Berner Phone - Irrational Childhood Fears (with Vittorio Angelone)

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

This week, Des is joined by comedian Vittorio Angelone! They discuss childhood fears like sharks living in pools, quicksand, and getting drafted.   FOLLOW VITTORIO: Tickets: https://vittorioangelone.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/vittorioangelone YouTube: www.youtube.com/@vittorioangelonecomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vittorioangelone X: https://x.com/vittorioangelon   MIKE & VITTORIO'S GUIDE TO PARENTING PODCAST: Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mike-vittorios-guide-to-parenting/ Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/00DOzzuxZT1g9TztzkCO4r?si=e5347e914e64482c YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@guidetoparenting   Leave us a voicemail: https://telbee.io/channel/msnxcnbe39nmb9rpvbi_eq/index.html   FOLLOW DES: Tickets: https://punchup.live/desbishop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desbishop Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/desbishop X: https://x.com/desbishop YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desbishopcomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desbishop5   FOLLOW HANNAH: Tickets: https://hannahberner.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hannahberner/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HannahBerner X: https://x.com/beingbernz TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hannah_berner Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/officialhannahberner/   FOLLOW NICOLE: https://www.instagram.com/nicoleclyons/   Produced by Nicole Lyons Productions Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolelyonsproductions/ Website: www.nicolelyonsproductions.com

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Hi, it's Hannah Burner. And Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, our little dialers. Very special episode today. Our first male comedian guest ever on Burner Phone.

Yeah, Vittorio. Oh, my goodness. Angelina. Angelone. Yeah, get it on the poster. That is amazing. Yeah. You know, because it was originally,

well actually it was originally Hannah's part that she would have she would have anybody on male female but mostly comedian guests but then since it became burn a phone it was just me and Hannah and then if I ever had a guest host it would be a female uh so they would they function as sort of a surrogate Hannah am I a surrogate Hannah you're a surrogate Hannah welcome to the genderless version of burniphone a surrogate Hannah Victoria forward thinking is taking you've taken you until 2026 to get away from your heteronormative ways. But similar, she's half Italian. Oh, wow. That is like, it's sort of, there's benefits, but I think there's certainly downsides to being half Italian. Yeah. So actually, just very quickly,

because obviously we know we have a format of Bernerphone, but weird, fun fact, we've never met. We've never met in real life. I keep doing this with people. I like podcast is the way I meet people, but I think we've just sort of like, I have this with so many people. I just admire them from afar.

And I'm very like up front of like, I'll just send somebody a message and be like, this is great. Or like, hello, I just like, I'm just positive. And then I always end up meeting people in the medium of podcasting. Yes,

but I have to say, I felt like I knew you. And then as I was thinking today, I was like, I have never met this man. Which is, but that's like a classic parasocial moment. Yeah,

big time. Yeah. The worst is when you're talking to somebody and you mentioned something that they've said on a podcast, but they didn't say it to you. And you're like, oh, I shouldn't know that about them. And the vibe gets all weird. It's like, because they didn't tell me that. They just told the whole world that. So anyway, for those that don't know to the listeners.

So actually, let's just say, you're one of our rare requests to come on the pod, which, by the way, that's not a diss. I'm assuming it's because you're coming to the States, right? I am. Yeah. I leave in two days time at the time of recording. I head over for my first North American tour. I keep getting told off by Latin American people for calling it an American tour. Oh, really?

I'm coming to America. I think the bad bunny Super Bowl thing is doing me a real disservice here. I didn't realize that was a thing, actually, because I would think you're coming to America. But I always, funnily enough, I always say North America because I don't want to piss off the Canadians. Right, yeah. If you just say America, they get frustrated that they're included. but then if he's like, they're like,

we're like, we're not coming to Mexico. I'm like, oh, no. Yes. So, so you're having a North American tour. North American tour.

I'm in America. I'm in the United States. I'm in North America. Whatever I'm supposed to say. I'm there for the whole month of May. I did a week in New York in November, which like I loved had the best time ever. And I was,

I had a tour booked in last year, but my visa was delayed. A lot of people online sort of assumed I had been like not let into the country. country or something, but it was truly just bad lawyers and admin. Knee cap, kneecap, kneecap associations. Everyone keeps putting me in that, and I'm like, no, I'm slightly better behaved than those boys.

So for those that, so that's great. So you're doing a tour. For those that don't know, Vittorio Angeloona, you must explain this your whole life, is from the north of Ireland, but you have an Italian name and now you're going to take over the United States and Canada. I grew up from, grew up in Belfast. I always say my family had to move away from Italy during World War II to get away from all the bombs and violence.

So I actually nearly, you know, when I found out you were going to do the pod, I was very tempted to ask the dialers to message in their questions about the North because no, I'll tell you, I'll tell you why, okay? And I'm sure you must have this. in America, a load of people say to me, like, why is the North and the South separate? Like, I'm going to be able to be like, oh, like, here's two sentences to describe. Yeah, let me do something out real quick for you. Let's just do 800 years.

Let me go back to the 1,200. So, so anyway, what's your stock answer for this? Because you must be dealing with it. I'll tell you what, you're definitely going to deal with it more in the States. I feel like in England, they don't bring it up because they're like in denial. about their part. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's easy in England. If an English person asks, you just go,

well, it's mostly your fault to be honest. It's your fault, bro. So what's your, what's your answer in the stance? Because you're going to get it, because the Americans are very, like, the Americans care more. Yeah, they care, and they all want to be Irish, and they want to be, like, part of the thing.

So I think maybe what I could do is, like, right, do you know the way America got independence from Britain, and they'll be like, yeah, of course, super proud, and maybe there'll be some fireworks at that moment in the conversation. I'll be like, imagine Britain kept control of like two states for no reason. That's what Northern Ireland is in Ireland. And I think that sort of boxes it off a little bit, I think. Yeah, I mean, in a way, if you wanted to get more deeply political

and try to make it relevant to today, you could be like, imagine the north won the civil war but but a tiny corner of the south decided that they were still loyal to the confederacy and only finally surrender if they were allowed to keep their little box of ignorance here in the corner but but the people the people that actually want to align with the north will have to. to move out or stay and be a minority and have no power for the majority of it until they're actually inspired by the very people who are subjugated from the Civil War. Yes, because the problem is as soon as you start trying to explain it to Americans, you're like,

and then it was sort of inspired but also inspired the black civil rights movement. Like there was a lot of crossover. You've heard of a lady called Bernadette Devlin. She got given the freedom of the city of Chicago and she gave it to the Black Panthers. And I don't think the Irish Americans are very happy about that. It gets very, very complicated. So actually, you know what? Let's not talk about it.

I do talk about it in my show. It comes up in my show. I would say it's a mildly educational show for the American audience. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The show has a lot of sort of trouble stuff. And just growing up, because I grew up basically after it. Like, I was born in 1996.

So I sort of talked. Oh, right. So you were two years old on the Good Friday Agreement. Yeah, yeah. The two, busy two years, I was heavily involved. in power military activity for those two years. And then, you know, ceasefire comes in and you got to kill your jets a little bit. Yeah.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. So, anyway, another time we can really delve into that because I did it once on Ari Shafir's pod, and it was like very stressful because I knew that I was going to get fact-checked all over the place. Yeah. But luckily, I just about held my own. Do you know what they called me out? By the way, dialers, I'm aware that there's a little bit of inside information here that you ended up.

But when I did Ari Shafir's podcast, They really called me out on like the boundary commission. You know? I was like, this is really fucking specific stuff. You know, they were like, you were wrong about,

you were wrong about something, you know, and I was like, whatever, man, come on, give me some goddamn fucking credit here. So anyway,

the theme I picked today, which I think, you know, so this is a dialer. Sometimes I get DMs of suggestions of prompts. And it was like, it was with the time, difference, I felt like I needed this to happen fast in terms of getting a prompt up. And I felt like it was

an inappropriate time to message you to double check if this prompt was okay. But it was it was childhood fears, right? And I felt like for a kid grown up in Belfast, this is like almost insulting. Almost insulting prompt. But we did it anyway. And I'll tell my own fears as we go along. but let's let's let the dialers come in lest we take over the podcast ourselves so nicole just hit us with one to get us going hi des absolutely love the pod um two things that terrified me as a little girl first was quicksand was pretty sure i was going to encounter that i grew up on the south shore of long island and i had a big fear of that when i was a little older in the late 70s around 12 or 13 terrified of the son of sam

Oh my gosh, some serial killer that was around the New York area. And I remember he drove in a white Volkswagen Beetle. So every time me and my girlfriend saw one of them, full fear. But I escaped the perils of both. And I'm grateful that I get to share those little fears of mine from my childhood. And I will be at your show in the city on Sunday, 4 o'clock taping. Can't wait for you to make me laugh. Love you guys.

Bye. that's a real New York accent, Vittoria. I don't know if you could, you could hear that. So that's supposed to be, like, different to yours? Well, like, as in, I think I have one too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, okay, I was just making sure I wasn't like being so ignorant.

Yeah, so, well, actually, I would consider one of these to be a very rational fear. You're familiar with the son of Sam, right? You familiar with Sam? No, I was going to ask you to fill me in on the son of Sam. Yeah, I mean, there's numerous, There's a great Spike Lee movie. I think it's called The Summer of Sam,

or maybe it was called something else. But that's it with the Spanish comedian. What's his name, Nicole? I know I've actually literally met him in person, and I'm just, John Leguizamo. It's okay, you don't have to look it up. John Leguizamo. But also, there's a good documentary on Netflix about him,

but he was a, my mother had a fear of Sam Berkowitz, too, because he actually killed people near where we grew up. So this woman, the fact that her accent sounds similar to me, that makes sense. fear, but the quicksand fear, it's actually amazing how much quicksand is used as a device in cartoons and movies. Such a feature. Isn't it?

And it never features in life. I mean, it's just, I mean, I feel like she felt silly for being scared of quicksand growing up and she grew up in like, no Long Island or whatever. But I was scared of quicksand and I grew up in Belfast. there wasn't even any sand at all it is amazing it's funny because when I saw this one today or this morning I did these

when I saw it I was like wow I forgot about how much quicksand was a feature of childhood like quicksand is like the go-to dangerous thing in cartoons and movies when you're a kid and then you realize oh shit now I believe that

quicksand like actually exists, but like... I think so too, but I think it's in like four places globally. Nicole, do you, Nicole, can you fact-check us on the, on the actual existence of Quicksand? Because I kind of loved, I loved it when I read this because I was like, wow, Quicksand, man. What a memory. Yeah, I mean, what was it?

Why, what happened that everybody became aware? I feel like everybody became aware of it at the same time when all of these kids' shows are being made, like all of these writers. had got sort of a simultaneous obsession. Was there a big story in the news that involved Quicksand? Or like what brought it into the public consciousness so much? Unless it's like a metaphor for like taxes or something that, you know what I mean? Like that's what they were trying to warn kids about is like don't get a job.

The more you struggle, the more it'll pull you in. I guess you know what it was too? I guess it was like one of those like ways to create tons of danger, but not seeming so incredibly scary and violent. But I remember being a kid and like obsessing about like what would I do in quicksand. Like would I be able to, you know, I was actually remember thinking like how do you, what do you do in that situation? What are they saying, Nicole?

So you wouldn't just run into it. You'd really have to be deep in the wild alongside a river or a swamp or, you know, like the Everglades. You'd have to be like out somewhere. you wouldn't just run into it in your town. Okay, well, I'm going to Florida for the first time ever in about a month's time. This is nerve-wracking. Where are you performing in Florida?

I'm doing some support slots for James McCann, so I'm like Orlando, Tampa, Naples. Am I going to be running into quicksand anywhere near there? You're going to be fine. Naples is famous. Sam Maril had to be fine. like diabolical show in Naples and like never let it go like brought it up everywhere. Oh yes I have. I have that's cool.

Oma County Theron and yeah the worst show I've had silence for 70 minutes of my show. It was up. Oh my God. And it's insulting. It's insulting to bomb and Oma regardless. It's actually. You're not allowed to bomb in Oma. It's very insensitive.

It's very insensitive. Yeah. I've actually never played Oma. you've never played i wouldn't recommend i would not recommend but the son of sam thing that really puts the because he was it a white vaux wagon beetle they said yeah i think uh i can't i i can't remember the actual details of uh son of so that makes the same like the herbie films much more terrifying doesn't it exactly herbie the serial killing love bug yeah

Although there was a Stephen King movie about a car that was actually like a killer. It was a Christine? Is that what I? Yeah, it's like a lady's name, isn't it? Is it Christine? I think it was Christine.

Yeah, you can make cars scary. But yeah, I mean, listen, man, that summer is saying, it's worth the watch of the doc. I mean, I love it because it's all like people with my accent. So it's all just like, wow, these are like guys I knew's mothers

or aunts or older sisters. See, this is me watching Seine off. thing on Lulu. Then we're having the same experience. You know, it's funny about saying, well, not about saying, so recently a friend of mine, I won't mention any names, but she has a very good podcast. And she seems to be friends with, what's his name, Patrick Radin-Keefe, is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who wrote Say Nothing? And she was like, I'd love to have you on a podcast where you and Patrick Radden-Keefe can talk about and debate, uh, be it? Northern Ireland I was like first of all it's the north of Ireland but I was just like no fucking way

anytime somebody invites me on a podcast where the word debate comes up I'm like fucking that's for the birds man I'm going nowhere near that so anyway yeah I have my issues with say nothing but again I'm going to restrain

from all of these things but no we're not getting too into it but can I just say just a moment of appreciation. One of the best. And I messaged you about this, or I even commented, one of the best posters for a show. So I think a lot of people are aware of say nothing because it was quite a popular

Hulu series, right, and a very popular book. And it's about the disappeared during the troubles. It's very serious topic. But the picture of it is of, I think it's a woman's face, right? It's Lola, yeah, Lola Pedigree. The book cover is like, I think it's Marion Price's face. on the poster for the TV show. It's Lola Petacru who plays Dollars Price in it

and she has her finger on her lips. Finger on her lips. It became quite a famous image. And for your show, did you call your show? You can't say nothing anymore. You can't say nothing anymore, but you can't,

all the other words were small except for... Yeah, I just stole their poster entirely. And it was very funny. Instead of my finger just being on my lips, it sort of veered off and went up my nose, which I thought it was quite. Oh, that's right.

That's right. And it was at the peak, by the way, this poster was at the peak of cancel culture and anti-woke comics. You know, so it was a lot of layers there. A lot of layers there's even more. That's the show I'm touring in America.

Oh, that's the show you're touring. That's the show I'm taking over. Yeah, but now you're, here's the problem. You're going to come across all these Irish-American lovers. Uh-oh. Anyway. Well, there was a very very,

funny thing about that show and you might not have been across this where so it was on disney plus i think in the uk and ireland and then it was on hulu in the states and in the uk and ireland trailer for the series before it came out it was like quite heavy this is dark like you say like it's it's heavy subject matter it's all a bit intense and it sort of reflected that a little bit but then i went online and found the u s trailer for say nothing and it looked like a sort of western it was all like antho boiled diving through windows and all it's all the shooting bits where they're like running through the streets it seems like so much more of a laugh oh that's interesting because the first half of the series is very much like oh the troubles yeah the second half gets complicated big time yeah i can't

i'm gonna lose i'm already struggling to keep my audience after hannah left if i'm gonna really lose them now because this is my favorite subject and i can't get into it we must be Watch the series. It's good. So anyway, let's actually, let's take another, Nicole. Okay, something that scared me when I was a kid. By the way, hi, love the pod.

I always thought when my mom would give me a bath, if she unplugged the drain before getting me out, I would like scream bloody murder. I was like, I'm going to get sucked down the train. I was like horribly offended that she would ever unplug the drain before getting me out. Just in the off chance that, God forbid, a big old kid like me would get thrown down the drain and never to be seen again. So I hope someone else can relate to that because I was genuinely terrified.

And I think about that now with the little kids that I nanny. I felt like there was a thought about to come. Oh, Cliffanger. What about the kids, you nanny? What about them? What have you done to them? Bring them back. They got sucked down the drain.

Maybe that's what happened. Mid-voice notes, you got sucked down the drain. No. But again, nostalgic. Now, I have to tell you, there is another one, but there was a lot of water-based slash drain based fears from childhood. But I definitely feel like I remember

being afraid of the drain. I think I think that's like a phase. Definitely had that where you just, it's whatever level of development you can have irrational fears, but you can't work out the sort of physics of like the size of the drain and the size of you and how your body functions. That, then that overlap. I reckon it's about six months in your like,

so neurological development where that is the scale. areas thing in the world. But also, I then remember the phase where I learned about world pools and then I would have to wait in the bath for the whirlpool to form because I thought that was the coolest thing of all time. Absolutely. Whirlpools feel sort of quicksandy. Yes. It's like a real danger. We thought a lot about the Bermuda triangle and a lot of whirlpool fear. But I used to think it was cool that a whirlpool would form towards the end of the water getting out of the bath process. I remember my, because you know the way some baths have like the sort of plug bit that just lifts up a little bit and then you can't get the whirlpool for him? You don't get it.

Like a center point. I always made my dad like take that out so that the cool world bill would want. It was a real buzz. All right. Let's let's let's take, uh, let's take another. So it's a quick message from today's sponsor the ASPCA pet health insurance program. You know, one of the biggest bills you will ever have as a pet owner is some sort of health emergency for the pet or an accident. And everybody knows it can be a huge cost, a huge cost. We had one with butter, and I did not have at that time ASPCA pet health insurance. And I wish that I did because it was a massive financial hit that we took. Now, we don't care because obviously the thing you care deepest about is your pet. Well, here's the think, when you enroll in an ASPCA pet health insurance plan, you could get a $25

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and was sitting on the floor watching the movie It when I wasn't supposed to be. But they were watching it. And of course I saw the part where the rare fucking Pennywise came out of the shower drain and it traumatized me for life to where I had to have my mom sitting in the bathroom on the toilet while I took a shower for like at least three or four years. Like Pennywise fucked me up when I was a kid. So yeah, those are my two biggest fears. It's actually, it's, I've noticed from this, it's really fascinating how fucked up people get from like seeing things at an age that's inappropriate.

Oh, completely. Yeah. I got, and I don't even think this was like, an age that was like inappropriate and I said to you there is when you messaged me about the topic that I was a very scared child I had like clinically bad anxiety when I was a child like I went into hospital and had counseling and stuff and I was like nine really and I couldn't leave the house for eight like missed lots of school and stuff I was like loads and loads of panic attacks when I was a child and none of them really like rational at all but I mean what were what were your top three hits. The one that was really quite

bad when I was being reintroduced to primary school, because there was a long time elementary school for the American listener in primary school where I would have to just sit in a different room and do worksheets by myself. I couldn't be in like the classroom environment that was too scary. Really? Yeah, and

on like Thursday afternoons we were allowed to like pick a movie to watch as a class and I remember when I had been like gradually reintroduced to the classroom. I was like, okay, being there. We watched Roll Diles the Witches, like the film version of it. And I, like, ran out of the classroom, like, screaming, crying

because it was the scariest thing I'd ever seen. And then primary school children, being primary school children, every single week they were given a vote of what film to watch. And every single week for the whole year, I had to leave the room while they all watched Roll Diles the Witches again. Really? Wow. Ridiculous behavior.

you're buying like they don't even want to watch it again they just want to watch you walk out of the room yeah so oh by the way i think like it's crazy how like obviously water brings a lot of fear and then sharks bring a lot of fear but like it's it's crazy how long she held onto the fear that sharks come out but like i i feel like that's like real that's like a visceral fear that like she held on to for sure i get it and like being scared of going in the sea but like Like, didn't she say it was in the swimming pool that she was worried about. Our sister told her that the shark lived under the stair. See, I bet her sister thought that was entirely inconsequential of like, oh, this was a little bit of fun.

And then for years, for years. For years. God. But isn't it funny how clowns such a universal, like not everyone, but like a lot of people get clown phopias. I know why I'm scared. I was scared of clowns. I'm sort of okay. I'm not scared of like circus clowns.

I'm scared of, you know, those people who studied in France to become like serious clients. I'm scared of them because they're just weird. I don't like to be around those people. But the sort of circus clients. So like the people in general? Like the people that were told. You're sort of Zach Zuckerers and your Stamptown boys.

Listen, they're my friends, but I'm not comfortable around them. It is an odd life. It's an odd life choice. But the clown makeup thing, I know exactly where I'm scared. out of it. The final level of Super Mario World on the Super Nintendo, Bowser was in like a clown helicopter. So the like base of the helicopter was a big clown face and then Bowser would like throw things from it. And I don't know why, but that really spooked me for like a good few years on clowns. I know, but I think it was a clown because it is spooky.

Yeah, probably. And I don't, but I don't, but for some, not for me, but like a lot of people. find them spooky. And I don't know what the sort of, I don't know what the core of that is. Is it because of it? Is it because of the fact that like Stephen King made it the way that like people are more afraid of sharks because of jaws? Or is it actually it works because there's a deeper fear? What are we getting to call? Maybe. We'd like to get to the bottom of things here. So there's a couple things. There is some psychology to this. So part of it is like the uncanny valley effect. Do you guys know about this? Like we're at the face.

is not quite right and you don't recognize the emotions on the face. So the makeup and the way that the clown acts is unsettling in some way to you. Unpredictable behavior is another one under the other thing that's listed. And cultural conditioning. So there is like a big part of it that I think comes from like Pennywise. They also list the Joker as an example, which is interesting. Right. Yes.

All right. So there is a bit of that. So there's different elements. But yeah, I guess the emotion is not matching. So it's almost like the kind of like the seasickness thing of like your brain is, your brain is getting freaked out by the fact that it's not the way it's supposed to be. I mean, I have autism, so I can't tell what anyone's emotions are. Are you officially?

Officially diagnosed, baby. It's been a real buzz. It's been a journey. I've been so excited about it. I mean, I'm not one of these people that got the diagnosis and was like, everything in my life now makes sense. I'm like, okay, that's another thing to add to the list. Oh, that's great.

So when you watch Love on the Spectrum, do you, because I saw your Love on the Spectrum joke, which I thought was very funny. I had a couple of funny things I wanted to say about Love on the Spectrum, but I didn't feel comfortable joking about them on stage. But when you watch Love on the Spectrum, was there some things that you were like? I picked up an embarrassing number of tips from Love on the Spectrum.

You know, when they're doing the little, like, lessons with the lady, I can't remember him who's like the coach for them. Yeah. Like my girl. Who Dylan, Dylan was in love with? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think who is the guy? Was Dylan? Interesting. I love. Oh, Dylan is, Dylan is interesting. And then who's the guy I'm talking about? It doesn't matter. I actually love that show,

but I've just forgotten his name. It's so amazing. I follow him on Instagram now. Yeah, they're brilliant. But when he's clearly in love with that. When she's doing the coaching. Yeah. Yeah.

when she's doing the coaching, my girlfriend, like Hansby a notebook, and was like, hey, hey, you know the way you don't ask me any questions? Hey, hey, watch what the lady says, right of thought. Okay, well, I'm going to admit this now, but like, obviously I am not on the spectrum.

I haven't been diagnosed, but Hannah is of the opinion that possibly, that I'm like on the spectrum adjacent, right? That's, and she's not being inconsiderate. there are numerous times, and maybe this is a universal thing when people watch love on the spectrum, where some people, other people that are in their life

point out things that are... But of course, it's not all spectrum behavior, right? Some of it's just human behavior. Anyway, neither does say, Hannah does like to give me a poke every now and then and go, you see? But like I love these, like these guys, they're like my hero, these people.

They're like heroes to me. They're amazing. I take it only as a positive if if somebody's saying like you're a bit like that. I take it as a major positive. I think it's so cool the way like lots of them interact with people. And this isn't to say like a big thing that I advocate for is like some people with autism are absolute nightmares

and like bad people separately to the fact that they have autism and you shouldn't excuse them like some like bad people are bad people, good people are good people, they're sort of good and bad people in every single one. But the people for that show like it's so so lovely the way it's made. the guy Keen seems to really, really care about how they represent. Oh, yeah. It was a very good, very, very good New York Times, the Daily podcast about the show,

but they interview, they interview Keen. And they talk specifically about the journey that Keen was on, like in terms of his career, how he ended up. And that's very interesting because he actually, he came out of very traditional sort of reality TV type shows. And then so that accidentally happened upon a bit more of an observant in a hospital setting and discovered that, discovered that he has this like incredible empathy to be able to get people to trust him and open up,

but also no desire to manipulate or take advantage of them in any way. And actually there's been very little, there's even, the times went and talked to as many people as possible, very little pushback from anybody involved in terms of their, like anything negative about the experience. And even the one girl who had a couple of negative things about her experience didn't think that love on the spectrum was negative in any way. She just spoke personally about how it felt for her.

Because it's so rare. Like, I mean, like, I'm pretty sure every documentary somebody involved is like, oh, they made me look ridiculous in the editor. Yes. And the other. But like it does feel like they've really been sort of looked after in a nice, not that, you know, you don't want to infantilize them. But it does feel like they're putting themselves in a vulnerable position being on that show. And it's nice. It's very difficult.

humiliated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it does feel for me that they all grow from it. Like, I feel like it ends up being like a positive experience. Now, I don't know if they're just, no, because you follow them on Instagram too. Like most, I think it's pretty safe to say that most of their lives improve a lot. I would say so, yeah. The only thing that drives me crazy is that, unfortunately, humanity sucks.

And like, some people were coming after Connor, you know, because they didn't like the way that he, like, wasn't understanding of the difference. between him and Georgia. And I was like, guys, this is not fucking love is blind. You know, this is not, we're not team anybody, okay? Yeah. Like, it made me sick, actually,

that like suddenly Connor and his mom have to go out against fucking trolls. But that's the internet, bro. That's a nice thing. That's a nice thing about the show in a way is like, you see them fall in love, but then one of my favorite moments is when, and it happens with a few of them,

they sort of gain enough self-worth from their first dating experience. experience because I think a lot of them go into the first date and go, oh, I have to, like, it has to be this person because this is my only chance to have a relationship or whatever. But that moment where they have enough self-worth and self-esteem that they can go, oh, this isn't right and I believe in myself enough to go find somebody that is right. And they have to do that difficult thing of like maybe breaking up with somebody or ending a relationship. And it's like, I think that's the real moment of growth for me where I'm like, that is so cool that you know, back yourself to

the point where you can sort of break up with somebody. But what I like to, which you see more from following them on Instagram, and possibly I would like them to focus on that more if they continue during the series, is they seem to have developed some great friendships with each other, which is like I would like to see that in a way more. We see it at the end of the last season. But anyway, I'm not, I'm not starting to direct love on the spectrum, but it is my favorite show.

And I just want to point out that I cry 30 to 50% of the time that I, I'm, I'm not, I'm not, I'm I watch. No, I cry a lot. I cry a lot on that show, man. Like, it's... I would if I could. Yeah. When I cry, Hannah's not like, see?

I'm like, see, I feel. I'm feeling. Look, I'm feeling. So, anyway, all right, let's take, let's, let's, let's go for a religious. one since we've been running with some religious themes lately. You pick Nicole. There's two religious ones. It's grilling season. So, butcher box to the rescue. The difference between a good cookout and a great one comes to the quality of your meat. It's not just about the skills. Oh, you sure,

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Tavana here, long-time dialer, first-time caller. As someone who grew up in the cult, which is evangelical Christianity, I spent a lot of my childhood terrified of being left behind in the rapture, also of hell, and also of the thought that at the end of my life, some all-knowing being was going to create a highlight reel of every bad thing I had ever done to determine my afterlife. Also, as a child of the 80s, Unsolved Mysteries, I grew up with a lot of fear around spontaneous combustion, quicksand, and the Bermuda Triangle. A big shout out to Des. This is the only podcast I listened to with a cis straight male counterpart. And you seem to be a good one.

I appreciate your thoughts and perspectives, especially during these times. Shout out. So just in case you thought I was, like, making a weird point about you being the only guy, it's like a real thing. Yeah. I don't know if she'll have made it this far into the episode

with two cis straight nails in it. So that's a shame she won't hear her own voice note, but like, that's okay. Her loss. Her loss. So let's, yeah, so, So we actually, a couple weeks ago, this kind of came up where maybe if it was just last week, like it came up a bit about the concept of hell.

But end of the world, I think I had a lot of fear of the, I didn't have fear of the rapture because it wasn't pushed on me in that way. I feel that that comes more from like the evangelical Christians. But I definitely feared the end of the world. Yeah, I sort of, I mean, that hasn't massively gone away given the sort of, news cycle at the moment. I'm not hugely confident that it's actually come back. It's really come back

in a big way. It actually has because I was joking with John on the Bishop Exchange about how like I really thought if like we ended up in a like end of world scenario where it would be all about survival that I wouldn't have like one shitty knee. Like you basically like I'm shot in a sort of a walking dead scenario

or even anything like scarcity of resource scenario like I'm fucked. I'm like a liability now. And I just can't believe that I'm in this situation now at a time where it just seems so much more potentially, it seems so much like it could happen right at a time where I feel my worst. If you had to pick an age from your life for you to be most useful in the apocalypse, what age are you going for? Oh, I mean, it's my 20s. Most useful in the apocalypse is my 20s. you know but see like if you go to early 20s you're like to you're not risk averse enough you know i think you're reckless early 20s right but then it's sort of you got to match up your

like physical peak with your mental like you know what i mean late 20 i mean i'm 29 i don't feel like i'm going to be much use i'm sort of like if the bomb start dropping like i would love to make sure one of them drops on my head if possible i mean that's the smart play Because the truth is that everyone's always like, let's create these fallout shots. It's like, why? So you can live 30 or 40 boring-ass fucking years? Like, you'll, you know all the answers to trivia pursuit after the first year or two, you know? Like, you know, I just don't think it's worth it.

Like, and it's like, oh, yeah, but we're going to save humanity. It's like, what's the fucking point? Humanity is just going to create the cycle again and destroy itself. So let's just all go out with a band. no pun intended. This is, by the way, sorry, in the end of the world scenario that we're talking about here. I'm not saying it's definitely coming. I'm just saying, like, so I'm at an age now where I feel like, okay, I've had a good run.

I had a good run. And like, what was a pretty good time in human history, in relative terms, I lived through what would be a good time in human history. And the fact that we forgot all the lessons we learned from one of the darker times in human history. And we're kind of repeating that. I'll be like, I'm out. I'm tapping out. Do you feel like you were aware that it was like a good time to be alive in like the 90s and stuff?

Definitely not because you have nothing to compare it to. It's all that you know. But now I, because I have some jokes about it in the show about creating a cult where we stop at the technology. Oh, yeah, the 90s. Oh, the men of 90s. Oh, the men in 90s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like that that joke is based on the fact that like I do actually, and I think obviously I'm biased, right? Because I'm going to have a propensity to think my generation was the best. But like I actually do really think that that was. So in hindsight, I wish I had appreciated it more. But I think that's just in general about,

I wish I appreciated my youth more, regardless of what decade it was in. I wish I had appreciated, you know, my parents more. There's just a lot about life that you wish you had appreciated more at the time. And I wish that there was a way

to get younger people to appreciate it at that moment, but I just, because people told me to appreciate it, I fucking ignored them. It's hard to appreciate, like, because I'm about to turn 30.

I turned 30 in like four weeks. You're going to be in the States for your 30th? I think I might be in Texas for my 30th. 30 years. Right back to a divided society. I know.

It's where I belong. It's absolutely where I belong. The number of people on Instagram because I said that on my podcast and the number of people on Instagram they were like, do you want to come to a gun range? And I'm like, no, absolutely not. That's not what I don't want to die on my 30th birthday.

No, but you know what I think would be fun to do on your 30th? Go to rodeo. Yeah, do you think so? Because I do actually, from the dates, it looks like it'll be a travel day between Texas and Florida. There's a chance I, Disney World, like the day after my 30th birthday, which I think...

Just go to Disney World. I'll join you. If I'm in Florida at the time, I'll join you. with fucking McCann. We'll make some content. That'd be good. But, because I'm basically, what I'm trying to work out is I'm 29.

Am I, it's hard to be like, this is a great time to be alive, and I should be very grateful. When everybody older than me is like, this is the worst time to be alive ever. It's never been worse than this. Well, no,

in our lifetime, this is definitely the most unstable for the Western quote unquote the world as we know it this sort of stable post-World War II world I would say this is this is not as good a time to be alive as as previous errors I do like as a guy from Belfast the number of English people who are like the 90s were great and I'm like that's not what my parents say about the 90s And it's all, yeah, and it's all. And you know, it's crazy? I was in Ireland.

I was in Wexford and then Dublin and then Cork during the late stage troubles. And it always bothered me because as you know, the Irish Americans are very like up to rah. And when I moved to Ireland, obviously it was all thrown back in my face. And so I had to like adjust my thinking. But I never adjusted to the southern point of view. I adjusted to a modified point of view. of my own upbringing. And it always bugged me

how people could just completely dismiss what was literally two hours up the road. It's so funny. My friend John Maher has a great joke because he's from

he grew up in Nuri and he was my support act on a tour like my previous tour. Nuri is right on the border for those that are listening. Yeah, my friend Mahal is from near Nuri

and his house is literally either side of the border. I think that's a thing that Americans won't know. His kitchen is in the Republic of Ireland than his bedroom is in Northern Ireland, which is like El Chapo's dream. Yeah, so funny.

And also like when people are like, we need a harder border after Brexit. And meho was like, what am I going to have to like give my passport in when I go down for breakfast in the morning? What are you talking about? Yeah, so anyway, without getting bugged, as you could see, I would fucking talk about this all day.

We might have to do a Northern Ireland special sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that is literally, you prove my point exactly when I said the quote unquote Western world. But even within the quote unquote Western world, there was Puck. It's like people from Yugos, people from the former Yugoslavia are not being like the 90s were awesome. You know? Yeah, there's also like this real sort of boomer trend on Facebook of like one of their big points about like the 70s, 80s, 90s is like, we all left our doors unlocked. And it was great and everybody was safe.

and we let our kids go out and play and they would come back whenever they want. And then you look at the statistics from that time. The number of kidnappings is absolutely unbelievable. And also the number of murders where somebody just walked through an unlocked door of a house and just like killed everybody. It's like there's a reason we started locking our doors

is because people kept being killed. Well, that's why I have a joke about that. I say people say, you could go outside back in the day because society was safer back then and I was like, I say, nope. We just didn't know. We just didn't know how unsafe it was.

But here's the deeper question. Yes, society was actually less safe and we were being haphazard with the going out. But the happiness that came from it, if you were an actuary, if you were like a risk of a few eggs. If you were a riscus, person at an insurance company, you have to come up with the mathematical equation that says

how much risk is worth the broader happiness. And by the way, I am very aware that that is a dark question. But it is one of those things of like how much are we sacrificed. You know, anyway, whatever. We're not getting too deep into it. But I think you get my drift. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But what was the caller scared of that time again? It was the rapture, the rapture. Let's take the other, let's take the other religious one to call, before we go any deeper into risk assessment. Guys, I think you may have heard Hannah speaking about the fact that she's a teeth clencher.

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Something that scared me when I was little. I used to, my mom used to make me and my brother go to church. Like I have my first communion and whatever. I never got like confirmed, but now she calls herself a recovering Catholic. I'm not religious. Anyway, before bed, she'd have me do a prayer. And it was the, now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep if I die before I wake.

And it was that part, I guess one day, I just like yelled at her. And I was like, stop saying that. I don't want to die before I wake. Like how horribly more. And she was like, no, that makes so much sense. And then we never said that prayer before bed again. Because she was like, no, that's so fair. That's so morbid.

Like, I don't want you to die either before you wake. So, yeah, as a little kid, I said, that's terribly disturbing. Thank you. Appreciate it. Bye. By the way, the last line is, I pray the Lord, my soul to take, which grammatically is bonkers anyway. But I pray the Lord my soul to take, which is also frightening, which is like he might decide I'm not worth taking. It was much easier to hit Rhymes games by.

in the day because you could just sort of shuffle the words around whatever way you wanted and you can just put take it in the end even though it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever pray the lord my soul to take well i'm sure that you could actually i'm sure there's a grammatical argument for the structure of that sentence but either way yeah if you're a master yoda but it is crazy i i again this is repetitive from the other the other day but like it is crazy how much you actually ignore from Catholicism particularly, because that's my area of expertise, just the very dark imagery and thoughts that we were putting into children's heads without thinking anything about it because we're so careless, really.

It's like frightening crucifixion. Like, you might go to hell if I, you know, if I die overnight, which is like not even like a real concern in the modern world. It's like, okay, I get it. SIDS is a real thing, like sudden infant death system. But like by the time you're praying, you're past the SIDS concerns. Yeah, yeah, I would say so.

So you don't need to be like spontaneously combust in the middle of the Yeah, you don't need to put this fear into a child's mind. It's really wild. Prayers are so sort of like they, they, you aren't listening to the words you're saying whatsoever. Like I can rhyme off a Hail Mary, but like I would sort of have no, it's just noises coming out of my head.

But like, why, why are kids around the world being like, and, you know. Blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Exactly. An ever virgin. It's all a bit, it's all a bit fruity, really. Yeah.

I never, when I was a kid, I never even registered thy womb. I never realized I was talking about the uterus of Mary, the mother of Christ. Yeah. I never made the connection.

Even when we actually finally had sex education, I was never like, oh, that's what they were talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, completely bizarre. Although I am like, this is going to be, this is crazy. I'm thinking of getting like back into going to Mass

and like being a good Catholic boy. Not for like... I've been to two... I went to Easter Sunday Mass because I was like, if I'm going to get back into this, this is going to be the one to go to it. It's like the most positive mass of the year and you get the chocolate eggs afterwards.

This is sort of a home run waiting to happen. Yeah. And we were on like, my mom's side of the family were doing like a big sort of Easter. Easter gathering. We were in these like cottages in Fermanagh. And I was like, let's go to Mass. I think it'd be good crack.

And then we go down. As we're pulling up in the car, I'm like, that's a lot of suits. Like, should I be wearing a suit right now? Yeah, Easter Sunday, you got to dress up. I don't know this wrong. Yeah, it's like a, we turn another corner, and there's a hearse. And we accidentally attended a funeral on Easter Sunday. I didn't even think you could have a funeral on Easter Sunday.

You're not supposed to. Yeah. Unless they're going to jump out of the fucking box. The whole point of Easter Sunday is the death has been conquered. That's the whole point. But it was a 97-year-old and she was the organ. She was the organist at church. So I think special, she got special measures for her funeral.

But I mean, it was really, you can't imagine the relief on myself and my mother's face when they said 97. Because we had no idea whose funeral this is. And the first, like the opening bit of the funeral, they were like, and she was a wonderful girl. And me and my mom were like, what are the ending? And they went 97. And we were like, oh, thank Christ. That is unbelievable.

Lovely girl? But that's like an Irish thing, you know, like, oh, good girls, you know. Yeah, cut down their prime. I'm a big funeral fan, though, of all the masses of, of all the things the Catholics do, they're killing it on the funerals. We are very good at funerals. It's us in New Orleans are good at funerals.

I think I want the New Orleans funeral. Oh, because that's like the music thing, like the percentage. They do the brass band walking down the street. I think that rocks. Yeah, I want that too, actually. Yeah, yeah. Now that you say it. So, so you're going to get back.

So there was an article in the New York Times recently that youth, young people attending mass is way up, apparently because a lot of people are going to mass to meet women and men, you know, like people are hooking up at mass. That is not why I'm doing it. I would like to clarify that on the podcast. That is not why I'm doing it. I think I'm aware that so much of it is like bullshit.

But I think that's, I think people have forgotten. People have become obsessed with like rationality in the modern age of like, well, that doesn't make logical sense. So why would you do it? It's like the benefit of all this stuff. isn't sort of rational or logical. I know those things probably didn't happen, but going to a place where I, I think this is a big thing for me,

it's one of the only places where I don't feel emboldened to get my phone out of my pocket and like check it. So you don't feel it or you think you shouldn't? Well, I think I shouldn't and therefore I am prevented from doing it for 60 minutes, which is pretty good. And then the sort of quiet reflection and the removal of ego

of being like, this isn't about me, it's about something else. I'm aware that that can exist in like other types of spirituality but I don't know if you're the same days where like I was just raised so Catholic that I, it's an irremovable part of my psyche

that there is like God and he is there and I sort of might as well engage with the type of spirituality because it's like you know there's an argument that it's all the same it's all about forgiveness it's all about you know loving your family

and all that stuff no matter what the religion is but I'm just accessing it from the point where I know how to access it. Okay, so I agree with you on some of these points, but not all. Okay, so my personal experience was when I first got sober and I was doing all my spiritual exploration and finding myself, I did find a lot of solace from going into church. that I really do appreciate the sacred space of the church itself. But I find mass really boring still to this day. So I never found the desire to reconnect with Catholicism.

But I did 100% have the desires that you're talking about for a sacred place, a place that is clearly one that is about, I don't know if introspection is the right word, but certainly about trying to sort of get out of myself and connect with a broader meaning. At that time, particularly, I had a very firm belief in a higher power. I had a firm belief that I was actually connecting

with something greater. I don't have that clarity today, but I still have the desire to feel like I am getting out of myself and being part of something broader. I'm not as clear on the definition. But I have no problem with people looking for the definition, but I still have a problem with mass being so boring.

But is there not facility in it being boring? You know what I mean? And that it just, you're sort of rhyming off these things and just chanting. It's like a meditative mantra where there's just... But I like the meditative mantra. I like Taze prayer, for example.

I mean, forget it. I just give up. We've lost Burnaphone. Okay, so I'm just going to indulge. Like, Hannah, if Hannah was in the street, she's like, what is Taze say prayer. Like, this is so far removed from anything Hanach and ever talking about. Do a quick explainer. No, anyway,

Taye Say Prayer is like repetitive singing. So the one that people know most, if you're in the world of, like, Catholicism, is Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. Jesus, remember me. But you keep singing that, right? But actually, I like that. Yeah. And I have no problem with.

some of the prayers. I definitely like some of the songs. I joke about it in my show. But the problem is, I got big problems with the, the fact that we have to hold on to this connection to scripture for so long. This is my issue is that I can't buy in to the belief of the history and the Bible. And that's where I struggle because I absolutely think that there are elements of it that are positive. But the fact that it can't be updated, okay, we've had Vatican 2 and, you know, but the fact that whatever about the ceremonials like sorry the stuff about like women priests and like you know scripture i i just can't get i get it you want the tradition but to me it just it makes me unable to come back that would be my like i would never want to bring my children to man but i also

know a lot of people that keep it up and like the guy that lost to roy mack you know the guy that was like playing with rory mackle right i really admire him cam young right great golfer like he went to mass on the Sunday. Like, I have no problem with people that decide they want to raise their kids the way I was raised because I don't really have any negativity about the fact that I was raised super Catholic. I just don't see the benefit for me anymore and I wouldn't sort of put my kids through it. But I also respect people that decide they want that structure, especially if they're getting something out of it. Yeah, completely. I just don't know where I'm accessing that. Like, I guess I can just sort of separate the two where you go. a lot of it's nonsense and it is but I mean there are more exciting priests that gave a better mass than

lots of priests you know Tommy Ternan has great bits about like this sort of like Irish priests went out into Africa and like did all these sort of missions and converted a bunch of people to Catholicism and now we have some of the most charismatic yeah those guys are great

unbelievable so I don't know if I just need to find like a very charismatic African priest in London somewhere that I can really get on board with. Okay, well, here's what I think, actually. I think that we need to create, and I've thought about this before, trust me. And I'm not messianic, all right? And I, you know, I'm aware of other comedians that have gone that way and they make me sick. But I often thought, the ones with the allegations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I often thought that there is a space for a modernized

version of Catholicism that breaks from the church as it is, but holds on to the things that are positive, but let's go of some of the things that are negative. This sounds very Protestant to me, Des. It sounds very Protestant to me. Have you heard of Martin Luther? Have you heard of Martin Luther? They are fucking hell. I spent my whole life hating Protestants, and I just realized I literally, I want to become one.

Oh, my God. By the way, I don't hate Protestants today, but I was raised to hate them for the record. Oh, I still hate them. I'm going to get in trouble for this now. Of all the things I'm going to get canceled on, fucking hating Protestants. So I'll tell you this story because you're on. I let go now. I give up.

I'll let you go soon because we told you it would be an hour. And we're definitely going over. So did you ever see the movie, The Mosquito Coast or I think it was the Great Outdoors with Dan Aykroyd. There were comedies from the 80s. You're too young for it. So anyway, there was two red-headed twins. They were in both of those movies.

movies, right? You could Google their names, those girls, but anyway, we were models as kids, myself and my brothers, so, like, we would often be on, like, modeling jobs and auditions and stuff. Anyway, one day, we're doing a job. I think my brother was doing a job with the two girls. And

so the mom was there, so it was me, my mother, and the mother, right? And she, to me, she has an Irish accent, and I love all things Ireland, right? So my mother and her have a full conversation. I'm fascinated. I can't remember what they were talking about. but the whole time I'm like, love it.

I think the woman's super nice. Then the woman leaves. And I literally said to my mother, while she was a nice woman, and my mother said to me directly, she's dead now, so it's okay for me to say. She said to me, yeah, but she's a Northern Irish Protestant. That's literally what my mother said to me.

And this is in Manhattan. This is in Manhattan. Like, I'm not fucking on the falls, you know? I'm not like standing at the peace wall, all right? My mother, my Irish, American. My New York born mother turns to me and says, yeah, but she's a northern Irish Protestant. Like, you're not allowed, you're not allowed to like her. So, there are lines in the sand. But that, that's how I was raised. Like, just to give the dialers an

idea of why there's a passion here for some of these issues around, this very small province of Ireland that has created so much lore, that's the way I was raised. So anyway, yeah, you can only be one notch better than your parents. You can only be one notch more progressive than your parents. If you ever made someone and go, they have some pretty, regressive views on things. I'm not sure why you're saying that or doing that. Go meet their dad and be like, okay. There's progress.

This makes sense. Small steps. We're getting there. There's a direction of travel. I'm for it. Actually, you know what? That makes sense. That's the way we should really judge people. Instead of like coming after everybody for their views, you have to be like, are they at least one notch better than they

deserve like acceptance? God. If their dad must have been mental. No, but if they've gone, if they've gone backwards, which we've definitely seen some people go backwards, right? If they've gone backwards. That's a big problem. That's a big problem. But if you're like, like my dad thinks having a water bottle in your car is gay.

And I am better than that. I am definitely better than that. Is your dad Italian or your grandfather? So my dad would say to that, but he grew up in Belfast to his. But his parents were both Italian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. So he's fully 100% blood-wise.

He's 100% Italian, which is why I call myself half Italian, even though there's sort of culturally very little going on there. Yeah, but in America, you'd be half Italian. That's undisputed. Italian, Irish. I should be there. Your identity makes a lot more sense in America. Completely.

Completely. All right, let's take one more, Nicole. One of my irrational fears as a child was getting drafted to war. I am a woman in Canada. She lived, I didn't even realize she left it. That's hilarious. That delivery was fantastic, by the way. Can we just compliment that as like comedic timing? Gorgeous. Every now and then you get killer just to let it. Like every now and then you get ones like, I just left it in because it's hilarious. However, I didn't just leave this in because it's

hilarious because I actually feared being drafted to war for my entire. higher childhood because of the Vietnam draft and every a lot of huge movies in the 1980s were Vietnam movies born of the fourth of July coincidentally enough a guy knew for modeling had a part in that and I was terribly jealous but other than that born the fourth of July platoon hamburger hill uh the the Kubrick one a full metal jack so I really feared being drafted yeah I mean I think I had a little fear of it even though there was just absolutely no chance of that whatsoever. But I mean, except that you could have like,

it wouldn't have been an official government thing, but like had the troubles restarted, you might have felt a pressure within the neighborhood to get involved. Yeah. So that's a, that's not irrational. It's a different,

slightly different thing. But then did you have any like ghetto clauses? Because like, what was the cutoff? It's like, I guess it's like 18 was probably the young. You had to, no, so at 18 you legally,

I still think it's the case. Because I remember I was in Ireland. And my mother said, you have to register for selective service. Now, I don't know if you still have to, but I had to register for selective service. So basically, I had to register for the draft, but, like, there was no draft. Because I once made a joke about selective service with, I once tried to give a joke to Hannah about selective service, which was like my, it was basically like, you're, I don't have a right to get an abortion. So it's basically like, I just, I, I can't remember the context of the joke, but the punchline was, this isn't selective cervix. But Hannah didn't get it because, Hannah didn't get it because she didn't know what selective service was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, that's nice. That's nice. What, Nicole, you got facts for us? I believe 18 through 25 is, oh, that's quite narrow. That's young. Yeah, it's young. I know.

Why was I expected like 40 or 50? Well, I was, because you're in denial about your age, bro. Yeah. Am I too old to be drafted? This is crazy. Sorry, bro. Why do I want to be drafted all of a sudden? Come on.

I can still do a job. This is like me on the bench playing basketball at 15 years old. I can do a job for the team. Coach, coach, put me in. I can make the lads laugh. Keep up morale. We had a good, we had a crazy one. So I studied as a classical music.

musician in London. That's why I moved to London initially. I was a classical percussionist. And there was a clarinet player in my year who was like unbelievably good at the clarinet, like didn't need to go to music college, had offers to be a professional clarinetist in professional orchestras,

but wanted to like go to uni and sort of like experience that. But he was from South Korea and they still have national service. So they have to do a year. But there's ways. you can get out of it, depending on what your career is. And the way for him to get out of it was he had to win an international performance competition while playing the clarinet. And I remember for the first two years of being at music college, there was this real sense of jeopardy of like he was flying around the world doing all these clarinet competitions. And he kept coming second. And it was really, really scary that our friend was going to be like drafted and have to like, joined the army for a year.

There was one picture of a competition. He was playing in. And it seemed like the stress was really getting to him because a photo came out of the final where he came second. And while he's playing the clarinet, blood is pouring out of his nose. And he is like, it was like clarinet whiplash.

He was like, but then in the middle of our second year, he won a competition. And we all got so drunk to celebrate him not having to join the South Korean army. It was such a buzz. So just as a finishing thought, I think that would be a hilarious sort of dramatic comedy.

Have you ever thought about it? I think so too. I also think that maybe the law should like, wouldn't it be funny if that was the only way you could avoid the draft is if you want a clarinet competition? Or just clarinet. Like just clarinet. Like everybody has to get really good at the clarinet just in case.

No, but just for future, you know, if you're ever thinking about a funny script, I actually think that that is a very insane. hilarious scenario of the clarinetists that has to win a competition to not be drafted for a year in the Korean army. Yeah, you could raise the stakes as well. You could like make it an active war thing. I think you should find a really good Korean comedian that could write it with you. And dialers, remember where you heard it first. Get Bobby Lee playing the clarinet. Yeah, write a script with Bobby Lee. If you brought this up on Tiger Belly, if you brought this up on Tiger Belly, I bet you

he would get very excited. This would be big. So anyway, Vittorio, share with the dialers, your social media and all that. Vittorio Angelooney is my Instagram. It's probably the best place to find me, but I'm on TikTok. I'm on X because I feel like I have to be even though I really don't want to be. But I've got two specials on YouTube if you want to like. I always think it's hard to like be like, buy tickets immediately after hearing me for, you know, whatever.

I know, but buy tickets. You're touring in North America. buy tickets to his show. New York, L.A., Austin, Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago, Toronto, Nashville. I think I've remembered all of them, but I probably haven't. And some shows with Aaron McCann? James McCann. James McCann.

Oh, it wasn't Aaron McCain. No, not Aaron McCann. It's a different guy. Yeah, yeah, Australian guy. Super, super funny, big, big, fat. If you're in the Florida area, I'll be with James McCann. The whole time I had Aaron McCain in my mind when you said that. Oh, that's so funny.

The McCann three. vibes in an interesting way. Oh, okay, cool. James McCann. He's a Catholic. He's big into it. Maybe he'll get me back into it. Oh, he's a big Catholic.

Yeah, he's going to do with him. Go to Mass with him. See me, watch myself online. And Mike and Vittoria's Guide to Parenting is the podcast. It's just two idiots. It's nothing to do with parenting. We just wanted to call it a stupid name. Great podcast.

Coincident. And if I was after dinner last night with my Irish physical therapist from when I first tore my ACL, but now he works with a Formula One team and happened to be in Miami. So Hannah and I went for dinner with him last night, but he actually, without us, I didn't even mention that I had you on the podcast tomorrow. He brought up something, because Hannah was talking about Paul Meskell. He brought up your Paul Meskell story with Mike and you guys and all and then he sent me the clip this morning. He sent me the clip this morning. Very funny podcast, very funny banter between the two lads. So check that out. Anyway, thank you for being our first

Male guest. It's an honor. I hope I've done okay. It's a privilege in the most literal sense of the word. All right, thanks. Bye, everybody. Hey, Desi. It's Kira Dialing in.

My biggest fear from childhood, the dark, of course, thought I was going to get murdered and clowns because there was like this meme going around of killer clowns and circa 2016 or something. And one of them came to my school and we had to lock down. Mind you, this is Canada.

So I don't really think there would have been a shooting beside the point. Also, my now biggest fear that came from my childhood as an adult, 24 years of age, is dragonflies. Because it fucking bite my fingers off when I would try to free them from my trampoline. So fucking rude. I was trying to save your life. Sorry about it. So my biggest childhood fear was the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz. I remember watching it as a kid and then having nightmares about them for, I believe, a few weeks.

And even to this day now, if I watched that movie and they come on, I just not a fan. My biggest childhood fears were both very irrational, reoccurring dreams. The first one was randomly losing all my teeth, whether it was like slipping in falling or just like waking up and them all being gone or it was the witch from wizard of Oz. I was obsessed with that movie terrified me and I always thought that she would just come to my house and scoot me up. I was very scared of shirtland when I was little taking off my shirt and my head would

kind of get stuck. So being stuck in shirtland. Chucky, I watched all of the Chucky's. I'm the youngest. so of course I could do whatever I wanted. And my brothers would punish me by throwing me into a room, turning off the lights, locking me in there and telling me to have fun with Chucky. So that made it even worse, absolutely terrified of Chucky to this day. And sharks in the pool. For some reason, I was incredibly scared that there would be a shark in the pool. So I wouldn't swim in the pool

when nobody else was in there. I wouldn't say this was necessarily a major fear of mine, but I was always just under the assumption growing up that everyone's house was going to at some point catch on fire. Like we had all the fire safety growing up in American public schools, and I knew what to do if my house started to burn in the middle of the night. And I just assumed that that would one day happen to me and my family. Nehau, Niederbita da. I'm calling from Salt Lake City about childhood fears. I wanted to, I didn't have any. I was fearless as a child, but I wanted to share my daughter when she was five, this was about 10 years ago, she used to have like full on panic attacks.

So she just start crying for like no reason. And we'd finally get it out of her that she's like, I don't want to grow up because she was afraid of growing up. she didn't want to become an adult. So first of all, I'm like, oh, shit, what have I done to make her hate my life? And then second, she's a genius because I'm like, yeah, kid, you're right. That's what you should be fucking scared of, not like skeletons or the boogeyman under your bed, not monsters. You need to be afraid of adulting because it's...

Biggest childhood fear. Very niche. Skunks. I don't know what it was. As a child, I was just convinced that I was going to get sprayed by skunk, that they were going to be at every turn and just want to spray me. And did my dog get sprayed by a skunk as a child? Yes, she did. But I was so scared of them prior to this happening.

So all that did was reinforce this ridiculous fear. And now I feel like they're not even a thing. I mean, I walk down the street and I'm like, oh, skunk smell, but I know that's not skunk. I don't know. I was just even like pulling in from going grocery shopping and having to walk from. the car to the house. I was like, nope, mom and dad can't do it. There's going to be a skunk out there. Don't know. I know. Strange. Hey guys. So I am born and raised in Oklahoma and a noise or a sound that has scared me.

My whole life is, you know, if there's severe weather, like a tornado or something like that and they interrupts TV with like a national service alert like weather alert it's the scariest noise if you know you know um and then anytime like tornado sirens come on um i also think that's the sound that's going to happen when like the world ends or something like that so scary then scary now. Okay, love you. Bye.