Berner Phone - Matt Friend: Celebrity Impressionist & Glorified Parrot

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

Matt Friend comes to hell with Sebastian Maniscalco, Andy Cohen, Howard Stern, Armie Hammer, and more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I have had a lot of comics on Burning in Hell, but I have had a lot of comics on Burning in Hell, but I do have to say this is one of the biggest comics I've ever gotten on Burning and Hell. Maybe it's because I'm Italian. I don't know why he responded to my ZMs. I know he as a family, I know he's busy. Sebastian, welcome to Burning in Hell. So at first, when you were talking about me, I thought, why the hell would I do this shit? I don't know who the fuck you are. Okay, she does the street interviews.

Nobody wants to be talked to on this street. Why are you talking to me? Walking down the street, she's like, what's your favorite movie? I don't give a fun. Why would you do that shit? aren't you embarrassed? Sebastian. I'm here with my great, long-time, amazing friend, mad fucking friends.

Hello, Hannah Berner. How are you? What was the line you wanted to tell me? I just got to tell you, you know, the reason I'm doing this podcast, it's not for some clout, and it's not because I think you're hysterical in one of the bright lights in the comedy community. It's because I wanted to be on a show where somebody is advertising. Tired of taking care of your own plans? I thought it'd be funnier before the show started.

She doesn't even remember her advertising. I don't even know what Planta is. Hannah doesn't care about you. You literally did an ad in an episode. You're like, Planta, I'm struggling, taking care of my plans. Oh, my God. Okay, cut the part when I said I didn't know what Planta was. I'm working on keeping things alive around me.

I'm trying to be a mother one day. Except for this conversation. No, I'm kidding. I'm fantastic. Speaking of children, did you just graduate college? In the pandemic, yeah, yeah, from NYU. So you're like 23? 24, yeah.

Okay, you're 24. Yeah. I could deal with that. Okay. In what respect? As in like your brain is two years away from being fully formed. That's correct. Yeah.

Among the other things. Okay, so you've been able to create quite some stir around your impressions. We've had impressionists on the pod before. for my favorite male impersonatish-ish, how do you say it? Impressionist. Just as you said it. Impressionist.

That's the correct. You're my fucking favorite. Thank you so much. I even, I had you one of my man on the street interviews and like I just wanted you to answer questions to embarrass you. And you kept just getting into character. And I'm like, this guy is so good at,

I mean, are you schizophrenic in a way? A mile. I'm like James McAvoy and split. It's just a multiple personality disorder. murders. Yeah, I had a joke in my act. I was like, I had my neighbor, all of a sudden I heard her like having this

penetratingly loud sex the other day and I was like, I had an epiphany in that moment. What is she hearing come out of my apartment? If I can hear her having sex, like, she's just hearing the entire cast of Big Mouth family guy, an American dad, having a weird orgy just like, all right, my dude, it's Coach Steve, man, what's for breakfast?

Oh, Coach Steve, we're having palm kicks. I want palm kicks. You know what, Stew? Shut your mouth. We're having chockadiles and pecan sandies. We're actually having the poison for gusco gusco's poison that's what she's hearing back to myself so my i'm an aunt i just don't even respond i'm an aunt and i love the segue i don't fuck with segways i'm like will arnett an arrested development i made a huge mistake my nephew's name is lois okay lois and i just kept envisioning family my lois is her daughter's name meg oh wait no your nephew you my nephew

your your male nephew's name is lois niece sorry nice congratulations i'm sorry i fucked it up niece i'm like recently going through being an aunt i would love if your nephew is named lois it's very confusing your sibling or whoever must really hate that kid name the kid meg you shut up meg can you say lois shut up oh my god peter riffin certified cpr yeah so when you go on a date Do you keep it to yourself? What do you talk about exactly? Do you keep the impressions to yourself?

Well, people ask you this too. Like, do you do? This kind of seems like a Hannah question. I'm like, do you do impressions? Like, so when you're having sex. Of course I do. No, I mean, like, I'm not like blur. I'm not on a date and within seconds.

Like, do you want to hear my Paul Giamatti impression? Yes. But usually the girl's going out. The girl, by the way, don't fact check it. But the girl's going out. Usually the girl's going out of me. No, because like, no, I mean, I'll do it. Do you use it to get pussy?

I don't care. You're young. Have fun with it. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not doing voices in that respect. I've dated comics who've done voices. Oh, God.

During sex. Yeah. Like this one guy turned into just a French man. And he had severe. I was in, I was in a costume. You still don't know. No.

He's definitely a sign of severe intimacy issues. Let me just remove my mime costume from the bag. Whenever anything got serious, he just turned into a silly voice. Yeah, no, I don't. So it went well. You know, it is a part of me, though. Like, I'm not like necessarily trying to, like, Don Rickles said that comedy is a personality. And I think that it's something similar with that with impressions and voice.

Like, you don't want to be annoying about it. Like, you don't want to be constantly like, hey everybody. Yeah. But it does happen. Like, I'm not saying it happens. Well, you enjoy doing it too. Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Um, okay. So let's go dark. Are you depressed? I am not depressed. I do definitely have anxiety about things. Oh, so you're more anxious. I love everything I say. So you're like,

okay. I can't control my face, but people say that when I'm looking at them, I'm looking like, are you fucking stupid? But that's just my New Yorker resting face. Isn't? So you're, because I say, you know, there's depression, there's anxiety, there's both.

You're more of the anxious spectrum. You know, there is the idea of comedians with like the happy clown I was very lucky to have like an amazing family great upbrae you're laughing great up you're like shut the fuck up get to the depressing shit all right I hate my life no no it's good you came from a nice family

and you know like your mom still owes me cookies but it's fine but I never really got into comedy because I was trying to be like cope necessarily I mean there was some to that when high school like Like, I did feel like, you know, I didn't have many friends in high school, I would say. So, like, I always kind of gravitated towards, like, comedy growing up on YouTube, watching, like, I loved watching, like, Carson and, like, oh, like, late night interviews. And so I don't know why I did.

But no. You're an old soul. There's definitely anxiety, though, for sure. Like, absolutely. What are you anxious about? You know, just, like, not doing enough. I mean, like, that's one thing. I think living in New York specifically is a very anxious city.

we love we love working working working working it's just like no other city like even when i was back home in chicago for thanksgiving i don't feel like i'm sitting at home i have to be somewhere but when i'm in new york and i'm just sitting in my apartment like why the fuck am i not doing that other thing i think i have to like even go for a walk yeah no other city do i feel like i have to be going for a walk in my wise elder years i i i mean i have a depressed side but i i have the anxiousness were like tennis if I missed one day. Oh, is that why you slapped the drink out of my last week at the stand? Sorry, go ahead. I didn't. Yeah, you said you're worthless. I'm never having me on the podcast. Then you apologize and invited me on the show. Go ahead. Sorry, Hannah.

I was like, no, I'm more of a words, a pain through words person, you know. I wouldn't waste a drink. But yeah, I take, I take, um, I learned that if you take time off, first of all, that does not, it's not black and white. It doesn't mean you're piece of shit now. It also doesn't mean that your career stalled. Like, I took a week off to ski and I'm like, oh, I'm not posting videos at a, and I'm posing stupid ski content. People are

fucking loving the ski content. Like, it's the most engagement I've had in months. Is it? And yeah, and then you like get back and you're like, oh, I actually would love to think of a new joke today when like for months I just was like working on the old shit. So like it in my, my advice is

don't always think of breaks as like a still Because sometimes it's really refueling. No, I think that's great advice. I'm Venmoing you after this. I'm Venmoing you after this? Yeah, for my services. Okay, please.

Thank you. So when you... I love what you can see on Venmo, by the way. Like, who's paying who what? Like, aren't they embarrassed in that shield their payments? Why are they doing they? If you bring out Sebastian, he comes out. All right.

You're like, oh, you still have a roommate. You're 47. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's so funny. The girl's Venmoing her boyfriend. I'm like, I'm like, um, yeah,

so what are you looking for in a girlfriend? Or boyfriend? I almost just thought. I almost just said, you know, like a lot of scruff. Look, we have this inside joke

because at the stand, he was wearing a cardigan, and a very drunk giggler came up to us and said, hi, Hannah. She was sober. And she looked at him and she goes, Are you gay?

Within seconds, nothing, I think it was just the cardigan. Maybe it was me, but it was probably the cargaget. I want to apologize on her behalf. I've never seen someone do that. I mean, it was crazy. The cardigan in my defense, here's the thing. I'm working on a Bob Eager impression, which is so niche, CEO of Disney. And he wears cardigans.

And I'm like, fuck it, I kind of want to feel like I'm the CEO for a night. So I put this bitch on. Was it really to help with your character? Yeah, yeah. And I kind of liked it. It's like, you know what? I kind of feel like a little professional. Look, I liked it, but I do think that stereotypically, like, when you're performative, people could think it's, like, flamboyant.

What make you think that? The jazz hands you've been doing for the last 20 minutes? No, but I want to apologize because that was not right. When was the first time you did your first impression? I was four years old and I watched Austin Powers. And that is what got me into comedy, specifically, and also impressions. You did an impression of four years old? That was that, yeah.

when i watched that movie dot i was doing like dr evel fat bastard gold member all the people from the movie i was totally obsessed by it and then i started doing like my grandfather and my uncle and teachers and it was a my sister called me a glorified parrot recently so that's the name of the episode yeah exactly do you ever feel like you're losing yourself no no i mean that's a thing because with me like um i'm not just doing impressions on stage so now it started out that way because you have to start somewhere yeah but now i'm doing i'm a comedian who's doing impressions versus i don't consider myself like an impressionist i mean that's a large part of what i'm doing but i view the voices as aiding the comedy i love that but i don't lose myself now

except for 99% of the day but i also i'm extremely uncomfortable right now i have to go back in another voice please go ahead if anyone puts it on you like i feel like the comedy community will be like oh impressions whatever but i'm always most impressed by the impression yeah who's saying that So don't know. I think in general, like, people... Give me a minute. I think that if people are good at impressions, they should do more of it on stage. Well, there's nothing worse than a bad...

People who are jealous of people who can do impressions. Well, if you're not... If you're not... Bad impressions are really unbearable. I'm not saying I'm good, but I'm saying, like, if... I do Elizabeth Holmes really well. That is good, yeah. No, the fascinating thing about your impressions...

That's that on your hinge, by the way. Yeah, that's the voice thing on hinge that. That you... change your entire being like how you breathe how your eyes move like things i didn't even know a person could change i do do that yeah but that is not just you being able to do it i feel like it's a brain processing thing but you can't be like this with everyone you must see some people and be like i just can't get them you know i think for the most part i can figure it out like for men at least um wow wow that's creepy there are some that i'm trying to figure out but i can

somebody might have to get like quickly for a project or something yeah um but i can usually figure it out what was it like meeting howard stern as i ask me the question again what was it like meeting howard stern something is pouring out of it all right so i got to tell you right so when you talk about meeting me right it to me it to me was one of the great great things because I'm meeting a guy who's me, but a lot younger and frankly sexier, okay? And he makes a lot less money than I do,

but he's excited, he's hopeful, and that's it. Robin Haynow. How long are you going to be on the radio for? Me or Howard? Howard? Probably until I die, so probably at least 60 more years, right? What the fact? I love your wife's cats.

Beth is fantastic. Now, you're the new Robin. You look a little different, but I have to say. Now, Hannah Byrd, talk to me about this, right? So you're a famous woman I mean how much dick are you getting I mean before you got married in the quarantine

how much cock were you getting right you're talking to me about that you must be getting so much ass Speaking of Bravo Back to I will answer your question though I will answer your question I forgot what my question was

It was very cool Oh I went on the show a couple times The past few weeks And it was unbelievable Dream coming true Is he loving it? I mean yes

Which was shocking because I thought he was going to hate it. And then he comes out and he goes, I got to tell you, it's fucking me up, right? Every time you talk, I hear I sound me, right? So it was crazy.

I mean, I don't know how he would have reacted like 30 years ago if I had done it. I mean, but now, yeah, it was... Why isn't he's calmed down and he can appreciate himself? Psychotherapy, right?

Oh. But it was insane. I mean, that is fucking pressure. I crumble under pressure a lot of the time. Because I have to get like him down too because like I said, like, One thing to do the voice, but you have to have the substance.

So I was talking about, like, you know, who's Tom Brady banging now that he's single, right? Because that shit he's talking about on the show. Yeah. You know, he eats these berries for breakfast, blueberries, right? My mother's driving me crazy. Like, shit like that. How much listening do you have to do? A lot.

A lot. I, famously, famously do a very good Emma Wilman. Let's hear it. That's so great. Emma Wilman talking to Mark and Samarrell. I'm the man one. Target audience reached But this is the thing

That was it I'm the man I love Emma Wilman I'm so good at it right And then I was everyone was laughing And Emma Wilman comes up to me She goes what do you guys laughing about And I was like And they were like Hannah do the impression

Do it And I got so nervous I just like crumbled I like couldn't do it in front of her And she was like looking at me And I'm like Is this gonna offend her And I was like

I didn't do it well And she walked away And I was crushed I was like, she'd probably mad at me. Just do it for her sometime. I'm the man one. That's my new text tone. You know, like, I love the niche.

Hey, guys. I do Moses Storm now. I do Martin Norman, Sam Brown. I want you to see you do a bunch of the guys. Okay. Ask Martin a quick question. So, why are you in comedy? Hey, good to be here.

Look at the Jews. Comedy. Make them laugh. That's what we do. Mark, I'm going to Alabama for a show tomorrow. Do you have any advice? Ah, the land of the incest Back in the Sisters,

Bada boom! I'm Kevin Hart. Comedy. No, what I really want to ask you, which is a little traumatizing for me, because the last time I saw this man, I was at a reunion. Mark?

Ah. Andy Cohen. The last time I saw this man, I was out of reunion, and I actually think it was one of the hardest moments of my life. I've been in therapy for it for years. Uh-huh.

And I think talking to you right now, It might be some exposure therapy to help me get through it. You're talking about me, yes. Yeah. So, Andy, last time I saw you, I was crying. Wait, what? I know you don't watch Summer House. Right.

And even though you ask this questions, you definitely didn't know what was happening that season. I love that. Yes. Hey, guys, it's Andy Cohen. Welcome to watch what happens live. It's my show. Yes. Hannah Burner is taking shotskies with John Mayer and Bruce in the clubhouse.

Tune in, yes. Go ahead. So, Andy. I want to just say thank you for the opportunity of having me on Bravo. It was such a good experience for me overall in terms of my entertainment career and stuff. But I want to know a little update on you. I haven't seen you a while. How's your kid?

Yeah, the kids, you haven't been keeping up. I have too. Yeah. They're amazing. And by the way, I know your career is kind of kicking it, but we need a new babysitter. So if you ever want to come by and rip a shotsky before you take. care of baby Ben. I love that. Yes. Do you have any health care benefits? Um, you know, I'd have to take a look at that. I'd say you can maybe like bartend on the show once or twice.

Incredible. Do you know that I was, I was asked to do watch what happens live a bunch of times. Yeah. But it was all during the pandemic. So I've never actually done it in the clubhouse before. Really? Yeah. Isn't that sad? That's the jack hole of the day. Thank you. Yes. Incredible. Andy, Hannah Byrner's amazing.

Are you dating anyone? You know, I'm getting back out there. Yeah, I'm having fun. I mean, this is, last year was the year

of me not taking on anyone's bull crap. I didn't, that's not why what I heard about what happened on Fire Island. Yeah, well,

there are rumors. Okay, what is this? A reunion? I mean, come on. Andy, you were actually my boss.

I don't know if you remember. I was Hannah was Hannah Burner's boss. When we did chat room, do you remember that show? Of course. No, you don't. I don't think you... I don't think you remember it. This is what she does, and I don't like it.

Did you prefer working with me, Portia, or Giselle? I have no recollection of the show. I have no idea who these people are. It's amazing. Fuck yeah, yes. Andy, who's your favorite housewife? Who's your favorite housewife? um i'd have to say meredith marks she's incredible really or is brooks your favorite you know i like brooks

i love his track suits hey brooks incredible you know i don't know i try not to pick favoritos i'm speaking spanish now yeah you were really um incredible some would say tough on bethany right in the last watch happens live are you guys cool did you yeah yeah we are i would say i care as much about this conversation as i do about chat room. Yes. The thing that you nail about Andy. Right. He's so good at, I've never seen him in an awkward situation.

Like he gets out of it every time. Like he's so smooth. He always somehow makes the person he's talking to. The best was his rant last year. Bill de Blasio. Bill de Blasio and Mark Zuckerberg. How dare you? Let me ask you.

How dare you, Zuckerberg? Final question. and I don't mean to cause drama. Where are you at with Bill de Blasio? Yeah, I mean, you know, de Blasio is rightfully gone. And Mayor Eric Addems, I think he's doing it better.

I think Mayor Eric Edems, by the way, it would be like a perfect bravo lab. He's always on the town. He's at the scene. He kind of like controls the police. Like, I do the housewives. He always looks sharp.

I love me some adem. How many housewives blow you? Up your phone a day. Yeah, that's not what I thought you were going to say. I got to say, like, I try to keep it off. I don't want to favor anyone. Yes. Okay, so I know that.

I loved when John Mayer came on the show and saying, It's My House by Diana Ross. Go ahead, yes. I feel like John Mayer is by far your favorite. Amiz. I love John. I love Johnny. I love Johnny.

I love Johnny. Wait, how was it, though, your other bestie, Anderson. Why did they not let you guys drink? You know, Anderson, he's not a drinker, okay? Which is like, amazing. I love it. But, you know, Chris Lick, the new, the new guy behind, yeah.

And Ryan Seacrest, like, he's causing a stir. And I'm like, I'm not commenting on you and Kelly. Oh, my God. I want to see Andy and Ryan, like, fight it off. I got to figure that out. I mean, look, if Ryan talks like that to me again, I'm going to demote him to the point where he's hosting chat room

I love it yes thank you so much for that you're incredible I love that the only real tea I have on Andy which was fucking amazing I'm tuning out I want to be on his show

no it's good it's good stuff have you not been on okay we'll send a voice message to Darren his amazing amazing assistant met him on the street And he was, he loved it. I mean, it was one of the greatest interactions. I post this video and I asked Andy on the street.

I'm like, Andy Cohen, what do you think of this impression? And he goes, you know, I don't have a problem with it. I mean, you're young. Do you just run up to them and do it? So I've basically been meeting a lot of these people that I do impressions of. Just like walking around New York. No. Somebody commented recently on social media.

They go, how is this possible? How are you meeting all these people you do impressions of? I'm starting to think Kanye was right. Think about it. But... The Jews run Hollywood. Yeah. But anyways, that was this one person's theory.

Incorrect. It has largely been coincidental. The only one, John Oliver, I was at a comedy club, the same comedy club as him, and I went up to him after the show ended. And I go, Mr. Oliver, I'm a big fan. I was wondering if I get a picture with you, and he goes, okay.

And then I take it one step further. He must have been freaked out. Because I had these glasses on me. I go, do you think we can do a little thing? And he goes, all right. And I take these glasses out and I go, good evening and welcome, welcome, welcome to last week tonight on the street. Who better to do this with them?

And he goes, honestly, it's not bloody bad. Because I was going to ask you, who has been the least excited about your impression? Definitely. Listen, I don't know if he was not excited. It might just be like the essence behind him. And I love this guy. Rami Malik was intimidating. I met him on the street.

I was at this coffee shop and I kind of sensed some like big villain energy behind me So I turned around And then I see this guy lurking And it's just like Hey man So he sucks in his bottom lip like this And breezed in heavily

Am I looking in camera three or three All the same number Anyway so I go up to him And I think he might have known who I was And he's like Yeah man Yeah yeah And I take a little

I get a picture with him We didn't do like a whole bit but I get a picture with him and I'm so glad this is a lesson to all of your followers always keep live photo on because I snuck in the Rami lip that I do buried the picture so I went like this I made the face to him

you didn't have the balls to do that I was so scared yeah yeah because he was like a Jew and the Pharaoh folks that's what it felt like he wasn't in the mood he wasn't in the mood he was not in the mood right he was not in the mood yeah sorry a little Trump my tea on antsy I just have to say that you'll care about is during chat room.

Oh, we're going back to fucking chat room. During my heyday. Are you being paid by them? No, it doesn't run anymore. It's been canceled. Um, but... That room is sponsored by plant out. Sorry, go ahead.

And that's why I'm a comedian. It's called a call back. I'm looping the whole show back to the start. All right, go ahead. Can't wait for all the negative commentary. He was interrupting you too. I got it doing too many voices. By the way, Hannah's fans,

I was interrupting because I was doing impressions that call for interruptions. So screw your negative comments. I love you all. Thank you very much. Go ahead. You just keep doing side notes on your side notes. You're like, are you depressed?

No. The rest of this podcast would indicate otherwise. All right, go ahead. So I was at where they film Watch Robbins Live, and they just put me in an office to film chat rooms. And Andy, like, bopped his head in. I'm like, it's a guy like, he meets you, but you're like, he doesn't remember my name. Okay.

Even though I was on Summer House for, like, three years. But he remembered that I... Yeah, he knew my name. Go ahead. He was no idea. So he has a house in Stangarbor. I have a house at Shelter Island. My family does. And so he, like, talked to me about the Hamptons.

And I was like, am I high society? And he goes, oh, hold on. I have a phone call. He goes in the other office, but I can hear everything he's saying. Talking shit. No, I'm just kidding. He's on the phone with Sarah. Is that the chat room girl?

He's not. I know. He's like, fucking bitch. She smells. She looks like she didn't shower. Where do we find her? He's talking to Sarah Jessica Parker. And they were just like gossiping.

Like gossiping. And I could hear everything. And I was trying to get any tea I could. But it was just like two friends talking about their friend group. He's like, oh, he got so drunk last weekend. I'm really going to kill me on the treadmill? So anyway, Ants and I, we've kind of evolved from, he's my boss, to kind of just two New York socialites. Yeah.

Yeah. But I'm going to try to get you on Watch Evans Live. Being a socialite, what are you, Ann Adelva? Why are you the money? Okay. Why are you the money? I don't know. I don't know.

Like, whenever Adelvae, I kind of like becomes like a Nazi. She's like one iteration away from Christov vaults, from England. glorious bastids it's incredible sorry we're having so much you are the best Anna Anna is one of the great one of the great hosts

truly this is like a date where the guy talks the whole time and then afterwards he's like I love you you're like insane thing

you know you are queuing up my impressions thanks a lot you know this moment right here is going to like you know what go ahead continue

I'm having a blast I feel like We're doing better than John Mayer, I'm going to call her daddy thing. I feel like we are even more... Did you watch it? Can you do John? I want to do him so bad. I got to get him down.

I got to figure that out, yeah. I've told this story on Burning Hell, but I'm going to tell it again. T. John Mayer. My ex-boyfriend went on a date with a girl who went on a date with John Mayer. They met in chat room. On chat room, and it was in the other room. So on this date, he was like, give me the... I definitely said the story before.

But he's like, give me the spicy pasta. I do the same impersonation of any guy, any age. They just talk like this. He's like, I want the spicy pasta. They go, sir, it's really spicy. And he goes, make it spicier. And they're like, are you sure? And he's like, yeah.

And then they bring it. And he goes, the body is in Wonderland. Sorry, go ahead. So he's like being all cool. And it comes and it's like blue. Like, it's like that's spicy. Okay. And he tastes it and he goes, it's too spicy.

So then what happened? It's just funny. Oh, that's great. I guess somebody doesn't want John Mayer on the show. If you ever do get John Mayeron, just promise me that you have a segment where you guys have really spicy pasta. We do hot ones, but with pasta. This is the thing. I didn't watch a whole interview, and I love Alex.

Bestie for Life, Alex Stan, Daddy Gang. But, like, if a man played guitar to me for more than four seconds, I'm not keeping me a straight face. Okay. But what if, like, look at how well he... Have you ever seen him play the guitar, this guy? I'm not a guitar girl. It's like watching Hannah Berner rip a tennis racket, okay?

I can appreciate it. Let me tell you something. It's his grip on the guitar is like Hannah's continental semi-Western grip on a forehand. Okay? Thank you for much. I just think, like, you know, when a guy brings a guitar out on the party, there's two types of people. The people are like, yay. And the people are like, it's time to leave.

But if it's John Mayer. you know that one scene in that wasn't it like get hard or something in the will feral movie what was it the movie and then john mayor comes out and he's like you ever seen a room full of women get wet at the same time and he just starts thinking fathers be good to your daughters why did we get here i have no idea we have one controversial impression of yours yeah i think i know where this is going thank you so you were america's favorite actor right and then it was revealed that you were into some stuff that's not okay. Right. And then you fled to the islands.

Right. Have you gotten therapy? Yeah. I mean like like like like literally like dude like it's so good to be here. Like it's totally insane. Like for sure. And like I'm just like really hungry all the time. Thank you so. Like it's like like literally like like it's like so delicious. Like it's so great. But therapy like is like so overrated. Like a therapist will not quell my hunger. Thank you. So yeah, go ahead. I've always want to ask this. Thank you. What's the difference between, what's his name again? Army Hammer. Army Hammer's voice and the voice of the guy in succession. Oh, that's interesting. Well, Tom Wong. I feel like they're the same person. Tom is like, oh, hey, buddy, it's Tom. Fuck off. Yeah. You can't make a Tomlet without breaking some Gregs. And then Army's a little bit like, like, hi, thank you. Like, dude, like,

literally like it's so great. It's insane. Yeah. Like a little bit lower. Yeah. Some voices do that like Howard Stern and Alan Alda. Like Howard Stern is right here. Right. And Alan Aldi, you kind of bring it just a slightly bit higher up, right? And that's where you get Alan Alder. It's kind of fun like that, right? You know, his voice is kind of like a square. You see him on man. Sometimes you scare me.

Think so? Okay. Mila Ventimiglia, Nicholas Braun. Like, Mila, like, all right, buddy. Hey, big three on three. Hey, Randall. All right, buddy. And then Nicholas Braun, like, uh, yeah, uh, I don't know.

Sorry. You do Jeffrey Dahmer. I do Evan Peters. Yeah. Welcome back to my place We can party You want to take a picture Party party party hearty

Hardy he's so creepy That show scared the shit out of me It was insane Fun fact Evan Peters is going to be Hannah Burner's opener This year on English squad Question

Yeah please One thing I actually is not a question It's a statement than a question I love how you are not scared To take on new characters To try new things To always challenge yourself Yes

what are some things you look for when you try a new character sex appeal I think you know I don't not necessarily ever really looking like sometimes in the political things I do a lot of political impressions there are like new political players that arise like in the news today this whole Kevin McCarthy thing is going crazy I did a whole video with all these freaks representing the country like Mitch McConnell all these like McConnell yeah it's very good I'm sure that's the target audience reached for this podcast

Mich McConnell. But anyway. Girls like, who's Mitch? But, yeah, I love doing like a Mitch McConnell on a Friday night at the stand. Like a bunch of like 19 year olds. Like, who's ready for my Mitch McConnell? But I mean, and then there are certain actors that arise like Timothy Shalome. Yeah. Current.

Yeah. No way sentenio. Yes. I'm sure they would love that on this show. Yeah. So, you know, I'm not necessarily, it just kind of happens. I love pop culture. I love movies.

I love TV shows. Yeah. And these things happen. You did like all of White Lotus. I did. I did. I'm obsessed with that show. Yeah, the new one, I do like the grandfather, F. Marie Abraham, like, oh, come on.

My penis was never beautiful. It's not like it's a sunset. And then I do, I do like, uh, F or, uh, Armand, like, welcome to the White Lotus. Listen, I'm freaking obsessed with you. I want to get you naked. What have I got to do? Wait, what do you study at NYU?

Oh, you're going to make fun of me. This is really bad. I'm going to take a sip of water for this one. I won't make fun of you. Ever heard of the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids who Can't Read Good? opening my drink, sip. Basket weaving. I went to the Gallatin School of Individualized Study.

You create your own major. The title of my concentration, as we call it. The Harvard of NYU. The role of satire in society. You're such a comedy. Hannah's, why am I called you Anna twice, I think? Did you? It's fine.

Hannah is thinking, I would not match with this guy on Hinge. However, you are married to a comedian. No, I know. So, but, yeah, so I basically did, like, a bunch of, like, like, they were writing classes. There were, like, some specific, it was actually unbelievably cool. Like, there were, like, comedy-specific, like, historical class. Yeah, that's amazing. And I'm, like, probably one of the few people that's actually applying what they did in college to their actual life.

It's pretty wild. It's awesome. Are you looking to get into any acting? What are we looking for in the future? What are we manifesting? 100%. I'm doing, like, more, not only, like, voiceovers. I did, like, a Simpsons episode recently.

cool. I have some more stuff coming up on that front and definitely. I mean like I'm totally interested in acting. That's so exciting. Like 10 minutes ago I was like, yeah, we're in the chat room. And I'm like, yeah, I want to be an actor. Planta. I'm trying to be a serious actor. But no, I for sure acting, hosting, doing all that stuff. Absolutely. So we're rivals, basically. But no, we're going for the same voice. This is the best. I know. I love Hannah. Oh my God. You are so funny. I got to tell you like, There are some comedians. I'm not just,

I'm not just bloke and smoke up your ears, right? No, you really do make me laugh like hard, though. Like, when I see you in comedy, that was it's really funny. Oh, my God. Thank you.

Like, to go to the same comedy club and, like, see comedians, you're probably not always audibly laughing, but Hannah makes me laugh, folks. Oh, my God. Thank you. And if she doesn't add me as a collaborator

on this post on Instagram, it does not make me laugh at all. And I find, dude, that stuff, you know, when someone just presses, like,

collaborate and they didn't ask you, and you're like, Oh my God, speaking of that, I have some people that ask me to refer to them on Raya without even asking me. I just saw a notification. Also, I'm like, not really even,

I'm kind of on it. Yeah, I haven't been on Raya in years, but it's mostly just skinny DJs. Have you matched with anyone cool? You know what Hannah's Raya was? The men's tennis team in college. I, have I matched with me cool? It was a basketball to you.

I don't know. I'm trying to... Yeah. You're not matching with anyone? I gotta figure that out. What was the last time you went on a date? Like two weeks ago. How to go? It was great.

Are you like focusing on your career? Yeah. You're like comedy's first and everything else is below it. That sounds to me like someone who is trying to share how they're feeling about themselves. No, there's a thing that comic men do. They're always like, whatever happens you just have no comedy comes first. I'm like, I somewhere to take. it's in you. Yeah, and this is why Hannah is

married to a slightly older man, because he's tired, like you mentioned in previous podcast, he doesn't want to do it. He doesn't care what I do. He's literally just shut up. I am very focused on it, though. That's true. Yeah, but you're allowed to, like, work on, yeah. Do you know that you'll have so much more material when you're, like, actively dated? Why do I care? I loved

when John Mayer was being interviewed. He was like, I, I've never, for the purposes of a song, I've never, like, induced an experience. Did you hear that part of the interview? It was actually really interesting. Like, for the purposes of writing a song, I have never tried to make something happen, like to

have some form of an experience. Oh, for creativity? Do you do that? Like, for your comedy? Oh, I do everything for the story. You go into a situation? Well, no, it's more like I cope with situations through comedy. Like, you know, you're in the airport, like, you, like, something awkward happens, you fire

in someone's face, whatever. And in that moment, you're... By the way, Hannah's talking about regularly, like, takes someone, like a stranger by the head, and then presses the person's head directly into the ass and then farts into the ice. Like once someone got pink eye

was not a big deal. Go ahead. But like whenever anything... Why do you think I'm wearing makeup right now? Awkward. Horrible happens to me. I always just go like, okay, this is a good story.

This is a good story. Do you remember when she asked John Mayer? She was like... This should have just been a recap episode. Do you have trouble? Do you have trouble with commitment? And he like fully starts convulsed. so his whole body

he was like he was like no my favorite question was when she asked him would you want to be interested in a girl who like is more successful

than you makes more money than you that was great I love him though I really do I don't I haven't experienced him enough

to have a strong opinion on him he's just so good but I mean I hope he's happy and I hope him and Andy are happy anyways

beyond is such a hard song to play on the guitar right honestly I dated I did date one musician he was a jazz musician and moody is oh really like the sex in the city episode where she dates the jazz

yes like they're just so like they're so connected to their feelings where comics are the opposite like you have not said one authentic feeling this whole time that's not true we're talking about the anxiety come on

do you think so oh my god okay fine no you are so fucking funny. So funny. You're just really inauthentic. Good night, everybody. You talentless hack. When you're practicing, do you go in front of a mirror? Naked. That's authentic. That is true. No, I do. All the time. Like, I'm in front of the mirror doing Rami, doing Army, all those people. Not Army anymore, but yeah. Okay, it's time to play the Seven Deadly Sins. Let's go.

what are you greedy about i am greedy about there's something like with social media that i'm going to try to do better with this year i this is a truly authentic answer because like it's my career largely that's the first i'm like greedy about there's something about like just like followers and like i don't know if this really makes sense like i like constantly wanting more followers and to like gain um like like likes and comments yeah there's something that i have been read about them trying to like let go of and be not as attached it's a thin line when i was in reality tv everyone was obsessed with followers because like you're not doing it for the love of it it's not an art

it's literally like am i going to get famous or not so all everyone does is compare followers yeah and then when i was out of it i was like oh no i'm not going to get followers and i was all upset as if i had no value yeah that's true but then when you're out of it then you realize holy fuck that's not everything that's important and you start being like i want to be talented I want to be kind. I want to be like, I have relationships, authenticity. But then with that, I actually started getting more followers. So it's like if you just focus on the followers, you're not going to get the followers. If that makes sense. Yeah, 100%. You have to focus on your art. People can sense in authenticity. That's the thing. Like when you're selling them

all the time. That's the thing. Like the number one priority has been the art. Yeah. But then like with this age of being like 24 and coming up, like there's just so much comparison overload where I graduate college and the real metric of success for me at least in the career like in that first year of the pandemic was like how my social media is growing and then yeah and it was just like such a weird I actually think about it all the time like what a unique age it is how weird it would be if like Jerry Seinfeld was 24 starting and he would post on his story come see me at catch a rising star tonight doing a set or like how it would have changed I didn't even have Instagram in college like I look at now like some of the college athletes have like 50,000 followers and I'm like that's crazy because

during college. Yeah, everyone knew who the... That's like me because I was an athlete of country. Yeah. Everyone knew that, like, who the QB was, but he wasn't like blowing up on social media getting fucking death threats after, like, losing a game. I mean, it's insane. It's insane. But it's like, I didn't even start comedy until I was like 26, 27.

Which is hard to believe. Because you, I mean, you... I mean, I've been goofing around since day one. You really do seem like you've been doing it for like... Let's be honest. I have an old soul. Who are you envious of? Speaking of.

Anna Berner. Besides me. Who am I envious of? I feel like you're kind of the top impressionist right now besides Andrea Lopez. I mean, who might envious up? There are like some, it kind of relates to that first question of like not one specific person. But like there are comparisons of like creators or whatever that you look at like with followers. You're like you know, like you're like want more constantly.

It is crazy though, especially with like recent mental health stuff, the Twitch stuff. You see someone like Twitch, who's had every single, like, career job, the most incredible personality, handsome family, everything. Yeah. I was jealous of Twitch. And rest in peace, rest his soul, it just shows that, like, how you can put so much on a person that isn't true. For sure. There's not necessarily one person that I'm, is there anyone that you look at at it? You're like specifically jealous of like one person that you think of constantly?

Well, I think it's like, you'll see. Besides Francis Ellis? Besides Francis Ellis, you'll see, like, oh, they're comedy I love. Or like, and oh, I love this person's this. But I really use it as like a manifestation thing of like because that person did that, it shows that it's possible that I could do it. And I like use that as like real like drive. 100%. I'm the same way.

And like you said too, like there's sometimes I'm in the club and I see like some bit. I'm like, shit, I wish I thought of that. But that's just like motivated. It's just kind of motion. Oh, yeah. You're just like, the fact that someone could think of something so funny, you're like, then I can too. 100%.

Ooh, what are you gluttonous about? So what do you overindulge in? Okay. This seems like it's being on theme, but social media. Like, this is like the serious thing. Well, the fact you're good at social media has really helped your career. Yes, but I'm, throughout the match you, like, needlessly scrolling, you know. Well, consuming content is part of our job.

That's the thing. I hate to say it. It is. That's the thing. I hate to say it. but like I'm going to TikTok because I know what's like even you saying like McCarthy today because you're consuming the news. I mean I feel that I it's hard to separate it because like you're on the screen and then but

you're also babe I'm working. You kind of feel like you're wasting time but like you're also you really are working. Yeah. But I'm honest about that. That that I mean, let me see what else. What am I gluttonous about? I think that's that's kind of like that has been the big thing. Do you drink and smoke?

I drink. Yeah, don't smoke. Why not? Don't really have a desire. Well, you got to keep the throat nice and moist. Yeah, I don't drink on. I mean, I drink like on weekends. Yeah, you have like one cocktail. You're like, ooh. In here there is rum right now. Yeah. What was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

Like four days ago. What happened? I was in a fight with my brother. What do you do? If my brother's listening There can like Your brother's a huge fan of the part He's obsessed

He has a He has a big poster Of Hannah burner on his wall He's been waiting for you to talk shit on him On Burning in hell No like no one can annoy me more Than my brother Is he older or younger?

It's the power of an older brother Like he can like just do something Like do some noise Or like he can like call me over He'd be like hey come over here Look at, look, look, look, look what's outside right now. You got to see, there's a concert outside. You got to see this concert outside.

Such older brother humor. So, yeah, we were just like, we would just fucking yell. But he's great. We have a great relationship. Nice. I'm the older sister and sometimes I'll just see my younger brother. And I just need to poke him. Yeah.

Like, and he's like, just stop. And I'm like, banal I hate him. Just one. You do have older sister energy. Thanks. Yeah. Yeah. I seem like the baby.

Yeah. I think that's why I get along with like you, Peter James Fowler, Marcello, all your little fucking dwebes. What was the last time you were a sloth or like a lazy piece of shit? How do you define it? You give wake up early energy. I really want to do that too. Because like the problem is we're out late.

I know. Dude, my circadian rhythm is fucked up. I want to like be the guy who like gets up with like six. You will in your 30s. I'm not there yet. Yeah. Because you know when you get home from spots you're all jazzed up. I know you're jazzed up.

But I mean, a lot lazy like truly like. I haven't really been lazy in a long time. I'm kind of going hard right now. So, like, what does a typical day in the life look like? I am largely, a lot of it is making videos. Today I spent, like, three hours, like researching what was happening, writing some stuff, and then making the video. Love it. Having different, like, auditions for voiceover stuff. Love it.

Doing stuff like this. Love it. Meetings. So fun. Shows every night. Hell yeah. It's kind of constantly, like, doing stuff. Hell yeah.

It's so weird. Just like living. Aren't you kind of the same with you? Yeah, every day is different. One thing I've learned though is like you can really burn yourself out. Yeah. And I have to be better at saying no to things. Do you meditate?

I need to so fucking bad. Yeah. But like for some reason I'm pushing against it. I did. I have. I did. It's a little quickly. Do you, do you meditate?

Here, close your eyes. No. Okay. Hi. My name's. Andy. Welcome to Headspace on the Hannah Burner, Burning and Hell podcast. I want to begin by feeling the way. I'm going to shut the fuck up. I know who Andy is. That's hilarious. He fucking nailed it. My mom's going to laugh so hard. She uses it. What's the last time you let your ego get in the

way of something? I let my ego get in the way. Or pride. I think, and I'm talking about this in my stand-up too. I think I have a confidence that kind of radiates. Like, you know, that, you know, that, you So you sing Radiates is really funny. It interactions and like on stage and like my aura? I don't know. I don't I hope I don't think I've like no you're. Cordon Balthazar moment. But like definitely have it.

Don't fuck up my egg salad. You could be a dick if you wanted to. Well anyone theoretically could. You could get away with it if you wanted to. Why do you say that? This is interesting. Tell me more. Because you're like, you're doing well.

Like, you know how many people get like a little bit of heat and they start acting like they don't need to be nice to people? I mean, like, the way I was brought up though, that's not really a hell. With your great family, I know. Yeah, I know. And your brother occasionally farts on you and you're like, yeah, it's so hard. He's going to kill me. He's going to kill me. By the way, he doesn't fart on me.

Go ahead. Who do you have like a celebrity crush on? Uh, Madeline Klein, I'm obsessed with. Really? Yeah, I'm obsessed with her. I love her. She's unbelievable. I love you.

I watched the Outer Banks. I was like, holy shit. You should do all the Outer Bakes characters, so she sees it. She's unbelievable. We love, excuse me. Madeline Klein is like one of the great women, right? Don't talk about her pussy. I didn't say it.

This should just be called the Try to Get Him Canceled show with Hannah Burner. I'm going to throw you seven hot topics and see what you're... That is like my mouth of street. That's like... Natalie Swiney is unbelievable. Mark Norman, I would say Joe List is just like Are you friends with Mark?

You know, my interactions, does he listen? He's been on here, right? Actually, no, but I'm friends with them. I imagine, here's how I would describe my relationship with Mark. It's how I imagine yours is with Andy Cohen. Honestly, I know exactly what you mean. He's like, hey. He likes me.

I think he knows me now, though. Because like we did a video together. I genuinely in my opinion like aside from Hannah he like is your favorite makes me laugh so fucking hard well yeah he is fucking hysterical yeah you definitely I want to see a whole list of

I love that guy all the the male comics Jim Gaffigan's fun I have a Jim Gaffigan's story Let me hear it I met him at the stand and I get the balls to go up to him because he was like chilly

he like asked me to like get him water or something but he was like can I grab that water and I was like yeah I haven't plenty of chance. Were you in chat room? You're just, you're really funny person. Okay, Michael Rappaport told me he was jealous of my role in chat room.

I got to do him. I never thought I could do it. I just heard his voice in my head for the first time. I got to do him. I heard it. Michael fucking Rappaport. Fuck you, Kanye. Oh yeah, he has the nasal.

You got to be like, so, so you're gonna, I don't know, I'll get it. Fuck you, Kanye. you have to do rap before i was walking i got it he follows me so i gotta so no fuck that guy he's spewing all the end he's the medic shit i got to do it it's not good enough you have to do we have to work on it yeah we have to wear that but uh what was like i say about oh yeah jim gaffigant so i just turned to him and i panic and i just go i just have to let you know your hot pocket bit raised me and he looks at me and he goes am i that fucking old he said that he said that he was like joking but in my head like I was just commenting him damn he's like oh my god this

grown woman is telling me that and then in his head he's like do I am I really that fucking old and to see Jim Gaffigan say fuck was hilarious and I start laughing and I go no no I mean I watched on on YouTube oh my god and then he's like see where I didn't even like like like like like like like I kept digging myself deeper I love your set on Johnny Carson you were so good in the Dean Martin wrote so I like kind of I don't know he just kind of made that joke and then like walked away he is so cool I he was like one of the when I first came to like to NYU I started doing the new

talent shows at Gotham yeah I was like kind of my first foray into comedy minus the comic strip that's like but um and then I would always see he would always kind of come in with this like binder of material like he was like a script and he would come in he was very cool and now like I saw him in the airport I was doing

like a show in Miami or something I saw him like early in the airport he was like going I was like going to Miami oh that's cool I made him a interaction He's great He's so funny I was trying to give him a compliment

And he basically was like You've insulted me That fucking old But yeah But I'm literally And I'm like I'm younger than you bro Yeah that's how I feel about you

But I guess Literally Sorry Go ahead So last question No What advice Let's do extra credit

What advice Would you get To the little devils Who are listening On how to cope with your hell When it's dark, when you don't know what to do, how do you get through? I think action.

Doing something. Meaning, for me, it would be, you know, like we have performed. I mean, like we just said, like, I don't view myself as like depressed, but like there is anxiety. And performing helps with that. I feel so calm on stay. I'm sure you feel like a kind of a, there's like a serenity. Yes. So like having like something that you love, which in our case happens to be what we do,

like not what everyone has but I guess we're lucky but having like I think having a creative outlet too like if you're like in finance listening to this or something having something to do creatively would probably like journaling or something

would probably help yeah I mean I like just like watching shit too though like if I'm being honest like for me the simple answer is watching family guy if I'm gonna be fuck journaling I don't know what I'm talking about I'm fucking 11 okay I am

10 years old. Go watch Stewie. Welcome to my sexy party. Have a breast milk with a dash of Bacardi. Go watch American Dad. Masturbate. Go jerk the fuck off. Yeah. I mean like seriously, you know, like, yeah. I got to tell you, if you're masturbate, right, if you do a little masturbation, right? Seriously, like that's going to help you, right? So, Matt. Yeah, please. Where can people follow you, watch you, listen to you? Give me the tea. Well, I'm now taking this podcast over. If I made a chat room Now on Instagram At the Matt Friend

On TikTok at the Matt Friend Snapchat Matt Friend Twitter The Matt Friend See you guys on Instagram At the Matt Friend Amazing follow him

Hornhub Only fans Matt friend Thank you so much for coming to hell This was a dream Bye Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.