Berner Phone - Lev Fer: Being A Zaddy & Breaking Your Brain

Episode Date: August 7, 2019

Lev explains whether he is a daddy or a zaddy, what he likes to be called during sex, his family’s illegal businesses, why he refused to go to college, farting during sex, his cuddling tendencies, his first love, getting out of depression, that one time he overdosed on marijuana, the positives of anxiety, how technology is ruining dating, creative brains, emotional eating, having sex with friends, and why people like choking. Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram @beingbernz Follow Lev Fer on Instagram @levfer --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is rolling. It just started running. Put your shit on. I don't do headphones. Are you serious? Yeah. You're so annoying. Why don't you do headphones? Why does that bother you that I... It pisses me off. I'm sitting 12 inches away from you.

But it sounds beautiful in your ear. But I don't like hearing myself while I talk. It throws me off. It takes me out of being present. That's something you should talk to your therapist about. Welcome to Burning Hell. Are you actually drinking like Hibiscus tea? This is a Hibiscus cooler that's in a mason jar mug canteen that they convenient. Here's the thing.

You go into one of these offices like a Spotify, one of these companies that want to be cool now, you know? And they have all the little touches. You go into the bathroom and buy the hand soap. There's a bottle of lotion because they hope that if you have. You don't want anyone sexually frustrated in the office. But it's not even that. That's a good point, which is that's how I used it. But what they put that lotion there for is if we put a little bit of lotion next to the soap, hopefully Tom isn't going to shoot this place up.

That's the hope. And then you come and then you walk out of the bathroom and somebody attacks you with a kombucha cooler and goes, here, we made this for you. And you're like, I don't, I don't ask for this. They go, fucking drink it. And now you're drinking this fucking brewed drink that has vinegar in it. And next thing, and you feel insane because it's all, we're all. We're all just in this crazy, insane, fucking caffeine-fueled nightmare. You know what I mean?

I don't know. Nobody talked to me coming in here. I just walked in. Nobody asked me, hey, sir, with the duffel bag that might be a security threat. You look a little unhinged. You do look unhinged. I'm in a weird mood today. My buddy started making his own cold brew, and I tried it at his apartment.

Yeah. I don't know what the fuck was in that. Was it laced with crack cocaine? He's going through a divorce, so it's like something's in it. How old's your buddy? He's, I don't know, he's 30s. He's a, but, you know, he's a good dude. Okay.

Well, are you done? Yeah. Because this is my fucking podcast. For the record, you did this on my podcast. I did do that. And I remember while I was sitting waiting for you, because you showed up late to your own fucking podcast, 10 minutes late, I'm sitting by these giant bay windows, just overlooking the city like a fucking Russian supervillain.

And you were. Yeah, and you fucking walk in. Late to your own shit. And all I was thinking as I was looking out those windows is she started my podcast yesterday. I didn't even get to say hello, welcome to the show. She just started asking shit. So I was like, I'm going to fucking flip the tables. Let's see how she likes it.

So now you shut the fuck up. I'm putting you in your fucking place. I decided I'm a dom now. Yeah. That's my new thing. I'm very bad of being subliminal. No. Sublime.

No. Subway. What's opposite of dominating? Submissive. Submissive. Yeah, there we go. I was genuinely searching for it. Also, just random question, while I was in the bathroom and I was lotioning up, they were playing

Usher. Yeah. Are you, like, too young for Usher? No, I remember Usher. I remember Let It Burn was a big one. Yeah. Me and my brother used to, ironically enough, he got herpes later, so now we know what he was burning about, you know?

I set you up for that one. Yeah. Okay, guys, I'm your host, Hannah Burner, and we're back. What's up, guys? It's your host, Lev Fur. I'm with Lev Fur. He calls himself a young death. We don't know why.

Yeah. But people let him do that. I don't know what bet he lost, but that's what he calls himself. Why do you call yourself young daddy? I don't call myself that. I don't walk around going, that's daddy to you, you know. People email you going, hey, daddy. I know, but it started, I started a podcast, and I needed a name for it.

So, but all my fans and, like, people writing into my Instagram and shit would just say, go, hey, daddy, and call me that. Why? I don't know. I don't know why. Is that what the young girls are calling guys these days? I'm 27. I'm out of the loop. You're an old goose at this point.

You're the goose. I'm a mother duckling. Yeah, you're the mob at all these little thoughty Instagram models are waddling behind you. I mean, the face tune of 20-year-olds is truly fascinating. They're really good at it. Wait, but Zaddy means like the sexy older daddy. I think the only difference between a daddy and a Zaddy is money.

I think it's a Zaddy will like, he'll buy you that Tiffany. Oh, yeah. You like if girls call your daddy during sex? I think it's kind of my go-to You're like Only that Yeah Well I dress up as a priest

I'm like It's actually father to you No It feels like the easiest thing to get into Because it's just like You'll be fucking a girl from behind And you're just like yeah You like it when daddy slaps your fucking ass

You say shit like that What if she calls you dad Well then I come on the spot I mean obviously It's funny how daddy I don't know if I could get into it If you just think about it I think in general

It's weird, but you have to, like, be in the moment. Like, maybe in the moment it's not weird. Yeah. Or is it always weird, and that's what turns you on. You can't. Here's the thing. The things you say during sex, you have to be present. They don't work anywhere else in life.

If you're thinking about what you're going to say during sex, you're not really in that moment. But there's a huge difference between, like, yeah, daddy, I want that daddy. And yeah, dad. Yeah, there's a big difference. Well, I never start sex without going, did you clean your room? That's the first step of foreplay for me I told you this because I just went on Lev's podcast

Young Daddy, you guys need to subscribe review to that shit We had such a fire episode And I was talking about I'm at an awkward age because guys who were like 22 are hot to me But then their dads are also hot to me And I'm very confused

At what I need to be attracted to right now And I also realize that girls are always like Oh, I'm 27, I need to meet a guy If I want to get married by whatever And I realize I don't want kids till later. Yeah. I want to live a little. Right. So, like, I'm chilling. So I could... You slept all day. This is, you told me today, you slept all day and you almost canceled this because it's drizzling outside. Maybe you need kids. Maybe you need a little something to

make you... Well, actually, I am a mother. Yeah. My cat butter. What kind of cat? She, like, looks like a bangle, but she's not actually that, like, pretentious as a bangle. Yeah, but she doesn't have bangle attitude. She doesn't have bangle attitude. She's really down to earth, but she's as those are the tiger ones. right? Yeah, she's a fucking fierce. The big $3,000 cats. Yeah, and she hates, no, but I found her in a dumpster in the Bronx. I didn't find her. The peoples who find cats found her. Right. Do you have any animals? Oh, I saw you post a thirst trap with a cat. Yeah, I have one on my Instagram. L-E-F-E-F-R. Um, the mark of a professional. That is plugging. My Instagram is pictures

of me with cats, thirst traps. Where is this cat? Yeah, that's my brother's cat, Calisi. we have a family tradition where we always have a Siamese cat in the house I heard Siamese cats have great personalities Yeah they're very doglike You know So you come from a Russian household

Russians are the scariest white people Yeah How the fuck did you guys end up in North Carolina Well it was interesting because Like my you know Your parents I don't know what your dad is like Well I mean I do because

We've had sex But that's where daddy comes from He's gonna be on my podcast next week. Make sure you check that out. He's actually great. He'd be good on the podcast. My dad's a lot. But dads, to me, like our generation of dads are just distant. You know what I mean? I feel like with my dad, I'll never know what he's thinking. I'll never know what he's feeling. I don't know if he's ever felt anything. Like, it's just, there's that void there of like, I feel like you never really know who your dad is. You know what I mean? Once every four

years, he'll tell you a story like, yeah, one time we had a back in now. Yeah. And then you're like, holy shit. He just tells you some crazy shit. He's like, you know, I was married before your mom. And you're like, what? You put your coffee down? You're like, what are you? That's your first words to me today? Just insane, you know? And that's why I don't love you.

Yeah. So, but when my parents moved here from Russia, I'm first generation, they came to upstate New York, which, you know, it's like the Paris of America. It's beautiful. Nobody says that. Nobody says that. I just nodded on like a parent. No, it's a hellhole.

So, I literally was like, okay. Upstate New York is where white people give up. Just kidding. I thought, I grew up in Brooklyn, I thought Westchester was upstate. And then people were like, no, there's more up there. Yeah. That's funny. There's more.

There's more. And I'm like, Canada? Yeah, that sounds like if I'm like, no, I'm all the way in, she's like, yeah, but there's more back there. Can you try to get back there? But anyway, so my parents moved to upstate New York. After a couple years, they moved down to North Carolina because my dad got a job down there. Okay. What does he do?

He's a manager of a car dealership. We come from, I mean, like, you know, in the Soviet Union, the only way to really get by was you had to break the law. So, like, my grandpa used to run, like, illegal businesses over there and all kinds of shit. And once the Soviet Union started. Is your dad connected to the KGBB? Can we just get it out there right now? The KGB was the enemy. Oh.

I heard that in Russia, like, if you associated with someone who wasn't Russian or, like, didn't go by any of the rules, like, you could just be taken away. So basically, my grandpa had this business, right? Which is, in the time in the country, you weren't supposed... Fake IDs? No. It's not a business you worked at when you were 17. But essentially, it was illegal to have more money or more materials or more supplies than everybody around you because it's communism at the time, you know?

So my grandpa was running this business. And slowly, a lot of their business partners would start disappearing. And the thing was that you would disappear from three to five in the morning back then. Because that's when the KGB would come grab you. They'd knock on your door, and nobody ever saw you again. There was no trial. there was no jail you got fucking killed they took what you had because they needed it for themselves and that was that and that's how they lived so my grandpa while they were living over there from

three to five in the morning every morning would sit by the windowsill and smoke and just wait and he would and he would sit like because he thought tonight's tonight they're going to come so it came to a certain point where they said all right fuck it like we got to move to america we got to fucking go legit. How do you get out? Well, they have planes. But like, can you, can you leave? Can you leave?

Yeah, I think they had, I think, I mean, they came over here legally. I don't, I don't really, I never asked about the process really. Like, okay, yeah. Yeah, I think during that, I think also like every 10 years, those laws change and shit. So I think at the time, like, you could fly over here. In 1996, you weren't born yet, were you? That was the year I was born. The year you were born.

Yeah. My mom flew over here while pregnant with me. Yeah. And then I was. born in upstate New York and then so but the the weird thing is I learned about myself so when I turned 18 I graduated high school early and I moved to New York to do comedy and because I was like yeah college no you know and then uh but your parents were not fan of that were they no of course not my I'm all the way to America right to make you a American citizen that's important and my Russian accent so bad you want to be a clown that's what you want a clone that's what you

want it, Colon? I remember, I told the story before, but I remember, like, when I told my dad, like, basically what happened was I pulled up, my brother went to the legit route. He went to business school. He did the real thing, you know, like he made money. Good. That's for the older sibling to do. Exactly. They paved the way. So you can be a fuck up, you know. And I'm actually doing very well, but. You're like I'm close to being a zaddy. Yeah. So my brother, you know, you went that legit route. I remember when I was 17, I pulled up my first, I was already started doing comedy and and then I pulled up my first uh college application and as soon as I saw my whole fucking life flash before my eyes and I saw I was going to go to college I was going to join

a fucking frat you know I was going to gain 30 pounds put on a button down that would kind of hide it get a fucking management job become a salesman I saw everything yeah I just immediately closed the application I walked downstairs I told my dad I was like I'm going to move to new York to do comedy and he didn't even look up from his watermelon he was like don't even fucking think about it he goes go to college and then do whatever the fuck you want. Then you're not my problem. That's what you said. And I was like, we'll talk about this later. And then, you know, in true Russian fashion, I had to sit him down and be like, but what about the man's destiny? A man has a destiny, has a purpose, you know? And finally

he got to the point we realized like as a man, if you want to do something, I'm not going to be the person that at the end of the day gets in the way of that because one day I'm going to die and you've got to live with your decisions, you know. Is he funny? My dad is funny. I mean, as a salesman, he has to have, like, a good social awareness. My dad's one of those guys. I love him to death. He's one of those guys, though, that, like, my teachers and stuff, they'd all buy cars from him, and they'd be like, your dad sold me a car.

He was the sweetest, most charming guy. He was so understanding. And I'm like, what do I? I got to buy a car from him to see that side of him? I never saw that side of him. You know, it was just distant. My dad was like, we'd go fishing together, and it was just the two of us on a boat, just slowly cruising up the coast, like six.

in the morning and even if and I remember this one time there was like this crane sitting like 20 feet away right right by the water and it just sticks in my complete silence all you can hear is the smoke coming off my dad's cigarette and the crane just goes ha and my dad

without skipping a bee goes shut the fuck up shut the fuck up and the crane did it didn't do may let out another honk for the whole time we were out there so do you give a fuck what your parents think about you No, I mean, to anybody who tells you no flat out is kind of lying because I think every human kind of wants validation and approval from your parents.

But the thing is, my parents are from such a different world that they're never going to truly understand what it is that I do. So are they kind of just trusting that you understand this generation and you understand this world right now? Well, the first, I mean, listen, I think parents truly, they just worry and they don't know what the fuck you're doing until you start making money. money once you start making money shuts them yes once you start making money like i knew you had this the whole time you know i told you to do this you're welcome i mean there were times where even like as my career started picking up my dad would call me be like i mean buddy like when are you gonna call it quits like it's time you know and then sure enough once i started making money and i started doing my shows and i started headlining and you know actually working hard and he sees that i'm creating

because it's all about what you fucking put into it. But now he'll come, if I'm doing a show in North Carolina or something where he lives, he'll, like, call all of his fucking friends. They all come out. And now I'm just half bombing in front of a bunch of 50-year-olds that he brought over. Kelly in my building thinks you are hilarious. Your joke about ain't no but sex. I mean, Karen was fucking crying.

My parents are so excited to invite all their friends to my show. And I'm like, Mom, I have a joke where I tell a story. about that guy who snorted cocaine off my tits on a Sunday that I thought we were just going to watch Shark Tank. And she's like, oh, that's a funny one, Karen will like it. And I'm like, you had to be awake. We're all sick fucks. Yeah. My mom, she came to my show and I was dying laughing because she called me.

I called her up after. And I was like, what did you think of the show? And she's, and granted, I had two shows when I was last time I was down there. It was me headlining both. The first show was fucking awesome. It was like great. Like, the crowd was so hot. second show within the first two minutes

I was like this is going to be a nightmare I just knew I was like they're giving me nothing I'm already fucking tired I just did an hour on the last show this is going to be a rough hour in the mud yeah and and then I called my mom after I was like what did you think and she goes you want to me honestly

and I go yeah and I'm already excited and she's like she's like honestly I just you talk about the anal sex it is disgusting how you talk about the anal sex and I just start crying laughing in the car

I was like is that that's all you she's like no I think performer you're great performer but the stuff you talk about is everything out to your mouth makes no sense but like you stand good you strong man strong men you look like bull but is the anal sex

how you talk about this to her like if I my mom would probably be shocked that porn is legal like if I told her like yeah you know there's I live in a for a porn theater in Brooklyn. And if I, if she, she would genuinely think, how was, is that, that's illegal?

I can do that. Right. But she also is a gross overshare. Like, she'll be like, yeah, I'm dating. I'm like, yeah, you know, you're back out on the market. Like, make sure to be smart. She's like, please, Lev, I have IUD. Okay.

And I'm like, dear God. Like, I didn't not need to know that. But at the same time, I'm kind of weirdly impressed. I'm like, good for you. When you're finding out your mom has an IUD is like finding out she set up her iPhone by yourself. You know what I mean? It's like, oh, she's up to the latest technologies. It's good. To get railed. Yeah. I'm speaking of sex. We are slightly different generations and I was telling you on your partners. I mean, I'm 27, you're 22. That's five years. Yeah. Five years of

slave. Sex slave. Don't get racial folks. Can you not talk about our sex lives on this podcast? But I feel like guys your age are so more open about like the whole idea of getting buttholes involved in things. Yes. How did you realize that like it was cool to like maybe like touch your butthole? Well I was alone at home. Because dude's my age I feel like

everything was like no homo no homo. Yeah, yeah. That was what we grew up on. I think we're just becoming a little more open and I think it's also like if you, I think a lot, you can tell which way society is moving based on the porn. It's true. Right? Like it's like the sub-culture

of our sexual minds. Yeah. And also when porn took like, like nobody thought DVDs were going to be a thing. And then porn started making DVDs and that's how that switch happened, you know. And now we all use DVDs. Now they just have like a collection of 80,000. I'm the last guy ordering them. But and also if you look at anal is like skyrocketing in porn.

I mean you can't even watch like a good old fashioned fucking blowjob or anything anymore without like, oh well first she sucks his dick with her asshole. asshole like shit like that you know it's in you can tell that's the way it's all moving and I think more men are like I think men are just fucked in the head like we just want to do dirty shit like Louis had a bit about it like we're fuck it we're prisoners of sexuality it's in our head you know at all times um like if I see a girl walking with two poking nipples poking through a dress I just think about that all day you know all day long I'm not even here right now I'm still thinking about these two pokers

that I saw walking up here. It's funny because, yeah, I don't do bras in the summer. Thank God. I just don't. That's the movement right there. If I was to get behind one cause. Because I don't hate myself. Why would I wear a bra?

I'm not wearing a bra right now. I'm wearing a baggy shirt. No one could tell. Right. I think bras were created by probably men. Braves were created by like big male org, like, just to hold us down.

I mean, they're literally holding our, They might be holding our tits up, but as a result... Men are like, you have to put these uncomfortable tight things around your bosoms to make them really perky, and then we'll take them off you. When you're taking a girl's bra off, there's always that... Especially if you go in it with one hand, like, she's sitting on your lap or something and you put that one hand behind her back. There's a lot of pressure in those five seconds.

Yeah, but if you do it too quick, I judge also. Like, if you just like, I'd be like, okay, calm the fuck down. You just feel that knife just... But then if he takes too long, I need like a good, like, like, like, perfect. purposely mess up once just to be like, oh, I don't take girls bras up all the time. And girls would be like soaking wet. Yeah. So you don't have to show off.

But also don't fuck up too long. I think it depends on the girl, too. I think some girls, like, they want a fucking guy who's like just literally looks at it and snaps the corner of it. He like hits the bra strap. He flicks it and it just pops off. He does it with his eyes. Yeah. I would know Andresia.

It's like, you know, I think it's different depending on folks. But there's a lot of pressure in that moment because it's like, if you fuck up two, times you can't flick this. Guys have a lot of pressure. Sex is like so much pressure. I feel like so many dudes have performance anxiety of some kind. I think as you get older, it gets worse because you get more in your head. Right. At that moment I'm like, okay, pop to pop the brushing off. Get hard while you're doing it. Make sure your heart so she doesn't see you fucking flash. Did I just fart? I don't fucking know. I'm like freaking out in that minute. You know, there's just so much going on. And then the girl, I'm trying to think what I'm thinking about. Yeah, I'm just trying

not to fart. Have you ever farted in front of a guy? I've, I've, I've, I've, I've, I fart all the time accidentally. Like, I'll laugh too hard. I farted when the guy was going down on me once. Oh, my God. See, that is the final strike. I don't care of you're my wife. If you fart while I'm going down on you.

He was, like, done for, like, a good 10 minutes, and I couldn't stop laughing. Yeah. And, like, he didn't go down on me for, like, two, three weeks. But you know what? I'm dangerous. Why were you laughing while he's going down here? No, I laughed after I farted. He's doing crowd work.

He's out. He's out of like, what's up, lips? What brings you through together? You're just like, I don't know, like, I don't know, like, you're getting into it and like things are happening. And I don't want to, I want to be able to feel fully without worrying about possibly farting. Like, it wasn't a gross fart. It was probably the most adorable little fart.

But it was on his face. Yeah, I highly doubt he was telling his friends. I love how you're like, oh, eat her ass, but then you won't take a fart. Yeah, I'm not going to take a fart. Take a fart to the face. I'm not going to take, I'm not going to put, first of all, as a Jew, we're staying away from chemical weapons now, you know? I've learned my lesson.

She parts in your face. But like, I like of a dude, I feel like dudes will put so much effort. You like a dude to fart on your face? They'll put so much effort into not farting in front of me. And some of them are really good at not farting. And I'm like, dude, I've been seeing you for two months. Why haven't you farted? Because when you fart, then I can fart.

But he has to start. I can't start it. Yeah, well, here's the thing. If I'm seeing a gal, at about the one month point, maybe three weeks, you know, you're going to feel something. You're going to feel a ripple through the sheet while we're sleeping. It's going to happen. Or my favorite thing is as I'll, as I'll, like, grab you and be like, babe, babe, look at me.

And she'll be like, what? I'll just look at her dead in the eye as I fart just to, because they're always expecting. See, that's so not fair. I can't do that. I know. And I'm a psychopath. But I feel like if my girl farted, I would be like, get the fuck out of here. It's because you're young.

I don't know. It's because you're young. But I also want my girl, like, I, it's a double standard and it's shitty and not fair. But like men can kind. But I also take a lot of care of myself. You know what I mean? I got a whole fucking routine See, I don't

I got a toner on right now You know what I mean? You're adorable So I I'm tired I'm 27 I'm tired of the shit Yeah Toner

I felt it in your voice Look kid I've been around the block Just as I take my cigarette out of my mouth I've seen a lot of shit back in my day I haven't shaved in 47 years You would think a poodle ran across me If you saw me naked

You're like is that a doggy farm No That's what I call leg hair motherfucker fucker but also I feel like if you guy doesn't want to fuck me because I have hair on my legs then that's then it's not meant to be yeah like it's just not meant to be you just pull out like the leg of a centaur like the hairiest leg ever but still I feel like the right dude will still want to fuck me I listen there but that's not a smart way to look at it a guy is

always going to want to fuck you that's not going to go anywhere yeah that's why I don't care to shake all the time because I'm like dudes will still still fuck me. That is true. And I know some dudes who are like into it. I like a little bit of a bush. I could do a little land and strip all, you know, mix it up. You got your winter bush. Then you got like, you know, summer. You'll trim it down a bit. Yeah. I hate when like, when like you're cuddling after whatever you did and you're like, you fell asleep and he wants to be the big spoon. You're the little spoon. And your butt is like right on his dick. And like he loves that. And you love that until you feel like you have to fart. And then

you're like, how do I, like, silent fart without him feeling the air come out of my mind? Oh, my God. This is insane. I never even thought, I never even, as a... Every girl who you've big spooned with has dealt with it. As a butt dicker. I never even thought that that could be going through someone's head. Am I ruining women for you right now?

No, women did that for me a long time ago. No, I'm kidding. I just want to open your young, gentle mind. I want to open your young, gentle penis with the air from my asshole. First of all, what's killing me is that at your age, at your ripe old age, you still want to do the big spoon cuddle. I mean, it's nice. It's nice. I will cuddle.

Here's the thing. First of all, after I come, the second I come, I need my fucking space. Yeah, I need to check my Instagram. Yeah. And I need to fucking, well, first of all, that's not healthy. Second of all, you can't go two minutes to that Instagram. After we'd finish, I would, like, still be on my stomach and I'd grab my phone to start. texting that's crazy

I would hate that so much listen I was doing it to piss him off because he was annoying after sex I first of all I get very overheated I'm a big bear and I run hot yeah I don't sweat too bad if it's a good fuck though sweat will be landing from my face

onto your tits as we're fucking you know what I mean like it might even wake you up and I'm just kidding and then you lay back you fucking relax for a minute I don't want you on my chest in that moment. I think that was made by like movies and society that you cuddle after sex.

And give me fucking 10 minutes, five minutes even. And then I will. I like to jump in the shower alone. Yeah. Cry. Take it. I cry. I love a good post-sex cry alone.

In the shower and a dress. You know, like right after a relationship and then you like have sex with the first guy after a relationship and like you're just like, you're just like, and you come back and you're like, that was great. I like, you said, you know, as if I've ever even heard of such a thing happening. Oh yeah, you've probably never had a girlfriend before. You're so fucking

young. First of all, I've had many a girlfriend. How many girlfriends have you had? It's interesting for more than a year. For more than a year, probably only like one or two. Okay. It's, you know, what did you learn from those relationships? How to hide a body better.

Hire a good lawyer. No, the thing is I think everybody romantically kind of moves to the same like four things yeah like I remember one of my dad's friends like back in the day he told me like in life you're only going to have three friends and you're going to have five women that's it and you know I was like 15 I was like what are you talking about I already have more than three friends different kinds of love well essentially what he was telling me is like you can only really have three friends everybody else in your life is an acquaintance I agree

a friend is somebody you call if your father calls me at three in the morning and he goes I need you to come over you can't ask what it is and I'm there I'm his friend But anybody else, that's just acquaintances. That shit doesn't matter. And also, I can't go and tell the same story to more than three people in a given day. Yeah. And also, you know, and when it comes to romantically, like, I think if you're lucky in life, like, love is not guaranteed. You're lucky if you ever even, even if you had a three-month period of fiery love, you're really lucky that that got to happen to you.

Because that's not guaranteed to anybody. You can only hope. And if that does happen and it ends, you can't, all you can do is just try to appreciate that. you got to even have that because some people won't. I mean, look at your friendships. I feel like it's hard to have a best friend. Yeah. And think of how many different friends you've had over the years because you're growing.

And I think society makes us think like there's one soul made out there and it's going to be this beautiful love. But I feel like there's so many different forms of love that you'll have. There are. That's what I'm learning right now in my life is because like I remember when I was, I think, 19, I met my first love. And I was obsessed with this person and we went on a date together. the first day we went on one day one day restraining order the next day but what are you going to do

you know she was the one yeah we went on one day and we just really fucking hit it off and you know we spent like 14 hours together and then I walked her home and so I knew where she lived and for future reference a lot of creepy jokes that I thought so many yeah we're both trying to creep each other out yeah I walked her home and then as I was you know how you're supposed to play that game of waiting and not being too available. I just immediately text her as walking home and I said, I really want to see you again. And she responded immediately and said, how about tomorrow?

That's like when you both mutually decide like, hey, no games. Yes, this is it. And you knew she would text you right back. It's just like a comfort. Well, it's just like, it's just like, fuck it. It's like you're almost like drunk in your head. You're love drunk. You're like, fight, I don't give a fire. Send it. I don't give a shit.

So what? Fuck it. We just, look, she can't handle a real me? She can't handle a fucking real me? If I'm too much for her, then she'd go fuck herself. You know, so, and we immediately, it was this very all-consuming. She was all I could think about. I was canceling shows. Like, you know, and then, but the thing is.

You're addicted to that high, that love attachment. Right. Whereas, like, the thing I'm trying to learn now is when I'm seeing somebody, and it's not that drama thing, and instead it's really easy. And you're, you work. Was hers, like, passionate drama craziness? Yeah, it was a lot of fighting, a lot of headache, a lot of, we didn't. click on so many things but that intensity was still there yeah and that's that first love but you

kind of learn as you get older that that doesn't really happen again and when it does happen it's not going to last you see you know where it's going to go yeah like my buddy tiago explained to me he was like oh i like that name is he single tiago he's married um he actually directed my latest short the breakup on instagram and youtube you can go watch that uh bro um but he told me something that i think about all the time was his wife when he met her they were working at the same bar and she told him she was like hey my the person I'm staying with they're moving out right now is it cool if I just stay with you they'd gone on one day and she moved in with him and she was like this Polish girl and he was like yeah why not and she moves

in she's supposed to be there for like a month and she goes yeah like I don't know how long I'll be here and he literally the next day got on the phone and called this friend up and was like I think I'm housing a Polish immigrant I think I got tricked and he's like panic but she knew I like this guy. And she's like, fuck it. I'll move in on them, see what happens. So girls, listen, if you think it's right, why wait a couple six, seven, eight months to see if it's right? You say, do you want to move in together?

Yeah. And if he says no, tell him to go fuck himself. Well, I also think try to enjoy your space as long as you can because there's going to come a point where you hate each other and you just go to tennis together. When I was young. And you cheat. That's such a Russian thing to do in tennis court. But really quickly, one thing he said to me was like he grew up, I love this guy. He's taught me a lot of things.

He's a very funny comedian, too. But he told me that when he was younger, like he grew up, basically he was a troubled kid in Chicago. So his mom sent him to Florida to Miami. It was like, yeah, you'll straighten out there.

So now he's partying in Miami every fucking night at these nightclubs and shit. And he was like, fucking all these different women. And he told me like, listen, all those intense, fiery things I had,

those really passionate, all-consuming, all that shit just peters out. It's not sustainable. He's like, but when I met my wife, it was just so fucking easy. And I knew this is how it's

supposed to be. It makes sense. And I find that with relationships that are supposed to work, that's how it feels. But the thing is, once you're addicted to that fucking high octane drama, you have to coach your brain into going, oh, just because we're not arguing right now, it doesn't mean that she doesn't care about me. It actually means that we're good together. We're having a nice time. Everything's smooth. We're having a nice time. We broke a couple glasses. Yeah. And, you know, I'm going to burn her house down after this, but we're having fun. Yeah, it is what it is. I was a projector. When I was younger, I also, thought that love was a selfish thing like I remember telling this to my friend I'm like I think love

is selfish it's two people who selfishly finds someone else that makes them happy and it just works both ways yeah and I actually believe that and I'm realizing now that I'm more understanding of who I am we're all playing a single player game right and it's like two people who let each other be independent and do their own thing but enhance each other in ways right but you can never use the other person to depend on happiness for that's why I'd meet guys And after the first couple dates, if I was like, hmm, yeah, their boyfriend material, I'd just project everything onto them.

I'd be like, yeah, it's probably great with kids. Yeah. Next time you see, like, a sexy fucking person, you have a good time with them. Punch him in the face. Punch, kick him in the shin. Yeah. No, but think of like,

but would it be fun on like a Saturday when it's raining outside just to like sit on the couch? Right. Or like after work, just like doing work next to each other. Like think of that shit. Yes. You'll lose your boner real quick

if it's not actually there. Can I fought on him? Can I fought? My friend told me, never commit to any woman until you've seen her in four seasons. Because he's like, the way you see her in the summer. Her bush is different. Yes. He's like, that bush in the winter.

Oh, but I'm so fucking tan in the summer. Like, guys want some in the winter with me. They're like, you're a potato. Yeah. But he's not talking physically. He's like, because her mood, she might be a completely different person. Yeah, in the fall and the winter. And, you know, it might be a whole other thing.

That's interesting. and it probably goes both ways for men, too. Let's not fucking attack me right now. I'm not attacking. Yeah, I was a little sad because it was rainy outside today and you start coming at me in all types of ways.

A wise man once told me if she's going to cancel a podcast for a drizzle. Her name is Hannah Burner. I was like, shit, it's indoors. That's not a good excuse. When was the last time you were depressed? Here's a thing.

I don't look at life in terms. I think any person who goes, I'm happy. Is a fucking. moron they're out of they're crazy that's a crazy person because happiness is not a uh it's not something that you're just in now it's you get to touch it sometimes it's moments it happens the life in itself is not oh everything's great and i'm happy nobody lives that way that's just crazy life is those ups and downs you need those fucking dips it's almost fake for people to be like

are you happy now yeah you're never happy life is i almost i feel like happiness is contentment happiness is being is riding the waves and being like oh I could do this I think happiness it's being okay through it all even when it's shitty like you shouldn't want to live a life where you don't have lows

because those lows are really fucking good for you so it's like when I get depressed like I don't even look at it that way because I look at it like this and some people might not agree with me on this and that's fine but with depression I look at it as this if you feel like you're suicidal or something and

this is a I remember the The last time I was seriously depressed, I must have been like 14. And then when I was 20, I had really severe anxiety. Just broke into my life. So when I was like 14, though, the reason I was so depressed. And I remember coming to the realization that like, if you want to die, that's going to happen anyways. So now that you accept that, at one point, you're going to die. It's like, okay, you want to die.

Well, you're going to die. You're going to. You're going to. So why wouldn't you try to have as much fun and see just how far you can go in this game? Until that day. Because I think some people lose the light of fun. They're like, there's no fun left here. Yeah, but the thing is when people are in that mode, though,

it's not because they actually believe that. It's because the brain feeds on what it's getting. So if your brain is depressed and your pathways are all, your neuron pathways are all in those lows, nothing is fun or enjoyable. But if you start doing shit and you get out there and you start faking it, there's an east of Eden, there's this amazing passage where this guy's wife leaves him.

And he's just a depressed nightmare. He does nothing. He doesn't want to live. He's useless. And he has kids and he doesn't even care. And a guy says to him, he says, you have to get up. You have to start working. You have to start living your life.

And he says, I don't want to at all. And he goes, I know you don't want to. But you have to pretend. And if you pretend for long enough and you do all these things, you will feel normal again, I promise. And I think that's a big part of it. The problem with depression is it takes you to this place where you don't want to do anything. And that's the... And anything is the one step to getting out of depression, literally doing anything.

If you feel, if you're significantly depressed, And obviously it goes out saying there's people with that with fucking chemical imbalances and all kinds of shit. But I'm talking for the average person who's in a bout of depression, if you fucking put on your pants and go for a fucking run and you run down the street and then you sit down and you go, okay, what are five things I need to get done right now? And you fucking write them out and you start working on them, if you do that for enough time, you will find fulfillment, you will find purpose.

And the key word you just said was time because you going for that run in that moment is not going to, your depression's not going to go away. Yeah, you'll feel a little better. You feel a little better, but it's about when I was depressed, I would just like, go to work, go to work, go to work, go to work. And then one day, you forgot that you were depressed. Right. Like, you're like, oh, wait, I'm good. Like, I feel a little lighter.

What was this bout of anxiety when you were 20? Was it because you told your parents to go fuck themselves and went to New York? No, no. Well, I moved earlier than that, but with me, what happened was I loved smoking pot as a kid. Like, from 16 on, I was like, I smoked a lot of. weed and then one day I was sitting I like my boys called me up in Brooklyn I got in the car with him and I just got too fucking high and literally like I can no longer see out of my eyes like how were you like abnormally smoking more in this moment no I probably took two three hits but it just hit me like a fucking truck and all of a sudden I was seeing in movie reels and I felt such like literally my brain was processing sound and vision and everything else at different speeds so I was fucked that's so scary and I literally I went home I put on a sweatsuit hoodie and everything and I laid in my bed in the fetal position freaking out going I think and I literally thought I think I broke my fucking brain. That was my thinking. I thought, okay, what do I do

to calm down? And I put on, and I just put on, and I just watched Larry David and I freaked out. I'm like, this is fine. This is fine. And I'm freaking out. Somehow I fell asleep and then I woke up in the morning and I still felt like delayed. You know what I mean? Like I felt better, but I felt like I'd move my hand and then my brain would go, you move your hand. What really happened was I was still fucking high. And as a result, now I was feeling this intense anxiety. And next thing I know, as the day is going by, I'm standing in a fucking Dwayne Reed. And I'm like just trying to buy things to make myself feel okay. And all of the sudden, I'm in this anxiety pithole of my brain going like, you're never going to feel okay again. You know, this is like, you're going to have to call your

parents and go, hey, I just feed pigeons now. That's what I do. Like, I thought it was over. And I was like, I fucked everything up, you know. And then, and I called up my ex-girlfriend. I go, hey, something really bad is happening to me. Can you come? come over and I just she came over I just had a straight on panic attack for like three hours like severe and I never experienced anything like that and I thought like literally like this is the rest of my life and I thought okay this is a panic attack I'm going to be okay like I had no idea what this was and then uh what's it called and then and even as I was Googling like what is this and it was like you're going to be fine this just takes time to pass but even then I was like I just I want to call

a fucking ambulance so they can hit me with like a fucking Xanax so I can just feel okay I just need to calm down. And I didn't know how. But the more you like try to calm down and want to fix it, the worse it gets. Yeah. And so and then I literally, I was so, and I never dealt with this before. I never knew what this was. So now I had to learn what the fuck is anxiety. And it, to the point, it was for those first few days, I was like, can I leave my house? Like, can I go to the gym? Are people going to, because you think you're crazy. When you first experience it, you think you're fucking nuts. So I literally had to condition myself to get out there and go back out and do this stuff and I was processing and I was like very on edge for a while and then I started thinking like

oh fuck I my big fear was having another panic attack because I was like that I think that's going to really suck if I have another one of those you know I was terrified of it and then finally I'm sitting in my in my kitchen I'm like don't have a panic attack don't have panic and I go you know what just fucking have one you don't have shit to do today fuck it that's today I'm going to get my affairs in order and I'm going on a panic attack and immediately some of the power of it went away and then I started reading about all this shit and I started understanding what is anxiety and it literally took me a year of having lows to the point where I'd be two in the morning I can't fucking sleep and I'm sitting on a bench outside of my house going I don't know if I can

fucking live this way I just don't know if I can do this having those moments and literally as I hit those moments I would hit a fucking epiphany and I would go oh my God I just realized the reason my body is acting this way is because this moment when I was a kid created a fear response in me. That made me respond to things. I'm always very high alert. I'm very high anxiety. I'm very high strong. That's always the way I felt. That's always been in my body. I just never knew what it was. I didn't worry about it when it was there. Any comedian is very high alert. We're always on edge. Something, you know, we're always paying attention every moment. And I realize that's where it all comes from. I go, these are just my brain pathways firing off.

You are, even though like you're mostly just like a thought on Instagram, you are very, very smart and creative. And I feel like smart, creative people. Like I, my brain is always working in some capacity. And if you let your brain go in certain ways, it can trick you. Right. And that's where like I've experienced that with sports. I've experienced it with just like social shit. And I think so many people in their 20s suffer from panic attacks.

Yeah. And it's not something that's talked about. So then you feel like a psych. path. Right. And I, the thing was, and I remember I had, there was a point in my life where all I could think about was the fear of having a panic attack. And I, I only ever had that one, but I would come close. Yeah. And then I would really start researching and I would go, okay, so what my brain does is it takes the things I'm afraid of and it makes me obsess over them. And I have these obsession responses with them. And I started. OCD thoughts. Right. And then you have the intrusive

thought and that pops up and then you worry about, what if I killed somebody? Just, and all, you start to realize all of that is is anxiety. And you realize that it's not actually. And you realize that it's not actually you. Those intrusive thoughts are not you thinking. Those OCD thoughts are just your anxiety having bored fun. And as you train your brain to just go, and literally there's a point in my life where I couldn't go three seconds

without thinking, am I anxious? Is it to having that kind of life and thinking I'll never get out of this to, whenever I have anxiety now, it's almost exciting because it's like oh something's going on. It's like now and also you're ready to go. It's like oh you want to come back and get some?

You want some what is? You want some? You should. You should be anxious at times in your life. It's, every single human that's ever lived has had it. It's a crucial part of being alive because what that is is your body going, oh, fuck, are the dinosaurs back? That's what's happening. You're worried. We're supposed to be

in a world where shit is dangerous. Yeah, fight or flight. That's why it's there. And if you let the power go. It's just like turbulence on an airplane. I feel like we're similar. I had a similar experience. Well, you have a bigger cock.

Of course. And I fart more. But with my ex, I just wasn't feeling good about myself around him. And I, whenever I was with him, I was like, I was blaming myself. I'm like, you're just not being yourself. You're not being yourself around him. Come on, you got to be funny. But like, he didn't really like love me.

And I was thought that I was messing up. Because around my friends, I was like, I feel smart, funny, cool. And then when I was around him, I didn't feel good. So I thought I was self-sabotaging and getting nervous and having performance anxiety of who I was in front of him. You're losing your confidence. And then I broke it up. Well, that sounds so much more normal. But in my own head, I was like, I'm self-sabotaging with this guy who I really like

and I can't be myself around him. And I ended up breaking up with him. And then for the next month, everything out of my mouth, I'd go, was that something I would say? Yeah. Isn't it sound like a nightmare? Yeah, but it's, but I would have the exact same thing. Like what happened to you, I had it in a way where like, and I'd be with my friends and I'd be living, having fun.

Then I'd go, oh my God, is this, is this me? Is that how I'd act with him? Am I being myself? Am I moving my hand right? Yeah, is this how. Hannah would move her hand? And all that is. And what you have to do when you're feeling those moments is you got to say to yourself, oh, this is not me being wrong and being crazy. That is anxiety. Anxiety is driving right now and it's making you think that. You're not thinking,

oh my God, am I going to kill somebody because you're going to do it. You're just feeling anxious. And if you can say to yourself, I'm just feeling anxious. That's all that is. This is turbulence on the plane. And then you focus on what you need to do. Or you look at somebody across from you and you ask them a question and you actually listen and get out of here listen to them listening is an active fucking activity i know that because i never do it you understand like you have to really engage yourself and listen and also i feel like uh if you're like at a show recently a fan came up to me and she told me her whole story of something that happened to her and i ended up talking her for like an hour after the show about you know about my lows and the things that i went through and

the anxiety most beautiful moments that you don't plan when you just like kind of connect with someone over a commonality. Well, it's, I mean, in my defense, though, it was like, I just killed a show for an hour and 15 minutes. And all I wanted to do is celebrate and drink. Yeah. And now, you know, now I get it. But at the same time, I was like, you know what, though, this is more, this is a, this has come up in my life and it's a responsibility for me to try to give some guidance to this person because I remember how scary it was not, not knowing if it'll ever end. That's the problem. And that's anxiety. Will it ever end? Will it ever end?

Right. And the thing you got to know is, and you have to switch and go, you cannot think, is it going to end? You have to go, no, starting tomorrow, I'm going to take steps to make sure this ends. Or also just being compassionate with yourself and going, damn, you're really hard on yourself and that's okay. Yeah. And then, like, you soften the blow. You also talk about dating a lot. And I think dating, listening is the number one thing in dating. Yeah.

If I actually listened to what guys said on dates, if I actually listened instead of, worrying about what I'm going to order so I don't fart on his face later I would see so many red flags just hitting me in the face but we don't listen I'm thinking about like how my posture is and like what I don't know I'm worrying about my own shit yeah do you have any um well I talk like my show at this point is it's it's like it's like date e but really what it is is I go on and I start fucking yelling about whatever I'm mad about and then towards the second half I start going okay, here are the fan emails, what's going on in your guys' lives. Yeah.

Because there's kind of a theme of, like, it was, it never set out to be a dating show. What it was was like, we're going to talk about what we're going to talk about, and then we'll do fan emails. And coincidentally, all of my fans are having, they want to know, hey, what's the deal with this? And not every email is about it, but in some people are just like, hey, man, like, I want to get further in my life. I want to do this or that.

The average person isn't corresponding with so many people about, like, their problems each day. Is there anything that you've learned that you didn't know before the point? podcast about just our generation and dating and stuff. Well, I think, uh, I think what it did is it kind of confirmed some thoughts I had, which was like, I think there's a lot of people out there that feel lonely and, uh, a lot of people that are spending, I think social media is really fucking people up and it's making them overthink and it's making them, uh, check in on people when they shouldn't.

There's certain things about old school dating that aren't around anymore. Like when a guy tells you, yeah, I'll call, you know, I'd love to see you again. And then he doesn't call you for two days. You shouldn't know what he's doing for those two days. You're so right. Human nature's not supposed to be able to look at Tinder and know your location. Like there should, during those two days, you shouldn't have, you shouldn't be able to go, oh, my God, he's with this girl. And now you're going, who's that in his story?

And now you're just all this fall. You're going through a whole day's worth of thoughts about this person that you're not supposed to yet. No. And instead you're seeing each other's lives the whole way through like, I'm seeing a girl right now who she's not active at all in the social media. And I think it's really helpful. Really healthy. I love dating a guy who has nothing to social media. Yeah, and it's nice because you're not going, oh my God, I know everything you fucking did today.

It's like when I ask you how was your day, now I'm actually pretending to listen because I don't know. I mean, the truth is, like as a comic, like I'm just not that interested in anything except for things that are funny. Except your next bit? Yeah, I'm really not that interested. Well, that's something you have to work on, you fucking narcissists. But I don't think it's something I have to work on because I don't give a shit what John did at the office today. I just don't care. No, but I'm saying with your girl. Look, you have to listen to understand her to know if she's a psychopath or not for you. Everything ends anyway. So, you know,

why invest all this time? I love that. I love that. No, it's just like I, I tell, if I'm dating a girl, I tell her straight up, I go, listen, my brain at all times, it's an explosion is happening in my head. At all fucking times, shit is flying everywhere. It's never relaxed. I don't. It's hard because you're good looking. Because good looking people, people assume that you just have your your shit together. Yeah. It's being really hard for you. Well, see, I channel it like, uh, just, I just love working.

Yeah. To me, like Frank Ocean released this tiny little thing on his tumbler like years ago. But it was, I love Frank Ocean. He was one of my favorite artists. Like I have like five people that really impacted me as a person. Because like, then that's who I would read all their stuff. I'd watch all their interviews.

But one of the things he said was like, work is his heaven. Yeah. He's like, it's always there for me. No matter how I'm feeling I can go to work. That's the light. Yeah. And, uh, In times when you're stressed or you're anxious, it's like, some, like my intern asked me the other day, she was, she was like, can I just like pick your brain for an hour of her coffee?

I was like, yeah, of course. And when I think she asked me, it's like, what do you do as a creative when it's or even as a person when on a Sunday night you're feeling anxious and you're feeling lonely and a little depressed? What do you do? And I go, well, I realize that people feel that way on Sundays. So it's just this weird phenomenon. I would start tweeting about it. Yeah. And what I, what I told her what I do is that's why I record my podcast. podcast on Sunday nights is because now I don't have time to think about it. Now I got to get to work and I got to do this thing that I like doing that lets me feel fulfilled. I get to put it out and people enjoy it. I get to feel some kind of satisfaction. I have fun. For me, work makes me feel alive. Like when you're lonely, you don't feel seen. You don't feel like, you're like, am I just

a leaf floating around in the air? But once you like work and you create something, you feel like you're leaving an imprint, but also we're kind of psycho. So people listening might be like, hey, why don't you take a fucking break and chill out? But the way... I am a work. I'm afraid of my mind when I let it run free too long. Yeah, I just think if you're, if you have that kind of brain that's meant to be creative or is constantly overstimulated. Like, I'm a very sensitive person. Me too.

I'm very sensitive to all kinds of stimulations and everything. I can't smoke weed. Yeah, I can't drink coffee. Yeah. I'm like very sensitive to stimulants. Coffee I powered through because I saw the oddly enough this episode of comedians in cars with Jerry Seinfeld and he had, uh, who's the bitch from, uh, sex in the city? Oh, um.

Sarah Jessica Parker Yeah so and he's he's on like his third cup of coffee And she says him she's like how do you drink all that? Like don't you feel anxious? He's like yeah He's like but I like the anxiety And when he said that literally I I paused it and a fucking bulb went off in my head

Because I thought that thing that I was so afraid of He likes it He's not running away from it He's like yeah he's leaning in I mean a little bit of anxiety is essential to quality performance Like before you go on stage, before you go on the court, you need to feel a little anxiety. You need a little something. And it's like just changing your relationship with that anxiety.

Yeah. I want to go to a game. The final game. We're going to play a fucking game. Oh, okay. I thought you literally met. I'm going to go to the Madison Square right now. Yeah.

Seven Deadly Sins. Let's do it. What are you greedy about? I don't think I'm greedy about money because I'm, I'm, I try to be very generous with people and I try to take like I try to take people out to dinner. I try to you know I don't and if I'm dating you I'll buy you the fucking matching Calvin Klein set you know what I mean the sports bra and the I like to be I like to be the man you know um yeah my brother hates it but he hates that you buy Calvin Klein sets for women for him he's like why do you keep sending me these I'm like this is a good color on you okay I don't care what you say you'd jam your tits into that. And I don't know. What am I greedy about? I, you know what I am? I am just, I can be controlling, especially creatively, because my brain, even if I'm working with people,

or I'm directing something, or I, in my brain, I go, I was talking to an ex of mine recently last night. And I was, we're cool. And I was telling her about this thing that I'm working on. I had a big idea. And she goes, what I think you should do is that. And as soon as she said that, for some reason, I felt rage in my chest. The words, what I think you should. do made me mad and she said to me she goes I'm looking at your face and I realize you don't know what you want to do but you've already made up your mind that you're doing it so she's like that you're not going to do what she's saying yes she's like you're you're you don't know exactly the way you're going to do but your brain has already decided that you're just going to figure out your way

of doing it so that's the one thing I'm greedy about about control and about dominance I know person the way I live my life there's not a person in the world who can tell me what to do period I don't have a fucking boss there's nobody who can that I can't say to them go fuck yourself because I'm gonna do it this way I love when you turn Brooklyn on me you know fuck yourself it is what it is Paul I'm walking here poorly it's funny because I'm the same way as you except I live my whole life going against that even though like I'm a I'm naturally I hate bosses I'm like a natural leader in my own head but I was a tennis player which is literally you walk in and your coach is like you need to trust me change your grip right you play that girl hit to her back hand do this

do this, do that. If you trust me, you'll listen to me and will win. Yeah. And like, I just lived every day. You have to be here at this time and do this many sit-ups and this many, you know, suicides. And I lived that until I was 22. And how was that for you? How did you live under that? Was it good or bad for you? I was a tortured soul. Okay. Because I'm very disciplined by myself. Right. But I just felt like I was trapped. But it was the only thing I knew and I thought, oh, this is what greatness is. This is how I become great. And then one day I,

I realized, wait, I'm not a lazy piece of shit if I'm not a tennis player. Everyone on this podcast jokes, I always talk about tennis. But tennis, my relationship with the balls, my relationship with life. And once I realized that I could, like, take ownership of my life and not have a boss and be free, it didn't mean that I was a failure. And then I was just, like, more in touch with what I want. But it took me a while to realize what I wanted. You know, what's interesting, too, is like, if you look at people who truly are champions,

like, I'm a big boxing fan. Yeah, boxing and tennis are actually very close. Right. And if you look at who are the people who are these truly great champions of fighting, most of them are quiet. And they listen to everything their coach or trainer says. It's like customato would train Mike Tyson. He would literally hypnotize him at night. He would hypnotize him and he would say to him like, you are going to be the champion.

You're going to do this. And it was a part of his training. It's like you have to have this to really truly be a champion of something in like a sport. Yeah. You kind of have to have this master and servant kind of thing. Oh my God. You're actually giving me chills because I always felt like I was different than the other girls. A lot of these amazing Russian players, like, they literally were machines.

And I'd go on the court. I'm thinking about, like, the cute guy walking by and, like, and, you know. That's why you never are going to be a great tennis player. I had too much shit going on in my head. But, like, I did so well fighting my own head. But I'd go up and I'd be like, what are 20 things I could do right now that's going to embarrass me and freak this match up for me? And, like, I just, and then I realize, wait, I can take all my insecurities and sensitivities. and just talk about them and make a living from that.

But the difference too is like with those people, they, when the difference is if somebody tells you, okay, just trust me, turn off your brain, hold the racket this way, serve it this way, there's a flicker in your brain that goes, but what if I don't? That's exactly what would happen. And if you have that, you're not, you're in the wrong thing. I was playing number one for the University of Wisconsin sophomore year and there were all these new freshmen coming in. My coach used fear to like guide me and he was like, those girls are coming to take her spot if you don't have your shit together.

So obviously I'm going to be like, oh, no. And then this coach goes, if you want to get to next level, you have to change your grip on your second serve. Yeah. And she's like, just trust me, this is what's going to work. I couldn't serve for a whole year. Yeah. I just lost my serve for a year.

Really? I would shank it. I started underhand serving. It was a fucking mess. And I would go to sleep at night going, you're a psycho. Right. Like, you are disturbed.

Why are you so mentally fucked up? But I just realized, like, my brain didn't work that way. I didn't want to be anyone's servant. And I couldn't give control away. So I would just be fighting myself all the time. Yeah, what's certain things like. And as somebody else said, the mind is a,

it's a great servant, but a terrible master. And when your brain's in charge, it's like there's like things that happen. Like people who are like archers and shit like that, all of a sudden they get the fucking yips and they can't shoot. Oh yeah.

I was a professional at yips. Yeah. And it's because your brain's working now. Like think about beer prong bros. When you make that shot, you're not thinking about the fucking shot. You know what I mean? Because you're blackout.

It's like after three drinks, why do you think you're fucking sinking shit? All arc, baby. All arc. Soft hands, bro. Now you got to suck my dick, Tom. You lost. Tom, you didn't do it last time. You got to do it this time.

That's fascinating. But then, but then what about now? Like, I'm not playing tennis. And I'm the master of my own brain. Yes, but that's what you're supposed to be thriving in. Yeah. Because the thing is when you're in that mode, you're not thinking, you're thinking is not getting in the way.

you're thinking is actually beneficial. You're so fucking right. It's like being zen. It's like when you're, if you're trying, if you're an archer and you're trying to hit a bullseye, the last thing you can do is think about how you're going to hit it. You just have to let the brain and the body do it. And I couldn't trust and let go.

Yes. Because I'm a control friend. And that's why you can't enjoy weed. It's because in order to really enjoy weed, you have to just give into it. But should I try to do that one day? No, pots for kids. Yeah.

Listen. I do meth. Campaign all you want, but yeah. Who are you envious of? Besides me. That's cute. Well, when I was a kid, so like my five kind of people, I don't know if this is going to be five, but the, I was fat, I was obsessed with Lewis C.K. I was obsessed with Steve Jobs.

I was obsessed with Kanye. And who else was there? Frank Ocean. and then I guess you could throw like Dave Chappelle, Bill Burr in there. Didn't you also like reading Russian novels? Kind of later in life. But to me, I loved people who

I thought were originals and who truly would go, no, I know the better way to do this. That to me is Steve Jobs in a nutshell. I'm going, you don't know what you want. I know what you want and I'm going to give it to you. And that's the way he did it. It took me so long. Which I guess Louie kind of did too.

Oh, me. but here's the thing say what you will about louis you know and it's a i think it's a very complicated thing have you met him before yeah i've i've uh hung around with him at the cellar once um but you know before his his fall from grace and it's like you of course you know there's gray areas to everything he did and uh you know if you told me hey that's a fucked up thing like yeah i'd probably agree with you i think it's a complicated thing that that doesn't necessarily have a oh he needs to be fired or this it's like usual but also So you're talking, you never were like, I love how Louie is in the bedroom.

You were talking about his art and his creativity. Yeah, that's the thing. To me, as a kid, the model he set up for himself where he can go drop into any comedy club, he can go sell out theaters across the country and also go and go, you know what, I want to make this TV show. I'm not going to go to the studios. I'm just going to make it. I'm going to release it on my website.

To me, like, or if he's like, I want to make a film, he just made it. Those are the things I looked at and I looked at whatever you want to say. genius in his work and I would look at his work and go that's what I wanted to base my career off of this yeah I wanted that that freedom it's it's funny because what we're doing is the opposite of sports where sports or is like you got to win this tournament to get to that tournament to they get sponsorship and that's how you become a champion we're like we have no rules and there's such a beauty in that where we can kind of create whatever we want and I love that you don't listen to what like societies thinks that you should do to be successful

Yeah, I mean, if you tell me... So it can either go really badly or really good. Yeah, my thing is, I have to learn it on my own. If you tell me, don't do that. My brain immediately tries to find ways to justify a smart way of making that work, just as like a fuck you. You know what I mean? Like, oh, maybe I'll find a way to make that work that you think I shouldn't do.

Yeah, you should unpack that with your therapist. I don't have a therapy. We'll talk about that later. What are you gluttonous about? Food, for sure. Oh, yeah. Were you a chubelop? Chubababab.

Yeah, it was 280 pounds as a 15-year-old. What? How tall were you? I mean, then I was like fucking 5-2 or something. Oh my God, your cheeks must have been adorable. Yeah, you can see there's fat pictures of me on my Instagram. There's like, I was a big boy. Why were you like, would you emotionally eat? Were you binging?

Yeah, to this day, I'm an extreme emotional eater. Like I, if something happens, there's food going into my face. It's just immediately, my instinct. I just love food. It makes me feel safe. It makes me feel okay. What's your go-to binge? Well, I realize right now I'm not doing any fast food

because I realize I probably haven't gone three days without fast food in the last like five years. What's your go-to fast food? Lately it's a lot of Burger King, a lot of Mickey Dizzy's, you know what I mean? Like, I get hot talking about it. He hasn't smiled like this, the whole body gas. You're blushing.

I weighed in the other day at 2.35, which is as high for me. And it's like, at that point I was like, you're becoming a big bear buddy. You got to dial it back. But you're good because you're tall, so you can carry it. Yeah, I hide it decently. You know, I always wear a fucking black t-shirt. How do you think growing up being seen as the fat kid has affected you?

It definitely helps that comedian's mindset. And it's also, if you grew up fat, you're fat forever in your head. You're never going to, no matter. That's crazy. I can have an eight pack and I'd still be like, oh, dude, like, you're always going to think like a fat person. Yeah. Like, you're going to go to Chipotle. You're going to get the tuberous.

You gotta fucking you just don't care. It's just this crazy thing. It's this really strong addiction It's maybe it's like with sports. How I always ate like a football player. Yeah, and like I don't I haven't worked out in a bit like I'll go to yoga once a week and I'm like oh I need so much food and I've burned zero calories. I just nap today and try to cancel the podcast I literally I did 15 push-ups yesterday and as I hit the 15th month I literally I swear to God my brain said you could do a second dinner You can do a second day. You look at there's a beat of sweat going down your face. How did your parents deal with your chubs, your chubbiness? They, I think they were actually the reasoning I got fat. Yeah, that's what I assumed.

It was just easier for them to shut you up by putting a burrito on your mouth. Exactly. Every day for dinner, my parents would call me and go, okay, what do you want today? I go Wendy's, and I'd like literally every, this is my, from middle school on, probably, I'd go to McDonald's for lunch. I'd get two McDonald's for lunch. I'd get two McDrickens and a large Coke, no ice, so that way you get more Coke. And then...

You're a gluttonous. Yeah, I'd come home. I'd heat up three stofer's mac and cheese. So you're not hungry. This is just like the enjoyment and comfort. I haven't been hungry in years. I get bored. It's supposed to say, I've never eaten a snack because I was hungry.

Yeah, I just get bored. So I start eating shit. And it's never ending. And then my mom, on the way home, she'd go, okay, what do you want? I go, go to Wendy's, get me a son of Baconator, a spicy chicken sandwich, and give me some of those new chicken wing thingies. and a chili cheese fries.

And she was enabling. Yeah, they didn't give a fuck. Because, and my mom used to say to me, she's like, it's easier to kill you than to feed you. It would be a lot easier. And I would just eat. That's all I did, you know. Our family showed love through food and through jokes.

You can only really make, get everybody's attention if you made everybody laugh at the dinner table. That was the big thing, you know. It's interesting because, yeah, the Italian culture, I'm half Italian and food was love. I'm not Italian. What do you know about that? Anyway.

So yeah, I love a chicken parmesan, love carbs, I love cheese, I love pasta. But my mom was also a nutritionist, so she'd be like, having pasta with broccoli today. Yeah. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. Your mom's like, we're doing a chickpea pasta. You're like, these fucking Jews. She's like, what was that, sweetie?

Huh? Okay. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Do you have an angry side to you? Yes. It's fucking Russian. I'm pretty good about it. But...

Do Svidana. I will break you. I think wrath is the last emotion that men are allowed to feel in the way that I live. Because the way that I... This is one thing I say, like, there are certain responsibilities of being a man that women will just never understand. And the way that I was raised... It's really hard to be a man. It is, though.

There's certain things because... He's strong and privileged. But that's exactly where I'm going. Because because I'm a large guy, I'm 6'2, I weigh 232. You choke girls in bed? No, I don't like choking girls. This is not for me. If I'm choking you, it's for you.

It's because you want it. I don't, I'm not into it. Yeah, I would never let you choke me. That's how, that's the last time we'd see each other because I'd be dead. Yeah, I just, I don't like, I don't like, I don't want to. But you like to dominate. I want to spank your ass. Yeah.

I want to fucking other stuff. I don't get off on choking. It just feels, uh, it's just weird to me. Why do you think people are liking it? I think it's because of the rise of feminism is the more power. you gotta be in your workplace that more you want your hair just pulled the fuck back during sex. Maybe, I don't know. But I think, like, as a person who is larger than most people, I think there's a certain

responsibility. It goes out saying that in a perfect world, you should kind of be a protector of the people. Oh, yeah, if there's, like, a guy at the bar that's kind of getting out of hand, like, you look at the next biggest guy to be like, what do we do? Yeah, that's the thing. If nobody, no guy is creepy around me, because, whether it's at a bar, and I'm not, I don't walk up, I'm the creepy one. I'm the only one allowed to be creepy in this bar.

Dix out. No, like, because not be, and I'm not one of these guys who wants to start fights. I'm not there at all because the way I look at it is like, I know how to fucking throw a punch. I know how to box. I can really do some damage to somebody. You should post some like sexy boxing videos on your Insta. That's the last thing people do before they go into total obscurity. But like I know, and if you know how to do that stuff, if you know that you can be a dangerous person,

the last thing you should do is exert it. It should only be there as a last resort to protect people. My brother did Jiu-Jitsu and he told me that it's all about the defense and it's about just knowing that you can control a situation if you have to. I am just fuck with dudes six, four, and up.

I took a break from that and then I realized and you get back to it because objectifying men like that for me keeps me safe emotionally because I'm like, you're just huge and you're going to carry me around like a little dainty flower. I love throwing a girl over my shirt. shoulder throwing her into the bedroom. Oh, I love it. Oh, or even just to go to work. Yeah. So then I feel like

when I'm with these big guys, sometimes other dudes are just like, feel intimidated by them. Yeah. And like other dudes will start shit with them for no reason. Yeah, of course. It happens all the time. Like, I was literally. Like they feel like you're trying to come on to them just by being big. I was sitting with a gal I'm seeing the other day at a bar. Yeah. And out of nowhere, this guy comes over and slam and it's me, this gal and her friend. And this guy comes over he slams his hands on our table and he starts yelling, like, did you guys see the fucking

gang? And like, I cut him off and just purely instinctual. I just looked him. I said, you need to back the fuck up right now. Right now. And he goes, why? And I go, I just stared at him. Because in my head, I'm like, don't, first of all, it's not because of me. It's not my pride thing. It's like, there are two women sitting at my table.

We're having a nice time. You don't come and bang on my fucking table. Period. You don't do that. So you better back the fuck up or we're going to have a problem. And it's not because I want to have a problem. But it's just if you're acting in a way that I think is just completely inappropriate. There's so much testosterone in the room right now. But if you're scaring women that I'm around, you're bigger than them, you dumb fuck.

You're huge. You're bigger than them. So back the fuck up or I will put your head to this table. Yeah. And it's that easy. And it's not because I want to do it. It's the last thing I want to do. Yeah.

But duty calls. And the thing is I'm a fucking. inside, I'm a big fucking bear. You know what I mean? I'm a nice guy. I'm a soft dude. I'm not like one of these. I'm on you. I'm an ally. It's like, no, I'm just me. I'm a fucking real person. I don't need praise for any of the shit I do. I hope you like the things I do creatively, but that's it. But this, you know, what means a lot to me is when a girl will be like, you know, and you're the only person I've ever dated that when I'm walking around, I feel like I'm just always completely safe. That no matter what, if anything happened, you would fucking take care of it.

Well, I think it's, that's what I think this generation of dudes needs to be. Like, we're all supportive of each other. Like, we're all looking out for each other. And that's what I think. But instead, it's guys don't want to learn how to approach women. They don't want to be vulnerable. They don't want to take the risk. So instead, they go on Instagram.

They do stupid DM slides. And then they pretend to be your friend until you fuck them. And it's like, oh, but you should like me. I'm a fucking feminist. I'm an ally. I believe in, I'm at the parades. And it's like, no, you're being a fucking weirdo. Yeah, you're being, this isn't even your fucking.

fight. You're being a fucking weirdo and you're trying to friend your way into some pussy. And you shouldn't do that because there's things more important in life. And also the whole Me Too movement, all the guys are like, oh, I'm so worried, I don't know how to deal with women anymore. They've never had sex. There's types of men, I think

there's like two types of men in the world. The men that just know what they want and how to deal with women and then men who like don't are just creepy and weird about it. So it's like, don't be creepy and weird. But here's the thing though. It all starts at creepy and weird. When I was 15 and I'd have a crush on a girl, I'd lay in bed at night in my fedora

and think about, can I save her? She's going to raves. It always starts that creepy and weird. And, you know, you're a teenager. You're like, maybe if I, maybe we'll get a pizza together and then I'll kiss her. It's like. Or is it always creepy and weird until the guy's hot. It's also true.

But the other thing, too, is it's active learning. You have to learn how to approach people. Yeah, and listen and read situations and be socially aware. any guy can try to kiss you right that's not rape but when you get rejected and you see the girl is clearly uncomfortable yeah like read yeah it's just if at any point you feel like my thing is like if I even think that you're uncomfortable for a second like I'm out yeah I'm out like I'm just not sorry but that's what differentiates dudes there's a lot of guys who don't care if you're uncomfortable or not and that's where I think gray area situations happen because women don't

know how to express. When I was 18, you think I knew how to tell a guy who was coming on to me, like, no. Like a hot 21-year-old football player, you think I was going to be like, excuse me, stop. I don't like that. Yeah, my daughter is going to have fucking martial arts training and she's going to be able to tell a guy with the force of a thousand fists,

get the fuck away from me. That's like what you have to do. You just look at them, you know how to make a quick joke, but get the fuck off of me and do your own thing. Just back the fuck up. When was the last time you were a sloth? So a lazy piece of shit. Oh, yesterday I slept until 2.30.

Were you out late? Nope. So you shit on me for taking a solid nap in the middle of the day. But I still get all my shit done and I still... No, not yesterday. It was the day before. You're like, oh, actually, I didn't get my shit done. Never mind. Yesterday I recorded with you.

But sometimes I'll give myself time to just be a piece of shit. It's just, it's a... Well, as an entrepreneur, they say, people like to say millennials are lazy. Are you millennial? I don't fucking know. I'm trans. Well, learn new things. things every day. But millennials, they say millennials are lazy. But then I read this article. I think

actually Jilly Hendricks, who is a comedian, talked about it, that millennials are actually always pressured to find work in like their personal lives. So like how do we, I mean, if you're in the influencer like comedy world, but how do we, you know, make this experience social and content? And that becomes exhausting for your brain. When was the last time you let your pride to get in the way of something because I'm not going to lie you have a little bit of an ego oh yeah do you ever try to check that ego do you ever let your pride to get in the way of relationships or work I with relationships I really try I usually I'm you know I'm a guy that has to apologize a lot of 3 a.m. Facebook messages for me hey by the way when I said that thing I'm sorry I'll make

it up to you I'm uh listen I can be very arrogant I can be cocky I can come off the wrong way to people. I do have an ego, but that's just the way I am. And I think the same, it's kind of like the same things that some people are not going to like me for. It's going to make other people love me. And it's ultimately, it's what fuels me. I need that. I need, if I wake up and I don't feel confident, that's when I start feeling depressed. I need to wake up and feel confident. I need to have my shoulder straight up. I need to be listening to music that I like. I need to be stimulated. I need to walk and close that I like so I can feel fucking proud. I need that swagger. That Swagger kind of. That's why I love Kanye

so much growing up because he was a guy who his whole thing was, I'm the fucking shit. And no matter what, when you hear people say that enough, you start going, hey man, this dude believes in itself. Like, I should do that. Yeah, well, it's like what you said with depression, if you fake it enough, you believe it. It's like, if you fake

being confident and loving yourself so much, one day you're like, wait a second, I forgot how was that bitch. And I am that bitch. Yeah, and some people are agreeable and some are disagreeable. I think I can come off to people as a disagreeable. person but if you ask the people that are to that actually know me that um you know that spend time with me they'll also tell you I'm a piece of shit now they'll they'll tell you hey this guy I might

not always agree with his methods he might come off like a dick sometimes he might be condescending without knowing it but at the end of the day I do always want what's best for people I push people very hard I want the best out of my friends because to me like you just being complacent or you're not working as hard as you can or you're not being the best version of yourself as you can that doesn't sit with me. So if I didn't have the ego, I have, I wouldn't get anything done because I wouldn't think it'd be worth doing.

Yeah. You know, I need a little bit of that. It's unfortunate, but, you know, and I try to do my fucking... Because I think for all your ego, you also, you have a combination of anxiety and insecurity, and it rotates in probably a healthy balance. It's all channeling out of this same shitty river.

You know what I mean? And we're just slowly tugging along, anxiety and confidence. And that's it. And I'm not one of these people that's like, oh, I'm anxious. It's like, fuck you, you know, live your fucking life, get shit done, stand up, square your shoulders off, and put some good fucking momentum forward. And be, as John Coltrane would say, a love supreme.

Oh, speaking of love. I stole that from Cornell West. Okay. Well, at least we're giving credit. When was the last time you lusted over someone? Or who was like, I like to, recently I've been into, like, who's your celebrity crush? I don't give a shit about celebrities. I didn't do anything for me.

But those, those nipples I saw on the way here. I'm one of those people I'm just walking around all day I'm a fucking creep I'm like a nippy I'm a nippy person and I've had guys straight up be like you know your nipples are out

and I'm like yeah you never saw a nipple before we're gonna do like hide my nipples he's like no but you should probably put a shirt on this is a wedding when am I gonna do not be me so what if I'm lactating you said you wanted a fucking smoothie I lust for people constantly all the time

I fall in love all the time I mean we also live in New York you're just constantly seeing fucking beautiful women every second and your brain is going nuts confident ass bitches too They look like they're going to important places You're like she's about to go like

Catcalling in New York is like bitch Who manages your hedge fund You confident ass bitch look at you Oh look at like you wealthy Like that is different I'm just joking I've never cat called before I'm a very shy guy in real life But I lost all the fucking time

You know Good, I think that's healthy I'm the kind of person where a lot If I make a friend that's a girl Sometimes we just have to get sex out of the way Interesting Like I had sex recently where I said to the girl We were just having drinks I go

I don't know if I think we should probably have sex right And she's like yeah I don't know I haven't made my mind I was like Because I'm attracted to you But I also like you I think you will be good friends It's like it'll be too distracting to like have a friendship if you can't just like get it out of the way let's just get it out of the way and then you could see you'd be like good it wasn't as good as we thought now we can continue

yes you choked a little too hard i didn't buy it i wasn't buying the acting you know i'm definitely not a choke dick so you know now we can just be business partners you don't like when girls choke on your dick i don't like choke it no you don't like any form of choking i don't like i think it's because you're a little anxious and you're like this is the end this is where it ends i just like i just like fucking you know i i'm good with it getting rough but but but But I just choking me as like, all right, relax, fucking calm down. You know, we got all the time in the world. You don't need to fucking gag your face off, you know?

Like, if I'm fucking your face and then you start gagging and I'll stop. Because I'm like, you're all right? You good down there, chief, you know? It's not fun for me. Well, it's not fun for me either. So I feel like we're on the same page with that. To wrap this up, I ask everyone the same question. What advice would you give to cope with your hell?

Who's got that quote? If you're going through hell, just keep going. Who is that Churchill? Not important. I just think it's important to realize that if you're really in a terrible place, understand that it's not just you. Life in itself is tragedy. And the beauty of it is finding things that you care about and it's hard and it's a challenge.

But that's the whole point of living and you're, if you know, if you got a fucking death wish, it's going to come regardless, have as much fun as you can, fucking take a deep breath. Realize that all this shit is just in your head. And if you put your goals forward and you want to feel okay and you want to feel okay and you You want to feel good and you put good energy and good progress forward, you'll get the things you want. Just you're here for fucking maybe 80 years. If you're lucky, just if you're lucky, just do the best you can.

You have love in your body that's waiting to come out in the form of cum. And just get out. Don't choke people with that. Yeah, I'm kidding about the come. But just you try to show as much love as you can to people. So hopefully, you know, one day when you die, you'll leave an impact on somebody or you accomplish something and people can go, well, that guy left. he left something for the next generation

that the world we'll learn from even a great story you know just try to live that way and understand it's your thoughts are just your thoughts let them go don't grab into him and just fucking live man this shit's crazy I'm looking out of a 60 second floor right now over I mean it is New Jersey

but you know still this is pretty high up it's pretty good yeah everything's gonna be okay just work Lev you are a wise young man thank you you guys should follow his thoughty Instagram it's pretty hot at Lev for

L-E-V-F-E-R I do live streams in the shower Okay, that's inappropriate That's really inappropriate I'm sorry But also

If you want to get In part of the conversation And we have a Facebook group The Little Devils You guys should join It's pretty fun I'm gonna have a live show Gotham comedy

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