Berner Phone - Katie Maloney-Schwartz: Tequila & PTSD

Episode Date: February 4, 2021

Katie is reality TV royalty and comes to hell to discuss her traumatic accident, how she really fell for Tom, her regrets being on Vanderpump Rules, and much more. PROMO CODES: Helix Sleep: Get $200 off your new mattress at https://helixsleep.com/BERN Skillshare: Get a free trial membership at https://www.skillshare.com/BERN Adam & Eve: Get 10 free gifts using the code BERN --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

So who's your celeb crush? Oh, right now, Tom, I have the same one. It's Sayyed from Lost. Oh, yeah. This morning, we watched him snap a guy's neck with his feet, and we both looked at each other like, oh. Like, we both got a boner at the same time. It was really sweet. Welcome to Burning Hell.

you guys i'm so excited for this episode of burning in hell i'm like trying to be cool but i don't know if people know this about me but i'm like a psycho vanderpump stand like i literally was pretending to ignore you but i'm like obsessed with you i have katie maloney schwartz don't get it fucking twisted she's an icon she's a legend i think you should win an emmy like i cannot be more in love with you. But we're going to break her down in burning in hell. Katie, welcome to the dark depths of hell. Oh, I feel really cozy here.

You're a witch, so I feel like... You know? I love that you were normalizing witchhood on TV before it was, like, cool. Really? Oh, yeah. You know, I'm proud to say that I'm now very much in the depths of witch talk. I do, I do, like, moon baths.

I do it all. Is Tom into it? Will he ever, like, do a, like, crystal party? thing with you? He's curious. He'll ask questions, but no, he, he, I don't think he gets totally down with it. He doesn't believe, if that's, if I can say that. Okay, well, he, he doesn't see. He, he's, he's small-minded, you can say. No, I actually, do you remember when we first met? Oh, my God. Because, like, I kind of forgot, because we met, well, we met when you came to visit Summer House. And I was, there's so much going on, you know, like, I'm.

I'm trying to, you know, deal with whatever I'm dealing with. Plus, I'm, like, meeting all you guys. And the whole thing was, like, a blur to me. And I feel like I'm meeting you in, like, a such a new space and energy right now. There was a lot of alcohol. So it was blurry. It was blurry on every end. But also, Tom had a bad time. He's, he did. Yeah. We ended up, we had a great time. And then, uh, we ended up in an emergency room in Southampton Hospital, which we've all been. It's part of just going to the Hamptons is you end up at Southampton Hospital. But, like, yeah, he had, his butthole was imploding because of a trip to Mexico. But that seems like I would die for my butthole to implode because I went to Mexico, like, in this day and age.

Well, yeah, I don't know exactly know if it was that, but there was some kind of, like, abscess situation. So it was like a butthole adjacent. I think we would call that, like, the taint or something. But, yeah, it's something which was like, it's not, it's not scandalous. It's not like it's some kind of, like, crazy a situation. so everyone gets your minds out of that like we don't really know what it was we just woke up in the morning and we were like tom's not here anymore and it had something to do with the butthole region and we were like yes we get it it's happened to all of us and now you're here and now i'm like i'm so giddy

because i'm like i get to like dig a little deeper yeah into katy maloney but i want to know you were born in park city utah which i don't think is spoke enough about i know people don't talk about it enough. Well, everyone's down to talk about it now because of the Royal Hospice of Salt Lake City. So everyone's like, Utah, Utah. And I'm like, hello. I've been trying to tell you about Utah for years. But yeah, I'm from like a little mountain town. I mean, a lot of people know Park City because that's where the Sundance Film Festival is. And that's pretty much all they know about it. And there's snow there. But it's actually like, it's the most beautiful state in the country. I stand by that. And I live in California and it's beautiful. But like there's nothing like Utah. Like,

every terrain southern utah you get the red rocks all of that and then where i'm from and it's like it feels like it's always like christmas there they always have lights on the trees and it's just it's like a magical little place and i feel really fortunate to have grown up there could you see yourself moving back there with tom or like getting a second little like cabin for sure for sure maybe not park city because it's like mad expensive but there's a a neighboring uh city area like there's Pever, there's Midway that are like really coming up. And a lot of people that I knew that lived in Park City, friends, parents are selling their houses and moving to Midway. But I could totally see that. I don't know if I want to do Utah year round. I don't know if I want to spend a whole

winter there because it gets really old because the winters are long there. But I could definitely see us spending more time. So you're from this like nice, small, it sounds beautiful town in Utah. did you always dream big to go to like Hollywood? Was that your manifestation at a young age? Yeah. Honestly, I really got into like theater and would do like little theater camps when I was young. And I loved performing. And I, you know, for, I mean, yeah, there was a brief moment where I wanted to be a figure skater, but I wanted to be.

It's a performance. Yeah, no, but I wanted to be an actress. And so I definitely, there was just something in me that was just like, I'm going to live in L.A. and I'm going to be on TV. And that, it was, it was a manifestation. But it's just also there was something that just was like, no, that's just what's going to happen. So I have a very important question. This is getting deep. Why did you go blonde? because I did the same thing once and I really feel like kindred spirit with you on that decision listen I I've always been someone that like to play around with my look I've cut my hair I've had long hair short hair long hair short hair like many times in my life I've had bangs several times in my life I've used to dye my hair open through it yeah I used to dye my hair like purple and black and all these different colors do you feel like it reflected your emotions of the time yeah I just like to

changed my look and I was just like you know what like I've never gone like super light and to me it's it's always like it's just hair I can always just change it but when you want to go blonde it's like a process and it's a commitment and it takes time and I only went about 75% of the way and then I was like you know what I'm good and so that's why I was left with a sort of like blonde adjacent hair where it wasn't blonde it was you know I and I and the thing is I just I stopped trying to lift the whole lifting process and I just would like throw toner on my hair like every other week so it would go between being like kind of orange to like not as orange also I think you looked gorgeous it's just become like such a cultural thing to have like Katie with the blonde hair like everyone's like

remember Katie blonde hair time and when I was in college it did the same thing I was like I'm I want to discover what it's like to be a blonde do they have more fun and I bleached it for like 30 bucks at some like student hair salon and they were like this is a bad idea and I'm like I know but I need do it to grow. And Hairs lawn. Yeah, it was bad. It was bad. So you get to L.A.

You want to be in acting. And was reality TV ever, like something you like to watch? Like, were you knowledgeable about reality TV? Yeah. I mean, I was obsessed with the hills. Same. And then, you know, the Kardashians came on the scene. And I definitely watched that for sure.

But it didn't seem like it was the most accessible thing. people weren't doing shows really until like housewives came about and all that about just like regular people you know in the housewives are rich or whatever or had fabulous lives but you know it just still was it didn't it didn't register to me that that would ever become a reality or even an option for me i just wanted to be you know an actress i wanted to be on tv and i managed that so by taking a job at a restaurant did you ever want to to leave L.A. or quit? Like, did you ever have those little moments where you're like, I'm not going to make it? You know, the first two years, for sure. And that's kind of what I tell

everyone when they come. I'm like, the first two years are probably the hardest. You have definitely a love, hate. You're homesick because it's, L.A. is not a warm, cozy, welcoming place. The people are not very friendly. It's big. It's, you know, it's hard to find your, you know, your place there and find your friends and feel at home and feel connected to it. So I definitely for the first two years struggled a little bit, but never to the point where I was like, I think I should move back. That was not an option. It's interesting how like you kind of had this confidence of I'm going to be on TV and not like it was this far off thing. And it's crazy how some people just have that in them where they just feel like it's meant for me. Yeah. Um,

I did. And also, everyone loves tequila, Katie. So this is this other side to you that when you get drunk, you tell people for real how you're feeling, you tell them off. Yes. What is it like like you're performing, but you're seeing this side of you that I know you're not like fully conscious of? It is sobering of all things.

no because yeah i i always say like tequila katie is there's there's two sides they're the dark side but then there's the really fun light side and most of the time it's the fun light side but the dark side is dark it's really fucking dark and it's really scary and you don't want to be on the receiving end of that i realize that but you know it also it was a bit of a come-to-jesus moment a sobering experience really is like i need to like manage my drinking like i i need to maybe have a nice big meal because it would just become a problem when I've had like too much to drink and then I get easily triggered and set off very like my temperament becomes like really small and I can go crazy on people and you know it's like a lot of not proud moments and you know

people will say like a drunken tongue speaks a sober mind or something like that and it's like yeah not really the delivery is very much different and it's not always how yeah because something could have kind of pissed you off but then you like take it to a whole other level you would have never soberly cared about my my like fighting style is to just be like really hurtful and that's not it's not okay it's really fucked up but like it's just like I'm not I'm not necessarily like it's not me telling you how I actually feel it's me just being extra extra mean yeah maybe something small and I could easily blow it out proportion when I would get to point so i've actually never had like a functioning relationship on summer house like it's been like

flings or things you've had like a full blown function she's taking a drink as i'm talking about it a full functioning relationship i don't know how the fuck you've done it but now that we're talking about fighting do you feel like you and tom are very compatible with your fighting because i like i think there people need to talk about that more how like everyone's going to fight but are you like good at fighting with him or has it changed over time okay yeah it's it's it's has has evolved over time and it has changed over time i think what people don't understand it's like yes tom and i are really mean to each other or we had and we not we are but we and we really have been very mean and vicious towards one another he poured a drink over my head in mexico he's called me

horrible names i said his dick doesn't work for us but but for us when we are in that fight we're not really listening to what we're saying we're just hearing that someone's mad and we're trying to like win so we're saying things that we don't necessarily mean we're just saying them to be mean you don't mean them but we're just saying them to be mean and as long as you both can comprehend that that like you're not writing notes of like how dare she mention that no and we also can comprehend that that's not healthy that is very toxic and so we we've gotten much better about you know i mean we still mess up it still has But, you know, I think people are forgetting that, like, think of all the bad fights everyone

has had in their lives and they're traumatizing. But imagine if they were put on TV, it would be exploitative. And, you know, and especially when you have an audience and people having opinions about that, like, you might feel the same way about it. And I just think that I'm not saying everyone fights that way, but I think everyone has. Yeah. And I don't know if this has inspired you but I wanted to promote obviously you have a podcast called you're going to love me and it starts out with you saying like people have thought you're a bitch a mean girl a bully and the podcast is a place for you to have people open up and kind of show who they really are and for people to judge a different side of them almost did I yeah absolutely absolutely because I think you know I know especially

my own experience and people have even seen it on Vanderpump Rules that like I am really we're all very quick to judge someone you're you're at a restaurant someone walks in the bar you catch you know that person catches your attention immediately you're like already kind of making up an idea of this person in your head like oh that guy looks like a douche or like well that's the whole point of watching bravo to judge everyone so for me when people come in I'll you know you know there'll be one thing about that person that I'll kind of glom on to forgetting that they're you know, they're a layered individual. And, you know, and I think when you can step back and get to know a person and find out what your common ground is or things you have in common that you didn't even know, like it opens up a whole new world of relatability where you can kind of readjust and reevaluate the judgments and opinions that you've made of people. So even if it's people that you love, they're not necessarily the greatest thing to ever grace this earth. they have flaws as well

whereas somebody who you think is a complete monster like no they actually might have a softer side to them that you just haven't been introduced to. Are you talking about Jacks? I'm just kidding. But I do think that as you being on Vanderpump it's easy

for people who watch Bravo to put people into like characters like they're so simple. Like it's like oh and Kate it's funny how different seasons you become a different person suddenly. It's like oh well she's you know the mean girl or oh you know she's the successful one and it's it's like people are never that simple as that one label that they're being put out no we're layered we're like an onions mostly stinky but

there's a you know but you make people cry sometimes it's what happens but yes I think it becomes very one dimensional when you watch shows I do the same thing I just watch like the what do the call the bling empire on Netflix and you know you do this I do the same thing when I watch I'm like oh my god like that person is such a bitch but it's like well i've only ever seen her interacting with like two people that she's like doesn't get along with so maybe she's not a total bitch it's just maybe these people bring that out of her maybe it's just because i've been doing reliant tv that i watch it that way and i'm a little more subjective but that's also part of the fun of it is getting lost in the storylines that's i love that you brought that up because vanderpump

became like my favorite show when i was going through like a depressed episode. Like I had gotten through a breakup. I'd go to work and I come home and I'm like, I don't want to be stuck with my own thoughts right now. And I started Vanderpump from season one. And I just got lost in like your guys' friendships. And it was like the ups and downs. But at least it wasn't my problems. Like, oh my God, my life is actually amazing. But it was like you really get lost in that world. And I actually remember you opening up about your accident. And it was funny because it's something that like was never talked about i never even noticed your scar to be honest and you have these moments of clarity where you're like whoa like she'd gone through something so traumatic

and i want to kind of know little more like when was that in your life and how has it kind of affected your outlook on life because it sounded fucking intense yeah it was so this was november of 2009 so it's a minute. So I was at a friend's house, like playing Monopoly, drinking a little wine, baking cookies. It was like a really, like, low-key night. And we went up on the roof. I was with two of my friends. And he lived in Koreatown.

And we were just like kind of taking pictures. My friend had a camera who's playing with like open exposure for people that know cameras know what that means. It's some artsy-L-A stuff. It was really artsy. I'm very, you know, alternative. But no, but there was a skylight that we sat on. And my friend was like, oh, my gosh, I want to take a picture because there was light coming up out of the skylight.

It was a big skylight. So I sat on it. Long story short, it was an old building with old glass. I fell through it about 25 feet down like two stories on a stairwell. It was like, you know, one of those stairwells where it goes down, landing, down landing. So there's like a hole in the middle. and so yeah i had like i broke my jaw i had a brain injury which is the the most lasting injury or effect that's come from it i broke all like all of like my right side of my ribs my

collarbone like i was like really fucked up and so and it all happens in a second yeah and i don't remember i thank god our our brain is so powerful and amazing that it'll protect you From traumatic experiences, they call it trauma amnesia. So I don't remember anything. I have like little like like dream like visions almost of being in an ICU like in a hospital bed. Or like when the paramedics came, I remember they cut all my clothes off of me and the feeling it was in November. So it was a little cold. So I could feel like cold air on my body.

And yeah. And then I just woke up in the ICU and they wired my jaw shut. Yeah. it was like very Kanye West in time of my life through the wire so I had knocked out like some teeth in my bottom so I had like a nice little hole for a straw that I would drink from yeah so that was that was hard but you know I was so focused on just like physically healing that yeah none of the like mental or any of that stuff really set it until like later and in life like when I came back to L.A. I was just like

life is really short like do I want to be chasing this dream of being an actor like I don't know like I feel like I want to be in more control of my life because when you want to be an actor it's very subjective you go for an auditions you know oh you're too tall you're too short you don't fit the role all of that like it's just you're not in control of things no matter how talented you are or whatever but what brain injuries do and traumatic brain injuries do is they leave you with something called PTSD and it's not necessarily like oh i'm scared of heights i am scared of heights but um but it's more just like you're not the same it's like personality altering and you can't ever look at life the same

you can't ever look at relationships and the same even when it comes to just like simple things like disagreements with friends i when i tell people like or when i get an argue with someone and I feel like frustrated by them, it's not because I'm not patient with them or I'm not understanding or compassionate. I tend to just only think from my own perspective of just like, why don't you realize how dumbness is or how like unimportant this is?

Like, why are we even talking about this? And, you know, and so it becomes now difficult to navigate through relationships and friendships where there are, you know, conflicts as smaller, as large as they are, just because my whole perspective is just completely turned upside down and it just as in you see them as like so little compared to like the trauma i don't see them as little i just the way i view issues or or i often can't understand how people view them oh because of the brain injury well yeah because i just

my perspective on things is completely different now yeah and you know it's like almost like i felt like out of body in ways like i felt like not myself for a long time and feeling comfortable my own thoughts oh yeah feelings became like really difficult and so yeah so just and it's like your brain got jiggled he's got more than jiggled it bled but so it's like so i mean i think and i think sometimes people will view um my approach of things as like condescending or i just being or bitchy or whatever you know but it's like it's not that it's just i's really struggle putting myself on other people's shoes because I can't undo what's happened to me. And not that that takes precedent over anything,

I need to learn compassion and patience and everything like that. But I just can't help the way. I mean, it's really hard to navigate. It's really hard to like unpack a broken brain, not a broken brain, but a damaged brain. And, you know, like just everything that turned upside down. well it's it's everything gets like sparked and triggered normally and then one day everything gets flipped around and you have to like think about how you used to think like that's fucking crazy it makes me

stressed out i used to yeah i used to say i just want to be the the girl i was the woman i just want to be i want to feel like myself i want to feel like i mean i always had like a sassy side to me but i was way more like chill and like felt like i was more go with the flow and now i'm just like i had to get like anxious and just yeah but it's also like you have to love this katie and that has been my journey because you're not that other katie is is not she's not there and like you you have to find beauty in this katy and i also think it's hard because you're getting judged by the public for all your decisions and all your reactions and all your fights but then i mean also the body shaming that you have dealt with like so how have you found confidence in yourself in spite of all those things oh

how I don't know I mean that is um my relationship with myself my body that is an everyday thing because some days I'm like you know what like you're fucking a rock star and I feel like I can conquer the world and I'm just like feel just so great about myself in other days and I'm like I don't feel like getting out of bed I don't want to get dressed. I don't want to put clothes on. I don't want to see people. You know, it's like I would be lying if I said that like the body shameing never affected me, but I'm not a robot. I'm a human being. So at the end of the day, like seeing those things will creep into my psyche. It will affect me in a way, especially when it's something that I'm struggling with personally, you know,

like. Yeah, it's not like, it's something that you already probably have told yourself in a mean way before. Yeah. So when I'm trying to be kinder to myself and not think poorly and try to like lift myself up, when I see so much negativity, it confirms those dark negative thoughts. And I will spiral. So I've had to like not engage. And I feel bad because that's why I would be, you know, distant from social media and wouldn't engage with people or respond much. Not because I didn't care or I wasn't thankful or grateful because so many people are so wonderful. and supportive, but there's also really evil people out there. So I can't engage with a positive without constantly seeing the negative. And if I'm not in a good place to handle that or ignore it,

I just can't do it. It could ruin your week. That one message that you thought was a nice one that you accidentally clicked on and it wasn't. Yeah. But I also want to make a point to say, I love you and Tom so much. And I like, I joke that, yeah, I think you guys are the cutest. I also think Tom is like so hot and so funny and so cute and like you bring out this like side of him that like wants to be the best guy for you. But I think it's important to know like you could be with the fucking hottest dude in L.A. And I mean, and it's like you still have to love yourself. Just a guy loving you is not going to suddenly make any of your own internal struggles disappear. That's why like girls who are alone like, I just need a boyfriend. You don't. You love yourself.

And I know it's hard. It's easier. like it's easier when you're in my position and I've been with Tom for over 10 years now and we're married to tell a girl like you don't need that it's not important and they're like oh easy for you to say but it's true it's true like what what who made you feel like men make you more valuable to yourself or to anyone else like what in the fuck is that about like I'm sorry they if anything they make things more challenging let me tell you well my question to you is when did you realize Tom might be marriage material because you're like having fun in L.A messing around male models do you know thing yeah what about him I I dated a lot

I was like professionally single before I met Tom and extremely jaded also like I'm I'm sorry, not to be like, that's what L.A. does, but that's what L.A. fucking does to someone. They break you down and make, you know. But it's just, I feel like with Tom and I, it was, it was really organic. We went really slow. We both, when we met, we kind of were not wanting a relationship. I had just been through something that was, like, kind of like torturous with a guy. And so when I met him, we were both, like, very into each other, but we were like, I don't want a relationship we're like cool so we just like stated casually but like weren't wasn't really seeing anyone else you know but we didn't want to call it a relationship or you know take it to that

level i went back to utah for a visit to my parents and i didn't really like tom would like hit me up but i didn't respond them right away like i was visiting my parents like you're not my bar brand like i don't you know i i i didn't feel responsible or accountable to anyone because we weren't boyfriend and girlfriend but christin i told me you don't have way for your responsibilities yet yeah yeah that's the boyfriend package that you need to upgrade too if you want me to text you back when i'm on vacation but um yeah no it's Kristen told me that he was like oh have you heard from katie like my tax service and text me back and i was like oh my god like he caught feelings and i had feelings too but i'm able to you know i was managing my expectations because

yeah he told me he didn't want a relationship so i just like wouldn't let my head go there but then Stasi was like okay well how would you feel if you just keep doing this but tomorrow he met someone and then just like it ended because it was getting to the point where we had to shit or get off the pot so yeah I was like fuck no that can't happen so I asked him to lunch and I said you know what I think we have feelings so I think we you know before we hurt each other we should probably just establish what this is and create boundaries and you know would you be my boyfriend and he's like I don't know if he'll be a very good one and I was like you know I'm like that's good enough for me I don't know what I'll be but like we could just got

to call it and then once he met my family I was just like oh my god now I'm like super in love with you and you know he just he just has always been so caring and nurturing and so like and people I think view him as being like not driven or not motivated but he always has been he's been really responsible and worked really really hard whether it was bartending at a party or catering this or whatever it was like he's very responsible and very driven so it was also interesting showing like tom suffers from some panic attacks on tv because especially at the time i was like this is amazing but they don't show men like suffering from that kind of anxiety and i also feel like people are quick to label someone as like lazy or not

motivated when sometimes they're just super anxious and like have trouble with certain things what was what is your guy's relationship with anxiety and anxiety within your relationship um I think when it comes to tom I feel like he kind of doesn't recognize his own potential and realize like what amazing things he can do he and and sometimes for some people that it keeps them humble to to not think so highly of themselves but I told them like sometimes you got to like give yourself the credit because you need that um i my anxiety it was not feeling off and secure in our relationship because we did start off slowly we didn't you know jump right into a relationship we didn't move right into you know together right away but after six years i was like yo i want to get married like 72 years later

you know because like not that like oh i feel pressure because i'm getting older but it was just like you know if you don't want to get married and that's not going to be your thing you know you're I'm not getting any younger and the guys just keep dating younger so so either like you know but it's just I think we we do Tom is always like when I get anxious or riled up about something he's always just like don't let it get to you have perspective he he's very more like he is very existential in those kind of ways of just like you know creating healthy habit and like not getting inside your head not spiraling don't don't live your life in the comment section those kind of things so he can talk me down where sometimes i'm like i just need to

like go off the rails right now yeah and so we do i feel like there is a good we're very compatible in that sense where i can get become very emotional and very easily riled up where he's much more even killed yeah it's like really finding someone whose demons are compatible with your demons because if you both got like really rowdy and emotional over stuff then it's like Your house is on fire. Yes. Do you ever deal with depression? Oh, yes.

Yes, yes, yes. That's part of like a PTSD thing because when you're 24 and faced with mortality and the realest way I was, like I should have been dead. Like I know how lucky and fortunate I am to survive that because people experience like even less and lose their lives or become you know paralyzed or ending up in a much worse situation but with that also like becomes like something that called survivors guilt of like you know why did I survive like why you know and it sounds crazy to other fascinating yeah but it sounds it sounds weird to other people but it's like it's a real thing and that was like

one of the first things I started dealing with because everyone else was responding to I went through like oh my god and I'm just like I know I know it's crazy but like I'm okay and they're like and you also like didn't ask for it to happen like you didn't sign up to like fly like you were just like this happened to me and I don't know how to respond to all that it was an accident so it's like so yeah the depression stuff has been an um direct results to a lot of those things that yeah just I have I have really good weeks for a long time and then I have weeks where it's just like don't want to get out of bed like don't have purpose and especially right now with with the pandemic and corona and being you know in some whatever lockdown this is called like not a lockdown

lockdown um you know it's just like there's it's it's really hard to find the motivation and find the happiness and get those the serotonin spike and so sometimes i i i let it win well especially with our job where I feel like we have really high highs and really low lows. And even when you're having a low low, you still feel alive. And then sometimes it gets taken away. And then you're like, Emma, hello, I'm still here. Do you find that awesome? Oh my God. Yes, all the time. It's just like, especially now, because it's like, you know, with everything shut down, like normally we would have like filmed another season and would have been like airing now. And so like dealing with all of that too is like a little hard because it's like it is much of like a what am

am I doing like what should I do like I feel like I should be doing something right now but then I can't and how do you feel about everyone being impregnated around you I'm like I'm so happy for them like and it's been it's been so much fun to like watch my friends like literally grow physically but also like but also just like the changes in their bodies and the things that they're experiencing in that sort of like that phase of pregnancy before motherhood is like so cool and so fun and I feel like I'm getting like a wealth of knowledge from them from one day when I've become pregnant but you know it's hard because back you know in the day of 2020 when we would have like you know corn teams like those like were the people that I would like only hang out with we just like

if we just to get a little bit of socializing him but now that you know Stasi's just had her baby I haven't seen her since like before Thanksgiving and you know everyone else is like deep into their pregnancies so like you know they're being even extra extra cautious which is great so i just see like a little less of them which is like well congrats on being a godmother oh my god i was like just i was so shocked by that and so honored and overwhelmed and it's just like such a special thing i'm i'm not a i've never been a godmother before so i'm like you're gonna be like the fun aunt yes i mean i have i have a niece and that's and i and i and she's the coolest little girl ever and I like love spoiling her and then she's so much so much fun so

now I get I now I feel like I have like more little nieces and nephew coming into my life that just I can't wait but I can't I can't wait till we can all they just like safely get together enjoy life I want to kiss those babies and I want to snuggle them so bad it's also so weird like you've seen these people in such different parts of their lives and now they're like mothers with like a beautiful you know tons of beautiful pillows and a matching you know a painting and you're like you were like puking in a bathroom like five years ago but it's just i think that's the coolest part about it is so cool because it's like you guys and your friend grew yeah like stossi and we have like so much history for like over 10 years and been through so much together and seen each other and

many different forms and now seeing her hold her child is like so wild to me i don't necessarily think like oh my god like remember when you skip like it doesn't that that's not the occurrence to me really but it's just it's so crazy that you're like growing with them this is like super corny question but what it what advice would you give to the katie who like just moved to l.a oh my god I would just say buckle the fuck up. Buckle up. Like you have no, I mean,

it's just like you have no idea what's coming for you. Buckle up. It's going to be really, really great. Like you're, what you've envisioned for yourself is going to come true. But believe me, there's going to be a lot of fuckery that happens along the way.

And you've got to be ready for it. But I've always, from the time I was really young, my mom would always just be just be true to yourself. true to your heart listen to your you know and i've always like i love your mom voice you know that's how she's just you know what i've always told you um but like that's something that's something that's so true and like that's when i'm in those you know moments that's what i think about and i'm just like as long as i'm saying and what's really in me and being you know and being true

to my heart like i don't have regrets and i can own it the one thing no one can say about you because people can say a lot of shit about you i know no one can say say that you're a fake ass bitch that's like you have never looked like a try hard or like you're performing or that you're sucking up like that's one thing that i always got from you is that she's being real yeah and you can't knock that i mean yeah people have said like i'm a minion to stasi but i'm just like yo don't you have friends that like you guys are like ride or die because you guys align on the same fucking issues not all the time but it's just like um she gets me I'm not a minion. We get each other. That's why we are friends. Hello. You have your own brain.

But yeah. And the thing is it's like people, it's like, why do you ask for my opinion if you don't want it? Don't. There's been multiple times. I feel like I remember you just like having a complete different opinion than everyone else and people getting mad at you and me just being like, well, she's being honest. or like people agreeing with you because a lot of the time there's that group mentality especially being cool with your friends or like obviously filming where you're like well if everyone thinks this is wrong I guess it's wrong where you will step up and like always like that's one thing that I really respect about you yeah I'm not saying I'm right I'm just saying if that's my opinion I'm going to stand by it hell yeah we're going to wrap this up with a final game called the seven deadly sins

first question what are you greedy about my time are you good at saying no yes oh i let's like you know i i my one of my fears is like commitment not to people but to plans um i want to normalize saying no just because you get to say no to things and not having to and you don't feel like people are going to hate you if you say no well maybe but like you know what what I'm greedy with my time. So if I don't want to do it, why do you want me to be there if I don't want to be there? Oh, you're some preach. Who are you envious of? Myself, probably perform my accent. No, um, maybe a little bit. You know, I'm envious of like kids. I'm envious of kids who

don't have a care, a clue. They're just like they're just carefree, easy, breezy. Like they just all, like all they think about is just like what they get to have for dessert or something which is what i still do a lot of the time but it's funny that you i love that you brought up your mom because i'm very close with my mom for advice and stuff and how she said just be yourself but that's like a loaded thing to say oh just be yourself but i've had those existential moments with my mom where i'm just like i don't know who i am and she's always like go back to that like Hannah who was like six and she didn't have like a care of what society thought or like what you had to do and like what did she like like the hobbies i liked when i was six i actually still like now like i like

animals i like art i like talking shit i like making funny faces and i think it's beautiful that like i do think you can look back on katie before the accident with rose-colored glasses because like she she you know had her own stuff she was dealing with too but she was also kind of a dummy so like i'm not necessarily envious of her like i don't want to talk shit about her right now but like you know like it couldn't have been perfect yeah what are you gluttonous about like what do you overindulge in oh gosh um probably like petty gossip or or um alcohol or snacks what is what is the snacks thing that you and tom have because that like turned me on that's that time that he brought you like a ton of little bags of like oh my yeah like i will be such a junk food fiend

That's why I can't like always have it in my house because I don't know when to stop. And it's like, yeah, that's the key. Just don't buy it. I can't only. What's your go to? Oh, I mean, chips are always so key. And like, um, or like a candy or sugar too. I just, you're like sugar.

That's all. Like just, you know, the shit that doesn't belong in your body. Like all the chemicals, the process. Corn syrup. So, oh, that crap. Oh, my God. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger? Like, were you pissed off recently? Oh, my God. It's been so long. I'm proud of you. I'm missing. You're like, oh, I miss the Gila Gating. No, no, I definitely have been like pissed recently. You know, but now it's more just like the mundane things, like driving in the car. Just I get a little, a little scotch of road rate, road rage sometimes. Just because people are terrible.

drivers so that's that's probably the last time I screamed to my car to someone was just like what the fuck are you doing well if you don't have a lot of like highs and lows throughout the day it's like you got to make the car ride fun yeah kind of get it out somehow when was the last time you were a sloth so like didn't get out of bed oh that was probably like not yesterday but maybe like the day before like those those days are like are you and tom good at having like cuddle days where you just like don't do shit together we are the pros of that. See, that makes me happy. We're watching Lost right now, too. So it's like, I made him finish season three this morning. You're like, if you find someone who's super hyper

when you want to be chill, like that ends relationships. Well, he is sometimes, especially in the morning. Like, I'll wake up sometimes at 7.30 and he's already like done the Peloton, taking a dog for a walk, had breakfast. He's on the phone. And I'm like, can you? Can you not? down like i'm at a 10 i need you at a two also congrats on your home what is it like creating this space for yourselves that you guys like really earned terrifying it's like buying a home is like no one they tell you like it's a big deal no it's a really big fucking deal and they let you know it's funny because christin's whole story on which she was like i don't know if they even want this fucking home anymore i'm telling you they they they want everything for you getting a home loan

is like next fucking level and and but I mean but at the end of day you're like well I'm not throwing thousands of dollars down the drain to rent every month like this is like our investment this is what we have and it's really great feeling like this is our home but then you're like oh wait I got to like I got to call a gutter guy how do like all of a sudden you're like 12 years old you're like how do the things like I don't know how to do oh my god that's so you got to like step up and like take care of your house. and realize that there's no like landlord or building manager that's going to come and like fix your whatever for you like we've like I got my gutters clean finally because it's about to rain for the

one time of the year it does because for whatever reason I think the gutters like back up into our wall and then drip through a light fixture see these are problems you would never even think of that you have to deal with and that's called being an adult I know what you said earlier life is just full of fuckery it is and you have to deal with it's fucked up when was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something this is a little bit of a tough one no this is a tough one i mean there's been a billion times on van der pomples that this has happened obviously um but i think often it'll happen with tom like there'll be like some thing oh we've been arguing about like the pool guy what about the pool guy where it's just like i feel really adamantly that we need a new pool cleaner guy and come for whatever reason it's like super loyal to the people and I don't this is the life I'm in right now I know it's not as dramatic as like also the back alley sir but you know this is this is this is so awkward because that pool guy does listen to this

podcast so he's going to know I mean but I'm just you know and he and he's so much like and I'm just like I don't know maybe that's not my pride but it's just like I don't know why he argues with me about it sometimes it's just it's insane or when or like what we're talking about like um doing like the hanging the art on our living room wall it's just like I feel I don't know I just don't want to back down sometimes sometimes I feel like I just really know what's best it's so funny because once with my boyfriend I was like I think we should get a new cleaning lady like I think it's too expensive and he was like sure you set it up and you deal with it and I was like nope that's okay never mind I know Tom's like if you really

want to do that and coordinate with the guy and I'm like well like like Tom handles the pool and I handle like the gardener so like fine that is like healthy delegation in a relationship yeah balance speaking of relationships when was the last time you lusted over someone like so who's your celeb crush oh right now Tom and I have the same one it's sayed from lost this morning we we watched him snap a guy's neck with his feet and we both we both looked at each other like oh like we both got a boner at the same time it was really sweet how's your sex life um it's good but you know this is this is a big misconception people think like you guys like never have sex we joke because like we don't have sex every day we don't like we're

we're very content and acknowledge the fact that like we've been together for 10 years so like yeah it's something that's like not the most important part of our relationship but the thing is we still like intimacy can still exist without penetration people like that's what you need to understand like sometimes you can get your intimacy by having conversations by spending time together we lay in bed and like we'll i mean you should definitely get your intimacy from doing that stuff yeah it's like so it's good i mean especially because like we're like okay like let's try and do the kid thing but like i don't want to be like super clinical about it and be like all right omulating time let's go we did that a little bit i don't know it just it feels like i kind of i like things to

like be organic and i want things to still have like passion and feel like in the moment for us to be like yeah you want to like create a baby from love not like an app on a phone yeah i know i mean that's helpful if that's where you want to go it is helpful but now it's always you know what let's just like let it see what's meant to be yeah for sure oh my god this is something really unsexy about scheduling stuff well when people we're like we're trying i'm like oh trying just like gives me like whatever people say like we're trying to me i'm just like you basically just told me that like you're fucking all the time your husband's just like putting a bunch of baby batter in you like i don't know it's just

did you say baby batter i don't i i don't have a problem talking about sex but also like i don't know like i don't want the it just it's well if i sat the table when i was like we're having nonstop sex where someone going we're trying everyone's like oh and if i said that they're like okay calm down exactly it's the same thing it's the same shit like what the 100% to wrap this up you've gone through a lot of shit in your life ups and downs what advice would you give to the listeners on what you do to cope with your hell so when you're in your darkest moments like what are your coping mechanisms sometimes all you can do is sort of give in to it in the moment and I don't mean like submit yourself to the deepest darkest thoughts you can have but

recognize that you're kind of having a bit of like you know an episode or you you maybe this is like your mind your subconscious your body telling you that you need to just like slow down for a minute and be okay with that like especially right now with the state of the world that we're in right now that like it is perfectly okay to take all the time in the world that you need to just do nothing zone out you know breathe hell yeah breathe just take a time the hardest part taking it whenever I can stop and remember like oh yeah just take a few deep breaths like in through the nose out through the mouth like that really helps calm

everything down heart rate goes down like just blood pressure goes down so it's like doing those kind of things like just not feeling guilty and being kind to yourself like I think it's so easy right now for us to just get really down on ourselves for not performing at the rate that we're normally used to performing or what we think is expected of us. And I think we just all need to recalibrate what that is. And, you know, if you need to just like watch 10 hours of like Bridgeton or lost or whatever, be like that is perfectly acceptable, like you just got to kind of like give into those times.

Yes. You know, go for a walk too. Yes. It's like we're like plants. Sometimes you just need to drink a little bit of water. And you'll be in a better mood. I hate it in the beginning of the pandemic. They were like, Shakespeare wrote like a whole play.

I'm like, Shakespeare didn't have TikTok. So like, calm the fuck down. Katie, you're amazing. Everyone needs to download her podcast, subscribe, rate review. You're going to love me. I'm guessing on it as well. And Katie, where else can people find you, watch you, stalk you, whatever? Well, I live in Valley Village.

Just kidding. I, yeah, no, music kills Kate on Instagram. I'm sometimes on there. don't go on too much Twitter and I started TikTok I'm kind of TikTok famous I got about like 16,000 followers on their hell yeah I'm probably gonna move into the hype house soon

but we'll see but follow me on there I mean I'm not as active only because life is just like really kind of like blasé right now but that's where you can find me and yeah listen to the podcast well thank you so much Katie it has been truly an honor reality TV royalty

and I'll talk to you guys later in hell bye Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.