Berner Phone - Jera Foster-Fell: Energy Murderers & Nipple Piercings

Episode Date: February 6, 2019

She is DA REALEST influencer in the game and an athleisure queen with sponsors through the roof. Her life has been an open book with breakups, nipple piercings, getting rejected as a soul cycle instructor, but she still has personal demons she doesn't show her followers. Also, we found out we hooked up with the same guy this summer which was weird. LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram and Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Jera Foster-Fell on Instagram: @jera.bean --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell I'm your host Hannah and today we have Jerra Bean. She's an Adidas ambassador, has over 150K followers on Instagram. She's a lifestyle fitness influencer. She used to be a soul cycle instructor.

And she has her nipples. Pierce. Jarrah, welcome to hell. Oh my God, Hannah. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. Did you like my intro? Especially the last part. Very relevant. Well, I like to start saying how I know who the fuck you are. Yeah, girl. Because I don't just bring people on for no reason. I feel so special. Thank you. I'm about to torture you. You should feel special. Okay. My adrenaline's running, heart speeding and give it to me. So I actually am a huge massive creep stalker, but you guys knew that already. And I start following Jera when after my tennis career I was feeling lazy and I had no ambition to work out like I went to the gym and I'm like I'm not trying to win a championship I'm not trying to win a match I'm not trying to lose weight

why am I here but Instagram was super inspiring in terms of like the yoga influencers bending their back with their legs over their head but I couldn't do that but then I saw like cool fitness chicks with a aphleisure and I was like I could aspire to be like a fitness model like sports tennis model and jerry came up on my feed because she was like fun cool fitnessy and the stalking began yeah girl that's how it always begins you messaged me you randomly saw a comment yeah sometimes i often click into the profiles of people who comment on my photos because i want to know who they are and if i see someone sort of repeat comment a bunch of times like i want to know who you're like you commented three thousand times on one photo who the hell's this girl um no but i saw your profile

And I was like, dang, this girl seems funny. She seems like she has something to say. And I'm always down to make new friends and make new connections. That's such a powerful part of Instagram for me. So I was like, yo, like, let me reach out and send her a message. So I think I was like, hey, like, let's get coffee sometimes. So when Jera Bean messaged me, I was like, I made it. As an adult, it's really hard to make friends.

So hard. Why do you have the balls to do that? Like, that was very balzy of you. I think that Instagram has been such a crucial part of my life in a real. variety of ways, but it has been really important in me making friends and making female connections in my life. So when I first, yeah, yeah, back in April 2015 is when I created my account. And one of the reasons why I latched on to it and found so much passion through it is because I made friends. And I was in a really dark time of my life when I didn't have any friends,

which sounds kind of sad. But why was that? Why was that? Because I had, been at this job for a while that I like to describe it like a dementor in Harry Potter. If people don't know what that is, it's like a soul-sucking creature. It just sucked the entire life and passion and personality out of me. And I was working seven days a week. I was losing hair due to stress. I had like a bald patch on my head. That was cute. Can you say what kind of job it was? I was a graphic designer at a startup company, which is what my prior life was. Wow. So that's but your aesthetic is legit oh thanks girl yeah the losing hair was worth it oh my god i'm always down for a bald patch if there's a light of the end was it kind of like your idea of success was becoming

graphic designer for a company um i think because that's all that i knew yes to a degree i mean i studied fine art at school and i thought that i had found passion through that but i don't think i ever did and it never really lit a fire for me that was necessary to feel passionate and happy And then especially after being at a couple of jobs that were so soul-sucking and just draining and not exciting, it lost all the magic. Do you know it's funny? Early in your 20s, you're only focused on like starting your career and it's so difficult because you don't even know what you want. Yeah. And you don't prioritize friends, especially if you have a boyfriend.

Well, that's the other layer to the scenario. And I actually heard that they say the number one thing to prevent depression is friends. That makes a lot of sense. But it sucks because when you're depressed, the last thing you want to do is like hang out with people. Yeah. Especially people who are like, don't seem as depressed as you. And then you feel worse about your depression. Yeah.

No, it makes so much sense because I think that the combination of Instagram and finding passion through fitness, which is why I started my account, and finding passion through creating content on Instagram. And then super important finding women who I connected with who became my virtual friends and then became my real life friends. That was such a turning point for me. And all of the connections in my life, like my female connections right now, literally every single one is one that I've met through Instagram. That's amazing. They say people talk about, oh, how do I get my Instagram to be good? The number one piece of advice I got was like, it's social media. You have to get social.

You can't just post shit and expect the world to just like all your shit. You have to engage. You have to see what people want to talk about and talk back to them. I try to comment back on everyone that talks to me. And I've met some really cool. people just by someone making me laugh in a stupid comment kind of like this kind of like how we me and me can we explain no okay so you want to do coffee and then we talk we talk yep and then i'm like okay what are you going to do later like i'm probably going to go back to my place tell them what you told me

i was like yo girl i think i'm going to go get my nipples pierce today when was last time you heard someone casually drop that to you like so i'm living my boring-ass life i'm like how do i get my next video to do well and this girl's like I'm about to get my nipples pierced 10 minute Uber are you with me or not and I was like I'm like the kind of person that's surprisingly actually I'm a risk taker with like I'll raise my hand in front of 500 people and say dumb shit but then someone will be like why don't you get a random like earring piercing and I'm like no I don't like so we're the opposite because I would never raise my hand in front of 500 people that's like a huge fear of mine but I'm like yo like let me go get my nipples pierce it's crazy like we really are different in that way

and I wanted to live vicariously through you. So this girl just goes at this place and we're both freaking out together. And we had this crazy Bondi experience because you don't know me. Look at my boobs. I just met you. True.

It was a lot. It was full frontal. But I was like so nervous with you, but I had to keep it together. I was like, if you faint, she's fucked. If you start sweating, she's fucked. And I just try to be like, you got this. And the guy was nice.

The piercer was so nice. The piercer was nice. I forget his name. and I feel that just jesse yeah somehow remembered that through my adrenaline rush yeah so do you recommend that people get their nipples well first of all can you explain while you got them pierced yes I think okay twofold one I'm a fairly impulsive person I've come to realize this over the years once I decide that I want something or want to do something or want to buy something like I can't get it out of my head and I just have to do it for better for worse it's like my current apartment that I moved into

I looked at one apartment in New York City which is freaking crazy and I moved into it without looking at anything else so i'm just kind of like spur of the moment got to get things done but you go with your gut i go with my gut i think so most of the time sometimes it's just a food baby but you never know you never know you never know i saw a fellow influencer post about having them done recently so the idea that's the universe yeah girl planting seeds and gardening yep and like influencers can be influenced too you know it's like whoa whoa inception So I had it in my mind and I spoke about it on Insta Stories a week or so ago and I had so much positive response of girls who had them done and they're like, yeah, it's awesome, do it.

And then other people are like, yo, that's badass. So with that support behind me, I was like, let's just support slash like social pressure. Totally. Like you're like, I told all of Instagram. I told 150,000 people I get my nipples pierced. I can't wussy out. Exactly. Also, like, how do you feel about in terms of like feeling sexy with your boobs?

Like, do you feel sexier? What do you think? So that's another part of the equation. Like was it sexual or was it more just like aesthetic? I think it's less sexual and more just sort of taking claim and ownership over my body and doing something a little bit rebellious, but just for me. Like I did not get my nipples pears to go to show some guy. I mean, like it's kind of an added plus be like, look at my nipples peers like surprise, bitch.

But it really is for me. It was a decision that felt empowering and just kind of badass for me. And I think that I'm not the biggest fan of my boobs. Like, I don't really think that they're great. But now that my nipples are pierce, I kind of take off my shirt. I'm like, oh, okay. Has a guy ever, like, said something about your boobs to make you feel bad? No.

Or is it just, like, society is seeing other boobs? I think it's seeing other boobs. And it's crazy because I think that, like, what boobs are perfect. Like, I mean, some girls are naturally. Yeah, like all boobs look so different. They look so different. Yeah. I think you have amazing boobs, by the way.

And I've seen them. Oh, my gosh. Thank you so much. I don't know what it is. It kind of makes me upset that you were like, I don't love my boobs because I'm like, this bitch is fucking crazy. But then I'm like, I kind of want to see her getting in a fear, so this would be hilarious. Everyone's on a journey with themselves and what they want.

And it's part of your journey. Totally. And I think that no matter how confident we are, like I'm a very confident person. I feel really good about myself right now in so many different respects, both in terms of my physical body and my mental state. I have my ups and downs, but I'm in a really good person. place. But it just goes to show that no matter what, there's always going to be something that you're not fully confident about. And I think that's so okay. You have to accept that you're not

going to feel 100% about 100% of yourself all the time. But it's also cool that you're like, okay, I have, I don't love this about myself. Let's do something fun. I'm not saying go do plastic surgery, but like there are things you can do to evolve and grow and like see yourself in a different way and grow your identity. Like you're never stagnant. Exactly. Which is exciting. Man, I've certainly learned that over the last like three and a half years also right before she's about to go in to get pierced her and goes don't you dare she was like i'm disappointed no and like i'm very close to my mom like i've broken up with maybe three guys because my mom was like i don't like them if my mom did that to me i would have been so scared but jesse the the piercer was like she's just a mom being a mom

and i'm like great point best advice of the day it was great advice but that's that That's where, like, you listen to your gut and didn't let your mom influence you, which is, like, very difficult. Because your mom and your parents are who represent, like, justice and righteousness and experience and knowledge. Speaking of your past, which we weren't really speaking of, but I can't, I can't do transitions. Pivot. Pivot, girl. Actually, I just will just go, pivot. So, I started following Jera because she was on this journey.

Her Instagram is kind of like reality TV. Yeah, girl. As then I'm like, what are you promoting? And she's like, dude, people just want to know, like, when I get broken up with, when I break up with someone when I get a new job when I lose a job when I get sick when I get upset she was trying to become a soul cycle instructor yeah can you take them on that crazy journey just like a little review a somewhat succinct version because I find it so interesting because you can't see her but she has like the body of like a fitness instructor she's a very cute bubbly personality you're like

she's a soul cycle instructor right what made you want to be one so I started my fitness Instagram account, April 2015, and I was a graphic designer at the time, but within six months, I left my graphic design job, and I went freelance with designs that I could still support myself while exploring this new realm of fitness, because I knew I loved doing Instagram, whatever that meant at the time, which is crazy because, like, the word influencer didn't even exist back then, like three years ago. She got on that shit early. Yeah, I got on the influencer train. And I knew I loved fitness. I loved working out and feeling good. So I was like, let me explore this. It was around that time that I rediscovered Soul Cycle. I'd been a couple times over the years, but I never had gone

consistently. And I started to go consistently, and I fell in love with it. I feel like it's like a cult. You either love it or like you get the bug or you don't. Right. Right. And there's something about exercising, obviously, endorphins are there, but then when it's orchestrated so perfectly in a room and the experience is so crafted and it's dark and there's candles. and it's like your favorite song comes on and your instructor is someone like you look up to you and they say things that motivate you. It's kind of a spiritual experience.

And they really make it look so glamorous. Oh, yeah. They look like they live the, like they've never had a care in the world. They have the answers to all your questions. Oh, yeah. And like they've fucked everyone in New York City because they're just dropped dead beautiful inside and outside. And you're like, I get it.

Who are you creatures? Yeah. It's sort of a celebrity in a way. I mean, the fitness instructor now, especially in 2018, whether it's SoulCycle or otherwise, there is a celebrity sort of nature. And there's all these rumors that if you become like a great SoulCycle instructor, you're just selling out all the time, making tons of money.

People are, it's like a religion. It's like you are a priest at a church. Right. And people only want your priestness. And being in that role, it's almost, I don't say addictive in a negative way, but it's like people come to you. They want to hear your music and your class and you. you're empowering yeah it's empowering is probably and you're influencing which is clearly

something that you like to do so yes tell me what happens okay so um super briefly just so people understand the drama of it um it was a really long journey to become a soul cycle instructor for me because they make it so it's like a fucking college degree oh my god it's crazy it's i mean it's like the crumb de la creme so it's quite a process and the auditions are absolutely Are they pretentious during it? No, but it's, you know, serious. And, yeah, it's very serious. And, like, you have to get up there and give them all you got or otherwise, you know, you're out of the door.

And your days were, like, waking up really early. You had to do community classes. Yeah. So there's the auditions. But first you applied just to get into the training. Right. So that's the audition process. Auditions are ruthless.

You basically have two and a half minutes in front of a room full of people to show them what you got. I'm coming in with social anxiety, fear of public speaking, zero fitness instruction background. I'm like, I'm not even that good of a rider. I'm like, wow, what do I have to offer? Like, nothing. This is great. So I had to audition twice. And the second time I got through, and it was then that I was accepted into the 10-week training

program. So you got rejected the first time. Rejected the first audition. And then I got into 10-week training program, and I finished that. Great. Rejected. Wow. So after being.

trained for ten weeks they told you you're not good enough yes so that's when i saw in social media that you were like heartbroken yep you busted your ass for 10 weeks oh my god so that's one of those moments in life you're like a is the universe trying to tell me this isn't my path yep or is the universe testing me and this is my fucking path yeah or is this not my path but i'm still going to go with it because i'm going to learn something from the universe i my brain hurts it's you very very much summarized all the crazy thoughts going through my head because when you work for something really hard and you don't get it, it's really confusing. And I think that the lesson I came to was that just because you work really hard for something doesn't mean you're going to get it.

So when you want something and you get the answer, no, are you going to let that no sort of defeat you? And then if so, I don't really think that you wanted that thing in the first place. to begin with. But if you take that no and use that as fuel to the fire to let it motivate you to become better and stronger and have a second try at it, that's an awesome path as well. Like both paths are okay, but you have to use that as a pivot fork in the road kind of a point. And as a tennis player, if I win a match 6464, I lost like 40% of the points. That's a lot of points. It means I won 60, lost 40. So it's like constant rejection and losing that you have to push through it's being a great athlete is not about like winning everything it's about pushing past

the losing they say the best athletes can recover from like a bad shot or or hitting something in the net or or missing a goal in like point five seconds just like they recover from the failure faster than the average person like michael jordan will miss a game winning shot and he'll be better for the next game way faster than the next person or nidal will lose a point in tennis and is ready on the next point faster mentally than the next person. So that's just a quick, random fun fact. No, I love that. I mean, it's like how do we use failure to fuel us and bring us to the next step?

Like who balances back faster? So you get rejected after 10 weeks of busting your ass. What do you do? I decided that eventually I wasn't 100% sure if I wanted to pursue SoulCycle, but I wanted to say yes in the moment so that I could later say no if I wanted to rather than just saying no at that exact moment and then always wondering what was there reason for rejecting you it was vague it was vague um no girl it's like when yeah essentially they said i think it came down to the fact that i didn't quite have enough confidence i hate that but here's the thing it's so general

it's so general and what was more heartbreaking about it was that it was so out of left field like there was no hint that's annoying if they've been telling you to work on something throughout and they felt you didn't hit that. Yes. But to say, first of all, you're a very confident person. And it's like confidence comes with time. Yes, absolutely. But here's like the kicker.

I decided to go back through training. Okay. And it's crazy how something so heartbreaking can happen. And then with time, it's actually such an incredible tool that has been given to you. Because that second round of training, oh my God, I had a fucking blast. The first time, I was so stressed out. the deer in the headlights. I had no idea what was going on. I felt like just I wasn't absorbing the information as quickly as everyone else. The second time I was actually able to be a leader

in the group and be a resource for everyone, which I just generally enjoy being in my day-to-day life. I like helping people. And I was, since I knew all the information, I was able to just polish myself off and just enjoy the process. And it felt easy the second time around. And I actually gained that confidence that I was for sure desperately left. the first time around so even though it's shitty how it happened the first time seeing looking back on it now I'm like wow I really really needed that second round of training like a this girl's a maniac but be I'm kind of impressed by the work ethic like especially because people look up to you so much and you were basically how to tell your 100,000 followers like hey guys you've been following

me on this journey and I fucked up I failed I'm a loser it was it was so honestly honestly embarrassing, but what I've learned over the three and a half years that I've had my account, I have had so many down moments, everything from the soul cycle failure to multiple breakups with boyfriends and career changes and my dad. Especially when you're using it as kind of a thing where you show off the guy a lot and then one day you're like, yeah, we didn't really love each other the way we thought. It's done. Yeah, the personal like boyfriend stuff is always a little bit challenging. But what I found is that that's when people really connect with me. And that's when people know that I'm a real person and can relate. Like it's great to show fancy trips that I go on and

like, here's a fun package of influence or stuff I got. But it's the real moments that people latch on and connect. And so those have been so crucial for me to share to create a community and like foster this group of women that feel empowered by following me and me also following and hearing from them and honestly that's why i wanted you to be like the first influencer to come on my podcast because sometimes i'm like she is a goofy wreck like she is a wreck it's like 5 a m and you're like i haven't slept and i hate everyone and i was like i love her but then also you're kind of jealous you're like she looks kind of good at 5m with no makeup thank you like i'm not like what filter she's using i'm like no like she has nice cheekbones like it just works so you after your second 10 week training

We're still on this journey together. What happens? So we are now at the end of 2016. December 2016, I finished the second round of training and I graduated. So I officially became a Soul Cycle instructor. Yeah, girl. Oh my God. So I started teaching and...

Was that moment as incredible as you thought it would be? I have to say there wasn't one moment that was super like victorious feeling besides actually my last community ride. I have chills thinking about it right now. The very last song, the main soul cycle instructor that inspired me to become one myself, Tramel, made it last minute from his class and, like, opened the door and was able to see, like, my last few minutes of class. And everyone was just, like, dancing and swinging their towels.

And it was just like, I knew I'd made it at that point. And that was maybe one of, like, the time. I have, like, chills all over my body right now. I have chills and I don't even ride so cycle. It was kind of teary just to know that like, fuck, after like a year. over a year of doing this like I nailed it I fucking killed it I have one side note question yes does your vagina bone stop hurting oh my because I did one sole psycho class and I was not that sore but my vagina bone was not okay so let me tell you the vagina bone gets better okay like does it start to

is it like a callous like it starts to get protected because I don't know if I have a sensitive vagina bone but so okay I'm going to tell you a couple things the vagina bone it improves because if you don't ride for a while or it's your first time, it is so sore the next day and it will be sore for a little bit if you ride. But if you go continually, it gets better. But maybe this is TMI, but probably not because it's with you and we're talking about everything. Once you're an instructor and you're teaching one to three classes a day, six to seven days a week as I was, your skin down there, not cute. So, like, crazy, like, not like rash, but you know what I mean? just like from skin rubbing.

So soul cycle instructors are not perfect. No. You heard it here live. And like this is something I've talked about publicly. So I literally know embarrassment or shame. But my butt pimples when I was a soul cycle instructor were out of control. Just because the amount of sweat and friction and it's something that I've talked to other female instructors about, whether it's like butt pimples or like ingrown hairs or like.

TMI. I have all my whole tennis career. My ingrown hairs were like. To the point that doctors were like, I've never seen this before. And it was just from the constant, like, sweat. Exactly. And my thighs touch, hello, because I got them curved. And my thighs would just burn.

And it was just, it was rough. But also, I was kind of like, I'd go to the beach and I'd have ingrown hairs. And I'm like, whatever, it hurts. I want to wear a bikini. Well, I'm so glad you did that because I think that so many women have issues with that, whether it's from riding at SoulCycle or otherwise. And they have so much shame around it. Yeah.

And I'll never forget posting about. my butt pimples when I went to Tulum last spring I accidentally ordered a thong bikini I thought that I'd ordered this cute little red like kind of cheeky number but I've never worn a thong bikini before I just had no interest especially with the butt pimples and then I was like you know what this is really cute I'm in saloon and your ass looks great my ass looks good besides the butt pimples and I wore it and I took a photo featuring my ass with a lot of butt pimples so you could have easily just taken whatever tool and blurt it out totally totally and i i didn't think of doing that but i thought of just posting something that didn't feature the butt pimples and i was like

you know let me just talk about this and i posted it and i think i asked everyone like zoom in to see my butt pimples because like once you zoomed in you could see the spots like it's more engagement more time on the post it does increase engagement i know these random facts slight strategy a slight strategy and the response i got was so overwhelming and so many women either saying i have that too and I've never seen anyone talk about that and I feel so relieved because I felt so alone in my butt pimples to people just being happy that I shared something that was so personal and kind of vulnerable. Yeah like when would butt pimples come up in a conversation? I mean maybe I feel like us talking like come up. Actually they did the first I know all about her bum pimples. But it's funny

because I would see girls at the beach with literally not a bump, not even a little dot and they just have like perfect like bikini lines and they also didn't work out like I did and I just was like is that even possible for me I ended up doing laser I recommended it it really helped with my ingrowns okay but it's like also I just think we can't expect all our bikini lines to be perfect especially when we're fucking like shaving it and oh god I kind of like go with my flow like if and I didn't mean menstrual flow I know that came off but it's like we can't not be perfect down there and sometimes I'd be insecure to have a guy go down on me because of it and it's like just because society is telling us like society told you how your

boobs should look society tells me that I shouldn't have an ingrown hair well you know what I can't control that my fucking bikini line hates me and I should not have self-hate because of that and I will rant about that till the end and if a dude doesn't want to go down on you because you have two ingrown hairs you can fucking take your thighs and crush his skull and that's how I feel about that. Moving on. Oh, mic drop, girl. Mike drop.

So back to SoulCycle. You get the job. You're killing the game. Yes. Start to teach some classes. You're getting paid. Let me just say, being a fitness instructor

is mad fucking hard. And being a fitness instructor in New York City, forget it because... It looks so glamorous. It looks so glamorous. And let me tell you, there are moments that it is.

However, being new in New York City, there are a million fitness boutique studios around. There are a million fitness instructors. If you go and take someone and you don't like their class, not only are you not going back to their class and giving them a second chance, you're probably telling all of your friends, like don't go take Bob's class.

It's the same as dating. Yes, you're on to the next one and telling all your friends he's a small dick. Exactly. Case and point. So being a rookie is really tough. So then you add in all the extra components of how much,

your body is physically taking because as a new instructor you have to say yes to everything so i'm teaching you know three classes a day six to seven days a week i'm trying to make you do the full workout right you can't fake it yeah yeah so at soul cycle and most spin studios the instructor is doing the entire workout with you how many miles is one class dude i don't know how many miles but at least 500 calories a class at least i i was probably me personally i was probably burning more so explain to me what your body was like during that time. Okay, so I, I always, like, feel bad saying this because women hate me for it, but I'm naturally thin and I have fast metabolism.

That's just been me. And you're 5'9. You're tall. And I'm 5'9. So my body's just naturally thin. And when I start working out, it, like, wants to be fit. It, like, sort of, you know, I lose a little bit of fat and my muscle gets more defined. So when I was doing Soul Cycle as an instructor and teaching that much cardio, my body could

not keep up with the amount of exercise I was putting it through. So it's kind of crazy for me to do a side-by-side comparison, which I have a couple times. I've posted about twice on Instagram now. You guys should look at Jerobine. It's really insane. It was, looking back on it now, I did not even realize how thin I was. And I'm kind of surprised that no one expressed concern, perhaps because it's people that knew me. They knew that I was just teaching a lot and eating. I would, I would, Did anyone comment on Instagram, like you're too skinny? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I would do comparisons of what I looked like before I started any fitness to my current state.

And I look back on those photos now and I'm like, okay, me. Because the BBG community is like, oh my God, you look amazing. Right. But you really were overworked. I was definitely overworked and I can even see the fatigue in my face. Didn't you say your body was like so tired? It was so tired. And the sensation that I would reach.

was so bizarre. It was a feeling of exhaustion that rested inside of my chest. And it usually happened as I was teaching three classes in a day, like in between the second and the third. And it would feel as if there was nothing inside of my body. Like I was just the skeleton that was empty, which I haven't felt since leaving SoulCycle, but I think it was just the extreme amount of physical exhaustion and also emotional as well, because that's a whole different side of SoulCycle. It just depleted me. And I was eating like two bowls of pasta before bed and like six gorios and just trying to fuel myself and I just couldn't keep up with the demand I think and the point of this is jera's not like oh my god it was so skinny it was so hard like people were looking at

her like she was goals when realistically she was being unhealthy like she was pushing herself too far and too hard yes and right now how is your body different so i'm it's so refreshing just for me to be like I'm so happy with how my body is right now because I have gained some weight. It's funny. I actually just stepped on a scale the other day for the first time and I'm like 15 pounds heavier than I've been my entire. How did that make you feel immediately? At first I was like, whoa, because I've always been since like seventh grade one weight. And then to all of a sudden see that number, I was kind of like, holy shit, like where did those 15 pounds come from? However, I always preach how you feel. And right now I feel so good. I'm not working out a lot. I would

honestly like to be working out a little bit more just because it makes me feel so good mentally but my body feels so good and I'm in a really great state of mind and my like abs are gone and like my thighs touch again but like my boobs are kind of back and my butts back a little bit and that's what the men do like I'm just saying every ex-boyfriend when I get too skinny they're like I can't work with that yes the boys definitely and the nipple piercings that actually I haven't tested that at yet let me know how it goes for the fans I will actually just have go on her Instagram she'll tell you so yes I just want to end our journey okay you're exhausted yes you're doing soul cycle what happens so after about a year and a half of teaching I left I decided to

leave and it was really really challenging for me to make that decision because I had dedicated something like two and a half years of my life it's like a breakup it's like a breakup and to work so hard for something and feel so passionately about something only to achieve it and then realize you're not actually happy is a really hard feeling to grapple with. And I think there's probably in denial for a while. But then I realized like, okay, I'm not happy doing this. I have an opportunity to expand my brand and focus purely on me because I have something else going. So it's not like I'm totally clueless if I leave SoulCycle. And I knew that if I didn't leave then or shortly after, I would really regret not giving myself the opportunity to pursue my Instagram and my brand and see

where I could take that. You know what? I feel like I connect with you so much because as a tennis player, there was so much ego involved. At 12 years old, I was ranked nationally. And then like at 14, I got a Dunlap sponsorship and Reebok. And then I was like traveling internationally. But I lost, somewhere I lost the love. Yeah. But I was disconnected from that. And I just kept playing and I knew it was what I people like like that I did people would be like oh you're the tennis player you're the tennis player and then I was like I don't want this yeah that's not your identity but it took me till 22 and you know what I became who I am today I have the work ethic of a crazy person like I like tennis taught me I've gone past the craziest boundaries and like limits with my

body and mind playing tennis and as you might know it's soul cycle so I've challenged myself doing things I fucking hate so it's like when you're telling me I get to make a funny video like I love it and when I found something I love and something that motivates me and it's not about ego my parents didn't tell me to do it I really wasn't glorified at all in the beginning like people told me my shit sucked because it did and then you grow from it and it's I think the point is that it's totally okay to get in touch with your gut and say this isn't for me old Hannah thought it was but Hannah grew in this journey to find like get even closer to your true self yeah I know I so identify with that because soul cycle for me the best word to describe it was a transformative

experience yeah I was nervous and scared every single day every single time I walked into a studio as a soul cycle instructor even when I had been doing it for six months I would talk to the class and be terrified to speak in front of them and I'd go to turn the music on and like I was like Thank God it's dark in here because my hand is shaking because I'm so fucking nervous. That's crazy. With tennis, I had severe performance anxiety, but I was scared every day on the court. Like, my hand would shake sometimes and when I toss the ball, it would like go who the fuck knows where. But I felt like the fact that I kept doing it and I did what I wanted to do.

We didn't, I didn't want to be a tennis player. You didn't want to be a sole psycho instructor. I wanted to prove myself that I could play Division I tennis on full scholarship and be captain. I did it. Yeah, girl. But I didn't want to be that. You proved to everyone. You could do it.

You did it. And now on to the next thing to conquer. On to the next thing, girl. And taking all those tools and things that I learned in that process. Like, I don't think I would be where I am right now. I mean, we didn't really quite talk about my social anxiety. But that's been an issue. I actually wanted to hit on that.

Well, we want to do it. Because social anxiety is something people joke about now. Like, I don't want to go to the party. Yes. So it's kind of become this mainstream, like, meme. Yeah. But how do you define? your social anxiety? So it's something that I have worked through a lot and it's very different

than it used to be. And I think a really important thing about anxiety, whether it's social or otherwise, is that it's something you learn to manage. It's not something that ever goes away. So it's still something that's with me, but I've learned to manage it and sort of lessen it a lot. But it was during my dark time in Boston when I was a graphic designer. I love how you call it like a dark time. The dark ages. When I was in the dark ages in my former life. has that time. We're like, I don't know how I fucking survived that, but that shit was scary. Yeah, it really was. And this was the time when I set the terrible job with the hair falling out. And I realized I had this problem. And it took a while because I think I was in denial. And it took a

conversation with my mom to realize like, holy shit, I'm actually dealing with something that needs professional help. And when did it hit that point that you were like, I need professional help? So my anxiety manifested itself through physical symptoms, and the main physical symptoms was getting really hot and sweating. And so there's different examples I can give, but essentially it'd be like, let's say I had a social function with work. Like we had an event for our company, and I was forced to stay in the room because I had to be social and interact with everyone.

And I would speak to someone and I'd just be standing there, like not running around or exercising, and I could feel my face getting hot and start. to sweat and then as soon it was like a chain reaction then it triggers you to start thinking about it exactly which it snowballs puts energy towards the anxiety which makes it grow you're feeding it the more you think about it it's this chain reaction of like oh I'm starting to get hot now have anxiety I have anxiety so I'm getting hot and overall it's that loss of control of yourself that makes you fucking scared this happened so many times and it would happen in work situations where I had to present like what my plan was for that week to the team and I could barely speak in front of people

that I knew and worked with on a daily basis. So it started to take over my life and I found this, quote unquote, solution where I found this really strong antiperspirant wipes on Amazon that like you probably shouldn't even put on your armpits, but it's only for your armpits. And that shit is scary. That should is scary. Because your body needs to sweat. Yes.

So I bought these wipes and the instructions were to put it on your armpits at night before you wake up, before you go to bed. And so I put it on my face. I'd wake up and my face was kind of red and burning because it was so strong. I mean, that was probably so terrible for my sensitive face skin. And what I found was that it worked. So I'd be at these social functions or speaking to someone. I could feel myself getting hot, but I wouldn't sweat. So I was like, aha, I found a solution. And I ended up telling my mom about this. And she's like, Ger, are you fucking kidding me? Like this isn't a solution. This is, this is, you're still feeding it.

Yes. You're feeding it energy by like Googling. It's like me. I would like lose my forehand because that was crazy and I would spend all night just like watching roger federer's forehand on youtube like that would calm me down the next day and i'd be like oh i know i had a forehand now i had no problem with my forehand it was just my head was in like the mental space it was like ohcd thinking of like oh my god if my forehand doesn't work what was that solution that you did so um my mom suggested that i look into therapy and i did some research and i found a therapist in Boston who specializes in anxiety and CBT, which is cognitive behavioral therapy. And I ended up seeing him for about a year and he really changed my life. And since then, I'm definitely so much

better. It's interesting because the anxiety and those like hot moments that sort of are what happened during my anxiety, they still happen. So it's far and few between, but sometimes it happens and it just like sort of sends me into a spiral just because I'm like, why am I still fucking dealing you go to that mental space but it's because our brains are brains yeah exactly i know that was eloquent but it's true but you can't completely delete it but you learn yeah we're not computers right it doesn't ever go away but it gets better if you put the work in but you're still going to have those flare-ups and even though people are always really interested to uh they're surprised to hear like i feel like an introvert and sometimes i feel like we were talking about would i come on this podcast

like it scares me to come on this podcast i have anxiety about it a little bit because i'm worried that I can't fully eloquently express myself or that I'm going to get anxiety. You're very eloquent, by the way. Thank you. Just adding some positive affirmation. My boobs are great. I'm eloquent.

I feel so special. Hell is pretty fun. Hell is pretty full of positive affirmation. Oh, I love it. But it's interesting. We kind of tell ourselves these stories of the past and they stay with us

and my social anxiety story is not as present as it was, but it's still something I tell myself. I used to be like, I'm the tennis player who has performance anxiety but no one knows because I win a lot yeah and that was scary because it was like I was holding a secret when you hold a secret it's like bigger right it's like before anyone knew about your sweating it was just this the shameful thing I had a lot of shame yeah yeah yes me too

what in CBT was one example that helped you one of the things that we did was make statements and then sort of refute those statements so it's like we tell ourselves these stories and these things and I don't know if this is one of my statements but something along the lines of getting hot and sweaty in front of a person makes me look stupid I love that something like I mean I don't love what you actually said but I love that because we say things to ourselves that are it's completely illogical yes but you're so used to it exactly and I love that even if someone does see that you're hot and sweaty who who who fucking cares like maybe it's a little weird or you just like say like sorry I sweat a lot like I've done that because I

do sweat a lot yeah me too i'm a hot person someone will be like oh my god look at your armpits and i'm like what you never saw sweat before you never start sweat do i'm going to rub it on you shut the fuck up so you have to kind of change that out too but yeah it's it's it's less what other people say and more what you're telling yourself and the crazy thing is is that most people don't even notice the thing that you are so insecure about yeah people can't tell when you're nervous they can't tell when you're nervous they can't tell if you're hot and sweaty they can't people don't care they're stuck in their their own head worrying about their own shit. They're worried about their hands shaking or their palms

being sweating. Yeah, we're all worried about each other thinking. Let's just stop it. Let's just stop it. It was just that easy. With all your like success and shit you've overcome, what is still kind of, what do you still insecure about? Public speaking and like social anxiety and like not being good enough

compared to other people. I'm pretty good at talking on the spot. You're amazing. Oh, thank you. But I can think myself into thinking that I'm not. Sure. If you make it a thing, of course I say the dumbest shit and I've like listened to myself in interviews

like even in this podcast I've made sentences that don't make sense but it's really just like an air about you that like you're okay with fucking it up right because I'm never perfect but when you put yourself at that standard that's when you're only going to fail

and then when you do fail you're like I knew it I suck at this and then it becomes a thing yeah and I think with anxiety it's all about like not trusting your mind being a bitch to you. Yeah. Like, don't listen to that bitchy voice that's telling you that it's a thing. Because it's not. We're all just floating leaves. What about snowflakes? Or snowflakes. They're all pretty. It's time to play a game. I'm ready. And that game is called Instomosity. Oh, yeah.

Do you remember one picture on your Instagram where you looked happy, but you weren't? The one that I can think of would probably be something sold. cycle related and there was definitely a post I did for my one year anniversary and I ended up quitting like four or five months later it was this post about like one year I've been teaching I did it I'm so proud of myself everything's perfect and I think at that point I probably knew in my heart that I wasn't entirely happy but because I had reached this monumentous moment of teaching for a year which is a really big fucking deal and felt like I needed to celebrate it but inside my heart I knew it wasn't totally right. It's so funny that you like felt like you owed it to people to celebrate it when

you didn't even want to. It's like when you have a birthday and you're like, do we have to get excited over this? Do you need to sing me happy birthday? Because I feel awkward. It's the most awkward 10 seconds. It's the worst. What do you do with your hands? What do with your eyes? No. Just look down and pretend it's not happy. Just smile and try to make, not make any eye contact. Number two. Okay. Who are you jealous of on Instagram? I have a really specific response for this. I love that. And it's someone that like I can't even look at her account because it makes, she makes me feel really badly about myself. Emily Radichowski. Oh my God. And I think, okay, so there's a reason that this started. It's because one of my many ex-boyfriends. One of your

exes said he's obsessed with her. Yes. That, that was like his, her celebrity crush. And she, I mean, she's beautiful. She's really hot. She's got big boobs, but she's tiny. It's, it's actually sexy. I think her waist is like a 14. Yeah, it's so small. Average woman is like a 29. Right. So there's, I mean, she's like in the 0.001% of her body, especially to have the boobs with it too. I look at her like a caricature of a hot girl. Sure. And then I tell myself that she's probably dumb and less funny than me and I move on. I'm going to start telling myself that. She seems like like the hot, cool girl. And I'm like, I can't look at your page. And that's something that I tell people. If you're following someone, whether it's Amrata or otherwise, that doesn't make you feel good. or you consistently see their posts and you're like, shit, this makes me feel whatever negative emotion, unfollow that person. Yeah. Why let that take up mental space and energy? Stop with the hate follows.

It's like, you don't need to put all that hatred into Instagram. But I do think it's the boyfriend liking her. Totally. Because like everyone thinks she's really beautiful, but when you hear that your ex is into her, it's like you feel personally attacked by her. Yes. When like it's not the case. Right.

Lastly, what triggers you on Instagram to make you feel depressed besides Emerada? So it's funny because I think that most people would answer that and be like, it makes me depressed to see people traveling and I'm stuck in my office or like, this girl's super fit and I'm not, which that certainly happens to me. Sometimes I see people doing amazing things or looking really beautiful and if you're having a down day, that feels like shit. Coming from an influencer perspective, I'll be totally honest. I get really caught up in engagement. So the likes and the comments. And I'm, I try not to you, and I think I'm a little bit better than I used to be, but I'm constantly comparing. And to see someone in the same genre and category as you with a similar following to get double, triple the likes in the comments consistently, it constantly makes you think like, I'm putting so much effort into this content.

Why is mine half sort of the engagement as someone else? Well, engagement equates to money, or as I like to say, shmoney for you. So it's your direct competition in terms of making money and your livelihood. hood. So I get that. Right. What do you do to kind of get out of that instant like funk when you see someone has like 10,000 likes on a photo that has the same following as you? I think that when it comes down to it, you think about numbers in your life and like we're so sort of controlled by numbers like our weight and the amount of followers we have and money. And it's like you kind of have to take your head out of that equation a little bit and think about the bigger picture. And what makes me feel

successful on Instagram is when I have a positive effect on someone's life, whether it's as simple as someone being like, you literally just made me laugh today with your funny Instagram story or someone telling me on a more heavier note, like, because of you, I made my first therapy appointment and I'm getting help. Yeah. So it's like when when those things come into play, I realize, okay, it really doesn't fucking matter. Hey, I'm Roda. Have you ever read someone go get therapy? Yeah. Probably because they're depressed because of you. But you know what? We're changing lives here. Also, I want to take back what I said about their direct competition.

There's enough budget from these big brands to, like, get a bunch of you. So I'd almost say, like, if I see someone with great engagement, I'd look and be like, well, what are they doing that maybe I can improve on? Or also, hey, how do I, like, get this girl in my podcast or, like, you know, do a thing together with her because she's doing well and, like, let's move up together. Right. How do we, like, partner with each other than just constantly thinking that it's competition? Just because the girl's doing well, be like, oh, shit.

Let's see if I could, you know, jump on. that bandwagon and learn from her and maybe she can learn something from me right so on that positive note yeah i want to get back to the darkness let's do it i want to get back to the reason we're in hell and that is the seven deadly sins insert the music seven deadly sins what do you greedy about So I think I'm really not a very greedy person. However, I'm totally an introvert, and I think I'm really greedy about having time to myself and being alone. And that's how I recharge is like, yo, I got to be in this room by myself, not around all these people. Were you always like that?

I think so. Good. Yes. I think I've maybe evolved more into that role as I've gotten older. And maybe my anxiety has like played into that a little bit. But I find that I love being with people and friends, but then I'll hit a wall. And I'm like, yo, I got to leave. I got to go to my apartment and just like, chill by myself with my dog.

With Thatcher. With Thatcher, spicy grandpa. Because Thatcher just brings positive vibes. Oh, yeah. And grumpy vibes. I love that. It's so grumpy. I love the, like, shy, grumpy man.

It's my type. Shy and grumpy. Yeah. Attitude problem. Bad relationship with the death. Okay. Who are you envious about besides Emerada? Like, just in your general and your life, people who.

have like an instant presence when they walk into a room and no fear when it comes to speaking to a lot of people and also speaking on the spot. I know that's like kind of a weird answer, but I think that it's because I'm at this point in my life where I'm starting to be in those positions more like be on panels or be on a podcast or be like presenting something to a group of people. And that doesn't come naturally to me. And I think people might be might be confused because they're like, oh, you're so energetic and bubbly and connect with people. But I feel like it's such an effort on my part. So when I see other people doing it so effortlessly and I'm constantly around those kind of people in my career that I'm like, I feel like I have to

work so hard for this skill that just comes so naturally to you. Well, to make you feel better, one, I think you totally have a presence when you walk in a room. Like you have immediately positive vibes and you're so bubbly and like you just know Jerry's in the room. That makes you feel better but then you say something silly and you think you fuck it up but you don't yeah you don't it's like how do i explain it when you have to speak publicly everyone is kind of nervous about that moment yeah so it's almost like we're in this together right it's awkward public speaking's awkward so just kind of embracing the awkwardness is i think your next step what do you gluttonous about pasta oh my god as an italian you know that's what i like to hear my entire life i've just loved pasta and i tell people this and they're like

You're lying. What kind of sauce? Pesto is my most number one favorite. Love it, but like so garlicy. Can't talk to anyone after. True. True. But I'm like, I'm in it.

I'm like dedicated to the cause. Actually, zoodles with Pesto is so good. Have you ever done? I haven't. Is that like healthy? It's the healthy thing. But it takes a second. Just buy some pesto sauce or make it yourself.

Basil plants. Do you have a basil plant? I don't. I feel like I would kill it. The fact you don't have a basil plant makes me judge you. I'm just kidding. I don't have a basil plant. But growing up with an Italian family, there's always a basil plant.

It smelled so good. And then my mom would pull the leaves off to make pesto. Okay, I'm going to get myself a basil. You just put some olive oil, some parmesan, some basil. But it's like, mm-mm. Oh, damn. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? I can think of one moment.

It would tell me. And it's like kind of personal, but it's, this is like, my whole life is open. It doesn't matter. Okay. So recently, like two and a half months ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. and it was like on the down and outs for a while I was in denial that it was ending but it was looking back you know 20 20 and I went over to his apartment and hadn't seen him in a while and we hadn't gone out to dinner in a while so we had plans to go out to dinner and I was just feeling so down about things but I was

like yo jera like walk into his apartment and just be like energetic and like jera like normal jera like just bring the energy and the fun and I walk in and it just I could just feel the energy around me and I just feel depressed and sad and heavy and I'm like fuck this is supposed to be a good night and I just feel like shit and there's nothing you could do to change that if he's not cooperating exactly you can't like make the energy better in the room no if someone's like killing it right that that was the exact situation he's an energy murderer yes I just coined that term I like that copyrighted um and there was a moment where we're about to leave to dinner and I was trying to open his front door and I don't I didn't really go to his apartment often because he usually

came to mine and I couldn't figure out the locks and I was like turning this lock this way turning that way and trying to open it and he was getting annoyed that I couldn't open the door and like oh so it immediately was bad yes it was bad you didn't have a second of happiness no and also locks can be really complicated they're so complicated sometimes you have to like feng shui it like New York there's like five locks in people's doors oh yeah they're all like ancient yes and this actual like about two seconds rage came over me and I took the door handle and was like and he looked at me and was like are are you okay because I it was it's hard to describe but it was just this momentary yes of like all I was feeling and for two seconds I took it out on this poor doorknob so that's the

last time I experienced like extreme rage and we actually broke up that night but there was all happening and you knew it I knew it that and the door handle knew it too poor Poor doork. Ever having, like, a sad day? Like, things are sad, and then, like, the littleest thing happens, like, you drop your lollipop and then, I don't know why I'm fucking 27 with a lollipop, but I drop my life pop and I'm like, oh, no. I'm like, why is this happening to me?

Yeah. That's why you got to let your shit out and cry daily. Yep. It's my therapist said. When was the last time you were a sloth? And I love this coming from, like, an IDIS ambassador. So, in my mind, I feel like I'm a very. lazy person, which is, like, crazy because I do a lot every day.

Because you're hard on yourself? Yes, that's why. You're like, I only did 40 miles. That's a cycle. Like, I only had five meanings and like 10 yoga classes today. No. I didn't respond to one million DMs. I like that.

We're like impersonating me right now. Cool. And this is your voice. High five. Let's see. Okay, so super specific sloth moment. Recently, I've been like going out more, which is super fun. because I'm recently single.

You're a wild. I mean, there is a wild side. Like, Jerry, like college. Yeah, I saw you get your nipples here. You don't have to convince me. I get it. You're a rock star. Like, it's in there.

It just needs to be, like, coaxed out of me. Yeah. But I was out with some of my girlfriends. We went to this bar called Ghost Donkey. I met the owner in Las Vegas. So he's in New York. I'm like, hey, can, like, Nacho, can we come to Ghost Donkey? I love that.

He's actually the sweetest human in the whole world. Shout out to Nacho. What's up Nacho? Everyone go to Ghost Donkey. It's amazing. And so we had like nine drinks at Ghost Donkey and then went like to the blonde and like dance the night away and got home late. And the next morning I woke up, I was like, yo, I'm so hung over. I'm literally just going to like watch the voice all day.

And I think that's. Is that your bint show the voice? Only as of late. Oh, you like Adam. Oh my God. I have such a profound crush on him. They either love Adam or they're like getting hot like thinking about him. You love a tadded up.

Oh, I like like light eyes. like okay i love a light eye dark hair light eye dark hair baby face is mine yes if you're a sexy guy with tattoos listening because that is my demographic yes dm jera yeah just slide right in i will respond this is the toughest one okay when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something this feels like really pathetic to say but i feel like i'm not a prideful person but i don't mean that i'm like like if a guy doesn't respond to your text are you the kind of person that's like fuck him I'm not going to text him again I want to say

no only here's a thing it depends there have been hi hello it's me no like oh man it depends like for instance

there's been like a guy who doesn't respond and then I'm like fuck you and then I'm like out at ghost donkey a couple drinks in and nachos what do I have to lose like if he doesn't write me back and I'm like what are you doing So there's been both ends of the equation But I feel like I'll cave in at some point If I think he's cute

But I love that I love that you have like I have too much mental discipline Yeah Like I'll be like I'll break up with the next And I'm like I'll never talk to him again And I like will do that ever

I think too it probably plays into my past Of like I This is a weakness of mine I give second chances And I allow things to be like this I feel like I'm in therapy now like I allow things to be okay when they're not okay and that's a lesson that I've learned with my past relationships that I'm really like working on you you don't have to see a red flag you have to be like stabbed multiple times with the red flag for you to move yes exactly and I've it's only recently that I've learned that about myself especially after my last relationship and I'm like okay this is a moment where like girlfriend you got to fix this shit because you need to be treated and like I'm I'm I don't say this to be like I'm the best but like I'm literally the best. girlfriend. I'm so good because I just love to give and I love to love and like I love to be in a relationship with someone and just have a partner and that hasn't been reciprocated to me that blows my

fucking mind. It makes me angry. It makes me angry at the universe. Yeah. This is like you this is your wrath moment. This is my wrath moment. But I also think it's like time to analyze your picker. But that's a petty stinger would say. Oh my God. I love her. Oh, it was the greatest thing ever. I would binge that shit oh my god and she would tell people off and i'd be like tell her patty tell her daddy and she'd be like i don't like you what do you do you don't like you well then she was single so it was super awkward but i didn't want to throw under the bus yeah it's okay it's cool it makes me it's true it's like sometimes like maybe you're looking for someone like your dad subconsciously and maybe someone like your dad isn't right for you or it's just i don't know yet because i'm actually in the

same place you are right now for the last question which i'm actually really excited for this one This is a surprise for you guys because I have the sense for what you're going to say. Yeah. Winkety wink. When was the last time you've lusted over someone? I can't even ask about laughing. I know. I feel like I'm blushing already.

We're both blushing. Oh my God. Okay. So backtrack a little bit. Recently single, right? I'm on the dating apps. The second date I go on is with this Australian man. Don't give a name.

I will not. I will not. I'm just saying it because I really have a thing for Australian. Who doesn't have anything for Australian? You could literally be mediocre looking and have an Australian accent. They're fucking hot. They're basically British bad boys and tan and have good teeth. Yes.

Oh, hit the nail on the head. Right. And he's like a total sweet talker and you just like, I instantly just melted and I was like, what is this? I feel. I honestly felt like I was on drugs. Like that's sort of that like lust crazy feeling. How much did you guys text before the first day? Oh, like two texts.

Okay. too. So you're like, I was in love and two sex. I mean, the first text he sent me, because I'm very big on, like, text chemistry. Even though that doesn't always play out. But, like, the first text he sent me, I was like, ha ha. Wait, tell me what he said. Oh, my God.

I hope he doesn't listen to this is so embarrassing. He's probably going to. It's fine if he does. He goes, high wife. Oh, my God. So. That's probably his fucking line. Oh, he probably does it to every single motherfucker.

He probably mass text, high wife. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure. continue i'm getting angry um anyways he swept me off my feet it just felt like that one text swept me off my feet no it guys don't put any effort these days they don't say's high wife and we're swept it's pathetic i mean obviously my standards are really high wow okay cool you're like his grammar wasn't shit i was sold we meet and instantly like i'm very much like an affection touchy kind of person and it wasn't you know that could be creepy but it wasn't he was just so smooth and like he was touchy

Philly too. Well, shall we get into the next portion? Well, Jarrah and I met this weekend.

This is pre-nipple piercing for you guys to just in your mind understand. And we were talking about dating. I said,

I'm dating a British guy right and she was like, oh, foreign guys, am I right? And I was like, yeah,

she's like, I saw an Australian this summer and I go, I saw an Australian and they're fucking crazy. And then she's like, they're so crazy.

And I was like, yeah, like, they're so crazy. And then I'm like, are we talking this person just has a joke and I go what was his name and she says his name and I go rugby player and she goes yep and I go we were with the same Australian now we realized that I was different times I was kind of seeing this guy from May for like two months it wasn't like a it was like

twice a week hang for two and jera went on a couple dates like two in in September so we didn't overlap we did not overlap and can I just add that before I met to you I was speaking to a close friend of mine being like, listen, I just met this hot Australian and she goes, see a rugby player? Turns out, she dated him like a year and a half two years ago. So if you are listening and you've dated this guy,

please damn us. We want to hear your story. You will know who we're talking about. And if you get him on Bumble or a hinge, we are warning you. Honestly, he's a great guy. I think I'm going to invite him on the podcast. Dude, that would be dope.

Because he's really cool. He's an entrepreneur. He's an athlete. He's really smart. And he's so hot. And he's so hot. And he's so hot. charming. Oh, he's so charming.

That's the kicker. But we, and we, and we, I just don't think he's ready to settle down. No. But I really do care. And the way we can make fun of it is because, like, I really do like him as a person. I didn't have a fallout. Yeah. I mean, you guys are cool.

He was perfectly nice to me that just the, the communication was. And when we say communication, it's like, hey, what's up, darling? And then you're like, hey, how are you? Nothing. No response. No response. For three weeks. I'm like, I didn't even want this rejection.

You know how you're like, I'm not going to text this guy, because I don't know if he's going to respond. I don't need that stress right now. He would bring it out to me. I know. Oh my God. Or send a DM and then never respond. It's crazy. It's cool.

This is dating 2018. What is life like that to not have to like respond to people? I honestly, I don't know. Because I get anxiety. If I don't respond to one person, I'm like, they think I'm the shittiest friend ever. I know. Welcome to the single life. We've talked about men.

We've talked about SoulCycle. We've talked about Instagram. Those are pretty much the three most. important things in life. Yeah. And we've talked about your anxiety and dark times you've had. And I just want to end this beautiful time we've spent together with any advice you have for people who are listening on how to kind of cope. How do you cope with your demons? When it comes to going through something difficult, I found that I've found so much relief and emotional support through friends and especially girlfriends. And I say this because I, I,

came from a time in my life a couple years ago when I was going through something. You don't take friends for granted. No. And it's because I know what it's like to not have friends. Or have a bunch of fake sucky friends. Yeah. Or like get a boyfriend and then which has been something I've done repeatedly in my life and it's one of my big regrets. Sort of forget about your girlfriends and not prioritize them. You let that dick distract you. Yes. Not great. So I think that like whether you're single or just going through something challenging, it's been so. so incredible to have female support around me. So I think making sure that you prioritize your female friendships is huge for me.

I think that when you're going through something challenging or even if it's not something specific, if you're just like in a funk or whatever it is, finding what works for you health-wise, even though I'm not exercising super consistently now, anytime I go work out, it just feels so fucking good to have a physical release, like through sweat and through movement and i think people can forget about that or if you're feeling shitty you're like i don't want to do anything but just getting off your couch and just even if it's just going for a walk you'd be surprised how the physical actually helps you mind yeah totally i love that well i'm also i feel so fortunate to have made a new friend and thank you for coming on this pod thanks baby girl and thank

you for experiencing hell with me it's been heaven it's oh yes and you know what i definitely want to have you in the future i can't wait Oh, ha, ha.