Berner Phone - Kate Chastain: Emotional Availability & Farting

Episode Date: January 16, 2019

She might be the biggest star of Bravo's Below Deck, but she constantly gets yelled at by rude guests on yachts, doesn't have a sense of smell, fights with her mom, and once made a terrible decision in Key West with a guy named Fabio. LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Kate Chastain on Instagram & Twitter: @kate_chastain --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell I'm your host Hannah And welcome to Hell Today I am with reality TV star Yadi and professional shit talker on Twitter K. Chastain Hi

I'm so happy you're here I'm so happy to be here Because I like like you as a person. I don't like most people. Okay. This is embarrassing, but I actually DM'd you asking if I could be here. Your Instagram is so good. Thank you.

I actually just post to try to make you laugh. Working. Working. But also, I just happened to indulge in this season of Below Deck. It is, it should win an Emmy. It's incredible. For their consideration, we're hoping. It's incredible.

I interviewed you before it started. And you were like, this. season's going to be amazing. I'm like, hey, don't bullshit me. Yeah. And during the beginning of press season or whatever, I was like, this is the most amazing epic season. And I was like, well, I'm sure you're just saying that. I'm like, no, it really is. It was like a combination of really, I don't want to say aggressive personalities, but like stubborn personalities. Oh, I would say I think they're all such good flavors of crazy we had this year. They're all like, like, there's so many flavors of crazy in the world, but not all of them are good. But this time, like Riley's crazy,

but she's intense crazy she's a hard worker and she owns it she's consistent with the crazy she's badass um and if you look at her facebook or social media the fishes that she is catching in alaska they're like prehistoric animals do you feel because you're you and the captain have what five six years reality tv experience you have an advantage going into it when it comes to drama and stuff on camera um yes and no because sometimes it's better that you don't know like how the sausage is made like true you just you go in there and you don't know how it works so you're just your authentic self

but the show's gotten pretty popular and now with Below Deck Mediterranean most people that come on our yacht have probably seen it in fact they're stupid if they haven't I hate it when you know we'll ask a new crew member like oh did you watch any below deck before you join they're like no

I'm thinking you're either lying or you're a fool because if I was going to go on a show you better believe I would buy every single one on iTunes Google the captain find out what he likes, maybe bring him a present, I would know everything. I would go full girlfriend stalker. Oh, 100%. I would know where they lived. Stocking and creeping is literally just a skill. A skill. And it's also being safe. Sorry.

Sorry for being safe. Sorry for doing my homework. It's called pre-qualifying your leads people. And I would listen to you because you are chief stewardess. What made you get into yachting originally? Yotting to me is the perfect answer to anyone fresh out of high school or college that just doesn't know what they want to do with their lives. It's like there's a thing called the midlife crisis. I think there's also a thing called the quarter life crisis. A hundred percent. And I think the quarter life crisis is actually worse than the midlife crisis because by the time

you get to your midlife crisis, you've made your decisions. Yeah. Now you're just depressed about them. Yeah. There's more anxiety in the quarter life because you're like, this is a decision time. Don't f it up. Yeah. My entire, the rest of my life depends on what path I choose right now.

And at that age, you haven't lived enough life. to even make that right decision. The odds are really good. You're going to make a bad decision at least a few times. My two cents on that is just make a fucking decision and like the universe will guide you into your right path. Don't just like sit at home and smoke weed and like pretend to start an app. That's true.

You can always go into something and decide, you know what, not for me and quit. Like the time I moved to QS with a guy named Fabio, because I had known him for a month. He was super hot. And he's asked me to move to QS. And I think when a hot guy names Fabio asks you to. move to QS with him, you quit your job, sub-lease your apartment, throw the dog in the jeep, and you go. How old were you?

28. Good for you. But then you realize you hate Fabio. He's a pothead. You hate Key West. And you end up back at your parents' house six weeks later with your tail between your legs, and then you go back into yachting. And you know what?

Maybe next time if Fabio comes along, you'll think twice. Or not. I'm not going to move to Key West, but I can interview him a little bit. True. But yeah, so yachting is really great for people who just aren't sure what they want to do with their lives. It's a nice little pause button. And you're making money. Like I have friends who are like, oh, I'm going to go to Thailand for three weeks. And it's like you get to do that stuff. Plus, you're raking in the dough. Yeah, you've got no bills. You have no rent. Your food is all cooked by a five-star chef. All your toiletries are provided. So it's all disposable income. And you're working a lot. So it's all going straight into your bank. And you don't really have time to spend it. So if you go start working on yachts, you could travel the world, meet amazing people from all around the world. Were your parents supportive? Oh, yeah. Totally. I graduated from college, but I got a degree in communications, which is like... Same. Yeah. We can make fun of it. Yeah.

I was an athlete and they were like, you should take communications to pass. And I'm like, cool. I was like, what's the most broad degree possible where I don't have to commute to Orlando campus? They're like, well, if we match a little bit here, that's nice, you took pottery as an elective, okay. Oh, I love pottery.

It's so therapeutic. I know. So, yeah, with my real exciting communications degree. But also, what are we doing right now? We're fucking communicating. You know what? You get paid to talk shit on TV. So your communications degree is great.

And yours too. Thank you. we did it we did we made it did we made it did you ever think you'd be on a TV show you know what's weird deep down tell me the truth deep down like what here's when I was little uh I kind of used to imagine like when I was in my room there was like a camera like watching me like how I would act like you in a movie how I would act like if people were watching me so I guess from a young age I was ready for that situation I love that because people like you don't just do six years on a reality TV show without having that innate ability to be good on camera

it doesn't just happen oh thanks i've definitely um loosened up and relaxed and gotten much more comfortable over the seasons but um it's a lot of fun it makes just brushing your teeth like if the cameraman's right there you're like brushing my teeth like it makes it so how do you feel off season when you're not on camera do you like turn off a lot it's very strange because we are filmed 24-7 um for six weeks so when you that first week when you get back from filming I wake up and it's like, where are the cameras? And you're like, I'm in my room. Okay, there are no cameras.

And it's also kind of sad because then the first thing you would do in the morning, you can't talk to anybody. A audio guy would come put a microphone on you. And it was like a little morning hug every morning. And so then you get out from bed. You're like, anybody? Does anybody hear that wants to give me? Does anyone want to hear me talk and fight with people?

No one. Okay. If you didn't go on a reality TV show, do you think you'd still be in the outing business? I think that by the time below deck became a TV show, I had already been a chief stew for two years And it's like with any job You want to keep growing and evolving

And for yachting as a chief stew That's kind of as high as you can go So below deck was a really great way for me to take the job That I already knew how to do And do it in a new way So I'm not sure I would still be in yachting But right now doing like six week charter seasons That's a lot of money

And you're still working in the yawning business It's great chance to travel Get away from boring life make money, and it kind of makes you appreciate regularly in life. I do like to go work for Captain Lee about once a year. Oh, so you're real business partners. He's a boss that I've worked for for a long time. So it sucks starting a new job, any new job.

Yeah, because then you have to prove yourself again. It's exhausting. You have to prove yourself again. And then you don't know who's asked to kiss. You don't know which rules you can break. With Captain Lee, I know how he takes his coffee. I know how he likes his Cheerios. and I know what I can get away with.

And he probably feels the same with you as in he can trust you. He knows how to communicate with you and just a smoother ride. Yeah. And actually, we became friends as well. We talk on the phone probably three times a week at least. He's kind of hot. I know. I know he is, but I can.

He has a swag about him. Oh, he's, oh, God. I was about to say something like, he's got that big BDE, but, oh, God. That big dinghy energy. He does. And then you're dealing with. with all these like dumb young guys who were like oh look at me with my whatever they're doing and you're like that's a good accent thank you i have due date for him guys we have all over twist as a

deck hand we have these young deck hands come in acting all cool like i want to see the world bro and then you have you know come you know cap and lee just doing his thing can't turn that off he's good tv so if anyone if you don't watch below deck watch this shit it's the kind of thing that no one even told me to watch it was just on and i couldn't change the channel and that's some good reality TV. It's true. This season has been amazing. I also have respect for you because you're in the customer service industry. What is that taught you about humanity? If you want to eat at a restaurant, it should be mandatory that everybody does like a summer internship in some capacity. Because if you never worked at a restaurant, you don't understand what an asshole you are. But it's also people say like,

oh, you should be a waiter at one point. But then it's also like, or you should just not be a dick. Yeah. Like in the end of the day, the way sometimes they talk. to you guys or you people talk to waiters in general it's like just common human human have some respect yeah like even if I don't like my meal or they didn't make it right you know something's not right it wasn't a personal attack on you yes I will probably whoever's dining with me is so unlucky because when the server walks away I'm like they should have filled that water you weren't having sparkling I did ask for a lemon I thought this place and then the waiter comes back and I'm like great everything's great because you know good service but you also don't have to

ruin their fucking day just because they're having a tough one. Yeah. Wait a second. Have you ever worked in service? I was a hostess at a Korean restaurant. I know what that means. But I was running around kind of doing busing too because it was really busy. You were a team player. I was a team player. Hostess thing is actually really hard. Do you always see like cute little high school girls doing it? Yeah, I was 16. It's like a Suduco puzzle. I get to do five people at table seven who's in that section so they didn't have like a computer system so i created my own little system with a pad and it was this small korean place in brooklyn and then they got written up in the new york times and people from manhattan started coming in and they i'd be like sorry there's a three hour wait and they're like we came

all the way from fucking manhattan and i'd be like i'm sorry and then i'd like get them a glass of wine and like pray but it helped me grow up yeah i grew up fast that's what i'm saying you were the front person that dealt with the people so you can i don't And I didn't have to deal with their bullshit, too, if things were not going well and the kitchen's slow, they're yelling at me. So that was fun. Abuse does help you grow as a person sometimes. It makes you, hardens you up. Do you take things less personal since you've been in the industry for a while?

When I first started on yachts, I was a spoiled little brat from Florida. Like, working more than eight hours, I thought was, like, illegal. I'm reporting these fuckers. No, I would just, like, silently strike in the laundry room and paint my fingernails. I was like, I just didn't get it. So, yeah, yachting really taught me the value of hard work and it changed who I was a lot. It made me grow up and I'm really appreciative. Like, the travel's been great.

The people I have met have been great. The money has been great. But really, how yachting caused me to mature. That's what I'm most thankful for. Speaking of being mature and the chief stew, you seem very confident on the show. You seem like you have your shit together, which is cool. What's your biggest physical insecurity and emotional insecurity? My biggest physical insecurity, I have a lot of freckles on my back and I'm freckly.

On your back? Yes, I'm real freckley. Okay. Yeah. So you're like blonde gingery? Yeah, that's what it feels like. I'm like, why don't I have so many freckles? I think freckles are cute.

Yeah, but they're not the cute kind. Oh, they're not like three on your cheek? No. I really, I want a beauty mark. Every time I meet somebody that has a beauty mark, I'm like, hi, I'm really jealous of your beauty mark. what about your biggest emotional insecurity i don't even know what one what is that like like in terms of maybe your personality yeah you're a little defensive maybe okay like you don't like to be wrong

no no don't you forget it um no i don't like to be wrong and um i really don't like it when i'm right but people don't listen to me and then later the thing i said was going to happen happens and people there's that saying i hate to say i told you so i love it I freaking love to say I told you so. And what's great is if you're on a reality TV and they could cut and show when you said it. Montage. Montage time.

Yeah. And then you win. I love a good told you so montage. Also, what's going with your dating life? I feel like you're the one who's always level-headed on the show joking about other people's relationships. Do you care to like settle down at all? Yeah, I would like that because, frankly, I'm tired of doing it by myself.

Somebody else needs to help me walk the dog. Somebody else can help pay the bills around here. Somebody else can, I don't know if I want. want a boyfriend or an assistant or a manslave yeah uh-huh you know i'm into that so now taking applications um no i was talking i'm like a magnet for in the closet gay men for some reason really yes i've dated at least four and a half so you like metro guys no they don't they hide it oh but we get along great four and a half you know what because half i love sure you want you want like a partner somebody get along with really well and you and josiah on this season are he's so funny

Amazing together. Yeah. Why do you, do you think you go for like emotionally unavailable guys? No, no opposite. I go for the ones that are really emotionally available. And they're not sexually available?

Not as much. I mean, I know, I seem to go, they're going to blow jobs. They were critiquing the hell out of mind. And usually I get no complaints. I go between two types,

like either really emotionally available and kind and definitely closeted gay. Or really good in bed. assholes and no emotion uh-huh oh we got to find that in between i know i just want someone who's like kind of into me the same way i'm into them and takes out the trash and walks the dog with me and so i'm just cooking would be a plus too no whatever i'm just not on the top of my list we can order in i'll cook i don't care true ordering it's great are you someone with anxiety i have pptSD which is pre-post traumatic stress disorder like i do have anxiety i get anxiety about things that might cause me anxiety later. Oh, so you're anxious about the anxiety. I'm anxious that

I'm going, something's going to happen. Is that self-diagnosed? Yeah, actually self-made up. And self-inflicted. Yep, it's all about me. I only have myself to blame. We all do. You know, you know what I'm saying? Like, I generally am confident, but I do worry about the future a little bit. But I think that's, it's more in a responsible way because somebody who doesn't worry about the future at all is, you know, probably not getting a lot. They always say a little bit anxiety is healthy for best performance, but too much anxiety to the point that it freezes you up. Oh, no. Is not good.

Do you have anxiety? I've dealt with anxiety in the past. I was a tennis player and I dealt with like performance anxiety. And it made me interested in like how the brain works and how it affects what you do and who you are. Was it like when you would go up in front of an audience bleachers, you would like shake or like sometimes I would just like decide I don't want to hit a forehand. You just, your body would just go up to strike? Yeah, I would be like, I'm not hitting a forehand because I can't do it right now. I would just do that.

What would you do instead? I would like slice it or like run around and hit a backhand. But you knew in your head that the forehand was the right thing and your body was a rebelling against you? My head was rebelling and my body was following. That feels like an R&B song. Sorry, the whole R. Kelly's shit. I haven't read enough about it. You have to watch the documentary.

I'm only two episodes in, so I don't even know the details. But when people say R&B right now, it triggers me. I was thinking that. What I want to know is, why did that documentary take so long? Well, everyone's like the most surprising thing about the documentary was that it wasn't surprising at all. Like, no shit he's been doing this shit. And like, it's frustrating that it took so long to be called out.

And obviously, like, race is involved. Like, it's all these black women that, you know, everyone fucking ignored. And then everyone accepts in the R&B community, you know, hitting on younger girls. is just part of the music, you know, like, Beatle songs about like, she was only 16. It's just like a thing and like, let's stop it. Let's not do it anymore. It's annoying. Yeah, it's annoying.

I love how you have ADD just like me. We just went from my forehand to R. Kelly peeing on girls. So quick. When was the last time you were depressed? Christmas time. Why? Like two weeks ago because I hate Christmas. I freaking hate Christmas.

Why? Because my parents are divorced. They got divorced when I was young, but they've been. both been remarried for 30 years. So Christmas is a marathon for me. So Christmas Eve, you got to go to my mom's house where she has all the step family over. That's the thing. Then Christmas morning, I go to my mom's house and we open presents. Then I'm not having breakfast and brunch and mimosis because I'm getting back in that car and we're going to the next stop. We're going to dad's house 40 minutes away. And we're doing that Christmas thing. And it's just

such a marathon. And now I've got a bunch of gift bags of shit in my apartment. I'm like, What's that? You know what? Jewish people are geniuses. Because Hanukkah is eight nights. So what you do is you get the presents from the first four nights and you re-gift them the last four nights. And then after it's all over, everybody's got presents and you don't have a bunch of shit in your apartment. That's the smartest thing. My thing is with Instagram, people start sending you free shit. Wrap that shit up for the holidays. Yeah. The good stuff. Yeah. Look, you got a FabFit Fun box. Defiware. I swear it wasn't for my sponsor. Okay, I have a serious problem with Timmie Blinty. Are you sponsored by them? No, they did try to get me to, but I don't work out ever. So they were like, come on, you owe us that post. And I was like, it was so long ago.

And I had like anxiety, performance anxiety because I was like, I don't own any workout clothes that would even make this. Or no, it was a protein shake thing. Three-10. I was like, oh, yeah. They're like a workout thing. Yeah, that's why. That's what it was.

That's three-ten. I was like, I don't have workout clothes that would even make a believable. post like here I am so I didn't do it well because you're a real ass bitch yeah I'm authentic my thing with the tea is that I think it's a laxative tea like it basically just makes you shit your brains out and get dehydrated for a week so obviously you look skinnier gives you the die die yeah so also it's like annoying to see these pretty girls being like I love my skinny tea and it's like bitch you just shot yourself for a week yeah and I don't really watch they offer me like 10 grand one day and I'm like sure i love to me and then you could get depends to partner after like that's next one it's like

the stages you are a business woman you are a business woman um maven speaking of being a business woman what are some things like you haven't done that you want to do you have a book you have a tv show yep what's on your list well i have no sense of smell um i was i think i've got a very deviated septum okay and so the doctors have said there's a chance that if i get that sinus surgery it will allow me to smell but i think that i could have never guessed i know full surprise is this one so what i really it's important to have goals in life yeah hannah yeah so goal number one i would like to kate yeah i would like to get the surgery however i'm not going to get the surgery until i organize a documentary about it because i'm going to be a 36 year old walking down the street like an infant

for the first time it's going to be like whoa what is happening on my face right now just walking past a dumpster like oh that was a bad i would like new york city is going to be a plethora of smells for you you know so i'd like to do a documentary and about me getting my smell bat or getting smell i could just see you know how those videos go viral when infants like here for the first time infant hears mother's voice for the first time that could be you what if i gain 500 pounds so i'm like this is what food has been tasting like you know i i just don't know which way it's going to go oh my gosh those are that's something to get excited about i think i'm going to save it for age 40 so it's like I don't get a mid-life crisis. I'm like, new chapter. I'm smelling. I love that. So like if I fart right

now, you won't smell it. It's just a funny noise to me. Oh my gosh. I know. I love that because I have this thing with farts that I want them to be socially acceptable. I think it ruins my life sometimes. Like I think I'm a little bit lactose intolerant and so many dates are just spent me holding in my fart. I don't think I know how to do that because growing up, I didn't know they smelled bad. Oh my gosh. So it's, luckily, I have a very healthy internal, I digested a trap. But how many times do you think you were in a conversation, the person's like, oh, my God, she farted? I never know if I got away with it. But that's also better because you don't even know.

I don't care. Ignorance is bliss. Imagine if when someone fart. Probably why I don't have a boyfriend or an assistant. Or a manslave. Yeah. Imagine if farting was just like so cute, like when someone hiccups. life would be so much better

well do hiccups don't stink like farts too like shit I know that's so if no one could smell things would the life be beautiful you could like develop a product that could make you know farts smell good like fart oh like you know that spray

for when you poop yeah you just like a pill yeah you spray your butthole every morning certainly there's like a device maybe we should start a new topic so that's exciting what's your biggest regret do you have one i try not to think about that too much like i can start okay please because i've

never talked about this on the pod i think my biggest regret is when i was younger being too hard of myself being like you have to win this or you have to get this or you have to do this and instead just like work on discovering what makes me happy and because then you didn't enjoy those years as much because i put so much pressure on myself because i'm type a and i want to live to my potential but living your potential i think is actually just finding peace within yourself oh wow sorry that was deepest that was i'd been like thinking about it for a while that was so beautiful that's why i wanted to ask it to you because i so you could give you a good answer yeah i don't really care what you have to say yeah my big regret is that i did not prepare better for this

that you can't smell anything yeah my that's well not really my fault um i think that i always felt like when i was in my 20s i needed to get this and then life would be good and then oh nope this is good but i need to get to that next level maybe i'd get a nicer car da da da da da da da wish I had just been enjoyed those years more because it all eventually comes if you're doing the right thing. Why rush? I agree. Because then what? Let's say you got that

new car, that cute boyfriend, that house with the crown molding all in one day, then what? It's good to have this stuff spread out. Yeah, and also happiness isn't that like high of getting that car. Nope. Or high of like that guy texting you back. Happiness is like the long

contentment that's just sits with you. Happiness is like a butter. happiness is like a butterfly if you chase it it will always allude you but if you stay still within yourself one day it'll just come land on your shoulder now you're going to make me cry that's so beautiful i know oh my gosh now it's time to play seven deadly sins fuck the happiness seven deadly sins what are you greedy about attention i love attention do um have you always liked it yeah completely i mean some people don't and i some people don't i love it i love it do you feel like it's affected your relationships because you like attention so much

because people get attention is a thing that some people don't think is shared they're like she loves attention and people it'll make them mad at you if you get more attention than them oh like if i ever dated somebody that was kind of like jealous if i was like the telling the funny stories at the dinner party Yeah, maybe. Or just the entertainment industry I find is like that. Oh, for sure. I do all right being the center of attention. So anybody who likes me already knows that's kind of who I am. Yeah, it's like, what do they want you to do? Crawl in the hole and because it upsets other people. Yeah. Get out of here. Get out of here. You go in the hole. Who are you envious of? Who are you envious of? She's got a good Twitter. Good Twitter. Sweet. That's the most important thing. Her, I mean, that Twitter, I'm envious of Chrissy Teagan's Twitter. Her husband is talented, obviously. extremely talented. Clearly, I think they have a beautiful family. The children are cute. Her mom comes over. They cook together. I think she just kind of has nailed down a really cool. It's not too. They're not like yuppies. They're like edgy. They make fun of themselves. So I think that's pretty cool. I hope they stay together forever because God forbid if they ever broke up, the world would

collapse. That would be the most depressing thing. I wouldn't even believe in love anymore. I would probably just give up. Yeah. And so let's just pray for them. Always stay. together. But I think they've been together forever and it was like kind of before John's fame. And I think that's important. Like they really connected in a very pure time. I like, they seem like their friends and they legit enjoy each other's humor and company. Like Kristen Bell and Dax Shepherd. Oh, I love that. I want that. I want that relationship. I love them. Yeah. Because she's opened up about having anxiety and like her imperfections and I find that she found someone who I think relaxes her, calms her. Well, yeah. He's her love. He, exactly they're so cute he's very supportive of her they're a really cute little couple i think

the the key to relationships is actually like simplicity in finding someone who just like to talk to you forever i have a theory for first dates you should never go to a nice restaurant you need to go to walmart or the drugstore because yeah the dmv yeah no actually i i legit said that to the last gay guy i was dating um gay guys are probably so fun to date gay guys love me um um um um um you guys love me. You're like the Lady Gaga of Below Deck. Oh, thanks. Well, anyway, so if you go to a restaurant, I could have a fun time with

anybody with nice food and a nice bottle of wine. Hell, I do it by myself three times a week. I have a great time. That's my problem too. I need to know when the beginning part is over. I need to know, are you fun to shop with toilet paper and groceries because it's going to come down to that. That's why The Bachelor is like

not, doesn't work. Oh, news flash. Breaking news. How'd you crack that code, Hannah? know that's why they pay me the big books but then let's say it's a first date and you go to the grocery store or whatever you get your milk you get your dish soap you're ready and he turns out to be a total dud at least now you got your errands done you got your errands done so you're not wasting time well as communication arts majors we are incredible at speaking so that's my problem too i'll go out on date and i could pretty much have a good conversation with any fucking

person even if i'm bored i'll learn about them and get something out of it and then i'm like and he might be hot so i'm like oh we're a good conversation he's hot he's my soulmate i guess i need to fucking date this dude and then seven months later you're like oh my god he's so boring and his dick's not even that good anymore yeah should have gone to walmart should or target oh yeah like well target it's like i enjoy target so i think i'd want to be in my target zone you know like because it's a girly store yeah yeah and you have so many options i would want you like do you really need um six new bath towels i'm like yes i do joop and so this date is over The state is over.

Yeah. What are you glutness about? Bath towels. Target shopping, home goods shopping. Is your apartment like immaculate or do you have a house? I have an apartment and it's really cute but I think I need, the time has come to hire a cleaning lady. I only learned how to clean on a yacht really well. But, and I like to do it while listening to a podcast like yours.

Oh, thank you. You know, you're laughing. You're getting stuff done. But I'm just am busy. So my house isn't as clean as it should be. Is your house clean? no good for you i like that you're like nope sure you weren't even embarrassed i tell my mom i have a creative brain i once found an article in the new york times that said people with messy rooms

are really smart i am so mortified god forbid while i'm here in new york city anything happens in florida where my car is because i my car is so gross i could live out of it for three weeks with new outfits every day i just need to clean out my car i could never have anybody ride with me and it's a beautiful i don't like being dirty but i i'm like messy and organized and sometimes my brain like I'm really organized with work but when I come home I don't want to but I'm like perfectionist but not OCD like I want to be successful but I don't need everything in the right place I don't think you can be that successful if you're so OCD that that's how you spend all your time you're so right yeah good enough let's move forward yeah keep it moving at some point like with this

podcast I could edit every single I'm out of this hell fucking no I want the juice of it I want the meat of it. Yeah. When was the last time you experienced wrath as in anger? Whether it was you being angry or someone else being pissed at you. This is going to sound so awful because it's directed towards my mother. So

I opened up this store about a year and a half ago. It's an upscale resale store where all proceeds go to homeless women and children. I didn't know that. Yeah, I don't like to it. In Florida? Yeah. Well, that's cool. It's amazing. The store is doing really well. It helps Genesis House, this nonprofit that's been around for 41 years. And I've got a fun little

geriatric group of volunteers that help me run it. That's my life right now. It's so crazy. So my mom helps there a lot too and she's retired so I pay her to do part-time management of the store and this lady brought in all these Louis Vuitton and Gucci purses and her husband's

a neurologist. So we were excited to sell these nice purses because we get a lot of those in but I looked at them like these are not real they weren't even good fakes like the logo was off and so I called him like I'm not sure they're authentic and she's like Oh, they are.

They are. I'm like, well, this is awkward. So we just haven't been back in the office. Well, my mom's like, they're real. Her husband's a neurologist. I'm like, no, mom. They're not. And it's bad for the store if it looks like we're trying to sell fake purses.

Yeah. I leave town. I come back. Those purses are on for sale. And I said, mother, I told you. She's like, those purses are real. Mother, so I put him in the office. She did it again.

So then one day I see him on floor. I'm like, mother, do you want to work at this store still? I threatened to fire your mom. And she was like, wow. You are cut fucking throat. But three times. And it's bad for, it's a bad look. And why was she choosing?

When did she become a luxury designer, a purse expert? Why was she going against her own daughter about like, go, you and the purse is go live a happy life? Wait, I think you need to have a spin off of you and your mom managing the store. Oh my God. We're like Lucy Ethel and I'm the Ethel. Everyone fights at their mom so everyone can relate to that story. When was the last time you were a sloth? like once a week good that's healthy i think no it's like when god created the world on the seventh

day he rested so every like sunday i'm like not putting on pants today definitely ordering Thai food definitely no no god no oh if the not wearing a bra was the level of slothiness that like was my bottom no no no no but it's true so many people in this time you're looking at instagram and you see when being all productive and it's like you can't be productive if you don't rest it's like an iPhone you got to recharge it yes 100% and i also need to recharge it until it gets to 100% that's correct yes yeah a hondo when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something oh i'm stubborn i'm very all the time you're like every day yeah but see i would say it's like i i i'm not wrong that often so it's not like i won't admit i'm wrong it's not that i won't it's just doesn't happen

that much. I see. I see. My pride. I guess like I'll clap back at people on Twitter when it's like not even worth it but um... Do you have any advice for Twitter? For like keeping good Twitter? Yeah, I was so upset when they

added more characters because that's why I liked Twitter because on Facebook people just go on these rants and rants and it just go ugh. Twitter having 140 characters kept it tight and it really made you sharpen up your comedy skills because you have it's like words to do-co. You have a 140 characters and you've got to get that punchline in there. And if you're at 165, you've got to source it out in your head and come up with a word that's less.

I mean, it made it fun. It was like a brain workout. But now it's a free for all. It's sloppy. People are saying all these stuff things. So keep it short. Yeah, short and sweet. And then when people say mean shit to you, what's your best advice for clapping back?

My favorite thing. If it's, I'll clap back once in a while just to like keep everybody in check. Like make an example out of somebody. I really like to respond to them using a different name. like at Deborah says Kate you're a miserable I say bitch yeah oh yeah Deborah at Deborah 475 says Kate you're a miserable bitch and I say thank you for this message Diane like I will make sure to use the most wrong name because it's a gentle reminder that I don't know here and I love the name Karen it's brutal it is Karen sucks yeah um I'm gonna get hate messages from

every Karen's can be nice then just say sorry Kelly final question you you're doing great when was the last time you lusted over someone who was straight well i thought he was straight until i was so excited he was so hot he was so hot i'm so you find hot guys on instagram and he found me okay oh and um so um he's so hot and i was like ready to jump on a plane to jump on his bones but then there's like red flags so it like a week and a half ago and because i just realized you know a couple days ago i'm looking I think I've deleted. I'm just like, let's face it.

Okay, so what is the last time you lusted? Do you have a boyfriend, girlfriend? I'm single as of this moment. Okay. I have, I just ended a one-year relationship. And... Why? I like, I don't think he was the right person for me.

And now I'm kind of focusing on myself a little. Good for you. Thank you. Are you on any dating apps? Kind of. But I'm, like, not active on them. I just go when I'm, like, bored in between commercials on Hulu. It's fun fact, life hack.

If a guy likes to dress up like a pirate, he's probably gay. Because it's like a perfect way for them to, like, wear eyeliner and long hair and accessories and jewelry. Without being full drug. Uh-huh. Yep, that's the truth. These are good life lessons. Yeah, I learned the hard way. When was the last straight guy you were with?

Oh, like right before that. Okay, good. I'd do all right. But they're all either assholes or gay. you'll find that in between and if you're listening and you think you know someone who isn't in between

DM that bitch what's your handle all my handles Twitter and Instagram are Kate underscore Chastain Kate underscore Chastain hit her up I'm not desperate

I'm just saying oh no she's not desperate at all I just like to be matchmaker because if it happens I take credit for it okay great and then you owe me for life big time

do you have any advice for people on how to cope with their hell just keep going just it's going to end soon nothing bad that you're going through is going to be forever and in my experience even when we're

going through the most hideous thing you're like how to this happen oh my god my life is in shambles in hindsight years down the road maybe a couple years you'll see oh I see why that had to happen so that I could get where I am now I love that so much when is Blow Deck airing

Blow Deck is on Tuesdays at 9 on Bravo TV we have about three weeks left of the season and every episode is just so good so good start from the beginning on bravoTV.com if you want to catch up

that's what I do Kate thank you for coming to hell with me thank you for having me and I can't wait to watch the reunion I know we do I can't I can't wait to live it bye bye bye Thank you.