Berner Phone - Jessica Kirson: Hysterical & Relatively Sane

Episode Date: June 18, 2022

Comedian Jessica Kirson joins hell to discuss having a mom who is a therapist, losing a lot of weight, becoming a mom, and what it's really like to be a woman in comedy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I want to have a unique perspective on this, but it's kind of annoying. And I'm going to get your head big, but then I'm going to build you up, break you down. It's a process. Every comic loves this comic. Every comic she's on stage. You're sitting next to a comic, and they go, she's the best. She's just the fucking best. And I was like, you know what?

I don't believe them. And I looked into it. I tried to find something wrong with you. I tried to find at least a cancelable moment. There were a couple, but nothing too bad. I'm with living comedian legend. Jessica Kirsten, welcome to hell. I've been preparing that for 30 minutes.

You're so sweet. I love that you said this is going to like, what did you say? I'm going to build you up and then it doesn't build me on. I just you should know that it doesn't what gets you I mean I I'm so thankful that you said that and I'm I really it means a lot it does and I I just want to let you know I've been doing research I've been talking shit to as many comics as possible really what's the deal with this woman not one bad thing to say okay I think it's because they don't want to be homophobic though yeah I mean listen there's a lot of homophobic People. Not a lot of homophobic comics. Because a lot of them eat box and suck dick. At least on the DL. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They do. A lot of eaten my box. That's where, that's how I've gotten to where I am. I've let them eat my box. How many men have you let eat your box? Not a ton. I mean, I've been with, I've been with a lot of guys. I'm very open about that. Not in years. But when I was in blackouts in college, I was with a lot of guys. And, you know, I let some of them go down on me. I've sucked a lot of dick. That just got quiet.

I felt it. I felt quiet, not even in this room, but in a lot of rooms, people listening. I was like three minutes in. We go, I've sucked a lot of cock. Yeah. I mean, because I always feel like I'm doing my act when I say this because I say it in my act. But I never mind doing that because I'm an eater. And it's not, I know, it gets a laugh.

but I really mean it. Because I don't chew food. I never have. I always gagged on food. I always just shoved it in my mouth. I never chewed. Yes. Even as a child.

I just, that'll be a clip. You know that. So I never chewed. I never just licked an ice cream cone. I gulped it. I slammed it in. So you've probably done work on this,

but what do you think is the reason behind shoving food in your food? Anger. sadness you know not having mom around i i i used food for with for my feeling so i love this because i was speaking to my husband weird to say and he was like you guys are going to get right into it and you've you've you've truly normally have to warm people up like butter him up and be like do you want to talk about your child no okay no how's your day going um i you your mom was a site is a psychotherapist my mom's a therapist yeah so she has a private practice and she saw clients in the basement of our house my whole childhood that is incredible how did that how did that affect you having a mom

in that field well first of all you know it's funny not on the subject but des said to me when we were sitting together the other night at the cellar and he said it's so weird to wear a ring it's so weird to say my wife but he was so excited about it it was very cute I love him so much and his dick is amazing I sucked that the other night and it was like he talked about you the whole time when he came. Yeah. I was down there like, oh, he was like, she's such a great wife. And I'm like, I bet. I bet. He's like, does this ring look good on me? You could look up for a second. Does this ring look good? Yeah, he was holding my head and he's like, my ring looks amazing. Yeah. So, yeah, that got weird again. It didn't. It didn't. It's okay. Not between us, at least.

Yeah. So, yes, it was very strange to have a mother. It is strange to have a mother who's a therapist. and it was incredibly strange my entire childhood that she was seeing clients in the basement. I had to be quiet my whole life. Would you overhear conversation? Always. I would sit and listen to them. I mean, it got different at every age.

I mean, when I was a very young child, it was really annoying because I always had to be quiet and there was no way to reach her. There were no beepers. There were no phones. There was no way to reach my mother. So sometimes I had to knock on the door. and it was really stressful because she would get enraged with me

when I would have to ask her a question. I mean, can you imagine? I had to get in contact with her a lot. And she had clients the entire day. Yes. And she had clients after school. And I would have to say, you know, I need a ride or I had a question. I need money or...

Feeling silenced is a bad, especially for people like us who like to express ourselves too much, some would say. Yeah. And I lived in the attic and I'm Jewish. So, that was, my dad worked. And he was, you know, and then they were not around at night a lot. My dad worked late a lot. And my mom were, she would volunteer for organizations to help other people. And so I was home alone a lot. And a lot of times I would just find food for myself. And I would just, you know, food was my best friend growing up. So I would just slam it. I would slam it in to. deal with my feelings it was it was a lot and like as a human you're like this feels good that feels bad why not keep doing what feels good yeah fast forward we again we don't love talking about weight but you oh i don't mind you look amazing weight and food it's my i love it i don't like

being like you're a better person because you're taking up less space right now but i do notice that you've lost weight i think it's great i i have such a history with food and diets yeah and i think it's important to talk about. I've lost a lot of weight and it's taken me years and I keep some weight on so I don't get assaulted. But I, um, you said that yesterday. The guy in here is laughing, but he gets it. But he might, he might like some, some weight. I haven't, you know, babies got back. You got to keep it in the right spot. Yeah, yeah. I keep it in one breast and not the other. I like that my breasts are uneven so um i'm guessing yeah no i um i've been incredible i've got very very heavy um and i have young kids and i was like i want to be healthy it was always more for health like i i'm very lucky i never

i have i am blessed that i never compare myself to other women i don't i know what a powerful statement no very beautiful it's rare it's very rare i don't i don't i can pair with other things, you know, that person is happier than me, that person, this. But I don't look at other women and go, oh, she's got a better body. Because I always felt like I could have that body if I really tried. If I really wanted to, I could work on that. I could do this, you know, to the best of my ability. And I just, it's more for health reasons for energy. And I got, I got scared. Like, I just got, was like, I'm going to die. I'm going to get really sick. I'm going to, because I got really really really heavy and um i've lost a lot of weight and now um i i've i'm now i'm getting

frustrated with just that it's um i want to tone up i want to exercise and i'm really struggling with that i to get yourself to the gym yeah yeah yeah these really well i my whole life was like forced to train because i played tennis right so like my whole life was training so it's almost a little rebellious to be like I don't have to but I find finding like I love to play tennis yeah I do I will give myself the best workout if I play tennis but if I go the gym I in 12 minutes I'm like I can't do this my ADD just kicks in I don't want to be here I get a little tired and I'm like that was good and I go home so I recommend finding like people you like to play games with and it sounds like the little inner child to me but like true then you want to work out it becomes social like I joined

like a volleyball league once and I was like so fit even though we were just being stupid on a volleyball court. No, I think that's great. Everyone's exercise looks different. Yeah, lately I've been playing jacks and I feel really yeah. Your fingers. I feel tone, you know, I feel like that's all I really need to do is play jacks. You're like hangman too. Yeah, hangman is great. People don't talk about enough. Yeah. Hopscotch is really. Actually, you'd be surprised. I joined to hopscotch. You're just yelling at little girls, get up your knees, raise your knees. They're getting together.

Twister is very, I played Twister for like 10 minutes yesterday and my shins are killing me. I do to say Hot Cross Buns. When you do it well, it feels great. Hot cross buns, hot cross buns. Yeah, I don't need to do more than that kind of stuff. I feel like I did do Angry Birds on my phone once. reverse. Yeah, the going like this is really, my arms have really toned up. I got guns. I got guns. But it's interesting. Do you find that you're, well, what was your method of losing the weight? Because I know people who are like, sorry. I know, you have a plan inside of you. I'm hidden in a forest, but I kind of like it. I feel like some people when they get too diety are actually like not living. I'm not dieting. I'm not dieting. It's a, it's a way of life.

I hate when people say that, and I just said it. I just put Sean Donnelly on, and he's really into intermittent fasting. No, I don't do any of that. I'm not judging it. I'm not judging anyone. Everyone has their own thing. I mean, he's anorexical. So what happened was about eight years ago, Lisa Lampinelli had sleeve surgery, okay?

And a lot of you know who Lisa Lampinelli is. She's amazing. And she lost about 100 pounds. And she said, Jessica, you have to do this. I was petrified. I'd never had surgery before, ever. Can you explain sleeve surgery? So, yeah, so there's gastric bypass where they literally, like, move shit around, attach

that, like, I was like, I am, I cannot do that. It's too much. She's like, it's too much, it's a, da, da, da, I was, I weighed, I'm going to put it out there. I weighed, like, 330 pounds. I was very heavy, and I'm not, I'm like 5'4, like, not even now. I think I'm shrinking because I'm depressed. She's adorable. Yeah.

So I was like, I can, I'm not doing that whole thing. Sleeve surgery is when they basically, in a nutshell, make your stomach a little smaller. They take out part of your stomach. It's laparoscopic. They just make some holes and just go. It's not, they don't have to open you up. It's not a whole thing. They, like a staple?

It's not even a staple. Well, they, they, they don't, I'm trying to, I don't remember exactly how they do it. Maybe they do put staples in. I don't think they put staples in. They literally, I can't remember and I don't want to get emails and all this other shit. It was a long time. I know. You offended me by saying that you don't remember.

Shut up. So they go in laparoscopically and they make your stomach smaller. The thing is, is that it can totally get reversed because if you start eating large amount of foods, your stomach can expand and you gain all of it back

and that's it. You're done. The whole thing gets reversed. You blow up again and you gain everything back. So I, at least, I went to Lisa's doctor and had the same thing done. And I was really scared. And by that night, I was walking around. Again, it was done laparoscopically.

Wow. And basically, your appetite, you know, goes down a lot because your stomach is smaller. But again, if you start eating bad foods and you start eating more and more and more, it completely reverses, you can gain all of it back. And then you could start eating huge amount of foods. Well, from that day, forward, I kept eating smaller meals. I never ate a ton of sugar after that. I never ate a lot of carbs. I've basically, for the most part, cut out flour, sugar. I mean, I sometimes we'll have a little

bit of a dessert. Sometimes I haven't had bread in six months. But in the past eight years, I've really stuck to a program of, you know, I'll eat some brown rice. I'll eat some, you know, like seed crackers or I'm really careful so I'm very proud of myself I've really just stuck to like vegetables fruits very low carb high protein I'm I'm really I've stuck to it you're talking about it very scientifically right now but it's actually you know so impressive what you've done mentally because just because you have a low appetite it was never about the appetite no I know what emotional eating is and you don't care if you're full it's about the like feeling of suppressing and you know feeling the dopamine and just food combing yeah so what emotionally do you think

you've conquered to get oh my god i've done so much therapy i mean listen i was thrown into therapy at eight years old i've gone to i've gone to every kind of therapist i've done trauma therapy I did trauma therapy as recent as a year and a half ago. I went to a place and did trauma therapy. I'm always doing the work. I never stopped doing the work. You know, I do therapy. Now I'm going weekly again.

Same. Yeah. I had to do trauma work. I have had a lot of trauma in my life. And I have physical trauma. You know, so I've had to do like breathing stuff. I've had to do anger work. My father passed away.

a month into COVID and I had a lot of stuff with him and I had to do a lot of work around it. I've done eye movement therapy, you know, called ART accelerated resolution therapy. It's like EMDR, but it's, you do it a lot quicker in one session or two sessions. I've done tapping, which is amazing. You can do it, you can go to YouTube and look up tapping and it's unbelievable for people that have trauma or anxiety. I've done. so much different kinds of things and it works um i'm sober you know i i had to give up drugs and alcohol i've tried i've tried many times to use i can't um so because i'm sober i do a lot of different kinds of work around that and that's helpful um so i'm very humble i um i i need to do work

on myself and because of that I know I'm a food addict so that's a big part of it I don't I don't just think I eat a lot and I need to just not eat so much that's why I can't do diets and I know that diets don't work for me yes for some people they do so I'm not knocking anyone but for me diets don't work it doesn't just work for me to go on like Jenny Craig or nutrition I've tried everything yeah so for me it's a way of life and I know for me I I have to give up certain foods. I can't just have a bagel. I will eat six within a day or two.

That's no joke. I'm not saying that to be funny. And people think that's crazy. There are people who think I'm crazy when I say that. But I can't just have a cookie. I cannot have one cookie. I will eat a sleeve of cookies. Because it's like you get the taste kind of?

It's in my system. I'm an addict. So once I have sugar in my system, I want more sugar. I need more sugar. I'm a complete addict. I'm fascinated by that. I want to understand how your addictive qualities have affected your romantic relationships. Do you feel the same with your emotions, kind of like, oh, I really love this person and I'm so into them?

How has it been positive or negative? Well, I guess, I mean, I'm a relationship kind of person. Yeah. So I was never the kind of person who was having sex with hookers on 42nd Street. No, thank God. I've never been a sex addict. That is evil. I feel horrible for sex addicts. I believe in it. I know people who are sex addicts and I feel my heart goes out to sex addicts. And I know there's a lot of people who don't understand it and don't believe it, but it's a horrible thing to battle. And I know comics who are. I've been in programs. I've been away with people, like in rehab with people who are sex addicts. And I just, I have such a sensitivity for people who deal with that because it's so hard.

So, no, I never dealt with that. Thank God. But I guess I'm a, I'm not an addict with relationships, but I'm a person who loves being in a relationship and I when I'm in it like I feel like I'm in it and I I never was a serial dater. I hate dating. Yeah. I hate like going out on a date with someone I'm with. Yes. But I hate dating. Oh. I hated it. Um, I can get. I don't see you ever doing small talk. I hate small talk. Like overbred. I'm not having small talk at all. I'm not good in groups. Are you?

You? No. I'm horrible. I think most comics are really bad. Yeah, because you don't know what role to play. Yeah. I'll joke like, do you want me to be the clown? Do you want me to lay back? I don't really know how to like go in and out of a conversation. Yeah. One on one I love all day long. Me too. Group settings are. And then you always leave it being like, okay, three of them love me. Three people hate me forever now. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I'm the same way. I'm okay with two or three people or four at a dinner. I'm okay with that. But any more than that. I'm like, there's too much going on. Yeah, because you can't actually connect, and it's all kind of like a fake interaction thing, and we're either like all or nothing, I feel like. Yeah, and I'm not good with, and I hated dating, because I don't like when I have to wonder if someone's into me or if I'm into that.

I don't like games. I fucking hate games, and I don't like inconsistency. I love consistency, you know, I like, I like knowing where someone stands. Yeah. And it's also hot and confident. It is. It is. I hate wishy-washiness.

It's like either you're into me or you're not. You know, same with friendships. You're either my friend, you're not. I don't like wondering. I just hate it. Career-wise, you're extremely successful. You're adorable. Thank you.

You're very funny. You're smart. What kind of stuff were you battling when you're putting yourself out there romantically? well this is the thing I'm very secure on stage yes and I come off as a very confident person you know I think when people see me on stage and see me in my act I'm powerful I'm confident self aware too self aware yes in relationships I choose I have chosen women who are very controlling oh yeah so people don't know that me is like I feel like kind of common. Like a woman in the boardroom doesn't want to also have to be the boss at home. Right. They say that people that go to like a dominatrix or, you know, to a dungeon or whatever or hire

and escort are these like CEOs, right? Powerful people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think also you don't, you're like running circles around people on stage and like that's fun but like you get exhausted with yourself. You want someone that challenges you when you go home. Yeah.

That's very true. That's true. I mean, it's funny. You know, the woman, Danielle, is is runs the home i mean she's like she gets shit done i mean it's unbelievable like she runs the house pay like you know it's like she's a therapist oh oh my god isn't that funny but she's the opposite kind of therapist for my mother so my mom is like old school like how do you feel about that like i have a joke in my act where i i told my mother i did toothache and she was like that's

this is not a joke she's like that's because you're chewing on a decision If you make that decision, your tooth won't hurt. And I'm like, no, that's not why. I'm eating candy. Like, I'm eating a ton of frozen gummy bears. It's really not why I have a toothache. It's smell the rot from the toothache. I get it.

Like, I get the mind-body thing, but that is not why I have a toothache. So annoying. You're like, I have a king in my neck and it's like something's weighing heavy on you. And I'm like, no, I'm traveling a lot. I'm fucking carrying bags. You're like, no, I just sit like this when I do work with my laptop. Yeah, it's not why dad yell. It's not because dad yells.

It's not. So how is Danielle different? Because she is a therapist that deals with addiction and with teens with addiction and behavior. I've talked to Des about this, actually. I've told him what she does and he's like, wow, that's tough. So she deals with mostly teens and young adults who deal with, um, with addiction and behavioral issues. So she's very much like, get up, buck up, get over it.

Like, she ran a program for teens, so it was very militant. You know, it was like the kids had to, like, roll their clothes and, you know, make their beds perfectly and line up. And so she's like... Wait, so she's a nominatrix. I just envisioned you getting like, get out of bed, Jessica. And you're like, it's Sunday. Get out of bed.

Well, that's funny because we both. deal with different roles like I'm you know the top you know what I'm saying it's very funny we both have interesting roles set I'm fascinated I know it's fascinating I'm fascinated by that stuff because I do feel like masculine feminine energy is so not black and white it's not and I love to see how it's inner time because even like heterosexual relationships it's like that too of course it's not that simple because gender stuff is fascinating to me too same and roles there's so many different things going on and you said we were like talking shit at that comedy festival you've kind of evolved in what you're into and what you're attracted to whether it's in bed out of bed yes yeah i am but we are we have roles we have roles

in our relationship and it's very much it's very traditional in a lot of ways really explain very i mean i'm the breadwinner i am very much in our relationship kind of like the man where you know I come like she cooks she cleans and she's controlling in a lot of way I mean and she loves this this is not this was a lot of like her set up in a lot of way said you like a little controlling of someone keeping an eye on you kind of thing I do I mean it does it well she she it's interesting she doesn't give a shit like she doesn't ask like where I am a lot she doesn't you know she's just like kind of like it's amazing to me a lot where she's not like where are you what are you doing like she just is like you're like I can be dead right now I can be in a dumpster

yeah she's not controlling that way okay she isn't she is very secure and just like whatever just I mean you know and also with my comedy she's interesting like she doesn't watch a lot of my stuff she's not uninterested actually like does Des what well he's in the business so he must watch a ton of your stuff yeah but it's funny because he gets like weirdly nervous when I perform like all my friends will be watching and he's like pacing he'll like light me sometimes he's he's he basically said he can't watch people he cares about that makes sense I mean a lot of why she's like the anxious that's cute anxious mom that's adorable I mean again we also have three young kids so let me say that she doesn't have time to like sit and watch videos that I'm doing like she listens to all your

podcast you imagine she's like trying to because we I mean we have three year old twins and a six year old Like, it's not like she has time to be sitting watching, like, Instagram reels and shit. Well, it's so funny because coming here, I actually wanted to ask you, and you brought it up on the phone, I'm at a point where I'm like, my comedy career is starting to come together where I'm like, holy shit. Like, like, I can make a real long term living with this. Like, I'm starting to really find my voice. I'm, like, really loving it. Yeah. And then I'm like, the fear comes in.

Oh, I pop out three babies. Is my life different? Is my life going to change? And, like, the little girl in me didn't want to be a mom. Really wanted to be I wanted to be a professional tennis player I wanted to be a superstar I just I want to be president I would like tell people

that for a while like I have a very like leaderesque type of energy I wanted to take it on the patriarchy but I never did not want to become a mom I wasn't going on like I don't want kids it just wasn't a priority to me and I knew like naturally it would happen when it would happen then one day

I meet a guy get engaged in six months and I'm like holy fuck if I got an abortion it would look bad you know what I mean because I'm financially pretty stable right now and I have a man

and own so how has it changed your life and your career Oh my God having kids running around because some people you talk to

and they're like your life has changed forever you lose your life they're great but you lose your life this is such a complex question

but an important one it's just changed everything, having children. So I never, in my wildest dreams, ever thought I would have a child. First of all, when I came out, when I was younger, you didn't ever think you'd have kids in my time coming out, ever. There was no thought, oh, if you're gay, you have children, ever. Yeah, you've no family to look up to.

Ever. Well, when you came out when I did, if you're gay, you're not, you're not. going to have a child how would you have a child if you were gay now it's everyone who's like i'm gay of course i'm going to have kids when i was i mean so now it's i feel like when i was a kid but it's really true when i was a kid you you didn't say if you were gay you didn't have my mom always said i never thought you would have kids i never she's like and it's hilarious i have four grandchildren from you i have more from you than i do from any of my so it's so interesting that i'm that i have even have children. And I never, ever, for one second, ever thought about having a child in my

entire life. I never personally, excuse me, thought of bearing a child for one second, never had a thought in my own body because I always felt so male. So I, um, never thought of bearing a child. Yes. It would feel like I was a man having a child. Yes. So I would feel I've always, even when I wear, if I ever wore a dress right now, I'd feel like I was in drag so I always I wore one you know at times when I was a child or a teenager but I always felt like I was in drag yes um so then I met my first partner shari and she always wanted a child and I was like okay like I and I wasn't even ready but we had Zoe and when Zoe was born it was the most incredible thing that ever happened in my life oh I've chills Zoe you know I fell in love

with her the second she came into the earth and I'm manly in love with that child and it's the best thing that ever happened and you know and then every child that happened to Isabella was the next one and then the twins Charlotte and Madison and you know it's classy names thank you and there I have four girls like upper east side women that's what I see that's why yeah in your household yeah it's incredible and you know I have four daughters two two baby mamas and And, you know, it's amazing my biggest, I think my two, there's two of my biggest fears was one that I would not know how to be a good mother because I had struggles with my, I'm, my mother is my best friend and I love her with all my heart. But I had a lot, I had problems with my mother growing up because, you know, when I was growing up, she wasn't around a lot. And it was very hard for me. And there's things that you can't, you can't, you can't cure. Do you understand there's certain. things that you can't, you can't, when you can't heal. You can, you can fit, you can, meaning

you can't, you can't heal, you can't fix. Like, you can't bring back that, that not having a mother around. I feel like the relationship can evolve in a deeper understanding. And we're so close and I love her. And you see your mom for such more of a human now than just like, and she was young and she can't help her, you know, and she didn't know any better and she came from certain things. She sounds like she loves helping people. Like, is amazing. Obviously she would never deliberately not be there for you, but clearly there was a misunderstanding with stuff. Of course. And you, but there's, no one knows when you're parenting what to do. Right. But there's things you, like you can't, like not having her around for certain

things and that those hugs and that having mom there is like, it affects you later on. And so I was like, oh my God, am I going to be that kind of mother? I was so afraid that I would not be around for my kids, that I would make the same mistakes. And then I had this fear that something would happen to one of my children, that I would lose them, that they would be sick. And my biggest fear happened, you know, that my six-year-old has heart disease. And I've talked about this on other podcasts. And, you know, it's hard.

I mean, she's okay, but she has major heart disease. She's had three open heart surgeries and a stent, Isabella, my six-year-old. and she still needs the biggest, she hasn't even had the biggest surgeries that she needs. You know, she needs her main valve replaced. And, you know, people say to, I've said this another part, but people say to me, oh, she's okay now, right?

She's okay. And I'm like, no, she's, I know you want me to say that. So you feel better, but she's not okay. She's not. And I, you know, every day think about it. And she's, she functions and she looks okay. and she's beautiful and she can go to school and you would never know it by looking at her

but she's got major scars and she needs to have more open heart surgeries and and a little warrior. Yeah, she's incredible, but I have a sick kid and it was my biggest, it was one of my two biggest fears and it happened and listen, it could be worse. She could have, God forbid, not made it. And I've seen worse and I've spent so much time

in children's hospitals and I've seen such worse situations and I'm I'm grateful but it's it's a battle and it's put a lot of pressure on my relationship with my wife and it's uh and it will continue to yeah but we've worked through it and um it is what it is kind of a deep question yeah you can ask me what they want there's so many people have reached out to me from watching these podcasts and said Jessica thank you so much I have a daughter with this I have a daughter with that I And I'm so glad that I can help other people through this. Yeah. How does your relationship with your children, how has that affected your relationship with yourself?

Oh. It's loaded. It's a loaded question. It's helped. How is it affected my relationship with myself? How you talk to yourself, how you relate to yourself. Are you kinder to yourself? Yeah, I am kinder to myself.

I'm a lot kinder to myself. a lot like it you know that's that's a great question it's it made me emotional because um i look at them and i think of how horrible i talk to myself sometimes and that i am just a child in so many ways and that i was just a child and that i have been so abusive to myself and that that I look at them and I'm like, they're so innocent. They're so innocent. And like, you know, we just make mistakes. Like, I've just made mistakes. And every day I just make mistakes. I might just spill something or I might not remember something or I might, or even if I get rejected in this business or in any way, it's like it's just, it's a mistake or I'm not perfect. And that, or if my

father yelled at me or if my mother didn't do something or whatever like i was just a child it wasn't my fault it's so beautiful i've been learning about reparenting wow yeah which is so powerful it's interesting it is power it's literally like you learn that voices in your brain are not actually your voice it's stuff people have said to you in the past yeah and that you can consciously reparent yourself yeah and say normally i'd say you stupid dumb bitch how'd you forget that and instead go, you've had a long day. And you speak to yourself how you wish you were parented. That's real.

And now you have the opportunity to literally speak it to your children. So it's like if you're going to speak to them like that, why do you deserve to be assaulted by your own thoughts? And there's even a TikTok trend going around like when I mean to myself, I remember I'm speaking to her and people post a photo of themselves when they're like four. And you're like, I've been told to do that many times. You're so right. Yeah. And you can look in the mirror. and you can talk to yourself the way that, you know, in a kind way, it's very powerful.

I'm guilty of that. I'm like love being a hype girl. Any friend with any problem, I'm like, I look at them and I'm like, you're going to fucking tackle this. And then you go home and you're like, and then where did that girl go? Like, where is that voice? Why is she only there for other people? Yeah.

And then you realize that that's just a conscious choice. Yeah, it is a conscious. And it's very hard to reprogram your brain. It takes conscious effort because we are so used to. to talk in ourselves a certain way. So you do have to constantly. It's a habit. It is a habit.

But your brain is so malleable and I've learned this. It is. Any age, you can stop being addicted to something. You can change your depressive thoughts. Like I loop a lot. And like I've been learned, once I've become aware of it, then I go, we're looping.

Instead of before, I was like, this is the universe warning me that I'm going to get cancer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Now shifting a little bit. because I'm a comedy nerd and I really do think that you've trailblazed

for so many female comics you had a documentary that every single person has to watch called hysterical that you produce. You're currently working on more stuff like that talking about women in the comedy space. Do you have any advice for women in general in male dominated spaces

because there's people say you got to act like a bitch or people say you know you got to I don't know there's a lot of it's like women haven't figured it out what is how do you handle being in a male dominated space every single night and day and succeeding yeah that's a good question i'm glad i'm glad that i'm a mentor for a lot of women and i really try to help a lot of female comics um there's a lot who will listen to me and be open to

it and there's a lot that won't and don't listen i've noticed that i i truly think that some women want are not they're not willing to move forward they want they they they're they're um intent on being stuck where they are and and i'm not judging it i think they're too afraid which makes sense to move forward and to get out of that um where they are and they're not ready to move forward now for the ones who are who are willing to take the chance and to risk risk you know plowing through and fighting through, there are ways of doing it, and it's possible because I've made it happen. How much do you care what other male comics think of you? I don't care. I sometimes care, but I truly don't care too much.

You're like, I don't respect men. No, I'm just kidding. I do. I respect a lot of them. And I'm very close with a lot of male comics. If they, respect me. If they don't, then I will eat them alive because, um, and I know that they've been very damaged by other women. And I know that's where it comes from. I don't take it personally. Yes. I don't take it personally. I know it's because of their mother or their grandmother, their aunt or their past lover or a coworker. I never take it personally. Um, you know, it's there, a lot of them are very, very. threatened, not male comics, but men in general, by a powerful woman. That's really what it comes

down to. The ones that help female comics, the male comics and the male, you know, the audience members, and there's a ton of them, are not threatened by a powerful woman. They might be, maybe they are, but they'll still be willing to help us and help us rise. And they're great. And, you know, a lot of them have helped me. A lot of the male comics have helped me. And, you You know, I got a message from a comic last night that followed me at the comedy seller, and he's like, I got to tell you, he's like, you're brilliant, you're fucking amazing. He's like, and you're incredibly hard to follow. I had a really hard time last night, but I just had to send you this. You're amazing. How incredible is that? Like, he really had a hard time. Right, exactly. He had a really hard time following me. But he took the time out to tell me how incredible I am. And, you know, a lot of them don't do that. They're bitter. They're angry. I mean, it's, it's. It's. You know, I've said this on other podcasts too. I was doing the comedy seller one night and a male comic who's been doing it half the time as me

who had a television show who's making tons of money selling out theaters across the country has a much better career, meaning monetarily than I do, was going up after me at the comedy seller. I was about to go on. He comes up to me, goes,

leave some meat for the rest of us. you know, like in the audience. And I said, find more meat. Find more meat. And I went up on stage and I made sure to fucking rip the room. Like I even did old material. Make sure to rip. You brought back the classic.

Yes, I did. I made sure to rip the room apart so that he had a hard time. Because it's like, no. Mm-hmm. No. To handle it. You know, I, I, I, we have to, it's been. it's like it's hard it's my phone is ringing let's see it's probably my mother we we it's the dentist

for tomorrow women have a hard enough time in every business right then you add that we're on stage making people laugh you know that is very threatening to a lot of men like a masculine energy and women command a room Yeah. Women even turn on us. It's not just men. You know, a lot of women will say, I never laugh at women and you're funny. It's like, it's so incredible. It really is. This is the thing. We, we as women, have to stop turning on each other. Yes. We got to stick together. This is, this is crucial right now. This is crucial. It is, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're, we're still turning on each other. We're not, we're, we're, we're not lifting each other up enough. We are not working together enough. Female comics are not working together enough.

The most powers, there's, there's, there are a bunch of female comics in powerful positions that help other women, including you, because you are in a powerful position. You're up there. You know, I help as many women as I can. But there are some famous, very wealthy, powerful female comics that do nothing to help other female comics. And it's disgusting. It is disgusting. Stop.

Help people. Help women. You are in a position to help other women post dates where they're performing. Stop competing. You're fucking rich. You're famous. You have it. You have it all.

help other women. And there's some that do. There's some that are great. There's some that really help a lot of people, but there is a lot that don't. Well, it's pathetic. I have to say, like, when I surround myself with smart, funny, successful women,

I get a boner. And I also just, I feel, I'm so proud of it. Me too. And then it, not in a selfish way, but it helps my career to be next to them. Of course it does. And it helps my career to see something they did and go, if she could do it, I could do it. It helps my career for her to

ask me advice and I get her advice. Like you, you, we can't be gatekeeping stuff. But you know how many female comics aren't doing that still? And that's a lot. And it's fucked up. A lot. And I do think for me specifically, I was a very competitive person when I played tennis. It's one on one. And I remember, like my dad will say something like, why can't you hit your forehand like her kind of thing. And that was painful for me to hear and I would get to the type of envy that I knew was bad and I started doing work at a young age to be like I can't live my life rooting against another girl to lose a match and kind of thing then I found comedy and I'm like this is an art I'm not even battling you exactly I've dealt with competition this is an expression of art right it's not even that's

the thing I don't go off with a Jessica Kirsten beat Hannah Berner I don't get it. Like that's real fucking competition that I've like worked to actually find like a happiness that like females in sports is just beautiful anyway. Because rooting against people is bad energy and that comes back to hurt you. Bad. Ooh. The car like you just your brain. It's like before you hit a second serve.

If you think don't double fault, you double fault because your brain doesn't hear the negatives. It just hears double fault. Your brain doesn't know the difference. so when you're like looking at people and thinking bad things on them your brain is like living in that negativity and then that leaks into your personal life so long story short I watching hysterical was so it was like life changing for me because I was on a reality show where I was dealing with so much hate from women I also was like fighting with guys and like when they were angry everyone was like good for him he's strong when I was angry they were like she's crazy I know. The amount of people that said I had mental health problems. I know. And I remember, I think it was Margaret Cho or Eliza Schlesinger that Liza Schlesinger was like talking about women with anger and stuff and how it's so different.

So what is your advice for women in terms of expressing your emotions in the workplace? I say express yourself. Listen, they're always going to call up. That's not going to change. You're always a cunt. No, it's every single, famous, female, anything. Yes. Singer.

Yes. They always have a keep of a moment in the tabloids. Always. You're crazy. You're hard to work with. Yes. It's always hard to work with. Madonna, J-Lo, Mariah.

Every single one. Not just comic. And no man is hard to work with ever. No. And if they are, it just doesn't matter. Well, it doesn't matter. They're allowed to be. Wow, that was, he's a tough guy.

The biggest thing is, women is women turning on other women and women not sticking together if that could just be worked on a little bit and change that's going to make the difference the men are not that's going to take a long fucking time to change yeah if we can start just getting women to like start banding together even more i mean there's been a little shift with that for sure but there's there's too much division with women there's too much fighting within we got to start getting together more and banding together. That's what I'm trying to do. I think social media has changed it because before we had, you know, the gatekeepers who were like, okay, we have a lineup, we're picking one girl. Yeah. No, absolutely. I need to be that bitch and I need to suppress them. But that's changed a lot. But that's changed. It has. And also, it's social media. Hey, let's do a video together because I have a lot of fans who don't know who you are. Right. A lot of fans who don't know

who I are. I are. And I can't speak English. So we will have a good time together. So I think social media, there's less gatekeepers because anyone could post shit and anyone could blow up. I mean, meme culture in general was a lot of women. But people didn't know who was behind the like memes and the tweets. Yeah. And then it got the girls are the one who's sharing to their friends. Like internet culture is like so based on female humor. I know.

It's very true. Which is what I'm obsessed with. And if you look at what these male comics are doing with the podcasts, right? Look at what the male comics are doing for. other and they're making millions, millions of dollars and selling out theaters and stadiums. We're not even talking theaters anymore. Stadiums around the country. Can you imagine if all these famous female comics started doing that for each other and started

putting each other on podcasts and really helping each other and really start? I mean, like, everything could change. Yes. It's just, it's like, I don't know. I mean, I don't think I'm being unrealistic by saying that that can really, things can change. I mean, I'm trying to work that I try. I did it with hysterical. I think it helped.

I definitely do. I'm working on another documentary about female comics around the world that I told you, Punky Brewster, you know, Soleil Moonfry is directing. And I'm working on other projects with female comedians. I'm always going to try to help women. Again, as you just said, it does come back to you. It's not why I do it, but it does. The energy comes back to you anyway.

It always does. Yes. And you do a ton to help people. I mean, you always do. That's your vibe. But yeah, I also just feel like I want to surround myself with people who are smarter, funny, or cooler than me all the time, because then they become a part of you. Like, your people around you really become part of you.

And I've been in an inauthentic space. I've been surrounded by people who I don't like, and I have that New Yorker in me that just, like, implodes and I can't fake a smile. Also, I could be off, but I think I told you my theory before. I have a theory that, like, lesbians have done a lot for women in history just because maybe they didn't traditionally think of, like, women's roles. Like, even how you say, like, I like going home and being the man. So, like, you're challenging this traditional gender roles, but you're still a woman. I am and I am a woman in many ways like I'm incredibly uh it's funny because I'm like that in that role in that way but I'm the more sensitive one I'm the more needy one in the relationship you know

what I mean so I'm there it's like the roles go yeah yes it's very interesting how that all works yes and those rules are commercialized like it's yeah what they put in for like movies yeah like okay this is the guy coming home and I think that the fact that you you haven't maybe always cared about like men thinking you were hot on stage or like the male gaze as much yeah that's hard i think that has broken barriers because if you're so fucking consumed by the male gaze you will be frozen with anxiety that's hard and you i think that's one thing that i've been able to really get past in terms of like i find my value in like can i make people laugh instead of does he think I'm hot?

Like I really don't be so hard. I don't give a shit if guys think I'm hot. I give a shit that like the person I care about thinks I'm hot. Did you be for Des? Did I what? Did you care if they thought you were hot? I was weirdly all because I was a tennis player and this has brought its own issues but my parents always valued are you like smart?

Are you kind? Are you athletic? Yeah. So I care a lot that people think I'm. Funny, smart, kind of athletic. Yeah. But do I care if people think I'm hot? I don't at all.

Wow. That's amazing. I think that's like I was almost put on this earth to be in male spaces. Yeah. For whatever reason, I don't care about that. Yeah. But I also like to be hot. If that makes sense?

No, of course it makes sense. I want to go on stage and be like, I could be fuckable while also be gross. Well, also be confident, while also be depressed. Yeah, yeah. Like I want, I just want those nuanced roles more than this. world. And I do feel like you do such a great job of just like pummeling through the traditional sense of what a woman is in the comedy space. Because you're just so authentic to you. Yeah. I mean, I definitely when I go on stage, I don't care if men think I'm hot. I do want women to find me

attractive because I'm attracted to women. Yes. So it's more that. Yeah. But I definitely. But you're not like nervous to go in a bar full of men. I could give a fuck. if men find me attractive oh my god hysterical i literally was like i joked the reason there aren't more female comics is because when you're starting off and you're taking those late night train rides because you can't afford ubers or ubers didn't exist back then yeah and you're going to these bars in downtown brooklyn at midnight just full of dudes yeah can you sit there and be like i'm gonna be okay yeah i'm also going to be confident in this room yeah that's what you had to be yeah that's what you did. Yeah, it was unbelievable when I first started because I was literally performing in just a

supermarket, a deli, a laundromat every night. There was not like just bars or there were not all these clubs. It was literally mostly open mics every night. And a lot of it is like friends putting on friends. Yes. You got to get in with the boys club a little bit. Oh, it was all. It was mostly guys. There were just be me usually and one other woman on a show. That's normally what it. There's a lot of women now. A lot. There was not a lot when I started. So it was even more competitive. It was really maybe 10 of us in the city, maybe 15. That's it. So it was definitely... Holy shit. Yeah. This is New York City we're talking about. The biggest city in the world. At first. Yeah, it was like me. Marina, Franklin, Rachel Feinstein.

Karen Bergerie and Marion Grotent I mean there was maybe 20 I don't know Like it was not a lot of us In the way beginning 23 years ago So I just watched the J-Lo documentary

And I was comparing you to J-Lo Because she's Which I love I mean I'm I'm No you're gonna watch this You are the comics J-Lo Because I feel like You were constantly evolving

You're actually getting like Like you I feel like you've so much Many exciting things coming in your career, just my psychic, like, you know, feelings of this. What are you working on in the future? What can we kind of look out for with you? Yeah, I mean, I, my career is, like, really now exploding, which is, I, you know, I love that because one of the reasons why I love it so much, and it's a big reason, as much as I am happy that it's going so well, believe it or

not I'm I'm a just as happy that it can give other women hope isn't that amazing I'm not saying that I'm not joking when I say that well that's like something you're actually leaving on the earth that has I feel that an effect I really feel that I'm not I want other women to know that from working this hard for this many years that it can still happen like stick with it it happens I mean and by the way it's not just happening now like I've been working this whole time yeah meaning like I was on tv a year in like you if you keep working at it and I've been working the whole time like I've always done a ton of different things I was on a game show on oxygen I was on this I was I was always doing different things um but now it's really all coming together I'm working on a crowd work special

which I've been filming at the comedy seller so I've been doing like these 15 minute spots that I've just been filming of just crowdwork. Wow. Yeah. Which has been a blast for me. Are you just going to go, go, go until you have enough material? Yeah. I literally am just filming crowdwork sets. It's crazy. Are you getting better? Yeah, amazing. Amazing. I just, I also am working on material and hopefully we'll do a half hour, hour, another set, a crowd. I mean, you know, special of material also. But I love doing crowd work. And I, I'm really good at it. And there's, never been a woman who's done a crowdwork special.

Wow. So that's one of the things I'm doing. I also, I'm working on writing a book about being the daughter of a therapist and growing up in the house, a daughter of the therapist. I, you know, got a part in a little part in a movie. I am going to just for last for the festival for three weeks, you know. Yeah, which is awesome in Montreal. I have a ton of road work coming up a ton this fall.

I'm going to be touring all over the country and next year. So I have a ton of dates coming up if you go to jessicaurson.com. And I have a new documentary, the movie I'm working on. So I'll be traveling all over the world, performing with other women. Just logistically, as an entrepreneur, I want to know how do you choose to organize your time? So you're not burnt out or half-assing 40 things. I take some time to like be home more and then I go back out on the road. So I was just on the road a lot.

So now I'm home more. And I don't during the week when I'm home and not out like I make sure when I'm, if I'm out on the road a lot, I'm home with my kids during the week and I don't do spots in the city a lot. So I wasn't at the cellar or the other clubs in the city for a couple of months a lot at all. you're really getting that balance yeah i have to i'm not gonna not see my kid like yeah yeah you're like well some people don't yeah some people are like i'm not i haven't seen my kids a lot for months i i don't do that it's not it depends on the person obviously in your relationships but i feel like it feeds the soul so that when you do go on the road you feel that like love and you feel that connection yeah okay you're doing amazing in hell i could talk to you for years we're gonna play a final game sure and it's called

the seven deadly sins okay Seven Deadly Sins What are you greedy about? Getting attention Yeah from the people closest to me. And strangers. Yeah.

Yeah. And the farthest away too. Yeah. I do have to say what, like I was, I watched your set last night and you can't not listen to you. Like, it's what, like, you just, you have that, like, magnetic force on stage. And I do think how you inspire women is, if you're in the male dominate space all the time and you hear male comics talking about female comedy in, like, the worst possible way, or you'll see, like, when a girl goes on stage, the male comics, like, stop watching the set, like, that kind of shit.

But then you see how they treat you. Not that they, like, you're the only one they respect, but in a way that it gives us an example to be like, oh, they can talk about me like that. there's space here There is There is space for male comics To be like Oh yeah she murders There is

They a lot of male comics Will say to me I don't see you as a female comic I just see you as a comic Yeah Which I hate I know It's like being like

Oh you don't throw like a girl I know But It's a step Well most men see women It's really We have a big problem We have an issue

We have a major problem I mean that's our biggest problem Is hatred towards women in my opinion. Yeah. And it's coming from... It's coming from inside the house, outside the house. It's from the beginning of time.

It is the biggest problem. Yeah. I've always said that. Yeah. Bigger than anything. Yeah. When people say to me, what do you think you're the most, like, is the most hated for?

It's like being Jewish, being gay, being a woman, your weight stuff, da-da-da. I mean, you could go down the line. I always say being a woman. that is number one number one two Jewish three being gay wow

wow absolutely wow but I love that you've kind of taken that stuff and weaponized it against my whole act my whole act literally you went off for five minutes yesterday

about how because you're raising children and a gay family you're trying to turn them gay. Yeah, of course. Because that's what the religious right says. I'm like, of course we're trying to make them gay. Every gay person tries to make their kids gay because it's an easier life. So why wouldn't we?

We're doing everything we can to make our four daughters dykes. Like men, like truck drivers. Not even like us because we wear jewelry and makeup and we're trying to make them dikes. You need the next generation better. Better gays. Okay. Who are you envious? people that are um for the most part not always of course because no one is but serene and and at peace

for the most part very very envious of those people i used to look at that's why i started burning in hell because i'm like i thought success would bring all the happiness so i wanted to interview successful people about what they hate about themselves then i realized successful people are fucking nuts, like literally the worst and probably have the most issues. Yeah. So I started seeing life, like, not based on successes, but more just like, you know, how people carry themselves. Like, whether it's, you know, the person on the subway you're sitting across just being like, they look. Like, totally. They figured it out. And I don't care how much money they're making, whatever. Some people, they found their like alignment. Yeah. It's the thing I'm the most,

by far, the most envious of. But also, you wouldn't be a comic if you were serene. No. It's from tragedy. It's horrible. It's a tragedy. It's a Shakespearean play every such she does. Okay. What are you gluttonous about? What do you overindulge in? I know you're being well-behaved now, but what's your like guilty pleasure? I mean, definitely social media. Oh. It's not good. Like I have to, I've been really cutting back on that as much as I can't. Yes. It's not a good thing. It's not good. But your TikTok is great. Everyone follow her TikTok and her Instagram. Yeah, I post

crowdwork videos on my TikTok. Are you doing that yourself? I don't edit them myself but I post them sometimes myself and sometimes my assistant does but

you're very open to like evolving stuff because I know some old school comics are like, I don't do that. I don't do that. I'm like I mean you'll sell more tickets.

Oh, absolutely. Like I don't know. I don't post material hardly ever but I post crowd work. Yeah. Oh, I don't care. I don't care

shit what anyone think. Yeah. You have to put out there what you're doing so that people come see you if you don't have, if you're not on a regular television show. Also, like, who knows? Let's say George Carlin is like your idol. He wasn't in a time of social media. If social media was around when he was really hot, he might have been posting every second on social media, rants and shit. How do you know? And by the way, I don't care what anyone thinks about what I do. You know, a lot of people will, a lot of comics will put you down for stuff that they can't do. Also, they don't pay your bills. Well, I'm saying they can't do crowd work. Yeah, you're right. It's always the people that can't do crowd work that is that fucking horrible at crowdwork that put down crowdwork.

Do you ever notice that? Yes. Yes. Look at these comics doing all this crowd work. Oh, yeah. That's interesting. Are you good at crowdwork? I'm curious.

Are you good at it? Because I'd love to see you do some crowdwork. Because actually, crowdwork is really brilliant if you're good at it. Big J is brilliant. The people that are good at crowd where you have to come up with stuff on the spot. Don't you think that's hard to do? I think that's much harder than going over a joke 500 times. A thousand percent.

I'm not saying one is better than the other. I'm just saying... No, it's two different art forms. So... You're so right. It's also like the people who shit on you. They're the people outside the arena. They're the critic.

Yeah. I don't shit on comics for what they do. And I especially don't do it publicly. So any comic that publicly shits on other comics, I think is a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. I think they're horrific. When I, there's certain comics that constantly shit on other comics on Twitter, it's disgusting. In my head, I'm like the confidence for you to come for another comic.

Who the fuck are you? It's from insecurities. I know. It's unreal to me. Yeah. It's unreal. But you're so right. If anyone ever comes for you.

Venus Williams actually said that. Remember Naomi Osaka? upset about the press questions and stuff and they asked Venus like how have you done it for so long and she goes when they're asking me questions about how bad I played I just think of them trying to play tennis and how I just whoop all their asses on the court yeah it's like it's adorable you're trying to make me feel small yeah when you can't even hit top spin yeah I know it's amazing when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger oh my god not um probably yesterday when i was driving not today yet um but yesterday i do in the car a lot

when people drive a hundred miles an hour on the highway yeah last night driving home from the comedy cellar there was a guy driving a hundred miles an hour weaving in and out almost cut me off and it just it's it's makes me enraged yes um or it's you know if i'm on stage and someone is judging me or making a face or yelling or in an argument with my wife when I'm just enraged and now we have kids and I won't scream in front of my kids I don't because I grew up with that yes so I there's things we you know we talked I will not I don't do the things that I grew up with thank God I changed the pattern so I don't scream in front of my kids so I'll be get enraged and like because I want to scream you just pop an eye vessel yes yes

yes yeah but that is an example too of they're kind of helping you yeah they are because you take that extra breath that you wouldn't have taken if they weren't there yeah when was the last time you were a sloth so like just lazy just took the day for yourself um this past weekend i relaxed what's your way of relaxing i just stay in sweats um and just hang out with my kids kids, play with them. Yes. I act like a child with them. I literally play with them.

I play house with them. Yes. I play. I'll like, for example, I'll just, like with my daughter, Isabella, my six-year-old, I'll literally play doctor with her and just act like I'm the doctor. I just envisioned all your characters. You must be the most fun to play house with. I am fun to play.

I am. I'm a really fun mom. I am. I'm really fun with them. I'm out of my mind, so I'm like, you are you. Like, I'm crazy with them. I can't wait to see their personalities. They're hilarious.

All four of my kids are silly because, I mean, Danielle's very silly too. Yeah. So when she's not stressed with them. It's a lot. It's a lot. I also, when it comes to, like, taking breaks and laziness, the hardest thing for me I've noticed with comedy, like, for example, when I'm on the road, like, the food is so bad. Like, at the club.

And then you're like, no, I'm eating healthy. And then, like, you have a good set. You have a drink next thing you know, you're like, bring on the cheese fritters. And then, like, I get home at night and I can't go to sleep early because I'm so buzzed. Yeah. And I'm like, this lifestyle is not really like the epitome of health and wellness. No. Do you have any advice for like not your body and your mind not hating you if I want to make, if I want to survive 50 more years in this business?

Yes. I mean, honestly, I have had to really. make plans and take care of myself in this business. So I bring food with me. That's what you have to do. I bring a cooler, a small cooler. I bring food with me. I plan, plan, plan. If I'm on the road for the weekend, I go to a store. I have them take me to a whole foods or if there's no whole foods to any kind of market and I get food and I keep it in a fridge there. I make sure there's a fridge. I call the hotel. I mean, you have to do shit like that. That's so great because you figured out what you need to be at your best. Yes. Because we're really, I have to. I see it like an athlete thing where you're like, I need this to perform. It is like an athlete. It's exact same thing. Yep.

Every weekend you're going out and you're out there boxing with the crowd. And I do think when you're green in it, you're kind of just like being thrown around whatever works for them. But then you start to get to a point where you're like, okay, I know it works for me. Yeah. And if I want to perform my best, I have to speak up for myself a little. And you have to do that in your life too. Like you have to make some time to be with your family.

you have to make some time to have fun with your friends you have to like that's what I didn't do for you have to say no thing yes and I was not okay because I was addicted talk about being an addict I was addicted to comedy yes and it did not go well or when you do take a night off to be with family you give yourself this guilt which is like that's just a perspective shift I'm like oh no I'm I'm feeling my heart up to be better yeah in all aspects yeah just like to be better on stage Mm-hmm. It's powerful. What was the last time you let your ego or your pride get in the way of something?

How's your ego? Well, I can definitely have, I'm very humble. I'm actually too humble a lot of the time where I have to kind of ramp that up a little bit because I need to realize who I am in this business

sometimes more and ask for things. Yes. But I, it's funny, I'm in a situation now. where it's like, sometimes there's times when I just want to tell certain people in this business to fuck off because they're not doing what I want them to do in the right amount of time or they didn't reach out to me when they were supposed to or, you know, industry people. Yes. And it's like I got to, I got to take it back and not, you know, I got to not let my pride get in the way and just say, listen, you might not be the main priority right now or people. people are busy or whatever and and so I have done that recently where I've had a look at that

and but I'm able to do that yeah a lot of comics aren't they they get um they they let their ego get in the way uh and they react immediately and just say you know fuck you and they burn that bridge and I don't do that a lot I learned recently like burning bridges because take you took something personal in this business is not worth it. I don't do it a lot. Thank God. It is not not worth it. It's not. Because it wasn't personal. It's not. It really isn't. It's not. And even if it was some personal bullshit, you don't need to burn that bridge. No. Like I'll, I'll think about stuff and I'm like, that little win is not worth a long time. And it's not even a win. You probably feel shitty after. Yeah. Yeah. So, and I even try to deal with that in, in my friendships too sometimes. Yep. We don't need to burn a bridge when, you know what?

It's actually not about you. No, because everyone has their stuff. Most people are really screwed up. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way, but they have their stuff. They have their history. I look at things online. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? Like you look at people's posts.

You look at their stories. You look at things. You're like, what is happening? My friend the other day I saw her. She was a comic. Like I said, if you post another inspirational quote that hints, like, why you're going to murder your ex-boyfriend, we're going to have a problem. I post some of that stuff sometimes because of like. That's why you check in on your friends.

I'm like, how many quotes are you going to post today? Yeah, I'll post some once in a while. It makes me feel, well, they're not too insane, the ones I post. But it does make me feel a little better. But then I'm like, oh, boy, I have to stop doing this. But I'll look at people. Yeah, there's some people that post a lot of things where I'm. I'm like, oh boy, there's a lot going on here and what is happening.

And it's just, it sometimes makes me look at my life and go, you know, things are not that bad with your life. Or if you're someone with like anxiety, I'll have, you know at the club, you'll have so many interactions with so many comics that are like so fun, so great. And then you have one weird one and they'll stick with you all day. You'll be like, did I, does that person hate me? Yeah, yeah. I shouldn't have said that.

I shouldn't have said that. But they'll talk to another comic, they'll be like, oh, yeah, that person's been weird all day. And I'm like, oh, I was about to literally dissect my whole personality, move it around. That person's been freaking people out all day. Yeah, yeah. That person's been in bad mood all day. I've had that happen so many times. Three people are sitting there thinking it to them.

No, right. Or someone, my friend will say to me, this, I think this person hates me. I'm like, everyone thinks that person hates them. Yes. Or they go, they're just not warm. They're just not warm. Yeah. I've also learned, you know, this is very important in our.

business and in friendships and in people in general trust the red flags i fucking make that i still make that mistake oh it's like i'll meet someone i'll become friends with them or or i'll you know you want them to prove you wrong yeah but you know what how many times do you have to fucking learn that lesson they were great to me i know it's like god i'm like jessica what is wrong with you i mean really you'll i'll know i'll know i'll see it i'll know it and i still jump right in too. I think it's because we still want people to like us. Yeah. And I still want to have hope and want to think people are okay and they're not. They're not. And I know it. And I still. Yes. And you're like, they haven't done with my charm yet. And it's like, nope, you're, no, they don't care. Yeah.

When was the last time you lusted over someone besides your lovely wife? Do you have like a celebrity crush or anything? Listen, J-Lo was always a one for me because I love, I love Hispanic women. I love dancers. Does love J-Lo. Holy shit. I love dancers. Yeah. I mean, oh my God. Do you know what you should do?

You should do what girls got to eat does. And in the beginning of your shows, you get the local NBA team's dance team to go out and shake their asses before you. And then you come out like in a cape, like in like a fur cape, like Cat Williams. And then they all just shake their ass behind you. That's perfect. Or at least a music video like that. Yeah. No, I, you know, that's hilarious.

I love Duelipa. Oh. She's amazing. Hot. Love Halsey. I loved Angelina Jolie, but she's too thin. I don't, yeah, I go, I don't love that. Yeah.

I mean, she's stick thin, I think. Yeah. Isn't she? Yeah. I like a little meat. Yeah. I love that. You know all the pop culture shit going on.

Yeah. Well, I know their bot. I know the hot women. Yeah. Do you follow a lot of hot girls on Instagram? No. No. Okay, good.

I'm not like that. I mean, do you go to those girls do you imagine, yeah no, I mean, I watch porn but I don't follow a lot of you have just Instagram models

following you to all your shows. I mean, I do have there's, when these hot women follow me, I'm like, oh my God, then I will follow them, but I'm so like not like a player. It's not like that. What kind of porn are you into?

I'm not into like the traditional straight porn but like I've gone through different things like I was into watching gay men for a while Emma Wilman loves it she loves gay men porn yeah I used to be into that I haven't watched in a while but it's not like I wouldn't watch it powerful yeah it's like fuck it suck it like that kind of thing I could never find lesbian porn that I really like no because it's not real like women with long nails like oh my god your fingers feel amazing like it's not how it is it's basically just crying and eating hummus I know, it's amazing.

It's true. They just punctured your ovary. Give you a hysterectomy. It's not like that. I like, no, I watch like a little, you know, hardcore straight porn mostly. Yeah, nice. You know, I like that kind of stuff. There's certain porn stars I like.

Like, but I, I like it. I don't like traditional, like, safe, like missionary. Like, I like a little, like, hard. Drama. Yeah. Yeah. And I like, I don't like, like, like, like, like, long stories. What do you like? You're like, you, you answer a question. Um, you know, it's funny. I actually don't hate a girl masturbating. I like that, too. I like that. I think it's safe. I think it's peaceful. I like that too. It, like reminds me almost. Yeah. In, like, not a narcissistic way. That is hot. But in, like, a, like, oh, you're seeing, like, how it happening to someone. I tried to watch porn with Des, and we just, like, would make jokes. And then I'd get, like, he'd be like, you pick.

And I'd be like, no, you pick. Like, we were so, it was bad. It can be uncomfortable, but that can be hot, too. We're going to get there. We're not there yet. We're still a newbie couple. I like scenes kind of stuff. Like, doctor, like, there's been stuff like that that I can get into a massage,

I like a massage moment. Yeah, massage can be really hot. Yeah. And doctor stuff can be hot. You should look into that. Dentist. Autometrist. Chiropractor can be amazing.

I looked at a gynecology exam. It was wonderful. A woman had a cyst removed and I came immediately. I had a weird lump on my back. A woman had a large pimple on her. shoulder and she had it popped and immediately I came like a geyser

where am I? Is it my turn to bowl? Judith? Ma'am, you're out of McDonald's. I'll have a large fry a doctor pepper and a chicken tender

just one chicken tender. I have gas. Happy. Joyce can I get a pad I don't feel good I can't I can't I think I just punch you just punctured my okay to wrap it to wrap it up

wrap it up in a Tupperware because I'm taking the bus home and I don't like when people complain that it smells. That's all I need. The Asian man constantly yells at me and I don't feel safe there because Maria is not with me today

on the ride home. If you haven't seen Jessica's special on Comedy Central, Comedy Central. What was it called? Talking to myself. Talking to myself. Some specials, you see a comic and you're like, this special wasn't great

the special was I thought it was great were you proud of it can you imagine if like I didn't love it no it's a lot of comedy no I was very happy with my special no one saw it but I was very

it's actually coming out I'm putting it on my YouTube in chunks it's coming out in like seven to ten minutes and cut it up in TikTok it's coming out Jessica Kurson Comedy is my YouTube channel

and it's coming out this week actually it's starting So exciting. I snuck into the premiere at the cellar. You didn't even know me at the time. I love that. You did that. I remember that now. I snuck in. I was, you're adorable. No, I was nervous because I never met you before. I remember that. But everyone was so warm about it. Like, I was like, oh, I don't know her.

And they're like, Jessica's the best. Just come. She won't care. I'm like, and then I came. And then at the very end, like, it was so good. Everyone was surrounding you. And at one point I just went up to you. I was like, I mean that.

And I thought it was really funny. And then I remember, like, not even waiting for your reaction. I was like, okay. And I walked away. Like, I didn't even have a talk. I remember that. But that was my first Jessica Kirsten interaction. Yeah.

So to be here is an honor and a privilege. To wrap this up, I have one more question. Yeah. I'm not telling you my weight. The final question is, what advice would you give to the little devils, all the listeners, on how to cope with their hell?

When you're going through it, when you're in your darkest place, what's your go-to? It always gets better. It always gets better. From every breakdown, there's a breakthrough. You know, that's a famous quote, but it's something my mother always said to me.

I love that. And there is always a breakthrough. And you grow. And you do. I'm telling you from my own experience. You become better and stronger and you grow from it. There's always a breakthrough if you can stick with it and stay with it. And even when you feel hopeless, like you can't, you're not, you're not going to get through it.

You learn something and you become stronger. Yeah. And, you know, it's important to try, if you can. It's not about religion or God or anything, but to become spiritual, to know that you're small and there's something bigger. And I'm not saying it's God for people. This is not religious, but that if you can just try to let go and just join a cult. I'm just kidding. Yeah, join a cult and take poison and kill yourself.

That's the message. No, but you're right. No, to just let go and just release it and just really just don't try to control things. Like, I live my life, like everything is just meant to be, like, let go. Just let go. Every time I try to control something, it's a mess. Oh, it's a mess. You're so right.

It's a mess. And I have to just let go of things. People play everything. Let it go. And I almost feel like when you have the breakdowns, you're almost just being pushed into a different path. Yes. And I like to use an analogy of like surfing, even though I've never surf. Yeah.

But like, you know when the waves are bad and you're trying so fucking hard, it's not working. When you find the right wave, it's effortless. Right. And it's like you can fight, fight, fight, fight, fight. but like listen to where you want to be and listen to where your heart wants to go and when you find the right place you won't feel like you're fighting it all the time

right well the more you try to control something or change it or battle it the more it's just it's just a constant it's insanity keep doing the same thing expecting different results yes when you let go and just say please just take this from me just take it I literally will praise them please whatever it is whoever you are

whatever anything just take this away from me please just take it away it works i'm telling you it works yes it works it's almost like you're manifesting it into the universe to say i don't want this anymore yes i'm ready to go yeah it really because time heals it does it heals and sometimes that's the only thing that can heal something and it's hard when you're in the moment because you're like this is my brain yeah but i love what we talked about before which is like your brain is always changing You're going to be a different person tomorrow at this time. Honestly, within an hour, I might have five different moves. Exactly.

And take action. That's a big thing, too. Like, when I'm sitting in my brain, it's a bad neighborhood to be in. It's bad. I'm usually not thinking very positive thoughts sometimes, unfortunately. So when I'm sitting in me, in my brain, so I have to literally take action. Like, go do something. Yeah.

And then it shifts. I love that so much. Jessica, you gave us laughs, you gave us deep, deep thoughts, you gave us inspiration. Where can people follow you, listen to you, give me all the goods so everyone can stay posted with all your stuff. Yeah, so I'm at Jessica Kersen.com. It's K-I-R-S-O-N. I'll be posting a ton of dates coming up.

And I'm on Instagram at Jesse Kersen, J-E-S-Y-K-R-S-O-N. I have a TikTok. It's amazing. My TikTok is amazing. It is. It's Jessica Kirsten. And I post those crowdwork clips and other stuff. Every day I post stuff. And, you know, I'm on Twitter, Jessica Kerson. And I'm on Netflix right now on Bill Burr. Yeah, his special comics who kill. Friends Who Kill. Yes. Is your setup yet? Yeah. Yeah. It's on Netflix. Yep. And I want to say, before I go that you're amazing you are a beautiful smart hysterical kind person and above all of that as a comic you work damn hard oh thank I want to say that and I want everyone to hear it because not all comedians work so hard and you know what you don't have to work that hard

because you have a very big career in other aspects so I have always respected you a lot as a comedian because you work your ass off and you get on stage a lot and you write a lot and you really do the work, which is so admirable and I notice it and a lot of people do. And I'm really proud of you for doing that. I really am. It's true. It's true. Coming from you, that means a lot. It's huge that you do that because you don't have to.

You really don't. It's because I'm afraid of my own thoughts. Well, a lot of people wouldn't do that because you've been on TV and you, you know, are married to a comic. Anyway, you don't, you know, there's reasons why you don't have to do that. You can just, you know, go out, headline, do things and don't have to do all that, the work. But you have from day one. You've gotten on stage. You've busted your ass.

You've done the shitty shows, hundreds of them, the bar shows, the fucking horrible. not getting paid, the road gigs, and all of it, all of it, hundreds of them, which are horrific. And you've done them, which has made you a such a better comic. And it's also in turn giving you the respect, which is really crucial in this business. And you're such a good person. You also do the work on yourself emotionally, which is, you know, none of us have to do. So I respect you for that too. Thank you so much because you know day to day it gets tough it's it gets tough up in here I know but sitting with I'm all so hyped up and pumped up and I'm just so excited to just like see the stuff we're going to do in the future. Yeah yeah we're powerful women I mean this business

is changing all the time we're all doing it ourselves you know and I just you're kind of running in the snow and I'm just like kind of just seeing the footsteps and making my own way too. Well, we're going to have our own our own networks at a certain point. We're doing all of this our set like everything's changing. Everything's going to be online. It's all like it's incredible what we're doing and you're so powerful. I mean look what you're doing. Thank you. I love the power. I truly it helps me sleep at night. But you've been knocked down so much and you just fucking get up. But this is how I am. But I do have to say you don't get knocked down unless you're trying stuff.

Yeah. I hate to be like a 50-year-old man with a Michael Jordan quote, but like how many shots did that man miss? It's true. People don't talk about it. It's true. People talk about the shots he made. Yeah. And I could feel sorry for myself when like things have gone badly for me.

But I, you have to choose. You have to choose to get up in the morning the next day and keep going. and I just love surrounding myself with funny, amazing people and you're one of them. Yeah, I love you. You're great. I love you so much.

Well, we just got married. Thank you guys all for coming to the ceremony. And keep listening to Burning Hell. We're on YouTube. And I'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye, guys.