Berner Phone - Julia Elbaba: Hitting Balls & Hating Girls

Episode Date: June 26, 2019

She was the number one college tennis player in America and the first professional athlete to come to hell. Julia discusses how she started playing tennis, how she copes with pressure situations, what it’s like dating as a professional athlete, if tennis players are narcissists, what she really thinks about Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova, death threats, how she eats while competing, and who she crushes on in the Summer House cast. Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Julia Elbaba on Instagram & Twitter: @juleselbaba --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I made a joke in the ESPN article, and I was like, tennis, you only get paid when you win. That's it. Imagine if the Knicks only got paid when they won. I love that. Those motherfuckers would not be parting in the club last night after a lake game. I'm sorry they wouldn't. Mm-mm. Hi guys. Welcome to Burning in Hell. I am with our first ever professional athlete, Julia El Baba. She was the number one collegiate athlete in Division I for NCAAs for tennis, woman's tennis. She won the NCAA tournament and now she's traveling the world professionally and she's reached top 400 and she's still on that journey. And she took a break from her travels to come to hell.

a place that she might be familiar with. Julia, welcome. Hannah, such a pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me. It's great to see you as always. Are you nervous? I'm already sweating a bit, actually. I'm a little nervous.

I think tennis players sweat a lot. Yeah, and clammy hands. Oh, yeah. You'd think we wouldn't have clammy hands because when your hands get sweaty, it's harder to hold the racket. But God doesn't care. I actually I wasn't like and it's not that I wasn't looking forward to this podcast I just felt more emotion towards this podcast like this is the tennis episode and I think the first professional athlete I wanted to have on I wanted to be a tennis player and everyone makes fun to my podcast because they're like oh it's a drinking game drink whenever Hannah talks about tennis and it's like first of all you're welcome you're going to get fucked up second of all it's obviously a huge part of my life but like talking with you is going to go through memory lane oh absolutely

It's going to be good and bad. I blocked out a lot of shit. But then there's also a warmth in talking to you and feeling less alone and connected in the journey. Now, Julia and I reconnected. She grew up playing tennis in the East, but she was, were you two years younger? Three years? I'm 24 right now. Oh, my God.

Okay, you don't have to make me feel old. Three years younger. So I knew of her name, but she was always in the younger age bracket. But I was like, oh, that girl, Julia Bob was supposed to be good. I mean, like, she's a baby, but she's probably good. and then I started seeing her at University of Virginia like on all these articles and she is how tall are you

I am 5 foot 5 she's 5 5 strong extremely quick how would you describe your game so I'd say I'm an aggressive baseliner but all court player because I like to finish some points at the net you like swinging volleys don't you you're one of those I did a backhand swinging volley

but I hated my forehand swing belly. I'd always fuck it up. See, I'm already getting dark and down on myself. But let's start with the positive. Okay. What made you, why do we love tennis? Like, what made you fall in love with tennis? Well, I started playing because I thought it was a good way to stay active.

Okay, that's a lie. My dad, my dad, tell me the truth. Okay, I'm going to get honest to. My dad locked me on the tennis court, handcuffed. to the tennis racket, and he whipped me whenever I hit in the net. Just kidding, that wasn't, that would happen. Play tennis or I will disown you as a daughter. Did your dad, like, love tennis?

No, actually, so he's a doctor, so he just didn't want me to be one of those kids that went home after school and played video games on the couch. Okay. So instead, he was like, I'm going to sign you up for an after school program, and you're going to enjoy this, and yeah. So I went out there, and the coach was like, you know what? you're kind of athletic, you're kind of fast, you have good eye hand coordination. And little by little, I played more and started to compete.

What age did you start to compete? I started at 10. The girl's 10 and unders. That was a dark time. Why? Because I'd always look at girls and be like, that girl doesn't look like she's 10. Her boobs are huge. There's no way she's only 10.

And I'd be this little girl and be like... Were you winning? No. I did not win. I was too, like, worried to hurt feelings. Oh, my God. Well, that's the thing with Julia. She is so sweet.

And what's funny about tennis is that coaches take pride in being like, you have a killer mentality. Where else in your life is it good to have a killer instinct? Like, if we're going to fucking war, I'm not like on a first date, like, my coach is. which is that I have a killer instinct. Like, that's how Netflix murder documentaries happen. So you didn't have a killer instinct necessarily early on. What happened?

I'd say not. What happened was that when I lost, I started to feel this, like, you understand when you lose how bad that feels. It, like, it's literally the worst feeling in the world. Like, winning doesn't feel as good as losing feels bad. You know that. 100%.

So it got to the point where it just felt so, bad that I was like, I rather win than feel bad for these girls. And I genuinely enjoyed competing and playing more tennis. And I just started to win more. And I mean, tennis is a beautiful sport. They say tennis is closest to boxing. And I'll tell it to guys and they'll be like, what are you talking about? And I'm like, listen to me. Let me tell you, let me mansplain something to you. So tennis is like boxing in that you're two people striking each other. playing a mental game like boxing it's like you know this guy's a good left hand tennis this girl is a good backhand and you have to i mean i would argue that the top thousand ranked girls in professional tennis

if you watch them hit you can't tell like that much of a difference in terms of technique but the second they're on the court you see how the mind plays tricks on you exactly and if you're just rallying up the middle of the court with a girl ranked a thousand she'll hit just as good as a girl ranked top 200 it really it's a really fine line and you see it in the head like you said but then you also see it once you start playing points with their movement being a little sluggish or a little bit technically off that it's a really fine line there's so many little things that make someone great versus make someone good in tennis and what do you think kind of has made you so successful in your career. I mean, you were the, like, people get excited to just make a tennis team division

one. You literally walk around like, bitches, I'm the number one. Like, that must have been insane. There's two things. And they're not exactly the best things, but one, I'm a total perfectionist. If I don't do something perfectly, I basically feel terrible for myself and it eats me alive. I'm a total tight. Bay person, which I'm sure you can relate to. Yes. And number two, I'm freaking love attention. So I just did an, this is me plugging myself, I just did an article with ESPNW, and they

were basically like, how has tennis prepared you for reality TV? And I basically was like, tennis has been incredible for it, because tennis was a performance. I was like, the drama I dealt with on the tennis court was a bazillion times worse than any, No offense, like Summerhouse is great drama, but like the mental warfare when like our team went to spring break and had to stay in a house together. Are you fucking kidding me? Like we all are competing against each other every day. We have our coach who's causing drama.

You've drama within yourselves. You've drama within the girls you're playing against. And then you have your own drama because you're 20 and you don't know who you are or what you want in life. So, um, tune in to college women's tennis. It's pretty interesting. Oh. Without a doubt.

And we love attention. And the sport is so great because it's individual. So when you win, you really feel so accomplished and proud of yourself. But then when you lose, it's like there is no one to blame. Yeah. The world is over and it's like all on you. That was the difference with college tennis. It was really nice because even if you lost your own individual match, your team could still win.

But then there are some players that are more individually oriented and others that are more of a team player. True. So it's just that balance made it unique and we had a mix of both. So that also made it unique. Yeah, because you're playing team matches and then you go off on your own to try to win the whole thing and you're even competing against. It's just like so much competition. How do you think that it's affected your relationship with other girls? because I know I was fucked up until about 24.

Like, I thought every girl was coming at me. I was like, when's she going to fight me? Like, when is this girl going to try to take what I want? Like, that's all other girls were to me. And recently I've realized I'm like, oh, she's me. You're me. Like, we're all in it together. And you actually understand me better than, like,

the douchy guy named Chad that I was fucking, who doesn't know shit. Like, you're actually another girl who understands how my mind works and what my life is like. How has your relationship with girls been? Because you're 25 now. Almost. Almost 25. I have this oddly, bubbly personality.

I know. And I think that's actually how we first bonded. Because when I first messaged you, I didn't know how you thought I was. But I feel like overall I do get along with most people. I don't know. When I look at other girls, I feel like I want to get along.

with them and I don't have that like inner anger or hate that I have like on the tennis court like that fire so when you how do you go from that to this like fiery killer on the court you know or do you not do you not see them personally is it more just like you out there do you try to focus like that um I try to compartmentalize it I guess oh I like that word yeah it's a little tricky I made I pronounced it right. But I guess I try to focus on playing the ball and letting my racket do the talking. Yes. And not going to lie, I try to become better friends with girls off the tennis court,

like girls from a college that didn't play tennis, like non-tennis student athletes. I feel like there's a lot of people that are probably listening and they're like, what the fuck are they talking about? Because people sometimes don't understand how you can be so obsessed with a sport because they're It's like chess. It's like how are you guys just obsessing over, you know, checkers right now? And it's like, this game became our life. And it became so much larger than tennis.

It became our identities. It became our ego. It became like ranking of our self-esteem. So when you get to talk to other girls or guys who aren't in this, like, crazy tennis world, you start to feel sane. Do you ever feel like you want to be a part of that, like, normalcy? Oh, absolutely. And I actually was able to do that because I did one session of summer school.

Cool. And I was on crutches because I had a stress fracture in my leg. But I lived a normal college life for those four or so weeks, you know, just. So you're like, for four weeks, I was normal. Yeah, for four weeks, I was normal. What was it like? It was fun at times, boring at times. But overall, it just made me appreciate tennis more because tennis, you're right.

like is my life basically and not to say i don't love doing other things i guess i like doing things in moderation everything is good in moderation but tennis you don't do in moderation typically not but i'm trying to make myself more of a well-rounded person yeah so the way julia and i connected is she dmned me because i was working at betches and she was she like loved following them and she's like oh my god i heard you play tennis like we need to connect and i and i and i'd like like known her name so she wasn't complete stranger and she came to the office and you were like I have a really bad injury and I don't know what to do can you tell the listeners what was going on in your head yeah so I had just broken my hand I think it was and I came to Hannah and was like

you know tennis has been a big part of my life and now that I can't really play I'm a little lost I want something to do to not only fill up my time but that I enjoy and what that would be would be like media not only sports media but just something that like grabs attention like I love that attention and Hannah was really great she I'm paying her to say this by the way continue but I remember you were kind of like this has been my life

and like it could be over now and it's over for you as in it was over for me and you're like what is going to happen and I was kind of like girl let me walk you through the process when tennis ends you do feel like alone

and you do feel like a huge empty void it was the biggest heartbreak of my life because it was a relationship the ups and downs it was just me and tennis like boys would come and go friends would come and go tennis was always there for me tennis was what I it was also like where my

anxiety would live so like whenever I just wanted to be anxious about something I would just think about tennis and and it would just like obsess obsess obsess obsess and once I got out of it it took some time to like almost detox from like a drug mm-hmm tennis had things I didn't like but tennis had things I did like like I loved the high of like I don't want to say attention but like performing and I loved the high of challenging myself I didn't like that I wasn't able to be creative like I always felt like I was very jokey and weird and like other girls were so stern and I was like okay so what can I do that like takes advantage of my personality allows me to perform but then I was like I'm 25 how am I going to start comedy like I'm 25 that's like already like old to some guys when they're

dating so in that sense I'm actually super similar to you this is bad to say but there's times during matches where like I'm kind of bored not like of the match I'm playing but like it's so well you do it so much yeah it's like how many matches have you played in your life oh that's a great question but it's like one point after the next

and the points seem very similar and I just find my mind drifting sometime and I'm like how could I make this interesting like I don't know sometimes I know but it's almost like your mom what do you do oh like try these fancy shots that even Roger Federer shouldn't be

try your coach probably gets so mad but do you feel like there's money on the line and pressure that like you need to win yes and no yes because of course there's money i graduated from college and i need to start making a living but then no because tennis isn't paid anything so it's actually a pretty sad thing i'm not sure why i'm laughing no but the truth with tennis is like what do you have to be ranked to actually make money in the sport because right now you're funding your own travel you're funding your own some of your equipment or you get sponsored with equipment you're funding your own tournament fees you're funding your own hotels and stay yeah so basically i have to pay for everything myself because i don't have a sponsor um my i do have a clothing sponsor and i am

sponsored by head tennis yeah but after college did they not give you a sponsor no why you won NCAAs is it political they give one player a year through Oracle um a hundred thousand dollars um and yeah it was never for a for US why would you give one player a hundred why don't you give two and them 50 or even 520 yeah like get be such a big deal don't let me get into American tennis politics but um I made a joke in the ESPN article and I was like tennis you only get paid when you win that's it imagine if imagine if the knicks only got paid when they won i love those motherfuckers would not be parting in the club last night after like a game i'm sorry they wouldn't you don't get paid to show up to try your best you only get paid to win

and i love you new york nicks but but also we could argue are they always trying their best when they go out there no they know they're going to get paycheck anyway the new york nicks are currently tanking to get that number one draft pick like they're getting paid to tank sorry and like I totally I love New York Knicks I love him to death but like it's tough when there's like

tennis and golf are two sports that because it's individual it's really difficult to go pro so you're ranked like top 400 and when I say how amazing Julia is at tennis like I can't even explain and she is struggling to make a living playing professionally

and she's one of a America's top, top, top talent. But we believe in you. We think you're doing great. But the point is, I want you to be happy. Like, it's not about, like, could you potentially beat girls in the top 20? Like, I know you probably can. It's about, do you want this to be your life?

And that's what's weird with tennis. You have that little girl dream, but then you also have big girl life. Big girl life involves, like, a lot of things. And you've changed from that little 12-year-old. who, like, want to win the U.S. Open. Absolutely. And I think the way I've dealt with those feelings is starting a blog. A blog has been a great way to, like, outlet my feelings and my emotions.

But then also, you know, just network out to other people like you and just get involved with social media because I graduated from UVA with a degree in media. So it's definitely a passion of mine. And so it just doesn't feel like tennis is my whole life. It feels like I have other things going on. But you're right. At the end of the day, I know it is. What's it like dating on tour?

Oh my gosh. I'm so glad you asked. So dating life is very, very difficult as, you know, you're traveling a lot. You're training a lot. so not only is going on dates difficult but guys get scared of girls that are away a lot and that has made it difficult um you know i resort to the the dating apps and you know it's pretty common now and i think at first it's like really cool like oh my god you're a tennis player and then you're like yeah i'm free in um three weeks i'm free in three weeks yeah like what yeah and you're always going to choose tennis practice over them like because once you don't that means like you're not you're not your heart isn't in it right and that's difficult what are the what's it like with the guys on the pro tour like i know my opinions but like what's your experience with guys on the tennis pro tour because they're in a similar situation as us too we don't have all the same tournaments together but occasionally

the men's is in the same location yeah so sometimes the men's and the women's tournaments are mixed um is there a lot of flirting there is a good amount of flirting and you actually see a big difference in the way that the girls show up to practice. Hair, makeup, more on fleak than in general. But the girls that I do know that are dating tennis players, you know, are actually pretty unhappy and I hate to say it, cheat it on. Damn. Yeah.

It's rough. Get in the tea. Is it because they're... But it's like, oh. Also, a lot of tennis players. are narcissistic. Like, we all have narcissistic streaks. It's all about you.

We're, like, comedians. We're very similar. So, like, tennis guys can just, like, think... When they're good, they think they're, like, the greatest thing that ever happened. But it's true. When you win a match, you think you're the greatest thing that ever happened. But then when you lose a match, you're like, why do I even play tennis? I could lose to a four-year-old right now.

It's the biggest highs and lows. The biggest eyes alone. When you feel like there's nothing wrong with life, like, everything's perfect. You're the greatest thing. everything yeah all the sudden but it really is a drug like I don't do drugs because like I did tennis for 20 years and I needed to like get the needle out of my arm sorry that was very graphic I also but at the end of the day we we joke about like things that aren't working but like you are a top top top performing athlete and I think that athlete performance can go into a lot

of different other industries do you have any advice for dealing with pressure situations for people who are listening. So it was funny because I was thinking about this earlier today. If I can go back in time and tell myself when I was in 12th grade getting recruited by colleges

because that was a time when I was most anxious. 8 a.m. matches having a line of coaches right at my court at 8 a.m. in the morning like, oh, I just rolled out of bed yet I have to perform at my very

best. This is my future. I had just sprained my ankle before clay courts. So I like had been obviously feeling a little off. And I remember the Notre Dame coach came. Like I'm very aware during tennis. Like I know who everyone's watching. Like it's really bad. My brain moves too much. And he came to watch. And instead of being like, let's fucking go. Let's do this. I double faulted three times in a row and he walked away. And I was like, my whole life just flashed before my eyes. Like these things happen. And you're just like, why is God doing this to me? It's like, no. you were being into cure and you let it happen. So I'm just like, how do I not do that?

So I'm going to segue into the word you just said, serve. Because nobody really understands how stressful that shot is. Because I, you know, I'm training now at the USDA and the National Tennis Center in Flushing. Yeah. And there's a lot of girls that are around that 12th grade age that are near me on the courts. And they're going through that college process and all they can. say is, I can't serve when the coaches are watching. I don't know what that correlation is between the nerves of the serve. It's kind of like when the ball's coming to you, like you have

less time to think, but when you're about to serve, you're like, you have that quietness and you have too much control to fuck it up. It's kind of like pitching as a baseball player. Just you have too much quietness and control to start the point. It's crazy because you literally see the physical results of the fucked up stuff going on in your head. But what advice can you give people, like when you're dealing with those kind of demons and those kinds of nerves? I think the best advice would be to

just take a moment and beware of your surroundings just like embrace where you are and be like, okay, like it's life. I'm on a tennis court. All is good. It's a pressure moment. Let's embrace it. I wouldn't do that. Like, I wouldn't embrace it.

Yeah. Like, I was just so fucking stressed. I wouldn't then either, but right now thinking back, if you asked me this like a few years ago I probably would have had a better hand but like when you were playing college tennis like why do you think you were the best in the nation I think in college tennis it worked really well for me because I had my coach on court with me someone to communicate with he didn't necessarily like tell me what to do all the time but just having that moral support that physical support of someone right there did you think you were good enough to be best

in nation in college tennis yeah um I thought so just Just because of how well me and my coach worked together. And he really believed in you? He 100% believed in me more than I believed in myself. He saw me at my worst before he recruited me, and that's when I knew when he still wanted me that this was going to work. And if he liked me at my worst, he would definitely like me at my best. When was your worst?

My worst was during the recruitment process. Because you were just a mess? I was very stressed. ideal this is actually how we first bonded we both have extreme levels of anxiety yeah and I think it's because we're high level tennis players were you aware that it was extreme anxiety I was aware and I mean I saw a lot of people to deal with it what's funny is like I didn't know I was aware I mean I wasn't aware I wasn't aware I didn't know like I just was like my parents would be like you good and I'm like I'm good and they're like why you so quiet and I'm like I don't know yeah

And then I go on the core and double fault four times. They're like, you good? And I'm like, yeah, I'm good. Yeah. So he saw you when you were just kind of like not performing your best. Not performing my best. And I think he understood that I was dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. But somehow he still wanted me.

And he saw glimpses of an amazing fighter and someone that competed really well. And that could be a good teammate. And he said that's what attracted. me to him the most and actually I played my best tennis almost of the whole four years in the first few months I got to college my freshman year wow there's an all-American tournament it's called all-Americans in uh California and you start in the pre-qualifying and I went through three matches in pre-qualifying because I was just a freshman three qualifying matches in qualifying yeah sorry and then I went through five main draw matches i lost in the final in three sets oh my god so i played

five three three eleven matches what a way to start your career that and it was the craziest eleven matches not just singles i played doubles too so yeah i mean what's so great about your answer because i was looking for something magical like well you have to take three breaths before your serve or some shit you literally were like i had people around me who believed in me Because when you see a talent, whether it's, you know, a comedian or an athlete or even just like the CEO at a business, they have a support system that you don't see. And like I actually didn't have that in college. Like my freshman year, they had, what was it? Like the team championships were in Wisconsin, Madison, Wisconsin.

Yeah, the national indoors. Yeah, the national indoors. And I got to play Duke. And he had me playing four. and because he was like stacking but it kind of hurt my confidence a little because I had been like beating the girls above me but I end up beating the girl at Duke and I'm like I have arrived to college tennis Duke go fuck yourself let's go and I was so pumped and my parents had flown in and the next match I was playing a girl and there was like it was very tough and she was like cheating me and it was like six all and I was very emotional and I threw my racket and he kicked me out of the match he defaulted me my parents traveled all the way here so like clearly we had a weird power struggle where he was trying to like push me down to be like you're not like what you think you are and so he was basically like not bringing me up and like granted wait till

after the match and be like you're going to be at 7 am running because you acted like a little div out there but instead he defaults me from the match and like if you know me like making me lose a match is the worst thing you could do for me and then making me feel so guilty like I did it so I fought all through college with like a coach that loki didn't like me that's crazy so like I felt like he wasn't rooting for me and I know my teammates weren't always rooting for me because they wanted to take my spot and like when you have that it adds so much more anxiety and but in my head I never like thought I was so hard of myself that I was like who cares if that coach coach doesn't running for you. Who cares if that teammate is, like, toxic? You should be getting it

together. But, like, I wasn't mentally strong enough. Did you get along with your teammates, would you say? Some of them I did. Some of them I didn't. As per usual. Yeah, that's the norm. That's the norm. There's always, like, as long as I had, like, two or three that had my back. But it really taught me that, like, the wrong people around you really do affect you. It's almost like they say the five closest people around you show you who you are and that's why it's really important to surround yourself with like other like-minded individuals and it's almost like I don't want to be the smartest person in the room I also don't want to be the best time in the room I also don't want to feel like the most like empathetic or compassionate like I want to be around people that challenge and

inspire me and I wasn't in that position um and then you wonder like why this has turned to me I knew this going to turn to me but i just what happened is i was like you're going to you're going to experience this but after tennis i remember just like sitting in my bed and like crying and i was like why did i do that for 20 years like what was the fucking reason to put myself through hell and like yeah i got like a full scholarship to college cool and like now i'm here empty like i'm empty and i'm empty and it's i love that we're talking now because like if you told me at that moment like you'd be on a TV show and you'd be feeling really creative and you'd have a great friend system around you and you'd have a podcast and you'd have confidence in yourself again and you'd be happy being single

I'd be like what yeah but like that shit happened and it's because I started to listen to myself your thoughts attract things and I was always thinking of like not losing and fear and sadness and like wanting so bad to be happy but like scared of not being happy and then when I kind of let it all go the right thing started coming to me I could always think back and be like if I had a different coach and if I had different this like I could like yeah

we're all fucking good at tennis at this point like we're both talented in tennis and what I have liked to like have a big you know tournament that I could brag that I had won like in college or in professional yeah but at the end of the day like do you feel like you that much happier because you won in CAAs?

I don't feel like it really changed anything right now, honestly. But I think as tennis players, maybe as athletes in general, I don't think we appreciate what we're doing while we're doing it. Nope. Being a student athlete was one of the hardest things that I've done. You're kind of like cattle. They treat you like cattle. They're like, you better, you know, do everything we want because we're paying you.

But then you get a free education. And exactly. So a lot of people would kill for a free education. Some people just play tennis to get a scholarship. So we should honestly, we should be, we should be feeling pretty badass for that. Yes. I know. Sorry, I got dark. And I were bringing me back up. You're like, Hannah, don't cry. But I feel like gratefulness is really important. And I think some people around me weren't grateful for the situation either. It's like, oh, we're in Arizona because of my tennis at this beautiful thing with with this beautiful. opportunity why don't we be grateful right now that the family's together instead of us all fighting because i because i lost second round because i choked in the third set you know i just feel like did you ever feel this is weird but did you ever feel happy when you got sad about other things besides tennis because it made you feel normal oh yeah absolutely i mean anything that doesn't have to do with tennis sometimes makes you feel like a normal person all over again so weird when i broke up with my first boyfriend and I cried it was the greatest feeling the word because I was like

oh my god I'm crying about something besides tennis I only cried about tennis until I was like 18 exactly which is so sad did you used to cry during matches oh my gosh that was my go-to that was my go-to I used to play so well crying while I'm hitting sometimes I would cry so much and I can't even see the ball I think I lost this point because there was too much water in my I but it like helped you get it out like you were like you know like things are just going wrong and you had to cry it out by the way we're talking about matches when I was legit like 20 I cried during college matches too yeah you know it's a really emotional sport no one listening is going to truly understand that you're fucking alone out there you're on an island and it's a war

zone and you can't call a time out you can't pass it tennis like built my character so much in terms of people are like oh are you nervous like go on a podcast like going a TV show I'm like bitch you don't know what kind of shit I've been through in this life like there's nothing more embarrassing than double faulting in front of Notre Dame three times and your parents watching the scholarship just fall through your hands yeah I think the best thing is that tennis is so rewarding but could obviously it could be not rewarding but it's also extremely rewarding when things go well how about the feeling of having to clinch a match when it's three oh yeah because you're alone when you do win like it can get right to your ego and that's also what i had to learn

that like if i detached tennis was too close to my ego and the highs got way too high for me and the lows are way too low if i were to do it again i would literally look at it as just like a facet of my life that enhances me and fulfills me and not literally like if i i would treat myself like if i lose to this girl, like I'm going to be just so mad at myself and feel so bad about myself. And like that was just, I couldn't stop thinking like that. That's how I always thought. And I did win a lot. Yeah. And that's the problem. Like I wish I got injured or had like a really bad losing streak so I could have reconfigured my brain. Again, these are my issues. Okay. We're going to play our first game called heaven or hell.

Heaven or hell. First scenario, playing Serena Williams. Oh, that's the Yeah, I was like waiting to That's a scenario Oh, total heaven Have you played her before? I've never played her But I have played player

She's ringing like 30 right now Not even one Yeah It's like not even number one in the world What's going on? Slack her Slacking No, but I've played players

In like that top 30 range But playing her would be heaven When you're playing a girl in the top 30 Is it really different? So it was just three weeks ago I was in Dubai I was playing a girl named Polona Hurcog. Yep.

Oh, yeah. She's athletic, huge serve, tall blonde. Very tall girl tattoos all over the bod. Bad ass. And it's different because everyone's so experienced and mature. And I mean, mature. I use that term loosely. They're mature on the tennis court.

Yeah, mature experience, I'd say. But like you have as much experience as her. Maybe not on that big stage. Oh, but not on the big stage. So basically, I had two. match points one of the match points she aced me because she's 12 feet tall and the other match point I missed a routine forehand okay so that's the experience I lack but so they're just like it's funny because it's like I missed one routine forehand that's why I lost her yeah it's those

little tiny things I couldn't sleep the whole night just so you know and I cried my eyes out out in Dubai it's funny because it was just normal to me like having just like nights of crying time but then like you're up for the next one oh i'm just reliving my youth um the second scenario oh wait before we go on what do you think of serena williams i mean obviously she's amazing for the sport i think she's a fierce competitor i love how she's basically a tiger out there feel like she uses the mom card too much like we get you're a mom but there's a lot of other moms out there. Not everything is against her, you know, but I just, I respect her. I'll just say I respect her. I feel the same way. How do you feel about Marisha Blova? You know, she's actually been disappearing a little bit from the scene, I feel like. What do you mean by

the scene? Like she's playing in this tournament? She's getting injured and she's not as young as I remember her to be. She's like, you know, somewhere in her 30s. And I don't see her as like a threat to other people anymore as much as I did in the past she's not really a beast okay and who's one of your favorite like top players as a person as a person I really like

Petra Kovitova oh is she sweet she's sweet she's been through a lot I don't know if you heard the story but someone broke into her apartment and like sliced her hand and she came back and won a grand slam this year wow actually the Australian

opens so it really takes incredible takes a big heart talk about some Monica Sella stuff do you feel like a lot of the girls on tour suffer from mental health issues oh absolutely and in every training room

at WTA tournaments they say if you hear something say something if you talk to someone that's dealing with something that you should be worried about please come to us like these mental health issues are real between you know suicidal thoughts to um body image issues to yeah it ranges from the whole spectrum

can you tell me about this whole like betting thing that's happening can you just tell people about like what your messages look like oh my goodness so i didn't know this but apparently like professional tennis has like a ton of betting even like the smaller tournaments that like julia competes in a ton of tell them what goes on so yes the betting is a real thing um basically these people that we don't know are not only showing up to our tournaments but they're also behind screens keeping track of our scores and if we lose they will message you horrible things over facebook twitter instagram they will send you horrible graphics videos you name it and basically tell you not only that they want you to, like, die of cancer, but your whole family.

So you get death threats. You get death threats. How have you been coping with that? You know, some girls on tour actually have become very depressed because of them. For me, I kind of, I don't know why, but I look at them and laugh and be like, wow, these people actually, they're betting on women's tennis. What's more unpredictable than women's tennis? Like, you've really got to be mentally unstable. Well, it's true. Well, and to threaten someone's life over $200 that you're or whatever they're betting. Who knows actually what they're betting. But this is a side that like you would have never anticipated to have to deal with. Like it's enough that you want to kill yourself after losing. You don't need people messaging you that they want to kill you. Exactly. We have 10 minutes left. So I want to end with seven deadly sins.

what are you greedy about attention you're so funny what do you like what kind of attention do you like um social media attention i don't know what it is but it's not through posting images that because most girls i think like um attention on their photos for me i want to be known as like this really funny girl like today is national awkward moments day so it's basically my national holiday Is anyone that knows me, like, through tennis knows, I say the most awkward stuff of all time. And so I've been doing this thing on my social media where I'm, like, posting my awkward moments as they happen. Has social media made you feel more normal considering growing up, like you were playing tennis while other girls were socializing? It makes me feel more normal.

It occupies my time. And it makes me feel more connected to the world, even when I'm at tournaments in the middle of bumblefolk yeah yeah but then there's also the side which leads me to my next question who are you envious of like is it i know it's hard like when i'm following a lot of other tennis girls and they're like i just want a tournament and syracuse la and you're like oh fuck me like i just spray my ankle and i'm watching tv right now who are you envious up so i'm envious of people that this is more of a general answer it's not like one person because you know there's so many girls like the interesting thing about tennis

is that week to week there's new winners exactly so it's not like there's like one goat especially like in women's tennis and you almost feel like you're almost always always as almost as good as your last match like you're only as good as your last match yeah which is tough um but actually this is totally not tennis related i like rebecca harlowe because she's with the new york knicks day in and day out And I, like, have an obsession with the Knicks. I actually want to be an NBA reporter one day. That would be so cool. Yeah.

That's so cool. And you could hopefully, like, give the Knicks some tips about how to win. What are you gluttonous about? I'd say my social media dating apps. Okay, what's your favorite app? It depends on the time, but I'd say Bumble has been best to me. So you like being the aggressor. You are an aggressive baseliner.

So actually, it's not because of how girls get to initiate. as much as I just think the crop of guys are best. Okay. You know why? Why? Because the guys you want to date are not going to be at bars. They're going to be busy at work on the apps. What's your type?

Do you want to date another athlete? Oh, absolutely not. Oh, why not? Athletes do not message me. Why not? Just kidding. I'm nice. But you're like, I'll nicely say, no, thank you.

Because a guy in a suit, to me, that's hot. Okay. Yeah, it's kind of like you already know that. Like dating someone who's different than you and has a different perspective on things is better. I mean, you obviously don't want to feel like the more athletic one. Like you want to be able to play sports with them. But you want someone who has their own thing. Because when you date other tennis players, it can, it almost can get competitive too. Like, don't get me wrong. I want a guy that can pick me up. Like, I don't want this super frail dude that's never hit up the gym. but if he has brains and has a good job like that's really attractive okay boys if you're listening and you have a brain i know a lot of you don't but if you do please hit her up when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath so not so funny but um i'd say the terrorism in new zealand that really was to me it's funny because that is upsetting you missing a backhand like you can feel like it's like the end of the world but like that's an actual issue like i've broken so many rackets in college i was like good in juniors college i was like fuck this have you broken a lot of rackets okay so i've

broken two rackets in my entire career and every time i tell this story a lot because it's funny but every time i break a racket the first thing that comes to mind is there's people out there that can't afford rackets julia what are you doing yeah yeah well that's what like i was raised on and then like things get dark yeah things get dark and when you're upset and you're holding a racket that you know if you hit the right way will just crumble in your hand oh i just orgasm anyway we're so weird we're so weird okay when was last time you were a sloth usually anytime i come back from tournaments i totally veg out like do like i have signs on my door like do not disturb well you need to like emotionally and physically just heal oh yeah and

with food because i love junk oreos or does you do you have a train that gets pissed at you um sort of but i don't keep in keep him in the loop on my cheat days good good how often do you have cheat days um when i'm not competing i'd say every day parts of every day probably okay truthfully like i let something slide on the weekends especially if i'm home how do you normally eat like what's your diet um i just try to make sure i always incorporate a veggies protein and some carbs but in moderation carbs um but carbs are life, pizza's life. I'm a New Yorker, whatever. And bagels?

Bagels. Such a trapping in New Yorker. When was the last time you lusted over someone? I'm not going to say Carl. Oh my God, you have to. You have to. I can't. This will say, who have you ever lusted over on the summer house cast? Well, Carl Radke, if you hear this, I've lusted over you. Wait, why do you like Carl?

Because he's tall, dark, and handsome. He is. And I have to say at the Burning and Hell premiere, or at the Burning Hell premiere party, he looked good in a suit. We were both wearing that same red shade. It was a great picture. Oh, because you need to have someone

who looks good in photos with you. It's very important. What do you do to cope with your hell? Ooh. And what advice would you give people? So I know a lot of people say, breathing breathing really helps but it doesn't help me so the thing that's helped me the most with my anxiety or mental issues is being vocal about it i think keeping everything locked in

is the worst thing you can do if you can find the way to like talk to someone it could be anyone like a friend a pet just even hearing yourself talk about it i think it really helped And I think people underestimate how bad anxiety is and how it really destroys you. So if you know someone that's dealing with anxiety, don't take it lightly, even though it sounds like it's not real. It is real. I love that so much. Julia, I'm so happy you came. I had so much fun with you.

We went dark, now we're light, and I wish you the best luck in your career and all your endeavors after that. Thank you so much for having me, Hannah. You're amazing. Thank you, honey. I'll be there with you guys in hell next time. Bye.