Berner Phone - Maddy Smith: Wild & Out Of Your Mind

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Maddy Smith is a hysterical stand up comedian and a cast member on MTV's Wild 'n Out. She talks about making it in the comedy industry, her most embarrassing moments on stage, roast battles, dealing with parents, and being too hard on herself. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to burning in heaven. Okay, right? I get started? I'm ready, dude. Why is everyone acting like I'm not? Okay. Okay. Here we go.

This is going to be a lit podcast. Liddy, lit. I have, what are we going to call? We call her The White Girl in Wile and Out, Maddie with a fatty, the one and only. Maddie Smith, up in hell. What's good? Holy shit. There's so many good things.

First of all, I have a cappuccino. Second of all, I don't think I have a UTI, and I was worried this morning, but I think I was just heavily dehydrated. I didn't see from the cappuccino. Have you ever been that, no, like, from just like eating only salt for, and no water. No water. I just told myself, like, I have high cholesterol. I don't even know how that happened. I know exactly how it happened.

I didn't work out for like two years. And I ended up... I think you're fine. I had Taco Bell the other day and it was scrumptious, scrumdileumptious. How you talked about the other day too? And afterwards it goes, is there sodium in this? No one teaches you like what's in shit. No one.

And then it's like sugars and everything. Everything. I am impressed with you're a cappuccino grilly though. Oh, I'm literally not. It's very editorial. I look at the... You know how it's a drip coffee. And you know how sometimes at a drip coffee place you say, can I have a cup of coffee, black? And they're like, well, you have to tell us what's kind you want? And that's actually ounces. So please give us a minute. And I'm like, where are you from? And he's like, Indiana.

So I go in with confidence today because I'm confident now. I'm confident. I'm confident. Yes. It's the year of. So I walk in and it says drip coffee. And I'm like, just say it confidently with a period. And I said, I would like a cup of black coffee. So, okay, this is the longest story ever. I said it confidently, but then she came back and said, we're actually out of like our drip coffee right now. You want something from with an Americano twist. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So long story short, that was way too long. No, no, no, I'm into it. But now I have a cappucc, and I never drink cappuccitos. Believe it or not. I feel like, but now I'm going to. What you order really, like, sets the day for you. Like, do you think you're worthy of that cappuccino? Yeah.

Because, like, if you don't even have the balls to order cappuccino, you're not ready for that. Wait, are you nagging me? No. Oh. No, I'm saying. Oh, I know. Yeah, yeah. I'm saying, yeah, yeah.

Oh, holy shit. I thought you were saying. I thought you were. Wait, I don't know. I just went into defense now and I'm like. You go, do you want to fucking fight? No, it's like, no, I, not, that's not what I'm saying. Dude, trauma is in the body.

That book. That book. There's like that book that I downloaded on Kindle and it says, like, I can't read what it's called the the girls will know it said trauma lives in your body or something well read a little bit of it i recently i might be a little bit i cried yesterday we're good did you know what i mean you ever i low-key cried today like a short cry a little bit i had therapy and she was like let yourself cry and i was like that's don't like that's a full cry right we don't have time me too full cry i have shit to do later yeah so i let a little out but yeah trops how does it feel to do a little i don't

i am when i cry it's like i i'm not going to suffer i i've been taught to like not cry to like not crying is weak so I'm very good at not crying well there's that new TikTok you know it's like there was this girl who was talking about I think I'm on the uh abusive relationship side of TikTok dude it's not good it's like here's how I found my boyfriend of three years cheating actually I love that yeah feels good though so I was just doxing her ex literally this girl no no no okay so she was saying she's making her coffee girls either get ready with me with like their headbands on and their everything going on or they make coffee so they're like I'm getting ready for the day I swababab and I want to tell you guys one rule that my one of nine rules that my last boyfriend had no crying rule I saw this because he said if you cry it's manipulating him yes this is this is this is this I'm like dude no what if your dog dies I like don't don't don't do that around me

We don't, no. So, yeah, she was not allowed to cry. You know what we said. No crying. No crying. I'd be like, I'm not crying. It's just water up material ducks. It's not crying.

So that's fucked up. I'm not crying. It's so hard not to cry when you want to cry. So are you an avid crier? No. I just remember my crying specifically because when it happens, it happens. Yeah. So it hits hard.

They say crying is an orgasm for your eyes. So, just like my orgasm, I do it four times a year. I'm obsessed with that. I'm obsessed with that. Okay. I don't even know where to begin with you. I don't know.

You are fascinating and like crushing the game. Thank you. I'm having a good time. I know. And also, you know what? I went to while and out like before you, maybe a year before you were on it. In New York?

No, I wasn't. I just watched it. Like I, but I physically went to the filming of the show. Yeah. Was it in New York? Yeah. That shit is crazy. crazy that shit is crazy if you've never been there it's hard to it's hard people ask so many questions

about I'm like I'm like come through go to a taping yeah like the taping I know you guys are like writing beforehand yeah perform it what has been your most nervous moment I'm well and out because it is oh my god you know okay speaking of crying speaking of crying I used this is a good story I used to take I used to take it really seriously yeah now I do still obviously but I just have more fun with it. Yeah, you're more confident. Or if someone says something about me or if my joke bombs or something,

you're like, we are good. Yeah. I'm having a great, like, I've been on the show for so long that sometimes you, but I used to be like, the minute you hit that mic, you will fucking murder. Because it's so like, it's so like,

air boxing. Yeah, you're like running, like, fucking just like, freaking out. Jump broke me. Yo, my batting average was so high early just because I was cuckoo bananas. And I was like,

I need, like, not only do you have to, like, get in the filming of the episode as a cast member, but you also have to make the final cut of the episode. So you have to make sure you stand out just to make your time worth it and to make yourself a recognizable cast member. Yeah. Because there's so many cast members on the show. It's kind of like reality TV.

Like people are like, why do you fight? And I'm like, well, do you want screen time? Literally. Because I'll sit there and text the whole time. Yeah. But you're not going to be on the show. I always thought maybe if I did reality, I would be known for my face. You know, I definitely was known for my faces. However, they could use your faces in any way they want.

Absolutely. I was just thinking like, just... Like, you actually get to the point where you're like, don't make a fucking face. And you're like, or some people will purposely not react to things. Because if they don't react, then it's like it won't make it. Even if they do something so fucked up. Stop, that's acting. It's not. Yeah, it is. Does your brain feel warped after you come home? Yeah, it's very meta. You're like, am I me? Or am I me trying to be a type of me that people will like... But anyway, that's why I cried today. Stop, that's a famous quote from...

Shakespeare? Waldo. Waldow. Waldow? That's the cabin guy, right? Ralphie? Ralph, Waldo Emerson. Ralph Zaddy.

Is that the same person? I don't know. Dude. I don't do history. I messed up at liberal arts school. I took nothing in. Wait, what school did you go to? I went to a Sunni school.

Sunni Geneseo. Let's go. Let's fucking go. It's like this big. Where are you from, though? Everyone just blacks the fuck out there. Buffalo. Oh my God.

Do you know Jesse Pugula? Maybe. So her dad, her dad, like, owns the bills. What? She's like a professional tennis player. And I, like, grew up playing with her. Stop. She's kind of, like, Princess of Buffalo.

But I feel like you're kind of Princess of Buffalo. I am not the Princess of Buffalo. I'm literally like, I'm literally like, oh, the bills played yesterday. I'm not, I'm like, the thing is, like, Buffalo wasn't hype until, like, they started winning all these games. Yeah. I definitely. The NFL control.

trollsy economy. Oh, for sure. Look at this. I mean, when I first moved to New York City, I would tell people they would not know where Buffalo was and they lived in New York State. This is the, Buffalo, Buffalo, Buffalo. Also, social media, you can be like. Yeah. But Buffalo is crazy because it's a town that has a professional football team. When I first take comedy there. That's not me shitting on Buffalo, by the way. I'm always like, yep, I liked living there. I had a lot of fun. I blacked. I drink so much and I love chicken wings and pizza. What do they call it? Pizza logs? They have pizza logs.

I didn't know what a pizza log was. I worked at. They were called pizza fingers. That shit will go right through you. But it will feel good going down. So good. That's why they call logs because they just shoot out your butthole. Same sight.

It's like. In or out. You could throw it up too. Anyway. Yeah, exactly. And I stuck back in. I've never, when I did Texas, it was like this too. But like all I had to do was say go bills on stage and the place would erupt.

Like I just like was the Messiah. Absolutely. And I've never experienced. It's a crazy energy. It's fucked up. Yes. But do you like the energy of the city? I like the energy of the city.

I mean, I don't go back to Buffalo a lot. My parents live in Rochester now. Oh, cool. That's why I'm waiting on the Rochester version of this to happen. Yeah. Which, sorry, I really don't think it ever will. But, no, my mom lives with her, like, fiancé. And then my dad is just, like, divorced and lives, like, a town over.

When they get divorced? Maybe too close for comfort, but... I like that. They got divorced when I was, like, 13, so literally. longer ago than I feel like everyone's so long a divorce at 13 I know it's such a heck age

I go yeah who hasn't I'm like give me an original story bitch yeah no shit 13 reasons why like there's so much symbolism in it fuck you're literally a young adult girl yeah it's a pink age yeah it was definitely awkward for like the next 15 years

you're like couldn't make our contact with the humor yeah to probably now probably now probably now probably now dude that shit was awkward my parents were like hands off too it got really weird

they let you run wild yeah and I was confused for a second and it's easy to run nobody's picking me up from school today literally and you know like moms who like the minute you can drive the minute you can work in New York State

they're like you get your working papers you're 14 babysitting fucking first aid classes to do baby she's always finagling me into making money so she just made me have jobs and then like she admitted you could get a permit i was on there because she wanted to give her car to me so she could get it like infinity for some reason because she's trashed but she had like this bougiest fucking car you ever saw in front of like a two-bedroom ranch with a gravel driver and like a huge tv yeah i'm like dude

we look insane dude she was so weird i'm just realizing it now so i lived with my mom in high school and we were pretty much just like roommates we were both like fucking dudes yeah i love that yeah i was like literally like are you home tonight i'm bringing home dennis dennis is that was her boyfriend in high school's name i know fucking dennis he was around for a year and he had a mustache like this but my mom dumped him because she said he's really slow i mean that's not in like some of the slow guys are so hot yeah he wasn't hot either she's just like she was like I kept down the same stories. And I was like, I might, I think I'm smaller than you.

And then Dennis was gone. And then she started fucking engineers. That's when, that's when things turn around. That's a life hack. That's a life hack. Wait. Very straightforward. Your mom actually is smart as shit because, like, dating is really collecting information

until you don't want the information anymore. And if the information starts repeating too much, you're like a computer where you're like, you don't want this. You're like, or like, I heard this once. I heard this once before. Or you just go with him. I don't give a fuck. Yeah.

Like, tell me the same story every time. Literally. No. Wait, you're better than me. I feel like some, I might be like a little bit. I'm just sometimes I'm just like,

yeah, you tell me. I feel like I'm too blunt sometimes. And then you see their puppy dog eyes. They're like, oh, yeah, sorry. No, that's good. I'm a people, please, sir.

No, but, but he, if he said it to me, I'd be like, I'm blunt to save again. or like I'll be like you told me this but like it's so funny I know yeah totally but both parties do that my husband does that to me yeah I'll like start a story and I'm so fucking excited to tell it and he's like you told me this right and I go I know but this is for me not about you but if they say but it was it was that's really funny you're like okay okay you go like ah it's like you have to decide do you fully commit Or do you, do you, do you, no, I bail, I bail, I bail.

This is my pet peeve when you're in your relationship. They know all your stories. So then they start seeing when you know, you know, sometimes the story's bombing a little, so you got to add some Geneseaqua to it. Yeah, absolutely. And then they're like, this is not how it happened. And that's why divorce has happened. Wait, Stuart's such a good storyteller, our mutual.

Yes, Stuart Fullerton. And you can tell you she's with a good guy if he runs with every story. It's crazy. Because she'll, she'll, like, every time I see her, like, telling stories with her is so funny. Because we, like, describe things together. We, like, tag each other up. Yeah. And we're like, no end in sight.

And she said something. And it's like, no end in sight. I love, I had a friend who I loved. Because whenever she told stories about the most basic things, it's so romanticized. Like, it made life sound so funny. But, like, I was there. It wasn't that fun. I know.

But, like, the way she tells it, I'm like, we are just, like, living life. Literally. I had a... I need to get better a story. I had an ex-boyfriend, though. Whenever I would we hit him already hate hate hate whenever I was like that he's your ex honey he's in the wrong You're wrong your loss so when I told stories I could tell during it he wasn't gonna laugh and you just like keep doing it and like when you know he's not gonna laugh Obviously I'm not gonna before my best there done that and then he I broke up with him because I felt like I was funny with my friends but not with him oh my gosh and then I heard him talk behind my back saying that I was bad at

storytelling. Oh, that's so rude. And this was before I did comedy. So then I, because of that, I went into comedy and internalized it. Internalized it went to comedy and then became a storyteller. Fuck you, bitch. No. No. No, no, no. Enjoy burning in hell. You're stuck here, motherfucker. Anyone could be a bad storyteller if you feel like you're walking on ice with someone or like you're walking on eggshells, whatever the fucking term. Oh, ice depending on where you are if it's early spring it's buffalo don't walk on the ice thing it's just like known walking on eggshells been there done that you have yes oh eggshells don't feel like that'd be that bad to walk on it should be like walking on fucking hot coals

filled with nails yeah also why there's so many eggs on the floor I've never hard-boiled eggs you're rolling and you're one egg and that's not enough like eggshells to have like a full walk through right back to you I'm brittning in hell you're a stand-up comic you're a writer but also like you're performing on this unique show that not a lot of comics experience yeah no one i feel like i'm losing my mind i'm like trying to tell people about a dream i had and they're just like okay dudes are weird about telling you about dreams yeah i keep seeing tweets it's like don't tell me about your dreams i do it all the time i'm like but my dreams are crazy there's also meanings behind it look if it gets too too detailed i'm like okay i don't know a two minute

Yeah, but I like to get meetings behind dreams. Me too. You know when your teeth are falling out? Yeah, I hate that one. Doesn't mean you're anxious? I think it actually means like you're worried about how people see you. Oh, absolutely, but getting better. I haven't had one in a while.

I know, that's good. But go ahead, just smiling. Oh, yeah, like, smiling shows like how you portray yourself to people. And if you feel like you can't smile, it means like you're scared of showing yourself. Oh, I love to smile. Yeah. So I think I'm fine. What was the story?

Trauma lives in the body. yeah what was what was the story you said you something traumatized happened too well now oh my god okay 30 minutes ago am i bombing or are we having fun okay okay okay okay what's the studio is beautiful i know if you're listening you guys need to watch yeah we're actually we're posting on youtube now i never talk about it but we are it's so beautiful like the pink and the plants in the back like what the fuck okay is rainforest cafe she I'm like, can we get some ribs? Okay, so traumatizing or crying, wow, oh yeah, what was the most?

Okay, so my first season of Wild Out, they play this game is called God Damn, and it's like just roasting back and forth. But before I started on the show, I think it used to just be kind of like lighthearted, like you look like if I had bad glasses on, you are, no, sorry, you look like. It's like more generic. Yeah. And then I would come. I came in and was like, you can't come unless someone's fucking choking.

Just so hot. And they're like, whoa, whoa. So you wrote your own shit and you kind of pushed the limit a little. Yeah, a little. But I didn't realize because I have a roast battle background. Yeah. Roasting in New York City, Roastmasters, roast battle. Oh, yeah.

That's how you kind of got momentum. Yeah, yeah. So I came on the show as like, I do stand up and I also roast. Yeah. And I also can. And I'm also like super white. And you have a fat ass. You know what I mean?

That's like, it's those three things. Roasting being funny and just also I'm super fucking white. And I don't even lean into it. I'm literally like, obviously. Oh, yeah. Obviously I do. I fucking do all that. Maddie with the fatty like twerking and shit like that.

But I'm also just like. You're just yourself. Yeah. And it's just I don't think they've ever had someone like that. So I can just go there and be myself. Oh. Wait. You asked one question and I'm like acting as if Oprah's interviewing me.

I mean, they do call me the White Oprah. Were you silence? Okay, who's reading Harry's book? You're the Megan Markle of Wilden? I literally am. And my dad keeps calling. Wait, so what happened? So what happened?

Oh, okay. So we play this. Holy shit, I'm so dumb. Check, ask, uh, continue to part two, you guys. We do a miniseries on HBO. It's like I'm franilever This is how like a documentary

I just be so I know Let's just cut to your childhood for no reason I'm a random neighbor Yeah I'm like Whoa I look fat

I'm four years old Okay so we play this game Called God damn And so I came in And the best Like the funniest person On Wilden out By like known on the show

And we don't say that And stand up Like who's the funniest If they're still in You know what I mean? We're like oh funny But at Wilden Out, or even after a show, no one will look at each other and be like, we talk behind each other's, each other's back about who's the goat, who's the goat,

who's ever been the goat, who's your Rushmore, but face to face after a show, everyone's like, no, it was all great. Yeah, or like, the crowd is good for you, but not for him. Yeah, yeah, totally. The crowd didn't like me, but they liked you. Yeah, literally, literally. Everyone's just like, everyone's really polite IRL. Okay, so by Wilden Out is like, he's the funniest down the show.

She's the best rapper She carries the show You know what I mean I would not This show would not be here Without blah blah blah There's obvious There's like hierarchy

Yes And it's known Yeah So they put me I did so many of these roasts That in that game Called God damn Where you just go back and forth

Until someone gets out By a ref who says shaky Yeah He says shaky If you have a bad joke Yeah And because I did roast masters I took it really seriously

Yes Because it's you know Roastmasters You're with these guys for a little on the spectrum. And now I'm just like, I'm in a lighthearted environment and I'm backstage, like,

but they're also, you keep, they kept putting me against people. It's like the rookie, you know what I mean? So I go against D.C. Young Fly, I'm shitting my pants. And I don't know. I could have made it more fun if I kind of talked to him more ahead of time,

but I was really shy. He, like, kicked my ass in like two seconds. This sounds so dramatic, but I can't tell you guys how seriously I used to take this show. Like it was traumatic for you. Yeah. But also,

I don't think they know there how crazy I am either. But part of the show is like you want to see someone lose sometimes. Like that's good TV. Oh, absolutely. It made the episode. Yeah. And it was us on the episode. It looks like I'm just laughing, laughing, laughing.

I had a couple good jokes. And the comments were like more about like, holy shit, his joke about blah, blah, blah, was hilarious. But there wasn't like, she sucks ass. It was like, she was funny too. I watched like WWE where I thought you guys. Absolutely. I thought you guys plan for who.

No. Also, I go against him. He says my ass has built like the last drop of toothpaste and he's very, he's very, um, physical. Yeah, physical. Like, the funniest motherfucker in the world. Like, you guys have to look him up because he's just like, he's like, he's like, and then he squeezes that one and he like goes like, uh. Wait, is he the one? Like gets a laugh on every rhythm of his body. Yeah. I love him. Yeah, he's so funny. He gets a laugh on like every movement of his body. Yeah, he's like a cartoon character. And I'm just standing there like, yeah, he's a cartoon. And I'm just standing there like, You look like it should be called wild and out of the closet. And they're like, it's funny, but it's not like.

It could have been to anyone. Yeah. And it's not like, holy, like the way he moved. So you don't have writers helping you? And then the minute he beat me, I had tears while down in my eyes. But that's hysterical though. Like crying. And then I, the executive producer, her name's Annie.

She's from Buffalo. She has red hair. Her and I are like pretty close or like work. Yeah. Like super friendly and normal. You know what I mean? Yeah. I don't know what's up with them.

I was like, sorry, I bombed that episode. She's like, are you kidding? That was awesome. You went against like DC Youngfly and you had like so many other moments and you're like, oh, you guys aren't like keeping score at this point. And you also realize it's a bigger picture. Like so because I went against him and lost but it was still funny and I had a happy face and like that's footage.

Yeah, the fact you got the opportunity to be against him and you like gave them good content. If after each every episode, you say that was really funny. What I just, what I did there was really cool and funny. Then you're like, I feel good. You held your own. Yeah. When you said, I kind of learned bigger picture.

Like, it's not about like one joke bombing. It's about your whole aura on stage. It's about the journey. What's Maddie doing in the background? Oh, people make jokes about Maddie. Like bigger picture. Yeah. Is she like a memorable character?

That's how I feel about. That will make us money. Exactly. And then you start getting confidence. But that's how I feel with like any job, like, you know, because we both perfectionism tendencies. You get one bad email from your boss and you're like, game over.

They've lost all confidence in me. I fucking suck. I'm horrible. Game over. And I cried at one of my mid-year reviews at one of my jobs because there was one critique that he pulled out of nowhere just to have something. You know what I mean? And you were like, I did everything I could to try to avoid.

I was like, I could defend myself on this and I thought we talked about it. But here you are bringing. I get really triggered when people bring something out from a long time ago. And you're like, you're holding onto that. Yeah. Or like, so that's what you've been thinking about this whole time. Oh, this whole time. Dude, because it's funny, you just said,

they don't know I'm crazy, and I wanted to be like, you calling yourself crazy, what does that entail? Oh, it entails, like, making sure I'm good, making sure I'm good, like, anyone mad at me, anyone mad at me, anyone met me, okay, who, who, who, who, and then also, how do I, how do I expand on my persona from just, like, like, easy jokes, like white girl jokes, into other stuff, but then also keeping that

because it's really easy and fun and I think about that a lot I think were you good in school which I don't think anyone else is thinking about I just like literally just like want to succeed want to succeed I like anything I do I like the stupidest fucking shit too

yeah like checkers yes you're like finally someone's thank you for saying that oh my god am I talking too much I once lost in like ping pong I had a full mental breakdown

But it's because like the ball was weird Whatever at full mental breakdown I started playing pool recently with You know who could it be now I started playing pool and I'm like Now I get mad You're just breaking pool At first it was like flirtatious

Ha ha we're touching each other Like lower back and now I'm like Oh that was good You're like straight up cheating I stop a white ball from going in I'm like no it wasn't a scratch someone speaks while you're going and you're like don't ever do that again and you guys have to get out of the way because I'm going behind my back I like don't ruin the move but can you not talk

when I'm just trying you know I want you have fun but just yeah you're chewing really loud I think I exactly I do think like with tennis I was very perfectionist where like I did not want to miss a ball and as a result big picture I would play too tight to like perform right We're in stand-up. If you're so fucking hung up on every joke, you're not performing. Okay, so this happened to me recently, like only in the past year, did I kind of try to stop being a perfectionist in stand-up? And it's been an crazy restructuring of everything.

I don't know for the better, because I think I got worse. No, no, no, no, this is good. I'm like, sometimes you have to go a little bad. My vibes are better. So I think ultimately my growth will be better because I'm stepping into, like, stay confidence they confident versus like let me tell you something crazy because sports do you actually like win or lose it's hard to convince people but stand up they don't remember what you say they remember how you made them feel yeah absolutely and if you have the vibe oh dude you've the vibe

this happened to me when i first got in at new york comedy club when you go from bar shows to clubs it's like yeah ticket payers saturday night 80 person in full room you're like yeah so i used to fucking had sets where i would for first four minutes bang bang boom like mur and then something like didn't land the way I wanted it to and then you're losing them you're losing them you're losing them yeah they're all telling each other yeah that you suck the entire you've already been and you're like and you get off you tell the host you're like I don't know what what are you talking about and it was because I was such like on stage well you can't be judging everything you can't be constantly judging yourself but I feel like stand up is fun for me because like it's actually very hard to critique yourself and be in the moment and and talk yes Because tennis, I could be in my own head the whole time. Yeah. Because it's hard to have a full conversation while you're saying a joke in your head. It's possible.

I do it, though. Yeah. I do it, though, and it's bad. But sometimes it's good because you're like, okay, I have to finish the joke. I'm going to get this guy in the weird fucking hat to my right. And then I'm going to finish that joke. I'm literally on stage. Like, I have to call my mom.

But I leave the straightener on. Yeah, I leave the straightener on. Am I getting ghosted? Or is my three thoughts on the stage? Wait, so why did you like roast battles so much? Dude, I fucking didn't. Because that's just scary or shit. I just started doing it.

And then I got, that's, that's rude. That's unfair to say. I did like doing it. There was an adrenaline. You initially liked that idea. But it terrified me from the beginning when I started doing it at a comedy fight club, which was like an undercrowned, like, basically only comedians went and roasted each other. It was like kind of like a circle drink, in a good way.

It was really fun. And you probably learned so much. Oh, yeah. And, yeah, totally. So I went back and forth and wrote so many jokes and then did the club ones and yada, yada, yada. And I just kept doing it because people kept saying I was good at it. But the more I got in, the more nervous I got. Like, even today, I couldn't do a roast battle because it freaks me.

The last one I did, I was like, why am I still feeling like this? And I think it's because I started it early on and just did so much. Yes. I don't know why. That was when you had to. Like, you had to face that stuff. And you've almost like surpassed. Like, you're like, I don't need to prove myself with these.

I actually got asked to judge a roast battle when I'd never done roast battle or watched roast battle but I had like, because I had come from like a different angle and then I get there and then I realized the judges are roasting them I don't know that shit

so then immediately it's like all this pressure to come up with roast I've never even done that before you have to do that when you judge too so like I didn't realize that and also you have to stay the whole but it's fine but it ended up being like a fun exercise for you

but I realized the art form that I hadn't even touched do you think your comedy's gotten better because wait I will say and to agree with that before before you ask I was on a show with Ashley Heseltine yeah a live podcast yeah she like murdered and I was like wow you're good at live podcasting because I was just up there like I'd fuck him to just like two weirdos and I don't know you know what I mean you're like do something like yeah it looks easy and then you go up and you're like okay you got to have longer sentences you go full thought out point she like

taught. I'm like, what the? How'd you do that? And then I'm just like, Justin has a donor. I don't know, but so to agree with that, I know what you mean. But I'm also like you where I don't like being put in a box where it's like I want to entertain. I want to entertain. I'm going to entertain. I got in here to be on stage and people laugh and gas. And but I also, I was reading interviews. And it's because I didn't do well in musical theater. I didn't either. In high school, you didn't. No. I didn't do musical theater. Okay. Sorry. I thought you said I didn't either. I didn't do well in musical theater. Right. But I actually didn't do it.

I didn't try, which someone said is worse. You missed 100% of the shots you don't take it. And sometimes you're not supposed to take those shots. Right. But yeah, I read that you. A huge LeBron fan. Are you? No.

I don't know anything about sports. That's my character lately. I was pretending to be into sports. I'm like, yeah, I'm watching the game too. Do you know what's crazy? I know a lot about sports I believe you I had to quit my fantasy football league

because I won it but I got too emotional and I like couldn't handle the pressure Like I had to leave the bar once Like everyone was having fun I was like my guy is fucking sucking dick And I need to go to get my mind off this I can't like playfully do something

How do you just like live Without working but like have fun I can't playfully do something Because when it's like a fantasy Focus in It's like when someone's teaching me a card game I'm like okay okay I was playing car game and I was also drunk

and I was trying to be like, but I can't not care because I don't care. I'm going to look stupid. No, that's, I don't fuck her card games. Unless I know the fucking rules and the rules are not making sense right now and I feel like they're like conning it so they win.

Okay, that's what was happening. I'm not playing. The guy we were with, respectfully, great guy, friend of a friend of a friend. But he knows the rules. No one else does. He revealed rules as things were, I'm like, you did not tell me that.

Because then I'm going to get an L on my resume that I don't deserve. Nope. And now I'm folding the cards, putting them in the middle of the table and saying, I'll see you guys tomorrow. let me know if you want to get brunch So from here

I'm sorry, I keep interrupting It's okay, you've whiled now You're doing your stand-up You're, yes Walking on a lot of age You've achilles and your toes What are you enjoying And what are you working towards?

Oh dude, that's such a good question, Hannah I don't know, I feel like If I'm gonna be honest I feel like I'm floating right now That's good and it doesn't feel good Oh I was like this is good This is bad I don't know at some point

you uh i've gotten a far off yeah far enough in stand-up where i'm like oh this is like my direction now everything is under my lead it used to be like you do a show here you do a show and especially coming up in the new york city scene you're like i'm growing like this i'm growing it's all making sense club club club club club and now i'm like on the road so you have to sell tickets and you're like everything is up to me i used to feel like i was working for bookers and now i'm like working for mattie and i'm like floating a little bit yeah high of figuring it out, selling great amount of tickets because I have appeared in so many different places, I think. Yes. Yes. But I'm feeling like there's something else that I could be moving

toward. I just don't know it yet. And I feel like the clock is ticking. But also, that's, what if, like, you're right exactly where you're supposed to be? I like to think of it like that. And I try to do as many affirmations. Do you make affirmations? No, I listen to one every Monday. I talk called Habits of a Goddess. It's actually very nice. It's 10 minutes. The first two minutes are just like her talking. And then she goes in the eight minutes of like really nice affirmations.

They sound really nice. What made you want to do that? And each week is a different, like today's was mindset. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, what kind of trauma turned you to that? Oh, I know. It's always that. It's always sad. It's like, maybe I'll just do it.

Why are the girls doing manifestations and affirmation? We have to. We have to literally say, you are perfect as you are. The universe is on your side. This is a fucking Jewel song I'm not gonna kill myself Hang out one hand in my pocket And the other one scrolling on TikTok

Okay, time for the Alex Earle segment Who's watching? I do have to say Everyone's like, Alex Earl doesn't have any talent For you to tell a story And do makeup at the same time That shit, I couldn't I can't even watch and listen at the same time

And to post at the frequency with which she's posting, like, in the way that it's, like, all sorts of stuff going on. I'm like, damn. Also, when's you start? How high is your Adderall prescription? I know. Like, where's the depressing day? That's awesome. Like, I could do that.

No, I could not. When you get so many followers, you immediately as a human are like, holy fuck, there's so many more eyes on this. You're going to think twice about your content. This bitch has not gotten scared. She keeps posting up for her. Respect. And she's hot as fuck. Holy shit.

Like Midwest moms are wearing white eyeliner right now because of her. Really? And she talks honestly about having a boob job. And she talks about being on like anxiety meds. Yeah. I know. She talked about Lexapro. And she was like doing her makeup and she was like, and after that it just made sense.

And I was like, yeah. Although I've been thinking of upping mine lately. What do you want? What are you on? Lexopro only like 10 milligrams. I think I need five more. I don't think 10 does anything. That's what I'm saying.

Because I was on Paxil like 15 milligrams for like so long and they were like that's not even the like recommended dosage. Yeah. I feel anything. No, I've been feeling like more easily. So I think I also need to have my Alexa bro. This is the hard thing too. Like with success, like with more money, more problems. Like you, it's not bad, but it's like you're still the same person that you were.

You just now have like more shit on the table. Yeah. Which is great. Yes. But it's also you have to continually check on your mental health. because next thing you know that's the other thing i'm like okay well maybe 10 was fine for a second yes but guess what shit's fucking happening yes and a lot of it's like yeah you can't affect events in your life like that shit is crazy no you cannot oh yeah we were bonding about being fucking a little

tired on like get back for the weekend yeah it's hard and everyone's like oh you're not coming out for spots tonight no i'm not are you behind are you not working like us and you're like bitch i fucking did six hours of stay up in two days and i've done like the monday night shows after a weekend and I want to kill myself. Like, I want to, like, bring a fucking noose and hang myself on stage and call it art, put it on the front of fucking New York Mag. Hell yeah. Who was Maddie Smith.

Ooh, I like this manifestation. Yeah, absolutely. It was in the habits of a goddess. She says your actual name and you're like, hmm, okay. Yeah, okay. I know, it gets right. He will not hurt you. He cannot hurt you.

He is in the past. You're right. You're right. You're right. You just take a lipstick, crying, putting in on the mirror, just like, I am worthy. I'm worthy of love. And then you just show up to work on a Zoom call, and you're like, I'm ready now. Hi, you guys.

Hope everyone had a new weekend. I wanted to pull up sales and then also touch base about the website redesign. Okay. We have to play a final game. Okay, sounds good. Wait, I feel like I said nothing this entire episode. Do you think people will be mad? No, I got so much out of you, but like it's, you just got to be like ready for it, you know, because it's coming left, right.

What do you mean? You gave us so much great information. Oh, okay. Many different types of waves. There's so many things I didn't even say, like, do I have a UTI? I do have to say, I feel like when you're fucking the wrong guy, you get more UTIs. No, but this is a dehydration thing. You don't drink enough water?

No. I don't drink water. I think water's boring. It really messes with me, and I kind of had like bladder problems from like age. So feeling a stingy I made with a woody Is it relatively common if I don't drink Enough water

Does it drive you though? Yeah It drives me to piss before and after sex And to occasionally use lube if I need to I'm sorry UTIs the feeling like you need to pee I hate I hate And then you can't pee

I got one in middle school in band Literally peed into a denim skirt That'll make you funny Yeah It made me Paranoid That everyone's gonna fucking know I piss my pants

It was first period too It smelled like piss all day But I love it then of a skirt moment for you Oh absolutely She's stunning Okay Are you ready to play the seven deadly sins Seven Deadly Sins

What are you greedy about? That's a good question I'm thinking too seriously. I'm like, it should have either been the first thought or now it's not going to happen because you're going to get too deep into it. I'm greedy about my time, considerations.

Are you good with your time? Do you say no to people? People that are on the C list of my You know what I mean? You go people who aren't verified on Instagram. The ones who are at the top, I cancel everything for them. I'm talking about my family, of course.

Family first I see them once a year The mom you shot on For the first 20 minutes Of the podcast Well she had it I'm like So trash

My mom was both my parents But she had a sick car Yeah And she was like You couldn't feel the odometer Going up So She was trying to like 90 miles

Or speedometer Odominer measures Your trip miles I don't know I can't drive Who are you envy Okay okay Okay I'm greedy about

I'm greedy about I'm greedy about I'm greedy about Sleep sleep sleep sleep If I don't get enough If I don't get enough I need to get enough Because comedy, you're going to bed, like, sometimes 2 a.m., 3 a.m. I'll wake up and literally, like, I slept through a podcast, like, a few weeks ago,

and I was like, sorry, I'm greedy about my sleep. Honestly, same. He happily rescheduled and said 10 a.m. was ambitious of me. It was inappropriate of them. That's what I literally just, I said, I slept through this. Do you want to? It's like a Zoom contest. No. Where they're just going to ask how I got in Wilden out.

Like, for 40 minutes. Like, you're just in there with your age. six hooked up you're like in your apartment alone your apartment looks like a crack done because you're trying to pretend like you have you don't have the sleep voice and you're like la la la la yeah yeah people like think you're lazy though because they'll look at your day and you're like sleeping all day but you're like I start work at seven yeah and I have to be like on on I know scrolling email yeah and if you do like a pod during the day and other fucking self tapes or what are the fucking people should do or write if you write which I do two hours a day obviously

I've pulled up a Google Doc before Yeah absolutely And I opened it And I wrote like This is the thing about writing jokes I tried to write jokes the other month And I wrote two bits that were very subpar And I tried them out for a whole month

And then I quit them I don't know what's happening Because I'm like kind of on the same shit too And it's like I tried I'm like I tried What are you having me I tried I will have a five minute bit just come to me or I don't have it.

Yeah. I can't write it. I'm like, not, I'm like, one minute in, I'm like, hmm, you need some water. And then I leave. I'm dehydrated. Yeah, I need to leave. Who are you envious of? Who am I envious of?

Besides the guy during the roast. I am envious of, like, like, Robert Pattinson maybe. It seems like he has a fun life right now. what is he doing he's doing like smaller movies oh you want to be like an indie girlie no i think i want to get to the point where you're like oh that that sounds fun i'm not right now everything's like okay you know how once you progress and you're like yeah sounds good you want to be a point where you can say no to shit yeah i guess so yeah i like that who also am i bison of i'm thinking too much Olivia coleman seems like she's like happy who's that she was in

the lost daughter so random that's not envious but like I love her I think she looks like she's like Miley Cyrus like that looks so fun

that's what I mean she's my Robert Pattinson like kind of was on this and then she like backed out a little bit and then like started rocking and doing covers plastic cards blah blah blah And now it's like, number one song.

I'm like, and she seems really in her element. Yes. Whereas before she was like, Liam, like, and even before that, you know what I mean? She like took step back, whether subconsciously or the industry didn't fuck with her for a second. You know what I mean? Yep. And now it's like, Miley, Miley, Miley, good for you. And she looks really fully herself.

Yes. I said too much. No, I love that. I love that. Yeah. It was perfect. Thanks. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

That's a good question. Extreme wrath or anger. I mean, like, I was over at home for Christmas, and, like, I hate the way my mom eats yogurt. What did she do? You know, like, moms when they eat yogurt? Because, like, moms and yogurt. Yeah. Pours it the fucking shit from the thigh into the glass, ceramic fucking bowl that has reindeer on it.

I'm like, I'm not yogurt. Because it's also, like, last day of break for, I'm, like, there. And my mom always does this on vacations, like, vacation times. like, I'm not eating. I'm not eating. I'm done. I'm done. Throw away the slop. Throw away the chips. I'm done. She's like eating disordering. Yeah. And she eats normally with a holiday. She eats poor tenderloin and a piece of pie. But she's like, I'm done. I'm done. I'm back to yogurt, oatmeal and 5-1. I'm like, okay, fine. Shoot yourself for the next restaurant. Enjoy. I'm like, I was just going to drink water for tomorrow. She's been like that since the dawn of fucking Aquarius. It's not even a saying. But

Okay, so that's when she pissed me off. Because she started making comments about the food. I'm like, shut up. Like, stop. Stop. You're bothering me. You realize it's like their shit and you don't have to attach to it anymore. Oh, yeah, absolutely.

I'm just like, doesn't mind the fuck I can learn. We're still doing this. So then, okay, so then she puts the Greek yogurt. Oh, I thought you were talking about the podcast. I'm like, I know, I know, I know, I know. Okay, okay. So she puts a Greek garden and then there's toppings, like granola. Oh, frozen cherries, I think.

And then I think she's. she does sugar-free chocolate chips. And then the way moms eat yogurt, I think I think people will get like, they scoop it in their mouth. And then they're like, Mads, what time is your fight tomorrow? I'm like, and then the scraping of the bowl at the end with like the getting it all out. I'm like, bruh. You are bothering me. So I think people, now I sound insane.

I have low-key misophonia, which is when you. Yes, my husband has it. Oh, yeah. You let me type next to him. Oh, dude, I can do that. It's hard candy and my mom eating. Yeah, it's a very specific. Actually, you just hate your mom.

Yeah, I think I hate my mom. It's getting better, though. Like, I'm able to sit in the room with her. Like, four years ago, I would have been like, stop with the popcorn. My husband can't do chewing. But he jokes that, like, he didn't hear my chewing until after we got married. That's hilarious. Yeah, so we've lost all the men.

No, he sounds like a nice guy. Let me know, like, if you need anything. After the priest was over, it was just... Oh, yeah, typical. Typical. When was the last time you were a sloth? So, like, do you ever let yourself have, like, a full day of doing nothing? Absolutely.

Love it. Usually, like, I mean, I could say traveling home, you kind of get home. I'm sloth-like in each of those Sundays, especially after a big chunk of time gone. You're, like, lie on the couch. But I don't think that's slothy. I think that's just, like, my... Friday night. Yeah. Yeah. Big sloth

big sloth moment. Let me think. Let me think. B-S-M. Big sloth moment. You're in your sloth era? I'm in my sloth era. You can't spell sloth without hot. Hot Girl Walk. I don't know. I've been relatively slothy.

I mean, sometimes my home gets messy because I live alone. Same. So you can just allow it. get a little bit messy. Yep. That like in a, you know, like, dudes are messy in different ways than we are. Yeah, they are.

Like, I'm like, sometimes I look around, I'm like, someone came over. Like, they'd be concerned. Yeah. Like, hoarders. But then I clean it all up. Then I clean all. Yeah.

I'm getting better at incremental cleaning. You guys are like dirty, but girls are like, you've like racketeered this apartment. Like an entire pile of crop tops from New Year's on my ground. Or like. Like the clothes I wear on New Year's, like still. Also, guys, I feel.

I feel like it accumulates and it's pretty steady. Yes. It'll be like so pristine. Someone's like, hey, can you come to dinner? And then like in five minutes the house was bombed. Yes. Yes. Oh, bombed.

Did you see Alex Earle's room? Oh, yeah. And Bethany Franklin got mad. She was like, let me clean her for you. Oh. Yeah, you pull through. She's a creative. Leave her alone.

The guy I might could have like was together with ones. Yeah. Was like, I dropped off so much laundry like 20 pounds. And I was like, dude, I did two IKEA bags, 40 pounds. and i said i have 300 more outfits than you do you go guys have like three outfits yeah they have like one pair of socks yeah they have one shirt yeah literally one literally one shirt and the rest of them i hate i'm like you have one shirt and he's like what about this one i'm like you have one shirt you've never washed their jeans before oh they don't watch it well it was last time you lusted over

someone so like who's like your celebrity crush not like real life okay celebrity crush not real life I like Like If Miles Teller was like And me and him Started talking And he had the personality Of true

I like this Because like I don't think I think he would be like rude to me And like if I ever met him I'm like He's so hot though If he was like Hmm

I had the personality of who Michael Sarah And super bad wait i'm obsessed with that like someone just like was like oh you like sweet i like a sweet motherfucker sweet they say there's sugar and everything oh my god i like nice straightforward sweet if you neg me we are done you just start calling i literally like you can't talk to me like that so mean to each other i don't like if we're nice to each other we start up and we're like really yeah i lead with nice and i think it's because you're a nice girl from

buffalo yeah i'm nice if you're nice to me i'm nice to you're a nice sweet god-given woman stop and god is a woman god is a woman my hair is so greasy final question i've been pulling out like a fucking rat's ass in the bag for the last hour honestly it's been kind of like um therapeutic to walk oh really yeah it has not come undone i might have to cut it out that shouldn't be your new tic-tok talk video where you're like watch me slowly outside of my hair as I explain how to get ready for tonight wait I need to do those videos

I'm obsessed every sorry get ready with me to go to divorce court with my ex here is a story of how I found out he was sleeping with my sister you're like I'm in I have a question for you maybe I could do something like that this is a final question I've literally never done something like that I could deal it

okay last question this is your brand now okay last question what do you do to cope your hell when you're going through it when you're scared feeling hopeless what do you do to cope i've been very honest with my friends lately and calling them or named loved one um names miles teller that's his name right miles teller i just think top gun was so fucking hot yeah then playing like volleyball on the beach you're honest with your friends yeah Because, you know, I was in a relationship once where I didn't tell them how bad it was

and I had to tell them a lot at the end. Yeah. And they were like, Maddie. There wasn't, they weren't mad. They were like, they're like, the next person you date, we're going on dates with. Like, we're coming with you. Because there was so much I let slide.

Well, yeah. And I wasn't telling them because from, you know, like one of my friends already had told me to break up with him like a month before. And like, you can't, because then you're just blah, blah, blah. So you hide a lot. You hide a lot. We're good.

I think it's good. Never, he ignored me for three days at a time. You know what I mean? If you're lying to yourself, you can't tell the truth to them. Yeah. So it's like you were put in an awkward position. So every day was awkward. I felt awkward for four months.

Because you weren't letting me. Do I have a boyfriend? He said I am his, he said I am his girl. Yeah. Like. I'm over him. Which for me, already starting with anxious attachment, moving towards secure, though. Moving towards secure.

We're reverse. Well, I thought I was moving towards secure. Okay. You're married. That's like the. most secure thing ever We're bored We are just at peace

At peace as way The girl Maddie you're fucking amazing Oh thank you And you are too This was awesome This was so much fun I had a great time

Literally didn't even think of a question For you because we just flowed We were vibing We're vibing here in the street Where can people listen to your podcast Which is amazing Yes And I laugh at the clip so hard

You guys have amazing chemistry Where can people watch you Go to your stand up Give me the goods I'm so freaking lootly So my podcast is called That Time of the Week. You can find it through my Instagram. You can find it on YouTube.

You can listen to it on any media. Oh, what else? You guys, I am touring with high frequency and I'm really funny. I'll say that with confidence. It's a really fun show for the girls and the guys. Yeah. The guys say, you know, if I'm at, if I open for a guy like Bert Kreischer or Theo Von, the guy say, she loved you about their girlfriends. I did too, but she did.

I'm like, can she talk? So I know it's fun for both parties It's fun for couples It's fun for if you're fan Of just laughing at goofy stuff There's a lot of funny jokes And I don't know why I'm telling I'm literally sold

I'm like get me a ticket And then you know like all sorts of cities Coming up I don't know when this comes out Yeah check out her website It's coming out tomorrow What? Let's fucking go

That's so swift I know Holy shit Sometimes you do a pod And they're like I don't know May Yeah they're like Okay

I will be a different gender by then So Dude I'm coming to DC Improv this week this weekend. So ticket sales are fire, fire, fire, fire. Stewart's going to be there too. So come through and last time we were in D.C., we had a really fun time that was a year ago. So I was going to tell a story, but I'm like, I got to get the fuck out of here. And then I'm going to Austin in February along with Plano, Texas, turn up. And then Indianapolis and so many more, so many socialscommedia.com. So Maddie Smith are

all my medias and blah, blah, blah. Follow on TikTok, Instagram. Yeah. And watch your and while now. Yeah. It's literally like, I'm very available. Her YouTube videos, the compilations, if I don't look at the comment, though. They're great, but don't look at them. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm over it. I don't do that. I hate when something comes up that you weren't, you didn't want to see it and you see it on, like, you're like. Yeah, Instagram talking.

You're like at a party and it's like fucking cunt bitch. And you're like, yeah, I'll have another margarita. You're like, what happened with your boyfriend? That's crazy. No, literally. It's like, sometimes the comments are like spot on too. They're like, they're savage. They're right.

They're right. They're right. right no but don't look at the comments but comment nice stuff because that's nice but i won't look at it either way because i'm zen i don't need any of you wait those two that meant that was supposed to be nice i think that was perfect everyone just followed and then unfollowed we love you guys thanks for coming home we'll talk to you later thank you bye Thank you.