Berner Phone - Lauren Ash: Detoxing Her Body & Changing Her MInd

Episode Date: January 14, 2022

Actress Lauren Ash has had a transformative pandemic. She's lost a lot of weight, but not through any skinny teas, or fancy gyms, or plant based diet. She learned how to eliminate certain stresses from her life, prioritizing her own needs and wants, get out of toxic relationships, and her body thanked her.  --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If I seem like a woman who's trying to dress like a, you know, early 2000s, Gwen Stefani, that's because that's what I'm doing. That's because that's what I'm doing. And I don't, I do not give a fuck. Just don't pluck the eyebrows and I'm so supportive of this. I'm so supportive. Never touching the eyebrows. Never touching them.

Welcome to Burning an hell. Okay, I just had a peppermint mocha and I'm ready to go. I am jazzed up before I hit a wall. Let's do this. I am so excited about this episode. She's been on my list for a while to have on. I am with the incredible Lauren Ash, comedian, podcaster, very accomplished actress, voice actor. She's the co-host of True Crime and Cocktails, Dina on Superstore, Scorpio on,

no, Scorpia on DreamWorks, Shira. which is so fun diana and chicago party aunt which is hilarious on netflix and you're working with nbc universal she's fucking busy she's booked and busy but she's also been very open and vulnerable on social media and we are about to get a full update on her life okay that was a really long intro but i feel like it was deserved Lauren welcome to hell thank you so much for having me i'm so excited to be here. Yeah, you know, it's interesting because the quarantine like a pandemic, which, I mean, gosh, we're still in it, but in the height of it, I feel like everybody went through a lot and whatever, but it kind of led to the last chunk of last year, like from September onwards. I just went

through like a massive life changes internally and externally kind of followed. And it's been amazing and exciting and feeling like it's, it's wild to feel. like it takes you to whatever point it takes you in your life to feel like you become a fully realized human but it's been um it's been a trip it's been a really like exciting time of of change for me well one thing that spoke out to me was you brought up like toxicity in life yeah yeah what is toxicity to you and how do you remove toxicity because it sounds like when you did it helped your health overall mentally and physically listen I mean, I'll be very blunt.

I have, I am someone who for, you know, the last decade of my life has been either in a relationship, pursuing a relationship, worried about when I'm going to find another relationship. And I have consequently had, you know, many relationships kind of back to back to back that have been varying degrees of toxic. And this was kind of the first time in my life. And I know it sounds in like wild. It sounds wild to even say. but this was the first time in my life. I was just like, you know what?

I have so much in my life that is so amazing. And I have to alleviate myself of the burden of trying to partner. And I just was like, I'm just not going to care anymore. And in doing that, it blew my mind how quickly, A, it opened up so much space energetically for other things to come into my life, career-wise, all of the kind of, all of that. But what's wild is it just changed my relationship with eating. It changed my relationship with everything.

And it changed my entire being, like, just literally making the choice that it's like, if I am alone forever, that's okay. I'm going to be great. I have so much in my life because you're not really alone. Do you know what I mean? It's like these, oh, yeah, no, continue. cheesy concepts, but that really, truly, when I really kind of dialed into them, it changed everything.

I mean, this is incredible. And we're going to unpack this. Why do you think you cared so much about having a partner? I think, you know, I think it's lots of things. I think that it's, it's, I grew up. I was an only child with a single mom. And we were very poor. And so I think I, I not, not because I ever wanted to find a man for financial reasons.

at all. Obviously, not. I do fine. But I think it was more just like seeing how hard my mom worked in so many ways. I think I just really saw from a young age that I was like, man, you know, it probably would have been nice for her to have support and have somebody. And that would have really made her life easier and more full and all of the above. And then I think it on a pedestal because it's something you didn't have. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. And then you can also get into like all the other like you didn't have a dad in your life so what you know you can get into that that too but i don't i think that's easy i think it's easy people like to like paint women with the daddy issues brush and i think that that is so surface oh don't get me started you know i think it's

i recently saw a ticot that i fucking loved because i've been having trouble putting words to it but it's the concept of decentering men from your life and some people have heard me talk about this before but I love the words de-centered men from your life. Basically, from a young age, watching Disney movies, having a man represents success to an extent that you could do anything you want, but if you don't have a guy, and I'm planning a wedding right now, and I'm starting to realize, like, wait, all these people are coming together for the biggest celebration of my life, just based off of me and some other person deciding we want to, like, be together.

I'm like, that's the least impressive thing I've ever done. and it was actually the thing that I worked the least at it just happened to be someone that I naturally feel safe around and it's going well but like it was the least effort I've ever put into anything

and it made me realize how little neat it's you don't need them you want them and it switches the mentality of just like you I remember being single and thinking like no matter what I had

it's like well I still didn't have the person to be like good job you're good enough to be with someone and it's so not actually like that the perception's completely wrong yeah it is completely wrong and and again and I think also removing toxicity from my life also exists in in other aspects as well it's in taking time it's in not burning yourself out it's in you know if there are are other people it's also in just like standing up for myself because I think of someone I'm also Canadian so I think it's also I'm somebody who like I want very much to be liked and to be nice and being nice is important

to me. And that hasn't gone away. But I think it's also like I can't be nice to the to my own detriment. True. Being kind can be exhausting. It can be exhausting. And I think too like what you're connecting to what you're saying about about men too and then being the descentering men. I haven't heard that before. And it's so exactly what I'm talking about where it's like when all of a sudden I took off of my plate the either tending to worrying about this person's needs in you know what do you need how are you are you okay what's going on do you need food do you need this do you know whatever and that that speaks to my own issue but when i take that out of the way and then i also take off of the plate like um looking like well i got to get back on a nap and i've got to

find something and where's my raya acceptance and you know what i mean and like all that bullshit when i when i just put all like i literally just put it all aside and was like i'm just not going to look at any of it also if we're so interesting if we're looking at statistics becoming a successful actress in L.A. is a bazillion times harder than getting married. Like statistically, you're good. You're going to meet a partner eventually. You're good. Totally. What you've done in terms of your career is astounding and like astronomically harder. Yes. So it's so funny how you could in your head still feel like you're not good enough. Yes. And acting you have no control of. It's a.

you're getting chosen over all these people where I do remember though when I met my fiance a part of me was just like okay this is nice that I don't have to waste my time like refreshing my Instagram stories to see if these people viewed it or like changing their trying to change their perception of me or like working on making myself available for people that I don't even know if they care about me yes and I do want to bring up you had like physically you've had weight loss. Was this a goal? Did you manifest it? Because you kind of made it sound on this Instagram post that it wasn't necessarily, like you didn't do a like soul cycle challenge. You know what I mean? No. This is what's wild. And like truly, I think people think I'm lying and

there's been some people online that's like, that's bullshit and whatever. And I'm like, with the olive oil. Yes. But this is real. Like, like here, listen, the only changes that I made, honest to God. And this is like, I'm not lying, but it's. speaks to what I've realized. And this, this is true. I mean, I can't speak for other people, but for me, the level of stress and anxiety and effort that I, and concern that I was putting into that area of my life. Like, literally like you were just saying, I have accomplished a pretty long list of unbelievable things. And if you had asked me, even six months ago, eight months ago, I would have been like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, I don't know what's

going on. Like, I don't know what's going on in this relationship. And like, it was always, I always diminished my own successes be in, in favor of. And that's perspective. This narrative. And it is perspective. It is perspective. But basically what happened was I just made the shift. And I was like, here's, and I, intuitive eating is the number one thing. And the only real change I made was intuitive eating, meaning I eat when I'm hungry. I stop when I'm full. And that may mean that I eat eight times a day. And it, may mean that I eat three times a day.

Was this like one day you woke up and changed it or you read a book? Yes. Or was it a slow progression? It was literally just, I had this one day where I was, I had just gone through a breakup and he reached out to me and I knew that I had a decision, which is everything inside of me was like wanting to engage, wanting to respond, wanting to whatever. But I just had this moment where I was like, you're not doing that anymore. It's done.

And you know. it's done. And it just like when I woke up the next day, literally it just felt like, and it sounds so cheesy, but it literally felt like that's the fairy tale. Like I woke up and then the birds were singing and the sun looked different. And it was like everything opened up for me in a way that I just hadn't seen the world before because I just was like, no, you deserve to not continue that cycle. And it wasn't, again, I wasn't implementing change. I wasn't trying to lose weight. It wasn't anything. It was just honestly making that shift, but also when you're not constantly trying to caretake, which is not what I'm saying that any of these men expected

of me. I won't put that on them. I will say that that is what I did. I'll own it. It's my own bullshit. But when I alleviated myself from that, you eat a lot less. You eat a lot less. Like when you're not having to worry about a dude who wants to eat six times a day and it's like, where's the, where's the, like, the second chicken breast? It was just like, there was such a freedom for me, honestly, in like, just listening to my body and going, I'm full right now, I put it in the fridge. Sometimes I go back five minutes later. Sometimes I go back an hour later, whatever.

But it was just allowing myself to, like, be still and listen and listen to those cues. And honestly, I think the big thing, though, is truly just removing the stress. And I know that that sounds impossible. and people are like that's bullshit but truly it's been like it sounds like you visited rock bottom in a way where like it the relationship got to the point and you were just so sick of these breakups where you finally were like I actually prefer to be alone with me than dealing with that bullshit and that's a huge like kind of realization that I got to once where I was actually having trouble eating when I was with this guy where I would like go to work and I'd buy a sandwich

and I couldn't finish it and people would comment like, are you going to eat that sandwich? And I was feeling sick to my stomach because that's not me. Like I will not miss a meal ever. And I looked in the mirror and I knew that my body was telling me like, you're not in a safe space. So then I told myself like, fuck, you know, getting stuff with my career, hot guys. I just want to wake up and my body be happy with me and feel safe in my own skin.

And I think with you, it sounds like you found safety within yourself. Yes. For the first time. And in the past, there have been times where like, I don't know if you've ever done this, but like there would be times where I'd be like, if I end up alone forever, I'll be enough. And then I'm like, now that I've said that, that means he's going to come. Like it's like I would try and try on the rhetoric. Yeah.

To like, if I really try and believe this, then I'll meet him. And it was like, this is the first time that I. anxiety thoughts because you're still kind of control the future. Yes, exactly. It's literally being okay with the present of being alone. And when you think about when you're alone, the stress would come from other people's voices. Like I'd hear like, you know, a parent's voice or I'd hear my friend's voices. Like it was never really me. Like I was like, I'm good watching Netflix. But I felt like it was other people being like, oh, she hasn't met someone. Why isn't she met someone? Why isn't she dating? Oh, you're like, so it's a lot of just quieting those voices. And I, I, I, now I'm in a relationship. And I was like, I actually fucking love being single. But I do think what I've done that is interesting is I'm an anti-caretaker. That's good. Listen, I strive for that. I really do. I can really take care of myself. So like early on, like, I know he's not using me for caretaking. And very early on, he can tell that this is not, I'm not a babysitter. I'm not your mom. I'm trying to take care of myself. But I do think with the right person, you naturally start to get these weird maternal instincts

where you like want to try to make him food or like want to clean up after him a little, which is normal. But do you feel like your caretaking was like to overcompensate for something you thought you might have been not bringing to the relationship? Totally. I think it was all tied to like self-worth, which is so, again, fascinating because I feel like on paper, if you had asked me, I would say that I was amazing that I had all these, you know, all these accomplishments that are beautiful, that I'm talented, that I have all these things. But I think truly, I, I internally, it's like you just, it's not, it's not that simple. You know what I mean? I think it's like it just takes so long to do that like internal work and really connect to your own power and strength and what that

really looks like and really feels like. And I think for me, it was just like, well, you know, in the past, it was like, I don't feel like I'm attractive enough. I have to do X, Y, or Z to make him like me. And then as I got more successful, it's hard. It's hard being a successful woman in your mid-30s trying to date. It's really hard. And it's like super successful dudes want younger women to have babies with. And guys who are still kind of on their way and aren't there yet, they love to date

successful women because they don't have to take care of you all the way of the above. but it always becomes an issue every single time. Even the most resolute man who can be like, it would never be a problem for me. It will never, it always is. There will always be something. It just always is. And so I think for me, I was like, God, you know, I, again, I have to change.

I have to diminish or overcompensate in some way to make up for whatever, you know. I mean, it's 2022, but I feel like naturally, A lot of women, if you're dating in your 20s, you meet a guy in his 20s or early 30s, and he's financially doing a little better than you because of the wage gap and whatever. But then you have women who are making a shit ton of money, and people don't talk about what it's like to date when you're successful. And then I personally raise that fucking age range, raise it up because that's what I'm into. I want a zaddy, but also I love.

love that I don't need a daddy yes I want to know in terms of your eating habits was there any kind of what was like the worst eating habit that you would do that you don't do anymore eating eating to pass the point of fullness yeah so like you know just cleaning the plate that that programming that you get you know bless or you know when you're a kid and it's like so good in the moment though to be like I don't have to think about my thoughts I could just think about how good this is tasting right now, even though my stomach is, I'm going to have diarrhea after for sure. I'm going to feel so sick and dopey and whatever. But yeah, I think, I think it's like, yeah, that's the number one thing for me is that I would just eat past the point

of fullness. I would keep going. I would have a large, and I, like, as a, you know, drinking too. It's like, I would just keep going. And now it's just, it's like, well, this, you can still eat the same amount of that in the day, but just take a break and check in and see. and it's but but what's interesting is is that it doesn't I think there was a little bit of medication or medicating happening in that action for me and now it's like I just don't feel like I react to it the same way which again I know people are going to be like that's so annoying that's such an annoying thing but I'm like it's just the truth that's it like you're not feeling as much of a high from binging I don't feel any high from it like I don't have the urge to do it now it's like

I start to feel full and I'm like I'm going to stop And it doesn't, like, there's no emotion tied to it, if that makes sense. Yeah. And you said you also have had a lot of people reach out to you about having dissatisfaction with their own bodies. What has that been like for you to kind of be the receptor of a lot of the energy? It's so, it makes me so sad. And I don't say that from a place of judgment at all.

I think that that is a very large symptom of a much larger, you know, systemic, societal, you know, patriarchy, all of the above. but but yeah I and this was prior to me posting that post it was just like I was posting pictures of me I was feeling great yes I had lost some weight and and yes so many women were reaching out and being like what's your secret what are you doing what plan are you on what diet is it I really hate my body and I just I'll do anything I'm willing to do anything to change it and I was like oh my gosh like and that's why I eventually posted that post because it was starting to become overwhelming to me just the concept and listen I'm somebody who's who's felt those feelings too I'm not

judging the feelings but I was just like we this is we've got it there's we got to make changes this is not like women don't need to live like this is just not the way to go but I think you're really on to something it's like if you have negative energy towards yourself and your body like that shit is toxic and it's gonna kind of come full circle but if you start having that like respect for yourself putting yourself first and having almost empathy that like I love my body I want the best for my body it's funny how you were able to like create the ultimate weight loss plan which isn't like going on a diet or anything it's just being like our body knows what to do and let's actually respect it and I think the confidence comes first like the confidence of being like I love myself I love my body it's going to figure it out I'm trusting in it as long as I'm putting myself first yes and listen not to not to bring the room down but I did lose one of my very best friends to breast cancer last year and watching what she went through and what her body had to go through through that process, it was a,

that rocked my entire foundation because I think everybody, but certainly women, we spend time like picking apart the minutia of like, well, if I could, you know, it's like I have this one weird lump here. Why isn't that like maybe I could like lipo that one lump? And then I was like watching what she went through,

I was like, my God, it stops today. Like I can't do it anymore. I have to be so grateful. for what I have because watching her and knowing as she was going through surgeries and all the above, what she would give to have back. So you had some gratitude almost and like new realization.

But also, I'm not, you're in fucking Hollywood. Like, how has that affected your relationship with your body? And then even like losing some weight, tell me the truth. Like, does it affect like roles you're going out for like casting? Like I'm thinking of like Rebel Wilson in my head. like you're always analyzed by what you look like you know what's so interesting is i i i've i've always felt like i have like reverse body dysmorphia because i i joke about that too do you yeah oh my god i love a bit about it that i think i'm way hotter than i am yeah yes

because for years i've always been like i think i look pretty great like what are we talking about here like um but it's so interesting because there was like something that had come out during the last season of Superstore. Now, listen, I had gained weight. We shot that thing in the middle of the pandemic, like, early pandemic when it was like, it was a full puff pastry. Oh, my God. Again, we were all holding the stress response I've heard in my own body is huge. Yeah. But there was so many people being like, Dina on Superstore is the best plus size representation on television. And I was like, at the time, at my very biggest, I was a size 14. And I was like, are we really calling that plus size like if we think that that's the best representation like we have a problem here for sure and

and so for me it's it's so interesting because now I'm starting to get back out there into you know what am I doing next et cetera and it's so funny because I'm like I am looking back now and going and I'm not I look back with kind eyes I'm not looking back and going oh they were right by any means but I do look then and I do look at now and I'm like wow I do feel like I look so different but I also feel like it's like it's it's it's the blonde hair which I love which I feel more like myself and who who knew I've never been blonde before for any amount of time um but it's like it's the whole persona to me I'm very curious to see how that what happens for me as I'm starting to audition more again as things are picking up um because I feel like I'm like women into boxes a lot of the time like

oh you're the funny slightly overweight friend yeah and it's like if you're too skinny it's like oh well now you can't be the funny friend now you have to be the supportive aunt or like we know and totally and you're still you but like just because you go up and down a couple pounds it actually reminds me on instagram i i was joking about it for a while i i'm like a size six size eight maybe in pants and someone called me body positive oh my god stop and i was like body like i know they were trying to compliment me body because i'm wearing jeans and i'm a size six are you fucking kidding me but this should not be potty this would just be a girl wearing jeans and also even if you're size 18 it shouldn't be body positive like it's like amy schumer joking about being

called brave again amy schumer was like size 12 and was put into this like you know plus size thing and she's like can we stop with this but it's like a lot of just society trying to again like just make money off of stuff i feel like and they're trying to just be like oh we need to add more plus size stuff who's who's not editing all their photos on Instagram yes 100% and I think your photo that you posted was great because it didn't seem edited or like you were trying to do anything you were just kind of like I'm here and let me give in a little explanation of what's going on because I feel like people are assuming things like that I started like a skinny tea detox or something 100% and that's what it was for me

too you know coming off of I was I mean I did Super for six years um I've been doing, I've been working a ton this past year since it ended, but people haven't seen me a lot. I've been doing a lot of voice work. I've been developing writing and stuff like that. Yeah. So I think again, yeah, I was like, I don't want people to think, because there is this perception too that I think is interesting that it's like, oh, she's gone Hollywood or now she has money, quote unquote, so she's doing whatever. And it's like, I was, yeah, I was just like, I don't want to wear, I don't want to wear that. And I also don't feel like I owe anybody an explanation about anything. I don't, I think it's interesting that as part of our,

like culture, there is this like weird fascination with women's bodies and that women have to justify either way, either gaining or losing, if you're in the public eye. And there were people that commented too that it's like, you know, well, you're in the public eye, like you owe people an explanation. And I'm like, but I don't. Like I'm, I'm happy to talk about it because I think the concepts are important. But it's so interesting to me, like the ownership that I think people really feel. Yeah, it's weird. I wanted to post like an old photo from like the summer when just started where I was a lot, I was actually a lot skinnyer because I was going through a lot of anxiety and I was shitting my brains out and I was going to post it but then I knew that

people would comment like that my body looked different and I like didn't really want to deal with that and it got me my friend and I joke like can we just stop talking about people's bodies but then it's weird because it is a thing even having you on the pod starting out I'm like obviously she talked about her weight loss but I didn't want to like start off being like how's your weight But what's your opinion on people, like, commenting on your body, especially when there's a change? It's like you get a haircut. People are like, oh, nice. And your body changes, it almost feels different, though.

It does feel, it's so loaded. I feel like it's like, you know, it just feels like it's such a mind field. I do agree. I have been saying lately that I'm like, can we just not comment on bodies either way? Like, can we just, if you want to give someone a compliment, there are so many ways you can compliment someone and their physicality without specifying their body like just say you look great you look beautiful yeah looking good you know what I mean like there are ways I think that I feel like that's what I do to you'll do to men too like if a guy lost somebody you'd be like you look good you don't go

oh you look slimmer you look perky like you just go you look good and I think that let's go with that yes you look good your energy's great I love it your energy is great totally because you can take whatever you want from that. Yep. Yep. Yep. Exactly. You're exuding. You're exuding. Speaking of energy, I'm still trying to find the trick. I'm like, was there a crystal involved? Are you meditating? What is the mental change that you've, maybe your day-to-day morning routine? Has anything of that changed recently? You know, this is, and this is so funny because it sounds so superficial. The one big, big change that I've been making is I was like, you know, I'm somebody again who, One thing I really connected to recently as I've been going through my like big changes was I was like one of my biggest fears in life. And this is so wild that I figure this out and it sounds so bizarre, but is the concept like I never want to be perceived as being superficial or shallow. Like it's crippling. And I feel like we like I just remember back like programming when you're a kid and like all of the narratives are like, but the pretty girl, she gave the ugly guy a child.

chance and that's the right thing to do because you don't want to be shallow like do you know what i mean like those concepts and so i feel like i've always felt this um connection to like oh you should you know make sure the people don't think that you're your superficial whatever so along the lines of unraveling the damage that i feel like that has done to my own psyche i am like i'm somebody again who like all my clothes are from target i like don't unless i'm going to an event but then i get a stylist so it's like it's kind of a different thing so i was like you know what i'm doing i'm i'm throwing out all those clothes and I'm buying nice clothes. That's the one change that I've been making over the course the last few months

because I'm like you can afford it. It's almost like you're connecting trying with being superficial or like Yes. Or like taking care of yourself and putting yourself like for me I am the least materialistic person but I only will fuck with guys above six two and I joke about it. I'm like I'm a shallow ass bitch. I'm normally the raggedy one in the relationship. I just like my men looking nice.

People joke I'm ratchet. My fiance is like so put together. But your first comment was I commit to dressing like the rock star that I am. Yes. So that's explain. Like are you, why did you start doing this? Why did you allow yourself suddenly? Well, again, I think when I cleared, when again, when the fog cleared and I was like feeling more connected to myself and my own strength and power.

There was one day I had, I had a meeting before Omicron like went crazy in L.A. but I had an in-person meeting and it was the first time and I don't know how long and I've lost weight and I was going through my closet and I was like I don't have anything that like

to me in my opinion like meets where I'm at and it was like you know dress like you feel or dress like you want to feel or whatever and there's so much like 90 stuff that's back

that I was like you know what I'm going to do when I was in high school and I weighed 130 pounds and thought I was obese and I would never have allowed myself to ever you know, show my midrift or whatever, I was like, I'm going to do that now then, because, you know, hell yeah, where it's not getting any better. This is the other thing I always say. I'm

like, we're always in any moment, like, like, you're not getting any younger. Do you know what I mean? Like, and aging is a privilege. Don't get me wrong. But my point is that it's like celebrated now. Yeah. So the other thing I did was like, I'm going to like buy things that I would never normally wear. I'm going to try them and let's see. And like if I seem like a woman, who's trying to dress like a you know early 2000s when stephanie that's because that's what i'm doing that's because that's what i'm doing and i don't i do not give just don't pluck the eyebrows and i'm so supportive of this i'm no never touching the eyebrows never touching them they won't go they won't go what is your opinion too of the plastic surgery going on in l.a and stuff because i do think there's

a difference between like being trying to respect yourself and be the best version of yourself versus being like I'm going to change a lot of myself to be what I think is the best version of myself or what people want to see. Totally. I am concerned about the young gals and the string lifts. I'm concerned about what like what are those going to look like in five years? It's a trend. It's a trend. And I again, I'm like, but what happens? Like what does your face look like when they when they deflate or fall? And like how many of them can you have and like I I'm too anxious for that shit like I'm just like I don't know what's a long term effect so that are going to be no I'm like way too scared to get a nose job because I'm like what if I don't like it oh my god every time I watch botched and they show the after I'm always like you can't be like we undo like it's so permanent it's so permanent I could barely get a fucking tattoo I can't

too. But I do think also it's like what we see. And the more women we see in the media who look like you. When I say look like you, I mean have a unique face. The more it becomes, or more times you see women who don't have like a six pack showing their middreth, the less fucking freaked out and body positive people feel when they see a role. Like it's really just all what we've been shown. I mean, you think about like Marilyn Monroe, her body was gorgeous. And there was no six-pack she was eating all her meals and she looked beautiful yes and she was not like hitting the gym like it was like she was a lady who launched do you know what I mean she ordered an extra margar margarita and didn't doubt it didn't question it she was wearing

in cocktail dresses and floating around effortlessly like I don't think she was like got to get to the gym yeah and I used to be an athlete so like I did go to the gym and I remember afterwards my body started to change a little and I was talking to a therapist and I was like I don't have a six pack anymore. And she was like, why do you need one? And it was this crazy thought that like, I didn't need to have a six pack. And in my head, I'm like, but that just means I'm the best I can be. And she's like, you're in advertising. Like, what are you talking about right now? Right. So it really is perspective and understanding who you are in that moment and what you need. Currently, what's your biggest physical insecurity that you have? You know, it's, it's this

space under my chin and it's because even when i was 130 pounds in high school it doesn't go away and it's it's i i but i am always i was always battling with like am i gonna do something to change it because it is one of those things that like if i'm looking at looking at me now you're like oh you there's nothing there but then you'll see a photo and it's like it's like this and i'm just like i yeah like when i laugh i'll like show all my chins when i laugh but that's how i laugh I can't like reteach myself how to laugh authentically. But there's actually like a there's a whole thing about neck and like chin stuff that I had no idea people do, but so many people are doing it.

But sometimes you end up looking kind of like a doll like someone stuck ahead on like a little neck and it doesn't always it sometimes it's better to kind of just gratefully having a neck. And that's exactly it. And it's also like, listen, have I have I, have I dabbled in the? the in the Botox arcs, of course. But I don't they like give that to you just like at a checkup? They do. Exactly.

Yes. They're like, yes, your cholesterol is a little high and where would you like me to inject? They don't even ask you. No, yeah, exactly. I'm like, what's happening? Oh, okay. Fuck, I look great. But I also was like, I also waited until I was after 30 to start that because I was like.

And so I think that's the other thing for. And I look, I respect also. Any woman wants to do anything. your prerogative it makes you feel good great my worry is just i think that in l.A especially yeah there are people there are people who will allow a lot and i'm i just worry about these beautiful faces and and and that are 25 getting like string lifts and and and partial facelifts and shit and i'm like oh i i just don't know where you go from there i like to i'm always playing devil's advocate with plastic surgery sometimes too aggressively but i i also just want

people to understand their motive for why. Yes. Why you're doing it and why you think you need it. Because no one's face is perfect. And if it is, you look like every other perfect face going around. And I do think what makes you so beautiful is like you have really authentic features that no one else has. And it's like when people see you on screen, they know it's you. And they're not like, that looks just like that other girl.

Getting a little darker. Yes. do are you more of a depression or anxiety type of person or are you a cocktail of both you know I am I mean listen I have a you know I've got an anxiety diagnosis so that's that's for sure part of my life I think that depression wise like I've always come in and out of it a little bit like I'm I'm more of like a I'll go through bouts of depression but I think day to day it's it's anxiety for the win for sure That rules my days.

Yeah, exactly, exactly. And also this transformation of mental and physical, I'm honestly more interested in the mental. How has it affected your creativity? I know that you have a deal right now with NBC Universal I pulled up to write a comedy pilot and you are busy working. Where is your creative juices right now? I have never felt more creative.

I've never felt more connected to my kind of like writing and development skills than I do now. Wow. Yeah, like truly, honestly, again, I think it's just a testament again to like having the, I don't want to say having the time. It's not that. I think it's having like the metaphorical space or the metaphorical energy that it's like, yeah, I can, I'll find myself like writing for. like 10 hours one day. And then I won't write for three days. But it's like, you know what I mean? Like I feel like just really connected to it, excited by it. I like started writing a screenplay during this time too because that's what people do. They just fill their times with way too

much. But it was so exciting and it's so interesting because typically when I write, I write stuff that is like connected to something very personal to me. That's always been, you know, what I've kind have gone for, unless it's like a TV show where there's not space for that and you're writing to the show. I wrote an episode of Superstore. So like that I obviously was not bringing my personal pain to, but for my own stuff. But what's interesting, the one shift that I've noticed is I've started all of a sudden having all of these ideas that have nothing to do with my life and are not close to experiences that I've had, but are interesting to me. And they're like fully fleshed out in my mind and it's just again it's it's fascinating to me that it's that it's that I felt again so

opened up by this time it's almost like you're off this hamster will where maybe you were dealing with like the same trauma where now you're kind of like we love that trauma for us but now we can explore kind of a wider lens and also as a comedian there's that argument that when you're too happy you can't write funny shit do you disagree with that now I do. I really do. I really do. Honestly, like, I think it's just finding like finding what's interesting or finding a different way in. And yes, I do agree that like, you know, the darkest shit is the funniest shit to me. And again, I've always written from a place of pain. I've always gone to those real life experiences and written from those. But I think it's like it's just an

interesting different part of your brain. It's like a different part of, it's like a different challenge. Yeah, it's not like you stop having opinions. You just see things right from a different perspective that and you don't even yeah it's almost like you don't even know the things you could be opinionated on when you get out of kind of a spiral or a dark hole you were in totally totally you're doing incredible it is now time to play our final game in hell it's time to play the seven deadly sins okay Lauren what are you greedy about? Canadian snack food. I honestly am so precious. And, like, I had a friend here visiting recently from Canada. And she's like, can I have some of your fuzzy peaches? And I was like,

I can't buy them here. You're like, I was like, it's like gold, okay? It's like gold. I get these things shipped in. Like, like, no, you can't. You can, you're flying home in three days. You can buy them at any store. These lives were lost, okay? Literally, I'm, I'm not, I don't, like, I identify with the ingredient at all, but with that I'm blatant, like, just like, no, I'm not sharing. You, not to a Canadian. I actually just had a Canadian. I personally love Canadians and I'm a real Canadian type of gal and he was telling me about the Caesar, how it's this drink that you put clam juice in and I like couldn't, I couldn't

handle it because Americans, I was like, is that like New England clam chowder? And they're like, no, not at all. It's way better. So I'm excited to go to Canada and try all that shit. Where in Canada are you from again? I grew up outside Toronto and I lived in Toronto for many years. Yeah. Beautiful.

Yeah. I heard there's a great comedy scene there and I really want to go once things open up a little. You absolutely should. It's a great comedy scene and you've got to try a seizure. People are so freaked out by it. Don't think about it. Just order. It's like it's basically just a salty or Bloody Mary.

They're delicious. Oh, yeah. You're right. And also you guys are on the water, right? Like it's not like we're in the middle of nowhere and they're like these clams were somewhere. took him out of the basement. Yeah.

Who are you envious of? Oh, great question. You know, it's so funny. I love, it's my, I talk all the time about how I think that jealousy, like, I think envy is a natural human emotion, but like jealousy is where it goes too far. Like, I think it's natural to be like, I'm envious of that person. It's jealousy where it's like, I fucking hate that that person has that thing that you get into it. Oh, I want.

I want. Like, you even see like animals and kids are like that. Like, oh, give me, give me. I want that. Yeah, like, that's natural. But again, it's like, it's when you get into the dark stuff. Oh, man, who am I envious of? You know, honestly, like, I feel like people who have had really long careers, like people

who are able to endure and sustain and continue to work and create new things, like Tina Faye, I think that, like, she started at Second City, I started at Second City. you know she did SNL she did 30 rock she's done movies she's still producing writing guest starring she's going back onto SNL like like to me I'm like you know she has a wonderful family and everything and it's like that's a that's a life is incredible and then also like it takes strategy from not really a branding perspective but kind of to find where you fit in in this like larger and entertainment world we're in and it's interesting because I never thought about that stuff and then I turned 30 and then I was like

oh shit like do I only have so many years that I'm still kind of like the young millennial comic and then I'm like wait people listen to me are aging too like we're all going to grow together and I want to see like I want to see more older female comics like 40s 50s let's be honest our mom's friends are the funniest people they have shit to say um so I'm manifesting that for myself and for you. I feel like in acting, you have to evolve, but you're still fucking alive. Yeah. It's like a Tina's face sketch where they're like the last year of being hot. The last fuckable year or whatever. Yeah. Which is so funny, but unfortunately kind of true. Yeah. Yeah. I'm also envious of like, I'm envious of any comedic actors that get to do really cool drama stuff because I

haven't gotten to do that yet. And I'm like, I'm envious of like, you know, you'll, like the people on people on the, um, uh, the, the Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinsky, Ryan Murphy thing. Oh, with Beanie Feldstein. Yes. And I'm like, oh, this is so fun. And there were so many comedy people in there. And I was just like, that's the dream man. Comics are such good serious actors. Because if you think about it, especially standups and improv, you're acting on stage. And it's so hard to make people laugh. And it's all stemming from pain anyway. You just twist the pain a little. Yep. 100%. It's still about timing and being in touch. your emotions um yeah and there's a lot of them suppressed they're right at the surface for a lot of us

too right at the surface like they're not hard to get to they're right there i feel like that's me i'm either like sobbing or like nothing's getting to me and i'm joking about everything there's no in between yeah 100% is there anything else that you're kind of manifesting for the future because you've been checking off a lot of shit and i feel like you're in a weird place of kind of some good heat post quarantine good heat absolutely Um, what else am I manifesting? I, well, I've been writing the screenplay. So that's definitely something that I'm like, got to do.

And more movie stuff. You know, it's hard to like, when you're on a network show as I was for six years, it's hard to find you only get a couple months off in the summer like school, right? So it's like it's hard to find other projects that you can line up, right? Like Nico, who was on my show with me, he did crazy rich Asians and it, it slotted in exactly. And it was so, I was so happy for him. it was like that's that's like the golden egg like it's so rare there's probably been opportunities that you can't do because of the schedule and you're

obviously like have something long term with a project that you're not just going to not do and contractually like it's it's like they won't necessarily let you do it right also I'll be in jail no also like they could sue they could deeply sue but yeah so so trying to like just explore those different things like like yeah finding those finding the rebel Wilson and bridesmaids part for me that's that's that's like like you know what I mean like shit like that that's the stuff that we're manifesting what was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger do you have a fiery side oh yes um you know it's funny again because it rarely comes out people rarely ever see it uh but i think you know look i i i one of my

new year's resolutions that i rarely make resolutions resolutions but one of them was like to stop giving a fuck. But I will tell you this, it is so much easier for me to read criticism online that is like, you know, you're a fat whale. Yes. Or Superstore was dumb. Then like if someone criticizes the podcast that I do with my cousin, who's basically like my sister, or if someone like says anything that's even like 1% about her, I'm just like these motherfuckers. Like they don't know how much how hard you work and how hard I work. And like, that's the shit that'll like make me go there was like there was someone who like implied basically that we were I don't even fucking know but it was something that was like really attacking integrity yeah and that that was like

but that's like the number one thing they accused they go straight to like these people are horrible it's never there's never any gray area it's like these people are evil or they're the greatest and it's funny that it's a podcast that pisses you off because the podcast is when you're putting out your most authentic self like it's raw unedited with something like a TV show you're like yeah i was reading off a fucking script whatever yeah i was like it or don't yeah yes exactly they can insinuate your character in some way of who you are as an entire human being and um thank you sorry the dogs the dogs heard me getting heated and they started to go oh that's so funny they were like do we need to protect oh she's she's yelling she's yelling something's happening

oh my god it's so funny but yeah i completely understand you just kind of have to think like what kind of human would make an assessment of my character from this and what might be their own motives but also i i personally think podcasts should not have reviews it's like super toxic i don't know why they do like maybe the stars that's cool but the comment is just because also you can't even reply to it so i think it's it's kind of just like a a really bad message board or forum that should I don't know. I think we should start like a change.org on that. I agree because here's the thing. I feel like people typically, you only get either five stars or one.

Yeah, that doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It's not a real grading system. It's not people are looking at it and going like, well, I've gone through and I've graded the podcast on five different criteria. And it's scored an 86% and I'm giving it four stars. Like that doesn't happen. Also, Lauren, I was on a reality show where like I'd get in like a fight that was

completely edited and I'd have like a response to something that they didn't even show. And I'd get like tons of bad reviews on my podcast because of it. And I'm like, leave my podcast alone. She's your. She didn't ask for this. She didn't ask for it. Keep her out of it. Oh, my God. Anyway, so I got to. When was the last time you were a sloth? So like a lazy piece of shit. Because you're busy. Oh my God. Saturday. Two days ago. Nice. Nice. You know, I had one of those nights that I had too much to drink. the night before and yeah we didn't get off that couch we didn't get off that couch do you have any advice for when you're riding kind of getting in the zone like do you have any daily routines

that you do to help you be creative i never force it if you like like poop for me never force the poop because that's how you that's how you burst of blood vessel in your eye um for me i just I can't force it. Like if I'm, I can't, I personally can't be like, I'm going to write from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. tomorrow. Like that, I will just like. Because then you start being naughty. You're like, the face I want to do this.

It needs to be like, my body chose this. Not like, okay, I'm sitting here with the computer. But I'm like, I'm going on TikTok. That's my evil ADD voice. Oh, mine too. Listen, same. I had to stop going on TikTok for a while. Like, I've had to cut it out because it was becoming, like, I was literally,

like putting on TikTok and then like putting it up while I'm like brushing my teeth and like I'm like that's too much you've got to stop the problem with TikTok is to create content you kind of have to consume a lot of content to kind of know what's trending what people are talking about and it becomes exhausting I've started posting stand-up clips so I've become like a little removed from like all the sounds and stuff but there's a balance between like being really good at something and it becoming obsessive yes oh my gosh God, yes. I was just like, I was like, I don't need to be watching this every waking minute that I'm not doing something else in the day. That feels like bad. Yeah, like when you don't have

you can't be alone with your thoughts for a second. It's like, oh, I'm, I'm on a weird dopamine type of addiction and I need to get off it. A hundred percent. But the, yes, the other advice I would give again, don't force it. Don't pop the blood vessel. But then likewise, if you have a moment where you're feeling inspired and you're feeling the zone, be selfish. And right until you're done writing that day. And if that, like, if that means, like, you got to cancel something or whatever, like, to me, it's like when it hits, let it hit and ride it. Because I think that sometimes we get like, um, you know, whatever because, and listen, I'm not saying like, I know that there's extenuating circumstances, but if you can, I'm saying, allow yourself to like go for it in that time. And then

also, doing other things feeds your creativity. Yes. Living a little. Like, when I was first starting out doing improv in Toronto. One of the things a teacher, and I wish I could remember who it was, but a teacher said, which was, which always stuck with me and is so true, they're like, you're just starting improv and you really like it. And you want to do classes and shows every single night. But you, you can't only do this. You have to go and do other things, like, not related to comedy or performance at all so that you can come back and have like, point of view, reference level, like all these things. And I was like, that's so important to remember. And in theory, it's having balance because I'm the same way like once I really like something I'm like let's just

do it do it do it but then you get burnt out and you have to create some space for your mind to have new ideas yes which is super important I also want to know when was that time you let your pride get in the way of something like how's your ego um other than me raging about people criticizing the podcast but that is a good point. What I do when I do get really upset about something is like, oh, that's your ego, that's your ego. That's your ego. Let's put her to sleep for a second. Yes, 100%. I think in general, I try and I try to live in that world for sure. And again, like I've been, look, I always talk about too, like I was 30 when I got on my first American TV show. So it was also like I had worked,

you know, working my way up for a long time, which I value because I wasn't someone who took it granted. Yeah, but also got thrust into it. I have great compassion for people who get thrust into this world and then all of a sudden it's like, what the fuck? Like, for me, it was like, I have perspective about rejection, you know, career-wise. I have perspective about criticism and negativity and all those things that I don't feel like I let that get in the way too often. But there is the odd time, you know, obviously we're all human. Yeah, other than my podcast, taking it away too personally. God, damn. But it is personal. It's It's not like, it is straight up personal.

Any implication of me being fake I get upset about. So if there's like an implication again and look, oh, here's what it is. I also find, and I don't know if you find this at all, but like I don't engage that many negative people on the internet, but I will from time to time if I feel like, A, I can make a great joke. B, B, I can use it as a teachable moment. or see if I just am having like if that day I'm just like no you know what I'm not gonna I'm not gonna take that right now and there's been so many times that I've done that and be like you were right I'm so sorry I don't know where I don't know why I did that but what what it's upsetting to me and this is probably where I let me go get in the way is other people like to be like ignore the haters ignore the trolls ignore whatever and I don't think that that's a realistic ask of people who have who have to see it all the time if I didn't and that's something I'm envious about about like Tina Faye, Amy Poehler, like that generation of amazing funny women is that they don't do social media. And that I'm envious.

That is the ultimate success. Even the other day I was with someone's like dad and he was like, what's going on on Instagram? I'm not on it. And I was like, oh, I'm jealous of you, sir. It's like accountant. I was like, I'm jealous. And he's like, what? And I'm like, never mind.

You won't understand. 100%. I do also want to know you're putting yourself first more, but you also are kind of a people pleaser. in your like blood yep when do you decide when you can say no to things versus not especially when you're a hard worker type a type of person it's hard i say i say yes to a lot i say yes probably too much typically for sure i burnt out in the pandemic like i was doing like a million you know interviews podcasts videos like so many things to say and then i started to hate my voice so much i was like you guys don't want to hear this before i even started i'm like i'd quit i quit this sentence

I I know and then it's like you like hit stop and then you like you like you like turn back and it's like well still in my house like still here like this I I entertained myself for 20 minutes but I think it's really about like it's about deciding and I thought about this a lot lately actually given my like new yeah new mindset but it's like deciding what you align with and what what serves you the best like I think that that's the key and like you know not in a like what can I get out of this way but in a just like like how does this better me, serve me further, further my career, et cetera. And if it's in like, you know, social situations too, it's like being able to communicate to people and say either like I, my bandwidth is is fucked right now and I cannot hang out or whatever, you know, it's, I think it's important to allow yourself to do that. I actually recently heard some more great TikTok advice. I actually think it was Tanks who I've had on this podcast. She said if you're going to say yes or something or if you're going to buy something and I'm

really bad at this think if you wanted to do it tonight like you know when you hear something and you're just like yeah I'll be good by that time and then it comes around you're like why did I say yes to this this is my whole life so it's like when someone asks you to do something think would I go tonight when you're going to buy something think would I wear this tonight or would I wear this to lunch right now and trust your gut that you'll know because I'll be like oh I'll definitely wear this one day and I'll never fucking touch it because I'm what who who would wear that the new hannah that doesn't exist like no so that's how I've been helping myself to decide things to know if I really want to do it or not I love that that's such great advice it's so true because in the moment obviously you're saying yes

because it makes you happy to say yes than no because you're you're thinking of it conceptually rather than like an actual event you said yes too yes also the fact that you broke out when you were 30. Why did you not quit? Up until that point? I had wins along the way. So I think for me it was, well, it was two things. Petulance, definitely. My high school guidance counselor, I tell the story all the time. He told me I was throwing my life away by going into acting. So that was like the greatest gift I was ever given because I was like, well, I'm going to see this all the way, motherfucker. I love that. Because if Canadians are nothing were passive aggressive and vindictive. Wait, what did he want you to do? Math and science. I was like a really good student and I got

really good grades and he was just like, you should go. And listen, I commend him for trying to convince a woman to go into science and arts or science and maths. That was right. That was good. But just because you're good at something does not mean it's what you're meant to do and it's going to bring you joy. 100%. But yeah, so I think it's like, yeah, petulance. That's the one thing where it was just like, I got to see this through. And then also, yeah, like, I had, I had like slow, steady growth. So it just kind of was like, I was lucky to do that. The universe was trucking along.

Yeah. So it felt like you were, I kept getting, like, signposts that were basically like, you're going the right way. You know what I mean? No, that's important to hear because people's journeys are different and it doesn't mean you're not successful because when you were 26, you weren't booking anything. It's like, no, there were things that I knew. Or sometimes people think you're failing

But in your head you know that you're on a certain track Like I quit my job at 25 and was like writing memes for a company But in my head I was like oh I'm joke writing But other people are like she is a loser No that is you were joke writing And that is like a job that comedians would probably die You know that have been trying to break for 10 years would die For free in my group chat

So I might as well do it for a company Yeah Final question even though we're de-centering men from our life, of course. Who is your celebrity crush? You're like, what kind of dude are you manifesting? Pedro Pascal. I think that he is. I love how quickly you're interested. I just think he's like so incredibly talented. Like, I find him so inspiring. And I think in general, like, I think that that's my like, and this might sound, I don't give a fuck if it sounds douche or not, but like I think moving forward for me in like terms of like what I would want to manifest in a partner is like someone who I

someone who I find inspiring, somebody who it's like, wow, like, that's in whatever aspect of their life. But being able to look at someone and go like, fuck, that is it, that is, that is so cool. Like, that is so impressive. You know, like, I think that that's the energy we're taken into 2022. Yeah, but there's this crazy concept and people don't talk about it about like actually respecting a guy's mind and not always just trying to get him to respect you. It's like, do you respect him, though? Not just him liking you. Because it's so easy to like someone just because they like you. You could convince yourself any of that.

I've committed a lot of time and energy to many relationships. We've all done that. Final question. What advice would you give the little devils, our listeners, on what to do when they're going through hell, when they're in the dark, when things just seem really, really hard? I would say, first of all, don't judge it.

Because I think that there is this kind of feeling, this like the toxic positivity thing I think is so real. And I think that there's so much rhetoric out there about like, do this, do that. Get up. Do jumping jacks. And then drink a warm glass of water and you'll feel better. And it's like you probably won't. What I can say for my own experience is as someone who has been to the brink more than one time and circled the drain. And I'm not saying that glibly. I mean that genuinely. It will suck. But it always gets better. And allow yourself to sit in and feel what you're feeling because the times when I've allowed myself to go like that I feel really fucking awful and I'm just going to acknowledge that it's like maybe it's it's okay for me

to just sit in that for for a couple days it has passed quicker than all of the times that I've been like go and do a hike go to the gym you know eat something healthy like it's like I think that the stillness is sometimes so much more huge. healing than, um, then, then we realize because I think that there's so much like self-help stuff out there, which I love. Yes. But I think it's just like there's a fear to like feeling your feelings. It's almost like I have main character energy. Like look outside of the window and like cry a little and just be that, you know, part of the storyline when things are down. And know everyone loves the comeback, but you have to be down to bounce back up again. And you will. And you will. It will happen.

happen. You sometimes say, and it may be, it may take a day, a week, a month. It will happen. It always does. Even if it feels like it won't. It, like, it gets better thing. It is just the truth. It always does. Amen. That is the Bible. Lauren Ash, tell me where people can watch you, listen to you, follow you. Give me all the goods. Absolutely. You can listen to my podcast, True Crime and Cocktails, anywhere you stream podcasts. You can follow me on Instagram at Lauren Elizabeth Ash, Twitter at Lauren. underscore ash and Facebook at Lauren Ash actress there's no synergy on those accounts there's other Lauren ashes it was just you know it was unfortunate but that's the truth and listen watch some superstore if you haven't it's a hell yeah it's a fun one thank you so much for coming to hell talking to you is always an honor a privilege and a pleasure and I'll talk to you little devils later bye