Berner Phone - Jeff Perla: Buttholes & Blowies

Episode Date: June 5, 2019

There is no one better to interview from pride month than king of the bums, Jeff Perla. He is the founder of @thetravelinbum which is basically like Humans of New York but photos of guy's butts and their coming out stories. Jeff explains the definition of a twink, his friendship with British Dave, what it’s like to have large balls, pro tips for blow jobs, when he knew he was gay, how he came out, the f-word, why Hannah would be a power bottom, the underground culture of straight guys hooking up with gay guys, why he hates butthole photos, that time he tore his butt, and his pride escapades. Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Jeff Perla on Instagram: @thetravelinbum --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Why don't you have a boyfriend? Because I'm a lot to handle and I'm not faithful. And, um... Welcome to Burning Heaven. What's up, guys? It's your host, Hannah Burner. And we are in heaven. Just kidding. We're in hell.

We're in Gay Pride Month. Jeffrey, can you please let me introduce you? Okay. I didn't say anything yet. You did, and everyone heard you. Okay. In honor of Pride Month, I have a lot of gays that I love, but I love some gays more than others. I have, you're going to get so mad at me.

I have King of the Twinks, Jeff Perl. That's what you came up with. I mean, I'm not going to knock it, but like. Are you not a twink? No. What's the definition of a twink for people listening? Okay, so this is how I would clarify it. I think a twink, you need to be under 25, and I am 26.

I think you need to have no body hair. We're like, girl, I got leg hair. I shave my chest, but I don't have, or, yeah, you get it. Okay. Also, you have to be like, the whole body. Yeah, they're like hairless. Like, even their butt and, like, butthole is, like, smooth. So they can, like, slide on ice?

Like, why do they do that? I think it's because, like, a lot of guys who want their ass eaten don't like to see hair sometimes. So it's, like, they like getting their ass eaten. And that's a sign by, like, being not hairy in a lot of places. That you're, like, clean, like... But have you ever hooked up with, like, a bear who's considered a very hairy guy with, like, a completely clean butt? Do you consider me the person who's going to hook up with a bear? No.

I mean, I like guys who are opposite from me. Like, I like shy guys. Okay. This varies, I think. Okay. Your type. You think my type varies? Yes, 100% your type varies.

Like, you could be with like a blonde and then you're with someone with dark hair. And then you could be with the most emotional person. And then you could be with someone who like has zero emotion that I've ever seen. And I'm like, okay. Because Jeff's actually been very involved in my relationships. Jeff is very close with British Dave. For some reason, never British Dave and I would get in a fight, he would call Jeff, and then Jeff would call me, and I'd get more mad at British Dave, and then Jeff would, like, twinkle to a way. Well, because I didn't know what to do.

He's like, can you meet me at a bar? And I'm like, Hannah, what the fuck did you just do? Because I'm like, I know I'm going to get in trouble for something. So, like, let me just hear it now. I think I'm still figuring out my type, and I'm trying different guys on for size. That sounded so sexual. Well, based on British Dave's D, I know that's a very large size, so you can't really get much bigger than that. Do you know that from experience of British Dave?

Were you guys fucking on the side? I can't confirm or deny. I'm pretty sure you've showed British Dave your balls before. Oh, well, I know my balls are bigger than British Thaves only because of the Speedos. Really? You can tell balls by Speedos. Wow. See, when I see a speedo, I just see like a lot of lumps and I don't know how to categorize.

them but like you know dicks yeah i'm like i feel very well versed in a dick like i think when you see a guy with a good bulge that doesn't necessarily mean he's like a big dick it's more like his package itself is like good so my god i skipped your introduction well i didn't skip it i we got sidetracked but i just want to say i'm so happier here because you are the founder of the Travel and Bum, which is an iconic Instagram account and a blog. Mm-hmm. I got that website. Some people want, like, an article, so I'm like, all right, I'll write you something.

Even though my grammar sucks. I mean, people don't follow you for your grammar. I guess, yeah. And you also have a new podcast called Behind the Bum, which I did help with the intro music. We found, like, the perfect, like, fun vibe. Yeah, like a circuit party. I love how you were like, this one's too gay. this isn't gay enough literally laid in bed job list i think this was us at what time like noon and

we're like oh fuck okay let's meet it and like get off and it was like the hardest task for us to do but we like did it we did it and i was so proud of us um this is just showing how friends can help and support friends also i'm not used to seeing you in daylight or with pants on um this i'm i want to call these pants like my balls are on the verge of peeking out yeah um what are they like But the circumference of my balls. Yeah, I know. So you have large balls. The guys, like, is that a turn on to guys?

So for me, I personally don't really like when guys suck my balls because I feel like they're like very sensitive. So like I'd just like not. Is it great? Hasn't been discovered yet. Okay. So like I'm going to say no. Okay.

Do you like a little fondle? Yeah, little fondle's cool. Do you like a feather? Haven't tried that. So like we could try that later. Do you like a little flick? Fuck no. ever flick the guy's balls about you kill you i mean if they piss me off i i would totally flick a ball yeah

yeah um these are just safety moves ladies but here's like a pro tip for like when you go down on a guy yeah like you know the part between like his dick and his thigh yes so like don't know what you want to call that part but if you pretty much like like your bikini line yeah okay like if you go down on him and like you're giving him head and then you go over there and just kind of like suck it like you're giving him a hicky kind of in that spot it's like a very like oh yeah i also heard that between the butt and the balls if you like put your finger there it feels good um that's like the gooch and i'm gonna say i've never done that but i don't think so you're like why not just put it in the butt like you might as well just eat my ass at that point if you're

already there like just go the inch further so can you explain to people what the traveling bum is for people who um for people who need to know yeah of course So the traveling bum is an Instagram, it's a blog, and it was pretty much a platform I used to come out to my family, my friends. So before that, I wasn't even out publicly. How the fuck were you not out? Dude, I, like, played a hard game. Did you have a straight voice? Do I have a gay voice now?

I don't know. Yeah, you do. You have the definition of a gay voice. You all know what's funny is, though, is when I came out, my mom was shocked. so like she had no idea my dad was like what like like loss of words

wait what did your sister do she was like are you guys kidding me like I always knew and she was like 19 at the time so we were like Are your parents very conservative like they just don't like thinking about sex

um so they've been together since 10th grade of high school so they're like each other's one and only disgusting like they they live a different life my mom's a first grade Catholic school teacher so like I went to Catholic school my whole life you're going to hell I feel like I'm already there baby we are in hell right this is so appropriate so yeah I don't know

like they're obviously super supportive and like I think my parents love having a gay son and they also have a straight son so that might be why wait why do they love it they just like like I feel like my mom like I just got my hair dyed today and she's like I literally need to go get highlights like that like this is such a trend like so they weren't negative My dad's reaction was slightly off-putting where he needed to go in a different room and, like, calm down. My mom's was like, she cried and she's like, I'm just happy because I feel like this is like the start of something new for you that you needed. And then like made me cry and then like I got emotion. I was also blacked out because I just like could not handle it.

Wait, so you started the Instagram before you were out. Yeah, like, I was anonymous on the traveling bum for a whole year. Oh, my gosh. So, like, no one even knew who I was. But you fully knew. Oh, yeah. I was, like, already stuck in dick at this point. When did you know?

When did you know that you were gay? When did you change to turn gay? I have daddy issues. No, so pretty much I remember just being, like, a little kid and always, like, wanting to see a five-year-old boy's, weiner you know as a five-year-old and then I would say once I hit probably like fifth and sixth grade I had a girlfriend and I was just like missing an oomph you know where I was just like what is yeah but it was like what is the hype about having a girlfriend why does all like everyone in sixth grade have a girlfriend I have like a cool

girlfriend that like everybody wants and I'm like making out with her thinking I'm hot shit and I'm just like am I supposed to have like a boner from this and I don't I'm like I just thought like I was doing something so wrong and then like I got to seventh grade which was a different school and people like that's when I first like really heard the word like gay and it was like not in a positive manner so it was like you hear people be like oh my god look at this faggot and not less they're like talking towards me. People use the F word so much growing up I mean in Brooklyn I think a little less but like I feel like in other places oh upstate New York is like fluid it's like you say whatever you want yeah I mean we

said the r word all the damn time retard yeah i was talking about this last night i was like the r word i'm like i still sometimes slip up on that but like i don't mean offensively you know it's just like but it's crazy because like friends that we know who would like never say racist stuff would say faggot and would say so many terrible things about gay people so how i view it is like for example if i say the word faggot right i could say like hannah you look like a fagg right now that's different than if you were like you and I were mad at each other and I said something or whatever and you were like Jeff you're a fucking faggot like fuck you that is a problem that's an issue so I think it's all in the way you vocalize it's actually discussed the first moment we met I why do I feel like

I was already blacked out like I briefly remember you having a shitty ass spray tan and I feel attacked right I feel brutally attacked Yeah, I got a spray tan for SummerHouse And the The mic guy put tape on my chest And then took it off and the spray tan went off with it So I had a huge pale square on my chest That wasn't the only problem

Like it was very spotty all over And I remember I think it was Lexi I went up to I was like oh like Hannah's super cool I was like does she have a skin problem And Lexi was like No she's just got a shitty spray tan I'm like okay got it

I paid $30 for that spray tan Is that cheap or expensive I think it's cheap. I got rid of stuff. Yeah, I've never gotten one, so I don't know the budget of spray tanks. You were wearing your Speedo. British Dave likes to call you Speedo Jeff, which is very appropriate. And your balls are hanging out, and there's cameras all around us, and you look at me,

and you grab my face, and you stick your tongue down my throat. Sounds hot. And we're, like, kissing, and I've never met you, but I know that you're, like, not into me. And you pull away, and you go to kiss me again. The cameras are in her face, and I'm like, don't kiss me again unless you'd go down on me. I said it in so many words. I think I was a little more graphic. That's kind of hot.

And then you start gagging. That sounds about right. And I was like, then don't play with my mind. And then we just like literally held hands for the rest of the pool party and like jumped in the pool together. And we're like talking shit about people together. Yeah, remember we tried to play chicken, but somebody was scared that they didn't want to have balls on the back of their head. Oh, my God. That was homophobic.

No, we tried to play chicken of me and someone else with you and Jordan. Yeah, you were with a girl. I think it was me, you page, and Jordan. Yeah, and Jordan didn't want to play with it. He was like, I'm not having balls on my head. And we were like, what? Anywho, but speaking of balls, the traveling bum, you show, I like to describe it as like the humans of New York for coming out. I would agree with that, yeah.

Where you show pictures of people's bums. Thank God, Instagram still let you show a good crack. And then they're normally in really cool places. They're normally all kinds of asses. You got big, you got small, you got tan, you got pale. Yeah, you get them all. Some hairy, some smooth, yeah. And you don't really get to see, I mean, as a girl, I don't see asses, men's asses that much.

Like, men aren't, like, you know, grinding on you or, like, showing you their butts. But do you like a butt? Like, I notice when a guy has a nice butt. And you enjoy it, though. Yeah. Like, if he's flat. I'll make fun of him. But it's not like a turnoff.

I'm not like, oh, I wish he had a more curved butt. But if a guy is like a nice firm butt, I'm like, good for you. You've been doing those squats in the gym. You can carry me. Like, it's nice to have a little bum bum. I feel like it's a need. Like, I think for a girl even, like visually, it doesn't make sense. Like, I feel like girls would rather have like A cups and like a really fucking great ass

as opposed to like big boobs and then like a pancake butt. See, I didn't understand. I actually asked my mom once. I'm like, why do people like butts? Because I understood, like, boobs were different. Like, guys didn't have them. So they're, like, fascinating. And, like, the whole idea of, like, growing up, you, like, sucking on a nipple.

There's some weird, like, mother-fucked-up shit with it. But, like, I was, like, butts are where you poop from? Like, why do people like butts? And then she was, like, it has something to do with sex. Like, I don't know. This is, and I know your poor mother, so that I can only imagine this conversation. I feel so bad for her. But I want to see him

I want to talk more about you coming out So you did it anonymously And we're talking to other guys And you're already hooking with guys on the DL I had a boyfriend at the time, yeah But on the DL? For some friends knew But he also

So I was a senior And he was a freshman And that's when I like made everything You're naughty I know it was like my 21st birthday And I was just like he's kind of hot And then I like made the move And he did it so I was like

I feel I'm fascinated by this underground culture of straight guys who hook up with gay guys. It's a thing and I don't get it. But it's a thing because, but girls don't know about it because I think there's an unwritten rule that like if you hook up with a straight guy, you don't tell anyone. For me, yeah, like I would never. You'd never tell a girl. No, I wouldn't tell anybody because I feel like I might tell like my best friends, for example. But I feel like there's an etiquette behind it where once you're gay and you like come out and you kind of understand like what that feeling. is like and getting judged and how to explain it to this person this person because you're so empathetic

you yeah so just doing that to someone who secretly might be straight like maybe you were the only person they were ever attracted to like that and now you're going to ruin them because think about it like if someone is straight and they just wanted to they had this little curiosity yeah would you hook up with that guy knowing he sucked up with a guy before um yeah but i don't know i'm in i don't think girls would i'm into like really dushy masculine guys which means nothing though like you they could still want a finger in their butt and like want to try it with the guy well i'm fascinated i brought this up with guys who are straight and i'm like i heard a ton of straight guys hook up with gay guys on the low and they were like they're not straight they're gay so like are they actually straight guys

you're hooking up with so i think it could be one of two things option one it could be that they have this inkling that they just want to to try it and they could try it and be like this isn't for me or they could walk away from that situation and be like damn i really like that maybe i'm by but like you know how they always say like if you have to ask it's probably like if i've heard that yeah if i'm like should i be with this guy clearly i shouldn't and if you're like am i straight you're probably not yeah no that makes sense did you ever were you ever like am i gay like you the fact you're asking means you are That's what I'm going to say.

Oh, wait. Can you tell me ways you changed it? You tried it on gay yourself? Yeah, so it's a couple things. So I remember just being gay. Like, I literally remember like... Frolicking around. Dude, maybe eighth grade was like my big tryhard, right? So like, I remember being like, if you watch gay porn tonight, you have to watch straight

porn for the next two nights. So I would like mind fuck myself to try to like it. And then I would like watch straight porn. And then I'd be like, okay, let me just show you. try like a threesome maybe because that it's like at least the guys in the mix and like all my friends were watching lesbian porn because like having a guy in the mix was made a gay so like if i even said that there was a guy in it it was like Jeff's gay like he watches straight people it was like lesbian or not there's so there's like no rules to porn I think whatever turns you on turns

you on I think you get into like a dark hole yeah you ever like what's the darkest hole you've gotten into on porn um I'm like I'm like I'm like I'm I'm a prude, scared person. Like, if something pops up that's inappropriate, I'll, like, slam the computer down and be like, ah! And then I, like, listen to eat and take a shower. I'm such a little prude.

Like, I can't, I also can't watch gruesome things. Like, the two girls pooping in a cup. Like, I'd rather kill myself. Did you ever watch that? No, and I won't. It was repulsive. And so why would I put myself through that? Maybe that's what I should say, turn me gay.

Have you ever seen two girls one cup? Yeah, not for me. Can you say something? to me that you would say to your like to pick up a girl when you were straight in eighth grade oh shit like just give me like a straight voice like tell me um hey hannah i think you're really pretty i'd like to take you to dinner and see what happens so you want to know what's interesting is i feel like now that you know me i'm super like outspoken and bubbly and like don't shut up yeah but like back then i was like the ultimate note writer so like in the event that like we

were going to do something i probably would have like done my trifold cute way like did my notes. So the way you folded it was gay. Oh, so lame. Like literally on fire. It's like fucking origami. You know, like that square that was like crossed down the middle and be like, here, write me back. So I would have been like, notes were the best.

I would have wrote you a note probably. So do you think you've gotten more outgoing because you've become more aligned with who you are and more comfortable in your skin? I think you can never be comfortable. Like you're never really yourself until you're comfortable in your own skin. and I wish I remembered like the really gut-wrenching feeling of like being in the closet because I always like try to think back on like I had great times on spring break in college I had so many like fun life activities prior to coming out but I was like was I really happy because like at the end of the day I'm like laying in bed and you're thinking about like how am I going to do this like I like used to pray before bed like in high school like when I thought that's a different topic God was real and things like that yeah and I would just be like oh my god please don't make me gay please don't make me gay please don't make me gay because I was so terrified because I didn't know anyone gay but when you look on TV all the people that were gay were like in heels or makeup or like

there was never a positive image of a gay person so I feel like I always just assumed I could just like guys but I didn't know and then I was like if I turn gay like I'm not that like It's so funny how you said turn gay, as in like, you're like, in this moment, I'm straight and accepted. But it's like you were, you always were yourself, but like you couldn't identify with the truth. And that was to cause anxiety, but that's all you knew. Oh, I had the worst anxiety, actually, the year prior to coming out, I think I drove myself to the hospital eight times because I couldn't breathe. And my mom was like, Jeffrey, fucking kidding me. And I was like, you need to get me like a heart thing.

Like, I slept with like cords on for like seven days because I was like, I want to. you'd like monitor what's happening to me literally i was like mom and then my mom would come up and she's like it was so awful like no but that's your body telling you when you suppress like anxiety is when you hold shit down and it's trying to come out and if you don't say it through your mouth it like fucks up your whole body in different ways especially when you drink four locoes it's like how is that shit legal i don't know especially the first round of them you're like please make this four loco please make me straight yeah if i finish this four local in 15 minutes god you have to make me straight that's also um i used to be superstitious with stuff like if i had a match

coming up i would like do all my homework at the right time or like if i dropped something on the street i would like definitely pick it up or if someone wanted me do something i'd always say yes like why is that a thing so that's like you trying to control your future through like your actions which cannot be controlled. So it was my anxiety and like kind of an OCD to try to control the outcome of my life instead of accepting there's no control. I'm assuming you saw a therapist for this because I was like that was a very educator response. Yeah, I've been in therapy. Thank you my therapist. But to kind of explain how comfortable Jeff Perla is with himself, we are at the Spotify headquarters at the World Trade Center. Very high security. I'm very well respected. One of the largest

companies in the world. Jeff Perlis rolls in the newly done hairdo of a lavender hue. Lavender hue. And he's wearing a matching lavender tank top and booty shorts very tan and gorgeous and then like seven bags because

he's going to Orlando, Florida. And he just walks in with a cheetah fanny pack. Without a a care in the world. He was like, what are all you people doing on my vacation? Yeah, I'm confused. But like your confidence and your confidence and personality is just like incredible and also you're one of my favorite people we're in a very interesting friend group have you ever been in a friend group we have like five girls five gay guys and like five straight dudes it's a very very interesting i've never been in a friend like i've had

gay guys and straight friends but like we all love each other but you want to i think is funny is like the way we refer to each other like when we're in a group chat it's like oh the gays are in mechinos this weekend the girls are doing this and the straights which are like the boys it's like that's how we talk and we're like talk gossip like we'll be like oh my god the gays are talking so much shit about Hannah this weekend oh oh yeah the gays are being so mean about last night or like someone the straight guys would be like okay like the gays were funny until they sent a butthole picture to the group oh yeah which I think it was me okay I have a question I have a question about mud holes um like we haven't talked about butts enough let me load it

Oh, yeah. Okay. What's preferred butthole picks or penis picks in the gay community? So everyone has their preference. If you send me your fucking asshole, you're blocked immediately. Like, I don't want to see your hole. I don't think it's cute. I don't think it's pretty. Like, I do both. So I would consider myself, like, verse. Like, I feel like there's times when, like, I might, like, get home after a night of drinking and, like, I want to be choked out and bottom. And there's a time I might, like, come home and I'm like I want to rail this man you know and so what's the better orgasm I think it depends on the person because it's like if somebody has like really good rhythm then like I would love to bottom because it's fun but there's sometimes people who are like quote unquote tops who have never bottomed they just jackhammer and I feel like they don't exactly know how to do it oh because they don't know because they don't understand the feeling so like for me when I'm like

hooking up with someone or talking to someone or just trying to like figure out a vibe i would prefer someone who is verse because they kind of get both sides of it you go home with them before or after you know if they're top or bottom so i will say 75% of gay people do this prior to going home with someone it's like me personally i'd rather just see what happens you know like i think that's the fun of it yeah like i think it's can you tell by just meeting someone if they're top or bottom or do they surprise you a lot? I would say I have a pretty good judgment and character. If I was the gay guy, would I be a top or a bottom?

I feel like if you and I were having sex, I think you would bottom. Interesting. I think I would overpower you in the moment. I'm a fucking Leo. I'm a boss. Okay, so I don't know horoscope shit, bitch. I just think based on our personalities, like, you're rough and tough. So I feel like you would be more of like the bottom, but you'd also be like a

scratcher, polar, biter. Like, you would give me, like, aggression. Oh, I'd be a power bottom. Um, that means you only bottom, yeah. Oh. So I don't think you'd be a power bottom. I thought it meant, like, you do it with power. Hard. You do it with passion.

Like, your ass thumps. Oh, so power bottom means, like, your, so is it a power top if you only do the top? Oh my God, this is so important. Why don't you like butthole picks, but some guys do? I mean, it's like, why do you like curved dicks, but then you don't like straight ones. Like, I don't know. You know, I feel like everyone's just got their thing. And for me, like, a butthole is not cute.

What if your soulmate messaged you a butthole and you just like on grinder and you just took him off? Girl, my soulmate is not sending hole picks on grinder. Like, that is not someone I'm taking home to my grandma. Do you remember when we were really drunk upstate and we grindered together? Oh, always grindering together. Okay, I just want to make sure that you remember some of our times together. And that wasn't the last time we'll grind her together.

I just want to end with a wrap up with traveling bum that like you started anonymously. Then like, how did it become not? When did you decide to become not anonymous? So I was anonymous for the whole first year. I hit like 17,000 followers, I think, after a year. And then Elite Daily actually DM'd me. And they were like, hey, we want to do a video interview with you. And one of the guys here wants to do a butt picture with you and like, blah, blah, blah.

So I was like, okay, this sounds like a really cool opportunity. But I was like, here's the flaw. Like, I'm not out. So like, how do you want to do it? And so I met up with the kid and we just like got coffee and we were talking. And he was like, why don't you just like show your face? He's like, it's just going to keep growing. And he's like, Elite Daily is huge at the moment.

Because this was 2017 when it was like really fire, you know? And so I was like, honestly, like, what am I doing? Like, I feel like I would look back on life and regret not doing it as opposed to doing it. So I just did it. And then it was like, here's Jeff Perla gay. And then, like, my grandma saw and my aunt saw. And I got all these texts being like, wait, Jeff, like, you're gay. Like, I always knew.

Like, my aunt said she always knew. And I love how you didn't come out, like, just like, through. whispers, like it was like a really established. An article on Facebook and everywhere that got spread. Yeah, like it was a legit place that you were like, it was like a side note that you're good. It's like also, also, isn't there a really sweet story with your grandma and a pen? So that was not my story.

That was someone else's that I featured. Oh, but actually, yeah. My grandma did send me like a very cute paragraph saying like, she's so proud of me. So that's like adorable. And the screenshot in my phone like somewhere, but. There's like five years of shit on that that we're never going to find. Yeah, there's way too many butthole picks on that. Yeah, you already know.

Okay, it's time to play a game called Heaven or Hell. Heaven or Hell. Being married to Andy Cohen. How? It's just not for me. I heard he has a... And like, I don't like girthy dicks. Like, I'd rather be longer than wider.

So, like, I feel like... Well, why dicks are so painful. It's like you might as well stick an infant right back up there. And I tore my aunt. ass one time so like I'm not doing that again like I could look at a dick and be like a fissure is that what you call it that's what Tom Schwartz had in last episode of summer house dude it's literally the worst thing did you know when it happened well no because I never even knew it was a thing I just woke up and there was like looked like I had my period on my sheets and I was like was it from a guy

with a jerky a girthy penis no was a hook penis oh do you like curved dicks no like now every time I see something out of the ordinary I'm like I can't have this go inside me because PTSD. Did you have to get it like sewn back? Mm-hmm. How long did I take to heal? I think I shit with pills for like six weeks. Amazing.

Yeah, it wasn't fun. You've met Andy Cohen before, right? A couple times, yeah. He thinks you're cute. Mm-hmm. Moving on, your sex tape leaks. Heaven or hell? I would say heaven.

Because you know what? Maybe I'd be like the next Kim K. like the gay version i feel like if anyone you have the marketing wit to know how to take advantage of yeah like i would capitalize that to my advantage and figure it the fuck out like do i want it to leak no but if it happened i would manipulate the fuck out of that situation and make it a positive yeah that is why i love you i also think that's the same with reality tv it's clearly not a sex tape but they just give you the show they don't give you anything else and you don't even see it prior you see it like the week prior so it's your job to either make a career out of it or like

turn into someone who didn't I don't know I can't think of like any reality TV people right now heaven or hell dating someone who's hotter than you so I think I usually like to be the hot one so I think I'm gonna have to say if someone's hotter than me that would be hell why don't you have a boyfriend because I'm a lot to handle and I'm not faithful I just think maybe when I'm 30 right I feel like you can't live life by age numbers Okay but I'm 26 So like I don't think I'm in a place That's the only excuse That I'm supposed to be yet Like I feel like as I grow The caliber of men I'm gonna meet

Are gonna be on par with what I want But right now I don't want to date a fuck boy Who is a waiter or a bartender at the Ritz Gay Bar in New York People's careers and stuff Well because I'm not being your sugar dad so like if you've never went to college like I'm not supporting your ass but now you'll fuck around with those guys yeah I love that heaven or hell having a kid who is gay love heaven

it'd be so fun oh my god but I would feel self-conscious and you would like really fight with the fact that did having two gay dads maybe turn him gay even though like I know you're born that way but you know what I mean there'd be a stigma with it I feel like yeah but I also feel like if anyone could help a son who's gay this will also be like what 15 years from now at the best case scenario yeah so i feel like by then like everyone's going to be gay trans fucking yeah sizzering each other everyone yeah i love how you're like in 15 years i'll have a kid well that's like best case scenario like in the event that like i accidentally like get someone pregnant in disney world tonight like i don't know are you it's so speaking of

pride month this is the first pride month like you were successful last year but you're following and everything has really increased are you going to be having like crazy amounts of sex I really hope so. I mean, I'm the ultimate vacation banger, you know, because I know I don't have to see you again. So, like, if I could just, like, drop a load in Disney World and then go, be like, oh, I got to go back to New York, great. Do you think the gay community thinks you're a slut? Mm-hmm. How does that make you feel?

Empowered. Oh, my God. Why? I don't know. Because you're like, no one can home me down. Yeah, because I think if you can hold your own and, like, anybody could say anything about you and you don't care and you're not fazed by it, I thrive off of like that encouragement. You know what I mean?

Like you can be like Jeff sucks. Jeff's the pussy and like all those words and all the things you do are kind of just like more of a push for me to like want to be bigger and grow and be like if I'm a fucking pussy, why does Matt Cosmetics want me on their float? I don't know. Are you on their flow? Nope. So keep buying the shit because you just paid my bills, bitch. You know? It's interesting because there's this competition in the gay community because you all want to fuck each other.

but you're also, like, compare yourselves to each other because you are considered, like, under the same, like, you're all gay men. Do you ever feel a sense of competition when you're, like, hooking up with someone? So two things to this. So we just got back from Fire Island. And it's so funny because all of the New York gays go to Fire Island. And everyone there is shirtless. You're in Speedos.

There's orgies in different houses in the event you wanted to go. go to. I've never been involved in one. But it's the fact that, I don't know, I just feel like I'm good with one dick. I don't know if I need multiples, you know? Interesting. Do you also like like the attention? Um, I feel like I would be jealous of not getting the, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not a share. Same. Like, this is my dick and like not for you to touch. You know, like, this is my moment. And also it's probably like a little safer in terms of SDGs and that kind of stuff. Yeah. And I mean, honestly, whatever. Like, what's a pill in a shot? So. I agree, I agree.

But, like, in Fire Island, there is this, like, unspoken competition because everyone is in a bathing suit. So, if you're not confident in your body and, like, some people are really jacked, I could look at a guy and be like, wow, I wish my ass looked like his. But then other people are looking at my ass being like, wow, I wish I had his ass. So it's kind of a whole envious crowd. It's so weird. And you're, like, people can't see you right now, but you're beautiful in terms of what society thinks is beautiful. And I've spoken to gay guys who aren't stereotypically, like, fit or, like, don't have a perfectly symmetrical face and beautiful green eyes. And they're like, it's really hard if you're not hot in the gay community.

Well, because you're not getting approached. And I think even Grindr, it's just filled with, like, only bodies. So it doesn't even show face. It doesn't show anything. So the gay community is very focused on bodies. So I think that's why there's so many issues. and like, dude, I go the gym every day at 6 a.m. Do you think there's a lot of eating disorders?

Oh, hands down. I mean, I have an eating disorder, but that's just because I have a mental problem, not because I'm gay. What is your own disorder that you just eat chicken nuggets? That I don't eat red meat. I've never tried a salad. Like, you know, like, it's just like I fucking hate food. Chewing is annoying as fuck.

Oh, it's like a waste of time to you. It's a texture thing. So, like, if it goes in my mouth and it just feels like it's not right, it's coming right back out. I do think, like, gay or straight, people are glorified for their looks in society. Like, you'll get chosen for a role or a job or just to be spoken to because you're better looking or tall or whatever. So I think it's cool that on the traveling bum, you have all kinds of shapes and sizes of people showing their bodies. And I think that's really empowering. So to wrap this up, because I know you have to go to Orlando to suck some dick, it's time to play The Seven Deadly Sins.

Yay. Seven Deadly Sins What are you greedy about? I'm greedy about money because I just feel like I have student loan debt. So like right now I'm kind of a little greedy about it. Good for you. You have to, you don't want to depend on a sugar daddy. I've done it and I would, but like it didn't work.

Would you have sex with him? Fuck no. I kissed him and then it's a long story. episode two who are you envious of i am envious of probably anybody with a million followers on instagram because i know the potential that i could be making if i just grew more so i think it's kind of very important for everybody listening that every time you go past the picture it is some of our job so like throw them a like throw them a comment like it means a lot because you are helping our paychecks yes but also realize that just because a million followers doesn't mean happiness

definitely doesn't mean happiness but I'm happy and it means more money yeah are you afraid that other guys are ever going to use you because you're following every day of my life that's probably why I'm single too do you have trust issues fuck yeah I have trust issues my ex-boyfriend left me for a girl like what yeah was she hot I don't know I fucking told her I was like what did I say to her I think I ended it and I was like next time you suck his dick I hope you taste my asshole because i was like i'm going out with a bang on this situation is he by i don't know what he is he still with a girl yeah they still date which is gross but like i block both of them like i can't see their shit but it must suck to like turn someone straight i'm just kidding when you put it

like that damn maybe i'm like good luck charlie no good luck chuck yeah what do you gluttonous about i love chicken tenders and i like really only eat chicken tenders. Like, I really can't say that enough that, like, any other food that I have to have, it's soul crunching. Just for our listeners, we, for Valentine's Day, got everyone together and we went to and all you can eat sushi. Great restaurant in New York City.

Very fun. Jeff asked for chicken nuggets. And if you want to know, they gave me balls of what they called chicken and it wasn't fucking chicken. And I still downed it because I was probably fucking was. I was so drunk that day that there was not. Oh, that was where I manly laugh from you. Oh, hot.

Did you get turned on? Honestly, I'm turned on right now. Maybe it was like the first time you ever heard me genuinely laugh. Because I said that butter died. Yeah, because I fucking hate cats. I know that got you laughing, me getting my cat eaten. Okay. Well, I ate it.

Well, when's the last time you experienced extreme wrath, a.k.a. got really angry. Really angry. Ooh. Probably at my landlord because they're bitches. And I have scaffolding outside my apartment. And they were like, if you don't stop going out there and bothering the neighbors, we're going to have to take it down.

And I was like, okay, bitch, like, it's 80 out. Like, I'm not going to fucking not tan, right? Yeah. So I'm on it. And my neighbor comes out and screams me. She's like, I'm reporting you. And I'm like, fucking report me, bitch. For tanning on the scaffold.

Yeah, that sounds dangerous. It's a great son. How are you hurting the neighbor's experience by you laying down? Because she has to see me outside her window. And I'm like, don't you have curtains? And she doesn't. So that was problem number one. So long story short, I was lectured and they took down the scaffolding outside my apartment.

And so I made up rumors about her so she could also get in trouble. What rumor? I said that she was out on the scaffolding topless all the time. She acts like it's her private balcony, but she's never been on at one time. So you're at, like, a full-on war. I was just like, if I'm going down, like, I'm throwing her under the bus, too, hoping she gets evicted. You fight dirty. How old is she?

I don't know. It was one of those situations where she could be, like, 28, but she also could be 48. So I guess that's, like, my most recent war that I will win. When was the last time you were a sloth? So, like, super lazy. Probably yesterday. What'd you do? Absolutely nothing.

I got back from Fire Island. I watched the Netflix movie, The Perfection, which is fucked up, disgusting. Watch it so vulgar and fucking gross as shit. But, like, you can't not watch. So I just kind of had, like, a rainy day to myself, maybe jerked off three times, packed for Orlando, but, like, didn't leave my apartment all day. How many times you typically jerk off a day? I would usually say I'm either, like, morning and night or just morning. Depends on, like, what I'm doing that day.

But at least once a day. Instead of meditation, a little masturbation. Well, they say that masturbating just kind of like resets you. So, like, I feel like I need to be like reset a lot. I love that. It's sexually healthy. Yeah. When was the last time you lusted over someone?

So this is my problem is I'm trying so hard to lust over someone and I physically can't. Why? Like, I've been hooking up with like the same guy since January. And you're bored with this. And I'm like, why can't I like you? Like picture perfect. So beautiful. Great ass.

Great job. My type to a T. What about personality? Personally, he loves all of our friends. Like, it's just... Just because he loves your friends doesn't mean his personality. No, but I'm saying his personality meshes well with the friend group and everything. But is it good for you.

A fucking clearly not. You need to find the right guy. So like, I'm trying to figure that out. And like, that's probably also why I'm single because I just never have emotion for a person. And I think I'm a compareer. So, like, I always compare people to, like, the feeling. I had for my ex, which I've never felt again. So it's kind of like the minute I don't feel something, it's kind of like, why are we wasting

our time? It sounds like you got very hurt by your last relationship that you were very into. So you've put a little wall up because you don't want to get hurt. And the next time you put your wall down, you want to be like so 100% sure that they're worth you having feelings for. Well, I think the next person I legitimately date and call my boyfriend and like take an insta pick with whatever you want to call it, I'll probably end up marrying, you know? I was just talking about today, today, like, I'm 27, and I've learned what I like, what I don't like.

I used to just be like, who is my boyfriend of the year? But now I'm like, my next boyfriend, I might, like, be taking seriously. Well, yeah, because you're going to say, like, this is my boy. Because I'm starting to build a life around myself. Yeah, there's a lot that goes into that. Exactly. So, Jeffrey, you've been such a pleasure. Honestly, I wish you'd be a little more open about your sexual endeavors, but I'll deal with it.

I can only share so much, you know. Waiting to be invited back. Now, maybe I'll get like a little more explicit. Yeah. One final question. Ooh. How do you cope with your hell? Advice I would give to people coping with their hell is don't take other people's advice.

I think you know yourself better than anyone else does. So next time someone's like, you shouldn't have a glass of wine. Like you're going to end up upset. Like if you feel like that's what you have to fucking do, you should fucking do that. Like don't take people's advice. I fucking love that. Jeff Perla follow him at The Travelin Bum

No G. And then behind the bum is his podcast. It's so, so good. I want to turn gay so I could be on it. Also, I have a new Facebook group, The Burning in Hell Little Devils. You Little Devils shit something. I came up with it myself.

And then rate and review this podcast if you like it. I love you guys so much and I'll talk to you another time. Love you. Thank you for having me. Bye. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.