Berner Phone - Hoodie Allen: Cake Throwing & DM Sliding

Episode Date: February 12, 2020

Hoodie goes to hell and explains how he met Hannah on Instagram, why he’s not attracted to Insta models, why he likes girls who dress like boys, the story behind Hannah’s favorite song “No Faith In Brooklyn”, his process of creating a music video, that time Romeo Miller slid into Hannah’s DM, his special connection with fans, his worst gig ever, his dating history, and much much more. CLICK HERE TO COME TO A COMEDY SHOW CLICK HERE TO JOIN THE LITTLE DEVIL PATREON  --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Hell. I'm your host, Hannah Burner, and I'm very excited for this episode today because it's a musician that I've listened to for a long time, and I can't believe he's on my podcast. But real quick, before we start, I have tour dates coming up in L.A., San Francisco, Houston, Dallas, New Jersey, Connecticut, and hopefully more in the future, but go to Hannah Burner.com to come to those live comedy shows. And I also have a lot of new options for my patreon join my close friends list for summer house summaries and other random stuff about my cat butter and um check that out at patreon.com slash burning hell and let's get to the episode i'm with hoodie allen i'm with hoodie allen in the house i'm with hoodie allen in the house

I'm in the house, yeah. I can't believe you're here. Did I, how did we, did I slide into your DMs? You did. And I think I ghosted you. Wait, wait, hold on. I don't think, honestly, I don't think it was that. I don't think you slip in my DMs.

Make sure you get honest because I'm about to blow your spot up right now, pulling out my phone. I don't have anything to hide. Now he says he doesn't know. No, no, no, I was going to clarify it. First off, I want to say one thing. I'm a super transparent person, so like you're never going to get any, like, I'm always going to say exactly how I feel to everyone. But number two, I don't think that you sleep. into my DMs I think you tagged me in something like maybe you posted like a song or was a video

and the song was in the background I'm now remembering what happened someone tweeted something about like nostalgic about hoodie Allen like they were like I wish it was a viral tweet and I was listening to hoodie or something or something about listening to like rappers in college and I tagged hoodie yeah and then I got a purple heart a rock star hand and a red heart wow I was a really on one that What did that mean? It didn't, I think it, uh... It was like, what's up, thank you? I don't know.

Or it was like, I want to finger bang you. That wasn't a move. Okay. Yeah, that was just like a combination of emojis together. Yeah. But I think I must have seen that you were like somebody, like you were, you were like a person. I was a human with a beating heart. No, no, no, you were like, you were like, you had a little check.

And I was like, oh, I should, I can't just want one heart. These guys using me for my clout. But I didn't, though, because then I left you alone forever. Wait, I said, oh, God, I responded, hi, baby. Oh, yeah, you did do that. No, you know what it is? Then I got scared, so I'm a shy boy, so then I got scared, and I was like, oh, I don't know what's true now. Let me back the fuck up.

I think I know that you're like a Long Island kid, like you're a New York City kid, so I'm talking. Like, you know when you're younger and I'd say, I'd be like, hi, dad. Like I didn't mean that in a sexy way But I did that when I was like in college Which I now realized I probably shouldn't have been saying to dudes But I was just like hi baby like not like Yeah because I don't have aspick If I had as pics on my Instagram and I said hi baby

You know I'm not into that anyway You know like aspex? Well no of course I like I don't I don't I don't like that's not something that would be like It doesn't turn you on when a girl's posting Her butthole on Instagram Yeah basically

But I but I like to I'd like to meet people who are really into that, though, like, and just pick their brain. Yeah, I used to, um, have roommates that were straight guys who were, like, into that stuff. And it's a, it's a, like, that's the person that they, like, they're, they're most attracted to someone who's, like, wants it. And I'm like, do you realize how many other dudes are doing, emming her and, like, why, we should think deeper about why this is how, like, I think too deep into it. It's like, if I go to a strip club, I'm like, why I should hear and how does this happen and how am I? I want to know her story. Yeah.

Like, why are her eyes? so sad that's what i'm doing yeah um but anyway i like girls who dress like boys oh my god i dress like a boy kind of all right wait why do you like girls who dress like boys um i i i'm i just like like that style she's 16 years old i don't know why you're trying to trap me that wasn't my that wasn't my example in any sort of way i'm immediately regretting this podcast no that's not don't title don't title this podcast i like girls who look like billy high no I just like I like I like that style like that I don't yeah I think there's so much swag in it like if you could wear all my clothes and it looks so much better on you is more attracted to me than like a sun dress or something like that like I don't know I love the like street wear style I think I like boys I'm gonna I'm gonna work on that do that in therapy I don't know I don't know that much about you and I like I haven't like stalked you is what I'm saying my question is why did you come on this random random Damn Chicks podcast.

Because I'm in a, you've caught me in a moment of saying yes to new things. I love that because. Also like you're, yeah, you're super cool. So I would never not done it anyway. I'm happy that's so nice of you to want to have me on the podcast. I'm looking at the, I said, hi baby. And I immediately said next time in New York's today, I'd love to have you on the pod. And he goes, I'm game.

And I go, hell yeah, it's mental. I like to read people's tech. Sorry. I have no boundaries. Keep going. It's mental health comedy. I think it'll be great. You go, sounds great.

I'm both funny. complete mess. Yeah. Still true. We'll get along. And basically, that's how we end up here today. So in my research. Well, no, nope.

You skipped ahead the part where I said, hey, why don't you come to my show? And then you were like, I'm so down for that. And then you were, you disappeared. You never came to the show. I don't know I skip everything. I'm not salty about it. Oh, you said, just watched you on Nikki Glazer podcast so good. Is that the video on YouTube?

There's some video on YouTube. Yeah. I got in big trouble for that. Why? My ex-boyfriend got mad with me. Yeah, we spilled too much. He blocked me on Instagram. I think his face has been popping up all over places.

Like his face is every, like, it's, yo, it's crazy how, like, you can hear something in one place, and then it's like, oh, it's everywhere. Well, that's what manifesting is. Manifesting is, like, when you think of something and you keep a top of mind, and then you see it everywhere, and that's how you accomplish your dreams. That's not working for me right now. But if your ex-boyfriend has a special out on a big network, and you're trying to keep him off your mind, you're going to see that shit everywhere.

He's very talented, wish him the best of luck. You said, and you were like, you gave me a compliment, and I was like, he's obsessed with me. Yeah, you did say something of, oh yeah, I'm on tour right now. I play New York City, Webster Hall. Oh, I shouldn't have said definitely. Let's be honest. You know what? I did not know if I could go or not.

Of course. How could anybody know? Like, especially, I just thought because you're from New York, maybe like your word meant something as opposed to people from Los Angeles. But honestly, that's fine. You can be a flaky individual if you want. I still, I still showed up. Wait, how long did you live in L.A? Or did you live in L.A.? I didn't. I just, I go there a lot because more of the music business is like, if I'm going to go write new songs, like it's kind of over there. When I'm here, I just like go to Rumble and like walk around Soho hoping people recognize me. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Just like stopping to take selfies with like. I really want to go. So he has a tour right now. I asked him if you want to push anything. I don't know. I'm not on tour. I'm just here.

never mind he's not even have a tour he did have a tour whatever you i say is it over it's over so make sure to get make sure to get tickets if you make a time machine hot tub time machine go back and get those tickets this motherfucker is witty it's like he he's a good writer or something but i was like are you are you pushing anything and he said yeah i'm pushing people into trains or something and i realized like our humor is on point because then i was on your twitter on the train coming here your twitter is fire your twitter's fire yo let's go i mean i have I haven't got into the, we just high-fived. We did a high-five on the pod.

My Twitter is just my Twitter. I need to bring this shit up. Your Twitter. I'm more popular on Twitter than Instagram, which is, I think, I don't know, are you more popular on Twitter or Instagram? I'm more popular on Instagram because I already had a little following on Instagram. Twitter is like where I mess around. Like I don't, I don't even care how the performance is, but if something pops off, I know

it's like my draft page and then whatever is good I put up my Instagram. Yeah, I see that. But I also Instagram could go down tomorrow and then next thing, you know, everyone's back on Twitter. You do the reposting thing, like, I'm going to put this funny thing on Instagram for girls to share on their stories, and they do it.

Because a lot of those girls don't follow Twitter. And also, with these meme pages, like they start from original content, which is people like us who tweet original content, and it's easier for them to see it when I post. Because then I'll DM some accounts to be like, if you like it, share. And that's how I grew my following originally.

Hey, all you Gary V. Entrepreneurs is listening right now. Next thing you know, you make $20,000 a month. Hell, yeah. But I sleep till noon sometimes, so suck on that, Gary Vee. Yeah, I want to pull up. I know. I just start fights with people on my podcast. I have reprioritized my priorities.

That one killed. What's daylight trying to save exactly? That one killed. I feel like these aren't going to be funny out loud, but I... They're not as funny out loud as I'm saying them. It's actually sad, and I take back every compliment I said. I have one, in parentheses, the number of... Number one, margaritas.

See, it's just little funny things like that. I can see how you're great at not only writing tweets, but it's wordplay, right? Yeah. Well, what had happened with that is I had one margarita. Give me the inspiration behind that. And I was just like, I feel good. Didn't know it only took one margarita. Let me open the little bird app and fire off this insight.

There's nothing better than having just one or two. two drinks and realizing you're tipsy are you a are you a like lightweight i mean i don't think that's the right term but are you someone who prefers to only have to get like one or two drinks to get to you're comfortable like this was my goal level i'm weird with i'm i'm half italian i'm half jewish okay but i'm up like you can't marry me because my mom's are you thinking about me specifically yeah i was thinking about you um you're jewish right i'm jewish but what is what is that i don't know i feel like jewish guys from long island they like they like me at first and then they're like oh you have to convert and it's a whole thing

um i dated a guy from hula once it was a whole thing i mean yeah i'm i'm the i'm the i'm the anti-jewish man though cool is what i is what i think i think you should make a shirt like that the anti it's like i self-hate hate self-hate your fashion games on point thanks yeah appreciate it any more compliments yeah i like i sneak them in so that when i get when i hit you low with the hard stuff i'm bounced out that's cool because i don't actually don't do well with like getting compliments in general i can tell you immediately start your eyes start wandering and then you start saying random words at me gotcha call me out call me out on a thousand example are you addicted to anything we're getting into it real quick no i don't yeah like any like like typical addiction no but i'm just i'm figuring

out more about myself that i am addicted to certain people oh deep yeah i recently was like in a heartbreak And then I got really excited. I got a crush and I was getting that high like when he texted me. And then I was like, I think I have a love addiction. And my mom's like, I think you just have a crush on someone. Yeah, it's like, no, it's normal. It's a thin line. Do you feel like ever like the experiences that you have are insanely unique to you and like the feelings that you have?

Like you're like, yes, I understand that other people go through these same highs and lows and interactions with people, especially romantically. But you think that yours is way more special than everyone. Like how you're processing it? Or like your thing is way worse than everyone. Oh, way worse? Like when I was younger, I was like, when I dealt with like some depression or something, I'd be like, I have the worst life ever and no one's ever dealt with this kind of sadness before. But I think that's where depression comes is when you think you're all alone and stuff.

Yeah. Do you feel like your music is cathartic for you or therapeutic? Yeah. Writing is like having that outlet is super therapeutic. although honestly most of like the majority of the music I make has often been like uplifting or happy kind of carefreeish in nature so that doesn't seem like oh that wouldn't line up that well but I do think it's really been like a it's like okay I feel better sometimes like if I feel something and then I write about it I do feel like there's been that actual release yeah

can I give you one more compliment yeah hit me with it so yeah my favorite song what what song do you think is my favorite song probably something really basic like Like, no faith in Brooklyn or no interruption. Yeah, no faith in Brooklyn is my favorite. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate it. That was back-handed compliment. I was just trying to make you feel good about yourself.

No, it wasn't back-handed. I really appreciate it. It was my favorite in college because I'm from Brooklyn. So I was like, he's singing to me. It was. That was the song about you, actually. Even though I thought you were from Connecticut, but. We walk in and he goes, where you're from Connecticut?

And I almost punched him in the throat. Yeah. But we are an anti-violent podcast here. we're not not having violence um and i like the this is so corny i'm such a nerd but i like the line i still listen to it sometimes it's like one of those that lasts isn't that the point like you don't just like the beat like it's a song that has meaning and it lasts i agree everything i do is timeless next question fuck yeah next question drop the mic you have a line that says like um and even if i don't make it as an athlete i won't let the competition pass me and you were an athlete i know that and i was a tennis player

and I was like deciding in that moment that I didn't want to go pro and it was like really hard for me and then I was like he fucking understands me he understands me I've affected your life in so many ways and now I'm here but in that you know when you get down to yourself and you're like fuck I wish I was a baller and then you listen to that song and I'm like nah

it's interesting because I wasn't a baller I don't know why I wrote that line yeah I was like it's not for him I play football in college but oh what's school University of Pennsylvania yeah you're nerdy I almost went there Well, what happened for tennis? Yeah. You decided to go somewhere else. They wouldn't give me any scholarship money.

Because the whole Ivy, no money. Yeah, it's bullshit. That's bullshit. But Wisconsin was fun. I love Wisconsin. Can you tell me this song, No Faith in Brooklyn, all you basic bitches out there, listen to it. It's now retro, so it's not basic. Sure, yeah, yeah.

I would argue. So listen to it. I mean, whatever keeps the streams coming in. I'm cool with that. Yeah. Can you give me a little behind the scenes of how that song went down? Before that, I had only put out music that was sampled. so I was like I'd find like a death cab for cutie or marina like I was sampling things and then

rapping over those beats kind of and were you doing the tech yourself me and my buddy RJ he was doing the beats cool and no faith in Brooklyn was like the first song we made where it was completely like original like he like wait that's excited we didn't steal anything we just like made the beat and everything and um to be honest like that phrase just came in my head like as I was just like humming something and that phrase came and I was like oh I really like that and then I built the song out from there and then I was thinking is there the idea of like no faith in Brooklyn like just that concept and then I was just thinking like is there a girl who's probably like I don't know 17 18 years old probably in Brooklyn right now who's going to really resonate with

the song and let me just make sure she feels like this will be relevant to her life for when she meets me in the future what does no faith in Brooklyn mean um it had to do like that I wrote that I don't fucking know. No, I wrote that at, it was about a... I liked it had a certain number of syllables, shut the fuck up. Yeah, it sung really well, just leave me alone. It was about, like, I was traveling a lot at the time and in a relationship, and I felt very, like, distant and unsure about, like, if I was doing the right thing.

I love that. Like, are you opening up and shit? I was trying to... I watched the music video recently, too. Our music video is awkward when you get, like, you hire a model, and then you have to have these like intimate moments with and you just like what was it like well i'm just take out my gum i feel rude now here put in my hand it's fine no i'm just kidding it right it fell it fell into the water cup god you're smooth for a rapper for real um the the the video process so i actually

love making videos yeah as long as i'm feeling like confident about myself so actually announcing that like oh i'm about to do a video then sends me into a like oh shit i have to spend the month like making sure I don't eat food and go hard you'll announce it so you body dysmorphia but but like I'm saying like you start the practice like maybe like a couple of weeks like you find the director and they come up with a storyboard treatment and do the whole thing for that yeah but so exciting and it's all it's funny because I started my career writing videos for betches yeah so it's one minute viral videos where like you have to like have a funny joke in the beginning but doesn't like give away the joke it hooks people and

then at the end it has to have like a twist to it but it all has to be one minute you're like lay lay palms essentially basically except um go here and i don't know i don't know about her that much um anyway yeah yeah so and the process of it is yeah is kind of awkward of having to like be like let's have a fight with this person that you just you're like every dude i get in one of my videos they're always my friend so it's like really funny and it's also comedic yeah but some of your videos like they're just like a girl's like straddling you and then no And then you're just like holding her and like you're almost kissing and it must have Take like so many takes

You were literally making it sound like I'm Jason Derulo or something Like none of my none of my videos are like this I don't understand I've I've never kissed anyone in a video at all There was you're not Jason Derulo what the fuck I'm sorry to disappoint you but Can I tell you one thing? I'm not trying to master I'm not trying to master your type rappers but I'm kind of killing in the rap game right now. Romeo Miller slid into my DMs last week.

That's pretty, I mean, can we kind of see that? You guys, I have to. Have you told people this already? No, I haven't told anyone. And I didn't put on my Instagram because I wanted him to feel like we were in a safe place, but he's not in a safe place. I was waiting for the right time to blow up his spot.

And I am the same, I'm totally a safe spot. You're a safe spot. I don't, also I don't write to people like, I assume a rapper would. You what? I don't write. I wouldn't slide in DMs like a rapper. No, he did.

He definitely did. 100%. He goes, first he goes, you are funny as hell. Just on interview with you. Ha ha. It must have been the Nikki thing. Nikki's getting me ass. I think it's like it hit the YouTube algorithm pretty hard.

Yeah. You know, we're just like. What did you like about that interview? You. Oh my God. Thank you. I was getting in trouble. I was being messy.

Yeah, Nicky was cool. Yeah. Anyway. No, it was great. It was just a really, I just, I really enjoyed it. He talks about a lot of random shit. Just very open, and you guys were just funny back and forth. And I was like, oh, this is enjoyable.

We had this weird bond because we had hooked up with the same guy. And I think it was beautiful to see, like, the aftermath of that and how he kind of brought us together. You can say whatever. He goes, you're funny as hell. Just saw an interview with you, ha ha. But blessings and keeps driving love, L-U-V. Hearts, um, pray hands, star. P.S. I suddenly want Starbucks.

Oh, it was a star, it was a video I did about Starbucks. I said, appreciate it. If you want some, I can tell you where the closest one is. Thanks for the love, boo. You know. Yeah, I got to put the boo in there. You know what the boy. You got an appreciation.

So, that's Thursday. How much time goes on between that message? That was November. So it was about a couple weeks. Okay. But also, like, I'm, I'm chill. I'm not trying to make anything of it. I mean, this is not the first rapper to be in your DMs.

I've been, like, I'm like, rapper's not again, another rapper. He goes, and I'm currently in Times Square. Any idea where the closest Starbucks is love, spelled love L-O-V-E. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. he laughs at himself a lot yeah no that that's what psychopaths do but for sure are you getting jealous of my romance with little romeo no it's just an observation you ever like see someone like tom cruise you'd be like i told the joke ha ha ha and then like other people are supposed to laugh but if they didn't laugh they're still laughing go back to you i hate when

like the boss like someone's social clouds has something stupid and everyone laughs terrible so i go l-o-l i'll be your starbucks gps for life and i put a four for the four life i don't know why did i've never done that before you got nervous yeah i got nervous he liked it And I said, get out of Times Square before you have anxiety attack. We're friends. I care about him at this point. Actually, you were like way more flirty with me, but go on. I was.

You friend zoned little Romeo. I'm trying to. He goes, for life though, with the smile, the, I don't even know, the heart-based emoji, that did something to my spirit, huh? By spirit, he means dick. But what did you say that? I just said, I'll be your Starbucks GPS for life. And he goes, for life.

That does something to be my spirit. This is classic fuckboy behavior. They latch on to that romance Shit shit when he's not thinking romance Anyway and I'm just stay In my hotel to the flight in the AM Wanting you to be like Where is your hotel

You're so obvious motherfucker we get this Go on I love the analyzing I'm overanalyzer for sure Yeah and don't Okay so this is where I messed up I didn't mean this in a sexy way I just wrote yeah and don't forget to take a shower

It's dirty over there I meant it like it's dirty take a shower and he goes okay mommy ha anything else question mark i was like at a stand-up gig with a friend too laughing you should have been like have you tried the buffet at the restaurant it's probably pretty like they do breakfast in the morning so i go stare in the mirror and question the meaning of life because you felt awkward and you had to you had to break it down real quick yeah he goes ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha yeah you a freak He goes, but got it, Captain, I'm going in. And I wrote, you get me.

Sends me a video. Of him looking at himself in the mirror? Of him. No shirt on. I guarantee he has no shirt on the video. Can I just make a like a wager to myself? Of course has no shirt on. Okay, gotcha.

He goes, wait, I said, stare in the mirror and question the meaning of life. He goes, okay, copy. Oh, naked or with clothes. Very important. I go, just socks on. Because at that point, I'm in it. Yeah, you're like, I just want to see what's going to happen. So then he sends me a video of him lying down with no shirt on and then turns it

The camera and he's watching TV and just shows his leg and then a sock and I go perfect now tell me if you figure out the meaning of life And then he goes well the mirror told me to tell you to stand up take a deep breath and look in your pants and all your questions will be answered I didn't see that one actually didn't see that this is a new revelation for you right here yeah I didn't love that one and then I posted a story And he goes, wait, you're in New York. And then I said, yeah, welcome to my town. And that's how it ended. Huh, interesting. Do you get DM slides?

Like, how do you deal with the DMs? I'll get, so this is like a new phenomenon for me because I didn't always, like, used to look at, like, DMs in general and stuff. But, like, a lot of girls won't follow you. Like, say, it's just like a random college girl or someone, whatever. They don't follow you, but they'll just write, hey. And so I don't really know what that means.

but I'm like just I really like I like to be intrigued by things so I'll just like answer back I'll be like hey how are you or like hey what's the point of this sometimes I'll just be like why and they'll be like oh I don't know I just wanted to say hi and I'm like and then I won't respond but I really want but I'm like very confused by what what a why would a girl say hey I mean I think I understand it but I don't actually understand it it's like we don't really want to make a move and we're just like throwing, we're just putting our toe in the water to see how it feels. Yeah. And some guys might be like, hey, what's up? You're pretty or something. You don't know what the dude's going to do. That's what they want. I'll never give anyone validation in that sort of way.

Oh, I love that. That's healthy. I want like, I want like, I don't want forwardness, but I actually don't think anything good is going to happen. You're saying you don't want like blurry gray area mind game type stuff. Well, because you're saying, hey, to like bait someone to then being like, oh, wait, no, no, I'm interested in you. Yeah.

You're like, I didn't sign. up for this. I didn't. Yeah. I just wanted, I want to be like, oh, hey, how's it? I would never respond to a guy who said, hey. Do you like, do you like my music? Have you heard my new album yet? They're in college. Do you have no idea? They're just like, ah, wow. The like, no interruption times. They have no idea. No, they might. You know, I've actually put out music since then, but that's all

good knowledge. That's not important though. Yeah, you're right. I'm just I'm just, cool, cool, cool, keep me humble. What song should I listen to when I leave you? I don't fucking know. Whatever you want. There's so many good ones. I was reading, like, articles about your stuff, and they were, they said a word that was a little above my, like, pay grade, but they said, forward-thinking nostalgia is a way of explaining your latest shit. What does that mean? Why? I didn't write that, right? Yeah, what is he talking about?

It's kind of, that's kind of one of those, I think that's one of those things that means well, but doesn't mean anything. Oh, yeah, like, it's like the synergy of essentially. I think forward-thinking nostalgia, what it actually is supposed to mean there is, like, It sounds current, but it will remind you of times before. Okay. But also I just think it's like... Was that a goal of yours? I don't really have goals in life.

Yeah. Just trying to like, you know... What do you try to do day to day? Day to day. Step into building, see if there's any podcasts that are looking for time slots. You know, it's funny, I don't have any goals either. I'm like very open on this podcast about how I think like five-year goals are bullshit. Like, I'm just trying to live each day, like, not being depressed.

I feel you. I used to be super plan-y oriented, super, like, goal-oriented, but at some point I realized, like, the journey of all those things is actually, like, the best part, and every single time you reach the goal, it's underwhelming, but the things that are fun are, like, failing and, like, mess. We could just talk about boobs, but, like, but also, I believe in whatever I just said. No, I like, I love what you're talking about right now. And I feel like you know when you're chasing the wrong goal or like you're not in alignment when the journey isn't fun. Like if you didn't have fun writing or like hanging in the studio and you just were doing it for like the occasional. Yeah, you wouldn't do it. You went or you suck at it. Yeah. What's your favorite part of your job?

It's weird to call it a job. No, it's a job, I think. My favorite part, I have a couple of favorite parts. Actually, I think all of it's my favorite part. Oh. But, but what my, like, when I'm. in a if I'm like making new music really the idea that that day started with nothing and then the day might end with something that I want to go listen to like over and over again in my

headphones slash might one day like reach a lot of people that's really cool and then playing shows in general is also a really good feeling as long as people show up and even if people usually show up I'm super popping but but if but like you know yeah that's a great feeling and then also I'm I love talking to fans on Twitter and stuff and, like, being interactive with people in general. Yeah, how do you think you're different with fans than, like, the typical rapper out there? Well, if you ask all of my ex-girlfriends, I think they would say that I spend way too much time interacting with them. So, just sending them dickpicks? Like, what do you do?

No, oh, my God. I only send dickpicks to girls who write hay in my DMs. Let's get to the point Heart emoji Rockstar emoji Dick pick Red heart emoji And I'm like

What did you mean by that And you're like nothing It was like it didn't mean anything It's art It's just It's art I looked in the mirror And then

What's when you were like Worst first gigs Because like I'm doing stand up And I've been doing it for a couple months And like this last week I did it for like nine people And sometimes you can still crush If they're feeling you

Of course Wait why we're only nine people there Do you try to keep it low-key? I wanted an intimate setting. No, sometimes I'll occasionally be asked to be on other people's shows. So, like, it was ready to being produced. I went to, like, somewhere in the West Village, and I rolled in. Do you, like, 15 minutes, or is that how it works?

I just do 10 to 15 minutes, they'll tell me. But it's, I feel connected to you in that, like, writing a joke is similar where, like, it didn't exist, and then it's, I'm going to watch it, be presented to people, and then they're going to laugh out of an idea in my head. And then, like, if it's ever on a special, I posted my Instagram, or I write it um it can literally have any life of its own it's like there's an infinite potential to it right like Burke Kreischer has like the machine story yeah that one point was just something that happened to him yeah it's a thing and then like it's affected so many people's lives

just enjoying it that might be a cliche example I am the only joke I've ever heard is that no I'm just kidding but but like I yeah like you don't know what's going to turn into what's going to change something for you in a real way yeah and I was obsessed with like success And I was just like, I want to be known. I want to be amazing. But then I realized like, oh, I just want to create stuff that is there after I die. I know it's dark, but like I want to leave an imprint. I don't want people to be like, oh, Hannah Burner.

I want people to just have their stuff that I left and affected the world with. Yeah. But wait, why did you get into rapping? We have to just do a quick little beginning. Oh, well, okay. Just remember that I want to tell you about my worst gig because I definitely know what it is. Yeah, tell me. You want to do that now?

Yeah. Okay. Thanks for asking. Of course. I'm trying to keep this podcast on the rails before it goes crazy. I know he's trying. We're this close to snapping at all times. I feel you.

I know my worst gig, though, because, like, you said that. It immediately pops into my head. Yeah. It was in 2012, like April. You already had, like, good tracks out. So basically what happened was All-American, that album that has no interruption, No Faith, and Bergland. It came out, like, that beginning of it.

April 2012. Yeah. So it was like a big moment for me. Yeah. And then I went on like my first tour ever. It was like the first time like I'm the headliner. Like people are coming to see me. It's like 300, 400 people.

But still it was like a big deal. Yeah. I never toured before. But before that tour started officially, there was like two college gigs that were supposed to happen. And one of them was in Knoxville, Tennessee, University of Tennessee for like a frat house. But it was at like a venue, like a bar venue thing. And just imagine like 200.

50 like insanely drunk people asking you to play two hours of music but you only have one album out so that was kind of confusing and I'm trying to think why this so basically like did you have an agent at the time I did okay and they were like this is a good for you don't worry it was like the most money I'd ever seen it was like $5,000 I was like oh my god I'll suck all their dicks yeah like haze me as much as you want boys like let's get to it but I just remember two things happening one i hit my head on the like like you know like sometimes you go from off state like from the green room like into it yeah there's like a low ceiling oh no and i just like i went and i hit my head so hard that i think i had a concussion so you knocked yourself out before the show right before

the show knocked myself out get on stage and i don't know really how to perform yet so i don't know anything but instead of giving a microphone like we have microphones today yeah they gave a microphone for a drum kit so like a drum microphone okay which is like a really small just a little little thing and like a love yeah a sense you're like holding a little and trying to rap into it and people are like I can't hear I'm like can you guys hear me and they're like no and so I'm so 15 minutes in I'm like screaming my songs oh the DJ also can't be on stage with me because the way the room is set up so my DJ is across the room behind the crowd in a high booth in the sky and I'm like looking at him like play the next track and 15 minutes in I've lost my voice and I like turned to like

these frapros and I'm like I've got a tour coming up like I can't do this I like literally have no voice like I'm so sorry guys but I don't know what to do like I can't do this anymore and people are yelling at us and like there's like a commotion of like frapros on stage who're just like bro you just got to keep playing man you just got to keep playing I'm like I'm sorry dude I don't I don't think so I think I'm gonna like leave right now just take one shot could they have just played your track and you like lip sync to it we didn't think about that that far I guess You were young. You were young and dumb.

I was super young and all I know is like they got really mad afterwards and like I had to write an apology to the whole frat. You're banned from the entire state now. I've never been back since. I've never been back to Knoxville, Tennessee since and I'd love to. Do you get worried that like one person sees a bad show and then like they always think you're a bad artist? Yeah.

I don't get worried about it because there's just so many people in the world. Yeah. But that's totally a thing like if you saw someone. Because I'm like if I have one bad set, those people like forever like, damn, Hannah Burnt bombs. Even if I crush and then if you have a negative mindset you're always thinking about like the one person in the room not laughing or enjoying it. So you weren't initially like you loved rapping but you never had performed it because that's a whole different monster, the performing aspect. I had performed in Long Island at the Crazy Donkey. That was my first show ever. Super.

Did you feel comfortable on stage? What was it like? It's one of those things which I'm sure is very much like stand-up where people say oh it takes a while. I think people say what? It takes like 10 years to get good at stand-up or something like that. Yeah, like, shut the fuck up. That's so stupid. That's so annoying. Also, for me, it's like, I love being in front of the camera. I love microphones near my mouth.

I love hearing my own voice. Not going to take that bait. You can do anything with it. Let it pause. Let it pause. Let it. Yeah, drinking water. Let it go.

Distracting himself. And also, I love writing jokes. And I, like, like me on camera. So put together, like, I kind of felt the stage was where I felt at home. Yeah. Well, I think, I don't, I don't think it matters, like, how many years till you get comfortable or what it is but there's a point in time i think for whether you're a comedian or an artist or whatever where you're in a zone where nothing can

no matter how bad it goes you're okay with it and that's when you know that like you are comfortable and you've reached that that next level like something can completely fuck up on stage i don't care like i'm at that i'm at the point where like i will because i're confident yeah but i'll i'm also a way different version of myself on stage like yeah most like you'd love it like I'm like I'm like the most cocky yeah asshole douchey version of myself tell me tell me how is you could have you could have seen now you I'm not gonna tell you because you could have come and I know I'm gonna see you you know I'm gonna say I just need to like I can't just come at your first show I know that's like that's a little Romeo move like you'll come to my show yeah and then you like murder me after

because I don't know you that well and then full Romeo Juliet yeah um so you When did you use me or doing? Then I came myself. Yeah, exactly, for sure. So you, like, when did you create this alter ego for yourself? Of Liddy. That was, like, 2009. And what, where did you get the name from?

Well, it's based off of Woody Allen, but that's bad because he, like, is creepy, right? Yeah. So let's not, like, reemphasize that. Yeah. But that's where it came from. It's great. It was, like, hip-hop, Woody Allen, because he's, like, New York Jewish guy. It's good humor.

It's funny. Yeah. It felt like it was appropriate and, like, we're doing that thing that people do where like you create up a switch on a name and like define it it is what do you think about the names right now and rap what like like why why bn w n yeah or like a boogie with a hoodie feel like he kind of came from my shit i didn't want to say it you you were dating me to say i saw him he paid up my manager's um sons bar mitz for last week oh my god he probably got so paid had he got paid 30 grand no he didn't no

why it's too little way too little it's because his lawyer is her dad okay so you're saying he's a favor it was a favor because if you said 300,000 I would have said that makes sense yeah it was a 100% favor he had so much bling on

and he took one of the necklaces and put it on the 13 year old who's like that kid classic rapper move yeah and that's like the height of that kid's life it's going downhill from there and the kid could barely like keep it on just like convulses

also the kid's like 20 years old and he was very smiley but it's interesting like Stand-up is such a different experience. Like this, he was kind of just- Because you guys don't have money. Because we don't have money. Yeah, so that's the problem.

He was kind of just rapping over his lyrics. Like, it wasn't as, but anyway. I play with a band. Nice. A live band. Yeah, yeah. That's hot. Yeah.

So how did, when did you get your, like, that persona? Were you always douchy on stage or when you were rapping? When I say douche, I don't mean in a negative way. I mean like, hyper-swag. Yeah. Like hyper-duche swag. No, I, I like. Dush vibes, we'll call it.

it definitely but it's like it's uh it's almost i think it's like asshole vibes more than douche vibes kind of yeah but i don't know no that evolved as the comfort level goes up because i i get to the point where i'm willing to say anything or like say anything about any you was joke on stage a lot yeah like a lot a lot like you're basically a stand-up comedian basically like like coming for your job right now i'm sorry no i make a lot of jokes on stage but like nothing that's i love when people do that like everything just in the moment you see their personality like you're not just listening to their music you're experiencing them as a whole as a person and that's what the twitter's about too right like yeah it's just like well i thought this so you should know i want to see the stream

of your thoughts not just like oh i got a new single coming out next monday like who cares and then if you do have a song dance like oh i feel like i understand how this kid's brain works and it's interesting that you came up with that yeah like my fans roast me all the time like like so okay i so i so i have a song called cake boy so um for the longest time like i'll throw cakes at the crowd during cake boy like just nail people with cakes but people bring the cakes for me to throw at them and they're part they're in it they're in it 100% in it like they are like please cake me yeah you could if you there's a video on instagram uh i'll show you later that's like from this past tour yeah well occasionally that's probably an issue for some people in the crowd

there's people who bring like cake umbrell so they don't get hit with it but as time has went on like the cake like what's been written on the cakes is getting more and more Or sometimes it'll just be like fuck you hoodie like on the cake or just like just I don't know I can't even think the best ones but like they'll just basically roast me as hard as they can Roasting is how like New Yorker show affection I agree is what I always like to say um I feel like you're basically Travis Scott boat desserts what does he throw well he just like throws people oh he does throw people like they're fucking crazy well yeah they do a lot of mosh pitting and stuff like that I don't have that I don't know I don't love that I don't love that I kind of

kind of want to come and do it. I don't want to have my life in danger when I go to watch someone sing. I do, though, for my ego. Okay. Like if you see people hitting each other, you're like, I did that shit. I fucking compelled them to be that angry. Do you think I'm nervous you're going to forget the words to songs? That's why I don't drink before I ever go on stage. Because that fast, I know that like music, you remember stuff, but even stand up, I do 10 minutes and like, I guess I know the joke, but I get worried sometimes because I'm new to it, like the order of the joke. If I'm going blank on something you guys are wrapping so many little words together yeah well i guess because it's from your mind it's easier no if i if i haven't played a song for like a long time yeah and like

they'll be a fan in the crowd he's like play play this song and you're like you want me to play that song um um you know what i'm gonna do we're gonna drop the track i'm gonna give you the mic you just put the mic in the crowd you really you really like the song you know all the words to it because i because i don't you you do it and like you can see you like hope it comes to you and like nothing's coming do you play basketball do i look like i play basketball um i don't know you're from my island uh basketball was in my sport i was more of a soccer soccer boy yeah i could see that i just feel like a lot of like basketball and rap has like a connection to yeah rappers want to be ballers ballers want to be rappers yeah yeah unfortunately um

white rappers don't want to be white ballers that wasn't a thing so because i always who was your um inspiration growing up in terms of music um um Oh, my water tastes like gum now. Yeah, you did that to yourself. I did that to myself. Yeah, my inspiration in terms of music. Oh, my God. I really liked, like, Kanye West and Mostef and Talib Kali.

A lot of, like, things that were underground. Kanye West, obviously not underground anymore. But, like, yeah, a lot of, like, underground hip-hop, Beastie Boys, De La Sol, Nas, but then also, like, Blink 122 and, like, newfound glory. Yeah. And very pop-punk-y stuff, too, which is also a very long island of me. So kind of both You gotta stick to your roots

I also of the white rapper scene I'm interested in your opinions Oh yeah let's get myself in trouble right here Let's judge people right now I remember okay so Mike Posner Yeah He's had quite a career He's evolved his style is insane right now

Yeah He's like green hair or something I remember Asher Roth Yeah Asher Roth The first time I went to Los Angeles In my entire life

Asher Roth picking it from the airport I'm not lying. You guys were boys? I don't know if we were boys. He picked me up from the airport. Oh, he worked in an Uber. He didn't work for Uber. Uber didn't exist yet.

I must have connected with him somehow, MySpace or Twitter, early day Twitter. Oh, yeah, Myspace. I think it was early day Twitter. And I think he said something, like, I was like, oh, blah, blah. And he was like, I really like this old-ass mixtape of yours, something where I was like, what? How is that possible? But he picked me up from the airport, and we had, like, breakfast. and it was really nice and we went to breakfast you had breakfast date yeah and we had the same agent

what did you talk about like i think just getting ass at gigs and stuff no i'm i'm a good jewish boy kind of but he he just like we talked about music stuff and it was very interesting because then that was the last time i ever saw him ever again what is he up to now i'm not sure like i just he had some heat for a second i just remember at some point in time he unfollowed me and i wasn't able no i don't think we have beef i i just think like there was there'd be no basis for beef and there's basis like you should write a song beefing on him i don't think there's a lot of big uh veng diagram of people interested in hearing that song i am also do you remember sammy adams yeah i know sammy pretty well what's he up to now is he still doing music yeah yeah i remember sammy ad is um clearly i was i loved

white rappers yeah i mean who doesn't who does who else did i who else did i who else did i who else did like um i don't know those were like my main boys during during my time i get it i think like being from brooklyn and playing tennis my dad was always like you have to have that like basketball swag about you and i like listen a lot of rap music because i was doing a country club sport and i just wanted i was like but i'm not like these girls yeah no that's how i feel from below you know you need to have some sort of rebellious streak you have to have a chip on your shoulder yeah oh good times we're just going to memory lane right now yeah what are their what are the beefs you want to start I want to go back into your beef with yourself.

Gotcha. What is your biggest physical insecurity? That my eyebrows are too good. See, I actually tweeted ones. Like, I'm very confident person, but I don't think I could date a guy with better eyebrows than me. Gotcha. Do you think yours are better than mine? Yes.

Yeah. I don't love how confidently you said that. Well, I mean, but you have good eyebrows. So you shouldn't, yeah, you shouldn't feel bad. You have great eyebrows, though. But that's like. They weren't popular when you're. first started though no they weren't that's it that's a new thing it's kind of like girls with

big butts right like that wasn't always the thing yeah and then it changes the world is crazy and now you put them all in your videos and you make them shake it in the background of your videos you've seen none of my videos it's never been a girl shaking her butt and no faith in Brooklyn was just like you guys like laughing which is I have a good music video story for you too yeah I want to hear it revolves back to it but I want to hear my biggest physical insecurity yeah I don't know I don't I'm not a very confident person though in general really Well, all artists are insecure as fuck. What do you care about?

Like, just, like, everything in life. So you're like, I can't really nail it on one thing. Yeah, like the O is I just can't bring it down to one level. Do you feel like your insecurity makes you successful? Because you have a constant need to feel better. I don't think the insecurity is the only attribute that does that, but that's definitely like, I think people, I think those go hand in hand to some level, don't you? Yes.

Where you're like, people who are content don't get anything done. You're so right. being content is like the ultimate feeling of happiness but being content every like great entrepreneur that I've known or great artist wherever they are they're always chasing something more and I'm like damn calm down like you just you just made a million dollars or whatever and they're always like well we got to yeah you got to do more like it's it could go away tomorrow it's like their attitude oh you want to know something interesting this this actually isn't a physical I watched that little clip of yours with with Nikki and then I was like oh she only likes guys who are like six three

above but I I have no qualms about my height in any sort of way in fact like the person that that I've been like was dating for the last three years is like three inches taller than how tall is she like 511 oh she's like a model yeah yeah so you like model types I don't know what I don't I don't like type I don't know you're getting all nervous now I like I like I like people on a case by case basis but I but I never had dated somebody who was taller than me before and then I realized how much I like that. Damn. Yeah.

Are you hitting on me right now? I feel like we're like the same height. I'm 5-7. Yeah, I'm 5-7. My thing is it comes from my own insecurity. Like why I joke about it. I also like objectifying. 5-7 is not that like.

It's not that tall. No, no. You're just like above average. Like I'm like strong. Like I'm sturdy. You feel like you're like athletic. I'm sturdy. And I want to feel like the dude I'm with can like throw a ball far.

farther than me and I've always like when I was younger guys would joke that like I had man arms or like what I when realistically I just had muscles like I was but I like a dude making me feel like dainty yeah um so I joke that makes a lot of sense and I like to make guys feel bad about themselves sometimes just because that's how the world goes full circle I get that I'll fuck around just we we all have we all have our thing that's like what we figure out so now I've realized I was like I think I have a preference towards people who are taller than me but also maybe that's a level of like procreation where I'm like I want my kids to be the NBA

yeah where these kids be big as fuck right now like I'll see a guy's calves and I'm like fuck yeah okay you're getting a sneaker deal in third grade he didn't work on those that's just that's just pure DNA right there. I'm not paying for college it's all I know is I'm not paying for college you're either going to be smart or you're going to be fast

but you ain't going to be content so let's go what is the music video story you wanted to tell you were asking about the people who like um like the girls that dance in your video yeah there was one video early on in my music video career where i like specifically sought out a girl to be in the video because i literally just wanted to see if i could get her to like me i feel like that's what you should always do in all the videos sometimes it's random like so the no faith in brooklyn that was just like they gave you like a picture of like four different girls and you're like pick one that you think you like the best

like oh she she seems nice and then that's the person the video this other one you were like Because it was like, I'm setting aside budget. Yeah. Hitting up my agent to find her agent's contact info and being like, I want you in the music video. For a little bit, yeah. Sounds outy. But then, not. It worked for the time being.

And I even wrote a song about it that no one knows that it's about that, but it didn't have legs. What is, are you single right now? maybe okay cool um so are you what do you think i don't know what do you think is your like downfall in relationships like what has caused most of them to end um i've only had like like two main relationships they span like my whole 20s essentially oh damn yeah because once people like get to know me like they just don't leave because i'm just like that much of a catch you know what i'm saying yeah i get that or like you trap them in your basement Yeah, I don't have a basement, but it's a one bedroom, and that's plenty of space for them to get trapped, for sure.

Yeah. I think my, well, I've just, like, done so much growing. I feel like I'm saying, I'm saying all this stuff sarcastically also kind of seriously. I don't know how it's going to come across, but. Well, you change over five years. You're a totally different person. The problem with my first relationship was, or my biggest downfall, was caring more about my career than that other person, which I think is a trap for a lot of people who are like that driven. You cared more about your career than her?

Yeah. like like like career was like one a and she was were you obnoxious about though were you like career first you're number two no never because i'm because i'm not i'm not obnoxious but like there are always going to be times when you have to make certain decisions and like you're where your true like loyalty in a situation lies kind of like brings itself to the surface yeah but that wasn't the whole issue there it was there was multiple things is it hard for you to not cheat on the road no i've never cheated on anyone that's good yeah That's good.

It feels like it's like not something you can come back. I normally like I mess with I mess with athletes because I'm trying to make a genetically spitter baby. But I'm like trying to stereotype rappers right now. So I'm just asking you some certain questions. Your eye is twitched. Maybe I'm just twitchy. Don't don't.

Okay. I do a lot of body language analysis. Really? Yeah. So I'm going to analyze your uncomfortability with your hands crossed. No, I'm just kidding. But don't, don't be telling me my eyes twitching. My eyes, I'm just twitchy.

No, I think that stereotype is absolutely applicable. Like, there's definitely a lot of, like, playerness. But that's just, like, any person who can get attention easily can do it. But you're a nice Jewish boy from Long Island. You just want to do your art and go home to your hotel room and then reflect on. And then look in the mirror and reflect on life. Exactly, with socks on only. And then send random girls' DMs of your socks.

Mm-hmm. You summed me up so well. You get me. Starbucks for life. So don't make fun of my boy. No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm jealous, as you could tell.

When was the last time that you were depressed? What constitutes depression? When you just weren't feeling like yourself? For like a long, long period of time? Or a decent amount of time, a couple weeks. Or either or? I don't think that I've ever been depressed to the point where it's like stopped me from sort of, like where I like have to just stay in my room and I can't go out anywhere but I feel like

you get I get waves of that often just in general yeah I feel like you're you question like philosophical shit in your rap or like do you feel like I am like Socrates yeah basically you should change your rap name but I feel it's sox expertise yeah nice okay sorry I go on I think that what do you think about like mental health and your your art that you've created do you feel like you've learned more about how your brain works over time totally yeah but also that's someone that just comes from like continuing to like have more life experiences yeah you know just you know growing do you deal with anxiety yeah for sure yeah but but also a lot of my a lot of i've i've had like a lot of those moments like i've gotten a lot of things way more in check in the

last like six months of my life but i used to be such an anxious person that i noticed i would do like I've always be doing too many tasks at once like multitasking like we like you know always have my phone out during dinner and like that's like not acceptable anymore or like just like not full like I'm my brain's like snapping on so many different things

that I'm not really because I feel like I have to get everything done and I'm anxious about how music's gonna perform and if this is gonna work and everything would crush me if it like and as an entrepreneur like you can always be stressed because you're always technically working yeah like there is no off switch

and like if you don't want there to be an off switch So what happened this last six months? Literally that tweet that seemed like a joking tweet that I said, I've reprioritized my priorities. It was actually like me also saying like, oh yeah, no, I'm not going to do that anymore. So like I'm going to actually, I was just kind of saying what's actually more important to me? Like thinking that all these things are going to get done and I can do them differently. Like I don't have to. Yeah, like the world's not over if you don't check a certain email.

I used to get like an email that was stressing me. out like like someone's lawyer being like you got to fix this and right now we're suing you and I'd be like that is an email that I would probably do as soon as possible but for sure but not anymore yeah now I just go I'm gonna get a smoothie but I'm gonna come I'm gonna come back to this when I'm ready to but it's great that you were able to be so self-aware to be like oh this pattern of how I'm dealing with my work isn't healthy like anxiety is it makes you sick like it's exhausting and you get more tired and stuff. Yeah.

Do you feel like you want to be in the rap game for a long, long time? I, my goal with, with like music, for example, was always to do it until, like, to have complete control. So, like, I guess that's why I've done everything, like, without a record label. Because you're independent, right? So I think, obviously, you could look at that and say it's a little bit of a control freak behavior, but I've always wanted to do things on my term. So, like, I don't want people to push me out.

I want to be able to, like, say, okay, I'm good now. Like, I'm going to take a break, as opposed to. being like hey man you got to take a break because no one is interested anymore i'm very thankful that that's not the case how often do you take breaks um honestly when i'm here in new york like i won't write new stuff as much and then i'll go out to l.A for like three weeks and just where will you say uh like what's the creative vibe for you oh i don't care about shit like that did you mean like i need a candle yeah no i like a random guy just like nodding his head.

Dressed like a girl. No. Get the vibe right. No, I just find myself like here. Like honestly I don't know how you feel about New York. I love New York so much and it's just so. My everything. Home to me.

And the energy is like irreplaceable. And I feel like when I'm here I just want to like live and it doesn't have to be. But living I feel like gives you that creative knowledge to then like when I can't write with stand up or like I'm feeling uninspired like i just fucking live for three days yeah and i have a ton of stories to pick from or i've had a ton of conversations that made me see different perspectives um what is your most creative like headspace though like when you're sad when you're happy do you have a certain like way that gets you creative right right now it's when i'm sad but but you're in the blue period i'm in a blue period for sure and i'm writing a lot of good stuff from that blue period and i don't

even know if it like will come out or what it will be but it's What do you say? Like cathartic kind of. Do you have a person that you send your shit to that tells you the truth about everything? Um, I send my stuff to a couple of people, but I actually don't need that because I'm not like an ego monster. Like I'm never,

so I have some friends who will, oh, this is going to be bad if they hear it. I just have some friends who like would play me a song. Yeah. Be like, yo, check this out and they'll play it in front of me and like look at me the whole time. I hate that. And, and at the end of it. they'll be like that shit was crazy right and i'm like and i'm like well you only want me to say

that so i'm just gonna say yeah i have some people that like i've one or two people it's like my mom and my one friend that i will tell a new joke too because when you first say a new joke you don't really know how funny it is and i know they'll be like don't say that shit on stage or that is going to be good like nothing's based on ego with mine is like so don't embarrass myself yeah well so i you know when you're so into something you don't know if it's good anymore Of course. Of course. It's like what we call like demoitis where it's like you've listened to it so many times.

You just have forgotten if the magic is still there. Like someone hearing it for the first time will feel like. But with that like, so that guy who says like, oh, that shit is so, this shit's really dope, right? It's crazy. Yeah, this shit's crazy, right? I've never said that out loud to anybody ever. I would do this and be like, what do you think? Do you like it?

Do you like it? That's cool. Great. even if I actually feel confident about something I would never project that amount of confidence about something to someone because it's so I don't know that's so fucking crazy to me Yeah it's like when someone shows you a funny video And they want you laugh so bad

That's really funny right And you're like God now it's not funny because you're making this not funny Yeah I want to wrap this up The final game Okay Because I'm over your shit I actually thought that you were going to Roast my life

But it turns out our conversation is just flow I had a guy on the Bachelor show come recently and I don't know was it the was it the guy guy is no it wasn't like the guy who everyone likes it's no his name is um John Paul Jones oh yeah well no everyone likes him everyone loves him yeah so he's like young and like he's so easy to fuck with and I don't know if I was in a mood but I was brutal at one point I had his I was like I'm sorry yeah I apologize I'm on one right after it I was like very sweet and calm and he was like you're fucking out of control it depends on the vibe of the dude but I feel like he just wasn't ready for like he wasn't ready to fuck back with me yeah for sure so if you if you can't give it back it makes me go harder because I'm like come on yeah yeah you're good like I know that you can hang I don't get any enjoyment of fuck of making you feel bad about yourself the beginning was all I needed you feel bad about yourself enough I don't need it true I'm in the constant web I came here you know like I had therapy earlier today oh that's good and this is like Ante

therapy yeah i'm just kidding this is undone all the progress that i had like re-opening old wounds that you thought you heal how long have you been going to therapy for um like four or five months oh so it's new yeah pretty new you like it i do how'd you find your therapist one of those with that website oh doc doc or so no not therapy dot therapy dot org yeah they need to update that there is one that there's like i forget i want one that's like a dating app where you swivel wipe like yeah no I was on I was exactly what was your main I was on rea and then I'm just looking for therapist on rea and that's it right or raya I don't know who knows who knows who cares um what was your main reason to go to therapy to sort out some of those like anxiety things and

I feel like I also sometimes got in like really irritable moods that were uncontrollable oh you're being moody yeah and also like when I get when I got like super frustrated in life I am some of the person who'd be like I'm going to kill myself Oh, yeah. Like, you can't do that. You're not supposed to do that. Passive suicidal ideation, not good. So, like, I've stopped that.

I'm just laughing because you were smiling so big through that whole statement. I'm comfortable saying things that are going to shock people. So you've thought about suicide before? I've thought about getting attention from suicide before. Oh. I think that's more so the crux of it. Yeah. Like doing...

But those lines can get blurred, though. Yeah. Like, real quick. Yeah, because, you know, white people do crazy shit. Like, they're standing. on clips, clips, and they're like, I'm going to jump, and they're a trip. Yeah, no, I, I just, I think if I had been, like, super frustrated about something where I'm like, I don't, because I'm very, like, solutions-oriented person.

Like, I want to solve all the problems in front of me. Which you can't. If I feel like you can't, sometimes you can get so frustrated that you just want attention. You're like, does no one have a pen? No one has a pen. I'm going to kill myself! Yeah, that's actually, those are most of the times I felt that way. Yeah, the little thing.

I don't live in an office, so I don't work in an office, so there's not pens readily available to me. and it's just very frustrating to work at home and not have a pen, so yeah. What's, like, your biggest diva moment you've ever had? My only diva moment is, I think, being a bad friend, like making a conversation all about myself. And then forgetting to ask people about their day, too.

Yeah, because you start feeling, like, special and, like, your shit matters more. Yeah. But other than that, I can't think of, like, ever... I've become a bad friend to all my peripheral friends because I, like, don't have time anymore. Yeah. And I don't know.

That goes the other way now, though, too, as someone who's been in the game for a minute. Yeah. Like my peripheral friends, like they just don't hit me up anymore. And I'm like, oh, fuck. See, that's the goal. Is that the goal? I love that.

Oh, okay. I hate being hit up all the time because I can't say no and it makes me feel like a shitty person. Then one day you might be lonely and you're like. That's when you masturbate. Where are those fuckers? Oh, I forgot about that. I'm going to make a note on my phone. You have to send a Siri reminder.

Siri. Yeah, remind me to masturbate if I'm feeling sad. Also, they did say masturbation can cause depression, but that's a whole other, that's for another podcast. That's part two. It's time to play The Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Money, I guess.

Oh, you like money? Like holding onto it, not spending it. You have the smallest chain I've ever seen a rapper where. Hold on, I have like three chains. You do, let me see. I'm like an E-boy now. You know what that is? You like using TikTok?

Yeah, yeah. Do you listen to TikTok? We don't know what, why are we trying to pretend we know what's going on of TikTok. I don't. I don't watch it because then I get crushes on 13 year old boys. It's true. Feel bad. Um, oh yeah, that looks great. Thanks. I have just one name plate necklace of my cat because it's butter. Butter. She's adorable. Who are you envious of? No one really. Come on. Who's or someone you like really look up to? Let me think. Like maybe someone who does something else like an actor who. Do you want to act? Oh, you know what? I'll trade spots

with Jake Gyllenhaal. I feel like he's got a pretty good life. Yeah, yeah. I'll go with that. What about his life do you like? Like he's recognized for being really good at what he does. He's also handsome man. There we go. You have such a crush on boys.

It's really funny. You're like, I just want a girl who looks X in his boy. I just want a girl who looks like a Jake Gillen Hall. Is that a thing? Maggie Gillenholm. Yeah, slide in the DMs. If you look like. Billy Elish had a baby with Jake Jones signed his DMs.

But you got to be at least 32. What are you gluttonous about? Like pasta. Oh, hell yeah. Is that way too, like literal? What's your favorite kind of pasta? No, it's not too little. Like Penny Oliveca.

I was about to say, Penny Olivaca's my shit. Yeah, like there's this one place called Rosellas that whenever I'm here, like, so like a couple days ago I was feeling sad and just about like my life and how things haven't worked out, how I wanted to in every single way. So then I was like You know it will make me temporarily feel better than feel worse I'm gonna go order Rosella's on seamless Not even Postmates

And I'm gonna go two buffalo chicken slices One is enough Penny Oliveca with shrimp And you dip it? Do you dip the buffalo in? I'm not a savage I'm just gonna eat it all though separately I'm gonna take my time with it Then I got garlic knots

Then I got an orange soda None of those things I didn't eat any of those things I ate them all And then I just I just like, I didn't feel better, but I really like Penny Alavaka. That's the answer. Yeah. You've had a long-ass career and you've aged well.

You look the same. Thanks, Bob. Like, you look the same as you did like eight years ago. Yeah, I'm sure you did too. No, I was like, it reminds you ever see super bad? Yeah. Where she's like, oh, you've got such a smooth cock and she's like, oh, you would too. If you were a guy.

That is how you flirt with girls who dress like. You're too, yeah, for sure. I know you don't have a cock, but if you did, it would be really nice. It'd be so smooth also. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Because you told me earlier that sometimes you're a moody bitch. Extreme wrath? Yeah, anger.

Oh, man. Like, I think a lot, but I've now channeled it into boxing. Oh, fuck it. Where do you box? Oh, you like rumble? I do like rumble, but like I'm trying to also do other things where I can like, because that's like a workout class than like a skills. class exactly but like i love going there it's funny because a lot of stand-ups like boxing tennis players

like boxing i think it's something about like being an entrepreneur and being out there like alone and kind of like fighting is very um representative the last the last rat rat thing i can think of is um in my apartment like someone gave me like a free bed like in a big ass box i never unboxed it but whenever i got angry i would punch the box so the box had a lot of like dense in it i know But it's smart instead of the wall because that's so much to deal with and eventually what because you couldn't come up with the lyric that rhymed with like the word cake you had a punch it was no it was always like girl related stuff oh you're so wait what's your sign guess my sign cancer no I don't Pisces no wait let me guess this is fun Aquarius I feel like you're getting wrong now that's like I'm a Leo I'm a Leo well apparently you couldn't sense my Leo vibe I don't really know what that means but you are Leo what's your birthday August 19th I'm August 12th okay let's have a joint party this summer let's do it

I have no friends let's do it cool awesome you didn't have to say that now everyone knows honestly people probably didn't make this far this is really far like you have to be like a real one to be like this far in the podcast it's gonna be like 10 of my fans who like really love me shout out shout out to like Paco he's probably listening what's up Paco shout out to Hannah me listening to it over Oh, no, I know other people named Hannah, too. Okay, okay, you have to brag. No, actually, I think what happens,

stop showing off. People love the longer podcast because they'll, like, listen to a part of it going to work and then leaving work, they listen to the back end. So people listen the whole way through. So it was okay. Shout to my little devils. Little devils. Yeah.

I'll get you a little devil hat. Yeah, you can wear it on tour. You got merch? I got some merch. I just put, I saw Kanye, that shirt went viral, where his tweet was on it. Yeah, so you did that too now. And I was like, why the fuck have I not put my, tweets so I picked like my favorite ones like the mug is killing the game you know we're in a world

where like remember when we saw justin Bieber's dick yeah it was crazy that took like that was just like 10 hours of news though yeah and I was like I mean I don't even remember what it looked like to be honest but it was also he was probably just did it for the fun of it I recently realized nothing could ever happen in life except for like Bill Cosby type shit where like matters like if I was like oh I just want to post my butthole on the internet like people be like oh And then like it would literally not matter like the next day. You're so right. People would be like, oh, there's experimental art by rapper Hoodie Allen showing his butthole.

That's all it is. It's a symbol for sexuality and opening up. Next question. Cool. When was the last time you were a sloth? Like the last three days here in New York, I feel like I've accomplished like nothing except for this podcast. Why do you go back with you? You're going to work out after?

Yeah. Cool. I was. Wow. I know. We missed the, you're not going to work out now. No, no. I'm going to that's literally I would never have a bag on me but I was like you know what I'm gonna try to like because I feel like I've been a sloth so I was like I'm gonna do a podcast I'm gonna go to the gym and then it'll be like I'm gonna go to dinner with also touring's exhausting like yeah but I love the structure of touring why because it's like there's no room for you to think like you just you have your whole day planned out and there's like so many things you can do I do a lot of meeting greets like I try to meet everybody so awesome so like basically from like 5 p.m.

that might be like the first meeting greet time and then i'll go over to like the merch table and like sell my own merch to fans because one is really cool but two no one else does it in three then people buy a lot more merch hell yeah because they're like oh fuck yeah i'll sell it to you right now and then it's time for the show do you like your merch yeah i usually design most of it i have to check it out i'll send you some for christmas i'm not giving you my address either that's fine we'll just we'll just have a little exchange we'll have a little drug we'll meet a chasha match Yeah, so then I'll play the show and then it just it keeps going and there's like another Meet and Greet with like fans who bought the first hundred people who bought merch

Sometimes it depends if I have a show the next day because it will really fuck up my voice Oh yeah but it doesn't fuck up anyone else's just fucks up my voice which is really unfortunate Like my guitarist is like drunk all the time and he sounds great the next day but it doesn't work for me like family your band Yeah yeah we're so close this that was the best part of this tour is that everyone who was with was like I was so close with my photographer was like the shit she was so cool and i don't know everyone was dope when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something i'm not very egotistical but i do think that i'm proudful about certain situations so i'm probably currently most prideful about a relationship situation i get prideful and that stuff too yeah i sometimes though can get it in my head that like i'm

like this is the way a situation is even if it's not reciprocal yeah and that's like like that's a moment of pride right like not letting go not letting other people's like advice matter to you oh yeah you're similar to me in that like we we are leos and leos we think we're the greatest thing never happened but also we like control and love is something you can't control so I have to like I repeat mantras to myself when like dude stuff is getting messy and I'm like if it's meant to be you can't fuck it up because I always think like if I said something funnier or if I like was a different way about myself or if I had accomplished this

But it's like that'll drive you crazy I'm always like it's not meant to be It's not meant to be like I say to my friends When they're like what do you think he likes me? What does he mean by that? Like if you're questioning it like it's not meant to be fuck it Like so I just I like get myself out of it Almost too quick maybe but I'm like I don't want to be forcing anything

You don't want to have to read subtext to figure out like what The reality of the situation is exactly You want to be up front Exactly No miscommunication Well there's always going to be great areas in the beginning but that's fun it's when it like starts getting not fun that you're like I feel like if a person makes you feel crazy I feel like they're not the one for you I like feeling

crazy sometimes I like crazy boys yeah I'm I'm I guess I'm outgoing and people might think I'm I'm like the normal one I like the like messed up crazy ones because I'm like empathetic with it yeah and then you like fixing people yeah gotcha yeah but lately I'm trying not to I'm working on That's cool. Thank you. Good for you. Thank you. Speaking of love, when was the last time you lusted over someone?

Yeah, I don't know, like last night. What happened last night? I don't know. You were eating penny al vodka and it turned you on? No, I was just talking to somebody who makes me feel everything on the inside, so I lusted after it. Talking on the phone? Over. FaceTime?

Over voice notes. shut the fuck oh my god do you ever do that because that is the most millennial shit i've no it wasn't exclusively voice notes but it's it's it's like it's a text it's a text conversation and then sometimes when it's longer you want to yeah it was going on for hours do you rap her shit do i do i rap shit over the phone can you leave me voice notes of just i can leave you a voice note doing that but i've never done that before in my life okay well please that would be so you know on like the um like in text message you can just hold it down you just hold it and you just say it like if I feel like there's a chance that I'm going to say something

that could be misconstrued yeah or it's not going to come off as well unless you hear the tone then I want to say it with that voice note you're such a rapper because you're like she needs to hear my like inflection yeah well you know I like I'm sure you can misconstrue things like so many ways you'd be like what do you mean by that but if you hear it you'd be like oh I get what you mean yeah and it encourages voice notes back and then Yeah. That's fun. And one day you might graduate to a phone call. No, I did. Well, I'm, I'm, I'm super phone call. I'm super pro phone call. So am I. Yeah. I'm, I'm scared the shit out of a dude last week. I'm like, kind of seeing someone here. Because you were like, he texted me. He's like, what are you doing this tonight? And you're just FaceTime immediately. That's what I do. I'm like, why are you texting me? You're clearly free. Just fucking FaceTime with me. Idiot. Well, what happened is like I had a bar mitzvah. And then later I had a birthday party with a dude that he knows. Thank you. A dude that he. A dude that he. he knew and I didn't want to text all that and I also am trying to like push it to see his intimacy level like if he's down yeah because people could be texting and it's like are you

how casual are you is yeah so again like if I like if I like someone I like to be able to call you whenever I want and talk at you okay so I called him and he was like hoo-hoo and I was like scared like something wrong and I was just like I didn't want to text this but like I've been missva then I was like do you want to come to bar mitzvah with me it's going to be lit and he was like oh i'm okay and i was like okay fine i'll see you later there's a late invite though it sounds like it was late and he's very shy i like very shy men yeah because we balance each other out really well you can control them more i can manipulate their minds and bully them into dating me um that makes sense i just oh i just gave out my secret i want to wrap this up it's your

podcast true but i don't but you won't because it takes work yeah seems effort yeah cut around also that was it was important that the people i keep it real with my little devils. We're going to wrap this up with one final question. I'm so ready for it. I'll be back tomorrow. Yeah. Now we have a podcast together.

You need a co-host and I need an outlet. At the end of every podcast I ask, what advice would you give to people or the listeners on how to cope with your hell? Compartmentalize. Those are a lot of syllables in that word. Let me say it's slower. No, basically for me,

Whenever I felt like I'm in that hellish mindset, it's like you can do it all if you just break it down and try to do one of those things at a time or fix everything. Because you can't, at least for me, I get most like, oh, fuck when I feel overwhelmed. Like that feeling where it's like I can't do it all I want. Like you're in a hole and it's just too much to get out of it. but usually if you if you just take it slow and kind of break down the individual pieces of it it all becomes a lot like the weight of it becomes a lot less um or just like drugs i guess i don't know do you like to do drugs no i don't yeah um drugs and he meant vitamin c and water yeah let him see in percette that sounds like your next song wait him and see percassette but it's like a future song

yeah um hoodie you've been so great so open so vulnerable what a nuance man oh my god you guys check him out download all his shit on spotify yeah sure it's free if you already have spotify stop being fucking lazy yeah just fucking press the downloader i don't know what people do press the downloader button i'm gonna show her how to listen to music later You go on YouTube, watch his misogynistic videos, and then I'm just kidding, they're not. He told me they're not. We don't know. We don't know, yeah.

Go to LimeWire. Don't go anywhere. Honestly, stay right here. You got enough going on. Follow him at Houdie Allen. Yeah, follow me. Slide in the DMs, but don't just say, hey, say something like, damn, I like no interruption. That shit hit me hard.

Actually, you know what? I feel like they should say something specific so that I know that they came from this podcast. Yeah, drop for your name in this podcast, hit him up, and screenshot this. and screenshot this if you guys had fun if there's a funny quote or you just like think hoodie has a cute voice tag him screenshot it post about it do i do thanks i do sometimes you get shy which is fun nice because you like shy people i like shy people but then i i want to see you perform when's the next time you're performing in a city i'm not sure yet but i'll obviously let you know and then you can see the full-on like me saying like calling someone like yo what a bitch like in the crowd i just want to see your alter ego it's up girl fucking bitch are you going to call me a bitch at the live show no no absolutely not okay yeah because my mom will probably be there oh yeah she gets drunk where you from the long island again uh beth page cool my mom grew up in smithtown okay cool see we just bonded um that's enough

you guys we both named two towns so yeah you've learned enough about us um thanks so much for coming to hell and i'll talk to you guys later bye I don't know.