Berner Phone - Leah McSweeney: Chaos Theory & Billionaire Dick

Episode Date: June 2, 2022

Leah McSweeney is a bad biatch who is a little too comfortable in hell. She talks about her new book about her life, Chaos Theory. She talks about her business, being a mother, her recent darkness, and how she maintains her sanity in her beautiful chaotic life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning and Hell. Okay, I've manifested this moment for a long time. The second I saw her on my TV, I was like, I meant to meet this woman and I meant to talk serious shit in the dark depths of hell, because she's been there and back and there again and back. I'm Rose Tanna Burner with fashion designers, TV personality. an author of Chaos Theory, Leah McSweeney. Welcome. Thank you for that intro. That was beautiful. I worked really hard on it.

And I have been to hell. Back again and back down to hell. I feel like you're the kind of girl that I meet at a bar and we don't small talk and I'd be like, what did your psychic say? And why is it happening? And actually my psychiatrist is my psychic, which is bizarre. I'm obsessed with this. I also love that as a New York housewife, you're actually from. New York and you really brought some elements to the show like you were pushing the downtown

vibe and I was like thank you we don't rich people and successful people are not only in the Upper East Side and I mean obviously like I definitely like went on the show like having so much less money than all of them but at the same time I feel like downtown is more expensive than Uptown like right now I could get a bigger apartment on the Upper East Side for less than what I'm paying for my apartment now were you did you become more materialistic being on the real housewives because you have to like become conscious of no no I still don't I don't buy myself expensive bags I used to be much more materialistic when I was younger I was like I would buy stupid shit yeah yes like goiard bags and Louis Vuitton and everything I don't do that I'm on this like

fake prod I'm wearing a fake Prada necklace right now it looks great my frada thank you because I lose and break everything so it's like why buy the real thing exactly I know but the real thing's not supposed to break true but I will lose it yeah because i'm chaotic yeah speaking of do you know my nickname's hurricane hannah shut the fuck up so when i was reading your book i was like oh my god the chaos can you explain chaos theory yeah so the actual chaos theory like the scientific version of it is like that you know within disorder there's order i mean that's like the very short version of it and um i just applied all of those logics to my life and i was like oh

this works like this makes sense yeah i feel like that is life in general though and you talked about trying to control it where are you right now in terms of controlling the chaos that's a good question i also think there's a spiritual element to for sure chaos theory for sure you know like the actual scientific version because honestly like there's so much god like in science because there's so many things that like don't really if you you can keep saying but how did that happen and how did that happen like so it's like where did it all happen but um where am i now I'm you know what I had a rough rough January February like really hit a depression that I have not been in in a very long time I have not talked about it publicly like I'm just opening up about it right now to you because I want to be honest and no one's asked me this question I really didn't think I was going to make it on the book tour like I was like I wrote a book about mental health and I'm really suffering right now like how am I going to do this um I've pulled out of that thank God with a lot of medication and therapy and a hospital stay for a week. And it, again, it's always actually a

blessing. I try to look at things through that lens because how the fuck else are you supposed to look at it? And like, you know what? I needed to, I wasn't feeding my soul with nourishing things. I was paying attention to negativity. I was paying too much attention to how I looked and not how I felt. I was paying attention to bullshit. you know i wasn't in therapy i wasn't being like that's oh you're being wild i was being wild i was like honey no therapy yeah um i know i want to actually read a quick exit from your book well for people to know the vibe of the book this is one of my favorite early quotes on page five you've got to hold on to your sanity like it's a billionaire with a nine inch dick to advocate for

yourself do what needs to be done and never let go holy shit i had to take my own advice holy shit Brene Brown of being a hoe. Like, that is incredible. Thank you. But I also feel like sane people don't do incredible, creative, beautiful, out-of-the-box things. That's true. And also, I was talking to my friend, like, this morning. And I was like, what's, like, me and my brother and sister all have, like, depression issues and stuff?

And she was like, I think it's just intelligent people. I'm like, oh, that's nice of you to say, you know? what I mean. That's really nice of you. I think it's just like I, you know, ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss and like sensitive, like very often like sensitive, creative, intuitive people. Like I'm not trying to toot my own horn or anything like that. Just whatever, because it's not good and it's not bad. Do tend to have depression issues or maybe people with depression issues tend to be creative and, I mean, you know, and sensitive. Well, even bipolar disorder, which Ramona told us about. Yeah, which yeah, Ramona added me for having. Bipolar 2, which I still have like

issues with that diagnosis because I feel like people, like if you look at the character, like personality traits or like behaviors, it's also people who don't have good coping skills because it's like hypersexuality, shopping, like crazy spending money. Those are also like things that like addicts do once they give up drugs and alcohol. It's also kind of intertwined of just like almost being just like neurodivergent i know wait this is a whole new thing neurodivert i know it's like on ticot i learned about it i know i'm like what like this is a new i don't know what like neurotypical looks like but me and you are similar that like i deal with depression i deal with anxiety like very very sensitive but also very not sensitive in a way

but i feel everything i feel everyone's emotions i need to be at home alone for like an extended a period of time when I'm out like I'm out like I'm life of the party um so I feel very connected to you I also feel like we had a kind of a similar experience with our beginnings of reality TV where we both were kind of built up a lot and then and then um literally destroyed yeah destroyed and as two people who obviously we want control of our life yeah how did it affect your mental mental health being in something that you have zero control over. And when I tell you you have zero control, like you really have no control. Right.

Well, look, I like to do things that do take me out of my comfort zone. Same. Right? I like to take risks. I like to do things that. It makes you feel alive. Yes, exactly. That make me uncomfortable and that I can't predict, you know, and things like that,

even though it's always kind of predictable at the same time. So, you know what? I think, like, doing the show has, like, opened so many doors. for me it's like been an amazing thing while also it's come with like it's huge pile of issues yeah that I have to work really hard at like not internalizing the things I see written about myself I have to work hard to not hold resentments against people who have fucked with me or whatever like on the show and off the show and on social media or a writer that wrote something horrible about me and I had to see on my birthday or like just so much toxicity

be. And if I let it, like, fester inside me, I'm only going to be miserable. They say, like, being resentful is, like, hating someone and drinking your poison to hurt them or something like that. Yes. You're poisoning yourself as if it's going to hurt them. Exactly. So I've, I feel like I'm in the same place where the universe was like, okay, you want to level up? Let's do some crazy lessons where, like, you, I'm Sicilian. Like, I don't, I remember everything anyone's ever done to me. I'm a loyal ass bitch. And, like, if you cross me once, I'm like, I can't trust you. And I I remember everything and I feel everything. I take things personally because that's how I would treat people.

You can't live that way in reality TV. Like you have to be political and be like, okay, well, for my career, I need a smile and move forward. And I never, I don't play that game. Yeah. I never had. And also you have to also turn off a piece of yourself. Yeah. Which I think takes years of doing and I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to do that.

What piece of yourself? Probably the frontal lobe piece. Because let's be honest, you're not everyone's playing with a full deck, you know. No, but like, like, look, like, obviously, like, I see, like, Ramona and Luan and, like, how they deal with it. Like, they don't even let shit, they, like, let shit roll off their fucking back. They don't think about the shit. They don't care. They don't give a fuck.

They're, like, all about their business. And I kind of love it, you know, and I want to be like that. Luan gave me some wild advice once. What did she say? Because I was like, Luanne, I'm in a situation where, like, people think I did things that, like, didn't happen. And it's not how it happened. And everyone's saying I'm not holding accountability, but, like, that's not how the situation really happened. And she was like, no, no, no, you have to just own up to it.

You just have to go with that. You have to just own it and go with it. And then everyone will leave you alone. But if you keep fighting it, if you keep fighting it, people are going to just like, you're going to look like the crazy one. Isn't that insane? And I was like, go with a lie. Every cell in my body was like But like reality TV

I think I went into it I think in a similar way that you did where I was like I'm going to show that women are more than like one dimensional Because someone once told me like They're going to cast you like you're the hot one You're the messy one you're the weak one

You're the voice of reason And you can change characters Real quick depending on how they feel about you And I wanted to show that women could be like bosses but also depressed And like you know loud but also smart. No, no, no, no, no, no.

But I do think that you were able to capture that in a way that a housewife hasn't ever done that before. Thank you so much. I also think that like the viewers, I think like the viewers, it's hard for them to see

multidimensional women also on their, like we're very much shrunken down by them and like objectified and made into characters for like people's entertainment and you kind of have to be okay with that. What's wild for me? me is how people can think you change so much in the season it's like i was literally the same

fucking like i'm still the same person like what like it's wild to me that people be like i can't i i i don't i used to love her and now i don't and you're like it's been six months as if i'm like yeah but and they it's just it's weird to be talked about like in also when people leave instagram comments on my instagram and talking third person about me i can i can see you're like you're literally on my page i can hear you i've had to obviously be like okay my instagram is literally just work it's business i don't put pictures of my kid up i don't put pictures of my family up really like it's just business like it's a little sad i need to get a finsta oh hell yeah yeah how much do you care about what people think um i'm more concerned i do care but i'm much more concerned with making myself happy

like i'm not a people pleaser you know like i'm very self-absorbed in a lot of ways like This is my fucking life. I'm going to do whatever the fuck I want. I'm also obsessed with the fact that you created this brand. And can you explain Marry to the Mob of like what it means to you now? So Married to the Mob is my streetwear brand that I started in 2004. I think that also it was like a weird like juxtaposition with Roney too. Like I mean, obviously when you saw the women come to my like 15 years.

your anniversary party it was like what's happening um but like the brand like you know i mean like like i write in the book i literally went from being like a teenage delinquent to having a brand that got very successful within a couple years and you got an investment because you got money right from like a bad incident my my yes my police um brutality case which like i was beat up by the cops and it was terrible i sued them i won 70 $5,000. I did buy two Guayard bags, Barneys. But then I returned one of them because I thought, okay, you're being, like I bought like an overnight bag, like a duffel bag in Maroon. And I bought like one of the Fiji hobo bags in black. So I returned the duffel bag because I was like, you're

odying Leah. But that is chaos theory. That's chaos theory. Like I knew like right where I was like, we're going to Barneys. We're doing them. And I used the rest of the money to not only invest into my company, but to live off of and quit my job at the time. And that gave me, like, you know, access to being able to do mob full time. And then I did, you know, the brand was doubling every year and profit and doing just so well. Like, I got to work with Cause and Nike and Barbie and like Kengel and Reebok. And I mean, the list goes on and on at Colette and Paris. And I've gotten to travel to amazing places. And if I didn't have mob, I'd have nothing. So you hate having a boss? I think I do.

Same. Yeah. Do you like Andy as a boss? You know what? I love Andy. Same. I really do. He's great.

I mean, I don't even know how he deals with all of us. He doesn't. How does he? But he has to. Like, imagine how many calls he gets. He's dealing with the most insane women in, like, in the U.S. And in Dubai now. Yes.

Like, pick the craziest bitches that, like, think the world revolves around them. Like, and Andy has to deal with their phone calls every day. if you if someone was about to be plucked from obscurity to become a housewife what advice would you give them you know just be have a good therapist like get a lobotomy like i don't know like yeah turn the frontal lobe off like no but like you have to be the hardest part is dealing with so many people caring about what you say and how you act and be ready to be scrutinized and like just talked about on Facebook things and fucking blogs and podcasts. Do you read them? Oh, no. Oh, thank God.

Thank God. I don't even, I honestly tried. It's sad because I want to go in my comments and respond to people that I know and like friends and whatever, but I just don't even do it anymore because I just don't. I had to give my phone away for three weeks for someone to just manage my phone. Damn, I'm sorry, babe. No, it's okay. No, it's a lot.

It's a fun story to tell, though. It's a lot. It's because also you know yourself. It's like a drug. I talk to my therapist about it where it's like sometimes you get cocky because people start being nice and then you start looking into it because you're like never mind they're not being nice and because you're like you're like oh if I just have one drink it'll be fine and then next thing you know you're blackout um having fun also when did you you were a crazy teen yeah now you have a daughter

oh yeah how does it feel to be a mom and watching like a piece of you now be in that age I'm so proud of her Because she's such a good fucking kid And I don't mean good like I mean she is on the honor roll Just saying and she does care about her grades But it's not like I'm like She's like a you know Like playing an instrument

And learning three languages You know it's not like that She's happy She's well adjusted She has great friends That she hangs out with all the time Like they're hilarious They harass people on the street

Like they do dumb shit that I used to do Little New York City shit Exactly But like they're not like smoking crystal map You know what I mean Like she's having a normal teenage like a new york city children we joke like you try acid by 11 years old yeah well i've told her not to do that she better not be i mean i know that like kids her age and that she knows are like trying

mushrooms and shit but like she has not done that but um you know like she asked me like if she can like drink like i have to be careful what i say and i was like you know cure like what if you get alcohol poisoning what if you don't know when to stop like i don't know what to say to her because she's 15 she's going to do it regardless she's asking for my permission what the fuck do i do i really don't know what to do like i don't even want to know but i do want to know but it's amazing she's so comfortable with you to speak to you like that bigger big sister almost but instead of her hiding and like doing like doing like doing like you know yeah it's pretty cool we have a great relationship did you want to be a mom oh yeah ever since i was a little girl really okay kiley

Wait, is that what she said? Yeah, she's always like, I've always wanted to be a mom. Oh, yeah, I really, I really did. Like, I was always scared, like, how am I going to push a baby out of my vagina? Yeah. But then I got older and my vagina got bigger. Oh, yeah. I wasn't scared anymore.

Yeah. Because I was envisioning. I was still, I was still fucking scared shit. You're like, just to say my vagina's still tiny. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, okay. I, because I was envisioning you living this wildlife and then you get pregnant. Well, that did happen for sure. But also, like, ever since I was a little girl, I was like,

I'm going to be a mom. I'm going to be a mom. So it wasn't as like, what the fuck. You know, I was definitely like, what the fuck. But Rob was very supportive. And like, obviously, if I had a guy who was like, yeah, we definitely can't do this shit, then I'd probably be like, well, I guess you're right. But he was really supportive.

Rob was great. And the fact that he, from a production standpoint, like, was down to film with you. Like the amount of, like, straight dudes that would be down to film. You know, he's so supportive. And he loves, you know, he thinks it's great. Are you dating? No. Are you being like, I'm specifically not dating?

I mean, I'm not like, I'm just not on apps. I'm not like, I don't go out. I work. Like, if I go out, it's like for work. Do you want to meet someone? Not really right now. Good. We're decentering men from our lives.

Even though I just got married. We're decentering men from our lives. We don't. We don't meet him. Maybe he has some friends for me. But you're like an inspiration in a lot of ways. You're like a love inspiration. Oh, my God.

Because I feel like me and you were similar in being like, fuck men. And then you're like getting now, but you're getting married. It's literally so bad for my brand. I don't even want to talk about it. My stand up is like, it's not good. No, but now you have so much more new content. I do. I've been married life content.

Yeah. And that's a whole new demo. Yes. Yes. I actually was never a girl who I think I always wanted to be a mom, but I never dreamed of getting married. Did you ever dream of like a wedding and marriage? I definitely for a while was like.

really like with rob like when the fuck are you proposing to me yeah like one of the reasons like i dumped him or broke up with him whatever is because he never proposed but it's like now you're you he basically has been your partner yeah i i know i know but he's dating someone now how is it it's um fairly new but there's definitely like boundaries he's putting up that are new for me yeah weird but like we had to talk all of us like me him and care and you know i'm happy i'm happy You want him to be happy. No, I want him to be happy. Like, I hope this girl works out. I hope I get to meet her at some point. Also, I feel like I'm projecting on you, but I feel like the door needs to be like so closed on him for any other doors to open. I know. And like even like his door even a little open, it affects the energy of other things.

Yeah. So maybe this will help me. Yeah. Even though I really don't. I don't know. I just, I've only had sex once in 12 months. Oh, isn't that crazy? Isn't it good? Yeah. I mean, it was okay. But you can't really date on the apps anymore. No, I had one person right, wow, you're on this. I guess there's really no hope. I was like, awesome. Thank you. It is like, yeah, finding groups of friends and stuff. But Rob, he's older than you, right? He's 12 years older. My guy's 15. Oh, wow. We love a zaddy. We do. But now, but once you get close to 40, you don't anymore because now they're like 60 and you're like, eh, your skin is like feeling soft and mushy and I'm not into that. And I need like a 25-year-old. Yeah, my man is 46. Yeah.

Young heart. Yeah, he's young, though. And, and I, yeah, because I'm, like, grossed out by guys in their 20s now, but I think there'll be a time where. There'll be a time. Trust me. I'm in that weird place, though, where I'm attracted to, like, the guys in their 40s and their sons and their 20s.

Yeah. You probably, too. Yeah, that'd be great. Double whammy. Great. No, that sounds awesome. I just don't, I don't meet. The guys in their 40s that I meet, like, this is like, this is my, this is my, um, theory.

Yeah. doesn't apply to women it applies only to men if you are a man in your 40s and you haven't been married yet or and you're not divorced and you don't have any kids then you do not want commitments because you would have done that by 40 there's plenty of women out here there's not a lot of dudes so if you're a woman in your 40s and you haven't had a kid or that doesn't mean anything on you that just means all these dudes are pieces of shit yes I agree I love a divorce man I think a divorce man has like been shook by like a relationship not working probably as how to do some therapy and like more knowledgeable about stuff maybe there's some baggage but like I love an

older divorced man than just like a confused guy in their 20s look I don't I honestly don't know what will work I mean I want someone who has kids but at the same time I don't want to deal with that but I feel like having a guy you're like I don't want to deal with their little shits I don't but and like an like a baby mom or ex-wife like he's probably psycho like whatever but maybe she's cool I don't know whatever we'll see it on the next season like reading like Stephen Tyler he's like 70 something he's married to and he just he it was in the news he relapsed and he's like back in oh i saw that like prayers up to him like but um he's married to his personal assistant who's like 35 he's like 70 i mean it's stephen tyler though he's stephen tyler they're reckless do you want a guy

who's sober um i'm okay with that but like he can also be just a regular social drinker i definitely don't want a guy that's like getting wasted my guy's sober oh cool since he's 19 wow Yeah. He was one, he's Irish. So he's one of those where it was in his head that his family can't drink. Like he knew it. And then he saw it happening. Then at 19, he was like, let's get ahead of it and stop. And then he became a comedian. Is he like program sober or just like he quick? He was like, he was deep in the program, all that stuff. But it's been so long that now he's, of course. He's evolved out of it. That means he's self aware. He's self-introspective. He's spiritual. He's because the program gives you all of that. Oh, yeah. The program also like, When I have my own mental stuff, he has really good advice of, like, just battling your own mind. Everyone's battling their own mind in different ways and using different soothing mechanisms and where he maybe turned to drinking, I'm turning to, like, obsessive loop thoughts or something. Oh, my God. I know. Actually, I saw you talk about intrusive thoughts in your book.

Yeah. What's it like for you? It's like hell. I mean, it's literally hell. Like, it's like, it's when my anxiety is peaking and I'm like, there's a knife there. I could stab myself with it. Like, kill my dogs. Like something terrible.

You think, and then you're like, why am I thinking that? I get out of my head. I'm not like that. You know, it's like not like you're actually going to do it and you're not actually homicidal, like, or suicidal. But it's just like, just these thoughts come in and you can't stop them. Yes. And like, thank God.

I'm on Welbutrin. I'm on some other shit. Like, you know. You have the cocktail. I have the cocktail. that's helping. I'm pulling up another quote from your book that I really liked.

This is all from the intro in the beginning, but you basically said it felt like a struggle for you to exist, which I can relate to. You were a prisoner to substances until you got sober and to use your pain. But then when you were sober, you had to face the reality of what your brain was doing. And you said you've done everything,

meditation, 12-step meetings, juice, cleanses, vegan diets, yogurt, exercise, churches, gurus, witches, and the finest doctors in Manhattan. Yeah. And the Hari Krishna's. I don't know why that was. I forgot to put that in there, but they actually really worked. That was great.

What did they do? Oh, my God. I had this, I had a monk who I was seeing regularly. You're fucking? No, I don't know. No. He was, oh, he's so amazing. I actually need to reach out to him.

He's not a monk anymore. He got married. His guru told him you can do, but you can still do amazing work and be married and whatever. but his name's Rassanav Das. You can Google him. And he did an amazing TED talk about meditation and the Bhagavad Gita. And he was actually working in finance and living in a monastery at the same time. I'm obsessed with him.

Get you a man who could do both. He's so dope. And then he was like, I have to leave this finance world. This isn't me. I need to go to my spiritual calling. I somehow connected with him and found him. And then he put me on to the eneagram. Have you done the anagram?

Yes. I haven't done it. Oh, it's so cool. I've done it, but I forgot. I'm going to know what number of personality you are. I'm an eight. And not many women are eight, by the way. But anyway, I was going there for years.

What does an eight mean? An eight is the challenger. Ooh. Yeah. The eight is, yeah, the challenger. And I have a seven wing. The seven wing is more like the playful one. I feel like as an intelligent person, you said earlier, like, you're more unhappy sometimes.

Because I think, like, you have the capability of overanalyzing everything. to the point that you're frozen and you scare yourself and you're like, wait, I've just been sitting on my couch for 30 minutes and I've gone through like four panic attacks for no reason. Yeah, that's good. But when it comes to self-help, like I remember when I'm depressed, I'll order like 10 self-help books on Amazon and not read any of them. Oh my God, I have so many too. I have so many.

So when you're trying to get better, how much is like too much to like try to fix it versus going to, it's sometimes good to get out of your head, right? And that means, like, movement and exercise. Yeah. So, like, today I woke up, instead of sitting on my phone, I'm like, I need to go take a walk. So I take a walk, you know, and I make some phone calls and I call some people that, like, are cool and I love them and whatever. Like, that starts my day off good, you know. But when I was, like, really struggling in, like, January, February and even, like, March, to be honest, I had to, right, like, go on new medication and stuff like that. But, like, I think I read this amazing book also called The Anatomy of Anxiety that I always promote because it's so good.

And just like your circadian, she talks about your circadian clock and getting like natural light into your eyes like in the morning and like not looking at screens like for an hour to before bed. And, um, shamanic shaking, which ends the stress cycle. So like, yeah, like it's a shaking thing. It's cool. Also, it's crazy. It's like we forget that we're plants. Like we're just, we just need water, which I forget, I haven't drink water since 2005, and I wonder why I'm a bitch. Light, like, movement. And I think it's so easy to get in your own head. Has the attention and the fame made you happier or sadder?

No. I can't say it's made me happier or sadder. It's just a part of my life now. Yeah. You know, like sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's not good. You're so right. I feel the same way.

Like there are moments that you're like, oh, that was really sweet of that person, but you're not like walking around being like, oh, I'm a different human than I was a couple years ago. And I think like that obviously happens to people. And when you start like seeking that and that feels like a drug, I think you're going down a very dangerous path. The ego. Think about a few people. Well, I read that Andy warned you when you first started being like, don't let it get to your head.

Yes. And I know from my show, where things start to unravel is when it becomes not about friendships and it becomes about egos and you're fighting about production stuff and you're not fighting about actual friend stuff. And I've seen it in other shows too. And because it becomes like you're not people. You're just all like looking at followings and looking at, you know, who's popular. Who's getting more, right?

Like followers or whatever. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. but looking forward what are we manifesting what are we what are what are what do we what do we want well I don't know um if you saw but I just posted something yeah about being having my first little film role it's nothing crazy but like it honestly I just I did it already it looks like a cool project

oh you did it already yeah it was amazing also you're with WME I'm with WME me yeah I'm with WME Oh, are you? Oh, my sisters. That's amazing. Yeah. I love that. I am very excited to see where. Is that a new thing for you?

I've been with them for like two and a half years for comedy, but I'm kind of like expanding a little, which is exciting. They're great. They're great. They're so good. Shout out to Bradley. What was it? Did you want to do acting or did it fall in your lap?

It honestly kind of fell in my lap, but also when I was younger, I was in like an off-Broadway play and I was in this acting group called City Kids in Tribeca and Donald Faison was there when I was there. So I was, like, very into it. And then, of course, I started doing a lot of drugs. But, you know, when Rooney's obviously had this long break, I'm like, what can I do for myself? I'm like, I'm going to say some acting classes because that sounds so scary.

Oh, yeah. So I was taking classes. And then I met the director and we linked up and we were working on another project. And then this project came into her lap and she was like, I'm putting you in it, you know? So it was great. I was honestly, I thought I was going to be so nervous. I just felt so. comfortable probably just because like Nicole Payone's just such an amazing director and

like made me feel really comfortable but um it was a great experience and I don't know I'm just I just go where I'm the universe pushes me to I don't I this is what I was I was actually thinking about this on the way here I've never done anything for money yeah ever I have never been like this is going to make me money that's why I have to do it yeah I've been like I'm starting this the brand I started out of nowhere and never thought I was going to to make that any money from it and obviously was able to support myself for a very long time doing it um roney i didn't do for money i was like this is a fucking insane opportunity who the fuck how many people get to do this i'm saying yes and now i'm having fun with the acting thing

and it's just it's just about it's about challenging myself it's about devouring whatever life gives me i don't know if i'm going to die tomorrow like i don't fucking know who the fuck knows people get sick people get fucking shot hit by car i mean whatever i'm getting dark right now, but that's how I look at my life. I'm literally like, I don't know what's going to happen. I'll do it all. And you keep leaning towards what like brings you excitement, what brings you joy. That's why I talk here a lot about I'm anti like five year plans. I think they're so restrictive. Yeah. And that's also not how your mind works. Like you ever started a day and been like, this is exactly how it's going to go. You got to just like flow.

Yeah. Also, what was your drug of choice? So, I mean, definitely alcohol. Yeah, I loved alcohol probably more than anything, but I was a raver when I was a teenager. Oh, my God. You know, so I was doing ecstasy. I was doing stuff. Rooftops in Brooklyn. I was doing, yeah, warehouses, all that stuff. I was doing, I was doing, I was mixing it all.

I was doing everything. I was doing acid. I just posted a story about some guy dose me with acid and, like, I think people get mad and me like, I'm like, okay, they're like, that's traumatic. I'm like, it wasn't traumatic for me. I've had traumatic things happen. Don't tell me what my story is for me. Yeah.

Like, it's my story. Also, you're allowed to speak about traumatic events, too. Exactly. But also it's like, you should not be laughing about this. It's like, no, it's my fucking situation. I can laugh about whatever the fuck I want. People need to laugh about more shit in life. That's for sure.

They really, really do. What is it like being in rehab facilities? You know, it's like, I guess it depends if you want to be there or not. You know, the same thing with, like, you can make what you want out of it. Yeah, like I put myself in the mental hospital. So it's a lot different than, like, being forced into one and not being able to leave and being involuntarily put in one. And also, yeah, it's about what you get out of it. I mean, you end up being like, I don't even want to leave rehab right now because when you're in your addiction and, like, in my teenage years when I was in rehabs, it was so much, life was so much easier and better for me in rehab because it's like, I wake up, I eat my meal, I go to therapy.

I know I'm going to bed at night. Like, I loved the routine and I loved not being on drugs. Like, I loved being able to, like, not be addicted, you know. But it was really hard when I would get out to stay clean. Yeah. So in January, when I checked myself into Silver Hill, luckily they took my insurance. And, you know, I was like, if it's good enough for Mariah.

Yeah. And Truman Capote. Yeah. Instead of I'm going on some, like, bullshit, culty wellness retreat. Like, I want to go to the legit place. I want the hardcore shit. Yeah, I want a legit place with, like, doctors and, like, fucking nurses and the meds and take my vitals and, you know, therapy. I mean, look, when you're, there's not a lot of therapy at mental hospitals.

That's the thing. It's kind of, like, more like, because they want to get you back to like. Yeah, like, you're stable, you know. But, um, obviously it's, it's like a last resort because you have to be really suffering, obviously to be like, okay, nothing else is working. I need to go. What were your, what are your kind of signs that you know you need to? to check yourself in. Well, you know, I mean, I've only done it twice, and I hope I don't have to do it again.

That's for sure. Yeah. It's not fun. It's not, you know. And I hope I never go through what I went through this past January ever again. But I think, like, well, I was having panic attacks that for weeks on end that wouldn't stop. And even like sedatives and things that the doctor were giving me wasn't working.

And like, I couldn't eat and I was despondent. And I wasn't myself. I was completely. And this is what happened. I went off my lexapro. And then I tried going back on it when shit hit the fan and it wouldn't work because that sometimes happens. Yeah.

So I just needed like a reset, you know, and just to get off my phone. I needed a process what's gone on in the last two years, which is a pandemic, me going from no one knowing who I am to everyone knowing who I am, from people everyone loving me to everyone hating to that being on the show, to being a feeling exploited by it. Not like, there was so much shit that I didn't. And I was like avoiding it all. I was like, I'll get plastic surgery. I'll do this.

I'll do that. I wasn't, I couldn't deal with my feelings. And so finally it all hit me. And I think that's what happens when you just, I wasn't in therapy and I wasn't taking care of myself. Did you want to be off meds? So I didn't, I just didn't feel like they were doing anything anymore. And I shouldn't have, it was probably, look, I mean, I have bipolar too, supposedly.

Like, who knows? I don't know. I'm never going off my meds again. Yeah. Like, I'm never going off them again. Yeah. Thank God for them. And remember that, like, in three years.

me. I need to tattoo that shit on me. No, I'm telling you, like, some people need God to just, like, fucking drop a fucking pile of bricks on their head to, like, wake up. Like, that's how I feel I am. And my, he kicked my ass. God kicked my ass in January to be like, Leah, you better stop doing dumb shit. That's what the universe does to me. And that's why I guess they call me Hurricane Hannah, because I don't get out of situations quietly. I don't go into situations quietly. Like, the universe tells me when shit is great for me and when the universe is like you're done with this it makes sure that I never right ever put myself in those situations reality TV again with like more control with a certain kind of situation yeah um I was in an unfortunate place

and an unfortunate like time too because mine was a COVID season where they locked us in a house for for six weeks I also think people in general they're they're like like they're they you know we had dealt with like you know so much polarization and death from covid and politics and people were just visceral and volatile people were crazy and it was also like during BLM and during like a high high cancellation time and people are in a very like black and white place with people like you're either an angel or you're the devil yeah and there's no in between and there's no in between how do you deal with like people who none of them know you but they loved you they hate you how do you deal with that right now if god forbid like let's say you you never go in reality

tv again that's how you left it i mean i mean the people that i the people that i care about thought i had a great season and that's andy cohen yeah that's nicole pan who just put me in her movie yeah that's riana and my family and those are the only people that are not it's like the bosses that write the checks you know what i mean like a friend who fucking gave me a huge opportunity and my family like what else and riana like what more do i need like the rest of the people come on i can't i can't give a fuck like i can't give a fuck no like and that person and and who knows yeah it's there's nothing you could do you can't control the external ship but like your energy and your like your like your book everyone needs to buy it because i feel like it's so just

really self-aware thank you and vulnerable and fucking powerful it was a reflective thing i actually think writing it is part of what spun me into, because I had to talk about so much shit that I haven't thought about in so long, you know? Yeah. Okay, you're killing it right now. We're going to go a little deeper into hell. Let's go. And we're going to play The Seven Deadly Sins. Ooh. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Definitely I'm greedy about things. I'm just trying to think what I'm mostly, I definitely, like, feel like I like to get my way. Like, I'm greedy about getting my way, getting what I want, whatever that is. Yeah, but that also makes you, like, a good business person.

That's true. I mean, you're looking at the bright side of it. Yeah, I'm trying to be positive. Yeah, I definitely am greedy about getting my way. And I can, I need to, like, practice, like, letting go of things sometimes and, like, seeing what the outcome is I try to control. I'm greedy about control and controlling the outcome. Yes.

Yes. Who are you envious of? I'm definitely an envious person. I've realized that recently and it's sad. I'm working on it. But, you know, I'm envious of like people with like $20 million homes in the Hampton. Then like also the apartment in the city and also the play. Yeah, I'm definitely envious of people who like have tons of money for sure.

But then deep down you don't really care about money. It's not that I don't care about money. is that I don't care about it enough to do something solely based on that. True. That makes sense. True. You know?

Yeah. So I'm not meaning to sound hypocritical because I do care about money for sure. But I'm just not like, it's not the point of doing anything. It's not the driving force for things. It's not. Or else I would just end up,

I would have worked on Wall Street or something. Exactly. But you would have been fucking miserable. Psycho. What do you? More psycho. More psycho. What do you gluttonous about?

Like, what do you overindulgin? my just like probably my mental health and like my um like i don't know um i spend a lot of time on um like beauty stuff i don't know getting my hair i don't know that you look amazing by the way you know some people you meet in person and you're like oh i didn't see that for you like well you just like on instagram you're like oh the the paris filter is strong with you yeah but no you are like glowing naturally you talk so much about and like i love that you I always Oh yeah we do.

That's like how we know each other. That's how we originally bonded over like Instagram like not filtering stuff, right? Or what? We did a clubhouse. Do you remember clubhouse? Oh my God. We did a clubhouse together. IDFamous Dana was talking about plastic surgery and stuff.

And we, it's funny because I feel like we, we have different experiences. Like I haven't done plastic surgery yet in my life. Yeah. And you have. But we both had kind of a similar perspective on it. My thing was like if you're going to do something, look deeper. Like what's the why? right and know that like it's not going to fix anything yeah oh no and make sure you're doing it for

the right reasons and also i was like be very open about it like tag the doctor like right and i feel like you've been except if i tag the doctor he should be doing it for free and i've had to pay for all my plastic surgery and it was all very expensive i'm just saying i do have to say sometimes it's like i'd rather pay good stuff for that than feel like i got oh yeah a discount i think i have the best nose job i've ever seen it's straight up it doesn't look like a no job at all isn't it isn't it great My daughter doesn't understand it. She's like, why didn't you make it smaller? I'm like, here, then I would have looked fake.

What are you talking about? What did you tell the doctor when you were getting your nose job? I mean, he kind of, well, first of all, the photo I showed him was a photo of Sharon Tate. Is that her name? I think, yes. Gorgeous, gorgeous. The one who got murdered. Exactly.

Dark. I'm like, this is a great. He's like, Leah, you know, I can't, like, give you a nose of someone else. Like, I'm just going to do what I can with yours. But he was like, I'm not touching your nostrils. Because it's going to look too fake. Yeah, because a lot of women get them, you know, lower and get them sewed up. And that can look fake.

Why do you want the nose job? I did not like my nose. And listen, I actually think that like everyone looks better with a nose job. And I was sick of looking at my nose. They do. No one has a fucking perfect-ass nose. Like, no one does. I thought you're about to say I'm sick and looking at these people without nose jobs all day.

No, I mean, I don't mean it like that. But it's like my nose was always something. Even when I was in my early 20s, I was like, I want my fucking nose. I was done. And my parents were like, you don't make money on your image. So who cares? And I'm like, well, now I'm on TV. So I'm sick of looking at my fucking nose and I want it fixed. So this is not like you saw a weird angle of yourself on reality TV. This is like a thing that you've been thinking about for a long time.

Yes, but also I had to see myself so much more. Through the angles. Sometimes I'm like, I was like, I was like, did that video guy mad at me? But I have to, I have to consciously when I look at Instagram, when I look at the Kardashians and when I look at everyone else on Instagram or wherever, I'm like, that's not normal. Leah stop looking at your hip dips and don't even. think about it girl and da-da-da-da because at this point i'm like i've done enough like where i'm like i don't want to do more for a while like until i get my like necklift or whatever but i'm i mean did you see teddy melon camps it looks great how do you know when you've gone too

far i think it's when you can't make an expression you can't tell if you're laughing your yeah i don't want to ever look like that even though my mom says i kind of do look like that But my daughter said not so brutally on it. Yeah, she is. But Keir also told me, like, don't do anything more. I did my eyes not that long ago. I did an upper blef. But, like, I knew it wasn't going to make me.

I noticed that my face was changing, and I just wanted to look how it did, like, five years ago, you know. But that's a very easy surgery. I'm like, I have nothing. Your work does look very natural on you. Like, you look like you. I just hate when everyone starts looking like the same girl. And then it's like everyone's just try hard to look like a brass doll.

Listen, as much as I love plastic surgery, I'm happy I've done it. I also can't, at the same time, can't stand like how obsessed we are with it and with image and with everything. Because it's cool, it's cool to look cute. It's cool to do all that. But you have to do also the rest of the shit. Well, yeah. And at what point do you look at yourself in the mirror? And instead of being like, that's me.

Let's move on with the day. You're like, oh, what if I. And that's how I was started to be. I started being like, oh, I could do this. I could do that. And I'm like, no, I don't want to be, I don't want to live like that. Yeah. And also as someone who's so, you know, into like your mental health and stuff, like, when I leave this with you or like when a guy leaves a date with you, they remember how you made them feel.

Like they don't remember the little details in your face and shit. What's, how does it feel to be aging in the public eye? Um, I mean, definitely like, so I was looking at a video of myself. I did the podcast with the Stallone. sisters who are like very young and I can't stop looking at my neck and now I'm mentioning my neck again but I've always been my neck like look I don't have a lot of melanin my skin is very thin it's starting to crinkle a little but it's also like I'm also like fuck it like just fuck it like I don't know I will do my neck lift at some point but but but you know I don't know

I go back and forth like you know it's because yeah is self-love accepting who you are right now or self-love being like, I'm going to change whatever I want within me. It's both. Yeah. I think it's both. I think it depends. Like, I think we can also be both ways because, like, I also talk about in the book how we're all, we all have two different opinions living inside of us.

We have, we're all hypocrites. We're all, we all change our minds. Like, we do that, you know. But I seriously, I really truly believe that the Kardashians have fucked us all up. And also, it's not real. I also was looking at an article from the Daily and it's like, look at their photos not edited from this trip to Italy versus the edited ones. I'm like, holy shit. I'm like, I don't feel bad at all. They're fembots. And also the fact that they'll sit there and, like, blatantly deny the work they've had done is actually what's fucked up.

That's the fucked up part. I mean, and Kendall Jenner is the natural one and she's had a full face done. Yeah. And I'm not trying to be, like, hating on them because I actually have so much respect for them. Yeah, no, me too. But for girls like here, seeing that and being like, why don't I look like that and feeling like shit when it's like, that's not a normal human. And also, yeah, the edited picks, like, Kim doesn't have belly buttons on half her photos. Like, her waist and her butt.

I had one magazine. Like, I'm not going to say who, like, so Photoshop my face that I felt uncomfortable posting it. Yeah. Because I didn't, like, it was like this big, like, fake smile of mine, like, that I don't have. Like, I actually, like, the teeth looked great. I wish my teeth actually looked like that. But I posted it anyway. And people, and people were like, you fucking, like, look what you did to your face.

And why did you do that? I'm like, I didn't do what they did. Leave me alone. I still wanted to post it. I look cute. I like the photo. It is true, though, girls are growing up now. But I see how it would be addictive to start when you start face-tuning yourself

and to look a certain way. It's like, hey, why not? The most fucked up thing is that that's the photo that's going to get the most likes. It's fucked up because it's like, yeah, it's aspirational because it's not real. Yeah. And I always say I don't, I try not to edit my photos because I don't hate myself in real life. It's like if you don't have your nails done for a while, you start to just like how your nails look. I've never had not had my nails.

You're like, don't bring that up. Or like if you're not wearing makeup for a week. Yeah. And you start to like love. Like right now you have barely new makeup on and you look stunning. No, I do. I have a lot of makeup. I look like shit without makeup.

Trust me. I have a bunch of makeup on. Do you, how do you think being on reality TV has changed your confidence in your physical self? Well, I don't know because I feel like I. Because you've kind of become like a fashion icon. I mean, your confessional looks, are you fucking kidding me? You either love them or you hate them, but you are talking about them. You are talking about that.

So it's important. I actually keep looking at myself up there. So maybe I am self-obscate. Are you noticing that? You're like, Leah, stop looking at yourself. I'm going to look over here instead. You honestly look great. The blue with your blue eyes.

I'm just like your hype girl now. I'm like, yeah, it's work it. I think that I think I'm always been hard on myself. about how I look and like I've always been judging myself and I'm my own heart worst critic for sure about everything I do like not just like my looks but like everything like you should be doing this more you should be doing that more so I don't think being on reality TV has changed it I think I've always been like yeah a pain in my ass for myself same yeah when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger like how extreme you're like one to 10 um anything

breaking shit it could be something that just bothered you pissed you off bothered me or pissed me off that was like five minutes ago no like two days ago like two days ago like I was talking about somebody and like called him a cut in a bitch yeah fuck her the C word needs to be used more often it really does normalize it in America daughter all the time yeah I'm normalizing it yeah hell yeah I'm normalizing kind in front of my car are you a confrontational person there's a lot of things I let go there I'm there's a lot of things I let go If I didn't, I'd be in page six all the time doing a tit for tat with my co-stars with whoever else. I don't go down that road.

I don't do it. I don't like it. I'm better than that. I have too much respect for myself and I'm cooler than that. I'm just cooler than that. Yeah. You elevate this shit. How do you choose when to respond to when someone says something?

Most of the time I don't respond. Unless we're filming, obviously, then I'm responding. We're not. and I'm not getting a check for it. Why the fuck am I going to do that? You're so right. Like, I don't need to be a headline all the time about some negative bullshit. And then I'm keeping this bitch in the fucking press too.

Fuck that. Hell yeah. And I learned that the first, I learned that season one because I was clapping back so much. And then being like, oh, I don't like that. I actually don't like be like, like it gives me anxiety. Yeah.

When like, oh, I hate it. It gives me so much anxiety when I see I'm like I had to turn off my alerts because like I can't. And then you read. And whenever they pull a quote from you, you always sound, like, I always sounded like not myself. Well, most recently, and I have not had Google alerts on for a very long time, obviously, after last season. And most recently, I don't even know that someone had to be like, oh, did everyone picked up what you said. I'm like, they did.

And I'm like, oh, wow, people magazine put that up. And that's not even what I said. No. What? I don't even need to pay attention. A lot of it is out of context, like a response to something. It's so out of context. But you get the clicks, girl.

Well, once last time you wear a sloth, so like lazy piece of shit, let yourself rest. But I feel like sloth and letting yourself rest are very different. I have a very hard time doing that, though. Do you work out every day? I try to work out like three to four times a week. Yeah. I'm probably going to start doing it more. Yeah.

Yeah. I did gain 15 pounds in the last year. You look amazing. Thank you. I mean, I'm not saying like I want to lose it, but I want to like be. I want to tone up. I want to get strong. Yeah.

And I also think strong body, strong mind. Yes. I also, I love boxing. I was a tennis player. So boxing is very similar where it's like you're hitting, you're hitting like one person, another person. I love individual sports like that where you're just like battling yourself. Yep.

And that she got me pumped up. I still play tennis. Yeah. I love tennis. If you ever wants a lesson, then. Oh, that would be cool. Yeah. I would love that.

You know, but can go to the hamps with Luann and do a little. Yes. we can go to Ramona's uh would let us go to her tennis court we're on good terms oh my god you're like Ramona oh my god we'll have a whole tennis tournament with housewives I have a whole fucking tennis tournament oh my god that would be so funny it would definitely end in drama

um what was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something how's your ego um I've been keeping it in check a lot like I have to say like I I am I'm thinking I think I have moments where I'm like in my ego

like so much and I'm like and then I'm like all right chill out it doesn't matter yeah yeah yeah yeah so I do go like I'm constantly kind of like keeping it in check but it gets in the way often yeah I think for me the hardest thing was reality TV was like seeing people deliberately like try to

hurt you or like try to destroy you and are you talking about castmates or people um like yes both okay and like just coming to terms with like you just have to exist with like people out there like that i know and you can't like if i clap back at every single person like i'd be exhausted and i'd be living in like such a shitty world well yeah like if i say anything then you're just in the mud again with them exactly but also and I have my PR people to thank for this because they very often I'm like okay guys I can't keep my mouth shut anymore and they go Leah shut you're gonna keep your fucking mouth shut I didn't realize you when you pay for PR they just tell you not to do anything they're basically

yeah they're they're mufflers they really they're so good with that like because I often am like what am I doing about this like you're not doing anything very rarely people can say something like change people's minds about a situation and it's more like just letting something pass especially when it's like false or really harmful towards you exactly but yeah I did like I feel like you don't mean it you're just very entertaining so you'll do little things that don't mean to be like a clapback and then it gets picked up and people are like Leah I know to the info sorry yeah right oh my god the insta stories I had to chill with that because I didn't realize every time you do an insta story doing a clap bag it ends up in page six and I don't want that yeah I just wanted on my

Instagram story. Yep. So I stopped. Okay. When was the last time you let you lusted over someone? Like, do you have a celebrity crush? Um, this is a hard one because I've honestly been asexual for a while. It really is.

I think I was really lusting after like, Leor Cohen years ago. Not anymore, though, and he is a baby and he's married now. He's definitely like a daddy, though. Daddy. were. Yeah, I'm honestly not a real, not a lustful person. It's been years. I've gone through like a super fucking major sexual.

I've gone through many years where I was just lustful non-stop. Yeah. And now I've just kind of evolved. Do you feel, how do you feel as like a woman not having sex all the time? I feel great. It feels good. It really does. Because it's such an energy exchange.

Yes. People don't talk about the amount of energy that's, exchange at least for me you know like i i i just can't i'm actually kind of grossed out like thinking about someone spit in my mouth right now is making me like disgusted i haven't so i'm just going through something right now also i just feel like guys like covid and monkey pox like and monkey pox they said it's being um don't even tell me i don't even want to know it's a fucking sex thing oh yeah so you'll be fine i'm good this is the thing i feel like men will fuck anything so like my ego is like, I don't want men to, I didn't want men to fuck me all the time.

I wanted to make them fall in love with me. Oh, yeah. So, like, that was my kank. Like, or, like, if we're going to hook up, I want to be because you, like, want me and you've chased me and you like me. But that's me playing games and that's not healthy either. But, um... That's true.

That's you playing games. I do. And that's, yeah, my own, like, intimacy. Who was your husband chasing you? Or were you chasing him a little? Was it equal? My husband was the first time that there was no games. Like, second date.

I kind of knew, like, I like, I like this guy. We had sex second date. but it was quarantine it was important yeah you loved him right away probably i needed to know if his dick was nice totally i don't have time like completely i'm not waiting to pretend i'm like hard to get yeah and then i like posted something that was kind of like i don't make him jealous a little but i was being naughty early on the relationship and he called me and he was like if you want to play games that's cool i'm just like not interested in that well that's hot you were so turned on i've normally if a dude calls me being annoying about something I'm like cool go find someone else I put my

tail between my legs and I was like I'm so sorry that's not the kind of person I want to be that's not I just like posted me with another dude like when we were early talking like I mean I was it was like a hot guy that I was like whatever is a post this casual whatever I'm just showing him like see guys like me which is my own insecurities and he was so just like I told you how I feel about you and like I wouldn't do that to you And I was just like, this man But that's also like 45 year old daddy. Yeah.

No, not every 45 year old is like that. True. That trust me. And there are probably some younger guys who are like that. It's just you want someone who's straightforward and no bullshit because. And knows themselves. Yes. And I feel like it's the same with friends too.

Like you feel like you're chasing them or you don't know if they're like cool with you or if they're jealous of you or if they want bad things for you. It comes down to insecurity. It's very hard to be friends with people who are insecure. Yeah. It's very hard to date people who are insecure. Look, we're all insecure to a point. But when someone is extra insecure and you're someone who has had some success or knows who you are and all that, it's fucking hard.

Also, I think when you're with the right people, they give you that little bit of, like, security, too, that can calm you down and make them feel like home. Exactly. Okay, last question. You're crushing it in hell. I love talking to you so much. Your energy is so fucking good. What's your sign? I was going to ask you, I'm a Virgo.

Oh, okay. I'm a Leo. Okay. But I'm a Virgo moon, Scorpio rising. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm a Libra rising, Saj moon. Okay, Libra and Saj I get along with so well. Yeah, I do too. And Scorpio's I get along with. And what's your other one? Scorpio. Scorpio and what? Vergo. Dug. And Paige, my best friend's Scorpio. And so is Des my husband. Oh, that's cool. We love a Scorpio moment. Okay, sorry, that was a quick horoscope segment. To wrap this up, what advice. would you give to people my little devils who are going through hell on how to cope with your hell when you're in the darkness? Okay. Well, I'm going to now shout out this organization that I just teamed up with NAMI. Yes, I love them. Because they offer free mental health services, but that's for people in New York City.

But I think you, I truly believe in science and doctors and medicine. And some witchcraft. And a little obvious. you need some witchcraft too um but i would say that like it this too shall pass i know that sounds when you're in depression it's so hard to think that and in january i was like i'm going to be like this forever yeah i think also prayer like not to sound crazy but prayer and acceptance is like such a game changer like i swear to god there were days where i would like wake up with like my heart racing like 120 out like beats per minute and i'm like having the worst anxiety and i said god

if this is how I need to feel today to learn a lesson that I'm supposed to learn, then it's okay, I'm just accepting how I feel. And then the next day it would be gone. That's kind of witchcraft. Well, yeah, you're taking, you're getting out of your own body for a second, realize there's bigger things than you. Yeah. And that you're going to be okay.

So I hope that was okay advice. It's a little bit of science, a little bit of witchcraft slash God. It's a cocktail that you figure out that works for you. Exactly. Leah, where can people get your book? Where can people follow you? where can people watch you give me all the team okay um you can follow me on instagram at lea mob i'm not on twitter you can buy my book anywhere books are sold you're at ticot i am

on ticot i think it's the real liam McSweeney i can't remember wait you're wap dance that you did we copied on summer house like like me amanda and page like did the day because we were like wait they look hot we were like busting it open did you see how fucking you bar i take my so hard i couldn't even tell a difference between you two And then we were locked in the house filming So Paige and I would go in the kitchen and do it And then everyone would get mad Because we were making so much noise

On the kitchen floor And our knees were like busted up Because you know, we have to drop Oh, I honestly like couldn't walk For like a week after I was in so much fucking pain But we were like if they did it We need to try to do it

I love that Anyway, I continue I love that was a viral moment for me And since then And then so my book is anywhere That books are sold And right now I'm not on TV So you just have to follow me on Instagram

Yeah figure it out out. Thank you guys so much for going to hell. Thank you, Leah, for coming. And we'll talk to you later. Bye.