach my sisters and I oh you know you stayed a virgin until you're married but they didn't you know um kind of along my other my other sister I don't think did it to like law school which you went right after school after college but it really wasn't that it was more just like I thought I would be so devastated if I did bone someone and they blew me off and then I probably got to a certain age where I was like it it is like not getting your

driver's license I think it becomes a bit of a procrastination a kind of like just fucking rip off the band-aid like just do it and then also when I as I got older I was like my god I've gone this long I certainly don't want to get pregnant or get an STD so then I was always very like very aware of like what birth control works and this and that and so I was always told if you're going to go on the pill you have to actually be on it for 30 days before you go bone because you can't just be on it for like a week you know. It won't work. So then I so there were a few occasions where I met somebody and I liked him and were dating and I'm blue-balling him and I'm not telling him a virgin but I went to the doctor and I'm starting

this cycle okay and before the 30 days were up when the guy was going to get you know the treat of a lifetime I would just stop hearing from them little did they know heaven was on the other side what was your typical line you would

to get out of a sexual situation that, like, you did not want to engage in. Well, I was, I was always just, like, right from the beginning of, like, the heavy petting or if I went back to his house, I'd just be like, just so you know, I'm not going to sleep with you tonight. And then they'd be like, all right. And, like, sometimes I'd sleep over, you know, like, you know, lots of dry humping, like a bono throughout the night, you know, just the joys of what that is. And, you know, and then I just think after a while, the guy probably.

consulted with friends and they were probably like this girl who dresses sexy and drinks she's fucking boning somebody else dude get rid of her like i think that really was it and since i wasn't being honest but i never thought that i was always i always took the blow off as i wasn't liked i never said oh it's because i wasn't sleeping with him i was always like oh fuck you know he didn't he stopped liking me and so um so i mean i i would my advice to people when i wrote the book and because i did i would get girls that came up to me. I'd be people who would be like, this is my friend. You know, Jennifer, she's 25, da-da-da. I, my advice was like, get on the pill, use a con and whatever works for you. Don't get pregnant.

Don't get an STD at this point in your life. That was the other thing. Like, you're a college graduate, you're bright. Like, you know, I'm not going to be so dumb at this point to make a mistake. And so, but I would say to someone, you know what, as long as it's a safe situation, just fucking get it over with. And it might be better to get it over with. And it might be better to get it over with with someone that you're not that into. Which is crazy because you're taught to wait for your soulmate. Yes. Yes.

Some of us never meet ever. Not to get dark. Right. And especially if you're kind of thinking, oh, I don't want to be hurt. Well, if it's somebody that you're just like sexually attracted to and it's a fun night, you're like, oh, fuck, I'm 24. Like, you know what? All right. Put the condom on. Let's just

do it. And if I hear from you again, I hear from you again. But why give the guy the power of knowing that you did it? If you're 24, you're going to be fine it's you'll you'll get through it it's not like it's like a secret like if you hide a secret for a long time it becomes bigger and bigger I always felt like as I've gotten older I realized sex should not be used as like a weapon or a control tactic not that you were doing that but it's like I personally don't enjoy sex with someone I don't have emotions with so find what kind of sex works for you like I don't have to be dating him but I need to have some kind of like

chase or like some kind of like I know he wants me um but yeah never use it a guy's never going to like you more just because you waited that much longer I always feel like okay he might talk to you for longer because you're holding it like I'm hostage with it but once he has sex if he's not into he's not into you that's like my theory with it all I do think though um in the last like you know decade or two guys normally are more competitive and they like a challenge yeah and so that is why throughout time until the last five years the girls did make it a little harder you did have to call them up you did have to go to their house you did have to pay for their dinner you did have to hope that you know maybe by the third date you'd have sex that was sort of like the standard when I grew

up and then when it got longer than three or four date that's kind of when the guy was like what the fuck you know using me for the dinners like what and the girl that would have to be like yeah or the girl would have to be like no i i need a commitment and then that you know and so with certain relationships that could be weird but i think um you know it's just the way people date now it's just gotten so because women are like hey if i want to fuck i'm gonna fuck and i'm gonna i don't care and you know i'll swipe to the right and meet you and it doesn't mean that those relationships can't fall in love and last forever. Yeah.

But I do think when you make it so, like, easy for the guy, which is hard because when all of your, when every other girl around you is driving to the guy's house, bringing him a pizza, giving a blowjob, cleaning up after yourselves, and then going home so he can have his own bed. No. Where will that challenge? What will make that guy then want to be challenged? It's funny because my mindset is like, the sex, I'll have it.

It's not going to, like, change. or not, but I do not do wifey duties. I'm not cleaning. I'm not doing your bed. I'm not like, no. But also I try to not show him emotion. Like I'd rather him know that I don't like him and he still hasn't won me over. But like we can have sex.

I almost feel like that's because my whole thing is you don't actually like a guy in the first couple weeks. You don't know him. You could be attracted to him. You could enjoy the sex. But I do think ideally if we were going to write a little book, three to five dates is the prime time. I think to hook up.

Yeah, to fully hook up. I also think there's a weird thing when people have gone out a number of times and, like, haven't kissed yet. Like, I think you've got to, like, get that first makeout in right away just to know that, like, your body's mesh. You can make out. The pheromones. Yeah, you feel a little boner against the leg.

Like, milk it out a little. I don't think you have to be, like, dating a year and engaged. Like, milk it out a little because it's like, if you can. You're right. So, you know. If you wait too long for sex, it does become like a bigger, more awkward thing that can get in your head. So it's like. Yes.

You don't wait too long as almost as bad as doing it too early when you're not comfortable. I think so too. And I think then that's extra pressure on the guy. Like, oh my God, if I'm the first phone or we've waited so long as a couple, like what if I can't perform? What if I, you know, don't give her an orgasm the way she wants? It's like, I think that's a lot of pressure. And I also think girls in the last, like, you know, 10 years or so have become so, like, critical and mean about, like, men and their performance and their dick size. I always remember that curb your enthusiasm where it was like, well, what, maybe you have a huge vagina, you know?

Like, how do you know that I have a small dick? Like, you could just have an enormous vagina. Like, what if guys were just walking around and just being like, you know who's the biggest fucking thing? vagina at Columbia who you know oh sex is extremely mental so it's like yeah you putting it on this pedestal and then him like not performing well in his head or being so worked up guys get so embarrassed so easily with their little dicks so it's like you wanted to be comfortable for the both of you and if it feels uncomfortable to wait super long or you feel like you're just doing it because of what society's saying like do what makes the two of you what feels right you know yeah yes but then

also like you know you can't share exactly how you feel you know to some 20 year old guy because they're just not mature enough so you do have to i think you always have to play the game no one knows what they're doing like guys do not know where your clitoris is they don't know how to pleasure anyone they're so in their head of what they're doing and them trying to impress you like early sex is just just got a i don't know i feel like yeah older guys are kind of where it's at right now? The whole thing. It's just embarrassing the whole thing.

Yeah. So my question to you is, how did you lose it? So I, let's see. So I was dating this guy that I met him. This is kind of funny. So our moms were like in the same sorority and would like meet at the San Fernando Valley chapter. Like they didn't go to the same colleges, but they're in the same sorority.

So they were friendly. mom was like into this. This was like her little social group. And so she's like, oh, Shirley's son is going to be transferring to SC. And I like met him like a couple times. And so he was in a good fraternity that we did stuff with like a, you know, a happening one. And so that was kind of like a boost, you know. And then so we started like hang out. We took me to a party. But then he sort of blew me off and that was it. And then I saw him out at a bar when I was like 26 or something. And then I was like 26 or seven and still a virgin and then it was like on he had like a nice apartment he was a couple years older than i am he was like working and film he like had a life he had a good car was like

apartment off of sunset and taking me out on good dates and just like really getting into it and so finally i was after a couple dates i was just like we're getting together i'd already spent the night of this house a few times i was like all right i basically said all right let's do it like that's fine get it do you have a condom yes and then i just did it and then i remember i the next morning I went home and I called my sister. And I was like, you've been waiting 27 mornings for this call. I finally fucking did it. What did she say?

She's like, oh my God, okay, great. Like, whatever, you know? And then, but I'm still embarrassed. I'm still like, I'm just telling you right now, embarrassing. Like, I remember when this book came out 10 years ago and I was doing a lot of press for it. And I was like sitting in the green room. for some, you know, talk show or something. I'm like, and next, we're going to be talking to a 27-year-old virgin.

And I was like, oh, that's depressing. Oh, wait, that was me. Like, I was like, oh, wait, that's the theme of my book. Like, I was just like, Jesus. Like, I love it, too. When you first did it, you probably thought, like, hell would just open up and you would just fall down and meet the devil. But did it, did it feel good when you did it finally?

I mean, it felt fine. I mean, it was probably, I was really wasted. I went along with it I think I like you know enhanced my sex sounds coming out of my mouth you know

and then I and then I and then oh my God then the story gets even more embarrassing okay so then you're like getting hives oh my god it was just so then I'm like

okay bye you know ha ha ha I'm like drive my little Selica back to Brentwood and then I'm doing like a set at at laugh factory and he's like like, oh, I'd like to come see you.

Oh, God, the worst, right? So I was like, all right. And it just wasn't, like, a good night. Like, the other stand-ups weren't great. I wasn't, it definitely wasn't my best. I didn't, like, have anybody else there to, like, whatever. So we go out to eat, and I'm just not feeling great about that. And he's like, so last night, like, did you have fun?

And I was like, oh, my God, I must be, like, the worst. like I and still he doesn't know it was but the first time I had sex and I'm like oh yeah like eating my salad like just oh just so awful and then okay and then I think we did it like we went on a couple more dates did it like maybe even like just one or two more times and then the next morning after like you know a drinking boning night I um I like oh and I remember like he didn't have condoms but now that I've had sex like you know two or three times and I'm I'm like, the evening has to end with sex, right? Like, and so there was this thing called Pink Dot. It was like Postmates before Postmates, but like the Pink Dot, like grocery store could deliver you condoms or whatever. And I'm like, you need to call Pink Dot, you know, because again, I'm not going to like now just like start having sex without condoms.

Like I've just kept this body just pure, you know. And so I don't even think he wanted to. Like I think he was like losing interest. Okay. So then somehow I think we're a sex maniac. Yeah, I think at some point, I think we did it. Whatever, I pass out. Next point I wake up, go to the bathroom, we're hanging out, like, just laying in the bed, just like talking.

And I go, so what am I to you? Like the worst question ever. What am I to you? And he's like, oh, here it comes. Heather, you know, you're my girlfriend, of course. He's like, I mean, I told you. Like, I do not want a girlfriend right now. and I go oh all right he's like you know I like because he'd broken up with some girl of like several

years like a couple months prior that cheated on him or something and I was like oh okay yeah I just didn't like no whatever so I leave and I'm like all right who care it's over with like I'm not chasing this person I'm not and then it's like then he called me a couple more times I don't know if we ever went out after that I was like well you're calling me like what you want to still like date like I don't get it never saw him again and then I looked him up recently ugh not cute hot cute no longevity no then I dated then I dated this other guy that was very cute and he was a quarterback at SC a couple years back I mean back when we were in school and he was like 30 we love a CTE man what's the CTE mean it's the disease all

the football players have where their brain like too much. Oh, that's right. But you can manipulate them and control them in relationships. Hilarious. I think, I don't know. I think he was like, he was not setting the world on fire. He was trying to be a mortgage broker, but he lived with the parents, which at 30 back then was a big, like you're a bit of a taboo. Like now it's completely acceptable, even pre-COVID. But like then, And it was a little, no, I don't think it's completely acceptable now, but it was pretty bad then. Okay, so I was like, oh, okay, but, like, maybe he's, like, going to save it for a house. But he was cute, and he took me out.

So I boned him a couple times. And then, but it was, again, it wasn't really going anywhere. Like, we weren't becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. He wasn't, I wouldn't, and then I wouldn't hear from him for a week. So then I was like, oh, I guess that's over. And then he'd call me. And so then he was like, oh, do you want to go to this birthday party to, um, to, um, of this mutual friend of ours and then i knew that peter my husband now who my other friend was trying

to set me up with was also friends with this guy so i called him and i said is the peter guy you're going to be at the party and he said yes and i said okay well i'm not going to let my this guy pick me up i'll just drive there so i have my own car so if i like the peter guy i can officially blow off the quarterback who's living at home smart you're the real quarterback in this situation call in the place the selica to el cholo in santa monica kind of like a happening mexican spot and then i walk in and i see the guy who's his name was curtis but anyway it doesn't matter anyway so he like waved his hand and i go oh hey you know and then just then peter just like swoops in and was like hi i'm peter like i can't believe we're finally meeting and then i never saw the the guy again the quarterback

guy again until I was on the SC campus for a book like an LA Times book thing and I honestly don't remember if it was this this book not to like promote my second book but it was one of the books and I'm like nobody goes to those things by the way so it was like I think I did like one panel and then people were like and Heather McDonnell's booth is going to be here and like, you know, two little, you know, two gay guys came. And I was like, it. I'm like, okay, let's time to get home. Like, whatever.

So then I start, like, walking in my heels across the SC campus to get to my car. And he happens to be there. Like, he's like, Heather. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is just so coincidental that, A, like, literally, I think it was this book where he is in under a different name. You guys get it on Amazon. I go, oh, I was just, I wrote this book. And, like, oh, my God. And he was there because his dad was like,

doing something special and being, like, retired or so, I don't know. And, but it even took me a minute to, like, recognize him. I'm like, oh, my God, here I've written about you chapters in this book. I barely even recognize you. And also in this book, I ran into another guy recently at Nobu, this really rich guy that that's the juice, that's like one of the juicest stories in this book. And I don't think he even remembered me. And I'm like, here I wrote a whole chapter, changed the name, afraid I get sued.

He's like, what, who? That's actually great, because that's my biggest year, too, is like, because everything is great content to talk about. And so many guys, I'm just afraid that they're going to hate me for life. But the laugh is worth it. Legally, I would say what my publisher said, so I think the same rules should apply when you blog or do a podcast is change the name. name, don't make it an alliteration. So if the guy's name is Michael, don't call him, I don't know, Mambo. I can't even think of another M word, but like call him like Bob. And if he like lives in the Hamptons, make it like Montauk. And if he's a podiatrist, make him a pediatrician. Like change just

a few things so that you can say, no, it wasn't you, even though it will clearly be him and everyone in your family will know who you're talking about. And when you start to do it, change the name right when you start to write the first draft. Because I never understood that too. Like I was with Simon & Schuster and then after it was all done, they're like, okay, you need to change all these names. I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so confused. Like, even when you just said, and then Kevin, I was like, oh, Kevin is actually this other person's name. But I forget, like, I forgot what I named him because it was like, I renamed them in the final draft. And then I'm like, people are coming up to me being like, and the story about so-and-so, I'm like,

what the fuck are they talking? Oh, that's right, you know? So I'm, so I even sent to the publisher and editor, I'm like, you know, when you get like more people like me that's like telling like, you know, essay stories or whatever, I'm like, you should have like a little printout of like, here's some rules to follow before you ever even start writing. Yeah. So now I just tell people because I don't think they need to suffer like I did.

Yeah. I actually, I fucked up last week. I was, I was on call her daddy. and I was like trying my best to come up with the craziest college stories and I told a story of a kid who came really early before he had sex with me it was like part of a bigger story and I gave not only his name but like the job he did on campus and afterward the episode came out and I couldn't even enjoy it because I like found him on Facebook and I like sent him a message and I'm like I'm so sorry I hope we can

laugh at this so long story short you're right and then it's not worth it to get involved with full names and social security numbers, even though it's tempting. But wait, what was his reaction, the guy? He hasn't responded to my Facebook message, and I'm just going to assume that we are in the clear. But I feel terrible. I do feel terrible.

I just, like, I feel free when I'm just dropping names, and I just realize it's not worth it in the long run. Yes. And guys really, really never want girls talking about them. Even the guys in the books that I thought, I was writing positively about. I found out later, like through mutual friends, like the one high school guy that I then dated again in college, I thought it was funny.

I thought it was flattering to him. I thought, honestly, I thought he'd, like, love it. No, he was very pissed. His wife wasn't happy either. And so I was like, oh, like, oh, my God, I thought you'd be like, so, like, I'm so excited when anyone's talking about me that I thought, like, guys would feel the same way. They really don't. especially if they're not like in this business they really don't want to be like the subject of like a tell all sex sex sex what do you call it like sex stories or whatever yeah but they're like oh I want my privacy and I'm like I don't even know what privacy means at this point so I can't even like put myself in your shoes but I don't know I also I want to talk about your this stand-up special coming up what was the inspiration behind it what made you want to do another special give me the tea so I mean

I did my first special. It came out in August of 2014. That was my first, like, hour special. I'd never done, like, a half hour special. And a company produced it and it was on Showtime and the Netflix bought it. And back then Netflix was not, like, nearly as obviously as big as it is now. And I didn't even know that, like, Netflix bought it. Someone's like, oh, your special's unveiled a little Netflix.

I was like, oh, great, you know. So, but it wasn't a good financial deal. In fact, I basically made no money on the special unless I sold the DVDs after a show and then no one has DVD players so it was like, loser, take your fucking plastic shit. Hi, if anybody wants, I'm selling it a paperweight. You could put it under like a table if it's like kind of shaking.

I bought it. Right, I would buy them myself for $3. Pack them in an extra suitcase. Go do stand up and then sell them for 10. So I'd make $7 a DVD. That's called Hustling, you guys. That's called Hustle. So I, but I felt like, oh, you know, just to say I had a special on Showtime, just to say it's on Netflix.

Like, that's impressive, whatever. So then in the last couple years, I was like, okay, I have, you know, more than enough material for a special. Let's get a special going. Like, you know, who's dying to do the Heather McDonald's special, you know? And it was a little quiet. and I don't understand why because I was I do very well as a headliner but you know there's a lot in this business of groups of people that are hot that are not that are you know of all you're all managed by the same people who are then know these people and this people and that people

and it's weird because audio you're you're dominating with your podcast so it's like why can't what you don't see it on the screen I mean you know every it's all that's what's so weird about would is like it just comes down to just a couple people and they're the ones that decide this person gets the TV show or this one gets the special it's not like we you know when people went into a voting booth across america these are the 10 people that get Netflix specials these are the ones that don't it's like it's just a lot of that so people are why does that why don't you have a Netflix special how they say that to me and then I was like you know what I love all these stories and they're they're really funny and they're like you know really great polished stand-up bits from the

last couple years, I'm going to put all the best ones together. That's like a common theme of just my life, you know, being a mom, being a stand-up, loving juicy scoop, being that woman that like is gossiping. I love to hear about who my friends are dating affairs, like just that, you know, type of stuff. And I'm not, I don't try to be like the perfect mom. I have these sons. I'm just, I stay married because I think God's going to reward me in the end. Like, I just am honest about all of it, you know? But then I'm like envious of my friends that like get divorced. Then I see how miserable they are after two years. So I'm like, oh, maybe he's not that bad. Like, I'm just extremely honest about the whole situation. So I really wanted like other people that weren't aware

of me from the podcast or from the stuff I've done to find me. So we filmed it ourselves last year in Irvine Improv, which is like one of my favorite places to do. And it was like a big expensive undertaking and a lot of stress. And, and then, you know, was hoping that another big network would want to, you know, write me a big check and plaster it on billboards. And that did not happen. But, again, that is sort of the story of my career that I just have to keep doing everything myself. And it's an, it's a professionally produced, fabulous stand-up special that, I'm really excited for people to see and so I was like you know what let's just put it out there

let's I want people to see it they can't see stand up who knows when they can go see it again I don't want to wait on in any longer so I'm really excited to offer it to on Amazon Prime for rent or purchase but I'm also I have a you know a great Patreon that I've been doing for three years patreon.com slash juicy scoop so if someone has listens to juicy scoop or has enjoying Patreon or just found out they can join the Patreon which is you know not a lot of money at all um and then it'll live there and they can watch it there so i wanted to reward the people that have supported me throughout the whole thing thank you i i hope it is i'm happy i don't yeah like after a while you just don't care anymore you're like you know what just watch it and then when you own it then i can use

as much as i want for social media youtube whatever so like you know you know how do i make it how do i make it and it's and it's like you can wait around for like the perfect opportunity of someone to see you at the perfect time that still won't nowadays it's like use what we have which is the fact that everything can be available to people if you make it yourself and I ultimately believe that like the hard work you're putting in like it will not go unnoticed it just it's unorthodox for yeah years ago of how to make a special but I'm good for you saying fuck the man and just doing it yourself yeah and i mean i'm happy because it's it's like really i mean i think it's better than my first special i think it's funny you're like i love it and then also for stanmas once you

kind of once you put it out there it like forces you to that's materials then like retired so i had been doing like a whole new bit like for the last six months before covid of like all new stuff thinking like this special will come out and you know by by maybe the end of this year I would have like been able to actually table a whole another special but obviously everything's been pushed back and so in that respect I just I always just like make the lemonade out of lemons and I'm really enjoying not traveling and I'm enjoying putting more time and effort into the podcast and yeah and so you have videos and like have you been missing it has it been weird without it or have you been kind of embracing it you know it's very it's very interesting like when

i'm one of those people that i didn't realize like how much um stress like how hard i've been driving myself for 10 years like being a mom working on chelsea like going doing stand up twice a month doing five you know five shows a weekend sometimes the sunday would be a live juicy scoop which is like you know 10 20 hours of prep work with like you know and just doing it and know what are my numbers and then I do the meet and greets after and all this stuff and I really on the next day I'd fly back I sometimes I'd like get dressed in a LAX bathroom to like go to an event or not miss a party with my kid and so it just was kind of like oh my god I can't believe I only have one job like I I'm just doing the podcast like and helping my kids with their zoom work like

this is it it was kind of weird and then as more time passes it seems more fore like the more like I actually started stand up in my 20s and I didn't do stand up for seven years when I was like having my kids and what how were you when you had your kids um my first at third just let's see I it's 32 and 35 and so I wasn't doing stand up during those years and I never like consciously said I'm going to quit stand up I just I got married and after I got married. I was like, oh, I feel weird inviting anyone in my shows that I didn't invite to my wedding. Like, that's so rude. And I still kind of needed to in L.A. to kind of like bring people to like get spots. And so I just, and I lived like, I live in the valley. So it's like a solid,

you know, 45 minutes from any club. And I just kind of was like happy to have my husband. And I'm like, well, you know, I just, I just did not miss it. And then as I, as I had my second kid, I was like coming up with all this funny stuff of like what my life was like, And so I was watching Last Comic Standing, and that's when I started to miss it. And I was like, I think I'd like to do this again. And literally like the next day, Lisa Sunstead, who runs a great school called Pretty Funny Women and she like has a school and really fosters female comics, she called me out of the blue and was like, I can't believe you quit stand up. You were like my best one. And I go, I don't think I quit it.

She's like, hasn't it been like seven years? I'm like, oh, my God, I guess. so then she gave me a date and I do really well with deadlines like hence I you know I could ever write a book until like I actually had like a check and I had to write a book like so I was like okay if I had this date I know I'll have 10 minutes of great material that's brand new that's you know I'm not going to be talking about dating from you know eight years ago when I'm talking about my life now and so then I kind of started doing it again and then shortly after that I got the Chelsea show I went to I wanted to have like a real job in the industry again and

and then from there then I started opening for her and then I became a headline on my own so I kind of like had this weird break so now I'm like wow you know this break is weird but I know that once the break is done and I had the date and it's safe to go that first time might be weird

it might be like the first time I had the awkward sex but I think I'll get better at it you know like I'll get back into it it's like the gym or whatever and you're like a different person like you've grown an experience And sometimes you have to, like, get away from it to, like, have a new perspective on things. I mean, as it goes for stand-ups, like, they've, this has never happened.

Yeah. We're, like, stand-ups haven't been able to perform for, you know, going on, like, five, six months. And for certain stand-ups, everybody's different. But the majority of stand-ups that are really are like those people that love being on stage, they go every night. And I think for those, it's, for them, it's been hard. For me, I always felt even when I took my break back in my early 30s, I was still, you know, I was right. I wrote white chicks and dance flick and I was like got a pilot and I was still auditioning. And so like I still felt like I was being creative.

And with having the podcast, I still feel like I'm putting out content. I'm getting lots of feedback that's keeping me going. So it's not like it's completely lost. I really feel bad for the standups and the singers that they're 90% of it. of their creativity was on stage, you know, and they're not able to get it any way else. And so that part, I think, is really hard because it is a muscle. And there are people that are, like, addicted to it, you know, and the longer it goes, the harder. Stand-ups will freak out if they miss three days in a row. They're like, oh, I'm off. My timing's off. Or it's like a real

addiction. So I'm hoping some stand-ups either how to face their addiction or they found new ways to create content that they wouldn't have ever forced themselves to do before, like, learn how to edit a podcast or create video sketches or who the hell knows what kind of content's going out there now. Would you guys consider anything less than a championship to be a failure from this year? I wouldn't say anything as a failure, especially because we all grow every day. Obviously, the goal is a championship. There's no doubt in that, and that's the goal. We want to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast. In case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WNBA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from

key matchups and standout players to the behind the scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. For all the biggest stories in women's basketball plus exclusive interviews with the game's brightest stars. So to be here, I think it's one that we definitely don't take for granted. But we also know, you know, that's just one stop along the way. and we're hoping to, you know, make it run. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHart Women's Sports Production

in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Would you guys consider anything less than a championship to be a failure from this year? I wouldn't say anything is a failure, especially because we all grow every day. Obviously, the goal is a championship.

There's no doubt in that, and that's the goal. We want to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams. host of the podcast in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMPA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind the scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and

embrace the new challenge that we have. For all the biggest stories in women's basketball plus exclusive interviews with the game's brightest stars. So to be here, I think it's one that we definitely don't take for granted. But we also know, you know, that's just one stop along the way. And we're hoping to, you know, make it run. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHart Women Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast.

Standup is the best when you're really like well-oiled. That's why when you see a special, it's usually someone was going hard for, you know, a couple months prior to that tape date so that they were really slick, really comfortable. That is, so that's why. I mean, it is something that's, yeah, go on. And I know this is corny, but I, like, have to ask, what did you study in college and, like, what made you want to get into stand-up? So I always knew, I knew I was, like, funny from very young. And my parents were the opposite of most parents about stand-up. They, like, were very supportive of, like, you know, they were just, like, you should be a stand-up.

Like, you, you know, we'd watch, like, any evening thing improv. They'd be like, that should be you one day. And so then, but I was like, no, being from L.A., I was really jaded. So I was like, no, I'm going to, you know, I'm going to go to USC. I'm going to be a business woman. I'm going to be really rich and, like, run a business or something. And but I had a real desire for it. And then once I was at SC and not pursuing it, I was like very tormented by any time I, there

were other people at SC because we're close to Hollywood that had pagers, which meant they were not drug dealers. They had agents. And they had headshots and things. and they were pursuing it. And I'm like, I'm not pursuing acting or anything like this. So then my one friend, Maya Dreyer, because she wants the credit, we had this horrible job right out of college.

We were like assistant buyers for a big department store. And she threw down a learning annex magazine. This is like my first year out of school, like months out of school. And it was how to be a stand-up comic, like a one-nighter seminar, which really was this weird lady who then would try to hook you into like a six week course okay and um and she's like you're going to this and I go all right so I went to the one course and I like made the class of strangers laugh and I left that radisson in wherever it was in Santa Monica and I was like all right I'm ready for my life to change I'm ready to like start pursuing it and it was another one of those

things like ripping off the bandaid like you know that you should be doing it and like you Being someone who believes in God and being raised Catholic, I was, I kind of had this epiphany of like, I knew I was, I knew I had a talent for doing something that not everybody could do, but I knew that it was a really hard path. And by not pursuing it, because you're like, oh, I'll try to take this safer path, you know, it's kind of like an F you to God, like, you know, so I always try to tell people like, no, I could, there's a lot of things I'm not good at a tons, you know, I barely can like turn on the TV. So, like, if you're really good at something that not everyone can do, like, you, whatever, you're super creative, you can, like, you know, like make the most beautiful cakes or, like, decorate or, you know, you're a mechanic. Like, you know that you have a knack for that. Like, that's the thing you should pursue because not everybody is good at everything, you know, and you should pursue something that you like and that you know that you're superior at is what I think. It's great that, like, your logic was telling you, like, I can do this career path. I could be a business woman, I will be successful.

But when you said you were tormented, it's like, it doesn't mean you're depressed. It means, like, the universe is telling you you're in the wrong place and to not be tormented. Do what your heart really wants. And I'm the same way, like, I wanted to prove my parents I could do marketing or sales, but I was miserable. And it's like, if you're really good and enjoy something, you can make money at it too. It's just harder as a creative, but you'll ultimately be happier. Definitely. And I definitely think in this world, you know, especially the last 10 years and even now, like, please, like, you know, things change so quickly, too.

You know, so an industry that seemed safe a couple years ago and was a guaranteed paycheck is no longer. So you better be able to, like, switch your thing quickly and adjust and, you know, but if you have something special and talented and specific, then, you know, hopefully it'll work out for you. Yes. So I want to get a little darker and get to know you a little more. What is your kind of bad habit of sabotaging yourself? Like how do you sabotage yourself when you're trying to accomplish something? I think I'm pretty good about not doing that anymore. I definitely did it in the past.

The biggest part was, you know, I had a whole life up until a couple years ago, which really depended on other people saying yes in the business. I was auditioning. I was pitching shows. I was trying to get a better agent, you know, and I would really psych myself out as like these people don't like me. I don't know why I would think that the casting director isn't going to be happy to see my face. And I think I spent so much energy like on that instead of like going in and thinking, of course they, the truth is the casting director wants it to be you. They want,

they want their job to be over as soon as possible. So it's like, I don't know. of why I thought that that bitch behind the camera was like an enemy you know they had it out for you not this girl again yeah and then sometimes I would see like other actresses see each other at an audition

and they were so happy to see each other and then they both are going out for the same part and I was like why are they happy to see each other they're each other's competition but those people were like mentally healthy and those girls got that like hey if the part's not mine it's not mine it's you know

it doesn't mean I can't be friends with this girl and I'm thrilled to see her. So then I like started to sort of change my attitude about it. And, but I definitely like didn't have the confidence that other people had that were successful where it was just, yeah, of course it's going to be me. And I actually at one point was like kind of a stupid confidence. Yes. And so actually there was a time in my late 20s where I was like, should I be a Scientologist? Like they seem to be getting a lot of work.

And I sort of explored it. And I think there is a lot of psychosophobic. to Scientology that makes you believe you are a superior being that can walk into a casting director and fucking get the part. I mean, Leah Remini, who's ex-Scientologist now, I read her book. That girl booked about 35, like she would book like 12 pilots like a year. It was insane. She had show after show from like 14 years old on. And she was introduced to Scientology at like 10.

She like stopped going to school at like 10. Oh, my God. And only studied Scientology in that weird. weird way of communication and everything. And I'm like, and I'm not saying that she doesn't deserve that, you know, Brooklyn Voice as a child that's like given, just like Lindsay Lohan, like those people book. But like, I was just like, oh my God. And then there was the Jenna Elfman that just got sitcom after sitcom after sitcom. And I'm like, she's a Scientologist, you know. And then I was like, Heather, there's a lot more successful Jewish people in Hollywood than Scientologists. So are you

going to go be Jewish like idiot you know like that is so funny yeah well it does something it doesn't matter how you believe in yourself some people do it through religion yeah people do it through like just getting confidence through training some people from their parents or yeah some people just have it in them but yeah you can't expect someone else to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself which is like the corny part of it yeah and i just i also think that you should never put like a time limit like i remember like there'd be guys i dated i was dating this one guy and um i'm like i'll have a commercial audition then i have another audition a couple weeks later he's like so whatever happened with all those auditions i'm like nothing never heard back never was put on a veil

never got a call back like that's what i do i just waste three to four hours on each audition getting cute driving parking and then i never hear back that's kind of like that's my life I didn't realize. And there's someone who's like not the business, they're like, um, so like, how are you going to give this? And I'm like, well, I think I'm going to give it until I don't want to give it. Because each time I got an audition, it was like a little spark of excitement, you know, so I would get excited that I had when I was never like, oh, another audition.

I was always like thrilled. And then I was just so used to never getting the job that I was like, oh, I just like part of like, this is the part of the path. So it's like, I think for for anybody. in relationships or you know what life brings you like my advice is just like you just there shouldn't be there shouldn't be like an age like by this age I'm going to own a house or by this age I want to be married or by this age I got to have my be pregnant with my first baby or whatever I mean you should have like you should have goals and you should be like realistic about things but I think

you just just do it for as long as like you're happy if something's not making you're happen anymore then also don't be afraid to quit yeah those expectations just set you up for like sadness and like they say god laughs at your plans like you stop yeah no i just like my sister when my dad died my sister's an attorney and like her eulogy about my dad was she was you know in law school stressed out struggling crying about how hard it is and i think she was like beginning of her second year of three years. And my dad's like, Shannon, you can just quit. Like, you're a smart girl.

You can do another career. Don't worry about, like, loans or whatever. Just quit. Like, you don't have to, you don't have to torture yourself for another year and a half and then try to study for the bar if this isn't not what you want. And she didn't quit, but she was like, that was like the greatest, like, release, you know, because we both were like, you know, really always wanted to please. our parents and we really were raised like you can't quit you have to finish something you started

type of a thing and it was just nice to know like no you can quit like you can drop out like don't worry you could quit a job you can drop out of something just knowing you have freedom is nice yes like just knowing that it's your decision and not like the world's pressure on you yeah and that like you know the person that she you know looks up to the most was also like I'm not going to love you any less we're not going to think of you any less like it was a big relief and And then, you know, it was kind of all she needed then to continue to succeed and go. But I think that's really important, too, is like a parent, you know, to be like, you know, hey, this isn't your thing. Like, who cares, you know?

Let, let it go. I want to know, what is your biggest insecurity, maybe, like, in your 20s or now? I don't know. I'm, like, pretty confident. I mean, you know, I think as a parent, like, just I have three kids. And I just really, I have to say, I kind of, I set the bar low as a parent in that. And I have to say, I have never been happier that I have, don't have overachieving kids. Because right now, like everyone, like all these kids that had to get up at 5 a.m. to, like, you know, be on lacrosse every day.

It's like, it's all done and they're, like, fucked and, like, schools are, like, losing the program. And I'm like, well, at least we had fun, like, watching, you know, below deck and playing Scrabble. Like, it just, so I think, so I think with my kids, I just raised them where I was like, literally, if they're happy, not on drugs and not suicidal and are pleasant people and they're good people, I've won. I mean, I want them to be self-sufficient and I want them to have jobs they like. and so far they're good in that respect but I've also like I've let go of stuff you know I mean like during this pandemic I'm like okay my you know I don't know if my kid will go somewhere the fall of next year because I don't know if he'll be competing with all those other kids that took a gap year so maybe maybe it will make sense to like you know continue

and do two years that I don't know at a JC at least he's fun to be around at least I like hanging out with him like you know he's not an asshole you don't have to fake laugh in your own home yeah he's not you know he's not like vaping and like telling me to shut up or anything so it's like but yeah I think probably the biggest insecurity is just when you become a parent you're just going to worry for the rest of your life and it's just never ever going to go away do you naturally do you naturally have anxiety um I realized I gained a I started to have a lot more anxiety in the last couple years that I never understood when people talked about panic attacks and anxiety and because I had you know like a couple like I can't get into it

but I had like a legal thing that's over with now and anybody that's been involved in any kind of a legal thing it's just so incredible like to me it's so incredible stressful other people that's their job or they like it or they get off on it and it's like their MO to like you know bring up lawsuits whatever for me I don't I don't work well with that at like a three in the morning panic attack, scared, you know, stress, it stops very creativity. So it's like, that's when I started to notice that I, I am susceptible to it. But it's very, what's good about me that I, I know, because I know a lot of people suffer from depression and they don't know why they're depressed. Like when I'm, when I'm stressed, like I know the exact reason. It's not like all

a sudden. Yes, it's situational. It's not like all of a sudden. I'm like, why did I wake up sad today? Which I'm really grateful for because a lot of people have that. Like, I know. So I feel like I had to deal with some of that and, but I did it. You know, I never, I never wanted to, like, go to the doctor and get on Xanax or anything. I've never been on anything like that because I know how addictive that stuff is. So, like, I've been pretty good. It's great that you're aware, like, okay, this is Heather in this situation and it's causing me this stress, but I'm not, like, a psychotic human. I haven't lost control of my brain.

I'm just going through, like, a traumatizing time. And you're allowed to be human and, like, not enjoy. it necessarily um yeah like people are allowed to have shitty days and and trying times yes you know but i want to finish with a final game called the seven deadly sins seven deadly sins what are you greedy about uh good chardonnay like i'm that person that if i brought a great bottle of chardonnay to the party and the bottle that's open that's currently being poured is nowhere near the bottle I brought

I open the bottle I brought which people have, I've been called out on it people have talked behind my back about it so I'd like to put it on your show just so they know that like I'm not gonna lie if I'm gonna have the wine I'm a woman of a certain age

I like the flavor if I'm gonna get buzzed possibly have a hangover it better taste fucking good I know that you're already very established in your comedy career, but would you be a real housewife just for the experience? I get asked this all the time, and I definitely would if it really didn't involve putting my family or my marriage in jeopardy. So they would have to be featured very, very little. I don't know if they could promise that. I know they probably can't.

Like, if there was a real housewife type of show that really did involve just like funny, cool women getting together, going on. free paid trips by Bravo. I wouldn't mind, like, fighting with them, being a bitch, whatever. I just don't want to ever, like, have people talk about my sons on the, you know, and say mean things or say they were rude to me because sometimes they are. And, like, you know, I just wouldn't want my family to be jeopardized. But all of, like, getting dressed up, going to cute, drinking, having apps, going to parties with cameras following me around, saying snarky shit to other women for fun.

Yes. But I don't like, I really don't like to fight with people. So I would definitely have to be the person that's like I'm allowed to just like be light and funny. And then they can talk about me that I open my own bottle of Chardonnay at the party. That's fine. Rip me a new asshole. That's your storyline the whole season.

Yeah. Bring it on at the reunion, bitch. And then you're like, I bring the Chardonnay and I don't care who else does or some stupid tagline. Yeah, and then like at the reunion, it's like that bunny scene. Like, here, Heather, here's your bottle. I know. I know I don't.

serve good enough chardonnay for you so drink up and then andy happened to like not watch that season so he's like what what's going on but then he pretends he did and he's like why would you do that yeah then he's like oh that's right that's right sorry i had you mixed up with uh new jersey next who are you who are you envious of oh my gosh i mean i'm not you know what's really great is um i just remember one time uh when i was on chelsea lately chelsea goes if you if you could be me, would you want to be? Because, you know, she had her own show and she was, you know, were successful. And I don't know what the answer she thought, but I think she might have thought I'd say yes, you know. And there is nobody else I'd ever want to be because it's like,

I have my family. I love my house. I, you know, I'm married. I have kids. But, I mean, there's been times where there's people's careers that I've been like, now that's the perfect career. And there's, like, I always thought like a morning talk show that, like be close by that would be funny that you know I wouldn't have to move to New York for something like that yeah you know I think is great I mean still a career is such a small slice of people's overall happiness yeah there's nobody's like personal life for anything because it's like my personal life is my family and like I don't want to change anything about anybody my family so it's like no I don't I don't want to be you know I don't like look at

Chrissy Tegan's, like, cook line and go, wow, one day. Like, I don't desire, like, an enormous amount of, like, wealth. Like, it is nice. I'm like, but then sometimes I see a big house and I'm like, oh, there's people have to have to have a staff. Then they have to fire that staff and be stressed about it. Then that person's going to get people. Yeah.

Then that person's going to write, you know, do an interview for People magazine about what a bitch they were because they wanted broccoli every day. Like, I'm just kind of like, eh, you know, like I, I'm good. my money more problems more money to travel it would be fun to travel like on private planes and it would be fun to like have a yacht and stuff but like I never want to own the plane or the yacht I just want to have the money to go yeah I just want to be the person that goes on and then leaves like I never I don't even want to like you know pack a bag for a hotel let alone like pack the whole yacht or whatever also it's so much more fun when it's not yours it's like watching someone else eat their food like their food always looks better than your food like just visit the yacht I swear I mean, not that I would know. What are you glutness about? My favorite things on earth is a grilled artichoke with like a really good sauce. And a certain kind of Chinese chicken salad.

I literally just had it last night. It's got to be Chinese chicken salad, the salad dressing from Stan Lee's, they have a couple versions of it. But I really like it when it's pulled chicken from a real chicken, like not a dry breast chopped up in cubes. whole chicken breast so then the salad dressing soaks into the chicken and yeah I mean I'll eat like an enormous amount

You just reminded me of a Kardashian I think the Kardashians are very particular about their salads and it like is the prime part of their day I mean a big salad on a certain type of weather day it's just a big salad like yeah I really love that The most LA thing you've said so far

Yes oh and I love like I love like a gooey dessert like a, you know, like a chocolate suflay or like just a really good chocolate chip cookie that's like warm. I'm pro-Gooey versus Krispy. Gooey and Chewy all day. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger? Oh, I mean a lot, like the...

I mean, with my husband, probably pissed me off. Nobody else really can get under my skin. But it just doesn't last very long. No, like I kind of... No, I kind of... No, I don't know. It's changing all the time. I'm like learning, like 20 years in, I'm still like, it's like I'm retraining a dog or something. And it's working, but it's taking a very long time. So I'm starting to learn like, like not to go head to head, like just like end

this going, like end this annoying conversation. And then just like move on to something else. And then we're like, and then he's, then we're fine. So just him probably. Or nothing else that really pisses me off. Oh, I know. I know what pissed me off. I was walking by this house. in my neighborhood and this kid drove up with like rap music blaring blaring blaring blaring with the windows down which is fine I didn't know it was but then he got out of the car

and left the car running with the music rolling so loud as he went into the house and so he's walking to the house and he's like you know like looks like he's my son like he's like between 16 and 20 white kit and I go um hey dude really like with because it's like

F pussy the N word like everything I'm like come on Like, you have to keep the car running. It wasn't even like a hot day. We're like, oh, my God, you're right. Like, I just wanted the air running. And he just goes, fuck, fuck you, fuck shit, and start screaming at me. Like, he, like, I mean, he probably looked at me like that fucking Karen can't tell me what to do.

And I was just like, yeah, that was like the first time that I, like, started to, like, speak up. Like, come on, like, sort of, I've never called anyone on their behavior. But that was, like, one thing. And I was like, why would you keep your car running? And I was mad, but it was. and it was shaky, but it was sort of satisfying. Well, it sounded like you saw him as, like, one of your kids and you were just like, this isn't what you should do as an adult in society.

Yeah. But then you couldn't give them a time out after. Yeah, yeah. When was the last time you were a sloth? Like, do you ever just do nothing all day? Well, I'm not, I'm not like a super clean person. Like, I clean the kitchen and stuff, but, like, I'm not organized. You're creative.

Yeah, at the beginning of the pandemic, I organized literally two drawers. that was it. I went to Costco. I bought organizers for two doors. That is it. I have never organized. So I think I really envy people that get off on that shit, that love it, that I think it's, I think it's such a great trait to be like super neat anal retentive. I think it's fabulous. I wish I had it. I never will. When my mom stressed, she has to clean. So the house is always spotless. But I'm like, are you okay? Like, what are you so stressed out about? I think it's great, though, because you accomplish something. Yeah, it's a better.

Like if I'm stressed, I like have a glass of, yeah, I have a glass of war and I call a girlfriend. Like, I accomplish nothing. Me too. I think it's great. I watch reality TV. Yes. When it was last time you let your pride get in the way of something?

So like your ego. I was a little butt hurt because I did a show. I did a live Zoom show with my good friend Jeff Lewis, who has a radio show. And I, you know, the next. afterwards Andy Cohen and one of the guys

that was on it sort of spoke about me that they said I took over and talked too much and I read all these comments about it

and it bothered me but then I thought well at least he said my name at least Andy Cohen said my name on the radio

and so I kind of I didn't let my pride get in the way and I think I handled it well and I talk about it on Thursday's juicy scoop of how do I feel what I feel about it but but my pride

was hurt initially and but you kind of turned it yes I like thought about it for a minute which comes with a lot of age and wisdom I wrote a tweet I deleted it yeah I wrote a tweet I deleted it like I kind of was like

let me see you know what and so now I I'm kind of excited with the way I handled it. Or was it that I was just trying to keep the show going because I am someone that's like, you know, trying to get a joke in it, you know, as much as possible to make it entertaining.

And so, you know, it is what it is. But it was like, oh, I can't believe I'm still putting up with this shit. But then I kind of, you know, it's great to have a platform like the podcast where you can say freely how you feel afterwards and you can, you know, get feedback from your fans and it can't be written or edited in some TMZ article that then you're like, no, that's not when I meant.

Like, I love that aspect of things. Oh, 100%. And I think it makes life and the world more interesting. Yeah. Especially like being on a reality TV show to have a place where I can just say whatever I want and I edit it. Yeah. It's freeing.

But yeah, it's also tough because some people could have had the same interview and thought you were hilarious or you might have had better chemistry with someone else who just their energy is great with you. So sometimes you just have to be like they're not maybe. that wasn't my situation that I shined in and that's okay because I'm not perfect and maybe the energy was off that day because I've had like, you know, one person is like not giving you good energy, not laughing at you and you're just like, I don't, okay, fuck me. Like then you forget how to form sentences and then anyway.

Final question. Yeah. When was the last time you lusted over someone besides your hubby? Like do you have any celebrity crushes or guy you saw on the street? You know, what I love is on TikTok, on the for you page, for some reason. No, no, the four you page. Okay, listen, the thing about TikTok that I try to tell people is, clearly they're spying on us. I don't know if it's China or whatever, but they like know what I like, okay?

So it's like, it's like gender reveals, it's, you know, but it's a lot, but what I get a ton of is, you know, that song like, ooh, Eight feet. That's my type. That's my type. The sweetie song. Okay. So there's a theme that goes on TikTok where it's hot cops coming home to their wife and the wife films it. And I fucking get wet. Jerk off. I like love it. And they're all different types of cops. Like some are like older. It's a retirement day. Most of them are like 30 tattooed really cute. Like they laugh. They see their wife is laughing. I go, oh my God, they have a great. relationship this is so cute like there's just something like that's I lust after like that the fun cuteness that I see in married couples on TikTok yeah because after you watch the video you can't just leave you have to then go into her profile you have to see all their other interactions you want to feel like you understand I totally get it yeah I love the couple stuff it's so cute so Heather to wrap this up um you know burning in hell we talk about people's demons

Do you have any advice you'd give to listeners on how to cope with your hell? Because you've been through a lot in your long, successful career, and I think you'd have some good advice. I think the biggest, there's two things of advice I'm going to say that I think I've kind of coined for myself. I'm not saying I'm Maya Angelou, but I'm close. I think it's, one is, you know, you may have regrets about your behavior or something you've done, and you might be living in that moment right now of regret. But I'm telling you, there will come a day. It may take months.

It may even take years that you're going to wake up and go, you know what, if I hadn't have said that and I hadn't have done this and I hadn't done that and the job, da-da-da, I wouldn't be here today. And I feel like everything always presents itself. It just may take a minute. So you just have to just work through it. Know it's going to get better. Don't live in regret because there's no.

way to go back. And then the other thing is sometimes the greatest gift someone can give you is treating you so badly that you can cut them out of your life. Girl, some energy, you just got to cut out. And it's not your job to change someone or make them fit into like your life when it's not meant to happen. But you know, there's been people where you want to get rid of them, but they haven't been that bad or they haven't said that worse.

And then they finally do that thing where you're like, okay, now. If they have sex with your husband. bend it's okay but you know and then you kind of go you know um now i don't feel guilty about cutting them out is what i'm saying like it's so bad that you have the con you you have a free conscience of being like we're done we're fucking done so thank you for being such a huge horrible person because now i never need to give you another chance i gave you you you know 25 chances over the last five years i don't have to give you anymore so i think that's something that's great I love that. And Heather, I just want to say I definitely look up to you and everything you've done in your career from stand up to then TV to then. You've really hit everything. And I feel like you're just getting, you know, more and more opportunities in the future. That's what my psychic, you know, inner thoughts are telling me. And I'm so excited about your special on August 7th on Amazon. What's it called?

Amazon Prime. It's called Juicy Scoop. I would try to, you know, I learn from the best. Bethany Frankel. Just brand it. make it easy so the stand-up is called juicy scoop podcast is juicy scoop go to heathermcdahl dot net we'll have all the information there if you want to watch it on amazon prime you can if you want to join my patreon you can watch it there um hannah

i loved having you on my show everyone loved you so people if you want a juicy interview with hannah go back and she's you know on my show a couple months ago i got such great feedback from that episode oh good yeah and i'm thrilled how well you're doing so i'm happy i'm happy i got

to do yours. Thank you. And yeah, go on Amazon, get her books, follow her on Instagram. Where can people follow you? Every Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter is at Heather McDonald, and Facebook is Heather McDonald comedy. Your social media is really funny. Thank you. It's a great follow-up. Yeah, you guys, thank you so much for coming to hell. Heather survived with flying colors, and I'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye. Thank you.