Berner Phone - Lindsey Pelas: Sex Icon & Super Misunderstood

Episode Date: November 19, 2021

I visited Lindsey's beautiful house in Los Angeles to truly understand the women behind the sexy photos. She explained how she grew up, why she moved to Los Angeles, getting discovered at the Playboy Mansion, having an OnlyFans, and how she got 1 million followers in a week. She spills the tea on some well known exes and talks about her current dating mindset. She will make you question your thoughts on monetizing your sexuality, being comfortable in your skin, and the male gaze. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

He set me up on my first photo shoot. He let me meet this photographer who would end up creating a viral video that I did. So him posting me, mixed with the viral video, mixed with some press about us hanging out, I had a million followers in six weeks. Shut the front door. Yeah. Welcome to Burning Hell. what's up guys this is my last podcast in laa my podcast tour last stop you can tell i've had a couple

drinks i've had a couple late nights but i fucking made it and i am in the house of the one and only lindsay pelas oh my god hi yeah payloss i'll take that what is that uh something louisiana a little bit of french spanish not sure she's just a small town southern girl in a crazy L.A. world. Oh my God. cliche, but yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. I'm so happy you made it here after your long tour. You look amazing. Stop. Yeah. Lindsay just told me I look amazing, which is amazing because Lindsay's, you were like the model of, I feel like you've been around for a while and you've just like

stayed so fucking hot always. Oh my thanks. And you're also an entrepreneur and I mean, we just talk quick business together and this bitch knows what's up. And obviously you're all over social media. You've worked for so many brands and you've posed for like the coolest places and you're in L.A. You just turned 30. Yeah. Welcome to hell, bitch. Welcome. Oh my God. Thank you so much for having me in hell. It's definitely good to be here. I'm in good company. But yeah, I mean, it's so crazy. You're like, you've been around a long time. I'm like, shit. I know. When I was saying that, I was like, oh, God. But it's more like, you're a name. Like, you're a fucking name. You're not just like, you know, people have their 15 minutes where it's.

like, oh, cool. And I feel like you yourself from Louisiana have made a name for yourself, which you should be really proud of. But also, you are still so young. And we're talking, I feel like once you're 30, like you get respect in like boardrooms and like who knows what you can do with that shit. I, you know, I'm not sure if they're respecting me in boardrooms, but I would love if they were. But it's true. I feel like if you've gone after something for so long, by the time you're at 30, I think the universe is like, here you go, baby. It's like, you've been trying so hard. here you go. You deserve this. When did you move to L.A.? Six years ago, or maybe going on seven, I was 23. I graduated from LSU, and I looked around and I was like, I cannot live and die here.

I love Louisiana, but there were no eligible bachelors, in my opinion. It just wasn't the place to be. And I was a bartender at the time. And I was like, well, let me go bartend in Vegas. Are you good at bartending? Oh, fantastic. I mean, I have two of the best bartending secrets, and that's huge tits. So, okay, before you continue on the story, I just want to be, I don't know Lindsay. Like, I've never met you. My friend named Jamie was like,

hey, I think you're going to hit off with Lindsay. And I was like, Lindsay who? And then I like, I was like, yeah, I'm following her on Instagram. She's gorgeous, stunning. But I'm like, the opportunity to pick, basically think of the hottest score we've ever seen on Instagram.

I'm now, that's her, like, pick apart her brain and figure out what's really going on. And I feel like I don't know if that's out there with you. Probably not. If people have like, how many people on Twitter you can be yourself. Yeah, I bitch all the time on Twitter. Yeah.

People see your personality. But I mean, I feel like in mass media, it's like when people want to see Lindsay, they see your tits. Yes. And they're beautiful. But I want to see more than your tits. I want to see your vagina. No problem.

So you decide 23, I want outies. Yeah. Move here with my. dog and I had $3,000 I think by the time I'd paid for everything I was bartending I'd saved up and I got a job bartending here and pretty quickly I met Dan Bolzerian and and he didn't pay my bill so I would have I wish I was offended he didn't know how you're like what the fuck I met him at oh my God I met him at a Halloween party I met him I went to the playboy mansion somehow I it was one of those random things where I went out one night I made friends and they said

we can we can get you into the playboy mansion meet us at the rosebell and these are girls i think there were girls and guys it was just strangers i don't know a single name of these people are people are people to lay nice like that like they're like come to this come to that because everyone's trying to find out like how to have fun oh my god they're so nice and they're all since there's they're so rich there's so many rich people they want to share their wealth yeah they want people to think they're cool so they're they're like oh we can do this for you and it is nice to have like a pretty girl with you it makes you feel like better by yourself you would help yeah you would help But yeah, I scammed my way into the Playboy Mansion.

And immediately a security guy comes up to me and he goes, do you want to meet Dan Bolzerian? And I knew who he was through Instagram. And I was like, okay. And then we met up. What were you dressed up as? I literally, since I had moved here and I had no, I didn't have the cash for a costume, nor did I have a plethora of lingerie like I do now. I just wore panties and a bra and I bought a plastic devil pitchfork and devil horns.

Oh my God. cheapest outfit of all time which i highly recommend for anyone listening you should always keep a pair of animal ears or like devil accessories and then some sexy undies and every year you can go back to that it's true because you don't want to put all your energy into the outfit you want to put your energy into the party yeah you don't want to get to the party and finally be like i'm fucking exhausted all day from prepping so true i would be a teddy bear cute but like not cute i would just wear like brown sweatpants and sweatshirt and a brown i just i'm for comfort on Halloween well that could get misconstrued as a piece of shit as you got to make sure the tone is right are you a turd but when

us post malone and i wanted to go as guy fieri this this is my thing lindsay i love that would you ever just be like fuck it i'm going as guy fierry i would have to be paid it would have to be a bet i don't think i have the balls or i would miss the opportunity for attention to do that but don't you think you Well, you'd get a different kind of attention. If you walked into Playboy Mansion as Guy Fieri. I would have to be, it would have to be a bet. Someone would have to be filming me or it'd have to be a major bet. Because you, because I love that we are connecting right now.

Because for anyone knowing, we hit it off the second. We're obsessed with each other. I already knew that. But we're very different in that I feel more uncomfortable people seeing me sexually. Where it's funny, you're feeling uncomfortable, people seeing you like kind of an embarrassing thing where that's my comfort zone. Put me in a clown. I'll be a clown.

Wow. But I don't want, like, a random dude being like, oh, I'd fuck her. We should Freaky Friday. That'd be fun. Have you always been comfortable with your sexuality? I think so. I just, you know, I got really, really big boobs when I was 14. Oh, yeah.

And so they got a lot of attention. And I loved the attention. Because I didn't feel pretty all the way in other ways. I had a very awkward face. Up until, like, three years ago, my face was really awkward. What was awkward about it? You know, you just kind of grow into that subcutaneous spat. So, but yeah, I never, I think, you know, the boobs and the body were an easy attention

cell. And once people, once I got that attention, you don't want to let that go. It's kind of like I'm used to going out and people staring at me and making comments. So if I let that go, I'm not sure if that would feel good. But now I'm totally fine with that. Like I do not mind. I feel like when you're fine with it, that's when people look at you the most.

Like, I do not care if I'm the hottest. No. Because if you did, I'd be like, we need to do YouTube of you. A Freaky Friday? Let's IGTV it. Yeah. Oh my God. I just want, because this is the thing.

I know that you've been valued for your looks. So it's like me. Like I was valued for, I was an athlete. Like I was a tennis player. So that's what I attached to my ego. And I felt like if I didn't win on the tennis court, who the fuck am I? So it's like if you're not looking hot, then, but there's, So much more to both of us.

Yeah. But it's just what we know is so easily, like society is like, that's good. So true. Do you feel pressure to be hot? I mean, yeah, I'm a woman. Oh, my God. This patriarchy shit is rough. Yeah.

I mean, the links that women go to and we're expected to go to because we are, I mean, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. You're damned if you try. You're damned if you don't try. We have an unachievable standard. Yeah. And it's exhausting living in this world. And I cannot stand when someone's mad at me for being late and they're a man because

I'm like, honey, they criticize us down to the eyelash. And every guy is like, oh, I don't care if you're wearing makeup. Like, I like you natural. But it's like, you met me when I was in makeup. Like, you met me when I looked nice. So your full face. Yeah, your history doesn't prove that to be true. It's just a lot.

When you look in the mirror, do you find that you have to be critical to, like, keep up? like as if like me looking at my comedy routine like this isn't funny do you criticize to stay oh because are you hard on yourself i think i can be i think i you have to be honest with yourself too especially when your image is your work it's money yeah so you have to be honest and you have to think okay like if i'm gonna go i've been doing a little bit of acting this year and i've seen myself on screen and i would look to the left and i saw my neck was like so shady you'll see angles of your face you never knew you had and even my posture would be poor and I would see things like this and I would correct I'm like oh I have to I need to

practice this and I need to enunciate more it's it's more than just the hotness but even the way you carry your body and the way you sound it's true sex equals money so backtrack you meet dan what was his energy what was his vibes you know he's so chill he is well aware that he is like you know expert level in this simulation of life like he knows his position is he playing a character he's no he is the character which is it's very cool because he's very aware that he's in a lucky position he's aware of the jealousy that he receives and he's also aware um i probably shouldn't say this on his behalf but one of the things that kind of pains dan is he is a talented person and he is a smart person and he'll never receive credit because people are

like oh well you started so rich and you had this great life so he you know he has everyone has their own story and he has his yeah it's that like chip on your shoulder but it's like you can start on third base but they can still throw you out at home like it's not yeah he he has an unachievable standard you know like he's never going to be you know people judge him a lot it's cool it sounds like he you definitely saw his vulnerabilities and like you guys he definitely really opened up to you you were together yeah but with dan especially at the time he's not, he wasn't like a super monogamous boyfriend or anything like that. Yeah. He's more like a Hugh Hefner with like, you know, 10 girlfriends and he had his favorites and I was, you know,

Kendra for a few months. Oh my God. Kendra. We love Kendra. I, I know that like some guys I was friends with at the time followed him and he would go on these trips and he would like tag certain people and not other people. It seemed like kind of a power of like if you got the tag. Oh my God. Yeah, probably well when we met he told me straight up he said i'm going to make you internet famous and i laughed him off i'm like okay like what is that and at the time that wasn't a huge thing that you weren't making money from 15 yet we're not trying to age anyone but this was in the beginning of it all yeah and he was like um you know he told me that's what he was going to do and so he set me up on my first photo shoot he he let me meet this photographer who would end up creating a viral video that i did so

him posting me mixed with the viral video mixed with some press about us hanging out i had a million followers in six weeks shut the front door yeah crazy what do you think he liked about you i mean he definitely loved the boobs so that was a physical thing he loved but i think he loved you know i'm an authentic person and i think he is too and i think that authentic people can recognize each other right you're right and so yeah there is a lot of fake shit especially especially in a place like L.A. that is all about the external. Oh, my God. And everyone's just, like, dancing around trying to get attention at all times.

Well, everyone's probably trying to get his attention. All the time, yeah. So how do you think you, not that life is about trying to get that one guy's attention? Because it sounds like he naturally gravitated towards you. But what's like your move with dudes? Like, how do you... Well, the good news... Well, I guess it's worked in my favor, but it takes me a while to like someone.

So if I see some... So you're not, like, nervous. No, yeah, I can't. usually repulsed. Almost every guy I've ever liked, I've started at like, uh, and worked my way to, oh my God, I love them. I don't know. I'm not a very physical person and I'd like to think I'm not shallow. So I have no idea if I'm going to like you until we talk and you say that one. I'm so jealous. Right. Until you say that one amazing thing you think about your mom or you say this, you know, it's going to be something that triggers me that I go, wait, he might be special. I'm getting chills because I wish

I was like that because I love like the hottest, tallest, like, douchey guys. And I'm like sold. I fill in all the blanks that their mind is as beautiful as the outside. Oh, wow. And then it like is really bad. But it's funny how people would argue that I'm less about external stuff because like I don't, I like post tweets on my Instagram, but you have the exact opposite where you're like, I want a guy who I like how their mind works.

Holy fucking shit. But is it complicated when he doesn't, when he's immediately just like her tits are the greatest thing I've ever seen and you're trying to like him as a person. It's so funny. I mean, the people that it's worked out with have eventually seen me for who I am. Like, they get used to it. And the wrong people actually don't like who I am. The wrong people will actually wish I was more shallow or wish I was more docile, less opinionated, less bold, even less hardworking.

I think I've dated people who wished that I was a party girl and that was it. And I was just focused on the weekend ahead. So, you know, it's hard to find the right guy that appreciates. that, yeah, I looked like this, but I'm actually totally different than you probably thought. Well, there's a reason why, not to bring up thoughts, but there's a reason why you have, like, sustained your career and there has to be hard work behind it.

I mean, I'm good friends with Alex Cooper from Caller Daddy, who people love to just be like, she's a sex podcast, and I'm like, she's a genius. Yeah. And there's so much behind it. People don't just become that successful. But, and it sounds like dance saw something in you. He helped set you up.

how did that kind of you hit a million followers was that kind of what you wanted oh my god well at the time no because that had no value to me we at the time that wasn't a career to be had it meant nothing and it was very confusing because fuck these followers i'm deleting it well it was it was very confusing because i was 23 i just moved to l.a and i had all these people watching me and i had no direction i was like what the fuck am i for what what am i supposed to do with this and there's a lot of pressure and no help. I had no manager. I had no stage mom. And I really was just trying to figure out how to live in the city and pay my bill. So I was bartending with a million people following me, completely confused. And now, you know, kids on TikTok are people coming up. They have the blueprint

now. You can, you can see what we did and kind of copy. But I didn't have anyone to copy. So I spent the next two years just poor and like having people follow me and just figuring out L.A. and who I was. And then about three years in, I got a focus. Like, I realized what I wanted to do in life. Were you still with Dan at that time? No, we weren't. But we were good buddies. We're still good buddies. But yeah, I just like, I started reading books and I was like, what do you want to do in your whole life? Let's kind of focus on your message for life. And then everything can kind of follow around there. And now I kind of, I have some plans. So what is this like message and perspective that you kind of got. Okay, I read this book and it was about success principles and it said when you try

to develop, you know, your focus sentence in life, you take your two best qualities and you take the change you want to see in the world, like what you would love to see above all else if you could. And then you connect them with a verb, something that could conjoin the two adjectives that best describe you and the change you want to see. And I thought, you know, I have a lot of ambition and I'm quick-witted. And my dream in life would be to see people be nice to each other and not degrade each other, a less polarized world, to be honest, a world where we're just a little bit nicer to each other. We're all fucking human, you know? We can disagree, we can be whatever, but we don't have to minimize to body parts and gender and race and these horrible things

that humans do to each other. I think the world could be so much better than that. And I was like, how do I use those things? And I think entertainment was one. you know and so now i kind of have a plan so i use my sexy with a plan the fact that you love taking like your sexual energy and putting it in front of the camera is entertainment itself so tell me like what you're kind of manifesting for the future because you have this huge following which and this influence and now you're kind of like well what do i do with it yeah i think what i'd love to do is, you know, I invested in a women-owned business. Hell yeah. I'd like to, if I'm going to, you know, I just bought a house in Hollywood. I think I'm going to be here for a long time

and I've been acting a lot recently. And I think what I'd love to eventually do within the next 10 years is kind of figure out how to be involved in filmmaking. I don't necessarily have to be the actress and everything. Maybe I could be the producer. Maybe I could learn to write. And then that's how you make real change to be like a producer and hiring people you want and like getting the voices you want, and the narratives you want. A hundred percent. And I think what's really fun and difficult about my audience, so I have such a male audience. Yes.

A man who loves sexy, beer commercials, you know, that very classic. I'm a very, you know, classic kind of 80s hot. Your girl next store times a thousand. Yeah. Next door who grew up. Yeah. And I feel like that audience, if I would really love for that audience to learn. that women are multifaceted and we have we are complex and we're amazing and women are something

to be respected and treated well are you afraid if you post too many like opinionated things or like off-brand things you lose followers oh i know i lose followers but um do you almost kind of feel empowered by it though you're like yeah fuck you guys i think there's always a balance and i think that i like to retain i've always been the same girl on the internet like i'm still silly i'll post myself without makeup. I'll cry sometimes. I know it's embarrassing, but I have. I've been, when something really calls me to say something, I will, and I've been a very consistent tweeter, because I feel like that's the best place. See, I didn't know about this tweet game. You have Twitter. You know, I love Twitter. Yeah, I love Twitter. I mean, I don't get into it. I tweet and then I posted on my Instagram because

I'm scared of confrontation. Yeah. But what is, what's, what kind of shit are you doing on Twitter? I talk about everything, honestly, that's relevant within the news, a lot of feminism. I talk a lot about respecting women and gender bias, and I'm clever about it. I talk about it. I don't know. And I even shut down trolls. Do you love that it's not your photo in it there? So it's like, you're just talking.

And there's like a little image, but it's not based on your looks. I think so. I do. I like it. Well, this is the thing, because I have a primarily female audience, which I think they're going to fucking love you. Oh, my God. But I do think you have this male audience, and it's almost like powerful.

like wait I have their attention what do I want to tell them and I don't want to turn them off because you don't want a sensitive little bitches but I want them to hear me and not think I'm like attacking them like a feminist riot exactly but also my whole thing with feminism I love to tell guys like look I don't think men and women are equal right I think they should have equal opportunity yeah you could take that in any way when I say I don't think men and women are equal it's because I think women are incredible at certain things that men are shitty at and then my be like better at other things we're not the same yeah we're not trying to say we're equal to you yeah but we want equal opportunity yeah and i think that any man has to agree with that or then it's like

what what you're afraid if we get the similar opportunities we're going to blow you out the water like what are you afraid of exactly and then like do you want to be first place because you cheated you're a cheater first place which they can do yeah let's fight fair and i think the world really suffers when you don't have the appropriate people in the appropriate positions. So I think there are women who are natural-born leaders and powerful and innovative and incredible. And I think sometimes they miss out on the roles that are meant for them. Do you remember recently they had some flight to the moon or some shit? They had a flight to Mars and they had this lady who's like in her 80s or 90s and they said she outscored all the men in her class in NASA and she did all this stuff and now she's

going. And it was this heartfelt story about now she's going and all I could think of was our world has missed out on fucking 60 years of her probably being in charge what could she have brought to us She sounds like a genius Yeah, us as a species or even any kind of science Like it's funny

We lose when we don't let the right people Be in the positions they're supposed to be in A lot of time in history A lot of women Especially lesbians I feel like Have been able to be really successful Because they don't care about the male gays So they'll be able to stand up

And do whatever they want Like I think of like Billy Jean King with tennis She was just like I don't give a fuck about these men liking me like I'm just doing my thing but it's funny because you have the male gaze yeah and then it's like what do you what can we do with it yeah what can we do with it guys yeah help me guys but I also I want to know from you like were you bullied when you were younger at all or are that where's yeah I think I still am no I think what's funny everyone thinks when you grow up you stop being bullied it's the same exact thing but no I was always um

You know, I always thought differently. I was always kind of, I really always thought I could, like, do stuff. I thought that I was a dreamer. I'd always been a dreamer. And I think people loved to put that down. Yeah. When I was in my early college years, people would ask me, you know, I'd say, oh, I want a model. I want to do this.

And they were like, ha, ha, yeah, right. You can't do any of these things that you think you can do. And I can. I can do all of them. How does your family support you? They're really nice. I think, you know, my parents and I, I don't have like helicopter parents.

They're also not from abundantly, like, wealthy backgrounds. They're from very poor Louisiana families. Their first generation middle class. So my family is like, my parents are the first people to work their way out of poverty. Wow. So my background, I'm completely, I don't know what it's like to grow up rich. And I don't even know what it's like to grow up around rich people. That's very foreign to me.

But it's funny because L.A. is just like, show me the money. So many rich kids. I have so many trust fund. kid friends and it's very interesting to think about our life experiences and Ellie is interesting because I feel like once you have a certain follower count you get to a certain like social hierarchy or like honestly being rich is complicated why well it's like once it's like you don't even know what to do with the money or like or what to spend it on like I'm very cheap and I started making money when I got on TV and I literally didn't know how to do it I still have like kind of the poor mindset where I'm you have to

read secrets of the millionaire mind. Secrets. Look at this bitch with her books. You have to read it. It's really great. And if anyone is listening, everyone should read this book because you reframe your money blueprint. Everyone's brain needs to be wired to be wealthy before you should get wealthy. I highly recommend. Is there any kind of main thing to pull from it? The main thing to pull from it is actually that a lot of us have negative thoughts when it comes to wealth that we've never really worked. Even how our parents would say money doesn't

grow on trees. Yeah. These kind of repetitive. thoughts or even we assume rich people are greedy and even we have poor thoughts about um money being abundant yes we need to work on like scarcity stuff but this book really helps you break down wait rich people aren't bad and i deserve to be wealthy and i can do good if i am and it helps you reframe your mindset and um determine your own value in your head because i get guilt from spending but then i'm like then why am i working my ass off but then if you can quickly spend too much it's very almost easy once you get to a certain level because there's so many bills that comes with buying something expensive. So, oh, look, just manifesting money. How's your mental health? Do you have

anxiety? Oh my gosh, yes. I mean, I wake up so stressed out. Oh, do you get morning anxiety? Yeah, I heard that our cortisol is high in the morning. I have the worst morning anxiety. It takes me like four hours to like, and then I'm like, oh, the day's almost over. Thank God. And then I'm like, is this how life is supposed to be lived? Right. No, it's, I'm so stressed out a lot. I actually lost. a ton of weight I feel like within the last year just from being stressed out but yeah but but I do think overall my mental health is pretty positive I'm good at um I'm good at surviving when I'm suffering so I've suffered very hard before and I know that it's temporary and I know that it's a wave and I just have to survive the day the minute the hour and so I have good coping techniques I think

that's very very important i'm doing this new thing where when something bad happens to me i'm like plot twist and like it makes my life just more interesting that's hilarious i think it's true like part of life is the ups and downs like think of any energy think of wind wind doesn't just go one direction and like we are that kind of energy and unfortunately some of the most painful experiences we have will end up being the best things for us and we really have i don't know because i think you're right it's so true especially i'm a tourist we're very stubborn so i have to learn something's really hard and really painfully up your ass to like change paths oh i've had my ass whooped no i've definitely been taught very painful lessons i'm always learning though and i'm always trying to improve so what you're

saying is you go to l.A you get a million followers it seems like a dream like literally a dream and then it hasn't been all smooth sailing in the last decade no no you know i'm a very independent person So I don't have the stage mom. I don't have the parents up my ass. I don't have a husband or this long-term lover. So I've been, you know, a young woman in her 20s, kind of doing a career that didn't exist before. I'm figuring everything out and I'm faced with a ton of rejection. Abuse.

You know, I've been hacked on a very crazy scale. I've just, you know, I've tackled life with some balls and alone. And it's not easy. And also I have the stand-up joke where I'm like, oh, I'm not scared of getting fine lines because like men might not notice me anymore. Like I'd love for men not to notice me like to walk home at night and be free. Yeah. Or like to be unkidnappable like that age.

But I feel like there's. Yeah, no such thing. I almost love to like be ugly sometimes to feel like I'm not sexualized. And I feel like you, it's a lot of pressure to always be sexualized. Yeah. And also I can't imagine the industry, the sex industry that is probably dominated by men or at least men are in charge, if I'm right. Have you learned to like be assertive and stand up for yourself and give boundaries?

Because that, because I'm bad at boundaries and I'm scared of this. You know what's crazy? I might, I don't know. I think now, maybe when I was younger, I don't know probably how I would have behaved did shoots. I was probably more go with the flow. I probably was definitely a pick me kind of girl back in the day. And now, I mean, I'm so bold. You can't even say something that's off putting and I'm not going to clock it. And also, I have a lot to, I have a lot of leverage now. So if someone does something crazy to me, you think I can't just go tell 13 million people like that. So what are you

going to do? So there's a lot of power, I think, and a lot of followers, because I can be like, hey and not only that but they trust me because they know they should so if i tell someone that someone has done something foul or crazy it's true but that should happen to you hasn't it i don't know i don't really have a time i mean i don't know but i don't think i have a lot of horror stories okay good with with the industry type stuff or with photo shoot type stuff no that i can recall well you're still in it and you're thriving do how do you say yes or no to things man i'm really stubborn So I'm almost always no, forever. And then eventually I'm like, okay, and then I do something.

And I should have said yes in the beginning. I'm very stubborn. It's funny because I say yes to everything. Really? But it's bad. Like, I need to not. It's so hard. And it's really hard.

You know, I just, even last weekend, someone called me and they said, come film a movie. I have this role for you in a film, in a movie. And I'm acting right now. So you want to take everything you can get. But I'm like, okay, well, what does she say? What's her character? How many lines do I have? What's your motive?

Yeah. was your motive and I'm like you know what I'm I don't need to come be the extra for three lines in this film I don't care who's attached like you either need to get me money to make it worthwhile or give me something that I can put on a resume yeah so now I'm getting to that stage so I'm learning to say no and I do think when you say no to things that you are better for better than the good stuff starts rolling in you have to show the universe that you know better and then the good stuff starts okay that's fucking powerful because it's almost like if you say if you think you're worth that and you say yes to things of what you think you're worth then the universe is like

okay then we'll keep giving you that shit but it is hard to say no like as in phomo but i think it's because you deep down actually know your value and your time and your body um when because how is what is dating like when like a guy can go online and see all your bikini photos and like how gorgeous you are is it weird or is that just all you know god i don't even know so well what's crazy about me is I'm usually like in a relationship I've been in relationships you're monogamous type yes for so long and I broke up with an ex a year ago congrats thank you it was a great decision but so this past year I've been very single and I don't think the bikini stuff I think that helps you get in the door I think definitely people

think it's cool but yeah um you know dating sucks for everyone you heard it first Lindsay says dating sucks and I will tell you the more beautiful you are the more successful you are the funnier you are the kinder is kinder a word the kindest the most kind that you are whatever um a lot of people will punish you for that they they they have a facade and they think that yours is going to fall off and when they realize yours isn't a facade they will punish you for that especially as a woman so i've been punished a lot and i really have to look out for people who will eventually punish me as in like the guy is like oh wait, you actually have a heart, and then, dude, I think that happened to me.

Yes. I'm like, looking back, I'm like, wait a second. It's almost like, oh, I thought we were in this together, and then they turn on you. Yes, I really do think that. I dealt with that on a public scale, too. Fuck that. Oh, my God. I'm having an aha moment.

Right. You really have to watch out for people who will punish you. Especially in the industry where it's like, oh, we're in this together, but we're not. And what I've learned, too, with being 30 and still single and dating is, um, you're If someone's insecure within themselves, they're more likely to cheat than someone who's had a plethora of opportunity for a lifetime. So if someone has been with whoever they want, had a lot of attention for a lifetime or like felt great about themselves for an extended period of time, they're not going to cheat on you like the person who is newly successful or newly hotter. And I think with internet and dating, a lot of people have all these like new opportunities that they've never had. And so they're in the mood to cheat because they haven't had that for 10 years.

that's amazing because people will be like like you feel like you're not good enough because the guy cheated on you it's like no he's not good enough that's why you see the grossest dudes cheat on the most beautiful women because it's their own insecurities have you been cheated on well i guess so i guess i mean absolutely i have it i mean at least at some points um what's interesting though is like when you know throughout dating just this past year i've ended things because someone had um sort of emotional cheating like if someone spent time with a friend that seemed inappropriate I'd be by um you know I just I don't even get to the part where they can cheat because I'm like what like what I'm learning now is to end things when my gut feels off yes and who cares what they say fast yeah your gut knows at first sometimes like I have trouble being like is this just relationship anxiety like am I just being insecure but it's like we have these fucking maternal instincts that are like this guys we're not safe with this person yeah like we cannot create a home with this person. And you're right. You have to listen to it. So I feel like you're fun. Like when I say fun, like I feel like you're you're going out. You're doing fun things. Do you like going out in L.A.? Do you like

partying? Like I do love to have a good time. And I love, I love an after party. And you're from Louisiana. So I feel like Southern people are so good at being fun. You're goddamn right. No, I love. They know how to drink. They know good, good, just like little conversation that makes everyone smile. We let the good times roll. And that's, and that's sucks about being you know when you when you're a passionate person when you party you're the like like you really like to party like I'm not going to go out for an hour and be quiet and then go home I'm going to party until I can't and then I'm going to go home and be hung over as fuck for way too long do guys talk to your bars sometimes what sometimes are mean sometimes they come up just to neg me and be mean oh oh a lot are very mean it's very rare someone genuine and and nice comes up

so insecure they like they like feel like you're going to reject them so they go to reject you first and you're like yeah i'm trying to just have a nice night sir you know what what kills me a lot of times too i get a lot of this um this happened to me last week when there's a couple the guy starts talking shit about me to the girlfriend to be like oh i would never be without or no like that is one of my biggest pet peeves because in front of you in front of me and a part of me is like, I love that you're telling this lie to her because this is great. I want you to, I want you to make her feel comfortable, like, whatever that takes. But like, spare me a little because I can fucking hear you. But also, you're a human. Yeah. You're not a character.

Yeah. Could you be quiet about it? I love what you're doing, but do it over there. You're not a blow up doll and the staring and stuff. I had a, um, I actually see a Rakey lady, an energy healer. And she told me that I have swan energy. And she said a swan was an ugly duckling. and when they look in the pond, they see an ugly duckling. They don't see the beautiful swan that they are. So they're very confused about how people treat them because they don't see themselves the way people see you. And I feel like that's completely accurate.

Like I do not understand honestly the hype around how I look. I know I look okay. Like I know work at it, but I don't see it. I don't see what people are seeing, you know? Were you ugly as a kid? Oh my God, it's so awkward. I had like brushing brows, big glass. big glasses and honestly glasses really pissed me off as a child four eye four eyes yeah kids are so

mean yeah and I wanted to be beautiful forever and I the glasses really fucked me up I swear to God did you have like family members who were pretty or like or like friends who you were pretty no one no one abundantly but no one I could remember but I was always jealous I love I thought beautiful women I just admired them the way they were treated on TV even on Marty draw parades where people would throw beads. I would see how the girls who were pretty would get all these beads. And I guess all that stuck in my brain. I've been joking about pretty privilege on stage and how like squirrels. Everyone's like, oh my God, they're so cute. And rats, people like, they're disgusting. And like squirrels just have a blowout on their tail. Oh my God. It's true.

It's true. And beauty, I will tell everyone, beauty, especially nowadays is just how much are you willing to invest in the way you look because there's so many ways for people to be beautiful. Gosh, wait, I love how honest you are about this in terms of New York is a little different, but I'm not going to say it's that term, but L.A., they are, I saw like a photo and someone's like, yeah, this person invested like $400,000 into their face. And where is the boundaries for you? You know, for me, I obviously would never want to do something that I thought was for the benefit of only other people. Like, I would only want to do something that made me feel better. about myself

or something like if I was uncomfortable with something I wanted to change. Also by the way, your face moves. Thanks. It doesn't look like you have. No, it's pretty normal. Like, I'm not sitting here being like,

what did you do? I look so, I really kind of look like a kid. Like I don't look like. You're like like a child bride. I didn't really do. No. But do you feel pressure. Like, I can't imagine the people

that are in your DMs being like, hey, we could do this for free. We could do this for free. Because that's where I first got my offers where people are just like, I mean, it's free. You know what? I think it's so interesting because my boobs I think about all the time, right?

Because I'm pretty popular because of them. They're like a huge reason. And they're real. They're real. And so I'm 30. So I'm coming to the point where, you know, they're not always going to be as high as they were. They might lose elasticity. Would I ever get fake boobs?

Would I lift them? Would I do something? And I wouldn't. I don't. I think the kind of beauty that I want to be, I don't think I need. need anything else to be honest and that's not coming from like an ego place it's just I'm not interested in that and I think when people go so overboard as we have as a society it makes it even more interesting to be not that well I mean I think aging gracefully is a beautiful thing people are so

scared of aging we're both turned 30 so we're having like it's funny you're like how you doing I'm I know I'm good the ground's still there I was like are you okay especially well my thing is I joked but I'm like okay comedy like my comedy career started to do well and I'm like fuck like like you know Whitney commies Nikki Glazer they're like mid mid 30s and I'm like okay well I so I've like five years and then I'm like and then am I like still I guess I'm not like the hot girl anymore in my 40s which is like fucking crazy crazy but then like I have a really hot grandma she's like 80 and she's gorgeous like sexy I'll show you oh my god you have to follow her she would die but um she has this just way she carries herself

and she only wears high heels. Nana still got it is her Instagram. She shows her shoulders. She's just so fucking sexy. But I, so I like to say in my jeans, like I feel like it's also people don't remember what you look like. They remember how you make them feel.

Yeah. Is what I like to tell myself. And if you could like show people how you are legitimately aging and love yourself, like, because it gets to a point where some people get embarrassing. I'm like, stop, let's stop fighting. Let's stop because you're losing the war. Yeah. And now, like, you're not even yourself anymore.

That's why I think being honest about your age is smart, too, because you don't want to be lying about your age and then look kind of, you know, much older than you should be. And I can tell you as, you know, an Instagram chick. Yeah. I know all the other ones, a lot have been lying for a very long time. I know a lot of people in their, you know, mid to later 30s that online on Wikipedia, it says 24.

It says younger than me. And look, I'm not going to out them because that's effed up. But this is good for people to understand, like, what's really happening in the world. And it was, it's helpful for me because knowing that I know how old they really are and I see the way people buy it, it makes me think, oh, well, the number doesn't fucking matter. And it's the same with film. I mean, remember like Greece, they had, you know, mature people playing 16 year olds. So it's like, I think the internet's really shocked now. They go, oh, you're 30. This is what 30 is. And I think it's just because the media hasn't shown you, especially for women, what we actually look like. How is your relationship with kind of, like photos online and like filters versus you in real life like how are you with the editing and stuff because that could be a mental health kind of war that girls are playing with themselves i love i mean i love a good filter um every now and then i like to check myself and do none and i post videos a lot so i like for people to know that i'm not totally faking it they get energy from

it like they don't they're not just like oh that's where her face looks they hear your voice to see or you carry yourself they see what you're talking about i think you know filters they're kind of a double-edged sword. I think everyone, I think everyone should feel beautiful and whatever that takes. However you wanna present yourself to the world, like I'm down. And a lot of people criticize women

for using editing and filters now, but I mean the guy on the Wheaties box was, he was buffed up too. And like people have been shining on magazine covers for a lifetime. And if you think that A-lister's deserve like grade A editing and you don't, I'm here to tell you, you do.

You deserve every ounce that they have and they have sold you for a lifetime. So in my opinion, catfish them all. I do not, you know, I think everyone deserves to feel good. And, yeah, I think, you know, I think that people are more rational than we realize. I think people say, you know, young girls are, they're so influenced by filters and they're so influenced by this. No, they're influenced by criticism. And they're influenced by dehumanization and degradation.

I think that young women are smart enough to determine the difference between a dog-eared filter. and pores on the skin. Women are much smarter than, you know, we've been giving credit for. Do you find also a double-edged sword in terms of like you making money versus when you feel like you're degrading yourself? I don't ever feel like I'm degrading myself.

I respect myself. My body is mine and my wardrobe is mine and my posts are mine. I mean, I would never degrading myself. You don't do things that you're uncomfortable with. No. I empower my, you know, empowering myself. I support myself.

I pay for my life. You know, I'm an educated person. I have a nice career. I just don't think it's degrading to have bodily autonomy and freedom of wardrobe. I actually think it's disgusting that we live in a country where young girls can show their shoulders at school. They have to kneel on the ground to prove to the school that their skirt is long enough. If anything, I think me wearing whatever the fuck I want is the smartest thing I could be doing you know also I apologize I apologize for even asking that yeah because in my head I'm thinking

like oh like what's a good question but like nothing that you've ever done is degrading and it's funny because at first I'm like oh has she been done fucked out photo shoes is she like forced to do and I'm like it's a narrative that like you have in your head yeah and I apologize for asking you that's okay and I do think also sex well I'm saying sex work but in terms of like you've you said like only fans you're crushing it can you give like the girls a little strategy or like how it works on that scene like it's kind of like you give them like just like more content yeah i think i mean i think if anyone wants to do it the smartest thing to do is go follow the girls that you like online and go kind of study their blueprint i think there's it's it's free or it might be paid but maybe

you pay someone's subscription fee and go see how they post and caption but basically it's kind of like a Facebook or Instagram more personalized. So there's a lot of messaging back and forth and people ask for custom content. And yes, there's a lot more of, I mean, I've learned so much about people's fetishes and dirty talk and all this stuff. And, you know, I'm definitely, you know, I don't do adult erotic stuff. But you can say I'm sexy work or like sex work adjacent in some way. I'm certainly on a platform.

Well, some people are more turned on by like a launderation. shot than like expose vulva yeah like the cocktail waitress of the strip club and not the stripper exactly yeah but it's funny because yeah i'm so spermish or squeamish whatever the word is when it comes to being like sexy with my body online but i'm the i will like do a fart joke where like some people would never do a fart joke in front of 500 people like talking about farting when a guy went down on them we're like we're like me like posting a lingerie shot and like and like and um and I think it's because oh fuck now I'm gonna have to unpack my own shit I'll work on that um but I also heard of like people who are doing just foot photos and they're making tons of money and I'm just like

that shit is so smart yeah you know what I really enjoy it like do you you fucking love knowing that men fantasize about you it's totally just you know I don't know I was put on this earth to do exactly what I'm doing it's really um I've never you know I didn't I don't know how I got here okay like I don't know I think I'm in a simulation that's if you want my like religious take I think that I'm here in a computer simulation so I'm here to play this character I was given the Lindsay role and you know there was there's just no question about I have no question that I'm not supposed to be a doctor and I'm not supposed to be an attorney I'm supposed to do exactly what this is so there's really not a lot of back and forth about it feeling weird because I'm meant for whatever

this is I'm still trying to figure out the end but it's funny because people say same things they're like, how do you public speak in front of 400 people? And I'm like, that's what I was put on this earth to do. I've never questioned it. The first time I did it, I was like, this is right. And I'm like, how do you take photos in a bikini and like love it? You know, it's crazy back in the MySpace days before I was even an adult. I would get disposable cameras and take photos of myself.

And I would get them put on a disc at Walgreens. And I'd upload them through my fucking Dell. And then I'd put them on MySpace. I was so into it way back then. it's just like how I love to be like these are like my jokes everyone like them you're like these this is my body of work yeah and I know it sounds stupid but you know when I work to hooters of course I worked to hooters I would study the calendar that would come out every year and I'd practice the faces you can I would go in the mirror at home and I do an a E I oh you it'd be like you

know to get the hooter expression and I would like study the backgrounds of their photos and the water on their skin and now I produce a calendar every year that I sell internationally and I I've I've been studying this for since then and I know it seems bizarre but I love I was so obsessed with this stereotypes that come though with being like the hot blonde like like being dumb yeah how much does that bother you or you don't care it's so fucking annoying because I feel like if blonde means stupid and a slutty then a guy with a beard and a deep voice means powerful and intelligent and sometimes I feel like we are backward where I and powerful and intelligent and they are stupid and slutty and it pisses me off to see kind of the

world give the respect to the wrong crowd yes and i'm like i i don't know a lot of bearded men who are fucking stupid dude and and especially if they have a deep voice like people follow them like they're a cult leader and i'm like this person isn't even saying anything profound they're actually border borderline like incorrect and so stupid and you just like you they love that guy and i'm like i don't no do you ever deal with depression yes are you more with such a smile i'm way too comfortable i'm way too comfortable with this i'm like yeah depression party suppression nap no yes are you more depression than anxiety yes oh same yes well i'm probably like equal um explain man i've definitely i don't know where it comes from or i think i think people who are very deep thinkers um and people who know too much can be pretty

yourself in a whole spiral. Yeah. I just, I don't know. I've definitely had, you know, some tough times. Yeah. I, um, do you, how do you deal with, um, men judging your body all day? Could care less. You know, I could care less. I mean, the criticism I've had since such a younger age. Like, I was put on blogs before I was a model, actually. I had people uploading photos of me with the big boobs on the internet to criticize and judge. This is before like slut shaming was a word. So I've already been bullied and picked apart And before I ever made a dollar from being pretty So like I said, like this was just kind of my lot in life

Like I'm so used to it And I also, as much as I wish people would be nice to me I understand that people are doing the best with their equipment Like this is where how their brain works If it's easier to put me in the box of stupid and slutty Because it makes their life easier I'll be cool with that Like go make your life easier

You can think about me whatever you want It's not going to stop me it's not going to bother me it's crazy how much hate you get from how you look yeah like just existing yeah and i mean it gets worse like you're not fucking their boyfriend yeah it's crazy and it gets worse it gets worse when when they do find out maybe you're smart or like maybe you're better in business um that can really set them off because they want to put you in a box yeah and when you don't fan the box all their wires get crossed and they're like and i don't know i am like talking you today obviously i knew coming in you were going to be fun and cool because we have mutual friend

but um i you don't get where you are by having nice just having nice tits thank you so much i agree because i know a lot of girls with nice tits who are of course stupid no of course yes it's been no but just it takes so much and And are you naturally a brunette? Yes, super dark hair. Have you ever thought going brunette? No, I just don't identify as a brunette. I love brunettes.

I think they're beautiful. A lot of people are like, oh, I feel like me with this color hair. Yep, it's like, it's meant to be. Which makes sense. But I would go like a darker shade of blonde. I feel like blonde can have a lot of variety. But brown is just, it's just not my thing. Have you ever like let yourself go for like six months and just like ate everything in sight?

God, I wish. What's crazy is if I'm bummed out, I don't eat. You don't eat, yeah. Which again, like that's, that gets me scared. Like, I look in the mirror and I'm like, I don't look skinny. I look malnourish like someone who's not. I feel that way now. Yeah.

I feel like I'm in such that phase. Well, thank God your tits day. I mean, they're not the best they've ever been. But we're pulling it off. They're not the voluptuous. No, they're not. They would look much better, 10 pounds heavier, but you know, I'm just going to ride the wave. I'm sorry for that.

We are going to end with a final game. You're doing amazing in hell. Okay. the seven deadly sins i'm scared seven deadly sins what are you greedy about wow i think i just burp did you hear that no i just want to go oh okay what am i greedy about um

the immediate answer is just like like love from other people maybe i'd be greedy about like if i was in love i'd be greedy about someone's attention has it been hard in relationships guys getting jealous that like so many people want to fuck you no but I have had some be mad that I wouldn't post them oh yeah well maybe they're like yeah and honestly they were in the right you know what if I really like them career over them I didn't like them as much as I I broke up them as much as the 100,000 followers you might lose well yeah and you should want to scream who you love from the rooftops and I didn't and so I ended that relationship but it's true I don't think if it hurts someone to be private about a relationship, you're probably not in the

relationship. Agreed. I once didn't post a guy and I really liked him. But deep down, I knew it wasn't going to last and I didn't want to have to explain it to Instagram. Yeah. We were like going to a wedding and shit and I was like, once I post it, then when it eventually ends, I have to deal with them. I mean, I've had people in my, I had, God, this was so annoying. I was out with a friend and someone DM my friend and goes, get Justin Bobby's cell phone number from her asking for my ex-boyfriend's number through the friend with me so that's a bad problem too i didn't i forgot you were with just and bobby because it's so funny because i was with this guy in a reality show that everyone was making fun of that he was like just and bobby i saw it and i'm so

sorry and just oh my god i think uh yeah i know no thank you the original we're talking about being in hell i just have to say guys who were too many accessories what do you hide in what are you overcompensating for guys who wear rings i've i've never had a good experience with wow i've never put too there's something about rings there's something about guys who wear so many rings and i'm like why wow i really feel like i need to write that they're either really freaky in bed or they're really freaky in their head and not in the right freaky but um beautiful eyes they always have beautiful eyes what is it like having these i'm asking these like public relationships and then people have all these opinions based on what they think that

people are and they don't know them at all well one of them i actually had to i was speaking with a therapist because i'm like i want to out this person tell them everything they did i have this desire to correct the story same ziz and my therapist taught me that that was ego based so yeah it's rough But once you learn that it's only your ego, that, you know, getting the story right only serves your ego, it helped free me from wanting to do that. Oh my gosh. When you, because it almost, you almost attach from it when you go, that's my ego and then you don't feel as hurt. Like even looking at comments, even like that's ego based to get that like high. And but I feel like you knowing deep down reality is actually like so much more powerful than like, okay, like a couple thousand people on the inner.

not feel a type of way about something yeah and they got it wrong this time and i think karma like will reward us in the simulation we're in yes karma is gonna hit karma's hitting pretty fast it yeah i think so too i think not not stooping to my own like ego-based desires will pay off yes and also sometimes with exes like i don't want anything bad to happen to my exes i'm just thankful that i learned from it and now i don't have to be a part of it anymore 100% you know what I mean. Like I really hope that they find love and I really hope that they find happiness because then less people will go through what I went through. And you know that they're at home like they have a hex on us and like a they have like a devil. They have a voodoo doll of us. It's fucking crazy. They do not

feel the same. It's crazy. I really. I know. But like if you were oh my God, there's never two people wishing life like that. There's always us being like yeah. I hope they're always the vocal ones being like I wish the best for them. I'm like, okay. They're stabbing the voodoo doll right now. that's why you did what you did what the fuck are your dms like you know they're pretty dry lately i even i'm like damn they must have all gone to raya i don't use raya i haven't yet but i might have to eventually i was on it for a second for me it was a lot of like like skinny djs that weren't really my thing or like producers or like i mean it's probably just l a yeah like what going out so bar in l a i dms are interesting because

yeah it's a whole art form of like things going on in the down low especially with like once a guy's verified yeah you can say you must have you must have can you write a book did you write a book yet i will okay i've started i'm not enough for you please right oh yeah i love that please right ooh the tea i do have some tea who are you envious of oh oh um people and i like influential like powerful women i'd say um envious who am i super jealous of I mean the thing is I really admire these people I'm fully fan I'm I'm a fan of it's a very thin line between yeah envy and admiration admiration I truly am just full of admiration like so jealous man I've really well Kim Kardashian is a great example and I think

she's one of those people that people love to shit on and people love to be like she's steeped with no talent which makes me like her even more I love that I like I just I love that people can't stand her for nonsensical reasons i just makes me like her more when she was on s and l i was like please do not bomb please do not bomb like for hot girls everywhere like get this right kim and she killed it and i feel like everyone who like not you don't have to be a fan but like are aware of her you know that she got where she is because she can laugh at herself and she's a great personality she's a fucking tv show yeah you don't have a tv show for that many seasons about having like a great sense of humor no and being smart she fucking crushed s&L yeah so much respect for that and you know living in the public

how difficult it is emotionally for her to just she never disappears this bitch is just back at it every day hotter than ever yeah it's just impressive and i i i do like even though the body was paid for in a lot of ways that we've normalized different forms of bodies yeah you know like that doesn't just have to be like stick skinny six-foot model what are you gluttonous about so what do you overindulge in what's your guilty pleasure reality tv i love bravo Did you watch Summer House? I fucking love Summer House. You guys killed it.

You're so funny. I love Summer House because it's like, it's like 30-somethings who actually have jobs and not just, it wasn't so, it's not so produced. It's like real people having fun. It's what my life I feel like looks more like than other shows. It's interesting because, yeah, like we weren't just like people who wanted to be actors. Yeah. It was like they really picked us out of our like normal lives.

Yeah. And threw us in. Yeah. No one's personality has like changed our life. I really enjoy the show. But, you know, it's so funny. I love Bravo so much. And I think just through living here, I've, like, scammed my way.

Like, I was on an episode of the New Jersey one. So I met, like, all those people. Aren't they great? The New Jersey ladies? They're hilarious. Oh, my God. Teresa threw a glass, like, in a trash can. I was like, ah, it's on.

She threw a glass in the trash can. And so for me, it's like, this is like, man, I could, like, check that off my, like, to watch a fight. And then I was in Erica Jane's music video. Oh, cool. Expensive, which is very interesting. And you know the Vanderpump people. I might, I may this season.

Well, you, I might have scammed my way somewhere. But it's very fun. And I feel like, you know, a lot of the Vanderpump people, they're around town too. Oh, yeah. Sheena's so great. Sheena's one of the kindest people I've ever met. Dolores loves Tosh, my dog. Dolores is the sweetest.

Hot A.F, too. God, I hope she. I hope she gets the finest man alive because she deserves it. And she has a heart of golds. Yeah. It's, I feel like, we're just talking Bravo conspiracy theories,

but her and Frank have this special thing. And I feel like until you like fully close a door, a new one can't open, that's like, and like we love Frank and she loves Frank. Yeah. But she knows that he's bad news, but like I kind of think she needs to get some separation.

Ooh. Yeah, I feel that. yelling at people's lives. But it's like, you know when you'll meet someone, they're like, oh, I'm single, whatever.

And it's like, yeah, well, I've been talking my ex for the last 10 years. like yeah that's why she's Courtney and Scotting a little bit is that what you think because you're right yeah you're right maybe that's it oh my god I can't wait for Dolores to find her cravis my god just like fucking necking this guy in the middle of new jersey oh okay well was last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger wrath like do you have an angry side to you a little blonde bombshell god people think that I'm like so mean when I'm firm or bold about something because they don't

expect it yeah they think I'm like the devil when I just, like, stand up for myself. But the last time I was... Same, actually. Right? That's what sucks about. God forbid a woman is like a little angry and they're like, she's insane.

Yeah. But, like, guys could just yell around being anger all the time. They're like, so powerful. They're like, what a bitch. And I'm like, I literally just said that you're overpaid and you're not doing anything, you know? Is that really bitchy or...

Good for you. Is that truth? But a wrath or anger. Damn, I really can't think of it. I've actually been working on being more stoic. So... Ooh, what is that? What does that entail?

It really just means remaining calm and having like inner peace to where outside forces can't, they're not going to make you act out and act crazy. Less reactionary. Yeah, kind of. There's this book The Daily Stoic. I read it every day. It's just about remaining a little bit smooth. Okay, we didn't realize that she is a full book nerd.

I know, I am. Well, just with the pandemic, I started reading. I'm highly educated. Books change your life. I swear to God, books. change your life if you're feeling sad or down like the i think books are magic i don't know why or how you get to feel like what it's like being in someone else's head for a second it's wilds me that you have have you not done reality tv so crazy i've done um maybe four pilots four pretty serious pilots

serious networks things that have never come all the way into fruition yeah i appeared on famously single with my ex and i appeared on the hills with my other ex but yeah i've had so much many reality opportunities but now it's kind of like I don't want to I think I'm good I'm happy they didn't stick honestly explain I just you know as you know you have no power in the editing and I think that I really think reality TV isn't telling truthful stories anymore and they're missing out on the good stories while trying to manufacture the story they want told and I really think they're missing the good stuff I really do like my last season there was an actual story that wasn't told that actually would have been so much more powerful but instead it was just like crazy

Hannah when it's like believe me all my reactions were extremely legitimate to what I was reacting to and by the way for anyone listening and I'm sure just in life I mean the things that reality TV stars have gone through having the world dissect portions of your life that have been manipulated to get the most attention and the biggest reactions like you deserve a ton of credit it's also crazy that you are so aware of that that yeah like what's what's a way more interesting story girls fighting than like yeah what's really happening like they they twist it also with like the misogyny in mind of like oh what do they think middle america wants to see they don't want to root for the strong girl yeah and it's like why are we Disney in the 1800s right now yeah like so many like even i'm gonna call

out Vanderpump, like pretending Sheena is just boy crazy and these, she's like begging these guys to be with her. I hate the Sheena takes. She is gorgeous. I hate the Sheena takes. They didn't show like that Adam like chased the fuck out of her and took her on all these dates and that Rob loved her. I, I, that kills me. I think that she made it look and I know, I know what really happened. And they just make it look like Sheena's like humping this guy's leg for no reason. It's like, believe me, which guy decided this. It makes you think that whoever is doing the show is jealous of her too and you know guys especially if you if you get wrapped up in a lot of bad guys a lot of times bad guys are seeking out powerful strong women they don't get they don't get a high off of like

dominating a doormat you know they get a high off i read that narcissists go for powerful strong women because it's like it's a real badge of honor i was like holy fuck this makes so much sense in my life and and when you look at sheena sheena is very entrepreneurial hardworking very independent like a boss and i and i know with a warm heart, which I think a lot of people don't have. She has a warm heart that you can feel and see. She's quite trusting in that like she'll love you until you show her something wrong. So I could see with especially a lot of guys, her just being like, okay, cool. I'll be, I'll give you my whole heart and be so kind to you. Which is like the most amazing, amazing character trait to have. I totally agree with like

the wrong projection of the show. I totally get it. But I love that there were probably moments that you were like, fuck I've done all these pilots like I'm missing all these opportunities but it's so right because now you control your narrative and you don't feel dependent or like stuck to a network to feel worthy or to feel um relevant yeah I just think I'm happy that ship has totally sailed I think I hope it's totally sailed it's all for me baby it would be too stressful yeah you did amazing oh thank you babe I got engaged and I I realized like where my joy is, which was like creating and making people laugh and I didn't fit into like the reality TV molds that I was being pushed into. But I was very fortunate for it to put me on a path

where I could be sitting here with you. And you're like, oh, I love the show. Yeah. Like it makes me happy because I loved the show too. And it's going to be a part of your career history, but like that's not going to be like the biggest Hannah Burner thing you know. It's going to be like, you're going to have like a long career and you're going to be like, oh yeah, remember when she did that? But like you're going to have so many bigger things that that's going to be a blip. And for some people, that will be their whole thing. And for you, that's just going to be a blip on a long path of dope shit. Thank you. And that's why I love kind of your perspective where I feel like you have multiple sources of income. You have different things that you're working on. Some things fall through. Some things don't. And early on

the podcast, you were like some of your hardest times are what you need to level up. And sometimes the universe is like, get the fuck out of this. Whether it's a bad relationship, a bad job. It takes a lot of balls to walk away from like a reality show too. Just like the attention and the opera, it takes, it really does take a lot of balls. Yeah, you get this like immediate high of like easy followers and attention. But yeah, there are two sides to a lot of things. When is the last time you were a sloth, so like a lazy piece of shit? Last weekend.

Sunday and maybe Monday. No, maybe Monday and Sunday. Good for you. Two days in a row. I'm very tired. Watching reality TV just. Oh, yeah. I was watching all kind of stuff.

Yeah. I was just so exhausted. Halloween wears me out. Like this week, October, the end of October is just too much. Well, we're talking about Halloween is now like half of October, which is exhausting. I'm pissed. And it's a lot of makeup. Yeah.

That's fucking exhausting. And you just like, you don't want to get bloated. You don't want to get bloated. I mean, that's story of my life. So that's probably why I don't feel healthy. I say dates are just fart holding tests. I hate that about dating. New man, when you start seeing a man, you have to pretend that you don't have air in your body.

No, I actually need therapy for, farting in my sleep like I need help getting over it like I still think about it I'm afraid to fart by myself because it reminds you when I farted in my sleep because that's how stressful it like I hate that we need to normalize that farting is fucking adorable or like get soundproof panties like why can't someone come up with something that's like soundproof or like something you could probably just plug your butt with a butt plug I bet it would make it louder I bet it would like that fire it just pops out like a cork champagne cork oh my god oh my god so I'm talking to like a real model right now. What is your like workout routine? What do you eat in a day? Give me like the 17

magazine. Ooh, I love that. I do like to wake up and drink warm lemon water. Okay. I've been told that's good for um, what's it called metabolism? Metabolism. Yeah. But now, um, I just, I'm working with a trainer pretty hardcore in the gym. I'm trying to, how many days a week. I mean, I'm lifting like myself. I'm like squatting a hundred pounds, which is pretty significant. And then I'm pushing the big thing. I mean, I look like a little, a little soldier in there. I'm proud to of you and you guys weights are fucking awesome. Because you burn the calories way longer. And I think it's even more difficult when you're 30 because you have this like,

oh, I'm tired all the time. And I'm going to do this. Lifting weights is so hard. I swear, I have to visualize that I'm saving someone. When I do a thing, I have to think you're carrying someone out of a building. You're like pulling someone out of the ocean.

You're lifting a life saving to even get there because I can't. I used to do that with tennis training when I was running and I was like, just pretend a lion's behind you. A lion is behind you. you oh my god that's that's mentally healthy um how often do you work out three times a week right now but very intensely sometimes four but that's about as much time and do you have a specific like way of eating because in l.a there's a lot of tolerances and intolerances you know that I need to work on that I go through phases I love Cajun food my god but there's no good Cajun food in this town

and um and I also live alone so like filling my fridge with groceries and produce it goes to It feels like a waste. You know, I got to work on my diet. I do not have a good answer right now. So that's the truthful answer. No, but that's good. I didn't want to hear you being like, so I'm eating like shit, I think.

Do you do take out a lot? Oh yeah. I'm a postmate fiend. I love that for you. But it also shows I really do think having the workout is so important for your mental health. And then when you're happier, I feel like you don't crave like as terrible foods. Or you're like, yeah, I fucking deserve this. Like my body needs.

energy. Yeah. Because when you're sitting around, it affects my mental health. I also think I've heard so much about which diet to be on and like what's healthy for you and what isn't. It's also conflicting that I don't know what I'm supposed to be eating anymore. Like it's the joy of food is gone. Now I'm like, nothing's going to satisfy whatever I'm supposed to be eating. I just, I need to work on it. Yeah. It's like finding that right relationship with food where it's not the only thing bring you joy, but it's also not like this thing that you have such scarcity with that you put it on a pedestal. Yeah.

I mean, because your industry, like, I could gain 20 pounds, and it's like, I'm still funny. Yeah. Maybe arguably funnier. And 20 pounds is sexy. I mean, I would love to gain 10 pounds right now. I'm working on it. So difficult.

Yeah. Peanut butter, a lot of peanut butter. Really? Peanut butter is good. Okay. Chocolate milk. It's so weird. I used to have the best appetite.

And now I'm just like, I'm just too stressed. Yeah. It goes both ways. I think I need to fall in love. And then, you know, then I'll gain some weight because I'll be happy. What's your type? My type? Oh, yeah, that's actually what happened to me.

I met a guy. I need to fall in love. You get way too comfortable. Yeah. And it is like an addiction food where you're like with your significant other and you're like, the only thing they can make this better. Oh my God. Yeah.

The only thing better than sex is food. So you're like, let's eat food together too. And then you're like high on the love, high on the sex, high in the food. And then next thing you know, you're both fat. I love. I want to be there. I love that I fattened up my fiance. He hates it.

And I'm like, yes, you look shabby bitch. Okay, this is a tough one. Once the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something, this could be relationships or career or friendships. Pride of my ego get in the way. I mean, probably in like relationships instead of, you know, I ended a relationship. I've been doing the single thing. I was dating this guy for like six weeks.

And I just, I don't know. I think I just ended it very abruptly. And I could have been an adult. said, you know, this isn't for me. I'm not into it. But I went full on. I called him like a trash can. I was mean. I said, uh, I just, I was not kind and I should have been kind. Do you do like, do you fight over text or phone? Both. Whatever one. You're like, bitch, I don't, whichever is available. I don't pick a lane. Whatever's easiest in the moment. Yeah. Yeah. When was the last time you lusted over someone? So like, who's your celeb crush or who's the last person? You were like,

oh yeah I lusted over a guy today I was flirty with a man I met at a party recently so we'll see if this could crash and burn very fast has your type changed over time yes right now I'm really looking for like abundantly kind I like knew you're going to say the word kind I need it I cannot handle like an ounce of cruel

or mean or like even if I hear because that shit comes out and they hide it the first three months yeah and I'm so scared of being with a monster again And so I'm just like, I need very kind. I need someone who I would know would never do anything crazy, who is just like a gentleman to the core. Yeah. Lindsay, you've done amazing in hell.

I have one final question. What advice do you have on what to do to cope with your hell? When you're in it, when it's dark, when you're going through it. A book. I really do think reading is powerful. And I think books, I don't know why, but I think you find the book that you're meant to find, and you find a message that you might be.

looking for, books have really helped me. How do you have the attention span to read a book? I don't know if I do. I just, I don't know. When do you like to read in the day? I don't have a specific time. My schedule's all over the place. So like I haven't probably picked up a book in a few weeks, but when I do have time, I pick one up. And especially if I'm sad or down or confused, I feel like there's, there's so much knowledge in like reading. I feel like it's really out of your head for a second. It also helps going to sleep a night. Yeah. I like to read. I read recently like one of my biggest problems I had earlier in the year

I was very afraid to do something something that scared these shit out of me and I read a book and I happened to read a chapter about fear in this book that I had been reading and they said you know what if fear wasn't something you shouldn't do but it was something you cared so much about that you know it scared you they said lean into what it may be the things you're scared of it's what you care the most about so what if fear is a guidepost instead of a stop sign and I was like oh my god I needed that it's like reading your gut in a different way yeah and journaling I do journal as well if I'm feeling very very scared down sad um stressed I

I write it in a diary and it feels like you're letting it out it always has it's I know everyone says that do you do you do I'm newly starting to journal because I thought it was stupid I thought it just you felt like a main character in like a high school right like movie like L-O, laugh out loud, Hillary Duff. Exactly. L-O-L. And I'm like, this isn't going to help. But then I realized I would write something down and I would, it definitely has a symbolic

effect of like putting something into a fire where you release it. And then when you sometimes see the words, it seems less important. Maybe. Like, because you just look at it as words and it doesn't seem like this big, heavy, all-consuming thing. It definitely helps me. Lindsay, this has been so much fun. I'm so excited to like, watch.

weird career continues to go. I hope that a ton of women listening jump on the Lindsay bandwagon, join the only fans. Let's fucking go. And no pressure. No pressure though. Love you so much regardless. But where can people follow you and listen to you and like just be a part of it? You can follow me at Lindsay Payloss pretty much everywhere. And I'll be around, you know. And your podcast. Yeah. And my podcast eyes up here. It is coming back. I've been back and forth with new podcast partners. It's a lot to it's not to do. What you do is a lot of work. But you're really good at podcasting and I'm excited to see like when you get the right angle what you're going to put out. Yeah, it's going to be fun. Well, thanks for coming to hell guys and I'll talk to you

later. Bye.