Berner Phone - Manon Mathews: Marriage Nightmares & Manifestation

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Manon Mathews accumulated over 1.6 billion loops on Vine and then her comedy career blew up.  She has coped addiction, anxiety, overeating, divorce, and much more to become the bad ass bitch she is today. Her advice on manifestation, goal setting, and spirituality is mind blowing. GET TICKETS TO MY LIVE SHOW HERE: https://onlocationlive.com/hannahbernerParade Underwear: 20% of all orders using code BERN at www.yourparade.com/BERNCrateJoy: 30% off your first box when you sign up at cratejoy.com/bernFeetures Socks: Use promo code BERN at feetures.com for $10 Off your first pairTempo Fit: Go to tempo.fit and use code bern for $100 off--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The world will bring to you exactly what you ask for and make sure you leave nothing out. It almost reminds me of that movie bedazzled when he has a really small penis. And then he's like, she's like, well, I didn't know I had to ask for that. Welcome to Burning Heaven. Okay, what's up, guys? We are in heaven. Just kidding. You know where we are.

We are in hell, and I have another incredible female comedian on the line real quick before we go to hell with men. And I just want to have a quick moment to say thank you. I've been getting the sweetest, nicest, coolest, amazing messages from you guys supporting Burning in Hell. Don't forget, rate, subscribe, review. I love the DMs, but the devil will thank you if you help Burning in Hell on the podcast charts. I love you guys so much. It just makes this so much more fun to do. It's like my passion project and I love my little devils.

Also, Wednesday, November 18th, Friendsgiving with Hannah Burner is a virtual show with all my best friends. We have Ashley Heseltine, Amanda Batula, Paige de Sorbo, Taylor Strecker, Andrew Collin, Ellie Schnett, my boyfriend, Des Bishop, get tickets, link in bio and my Instagram and in the description. Friendsgiving with Hannah Burner, it's $10 a ticket, November 18th, that's going to be so fun. let's go interrogate man in now thank you so much for coming through thank you for having me like a robot i don't know why i sound like a robot but thank you for having me you're actually one of our first ever vine stars to come to hell hey you're that's definitely not true you're one they've all been in hell yeah but you have one of those like bazillion loops on vine

and then you are actually like a real comedian in that I mean I hate to say like real and fake but like you've done actual research at the groundlings upright citizens brigade second city conservatory like this is some like fancy shit um your content creator you're an author you're a podcaster you've so much shit going on and you're actually perfect perfect for this podcast because you're also really into mental health and making people laugh that's my jam and this is mental health comedy podcast so the fact you haven't been on is actually upsetting to me but here you are i'm angry already i'm gonna get fired up hell yeah i hope you know i hope i hope yeah let's get fucking into it you have some exciting stuff happening in your career right now can you explain like i know there's a book and there's yeah i mean i love that you brought up on i no one ever talks about that anymore that i was on vine so i love that because because i i loved vine so much it's like where everything started on my social media career. I've since then moved to like Instagram and Facebook and yeah, I do have a background in comedy and improv and stand up. And so that kind of like helped facilitate

a lot of my comedy videos is like combining the two worlds. And, you know, then I got married and did the whole New York thing and life kind of blew up in my face. And I was like, okay, well, I have to take it to the next level. And yeah, so I wrote a book this year. I have a podcast out. Those are kind of the two things. Those are the two big things in my life this year, whilst continuing to, you know, TikTok and Instagram. This book sounds very interesting because it says that you were routinely embarrassing yourself in improv classes, doing stand-up comedy, but being unrelentlessly dedicated, no matter how embarrassing your life was. And then you had a life-altering night out that forced you to change your ways. And I don't want you to give away anything you can't give away, but what are you talking about?

well i used to really love the alcohol um i would over consume it quite a bit but i didn't know i was over consuming it i just was like this is what i'm used to i'm used to have like i'm good at drinking yeah i really love it it makes me feel good it makes me happy it's the one thing that i look forward to in the week and there was i mean there was many nights out that were like very embarrassing but there was one in particular that really humbled me enough to where i really looked within myself and what you know what i want to be able to be this wacky goofy funny connected person without a drop of alcohol like for some reason that was like my dream because i saw my friend do it in like she seemed so comfortable sober out in the world and i was

just like in awe of her and i was like at some point one day that'll be me but like not right now because i love alcohol and i love dancing on tables or whatever and getting smashed um and so everything kind of collided you were doing comedy oh yeah i mean i was all i it was during kind of like like it all kind of came to a head during second city which was the my first uh intro to uh improv so i was in my early 20s so i hadn't i've never performed drunk drinking under the influence of anything i've never done stand up i've never done improv shows with anything in my system i don't know how that's possible it's not recommended it's very difficult if i did it i would like fall asleep on stage oh my god i

think I would be the funniest person on the planet. So I feel like the world's just waiting for it. But you wouldn't remember how funny you were. I wouldn't. And I probably wouldn't be as funny. But in my head, I would be a scream. Yeah.

I am Beyonce. And then it cut to it. And you're like, no, you're getting reported. It's a circle of bouncers taking you out. Yeah. These are all policemen circling you. Yeah. And so, yeah, I just, I knew I wanted to be this like brave soldier.

I don't know, a soldier, brave, human, courageous woman in the world without alcohol. And the time finally came when I was like, you know what? Enough's enough. And yeah, I stopped drinking. I think it was 2012. How old were you? And then every, and then I was 23. And I, you know, I could have easily not.

Like, I could have easily been like, oh, my God, I don't drink every day because I didn't. Oh, my God, I don't drink in the morning because I didn't. So like is it that bad? You know what I mean? But for me, it was that bad. It was like I knew that there was something else in this world that was calling to me. And I guess it was sobriety. And I started like really soul searching and becoming this spiritual junkie where I was reading all these books and going to Marianne Williamson and watching Bernie Brown and you, Tony Roth, all these things that was like, oh my God, I really like growing. I really like looking at my wounds and healing them and feeling more connected and more comfortable in my body i kind of got like addicted to it and it wasn't until like i

fully got i guess sober or clean or clear in my mind that like stand up even came into my brain as an option if that makes sense like i was doing improv schools whatever and it was fun but like it wasn't until i was like six months sober that i was like oh maybe stand-up's an option like all the sudden i had this new courageous and this new bravery that i didn't have before and this new comfortability and my skin that I never had before. And it was like a year in that Vine happened. So I really think that my whole life began once I cleared all the poison out of my body. It's also amazing because getting sober and doing stand-up are almost similar in that it is so vulnerable and you have to like just put yourself out there completely, like you just feel naked on stage expressing your

feelings and being judged. But when you, I like to go back to when people were children. How does this make you feel as a child when you were a kid. Yeah, where did all this, the demons start? But were you a goofy outgoing kid? Kind of. So, so at times I was. And at times I was very shy. I was, I was like an only child. And so I was really shy. I didn't talk to anybody. But with my friends, I would be very, very goofy to the point where I remember in third grade, I had a friend that said I should be a comedian. And I think I was like, okay, just like took it and ran with it. But like, I yeah I would like make my friends laugh at the movie theater I would be like outrageous and do weird stuff with shopping carts and they would love it and so I was like great but but I wasn't

always goofy with everyone I had to feel very safe and comfortable and like because society isn't necessarily open to women being really goofy outlandish and taking up a lot of space and I love the word goofy like I would consider myself very goofy and I think I remember like years ago seeing your videos online and like almost seeing that another goofy girl like you and being like if she could be goofy and own it like I could be goofy because so many people have that side to you but then it's the years of society being like no you have to act like this and like that's not appropriate the next thing you know you're boring or you're not feeling like yourself yeah yeah when we all have a goofy side to us I mean I don't I can't say we all but a lot of us have it within us and

when we see somebody else behaving that way, it gives us permission to do the same, which is why we need more and more people shining their light rather than dimming it. Yes. Now, kind of controversial question. I've had very bad bouts of depression, anxiety, and in my darkest times, I would go to Amazon and buy like 20 self-help books. How much self-help do you think is helpful versus just kind of like an industry, maybe like people trying to take advantage of people who are like lost?

Oh, so interesting that you say it like that. I am too trusting, so I never think that you'll hear about that in a little bit. So my brain does not think, oh, anyone's out to get me. I don't think anyone's taking advantage, and therefore I have been taken advantage of. So especially with the marriage story that I will tell you. So, you know, that's interesting. Like I've actually had a couple of people acting coaches in particular be like, Okay, stop reading a self-health book and read an actual, like, book with a story.

Get lost in a story. You're focusing too much on your mental health, and it's now hindering your play, and it's getting in the way of your imagination. And that's absolutely felt so true for me, where it's like, I actually had someone the other day say it. This kid, he's 21 years old, and he's this crazy, wacky TikTok or whatever, he goes by suburban prince, and he goes, man, and what do you do all day? Because I'm not, you know, I don't make videos all day. Like, a lot of people are like, I wake up and I make videos.

Like, I will make a video once every two weeks when I feel like it. When you feel inspired. Yeah. I'm similar. And I'm like, and he's like, man, and you could be doing. Yeah, you could be doing so much more. You wake up to meditate. And I was like, well, yeah, because like, if I don't meditate, if I don't do breath work,

if I don't write my feelings down a journal, I feel like I'm scared of what will happen. Like, I won't be okay, right? Like that depression or anxiety will come through and I'll snap at something. Like, I don't know. And so I'm so used to just like filling my whole world with mental health and self-help so that like I feel peaceful and comfortable and connected in the world. And he's like, man, and if you're living your passion and you're making videos, you won't need to meditate every damn day.

And for some reason, even though like, for some reason i really heard that i was like you know what if i was dancing and doing more things that brought me joy maybe i maybe i i wouldn't need so much meditation if that makes sense so i do think that there's a healthy balance in their words like can you meditate and make a darnest thing they do they do i was like a little too fucking real with you i'm like okay you don't even pay taxes so let's calm it down exactly i do think that there's a beauty in like a balance of things and that like I do love meditation but I also think that like you can meditate for it I don't want to bring up cults however have you heard of the like nexium stuff there's basically this cult it always starts with like self help but then it turns in all these like type A people who end up just being obsessed with this cult and like their growth within this cult and they quit their jobs and they're just all invested in this cult and it's like at some point you're like wait wait but you lost what brings you joy and your like original dreams and all that I'm not saying you're in a cult because you're not but it just shows how I do think some of the self-help stuff like when you're paying like hundreds of dollars for these like programs and all this stuff at some point it's like are you just losing money and being taken advantage of versus you taking what you need from it and then just enhancing like what you love to do yeah I think there's a healthy balance I see no issue with spending money on I have I've spent thousands of dollars on self-help and coaches and I and I need that because left to my own devices I'm very I could rest on my

lower laurels very easily and not do a damn thing because I'm comfortable in the world so sometimes I do need that outside person be like okay man and let's create a game plan and you know that time's not free like you know you you also value what you pay for and so if it was all free and you just do it people would be fine but people are not thriving people are depressed and they're anxious and they do need help and I do need help you know what I mean and so to spend a little money on yourself is a really good thing but to overdo it and to fill your life with only that and to

lose what brought you joy not so much so there's got to be a healthy balance right but i think i think it gives people i don't know what nexium is but i know what all the other um i've definitely heard about a lot of experiences where they start devoting all their time to that and i think it's just another it's like one addiction to the other it's just like well this is bringing me join connection like they're getting something from it right whether it be human connection or feeling part of a community like we all want to feel part of a community we all want to feel part of a community we You all want to feel connected and creative. Like there's a higher purpose for you.

Yeah. Oh, I love this because obviously it's fun to be like, yes, like I discover self-help. It's fun. But there's a way that it could be like dangerous and there's a way to use it in the best possible way. And also everyone's different. That's the hardest thing. You can't just read a book and it like speaks directly to you. And even 10 years.

Oh, totally. And you can read the same book 10 years later and be like, oh my God, I never noticed this, this, this and this. everybody focuses on different things so i want to get to some meaty stuff what happened with this marriage um i fell in love in new york city with a man who lived uh in australia i don't know how that happened but it did i found i found him on instagram wait this is 90 day fiance yeah i was on the show no one was recording us but it happened um it literally almost it's not far off I mean, the timing, we got engaged after four and a half months, but it was kind of one of those things where they actually talked about this on The Bachelor at last night, where you know when you know, you know, you know, so I saw him. And within seconds, I was like, oh, that's the man I'm going to marry. And I never had that happen before. It was just like, well, I don't know. We met. It was like the dream come true. I mean, I don't want to. I get it. I get it. I already get it. Well, and he was just so present and like hot. And like.

And, like, an accent, like, leave me alone. I don't, you can't, whatever. I've gone down that path before. I told my, from my experience, I think Australians are so sexy, so hot, almost dreamlike, but they'll ruin your life. They will ruin your life. That is not. What did your parents think?

I had, I was, I was engaged with an Australian while another Australian was trying to confess his love and proposal to me. So two Australians, I don't know what's going on. But here's what the first Australian was not really Australian. He was Scottish and he just happened to live in Australia. So, I mean, he's not like full bread, full blood, full bread Australian. I don't even know. Anyway, long story short, we had the wedding of our dreams and it was beautiful and he had my name tattooed across his chest.

Oh, my God. We were like the couple, the power couple, at least in my mind. How many months until you had the wedding day since you met? So we met November 1st, 2017, and the wedding was on July 14th, 2019. Mm-hmm. Okay. So it was a quick engagement and then you took your time, planned the most beautiful wedding of your dreams. Mm-hmm.

I had three wedding dresses. Oh, my God. Not because I'm extra, but because they gave. them to me and I was like well I'm gonna wear all of them I guess oh my god and they were all like each had their own little like the wedding dress that I wore was like my dream wedding dress and then I was like okay cool now it's time for the reception dress which was kind of this like lush pink dress and then right at the end I slipped into something a lot more comfortable that was still a white beautiful dress and it was a great wedding also at the height of your like exposure and social media's

thriving for you right and so like companies were like here free free free free free take this take this take this and so we had a lot of it sponsored which i'm so grateful for not only because the wedding not only because everything crashed down and that would have been a i don't know he treated me like an absolute queen like people would see us and they'd be like oh my god you guys dance the same manon you met your match like he's obsessed with you you love him this is beautiful yeah get your blanket get comfortable oh i'm i'm like getting ready for this story i got my snacks get your popcorn your eminette you're eminette Grizzled the M&Ms in the popcorn.

Yes. And a week. Oh, yeah. So we moved into this new house that I bought for us, like five days before the wedding on Weddington Street, which is just interesting. You're planning your life out. It sounds like you're in marital. Oh, yeah.

We had our kids' names. We were going to have two kids. Did you have a pet together? No. Okay. Why did I say it like now? way um i say it i said it like that because the pet comes later that i i just had a psychic sense there was an animal involved but continue yeah well you're good i i just got my akashic record

certification do you know what that is no it's kind of like a psychic reading thing anyway i'll talk about that's fine yes well i didn't see this coming so clearly i'm not that good um a month after the we the wedding i got the wedding photos and they were gorgeous And I was like, oh, my God, these are everything. They're like everything I've ever wanted. And then my best friend asks me to go to coffee with him and his girlfriend. So I go. And he basically shows me 20 screenshots of my husband sending nudes and naked photos and naked videos

and saying really unkind things about his new wife to a random strange girl. and, like, saying things like, man, it's nothing, she's useless. I'm not going to be with her forever, that's for sure. You're my true queen. I love you. I always have. I always will. And naked videos and photos of him in the shower.

Like, so I'm looking at these screenshots and I'm going, wait, what? What? Like, everything in my world turned upside down because I have to tell you, this man, we were together every second of every day. he was your best friend he was my best friend we got along perfectly like sure there was some heaviness and like we were we tried marriage so like it's not easy to be like okay now we're getting married like you have to grow and get uncomfortable you have to get comfortable with the things that made you uncomfortable was your sex life good it was okay it was it started off great but it wasn't

it didn't end great like there was some there was some like you know what so i later found out So he admitted the whole thing, blah, blah, blah, blah. We went to three months of therapy. You know, I didn't trust the guy because I later found out that he was still, he was behaving like this almost the entire relationship. And I didn't know it. When you confronted him, what did he say? He said, he went to the floor and cried and said, I did it.

I'm so sorry, but it was never in person. It's just in my head, it's reality. It's fantasy. It's not. He doesn't really know the difference between fantasy and reality. And so he has this secret world that he talks to many women and does this. And I had no idea because I'd never thought to check his phone. I'm not that kind of person.

Also, if he's living this double life, it's easy for him to like really be in one with you and then out of it. Because he's like not even making it real in his head when it's like, it's emotional, severe emotional cheating. severely and not only that you know what hurt me the most was the stuff he was saying saying about me because if it was just sexual and it was just like a couple of times and then i found out i feel like we could have made it past that because why did he have to come at you why yeah why bring me into it that's so weird and i think the reason is um well what he said was he had to make me small to make himself feel bigger because the girls, like, would leave and be like, well, no, you're married. And so he'd have to be like, well, no, not really. Like, she's nothing

in order for them to stay. But I don't know what woman was like, like some of these women are confusing to me that they would go, they would see that he's publicly married and in love. And he would be like, I have my soulmate and my one. And she's the best woman I've ever known. And they're, you like they're both in my opinion shitty people at that point so or highly sick is a better term is it is like yeah they're they're very sick and like they're clearly going for unavailable or emotionally unavailable men of some kind or some kind of fantasy that is a high to them you go to therapy you're i mean your world must be crashing in your head and you probably are lying to yourself in some way because it's too hard to face that reality that this man

who you thought is your soulmate is a monster. Yeah, I was definitely lying to myself. I was, I, that was my lesson. My lesson was, dude, like the trusting. I was way too trusting. I was believing his words. He had, he had, his linguistic power, his language and the way that he would say things with such intensity and like absoluteness, really almost, I allowed that to,

dictate my feelings rather than my gut. So there were a few times, like, right, the sex, right? So like later in the relationship, in the beginning, it was like sex, great. Fells amazing, connection. And then there were times towards the end where my body was not open to him. It was like literally like, don't like, but I didn't, but I would allow it. But in my mind, I was like, I think I have issues. And so I would go to these feminine workshops because I thought I was the problem when really my body picked up that he was a liar and was like, no, you are not going to procreate with this man because the body is so smart. The body knows way more than our mind and it knows. If your mind doesn't tell you, your body will. Your body will, like listen to that body

and I wasn't listening. I was listening to his words rather than my body going, dude, something's off. I think a lot of girls when they find out their partner cheats, they can't have sex with them And they think it's like, oh, I need to like work on myself. No, no, no, no. You're not ready because you are still not trustworthy of him and you don't want to give yourself to him. And yeah, it's such a, it's not an issue with you. It's just a valid emotional and physical response. Energy doesn't lie.

The body doesn't lie. People lie. You felt his energy and his energy was toxic and you didn't want that toxicity. Yeah. And then I wrote and then I wrote my book and I wasn't going, you know, I was quiet about everything for a year, almost a year. almost a year like 10 months or whatever and people were like where is he like why isn't he in your post and i just had to like in the public eye we forget about all of this where you guys had a full social media wedding yeah people yeah i know because you had to post about the brands that they gave

you stuff so like people were invested in this shit yeah they were like where is he like you guys are a dream couple you're our model couple all of these things and i just and i don't know why i went to therapy. I think I did because, you know, everybody in my life was like, man, and run. This is too soon to be, you just got like run. Just run. He's like, do yourself a favor. And I just couldn't because I loved him so much. And I was like, but I married him. And I just had to at least give it everything I had. Yeah. So that when I did walk away, I felt complete. And how long did that take? It was a three month therapy experience. We weren't living together or anything like that. So we weren't like an actual couple but once therapy started i think around september 1st and then we didn't start therapy until

like mid-october so for that first month and a half we didn't see each other and we weren't really speaking he had he said he was working on himself and so then we finally went to therapy and for three months and the therapist would suggest stuff and he wouldn't really take it seriously he said he was but his actions showed otherwise and you know i caught him a couple of other times and some lies. And I was like, okay, I'm done. Like, like if you're still doing this after everything, I have to, I have to walk away now. And it was really hard. It was really hard because I didn't, you know, I didn't see it the way that a lot of other people saw it. I saw a little boy in pain who needed attention and who was really sick inside and was suffering. And I wanted to

comfort him. And, but I couldn't, I was doing it at the expense of my own happiness. It's almost a form of self-hate to be like, my emotions, I don't care. I will be here for you regardless of how much pain you cause me because I'm used to pain. I always have pain. But I will try to fix you or help you. And like, you can't fix people. Well, yeah. And it was like, and I had to really ask myself, but I understand that I can be there for him and I can separate the two and I'll be an angel in his life or whatever and help him grieve his life.

And I'm also not God, so I can't actually do that as much as I think I can. And the other thing was, okay, let's say we do move past it. You know, the times that we were spending together, every time his phone would go off, I would get this shitty feeling in my stomach. And I was like, oh, I don't want to live like this. I actually don't want to live like this. Like even if we do make it through, how long is this feeling going to last where I'm constantly wondering who he's texting?

I don't want to live like this. And so that's when the self-love came from. for me where I was like, oh, I actually don't want to have this. It must be actually so empowering that you left. During that hard time, though, did you ever get the urge to drink and just be like, I need to fucking black out? Oddly enough, I didn't. That was, that's the weirdest part.

Like, I, I, I drink. Like, I have enough issues right now. I don't need to get back into that game. No, no, I was just like, I need to feel all this because I was like, I needed to cry. I needed to feel. I needed to be with my friends and family. I think I get the urge to drink when I get bored, not when things get bad. Yeah, there's a bazillion things going on that you could stress about.

Why know that? When things get good and I'm like, oh, life's fun or boring, that's when I'm like, oh, I want wine. Yeah. I joke when people were like, I'm drinking so much during and like bored during quarantine. I'm like, there's so many things to be depressed about right now. How do you have time to just drink and not care? Oh, yeah.

Alcohol sales are up like 50%. But you're also a very goofy, hilarious, successful female comic. As a girl about town when you were dating, how did men receive that? Do you think he was a good partner? Because he mentioned, like, he wanted to make you small. Did you feel like he was the right guy to date you, considering, like, did you think it was a good emotional match? Yeah, I did.

in the past had you found that because sometimes like funny girls dating finding the right guy is hard when you're a funny girl yes that's true i've gotten really lucky i've had great partners in the past where either they've been really funny and we've been able to play off of each other yeah or or they find me entertaining regardless and we have a deeper connection some other way i will say with this one this was a more deep deep deep spiritual connection where i felt like we had past lives together so the humor it didn't start off humorous it kind of we kind of built our own little sense of humor now looking back i see that like he didn't embrace my comedy as much as i think he would have if he had been free in his life because there were moments where he was laughing and i will say that we laughed a lot more after

he came clean about what he did because he was free people don't laugh if people are mad at themselves they're not going to laugh in the world does that make sense yeah well you can't loosely if you're dealing with lies or you're filtering everything you do or you're paranoid about something you cannot just be loose to have a mouth orgasm exactly exactly you can't orgasm when you're in your head with your vagina yeah and so i i always found that i was like i'm so funny and he's not like laughing that much and i wonder why and i just always thought well he had a hard child and he's he's having a hard time on the planet like he had a lot of stuff to deal with and i wanted to be the person to like guide him to the light or whatever um and once once everything kind of came out he had an

easier laugh and we laughed more and so I always found that interesting I get sad I cry every month but I don't talk to him anymore we don't speak I've I grieved a lot of my feelings in front of him if that makes sense and so because he would always be like like early on he'd be like give me your pain let me have it don't take this out on anybody else I'm the one that deserves this and so like he would hold the space for me while I would like kick and scream and cry and process the pain that you know he inflicted and then i took time and took space and now we don't talk anymore and um that's because the book came out and he was pretty upset about that even though i gave him forewarning i said listen i want you to know my books coming out there is a chapter where i

disclose what happened and and then since then he decided to you know change his number not talk to me choose to do that chapter what are you talking about i had to like for me to for me to keep this in would be just to protect him yep it's like protect him or or so many possible or like yeah all the women that have yeah all the women that have messaged me being like this happen this happened it's like beyond what the purpose is like this was absolutely supposed to happen to me so that i could share it and be honest. And it's only helped me connect with a whole new audience of people relate to so many more people on the planet. I didn't really relate to being cheated on. Like when people would talk about it, it kind of went over my head. I was just like, I don't know

what that is. Like I tried to like, yeah, that sucks, but I didn't really get it. And I feel like now I get the pain and the trust and like how you really have to trust your partner if you're going to be with them. Like once the trust is broken, where's the foundation? And what I love about this book, it's called Funny How It Works Out, and you basically, you tell all these stories and you help people find lessons in their own journeys to grow from their past, manifest their best lives. I cannot wait to read this book. You guys have to buy it. You also talk about like goal setting and manifesting. I want to shift more into your career because you are crushing it and you have been crushing it for years in a world where there's trends.

and people have hot moments and you have really solidified like a place for yourself online as a fucking hilarious female content creator. Do you have any advice for goal setting and manifestation for people? Well, thank you for saying all that. Yeah, I figured at the back of the book to just put a few like 30 lessons and like how to just get out of yourself basically like so to get moving into goal setting. Goal setting, a lot of it comes with writing stuff down. I know it seems simple. But unless we visually see it on paper, it's, it's probably, unless you're just some superstar and you're like, I can just achieve my goals regardless in my head. It really helps to write stuff down, to put a date to it, to number it in order of importance. So you can actually,

so your unconscious mind can visually see and make it happen and come to you. So that's been very powerful is to, you know, give it a date when. So it's like, it's not like, I'm going to to be I'm going to um what is what is I don't even know what it's what's a goal well it's like yeah I'm going to pass my driver's test great by when right because it's like even giving it a date makes it more tangible and more real and then it starts becoming a manifestation because then you're like by this time I'll see myself driving a car and I envision it and it's going to happen and I will be picking up my mom at the airport when she needs me and it becomes like just a reality in you're subconscious. Yeah. And you can reverse engineer it by going, okay, so I just gave myself

one month. So now what I need to do in those 30 days to do it? Okay, I need to read this many pages. How many pages a day? If this book is 60 pages, okay, that's, I don't even know, two pages a day. So like it starts becoming real and more tangible to attract it. Yeah, because if the unconscious mind is picturing it happening, right? The unconscious mind doesn't know the difference between reality and fantasy. And so picturing it is basically, telling yourselves in your body that it is happening and you can make it happen a lot easier when you visualize it than when you just like, than when not visualizing it. I love that so much. What have you personally manifested? That's really worked.

Well, I did manifest the dream wedding and that experience, for sure. I didn't manifest specifically enough like I didn't fuck the whole part about him about him with me well you know what's interesting is I always had my values in guys like I manifested to a to a to a certain extent my I don't know dream guy dream wedding dream scenario like I did want an accent I guess I didn't know this like I didn't write down everything but honesty was never on that list because I never that it was almost assumed. Yeah, it was assumed. I was like, well, of course they'll be honest. Like, that's, I don't care about that. Like, because I never, I never valued it. Now that's at the top of my list. You know what I mean? And so, like, you have to get really, really specific because the

world will bring to you exactly what you ask for and make sure you leave nothing out. It almost reminds me of that movie bedazzled when he has a really small penis. And then he's like, she's like, well, I didn't know I had to ask for that. Um, I manifested the book, the podcast, the house that I'm in. How is post-divorce Manon different than pre-divorced Manon in terms of relationships, career? I know it was quick, but you went through a lot of trauma. I'm actually happier now.

I feel like there's a part of me that's very free, like the fact that just like talking about, like, I've always was in comedy and now I feel like I am in a whole other world of comedy and being able to get vulnerable and it feels like I've stepped into who I really am and I'm just a lot more, I feel freer in the world, I feel free to be messy. Yes. I, as weird as this is,

I feel like my next relationship, I don't have those boxes where it's like, these are the goals is to get married and to have a house and to have kids. Like, I'm at the point now where I'm like, I don't care. I just want to enjoy. I just want to love being around the person

and have a freedom and playful life. And I don't have that. that it's almost like there's a weight off and a pressure off to accomplish those things, if that makes sense. Because it was. I always was dreaming about my wedding. Like I was always like, oh, that boxes. Yeah.

And so now I feel like there's, who cares? It's, you know, like not in a bitter way, but what, it doesn't really guarantee anything. I don't know. Maybe that's really bitter. But it does, it doesn't, it doesn't equate to happiness is what you realized. No. Do you deal with anxiety, depression, that kind of stuff? Yeah, but I like to reframe those words.

So I got certified as a neurolinguistic programming practitioner in 2013 and then my masterprack in 2015. So I'm all about language and using language. And so I know that those are two diagnosable things that people get, but I like to say like I'm having a sad day rather than I am depressed because then my unconscious mind will hear that and start to manifest me being depressed as like a label. So I don't love labels. So I like to allow every moment to show me and to reveal something new. So if I'm feeling anxious, I like to reframe it and say like I'm

excited or rather than nervous. I like to say excited. And I like to take it as the day comes. So like because I also think it's really powerful to say I used to be. So to speak in past tense because our unconscious mind is like a five year old and it's very literal and it's always listening. So if I say I am depressed, it's going to hear me and go, okay, we're going to be, we'll give you more of this depressed. But if I say, oh, I was feeling depressed, even if it was, is the second ago, it's still the past. So when I say I was feeling depressed, what it allows is for my, for my future to be different. It goes, okay, well, if you were, now, what's the possibility of the future? And so speaking in past tense is very, very powerful. It's,

It's how I overcame my overeating issue. I used to binge eat a lot and just like, you know, eat five. If I was having any feelings, I'd be like, okay, it's time to go to the donut store. And I'd buy like five donuts and just eat and feel sick and whatever. And so one of the things I did was I started saying I used to overeat. I used to binge. Now, moving forward, I eat a perfect amount. Yeah.

And so the word now is very powerful. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, because the words you tell yourself are so powerful. I was, I played tennis. I played tennis. And they always said, like, if you're about to serve and you think, please don't double fault, don't double fault.

Your brain just hears double fault. And you will double fault. Yeah, the unconscious mind doesn't know the word don't. So you say, don't worry. Don't cross the street. Don't look, don't fall like you're going to fall. So you have to switch it into what. Instead, it's like, I'm going to hit an ace.

I'm going to hit a good story. That's right. And that's right. And I mean, the biggest thing, the reason I started burning hell and the biggest thing that's helped me in my entire life is just how I talk to myself. So it's so cool that you studied. What were the things you did and what that you studied and what was like the purpose of it? What made you do it? What made me do it was that this woman led me in like a hypnosis and I noticed like the 30 days following. I felt joy. Like I was waking up feeling

joyful rather than waking up feeling like frustrated and like sad. And, and, and, and, and And then I just took her course at Clarity Institute. And I realized how in my way I was and how defeated I was. And I thought, if I can clear all this up, who knows what I can achieve? And who knows what people I can help too? Because people are programming each other all the damn time. So if I can be in the world and be like, and your immune system is healing and it's stronger than ever and gosh you are looking younger every day and every way people are going to be like

like i'm going to leave people better than when i found them without them even knowing it like yeah they might go huh that was weird but i don't care because i can infect people with love and goodness rather than with fear which is what a lot of people are unconsciously doing even when they say the word you and they're like you know when you eat a box of donuts and you're like what no but now i'm picturing it damn it you know what i mean and so so people refer to you rather than saying me And, like, when we take responsibility and say, when I do this, it allows them to be where they're at and you're not programming them negatively. And what is the program called again? Neuro-linguistic programming.

Wow. So it's like, it's like, it's like, it's kind of a form of hypnosis, but understanding like how the mind receives words. Yeah. Hypnosis is basically a relaxed state of using NLP. So it's, it's, we get the most in our unconscious mind when we're relaxed. and in a hypnotic state then we can that's how you really like talk to the unconscious mind um is in that relaxed state so like you're being heavily programmed when you're watching TV or if you're you know relaxing it's like when you first wake up when your brain is clear

and your your thoughts aren't just racing each other yet yeah I feel like I've learned so much I feel like you've been so open with me and you are such a fascinating individual like I actually I'm leaving this podcast rethinking a lot of things. I want to play a final game with you to get a little darker. It's called the Seven Deadly Sins. Ooh.

Seven deadly sins. What are you greedy about? Money. I always want to make money. Meaning like even if it's like renting my car on an app and making a, Oh, I'm like, ooh, I just made $150. Like, literally, I was just talking to my, my, my, my friend and my mom.

And we were joking. I was like, oh, my God, my favorite toys a kid was a cash register. What, what is wrong with me? Like, I just always love numbers. You're like, oh, that's all I want to hear all day. I just, even if it's like, oh, I just made five bucks for this, for this, like, I love numbers and money. It's weird.

But what's funny is, I don't know when you started Vine, but like, putting all your time into Vine at first probably didn't see, you didn't see a media. like monetary no I was I had a bad manager for like six months who took my money I was making nothing like yeah it was really bad like I I was undervalued quite a bit because so it's weird I don't feel I haven't felt worthy of money I just like numbers and I liked making little like I like making it's really strange it's but it's so funny money is actually so mental and like the manifestation of money and I hear people talk about like even like the more you spend the more like the idea of abundance the more you spend the more you can make and just like but really as women us

believing like I am worthy and I am valued and sometimes it takes some success initially to make you feel it but you got to start somewhere and I just am fascinated by how an app like Vine where you're putting your talents into for free has escalated you into such a a career where you have so many streams of revenue it's fucking awesome who are you envious of people that are free in the world doing their passion getting paid millions so like probably Kristen Whig or like some of my favorite actors that are like on SNL and people that are just on that next level I guess but it's interesting I'm my insides are comparing to their outside so it's like I'm it's hard to say envious of i guess or like the idea i guess it's kind of the idea of them that you're

thinking of i'm envious of little kids because they get to have their childhood i that's who i'm really envious of that didn't even feel right saying like actors because i don't know what their experience is i'm just comparing but like i'm envious of the the four-year-old girl that's spinning around with her dress up going i want to be that girl so badly do you miss your childhood yeah i love i love being a kid that's always what i'm trying to get back to anyway with my videos it's just like i just want to goof off and play and have not a care in the world and feel that warmth at night where i'm like safe whenever i lose myself i always think like what would have like six year old hannah do and because that is like your before you were affected by

everything by this dark dark dark dark world we live in i know what are you gluttonous about Um, cookies, like sweets. Mm. So you had a sweet-ass tooth. Yeah, from day one. From day one. I still have it. I have to have something sweet after every meal.

And I can't function until. Like, I can't focus. It's a, it's a problem. So you. Sorry, I used to have a problem. Now moving forward, I'm able to, um, not have sweets. Or sorry, what's positive. I used to love a good sweets.

Now I just, it's weird. I have like water and I'm fine and content. I love water. I over indulgent water. I can't get enough. You used to over or like have like a binge emotional eating thing. Do you feel like now you have a better balance or have you had to kind of like restrict yourself? No, I don't restrict myself. I let myself like on my birthday, I had carrot cake and I had a piece of carrot cake every day since my birthday last weekend. I do not restrict. I had to go in into my unconscious mind and heal and I had to do this exercise I had it done on me to to work on the all or nothing mentality so I used to think right and it that trickled into my alcohol so like if I it was either 10 drinks or nothing so it's either 10 cookies or nothing it's either the whole cake or nothing which obviously was a horrible way to live and so I did that I think I modeled either my parents or I don't know what happened with my unconscious it was something that my unconscious mind did to make me feel comfort in the world and maybe

to feel protected. I just think it was a program running and now I'm on a new program which is like I feel complete and safe with just one cookie like or nothing. And you trust that you're not going to like lose fucking. Yeah. Go apeshit and eat the whole bakery, buy the bakery and start working there and eating the whole time instead of selling food. No.

I don't want the whole. Yeah. Like literally my body just got sick of thinking about that when it used to be like, yes more. Yeah. A lot is just that like that calmness and trust of like, you know, just having. one cookie might hope hypnosis works because nobody wants to restrict it's the worst thing in the world because it's like a like if you restrict then you're going to binge because the life is all about

balance and so I suggest for anyone that has an overeating issue and over drinking issue go to a hypnotist a good hypnotist I'm telling you it will work it sounds like too easy to be true but I suffered from this for 26 years of like being obsessed with how much I was going to eat when I was going to eat and I was never a restrictor. I was never someone that's like, I can't eat for four days. Like, no, I would binge and I would feel sick and I'd be like, well, I can't help it. And then I got hypnotized. And I'm telling you, it changed everything to the point where like, I remember my teacher would be like, so what's different? And I'm like, I don't know. And she's like, well, have you been around cookies lately? I was like, I guess I had one.

I can't even, what are you talking about cookie? Like, I didn't even know I had an issue before. until she was like, remember when you used to binge? And I was like, oh my God. Yeah, because binging is this preconceived notions of like, I need 10. And if you don't go in saying I need 10, and you had three could be a lot. Like you're just making up something to obsess about that is something that doesn't have to be like a goal. It's almost like how I'm like obsessed with like finishing what's on my plate. It's like, what if you weren't?

That's a great. I'm obsessed with I need to finish it. Like I'm like, if it's in front of me, it's getting. finished and that isn't a thing oh my god how i want that i want that i want that so badly i'm the opposite i'm like let it be let it be unfinished that's fine i need the i need that right now let me finish let me finish it one bite and i'm like that's just oh you mean food food oh i thought you meant like tasks oh i was like that's a great problem to have productive thinking you're like oh you want cross everything off your list yes yeah yeah yeah i forgot about food

When was the last, I know, you've been hypnotized to the point you're not, I'm thinking about food 21st, seven. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger? What do you think? When I saw, when I checked the dude's phone and saw that he was still telling girls that he loved them and he always will, I went, and this was a month after it all happened. I, I got so angry. I screamed bloody murder.

I had, you know when you scare yourself screaming? I don't know if you've ever had that, but I was like, oh, I didn't know I could ever sound like that. This is horrifying. And then I spit on him. Oh, I love that for you. It like came out, like my mouth got saliva and then I spit on his gray sweater. I'm kind of understanding what you mean where he was sick. He clearly was an addict of some kind. Yeah. But at some point, you have to stop with the empathy for him and have some empathy for yourself. Oh, 100%. I was like, you know what? I'm now doing myself a disservice by engaging with a sick person. So I'm either sick or I have to do the loving thing to myself and allow him to have his experience, but not be his

guide or God or whatever it is. Because clearly I could not fix. There was nothing I could have done because I tried and it didn't work. So whatever. Let it go. When was the last time you were a sloth? So like had a really lazy day. Because you have a podcast, you have books, out you're doing a bazillion videos who knows what other projects you're doing with acting and stuff do you ever just i i'm a sloth every day i have to tell you like this is what this 21 year old guy was telling me he's like man and you don't do anything you're lazy and i was like i have like i will accomplish stuff sure but it's not easy i'm not up and at i'm like okay and i'm ready to take the day i have i am just like i chill a lot of the time and i hurry up and chill like i'm

like, I got to get home so I can just rest on the couch. So I would like to say a lot of the days, I love that, maybe I should state this in the past. I used to be lazy. Now moving forward, I'm productive. I rest a lot. I really do. I take a lot of lazy days, especially when my mom's in town. Oh, my God. That's all we do is sit on the couch and have coffee. Oh, I love it. Like you're about to need coffee to do something, but you need coffee to not do anything for the rest of the day. Exactly. Oh, yep, story of my life. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? I mean, sometimes brands will reach out and it's like, I'm like, no.

I don't know. My acting, I had a conversation with my agents and managers yesterday. And I didn't act prideful, but in my mind, I was very prideful. Like, this is bullshit. I need, what are we doing here? What are you guys doing for me? But I didn't say that. I was just like, okay, I'll send you some new headshots, as if that's going to change

everything yet to thin line being like i deserve better and just being like is this my ego talking i still feel i'm i'm not so much prideful i'm more on the i i'm still i heavily was all all the way on the i don't deserve anything to now i occasionally will still feel undeserving of i have to like work to feel that way i have to work to feel prideful on vine did you feel worthy of a billion loops? I just never felt it was good enough. I was comparing it to the person of 10 million loops. So no, I still feel like I'm not,

I still compare and despair my 68,000 or a million on Facebook to, I go, I think I should have 10 million followers like everybody else I know, but I don't. And so poor me. I get really self, self pity about it. in comparison comparison is the root of a lot of unhappiness yeah so i have to like work to be grateful i have to be like i'm grateful that anybody is is listening hold on manon let me write sides there's a lot of people that don't have any followers and that would dream of that so let me just

humble and be grateful but i get really pissy about it you and you and like you everyone you know is doing the same game as you yeah they are and they're all ahead of me damn it. But I wrote a book. It's fine. And I, and I, my point, it's like they're ahead of me numbers wise. I can't always look at the numbers. I just love numbers. And so I can't help but look at the numbers and let it determine how successful or well I'm doing. So that's why I've become obsessed with spiritual and self-help because I want to feel lovable and worthy and good in the world regardless of the numbers. When was the last time, final one, you lusted over someone? ooh you know who i thought was really hot the guy from um emily in paris oh i actually i didn't watch it but

i saw the clips that guy is so hot you love an accent i get i don't care about accents anymore i have resentment at accents i just thought he was really hot and i just liked the way he looked at her um lusted at someone you know the guy that they're in my book i write about this guy who when i was engaged we got lunch and he he like laid out everything that he could provide me he basically said I know you're engaged but I wanted to let you know

if you decide not to move forward with him what I can provide you. I can provide you travel I could take care of you if you didn't want to work I know you're a working woman but if you didn't want to or he couldn't I could take care of you and I just sat across from him and like stared and at that point I don't know if it was lust but it was just like

it's every what every woman wants to hear I feel is just like the way he was just proposed but he wasn't making a move he you know he never made a pass in me he was just like laying out his feelings and what he could provide and i just got to witness it and it was just so sexy where is he but i had to but i immediately walked away and called you know called my husband i was like this guy um i have just have to you know i had to be honest yeah because i i couldn't just like keep that to myself and obviously he didn't like it and then they had a conversation it was weird but it's on the book you don't like what other people get involved okay well where is that guy now

He's in Australia. Interesting. Wait for book number two to see how it played out. Yeah, I'm pissed off that I never went with that guy and that I stayed with a pathological liar instead. Do you know how pissed off I am about that? I'm so angry. You could still reach out to that guy.

No, it's too late. Are you single now? I'm not. Oh. I have a secret boyfriend. I love that. but I'm not talking about it because I'm trying to do it differently I love that well I could see how it could be traumatizing like I don't want to put it online yeah last time it didn't turn out well and and you had to explain yourself in a book about it I have I have two final questions one is just for me do you think me and you met in a past life no was that evil I had I had to answer me and you yeah I don't think so I think this is our first time meeting this is exciting what do you think what do you think we're gonna say yeah

i feel like i have i feel like i feel like i think we have to physically be with you but i do feel like i think we have to physically be around each other too yeah but i do feel good but that doesn't mean that we had a past life that's true that's true you know my i it or it's just one because sometimes you have multiple but if you feel good around someone because i feel good too okay we're feeling good we're feeling good and we're maybe it's one i think it might be one um okay finally because i need to get out of my chest we like to wrap every episode up with just a little piece of advice of what would you tell the little devils that they should do when they're going through hell to cope like what do you do to cope with your hell when you're going through it take put on

some loud music for 10 minutes scream kick move your body around scream into a pillow allow yourself to cry hold yourself get out those emotions don't keep that in it's okay to cry it's okay to kick and scream let it out of your body energetically dance it out right right everything out everything that you're angry about out onto a piece of paper until you get it all out don't keep it in it's okay to express it though keep it on your no keep it keep it yeah and then light a fire and burn it or whatever or just close it for until next time i fucking love that man and you're amazing where can people follow you? Where can people purchase their stuff? Where can people watch you? Give me all the goods. Um, on Instagram, Facebook and TikTok, you can find me at Manon Matthews or if you want a spiritual

side. You can go at Man infestation. And then, uh, my podcast is serious but funny, B-U-T-T. And then my book and audio book is funny how it works out. Hell yes. Thank you guys so much for coming to hell. And I'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha.