Berner Phone - Marriage & Martinis: Choking Your Husband & Hot Mess Moms

Episode Date: February 26, 2020

The first married couple to go to hell discusses how they met, why they sleep in different beds, being married with scrupulosity OCD, how often they have sex, the closest they got to a divorce, how their sex has gotten more wild, and much more hell. GET TICKETS TO MY COMEDY SHOWS IN LA, SF, TX, CHI, WI, NJ, CT at hannahberner.com SHIPSTATION Use the code BERN to try ShipStation FOR FREE at shipstation.com BELLESA Visit bboutique.co and get 15% off your new toys and free US shipping today when you use code BERN at checkout! GLOSSIER Get 10% off your first order on Glossier.com/podcast/BERN --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wow, it's my first married couple in hell, and I got to say, it was one of the freakyest conversations I've ever had in a good way, in a good sexual way. I have a comedy tour coming up, you guys. We have L.A., San Francisco next week. Then I booked Chicago and Madison. Go be yours. So if you're in Chicago, Wisconsin, get ticks. We have Texas coming up, Connecticut, New Jersey. I'll do all the accents for all of them.

Go to Hanibur.com and get your tickets, or just my link in the Instagram bio. Enjoy this episode. What's up, guys? We're in hell with our first ever married couple. Hell is a scary place and marriage can be a scary place as well. So I'm, you guys reached out to me to decide to come here, which is, crazy of both of you. I want to welcome Adam and Danielle Silverstein or Stein. Oh, Silverstein. Yes, I got it right the first time. Well, welcome to hell. Are you excited to be here? I think I'm excited to be here. I'm waiting to hear what we have to get into first.

Adam's a little more nervous thing. I think so. Daniel's like, I don't have a shit, whatever. I don't have any demon. No. Okay. Well, I don't believe you. Well, you guys started this podcast. How long have you had your podcast? Marriage and Martini. Sorry, my best friend of Martinez and Murders. It's a lot of drinking in my life happening. So Marriage and Martini's, you guys have to rate, subscribe, review, listen to it. It's amazing. And I'm going to be on it as well. So when did you guys start it? We talked about doing it. I brought it up one night, like, randomly when we were sitting around. And I just like, out of nowhere, it was like, we need to start a podcast. And I can get into the back story. How old were you at the time? 26. Okay, wait, can I just tangent here? Yeah.

We just interviewed my parents for our podcast. They've been married 55 years. And I remember sitting across from them feeling young. And now I'm sitting here and I'm like, fuck. Isn't this suck? We're old. You guys, I was just talking to my friends how I'm old. No, you're not.

Okay, so now I'm really old. Thanks for bringing that across. I was, what, 39 when I spoke about, I'm 42 now. No, so you were 40. I was 40 when I first brought it. up and so I said it to him and then he looked at me I thought he was going to be like that's the dumbest idea ever and he looked at me and he was like all right yeah like that's not a bad idea well in all fairness you did wait till we were like three drinks in

to bring it up to me well that's what I that's well obviously any wife knows that's when you bring something up you've been married for 20 years no we've been married for almost 18 years together for 20 okay okay this is you said no like oh my god And she was like, ew, I would never. But, no, it's 18. 20 sounds so long. As a 28-year-old, I joke that this is like the last year I'm going to be single and okay. Because like the second I turned 29, people are going to be really worried about me.

And it's like something about 28 is like the last good year that you're like an independent woman. And then 29 people are like, okay, what are you fucking doing wrong? And like, why are you just doing like clown jokes at night while like your eggs are dying? What's going on? While your eggs are dying? I want to before we get into this your podcast and every all the crazy shit you guys do because you guys are wilds I want to begin with how you guys met okay all right where do we begin which time set the scene the first time what other time do you want to tell it no you go ahead

because it's kind of like okay like a sappy nice story and like what's not really it's not adam's brand okay so we first met in high school we went to like this is like the we went to like we went to like private schools across the street um sounds so like that scene in um best of show when they're like the starbucks yeah a beautiful suburban story yeah exactly so um so we met in high school he was like the quote on the quintessential bad boy at you know he was like yeah yeah without getting too into it and boring everybody who's listening already just she went to private school her whole life uh-huh i went to public school my whole life uh-huh

fucked around a little too much so I was sent away to boarding school so I wasn't like that means you're bad I wasn't prep school primed to you know be in that situation so I guess you could quote unquote me as bad kid you do have a tattoo on your finger and your four yeah yeah but these are but these are recent they're new this is for the podcast oh my gosh he has a martini and a little podcast audio sound on top of it and then it's my instead of a ring so I wasn't like the like trust me I was Meanwhile, we almost got divorced like a year ago. I'm like, you would have had to remarry someone with a D. No, I could turn this into like a heart or something.

So he has a D for Danielle on his ring finger. We're going to delve into that more. There's so many demons going on. I can't even handle it. So how did you meet him if he was... She reminds me of Becca, doesn't she? A little bit. So that relates to the story because she was our mutual friend who introduced us.

Oh my God. So Becca, for some reason, thought that I would like Adam. So weird. think about looking back but she's like he's gross i don't know why she's about that she's like he's an asshole you'll love him she's like he's poor i'm just kidding so so she set us up we went out one night i actually kind of like really liked him like a date date what a kids do i think yeah i think we went to like a coffee shop and then went back you know and to his dorm room and i like hid in the closet because he was at boarding i had to be back at a certain time you know

i was living in school oh he's naughty yeah Yeah, that's like the military, but when you're not strong enough, I get it. So I slept over at his dorm room. Yeah. And then the next morning, I had a field hockey game. So you had a, you slept over first night. We didn't sleep together. I mean, we, like, slept together, but we didn't sleep together.

So the next morning, I go out to my car, to a hockey game. He, like, drops me off, gives me a kiss, whatever. And then goes to meet his girlfriend for breakfast at the cafeteria. You had a girlfriend? I had no idea, obviously. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. So that was Adam.

So then we, I don't know, we fell out of touch or something. Fast forward a few years. I'm at NYU. He comes into the city to visit friends, calls me for like a booty call. You're fun. Right? I like to keep things, you know. I go to meet him where he tells me to meet him.

He totally stands me up. Two years later, I'm dating this asshole. You have a type. This is, right. We have the same type. Okay, yes. But we're fun, you know, it would keep things interesting. Yeah.

Especially when you're waiting on them at 2 a.m. Because, you know, my. That wasn't my story, but anyway. So we, so I go out with this guy, and this is like the beginning of online dating. I mean, this is 1999. Yes. So you were like breastfeeding or something. I was doing watercolors, okay?

And I was good at them. So I go out with this guy and he, he says to me, oh, have you heard about j-date? It was like the Jewish dating site. I mean, it was brand new. I know friends who got married from it. Okay, so I come home from going out with this guy and I'm like, I hate him. I come home. I say to my best friend, I'm like, we have to check out this J-date site.

So we go on and we're scrolling. And you know how, I don't know what it's like now, but it used to be where it was like a nickname. So instead of like Adam, it would say like a username, macho man 52 or whatever it was. Do you remember my nickname? So I see him and I'm like looking and I'm like, wait, I know that guy. And then I'm like, wait a minute. I totally hooked up with that guy. So I sent him a message and I'm like, hey, you know.

How old are you at this point? See, you're in college. Okay. And timing was crazy because I'd only been on there for a few days. I literally just because my friend told me about it. No, I hear that story all the time where it's like, the first date I went on on Tinder I'm married. I'm like, that is one in a million.

Well, wait a minute, no, because I was on there, I think, for two or three days, maybe a couple days more. My friend told me about it and figured, why not? Like, it's just another way to meet girls. Yeah. Good idea. Yeah. And I didn't live in the city. I was working, living at home in New Jersey.

Like, I didn't have, like, a good outlet to meet people. Yeah. And I had a date set up with somebody on J-Date for the same night, Danielle and I set up as well just in case. Just in case you wanted to bail on Danielle. I don't know who I was, I didn't know. I don't remember the story specifically, but I ended up talking to Danielle, like we were chatting. I keep going. So we just ended up like, I don't know why I messaged him after being stood up and him going out with someone else.

Like, I don't know what in me was like, oh, well, maybe he's a nice guy now. So don't learn from your mistakes. That's the lesson here. Yeah. I don't even know, like one day, what am I going to tell my kids? I can't be like, don't go out. He's a jerk. They're going to be like, well, you've dated dad.

So, yeah, so we ended up talking in like the rest is history. So you guys dated from that moment on? Well, so it was our second first date that we met at a place here in the city. I think it's closed now, right? Yeah, by merchants. Yeah, that was back when we could go and like smoke cigarettes down inside in the bar. And like, we were there from four in the afternoon until two in the morning. like kicking back chain smoking chain smoking chain like two packs of cigarettes each those were the days

10 drinks each like it was now kids are blowing their brains up from jeweling which is way less cool yeah sorry it got dark so that's kind of our our story and you know it's like I feel like it's been a rocky roller coaster ever since but like also you know I say it's like it's like a beautiful shitstorm yeah oh I love that. That should be like your new bio on Instagram. Yes. I think that, I mean, everyone's kind of a beautiful shit storm.

I have a new comedy show called Dumpster Fire, and that's kind of like on the same brand. It's just embracing the messy, and then that's how you can grow from it. I'm on this show Summer House on, which I'm talking about, because it's about to air. Kyle and Amanda are two people that are getting engaged. And they're in a house of just messiness, and we all know about their relationship a lot because we're watching it. And there's so many bumps and bruises. But at some point, you're like, what they're doing is really difficult. And I don't know if I'd be able to put my, like, fiancé and my relationship,

their wedding planning is a nightmare. And it's just like, but no one's perfect. I know it's done it perfectly. When, tell me about the proposal. When did you guys know that you were the one for each other? When she told me? Yeah, pretty much. How'd you know he was the one for you?

Um, how did I know? When we went to Atlantic City and, um, he started handing me $100 bills to go gamble. I was like, put a ring on it, baby. No, um, I thought he was in the mob when we first started dating, like for real, because he took me, you know, I was, like, a poor college student. And, you know, the only reason, like I dated so that I could get free dinners and, you know, I had no money. So when I started dating him and he didn't, he wasn't in school, he was working, so he had money. Not that this is why I'm married. Like, this sounds like But what I'm saying is that we went to Atlantic City and my friends and I used to drive to Atlantic City for the night and like pull our $40 together to play, you know, try to make it

last like for six hours. And then all of a sudden I go with him. He takes me upstairs to this like palatial penthouse suite at, you know, in Atlantic City for like our second date. And then we go downstairs and he's gambling and he's like handing me $100 bills. And I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I call my mom and I'm like, my, I think he's in the mafia or something. But meanwhile, he just had no other expenses. He was just working and, you know, wasn't like I was in school. I didn't, you know, I worked, but I, you know, made $5 an hour. So, so I guess, I don't know.

How did we? I guess I sort of like, I was in New York. He was in New Jersey and I was sort of like, well, if I'm going to move back to New Jersey to be with you, I want some kind of like, you know, I'm not moving. back to New Jersey and then like you leave me and so I don't know I don't want to say I trapped I'm into it so you moved to New Jersey yeah I moved well I was from New Jersey so I moved back from and then you guys moved in together when you got the ring no before before yeah but we were young too what were we yeah 23 but it's funny my parents got married at 24 and 25 that's what you did

yeah what was I did you realize we're not your parents age right yeah my parents are like 54 55 we're close they were young he was giving me attitude and also my grandparents they were 18 when they got married and we're just elongating the process my brother is actually engaged though and he's 26 oh okay um but i always had a vision that i was going to get married at 29 that's like a new york city mentality but i'm 28 and i'm talking to no one right now so you never know you never yeah i always tell my friends who get stressed out about the timeline i'm like it just takes one person and then it's like totally you're on it but society makes it like do you guys believe in soulmates you think you have one soulmate no I don't you guys hate each other sometimes why do we seem like we

no I'm just kidding no there have certainly been times when like we have it's been bad for sure well I think that's what makes your podcast so interesting I was reading an article about how like you guys have gotten to huge fights and your podcast. You guys made each other cry on Adam was like crying hysterically. Yeah. Yeah. Don't bring that up. Yeah, there's there's definitely, but that's the reason why we decided we wanted to do it, you know, because we go places where most married couples aren't willing to go. Yeah. And, you know, we certainly get feedback of people who are like, they shouldn't be together. They're incompatible, but then you also get people who are like, oh my God, you saved our marriage, you know, thank you for

saying what you've said and that kind of thing. Well, I think there's always. always been this concept of like desperate housewives i loved watching that show where it's like on the outside everyone puts on a certain look and then inside the house you've no idea what's going on so the fact that you guys are opening your door is so vulnerable but so fascinating we've been through possibly a lot more than the norm you know we have some crazy stories and i'm sure everybody has their story but i think we've gone through some crazy shit and we're willing to be vulnerable and talking about it on the podcast yeah which is what makes it unique i guess how many kids do you guys do you guys have three wow 14 11 and 8 have kids made your relationship easier or harder

both oh yeah yeah both i mean i think after kids um especially you know we were young and everything and i was severely postpartum after my first people don't talk about that ever yeah so yeah we talk about about that on the podcast a lot too and um you know and he was he had no idea what was going on he was so young so you just felt really depressed after you had the kid i had well i have severe ocd like the real kind not like the you know like you have to clean like yeah clean the kitchen you know i don't know like that's adorable i don't have the cleaning but you know she has the wrong kind of ocd i was kind of hoping she would have the wrong the other one you know how people say like oh i'm so ocd because they like you know need to like put their

they're like oh you have to put the trash away that's not right no i legit am like a you know i I have what are some of your um side effects well I don't have that many anymore because I've been like through intensive intensive therapy and I'm on super meds and everything but um you know I would I had like the hand washing until my hands bled um there were times when you know you get like you almost hallucinate like it's borderline hallucinations like you think you've done something and you haven't um those are like loops you get to OCD loops yeah you just get stuck in your and you get stuck your head but um the anxiety is the worst part of it yeah you you you get you know you worry that you did something then you know you worry and worry worry and then like something happens that you

realize that you didn't do that you're proven wrong and then it's just the next thing yep so there's no break yeah she wouldn't let me keep a phone out on the counter because she might think that she picked it up and called somebody and said what like something bad something bad to somebody and hurt somebody or something but even though she didn't do it that you might in the future that did in the past they did yeah right both yeah well it's called it's called scrupulosity it actually means you're a pretty good person like it's it's when you're scared you're so are you like really want to be a good person so you like are always worried that you're going to do something bad and that kind of couples with the anxiety and the oCD I've been doing this podcast for a long time and

I've talked to a lot of people about a lot of different like mental health stuff and I've never heard that word scrupulosity yeah yeah it's kind of adorable Yeah, thank you. Well, they always say, they're like, look, one thing about people with OCD, and most people with anxiety, too, is like, nobody with OCD, like, you're not, nobody's murderers. Nobody's, like, you're good people because you're scared. You're going to, like, doing something bad. That's what your whole thing is about.

I had this guy who has a huge meme page, Tank Sinatra, talk about intrusive thoughts, where he, like, had a kid and he was always afraid he might hurt the kid. And they were like, if you think. Yeah, because I think a lot of the stuff you're talking about overlaps and, like, I suffer from some things you do just maybe not in the same way or the same extent. But he was like, if you're scared of doing something, you're probably not going to do it. Like they were like, if you're thinking about it, you'll never do it. It's like the people who just like impulsively do things that can do worse things, if that makes sense.

That's what he was kind of trying to explain to me. How has your personality helped or hurt her anxiety or OCD? well in the beginning I had no idea how it worked what it was anything I'd never dealt with it before in my life no one in my family had anxiety or OCD or anything like that I never experienced it at all growing up so I didn't know about it until Danielle and I didn't know how to handle with it and we went through a very very extremely tough time where she moved out she went to her parents for a little bit and I didn't know what to do like I thought she was going into some kind of crazy like place where she had to be taking care I didn't know I didn't know she was going to kill herself.

I didn't know what was going on. Was this early in the relationship? Yes. This is when she was... Before marriage? First pregnancy. Oh, first pregnancy. Yeah.

So it like got worse during the pregnancy? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, by like a thousand folds. And that's... Because I went off my meds. Oh, and you had to for the pregnancy. No, but my doctor told me I had to. Yeah, that's a whole thing that, like, make sure you go and research and go to the right

doctor and... They get like three opinions. There's all these, there's, you know, there's some... there's now we know I mean now there's so much research and everything and actually there was back then too but it was just you know it was an old school doctor who um and I know there are going to be people out there who probably still believe you shouldn't listen to each their own you do what you got to do but um but it certainly put me like into a tail spin and then I slowly went back on my meds and then I went when she was getting help I went with her yeah yeah so I could learn what this is

and you know how to handle it and how to deal with it and just growing with it I've just learned how to and she's gotten so much better also that it's easier for me to cope with yeah so now it's just kind of part of our everyday existence on a very low scale had you told him about it before i didn't know i had it before really oh i knew i had anxiety but um you know and i knew i had symptoms of oCD like i had had times in the past where like i was living in new york city um when the AIDS epidemic was you know pretty big and you know there would be times where like i'd be on the subway and like I think someone had like poke you know stuck me with a needle like you know because you heard about it everywhere um so those kinds of things were happening but um but they would kind of go

away like nothing stuck and I sort of like would talk to my friends and they'd be like oh yeah I'm really nervous about that too so I would be like oh okay it's normal we're all worrying about it because we live in New York City and you know that was the time everybody was worried about it what made you go on meds for the first time um what made me go on meds for the first time I I think it when I, so I think a lot of times with OCD and anxiety, it really manifests like when you're in your late teens, early 20s. Yeah. And I think when I was getting ready to graduate college and there was that whole, what the

hell am I going to do with my life stress? That's when I really started to like lose it. You panic. I panicked big time. And so I think that's when I first went on because I was just like having panic attacks. But it was still like controllable. but once I got pregnant I became like a prisoner

like I just yeah it was really bad Adam what's your anxiety like my anxiety like I have no anxiety I'm perfect I don't believe you I've gone through about some kind of anxiety nothing compared to what the island was going through

but I went through about a two year period that I was going through extreme anxiety just about everyday overwhelming life happening finances and kids and like real everyday stresses that I think were just elevated in my mind and um so nothing that was irrational in my mind or nothing like I could grasp what the issues were that I was worried about um he was worried about real shit like yeah you were like oh I should pay my rent and I'm worried

about the real I don't like using the word the word irrational because it's not fair and might be hurtful to somebody like Danielle who was going through these but they're rational they are they are irrational thoughts that she was going through which i was the opposite i also think that's how you recover from them by going this isn't logical this isn't me this is like my anxiety talking well like a good example would be for anybody who has no idea what this is yeah if you have kids everybody's done this a thousand times when the kids are babies and they're in car seats and you're putting them in the back of the car and then you're driving and you're like fuck did i put the kid in the car and you have to look back to and then maybe you look back again just because you're not sure

that they were there like i've done it a thousand so is everybody yeah the difference would be that daniel or somebody else suffering from like ocd might look and be like fuck pull over check the top of the car to make sure that the kid's not like they didn't leave it up there yeah then get back in the car and then look and then pull over again check the top of the car like that irrational crazy yeah sorry not crazy honey it's so what i meant it ultimately like you think it's comforting you but it's actually like enabling enabling yeah the obsessiveness of the loops um You were kind of young guy, New York City. Why did you want to settle down with Danielle?

Well, I wasn't in the city. Oh, you're in New Jersey. I was in New Jersey. I was working. I've been in my family business for over 20 years now. Oh, yeah. I read that. So, you know, I was with my parents.

Party supplies. Yes, very good. That's a person. Research on the subway coming here. So my life was hanging out with like 50, 50 and older or like 16 and younger. So I had no, like, real engagement in no way of. in the suburbs of New Jersey, working at everybody else my age was in school.

And what was your question? So you're playing around with old men and 16-year-olds. Exactly. But what made you say I'm done with the dating life? I want to settle down with Danielle. What, um, a good, we had so much fun together. We were,

I guess if there's like a soulmate, she's it. Like, we're so alike in our fun ways. We're so opposite in so many other ways. But in what we love to do and spend our time and be together, we're the same. And I love that. And I loved going into the city because she was living in the city. And I would come in like every weekend, take the train in, go to Penn Station,

do the whole fucking pain in the ass thing. Yeah. That's what my dad did. When my mom, she lived in Westchester, my dad was in Brooklyn and he would drive every weekend or like whenever he was free to see her. And I know these are like stories that you're not. you're like well he can't even take the train to see me my dad drove this but the truth is i mean my love language is quality time and i think like someone just wanting to spend their time

with you like is such a show of love like don't just leave flowers at my doorstep like fucking when you're bored even if we're not talking like i want to be next to you and i think it's those boring moments that like if you want them because you you basically said we just had fun together wherever yeah i mean we were we were very similar always very immature just very like fun loving with you we're very immature we've always had been and we still are because you asked how i would say fun no immature you asked how like having kids has it changed our relationship like that yes it has but we're still like very like we want to have fun we want to be alone you know like we want to have our alone time without the kids we want to we you know we had babysitters every weekend we you know

we went out we like to spend time with each other and with our close friends. Good for you. We still like to do that. You know, we haven't, like, gotten when we have kids, so we really shouldn't do that now. How often are you guys having sex a week? It depends.

Are we on vacation or not? What's vacation sex? Vacation sex? What do you mean? What's vacation? Like how many times a week during vacation? Oh, during vacation, it's every day. It's all the time.

Yes. How much per month when you're just living? Well, maybe once a week to one, not even I would say between it depends because I think that it ebbs and flows yeah you know what I mean well we sleep in separate bedrooms we talk about that all the time that

that kind of if we were in the same bedroom every night it would probably be way more but like at the end of the night why are you sleeping in cyber bedrooms please tell me well Danielle snores and I can't take it it's the only reason it's not the only reason no we started a long time ago

that is first of all I resent that statement no she snores I grind my teeth and I'm a very light sleeper and so any kind of little thing I'm really the little bitch here that it needs to be in my own room I like that he's owning it it started back when I think what our daughter was like born and I was like getting up in the middle of the night with her and he was working and stuff and then it sort of like came into I kind of liked having my own space he kind of liked having his own space the kids were always coming in in the middle of the night he you know like needs sleep because You know, or else, like, he just, you know, needs that, like, 10 to 6 sleep every day. Like, I think it just became, it kind of works. Like, we still, you know, we still spend tons of time together. We still, like, you know, we're on vacation right now. We're sleeping in the same bed.

You know, like, we... You guys are post-sex glowing. Oh, you can tell. Great mood when I walked in. But I feel like marriage society gives this, like, vision of what it is. Totally. But it's not this, like, one size fits all and it's kind of what you live your whole life sleeping alone and then one day they're like oh no you have to sleep with someone in this bed who like kicks you all the time or whatever well think about it don't you want like when you're just sleeping i mean don't you want the whole blanket to yourself of course i mean just me and my cat right now and we like she gets very mad if a guy stays over i'm asking you guys these questions too because i'm at the point where i'm like there's a whoopi goldberg quote which is like i never got married because i didn't want someone else living in my house and like i honestly feel that way right now i get it in my life right right

I say sometimes like, so how do you know if there's one person that you can put in your house the rest of your life? I think that when it comes to, when it comes to relationships, the problem is, and I think one thing that we try to shed light on through our podcast is that like with marriage, you got, you do what works for you. And, you know, I think a lot of times society has these standards of, oh, you know, this must mean you have a bad marriage. And, you know, when we first tell people we don't sleep in the same bed, they're like, damn, they must hate each other. I'm like, no, we don't. I mean, we've gone through times of, you know, if you listen to the podcast, like, there's definitely a period of, like, probably, I don't know, nine or ten episodes where it's like us, like, fighting shit through because that's what we were going through.

And, you know, you can tell. It's like, let's kind of fight. Get the mics. Well, you know, what happens is that, like, you're going through something. And it's sort of like when we started the podcast, we were like, if we do it, we're doing it all the way. So if you're going through something and then you sit down to talk in mics, it's sort of like, can't just compartmentalize that you're right it's not like you're going with like a podcast partner

who's your business partner this is your this is your spouse and the things that are pissing you off are still pissing you off exactly right right so you know so there's definitely a period but but i think the thing about it that's so refreshing is sort of like um that nothing is off the table like we we say it all and so that then other people can be like oh my god finally i've been keeping that inside for so long if you talk to married couples you're going to find so like if you did a poll on your Instagram or something and you said how many of you like sleep in separate bedrooms it might be oh well yeah I sleep with we sleep together until one o'clock then one of us goes in the guest room or he falls asleep on the couch every night or like like when you break

it down a lot of couples do it yeah um but you know nobody talks about it and it's okay oh my god it's oh my god they're they're bad they're separating or separate bank accounts or separate vacation like whatever you have to do do it I think this generation has that mindset more so i mean how like we don't yeah we don't just accept like corporate america i feel like we're not just going to accept like the traditional rules of marriage and it's cool that you guys are kind of ahead of the curve and doing that and talking about it um let's get dark when was the first time when are you considered divorce do you want to tell this first i don't know when the first time was he's like there's too many times yeah which is the first time well we were talking about

anxiety I wanted to let Adam say what he was saying about how he doesn't have anxiety but I think correct me if I'm wrong Adam I think that his anxiety was manifested he went through a really hard time his dad was really sick his dad died he was taking over his family business like he was so he went through a lot and I think he manifested his anxiety by like escaping yeah escapeism was and you want to take it from there well I don't where am I going from there what was oh I don't know where when did you guys think about like this isn't working okay I guess it was when I was um for for a good what a year to two years I was escaping was like the perfect work because I was drinking a lot I was escaping I was going out into Atlantic City for two nights what part of the relationship was

this like what years is only two years ago oh my gosh wow yeah he passed away like over three years ago yeah um so we started the podcast a year and a half ago so it was probably two and a half years ago because it was like a year leading up to the starting the podcast right and I was just I needed to be alone I needed and I can't even explain why I just it was overwhelming feelings just my anxiety was getting the best the best of me and it got to a point where Danielle was encouraging it at first we're like go go ahead go to Atlantic City you know this weekend or go out to dinner by yourself or go and then I was just like snowballing it and letting it get out of control and then making stupid decisions while I was just drinking

too much and it just got all out of control and that's when I think Danielle was like this is it like what's going on? Yeah I finally just reached my breaking point and was you know sort of like it that's sort of around the same time I had the idea for the podcast

because everyone was always like oh why don't you put him in rehab if he was drinking so much and everything and every situation is different and all of that but for him I knew that it was sort of this monster and like the drink was only like one limb of it. Oh, yeah, it's never about the alcohol.

It was, yeah, I mean, it was so much more than that. Like, had I said him, you know, a way to a, like, I just wouldn't have, you know, I just feel like, okay, so he wouldn't have been drinking, but what about all those others? Like, there was so much going on. Yeah, rehab wouldn't not have done anything for me. I mean, I didn't need rehab because when we started doing this, I didn't stop drinking, but now I was in a controlled situation where it was just the two of us, and it was more casual than it was going out and a bit drinking by myself.

So it's not like. The martinis are still flowing. But we're still married. That's right. And why did you in the beginning, like, kind of let him go party a lot? Because it was easier to have him out of the house. No, I think initially in the very beginning, you kind of were sympathizing with me and just saying just have a night by yourself or something like that.

Like, you understood. I think that's what it was initially. I feel like as a wife or girlfriend, I'm that way to, like, I'm not the first to be like, don't do that. I'll be like, yeah, do that. like but then they start to like dig their own grave and then you're like okay do I have to step in and yeah well yeah yeah I mean first of all I had three kids at home so I was parenting these three kids and then you know he was coming home at night and sometimes he would come home you know I didn't

know what kind of shape he was going to be in so after a certain point I was sort of like when he would go away I was sort of like it's kind of refreshing to have him out of the house you know it's sort of easier um yeah but you know of course I missed him but it wasn't even him who was so we yes we went through like a good two two and a half year period where it was really really hard like and then I think one night I just really like lost it and I don't know if people have seen a marriage story but there's this one scene like where they they're after they're when they're getting divorced and they say things to each other that like I saw it yeah when they're like you know saying things that you're like I hope you die right we had that fight

while we were still married you know what I mean and um And I think that at that point, he was sort of like, oh, fuck. Like, I got a, you know, real it. So you stepping up, did that change something in your head? Like, oh, shit, I need to change how I'm interacting. Yeah, absolutely. Like, yeah, I was not looking for a divorce. That's, you know, that was not my intent.

And it just helped me realize that I was out of control and spiling out of control. And starting the podcast is kind of what helped turn it around. Because now I was, I was having fun, staying home, being with their own. being with Danielle and doing the podcast and I didn't want to go out anymore I didn't want to escape anymore and it's funny because we have

we used to go out every weekend or I would go out to dinner during the week like after work like none of that happens anymore like we barely even go out to dinner anymore by ourselves we used to go once twice a week and now it's once a month we're in the city right now

we were in bed by 9 o'clock last night in New York City I love talk because all my friends are still in the party stage I'm not. I'm grandma. I literally try to block them all on my phone. But it's nice to see you guys be like, wait, it's actually more fun to spend time with each other than like try to forget everything and be drunk and like tell a stupid story the next day.

Yeah, we literally love to sit home. We have this little bar room in our house. We turn the living room into like this nice little bar. We're a podcast in the room. And we sit there and we just hang out and we talk. And if we want to see friends, they come over. Do you ever feel pressure like the podcast is a job? Like, okay, Adam.

or like Danielle, we have to do the pod. Like, has it caused any drama that way? It's so funny because I was, we were just talking about this on an episode the other day. We were talking about how like sometimes we forget to tell each other how much we appreciate each other and everything. And I was saying that I'm part of this like women's podcasting group on Facebook. Cool.

And this one woman was complaining. She's like, my husband and I started this podcast and I can never get him to do it. And it's sort of like, I'm so, I mean, we love doing it together. And I mean, you know, there's times that I'm constantly like, you know, we need to do this or we need to do this. But, no, we really, really love doing it together. Yeah, love it beyond. I mean, sometimes it does cost a little bit of stress for me.

This is what Daniel does full-time. This is, like, become a full-time job that she's doing now. And for me, it's like a side hustle because I work full-time. I'm in the business. I have a full-time job. And I rarely know what we're talking about until we're literally sitting in the chair. But sometimes that could be good. Yeah, it is not fully over-prepared for things.

I'm never prepared at all. And I forget fully. She'll send me questions the day before to answer just for us. But if we're doing interviews, like we're sitting here talking, I know what we're talking about when I came to the studio. She's this strange girl. She'll tell me on a month, like we do a lot of video conference chats at home, like over the computer.

Oh, yeah. And she'll tell me Monday like, okay, tonight come home, you know, with 7.30, we have this interview. I'm like, oh, fuck, really? Like, sometimes I'm not prepared and quite ready and excited to do that. But it sounds like you trust her with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One piece of advice, I keep bringing back Kyle and Amanda because they're like my closest friends who were getting married.

Kyle started a business, this like sparkling tea, and Amanda was a graphic designer. And it's officially like happening, they're producing it, they're selling it, and she quit her job as a graphic designer to help with the business. So they're like engaged, they live in the same apartment, and they're running the business from that apartment. Do you have any advice for them in not killing each other? Um, yeah, I do think that you have to like, well, I say this in marriage anyway, this is kind of my big advice is that you have, like, she just make sure she does not, um, like break off from her friendships because, you know, or her, whatever relationships are closest to her. Because that can happen that you get so involved with, I mean, even with the podcast, like, we're Friday nights, we podcast Saturday. We're editing, you know, all this stuff that like, that, that I have to put plans on the calendar and be like, you're not breaking these plans with your friends. You have not seen them in, you know, so long. Because for two reasons, number one, you need that outlet. My friends give me something, and I love him so much. But, you know, my friends give me something that he can't.

Nor do I want him. And it takes the pressure off of him, too. You know, like, you can't be the one person for each other. You know what I mean? Like, you just can't. It's not fair. And it can be really easy to get in just like a spiral of like, wake up, do work, go to sleep. Wake up, do work, go to sleep.

I think that's great advice. Anything over there? No, I like her advice. Also, I was reading about you guys. Danielle, you've like openly said that you're a hot mess mom. Totally. What does that mean? I have a list if you want to see.

Yes, I totally am a hot mess. I am, you know, I'm, you know, I'm the type of one. Because you work, you've worked at home the whole time since. I was a stay-at-home mom, yeah, for, you know, until we started the podcast. I mean, I still stay at home, but, but, but, yeah, I would say that. funny i like i said it worked at work at home but like you are working you're just not you're working for the kids and for the household totally totally yeah i um i'm how am i a hot mess mom i mean i really am that mom who like all my friends know you know like i'll never get a text from somebody like

what time is the pta meeting or whatever no one's asking me shit i want to be that i went i actually went to my um my i was at my son's school for something and um i said to the team I'm like, oh, my, I'm like, when are conferences? She's like, last week. Oh, my God, that's amazing. But at the same time, I mean, I say about us as far as parenting goes and everything, like we are, you know, our kids in it, like, we want them to be kind. We want them to, you know, they're safe most of the time.

Like, you know, we, we have these, all these. Core values. Yeah, all these core values. Thank you that we, you know, but everything else is sort of like, it's all, you know, it's a hot mess. It really is. It's a hot mess. Like if they missed that meeting, are they missed that.

thing or whatever it is for school, this event, okay, like, all right, sorry, our bad, we forgot, as long as our co-vows, you know, that we want them to be. We were in Atlantic City again. Right, exactly. You're kidding. Terrible at math, but really good at blackjack. Sometimes our fun is a little more important than making sure they go to that sports game or something like that, you know?

Why did you guys want three? Or did you want three? Yeah, we, well, I want to, I'm a third. So I really wanted three. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I think Adam likes new things. He's really, which is amazing that we're still married because he really does. He likes like shiny new things.

You have to change your hair color every month. Right. You know, I think we like crazy and we like loud and we like, you know, we're, we like the hustle and bustle of our household. Like we have, it's a fun household. It's definitely nuts. you know and there are times when like it's probably a tad overwhelming but um no i you know i i like i like it i like i like did you plan on being a stay-at-home mom i did i did more than i probably should have was your mom a stay-at-home mom she was okay that makes sense yeah but

i think i had this idea in mind i would say it was sort of not fair of me kind of like i had this idea in mind of like what the ideal picturesque like life looked like and it was the husband working and the wife staying home and you know we never actually like sat down and talked about it and I was sort of just like this is how it's going to be and I'm going to stay home right I was never given that the option you know I mean I don't have any talents really that's not true but it sounds like you were hungry to do something else when you thought of the podcast yeah how is your frame of mind different now that you're doing the podcast versus just like keeping the household hot and messy you know i think once like you once you start to um like create i think you get that bug

yeah you know well daniel started her first job first real job like while we were together she was a high school teacher oh cool so she she she went to school for writing for right for english that's what you did that is correct good um and teaching is not daniel i mean for all the reasons that she just kind of said too much responsibility too much having to be on time but she's such a great writer and very creative and finally finding this thing is allowing her to do that while being the stay-at-home mom which i think is perfect yeah bringing out all of her creativity and allowing her to do what she wants to really do oh thanks you guys are like actually adorable i was trying to start a fight during it and it hasn't happened you know what there's nothing we never know

there's nothing we have actually we were on a podcast really recently where we probably gotten one of the biggest fights we've ever gotten into on our way home from that podcast. I called the next day and I was like, do you want us to do it again? Like, I think it was probably really bad. Yeah. What were you fighting about? I don't know. Also, why don't you want to wear a ring?

Well, all right. So the reason is I've always wanted a tattoo, but I never knew what to get and I would never get one, not realizing it's what I really want for the rest of my life. Like, thank God I didn't get like a thing around my arm, you know, when I was 18 or something like that. Yeah. I've seen it all. So I never liked wearing the ring and I never wanted to really wear it.

So I figured, hey, this is the perfect way to get my tattoo. Why not do it that way? And Danielle, do you like it? Yeah, I love it. I love it. I think it's beautiful. Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah, he's, I mean, as much as we've gone through, that's the thing. Is that like, well, even though we went through that whole period and everything, like there's nobody more who he accepts me for me and loves me for me. And, you know, I think that when you get married, like, you know, till death to us part can be a really long fucking time like not to make any mistakes and I think that people sometimes need to realize that you know I think what you said hit the nail on the head for what I'm looking for you said he accepts me for me yeah he really does I've been in relationships where like he has the money or like he has the fame or he has my parents love him people love him

but when I'm with him I feel like a shell of myself and he like he loves me but I just didn't feel like myself and i'd rather be with anyone who doesn't make me feel not seen time so you have to realize that too because i did not accept daniel for who she wasn't at first i loved her and i loved everything about her but until we started living together but you weren't like changing who you were really i mean i think you guys you know hopefully you're like growing and evolving all the time you know and you're two people and sometimes it doesn't happen parallel you know it happens like crazy zigzags and How do you handle her being messy? Well, that's probably been our, besides money, which everybody fights about, that's always the biggest fight.

Besides that, I think Masswood was probably our biggest fights ever, and the most, the most we've fought about, right? I'm really a slob. Yeah, she is. Like, for real. And I was, and I'm the opposite. I came from a very clean house. I've been doing my own laundry since I'm 11 years old and I clean up after myself ever since I'm a kid. I have.

She's like, I want to be a stay-at-home mom. And I still do my own lunch. All right, 25% of the time. Okay. But I, but going from that to Danielle was a drastic change, which for me, I could, I hate it. Do you like to cook, Danielle? Hell no. I literally love you so much.

She's like, I'm going to be a stay-at-home mom, but I'm not going to do anything that's day-at-home mom's supposed to do. Doors dash is my jam. Daniel, Daniel has definitely gotten better in all those areas. And I've laxed a lot in all those areas. So we've kind of met in the middle. and I think it's both and look there's still things

I'm trying to find a stay-at-home husband to do all that for me Hey listen like they are Adam always said he's like don't worry if you want to make more money than I am I'll stay home and I'll start He wants to do laundry I say do that laundry

I mean it's happening more and more now You know it's awesome If she brings home the money I think that ship is sailed But I think it's incredible What you guys have created At this like Different time in your life

I think that it doesn't matter what time you get inspired like I started getting into comedy this year and it's been like so fulfilling for me and I think yeah you're killing it oh thank you but it's like it doesn't matter what age you are that you can get inspired to start project I think you're old I just think about my mom and my grandma oh my mom is 55 and she was a principal of a middle school for like the last 10 years and she's about to retire and she goes I said one what do you want to do when you first out of college and she's like I want to be a jazz singer and she's like started jazz lessons again and like perform me at some restaurant and then my nana nana still got it is 78 and she's a slut

she's no she's gorgeous she's like thirst trap everywhere and i we started an instagram like a year ago for her i saw it it's so cute i'm like trying to like get she loves it she posts every day is she married she's married okay she's she's been a stay-at-home mom i mean she did some stuff um but classic like take care of the house and then she's discovered instagram and every morning she writes a post of inspirational quotes and how she's feeling she loves to write she has tons of photos from all the years and she's just i'm trying to make her an influencer because um if she could get a like campaign for moisturizer or something amazing it'll be it'll be like a second life for her you guys need to do like a comedy routine together oh my god she's going to be on the podcast everyone's

been complaining she's going to be on it don't worry she just she wouldn't go into new She didn't come on ours, too. Oh, she'd be great on yours. Yeah. Oh, she still has sex three times a week. Oh. Is that for real? She's a sex kid.

That's intimidating to me. But she's like not relatable because she's so gorgeous, but then she is relatable when you hear, like she's very open about her insecurities and stuff. She still wears high heels every day. She has, she is a character. Oh, that's awesome. Character. I want to wrap this up by playing The Seven Deadly Sins.

Seven Deadly Sins But I want to do it differently for you guys This is the first time we've ever done this I'm going to ask you about Danielle And then Danielle, you can confirm or deny And then Danielle, I'm going to ask you about Adam And he can confirm or deny I'm not sure I understand what I'm doing here

Adam just go with it. We'll figure it out So this really is actually, is Adam going to have sex tonight? Exactly. It's kind of. You're like the newlywed game, right? Go for it. Okay, Adam, what is Danielle greedy about?

Oh, greedy about. I'm not good at this. I get a feeling pressure. And don't worry, I'm editing it. If you say food, I swear to God. Well, that's where my mind was going. You can't eat around Danielle. It's true.

Without, you know how like if you have a dog or a cat and you're eating and they're just staring at you in your plate and the back to you in the plate? Yeah. That's damn. Because he orders what I want to eat. I mean I do now too. Now I'm sort of like fuck it. I don't even care. But I always say like you know how they used to put folders up in school so you wouldn't cheat. Yeah. Like I feel like that's they need to offer that at restaurants to marry couples. He has a tattoo like your food. His food is your food. No, I don't share. I don't share. I don't share food. I feel like that would start. I got into fights before where I asked my, like, ex-boyfriend if I could have a, like, a bite of his toast. I just, like, ate the whole piece of toast. And he was like, I said a bite. I was like, on a huge fight. Like, you've two pieces. Anyway, do you agree with what he said? Yes, 100% food.

What do you think Adam's greedy about? Time. That's exactly what I was thinking. Time. Why? Alone time. I think some of us as women, and we'll generalize, some of us as women, were sort of raised to think that, like, our husband. men need a loan time like men need a loan time and you need to give them that time and they're

working all day and this and that and like we need a long time too totally but I think for a little while you know I think like for generations and stuff I think it's been like if the man comes home he sits on the couch like you know they think there's just that that that societal thought I mean it's I think it's getting better I'm laughing because my dad works from home he's in sales and my mom like gets up at 6 am goes to school runs a whole middle school comes home and he's still sitting but now they've worked it out where she'll be like I'm coming on at six can you at least make him dinner pretends he's doing something he says that when she like he hears her walking he like wakes up from his nap and he starts like ferociously typing what is adam envious of well I would say

he's envious of couples who haven't fucked up our finances the way we have like responsible adults I feel like so many couples fuck up their finances. Yeah, I think he's... Nobody knows, you know, looking at from the outside. Nobody knows. It's all a facade. But we do have like some really responsible people in our family. Okay, that's good.

And sometimes I think like he looks at them and is like, damn, like we should have done that. Yeah. But I think the 90s were like a very hot time. Like people were doing well and people were just like taking out loans and mortgages. And I know a lot of people have done this stuff. Do you agree with her? I'll agree with what Daniel said. because I think just people who have their shit altogether.

Yeah. You know, maybe it's not just finances, but everything like they're on. But like I just said, looking from the outside, they probably don't. Yeah. You know, just so. Also, sometimes more money, more problems. But it's not even just about money. Like you just look at people and they just got their shit together.

Like their heads are in all the right places, doing all the right things. Yeah, they have like college funds and shit for the kids. You guys are great. You're really great. Who is Danielle NBS of? Just name a lesbian Any lesbian I don't know what you're

They don't have to do with men I can't think of one thing that you'd be envious of Yeah I mean that's good Yeah Like I don't think there's any Like I don't think you'd rather have it another way Like I know we've got our shit

I don't think you want a different husband Maybe a wife but Not a husband Why do you want a wife? Well no I wouldn't say I want a wife because I do get, you know what I'm envious of along those degrees? And a little bit probably of you. I'm envious of

people who had time to experiment before they settle down. I wish I had experimented more. Do you think, do you're saying you want to experiment with women? Yeah, I would totally would have. I just like, I mean, and I just I was in a relationship for so long. Have you guys ever had

threesomes? No, it wouldn't work. Why? We discussed it. We did talk about it. And I think it wouldn't work. Like the next, like it would be so much fun and like what about him watching you with a girl um i don't know i i think i would enjoy it at the time just like a threesome yeah but the next day might be a little yeah like i worry about the aftermath yeah it you just feel like it could tarnish something that's you work really hard right right well maybe it's worth a shot though what are you guys doing after this right exactly

this is why i thought you emailed me anything you wanted to be on the podcast. But you know why I won't do a three-sum? I really won't because it will end up me being in the corner standing watching a two hundred of a woman. That is correct. Also, I heard that you guys like a little crazy sex. Yes.

What is, what, can you explain that? I think that like over time our sex life has, actually we're just talking about doing an episode about this. I think our sex life has totally evolved. Like, ooh, it's gotten better for sure.

Yeah. I think that like in the beginning. it was very, you know, like... Missionary. Yeah, it was like clean and good and innocent. I mean, yeah, it was like boring now. But I think... It was boring.

It was boring, right? Compared to now? No, I just didn't think it was boring at the time. Oh, for the love of God. But I wasn't saying it wasn't good. It was just a little boring. But, you know, you got it. Listen, again, forever is a long time.

How did you start changing? Like, who said something and what? time i think one time i was just like what's my name bitch no no i'm totally you call me daddy bitch i remember the exact date and time no you do not no you don't you don't you know what i want to say it's tattooed on his ass i don't know i mean i feel like there's been a lot when it switched like when when it became like sex became different for us i don't know maybe she has to have us back and we'll talk about that that might be a whole other conversation i might want to get paid for that conversation.

You don't know what I'm talking about? There could be a lot of things. A wine bar at the beach. Oh, yeah. No, listen, yeah. Next episode? Next time. We're going to get yelled at.

You guys are fun. We're going to get yelled at from people. So you haven't really delved into it because of like kids and stuff? Oh, no, we've delved into it. Oh, you're delved into it. Is it about anal that I hate anal? Oh, that you hate anal. Can I say that on the shit?

100%. Okay. Yeah, hate it. Why? so many reasons yeah first of all i think um probably the first time was not like i think we probably should have researched it more yeah i didn't research my time it was really bad yeah i didn't and i don't like i'm sort of like why why back there like why why i mean listen dude i wanted to like it i'm all four if you i'm awesome how long in your relationship between you tried anal

well it was years so i was saying we were that was a long time ago we were at the beach and when it's been like clean sex for our whole relationship and then finally we were just sitting at a wine bar and it was like let's try you know you guys are fun no you had been asking me for a while to try you guys I thought that was the first time I brought it up what I think it was that easy that was the first time I don't think so but no but it's been a long time and I could care less if it ever happened again or not like I like I like to because it was naughty and different yeah and not just because did you guys know you were capable of like doing more stuff than the vanilla?

No. I didn't. I don't think we thought about it. And then once we started doing it, we were sort of like, are you talking about like BDSM? Not quite. Well, I mean, borderline.

But like we don't have anything in our house that's like, no, no. You don't have like a dungeon in your house. Unfortunately not. One day maybe. One of the kids had to move out. First of all,

I'm now 42. Like if I go through sex and haven't pulled my back, I'm super happy. There are some positions you know. I'm 28. I know in the next day it's going to hurt. No, for real. It's true.

And like you watch movies sometimes and you're like, oh my God, that looks so more romantic. But I would fucking pull my back out for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to know our favorite? Yeah. Come on.

Oh, don't worry. We'll have you guys back. If you've never been choked or choked, try it. No, don't say that to people. Okay, be careful. I have a stand. Research. Yeah.

I want to. If you want to. I have a stand-up thing where I say I like a light choke. That's what I'm saying. Like I like a light choke. No your strength. Do you like getting choked? Yeah.

Well, yeah. Do you like getting choked? I do. Yeah, it's fun. So you guys choke each other until you orgasm? Yeah. Honestly, that sounds like amazing. And it really makes your orgasms like that much better.

So when you're about to, you do it? No, pretty much the whole time. It depends. It's a pen. It's been the same, but just choking. and what kind of dirty talk are we talking about oh see that's the one other conversation this is why you guys are podcasters i think you should podcast one of your sex things do you put on on patreon for like a thousand dollars and just turn the audio on for that would be the best five seconds

if anyone who didn't hear that she said best five seconds that you're so funny um do you have any advice for people in a relationship who are having vanilla sex because i'm guilty of it um on what to do to make it hotter. Well, I think it all depends, too. Like, we trust each other so much. You know what I mean? We really do. Yeah, yeah, like we really,

I think that's also what happened over the years was sort of like we were at a point where we were so deep in our relationship and there were all these conflicting feelings and everything. And maybe a little bit, we brought that into the bedroom. I don't think so much in a bad way. But I think that it just, but there's also this deep admiration,

even when sometimes, you listen to the podcast and you were like they need to get fucking divorced because we've gone through those too but there's always this deep-seated love and admiration and you know and in those situations like he makes me feel very safe yeah and well smack on a rant she loves feeling safe that way

yeah yeah you never know when he'll know but you got to know be safe but like that's the example I was trying to be sentimental I know it's getting boring I had to like he's like love but you start slow like you start with a little smack on the ass or something like that you know you build trust that way too that oh if he like slightly smacks me like that it's okay yeah and maybe it feels a little good yeah and then what's next i also think there's a lot of young people that are like think they need to have this like crazy sex and then they try it with like a rando and it goes so badly and then you're traumatized or it gets

really weird and it's like do it with people you trust yeah especially anal well and i have to say also you know for people out there also because this is i've gotten older and i have three kids and my body's changed so much and everything like that like nobody wants to experiment with you if you're not making them feel fully good and confident about their body or who they are or anything like if you're you know what I mean yeah if you don't feel hot you're not going to be like yeah flip me wherever way you want put my legs wherever and let me tell you that only gets way more complicated after kids and everything because you see yourself change and you know and um like I'm happy that there's this whole body positivity movement and everything.

think but it's still a hard thing to deal with yeah so um you know when somebody like makes you feel really good about yourself then you're going to be more again it's about trust that's the hottest thing ever ever ever ever ever there was a study done um that we talked about recently in one of our episodes that um a woman's greatest desire is to feel desired like that is her greatest the greatest turn on for her so like you know that's yeah i always think like some girls like to be like talk down to like demeaning during sex but I'm like tell me my podcast is funny I'm not orgaz so I'm like just tell me my podcast is funny leave me five stars I'll see you tomorrow goodbye tell me you like my C-section star yeah how do you like that um oh oh we got off the beaten

path a little this is fun though this is good um Danielle when was the last time Adam experienced extreme we're at I would have to say that fight when we were coming home from that that the podcast recording I was talking about on the way home that was sort of like the fight that I was saying about the marriage story like that like we both did like sad things yeah unfortunately

we did not get it on the podcast it was in the car like when you were driving it was at dinner first of all like STK or like the poor people around us who were like bawling but the screaming didn't happen until the car you're like I wanted to be in the restaurant but I'm like crying hysterically

and the people next social like just trying to like celebrate their 25th wedding I wanted medium rare and I'm like bawling I could see he's like festering and it's building and yeah and once she starts crying then it's tough for you

I hate that it's like twice a day It's not fair The whole crying thing is not fair You can cry too I know but I think no crying should be allowed That's my new rule When was the last time

Danielle experienced extreme wrath What day is today every morning when my kids are living you yell at them no no no no if you hear but there's no there's no leading up to yelling it starts with insane craziness coming out of Daniel's face

because it's gonna happen why waste my time because you know they're gonna take forever she's literally from zero to 60 in like no time how many times can you say get your shoes on before you just lose it like it's really girl I have no idea I can barely have a cat I really want to record our mornings without her knowing

that's the shit you guys have to start doing put on your Patreon where you guys put like film each other when each other doesn't know there's no there would be no coming back

from that when was the last time Adam was a sloth so like lazy this past couple days this past weekend well no I would say you know I would say

sometimes on the weekends we have this argument because you know social media can be like a real like it could be awful because we'll be sitting around. He's watching movies with the kids. Everyone's like super content.

But I see everyone's like, you know, posting pictures that they went apple picking, then they went roller skating, then they went for ice cream, and I'm like, we got to get up, but like we got to go. We got to like, I got to post some shit. And we get in this argument because he's like, everyone's content. We're happy. And I'm like feeling such guilt like we should be doing something. And then it's like, are the people with that pumpkin's really happy?

Right. No, it's probably cold and no one wanted to go. Exactly. And Danielle's full of shit anyway, because even though she's saying she wants to do these things, she won't get off her ass and actually make these things happen. I want you to do it. Exactly. She just wants to be like the good guy with the good idea.

Yeah. I love it. When was the last time Danielle was a sloth? Just as many times as she is loud and crazy and yelling up every day. No, we're late. We're lazy once a weekend. Oh. They're going to say we're lazy people.

No, no, no. We're actually very, I think, gung-hoeing and crazy people. But we have our lazy downtimes every weekend. I think that's important. Yeah. And our kids need it too. They really do. I mean, being a kid, you got to go to school, do homework.

It's exhausting. I have dreams all the time where it's like the last day of school. And I'm like, thank God. No, we make sure each other gets at least an hour once a weekend to be alone. Final question for Seven Deadly Sins. When was the last time you guys lusted over someone? So who are your celebrity crushes? Oh.

Wait, no. We probably have the same. Wait, I want you guys to guess each other. other celebrity crush okay i'm not good at this i don't know celebrities i don't know the it's still like the same it's still like the same person it was when he was like 12 probably so i have to guess who your celebrity i have so many yeah she really does i just so i mean it depends on the week tour what am i binge watching at that moment yeah you know yeah like right now you're loving what's his name uh macaulay hawkins brother no i just like his character do you watch success

Session. Yes, I do. No, I don't want to, like, sleep with them. Yeah, no. It was the dad that you were into. I honestly think it would have to be a woman first, because I think if she's, like, fantasizing, it wouldn't be with a man. So. I love this about you. Who would it be?

Honestly, a name, I don't know. Do you ever get jealous when, like, hot girls are around that she's staring at? No, because we both get to look. So it's fair. Do you think you're by? I think that I wish, like, someone had said. to me. I don't. I'm so happy I'm married to him. And I don't want to say I don't think up. I don't know. I think that there's like a whole spectrum and, um, you know, like I think

that I'm like a lover of humans, I want to say. But I also think that, um, I really wish like what I, you know, what I want to say to my kids also was like, just don't box yourself in. Just like, you know, don't like get out there and do, you know. And I think a lot of people get married young probably feel, it's a common thing. But it's also a lot of people who are out there being reckless or like, I wish I had a marriage. I really love women and I really love the women in my life. Like, I really, really love women. I love Adam and I love our guy friends and everything.

But my, you know, my, like, my love from the females in my life is like, like, enormous. It's important. Yeah. So who's your Slopity Crush? Well, I have a few. Well, I want to do a threesome with, um. Not that she's thought about it. I'm like, I haven't thought about it, but I do watch Outlander?

No. Oh, you have to. You have to please watch Season 1 of Outlander and then text me. Okay. Okay. So Jamie and Claire, for all of you Outlander people out there, Jamie and Claire, Katrina Balfe and Sam Hewain, they are like, yes. I mean, Jason Mamoa. Oh, yes.

Right? He doesn't. Yeah, and him and Lisa Bonnet would be, that would be great. Oh, yeah. Throw her in. Throw her in. God, you know, there's so many. How about you?

He's like Sandra Bullock. He's boring. It's been like, it's in speed. No, demolition man. She was always my favorite back then. But, you know, all the, like all the ones today that everybody would say the same thing. You know, like, what's her name they were just talking about? I don't know names.

I'm so bad at this. From Mara Story. Oh, really? Scarlet Jones. Hansen. I think she's smoking hot, totally into her. I don't know. That was good. Brad Pitt. I don't even Brad Pitt. I'm into him. I think Danielle kind of looks like Scarlet. You have a little scar Joe going on. Well, thank you. I don't know. I'm going to remind you of that. I see this. Don't see a Jason Mamo over here, but I do see a Scarlet. Well, thank you very much.

So can I scream out Scarlet when we're in bed next time again? It'd be the first time you've talked in bed. So you know who he gives me? Oh, sure. Now I'm blanking. Who's the guy in Clueless? Oh, Paul Rudd. You give me Paul Rudd. Oh, I get that. I get that.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. I'll take that. But Paul Red with blue eyes. I see that for you. I'll take it.

Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. He's great. Yeah, he's awesome. So to wrap this up, final question. You guys are doing amazing. We're over an hour. I knew this would happen.

But by the way, you call this hell. This is like just another Thursday for us. And that's why you sick. So, my message to me. And I have listened to your pie and you're really, really, good at this like I know you do stand up and everything but I really think that like this is you are made for this oh my god no you really are well I like people don't know this about me but I actually

have a huge passion for interviewing I can tell like I love it when I was little oh my god thank you when I was little apparently I used to like bring a notepad around like interview people for no reason like I'd be at a restaurant and talk to the waiter and be like why do you want to become a waiter my mom be like Hannah you need to stuff oh my that's amazing and I would write up stuff but yeah I love doing this and um i think and wrapping up for this final question which is like why i love to do this is for everyone listening as the first um married couple on this podcast what advice would you give to people who are in relationships and going through hell how do you cope with your hell we're supposed to end with that yeah like wrap it up like real quick with an answer to that i mean it can

go i want you guys to you know think it through but well first of all it all depends you know there's Sometimes when you just know it's over, you know, and also, you know, there are people who like, you know, there's two things, I think. The first one is that, like, you, that if it's done and you need to leave, then you need to leave. Yeah. I do believe in that. I do think that, you know, and I think that it's possible to, like, have that happiness, you know, and start again. And some people have to do that. And I, but I also believe in, like, what Esther Perel says, which is, um, you know,

You know, which is I think what's happened to us is that you can have, you know, you can have two, three, four of the same marriages within, like, of different marriage within the same marriage. So like you can have, you know, you could like, we have a completely different relationship than we did five, ten years ago. Like it's, it's possible to come back and be stronger from it. So even when you're in it, if I could have like looked ahead and seen us, even probably like, six months ago even like we've slowly gotten there but it's possible and it happens all the time you can hear from people I feel like there's a lot of people that stay together that shouldn't but it's like listen to your gut but then also my mom always took because my parents are still together and she was just like it's not an animate object it's a plant and like you have to keep watering it

because the second you stop watering it it'll be tough yeah I think every situation is completely different. For us, there are times that we should have separated. Really? I think so. Damn. You do too. Don't act so surprise when I say that. But that it was that, it was that intense. You don't think so. Okay. Anyway, I do. Oh my God. I love you guys. I was trying to end that nicely, but now I'm not even going to, so I'm going to shut up. No, no, go ahead. You're going to. I was saying, I think there are times that we could have been separated easily. Yeah, you could have decided.

But I think, like, we're Daniel and Adam, like, we'd love each other too much, and we need each other too much. I think we would both kind of be lost without each other. He's basically saying we're codependent. There's a lot of demons is what we found out, but I think that's true when I was trying to be nice. There's no way that you guys could be listening to this

and not want to hear more about these two crazy kids. Go to marriage and martini's, listen to it wherever. It's an incredible podcast. I've listened to some too because we've done some swaps and they're amazing. What do you guys want to promote? No pressure. I mean, you know, follow us on Instagram. We put out actually an email almost every week. We try to if you sign up for our emails and we give date night questions that come from our podcast episodes. If you scroll down like through the email you'll see and they've

actually become like we call them now like our famous date night questions. People love them and so or you can use them with friends usually. Like if you're having. a girl's night or whatever and people we always get messages people saying that they love them there are questions that we answer on the episode yeah not not you know word for word but yeah you know it's so they can kind of like play along with our episode yeah yeah yeah they're fun and the emails have other good stuff too but but i would say yeah definitely listen to the podcast but you know also like listen to the podcast as i'm sure as anybody would say you know if like we prefer you listen without judgment it's you know it's it's our story and at times it's raw and it's heartbreaking at times and

at times you're going to say they shouldn't you know be together but um we've made it and we love each other and um yeah that's amazing thank you guys so much for coming to hell if you like this episode you guys screenshot tag um marriage martini's being burns i love you guys i'll talk to you later bye Thank you.