Berner Phone - Krystyna Hutchinson: Cuckolding & Creative Masturbation

Episode Date: October 30, 2019

Krystyna explains why sluts are the best, how her podcast blew up after Apple rejected it, finding men who won’t have sex with you, her cuckolding fetish, her first three-way, how she doesn’t emit a sexy vibe, when they first masturbated, introducing toys with a significant other, guys with sexual dysfunctions, being boy crazy, how we hooked up with the same guy, why we broke up with our exes, how Hannah’s grandma is sexually active, having sex with Chris Distefano, working with Corinne Fisher, how anal sent her to the ER, how she is starting her own podcast, and the secret to meditation. Get 20% off NIGHT pillows at discovernight.com with the code BERN JOIN HANNAH'S PATREON HERE --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sexy. Actually, you're great at low raspy voices. Thank you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I can... What if we do the whole podcast like this?

Yeah, people would definitely be jerking off, like, right now. Honestly, there's a fetish for everything. Take your dick out, guys. And then you could talk in a New York accent. Oh, yeah. You sound like an old man who is selling sausages on the street. Yeah, you want my sausage? Oh, I got to rub it first, then it'll come out.

I would fuck you. Thank you. Welcome to Burning Hello Anyway, I'm your host head of burner. And today we have comedian Christina Hutchinson from the critically acclaimed podcast. I've never said that before.

Oh, wow. Guys, we fucked. Nice. I just wanted to say fuck in the intro. Thank you. Holy crap. happy you're here because you're kind of podcast royalty like i don't want to make you feel weird no thank you i appreciate it you take we've definitely built something from nothing that's for sure and it's been

crazy it's been a journey how long when did you start the podcast almost six years ago oh shit did not think anyone even know what a podcast was six years ago i did i actually listen to a lot of podcasts at the time corin did not and we wanted to do this concept for a podcast just so that people could be anonymous if they wanted to because like oh you want to divulge all the details about our sex life on video oh yeah no not at all so it's it's known as like the anti-slut shaming podcast which i'm all about because i love sluts me too sluts are the best i know so fun funniest yeah even if you don't act on it like everyone should be a slut in their head to yeah yeah exactly an emotional slut or a mental yeah mental slut i like that slut mentality

Even if you're a virgin, you can have a slept mentality. Sle mentality is freedom, strength, but there's also toughness in it because there is shame. Yeah, for sure. And I think sexuality is an important expression for a person. And whenever that gets dampened by shame or guilt or anything like that, it's like, it's not good for anybody. And you guys have had millions and millions and millions of downloads. When did you start realizing we have something? The first press piece we got, we got a lot of press the first two years on our own.

We didn't have a publicist. And the first press piece was from The Daily Beast. And the title was the podcast too hot for iTunes because iTunes wouldn't accept us initially. Yeah. And they wouldn't tell us why. And we're like, I can put that together. Did you have the asterix in the fuck? We didn't.

And then we tried that. And they still rejected us. And we're like, okay. Okay. And then eventually some guy allowed us on his network that was on iTunes. And that's how we kind of snuck in. And then we told everybody that iTunes wasn't. letting us on and they all tweeted at them. And then Cooper Tino, this guy from

Cupertino, Apple, called my cell phone. I don't know how he got my number. And I was like, yo, this shit's crazy. But he was like, hey, sorry about that. It was an oversight. We're putting you on iTunes. I was like, thank you. Did you ever think of change in the name? No, never. Wow. So you put your foot down. You're like, this is who we are. You have to. And it's also, the podcast, from doing ads. Like, there's so many things that come with having a curse in your title. Yes, for sure. And our book is called fucked. I mean, You know, looking back at it, it's like, all right, maybe not the best marketing tool. But, you know, it's fun to see certain venues, like some theaters on the marquee that we're performing at.

They'll put, like, guys, we start, shot, so, so, so, so, so. And I'm like, okay, I mean, we can all, we all know what that means. But I get why you wouldn't want to put guys we fuck on a marquee. Just get different cute names for it. Yeah. Oh, doing morning radio is the best because it's like, guys, we hug. Like, okay, sure. If that makes you feel good, do it.

But you originally, you were an actress? Are you like, what was your goal coming out of college? What did you want to be? I wanted to be on SNL and I wanted to be an actress. I majored in acting. You still can be on SNL. Maybe. Although, you know, they're going to have, they would dig through everything I've ever said

on any podcast I've ever been on and any Twitter thing I've ever said and they would come after me. Do you think that you would get canceled? Probably. Yeah, I don't know. The podcast, guys you fuck blew up in a way that I was like, oh, word? So I don't know what text. things that blow up. If you try too hard to make something go viral, it's like it's not going to

go viral. You're absolutely right. That is the secret sauce for something not going viral. It's like when you try to make something funny, it's not going to be funny. But if it's just an authentic feeling, it'll hit people's emotions. Yeah. Yep. I feel like if they always say if you make someone laugh or cry, they'll remember it. Why do you think guys we fucked hit home with girls? Because we were trying to bring the conversation that you have with your really close friends in your living room to a big platform. And I think that the podcast that I listened to up until then were Dan Savage, Savage

Lovecast, Mark Marin, um, is what the fuck. And, uh, this American life. And it wasn't, it was conversational, but I feel like, I don't know, I feel like Corinne and I just hit a nerve and we had conversations that we were not, we didn't look at as groundbreaking, but I think when you put those intimate conversations of like,

what were you thinking when you fucked me? Did you think my vagina, was my vagina tight or was a bit like I've never really asked a guy that? And we have these opportunities to talk to these people we slept with in a bizarre way. I never would have talked to half these guys ever again, not because I didn't like them. Yeah. Just because I didn't want to be, it'd be just be weird. It's amazing. It's hard now that, like, we're both in the industry where everything that happens to me

becomes content, and I can't help it. Oh, yes. I know that feeling all too well. Put your phone down, Christina. Like, literally, I'm talking to this guy who's bad news. Like, he's, like, hockey player model. It's bad news. And I'm, like, deeply shallow at times.

it depends like how emotionally available I want to be and I'm like not there right now so I'm like yes ruin my life yeah but I found out that he like loves BDSM oh like he's like I want to put melt a candle on her body and like put like a gag ball in her mouth oh and um ruin my life indeed yeah but I'm like every guy I've dated's vanilla I feel like I hate vanilla personalities but I've never found a guy in the bedroom to like show me that right so even though this guy is on paper just he's not boyfriend material necessarily i'm like i need to explore this to just tell people what happens to me sounds like he's fuck material the problem is he won't have sex with me why he says he respects me too much and he's not ready to have a girlfriend i hate that wait you don't want to

that's what i said i literally he was like don't fall low with meanna no it's shut the fuck up and hit me please god damn but then the weird thing is like he texts me all day he facetimes me all the time and i'm like i had a conversation with him last night where because it's awkward to be like i want you to fuck me why aren't you fucking me because then when you do do it i feel like it's weird well why aren't you fucking me is gonna that's gonna kill the pie are you fucking me Jesus and i use the word fuck just because that's i feel like you're the same way yeah um just the word that we're gonna use but then last night i was like look you, I understand that he's like predicting what'll happen.

He's like, we start having sex. And if I start talking to someone else, I'm going to, you're going to get upset. I'm like, you're just projecting the future. Yeah. I'm like, also, it's going to end badly regardless with us. So we might as well have sex. Yeah. And then we'll have so much fun.

And also, don't take out whatever previous experience you've had with other women on me because you don't know me yet. Yeah. You don't know that I would freak out or not. I'm telling you I won't. Well, also, I'm 28 now. Like, I'm not going to lie. When I was 24, I would have.

already been like we're going to have children together and they'll play hockey in Minnesota and they'll be so cute. But now I'm like, I see red flags because of all the red flags I've experienced. Have you ever dealt with a guy who won't have sex with you? Yes, I have actually. I'm, I have that now. Oh my God, this is perfect. Our energies are aligning. I'm so sexually frustrated right now. I'm very horny all the time. Which I kind of like, because to be honest, I've never had this with a guy that they won't have sex with me. I've known this person for almost a year now, and I've got to know him very intimately, emotionally, intimately, intellectually, just very intimately. And I understand his situation where he's at. He's just not

in the headspace to have sex. We did have sex in the beginning of our getting to know each other, but he was kind of just being debauchess for the sake of it because he was dealing with some stuff, which I could also tell. When you say debauchess, do you mean like just having sex over the place? But he said he's, yeah, he fucked other people. Like, he, like, went on a, went on a sex rampage, which good for him. Like, you got him. I also, like, I won't get jealous if I'm seeing a guy and he's like, yeah, I have random sex. Because I'm more like a quality time kind of person.

Like, I know when we connect. Yeah. And I like having, like, a best friend. Yeah, I do too. But then I feel like your best friend wouldn't, like, fuck prostitutes. I, I, I, there's a loophole with me that is, uh, is. that I like seeing or thinking about the guy that I'm sleeping with, sleeping with other people.

I like to see it. I like to have them tell me about it. Oh, this is fun. It's cuckolding. I'm a cuck. Everyone's using that as an insult, but I'm like, thank you. Oh, yes, I am.

So you'll see a guy and you'll be like, who are you attracted to? Yeah, once I get, I have to get to know him first and I have to like, you know, feel him out. Yeah, because when you drop that card, if you drop it too early, he might be fetishy and could be using you for that experience to stay on his podcast.

Oh, maybe. Which, you know. you know pot call on the kettle black um but um but i how did you realize you like that um my ex of seven years um i actually you know what i started talking about it on guys we fucked that i thought it was really hot that i masturbated to my boyfriend fucking other people my boyfriend at the time edited the podcast he heard that and he was like hey christina maybe want to share this with me when did you see him fucking other people um so after that we talked about it he dated a porn star but before me and um that caused all sorts of mental issues but um but uh we told so we talked

about it which you know good call you know and then we incorporated it into our dirty talk and then we went on three way dates and then we had a three we had a couple three three ways you're fun thanks okay so when did you first see him hook up with someone else oh um we were maybe dating for four five years maybe five yeah and um and we went on it like we There was an app that at the time it was called Thrinder. Yes. Tinder for three ways has since been renamed because Tinder sued them. It's called Field, F-E-E-L-D, I believe.

Okay. And it's basically for couples and unicorns, which is the third person. And, yeah. I'm fascinated by, like, what happened in these people's lives to make them, like, what would make you want to be the unicorn? What would make you want to be the guy? Yeah. But obviously, my ex was like, yeah, I'm down with that.

Two girls on my dick. And I was like, cool, I want to see that, too. So he went on a three-way date. So he just brought it up randomly. No, he heard me talk about it on guys we fucked. But how do you know you liked it? Because I would masturbate to it. I just masturbated to it one day.

Oh, just thinking about it. Yeah. Oh, I thought you like saw it and you were like, that was hot. No, no, no. I just thought of it. And I think maybe he was telling me what kind of porn he was watching earlier that day or something. And I was like, oh, you like her? Do you like this porn star?

And he's like, yeah, I do. I'm like. And then I would watch her porn thinking about him, thinking about her. And I was like. That is, what's funny is that some girl's fucking nightmare. Totally. Like, my nightmare is like seeing a girl that your boyfriend likes than having to be around her. Or attracted to.

The emotional thing, that wouldn't, that would ruin it for me. Okay, okay. So it just like, he likes her body. And it makes him horny. Horny. Yeah. Just, just, I could never be emotionally non-monogamous because that's not how I roll, but I could absolutely be sexually non-monogamous.

Because I do comprehend, like, I'm a sexual person, and there are so many guys that I would have sex with, but I'm like, mentally, they're not stimulating for me. Oh, right, right, right. You know, so I could see and comprehend a guy having sex with a girl, not having emotion. Yeah. I feel like guys do it all the time. But you never want to jump in. Oh, I have. Well, it was a three-way.

Oh, so you like, you do a little pounds. I was like, hey, guys, I'm here. But then it was funny, the first three-way we had, we were very nervous. It was so cute. It was really sweet. It's never how you imagine it going, right? Well, even for the three-way date, we were sitting on this bench outside of this cafe and we're like oh i hope she's late this so weird like i've never been on a day like be cool

be cool don't tell that weird story about your mother-in-law yeah exactly and um but it like it was it was sweet even though this was purely a sexual fantasy for me and what kind of so you wanted a girl that he was attracted to yes but did it matter if you were attracted to her i had to think she was pretty like i had to think she was hot but what really mattered to me the most is that he thought she was hot and then we had the three-way we went on a date and then i made a rule i was like Like there will be no sexual contact this evening. This is just to get to know each other. Because I don't want that pressure.

Like it freaks me out. It makes me nervous. Yeah. So we like got after that day, we all got our calendars out and we scheduled it. And yeah. Google calendar invited. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

And she was really cool. And she slept over, which was a mistake on our part because we were like, sleep over. And I didn't like that. Because he was in the middle and he had our arm, his arms around both of us. And I was like, uh, uh, uh, uh, no, no. We don't do that. What was her mentality?

Like, was she just a single girl? Did she do this a lot? I don't know if she'd done it. I think she had done it before. Because you wanted to get to know her a little? Yeah, just a little. Not too much. Exactly.

You don't want to know about her family, but you'd like to know what she does for living maybe. Yes, exactly. That's a little below surface level, like beyond surface level, but not too deep. Like, I don't want to know your emotional issues. I don't want to, because then that kills the fantasy. Yeah, I don't want to know what you were like as a child. Right. And the freeway was great.

and it was really fun and then we did it two more times like over the span of a year because it's one of those or two years it's one of those things where it's like a treat you know what it means

like a good birthday cake yeah like once a year maybe twice but I wasn't interested in doing it more than that like I like sexual debauchery and sexual adventures but I don't need a lot of it

I think it's bold of you to think of a fantasy and then say what you want and I guess the podcast was a good outlet for that yeah because I talked about it on there before I talked to him about it. Yeah. It's funny. I'm such a prude. I've never had a threesome. I feel like I feel like I would

like two guys. Yes, I've done that. I think that's just me being a narcissist. No, no, no, but he liked two girls and that's not going to be a narcissist. Because I'm like a dude. Like, I feel like sometimes my mentality is like a dude and I was once sitting in a bed with my British boyfriend. And then it's a British. Fun. They always sound like they're either a villain in a James Bond movie or just like the funniest person. Anything they say makes me laugh. Would you like? Would you like? a crumpet and I'm like, I know, and everything they say is like too witty for me. And he always, yeah, anyway,

but his Australian roommate came and sat on the bed to talk to him. And I started having these fantasies in my head. And then I was like, wait, I think I'm freaky. I think I want to have two guys. But I would, I don't have the balls. Like, I'm literally getting red talking. Well, to make it feel better, I probably, I masturbated about that fantasy, that idea for about, I don't know, I would say six months.

And then I talked about it on the podcast. And then my ex was like, uh, tell me about this. What the fuck? Let's do it. And it took us a year, a little less than a year to actually make a move on it. So I'm a slow mover. I don't jump into things because I get, I get nervous. Yeah.

I love your podcast because I think that someone like me puts all these things on a pedestal or like really freaky weird people do them. Right. When, you know, you are freaky and weird, but you have a normal emotions. You're a normal person. Mm-hmm. But you're just trying things. that other people are too scared to try.

Yeah. Yeah. I guess, yeah. And doing the podcast for, I don't know, maybe two years at that point when I started talking about it, it got me more comfortable talking about sex. I bet. Do you consider yourself a sexual person? Very.

When did you realize that? I've been masturbating since I was like five. Good for you, bitch. I don't, thank you. I don't omit a sexy vibe, but I am like, I love sex. I'm not a sexy person, but I love sex. Exactly. I feel like you emit a sexy vibe. Oh, I do? See, I feel like maybe I'm too goofy.

I was going to use it. I'm a goofy person too. I'm very goofy. But I think there's a confidence in being goofy. For sure. That you're like, goofiness is like not wearing makeup. You're like, when I try, it's going to be fucking hot. So like when I am, try to be sexy. I'm like, just you wait. Because I'm just being goofy right now. I'm going to come out with some mascara, bro. You're going to lose your shit.

Once I get my sultry voice, you won't even know what to do. Yeah. Yeah, you don't give your sultry voice to everyone. Act like an idiot most of the time, and then you turn that shit on, and he doesn't take it for granted. Yes, yes. I play mind games, as you can tell. Deeply fucked up in mind games. It's funny, I didn't masturbate until I was 18.

That's good, though, I think, because I would have preferred that I did masturbate until I was way older. 18 would have been perfect because then it's like, oh, now I can explore this. I've already came a million times, but it's... time I was 18. So I'm like, what's next? Yeah, I'm definitely a little behind. As people know, I was a tennis player. So I think I was just tired. I was just physically tired all the time. And then in college, I took a class called like sexual, whatever. And they were talking about it scientifically. They're like, if you stimulate this enough, this will happen. It's not some like crazy freaky thing. Oh, that's fun. So then I was just like, okay, I guess I'll try it. And then it worked.

And you're like, oh, word. This is fun. And then you never left your home. And now I do this podcast from my bedroom Oh, I get crazy with masturbating now Like creative because I need Give us some strategies I have a whole Plethora thing Like a you know one of those

Under the Bed storage containers I have three of them under my bed And one of them is just sex stuff So we current and I get a lot of stuff sent to us for free So I'm like cool And then but I've I've buy a lot of outfits Like from this babe land and pleasure chest I've bought a lot of outfits

That's fun Just for me, because I'm like, I'm going to, because I've been single for the past year and a half. And for the first time in seven years. So I'm like, ooh, I'm going to swim in the explore. Yes. And every once in a while, I'll smoke a ton of weed. I do that a lot.

And put on an outfit and look at myself, I'm like, God damn. And then just like roll around my floor with a dildo. Yes. Well, you have to feel hot when you're masturbating. Yes. I have to feel hot when I'm masturbating. Yeah. It's hard if I'm like bloated and just like ate something and the mood.

isn't right. How do you introduce toys with like a significant other? That doesn't happen until later on. Later on. Well, with my ex of seven years, he introduced me to a lot of stuff. He got me really comfortable with my own sexuality. That's amazing. He was really, he was one of those people that were like, I'm going to make you come like eight times. Sometimes it was a little much. I'm like, all right, okay. I get it. But he just made me feel very comfortable. And he would like, I remember, I don't know, maybe six months into us dating. He was like, let's go to babe. And I've been. I'm like, no, and then I bought a vibrator, and we used, he's not intimidated by that stuff, but then he said he wasn't, and then I would take it out all the time.

My favorite thing to do is have an attach you magic wand and then while having sex. And so he was like, again? I'm like, yeah, again, motherfucker. So the magic wand, where do you put it? On my clip. On your clip while he's having sex with you. That's my favorite way to come ever. No, I have to.

You know, I think I have to do that. I think I have to do that too. Because, yeah, I'm like a people pleaser, so I'm, like, thinking a lot about what he'll like and then i'm like i'll like i'll figure my own shit out but i have to start yeah but that doesn't happen immediately you're not just like and you ready yeah yeah because first you like have sex you know what i mean missionary style do a boring because it's at that point it's gonna be exciting because you've never had sex with yes yes starting slow i think is a good and i'm trying this thing well i haven't tried it yet but i'm gonna try it if i meet somebody else that i like hopefully i will

um not having sex with them right away like waiting a while not having sex is the hottest thing ever. I know. It's why this guy won't have sex with me. I'm just so horny. It's so hot. But this, the guy I'm with, it's not hot anymore because we're like literally dating. Like he brought me to his best friend's birthday party. I held my hand the whole time kissing me, grabbing my butt, adorable. And I'm like, this is awesome. But now like I can't talk to any other guys here. Not that I want to. I like the guy. Right. But then we're, I'm not even getting the physical part. And he's really separating the sex from the emotional. And I feel like it's really and I'm starting to feel like I'm a confident person but I'm starting to feel a little unwanted

and had that conversation with him and he's like my ex like messed me up and I'm like really recently out of this and I didn't think I'd have feelings for you and if we have sex like it'll ruin whatever we have and I go well what we have is in fulfilling me now right so we either have to be friends or I want you have sex with me but now it's gotten so awkward I feel like I'm forcing this guy to have sex I have been in that position so many times I'm like if you don't fuck me I can't hang out with you. But I don't think that's wrong to say because if you don't want to have sex with me, that's your, that's fine. I also think guys get confused when you're the one that's like, yeah, I need sex. Like I'm not being, it's not slutty. It's literally me just explaining my needs that

I'm horny. I'm horny. And you should be happy. And also, I'm a very, like, I like, I like talking to one person at a time. So when I'm talking to him, I'm not in the mood talk to other people. Yeah, I hear you. So now I'm realizing like, I need to get some space so I can start talking to other people. Yeah. Yeah. We're very similar. I totally get that. Because I, like, put all my energy into, like, making them laugh and, like, thinking of silly things. Oh, yeah.

I can only do that for one person. Three people, I'm exhausted. It is exhausting. By the time I'm at this podcast, I'd have nothing to say. I already used all my good tricks. Yeah. I found that recently with guys, this thing I've noticed, sometimes when a guy is emotionally into you, they can't get it up.

Oh, honey. Have you, what the fuck? Honey. Okay. Like, you can't, it's like they can't, they separate it so hard. I've dealt with a lot of. guys who have sexual issues yeah i don't know i'm like attracted i'm attracted to addicts i'm attracted to corin is yeah i love addicts because i love you see when they get addicted to you

and then you're like he is fucking hooked and then you realize later it's not sustainable and it's unhealthy for both of you yeah um but guys don't talk about it's not something guys talk about and then we're dealt like just coping with it yeah and a lot of it is just really just mental health stuff Yeah. And then if you, like, I've gone to talk to the guy about it and I could see that he doesn't have the tools to express the feelings that he has. And that's got to be, that's frustrating. I've certainly been there. And that's difficult. Because it's a two-way street. You're in it together. Even though he thinks it's his own fight, you're the one on the receiving end of it that can feel. It's sex is, it's such an emotional thing. And that's why with this current guy, he's like, you know, if we have sex, like it'll, I don't want you to feel used, whatever. If I don't want to date you. And I'm like, for First of all, I don't want to date you. Second of all, I won't feel used because I know you respect me and like me. Right. The fact we don't want to put a label on it is like a more complicated thing. Yeah. But I do not feel used after having sex with a guy that I know respects me and knows me and likes me. Just because he's not my boyfriend, I'm like, I won't feel used by you.

Yeah, take the opportunity to enjoy a sexual interaction. I bet I'm going to like it. Yeah. And I think you're going to like it too. Oh, big whoop. Anyway, men get in their own fucking heads and they get so scared so easily. Yeah. And I, oh, for my whole life, I thought it was the opposite. I thought the women, the women were the ones that do that. And then I'm learning now. I'm like, wait a second.

I think we're less complicated. Guys. I've been recently, like, so fulfilled and excited about my own career. And I have this phobia of, like, men distracting me. Yeah. Like the second I'm, like, worrying about a guy, I'm like, he's distracting me. And I'm like, I mean, I don't have a phobia of it. I just let them distract me.

I'm like, oh, wait. I didn't email my manager back. like a month. Oops. Did I have a show this whole weekend in Portland? I miss my flight. Oh, I am boy crazy. Really?

I'm boy crazy. Okay, can we address something? Sure. Okay. I think I know what it is. I think you know what it is too. And I wasn't going to address it, but we should. So I, um, I like knew about the podcast a little.

And I had dated a guy and I'm laughing because you know what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have to, right? Yeah. Okay. Okay. he doesn't give a shit. Oh, if he, yeah, I adore him. I think he's, yeah. I adore him too. But, um, so I was scrolling my Instagram and I see a big photo of my ex-boyfriend.

No, the thing is, okay, I day this guy, Dan Soder, he's a comedian, people know, whatever. Um, we got out of relationship and it was like a couple months after, but it was still like, that time where, like, I had muted him and we're like both trying to move on. Yeah. And he's, his face sometimes would appear on my feed. And I would like unfollow some of his friends who were always like, I just needed to like get some space. I do the same thing. I'm very good at breakups. I'm great at being cold turkey. Oh, I pretend you never exist. Amazing. I'm, I've never hooked up with an ex. I'm like very like, I've never either. Once you're in my past, you're my past. Why would I? You're in my wake. There's too many men. There are too many men.

It's exhausting. Yeah. So I see it on my feed, his face, so I click on it because I'm a masochist. And under it, it literally goes, today on the podcast, we're Dan Soder, a guy that one of us fucked. I was like, what? I was like, what? And I'm sitting there and I was like, don't click on the podcast. Don't do it. And I was like, I had to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that's it.

I can't do. I can't. I couldn't listen. I wouldn't be able to listen. Like, my ex has gone on a lot of my friends' podcasts and stuff and talked about, I'm sure he's talked about. Is it a comedian? No. What the,

then? He just talks a lot? Yeah. And now he has a sex podcast. So. That's fun. Yeah. But I, like, I don't listen to his stuff because I can't.

Like, Corinne would listen. You know what I mean? And I'm like, I'm showing all of that. I do. I have a friend that if I need to research something, like I'll have, they'll be like, oh, someone talked about you on a podcast. I go listen to it. Tell me if I need to listen. If I don't, don't tell me anything.

Yeah, because I ignorance is bliss, baby. I'd rather not know. You could think too deep into stuff. And I'd rather not. So I basically said like, Christina had sex with my ex-boyfriend. And it's like, I don't know the girl, whatever. But I was like, this is crazy that I can listen to a girl who just had sex with him. And I know for a fact that after we dated, he.

had told me he was going on a what's it call he like was being abstinent okay so he like wasn't having sex with people because he would need to like find himself i don't think it was a healthy decision but apparently he thought that would help him sometimes you're like maybe if i do this this will work yeah he's very like he felt like i think he learned a lot from our breakup and i exposed a lot of things that he wanted to work on himself and i need to work on my we both like that's great we opened up each other's wounds It was one of those. Yeah, I've been there with somebody.

We were like, things aren't. You like trigger each other. We triggered each other so bad. It's exhausting and addicting. Yep. And then we both afterwards got very self, like, exploratory and working on stuff. And now, like, we're very good and we talk and we're cool. That's awesome.

So we love him. Yes, I loved it. So I listened. Dan is a sweetie. I listened to the beginning of the podcast, and it was like, you guys kind of awkwardly bantering. And then I, like, five minutes in I was like, yeah, I can't. I shouldn't be doing this. We didn't address us having sex until the last 20.

minutes of the podcast because i was just uncomfortable i also liked him a lot when we interviewed him too much because i was just out of the seven-year relationship and i didn't like i i wanted out with my ex and i dated him for a year from wanting out so i i let that relationship go a year girls you first like if you're asking should i break up with him that's the beginning which means you should but then like four months later yeah you'll start i sat on that for a year and so i was so ready and And I was like, I just want to. Why did you break up from your ex? So many reasons. He, we were codependent.

And I was relying on him for things that I should be relying on myself for. I'd been dating. I dated him since I was 23. That's so fucking young. But then part of you can convince yourself, like, that's so healthy that he's there for me when I have a question. Exactly. When I need him to do something. When you go to your friend, I didn't ask my friends or family for advice until maybe a month before I broke up with him.

and every single friend or family member, I literally would go, hey, should I break up? Yes. I'm like, oh, where is that bad, huh? I didn't see that. Yeah. I'm in this situation too where I've, actually when I broke up with one of my exes,

my brother afterwards was like, yeah, I fucking hated that dude. My mom was like, why didn't you tell me? Well, I'm glad they didn't tell me because I wouldn't listen. I would have been like, fuck you. You're just jealous of my happiness. And they're like, yeah, Christina,

I'm jealous of your terrible relationship. It was a good relationship when I was in it. Took a step back and I was like, oh, that's not good. That wasn't good. Well, when you're in it, that's the thing you don't see it. And I was dealing with a lot of confusion. I mean, Dan at the end day, he's six three and his blue eyes. He's my tight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Funny. So fucking funny. So you can see how it took a while for me to be like, is this not right? I thought I was self-sabotaging it. I was like, this is so good. Yeah. It's so good.

And I'm not having the feelings. I feel like I should have. Oh, I have to ruin everything at my life. And then I had like a mental breakdown. And he's like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm not okay. You ruined my life, dude. Wait, what?

No reason. I've been having a conversation with myself about this for a year. I literally was just talking to myself the whole time. I had a full-on like ups and downs. Like, you know, I like, we're just fighting with myself in the shower about it. Yeah. But it's hard because if I were to say to you, I fucking hate your boyfriend. Yeah.

And you're like, you don't know what goes out behind closed doors. Right. We're great. Then next thing you know, our relationship is like, awkward exactly and my my best friend had expressed concerns but everybody at that point by the end of our relationship was like oh he's coming okay great I like and but you didn't care no I didn't care because I was used to it and my mom was like I'm bipolar Christina and he makes me depressed and I was like oh word that's not good um but there was just so many things we were so intertwined with each other

with the sex still good sex was awesome I think that fuck things up because I was talking to another guy who is all fucked up about his ex and he was just saying how she was abusive all this stuff and I'm like why would you stay with her and he goes the sex was insane yeah and that and I felt so comfortable with him at that point we had been on so many sexual adventures and that bonded us

that's a bonding when you have a three way with a partner like that bonds you yeah because you're so vulnerable in this real experience and he like made sure you were okay throughout yeah it's very love even if it's just with two people that you're just attracted to too and it's just some horny fuck fest it's still vulnerable and it bonds you you know what i mean and so we we were so close and he was a crutch for me and but yeah there was just so many things about

our relationship that were irreparable oh so like events had happened that you couldn't move on from yeah and his his mainly like his outlook overall on life is a negative very negative outlook and he told me from the beginning he's like this is what i'm like so if you can't deal with it just i'm not changing and i was like for some reason that turns me on when a guy's like you can't challenge accept it motherfucker i will change you actually told me in the very beginning he goes hey i'm really broken and i was like i'm in love with you what i was like i was like no one's broken you just have cracks yeah i'll be your glue and then like nine months in i was like he's so broken and i was like he's like i told you

sometimes the writing on the wall is the writing on the wall I don't got glasses too bad I can't read yeah I can't read so I can see how you get out of relationship and all you know is like connection and love and comfort and I wanted like I felt so naked and like oh was Dan the first one yep there's maybe three people three male comedians

that I think are attractive and who's one of them him Chris DeSephano and who else was it I used to think Chris DeLeo was so hot because it's podcast He's so fucking funny on his podcast I don't know him I just had Chris on last week Chris Osefano he met for the first time

It's so funny Both of them were on Guy Code Oh yeah I'm 28 I watched Guy Code when I was like 19 So I was watching Chris and Dan And I was like It's so funny

You know like I'm like Chris Decephano I think And I was like I'm from Brooklyn And he's from Brooklyn She was so Brooklyn And then he's promoting And he's like

Us New York City pieces of trash Went on a podcast So yeah Chris is amazing. He's also, he's hot, but like, he's adorable and hot.

He's adorable and hot, but also, he's a goof, but I feel like he'd ruin my life. Maybe. I had, I slept with him too. That was fun.

I've only slept, I'm kind of, not disappointed myself, but I'm only slept with like three people since this breakup. Yeah, what are you doing? I know.

You're just masturbating? Yeah. Or finding guys who won't fuck you. That's what I do. Yeah, that's fun. Then you get to like have this whole confusion. It's like,

oh, I'm like the guy now. What's your, type. I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know. But like, I needed to, um, so with my ex, I thought that my vagina was broken because I didn't, we weren't sleeping together. It's not because he didn't want to. It's because I didn't want to. I'm like, I guess I'm just like depressed. And then I, towards the end. And then I found myself, I'm like, I could totally fuck this guy. I could totally fuck that. And I'm like, no, no, I just don't want to fuck him anymore.

Yeah. At the end of all my relationships, I don't want to have sex. I can't. But you don't want to accept that that means that's the end of a relationship but I've got to tell you in all my experience it is intertwined with the people you can't put it separate it's really so intertwined people can do ebbs and flows but once you're disgusted sexually by the person it's not going to go anywhere yeah who cares if he's like good at cooking you breakfast yeah my nana nana still got it on instagram you should follow her wild bitch at nana still got it i say wild bitch she's a wild bitch she told me because she's been married for 60 years wow and she says you have to be a sex kitten, you have to wear high heels,

you have to have sex two to three times a week minimum. This is my nan and talking about my pop. They're adorable. But I really like, they're fucking. Yes. And I really think, like, you don't have to be a fucking freak. If you don't want to fuck your dude and he doesn't want to fuck you, there's people who will.

So do that. Yeah. And sex is so healthy. Sex is so, can be so great. Sometimes you just masturbate and it changes your whole demeanor. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, you know, and you're just like, why am I?

And then you masturbate and you're like, the hills are alive. Yeah. The sun is shining so brightly now. Weird. Yeah. I don't know what my type is, but the guy that I'm that I'm really close friends with that, it's like this in between between a relationship and a friendship. It's more than a friendship for sure. Oh, my God, we're in the same situation. Well, we went to the beach together and it was just, it was really nice. But he's at a weird place mentally and I get that. Why is he in a weird place mentally? Because he was, he got out of a six-year relationship and he's just dealing with a lot of issues. from that relationship. We're literally dealing with the same thing.

Like, I went to the U.S. Open with this guy. We spent all day. He's the kind of guy I could spend all day with him. Yes. But in my head, I really was like your perfect boy toy toy toy material. And then he like tricked me and then I started getting emotions because I could get emotions for a rock if you like, if you like convince me enough, you're like, that rock doesn't like you.

And I'm like, why? How come? Is that rock staring at another girl? Why does that rock care about me? Hannah, why is your shirt off? Put your shirt off. Um, yeah. I but I've been exploring like it's so nice to know that men I really had a problem with my ex

negativity it really like took the wind out of my sales and and like people like Dan Chris this guy that I'm seeing that I'm whatever the fuck now um are not like that and it was very important for me to be shown examples of men what happened with you and Chris um we had sex once and it wasn't good and um but he's so cute wait what wasn't good about it a lot wasn't good about it a lot lot of stuff and he um he came on the podcast this was before we fucked and because he's just the most adorable person and then we had sex after that it's so adorable it wasn't good but he was like i can't finger girls because i get like i bite my nails and i'm going to get an infection and he was worried about going down on women because he was going to get strep throat and i was like

okay you're so cute that i'm going to fuck you anyway but like the hypochondria is actually cute at that point yeah see i like weird men like if you're weird i love i love weird i totally and chris is so weird in a beautiful way. Yeah, like their brain just works differently and it, it like intrigues me to an extent. Oh my God. The guy, the guy, friend guy, whatever now is the biggest weirdo and I love it. Yeah. My favorite thing about him. Because it takes, I get bored easily. Yeah, me too. I think that Chris also, he talked for like a good 30 minutes about how his sperm is like highly saturated. I've heard about that. He did sleep with a woman once and then had a baby after that. Yeah. And I was like, maybe you should just use a condom next time. Yeah. It's my sperm. So we'll see about

that. Somebody told me the other day, he's like, yeah, I was talking to Christy Stefano and he was like, there's only like a couple men in the world, and they're off in Peru who has my powerful sperm, or whatever. He said that it was people from Chernobyl. Chernobyl.

And I'm literally, like, after he said all of that, I go, you just didn't use a condom. And he's like, no, no, no. He's like, there's like, there's like, Chernobyl sperm. They asked if I was from Russia because this has only been seen in a couple of cases after Chernobyl. And I was like, you just watch a documentary, I made that shit up. Yeah. Great documentary. The interesting thing about Chris was we, the sex wasn't great, but I didn't really say anything to him because I'm like, okay, that's fine. Sometimes it doesn't work out. And was it obvious that it wasn't great? I thought so. But then I went on his podcast, his Rayinas. And he and Janice, his co-host was like, yeah, Chrissy D never gets any repeat customers lately. And I'm like, Chris, can I be honest with you right now? Can I be honest? Like real quick. And Chris, Chris was like, yeah, say whatever you want. And I was like, okay. Really? Can I? Because I, I,

have mad love for Chris and I was like there was some it wasn't great man you're like actual sex part like yeah rhythm or the like what was it like his pherom he kept saying he's like hey babe I can't get hot unless you suck my dick babe can you suck my dick babe I'm like Christopher I can't yeah he's so he's so cute but he has this like old school mentality too where he's like I just want you cook me dinner and then yeah which I'm like okay but after we had that conversation he was telling me he's like I've been sleeping with girls now and I'm like fingering them and eating them out and like having great making them come and I'm like what happened he's like I was hung up on somebody and I didn't put that together and that was making me

not present at all during sex and I was like that's exactly what I felt you weren't connected yeah sex is so mental yes that's why like you can't put your finger on like what it actually was right but you weren't feeling seen that makes so much sense now I'm so glad you said that he's like yeah and then he came on the podcast to talk about because we had had sex and so I'm like can you come on again and we could talk about it he's like I don't care which that's why I love about Chris. He has no ego with that stuff. And there's a hotness about how confident he is.

I know. And then he's after, I'll fuck you terribly, but I'll talk about it. Well, now I was like, you've blossomed into the sexual beast is great. Does you want to try again?

Yeah. And I was like, yeah, let's do it. But then we never got around to it. But I'm like, that's okay. Do you feel pressure

to like fuck new dudes with your podcast? No, I don't because I'm, I know me and I will not do something that makes me uncomfortable with sex. I cannot, I have to be so comfortable.

Yeah. So I can't. 100% it's all about you knowing your boundaries and what you want to do because sex could be beautiful and then sex can be like scary and not okay yeah I love that yeah me too you never know what you're going to get um also side note Christina it's very exciting that your podcast it got acquired by luminary yes yeah so it can you tell people a little about like where it's available how they listen yes absolutely um we had been doing the pot like I said I think I said I think I said this on the microphone, almost six years, and we've gotten a lot of offers from people

like, hey, you want to be exclusive, want to be behind a pay wall, and we're like, and we talked about it. We're like, nah. And then... Yeah, I just, we didn't want to. And then the timing was right and the company was right. We met with the CEO of this company, this guy Matt, who owns Luminary. I'm like, you don't suck. You really love, you're a podcast nerd and you're obsessed with good content, and I like your taste. And he, like, he had all the things. And I was like, okay I trust you and we wanted to go behind a paywall um it's eight nine seven 99 a month and in our heads we're like I want to make guys we fucked so good that you would pay that just for our podcast because I have 30 other podcasts like me had done them as a podcast there Trevor Noah I've seen it on the subway yeah are you like

getting better production with them yes and yeah because we have a production budget now wow so like we can fly to interview people they know all of these people that they can connect us with guests that we've been wanting an interview for fucking ever um and and it's really they give a shit and so and it got to the point where the this sounds like champagne problems but so many people were listening like when it was on all the platforms my mom could listen to it my every friend anybody could get sent around and stuff of course and and and people who hate us could listen to it and i'm like if it's behind a paywall we're not trying to be elitist with it even though some people are going to say we will and that's fine but like if you're listening you want to listen and what that did was for corin and i is it made us love doing the podcast again and want to divulge all of these intimate details about our lives listening like really loved you yeah instead of just throwing our diary out into the world for anybody to pull apart it didn't it started to not feel good also like this is the podcast this is the podcast it's the podcast it's like this is the podcast it's money in it yes

I'm paying for my nephew's college. I mean, it's like, it's, it's, it's, fuck yeah. Yeah, and it feels earned and it feels, we started from nothing. Yeah, and, and we didn't make, I think maybe two years in, we started making money off the podcast because we were like, wait, you can make money off a fucking podcast? How'd you know Corinne was the one? We had been comedy partners for three years before guys we fucked. Wow.

I interned for her company when I was a sophomore in college. Wow. The summer after I graduated college, I started stand up and I invited her to a bringer show. she came and she was like hey you want to work to be like a comedy deal because i want to pursue stand-up too and you should always be the kind of co-worker that you're like let's get lunch and you just got lunch all no not at all oh you hated each other no we didn't hate each other at all she was just she's she's just quiet she her and i are very opposite human beings i love that um but i she's one of the most fascinating people i know i love her so much and she's so fucking funny i mean

you guys aren't sick of each other not at all we work on our relationship i've never worked in a relationship more than i was about to say what you have with Corinne is something so special that like you want to find with a man it's funny because like yeah I don't know if I ever will I mean maybe I hope I do but you found your friendship soulmate and your business so you know how hard is to work with the only friendships I have just like gotten bad the second I get a little business partners okay and then we and then we realize oh there's certain boundaries like one of the boundaries that she I used to think that if you put a boundary up with me that you hate me but like turns out that's not

true boundaries are healthy and she was like hey when we're when it's anything about business and to talk to each other email no text because if i'm out with my friends and you're like hey karen we're gonna do this i don't it stresses me out and i'm like okay but then i took a step back and i was like yeah that's a good point man yeah you got to do some boundaries yeah because i'm totally that person who like if i'm like we're in it together yeah i will text you all the fucking day i'm like do we do this do we why do you hate me yeah totally and i take everything personally like i've learned a lot about myself through her um through working with her and that's one of the things like boundaries are good because it's always like they say bands like bands like bands like bands

don't like start sucking they break up yeah so it's amazing that you found someone to like go through this journey with yeah it's cool it's really it's i'm so glad that i did because it's fucking crazy ride it's insane and then you get to talk about your hardships with like different dudes but then you have this like rock next to you which is really beautiful who knows me so she's met me before i knew my ex seven years she's seen relationships come and go i mean we both have in each other's life so it's it's wild beautiful i think it's time for our first game oh okay Okay. We have games.

I love it. And it's called heaven or hell. This one's very sexual because... Yes. It's Christina. Heaven or hell? Heaven or hell? Choking.

Well, am I getting choked or am I choking? You're getting choked? Pergatory. Because this is like a thing that millennials are loving right now. But some guys, I like getting roughed up, but a lot of guys... Don't know how to properly choke? They don't want to. They're like, I can't.

I'm like, oh, come on. The only reason that I want you to is because I trust you and feel comfortable. If I didn't, I would never want you to do that to me. Also, there's a way of doing it where it's just the right amount of pressure. Just a little rough. You like a little rough? Yeah. Yeah.

Well, I'm like dealing with a guy, but he has very strong hands. Also, sometimes he'll squeeze my boob a little hard. And I'm like, I literally had a bruise at my tit. And I showed him. I said, this is what you did. And he was like, oh, I'm sorry. And I was just like, do you have to squeeze it? that hard? Yeah, just don't squeeze it, like, less pressure.

Less pressure. Bips are sensitive. Heaven or hell? Anil. Ooh. I've been to the ER from anal, so that was hell, but I've also had really great anal sex, and that was heaven. So I'm going to say both. Wait, please tell me the earstores. Bled a lot. Bled like it was the first day of my first period ever. Did you lose?

Out of my asshole. Of course, yes. But that's why I was like, this is alarming. Was this dick, like, huge? It's pretty good size. Yeah, pretty big. um and but you know you're like my ass could handle a lot i don't know why i thought it could well sometimes you go to the bathroom you're like oh i can do anal um and it was one of those but the proper warm up was taken the proper like prep all the stuff you're a professional yeah and then it it it it it it was like it's kind of hurts and he's like oh my god okay like got stop and then i was just bleeding for hours and i was like it's almost like did you break my butt something like ripped yes i think um but with a guy with a smaller penis it actually feels

Amazing. I'm on this new kick where I'm like, I dated a guy who was traumatizingly big. Oh. He was like six, six, the British guy. Everyone knows about it. I only almost had a one-night stand with a British guy and his dick was too big. I had to go. Should we, is this a stereotype we should start?

I guess so, maybe. It was, it was my forearm. Yeah, I looked at it and I was like, that's not going in. It's not. I would have. I can't put that in my mouth. So I'm like now obsessed with like slightly below average. like I look at it and I'm like I will blow your fucking mind punch me with it I don't

care totally I'm like do what stick it in my earloat we'll figure it out yeah we're a big dick you're like I'll try to do a hand jump yeah um heaven or hell hooking up with a girl heaven you've hooked up with a girl one in one before yeah yeah yeah yeah I created a profile dating profile because I was like men are stupid how old were you um 21 I love what did you learn about yourself from that? I'm straight. What was the hardest part of it? That's fascinating because I haven't gone.

Well, because I was like, well, when we have the one of the three ways we had, I was like, can I eat you out? And she's like, yeah, this girl was by, I'm pretty sure. Okay, she's fine. And I did it and I was like, well, it's like, it was great, but you only did it for like seven seconds and you ran away. You literally put your tongue on. I see what you say.

And that makes a lot of sense. And did you like, did you ever get like excited to be around them? yeah yeah for sure i mean hot girls i love them what's your type of girl hot like hot covered in oil hot yeah just hot do you care like blonde brunette no i don't care about that okay curvy fucking oh yeah this is a good one heaven or hell free vaginaplasty hell wait is that the word or no it's vaginoplasti labia plasty yeah hell you don't your labia is fine no one needs to change your labia thank you just cosmetic. Fuck that shit. If somebody can't handle your labia, they don't deserve to have sex with

you ever. Thank you. Some lady was like, I have trouble walking. I'm like, your labia is not ever meant to ever get in the way of you walking. That's true. The evolution would have never let that happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I do think that vaginas are all beautiful flowers. I agree. Good. Okay, we're on the same page. Okay, this is a verse. Giving a blowjob every day or giving a hand job every day. I love giving blow jobs. You do. I fucking love it.

There is a power in having a good blow job. I express myself through blow jobs. It's been so long since I've given a blowjob. I love language is blowjob. Yeah. Oh, darn. Sucks for you, dude. I give a poetic blow job.

Well, the first three-way I had with my ex, he brings up. But she gave him a blowjob and he came right away. And I was like, what the fuck? Did she give you tips? No, but I stole what her moves. What was her moves? like, okay, both hands twisting. Didn't know that. And she somehow

managed when one of the hands was twisting at the bottom of the dick. She, like, scooped the balls for like a second, just so slightly. I would be afraid. What's that? What's called like an Indian? Oh, like an Indian bird? Yeah. I don't know if we could say that. I'm scared to say anything about race. You've gotten in trouble

in the past. A little bit, yeah. How did you cope with that? I cried and I didn't go on the internet for two weeks. And then it was over. I'm like, okay. Because I'm very much, I'm very much a fan of like, if I say something ignorant, first of all, I'm not saying something on purpose to be ignorant, but please, if you have the energy within you, which, and if you don't, I get it, educate me.

Yes. Educate. I am wrong about everything. I'm so open to being wrong. I don't give a shit about being wrong, but when people come at you and you're like, you're a dumb fucking bitch, I'm like, well, with that attitude, we're not going to accomplish jack shit. Yeah, I'm very anti-cancel culture, and I feel like, especially like 2013, 2014, People were still saying, like, fag and stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, people were calling everything gay. Yeah. People were racist jokes were the norm. Yeah, yeah. Because the thing is, racism is everywhere, and it's fucking terrible. Also, comedy is a conversation. Exactly.

The second you shut the comedian up and just judge them is not comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not art, and it's not creativity. And comedians have misses. We say things with our stand-up. We're always doing podcasts. I fucking forgot there was a microphone of, my face this past hour because I don't think of that when I say things and it's like if

everything everybody good at your job yeah because you get lost in it and you're so authentic but like these journalists writing these articles about like the the video of Shane I'm like it I wish so badly that I could pick apart every fucked up thing you've said because I know you said some fucked up shit because everybody has we probably didn't know it was that fucked up when we said it and now we learn I was talking to my friend about this who's not a comedian or anything thing, and he's like, yeah, the first tweet I ever wrote was throwing Frisbee's pretty gay. That was in like 2014. I hope he or she does not get a good gig, like a fancy job because they will be canceled.

But also, if you think about what journalists do, I was thinking about this with reality TV also, like, their job is to pull anything to make it a story. People just want to read about negatives. Yep. So they're looking to find negatives. I deleted my Twitter. day because he's just a journalist yeah because i was tweeting about i was like it's it's interesting to me that people only get written about when they get a big gig or like when kevin hart got the oscar hosting

gig and then it was like but in 20 whatever the fuck he said fat or he said if it was kid was gay and it's and then he got the oscar's taken away from him and i'm like you guys what the fuck like what you're it's it feels like journalists are waiting in the wings for whoever gets the next thing and they're going to scour every little thing they've ever said and pick it apart and it's like if you really gave a shit about racism, which we should all give a shit about, let's go after policy. Let's go after Congresspeople. Let's try to flip the Senate. Let's get people elected of every race and color and gender. Like, this is how we fucking solve the problem. Yes. You don't need to be worrying about what a fucking comedian is saying, you're so mad. You're so mad. Sorry. Just throw a bottle

I am sorry. I also think like what if when you do find something, you use it as like let's get them on air and let's have them talk it through and let's educate or like make something more continue the conversation well yeah and the thing is it's not a conversation anymore or or people make it not a conversation it's just oh god and this fucking dumb cunt journalist her name was meg oh meg something i would call her out if i knew her last you're like i wish i could blow her spot up right now um and and she was uh she had quoted that i just tweeted something about like no one gave a shit about what Shane said until he got s&L um heaven or hell sorry I really went on a rant it's worth it heaven or hell going solo on a podcast

heaven tell me I love it well I'm doing my own podcast when did you like plan this I've been thinking about it for the whole summer and I was like I'm weird and I want to talk about things that aren't sex because I have so much to say about stupid shit and I just want to make something that's kind of fun and fluffy and weird and cool and I have it feels like like creatively you wanted to have a different outlet yeah yeah um and there something really insane happened to me this summer and so at the end of this first episode i don't want to talk about it it's it's like one of the craziest fucking stories of my like maybe that i'll ever have i don't know um but i want an outlet for everything else in my life is it going to be are they

going to be guests there are going to be guests but they're going to be my friends they're like intimate stories about like remember the time we fucking saw i had my one friend Ashley on for an interview we recorded of the summer and she told me this story about I used to intern at SNL and I would we interns weren't allowed to go to the after party but we could go to the after after party because one day an intern fucked Jeremy Piven and apparently that was her fault I feel like everyone's fuck Jeremy Pivot probably I haven't I saw him outside the stand like last week handsome man miniature but handsome yeah I don't care about height see I'm like I'm a size queen height queen or size queen height queen height queen yeah

Tall people is where it's at. I never had sucks with a tall person. No, like they just make you feel adorable. Yeah, I'm like, I'm so little. I love being picked up. Like a King Kong moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that.

No, yeah, a tall man. But it's my own insecurities because I'm a, I was like muscular growing up. Oh, okay. This is tennis and stuff. Yeah, you got me. But yeah, my friend Ashley, we were, we dorm together in college and we live together for a year and we have all these crazy stories and she came on and she, I didn't know this happened, but apparently Ryan Philippi,

wanted to have a three-way with me and her and we said no and I was like what she's like yeah dude he was gross I'm like I would have still said yes on SNL on the SNL after after party yeah I'm like fuck oh I hate when that happens did I know he wanted to have sex with us I'd actually multiple times had someone be like yeah that guy like went up to you and like asked you to go for a walk or something and you like didn't answer I'm like why wouldn't I have answered they're like I don't know you were eating a cheeseburger and I'm like why wait why would he creeper out of it? of my mouth. I don't know, but I don't remember that. I'm like, I would have totally had a freeway with him. And it probably would have been decent. He was so hot. At least insightful. He was, he's so hot. I don't care if he's gross. We're a condom. I don't care. You're like, gross is my time. I love gross. Come to me. So it's you telling like friendship stories and life stories and weird and just weird, just trains of thought and it'll be available on all the platforms. Are you doing any stand-up shows alone. You're still doing stand-up on your own. Yeah. Yeah. I just stand up pretty much every night.

Are you cool with, is Corinne cool with this? Yeah. She has her own podcast with Rosebubbaker. Oh yeah. About Justin Bieber. It's called Two Less Only Girls. It's very funny. Well, Corinne is obsessed with pop culture. And if you go to her childhood room, and if you go to her childhood room, I feel like a lot of people project their own insecurities on Corinne, I see it happen all the time. And it's a fascinating thing for me to watch because I've never seen it happen like that with anybody. But like, if you go to her childhood bedroom in her parents' house, which I've been to many times, it is like a pop culture museum.

This woman is knowledgeable, obsessed, and has, she's just so into it. Multiple restraining orders against celebrities. She hasn't, but you would think. Where's she from? She's from Jersey. So her podcast is about pop culture, and that's her outlet.

So she has an outlet already. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Amazing. Yeah. I love that you guys, like, do your thing and let each other shine in other ways. To wrap this up, I like to end with the seven deadly sins. Okay.

We get even darker. Yeah, let's do it. seven deadly sins first question what are you greedy about food sweet or savory savory yes i don't like well if i like a guy i'll do anything but i usually don't like sharing food i'm like this is mine maybe get your own i'm like but if it's his food and if he gives me some of his food i'm like that's my love language yeah yeah that's sweet One guy who won't fuck me, he gave me the last bite of his hot dog. Hot dogs, I could eat in a second, by the way.

Hot dogs are two bites. And he was like, do you want the little end part? And I was like, why are you trying to make me fall in love with you? And perfect amount of mustard and ketchup ratio. It was a whole thing. What's your like go-to meal? Popcorn. I have a weird food thing.

I was addicted to Adderall for a while and I wasn't eating a lot. So I stopped the Adderall and now I'm like, give me all the food. A lot of donuts, a lot of waffles, a lot of pancakes. Do you like a waffle fried chicken? I like carbs. I've not tried that, which I don't know how. I love fried chicken sandwich. Because it's sweet and savory. Yes.

And it has the cake, but also the crunch. Oh. I love mac and cheese. I love pizza. I love turkey burger. Do you have ADD? Maybe, but I think it's from childhood trauma. I'm not like born with it.

Yeah. I went to a psychiatrist and I was like, give me adder all. And he's like, how much? And I'm like, really? Why did you want it? Because I'm tired all the time. I'm tired all the time too. And I took it a couple times and I was like, this is great.

But I'm like, yeah, anybody will get awake when you take speed. Yeah, it's cocaine. It does, yeah. And then you got skinny. Yeah, I got thin and I got like, I was like, oh, I'm going to get everything done. But then I was abusing it so hard that I wasn't getting anything done. And I'm like, yeah. Oh, I see.

What's your typical day look like as a podcast entrepreneur and comedian? Oh, I'll wake up around 10 or 11. I'll go roller I'll smoke weed and go rollerblading Wait that's my favorite thing I'll take a boat at the same time Yeah amazing I'll literally be rolling on Roosevelt Island with a joy I'm in Long Island City I love Rosalut Island

Oh I roll I roll a rollerblade on Long Island City All the time I take because I live on I live right by a boat thing of the NYC ferry Uh huh take the boat right across the river to LIC Yes Get off in front of that Pepsi sign center boulevard Blade everywhere Amazing yeah I love blading

Rollerblading is really difficult It's so much fun I'm addicted to Do you like ice skate? No. I guess I could. Roller blading is hard. Oh, it's hard. But I've gotten so comfortable with it that now I could rollerblade when I'm high.

That was like I took it very slow. Wait, this is so fun. Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't be fun for me because I'd bust my ass. But do you ever, you just got to practice? Did you ever think of doing one of those like rollerblading things where you like beat each other up? Like hockey? Like hockey?

No, do you know those like rollerblading leagues with like the women who like like. Oh, oh, like a derby queen? Like roller derby. Yeah, roller derby. Nope, I don't want to do that. Okay. I don't want to beat anybody up. And I don't want to get beaten up.

I'm like, how do we add violence to this? It would be way more fun to watch. Yeah, I've never ate in it on rollerblades. So you go rollerblading. And it's probably a great workout. It's a great workout. I need workouts to be fun. So I do that.

Do you wear guards? No, no, I'm not a pussy. No helmet, no nothing. You're wild. I know. And then I'll, and then I'll come home. Check my eat. Check my epe.

do a lot of times I have conference I always have conference calls and then I re-remind myself of what my goals are for the month like career goals and I'm like okay do something towards this what did I want to do today yeah yeah yeah and then I do shows at night amazing yeah very fun what are you envious of or who are you envious of hmm people who can dance people who are really good at like hip hop dance I think that's the cool thing actually in my next life I want to be a hip hop dancer anybody who was that in touch with their body that they can i'm obsessed with like choreography videos like dance choreography videos oh my god i love biancé's like my jesus and um and so i love when they can control

their butt muscles like that yeah is there anything hotter yeah the like yeah the popping yes and i just i think that is the coolest thing to be that in touch with your own body and i i would also you'd kill at weddings yeah of course kill you wouldn't be the awkward like sidestepping wedding songs are hard to dance too i said it i agree i said it hot take hot take it's a hot take but I went to a brutal wedding which is 80s music and my mom was like crushing it. Yeah she was just like wiggling and I like I just know how to

like grind a guy's dick off so I was like I don't know what to like if you My neck. My back. Where's that song? There was like earthwind and fire and it's actually kind of hard to dance too. Yes it is I agree. I was just like shaking my butt a little it was weird. What are you gluttonous about besides food?

So what are you over and masturbating. Yeah Sometimes I go through phases. You know what? Yeah, tell me your boys. Boys. Boys. Do you like, you love the attention? I love the attention, but I'm a people pleaser, so I like when they're happy. Yeah. Not great for me. Yeah.

At the end. Yeah. I think it's great. And then I'm like, wait, I'm not happy in this. And they're like, well, you were for the last couple years. I'm like, why change my mind now? I also feel like I do it like a game where it's like I want to win them over. And then when they fall for me, I'm like, do I like him?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep. And it's not. I think it's just the game, the chase. I love the chase. Mm-hmm. I'm also gluttonous about marijuana. Oh, yeah.

How long have you been smoking before? After I graduated college, I started smoking, but I've been smoking every day or every other day for the past, I would say, three years. Do you ever try to restrict it? Yeah, because, yeah, every once in a while, I'm like, I want this to be a treat. I don't want this to be an everyday thing, but I have a lot of anxiety. And weed meshes with my body. I'm very sensitive to drugs. Me too.

Weed is one that, like, meshes with me very well. What typically gives you anxiety? Life, boys, food, television, other people getting things that I wanted, clothes. Do you think it's just like... The heat, rain. You get a lot of thoughts. Too many, yeah. We're similar.

I feel like a lot of comedians have bad anxiety. But it's like what also makes you funny is because of all the bazillions of thoughts, at least 20% have to be funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have funny thoughts. Oh, for sure. The rest might be completely depressive that you can do. then turn to funny definitely do you know like when you first remembered being anxious

oh since i was a kid a lot of childhood trauma with a bipolar mom that fucked me up it's funny mara merrick had a bipolar mom as well oh i didn't know that yeah and it's just like the household you're you don't feel control yeah or like a consistency yeah when when one parent is hot or cold and you never know what you're going to get you will a child will develop these survival mechanisms that are so advance, but you do it like that because you're like, this is the person who provides me food and shelter. Yes. I need to make sure they're happy. And so your antenna, you have one antenna pointed out and one pointed in. And then what happens is the antenna pointed in towards you, the how do I feel? How do I? What do I want to do? It goes pointed out. And then you forget

people, please. Absolutely. And you're like, wait, do I have any opinions on anything? And then you're 31. And you're like, fuck. That, that. Well, you've done some work on yourself because how well you just explain that. Therapy's amazing. Um, when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? So anger. 10 minutes ago when I was going off on that comedy rant. Yeah. Do you find yourself? Like, are you an expressive person? Do you get angry easily? Yeah. Um, anger. Sometimes I'll have anger. Like, when I was with my ex, I would have what I call anger attacks. So it was like an anxiety attack, but I would just turn into the Hulk. It was like I took steroids or something. Would you do that voice? Um, no, but I would punch walls and throw things. Not at a person.

That's like classic white boy move. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. White guys love punching wall. But when I punch a wall, it's like, doesn't make even a mark. And I'm like, ow! And it's like, why did you just do that? Just broke your hand, dumbass. But I love the passion.

Yeah, I'm very passionate. Punch a pillow next time. I'm just punching a pillow. I scream into pills a lot. I haven't done it lately, but that was my go-to. And I gave myself a pall-up on my fucking vocal course. It's okay. It's not like your voice is important for your career or anything.

No, who needs it? just a couple more you're doing amazing when was the last time you were a sloth like what do you mean like lazy this this morning i mean i'm i have lazy i allow myself a lot of lazy moments throughout the day good for you just sit there good for you yeah i think those are healthy i but i they're very short increments because if i'm if if if i'm lazy for more than an hour truly i'll get depressed yeah i got to keep moving yeah And it's like, oh, I've got to sit with my thoughts. Yeah.

But it's good to give yourself moments where you don't feel like you have to be somewhere, like you have to finish something. Yeah, like, oh, I can watch TV. Yeah, and as an entrepreneur with your own schedule, it's healthy that you're doing that. Thanks, yeah. Yeah, it's all finding balance, man. People make you feel like you have to be hustling 24-7 when that actually is how you burn out. Yeah, it's how you ruin your life.

And then you quit and next you know, you're homeless. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? Like, do you have an ego? Yeah. With this guy that I'm seeingish, whatever we are, we went to the beach and he kind of sensed that I wanted to talk about something and he was right. But I was like, look at him with, oh, he gets me. Most guys can't take a hint for shit.

No, he gets all the hints, but he treats, he responds to them gently and the perfect way. He handles me very well. And I was like, I don't want to talk. I don't think I wouldn't say anything. Why are you doing this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, Christina, be vulnerable. I used to have this illusion that I am very vulnerable and very emotionally, very emotionally available.

Turns out not so much because my pride and ego get in the way. Because I'm like, if I expose this weakness to him, he'll leave me. Yeah. Stems all back to the mom shit. Yes. Survival mechanism. Yes. I love that.

I love her. She was like, I'm going to get this last drip of water, whether it wants to or not. Final question. Okay. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Today. Do you lust a lot? Yes.

It's like my favorite thing. Who's your celebrity crush? Tom Hardy. Oh, and Jason Mamoa. Jason Mamoa. Jesus fucking twice. You're starting to like tall guys now. Yeah.

Dan, man. Stay on my gateway drug. He was her gateway drug. But Tom Hardy loved him until I found out he was short. He's like 5'10. I like his blue eyes. Tom Hardy? So many people say Tom Hardy on this podcast.

Is he married? What's his deal? I have no idea. I heard he's gay. I think he might be gay. I mean, like, do whatever. I like Channing Tatum because. Oh, yeah, he's cute.

This has been so much fun. I like to wrap every podcast with advice for our listeners of how to cope with your hell. Like, what do you do? You do? When you're in hell, you're in that dark moment. What do you do to get out? Meditate. Oh, you're one of those.

It is the only thing that works because that's the only thing that will take you out of your body and make you understand. Well, actually it takes you in your body because I think when you're in your own hell, you're so in your head. It takes you out of your head. It takes you out of the spiral, maybe. And it allows you to just be in your body and focus on something as simple as breathing. And because we have computers in our pockets at all times. And like, I just open my phone to all these fucking, and I was like, that's just me out.

And, yeah, and we need to take time for ourselves because you will, you will get into a tornado of your own hell in two seconds. It's easy for everyone. You're not alone, but meditate. I like that moment when you're meditating, when you're just appreciating that your body's functioning. Yeah. Like you feel like a plant that, like, is breathing with the sun and water. I breathe on my own and I don't even have to think about it.

And you're like, that's cool. And they're like, oh, wait, there's little things in life that I really appreciate and it reminds you of them. And then masturbate and end with a bang. Masterbate, Rollerblade. I think that's a new shirt you have to print out. You're right. Or at least a tweet if you get your Twitter back at any time.

Maybe I will one day. Um, Christina. you're amazing. I love you so much. You're the best. Thank you. You're the best. I actually would love to be a friend. I don't know how to make friends as an adult woman. Anyway, Christina, where can people follow you? Where can people listen to your shit? Oh my God. Christina Hutch on Instagram. Because no Twitter right now. She's a great Instagram. Very funny. Thank you. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, uh, guys, we've fucked is available. Um, um, um, um, um, uh, guys, uh, guys, uh, guys, we all know you're not paying for Netflix and you're getting for free forever. Cause it's like your cousin's ex-boyfriends. It's two cups to coffee a month.

$7.99. Do it. I'm truly fucking proud of these episodes. I really am. And we're back to having fun with the podcast, which is great. I have a podcast that's coming out September 25th called The Voices in Our Heads. I sang the intro song. I wrote it with a very talented, handsome musician friend, and I was terrified, and he's a singer, and he's like the voice of an angel. And I sang the song, and I'm very proud of that, and I'm very proud of the podcast.

I can't wait to listen. Thanks. Follow me at Being Burns. If you guys like this episode, screenshot. Talk about it on Instagram, rate review. I don't know. Tell all your friends. Yeah. And we'll talk to you later in hell.

Bye guys.