Berner Phone - Kaitlyn Bristowe: Hating Your Face & Finding Real Love

Episode Date: June 23, 2020

It's time for a REMIX episode of Berning In Hell X Off The Vine, the collab we never knew could happen but so happy it did. We get into all things reality TV, manifestation, insecurities, and relationships. We also talk about our biggest turn offs, why we’re anti five-year plans, and we end with some confessions and sins.Go to Prose.com/bern for your FREE in-depth hair quiz and 15% off.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to burning in hell. What's up, guys? Welcome to the dark, fiery, scary depths of hell. Today I'm with no one other than Caitlin Bristow. But we have a little twist today because... Because it's the mashup, and you're also listening to Off the Vine, with Caitlin Bristow. Oh my gosh, it's so funny. You have such a good intro, and I'm like, and you're listening to Off the Vine with Caitlin Bristow. What's up? Also, you're an OG

podcaster. You inspired girls like me to start ours, so don't put yourself down right now. Really? When did you start your podcast? I have about 80 episodes, but it's been like a year and a half. Oh, good for you. That's awesome. Do you love doing it? I love it. Yeah. I really love it. you're bored for this um also yeah so i feel like we have this remix episode we've never done before um katelyn said it's pretty much moulon rouge we don't know who's the christina yet but we're not going to fight over it if anyone is the christina it's katelyn because she's an actual musician that i just found out about me too i just found out about that too do kailen do you my job is like making fun of everyone including myself when your song came out i was like oh i i like her

but I have to be honest with the girl. If it's bad, I'm going to have to make fun of her. Yeah. You slapped. It was a slap. It slapped so hard. I played it in front of like the Instagram live with my friend Paige. And Paige was like, I don't really like country.

And I was like, bitch, give it a chance. I just want to say congrats. Thank you. Oh my gosh. That's so nice because I was like mentally preparing myself for, you know, criticism and rightfully so, like constructive or whatever. are allowed to have their opinions and not like music and I'd been like mentally preparing for people to not like the song for so long that I forgot what about the people who are actually going to enjoy

it and it like took over my brain and so now I'm like oh my gosh I'm so just like frigging grateful and happy about it and I would have totally accepted um a little like poke or jab if you didn't like it because that's okay you don't nobody has to like my music so thank you for saying that because I know you'd be honest and the song if I'm being honest is based on honesty. You guys should download it on Spotify if you haven't already or wherever the hell people listen to music nowadays. But I think that also you didn't just put it together in a basement in Vancouver. Like you, nothing gets Vancouver. Like you're in Nashville and what was, how, when did you figure out you could sing? Well, that was one of my fears of releasing music

was, I was like, oh, people are just going to think because I'm in Nashville. I think I can just like take up singing or put it on my resume but i've been singing and dancing since i was like three years old and i was always in musical theater like song and dance and that's what my mom did as well and so i actually just took voice lessons in vancouver when i lived there for fun like i was just like oh that'll be something fun i can do as a hobby because i enjoyed it and then when i came to nashville i'm like i found myself being friends with singers and songwriters and being like whoa this the city is full of talent and so i've just been kind of doing it not so silently like I kind of teased it ever since I started doing voice lessons but it's been like

four years of working on my voice in Nashville and finally having the balls to share it so I feel connected to you in a way that like reality TV has given us exposure to kind of do what we love and immediately have people like I always want to be heard in whatever form and I'd been writing comedy for a long time and then after the show my podcast I decided to do a live show my friend was like do 10 minutes to stand up you won't and I'm like fine I will and I loved it but in New York City people don't just accept a reality TV star with a following to start doing stand-up comedy but if you put in the work people will respect you and I just felt like the song was so professionally well done and it was it really came from your heart it wasn't just like a plow it didn't seem like

just a ploy for money to like get you know well thank you for saying that because I mean I could come right off the show or you know like so many of those douchebags go on Bachelor and Bachelor to like promote their music and be like oh no I'm totally here for love and they like come out with the guitar um so I all their interviews are them singing and they're like I I communicate through song right they're just going off on riffs like uh huh um but yeah I was like oh I can't be that person and that isn't why I went on the show like I wasn't like oh maybe one day I'm going to put out a song and this little hell me but yeah people don't take you like as serious if you are on a reality show because they think

well they're just like me they're just like a degenerate that landed a TV gig and now they have some sort of fame behind them but they're you know they don't have talent and uh so yeah it was it was I was definitely a little scared like this whole four years of singing and doing voice lessons because it was a passion of mine too I didn't want to like I didn't want people to take that away from me. Yeah, like it was your dream that you were building up. And the second it goes on, everyone's like, you suck, Caitlin, put the mic down. And you're like, but I just love to try to get a tune. I'm just trying to sing my dogs to sleep at night. Exactly. When you went on the show, on your show, did they, because I obviously have not watched and I don't know the concept. Oh, no, I know the

concept. But like, did they know you're a comedian and that's why they brought you on? Or were you just, like, how did you get on the show and then did you use that as like a launching pad for your career? Great question. I was, so I was originally a tennis player. And then after I was like, I played for the University of Wisconsin. And then one day you're just told like you're done. And I was in like a three year, just very lost place. I didn't feel like I had a purpose. I was doing sales. I was doing marketing. It just sucked. And then I just, this is why I believe in manifestation. Oh, God, girl. Same. Girl, it's my, it's like 101, manifest that shit.

Yeah. And we're not even in LA. We don't even have crystals. It still can work, you guys. Yes, you don't need the crystals. I mean, I love them, but you don't need them. We love a crystal, but you can do it without because we're in quarantine. We can't be running around trying to find crystals.

No. So I saw an old sports broadcasting video I did in college where, like, I learned how to edit. And it was me being like, hey, guys, the Badgers won 42 to 63. And I was like, I want to do video. I literally just said I want to do video. And then I just started talking to people about it. And then randomly my friend said that this company, Betches, was looking for a video producer of like five years' experience.

And I was like, I don't have that. But I quit my job and I started doing like an internship, unpaid internship at 25 years old or 26. And all my friends were like, oh, is Hannah okay? Like, I don't know. Have anyone checked on Hannah? She's doing like video unpaid. in my head I saw a big picture. I was like, I want to be happy in four years because I'm miserable. And Betches, I submitted like a ton of ideas and they go, look, you have no experience,

but we'll bring you on freelance. And then in that role, like, I just learned so much. I was writing like 80 memes a week. I was writing comedy scripts. I was learning how to put together jokes. And that's why I started to meet some reality TV people because guys like you would come in for interviews. And I interviewed the summer house cast. And I was, like, making fun of them. And then when they were doing a big recast for season three, my name was thrown around because I'd known them from around town. Yeah.

And they were looking for someone who was outgoing. And that's when I got the call. You're going to be on Summer House. And I said, I was talking to my, I think it was my lawyer. And they were like, look, go on the show. The worst thing that can happen is people are just blah about you, either have them, like, love you or hate you. Just be, like, committed to yourself.

And he was like, what do you want to do to, like, for your, own monetization. And I was like, I want to start a podcast where I talk to people about their demons, because I'm meeting all these reality TV people and all these celebrities, and they're all fucking insane. Like, we're all insane. Yeah. And I need to kind of expose that in like a funny way and show we're all more similar than different. Yes. So that's my like, oh yeah, but the way I started doing stand-up was doing my first live show and then I kind of fell in love with stand-up, but now I'm fired. I've been fired from stand-up because of the quarantine because of corrupt. all the standups got fired i mean you still have your podcast and ways to like you know share your

humor and everything but yeah that's crazy i actually love that story so much it's one of my favorite things to hear that people like gosh how young now is 25 right where well actually i don't even know how old you are right now i'm 28 oh okay you're still young um well i'm still young too but you know what i mean like 20s are like but it's you won't come um but it's crazy because like at 25 I think so many people, which is crazy because it's so young, would think, well, I got to do what the blueprint tells me and keep moving forward and, you know, into a career or do, you know, whatever. But the people who are like, no, I'm miserable and I want to do something that makes me happy. And so what I have to sacrifice a few years of my life to like, you know, have no money or do whatever to do what I love. That's so worth it.

And I wish more people thought like that because it is so worth it. And if you manifest and do something that you love, I'm like, I feel like I'm a freaking broken record over here on my podcast all the time because I always preach that to people. And I mean, and to each their own, like, if you are a student and you like thrive in school and like want to become a lawyer and that's like your passion, like obviously good for you. But for people who think, oh, I can't do what I love and I should just do this because my parents told me this or this is how I'm supposed to do it. Like that noise.

I always say, yeah, find what brings you joy. and my thing is I just didn't know what brought me joy and then when I thought about it I was like video I'm not going to make money with video but when you're actually passionate about something you find ways to make it work and I think you making this song at this time in your career is so cool because you couldn't have planned this this wasn't a plan this is you just like checking in with yourself each day what's motivating you because you didn't go on the bachelor being like I'm going to drop a single it's going to blow up never and that's why I'm actually very anti five year plans or like i think i think that stuff is so restricting i think you don't even know

what society's going to be in five years so like just take in what like what the media is doing and how you're feeling and just keep evolving and just stop i just hate society oh my gosh burn it to the ground i am so with everything you're saying i'm like yes yes like i hate the question what's your five year plan or like what and anyone that asked me that when i was on the bachelor i I was like, you, bye, because I've never in my life been like a, like, okay, well, I have, I mean, I have goals, but I'm not like, you know, in five years, I need to have this. It's been like, since I was 20, I've been like, well, I would love to have kids. And then at 22, I'm like, I mean, maybe in a couple years. And then 25, I'm like, well, I still like I'm doing things that I love.

And then it's like 27. Oh, shit, I'm still figuring out my life. And then 29, I'm like, I would still love to have kids in a couple of years. And I'm still, like, every year that goes by then I'm like, well, fuck it. I'm just going to freeze my eggs. because clearly the shit isn't happening any time soon. So it's like you just have to go with what path you're on and what things that you love. And exactly like you said, it's restricting to have a five-year plan.

Yeah. And it's also so much easier to find joy and to know what joy is after you've been in a dark place. Yeah. So like I like did a little reading up and research with your ship. But like I went through a really bad relationship at like 26 where I think we all have have that one. Yep. So that we become women where you think that a guy's going to make you happy. You lose yourself completely and you sign a deal with the devil that like, okay, I'll, I'll be with him because that's what it should be because of whatever reasons. You want to get

married right now. He's rich. He's really hot. He's tall. Who knows? They'll take care of me. He'll take care of me. Life would be easy. And then you lose yourself. You realize you are so much better off without him, but you have to rebuild yourself. And then you never let a man's take your identity again. Nope. But my goals, as I've gotten older, have become simpler. It used to be like, when the U.S. Open, but I'm famous. Now it's like, I want to wake up and like be at peace with my own thoughts. Yep. And when that happens, you're so positive. You're like, oh, I didn't yell at myself today. At least that's a plus. And then when things come and go, you don't associate them with happiness as much but more just the journey like and i even feel it sounds like with your song dropping it wasn't about

like an end result it sounds more like it was a challenge that you wanted to overcome maybe it was it was a complete like so um i was so insecure about it it was something that i was like i pride myself on being this risk taker and doing things outside my comfort zone and i was like if if you are that and that's what's gotten you to where you are keep going like we don't stop once you get to a certain place. We'll be like, well, I already did a lot of things. So I'll put that off. I was like, you have to keep going and just like do things that freak you out. And so I did it. And it was literally like I honestly in my brain thought, okay, well, at least it has like a strong message right now with what people are going through in the quarantine

and like lyrics can relate to people. And I just want it to like, you know, I just want people listen to it and not feel alone. And I had no intentions of anything. Like the fact that I was even on a chart i was like what like it like i had no expectations at all from it except for like self-negative talk where i expected people to hate it and that i'm mad at myself for that but that's the only expectations i had and now i'm like so proud of myself and feel like i can do anything and i'm like i can't wait to write more music and i think like your music writing is very connected to your reality tv journey because i actually We're both going to low blind.

I didn't watch your season. I watched when you were on Chris's. Yeah. And you, for some reason, and I don't say this to a reality TV people. I'm not just, like, sucking up to you. You had such your self-awareness and you had a humor to you that was very refreshing. And then the next season, when they said they weren't picking you, and it was you and another girl and the guys got to choose, I had a fucking feminist freak out. And I said, I'm over it.

and I, like, couldn't watch your season because I was, like, too pissed off. Oh, I love that. I love your fire and your passion about that because I was the same way. I boycotted your season for bigger, for feminism. I respect the hell out of that because I was so angry during that and felt the same way. And it actually, now looking back, I'm so glad about it because it made me more of a feminist. And it made me more of, like, taking, like, certain situations and feeling empowered through it. and like supporting Brit the other girl instead of being like competition.

Like it totally opened my eyes to another world of feminism that I'm like so proud of now. Yeah. And I think that you're also going to rally TV because it's all about vulnerability and making mistakes and just kind of owning your shit. And if you could do that on national TV, it's almost like writing a produced song of your feelings is like a natural next step where a lot of famous celebrities can't put their words together of how they feel when they're creating music.

So I think you're almost creating this interesting, like people know your life. So hearing you sing and then feeling connected to you is like this beautiful combination of like reality TV music. I made it. That's flattering. Thank you for saying that. It's like a green screen song. It's like, if I'm being honest. You know what?

That could make for a really great music video. Oh my God. it's just you on with a green screen in the back and producers like prodding you in the face that's kind of great i mean it would be easy to film in quarantine i do have a green screen girl just the end i'm finding seeds i want in all my burning and hell podcast i like to ask all my beautiful gorgeous successful guests what is your biggest physical insecurity oh gosh i have a few i have of course we all do But I have, this is something I have worked on for so long because I'm going to tell you something. And I don't even actually know how many times I've talked about this because it was such an insecurity of mine, but I have touched on it.

So when I was little, I had OCD and I don't know how you grow out of that, but I somehow, I'm sure I still have a little bit of it, but I, it wasn't as severe as when I was younger. And I used to be so ashamed of my face that it wasn't symmetrical because my OCD was. was causing me to like freak out if things weren't even and everything needed to be even whether it was like like if I saw um a picture where my hair was parted down the middle and it wasn't like perfectly symmetrical I'd like have anxiety over it and I didn't know how to address that as a kid because you don't really know what anxiety or OCD is but everything had to be even and so as I grew older and I was going through like high school I would not hand out my school pictures because I thought my face was so uneven and one eye was smaller than the other and blah blah

and as I went on in life I just kept hating myself for that and when I went on TV I remember being like everyone is going to say how like my face is so uneven I'm going to get like that's what people are going to say about me on TV and I you can ask any of the producers like they they were all like what are you talking about and it like took one person after the show show. Someone was like, does she have a lazy eye? And I was like, there it is. I knew it. My whole life has been a truth. Uh, like every lie I told myself, it wasn't a lie. It was the truth. I am. I have millions of tweets. Yep. Yep. I took that one and that one that hit home and I ran with it. And that has always been my insecurity. So to answer your question, I actually, that's why I started

doing Botox. I was that insecure about it because I was like, I just want my face to be a little more symmetrical and I've had to like go through a few years of because I've done Botox since I was like 26 and I'm 34 and I've had to go through a few years of like forgiving myself for being like like I'm all for Botox and and everything like that but like being that hard on myself because of cemetery in my face like that's so sad and I wouldn't want to like promote that or like say people go get Botox for that reason to anyone because imperfections are what make people beautiful, and it's taking me a long time to believe that. That's your next song.

Everything I say I'm just writing down is like, it's called lopsided. It's called lazy eye, lazy eyed Caitlin. A lazy eye girl. Yeah, I'm just going to remix brown-eyed girl into lazy-eyed Caitlin. But it's almost the body dysmorphia that you had and then you were like obsessing over. And it's funny because I'm very, I talk a little too strongly. of like anti-plastic surgery, but what I'm, what I kind of realized is that I'm not anti-plastic surgery. I'm, I'm pro like figuring out the why you want to change something. Because if you

don't fix that like inner, like demon, then you're just going to kind of keep going. Um, so it's like if you can fully understand yourself and the reason why, and it sounds like with you, it was just kind of a, you were just covering up your anxiety with a band-aid. And it was going to come out, in other ways. Let's say you fix your face and it's perfect. If you're not dealing with your anxiety, you're going to put it on your significant other, like your career. Well, do you know what I realized through that was I would find anything else? Then I'd fix something and I'd find something else to be so hard on myself for. And it would always be something with symmetry. So first of all, I totally forget your main question. Was it something? I just said, what's your biggest physical

insecurity? And you kind of nailed it. Yeah. And so it's so crazy because I've been working on it so hard to like accept things and like be okay with certain things and I've I've come such a long way but that's probably my biggest physical insecurity is things being uneven and I don't know if that's like still a little bit of OCD in me or if it's just from like going on TV and now having to be in photos for like my wine and the scrunchies and always just seeing you know social media and having to like pick myself apart I don't know if that's just it's probably making everything so much worse, but being self-aware and conscious of it. And like you said, looking into the why has been really huge for me because I've learned that through going to therapy

is the why and why you do that. And it all makes sense when you really get down to the root of it. But when you're, it's not like an external thing. So someone can't diagnose you and be like, wow, your foot is broken. So you don't know in your head. I deal with OCD2, but I didn't really know the extent but I I do with those to be like with my eyelashes like I hate feeling like they're not perfectly like brushed out and like if I feel like my I will just with my eyelashes all day and I realize like it's just me putting my anxiety of other things into my eyelashes and you'll even see on summer house you'll see me touching my eyelashes and people will be like why is she touching her especially the pandemic my biggest joy in life is touching my eyelashes

And I'm just like, don't get your face. Don't get it. It's like helping you with your, yeah. But yeah, I think also people who are type A and very, like you're a very productive person, our brains never stopping. And sometimes we do have those scary OCD thoughts. But once you can separate them from like OCD thoughts versus who you are. Yes.

It's like a game changer. It is a game changer. It took me a long. time to even like start to understand that that was what was going on like I just always kind of accepted the fact that I have one eye that's smaller than the other and that's so I'm just going to have to be ugly for life like so dramatic um so dumb I mean putting yourself on a national TV show when you have that's like a huge insecurity to you is I felt like going on the TV show I just was like I'm being I'm in a bikini all the time that ain't who knows I just kind

it was like, if I'm imperfect, it's helping people. And I like tricked myself to being like, I am Mother Teresa for being a size six on TV. And it's like, calm down, Hannah. Calm down. But that is what we need. We need people, you know, that think about all growing up in our world where we saw all these magazines of what your body should look like. And obviously it's still happening on social media, but it's starting to have a shift, I believe. And like, we need to see people on TV who even if their size zero to whatever size it doesn't matter if they're just like not insecure about it and just like owning their bodies and being like it's the most beautiful attractive thing in the world when people are just happy with who they are you it's so corny to be

like be confident but to you for you to walk into a room be like yeah my f***leazy eye it's hot what's up even I can't even see you're lazy I don't know what you're talking about well that's because Botox. You're like, my doctor is legit. It's because I've worked on it. I try to own it. Like, I've not shaved my legs in forever. And it's like, what is it guy?

I'm not going to fuck me because my legs are hairy. Because then you're not the right guy for me. And even I just tweeted about quarantine. Like, if you wear makeup every day and then you take off makeup, you look like a naked mole rat. But if you never wear makeup, you start to actually like how your face looks. And I'm like, what if we all just, you know, did a Zoom call, put on Christian. Jenner on the line and decide, okay, guys, let's stop.

Let's stop with all the bullshit because we're chasing standards that we all can't afford anymore and it's not healthy. I think that's one of the beautiful things that's happening through quarantine is people are just like allowing themselves to just kind of be who they are. They're like, well, Frickett. Frickett, I've never said that in my life. Weird. That's your third song.

Fricket. Yeah, Fricket. Fricket. Fricket real good. but that's like everybody's just kind of like screw it i too have not shaved my legs i clearly can't get laser hair removal i'm like finally just got my roots done but i made the girl come over and like put on a mask and it's just kind of like liberating to let yourself be for these yeah like the world hasn't ended no one's like calling 911 because you're so disgusting well you're

alone um i also i'm 28 and i'm single and i'm in like a similar it's a weird world of entertainment we're in now and as someone who's been in like a bunch of serious relationships do you have any advice in terms of like guiding your heart the right way well okay when is when's the last relationship you were in um i was kind of in a real serious one i was a serious one at like 26 for a year and then i've had like three guys that i'll like i kind of put an emotional wall up and I'll like date guys but kind of be like you're not the one for me but like I want attention which is fine yeah so I've been like a little protected but I've had it's been like a year maybe I haven't had sex in like five months oh me either and I'm and I'm with someone

no I'm just kidding it's that's quarantine for you right there you're not missing out I give hand jobs and that's it good old fashioned HJ Who does that? Actually, I don't even, Jason would be like, really? You're like, it was funny. It's not about you, Jason. It was for the joke. I just envisioned you drinking like a glass of wine,

singing to yourself, jerking him off. Sorry. Sorry, you guys. He's just talking about hockey when he was in high school, and you're like, whatever you say, whatever you say. Whatever gets you going? That's amazing, drinking my wine, maybe even smoking a cigarette a post coyotes cigarette with no coyotes you paint a pretty

picture what was i even saying oh a relationship advice i've got none um clearly don't listen to anything that i have to say about relationships well my only thing is like like i always in every past relationship i've had up until jason i've always felt like i needed to be sexy and i look back on that now and i'm like what a shame that i felt that because just anything just being who i am should be sexy and that's totally what jason sees in me and i always thought like okay i have to have the best body or i have to like you know not fart in front of people and like all these things but i'm that's not who i am i fart i like i know you like fart jokes i too like fart jokes i'm like that's not who i am to be that person and so with jason now like even when i'm so gross and i've talked about this probably too many times on my podcast that

he's like stop using natural deodor and it doesn't work for you he's still like so attracted to me and i'm like you just have to find someone that literally loves exactly who you are without like obviously appearance and like the chemistry and physical you know connection is going to be there. But someone that can just actually be so grossed out by you, but want to, like, have sex with you two minutes later is true love. That's amazing. I actually have a very not legitimate source that told me once that if we never wore

deodorant, we'd never get divorced because you'd fall in love with their, like, authentic pheromone scent. And you're not, like, disguising it with perfumes and stuff like that. Yeah, so that's my excuse. I'm just trying to be stinky for love. Like, I'm environmentally friendly. And I'm not going to get a divorce. No, I love, and also, like, you, because we've been, you're so public with everything,

do you have advice for, like, just moving the fuck on? Because you had a very public ending with Sean. And now you're in another public thing with another person. You kind of have to be focused on your own what you want. Yeah. that's I mean that was so wild to me because I would have never I mean the the the amount of passion I had for my last relationship I was like I will never give up on this relationship this is my fiance this is somebody that I want to spend the rest of my life I will never give up

and I just kept feeling like why are you doing this to somebody who's clearly just giving up on you over and over and like never making you feel safe and so when the point finally came where we broke up i was like screw the timing like i am like so happy within myself that i i knew once he was and i'm not trying to bash him but once he was gone out of my life it was crazy how much lighter i felt and just like came back to who i was really quickly because i was like oh wait i am awesome and have so much going on for myself and like i love myself why wouldn't somebody else and i know I deserve that. And that was like something I clearly worked on over the years. So I had that in me when we broke up that when I moved on, I was like totally aware of what I knew I deserved. And then I think when

you have that, you know, positivity, like shooting out from you and confidence, you're going to attract the person that's going to love you for you. And that's just how I felt like it was just like I wasn't trying i was literally just like so i was a hot mess being so vulnerable but like so sure of who i was as a person and that's all you need to do and then you'll attract people who want you not like this facade of you that you've like worked hard to curate yeah what is your biggest turn on versus biggest turn off in like jason in like guys and dating in general and then jason because we might as well talk shit on Jason. My biggest turn off is when guys don't have manners or like if we're at a restaurant

and they don't treat the server properly, I am like mortified or if they want to like, I don't even, gosh, it's so weird because I didn't really go through like dating after Sean. I just kind of like jumped into like a really healthy relationship. which is so bizarre but i'm like trying to think of turn off definitely manners if you don't have manners it's like a huge turn off to me um and then a turn on i mean that'd be dumb if i said manners because that's not um i think it turn on to me is of guys um their relationship with their family probably like anytime you know quarantine can be hard and like obviously I could probably, if I really thought about it, give you a lot more turnoffs in this time,

and I'm sure he could do. But anytime we're just like, I hear him having a conversation with his family or we do a Zoom call, I'm just like, I think I just realized where he came from and just the amount of respect he has for people he loves doesn't even have to be family, I guess. It's just I love when people have like their core group of people and just like have no shame in talking about their love for each other or like support or just like. like when you get we'll all be on a Zoom call with either one of our families actually and everyone's just there like lifting each other up and talking about how much they love each other like there's no shame in any of it and I just think that's weirdly a turn on like I'm like I'm like get off Zoom and I'm like you're gonna be such a good dad and that's hot oh I also think when you're younger those things like when they're red flags you just don't notice them like I a guy will like curse out a waiter and I'm like he's so cute and then when he disrespects you. you're like, I didn't see it coming, but as we get older, you know, exactly, like, you just see his tone, like, with his sister once, and you're like, nope, you're not speaking to me like that. I thought when everyone's like, find a guy with a good family. I was like, who cares? And then you realize, no, it really is important that they at least understand what love is, or it complements your love story. And family doesn't have to be blood. Like, they can, you know, if they have just such a good group of humans that they surround themselves with is so important. Like, because obviously there's

certain situations where obviously it's not their fault if they don't have like the family that we all like wish, you know, someone could have. But it's, it's all about, and one of my favorite things to always remember is that it's, you're like a combination of the five people you spend the most time with. And so that can that family like all growing up or how you go through life with a core group of friends can be family too. It's so true. And I think when I've dated guys who like don't have a lot of friends it's never worked out well it's true you're like people just don't understand him he's so hot no he's a dick oh my god yes that was all i was always like oh he just wants to spend so much time with me this is so great um yeah no that's and it's so nice to always like

hear other people talk about your person to like hearing jason's buddies be like he will like treat you like this and he cares so much. I'm like, oh, that's so nice. No, I used to like love addicts. Like, I would just end up with addicts because they had, when they realize they like you, they have such, they become addicted to you. And the passion is just so beautiful. But then you realize it's not healthy. And I don't recommend it. And then you end up like, you're never their priority. It's always the addiction. Right. And I don't know why I kept going for addicts, maybe I thought I could fix them. But I like speaking to a, a woman who like, like, my parents got married at 25.

So like you had all these different relationships that it sounds like they built you to be able to find Jason today. Oh, 1,000 percent. I even like I thought that in my last relationship because I was in such a good place when I went on The Bachelor. Like, and by good place, I mean like the best place I'd ever been personally with like going through something hard coming out of it, feeling confident in myself and then going on to the show. I was like, I'm in a really good place to find somebody. And then I was at a place where I found somebody got engaged and I'm like, this is the love that I've been like, you know, I've worked to get here and this is why it's

happening now and just that could still have like, oh, no, that was still one more before I got to like the next one because you want to convince yourself that you know what you're doing and you, oh, you deserve this and blah, blah, blah. But I still hadn't emotionally got to the level that I needed to have self. self-love, even in that last relationship, to know what I deserved. And by being unhappy in the end of the relationship, I was like, nope, there's still something missing for me. And I still deserve more than this. And I don't feel bad for saying that. It must be so hard to have all of America who like, it's like, we were ready for you. Yeah, you feel like you're letting everyone down because

like they watch this show to like find the love story at the end. And then you give them that and you like, you know you don't show them the hard times behind the scenes they're just seeing you and this loving happy relationship on social media and then all of a sudden you're like yeah remember that relationship you've been so invested in thanks for the support but it's it gone oh and people get angry they feel like they were lied to people are like love is it real because kately and i did it and you're like everyone calm down i that happened to me with summerhouse where i was dating this guy who like we both had flaws in it and i didn't it expect America to like be rooting for us. Like there's a lot of different couples in the house and

they just were like, Hannah and Luke are meant to be. Yeah. And I have DMs being like, if you guys aren't together, I will kill myself. And I'm like, you don't even know him. You don't know him. Yeah. But he's handsome. I know you kind of told me when we were playing beer pong. But what? So the concept of the show is what? For people who don't know also. Yeah. So Summer House, the concept is these like hardworking New Yorkers. We all have jobs in the city. in New York City when it gets really hot out you don't want to be stuck in the concrete jungle you go out to Long Island and there's a place called the Hamptons where it's like really fun and it's a little bougie and but when you're single you get a sharehouse so you rent like a mansion and you pay a couple hundred dollars and you're there's eight friends that every weekend we work during the week and then we let off steam and go to the Hamptons and fight and pee in hot tubs and it's a It's, but there's also hitting cameras. So it's a little like Big Brother-esque, but, but there's no competition.

It's just us living. And how many seasons are there? So I came in season three. Okay. And then season four was our last season, which has been the highest rated season thus far. It's season four is a great binge if you guys want to binge it. I'm doing it. It's kids, people like, we're not just, you know, random 20-year-olds.

We're all like 28 to 36. and you kind of see it really even though we're older it is still a coming of age tale like some of us are in relationships some aren't some of our careers are really developed some aren't some of us have issues we all have issues yeah i kind of like to call it a drunken psych ward and you just see how we it's like dysfunctional um group therapy oh my god fun and like what and you're yourself on it obviously you're not like a character um what do people know you for on the show obviously being funny it's oh thank you it's funny because during casting i'm not i've actually i never applied to reality tv show like i feel like everyone's applied i never applied to the bachelor

i've never thought i would go that route but they my life was spent like going out to long island i'm from new york city and i said look if you're going to put me on this show i can't be something i'm not like if you want to show that girls could be sporty and like funny or like leaders or outgoing deal with depression, anxiety, like, I'm that girl, but like, I'm not going to be your hot mess. Fast forward, I have been a hot mess. However, and that's okay. That's okay. I think I've kind of, I was kind of the truth teller, I think, the first season where I kind of was saying what people are thinking, I think.

And then I kind of feel like I just try to be as just like truthful as possible about everything and self-aware as possible and laugh at my stuff. as much as I can. Yeah, that's amazing. That's exactly what people want to see on on TV these days. You know, someone just being raw and real and like able to like self-deprecating. Like that's all people want to see because there's no one out there watching reality show that, you know, they're like these. Well, unless now the Kardashians probably watch reality TV, but like nobody's sitting

there really being like, I've got everything together and my life is perfect and everything in my relationship is going great and I never have too much to drink like everyone is always a bit of a hot mess in their own way and you see so much so so many things that you can relate to as a viewer when you watch reality TV. The best advice I ever got was from this guy who said you're not on it to be perfect. You're on it to make mistakes and for America to see how you solve them. So when I had that perspective and I came out, I'm like, what kind of shit can to fuck up and try to figure it out that's life so like if you try to tipy toe and you try to come off a type of way you will get destroyed yes and it'll never work it'll just never work for you

if you are trying to be something that you're not and you are just trying to fit this mold that doesn't work for anybody and especially it doesn't work for yourself no and i think that i was able to you laugh at things and i was always very open about my feelings because if they always say like if you're constantly narrating how you're feeling at least america can like come to an understanding or feel like connected to you even if you're being a lunatic right but if you don't speak and you're not outward then like people can make up what they want like oh well she did that because she was jealous or she did that because she wanted to hurt someone but if you're constantly open about if you're confused or if you're anxious or if

you're um upset then anyone can relate to those emotions which is also cool to see people being able to express that and, you know, not just, like you said, have people sit there and be like, oh, she's just jealous. It's cool to be able to communicate your feelings and, like, speak to the root of the problem of how you're feeling. I love that women are so much more complex than, like, the jealous girlfriend or, you know, the beautiful, perfect girl. We're all so much more complicated. So I do kind of like, I think also I've been able to connect with people on the show because I'm not your typical, like, um, I'm not like super, super feminine or like always trying to be made up and stuff.

So I like kind of showing that beauty and being sexy does not have to be like what you traditionally see in magazines. Yes, I absolutely love that. That's like I've been working and friends with this girl, Aaron Trullor, on Rob Beauty Talks for so long. And that's kind of like her whole message is like there's so much beauty in every different person, woman, like whoever. just because of who they are and not what they look like.

And we've all just been so brainwashed over decades. What was wild about this show is that, like, there's gorgeous girls at our show. And I guess I always valued myself as, like, an athlete or, like, I valued myself on being funny, which I guess are two, like, kind of masculine qualities. But, like, my parents never called me a princess when I was younger. It was very, like, based on, like, giving my own issues of, like, trying to be really good at things. but the show, this guy walks in, his name's Luke, and he's, like, a model, like a hockey player model, and for whatever reason, he, like, zoned in on me. And I think it's because I don't know,

like, I don't care that he's a model. And it turns out, like, he likes girls with big butts. Thank you, I got a fat booty. He likes girls who are athletic. He like, and I think America was, like, like, how did this guy not like a, model-esque-looking girl? And I want to be a, be like, girls, it's about swag. You're just going to have that swag. It's all about swag. And I think humor is so attractive. I think it's intimidating to men sometimes.

That's what I tell myself whenever I get rejected. Yeah. You're just so intimidating. That's, you know what? That's a great way to look at it. More people should look at it that way. That's her next song. Intimidating.

Rejection equals intimidation. Yes. It's a bop. I can feel it already. This is becoming Moulon Rouge. We just break into the song. We have to go back and listen to this whole episode because there are so many song titles in here. Oh, my God. Do you want to wrap up with a final game?

Yeah, I have a game for you and you have a game for me and my game's really quick. So why don't you go first? Or wait, do you want to play a game or do you have a really f***ed up confession you want to tell me? I have just like a gross fact. Perfect. I have really hairy toes. Oh, me too. everyone does oh shit i thought that was interesting

no i feel like since i was like like a growing woman when i first got boobs and got like hair on my toes i was like uh you know when like someone says like it puts a little hair on your chest i was like uh have i becoming a woman when i get beasting boobs and hair on my toes like is this is this called being a girl i think i was you know when you're with at a boy's place and you like see his razor and you're like oh i should touch up uh yeah And you just put it in your vagina and you're like, it's going to go on your face or wherever he puts it. And I like went to shave my toe and it cut. And I was like, you know, when you cut, it becomes like a murder scene.

And he's like, why is your foot bleeding? And I like couldn't get to explain that like I was shaving the hair off my toe. And I was like, oh my God, I stepped on. I was so weird. Like, watch out for that. Maybe you should fix your razor. You should fix your razor. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. I have so many, like, flashback memories of, like razors and being like ah let me just get a quick like in have you so many dudes razors and just been like thank you this is how i know jason loves me he walked in on me shaving my face okay there's my confession i i don't know what it is women get different random hairs like chin hairs or like you know whatever i get it's so bad that i usually get laser hair removal because I'm like, what is happening? I'm like a full-blown man.

And I've been doing all these hormone tests because I'm like, something is wrong. And then I just said, fuck it the other day when I was like, it's quarantine. And like, we are so there now that it doesn't even matter. He's like, are you shaving your face? And I went, yeah, and I shave my arms too. And he was like, okay. And like, I like owned it so hard that he didn't, like, he almost felt stupid for asking. That is perfect.

You have to turn it on them. I guess I get so jealous that men like don't have to try as hard with stuff and that's why I'm like women let's just be equal to them but we all have to be on the bandwagon to decide not to try as much but I also like one of my dating things is like you know how man they're like oh men don't listen to you when you talk or like girls are so annoying you turn it don't listen to them when they talk tell them they're annoying but I'm this isn't healthy this is just playing games this is not to have like an actual husband this is just for you to your ego yeah totally and that's said you know what you got to feed that beast sometimes too it is a beast it is a full on hairy beast yeah you i feel like that one went well the confession yeah it's good so yeah at the end of all my episodes i like to play the game it's not really game just questions the seven deadly sins um wait that's so funny it's so funny because i always do that too i'm like okay i've got a game and then it's like just rapid fire questions and and every time i'm like well it's not really game it's more questions

but i do every time i know they're like how do i win and i'm like just answer a fucking question and yeah just stop talking yeah yeah game time what are you greedy about oh um my food what kind of food anything i like you would think i would be an okay share like but it doesn't matter like if I even got like okay let's say somebody sent me a box of smart sweets and it was like a box and it's all free and they just sent it to me I will be like I can't believe Jason just opened one of those packages like I'm like greedy over treats and food like or like I'm so full but like he goes to reach on my plate for a bite and I'm like but here's the worst part I am I am greedy in a way where I need other people's food as well. I was about to ask you. No, I'm so guilty. My mom and my stepdad bought me a fork that extends out really long because I just

eat off other people's plate all the time. So I'm a total hypocrite as well as greedy. I was gotten such a big fight with a guy at a diner because I went sweet. He went savory. So obviously I needed some of his savory. And I was like, can I have some of your toast? And he was like, sure. And he had two pieces.

So I ate one of his toast. And he goes, you. ate a whole toast and I go, yeah, I asked you. And he goes, I thought you were going to take a bite. We fought for like 20 minutes over a piece of toast. And that's why you date a skinny man. Fair. Who are you envious of?

Oh. Hmm. I'm probably envious of. Wait, I want to really answer this truthfully. I'm envious of. probably um do you know who sarah nicole is the bird's papaya yes i am envious of her confidence and not even even if she's feeling insecure about something just her ability to put her insecurities on blast and own them and then feel good about them like just the way that she has lived her life she's

gone through so many hard times and like talk about like going you know feeling like you're going backwards in life having kids and getting a divorce and moving back with your parents and feeling shame around your body and struggling with eating disorders and then like taking such a life learning lesson away from that and like the way she raises her kids and the way she is like a bright light on social media i'm like always so envious of her i don't even want to call it bravery because it's not it shouldn't be brave to put your body out and like because because it's you know not standard beauty so i don't want to say that but just her way of like changing people's shifting people's mindset of what um bodies can look like and how they can be beautiful too

i need to have her on my pod because she's one of those people that just popped up and i immediately was just like i need to follow that person like her energy i felt it she is a great person to have on a podcast everything she says i'm always so like moved by and she's also hilarious and Canadian and great and she's just wonderful. I'm trying to get with a Canadian click. But yeah, she posts like she has stretch marks. And I remember the first time she posted it, I was like, oh, my gosh. Like how brave or, wow.

But then because it's been on my feed for so long, it's so it shows how it's just a societal norm where like now I see it. And I'm like, oh, yeah, keep bathing suit. Same. That's exactly right. Exactly right. Yeah. And that's, I love, I love having that on my feed because it's, it is so beautiful.

it is she's gorgeous too in every way we're obsessed um when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath so you got really pissed off in today what happened okay i actually i actually do struggle with like a bit of like a short fuse because um are you part italian i you know what thank you for even asking that because i feel like i'm supposed to be no what are you i am like a very i'm very British. I'm very, very British. Yeah. I don't know if that has anything to do with it or I don't know. My fuse is just so short. And yesterday I was having a really bad day. I had really bad anxiety. I didn't want to do so many things I had to do. And I was PMSing and I was like, oh my God, I hate today. And obviously the dogs just make me so happy and I was chasing them around.

and I have this sign on my office wall that's off the vine sign and it's like a really thin plastic glass like plexiglass almost and it was on the floor and I ran around the corner and just sliced my baby toe in half on this on this thing and I just was like oh god oh god and I started feeling like I was going to puke and I dropped to the ground and I just held my toe and thought I broke my toe I was like oh I for sure broke it and I looked down and I was like oh shit it's literally split in half like disgusting and so i started crying and i had to go to urgent care where's jason through all this where where's our savior he was up on a very important phone call like didn't know this had been happening but this peloton what is he doing yeah he was just doing sit-ups upstairs

getting those goddamn abs and tacked but no i had my assistant here which thank god god and she was like it was like this wasn't in the job description you're like cut my toe up Cut it off. I was like, take me to ER, wear a mask. COVID-19. You might get it. Sacrifice yourself. Yeah, this is really, you know what?

It's going to look good on your resume, okay? I saved Caitlin's life that one time. She split her toe and I risked my life for COVID to take her in. And so I, my toe is so gnarly right now. And so I had to go into whatever. And then today I was just, I woke up in a grumpy mood because I was like, oh, I had like every intention of doing a spin class and do something like take the dogs for a walk and I didn't realize how bad I needed this foot. And so everything that just happened today,

it was one of those days. I so I was in a bad mood. This is all very like obviously like dumb problems to be complaining about in this time, but whatever I'm allowed to have my days. I went into the laundry room and I spilled a whole thing of oxyclean. detergent, not liquid, like little tiny sand grains everywhere in my laundry room and in my perfectly dressed foot of like, you know, it had like, well, let me just give you a little preview. Oh, yeah. And it was all in there and like, I honestly just snapped.

I raised my fist to the door and went, you turned into an angry, drunk dude named Kyle. That was, yes, yes, I was drunk Chad at a party. Also, you're literally so tiny. The door was like, what? What are you going to do? Put your hand down. The door, people can't see me, but the door did this. I was like, come at me, bro.

That is so. Okay. When was the last time you were a sloth? So, like, you didn't do anything all day. Oh, I do that. I actually carve out Tuesdays and Sundays to be a sloth because that's, I just need two days to like, I love McDonald's. It's probably my favorite thing to eat in the world. McDonald's and sushi really random. But I will like make sure once a week I have my McDonald's

and I will be a complete piece of shit on Sundays and Tuesdays and just do absolutely nothing. And Jason like will let you like he won't bother you or ask you to do shit. Oh no. He'll he'll join me. Oh, that's so nice. Not Tuesdays, but Sundays. He will be absolutely so lazy with me. Yeah, it's amazing. That's so healthy because yeah, a lot of people are dealing with work. working from home now and they're like, it's hard because now my personal is my work. Where us as entrepreneurs, I feel like we consciously have to be like, okay, no, turn off. Like, even on our phones, we're working. So I think it's smart that you pick specific days that you're like, it's the rule, sorry.

Yeah, it is. It's totally my time. And everybody on my team and like Jason and my assistant knows it, Tuesdays and Sundays. Like, don't come at me, bro. And then the Monday in between, you're like, the Monday in between I am like also a sloth but like a functioning one you're like I'll apply to an emailers too yeah yeah this is a harder one when was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something um hmm I'm like trying to think probably in an

argument with Jason are you guys good at arguing we're I'm not he is I'm not good at arguing he's really, really good at arguing. He's very logical and I, he reacts with logic. I react with emotion. And so it's a good balance because I need to react with emotion. It like lets me have my moment, but then I can come around and be like, oh, okay. And he is just always like very level-headed and it's, it works well for us. But, um, because he won't like get too emotional from your emotion. Yes. And sometimes I get very overwhelmed. If there's a lot of like hot goss in the bachelor world, I don't know why it's a trigger for me, but I'm just like something came out in the in the Bachelor world of someone said something awful and it was like such a topic and I just was so over it. And instead of just like admitting that that's what was triggering me and the fact that sometimes the Bachelor world can actually like hit me in ways where I don't even realize how upset it can make me, instead of just talking about that, I like told him like his hair looked stupid or something.

like I was I like try I was not what I did but I like it was something so ridiculous like that and I for some reason I could not just put my freaking ego aside and be like holy shit this is what's triggering me and I'm usually pretty good at that but I couldn't do it and I just kept like trying to justify how I was behaving and it was embarrassing I love that and I love the self-awareness of it that's my girlfriend Cleo she's also my manager she tells me she's like you were the most self-aware human being and I'm like yeah but now if I could only work on like those things like I can fully admit when I'm a psychopath or be like I was being such a bitch but like then it tomorrow comes around and I do it again and then I'm like well at least I'm self aware okay final one besides Jason when was the last time you lusted over someone like do you have a celebrity crush or like did you have a weird moment a Peloton instructor okay here's a confession, but I'm like wildly attracted to a gay guy on Peloton. Like, I think he's so hot and I'm like attracted to him and he's fully gay. The guy I'm like talking to right now does Peloton and he'll send me screenshots of this gay guy and he's like, he told me I killed it today. Was it Cody Rigsby? I think it is. Cody is like, I think everyone falls in love with him. You like get on that bike and he does something to your soul and you're all of a sudden just like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I will do anything for you.

I'm obsessed with him. He's his favorite. And I was, like, getting jealous. I was like, what does he have that I don't have besides everything? And yeah, his cardio is better than me. Whatever. Oh, he's just everything. So I less.

No, I'm just kidding. Not that guy. I'm trying to think of a good one. I obviously have celebrity crushes. Like, I love Paul Rudd. I think he's so sexy. I feel like Jason gives me Paul Rudd vibes. Totally.

Except Jason's like, Paul Rudd's like really Not that Jason's not funny But Paul Rudd's like really like goofy funny Where Jason's more like Like Hmm How do I say that?

Jason's funny because he like He like complements your humor Yeah Like he knows how to riff off of it But like Paul Rudd is his own animal Yes, yes thank you I love how I answer that for you When I literally don't know you guys at all

But that was exactly right. That's, you nailed it. And that was exactly what I was trying to say. It worked. You somehow know. To wrap it up, I also, I think with reality TV, like, we went on, you went on way earlier than me when it could have been like really bad, just in general. Like, it could be bad for your reputation or whatever.

Yeah. And the fact that you were able to create such a career from wine to scrunchies to music, like it's it's just been like it's so inspiring to someone like me who like reality v i don't want to be my end i'll be all once i like get a wrinkle so but you've been through a lot to get to where you are today obviously and i like to ask this question to everyone for advice on just what do you do to cope with your hell like um when you're in hell what do you do to get through it yeah that's a good question because some it's always changing like and I don't like to say oh I drink wine because yeah I do

but um and I'm like don't forget to go buy spade and sparrows fine you like Kylie gender with her lip kit do you want lips like this do you want no anxiety like me jug it jug yes um but I uh I think what I've found works the best for me is unplugging from my phone in a way where like I can I can still call a best friend or talk to my family or something, but I, if I am in like that suck hole, like I need to just unplug from my phone. And sometimes I find it super therapeutic to cry in the shower. I love a shower cry. Me too. It's like something like you are back to the womb and you're just being cleansed and you're just like crying and everything's

just like pouring out. And then I don't know about you, but I just feel like I feel so much better after a good hard cry. I cried. I don't cry enough, but I had one of those moments I cried once during Summer House this season. It was like, that's it. I know, I know, because I hold it in. But something finally, they basically like showed something I said that got taken to like me looking like a bully and it got taken like far that like it looked like I had this vendetta against this girl that I'd only been like nice to the whole time. Um, but I like when I was drunk said that I didn't feel connected to her. And I started getting all this hate.

And I'm like, say that I'm have bad taste of men. Say that I'm annoying. Say that I'm ugly. Don't, but like, don't call me a mean girl because that's something that's like really against what I believe in. Totally. So I get in the shower and I feel like I have to cry. And then I'm like, Hannah, don't cry.

And then I start crying because I don't let myself cry. And then I start crying about like everything that's ever happened to me. And I'm like, and then when my dad yelled at me and I want to die, And I had like a full on break down the shower. And then you walk out and you're just like. Yeah. And I'm back. And I'm back.

Oh my God. I love that so much. Well, Caitlin, this is, this has been the best remix I've ever done. And it's the only one I've ever done. I feel like we need to do another remix because I'm like, I had so many more questions. I know. I took over. I'm sorry.

I'm such a bitch. Uh-uh. No, I love that because I always say this and everybody knows this. I love being a guest more so. Like, I just love it. I love when people. ask me questions and we can like have a good conversation through it so thank you and i'm like obsessed with asking questions i can't help but i'm just a little but that's what that's what makes

you such a good podcast host that's why you have a good podcast that's you know give yourself a little pat on the back for that but we should do it we should do actually a part two um and do like a few more questions because i do you have any podcast you have just one yeah i've one podcast Okay. I do two a week and my second one is usually like a Q&A or something. So I'm going to have you back on and do more questions for you because I love to dive in more. I know you are very open with anxiety and mental health and certain things. And I would love to dive into that with you and know your plans for your five year plan. Just kidding. What is it? Tell us now. But yeah, if you guys, so look out for that. Subscribe rate review off the vine. Hell yeah. I'm so excited. And where do people find your podcast on all the places? So all the places burning in hell, it's B-E-R-N. It's a fun pun.

Smart because that's your last name. Yes. Burner. That's so smart. I like that. And just like overall, what do you always like touch on in your podcast? I know we played a couple games or did some things, but what is like the main, if people are going to come find your podcast, what are they going to leave with?

Yeah. My little elevator pitch is I talk to people about their demons. the deepest insecurities, their fears, and just kind of laugh it off. It's like, I call it a comedy mental health podcast. So we get dark and then we build ourselves back up. I love that. That is so something I'm about. And thank you for doing this little mash-up podcast.

I loved it. It was so fun because it's nice to like have the banter back and forth of not only just like being goofy, but having good questions. And so I feel like we covered a lot of good stuff today. And thank you for being on my podcast as well. Thank you for being on mine. Oh, you know, let's do it again sometime. How do you end yours?

Oh. Okay, guys, thanks for coming to hell. I'll talk to you later. Yes. And I say, I'm Caitlin Bristow, and I will see you next Tuesday. BOR.