Berner Phone - Jade Iovine: Hollywood Secrets & Sanity

Episode Date: September 30, 2022

Jade Iovine is the host of the podcast "Tell Me About It" (check out our episode) and she opens up about what life is really like growing up in Los Angeles with a successful father in the music industry, falling in love in an unpredictable way, not playing by the rules, her honest opinion on Botox, and how she handles her depression. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to burning in heaven. Okay, you guys know that I do have some friends in L.A. I do talk shit about L.A., but certain people I do like, and occasionally they come to visit me. I like how I made it, like your whole trip was to visit me. She came all the way for this 45-minute podcast. 100%. I was on her pod on I Heart Radio. Tell me about it. Yes. And we talks about it. We really did. I'll tell you that right now. I think I kept you for like two hours. We had a good time. We had a fantastic. I just remember being like I have a new best friend and then I remember that you're across the country. Right. But now you're here. Now, and it's been a long distance relationship. Now thank God we're here. You definitely aren't my Instagram algorithm like I see everything you're up to. Right. No, my Instagram knows like we love each other. Yeah. The Instagram understands us. But now you're physically here. Everyone give it up. up. Look at us acting like I'm on a live show. Give it up. Everyone put your hands together for Jade I-A-Vine.

You'll give myself a little. Her dad says, I-Vine. She says, I-A-A-Vine. I feel like you guys need to figure that out. No, we really need to figure it out, especially because my mom had the audacity to actually tell my dad that he was pronouncing his, he and his family were pronouncing his last name wrong. So that's really where the Rift came. Like, that's really where the divide and the last name came. Because he'd say, I-V-I-V-I-I-N. And we say, I-A-V-Vin. And it's the One's two syllables and one's three. But this is classic Italians.

Like Teresa Judee, Giudice. Judice. We talked about the video of you. Yes. Because as an Italian, I was like, I know how to pronounce her last name. And then she did the whole, that's not my name. I said, what is your name? She changed her all the time, okay?

She did. Halfway, like, through the whole franchise, like, season six, she decided to change. She got a little famous. Yeah. But also with, um... But you pronounced it a third way. There's like Judeice, Judyce, and then... Jewee and then Greedy Che is what I did.

That's one of my favorite videos on the internet. I just had an, um, Andrea Lopez who impersonates Teresa, who did it. Oh my God. It was so, I thought I was in the same room with her. So listen to that episode, you guys. Also, I was on your podcast. Yes. So everyone should listen to that way back then, but who knows?

When was it? Like a year ago? Over a year ago, I feel like. Oh my God. I feel like I've seen you. I've gone through so much trauma since then. It's crazy. Oh my God.

Let's unpack. I know. I know. I know. Let's just go through it. I basically was like, Jade, I'm so excited to talk to you because both our pods are trauma dumping. Truly. With a little bit of humor.

Yeah, self-deprecating and like commiserating and complaining. And we were talking earlier about your last name. Yes. Which I just had to just, you're not changing your last name for your wedding. God, it's like, do I want to go on the record saying this? No, yes. I'm right now, I'm like truly 50-50. I talk about it in therapy.

What do your parents say? You talk about it in therapy? I swear to God I talk about it in therapy. because like my whole life I've been like I'm never changing my last name and then like you fall in love with this person and like all of your morals go out. You know what I mean? Like all your beliefs go out the window. Yeah. Like you're like I would never make a sandwich for a man and then like you fall in love with him and you're like what kind of sandwich do. Right. You're like cutting off the crest. Yeah. No. So I truly am like I don't know what I want to do because when my so my sister, my brother just got married. So my sister-in-law was one of those who like changed it midnight on like her wedding night. Which is like so sweet and so dreamy. Or so my sister-in-law. So my sister-in-law was one of those who like changed it. Or so dreamy. Some people hate their last name. Right. Yeah. Totally.

Like if you're upgrading last name-wise, like it sounds better with your name, God bless you, you know? But then, so I was like, my family's like super progressive and like divorced and like not usually, they don't romanticize like that kind of. Like my family doesn't believe in love. No, like exactly. They're super progressive. They hate each other. Exactly. So it's like normal.

But it was so crazy because I told my mom. I was like, oh, like Lindsay changed her last name. My mom's like, who doesn't go on Instagram. is like oh my god how do i get on so i can see it and i was like what the fuck like oh people are like obsessed with the like i didn't realize that the whole family is in on it and like gets super excited but as someone who has a last name that people always have trouble pronouncing totally wouldn't you be excited to have maybe a simpler name well let me just tell you what i would be changing it too and i understand so it's an it's an amazing last name it's satin sATI-n like

the fabric oh but my name is jade so jade satin it's basically an H&M cover up and a stripper and like like truly like Dita Vantes like I don't like it's jade satin it's a color and a fabric start that only fans yesterday right so I'm just like fuck you know it's I'm really between a rock and a hard place here you're I'm stuck with Ivine I jade is such a pretty name though I love that my I want to name my daughter jade is that bad I want to name my daughter my middle name Lucy well that's a little like less obnoxious it's less obnoxious but again I just too feminist talking, it's so normal for a dude to be like, that's my little Johnny. Right. I'm Johnny senior. Right. I think it's cool. Yeah, like my fiance's Dylan. Like, it's a great name, but Jade is like,

it's my favorite thing about myself. Wait, I love the name Dylan. Wait, I have to write that down. There's this comic. His name is Matt Pavich, who had the funniest stand-up routine about how his girl got mad at him. I'm going to butcher it. His girl got mad at him because she saw a list of all the people he slept with. Yeah. And then he was like, well, I looked at your phone and I saw your list of all the people you slept with. And she goes, that was my baby name list. Oh my God. Shut. No, so I'm like, who keeps a list of everyone they've slept with. Yeah, that's fucking weird. But do you have a list of your baby names? Yes, of course. Of course. Of course. I had a recent one that I really want. So if any, it's, I got Nix. So if anyone wants it, I love the name. I just thought that

was so cute. This is the thing. You are LA. No, it's like going to be like an object a day of the week. Yeah. Do you want to have like a normal name or do you want to have a Gwyneth Paltrow name? No, like absolutely no normal names. No way. Like, I just can't. I truly just can't. Is it almost like narcissistic for like L.A. people to be like, I don't have a normal child. Yes.

No, that's exactly where I'm sorry. An alien baby named Clover. But Clover's pretty. But yeah, my family was absolutely not into it. It's okay. Paige, my best friend, her boyfriend wants to name their kid like seven. Oh, that's so cute. Seven satin also. I'm like a stupid.

Actually, seven satin. It'd be cute. is so cute yeah i just don't want to but you just you don't want to name your kids like the name of like a thrift store in brooklyn no totally absolutely not but like were you like a were you hannah b and like were you not you weren't the only hannah there's no chance occasionally is Hannah a palindrome yeah it is the girls some girls don't have a palindrum though and they're considered a little less than yeah i would say their parents i'm like why'd you do that yeah but i i was joking with you that i didn't change my last name because I was being Burns on Instagram since I, like, started it.

Right. And then, eventually, people were like, you need to do Hannah Burner because people don't know what your name is. They keep calling you Burns. Like, they don't know, like, for branding. They call your, like, Instagram channel. I changed it to Hannah Burner. Right.

And then I got married. I'm like, I'm not changing my Instagram handle again. Is it hard to change your Instagram handle? It kind of is, yeah. Is it? Yeah. And then people will take your old handle and do stuff with it to get attention. Totally.

My fiance, I don't even know who I'm with. Anyway, my boyfriend, fiancee, Sugar Daddy. his name is bishop that's right cute Hannah Bishop is strong yeah I love that but so is Hannah Burner and you'd have the Instagram you just can't I can't on the cards for you I can't and we're also talking about how it's like literally you become his possession I think I don't understand why our kids can't be named burner right oh I know like what if my brother only has daughters right then what are we doing what is this ass backwards thing that we just all of a sudden give up all of our rights. I tore my vagina and butthole open and it's getting your

name. Right. And not even a question. Like you look at me like I have six heads if I say that maybe it should have my name, you know? So you agree with me on this. Right. Because I thought I was crazy. Not at all. My Italian grandma called me after one of these pods and was like, you're not taking his name. And I'm like, I also didn't wait for marriage, grandma. Right. Like where do we even begin with you? Yeah. Yeah. As you know, as you know, I'm planning on naming my kid, Jade I I mean, just not, just not having it. Are you going to have a nickname for her or just like when someone says the name Jade, you both come?

No, like, you're talking like Rory Lorela, kind of go more girl situation. No, I just do J. That's the thing about Jade. That you really, that's why I like it. You can't nickname it. You know, you can like do a longer version, like Jady I get a lot. But don't. I know, you can't be like J.

It's very like, don't know. And if you say J, you might as well just say jade. Yeah, because like I don't like getting voluntary nicknames, you know? True. You know those people give you a nickname a little too early on in their relationship? Oh, no. And you're like, okay. Red flag.

That's some intimacy issue. Red flag. Like, Jay. We're like that awkward moment when you hear other people calling someone a nickname and you're like, can I call you that nickname? 100%. I think you have to earn it. Right.

Or when people say love you too early in friendships? No, I do that shit all the time. I do that shit. No, it's not like, it's not even like me like trying too hard. It's just that like I'm so socially awkward. I don't know how to leave someone without saying like love you. Good night, mom. Right.

like actually like i truly don't know how to leave someone without not being like love you and then i can't tell you probably nine times out of ten when i walk away from someone i'm like what the fuck was that what happened to you so how did you know your man's was the one oh my god well i met him in college oh my god so boring like like like rom-com shit don't even get me started met him in college he had a girlfriend waited and pined for him like two years did not give me the time of day. Finally broke up with his girlfriend and I was like readily available, like fully here. You just happened.

You like murdered whoever you're with at the time. I did something even more pathetic. I actually took summer school because I heard that he was going to take summer school. And I was like, ah, yes, this is the time because there's going to be no one else here for you to choose from. This is the thing about being a feminist. It is a complex thing. Because you could be like, I'm never going to change my name for him, but I will stalk him. I also joke about like decentering men from your life.

life. No, I did not do that. But it's funny that despite him not being interested in the beginning, also he had a girlfriend. Right. But it was also not interested. Did you think? He also was disgusted by me.

Why did you stick with that? No, I'm like deranged. Like, I truly don't know. I feel like also once I get my mindset on something, like I have to just like do it. I don't know. And it was truly, I did all the most unattractive things. Like all my friends knew about it. called something like I did something called irrational dibs which I thought was like really cute just being like no one's allowed to make out with him but me and I was like I thought it was like really cute to be like but you guys can choose like people to have irrational dibs on it I won't make out with them either like blocking my entire grade was it in your friend group was the rational dibs yeah but it like extended beyond but like was he in your friend

oh so this is like kind of a complicated story but basically let me try to no I want the drama I'm invested no so he um Um, when he was, okay, so he's two grades above me, two years above me. Zaddy. We don't, right. You know, we both like older men. And, um, no, so she, so basically, he was in college before me and his roommate I went to college with. Okay.

So when I started my freshman year, like, you don't know anyone. You don't know what you're doing. So I hung out at that house all day every day. But I came early because it was fresh in, like orientation, all that bullshit. So then, um, one day the kid was like, oh, my roommates are coming. And I was like, oh, okay, like, that kind of sucks because I, like, hang out here. Then he walks in. And he's like, you know, love it for a sight.

That friend, some of me kind of came like, you know, he's from L.A. I'm from L.A., like the whole thing. That friend started dating my sister and has now been dating her for six years. Isn't that crazy? Wow. Yeah. All in the family. But I do, I do think it's not coincidence when, like, a friend's friend gets along really

well with your friend because there's a reason we all vibe. No, totally. Do you have, do you have, like, friends that Des gets along with? Like, they are significant others? Like, would hang out with them independent to you? my first situation was like well my first first situation to college

I had like a best friend yeah this is drama you guys might have had this story but I'm gonna tell it again because it's juicy as fuck yes I go into college and I meet a girl

and we immediately are obsessed with each other yeah we have like a same sense of humor we're goofy she's like gorgeous obviously I'm gorgeous and we got like married on Facebook

like you know what you could I'm a little older than you but we had Facebook when I was how much older are you than me 31? No, you're like, what? 16 months old in the music? You look like her 22. Oh my God, thank you. That L.A. Glowing skin. New York ages you. L.A. Botox. L.A. Botox. High quality Botox since I was like 23. Oh, we'll discuss that. Yeah. So we then I, my roommate was on tennis team was dating a

hockey guy, which bad news bears, bad news bears. But his best friend was a freshman too. And me and him like start seeing each other and like went out of date I remember but I was like a virgin and I was so scared and we like hooked up once and he like tried to finger me and I was like oh my god I can't like I was like that you never been fingered either no but like I just never had sex and I was just like college I was like that's where they get you so scared this is like two weeks in yes and then I was traveling to play tennis tournaments right so my friend calls me oh I introduced her to him they're playing ping pong together yeah I introduced them and then she calls me she's like he invited me to some like hockey party and I was like and I was traveling for tennis and I was like okay and then I found out

they like hooked up and I was like and I was literally like heartbroken duh because I mean I was really talking for like three weeks and I introduced them like are you fucking kidding to me so me and my friend sat her down we had like a meeting we sat her down the cafeteria as you do and I was like look this is a hockey dude you're really going to choose him over our friendship two weeks into freshman year. This guy is probably his STDs. He doesn't get a fuck about you and you're going to choose him over this friendship that could be so long and

beautiful. Yeah. And she was basically like, like I'm seeing him. And I was like, okay. Wow. They're married with children. Shut up. They're married with children. They dated all of college. I would literally see them out and like, I would be drunk and I'd be like, I'd be like, you welcome.

And then on Facebook, I saw she like had a kid and I literally wanted to comment and be like I never were friends again it was always weird but like she was fucking right right that's crazy good for her for sticking you know what I mean but like honestly also good for you for like being very mature and having that sit down conversation I just remember being very like this guy's so not worth it

didn't you guys have a friendship for like only two weeks of them like yeah so like honestly I would probably done the same thing if I was her it just if they had broken up we probably would have I Who the fuck knows? But long story short, also I was living with a guy who I loved a roommate and I met a girl and I introduced them and now they're married. So I need one more and I go to heaven. Oh, yeah, a mitzvah. Totally.

Yes. Yes. I count the other one. But you're not Jewish, are you? I'm half Jewish. Okay. I'm New York. Mom side or dad's side?

Dad side. Cool. And my dad's dad denounce religion. But it's so, yeah, a Jewish guy wouldn't marry me raw. Right. Right. But I actually just watched the blingering documentary yesterday. Right.

And you're give. I'm like, you are. L.A. They're going to tell me I'm like Alexis Nyer. No, literally was about to walk up and leave. No, I said you know L.A. No, beyond. And I also feel like, where in L. are you from? Like, originally or where do I live

now? I'm in the same shit. So I'm from this, I'm going to sound so fucking pretentious and stupid. I'm from this neighborhood called Homeby Hills in L.A. It's basically between Beverly Hills and Westwood if you're from there. Anyway, and then now I live in West Hollywood. Oh, cool. I love West Hollywood. Yeah, but

someone took a dump literally on my front lawn the other day. How do you know it wasn't a dog? No, no, no. I watched him do it. And I was like, I called my fiancé and I was like, you need to like go outside because there's something going on. Like I don't know if it was like a grunting noise per se, but it was definitely like he was working through something.

And so Dylan walks out and the guy goes, what are you doing? I'm shitting like just like screaming at Dylan. So I got verbal confirmation that yes, he was in fact shitting. So you're not living with your boy? No, of course I live. Oh, you live with them. No, I've lived, I'm such a sociopath. I've lived with him since the day I got out of college.

Yeah, I live with my man like, well, it was during COVID, but like immediately. Yeah, but like when you're 21 years old, like, someone stopped me. You knew. I know. You knew what you were doing. For all the girlies who you're confusing, who they're like, it's clearly not meant to be, is not into me. No, that's the problem is I'm like, do not listen to anything I did. Because truly, I mean, maybe.

Did he have a, did he tell you had to change of heart or like deep down he was like I was always kind of. Now his song, the whole song in dance history. You know what I mean? Now he's like, I, you know, I was just nervous. I'm like, no, you actually like just didn't like. I wasn't ready. You were like a real woman. You're like, I had braces.

No, I'm literally like, I was heinous and you did not love me. It's fine. But so now he's like, yeah, no, I totally, I just like definitely didn't realize it at the time. I was like, okay, sure, whatever. But you became like friends with him first? No, because I was like in love with him. You can't be friends with someone. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I was just like, I would do. stupid shit like I would get really drunk and just be like you have no idea how amazing I am what the fuck is wrong with you I did everything wrong he's like we're in math class yeah fucking take it down why are you drunk in math class no it was so bad so like truly do not do anything I did so what was the first romantic thing that happened between you guys we made out at wall this club and and um is that romantic yeah yeah we made out at this club in Miami. And then was he like into it? Yeah, yeah, a little more so. Like, I feel like they always

kind of suck at the beginning. Yeah. You know what I mean? You got to like, yes. Get him, you got to beat him down a little bit. So you weren't afraid of being like overbearing. No. I mean, beforehand. Yeah, I was humiliated. I was definitely, I literally like would my friends would like come up to him because I'd be like, like, just bring me up to him. Because like that's a great idea. Oh my God. That's so college when your whole life surrounds that like one guy. Right. And I'm like just like, you know, if you see him like in class like why don't you just be like oh like my friend jate like every sentence and you were planning fucking seeds i was insane like i was so how long did it take for you guys to be official after he broke up with his girl uh okay or after the make out yeah after the make out i guess that was like February

22nd no i truly the day and then we started dating like in august oh yeah but then we were in summer school together and trapped and he was like well i guess there's no one else here which you planned yep 100% oh my genius right so what's the moral story you know what I really think it is I'm actually going to give a good one yeah I think it's that you can't do anything wrong with the right person and that you can't do anything right with the wrong person that is so good but the thing is most people in the beginning would be like this is the wrong person no like I'm calling the police like I'm surprised he wasn't like what the fuck but that is such good advice like with des in the beginning I was like I was like I was shooting reality TV show I was like not in a good mindset because you're like filming all day producing are in your ear you're like literally the most you have conspiracy there you're like you're literally scared and I was crying all the time yeah and that's like not me right and he fell for me during that time right it's like I mean these stupid boys fall for us at our crazy but you know what I do like about your story what it's not like you know someone would just be those girls who I'm including

myself where I'll just be obsessed with the guy just like ruminating on it yeah you were acting on it yeah it means to say the least I literally like didn't do anything but like it was so bad like you're up front like you're not playing games not at like not at all not even close like I would do stupid shit like I've never manifest I don't I don't even know if I believe in manifesting like please don't come for me mm-hmm that was the least L-A thing you've ever said I know I know your New York are showing totally I'm just like I don't even get it really but I would like I remember being like in workout classes and being like if I can hold this plank for like five more seconds then he's gonna love me like I was so oh I would do that stuff too that's that's called like

it's anxiety like you're trying to control the future I would let you do I'd be like if I don't pick up this garbage on the street I hate isn't that that's crazy I haven't met anyone who did something like that never really said it out loud and I would be like okay if I don't finish if I don't do something I don't want to do now that it won't happen exactly it's weird I used to pray that a guy would love me right of course and then he did and then I hated him no and then I'd pray and I'd feel bad that I was only talking to God because I wanted someone to like me so and I just also say something nice. You're like, and, um... And world peace also. And world peace. I'm like, that's okay. And my aunt who has cancer.

But after my shit. But after my shit. All it all worked out somehow by the grace of God. And then I never let go. Like truly I was like, oh my God. This is okay. I'm never, because I can't go through that again. But he never like disrespected you.

No. Yeah. Like if you're like with a guy and he's like straight up disrespecting you or like you can't trust him. that's different. Yeah. But this guy clearly, like, was in a relationship. He was in a relationship.

And then, like, he was looking around. Yeah. And I just, I remember how this is so lame, but I had this dream, which, like, doesn't mean shit. It's probably just meant, like, I ate too much before bed or something. I literally, like, had this dream of, like, us in this house that, like, I am actually curious to see if, like, maybe it's an Airbnb we stay in at some point or whatever. But I had this dream of him and me in this house.

And I was like, oh, okay, that must mean it's, like, written in the stars and it's happening. This is also what's confusing me about this. because I've done this so many times, but I make him up. Like, yeah, the guy in my head is perfect for me. Totally. But then when I actually spend time with him, I'm like, he's so boring. Or I don't realize he's boring until it doesn't work out. And then looking back, I'm like, Hannah, obviously he was boring.

No, obviously. No. So how did you know he was, like, actually right? I guess he spent time with him. It was luck. Honest God luck. Yeah, like, truly. Like, some of my friends now will be in the same situation and be like, I love him.

He just doesn't know that he loves me back. And I'm like, idiot. You know what I mean? Like, but I did the same. fucking thing. Because in my situation, I tell along the pot, I feel like guys know before girls. Oh. Like, you know when people are like, oh, you want him to like you

a little more? Yeah. Yeah. I flip-flop, doesn't I flip up all time of like who likes each other more? I definitely feel. But I like that balance. Yeah. It's definitely it has to do with my ovulation. 100%. Um, but in the beginning, he was the one who like, I was like playing games doing stupid because I was protecting myself. Where he was just like, oh, no,

I know this. But he's also 46. When he was 30, he would have been No, totally. Not no. what's going on. Yeah, like, I get mad sometimes. Like, I'm like, like, especially in the beginning, I was like, I hate the beginning of our story because I'm like, I was the one that like pursued you and you, like, I had to convince you. But I kind of love that you're like, I turned him into the manias today. Yeah, totally. He didn't know it. Chisle him down. I have L.A. questions. Oh, hell yeah. Let's go. So you grew up in L.A. Yeah. What is it like growing up as like an L.A.

Girlie? Did you know the people in the bling ring? Did you hear about it? You know what's so weird is like I watched pretty wild religiously. like, oh my God, like Nancy Joe, this is Alexis and I was calling. We're going to talk about her like 27 times in this interview. No, but it is, Joe loves a manifestation. And it's truly, it really like, I don't know anyone. It was also in the Valley. I hate to be a snob like that.

Yeah. I never went to the Valley before. I thought the Valley was fancy. It is fancy. No, now it's totally is. Now it is. But it's just like. But it's not the hills.

I just didn't know. Yeah. I'm so confused. Valley Hills. I don't know anything. Like Calabasas is his really fancy. fancy, but there's parts in the alley. And then there's like, there's a hill. Right. Hidden hills. That's where my fiance's from. If I want to be a successful girl in L.A., what's your aspiration? What do you want in L.A.? What do you mean? What is the ideal life in L.A. for you? Oh, my God. Not seeing anyone ever. Not being invited. You're such a New Yorker. I know. No, like, truly it's being invited. Should you be bicostal? For sure. I know my God. Don't even tell everyone is like. You need to. I know. I know. I really actually do regret. I mean, not that I was ever single in my 20s, but in another. life I would have loved to be single in my 20s.

Dating finance bros in New York. Oh God. Jewish finance bros. But I feel like it is easier to date, kind of. It is easier to date. The Jewish part I got down. Yeah. It's easier to date in New York because guys have real jobs.

Yeah. However, there is a lot of the like, I need to like folks in my career and I need to party, whatever. Oh. Yeah. I love that. Yeah. But I feel like it's nice because like you can be at a bar and like your friend can

be at a restaurant or like the guy you're hooking up with and you just ran. Like it's more spontaneity. Oh yeah. I don't understand the whole L.A. driving culture. No, I have best friends that live two blocks for me, and I see them once a month. It's fucked up. I also feel like there is... That's also because I'm depressed.

Me too. There is like a... L.A. I feel like has that black and white of like they're really rich, they're really poor. But also like the people whose dreams came true and the people who are just fighting for their dreams. Right. And then the people who are like, have so many people around them all the time. And then the like serious loneliness.

Like there's very like dichotomies going on. Totally. Like, I remember visiting and being like, I could see how this place could be the most unbelievable in the world or the saddest. Yeah. No, it can be very lonely. Like I have, my whole life is there. You've cats, though, right? Cats. You say I have a cat? Do you have a cat? No, a dog. A dog. Yeah, yeah. What kind of dog? A. I knew that taco. The best. Taco. Okay. And you have butter. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't like to say her age. Okay, cute. But she's like, that's L.A. That's L. That's very L.A. That was rude. Wait, so when did you start Botox and why?

Oh my God, because I'm an insecure asshole. No, why did I? Like, were your friends doing it too? No. I'm like my 50, my like 60-year-old mom was doing it. I felt like, yeah, we should probably be doing the same thing. No, it's just like in L.A., like that shit's like Kylie Jenner is getting lip injections at 16. I know that I got like a facial.

I wanted a normal facial. I end up being like a weird laser thing and they were like, it won't show until you get like five things done. I'm like, I just wanted a facial to me. But they also were like, do you want a little bo-ttox? Right. It's a very, like, casual thing. And like, once you start, it's like an addiction. Like, it's really terrible.

Because you think your face, like, looks that much better. Totally. You look like you have, like, a baby's bottom forehead. Have you ever done Botox? No. Oh, my God. I'm so jealous. Why?

It's like, don't start until you, like, absolutely have to. That's what people say. Yeah, but I thought I was fed all this bullshit about how it's preventative. So I'm thinking I'm like... Do you think it's preventative? No, now my face will fall down to. the ground if I don't have it. Okay, I love that you said that because I was talking to

a dermatologist and she was like, because of TikTok, you have people coming in early on, 22 year old girls trying to get it. Right. And the thing is, you have to, you have addicted, you stuck, they get you early. And she's like, it doesn't affect the elasticity of your skin. Right. No, not at all. And it doesn't train your muscles to do

any of that bullshit. No. It's like if it were preventive, like when would that actually like, when does it kick in? I've been doing it for eight five years is the thing i was originally as a young buck very against plastic surgery right i like spoke on it and then now i'm 31 no you got to take all that shit back and i realize i'm being hypocritical but i'm like i understand the little things but it's it's like you said it's about finding that balance where you don't lose control right but i also think ticot is so horrible like i have a new

insecurity of my chin that i never had before of course but i also like now have a problem like my be like, oh, I hate this about me. And instead of being like a nice supportive friend who should be like, you're beautiful. I'm like, you can get it fixed. It's fine. So now I'm just like dependent on the whole situation. But also it's like it's around you and it's really normal. Yeah. When you're with someone who when the doctor talks about Botox like it's putting moisturized on your face. Right. You're like, I'm also very gullible. Like that's what like, like I would join a cult. I'm that person. They're like, this is going to make you happy. I'd be like, okay, who do I have to burn? What are we doing? What are we sacrificing? Yes.

So I feel like it's important. I want the grilies to be confident in stuff, but I don't want them to do things because they've been skewed by TikTok. Oh, no. And I'm fully in it right now. And it's, but it's a fine line. You don't know what you're doing it for. You know what I mean?

And also, do you ever get scared that you're going to do something and you actually don't look better? No. Oh, my God. I didn't tell you this story. No. Okay. Like three years ago, 2017, I remember actually.

Was that three years ago? No, what day is it today? Five. I go triple it, but yes. Well, anyway, so I got jaw Botox because it's supposed to like, in the mass that or muscle, like if you have TMJ, like, it's actually extremely beneficial. But it also has an incredible side effect where it does like slim, you know, that part of it. Like your jaw gets bulky.

Anyway, long story. If you clench or grind, I've heard of this. Yeah. I crunch. I crunch. I'm like, what do I do? no so i got it done by this doctor this quack that like i i was just desperate to get an appointment which you should just never be should be like so selective you did a group on oh my god no it was

i did group on for laser for my vagina and like that did not work but anyway i need to start that you need to do laser i have a yeah do you i'm like i'm doing it now you need to do yeah okay anyway so i got they put too much in i don't know if actually they put too much in or i went to go get a facial after with microcurrent which is like like no you should never do that it moved i have to show you pictures i will send them to you this for this podcast i could not smile past here my whole for six months and i know like botox is only supposed to last three months i was deformed like completely deformed what did you do no like it makes you like depressed because like your brain i already am thank god yeah but like

your brain can't process that you're smiling you know like when they say when you're in a bad moods You just, like, force yourself to smile because you can trick your brain into thinking, like, you're in a good way. Oh, my God. So you literally were forced to be sad. Yeah. And I, like, couldn't smile. And it was, like, so embarrassed. Like, I thought I had, like, Bell's palsy.

Like, it was so, or, like, a stroke or something else. And they basically were, like, we can't do anything. No, because you can't dissolve Botox. There's nothing you could do. Like, I'd put, like, a vibe, not a real vibrator. Yeah, but, like, something to try to. Yeah. No, it was horrific.

I'll show you pictures there. I'm, like, I'm like, not again. Six months is, like, a long time. Yeah, but I'm kind of sad about it because now there's, like, this whole world, there's a whole community about, like, people that go viral because of Botox, like, botox. But you know what you can do? You could do a little throwback video. Right.

You should double do that on TikTok. I need to do that. Because it really was, like, insane. Well, you hear all these, like, crazy stories too. Yeah, Botox, even though it's, everyone's getting it, supposedly. Then you hear the, like, my face sagged. This happened. Right.

Right. I do think, like, I say that med spas in L.A. are like Starbucks in New York. Yeah. There's like three on a block. Oh, of course. I also think at times you have to understand the why and we're both someone with a significant other. So do you care at all his opinion on your physicalness or do you do stuff like purely for you or will you ask him something or insecure about? Yeah.

Because I even once was talking to Des about like, oh, how people get lipos and stuff. And I was like, yeah, I mean like maybe my inner thighs and he got really mad. He was like, don't ever touch your thighs. I'm like, oh wait, you love my thighs? And he's like, yeah. And, like, you didn't even know, and you're like, oh, sorry, I've been on TikTok too long. No, that's the way it should be. Like, if you have someone that even for a second is like, oh, yeah, that'd probably be a good idea, dump them.

Dump them, dump them, don't runaway. Yeah, yeah. But there have been times where, like, but you also know they could be polite sometimes. For sure. For sure. But for real, if they're like, I can't even look at you in your ears, you're like, okay. Right. No, it's, you know, I do think that there has been times where Dillon's like, don't change anything.

Don't go get, don't go to that appointment, blah, blah, blah. And then I come back and I don't tell him that I went. And he's like, you look amazing. And I'm like, okay, great. Now you're like really feeding the addiction. You know? I also have been doing these men on street interviews. And I've actually, thank you.

I've been learning about men. First of all, they are so dumb. I asked them like what their favorite haircuts are. And all of them said Bob. Oh, that's actively not true. And I'm like, one that's not true. I think that's just, I asked Des. I'm like, do guys like Bob?

And he's like, that's literally the only hairstyle they probably knew. Or they said in bed with messy hair. And I go, oh, see, you want me to walk around like this? this is how you want me to walk around that drives me crazy it really you know what's going on but lately like Dylan has been on like I've watched him on Instagram

and he'll like point out like some cute girl or whatever I mean like not in a weird way break up with him immediately no I know seriously I'm like why the fuck are you doing that I'm like oh she's pretty and I'm like I want to like scream at him being like she has this done not done the next thing

but then when I'm on Instagram I'm like comparing myself to these people that I know for a fact I saw them at the plastic surgery like at the doctor yes you know what I mean I've also I really don't compare myself with like any images on Instagram because I feel like the girls who are

really flaunting it are editing the fuck out of it like the fuck out of it and I'm like your legs are not 10 feet right but then I get I get catfish like I actually like start believing that they look like that no but then even the ones who like have a ton of plastic surgery and you're like they have molded into the perfect person right of this ever girl wants to look like this in person you can tell. Yeah, no, for sure. The work is not like gracefully done. No. No, no, no, no. Or like when they talk, you're like, are you in pain? Yes. I see a lot of bad work. So I'm in this middle area as this person who was like very anti-mosic surgery,

but it's becoming so immersed in our culture that I'm like, okay, I can't fight it anymore, but how do we do it in like the most graceful, self-loving way possible? Right, where like I'm not like hate yourself. And like safest way possible. Yeah, it's true. But also like a word to the wise, like if you're, in your 20s and everything is right and tight and like you look amazing. Just never like brand yourself with being against positive surgery because you will come back around. I guarantee you. I already had to do like a bunch of apologies on Giggo's part. But I also do think. If you love yourself, that's cool too. Yeah. But I just, I also as feminist, like I think of guys how they look in the

mirror and they're like, yeah, my nose is kind of big, but that's me. Oh no. Totally. Because they value themselves for like so many other things. And that's why I want girls to like your value is not based on if you look like Kim Kardashian. Right. And if you're always trying to look like Kim Kardashian, you're always going to be unhappy. And also Kim Kardashian doesn't even like Kim Kardashian. She's changing yourself every day.

100%. And also, like, you have to understand that like some people, like Kim Kardashian was born pretty beautiful. Gorgeous. Yeah. So like everything she's doing is just a little. Yeah, I do think at the, it also takes certain personalities.

Like I think a lot of girls are type A and they want to be the best thing can be. Right. And for sometimes things, can't control internally you try to control externally totally and it's just like too easy you know what I mean so easy it's way too easy so I just want girls to not feel like weaker yeah because of it yep or like spend too much time investing on their external yeah where I feel like some things can be fixed internally but I also if you've been fucking bullied right for like your nose right since day one

fucking like take you can you can fight that you can empower yourself after that absolutely But I'm talking about how like you loved yourself and then because of TikTok one day you start hating something. Which is like every day. Which is literally every day. No, like I got a nose job when I was 18. So I guess I got my gateway drug was really the nose job. Did you, how was that experience for you? I mean, like when you're 18, first of all, I would wait. I really would wait because your face isn't done for me. True. You know what I mean? But then at the same time you get into this twisted like thought and I'm like, even though Dylan didn't love me for two years. I'm always like, well, would he have not? never loved me had I never gotten my nose job and then you're like that's demented you know like that is truly like because you start to and then you're like oh I hope my like kid gets my nose job nose and I like well yeah I did always have this thing where it's like oh I could change my ears but I want

the guy to fall in love with me like for my ears so it is that right but also at the end of the day men I feel like there's a millisecond where they're either like I'd fuck or I won't and then the rest is just like vibes for sure for sure it's like you're they don't remember what you said. They don't remember the length of your hair. They don't remember, they just remember how, like, you made them feel. Yeah. And how they made you feel. But I really think that plastic surgery is going to, like, like, a filler and Botox and all that stuff is going to really start hitting the male community soon. Oh, Brotox. Botox. Yeah. I thought you were going to say, I hope it's a bubble and people are going to start reversing, but I don't think we're there yet.

Not at all. Wait. Well, people were dissolving their lips. That's true. And dissolving their ass. And their ass. Yeah. Again, it's still for the next unattainable thing. which is like, Kim just like needs to be unattainable at all times. And also I'm a Kim Stan. No, me too. Yeah. I respect that bitch so hard. Love her.

But that's why I feel like it's important to critique her sometimes in a way of like, okay, you're so fucking inspirational. But also like I totally get lying about plastic surgery. Right. But I'm also, yeah, I'm kind of just like, yeah, I guess. I get it, but I'm disappointed. Me too. Because I'm like, yeah, I guess you don't know it to us.

But like, you kind of do. Like, just tell us that it's not. She's 40. Right. And she like, it's. Okay. Olive oil. Right.

Yeah, please. Oh my God. This is such an amazing conversation because I feel like, I just feel like because you're from L.A. I'm so L.A. You're in the know. You know what's going on. Oh, very much so.

New York Girlies are, it's definitely the makeup's a little more natural. Yeah. I actually realized that the other day. Like, I went to breakfast because I don't know, at zero or 100. I don't know how to do like a casual like mascara and like leave the house. So it's either like I look like the Grinch. Like I look so scary. and like ugly or I'm like full cake face and it's like almost embarrassing when you show up to

something like when you're like well I swear I didn't try to try that hard well I've been I'll get like my makeup done in L.A., which sounds so bougie but they use so much more product right than the makeup artist here and it's so funny that mentality yeah but maybe it's because you guys are yeah like you know what I mean sun or maybe because you guys are in the car more with air conditioning like we're running around the subway and we just become a dirty rat I look like a mess here But it does remind you that like, oh, it's literally cultural shit. Yeah, for sure. I mean, even like the lips were way more L.A.

Yeah. Way more L.A. But I like that about New York. Yeah. But it's like, so we're going based of what we see. Like if all my friends got their lips done, your girl's probably getting your lips done. Right. And you're like, what would I look like that?

And you don't realize it hurts like the fucking dickens. It does? Oh, my God. Because there are a lot of nerve bent. Oh, yeah. It's the worst thing in the worst thing in the worst. No one talks about that. Well, it is bruised. Like, I've seen my friends before and I'm like, that looks painful. It kills because you have a lot of nerve endings in your lips. And it's like, oh, it's the worst, by far the worst of injections to get. What's your least favorite thing you've gotten done? That boat, the botched. The botched. It's hard to beat that. But I do love that. The worst thing. What's the worst? I like everything. That's why I keep going back. I like everything I'm getting done. How often do you have to go for different things? So like, let's say like, okay. Because I can't even like go to the. I can't even like go to the.

doctor once a year. Well, that's what, right. But then again, I'm getting my nails on. Exactly. We also don't know the doctor like looking like snatched and like, like, you know what I mean? Like you have the best skin care in the world. And no. I mean, your skin's amazing. Thank you so much. What do you do for facials? I get filler in my face. No. I will get a facial like every so often. Okay. But like, no. Are there any facials that you're like, this is made up bullshit? No, but I really want to try that Dr. Diamond like instant facial. Look it up. It's good shit. Do you believe in face gym? No, oh, that is bullshit.

Sorry. Does it just, no, it's okay, they're not sponsored me. Okay, great. Because I feel like it makes your face look good for like two hours. But it's like lymphatic drainage. It's like, stop, come on. What is lymphatic drainage? You don't need it.

Like, it works for five seconds and you drink a sip of water and it's all back. Okay, good. You know? Yeah, because I'm like, I think your chin has lymphatic. Like, whatever. And I'm like, I don't even know what that is. And I feel like you made that up. No, you need to take like a scalp or whatever that, you know, whatever that instrument

It is like, no, it's like surgery or bust. Oh my God. Yeah, like he's coming with my TikTok. Guys, they are trying to fuck with you. No, for real. Like they, I've been getting chin stuff because I was been like talking about it. I think I Googled it or I looked it up. So like they're really fucking with your psyche.

And also like the truth is like if you get your nose done like I did, because you spend so much of your life fixated on your nose, 90. You know, I'm not going to throw a number in there because I don't know the truth. But most people that I talk to. I was going to believe you. I was going to spill bowl. shit. A lot of, most of the people that I talk to that got their nose done don't like it now. Like, because maybe you're just like still fixated on it. So you're always going to find a problem with it, you know? But it's like you're like, like sometimes they heal in the wrong way.

Like Raquel and Real House, I mean, on Vanderpump rules. Do you ever see that when she was like trying to push her nose to the other direction? Because it's crooked. Mine's crooked. You know, it's not like a, it's not a perfect solution. Well, yeah, you think it's black and white. Like my nose is ugly and I'm going to make it beautiful. But it's actually much more nuanced and so much of it is mental. A hundred percent. And there's going to be a time where you're going to just have to be like, this is who I am.

This is as good as it's going to get. And sometimes I feel like it might change the whole rest of how your face relates to that center of your face. Yes. I do try to tell myself there is a world where like your natural dimensions are the most ideal. Totally. Because I'm like. I fucked with myself too early.

So now I've just got to get it's going to match the rest of the face. But I'm also like, oh my God, if I got like my chin done, I'm like, My chin might look really small. But then again, then that's when you're like, wait, I need to match my nose to my chin. Right. And next thing you know, you're a real housewife. Right. And that's the thing that really frustrates me is like, so many people are like, oh, you should get the threads and your like eyebrows to make them like lifted like a million.

Oh, the cat eye thing. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no, no. That's not threads, guys, because the threads dissolve super quickly and that'll last like two weeks, maybe maximum. What they do is they, it's actually an outpatient treatment. It should anyone. I'm like, am I the worst influence ever on this show?

No, this, we need to be informed. Okay, well, God, it's terrible. I know this. But if they actually cut, like, a little piece of your skin, and that's how they actually raise it. Like, they just cut it and then stitch it and then. Oh, so it's not the, like, fox eye thing. No, it is.

It is. But they do it by cutting. Uh-huh. It's Frankenstein shit. You got to risk it for the biscuit. It's pretty. Beauty is pain. Beauty is pain.

it's funny back to men are stupid men are stupid you could literally have a full face of makeup and they'll think you don't have makeup on like that's that's what fucking drives me crazy i asked men their favorite makeup looks and it's almost like colors i'm like you don't if you knew what they wanted no we hate men i also have to let you know by the way about your dad yeah i watched a whole documentary on him did you like i'm a fan oh my god i don't want to be weird but your dad is like huge in the music business yes what was it like growing up around the music business crazy absolutely insane like because also my dad which was wonderful like he like he was home which is very rare for like his kind of job like he was home for dinner every night but but he brought all of his meetings

home with him you know what I mean? Well work was not a nine to five for him not at all so it was like every part of our lives you know what I mean like we were going to concerts we were like having dinner with all these people were sitting in on the meetings like oh so she's being humble He's one of the greatest music producers of all time. No, that's so sweet. Well, he's from Brooklyn, right? Yes, he is. I think I started watching a documentary.

I'm from Brooklyn. I went to his house, like his old house yesterday. Where is it? It's in Red Hook. It's on second place. Oh, my God, I'm going to cry. Yeah. I'm from Park Slope.

And I just remember, like, you obviously know it better than me, but just the story of, like, he wasn't really interested in anything. Right. And he got thrown in, like, mopping floors or some shit. He did a job. And then next thing you know, he just, did he. did he even know that he had that talent? I think to an extent, like, he was interested in it.

But, like, no, he just needed a job. And he knew he didn't, like, at that time, the only options were kind of, like, be a longshoreman, like, his dad or, like, I think his dad gave him, like, a little bit of a deadline to be like, okay, if you can figure it out or you've got to come to work with me. Yep. And so he's like, fuck, okay, I'm going to do something. So he had a little fire under his ass.

Yeah. So, like, a cousin of his, of course, because, like, everything was just, like, his cousin lived across the street and whatever. I got a guy. Yeah. So his cousin was like, why don't you try, you know, to, like, just, and he would take a Q-tip and, like, clean between the engineering boards. Like, that was his job to just, and that, so then he learned the whole, I should call it what it actually is called. You know, like all those little buttons.

Yes, which just seems like a lot of admin. Yeah. So then he just started there and, like, I guess the rest is history. But we went to, you know, Lucali's or whatever the piece of place, right around the corner. So we did the whole. And he, like, turns super, like, he goes right back to, like, his Brooklyn self when he's there. Does he like L.A.? Yeah, no, he loves L.A.

He likes, well, it's almost like the kid made it. The kid made it. You got to get out of, even though it's not a small town. It's like you get out of the streets. Right. No, but like, so back to why growing up, like, with him was like, so my bedroom was above his, like, home office. Oh. Which was because of the industry.

He's, like, he doesn't, he doesn't, he doesn't, you know what I mean? He's not like. He's yelling at people on the phone. Right. Like, he's constantly on the phone. But he would play. When I say yelling, that's just how people from Brooklyn talk. 100%.

That's just... He's an Italian for Brooklyn. That's just the part. That's par for the course. And then, um, but my bedroom was above his, like, studio. And it would be like all hours of the night. Like, I'd have school the next day, the whole thing and just listening. The way he, like, produces records is he listens to the song over and over and over and over and over again.

And like, in different rooms and all. And so, like, my bedroom would shake, like, all night. But so, a lot... So he didn't know what headphones were. Not at all. Not at all. Not at the time. And then he invented them later. But yeah, no, it was like just we were super immersed in it. Like it was our whole life. Like all of like like. And everyone was kind of like family. You know, like he very much took everyone in and my mom was super involved. And it was just like a very. Did he ever kind of hint to you that he wants you to get involved in it? Hell no. Hell no. Oh my God. No. No. None of us did, which is kind of weird. But no, I think because I was, it was my whole life. I was like, I. And, and. And it's weird because a lot of people do take that route. They're like, oh, I'm doing like what my parent did.

Yeah. No. I was like, I've had enough. I feel like I've worked like 18 years in this industry myself, you know? But no, so no, never. But yeah, it was, it's a bizarre childhood. How did you feel growing up in L.A. with a dad who is so successful in the entertainment industry?

Yeah. Like, did it was ever annoying or did you ever feel like pressure? No. I mean, it was just like, I was lucky that I went to a school where it was like this, snooty private school where like everyone was kind of somewhat connected in some way yeah so it was kind of like also like it's not like you had to grow up with like Bruce Willis as your dad where like you had like paparazzi all the time that's exactly he was like such a good kind of success the best the best kind of like known because truly like until the documentary honestly like no one and no American Idol

which was like humiliating for him that he did before that did you do it yeah oh yeah wait he did why was it humiliating because he did it because he wanted to promote like beats the headphones yeah he didn't like i mean i think he's like maybe grateful for the opportunity let's just say that was it like weird editing it was just corny to him yes you know what i mean so like then all the sudden instead of like all these like young guys that like recognized him like just knowing him from the music that he created it was like little girls no like 50 year old white women and 50 year old midwest women yes oh my god i do remember him on american eagle yeah yeah so that was bizarre But no, so before that, and like, that's what I love is it's not like a, you know, why was I going to say, it's not like he's Danny DeVito. Like that was my example. He's doing it for like the art and he just happens to be really good at what he does. And you never had a parent. It's different to have a parent who's like obsessive fame. Totally. Totally. No, he was behind the scenes. And like connected to everything, which was cool. Yes. Like he still was at the top of his game, but on an obnoxious way. Right. You also. Getting into your mental high.

health a little bit. You say you deal with depression. Yes. You inherit different. All my mental illness is his fault. But this is the thing. What do you think is the connection between mental illness and like successful creatives? I mean, I think it's essential. Like I truly think that you have to be mentally ill to some capacity. I mean, like not to say that anyone that does have a man. No, like my husband won't let me get on ADHD meds because he's like, it's going to change you. No, you're like Kanye with your bipolar meds. Like truly that's what I understand. Like I truly understand. Well, musicians. I'm sorry. I'm a comic, so it's bad. Musicians are as bad or worse.

Right. We ever dated a musician? Don't. And I was with a very unsuccessful musician. Very unsuccessful. No, I think my dad told me that at a very young age. He was like, don't fuck with musicians. The thing with musicians is they're like comics except they're like more emotional. Like comics have intimacy issues.

We joke about everything. They're like pouring their souls all the time and they're still like, yeah. And it's like, oh. It's very performative and ego driven. Yes. Yeah. But, and you are in this, like, you love podcasting, you all of expressing yourself. What are your kind of visions for you in terms of, like, what you want to put out there creatively?

God, I think part of it is because I grew up in that world where, like, I grew up with the people that everyone thought was perfect. And, like, that everyone thought whose lives were, like, the best and incredible and have all these, you know, like assumptions. And I was like, oh, my God, you guys don't even know the half of it. These people are in stambles. You see the behind, you see them when they're at the dinner table with your dad. Right. invested in their families and we see like all what are some patterns you see of like really successful people that are hurting oh god i think it's just like i i think the most successful people are like the

most in pain and like the most like insecure and the most like um really a lot of insecurity and a lot of like jealousy like in relationships like it's real i think but that's kind of common with like a lot of people but if it's a woman that's more successful than the man like there's a lot of jealousy there lady gaga it's pretty normal that's the thing is like that's kind of why i wanted to start the show is that it's kind of like the same shit they deal with the same shit that we all do that's how burning and hell started to because i started to meet all these people and because i was convinced if i could start making money right and like be able to do my art for a living i'll be happy and i started meeting people who are doing that and i'm like wait someone told me early on like people who

live their whole life for to get affirmation from other people like it's not coming from a no and it kills a secure attachment style right because that can fluctuate hourly you know and one second you're loved in the next you're like the scum of the earth and I think some of my listeners I mean obviously the girlies and gays who listen do have like struggle with their own stuff but I think some of them will listen maybe also like what is that crazy life they're living right because they have such like a beautiful secure situation where we're flailing right 100%. I did this badgerup party with my friends in Michigan. That looked fun. And I, thank you. And I remember, I mean, it wasn't mine. Mine and my husband was insane. But I went to my friend's wedding. Sorry, in Michigan. It wasn't Michigan. No, that was not Michigan. That was insane. But in Michigan and like, they all had these beautiful families. And they all seemed like really, a lot of them seemed like really comfortable in themselves. They had like, and obviously I don't want to like project onto them. But I was just like, wow, there's people living different types of things. things that they have their own definition of happiness where like LA and New York so much of it

is result oriented like if I could get to this amount of wealth there I could get date this person which is like inevitably you'll never be happy. There's something amazingly beautiful about normal you know? Yeah. Just like not because the thing is it's like if your whole life is based upon like people liking what you're creating or liking you as a person it's like it's it's you're doomed. How is your dad? At that. Oh my God. My dad's like I don't give a fuck of it what I didn't even think that's what has he always been like that it's a hundred percent yes for him yeah no I mean like he's like more insecure in the way like I think like his insecurity drove him yeah what I mean because he like wanted to be yes like he wanted like that's

where he thought he would get his value is like in work but no like now like that's why it's so refreshing like when I'm feeling like shit I go to his house and I'm like because he truly is like why the fuck do you care he's like I don't like almost to a fault does he still have like drive oh my god he's retired right now he couldn't be further from retired like he truly is he can't help himself cannot no it's compulsive but it's because he loves it

he loves it but he also like needs it it like he it's such a it's such bullshit that he's retired he's like the least retired retired person in the world like he has to have his hands in the and everything and he makes like stupid excuses like he just produced a record like a song even though he's retired Right. And he's like, it's so annoying. So like we're back to like where he plays it 16,000 times a day. But he's like, oh, but I only did that because of the. And I'm like, no, no, no. You just can't stay out to save your life. He said, what he says is he's like, as long as the bit isn't in my mouth. Like the horse bit, he's like, I feel like if it's not my main thing, like I'm doing it to help someone else. Yeah. You know, like he gets very involved in the rest of our careers. Like my, like my poor step mom, like my siblings. Like, like. he's like like that you know how do you cope with your depression oh my god it's not well

no um i take i take lexapro which like oh my god i'll shout has that been the one you've taken forever yeah you've ever taken well butrin yeah did you take it yeah no is it bad i had a seizure from it but that's not that that only is because i was i was taking too much no i was overprescribed yeah how much i was done too high i don't remember yeah because someone's tell me some doses different drugs have different intensity I guess because I'll be like oh I only did 30 grams of that right and they'll be like yeah that's what right and everyone's different dose is frustrating is like I had to try like four or five different antidepressants before I found this one and like that's why I understand my people like don't want to switch or like well yeah I've always I took Paxil I started in college

and it like look kind of worked right and then I just stayed with it and then every now then I'm like should I try this and everyone's like no no I'm like but am I not depressed I mean I am depressed right and then you get to the point where you're like, oh my God, I feel so great. I don't need to take this shit anymore. And then you're like, oh, yes, I do. Were you ever scared of going on something? 100%. I promised myself before I went on Lexa Pro. I was like, because in the past, I was like so, I had so much shame around it. Like, even like taking the pill just like made me feel like gross, not because of a side effect, but just because I was like, I hate that like other people get to just walk out of, like, roll out of bed and they're like, the birds are singing. And you know what I mean?

I'm like, what the fuck? I hate that. I was resentful the fact that I had this chemical imbalance. but I made a promise to myself that I was like we're going to take this one day at a time and we're going to like I can't promise I'm going to be on it for three years I can't like future trip like that I can't think about like what if I get pregnant and I have to go off of it I can't think like long term at all I have to just be like this works right now it's not a life sentence and like we'll go from there you know I love that so much and I feel similar to you yeah because even then my friends are like oh you're on it and then they're like smoking weed every day and I'm like okay everyone has something yeah

You figure out the cocktail for you Okay, we're going to play a final game Oh my God, hell yeah Seven Deadly Sins What do you greedy about? And it could be like a physical thing Or an emotional thing Yeah

Weed Yeah We'd probably And dessert every night I feel like growing up in the music industry though It's like natural Kind of I guess Yeah

I said to be in the studio That makes it sound way cooler So like not that I'm I'm just, like, chronically anxious. So, like, let's go with that. What's your, like, anxiety versus depression balance? I would say I'm more depressed and anxious. Yeah.

But then I get anxious because my depression makes me not do anything. And so then I'm like, oh, fuck. I'm like... How does your significant other deal with your depression? Or, like, what's that relationship? He's actually, like... This is going to sound so stupid, but he's truly, like, a godsend. Like, he's also just, like, very emotionally stable, which, like, what's

the hell is that like like he he has he's emotionally healthy like he doesn't have mental illness I'm like what the fuck's wrong with you okay I'm freaked out by him I know it's like are you okay but no so he deals with it really well I mean I think at first like my first bout of depression was really intense and I like didn't like I was way over medicated on like several antidepressants and on Xanax and like all these other things and so I was I was like first of all I also sold him a completely false version of myself I had no mental illness like or it wasn't very like you're like I look up and I just pop out of bed right take on the I was that girl and then I felt very hard and also your significant other could take it personally

oh beyond of course like also like when you just see someone in bed all day and like all and just feeling like shit all the time and like not happy you're like is it me like like what did I does he let you stay in bed it depends if it like I think now he has a good sense of like what's normal for me or like when I'm starting to slip you know but I also like my my happiest place is bed. Like I also do it when I'm happy. So it's very confusing. I'm coming from a therapy session where I was like, why do I feel like it's so easy for other people to do basic tasks? But I can't. Getting in bed right after this interview. Yes. And like, but then I have a friend, like my best friend page. Like we're like, yay. And she normalizes it. And I'm like, we're having an off day.

Also, like, I'm either 100 or zero. Like it's not like I don't know 50%. Yeah. But then my husband is like, wake up at 6 a.m. pops out of bed living life so his he's helped me he'll be like let's play volleyball today right and i'm just like no and then he has the whole like mentality of like you're gonna stay in bed when like we have a beautiful day outside and i'm like see i see the sun the sun is every day i don't give a fuck that it's sunny out no that's why i hate the summer because everyone like feels this need to be outside we gotta go run around for four hours in l-a forget it i'm like absolutely not why do we need to go out, why we need to like, there are a hundred sunny days coming. You're like, I've seen a sunny day before. Right. No. But having like his perspective is nice. But then every now and then I'm like,

leave me alone. No, 100%. Let me be sad for like a second. And I think it's hard because like a lot of men are also very like solution oriented. Very logical. Logical. They're like, okay, like how can I fix this? And you can't fix it and I'm not sad about anything in particular. So even like talking about it doesn't help. There's nothing to talk about it. I literally go, I'm having a mental health day. Yeah, 100%. And then he's like, this is your fourth mental health day. pro and he's like also it's just the weekend just called the weekend yeah no I mean I would be I can't promise that I'd be as patient I don't know that I'd be as as nice about it yeah I'm like get the fuck out of bed but I'm just I can't yeah like I think sometimes like he definitely gets frustrated

but like I don't know he's gotten way better about it does he smoke with you yep he smokes that's good he corrupted me yeah that's good because then you could be like you could trick him be like let's smoke some weed right and then he's as sedentary as I am it's amazing You're drugging guys. Yeah, exactly. Who were you envious of? Virgos. Is that bad?

We're very similar. Actually, now I remember this. We literally decided we were the same person. Yeah, we are. But what's your sign? Saj. Yes, I'm Leo. Okay.

Oh, I love me. We get along. Yeah. But I'm a Virgo moon. Are you? I feel like it only counts like Virgo moon is part of it, but I feel like Virgo Risen's like the organization of it all. I'm Virgo when it comes to work.

Yeah. Anything else, you're like, it's. chaos. Me too. It's like only work. Not one email on turn. Right. No, me too. What is that? I don't know. I was literally talking to my therapist. I was like, do I have ADHD and she's like, you know, no. No, like you know Stephanie Shepard, obviously. Yes. She is like, she is, the depiction of. That's why she's so good at being assistant. Right. No. She's such a Virgo. Like it's, and it makes me. Because they get off on it where I feel like I have lost time of resting. Yeah. So every time I like go to do something, even though it's for me and I have to change the narrative. Right. Right. This is doing the dishes is helping you. Yeah. I still have this little rebellious kid in my head that's like, I'm not doing it. Right. No, 100%.

That's why we need to reparent ourselves. That's why we're working on it. That's why you're going to repair it. But I just can't be that girl. I want to be that like, you know, in New York Minute? Like the Mary Kate and Ashley movie? Yes. I want to be Ashley from that movie.

But I'm like very much Mary Kate. Like, you know the grungier. Yes. I want to be that girl who like has their shit together. But then when I'm in the moment, I'm like, okay. Yeah, I'm like, why do I want to be that girl? If I'm going to do something right now I'm going to choose laying down

100%. But like I went up She was on a vacation with me Steph and she was like You should see the way this bitch packs Like it is insane Like every outfit is picked out Like she has And it takes her two seconds to get ready

Because it's like I know I can't even begin But then you would argue Like That she might She's like not left brain oriented Or right and brain whatever Where like been something creative

She wouldn't feel inspired by exactly which is like what we have to just tell ourselves like god is fair god is fair what do you glutness about what do you have valley parking okay that's the most LA answer ever I don't even own a car I don't have a license I know or like post mating like honestly yeah what's your go to like postmate well I get like hyper fixated on certain same so like I eat the same thing every single day like yes without fail enchiladas yeah no I'm on a taco kick right now from this place freedom It's like amazing. I literally do that every, yeah.

I hyperfixed out outfits. I've worn these pants all week. Same. No, this entire outfit. Because if it works, I'm like, if it ain't broke, why burn it? Why come up with something new? And also you're going to see different people that haven't seen the outfit. That's why you get a friend who's like, bro, you still wear those pants.

And I go. Go fuck yourself. Yeah, go fuck yourself. The valley parking would, yeah, I would rather not eat and to be able to afford valley parking. That's amazing. Yeah. When's the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

This is just what came to mine. But watching Erica Jane on this season of Real House, I was Broly Hills. It's really incensing me for some reason. So I actually haven't watched it. But people are saying that this season is boring. And I'm like... It is. But it's toxic.

It's severely toxic. But is it because she's just like, what is she doing? She's just like trying to convince us all that all charges have been like dismissed. Yeah, or like drop, whatever the fuck that legal term is. Mm-hmm. and it's just like she I don't know you just watch it and you'll understand she just is like kind of an infuriating person sometimes it is an interesting thing because like I did Summerhouse which is like they make very simple you have like empathy for that because you know like the truth I do but I have like they do like Summerhouse is like what like so and so said this to you and you're mad about it it's very like relatable drama that like blow up we're like like I'll get in trouble for like you know something I said that was insensitive to someone when I I was fighting with them, we're like, they'll rob old people and people will treat it like the same. No, like, orphans. Or like, and like Erica Jane, that shit is crazy shit. I mean, the fact

she even filmed during it is crazy. I know. And I guess you also don't know, like, she might have said some of the things you want her to say, but they just aren't showing that. Exactly. But I feel like it's at the point where she would, if that was happening to me at that level, I would go on Instagram and I'd be like, I know I could get in trouble with my job, but like this is actually how I feel about the situation. But she doesn't do that. What was like the fake? thing on Summerhouse. Oh, well, they'll change, like, straight up words out of the, like, you see the back of your head and you just say different words to help the narrative. And then you cut to a confessional and they'll say whatever they want the audience to see from it. It's so scary. Like,

my season, my last season, my two seasons were, my last season really had a confessional for me because none of it would have made sense if they played like what I was experiencing. But that was one of those things where the universe was like, you're not meant to be on reality TV. I mean, like who it like it's truly like the scariest thing i was talking my friend page and she was like i survive i think because she's like i went to an all-girl school like i know how to deal with that shit room rumors yeah where i'm like i would go to all these different schools i was a tennis player like the second the drama got super crazy i was like this is so no i would need to be institutionalized truly like i i don't know how i don't know how no i was institutionalized

yeah i'm like i need to be institutionalized again but that's why also like i look at the erika jane stuff and i'm like girl, what costs for your mental health? Right. And I guess it is about money. No, it is the cost. It is the cost. You're like, I'll be broke if I don't do this.

And that's why I always love for a lot of women in these crazy entertainment fields, like have multiple sources of income. Yep. So if you lose one of them, like you're okay. Totally. But you can be like, like, people hate this shit. Like me. I'm like, people hate the shit out of you.

Just like what they saw on TV. And also, like, I have a big mouth. Like, I'll say stupid shit all the time. it's also they take everything out of contact oh no so if they put so like imagine if you're i would be if someone's being so mean to you yeah and you are like snippy back right and then they take out what the person's doing to you and then they have that person be like this person's so mean you sign you you literally send a contract saying they could they could do it everyone but the thing is a lot of the time you get by you're okay right but every now and then a season comes and they go you're the one

that they're taking down oh my god and no this is her season now i kind of feel bad but but also was the season before that not but also like crazy shit happen crazy shit happened oh lord did you watch that documentary you watch that one i did okay i'm up on my docs okay good once last time you were lazy piece of shit every fucking day before this show every fucking day my life i live my life in corpse mode i do think new york is good in that though like when you do step out you immediately see like the rest of the world like moving you also see like people who you're like oh my god like they're up at 6 a.m. Like, you look outside and you're like, oh my God, like, we're in L.A., I feel like it's a lot of cars. Oh my God, it's like a ghost town. So you, like, really feel like you're

the last person on earth? And we're all mentally on. We're New York. Like, I'll literally walk outside. Someone curses me out and I'm like, oh, I feel alive again. Like, I'm fucking exhausted. Being here for a week. I'm like, oh my God, what do you guys do? But like, in a minute, you literally can't be in your own head when you're outside because there's so much going on. It's true. It's true. But no, I like truly live my life in sloth mode. Yeah. I mean, all the time. Same. Same. What's your therapist say? what does our therapist say i don't know if she loves it for me um she's i think she's just like okay well i guess like you got to feel it out like you know yourself well enough to know that like

when it's like because there's good bed and then there's bad bad true my therapist was the first like you need to lie yourself rest and then i'd be like okay i'm resting a lot no no one can ever tell me that because i truly will like i'm like oh but i need it because i burn myself out no totally but then i lean into the burnout but she's very big on exposure therapy so So there was a point in my life, a very dark period in my life where she was like, Jade, you need to like leave the house once a day. You like have to force yourself, even for just like a walk. Like Pete Davidson.

I know. Actually, I was talking about how my room is so messy with these clothes I have to try on. I just can't do it. Depression. Let's just blame it all in depression. Right. And my therapist was like, okay, go try one of them on. I'm like, we're in therapy around Zoom.

I was like, no. And she was like, I was like laughing. I'm like, no. And she's like, it's like, it's exposure therapy. I'm like, okay, I'll do it after. And she's like, you're literally trying to get around this. And I'm like, let's talk. Like, I'll do this later.

Oh, my God. So I was talking to my therapist. I mean, this is TMI, but I was talking to my, like, that's what we're here for. I was talking to my therapist and I was saying like, okay, like, I'm not real. Like, I've been with my boyfriend for eight years now. 400 years. Yeah. And like, probably up until like year five, like, which is a long time.

Like, we were like sexting still when we were like away from each other and like whatever and doing all that, you know, horny shit. And then now I'm just like, I think it's because I'm also on an antidepressant, which it has that like, that side. But she was like, okay, like, what if you just. texted him right now. Like that show we were watching made me like have a same stream of you. I was like, are you fucking crazy? You like now you want me to think of you every time I sex? Yeah, I was like, no, just let me like do it naturally when I'm

drunk like a normal person like not at 11 a.m. Yeah, it was literally 11 a. Yeah, she's like on the couch. I'm like, you want me to get up into the other room right now. No, he would literally think that like something happened to me. Like he'd be so good. He breaks up with you because you send freaky texts at 11. Right. About like that tell me lies show or whatever. Have you seen that? It's so good. That's amazing. Okay. When was the last time you let your ego get in the way of something?

Every fucking day of my life. Like, truly every fucking day. You know what's funny is I think it's like actually about this industry, like something I didn't really realize, which is weird because I come from it. I didn't realize how fake it is in a lot of ways. Like I didn't realize that like, like we were talking, you know, like we're talking about like pitching me to publications and I'm like, oh, they don't just ask you. You know what I mean?

So like I feel like I get very. very like ego driven about like even like asking to go on other people's podcast and stuff. I'm like oh my God, that's like embarrassing. So I've like disconnect. You have to get to a point where you disconnect even though our company is us. Right. You from the company. Like that self-promotional shit is like.

Yeah. So what I've realized and this is super sad, but like no when it comes to business, like no one cares about you. Right. People will care about you when you're doing well. Right. The second something bad happens, they're all going to drop you. And no one is going to go.

out of the way to help you with anything unless there's something in it for them. Right. And people like, oh, I just need an agent. Yeah, you'll get agents when people are interested in you. They're not going to randomly be interested in you. So it's like you just have to do it yourself and ride the wave of when things are hot and when things are not. And truly, if you're not willing to do it, you will not

go anywhere. You know what I have to be like unabash it. It's not like, oh, I need to get lucky and get a manager. It's like, no, they'll come when other people want you. Right. And you can't wait for that. No. It's not like that lucky thing. Yeah. But you have to disconnect that from like your value of a human right right which we're working on you know we're working on it

well's last time you lusted over someone so besides your um fiancee do you have like a celebrity crush or always like kerry styles is that like so classic did you see him at madison poor garden no i didn't but he's so cute and i love his nail polish oh my god you know yes i mean i do think he's a type he's a i don't even know that he's my type i just like is that my boyfriend no no no but I just like the charisma of it all you know true it's it there's a confidence to it for sure and I like that he's like fluid about all that shit and I just like his vibe you're like accent doesn't hurt either oh yeah and you forget my hall pass but then he actually showed up to a Christmas party of ours and I was like oh well okay I guess hall passes don't really exist oh my god wait that's your life is so

funny okay final question you're amazing what um advice would you give to the little devils when you're in a darkest place on how to cope with your hell. I would say that knowing that this isn't forever, I think like when you're depressed, you get really, your brain tricks you into like being extremely hopeless or any mental illness. You kind of just think, okay, well, I guess this is me forever. I can't do X, Y, and Z.

And I think actually figuring out how to use your mental illness as like your superpower and like your way of like connecting with people. And I think that's one thing, but also like not hating yourself. the whole time through it. Like, I think just being like, this will end. I will be back to that person that I want to be so badly. And like, know that you might, your brain doesn't work the same as other people's, you know, so like if you need two antidepressants, if you need, you know, whatever other medication you need, like, just having the grace for yourself to be like, I need more help in this

way and other people need more help in other ways that I don't need help, you know? I love that so much, calling it your superpower. Jade, where can people follow you, listen to you, watch, you give me all the tea oh my gosh okay so i'm at jade ivine on instagram i need to we need to have a ticot um i will give you i'm obsessed with ticot um my show is on every tuesday it's called tell me about it and yeah yeah listen to it anywhere you can find podcast yes follow her i'm obsessed with her also your instagram so cute fashion i'm just iconic la shit i like really went l a on you today no i'm upset well i forced you too i was like she basically was in the bling ring um like don't me. Thank you guys for listening

and for coming to help. Bye. Thanks for having me.