Berner Phone - Jared Haibon & Ashley I: Shame Spirals & Love After Paradise

Episode Date: October 14, 2021

Jared and Ashley have one of the wildest love stories ever to air on Bachelor in Paradise. Now that the cameras are down, what is life really like? Ashley is pregnant and they are planning on opening a bar/cafe in Rhode Island together, but we unpack what really made them fall in love and how their demons are truly compatible.--- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Okay, I feel like you and my fiancé would really get along because I feel like Ashton I both have main character energy and we could either like make or break a room, you know? 100%. Like in one second, we can make the part of- Or destroy it. Completely destroyed dumpster fire, burn the house down. And that's a skill. So anyway. It's a pretty good skill.

I just, I feel like we both have chaotic energy and I just always appreciate that about her. It's always chaotic in this household. But honestly, it keeps me on my toes. Maybe that's what your fiancee loves about you so much. I always find if there is never a dull moment. And I am so happy that I'm married Ashley, mostly because of that, honestly. I mean, she's a great person, too.

Welcome to Burning Hell. We have, and it's Haven, right? Yeah. Okay, I did my research just to make sure. People almost fucking butcher that all the time. I apologize for you. Usually I get Haban, if they butcher it that badly. Jared, Haban.

We have, you know what's funny? What? I was going to say, so, okay, full, I'm the most privileged. I'm like such a white privileged male. It's pathetic. But my point being, I belong to a country club, my first ever belonging to a country club. It's been a goal of mine, and I did it. I'm not even good golfer, but I was like, I've always wanted to do this.

I'm probably going to go broke and cancel my membership. But my point being, a buddy of my. joined after me and literally this guy this one guy that works there oh his my buddy's last name is rodriguez and he's like hey mr rodriguez it's good to see you he comes up to me and he goes hey john nice to see you i'm like i'm not going to say anything like it's fine whatever he doesn't know my name totally cool he calls him mr rodriguez he calls me john by the wrong first name whatever i digress he a week later this guy walks by and it's a country club so like he wants you know he works there he's a young kid he's interning he wants a schmooze he's he's a smooze he's

goes up to my buddy again mr rodriguez how you doing beautiful day blah blah blah i'm literally two feet right next to my friend completely ignores my existence doesn't even doesn't even look my direction i'm like this guy calls me john this guy then doesn't acknowledge me at all did you say excuse me can i talk to you for a second yeah yeah excuse me can i steal you for a second so my point being everyone butchers my name or just doesn't know my name i think it's because you're in a country club in your 30s wearing a backwards hat you know well the backwards hat is not a lot are you in 30s yeah 32 oh my god 33 in november i'm old well you have that like i've been in l.a for a couple years skin so good for you um really yeah i mean it's probably do you have a nice light you guys probably

have a good light yeah i got a ring light on me right now this is like i love having bachelor guys on my podcast because you guys not only are put together but you also are forced to talk about your feelings all the time. So I feel like you have a higher emotional intelligence than the average squirrel-brained man. Can I ask what emotional intelligence is? Isn't that the other girl on the bachelor who kept saying that? Well, that was like Taylor. That was the whole Taylor. Yeah, and Corinne. So I think, like I don't even know what the hell it is. What does that even mean emotional intelligence? So that means I'm just more in tune with my feelings. I like that. I also appreciate you putting me on the spot in hell because I like to throw words around and just say them

confidently and not actually know what they mean. I do think it's your tune with your emotions and you like understand why you feel a type of way like a lot of guys they'll have a lot of emotions and it'll funnel just into anger and then they'll say anger is not emotion it's just men being men and um i feel like men showing emotion is or they're they're scared of emotion and that's why i'm fascinated with you i haven't even give you an intro we have Jared haybin on the podcast today guys inhale you said that so perfectly thank you so much i was i always get nervous right before i've fucked i've fucked up so many names um oh it's beyond repair And then the whole pod is awkward because they think you don't respect them.

Oh, my God. When people come on the podcast, in my head, I'm like, I'll just keep repeating their name. But then when I intro them, because I'm saying words other than their name, I completely forget how to pronounce it. And it's so pathetic how I can pronounce a name properly eight times in a row and then 30 seconds later, be like, oh, uh, uh, said, titan, what's your name again? How do you, I don't even want to butcher it. How do you say your name? And the worst is when you get cocky and think you know what it is, so you don't

even stop to be like, is that your name? And you just go and then like a minute later, they're like, can you, it's, it's, you're off. You're not even close. But you are one of the success stories from Bachelor in Paradise, which we know is even more wild than the stereotypical Bachelor. And you're also a host. on help we suck I dating with Dean and I was on it and it was an epic episode that turned to me just asking them about how to function in a relationship that was on reality TV and you are so funny so smart so such a good jawline so I had to have you on I got to come on this podcast more often please keep it coming but I want to begin with just asking about emotional

intelligence you dealt with a girl who is so good at expressing her emotions I'm terrible at it she will cry good over anything she'll cry over like a nice cup of coffee so she's just so happy that they got the cream and sugar correct or she cried that the the foam art on top was disfigured so i want to know did this crying scare you or did it did you like it or how did your relationship because i know some people like can't handle when people cry how do you do it I mean, what? At first, yeah, it was definitely a deterrent in our relationship. Honestly, because it was so intimidating. You know, we went down at Bachelor in Paradise and Ashley had this, you know, she had, what about you? A crush?

Not a crush, but she had, you know, this, everybody knew that she was the cry. Right. And so she had that to overcome. And then the first day we meet, you know, that night, she's already hysterically crying. And it's like, oh, God, am I willing to invest so much effort and time into a relationship with someone who just cries all the time? Because I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this. Anytime Ashley starts crying, like our argument or our conversation, it's over. I'm done. I check out. I can't do it. Because it's like, you know, anybody who's crying hysterically in front of you, if you have any type of compassion or soul at all, you immediately back down.

You're like, I'm sorry. I please, I forgive me. not going to kick a dead dog no exactly right but then she'll be like no we need to keep talking me you know and she's like this doesn't solve anything i'm like well then you need to stop crying and she's like well i can't stop crying and then like i'm then i'm like we can't continue talking talking about i've broken the seal it's not going to stop yeah that's the issue and she'll just be like we have to you just have to learn how to continue talking through my crying and i've gotten better at it but it's still she could go like and you know exactly what she's saying

I mean, well, a lot of times she'll do like that thing where she, it becomes so funny because she'll try to, uh, you know, talk back. But when she starts talking about something serious, she'll start crying more. So she'll be like, you know, I just, I just, and it's like, oh, God, it just never goes anywhere. But we have, I mean, I'm super lucky that we were friends for a couple of years. In hindsight, I made all the wrong decisions that I can make. But it actually weirdly worked out because because of that friendship we had, it created such a strong foundation of the relationship we have now with our communication and with our just being around each other constantly.

As you know, you're engaged. You're just around your fiancé, your husband, your wife. Especially during the pandemic. Especially during the pandemic. So we got so lucky that we were able to learn so much about each other, not being in a relationship, that I felt like we were able to kind of grow individual. but also grow together and I think that's really helped us because a lot of people as you know when you get together it's kind of like you have to grow individually and together under this one bubble where Ashley and I were able to kind of always be almost go parallel with each other and that really helped I feel like I don't get invested in too many other relationships but your relationship I can't wait to pick apart because it was so special and I just have to say I saw like a headline at some point that you guys were together and I feel like every girl everywhere was like yeah

Ashley Like she defied the odds She's a fucking superhero But I'm putting you on the spot Because there's this girl Tanks Who has this theory She went on Nick Viall's podcast And she was like

When a guy meets a girl He immediately puts her in a box He puts her in a box in her head Either I want to sleep with her I see her as wafew material I'm not into her She's friend material And that's that

And she was like There's nothing you can do to change it Just do you And that's it your relationship defies those odds how yeah i guess i agree with her that every guy puts a girl in a box but i would also say that a girl usually puts a guy in the box it's like it's very similar no matter what sex you are like did you have ashley in a box uh i wouldn't say i necessarily i mean that's a great question because my boxes are very blurred lines you go so i have bubbles

Yeah, I think more bubbles. She was in a giant bubble. I mean, I think, I guess maybe I don't agree or maybe I'm somebody that doesn't, you know, go by that logic because I do think that things can change. Because you rejected her on the show, like 800 times, like 7 million times. Never mind. She should definitely not come on this podcast. It's going to be bad for me later on tonight. No, no, no.

But I'm pulling it all together in that. she I think tell me if I'm wrong because I'm actually I was invested in your guys season that when you said like she came on she's the crier you guys came on with characters that you kind of envisioned for yourself like she put you on a pedestal as like the guy that if she got her life would just be fixed and then you had all these people in your ear like oh ashley like oh she cries a lot oh maybe and you also had a potential to meet so many other girls obviously it wasn't just so everyone tried to get Ashley and you guys had so much pressure

because immediately she was like you and I think that could be scary even if you guys are meant to be together it sounds like the show actually made it way more complicated do you agree to disagree? Oh I completely agree I think the show is actually not the best

place for Ashley or I to date it's just because everything is sped up on a timeline and there's so much pressure And I think Ashley and I just don't thrive in those scenarios, which is interesting that we met each other in that environment. We obviously did not start dating in that environment. Because even so when I went on the show, you know, before Paradise, you know, everybody assumed that I was going to be the guy that was getting engaged by the end of it.

You know, I was seen as the guy who's ready for marriage and settled down. And I remember talking to producers beforehand and they were like, we're super excited for you. They were like, we think, you know, there's a lot of good girls on there. and we think, you know, this could be, this could be it for you. So it's already so much pressure-pacted. I'm so easily manipulated. I'm already excited.

I know what happened. I'm like, yeah. I was like, yeah, give me a ring right now. I'll propose to anybody. But, and so, and then going in that, and then like I talked about, you know, you meet all these people. And especially it's such, I love the show. I love Bachelor.

I love Bachelor. I love Bachelor. I love Bachelor in Paradise. I legitimately hope the show never ends. because we owe so much to it. It helps us now. It helped us before. We're so grateful for it.

In hell, the devil is a huge fan of Bachelor in Paradise. So yeah, we're all about it. Yes, big fan. It's the devil's entertainment. Let's be honest. Oh, 100% every Tuesday night.

The devil gets his popcorn. He's like, can't fucking wait. Who's going to cry this week? And so, yeah. But so you meet all these people. And as much as I love the show, like I said, I hope it never gets canceled.

It isn't like the best way to meet someone. You get thrown in with all these beautiful people on an island and then you're supposed to like only choose one of them. It's just, it's so weird when you think about it. I'm just talking about the show. My wife Ashley is joining us for a couple minutes later. I want to ask Ashley the question too. Yeah.

Hi, Ashley. Hi. Good to see you. Thanks for stopping by. Congrats on being preggers. You're freaking adorable. That's very kind of you. Adorable is a nice word to use.

I am, I am a joyful. She hates when people say she's glowing. Or like, or looks good or anything. You're like, I'm sweating, bitch. It's sweat. It's gross. It's just gross. Do not call me attractive by any means, but adorable, I'll take.

So we were just talking about the show and how you and I kind of defied the odds because we were talking about this woman who went on Nick Bial's podcast and said that every guy puts a girl in a box when they first meet them. I mean, yeah, okay. And they're like, I'll sleep with her, I'll marry her, I'll be friends with her, or like, I don't want anything to do with her. And Jared's like, yeah, I agree with that. And I was like, well, I agree that you put everybody in box, but I would assume I would hope that people change their boxes. But we're arguing that we think Bachelor in Paradise fucked up his logic of the boxes. Oh, 100%.

Because like, when we were talking about like how before the show, you know, everybody was like I was seen as the guy ready for marriage. Yeah. And like, you put me on this pedestal, which by the way, I told her a million times right off the bat. I was like, listen, don't like, I'm the worst decision here. But that's like the hottest thing to say to a girl. If a guy is like, don't put me on a pedestal. I'm a mess. I'm like, I want your babies now. Actually, I found out like when we got together that he was a little bit more psycho than I thought but but now I actually think that he's like even maybe above the pencil I put him on

because his treatment of me as a pregnant woman has just been like so outrageously kind and helpful and like every day I paid her to say this this is why I was much more obsessed with him every day oh my god that's very sweet of you I know I love that so much every day you're you're my baby mama he's also just been so happy since we moved to her island I don't know if you've been this happy And what if we were pregnant in L.A.? Oh, my God. Oh, yeah, you'd have to, like, put on, like, fancy clothes and shit at night or who know? What do people do in L.A?

I don't know. I don't know anymore. Are you guys? What's going on with the coffee shop? What's going on with that? Oh, so it's hopefully opening later in October. I actually just came from there this morning because the, I had the fire. Yeah, I had the guy from the fire department come in.

And it's just like things you never think about it. It's like you got to check the emergency lights and you got to get. firework streamers in there in the right places and then like between getting electricians and plumbers and you know everything set up in there it's just like so time consuming i'm just i'm just like manifesting um another spin off that has to do with coffee i'm just manifesting it oh i love it the kids in the back working yeah oh obviously like a vander pump rule something that would be so very amazing some some kid who just wants to make money during the summer his favorite his favorite show with restaurant impossible oh my god with that buff guy i love that

dude chef robert he's the man chef robert's the shit but i also love um what is it called with the british dude barra the british guy because like every oh you mean uh house kitchen yes but he has another one where every time he walks into a restaurant he has to fix it and he's always like oh let me order the shrimp scampy is it microwaved and they're always like no And then he eats and he goes, this shit is microwaved. And he freaks out. We got to clarify that it's not just a coffee shop because I feel like we've been like saying coffee shop, coffee shop, it's a bar too.

Oh, hell yeah. It turns into like a wine and martini lounge at night. But Ashley, I have one question for you. I know football season started. Do you ever feel like he loves Tom Brady more than you and how do you handle that? Because I just went on his Twitter for research and I was like, calm down, bro. I feel like I have to die on the hill that is Tom Brady. I got to defend this man.

I'm the first one at the wall. Anybody who comes after Tom Brady, you got to get through me. I don't, like, I'm so condoning of this relationship that he has with Tom Brady. I love, I, like, love it as much, and I never get tired of hearing about it, to be honest. I should be that wife that's like, are you kidding me? You're like, but I kind of like, I'm kind of like, yeah, it's fun. love to give. He's reading this book, this new book.

It's called Better to Be Feared. It's called Better to Be Feared and all of New England is talking about it. And at night when he reads, I like lean over his shoulder and I read with him. I don't know. He's got me on the Tom Train hard. There's so much nuance. It's fantastic. I'm a New Yorker so we can fight about this later.

Well, I'm a Giants fan. So are you New Jersey, Ashley? Um, well, my family is originally from Jersey. Yeah. So do you like Rhode Island? Are you like a Rhode Island like girl now? Well, it was really hard because when we moved here, we were here for two months and like I really was enjoying it very much. And the summer came. It was like so cute. Like I love to like take people around this state. It's really great to have guests, especially from like May through December and then when I got pregnant like now all I think about is being like pregnant and miserable here

but I but I know that I do love the state because besides this span of months like I've always loved being here I've never had a complaint the only thing I complain about is the fact that he's like such a townie like I like doing like the classy things like let's go to Newport and westerly and like all the me in West Warwick And he wants to go to the softball field with his Duncan. Yeah, I want to go. I want to play

co-ed softball, get myself a nice little caramel He's like, I need to mow the lawn, okay? Yeah, I need to mow the lawn and then I want to go to the dive bar night, wash the socks. Like, that's what I want. And I just want to go to the Warwick Mall. Speaking of being normal people, what was it like? Because as someone on reality TV has had a romance, like it's kind of hot. Like the lights and the cameras and the

people like rooting you on like if i was on bachelor in paradise i'm convinced a producer could get me to fuck a barnacle like if they just were like he's so into you like whatever what was it like when the cameras stopped the lights stopped and you get back to normalcy was that a good transition for you guys or was it weird

as fuck for us it was bad like as a relationship it was better for us because i feel like it goes either way like extremes well i think people get hyped up like and i think we probably not to accuse people, but we probably just saw it with Brandon and Piper, if you guys were watching Bachelor and Paradise, because I heard that they broke up, where you get kind of lost into this world of

being a Bachelor couple, so to speak. And, you know, I'm not saying that they did or didn't, but it obviously isn't the best look that they went there with this idea of being a couple and then went through all this crap left and then broke up afterwards when, like, they didn't get a lot of support. So I feel like a lot of people just love the idea of being at a Bachelor couple, because like you said, there's lights and there's. There's cameras and there's excitement and people are rooting for you. And it's like, and then, but you realize pretty quickly. Or do you love that?

Yeah. Do you love the idea of being in a relationship with this person or do you actually love being in a relationship? Do you love that Samantha from Kansas thinks you guys are adorable or do you actually love how he, his mind works? Totally. And that's something. I think you can tell. Yeah. I think you can tell.

I think you could probably tell, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to, uh, not, like, like I could yeah I mean people I think just like accept that I don't know I want to ask Ashley a question because I feel like you are so good at expressing and being in touch with your emotions and I mean that like a hundred percent and two I feel like you're connected with your gut because and I have a lot of pride like if I feel like a guy is slightly not into me I'm like never talking to him again fuck you like he could have just been having an off day and I'll be like not right what in your gut made you think I am meant for this man and no matter when any obstacles that come my way I will climb that obstacle like at what point did

like how do you are you connected with your gut like that did you really know he was the one yeah it was really weird even though he didn't know I don't know I never had like that feeling when I first met somebody like with like this weird like like hit you sort of thing and I was talking to I don't know you know Jonathan Bennett yeah you know Aaron Samuels and his fiance James Vaughn they said that they had like the exact same feeling they had never experienced and it was like when they like saw each other it was just like like that was like and you know you knew that he had it but he was like fighting it no i don't think jerry had a lot at first night i had a love at first time it's okay i'm fine with that it wasn't that i didn't it was i remember i'll

never forget when you walked down the stairs and i was apparently just gorgeous and you were staring at me a lot which is a little freaky but also so in jeering you weren't blinking Because my thing was, I definitely, like, wanted to dare to be there. I've, like, been very, I've posted this picture. You manifested it. I definitely, well, I, I kind, I manifest a lot of things. But I definitely wanted him to be there. I don't know if I manifested that.

I mean, the producers were probably going to put the fourth place finisher on the release season on the stage. The producers definitely manifested. Yeah. Thank you, producers. But when I got there, wait, what was I saying? Oh, yeah. So even though I wanted him to be there, I kept telling producers,

I was like, even though I wanted you to be there, I just wanted you guys to know that, like, I think it's going to be really difficult for me to like someone. Like, I don't think that there's anybody who's not going to, like, go absolutely cuckoo for. And then when I saw him, I think I was so taken aback by, like, this immediate feeling that I must have, like, that the staring was definitely like a,

and he's also like so much, I don't know, you are way, you're way hotter on paradise. and you were on Katelyn's season. I thought you're... But why? I don't even know. It was a matter of a month. It's just you get,

I get a tan and I go from a five and a half to a solid. Tan is a different person, me tan. And honestly, to be fair with, you know, you asked the question of like, why did she keep being persistent? I mean, I'm just a dumb guy who's definitely giving a lot of mixed signals. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Because they will oversimplify shit. They'll be like Jared's rejected her 4,000 times, but she's still trying. but like you definitely had to have something for this girl to yeah i hate when they do that i will say in paradise he didn't give me much no outside i gave a lot of paradise but that's what matters so much for me to like continue to that's honestly like that's when i really started falling a love with ashley when we got i always i always referenced this one weekend that we went for a charity event and she looked incredible and it was we got to watch football on sunday like she's charitable

Tom Brady was in the background There was a lot of emotion going on there But like we got to sit and just like Have a Sunday you know Which a lot of people obviously I knew if he could have a Sunday in the fall with me I was like the combination of these days I know I can do it and I did it

And I saw like the look in his face Just totally changed But then I played along with it for months and months Well because in paradise or on the show You don't get to experience normal life with somebody so to be able to just watch football on a Sunday and have people over and have a ball. Yeah, and it was just, I felt.

You are a sick genius. It's because she's Italian. We're long term, like revenge, anything. I don't care if it takes 10 years. We're going to get it. Oh my God, that is so funny. So, Ashley, even though this guy had rejected you and made you feel like shit before,

how are you able to gain confidence in yourself again to be like, oh, I am, he thinks I'm the best? This is what our producer, executive producer, or Long Gail, he used to tell me he used to be like you're a goldfish like you can literally like bounce back from like rejection and sadness so quickly and just be like and forget because you know they have like a zero second memory your squirrel yeah yeah well did you wait squirrel that's so weird that you said that because my friend used to call Jared squirrel like in that movie when the dog sees a squirrel

and it goes squirrel like immediately squirrel it's from up up yeah up Anyway, but yeah, so between those two, I don't know. I just like bounce back really fast and I'm such a daydreamer and I was so daydreaming to like the point of manifestation where I would just like all the sudden, I'd be like, okay, well, if I just hit the reset button, it was all about like mentally hitting the reset button, daydreaming it out, manifesting it out again. Ashley does just a great job of being optimistic. I mean, that's what it's simplistic, but it's the truth. But I also feel like crying is part of her magic because like I don't feel. my feelings but you when you feel your feelings she's like oh god are you okay no but when you feel your feelings that means they can leave your body like if you just try to like figure them out in your head

they're never going to leave like i was just looking at tic talk about that's very smart like you can't figure out your feelings you just have to express them and that's the only way you can move forward and ashley's like the queen of that i think you described our relationship in a nutshell because i'm certainly someone who tries to figure out there's a cerebral about it doesn't release them where she's someone who releases them and doesn't figure out shit. It's just the next day she's fine and you don't know how. The next day, five minutes later. In grad school, my friends and I, it was my birthday, and it was time for me to make my

birthday wish and they're like, let's put the wish into the world. And I like blew the candle outside the window. And like, that's just kind of how I've always been. Outside the window. It needs to go into the world. If the window is closed, it only stays in this room. Oh, my God. Well, I also think that you guys being close friends, and I know you probably answer this all the time, but I just want to know, Jared, when did you start getting, like, you knew that there'd be romance, like there could be a chance.

What were you scared of? What do you think was blocking it? Well, I think also I subconsciously knew I was leading her on in a way, not leading her on, but definitely. He hates using the expression leading on. I know, because I think leading on is always with a malicious intent, like you're leading someone on. I don't know if that's technically a definition, but I like to say I was giving mixed signals. Consciously, I definitely knew I was because I knew I was one foot in and one foot out. Because you were mixed up in the head.

Yeah, but in my head, we'll talk about trying to figure out feelings. I was like, okay, well, if I don't make a move on her, if we're not intimate or physical in any way, then that's okay. Like that's much better. And truthfully, that was stupid, obviously, because you can give someone mixed signals without being physical. And emotions can be, like, way more complicated and hurtful than just a little P in the V, you know? Totally. Just a little P in the V, you never hurt anybody. Well, sometimes it's definitely.

But my point being... Depends on how big it is. Oh, that's funny. Anywho, we have ADD, by the... I feel like all three of us do, but this is a journey we're going on. We're on a topic so that never would answer that. No, a thousand times over. Oh, my God.

But, yeah, so that was kind of like where my head was at. that, but then we ended up making out one night in November. December, December, December after paradise. And then I felt bad. And then I threw up in the car the next day. She threw up in the car in the next day. Terrible. Oh, God, she was throwing up too.

So we were on, we had an event in Boston. We stayed in the hotel in Boston. We ended up making out that night. The next day, she woke up and she was hung over as shit. And she just, she just didn't look right. And then so I was driving back to, I was in a fight the night before, like a physical altercation. Oh, she was.

So puffy. So then we were driving back to Rhode Island because she was, her car was down there. And that's where I lived at the time. And then I was on the highway. And she was, I could tell that she was like, she's kind of just like fidgeting and moving around. I was like, are you okay? And she's like, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then all of a sudden out of my peripheral, I can see like her hand just motioning up and down waving. And then I looked over and her other mouth was covering her other hand was covering her mouth. I'm not joking. Puk was like coming in between. her fingers and i was like okay i'm pulling over i'm pulling over i'm overcome everything oh it was the most disgusting thing i'll never remember i'll never forget that image of you just puking in your hand and like it coming through your fingers and he's like that's going to be my baby mama someday that's that's my baby mama i tried so hard for we're talking like you know six months of me like playing it cool and making every single move amazingly until the fact until the point and he ended up making him physical move and then that And then the real Ashley I showed up.

And then he didn't want to make out of me yet all after that. No. But I don't even know why, like, you got so weird after that. I'm not sure if it was because the throw-up or because my throw-up was cute. What are you talking about? Yeah, it's so cute. I want to know, you guys both have separate podcasts. Is that strategic to keep your relationship together or?

No, not really. It's just kind of the way it worked out. Yeah. But I love doing the podcast. obviously with Dean and I think with Ash and I we just you know there's so much content between two of us between our social media pages and then anytime we do stuff like this you know we usually do it together because we really like doing it together yeah I think if we ever did a podcast I'm definitely open to the idea but it would just be so much Ashley and Jared content yeah

we'd have to figure out a way to make it right it's cute to leave and talk about the other person sometimes or not totally like I talk so much shit about Dean it's not even funny I'm like Dean was 15 minutes late again you guys are like a married couple you and dean it was really it was adorable I love that kid he's just the best he really is he's he's so endearing and sweet and just he's such a good man he's a sensitive soul I told as she I met Dean at this like tennis event with Kaelin in New York City and he shows up with sandals on to a full on tent like we're playing tennis and I'm like that's the most dean shit he's like I use these for hiking and I'm like okay whatever I'm not going to judge yeah yeah sure that makes no sense But yeah, go ahead.

He would do bear foot and hike, you know? He would do it. He would, yeah. He's just a free, yeah, spirit. I know. I want to know from you guys, because this is a mental health comedy pod. Do either of you suffer from anxiety? Who has more anxiety?

How do you handle the anxiety? Because when you're a couple, that shit comes together. We both do. Mine's a little bit more dormant than his is, actually. I love the word dormant. But then again, I've been medicated for so long. that she's like i could bash my head into a wall wouldn't feel it people are funny because like people who watch me on paradise they'll be like you need help like you need to be on something

and then i'm like girl this is me on something yeah i get the hana you need therapy and i'm like i'm in it so but but jared's is um this is better he's been good now he's very much much better a product of his environment as he likes to say which I actually don't think it's a very good thing and I think that it's actually something that if we had to living an ally with him which is someplace that he did not like to be he was depressed and pretty moody a lot moody man guys are so moody he's fine yeah we're very moody but I think that I wish he was

the kind of person that could be kind of happy anywhere I'm happy anywhere I'm happy in Warwick I'm happy in Cranston I'm happy in East Greenwich Like, oh, my, my, these are all towns and cities. He's like, whenever I'm drinking Duncan, whenever someone even says the name Tom. Oh, God, don't even get me started. No, I think the way I've done a lot better handling my anxiety, because I, as we talked about before, I was much more of a quiet man prior. Yeah, you were.

He was. On the show, he's, like, unrecognizable to me sometimes. Yeah, I just didn't express a lot of my emotions because. Also, I think I always like the idea of being thought of as, one, mysterious, but also, secondly, someone who, like, has their shit together. Yeah. Like, I always like that perception of me, and I feel like a lot of people had it. That's for boring people. Yeah, and actually, like, shut up.

You're a mess, just like the rest of us. I mean, going on a reality show and caring about, like, how people perceive you like that is fucking hard. Well, I mean, it's true. I feel like everybody, everybody cares. it's always the people who are like, I don't care what people think about me who actually care the most about, you know,

of course I care what people think about me. Like, I don't like mean comments. I don't want people to think that, like, I'm a jerk or, or that I'm a mess or I'm, you know, I don't know, however, like I'm ruining Ashton's life.

Like, I don't know. But it's like, I don't know. And so I think I just try, I've just been able to express my anxiety a lot more. And it's helped. And I don't want to like, I hate it when people are like, oh, I'm anxious, I'm anxious. It's like, no, no, no, like both of us, like, if we were sitting in the psychology, you know, psych, psyche, the shrink's chair, the psychiatrist's strength would probably very much diagnose us with anxiety. Well, he, I mean, no, it's not big assumptions.

No, I don't want to, like, belittle the word of people like saying, I don't like you on people, like, just overuse that. Oh, yeah, like, when they're just, like, stressed a little bit about something, when, like, anxiety is a disorder. order but people have like seriously high functioning it's a fucking spectrum but he'll like have like sort of spirals of thought like you know you go down the rabbit hole and it's bad like if i leave him alone for like a couple hours i know it's not funny i mean it's like you honestly yeah she leaves me alone for like four or five hours i'm convinced an asteroid is hitting the earth in five you know what that's me i could not like i understand it so much you're like oh my god day alone I can do whatever I want

and then two hours in you're like I hate myself Oh yeah Days alone are so bad for him Even if you're like at my parents And I like binge watch Grace Anatomy a couple hours

My mom And I go downstairs To like our little guest room He'll be like I can just tell in his eyes I'm like oh my God You went down the spiral Well it's because I'm sure

I don't understand how people don't Like when you're left alone With your own thoughts I mean as a human It's just like I think of a lot of messed up things And like two hours into it, I'm like, I am a human piece of garbage. You nailed it because there's no one to have another perspective to be like, okay, that's a lot or like, let's not think like that.

But instead, your brain's like, they say that, especially if you have ADD, you like stimulation and they say that negative thoughts are more stimulating the positive thoughts. So it's almost like subconsciously more fun to be like, but what if this happened to me? Oh, yeah. And I think that it's also hard. There's no one there to speak rational. or like make you feel like no it's okay this is normal you know because like because actually's watching gray's anatomy so because anytime i get into like exactly anytime i get into like this spiral i'll sometimes like i'll call my mom or i call my dad and then i immediately feel better

because i'm just kind of expressing it off my chest and once i say it i'm like wow that's so ridiculous why was i why did why did i think about this one thing for the past two hours and convinced it was going to end my life are you uncomfortable I was a little comfortable. You want to stay in the chair? No, no, no, it's okay. I should go now. Ashley, thank you so much for stopping by.

I love you so much. I love that you are growing a family together and good fucking luck. Thank you. That's good to be dust. That's my, thank you. Bye. Oh, my God. That was so funny because when she came on, she was like ready to completely join the conversation

in depth. She's like, let's talk about the shit. Quick question. Speaking of loving you guys, how do you handle the trolls saying bad things? Like sometimes when people are mean to me, I'm like, whatever. But when people say bad stuff about like my significant other or my relationship, I'm like, I'm going to lose it. I know.

It's a tough line because I don't like commenting back. No. One, because the amount of times I've like seen headlines being like so-and-so claps back. And I'm like, oh, God. I can't clap. I'm not trying to clap at anyone. It's like, sorry you had 280 positive comments and one bad one, and you clapped back at the one bad one bad one.

It's like, yeah, there are people that suck in this world. I wish it wasn't true, but it is this. But it is a balance because, of course, like sometimes I read bad comments and I immediately get angry. Yeah. And, but the problem is when you respond, you get so many people having your back, and then they immediately attack that person.

And I'm like, guys, I didn't mean for us to all gang up. I just wanted to respond because I was pissed off. I didn't need 50 other people to be like, yeah, you tell them. This person sucks. It becomes like a hate jerk off circle. Yeah. Exactly. And so I'm like, oh, I'm not even going to open this can of worms.

But there are times, you know, it depends if it really bothers Ashley. There'll be times where I come in and say something because I want to. You know, it's my wife. I want to look out for her. And so, you know, if there's a comment that really, really is by, like, sometimes, sure, she'll sometimes she'll cry about a comment. She'll read a comment. And then it will put doubt in her head.

and she'll get emotional about it. But then five minutes later, she's amazing. Then, yeah, a goldfish. She hits her face against the bowl and then she's fine. But, yeah, so I think the best thing is, like, if I wanted to hate myself, I would read, you know, I'd Google myself and just read the Twitter comments. Isn't it so funny that I used to, like, when I was younger, like, occasionally Google myself, be like, oh, what does it say something about, like, my high school tennis career?

Like, and now I, like, literally'm like, I can never Google myself ever again if I want to be happy. Oh, yeah. I Googled myself a couple months ago, but I did it. I didn't do just my name. I did it because I wanted to see if there was any articles about me from high school, from baseball. Because I remember my biggest claim to fame before I was on the show is there was an article about our baseball team. And I had a, it was like a big game against one of the schools. And I had a RBI single in the late innings.

And so they mentioned that in like the war, you know, paper. And so I was like, I wish I could find. this i couldn't find it so i was like jared haven warwick baseball vets but da da da but yeah if you just go you like baseball hero from warwick baseball hero that should come up immediately god playground legend hello yeah this is bullshit well is it also true that you were an actor no no not an actor i did uh i've done like small acting i was a theater major for a while which was so much fun um so i went to I was a history. So first I was a law enforcement major when I went to college.

And then in order to graduate, I needed to take some sort of art class. So I always loved movies. And I was like, I'll take an acting class. That'd be fun. And I took an acting class with a buddy of mine. And my buddy hated it. We were both like prototypical sports guys, like never thought about doing it. And I fucking loved it.

That's awesome. It was so much fun. It was a theater acting course. And I had a ball. I took a summer class after that and I just fell in love with it. And so then I was actually a theater major for a little while and I did some college plays and there were so much fun. But at the time I was dating someone from home and I had no plans to move into Los Angeles or doing anything like that. So I ended up becoming a history major and kind of figuring things out.

And then that was really it. And then a buddy of mine who was a direct, he became a, a film major, and he graduated from Rhode Island College, the one I went to. And then he moved to Los Angeles, got his master's in film. And he's done a bunch of, like, indie films and small things, and he's always looking for actors. And so I've done a couple of things with him, which has been super fun. It's been a blast.

Like, I just love, I love creating, I love the idea of creating a story from scratch. I love filmmaking. I'm fascinated by it. I would love to direct one day. My goal, my bucket list goal is to direct my own movie. Cool. And that, yeah, I'm not talking about a theatrical film. I'm talking about like an eight minute short.

But even doing that would be honestly, because I'm, I know, I drink. Yeah, so I pretty much wanted to make Titanic 2. No. You're like, I want a two minute YouTube video. That would be ideal for me. I know, but honestly, I think I'm going to do it. Just write an eight minute short, something that I really feel passionate about. and just film it and see what comes from it.

But it's always nerve-wracking as well because I wanted to be done well. But yeah, that's kind of like my background in that. Do you enjoy or do you like miss being on a show or do you like this like quiet Rhode Island life right now? I like, but I mean, it feels like two different lives. I love Rhode Island life. By the way, is there like a car accident happening?

This is just New York City. I have this. There's like a turn right outside my door where people try to skip the line and turn in at the end. And they're like, no, you're not motherfucker. And they honk all day. And my fiance is like, shut the fuck up. So that's just the, this is what it sounds like in hell actually, for real. Oh, it's just, I like it.

Assholes honking at each other all day. Oh, God. It's amazing how you go to New York and literally people honk just to fucking honk. It's like, and the hawks there. It's not like a, it's like, it's not a like a, it's a, and they lay on it for like four seconds. It's the group mentality though. Like if someone starts, then everyone's like, okay, I guess it's cool doing that. And then it just goes on forever.

You got to join the crowd there. But I really love the Rhode Island Quiet Life. I love it so much. I play co-ed softball on Sundays. That's awesome. I'm super excited to open this coffee shop. That is so exciting. The coffee shop.

Yeah, I'm so excited. I'm so excited to be a business owner here. And I just love Rhode Island. I love being. around my friends and family, I thrive in it. But also, there is, I honestly don't it's kind of weird.

I'm, there is this adrenaline. Yeah, it's a high. It's a high. And I don't miss being on reality TV. I don't, but I miss the adrenaline of being on reality that moment of like,

you know, as you know, like I find the filming is way more fun than maybe other stuff that comes with it. Oh, I don't. If, oh, I hate watching it. I can't. I hate when it airs. Yeah. But like filming it is fun because yeah, there's, even though filming kind of sucks too. Yeah, it does. Like long days and it's boring. But like there are moments in there. But I think the worst part is when it airs because then you're just, it's just scary. Yeah, you have no control. You have no control and I don't know what people are going to think. And like, it's just it's it's scary kind of putting your lives your life in other people's hands and just not knowing what's going to happen and being a public figure and it's just did you want to be famous or did your like family think you'd be famous one day well my yeah my family always thought uh i just had a personality to be on on camera like my own like my family was always they they were very supportive of uh i had a lot of friends or family you know like aunts and uncles being like you need to go to l

you'd be a movie star blah to blah to blah and also a lot of that came from bartending as well i know that sounds weird but when you're bartending you're kind of on like on a stage you know and so i think people saw me in that aspect and just kind of my personality in general and so i think i got i don't know if i always want i always knew i i always felt like i'd do something i didn't know what it was but i always felt like something would happen like you wanted you felt like you were capable of exciting. Yeah. What that excited was, I had no idea, honestly.

I definitely didn't think it was going to be going on The Bachelor, but I always felt like something was going to happen. Well, Jared, we're going to wrap it up with a final game. You're crushing it. But we're going to play the Seven Deadly Sins. Because it's hell, it's not a fun game. It's just me asking you questions, but I like to call it a game. what are you greedy about uh i'm greedy about family time uh like for for holidays it's tough because

actually is from virginia and so like you got kind of split the holidays but i'm very greedy where it's like well i just want to spend Halloween Thanksgiving Christmas and New Year's in Rhode Island is that too much to ask like I don't get it why is this an issue you know and if we could be here for the fourth of July that would be awesome as well it's hard because you want someone who like loves their family so much but then you're like but I love my family too and then you're like now we have to compromise on love it's complicated we have to compromise on holidays and that's a big thing i'm like no i i i want to go to my high school to watch my thanksgiving day oh my god that's adorable is it adorable or is it annoying because it i would yeah actually definitely i don't

know if you're in the room definitely said it was an it's annoying i literally the other day i was like it was last friday night and it was a really nice night out i was like ash do you want to go to a high school football game but like if you could be happy i don't you could be happy with those little things in life then what do you need? I know. I always get worried because Justin Bieber said he lost, he like had too much dopamine doing all his

crazy tours and shit that like the average thing doesn't make him happy anymore. I'm like, that's my biggest fear. 100%. It's a very real thing and there's parts that scare me. We talked about the adrenaline of being on reality TV. It sometimes scares me. And you guys have done so many like, you know, winter games. You like show up, host things together. Like you guys have been in all, every

TV like gig that I can imagine. And we've been extremely lucky and I'm lucky and I'm so grateful for every opportunity that we've gotten because if you had asked me six years ago when we were first on the show that this would still be happening, there's no way in hell I would have thought that was going to be the case. I really thought it was going to be, I was going to go on this show, it was going to be fun for a couple months and then my life was going to go back to normal and luckily, very luckily it hasn't. But that's a fear, you know, is that like what happens when what happens is this just all goes away one day. So, you know, we talked about like, yeah, I don't like, I necessarily don't

like the idea of being on reality TV, but it's been so good to me and I'm so grateful for it. And every opportunity that's come from it, like, it does scare me that one day, like, it just those opportunities won't be here. Yeah, which is normal. And that's me and you just spiraling and anxiety right now. You're like, 100%. Ashley, we need you back. We're spiraling. Have you seen Squid Game yet? No, but I heard it's insane. You have to. You have to. watch it and also it reminded me of being on reality TV but only you will understand that like people who are you envious of um okay who are you envious of people who are able to make money behind the scenes and nobody knows that they're rich oh hell yeah that's what i want i want to be the

guy who's just behind the curtain and nobody knows that i and i'm just settled for life you love a mysterious moment oh 100 like i don't i don't i want to be i want to be i want to be being able, I'm envious of the guy that I meet that I'm like, oh, you're a millionaire and I nobody knows who you are. I want to be you. I want to be back out. Yeah, like, I feel like sometimes the richest person in the room is dressed the shittiest, like especially in L.A. Or like New York City. Like the guy is wearing like the suede jacket. I'm like, you're in debt, bitch. Come down. Or their hoodie with their, yeah, their fuck you flip flops. Yeah, flip flops. And just like that like hat, just a black hat. What do you gluttonous about? So what do you overindulge in?

well definitely chocolate holy crap that's my see like i don't love food i mean i love food obviously but i love desserts and that's what really scares me like i could be 400 pounds pretty easily and that's a little nerve-wracking um because i just love spiraling i love desserts holy crap i i have so i keep york pepper patty's in the fridge i know this is like a small thing but like i'll have 17 a day. Oh, wow. Every time I go to the fridge, I pop one in. Must be nice to have your metabolism. Oh, well, it's going to fade fast.

I know. I actually just went to Buffalo to do some comedy shows and they have this thing called sponge chocolate. Have you heard of it? No. Oh, it's so good. It's like honeycomb on the inside, but kind of malty where like you bite it and it cracks and it and then chocolate on the outside. Anyway, that's my current binge. Ashley just got me half baked Ben and Jerry's, which is very exciting. Oh, hell yeah. You have to look forward to something, you know? When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger? Because I know some guys on The Bachelor are known for like getting all like, you know, machismo and shit.

I don't really remember you fighting with anyone. I didn't really get into it much. The last time I got really, Ash, do you remember the last time I got really angry? I could. You're like when my high school football team lost, toss the bench. I know. I know. Honestly, it was probably when like I lost in co-ed softball.

I mean, I get angry at myself in competitive environments where I don't feel like I'm doing as well as I should be. Same. So I, I know, I'm a Scorpio now. Oh, you're Scorpio! Yeah. My fiance is a Scorpio. I'm my best friend. Oh.

And I'm Scorpio rising, so I get it. Oh. Yeah. I don't know what that means, but I like it. What's Ashley's sign? She's a Pisces. Oh, we love. mom's Pisces.

And apparently Pisces and Scorpio's really. They're good together. Thank goodness. I don't know. She said that on Paradise one time. I don't know. I think the last time I get angry, honestly, I don't get, I get angry at myself. That's, I think, I get really angry at myself.

So I never really show my anger in front of a lot of people. But like if I'm, it's, it's so weird. I'm sure I'm, I hope I'm not alone in this, but like, I'll just, I'll just go on this tangent where I'm like Jared you fucking suck bro and it's like why am I so angry at myself it wasn't like I left the toilet state up there's worst things in the world why am I so angry that's actually you know self-aware no you nailed it because I'm the same way because I don't really show anger I'm more of like I'll cry if I get really frustrated but I am I can so easily get mad at myself oh yeah like if I forget like an appointment or if I or stupid stupid stupid

yeah actually would make fun of me because i'll be like i'm so fucking stupid she's like why are you getting so angry at yourself and i'm like because i shouldn't i shouldn't have forgotten that it was my fault oh my god she's like okay relax when was the last time you were a sloth so super lazy didn't do anything all day uh i don't like not doing anything all day i like i can't watch i can't sit down and watch tv during the day it's one of the things that Ashley truly hates about me. I don't like binge watching. Yeah. Like after I sit down for like an hour and a half, I need to get up.

I need to be doing something else. Yeah, Des is like, he'll be like, we need to go on a walk. I'm like, that's the last thing I want to do. I'm under a cover and he's like, we need to go for a walk around the block. We've got to get the blood flowing. I'm like, I hate you. Something. You're like a gym teacher.

So I'd say the last time I was a sloth was probably, I remember last year, of course, with with football, some Sunday where it was like Patriots were on at one, the Bucking years around at 4.30 and then there was a good Sunday night football game. So I legitimately did nothing for a solid 12 hours. Do you wake up early? Yeah, I'm up. I'm usually up by 7.38. So not like super. Yeah. When was the last time? This is a tough one. You let your pride or your ego get in the way of something. Could be like career, relationship, friendship, friendship. Oh, God, all the time. Most notably would definitely be my relationship with Ashley, refusing to cross that boundary from friendship into relationship.

And a lot of it came down to pride and ego because it was this, you know, thought process, again, of being like, no, like, you know, it's too complicated. You know what you want. You know, there's certain flaws in what would be our eventual relationship and just like overthinking things. And there was also this ego, you know, for so long, Ashley was constantly going after me. And then there was going to come, you know, then obviously she dated another guy and I had to swallow my pride and ego because then

did that help you like get some alerts like oh I don't love that she's with someone else oh fuck yeah I was freaking out I remember when she was filming and I heard all these rumors that like she could be engaged to someone or she was in a really serious relationship and I was freaking out and I was doing I know and it was only for 10 days but like for I know it's so pathetic but as you know when you're not like nobody knew what was going on like it just and so of course

I got like into that spiral of being angry at myself being like you didn't fucking say anything you're a loser you refuse to just like actually take a chance in your life blah blah blah blah and then she left and I found out she wasn't engaged which thank God and then you know that's when everything

but then I had to swallow my ego and pride pretty hard because I could have easily just been like nope nope like you know she you know I'm fine I'm fine yeah instead I'm I'm very lucky that I was able to be like no you know well it's a good example like you can think yourself out of any situation like you could have the love of your life right there and think yourself into being like it's better off if I don't I know but then I also knew I would regret it for the rest of my life so I'm I'm I'm lucky in the sense that I at least can like step outside my own body

and look at a situation from the outside, which is surprising that I feel like a lot of people are unable to do that. Yeah, yeah. I also feel like because you were friends, something about her, you always just want to like be around her, even if it wasn't romantic at the time.

Because that's a huge thing that, because once the like puppy dog phase leaves, you're left with just like, do you authentically like that person as a human being? Oh, 100%. So that was already checked up. I remember I've had slow burns with guys were like I wasn't really attracted to them but I like didn't want to leave at the end of the day or like with a hang and then you see like the rest either falls in place or doesn't but that's hard to find oh a thousand percent there's so many times with like ex relationships or people that I dated where it was like I need to get out of here like I want to leave you know and it doesn't mean that it was bad or they were bad it was just like it's like you just I need to go like our time has expired we've hung out for a couple hours your energy is

sucked. The energy's gone. Other things haven't sucked. And it's time to fall asleep. But I, with Ashley, it's never been like that. I've never, I've never felt like I need to be away from Ashley. So one of the best advice I've ever gotten was a buddy who told me he's been married a long time. And he's like, don't ever forget that the person that you marry will be the person that you have a conversation with every day for the rest of your life. I love. I love. love that. I love that so much. Oh my God. So good. Thank God you guys are both good at talking. You're both podcasters. Who's your celebrity crush? Like, um, because the question is one was last to me lusted over someone, but I want to know. Like, yeah, who's your celebrity crush? Uh, celebrity

crush. Besides Ashley. Obviously, uh, obviously Ashley Numerow, you know, uh, but, um, surprise. Well, I'm not surprisingly. It's like the most generic answer. Rachel McAdams. Uh, obviously, you know, her and red eye was incredible um emma stone you know um oh emma stone it's funny because i feel like ashley and emma stone have similar personalities i could see that like they're both like outgoing smart like kind of nerdy can be goofy but can also be like sultry um totally that makes sense i love that for you to wrap this up final question i ask everyone in hell what advice would you give to people when you're going through your darkest When you're in hell, how do you get out of it?

How do you cope with it? One of the ways I cope with it now is realizing that one day we're all going to die. Emo. But honestly, because I think about it and I'm like, what am I, you know, I have, unfortunately, as you get older in life, you start losing more and more things as you've probably been, you know, unfortunately involved in where it's like, you know, when somebody passes, it's over, it's done. And I've unfortunately had friends that have had parents lose their lives too young or siblings or friends who are parents who've lost their children. And when people go through that, when I see people go through that, it's just you realize that, you know, all the stress in your life is so minuscule because one day, you know, like for example, I just went to a not a funeral. oh my god they um awake holy crap i'm losing my mind right now i went to awake for a friend's mom and uh it was just terrible and i knew her she had cancer as a kid and she's been in remission

and then her mom got cancer oh wow terrible and she ended up passing away from it and you know you think about that it's like what am i what am i so worried about like here's somebody who's dealt with one of the worst things you can possibly deal with cancer and then has gotten through it And then her mom passes away from the exact same disease that she fought so hard to survive through. And I'm worried about finances and I'm worried about, you know, minuscule things that at the end of the day is not going to matter. Like, if I go bankrupt, like, I know that's a scary thought, but it's like, I don't know, I guess I'm, I know it sounds so weird. I know I'm fumbling over my words, but the best way I get through things is putting things into perspective. I know that's so basic, but it's like one day I'm going to die.

One day, the people that I love more than anything are going to die. Unfortunately, there's nothing I can do about that because that's just part of life. So the best thing I can do is to live. And so I find that sometimes that really helps me because when I'm so worried about something so stupid, not stupid, that's like very meaningful. But is it, you know? I actually heard some, I love all of that. I heard something, because everyone's like, oh, always practice gratefulness, be grateful, write something you're grateful with.

I'm like, why are people doing that? And then I heard that your brain can't process anxiety and gratefulness at the same time. So it's like, if you focus on perspective of like, okay, yes, I'm stressed about finances, but I'm so grateful that I have like these incredible friends in my life or this, you know, whatever's going on. It's just, like, important for you to stay sane like that, to not go down our spiral that we love to go down. Totally. I think another way is, like, I know this is, again, a weird answer, and I don't know how to articulate it.

I think as seeing my dad grow older is something that puts things into perspective. I don't know, you know, seeing, it's weird, you know. It makes you realize, like, holy shit, life goes away. It's tick and talking. Exactly. And so when I, you know, I think sometimes when I get so upset about certain things, like earlier today, you know, working in the shop and the plumber, the guy who's hooking up the espresso machine, which we were working on for weeks now to get the right power

in there and the plumbing and blah, blah, and then all of a sudden you try to turn the water on and the water wasn't going through. And so it was like, you got to be kidding me. And, of course, like, I got to get the plumber back in and do all this thing. And I was so upset. But I think, you know, and then you get, like, so worked up. And I'm like, oh, my God, we're not going to be open in time. And this is going to be terrible and I'm going to be a terrible business owner.

And but then something as simple, like, sometimes because my dad's helping me, like, seeing him in the moment. And then, like, kind of, I know it's so weird, but just like realizing that, like, something like my dad or my mom or actually, that's the important stuff really centers me. Yeah, in that moment, you could be stressed or you could be like, wow, it's so cool. I'm working through problems with my dad by my side. Totally. And just realizing like, wow, like I, you know, I want to live as long as possible, knock on wood. And like adding stress to my life isn't helping. And so like the water is going to be fixed.

Yeah, stress literally kills you. It does. You know, sometimes. So another thing I try to center myself is like the stress that I'm putting on my body from being so anxious about things is only shortening my life. Yeah. And so I try to control the things I can control, which is, okay, let me just breathe and focus on, hey, it's going to be okay. How do I fix the problem instead of worrying about all my problems? Wow.

I do have to say, you are a great bachelor interview because you never know what you're going to get. And I don't mean to generalize reality TV in general because, no, you guys, you've done a lot of work in yourself and your relationship is just, you guys are very open and like the coolest way about it. Where can people get more of you? Where can people listen to you, follow you, give me updates on the shop. I want to go to the opening. Like, tell me what's going on. My favorite part, my shameless plus. Yes.

So you can please listen to our podcast, mine and Dean Uglerts on IHeartRadio. So good. Listen, I was on it. Yes, check out Hannah's episodes called Help I Suck at Dating. Obviously, a nice little bachelor tie in there. But we have a lot of fun. We've been doing it for three years now, which is insane. Wow.

You can follow me, of course, on Instagram, Twitter, even though Instagram's down right now, craziness. What do we do? I don't know. I'm so anxious yet again. I was trying to upload a stupid video of my cat like a couple hours ago and it wasn't uploading and I was losing my damn mind and then I went on Twitter and I was like, it always makes me feel better anytime like Instagram's not loading.

I'm like, oh no, they've like blocked me out and then I'll go on Twitter and it says Instagram down. I'm like, okay, everybody's going to do it. But it's been down for a long time. We have to like talk to people. It's so weird. Anyway. I know this is weird.

I know somebody on Twitter was like Instagram's down. Just describe to me what your lunch looks like here. But it was a good one. But yeah, so you can, of course, follow me at Jared Haven on Twitter, Instagram. And then we have the coffee shop, Audrey's coffee house and lounge. Audrey is my mother-in-law's name, Ashley's mom's name. And I've always dreamt of owning and operating my own restaurant. I've always worked in the restaurant industry.

So this is a coffee shop slash lounge, which is a concept I love. It's a cafe that turns into a martini bar. And we have couches and chairs. in a stone fireplace and you could do like events in there too like spoken words stand up like who the fuck whatever people want i am i'm gonna use and abuse my bachelor friends you could do like dating stuff you could do um speed dating i've already thought oh yeah i've already thought about like we're going to have a little date games at different tables so people can come on a first date and like play like a get-to-know-you game that's so cute but also we're going to do like cards i think of like dating

advice from Bachelor, like it would be like a quote from Dean Ungler, obviously something very stupid about dating and it was, you know, I've also thought about naming a drink after Dean because you know his Instagram handle is Deanie Babies. Yeah. Do you know this? So I was thinking, so we should call something a coffee drink. It would be, um, oh what do, oh no, what was the name Dean's drink actually? Yeah, but it was something Dean's, oh yeah, it was going to be like dineas coffee beanies oh yeah i knew it had something with beanies in it yeah oh that's so cute and you're gonna have you're gonna have matia lattes chai latte is oat milk oh of course i love avocado chile latte oh yes oh i fuck with that um you guys make sure you follow him listen to him

thank you so much for coming on the pod jared we'll talk to you later in hell bye I don't know.