Berner Phone - Michael Rapaport: Acting & Antisemitism

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Michael Rapaport is back in hell! We immediately discuss his beef with Kanye, he talks about his experience on Friends, and I put him in the hot seat for some Han on the Street questions! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell You look good. You were working out? I've been working out. I got sick. You've been running your mouth. Well, I run my mouth.

That doesn't get me in any shape, though. But I got sick. And it's a great way to lose weight. The pneumonia diet. A little stomach bug? Yeah, it was more than that. But then since then I've been working out. And my fitness motto, because you know there's the Mamba mentality, you know, and there's

all these fitness, my fitness motto, and I'll give it to you too, not that you need it because you know, you're like an ex-professional athlete, but my fitness motto is, if I could fucking do it, you can fucking do it. If I can fucking do it, you can fucking do it. Tough love with Michael Rappaport. No, no, no. It's really like, if I could fucking do it, trust me, you can fucking do it. Wait, can you start your own, like, workout tapes?

You'd be like, if I could get out of bed with these knees. You can fucking get out of these bed with these knees. That's the whole mentality because my biggest accomplishment, fitness-wise, one of the biggest accomplishments fitness-wise in my life, and there hasn't been many, obviously, but I've gotten to a five-plus-minute plan. Oh. Yeah. Oh, that's right.

Sturdy as shit. Five, my record is five and a half minutes. Mentally, that's hard. Mentally, it's hard. Physically, it's hard. And then the other day I did a diversified five-minute plank. So you do this and then you're doing this. And then you got the leg up, then you get the leg up on the side.

Then you're back here. Do you have a personal trainer? No. I should get one. I think it would be good. But I'm good right now. maybe I've had them in the past This is the thing I love about

I don't like time things I like I don't like Yeah I like to be able to like If I want to stay up a little bit later And the workouts at 7 I want to be able to Okay I could still work out at 830

And I have to pay you $175 True You know what I'm saying? Or more Or more How much are these fucking people? Two 300 I mean the celebrity ones

400 You got a personal trainer Because I see you in there Doing your shit sometimes I did for a little, I did for a little, and then I ghosted her, because I was tired. You left her, you didn't say anything to her? She knew. She knew I was done.

She probably gets it all the time. But I still, we talk, but like when she's like, hey, you want to schedule something? Suddenly, I'm in a lake. Right. I'm flying somewhere. The reception's bad. Exactly. Now, if you guys didn't already realize, we are with one of my favorite fucking people on this planet,

Michael Rappaport. Now, what I love about this dude is your assault of the Earth motherfucker. Thank you. But, like, we have to acknowledge, like, you are such an icon in the culture, and you have this fucking long, extensive career, this wealth of knowledge, this terrible attitude. These are all reasons why we love you. Let's address the elephant in the room. Okay.

Because he has gained weight. Did you actually get a voicemail from Kanye? I cannot confirm or deny that. Okay. I cannot confirm or deny that. Okay. I cannot confirm or deny it. say, oh, because Kanye's gain weight?

Because I said that in the video. I talked about it on my pack. I said, oh, Michael Rappaport is a savage because he knew the one thing when a guy cares so much about what he looks. The one thing, you know, Kanye is looking in the mirror after you did that monologue. Right. He said, you put on weight. All the girls knew, you hit him right where it hurt.

Because it was, you know, you never would have thought that the face of anti-Semitism 2022 and beyond would be Kanye West. Because we've all had of great times listening to his music, great times, you know, dancing to his music, great times, you know, critiquing him and this and that. But it never got to a point where you would think it would hit this. And as far as the anti-Semitic shit, like, it was so, you know, I think we might have talked about this the last time I was on your pockets. But for me, like, I grew up in New York City. I never had, like, anti-Semitic stuff until social media, really until the Trump stuff. So I said, and then, you know, I was like, I mean, I never, I never had a person like,

I thought half the world was Catholic and half was Jewish growing up in Brooklyn. That's how I thought it was. It ain't that. It ain't that. But, you know, like, for me, like, I just was tripping out off of it so hard. And then continuing to double down, double down, double down. And then today he said something about me. He said them about me on parlor.

Now he's on parlor. Parlor somebody sent to me. But, you know, I mean, I just was, you know, like I think it's a responsibility for me as a outspoken person as an actor, you know, with a platform, especially a Jewish actor, a Jewish male, because I don't like the way the stereotypes of Jewish men in Hollywood. You know, I love the humor of Larry David. I love the humor of the Judd Apatowis.

Jonah Hills and the Seth Rogans and the Woody Allen and he kind of constructed this neurotic you know Jewish man but for me I've always been conscious of that stereotype and I've always you know um wanted to push back at it and fight back against that and I've always taken as a like a responsibility like you must say something and and a lot of you know people in Hollywood Jewish men in particular actors they won't say anything they'll say something about you know the pipeline here or the environment here or everything else. But for this, I'm like, yo, you should be fucking screaming and yelling about this and saying something.

So, you know, it's been crazy that it's been going on for this long with him. And even today, it's, but he fucked himself. He fucked himself. Yeah. You can't point, when you lose $2 billion and everybody, you fucked yourself. Well, some people are like, is he like, is he like, is. Is this all part of a longer plan? Hell no.

There would be another way to go about this plan. I feel like there's an easier way to go from point A to point B without. I've never seen someone so good at self-sabotaging such a big thing that they have themselves. Me neither. But I do like that it went from, oh, he's bipolar, he has mental illness to being like less differentiate bigots from mental illness. Listen, this is the problem with the mental illness. phenomenon now it could be an excuse for everything i'm hopped up on lexapro i'm hopped up on 20 milligrams right now what are you hopped up on paxil 20 milligrams 20 milligrams go snort that shit everybody's got

some issues i've had bad days but on my bad days i'm not like fuck these people fuck that these people and it just and he's continuing like it's like this morning like somebody sent me i was like yo he's still talking this this jewish shit and yeah and and you know and then the the george floing stuff and comparing yourself to Emmettill and comparing yourself, you know, it's just, it's, it's wild, but I had to. And I guess it's painful because, like, you realize, especially when you saw the guys with the anti-Semitic messaging,

like, they're listening. Right, right. Because we laugh with our friends about it. Right. But then you guys, they're listening. But that's why I do want to thank you for as a Jewish man, putting your face out there and speaking, like you're like the Moses of this generation right now. Like, you're fucking speaking up and saying, like,

We as Jews are not okay with this. It's not okay. And you're right. Like there's people are sharing memes, but I actually, people are in my DMs. They're like, we know you're half Jewish. Why aren't you saying anything? And sometimes you think like, how do I go about it? Because you have to think what the way is.

And I remember seeing one of your fucking amazing monologues and thinking that's something my people will retain. That's something they'll actually listen to you as opposed to like a long paragraph about some shit with statistics. Or the post, you know, like. A pretty graphic. Yeah. I mean, all that shit is all good, too. For me, like, I just was like, you know, like, I just articulate myself the way I articulate myself. I don't necessarily expect anybody to articulate themselves the same way.

It doesn't have to be as colorful as I do. It doesn't have to be as angry as I do. But I feel like you have to articulate something in regards to this. I mean, listen, there's way worse things going on in the world. But as a, like I said, like as a Jewish. Man, like, you got to, like, not, you got to nip that shit in the butt. Like, that ain't happening. Do you, did you have family in the Holocaust?

No, no, no. No. Did you? I think so. Like, close to it, or, like, they left right before. Right. Austria area. Right, right. Burner.

Right. Right. But, yeah, I think it's, I forget that there's, like, I went to University of Wisconsin, and people had never met a Jewish person. And that blew my fucking mind. And then, but just because they haven't met them, you also don't realize that they've filled in. a lot of things of what they assume a Jewish person

would be like. And I was always very confused by it because all my friends look the same to me. Right. And were New Yorkers to me. Right, right, right. So it is partially like an educational thing that you're doing. Just being like, hi, I'm the face of someone who's Jewish and I'm here. Right. And it's

not this mystical creature. Listen, I don't understand. That shit is crazy to me. That shit is it's crazy to me because like I said, I never had that growing up in New York City. No. Like I've never had any kind of that, like, crazy shit, like, you know, said to me or even insinuated to me. Like, I just, I personally never had that.

So it's just bugged out to me. But, you know, I mean, the fucking dude at the Finnelli Cafe on Soho. I saw that. Dressed as a Nazi. I don't understand how you think you could, I don't know how that person made it home. He should have been fucking get his ass kicked. His clothes should be, he should be walking home naked. That costume should be stuffed up his ass and he should be walking home fucking naked in

In Manhattan, in broad daylight, but, you know, whatever, there's, there's, there's, I don't want, I don't want to, but I appreciate you using your voice and your platform. We have some exciting shit to talk about. Let's do it. I've been doing these men on the street segments, so later on, I'm going to ask. What color your nail? What are you with your nail? You know, I went chrome. Do you like it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're chrome paint. They look like chrome chrome chrome. Yeah, I was trying to like, like, be powerful. Yes. You know? I like, I never seen that before. Thank you. That's dope.

I panicked. Because sometimes you make a risk, you know? Now, that looks good. But isn't like when nails, though, don't women, like, if it sucks, can't you have them take it off right there? Or is it take too long? Well, this is the thing? It takes balls. You got money.

It takes balls, though, to look at this woman who worked on you for an hour. Is it take an hour to do that? They have to take the gel off. They've got to put it on. There's, like, five layers on this. They're meticulous with everything. I look at that girl, and I said, I'll say, this is the greatest thing you've ever done. Even if it's shit.

I've left a salon, went across the street to another salon, and be like, can you please? taking us up because it's part of your identity i got you that's why most people don't try to be too creative right but i did get some nails that looked like poop before and that was on me what was brown i was trying to have a moment i'll show you those are dope though i like those well actually they look real but like they actually they are real they look like you know chrome this is what i called nail gate okay what color is that it's like brown with a little tan on top uh-huh yeah yeah yeah yeah it didn't go well. Yeah, that's not good. It didn't go well. Well, speaking of, fuck it, let's get right fucking into it. Get to the man on the street. No, this is, because you started it. What? Is your favorite

nail color on a woman? I have to say my favorite is probably like, you know, that certain sort of classic red. That to me is the most consistently good. Like, you know, my wife will sometimes come with like a, you know, I'm sort of colorblind. It's always like, what color is that? That's why I said to you is that, but also because of light. But like, you know, sometimes like she'll have whatever, I'm just saying, like purple or teal, not teal, see I'm colorblind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know what's going on. Red, the classic red.

So when you're colorblind, you could see red? I could see the red, but it might be like maroon and I'll see it as red or it might be sometimes blue will look at... Men are simple creatures. You want to get their attention, just get some bright red, like a fucking bull. Like on a... You fuck with red, though. Oh, it's classic.

Yeah, you can't go wrong with a nice red. It's sexy. Mm-hmm. Okay. Are these the man on that? the street question? All right, go ahead. Give her to me all.

How many tampons does a woman use when she's on her period? Come on, Hannah. Listen, I'm 52. Three at a time, right? One. Three in the hole at one? I'm just, I'm being, I'm sort of in.

How many during the week of her period? During the week, shit. That could vary. That could vary. It's a little bit of a trick question. During the week? I don't know. How many a day?

How many does a girl use a day? Fuck, that I don't know. That I don't know. That I don't know. You came in real cocky to that one. That I don't know. That I don't know. But how does the woman pee when she has a tampon in?

See, I already saw these questions. But I know these questions. But it's tripped out that dudes don't know this. It's a different hole. There's a vagina hole. And there's a pee hole. Now I'm 52, so I'm a little ahead of the game. This guy's seen some shit.

There's three holes. I've seen baby come out of an actual vagina. I know what's going on. Yeah. How do you pee when a baby? baby's coming out of you. Do you think Travis cheated on Kylie? Yes.

100%. Why? Because these motherfuckers are too young to be trying to fake jacks like they're buckling, buckling the fuck down. So I don't know if he did during this one little flare-up or, but if I had to bet money, I would say yes. And it's a Kardashian. They just, that's just that's just, that's just.

That's just part of the gig If you're a Kardashian I mean they live in two different houses Do they live in two different? Travis has a huge Huge mansion in California And she's in the other area of California With a huge mansion

Because he has to focus on his work Even though he has like 400 rooms Right I mean this guy's in an apartment with his wife Yelling every fucking day on his podcast And they make it work A hundred percent The house isn't big enough

You need your own fucking 17,000 square foot house How do you feel? feel about body hair on women? How do I, I feel like as far as vagina hair, I'm down with it. As far as light stub on the leg sometimes, I could say, when it's light stub, I find that sexy. A light stub on the pits sometimes, I'm down with it. Oh, you like a little stub, a little exfoliation.

If, like, I don't mind it. Yeah. I don't mind it. Like, it doesn't bother me. I'm not down with the, with the bald vagina. I'm not down with that. I'm not down with I don't like

hairy arms on if I see hairy arms on dudes I get grossed out so if I see like hairy arms on women I'm like eh We're on mine like like this Now that's that's cool That's cool

I'm talking about like you know But but so that So you're against Greek women No I'm against any woman That's too bushed up Everywhere It's not against them Just saying that's not my

Against where they grow their hair naturally. No. You kind of walk me in. But I'm not down. I'm not down with, I don't know what's going on culturally with the vaginas right now. Culturally?

What's trending on the vaginas? It's still bare. Like, bare, maybe like a little strip, but like girls are getting lasered, waxing, sugaring, like everything. They make this like globby, sugary gook and they put it on you and then they tear it like Plato.

Yeah. It's pretty traumatizing. Yeah, now, let your shit dangle. Let it, let it grow. Like, it's not bad. It's not bad. And I, you know, more than anything we've just discussed, men that shaved their chests is more of a problem than anything that we just, the list.

Why? Because if you're, because you're a fucking dude. You're supposed to have chest hair. This isn't a fucking bodybuilding contest. You're not on, you know, you're not on like Bachelor and Parent You don't have to look like a dolphin. Why, every single, is it okay? I wonder, you know this on reality shows.

You're on reality shows, you've been on reality shows with men. Most of the reality shows that I watch are all women, housewives, and all that stuff. We don't see the men's chest and all that stuff. But is it a requirement for those dudes on Winterhouse, Summer House, to shave their chest hairs? No. Do you think it's a requirement for the men on Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise and the Bachelorette to shave their chest hair? I'll probably shave each other's in like some weird orgy. This is my thing.

I'm against it because it's always growing back. It's disgusting, right? Let's say you want a little cuddle moment. You put your head on his chest and you get fucking sandpaper. Like that's, it's never actually like, also it's not, it gives me the ick to think of a guy in front of a mirror just like shaving his nipple. I don't like it. It's not dope. I love a hairy man.

Even the back. Fuck it. Yo. I'll go through the forest. I don't give a shit. I'm not down with that shit. That shit to me is some Jersey Shore shit. How do you feel about women farting?

I have no problem with it. I mean, you know, I mean, women in general, I don't think they're going to ever be like... I thought you were going to say women in general, I don't like... No, but women in general, I don't think like they're ever going to be like the way, like, the way men are with it. Because we're just, but, you know, like, it's, it ain't, I've never, I've never, I've never, it ain't terrible. It ain't a problem. I'm married, you know what I'm saying? So, like, you're just going to, you've got to pick your battles,

but I don't have a problem with it. Are blue balls real? Yes. Blue balls are real. They're 100% real. Or is it a conspiracy theory that you are perpetuating? Blue balls are 100% reals. Pancake balls are 100%...

What's a pancake ball? I don't want to go too deep into this. But if you get blue balls, if you go through the process of getting blue balls you can your your your actual ball your actual testicles can i don't know what it is they they like can my man dave knows this shit don't get dave into this yo i'm telling you blue balls are real and pancake balls are real uh because your shit like when i was younger and i had this like you're like yo there's something wrong like your shit flattens out like your balls will flattened out

and you're like what the fuck like i'm deformed like i don't know what happened what's going on here but i'm like i'm i'm ruined like i got a pancake ball and it only happened to one ball usually it would happen to me on the left side i don't know why because i'm left-handed i don't know why but blue balls are real so you've dealt with a lot of blue balls in your life i mean when you're when you're you know when you're younger like you go through all that shit like you can get blue balls now but like you know like yes blue balls are a hundred percent real and if women are able to take days off, because I know now some jobs and women are looking to take days off because of menstrual cramps, men should be able to take a day off if they have blue balls,

a.k.a. pancake balls. Can't they just jerk off? They can. And that'll alleviate it for the most part. But it could linger enough to be like, yo, I can't go into work today. You're making some strong statements. It doesn't just the jerk off doesn't just make it go away right away. Telling you that right now. And anybody that's telling you different is they don't know, they don't know their body.

So you think that pain is equivalent to your ovaries bleeding? I'm not saying it's equivalent, but I can't tell you what equivalent, I can't tell you what the pain of menstruation, menstrual cramps are, but I can tell you the pain of blue balls is debilitating if it's really bad. I just envisioned

a dude calling his boss being like, hey, you know the balls are not up to it today no I got pancake balls I can't come in that's that's a problem I can't make it in my I are you the kind of guy that when you know Hana from you know like the third floor yeah she didn't make it in today I got pancake balls my shit's fucked up

are you the kind of guy that when you get a cold you're like in bed for three days tell me what your wife would say well I'm never in bed for three days It doesn't matter what. But, I mean, I complain about everything. Everything. Yes.

Yes. Okay. Pivoting. What do guys talk about when they're hanging out together? Because girls want to know. Sports, for sure. Yeah. And I know that women, girls, ladies, I've heard this.

They say, oh, well, you guys think you're discussing. You should hear us talking. trust me I'm telling you when I'm with my like friend friends and we're talking about like sex shit

there's there's no way that women are as disgusting and as offensive and as foul as we I don't give a fuck what you say and I'll take your heavy hitters

you can bring in Cardi B you could bring in like the heavy hitters there's no way consistently strangers when they talk that shit it's it's like you're like you're like like, yo. Michael Rabboer, are you

objectifying women with your friends? Privately? But this is the thing. I don't think, like, we don't talk about dirty sex shit. We talk about us just trying to function as humans. Like, we'll be like, oh my God, he was going down to me, and I was holding in the biggest

fart, and then he left, and then I farted, and then I blamed it on the dog, and then I, like, that kind of shit. That's nothing. You think that's amateur hour? Yeah, that's, men talk about sports and sex and sometimes it intertwines you know 100% yes okay that was good how would you describe your fashion style my fashion I mean it's it's it's it's it's it's

uninspiring my fashion style I don't think so it's it's very you know it's gotten better uh because my wife threw out certain things she was like got gotta give rid of shit um and And now I'm just, you know, like I just try to, comfort is number one, numero, uno. I've stepped that up a little bit, you know, I think the last time we were here, maybe we didn't talk about it. But, you know, my, my, my, um, what I spend money on fashion wise is cashmere. Mm. Mm.

I fuck with cashmere. They call me the king of cashmere. They do call me that. I'm actually in GQ. Well, I called myself that, but they were doing stuff to me on cashmere. And, and, um, the, the one place where I do. spend money on my cashmere like stupid money like regretful money is the road you fuck with the row yeah i fuck with the row merri k and ashley i fuck with the row hard they know what they're

fucking doing they know what they're doing it's pricey what is this alpaca huh what kind of cashmere their their cashmere is just pure cashmere but i got i got two row jackets i got a couple of cashmere hooties like i fuck with the row you know and i just like the way it looks even like the women's clothes like i'm not a really like I just like the way, like, the whole muted, understated, you know, the way this stuff, I just like the way it looks like, I like going into the store. And also, like, the fact that it's the Olson twins, a lot of people still don't know how dope the row is. Like, people don't know how, like, the bags, my wife's got a couple of them. They have real respects in the fashion.

They do, right? Oh, yeah. I fuck with them hard. I fuck with the Olson twins. Like, I want to meet them and be like, yo, I fuck with you guys. And, like, hopefully when I meet them, like, I'm rocking some of their shit. I'd wear more of it because it's also very, it's very functional. But it's pricey, man. Yeah. Shit's pricey. Yeah. Like, it's expensive.

Have you ever had a manager or a team member be like, hey, you should get a stylist? No. I'm not an animal. I'm not an animal. Hell fucking no. You've never had pressure from the outer people being like, yo, we got to get an image for you.

No. I should have done that when I was like in my early career because I look at pictures of me showing up premieres and like t-shirts and hoodies. Because I was like, yo, fuck that I'm from New York. I keep a real lover. You're like Adam Sandler. But it just, I didn't. it didn't work the same way it worked for Adam Sand like you know he was all in like I was like

kind of trying but not trying so yeah there's I I should have just you know black suit white shirt you know black tied it for a lot of events but but I didn't um and now I know how to you know now I don't want to dress like I'm 22 when I go I want to just I want to sort of blend in you kind of look like you're managing an up and coming hip hop group right now yeah you like that I don't think that's good I don't think that's good that's not the look I was going for You're like

Look this guy You know Steve he's really got some talent here And I'm gonna bring these kids in I'm gonna let them do a little something something for you Steve get it together stop snorting at a roll These motherfuckers These kids are exhausting Okay

Like this jacket here This is a um The brand is um Dries Vaughn some shit Oh You know Dries Fond No Like your listeners

will know, Dries Fond, whoever the fuck this jacket is. And, like, I bought it without looking at the price. And then I was like, God damn. I was like, what the fuck? Sometimes you're so relatable and sometimes you're so not relatable. I love it.

You keep us on our toes. Dries Fond. What is it? Look, what does it say, Dries Fond? Dries Fond. Oh, it says, yeah, Dries von Noten. That's... Dries von Noughton.

Some of your people will be like, oh, shit. If it looks like the guy doesn't speak English, it means it's hot. Yeah, and it's, I think, you know, like German or Austrian or something like that. I'm sure there's like, you know, a long line of, you know, Nazi involvement, but they make good clothes. I don't know.

He's probably from London. I don't know. But Dries von, whoever he is, he's dope. Pricy again, too. But not the road pricey. Yeah. You go to the row store? So I am known for loving fake shit.

Like, this is a fake fendi got in Chinatown. I'm going to tell you about the bag shit. I, I don't like the fake bag shit. Well, we'll talk on it. From my perspective, you know, I'm just turned 30 I've made some money some newer money

that I'm scared of losing and I've grew up with a cheap family I've way to perpetuate the stare Kanye West way to perpetuate

what he knew what he already knew the Jewish side of my family what he knew way to perpetuate I ordered dinner my dad's like why do you got to get

the most expensive thing on the menu and I'm like dad it's an $18 salmon way to go you just get us fucking back Kanye was right

and the people that said Connie was right they were right about saying Connie was right way to fucking go you self-loathing do you and you know what I'm lucky I didn't get his nose is all I'm gonna say so then we did um with these bags I treat it like shit

like I'm in comedy clubs I get that I throw it I guess and then I'm in the Uber I'm forgetting it I get that I'm on the run all the time I get that I this I'll fucking throw it here I don't care where it is kick it kick it it's girl I spill shit on it I went out once and a girl put ketchup on my fake product Was she freaking out

No she was butt black out and I would have been freaking out if it was a 400% so my lifestyle is not I'm not an upper east side mom that's only job is to look good in her I'm a I'm moving and grooving totally makes sense but for me now my my wife she fucks with some bags and then she got to a point it was a lot of the housewives sort of you know got we were we were talking about the bags and I was always like you know she get the not the crazy bags like what's the crazy one like the crazy crazy one Oh, Birken's. Burkin, not that, but like, I don't know, what is this, Fendi?

Spendi, potter. Maybe Prada, I don't know, Prada, Dior, whatever, a couple of bags. But then I was like, yo, fuck these bags. And she was like, what do you mean? You know, you have sneakers out of bags, and I was like, you know what? But then I was talking about the status symbol of it. Like, for me, like, I don't like the status of the bags, you know, and like women, you know, sort of one-uping each other with the status of the bags.

And then something clicked, thank God, for my wife. and she was like yeah fuck these bags and she still has a few but she she took a few to this place the real real yep and she got rid of a few and now she's not and her birthday's coming up thank god and she's not into the bags now she'll find something else that she's into and she deserves whatever but for me like i just don't like i don't like status on men too i'm not with the fancy cars like if you got a dope car that's cool but if you got a dope car to show how dope your car is then you're on some bullshit and the bags and also like you know one time

we were out I think it was a Gucci bag and and we were in Florida and we were out with the Gucci bag that we had bought in Florida and it started to rain on the fucking new bag like and I was like it's a whole thing that's a problem yeah so your whatever was $5,000

bag and she's like it's not ruined I'm like I can tell that it's fucked up like there's something so I'm glad that I respect that you fuck with the fake bags but what happened was my wife got into there's like a a fake bag circuit not not like the canal street joints like there's like a higher level of fake bags yeah like you're paying like 500 to a thousand for like really which i think is even stupider i think it's even dumber because you're spending 500 to a

thousand on a fake bag but no one can tell it's fake no one can tell it's fake but you know it's fake but it's the thing. What is the psyche that I like getting the fake bag and then I like telling everyone that's fake? Because I think also you don't want to look like because you're humble. Well, I'm like, I never cared about designer. I never did. And then people are like, oh, you could afford this, you could afford that. I want to invest my money. You fuck that. As a Jew, I want to invest my money. And I, but I like the style of it because the girls are wearing it. So I like this because I like the pattern. Like I literally just like the pattern. I don't wear it for like the thing. got you.

So I'm kind of in this in between where I don't want to invest my money and fancy shit. You know, women, men who like your designer bags, fuck the, what camera is it, Dave? Two or three? Or is it one? Three? Fuck those designer bags. Fuck those bags, the Birkin bags. I do you have to say as a girl.

Do you have any, though? Do you have any dope ones? What's your dopest bag? My dope is... Actual dopest bag. Not this piece of shit Canal Street. The only bag I have I got for free once, and it's, it was like a Chanel. You got that as a gift?

Vintage. Like, they gave it to me. is a gift but like I don't wear it I feel like it looks old lady okay it's not like my style what color is it Navy so that what's what's the I don't I don't own expensive shit good for you I don't not yet the most expensive thing I have is my ring not yet I don't have expensive shit I invested I bought an apartment did you really good for you so my congratulations my thank you my husband had an apartment the lowry side one bedroom very New York moment the woman next door dies and we were newly engaged and he was like

do you want to get the apartment next door and I was like okay is this shit real because I'll take the ring but like if I'm going to buy an apartment that's some like real shit and he's like yeah we could eventually take the wall down and have this like big space and Lower East Side so I did it so you bought the apartment next door and he has the apartment

so we have so I have so you're on that Travis Scott Kylie Jenner shit I joke we have my apartment and our apartment but they're connected so they're right now it's just next to each other so I'll be like I'm going to my apartment and I'll just go to the other apartment. That's dope. And I'll like, we'll record shit and stuff. And I'm like, I decorated it, didn't ask him anything. I made the walls, crazy colors.

Right. But where do you sleep? Where's the, where's the, our apartment? But I mean, if in a future we want to get in a fight, he can go to the other apartment. Right. Good for you. I joke and we can want to take me on a date, knock on the door. Right. Come me like a proper gentleman. Yeah. So I, I, that's the biggest thing I've ever dropped money on otherwise. That's dope. I haven't really bought anything expensive. My winning dress was $1,700. All right. I love a deal. I love a fucking deal, too.

Competuating the stereotypes of too cheap, fucking money, grubbing penny-pinching fucking Jews. Just doing a podcast. Okay, where are we? Ooh. Have you ever had Clemodea? No. I had crabs once.

Oh. And I got it from being in a hotel. Oh. And I was in a relationship. and I knew I had got it from being in a hotel and I was like the sheets the sheets the beds whatever I was I was working on a film in San Francisco and you know we were kind of moving in different hotels I wasn't able to zero in where it happened but I remember distinctly seeing the crab and I was like oh like you know because you know I'm pale and I got red pubic hair red red red red than my hair so the black crab you can you could see it and I was like oh shit you know like it was horrifying and then you had to explain to your partner that I didn't get crabs from like being in a whorehouse and she believed you yes yes yes wow and it was true wow you could tell us the truth now you don't have to keep lying to know it was

true because the whole thing was so like traumatic yeah um that's my trauma is when I had crabs you know people talk about their trauma my trauma is when I had crabs in 97 speaking of trauma a ton of my listeners love you from friends. Yes. What has your experience been seeing Matthew Perry come out, speaking up about his addiction and stuff? I think it's good. I think it's good when anybody does that.

I don't know why he came out talking shit about Keanu Reeves. That's the wrong person to talk shit. Everybody loves Keanu Reeves. I know. I know. And also it doesn't, and I'm doing this in a lighthearted way. Yeah, yeah. Matthew Perry, because he's always been really cool with me.

And he's always been very nice when I've seen him. Like, it's not the sober thing to do to come out and talk. about the next man who everybody loves. Like, I... sobriety's about like forgiveness and like apologizing and why you're talking shit about Kianna, that's just the wrong person because people are gonna be... I feel bad

because like I looked at Twitter because I wanted to get the feedback. I didn't even know about the Kiana Reef shit and then all it is was like we can't take him seriously in his statements because we support Kana Reeves. You can't fuck with Kianna Rees is untouchable. And his reputation is like so like

Matthew Perry, you can't be the one who like just like and it may have been in a bender who the fuck knows like he doesn't even and he apologized he goes who knows i don't know why he was talking about care but it was in the book like editor's saying like you know when you write a book like you go through it and you're reading the chapters over it wasn't like a podcast he stuck to the can of reeves thing but i'm happy that he's doing well you know all those people on friends um when i worked with them they were cool i worked with them i think it was the fourth or fifth season so they were literally making like five hundred thousand dollars a week shut up a week

shut up and the week was a four-day week they were literally making like that much money a week and that was the low end of what they eventually wound up making so they were cool Jennifer Aniston was in her

pre-married courting phase with Brad Pitt so she's always very nice they were all they I hadn't I heard somebody say something about some actress said something about Lisa Cujo she was cool as fuck with me you know some actor who just came

I was talking shit about Lisa Kudra. Maybe you were a fucking asshole. I'm just saying, I don't even know who it was, but I was like... Yeah, sometimes you don't know the context of these situations. And, you know, it's like maybe you did something or maybe she was having menstrual cramps

and she didn't get the day off that day. Maybe she had pancake balls. You never know. So, but they were all dope with me, Schwimmer, all of them were all really cool with me. And I've always remained cool. I've always seen them.

Can you tell me how you got the gig? Do you remember? Offered. Offered. I didn't audition. I got the, the part you know I had done a good amount of stuff I don't remember what year it was and you know obviously the show was popular I mean was huge fucking show yeah and I had done a bunch of stuff and

you know they had this arc coming up I don't know if it was six episodes or four episodes or eight episodes I don't remember how many episodes it was but it was like you know to play Lisa Kudrow's boyfriend and they offered it to me and and I you know didn't really know the um technical aspect of working on a sitcom because it's a whole different technical aspect it's a total and i had just done mostly movies only movies and you know um sitcoms just shot totally differently totally differently so i was you know like figuring it out and i still didn't get it to later is it like faster it's not faster it's just like where the cameras are the way that you know the length and the resetting and the entering scenes and the leaving scenes and the you know when you flub it's just a different process it's not hard to get once it's explained to you but the thing is is that when you get there no one explains it to you and i didn't even think to ask because i didn't realize it was different how until halfway through it and i guess some people start there and then they get into movies so you were kind of like it's a different thing and you're performing in front of a live audience who and that oh i forgot so the the friends audience they're like at the

height of the fucking show. So everything is being laughed at. And all week you're rehearsing and no one's laughing at anything. So you're like, you know, and you're like, you're like, you know, it's just like you're bombing. No, because they're laughing at everything. You're just like, I didn't think that was funny. It wasn't funny. It wasn't funny all week. And now you're like, you know, so it's kind of, and it's a big laugh. So you're like, you know, but it's not like stand-up. So you're just like. And you have to wait longer than you did in the practice. Yes. Yes. So that whole aspect was was, was new to me. But it, again, it's not rocket science. Yeah. So when you come in and you're...

You don't have to be Elon Musk to be on a sitcom. So you come in as someone's boyfriend. Did they care about like the chemistry between you two or did you guys feel like you had to get to know each other? I'm going to her show. I'm going to make the shit work. Yeah.

You know, like there's no... First of all, it's a sitcom. Yeah. Second of all, I don't... There's been plenty of movies where people, you know, afterwards don't like each other. Mm-hmm. You know...

Or they, like, love each other. Say it again? Or they fall in love. But no, but I'm saying, or they fall in love, but, you know, like, there's one of my favorite 90s movies, in my opinion, one of the sexiest movies ever, uh, nine and a half weeks with Mickey Rourke and Kim Bassenger, both at their prime. They apparently fucking hated each other. Apparently, they just despised each other. And they both talked about it afterwards. But, you know, like, you know, like, even if it's, even if it's like best friends, there's been, I've worked with guys and we don't have anything in common.

We don't talk in between takes. But, you know, once the camera's going in the characters, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, and you know then you're just over here you know I worked on a show with someone who played my son and we literally we didn't have a problem with you just we only spoke we hello how you doing good like but we only talked during a rehearsal and and then you know action and cut like we didn't talk in between takes we didn't we would run lines sometimes and that was it so you know going on to Lisa Cooge you're a fucking professional actor and she's a professional actor and it was it wasn't like Oh, does she like me?

I think they probably ran my name and she was probably like, yeah, I'm a fan is. I came in and I'm making the shit work. Yeah. Like, you know, I'm a guest star. Yeah. So I'm going to be a good guest. You're fitting into the larger hole.

Yeah. I'm not going to go in there like, this is fucking friends. It's the biggest show on TV. I'm a guest on the show. So I want to, you know, they treat you like a guest and they're nice to you and I want to be a good guest in like someone's home. That's really how I treat it. But the vibe overall was like a good vibe.

If I'm, I feel like it would be like, you know, if you're fucking Brad Pitt, Jennifer Anderson and making 500, you're just skipping around that. You're hopping, you're, I mean, you're. But you know, like, when a basketball team is, like, winning and you, like, go to their practice and like, that's that. Is that what it's like when you're, a culture of winning, well? Or a team that's a piece of shit, 100%. That's how I envision, like, when a show's, like, you know, not doing well, they lost the plot. Like, it probably isn't that same energy, but, like, and I've been on those two.

And it's exactly that. Wow. It's exactly like that. It's like, yo, we're tanking. This season's over, or like, yo, we're the Golden State Warriors. We just keep going to the championship. Wow. And if we don't go to the championship, we make it to the finals.

And if one player's hurt, we'll be better. They're on that shit. You saw Brooklyn just fired Steve Nash. I know. No. Drama. It's fucked up. Have you ever worked with a method actor?

I've never worked with a method actor who is, I've never worked with Daniel Day Lewis who apparently like stays in character. Or the guy from Succession or Jared Leto. Never worked with that. I've never, I've worked with some people, I think, do the method technique, but, and I've noticed, but they, the ones that I've worked with, take it to the side. Yeah. I've never worked with anybody. They're not, like, jumping into, like, chill conversations, like, how dare you?

Never anything like that. I've heard about it. I'm fascinated by it. Yeah. I would be bugged out to work with somebody like that. I wouldn't have a problem with it. They were saying the guy from Jeffrey Dahmer, Evan Peters, was doing method acting, and everyone's like, what do you mean? Right, like, no, you can't, we're not method acting with you, homie.

You're not eating lunch with you. You're not coming craft service to fuck out. You're method acting? Take that shit to your trailer. No, you can't take a picture of me. Right, no, we're not doing any of that shit. We're not doing any of that shit. Jeffrey Dahmer's not a good method acting.

We don't want a method actor who's playing Domber. But I've never seen it. I've never been around it, but I would be like when I've heard certain people talk about, like Jared Lettel, like for him, that's what he needs to do. But I do not think it should be where you make it other people's problems. And I'm not saying he does. But I heard him talk about it. That makes sense.

For him, he needs to stay in the zone. Maybe like an accent. Like, remember the guy in Elvis? Makes sense. Like, spoke like that. Makes sense. And you kind of don't want to go in and out. Makes sense.

It's fascinating. When you start acting, are you going to be a method actor? Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm, so I'm like kind of manifesting getting into comedy acting. I can 100% see it. I'm very. It's going to happen.

Oh, my God. I'm newly, so newly into it, and I was talking with my husband, and he was like, ask Rappaport, ask Rappaport what to do. But I do think it's kind of like, what I'm focusing on is the part when you're not speaking and being in the moment, like, I feel like that's what makes great actors when you're actually listening to what they're saying. A hundred percent, but auditioning. And auditioning is huge. But auditioning and actually acting on an actual set are two completely different skill sets. Wow.

Two completely different skill sets. I know some really good actor friends of mine that historically throughout their career are not good auditioners. And now that they're making actors audition self-tape where you do it at home and you're doing it on a computer at times with a computer or your husband or a friend

reading the lines back, but there's actually an app where the computer will read back the lines. Yes. Whatever. This is a whole different. Do you think that's bad or good? Fuck it.

It's not fair to the actor. Any actor will tell you, one of the great memories, whether you got the part or not, of being an actor, is going to the audition. Yeah. The excitement. You know, there's plenty of films that I auditioned for that I knew I wasn't going to get. Like I knew, the best example of it is Whiteman can't jump. This film, I believe, came out in, I don't remember what year.

But I was young. I had done a few things. And I knew I was not, you know, recognizable or famous enough to get it. But there was two phases of the audition. One, they had all the actors who were auditioning play basketball first to see if you were good enough to play basketball. So everybody was there. Matt Dillon, Keanu Reeves, fucking Timothy Hutton.

A bunch of actors playing basketball makes me laugh so much because some of them must have been real shit. But what we were doing was like, yo, let me do my shit, and I'll let you do your shit. You're dunking on Keanu Reeves. I can't remember who it was, but it was like, yo, you do your thing, I'll do my, like, I'll play bad defense. Yeah. But then I auditioned, so I got past that part, and then I auditioned for the casting assistant. And they were like, if you do good for that, then you'll go for the casting director.

That was a young actor. And it was like 23 pages of sides, 23 pages of scenes. And they told me, when you go to the cast director, you know, you might just do three pages, you might just do five, you might do all of them. And my goal was to be good enough to do the whole 23. And I went in there and I did great in the audition. And we did all 23.

I knew in my heart I wasn't going to get it, but that accomplishment, that process. It's like little wins. Little win. And for now, not that everybody watching the show was, you know, actors, probably most of them are, but taking away that process of also like being in a room with somebody

like a casting director or a director can feel someone's energy. Yeah, they get the vibe. Who like Zooms? So you're essentially Zoom auditioned. No, I fucking hate everyone I've ever zoomed with and they probably hated me. Yeah, you don't, it's true.

It's like. They can't see your full body. It's like all my dating. Like FaceTiming a dude versus like being in the room and seeing like who I actually like this aura. Yeah. Yeah.

The smell, the feeling, the sound. So it's, I have to basically say, hi, my name's Hannah. I'm in Brooklyn, New York. I mean, I'm in New York, New York, and I'm 5'7. And from that, I look at that, and I'm like, that's not me. I don't know who that girl was who said those words. And the lighting sucks.

And the lighting sucks. Or like, you'll finally nail it. And you're like, why was my hair like this? The whole time. The sound sucks. You're just behind a white wall. And you're, you're looking at yourself. But like, I'm trying.

I'm starting. You're going to be good. I've done like five hood dishes. Fuck the very new. Just go in. Just do it. And you got to like, you know, it's, the same advice if you were telling somebody that we're playing

their first tennis tournament. What would you tell them? Go for it. That's what you have to do. Don't, don't overthink it. Don't judge yourself. That's all you can control. But also, I just want to know skill-wise, because it is like a muscle in your brain. How long does it take you to memorize five pages of sides? If the lines are good, it doesn't take me that long.

I've always found, I can't remember weird written sentences. Yeah. same if it's if it's well written there's no problem take me a few times you know i'll write it down like it depends if it's on an audition which i haven't done in a while or like when i'm actually on a set you know actually working but like for me like even if i'm not not writing them down um legibly is that a word yeah yeah you know if i just write them down like you know oh hana your shoes are cool and your fake bags if i that's how i learn them but if they're bad lines it doesn't matter how Sometimes you just can't get them right.

It doesn't make sense in the way. In my opinion, it's the writing problem. I feel like I'm someone who's asking, like, they ask stand-up comics. The first thing they say is, how do you remember all that? And I'm like, oh, that's like the least of it. Like, it's like you're telling a story. Like, it's a song that I've done a lot. And you could fuck it up too as you go along.

And I guess acting you can't fuck up as much. You can fuck up. For the auditioning process, I wouldn't worry about getting the words right more than getting the energy right. But I also feel like... That's my big tip. Get the energy right. Fuck the words. Not to say, don't say.

the words but you don't have to change the names of people do whatever the fuck you want say what you want you'd be like so I haven't gotten a part of the year since the last time yeah tell them to suck your dick this casting process sucks you're motherfucking lazy do that you'll get you'll get every part if you don't give me this fucking gig

we're gonna have a problem right but yeah it's it's very cool to hear from someone who's I mean and then also now you're doing like the dad's stuff you're playing like kind of the older guys dad not the older guys Hannah, the fucking dad

Not the older guy I mean Maybe I'm the older guys That's been talking of The younger women Or the older guys Like The zaddies

I'm the zaddies You're saddies You're for sure zaddy Yes Yes I'm a pro Older Man podcast There has been talk Of like a Steve Madden

thing going on Possibly Stold, stole deal It ain't easy It ain't easy Getting things done Because I mean He's an interesting dude

Yes Are those Steve Madden shoes Yep Are they really? Yep I'm a Steve Madden Stan we have time for a couple more you're doing amazing thank you

are we're doing more man on the street stuff we have a couple more okay what is a diva cup a diva cup I don't know what the fuck is a diva cup what is that so it's a new like environmental thing for periods where you take the cup

and you put it up your cooch and it goes in the cup and then you take it out and then you can throw it on your boyfriend if you want that's a real thing well it saves you know the tampons Get the fuck out of here, man.

It's like straws, you know? Like, our straw is really going to change anything? Damn. Oh, this is fun. Michael Rappaport, do you like to cuddle? Yes. Oh. Way, more than my...

Yes, 150%. Are you the, like, more affectionate one? Not more affectionate, but as far as, like, in the bed, particularly or the couch, the physical contact appropriator, 100%. I love that. so much. Okay, what is the most important characteristic that you look for in a partner? The most important characteristic, I would say the most cherished, well, because I have a partner, I would say the most cherished characteristic amongst a bunch, but the most is the

support, is being supportive of the good days, the bad days, the good things, the bad things, the feeling like a piece of shit the feeling like the greatest thing in the world you know just sort of like being supportive in that world not accepting it all but not not accepting it all but the supportiveness is probably

the most that's the thing I think is probably the you know of a list of things but I think that that trickles down into other facets I love that I love that okay final question you've been killing Everything I've thrown at you, you've had something, which I knew you were going to do.

What final advice you give to the listeners on how to go through hell? When they're going through it, they're in their darkest shit. What are you doing? My advice on going through hell in real life or with Hannah Berner is to never, ever, ever, ever. It sounds like a seventh grade gym class cliche, but never ever stop believing in yourself. And like I said, if you told me. me that when I was in the seventh grade, I was like, shut up. That's fucking bullshit. But like, sometimes you have to stop listening to all the voices in your head and you're nuts

like me. So you probably have 10, 12, 13, 14, 15 voices in your head and trust your gut instinct. Because that gut instinct will never steer you wrong. So when you're going through hell, you have to continue to trust your gut instinct and you have to be your biggest fan and your biggest critic. That's the most important thing. And so it's all about that. But sometimes you gotta be like fuck this i just gotta like go to this your instinct yeah i call it my like toxic roommates in my head that aren't me they're just talking shit to me right and it's not once you can differentiate your voice from the other voices and you realize you don't have to listen to those voices yes especially if you're going through like i had to do that like there's a lot of

times during this past hour just sitting in front of you like i had to go okay okay because like i was like felt like you were like steering me down then i was like you know you didn't see me doing it because I got it down to like a science but like I just like in the past hours like okay because this motherfucker's trying to bring me through the fire here look I want to keep you on your toes I want to take you on emotional journeys but this is incredible I'm so honored that you took the time to come on our pod you're so fucking funny wise and inspiring where can people follow you listen to you at Michael Rappaport everywhere I'm on tour I always like sometimes I'll be the clubs and I'll be like oh I was just there yeah um and uh you know I'm on tour the rest of the

year at Michael Rapaport at Michael Rapportcom. I'm going here, I'm going there, I'm going everywhere and you could find me on all the TikTok You guys, he's killing it on TikTok I'm concerned that I'm going to get, I am concerned about this, though, and I know we have to go.

Oh, no, really? That I am concerned that Elon Musk, my days are numbered on Twitter. Because I am blocked by Elon Musk four years ago. He blocked me. What'd you do? I said something about his rocket chips failing, his failing rocket chips and it's bullshit cars that I know we're great because I've never heard people talk people talk about that fucking Tesla like it's sex someone called me today and they were like have you driven

a Tesla before and I said no I don't have my driver's license but they said it is smooth as shit easy to charge it's like sex I've never heard people talk you could have like a fucking Mercedes and a Porsche but when people talk about these Teslas it's literally orgasmic yeah they love their fucking Tesla but when you've never opened a door and you get a Tesla Uber in L.A and you try to open the door and you can't figure it out they've been. make you feel poor as shit. A hundred percent. And you're just like, sorry, I don't know what's going on.

But I was talking shit about, something about his rocket chip. And one of his car batteries, a friend of mine got locked in his car, whatever the fuck. And I just don't like his, I just don't like his whole fucking little, like little thing. And, and, and, but I realized if the richest man in the world, this is the richest man in the world, he blocked me. And I said, as a disruptive person, I have to like, That's like a fucking a pattern.

If I was the richest man in the world, do you think I would be paying attention to Michael fucking rap? I wouldn't know who this fucking guy is. I respect you more now. That's what I'm saying. That's someone of that wealth. That's what I'm saying. Feels affected by you.

Just about his fucking little rocket chip. But I feel like my days are numbered. I feel like there's a Dick Stain Donald Trump rant or a rocket chip rant that's. So you think he's going to start really getting people off the app? I think he's Because that's not freedom of speech I think he's mischievous enough to be like

fuck this guy Wow I would Would you be okay without Twitter in your life I would be okay without post I mean I could always open another account Yeah

But the one thing I do like about Twitter Is the consolidated Source for news Sports You know Opinions Everything I do like that

The thing that I don't like about Twitter And I could take You could call me whatever you want but he's saying that he wants Twitter to be like a town hall for everybody if I'm going to be if I'm going to get called a piece of shit a motherfucker a cheap fucking Jew a this that and the third I at least want to be know who's doing it I'd rather not be called those things by someone who's

identifying themselves as Squidworth from SpongeBob so if he wants to be or the pet accounts oh pet accounts come for me but I just want like he's talking about the verify everybody and it should be free the only way you should be on TikTok Instagram, Twitter, Facebook is if you are verified and then then it'll be a good time you shouldn't be on there if you're like

you know like George Jetson yes or something like that 7 8265 yeah a fucking Barney Rubble like you can call me whatever you want and I could say whatever I want back if I see okay you're you know Doug Smith and you're in you know Connecticut and then all the N words will disappear

all the J words and the J words and the F words. You want a level playing field. It's a town hall. We raise our hands at the town hall. Microw, you sucked it? Okay. Well, Jeff from, you know, Stanford, Connecticut, I see you.

You know, it'll change it. And he's so smart. That should be like, Elon, you're so smart. You should be able to do that in a day, right? Come on, man. But you are killing it. That's going to get me kicked off. It's that, those things that are going to get me kicked off.

I just feel like there's much worse things on Twitter than you talking shit. I want to rock a chip joke. I want to see you fight with like NBA players and stuff. Exactly. That's fun for me. The good old days. Yeah. But yeah, TikTok is so good.

Your Instagram is fire. And everyone can keep consuming the content. And I also have to say, there's a lot of other people that are cheap besides Jews. As far as I'm concerned, you know, we might be cheap with ourselves. But I consider the Jews to be very generous with others. They're all very generous. You know, Hannah might walk around with a shit bag, but she'll gifts her friend. But I'll get dinner.

I'll get dinner tonight. And you might get your friend a great bag. Because I save money with bags. I'm in debt because I bought a coach bag. You, so the thing is, like, the self-hate of a Jew might be like, I'm not worthy of a real fendi bag, but my best friend, here's one for you. I actually think that there's so many things that actually can bond a lot of cultures, such as self-hate, generational trauma. We all can connect over that. Anyway, thanks for coming to hell today.

We love you guys. Bye. Meh-he-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.