Berner Phone - Jared Freid: 37 & Single

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Jared Freid’s comedy special 37 and Single is out now on Netflix. Go watch it now for his take on dating apps, late-night eating, and to find out why he’s still single. He explains why dating gets harder as you get older, is mad at Hannah for offering him a doughnut, and shares his craziest late-night food orders.  Come see my stand up shows coming up in Connecticut, Westhampton, Texas, Arizona, Pennsylvania, California, Seattle, Oregon, and more! Tickets here Find your forever pieces @jennikayne and get 15% off with promo code BERN at jennikayne.com/BERN! #jennikaynepartner

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. What's up, guys? Welcome to the last ever episode of Burning in Hell, as we know it. As it existed in the past. Yes, it's going, it is evolving. Because the podcast isn't going anywhere. We're not going anywhere.

We are evolving, growing, learning. Actually, realizing things. Let's face it, we're leaving hell. Maybe. You're leaving hell and you're heading into purgatory. Well, now, some people think listening to voicemails is hell. But we realized after doing two test episodes that you guys are not only hilarious, but it's so much fun to do

and the reception has been like New York Times reviewed Let's just say we're keeping burner phone We're keeping burner phone We did two experiments and we're keeping burn a phone But you held on to Jared Freed's episode

In advance of his Netflix special coming out So there will be a normal A final normal Burning in Hell episode coming out which is very very funny um jared's netflix special came out yesterday and i had recorded this a couple weeks ago holding on to it to promote it and i love this episode but i didn't want to confuse you guys like what what's going on so does and i are here we love you and since it's your pay how long have you done burning in hell it feels like 72 years um i'm going to say five or six five you don't remember the exact date that you started i think it was no very

November 2018. Wow, November 2018. So almost five years. Almost five years. It's a long time. It's a long time in your life. Babe, a lot has gone down in those last five years. But it's still alive.

It's done well. It gave you life. Yeah, well, I started it to kind of raise awareness of people who we look up to and the demons that they have. And I met so many incredible people from it. And now I'm running around on the road. I got to go perform and this is the best

kind of it's time to move on you've had a good run with it now let me ask you this do you think you would have gotten into stand-up comedy had you not done burning in hell because it was due directly to the success of the podcast

and you know your profile had grown a bit that somebody offered you a live podcast show and during that process somebody said said you should do 10 minutes of stand-up oh my gosh i have goosebumps that is 100% true see this is the this is the fortuitous nature of life yes burning and hell is about real shit yes depth yes so well i do think that i also got to meet so many comedians because podcasting is a huge part of like the stand-up comedy culture so i was not only making friends with comedians but then it it helped me

with crowd work it it really did launch my stand-up and i remember the first day ever burning in hell live show was at carolines and my friend dared me to do 10 minutes of stand-up comedy and i took all my tweets and i organized them and everyone said their favorite part of the show was the stand-up because i also brought people on to interview them which was fun so yeah this podcast like is my baby it's always been my baby it always will be my baby but you know what babies grow that's right and it changed your life and now you're you're taking a new turn and also yeah now my life is different where okay so what's your what's your just off the top of your yeah favorite burning in hell episode barbara corcoran oh good answer good answer and there will always

be a place for interesting people like that yes in the future yes you won't be afraid to to pop an interview on when somebody interesting is worth interviewing for sure i mean the barbara corkron episode i was shaking and not out of nerves out of like oh my gosh this woman is opening up to me and telling me all these things that I want to hear and I joked the whole time that she's my Taylor Swift. But yeah, the podcast was like a coffee date for me. Like I got to hang out with people because I'm like awkward in a lot of social situations but not with podcasting. So I'd make new friends and it was great but it's like I also what are you not going to miss? I'm not going to miss. I was doing a lot of the behind the scenes guys like all the scheduling all the

you know organizing all the admin i was doing and hana's not good but admin i'm not good with admin i definitely once admin admin will destroy you break down over admin i'll cry hana will give it all up over admin you know the the hana will you know if if hana needs to uh you know apply for like cable service i'll quit the whole thing to break down if hana needs to get a plumber you know you could find out what happened how to burn her well she faced some admin that she couldn't handle and it's never the big stuff it's always the small stuff you know it's always the small tedious stuff like one thing i have to fill out that i'm just like i guess i'll never get my driver's so you won't miss the admin i won't miss the admin um and also i feel like me and you have always

we've been smart about like us working on our own creative stuff and waiting for the right thing that do together we really wanted to rate for the right opportunity but we have a good rapport and yeah we're at home i go to interview someone i come home and we're just shooting the shit laughing and i'm excited to now be in a place where we feel yeah let's face it you won't miss organizing the interview the the scheduling of people is is annoying yes yes it's not a pity party here and then you won't miss that yes and then what will you miss I am going to miss having the excuse to see someone new and be able to ask them the most out-of-pocket questions.

Out-of-pocket questions? It means like inappropriate or weird. Like, you know, you meet someone in your head. You're like, I'd love to know this about them. Yeah. Burning in hell, I'm like, this is what I do. And there were a lot of people that I wanted to know about their darkness and their insecurities.

And afterward, I felt so close to them afterwards. And I love an insanely deep talk. while also, yeah, I made, to this day, I made, like, Sabrina Breyer as my new friend, and I interviewed her two weeks ago. It was, it was a cool excuse, but now clearly you don't want me to make new friends. Hey, whoa, this has nothing to do with me. This was all your decision. It's true, but I do have to say, like, this is officially rolling. I'm a, I love change. I actually really love change, and once I have an idea with something, I like to just do it. Um, and if you, if you do it and it's not working out, fine, fail fast.

But I like to always be moving. Oh my God, is this a fucking, are you like life coaching here? Yeah, I am. Gary B. You're Gary Vee. I'm Hanny B. Hanny B. You got to get an FT, NFT.

You got to move out of your mother's house. Mom, shut the fuck up. But we did. So I was like, I'm all in with this burner phone shit. So I did a photo shoot somehow convinced Des to join. We drove all the way in from West Hampton I mean talking about a pity party We had to drive from West Hampton

To do the photo But Des is like a child model If you guys didn't know He worked for Ford No big deal So I was like just Not that relevant really I was like get a t-shirt

And let's go So we did a whole photo shoot with like a Well you were like I just want a t-shirt Then when I got there This time was like What clothes do you have? I was like

What are you to mean This is supposed to be like A Navy T-shirt situation that I was getting shamed by eight women that were in the apartment They were You really like you gather I did to be honest

I went into like some childhood trauma I literally felt like Like the modeling days And the stylists They all look like they're from the same era They're all wearing like 80s band t-shirt Yeah Literally everything is the same

That is so funny Well yeah I got my makeup did And Des rolled in after a nap and then we took the photos and I got this... We're ready to go. I got this Motorola phone from Etsy for like $39, that pink one

and hopefully we'll get the photo soon. I think by next week we'll have a new logo. We got the new theme song. So the last thing I'll say before we introduce Jared is is the name burning and hell disappearing after this episode?

It is, right? So this is like admin logistics, but as long as we're allowed to, I'd like it to change to burner phone because I also think burner phone makes sense for the interviews too if people want to go back it's fine it doesn't matter burner phone's fine and also how many puns can you play on a name listen if you if you happen to be born with a name like burner you're you're not going to burn out all the puns there's going to be a lot of puns to the name okay I got some bishop puns but when it comes to puns burner is on fire I'm feeling the burn right now yeah you're feeling the burn

I'm feeling the burn. Big time. And I just, I think all the listeners of Burning in Hell, I called them my little devils. And you still are my little devils forever. And you guys are like the OGs, like you're the real ones. Like when I get stopped on the street and someone's like, I listen to Burning in Hell, I'm like, oh, we've been through shit together. And you care about growing, you care about laughter. And I love you guys.

Little Devils is great. But now moving into Burnifone, you have the Gigglers for Giggly Squad. I wonder what the, we don't have to come up with it now. but if anybody has some suggestions, don't be afraid to send in your messages. My cute callers? I don't know. We'll see.

But anyway, just for the record, we watched Jared's special yesterday. I just want to put it on the record that it's a great special and you should all watch it. And I'm going to sign off so you can introduce Jared Freed. The last episode of Burning in Hell

is right now. Welcome to Burning Hell. Oh, my God. Okay, guys, I'm so excited for this interview. We have Jay fucking Train, Jared fucking Freed, J.F., whatever you want to call him. Jared fucking Freed, I'll take it. Welcome to the fucking pod. It's great to be here.

I think this is your third time? No. Second time, maybe? And the first time we got in a fight. Well, you made things uncomfortable right away. I did. I did. to someone, are you on a diet if they say no to food?

Like, I think that's just an aggressive way to talk to someone. If someone asked you, do you want a donut on a Tuesday? This wasn't like Sunday I have donuts out. It's a special day. Like, this is how I know you have no issues with food. Like, you have no issues with food whatsoever. You can have, and I envy those people, the people that go to, like, a coffee shop. Like, if I see someone at a coffee shop go, oh, take a croissant, I go, oh, that person's, like, totally healthy, totally fine.

Like, I'd be sitting there being like, should I get the croissant? Should I not get the croissant? Should I get the croissant? Don't do it. You were good today. You were good yesterday. You're going to, you'll be good tomorrow. Yeah, did I get the steps?

And then I walk in, you go, do you want a muffin? It was a cupcake. It was a morning cup. I'm like, first of all, I'm not, what do you think? I'm a Tuesday cupcake pig? Who eats a cupcake on a Tuesday? Not their birthday. You know, at the time, I was like, okay, sensitive, sadly.

You don't have to, like, get upset about it. But looking back, I want to apologize to you. Thank you. I've been waiting years for this. I was young. I was stupid. I think I would, I get nervous, though. The one thing is, if you are for a cupcake, I understand it, okay? I'm not going to take the cupcake, but then you're like, are you on a diet? It's like, on a diet. Why would I be, who's eating cupcakes on a Tuesday? I think it's

weirder to be like sitting there with like a pink cupcake on a Tuesday than it is to be like, no, I'm good on cupcake. Like, I'm trying to like live past 40. I think I was trying to be like a little snarky and funny. And then we sat down and you were like, how dare you? Come for my body. It's aggressive. You walk in, hey, good to see you. Cupcake fatty. That's like your immediate, hello?

I'm like, you can't handle a fucking cupcake on the Tuesday? Absolutely not. I think as an Italian, we show love with food. And I've been bullied by my grandparents, like, you're not going to finish the lasagna? What? You don't like my food? Hannah, no one's asking you to eat a lasagna Tuesday at 10 a.m. You'd be surprised.

You're not going to eat the food. You're not going to eat the lasagna. I like the Jewish cultures like that, too. Of course. Eat. You want to have some food, but it's not like, we also know, like, you know, you better be good so you can eat tonight. That's my family. You better be good so you can eat tonight.

Oh, you got a party night? We're not eating until the party. I do have an almond mom who's extremely fit, who sometimes I'll be like, I'm hungry, and she goes, you know, sometimes it's good to be hungry. Right. This is the, it's the back and forth. It's the love through food and the shame through food that is my whole life. Like, what are you eating? Are you going to eat?

You're going to eat? You're going to drink. We've got to talk about the drinking. That's always a drink, drink, drink. You know, we should talk about your drinking. That's like my mom every day. Have a drink with me. You're not going to have a drink with me?

You don't want to drink? Next morning, it's just a dark room, a lamp over her head. You've got to talk about your drinking. She's like, last night got too far. Yeah, what are you doing? You had three? I'm like, you had two. Why didn't we put in paper and bed?

You were holding me during the cake stand. You were part of this. Yeah. And then she would say you were a little heavy when I held you for the kegstand. I felt your weight. You're getting up there. Oh, my God. Okay, Jared.

I've always been a fan of you. I'm always a fan of you. We go way, way, way back where before everything, I was just like going to comedy clubs in my early 20s. And I saw you at Stand Up New York performing. And my friend was like, oh, my God, Jared Fried is so cute. I wonder what he's up to. Who's this friend? She's married.

She's like four kids right now. She's married. She's like four kids. Oh, okay, I guess she's out. She's eating cupcakes somewhere thinking about you. Yeah, on a Tuesday. Yeah. But then, and then I started working for Betches and you were there.

Well, that's when we met. Betches is when you were there and you were doing stuff there. And then, you know, now you're super famous. But you believe to me. Don't even make eye contact with me in the streets. No. She just has seven assistants. This is unbelievable.

I'd never seen anything like this. She said, call me Ms. Burner. It's Bernair. Burner now. See how this is? But you had me on your J-Train podcast, like early in the day before I think I was even doing stand-up, and I never forget those things.

Right. So you hit me up on DM, but obviously I'm too famous, so I didn't see the DM. Well, yeah, it took you days to get back, and I'm sitting there being like, she's forgotten the little people. This is such a Hannah-Bern-air move. And I, you know what's so funny, because, you know, again, if you're like, If you're 22 and get married at 22, you just, I think you just have like less anxious problems with people you half kind of know because I literally go to text you and it says in my phone

Hannah Brenner, not Hannah Burner. So I must have misspelled something, but my text delete after a year. So I have no backlog. So in my mind, it's a 50-50 shot that it is Hannah-burner or chick I met on Hinge, Hannah Brenner. That's all, you know, and it's like, this is like the single people. You may have had like an awkward fingering situation with. Why do you go straight to fingering? Maybe we just never went on a date. Fingering is good.

More mentioned finger. I'm a big fingerer. I'll go all fingers. I'll go all digits. I'll pinky you. With consent. Yes. But I, I know, when I say the, you know, when you see that, you know, when you see that, you know,

But when you see that name, you go, and it's not Hannah Brenner hinge, but it's just, I save names. And Brenner is a name that goes around. So I go, I'm like, but it's so funny because I'm laughing to myself thinking I got to text Hannah and want to go on our podcast to promote the special. And I'm going, I don't know if this is just a woman that I like ghosted and text back or she ghosted me. It can go all the way instead like, ha, ah, ah.

And I'm like, do I want this to be uncomfortable? So I'm like, okay, I guess I'm going to DMs. So you've decided I'm not going to take the risk. Not the risk. I was like, I don't... You'd rather avoid it potentially awkward. Because then it'll be like, hey, because what it turns into, you know, it turns into like, hey, Hannah, it's Jared. And then they're right back, well, it's not the right person, but it is Hannah Brenner.

I've been thinking about you for six years. And I've been waiting for this moment. Well, then it becomes, what's been going on. And I'm like, oh, I'm talking to Hannah Brenner now. Or you show up to some girl's random apartment and she's like, podcast. Is that what we call it? That's what it. Yeah.

Oh, thought you were going to do dinner. Now I got to do an interview before you go on the date. I'm checking my phone. I think because I was in Montreal, so I had missed a lot of stuff and I was scrolling. And then I see you. And I was like, I remember that guy from back in the day. Yeah. And I clicked it.

And I was like, why the fuck would you DM me? Like, it was kind of an important thing because I felt, I felt bad. And then I think you, no, you double DM me. I double DM me. I followed up. I go, hey, following up. Remember me, you were your first time on a podcast, I'm back. And then I was like, yes.

Collecting favorites. That is so funny. Why do you delete your text after a year? I think it was a data thing. Like it was like a thing where like nothing could fit on my phone. And I was like, how do I free this stuff up? And now it's like good and bad. Like I just don't have any place for the comments.

Someone's like, hey, following up. Yeah. Also, when I don't save the numbers, it's like you go, I have to like, I guess I'm just lost here. And I just knew phone who does right away. Hot take. There's some girls who'd be like, and even say. save his number. I would never do that. I'm saving everyone's number because I want to know

when it comes in exactly. Right. Why would you open yourself up for some sort of like sneak attack? You know, like I want to know all the information I can. And I'm saying this as someone who deletes their text after a year. But like, you know, give me the name. Give me the, you know, like let's do. Where do we

start again? Yes. You know, like I want to know that. I'll get a text and I'm like it could be someone I've been avoiding for three weeks or a potential new job opportunity. Right. Why don't I just know? Why not like this whole like, I don't, like, whenever someone says, like, in the, you know, in the dating single world, oh, I don't, I don't, you know, like, they always think it's like a tough talk. Yeah.

You know, like, I don't save numbers until you meet my mom and grandma. And you're like, how about you have a little confidence? You're just showing your lack of confidence to me. Like, it's like, you've just revealed, like, oh, I don't trust myself for anything. Like, it's like, you can't. And I guess the response, like, I don't want to get ahead of myself. It's like, if writing a name. gets you ahead of yourself.

There's a therapist out there for you. I've done more for less. I do think also if I want to text a guy, even if I don't put his number, I'll find that. I'll find it. Yeah, you're going to get back to that number. You search Jared and you find it in it.

So yeah, also girls are now doing the like, he's dumb. Like writing. The new name. They'll put the ick as their name. It just, to me, it all rings addict behavior. It's like you're doing this thing

to avoid this thing that you're, You have no control over yourself for? You ever see someone put like barbecue sauce on a cupcake so they don't eat it? Hannah, you're talking to someone who refused a Tuesday cupcake. My dad will be eating and he'll go enough and pour water all over the food. You know how embarrassing it is to have a waiter come over and go, go, what happened here? And it's like, sorry, none of us have control over ourselves. Yeah.

Yeah, it's addict. I only speak from a place of knowing myself. I need to pour the water on the food to stop myself. for meeting it. You need to make their name their ick to stop yourself from texting it. Let's not make this their problem. And it's funny that they are like, oh, look at this loser with his ick. I'm like, look at this addict who can't control their emotions and get over this fucking person that they don't even like. If a guy has to change my name and his phone not to text me, like I kind of like that. You've won. That's power. Yeah, that is a power move. I like that.

They call me like weird nipple. I'd be like, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Nipply weird. Nipleware Following up Gargol nipple Okay, we get it I'm just trying to think of all Weird nipple names Hang loose

Right Deep fried salami nipple Pepperoni Pepperoni Yeah whatever Are you like Matt Rife Making fun of girls' bodies Does he do that?

No, I make fun of my own body You know what we are? I call myself a fat fuck We can't eat a cupcake on a Tuesday Friends are mirrors I'm a mirror And if I trigger you It's because you're just seeing

things that the universe wanted you to see in yourself. And I'm learning as well too. Okay. That's the type of talk. What do you collect crystals now? Is that how famous you've gotten? I did go to L.A. That was L.A. twice. No, I'm full L.A. now.

You are full Hollywood. I'm full Hollywood. But speaking of Hollywood, the tables have turned. Jared Fried is going to be on Netflix. Let's fucking go. It is entourage time. Give me that cupcake. This is what.

every comedian dreams of since Netflix became a thing a couple years ago. A couple of years ago. What time loop are you in? When we were born, Netflix wasn't a thing? Yeah, born? I wasn't born a couple years ago. Couple two. What do we... Hannah, you have a lot of yes people in your life now.

People were like, yeah, a couple years ago. Netflix started. Oh, yeah, yeah. You got that right, boss. Yes people are so funny because sometimes I'll say some dumb shit and someone will laugh and I'll be like, you can't trust that person. Right, no, never to be trusted again. Like this guy, look at him laughing. He's laughing at everything you say.

He's like, please don't take away my health insurance. He said I looked like Kim Kardashian the other day. No, that's the other producer. He got fired for that. Yeah, you got to fire that guy. That's a fireable lie. Page was like, I can't perform in this unsafe environment. No, the House of Lies.

That's what this is. So, anyway, it's every comic stream to be on Netflix, and you are going to be on it. I got it. 37 and single. That's the name of the special. Anything people should know about it just. Everything we just talked about, if you had a fun time hearing. us talk about cupcakes on a Tuesday and misspelling the name on your phone and those subjects

are the special like my, you know, my whole, all my comedy is me and story, true stories that get turned into jokes of some kind and the frustrations of being 37 and single and knowing that you're the issue, but everyone else is the issue. And then your friends and family trying to help and how I live and like, you know, like living in two worlds, like my friends are married with kids. I got to go out and be around 27-year-old that I'm trying to talk to. They're talking about Duolipa. They're using the word slaps. I feel like an idiot. Like it's just like that's the whole special. And then I went through a breakup. So I talk about like, you know, the way guys break up is just, you know, I am very much the big wuss guy who's,

he's acting weird. And it's like, yeah, I'm acting fucking weird. I'm trying to end this. You know, like, so if you have, if you've ever wondered, like, what is that guy thinking? you're going to get it exactly from my special that's 37 and single and just like you know the icks I do a whole bit about the icks

that just I didn't know what it was and then finding out and how not relatable the ick is to me and then you know talk about The Bachelor because I talk about

the Bachelor a lot but just relating the Bachelor of my life and everyone's life like and then body issue stuff like I talk about nighttime eating a lot so it's just a fun special

I think if they like you they're going to love this podcast like you they're going to love this podcast like you they're going to love the special and it's out I don't know when's this coming out it's going to be out when this comes out love it so the girls I don't make them have to prepare

for anything no calendar nor should they I am so much you know it's funny because like you know from betches and from here and I know the audience that follows you and me I am the audience you are the audience are just like us so it's like the idea of like get ready for Tuesday no it better be fucking on right now when I go to my comedy shows I get stopped

because I look like every girl in the crowd Oh, every, since I've started comedy, every security guard and every comedy go, Ticket, ticket, ticket. Where's your girlfriend? Where's your girlfriend? Right. And then I go on and you just see, even when I started, especially when I started, you just see like a bunch of guys being like, who's this guy I went to summer camp with?

And like, arms crossed right away, you know, just like. So I understand. Yeah. So like, but also that's why it works. Like, that's why people like the shows. Like I'm talking about my life, but it's really anyone who's. been single, is single, going to be single. Yeah.

Also has, you know, family that gets involved and has, you know, all that stuff. It's like, and, you know, it's just, it was a surprise. Like, because I made it in December and then we try to sell it and people, you know, you get nose. And then all of a sudden they're like, let's do it, August 15th. And now Netflix and you hope people just, I just hope people watch and love it and have fun with it because I have like a new hour that's like ready. Wow.

Because I've been like, that's amazing. Well, I made it, and I was just like, it's going to be on YouTube. Once everyone says no, we'll go to YouTube. And then Netflix said yes. And I was like, and it took a while for those discussions have been happening since, like, February, March. So, like, now we're here. And I'm like, I'm talking about a whole new set about, like, going to the beach with my family. So I'm, like, going on tour and all that stuff.

So it's, like, very cool. I'm excited. I'm pumped. I feel like with comedy, it's so much of, like, alone on the grind and not a lot of people sharing, like, experience. So I feel like this is a very, like, celebratory. moment. Oh, absolutely. You know, like, and I'm trying to, like, live in it, you know, like, you're trying to, like, because you get ahead or you're like, what if, you know, what if everyone watches it? No one, you never, what have you, nothing happens. Like, that's

kind of the scariest part. It's like, but then that's not going to happen. So people are going to like it and whatever. But then you have those moments and like, you know, my dad, you know, you have your family that's like, you know, every day. My dad's like, what's going on with the special. It's like, what am I going to tell you? The same thing, August 15th. I don't know what to say. There's little people working inside Netflix, uploading it. How did you deal with the nose because like comedy specials are so personal you've been working you've been doing comedy for so long you put your heart and soul out there so for a guy to be like now uh you basically put their name on a blackboard and you pray horrible things to happen to them for

the rest of their lives that's really all you do right handle it healthy an healthy way i like no you just you know what so i had i asked betches to like co-produce it so like i had you know as a business model I was like let's create a low-end expectation so low-end expectation I was like it'll go on YouTube and Betches will promote it as their own and YouTube has been great it's okay so and then but then when Betches put out of the clips it'll go on their platform and now you know someone will see it you know and I'll find new people because I you know the goal of the special is to really I want to find the people that haven't found me yet I want people who like me already to enjoy it

with their friends and family and co-workers and all that and then I want the new people who are like them like them like Like, you know, I always say, like, when you go on, you know, when you're like, well, what can I do? What do I matter? You go, well, you watching it, your profile, they're going to go, okay, who's like this person? That's how the algorithm works. So it's like, it's nice because someone else out there is like single and 37 living in Montana. And they're like, what's this?

Who's this chubby Jew? And then they click on it. And the opening joke is I'm literally the opening line is I'm 37 and single. Are you going to get exactly what? you are you single right now i'm single i'm out there i'm on the apps i'm you know i it is uh and i was i've been single for a while now and it's uh because you've been like finding yourself well no why is that only a girl thing she's like i need me alone like find a way i've no guys ever been like that well no guy well no guys this is why a lot of women are like you know he

he got you know he he wanted to be single then all of a sudden the next day he's in a serious relationship. Exactly. Because there's no there's no ho phase for men. Like the idea of me, oh, I'm in my hoe phase. I just need you be alone for like I mean, I have that guys where I'll ask them, what are you looking for in a girl and he'd be like, girl that like leaves me alone and I'm like, oh, okay, I don't know

who hurt you in the past, but then they see a girl that they're like want to spend time with and they'll change their whole narrative. Yeah, and while you're dating guys like vague options. It's true. Right. Because I do so much crowd work or even like I meet a random guy and I start doing crowdwork.

at the table with like a friend's friend and he's like can I leave this table? And I'm like so like why do you think you're single? How did this happen? Right. And it's very fascinating to me. And he's not you know there's like there's like single single there's like he's talking to like I'm talking to people. There's I'm dating one person who would be mad to hear that I said I'm single

and then there's dating relationship and then there's engaged and then there's married and then there's the people in open relationships who are just cheating on their significant other. I actually have a hot take Paige and I were talking about this. For when you're older, I kind of feel like, okay, this is a very hot take. Okay. You're ready.

Well, now there's too much expectation on it. But, like, I feel like a lot of people when they're older like to have a significant other. Like, everyone has one. I mean, besides you. Everyone has one. Most of the people have one. And then they're just kind of waiting for someone to marry and they kind of just, like, leave when they find the right person. Like, I feel like a lot of people.

So your hot take is that people are looking for the right person to settle down with? Well, I feel like when we're younger, like everyone's single, but then people like to just have someone. Well, I think people are exhausted at a certain age. Yeah, you don't want to date. You're just like, you know, and also you develop taste. You go, you know, you get in a quiet taste. Right. Well, in your 20s, you're just like, ah, I like everybody.

Look how big your, like, brunch table is for your birthday. You're like, I never dated like a DJ. Right, I'll try it. And then you date a DJ. You go, I will never fucking date a DJ again. I said I never date a comic And here I am Right

I was on a date And like she described herself As hangary And I was just like Let's just end it We don't need to We don't need to do this anymore Like I know I don't

We're not gonna get along Like hangary Like I just We're not gonna like have You have no self awareness That you're an asshole Because you're hungry And you can go feed yourself

Like I have to be I have to sit here And hear your like bullshit term That you invented Because you heard Liz Lemon say it once and now, oh, it's cute now? No, you're being a dick. How about a little...

I would love to see the flowchart of, like, how someone saying hangary turns them into, like, a certain kind of person. Oh, it's the same dudes do it, too. I think hangary is a very... is more female. Yeah. I think everyone's so sensitive is more male. Yeah. Same person. Everyone's so sensitive.

No, you're a piece of shit. How about you fucked up the joke? But it's true. Early on, you get those little red flags that you're... I think you have so much hope when you're younger. And also, you'll see a guy in your... you're like, this man has potential. If I just combed his hair a little to the side,

mm, it'll be good. I also, I learned that... Potential's over at 30. You know, like... True, you don't teach old dogs new tricks. Right, and you also get safer as you get older. You leave the house less. So you go, as you get older, you see, even on the dating up,

I mean, this is a big topic on the special. It's like, we're the Google generation. We look up the restaurant before we go. We make sure everything is comfy, cozy before we leave the house. And now we do it with people. We make sure that that person fits a certain profile, and it's not healthy or good, it's probably bad. There's less adventure. Everyone's like, I want to meet IRL. No, you fucking don't. You like to-unsafe.

Well, I'm safe, right. I like a low research. You meet IRL, you go, and that's the difference between meeting in real life is like you meet them, you go, ooh, I had a feeling. And then you hear things along the way that you're like, ah, I could deal with that, I could deal with that, I could deal with that. On the apps, you go, I'm looking at that. No, no, no, no. leave the house for that and it's you know but there's a there's there's good in between but we're past the in-between we're either too much on the apps and it's so afraid of going out in person yeah and that's just like you know and as you get older you go you know what I just want to be with people I enjoy like I want to be like at three months in on a first day you know like I don't

like when I'm on a first date I want to feel like I'm three months in with the person yes and when it doesn't you go oh I went out I got showered I'm dressed I'm sweaty. Yes. They want me to eat a cupcake on a Tuesday. I saw something. Now I'm hungry for cupcake. So I'm always looking for new brands for the girlies and Jenny Kane has been that girly. Summer's here and my wardrobe needs an update. Like I feel like in the past I was wearing a lot of like skimpy, dirty ripped stuff and Jenny Kane is like really upscale, gorgeous, minimalist and effortless and refined. It's giving old money. From flowy dresses to lightweight cotton cardigans, I feel like Sophia Ritchie Grange would be obsessed

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go to careway. That health slash burn to learn more. I saw something interesting where someone was like, don't date being goal-oriented. And I know that sounds... Don't date being goal-oriented. So like... Date for a relationship?

Is that a time of a time of that? tennis player and I always bring it up but like when I always was focusing on like I have to win this match and not like the process of it right I would get in my head so when you're always going to date like is this man a future like serious relationship for me you're constantly like so abused by the process but if you go on dating being like I'm going to learn about myself I'm to learn about other people sometimes that's emotionally easier to handle it's easier said than done too what you're saying is correct if you put pressure on the outcome you're not going to enjoy the process going through. You're totally right. But then, you know, you get on the date and you're like,

you immediately go, could I see myself with this person? You get ahead of yourself. But I guess when you're doing that, you know, the thing that you have to like train your brain into is like, oh, when I do this, that means I'm not even like, you know, having fun. Like the best dates are the ones where you're like, you literally look at the person and you go, how do we end up on this topic? Yes. You know, those are the good dates. You have. remember that and it's like that takes muscle memory that takes time that takes learning but like those best dates where you're like

wait a minute why are we talking about this and you know and I think the worst dates that are okay I think the worst dates are the ones that are okay because they're distracting you're like well they're a nice person I should go out okay dates you go I should give him another chance

yeah you're like is it me am I being too picky right and the bad dates you should be thankful for yeah that guy was a piece of shit good I know I don't It's a good story to tell the girls a brunch. I can tell the story. I know I don't want to go out with them anymore. Thank you for being a douche man.

That should be the new Golden Girls. Thank you for being a douche. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Right? That would be. I have the song. He supports women in the arts. Your heart is warm.

You try to send me a dick. pick anna and you think he's in Frankie Valley this is

well no this is the this is I literally captured one one person will watch

a special from the golden girl song from your demographic there's I'm trying to

hit every angle right well I'm trying to get him hey do Alepa fans I also

reference her in my special but the golden girls I there's a golden girls

reference in the special look Jared is a feminist icon and

don't do that to me That's a great way to get canceled. Don't go too far. I'm a okay. Whatever your brother is is what I am. Someone's going to come out of the wood, like, actually, I'm a friend. He's a piece of fucking shit.

Yeah, he thinks women should only wear dresses or some shit. No, I, I, that's a, we do this all the time where it's like, no, like every guy, every guy that's like, I love him. Like every post you see of a guy, dad, my dad was, he was been with my mom. It's like, no, he's a fuck boy to someone else. every good guy who was a buckboard of someone's story so the jared okay this is a hot topic the jared freed who all these girlies are going to run and watch on the special

37 single on Netflix and you're speaking to all these like honestly you've a lot of like hot young women that watch your special beautiful young women and also I would say smart upward mobile my dad always says my dad comes to shows and he'll be like he gives the same speech every time he's like smart upward mobile spend money get a nice drink

Does upward mobile mean perky tits? Maybe it does. I don't know. My dad's like... I actually always say about my girls. I'm like, they're successful. They're smart. They're good sense of humor.

But that Jared Freed that's talking to these women, because I know a lot of male comics who tighten up when they get in front of a female crowd. How is that Jared different than like Jared on a date? Not very much. I don't think... I mean, you know, stage person is a heightened, more energetic. You've got to perform. You've got to sing dance and dust.

But you do have a... have to do that on a date, too. You know, on a first day, you've got to bring it a little bit too. You've got to be a little bit more of an exaggerate. Are you as vulnerable on a date? I think I am. I think I'm definitely like, I'll talk. I'll get into it right away.

Like, there's no, no, no, no. I mean, we're going to talk about like eating food, what I do. You know, like, I'll be like, yeah, I drink too much. I'm like, I'll have five martinis like the, and really like, and walk my way home and pick up. Do you want a girl who could keep up with her drinking or someone who's like, hey, let's go to bed? I guess I would want someone who can, like, you know, turn it up and turn it down. You know, like, I do need that. Again, I have to fix myself before I can really, like, you can't expect a relationship.

I do not, like, and I'm making it sound like I'm this wild alcoholic. No, I mean, my drunken nights are five martinis at a bar with my phone. That's my, with my phone, like literally on my phone. I talk to nobody. On threads. Tweeting. Those are my best tweets. And then I'm on my phone drinking martinis.

and then at some point I go you deserve the food you deserve to order seamless and then I start browsing seamless and then I go don't do it don't do it and then I put things in the basket

like I put things in the cart and I'm like this is what and I say to myself I go this is what the cart would look like if you were going to order something and then I go and then I go to another app and I'm on Instagram and then I'll go back to I go

you deserve it have the bacon egg and cheese and you want to hear my orders my orders are crazy I'll tell you mine because I'm pretty I'm pretty wild too Are you?

Yeah I'm very wild Give me your last seamless order And I'll show you mine I'll show you mine if you show me yours Okay I'll show you I'll show you But let's not judge each other after this I mean there's a 15 minute

late night eating bit on the special Okay It is a huge part of the special About nighttime eating and how much And I will tell you Okay, let me go to orders. Go to your last order. And when was it?

Okay, well, I order... Today is August 1st doesn't take it. I order Uber Eats for everything. Uber Eats? For everything. That's a road move. Yeah. But even at home.

Even at home? I'm going to go out. No, it's a road move because it works in the whole country. It works in the whole country. But I've never done it here. So this morning, obviously, Starbucks, yesterday, sushi. And then I had sushi for dinner and Chinese for lunch. Sushi for dinner, Chinese for lunch?

Yeah. And she was with me. And then I had Mexican the day before. Oh, no, I want the order. I want the order. Because if you're getting like one California roll, what are we talking about here? Do you believe that guys who eat California rolls can't... They don't go down on women.

Yeah. Yeah. He knew what I was going to say. God, we are... There's no way they go down on women if you have a... If you mean a guy... I don't like the texture. Yeah, I'm just a California guy.

I'll do it if you like it. The worst people are the ones they go, I love sushi. And you go, what do you like? And they go, California. I'm like, why don't you never fucking talk to me ever again? Like, I don't know. Or do you get to the restaurant and then they tell you they don't like fish? No, no, no, no, get out of here.

You went to sushi, you're getting terriaki? Get the fuck out of here. We want to go to a terriaki specific place. No, no, no. Men who eat only California rolls don't go down on women. You heard it here first. It's true.

Just count it. It's true. It's so fucking true. Put it on a poster. So I got to an avocado. spicy salmon, shrimp temporea, shimai, miso soup, and a side of spicy mayo. It's a good order. It's a good order. It's a good order. I like it.

I don't fuck around with the food. What time was this at? Oh my God. I love this. Time of order. I know what I'm doing here. I feel it was like seven. It was like a standard dinner. Dinner. So standard dinner. That's just why you're in shape and you're okay. I eat like three big meals a day. But that's a healthy way to go, I think. Like what I'm doing is unhealthy. Would you guys consider anything less than a championship to be a failure from this year? I wouldn't say anything as a failure, especially because we all grow every day.

Obviously, the goal is a championship. There's no doubt in that, and that's the goal. We want to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMPA playoffs are here, and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find anywhere else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels. and embrace the new challenge that we have.

For all the biggest stories in women's basketball plus exclusive interviews with the game's brightest stars. So to be here, I think it's one that we definitely don't take for granted. But we also know, you know, that's just one stop along the way and we're hoping to, you know, make it run. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment

on IHart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast. Would you guys consider anything less than a championship to be a failure from this year? I wouldn't say anything as a failure, especially because we all grow every day. Obviously, the goal is a championship. There's no doubt in that, and that's the goal. We want to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here, and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players

to the behind-the-scenes moments you won't find any. where else. It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. For all the biggest stories in women's basketball plus exclusive interviews with the game's brightest stars. So to be here, I think it's one that we definitely don't take for granted. But we also know, you know, that's just one stop along the way and we're hoping to, you know, make it run. So listen to, in case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHeart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

Like, okay, ready? July 28th, 2023, 148 a.m. Get ready. Buckle up. One chicken salad sandwich on whole wheat everything bagel. Toasted, lettuce, red onion. You had a particular craving. He knew exactly what he wanted.

That's a particular pregnancy. craving. I mean that, yeah, that is, I don't give a fuck about my breath for the next week order. Halapeno, onion, and everything bagel. Chicken salad sandwich, whole wheat, everything bagel. Toasted, lettuce, red onion, fresh jalapeno. Add cheese American. I wrote it in. Yes. That's a write in.

Do you ever order that and it doesn't come toasted and you're like, I'll throw this away right now? Oh my God. And reorder it. I won't do that. I'll eat it and then be upset about it. I'm not done with the order. One bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich. Whole Wheat, Everything bagel. American toasted, extra bacon. It's a crazy order.

It's crazy. Okay? So, okay, that's two sandwiches. 148. At that point, you go, Jared, good meal. You went a little far with the extra bacon. It's 148. Time for bed.

Come on, Betty Boo. Time. It's over. I'm not done yet. One egg salad sandwich. everything bagel, toasted, lettuce, tomato. A little more red onion there for his breath. He's already double-downing.

Just in case. Just in case the first red onion. I'm eating a full red onion now at 148 a. This is like also being single. Like this is when you're single. I am the special. I'm not done. Wait, but so you're alone.

A lot. Yeah, no, this is, this could be for a family of four. It's not. It's for me. This is for a harem of women that you have. locked in your basement. Right. That's the only explanation that I could be alone picking up this bag.

One bagel with locks and cream cheese sandwich. Everything bagel toasted, scaly and cream cheese. Of course. Wait, wait. So this is my question. Do you do a taste? How much money was that? What do you think?

Over on. I'm going to say like 90. View receipt. Not 90. I did tip. Okay. Okay. Yes, he's a tipping man.

How much do you think? It's below 90. Okay. Give a good guess. 57. 5326 with tip. Listen. I'm just telling you this is, I am the special. Do you do a sampling though?

Like, will you be like, oh, I like this taste, that? And then you kind of don't, because I have a friend. I'm finishing it. There's no not, there's no quit here. Do you go one each? Here's what I do. I go half. I'll have half a sandwich, get to it later.

So I, you know, yeah, I rotate halves. And you have a fusion of sweet. sweet and salty and onion, whatever you feel. There's no sweet here. There's no sweet. There's a whole red onion I ate. See, you would not get along with my best friend, Paige, because we'll be on the road. And I order, like, solid, but I'm not going to go too crazy. I'm not getting, like, a ton of fried shit. I'm about to perform. She orders... Before the show. Yeah, this is why I go heavy so late.

Because you're starving before. Right, but I have protein bars during the day, but go ahead. I'm sorry. So, no, she'll order, like, the naughtiest thing on the menu. She's like, let's get, you know, the chicken fingies and fries. And I'm like, okay, good. you go, girl. She always has three bites. Yeah, no. And then it just sits there. And guess what mom is going to do? Yeah, you're going to eat it. Mom is going to fit. If it's in front of me, I'm eating it. So then I, I'm the disposal. When I did reality TV, we'd all be at dinner and they'd get all these fun food for us. And everyone doesn't eat on reality TV. I'm nervous eat.

So someone would be like, Hannah, what did you say that about me last week? And I'll just be like stuffing yokey in my face. So much footage of me like choking on too much carbs. So I will emotionally eat. But if I'm on my own, I know how to like stop the order. This is my thing. You know how you're like, you deserve it? How many you deserves it happened in your head during that order? Well, I mean, probably 50 to 60. You deserves it. I am the king at treating myself after a whole week of treating myself. Like I will be, I'll do the thing where it's Sunday, Jared, you're bad all week. You deserve it. Jared, this is a Netflix special.

Come on, I've been saying Netflix special to myself the past month. It's been your birthday year. Birthday, yeah. I'm delusional. We're all gained some weight because I've been eating crap on the road and I'll be like,

these airplanes really make me bloated. Like, I will never admit to myself that I am I. I mean, I'll be like, oh, I'm in an airplane, like, okay, cool. I'll have the seven cookies and then I'm like surrounded by rappers

and it's like someone will just look like I'm just swimming. So it definitely in biscoff rappers. They do say great comments. are athletes or addicts. Okay. You're definitely giving addicts.

Wow. I didn't know that was the case. I guess I have addictive behavior. Andrew Santino told me that a long time ago. Athletes or addicts. It makes a lot of sense. Which is overlaps too. Like I was an athlete who had add addictive tendencies towards sports.

And then I love dating addicts. Yeah, I guess there's definitely addiction in me as far as, because the habit does, I keep doing the same thing every time. Like, I'll, it's a, it's a, it's a, you're chasing that high and that like, rush a dopamine and pleasure when you get that good. It's also like the day is over. Like, I'm not going to eat. Going to bed hungry to me is like very depressing.

Like that idea of like, you'll do it in the morning. And then I do feel good when I don't eat at night. Like this morning I woke up hungry and I was like, wow, this is like how I should feel. Like this isn't, I shouldn't wake up being like, oh, I got to take a shit. I'm so full from the half a red onion. As someone who has addictive qualities, because I don't want to call you an addict in this public forum. I say, well, on the special, I say I'm addicted to nighttime eating.

Everyone at home is thinking it. But dating an addict is truly the most fun thing I've ever done in my life. Because when an addict first likes you, ooh, you are, he's like, he's never experienced this before. But it doesn't always last. Well, also, like, you know, speaking to my addictions and versions of addiction with late night eating and having like five, you know, my thing is like five martinis, sit in silence at a bar. I love that you just do a martini's. You're like, he's a classy man. Oh, I'm tining it up. It's been, I don't know what got me on this.

I've never met one male comedian who orders a martini. Really? Is it nobody? Do you? I'm like deep in martini land right now. You're like, I've never noticed anyone outside of my martini. And my phone, my girlfriend, the phone. I'm dating my phone. No, I have like, again, they're like, you should have two. And I was having two and like being good.

Yeah. And then something put me over that hill of having more than two. And so I'll get like a little. So when I go out, I'll be like, I'll have the martinis. And I'll be like, do I want to like go and do, you know, like, you know, you get text, should I meet up, whatever. Yeah. And then when I'm really like having fun with someone, it's like, now we're having the martinis

together. Now we're going home and eating together. Now we're just to... Oh, so the going home and eating, you don't change based on if you're with someone or not. Because girls... I probably do, but I definitely like hide it more. It's more despicable. Like I don't think this order happens with a dirty little secret.

I mean, I lived with my ex and when we lived together, it'd be like, why are you going to the fridge every five minutes? It's like, don't talk to me. No, my dad will secret eat because my mom's not... And I'll walk in and my dad to be like... Right. And he's like taking an Oreo, putting peanut butter, another Oreo. Literally, I'm opening the fridge. And they're like, is that you?

And I'm like, shh. Just look away! Well, I say Dez's beige flag is that he loves ice cream. Okay. Like, it's just a man-loving ice cream. I don't know what beige flag is now. I've heard seven different definitions of this.

So it's like a flag where like it's not bad enough that you'd break up to them with them, but it's not a green flag. So it's something that you're like, uh-huh. So it's just something they do? He's just, he's like his grown man. He'll be like, you know what I love? some ice cream. And like, I'm a savory girl. I want chicken marmijan. I want tacos. I want all that. So he'll be alone eating ice cream. As like a meal?

That's a snack sometimes. It's a snack? It'll do more snack. I'm very depressing me. I'm with you on savory. I love savory. You know what depresses me? Like bad dinners? Like you ever have like someone go like, well, let's just do cereal for dinner. When that was said, my dad used to say that to like I think fuck with us growing up. He'd be like, let's do cereal for dinner. I'd be like, are you guys getting a divorce? What's going on? Why aren't we having a hot meal. Or when you're with friends and you have to go with the group and I'm actually

one of those people who I always know what I'm in the mood for. My friends will hit me up to ask me what they are in the mood for. That's a good friend to have. I love that shit. I'll be like, guys, we're getting tie. I can feel it in my soul. We're getting tie. People need that push. People need that confidence with their food orders. I have a friend

who's like, I'm always getting ordered jealousy of this guy. I always know what I want exactly. I feel like it causes problems in a relationship. So when you want, this comes back to Tuesday Cupcake. You can just have, you have the thing you want. You're having a Japanese lunch and a Chinese dinner. I'll have Mexican twice.

That's the thing. In my head, I'd be saying they're going, Jared, what have you given up? You're doing Japanese lunch, Chinese dinner? I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I've never had an eating disorder. Okay. Because I'm a woman. When I was 16, I was at a tennis academy in Florida. and I was, like, feeling out of control.

I had a lot of pressure, and I started to, like, restrict eating. Right. I mean, like, you know, like, I don't know. Everyone has versions, you know, like, there's, like, levels of these things, you know, like, of course, there's people that have very serious, gone to hospital, gone to rehab for these things. And so I don't want to, like, co-off there. Wait, can you do a documentary of you going to rehab for... For late-night eating?

Me at night. I mean, someone call it binge eating disorder. Me at night, like, you just see the locked door in my hand on the one. window. Slow me out. Slowly. Give me one size of cheese. I swear, it's just the one slice.

That would be me. It's just you and a bunch of dudes just sitting there like, so what do we talk about? Right, what do we do? That's the thing also with like, you know, it's late night eating is like a thing. It's like if I know if I just went to bed. Yes. That's a big part of it. But it's hard to go to bed.

You're okay. I know, but if you just get in bed, like you, you know, you're, you'll be okay. You wake up a skinny queen. Wake up Oh, nothing. I am never skinnier. When I wake up hungry,

I say to my, I'm like, Charrett, you should be a model. You should do some light modeling. Like, not like shirt off modeling, like Kmart.

At least Ecom. Yeah, something like, you know. At least some like commercial for like Gardasil or something. T-shirt companies,

something like that, Gardasil, whatever it is. Like a lip-bomb commercial. Sky Rizzi. Sky Rizzi. Yeah, I could do some sort of, pharmaceutical bottling, you know, like, but when I don't eat, but when I eat, it changes the

whole day. And then you start punishing yourself. That's the, that's the cycle of like, you eat a night and then you go, okay, I guess I'm fasting. I guess today's Yom Kippur. Yeah. You know, I'm going to fast. And then you're not, you're not thinking about your friends or you're just thinking about this. And it puts pressure on everything else. It puts pressure on like, like, because, you know, listen, especially in a relationship. This is why, like, you know, 37 and single and the eating issues and stuff like that. You're like, you can't find someone. that's going to be the fix for that. Like, it's just not going to work out that way.

I've learned that. You have to make sure you're working on yourself. And then hopefully you find someone along the way while you're working on yourself because you're never going to be better from anything. Like, all these people listening watching. It's someone who wants to be part of your imperfect journey. It's going to happen.

But you have to be aware of, like, where your faults are. And because when I've been in relationships or dated someone where I'm, like, actively taking myself away from the fun dating stuff we should be doing because I'm like, well, I ate last night. and now I can't do brunch today. Now I've got to be water and coffee at brunch guy. And you don't want to be that guy. Like I'd rather have fun and enjoy, you know.

Yeah. Well, they say with addicts, like, with drinking, you shouldn't date after a year. And even, like, I remember when I was dealing with some eating stuff when I was younger, I woke up and all I thought about was food because I didn't want to think about, like, the actual issues. But I don't have time to, like, meet a guy or, like, be open. Right, because you're thinking about the thing.

And the food is, it's just a sense of control because you can't control the rest of your life. It's very fascinating. and so many people deal with it on and off. On, in levels, you know, I don't want to, you know, because there's a total spectrum for it all. And it's like, you know, there's people out there, you know, going through it right now, they're probably listening.

They're like, you're speaking to a piece of what I'm dealing with. Yeah. So the girlies want to know. Okay. What's your type? My type. Like, what do you? Like, I love a curvy lady.

I love curvy women. Always been my type. Mm-hmm. And also just like, I guess like, you know, I think good relationships are good improv. It's not, good relationships aren't good stand-up. Like, I don't want to be performed for. I don't want to have to perform for someone else. I think if you have a good, you know, thing, you know, where you complains, you know, of course, I'm saying all things that people know.

Like, you know, complimenting each other in the way. Like, I don't know, I don't, I'm not a person. I think what people think when you're a comic is that you're like, you got to be on stage all the time. And it's like, that's really not what I'm looking for. You want to be turned off. I mean, you want to turn off. You don't want them to turn you off. But you want to come home and they just see you for you.

And you don't have to keep proving yourself. Right. And you just like, you know, sit in a corner on the bar. Like when I sit in the bar and all my phone on the martini, he's like, yeah, that's my brain is melting. I am really like comfy, cozy in that position. And, you know, I had a woman, oh, so annoyed. I'm at a bar.

I'm having a coffee at a bar. So it was like during the day, wasn't going to drink before shows. this woman turns me, she's like, are you happy? And I'm like, what? Like, are you happy? First of all, no one's happy. Yeah, yeah, I'm having a coffee at a bar. What do you think is, no, I'm not happy.

I'm starving myself because I had four sandwiches. You're like, I was happy and you interrupted my duke scroll. Right. I'm just chilling. Are you happy? And I go, yeah, are you? And she goes, she said something along the line. And she's like, she's like, yeah, what else is there?

And I'm like, that means you're not happy, first of all. That means you're like, doth protest too much. And then she goes, you just look so morose. And I'm like, that's just, I guess my face? I'm just a morose. Morose. Morose? Morose.

What are the, is your SAT tutor? What the fuck is this? Morose. It doesn't say the adjective to call someone. I just wanted to like, I literally wanted to sit in front of her and just go, like, like roll my eyes. Was she, like, hitting on you? I don't know what it was, but it was like, I never want to speak to this person ever again in my entire life.

It's a weird neg calling someone morose. And also, it's a weird nag, and it's also like a weird, like, this thing of like, are you happy? It's this weird way of getting me to ask you about how you become happy. Like, you seem to be the professional happiness person. It's like, you're in the bar at 11am, too. Right. Well, they were having, they were definitely having more fun than me. There's no question about that.

I think you could have a little resting bitch face sometimes. me of course I think right what I don't understand isn't it weirder for me to walk around no laughing like you literally are like a girl where someone's like why aren't you smiling right I had it happened in Oklahoma City these two women are like I was just in Oklahoma City you're probably in the same hotel these two women why aren't you happy I'm like what

no that's some like if someone came in the elevator was like hey everybody I'd be like get me off the fucking elevator I feel uncomfortable. I don't want to be here. It's, you know, it's interesting because when I was dating, to make this about me, I, everyone, when you're younger, you have a list of, like, I have a joke about Disney in my stand-up about, like, Disney teaches you the kind of, like, princes you want to be with, they have to be all these things. And then I think growing up is realizing these princes on paper might not be right for you. Right. Not every prince is your prince?

Yes, because, so it's really, like, what you were saying, someone that when you sit down, you feel like your best self with and you feel, like, free to be yourself. Right, totally. It's, I mean, like... Even though we never really know who we are, but I mean... Right, and then you get... I think as you get older, you're like, am I crazy, or is this happening now? You know, like, you get to a point where, like, you know, I'd gone on a bunch of dates with someone that was, like, having a lot of fun.

I'm like, am I having fun? Like, you don't even trust yourself. Is this fun? Right, is this fun? There's a point, like, I think there's, like, a hot spot of, like, 28 where you're like, I know how I have fun. I got my friends that keep me delusional. I'm just delusional enough to, like... be with someone and believe that my fun is our fun.

Then you get to like 35 and you're like, am I only having fun because I'm here? Am I, is this what fun is? Is this a one woman show right now that I'm just murdering? Right. And then there's the concept of like you think that like weeding your person is going to be this crazy soulmate type thing. But then as you get older, you realize like,

oh, it's like at the right time I'm going to find someone who I'm like, that's a good fit for me. Right. Yeah, this is all about everyone's. Do you believe in soulmates? No. I believe in everyone has. You're so morose.

I'm so morose. Jared Morose-Fried. That's me. So now that the Netflix is out, how are you going to deal with all the pussy? How will I deal with all the pussy? I just got to have to wade through all this pussy. No, I've never had that at my shows.

It is actually nice. Because I feel like other comics will be like, I mean, Jared Freed shows are just... It's a lot of women who feel like my show. sister feel like my cousin like they feel very familial to me like again like I'm talking about eating at night for 15 minutes yeah you know like it's not like I'm up there being like so these fucking sick balls I got I don't know why I would say that but you are a feminist icon but no you are because you're speaking to the women and not a like oh I'm a like hot dude who's like say my

opinions you're speaking in a like we're all in this conversation together yeah yeah that's always been the podcast the podcast is always been like, listen, I'm going to say some icky things that are a little uncomfortable because it's truly how I feel, but I'm not trying to like soften this for anyone. Like, this is the truth. Are you ready to settle down? I think so. What I turned to your mom,

are you ready to settle down, Jared? My mom has never been that way. Never. Oh, because you're her. Boys don't get it. Yeah, she's like, my Jared, no one's good enough for him. When it happens, it happens, you know, I'm not going to push it. You know, she does that all thing. She's like, you're

mine forever. Right. Yeah. She's like, you know, she'll do the thing. Well, she'll be like, she won't say it to me. She'll be like, I just want him to find someone. I just want him to be happy. And it's like when she was, I don't really like it. Yeah, then everyone's. I don't like him.

Yeah, then she hates everybody. And it's like, yeah, it's. They do also, being 37 and single as a man is very different than 37 and single as a woman. Oh, absolutely. I think the. Because you're not even, 43. is when they mature. I met Des.

43 is when men mature? Is that what they say? I made that up. But Dez, I met him at 46. And that was like a prime peak emotional status. When you go gray, ooh. The gray. I got a couple of my beard.

Yeah, Dez is gray, gray. Dez is Silver Fox territory. I know guys will ask him like, you know, when I go gray, like, how's going to change my life? Like, he's like preaching about Silver Fox Dumb to people. Teaching a class. just a bunch of young men with like a little gray over their ears. They're just coming in a form.

He's like, the world's going to change to you. Everyone thinks you know what you're talking about. But I do think as guys get older, they do. Well, you calm down and you're also like, you know. But I think the, the frustrations are the same because if you're like, and also the frustrations of like you just want like a little bit of groundhogs day when you're single. You know, it's like the same thing all the time. and you're like, when do you see people moving through life

and you see them with kids and like the marriage. You know, the weddings were never attractive to me. No. When I saw a wedding, I was like, good for them, whatever. But I think when I see families and I see it like working, but when I see it not working, I'm like, whew, I don't want, that seems like the most miserable person in the world versus the happiest person in the world.

So it's like, it's tough because you're like, man, I don't want to be the missy, you know, the missy. So morose So morose But then When you see it working out When you see like the family That seems happy

You're like Oh look at that They got couches And they seem comfy They have couches They all wear matching PJs You know there's a piece of that Where you're like

They have a little walkway rug Right It says like welcome With like their dog's paw Yeah They got the kids on the back Of a minivan Little stick figures

Yeah They don't even know their names Right There's something Attractive of that to me But then you also see when it's like, oh, you know, when it goes bad, it can go bad. Well, Jared.

A good way to end. I'm so happy you came back on Brain Hell. I'm so, so, so excited for your special. It's nice to see, like, someone who's been in the game for so long, who deserves this more than anyone, and I can't wait to watch it. I appreciate that. And everyone run to watch Netflix right now. Netflix, 37 and single.

Watch it if you enjoy this conversation. It's all, like this, again, like, I don't talk about anything that I don't have personal experience with. It is everything that's going on in my life at that month. And at the end, there's a special treat at the end. Oh, you take your shirt off? I take my shirt off and I eat a cupcake. And you rub it all over.

I rub it all of my face. No, at the end, in the credits, there's a special thing there that I can't reveal. But I want everyone to go watch it. You're wild. I hate that he just said that. I have something to tell you, but I'm not going to tell you it now. I'll tell you. after.

Okay, good. Yeah, you're going to, no, I mean, not these peasants. Well, thank you guys for coming. It's been sponsored by Cupcakes, and we'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Whatever team Fia is on has a chance to win a championship. I'm Christina Williams, host of the podcast, in case you missed it with Christina Williams. The WMBA playoffs are here and I've got the inside scoop on everything from key matchups and standout players to the behind the scenes moments you won't find anywhere else.

It's really, really hard to be the champions, but we have to remember how it feels and embrace the new challenge that we have. So listen to In case you missed it with Christina Williams and IHeart Women's Sports Production in partnership with Deep Blue Sports and Entertainment on IHartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.