Berner Phone - More Things That Are Embarrassing That Shouldn't Be

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

Des returns with part two of last week's prompt, "What is embarrassing that shouldn't be?" Let us know in the Spotify comments what prompts you'd like him to tackle next.   Leave us a voicemail: https://telbee.io/channel/msnxcnbe39nmb9rpvbi_eq/index.html   FOLLOW DES: Tickets: https://punchup.live/desbishop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desbishop Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/desbishop X: https://x.com/desbishop YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desbishopcomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desbishop5   FOLLOW HANNAH: Tickets: https://hannahberner.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hannahberner/ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HannahBerner X: https://x.com/beingbernz TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hannah_berner Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/officialhannahberner/   FOLLOW NICOLE: https://www.instagram.com/nicoleclyons/   Produced by Nicole Lyons Productions Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolelyonsproductions/ Website: www.nicolelyonsproductions.com

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the Burner Phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers. Welcome back to Burner Phone. It's Des and Nicole here again today. Very exciting day. We've really upped the production value here on Burner Phone today, which I'll explain in a moment.

But first, Nicole, we have to discuss the very active Spotify. comments from last week. Did you, did you happen to have a peek by any chance? I did, but then I was like, are my feelings hurt or not? I'm not sure how to like interpret this. So I'm going to, I'm going to tap out. Your feelings can't be hurt because

there was just a fundamental misunderstanding of what was going on because, you know, I had you on as producing, right? You know, but you've never, you know, you've never produced the show before. And I I didn't want it to be that you were the co-host. I wanted you to be producing. But for some reason, everyone was like, why is the guest not speaking?

Also, just for context, me and Des have met like one time in person. So this is also kind of like us getting to know each other. So I apologize. I'm really not a big talker. No, no, incorrect. There's no need to apologize. I need to apologize. Because to the dialers, that is.

because I didn't make it clear that essentially it was a solo episode and you were producing, playing the clips and helping out from time to time. And because that wasn't clear, I think some people had the experience of being like, Des is such a misogynist. He's not letting this woman speak. I know it really backfired on you wanting to get like a woman's voice on here. About the buffets especially. Yeah, well, I'm saying.

Very passion. And hey, dialers, I really appreciate very, very strong response to my buffet rant. By the way, very positive response. There's really actually been no criticism at all. And in fairness, I don't think the Spotify comments reflect the success or otherwise of an episode, but it was actually the most active the Spotify comments have been in a long time. So I was actually very happy for that to the dialing population. That was Nicole snorting there, by the way, just in case.

Because my one criticism was he didn't laugh audibly enough, Nicole, throughout the pocket. Right. So anyway, I'm joking. So anyway, I was very happy with the reaction in the Spotify comments. I think it's a good topic, though. You know, I think sometimes the Spotify comments are very much like a reflection of like how. I think all episodes are engaging, but just. Some prompts are the topics are just like easier to just have a reaction to.

So anyway, we love that. And thanks for all the feedback, everybody. We're continuing with the same theme because we had so many good ones and then so many follow-ups because of the, you know, the fact that we said on the episode that we were going to do another one. So let's just crack into some more. Nicole, can you play your first one, please? Hi, Des and Chris. Love the podcast. My example happened to me recently, and it's being surprised with a birthday cake and standing there while my friends saying happy birthday to me.

And then after I blow out the candles, I awkwardly took the cake away from my friend. I mean, happy birthday is just awkward in general, you know, especially when you're over 18 years old. It's just like adulthood, happy birthdays are. embarrassing, you know? And I think that's the fun of them. I think that actually, like, part of the fun for everybody else is that it's really awkward for you. Plus, you can't sing, you know, which is like, part of the fun is like singing along and actually embarrassing somebody. So when you're the one that can't sing and you have to deal with the awkward feelings, and then you have to blow out the candle, which is like, you know, I mean, if somebody actually made the,

effort to put 50 candles on my, on my things. That would be a nightmare. Actually, Hannah took me to a very fancy Korean restaurant, a Michelin Star Restaurant from my 50th. I can't actually, I think we didn't do a singing, but maybe we did. I actually can't remember. But all I know is in adulthood, I hate, happy birthdays. Truth be told, I hate birthdays in general in adulthood. I actually think that, like, 50, yes, I believe that I should. I believe I should celebrate my 50th, but I actually think that, like, once you hit 21, it should minimum go to on the fives, you know, on the fives and the tens. Okay.

Like, I think, like, let's face it, your 27th birthday doesn't matter. You know, your 48th birthday is irrelevant, right? And then I think after 70 or maybe after 75, then you sell. celebrate every year because it could be your last one. You don't want to miss your last one. You know, I know that sounds a bit morbid, but, you know, it is like, actually, so I drove to Charlotte from Miami and back from Raleigh yesterday because I was so sick of the TSA nonsense that I just decided to not fly. So I've been, I've dropped, I drove a lot over the last three days. I had a lot of time to myself thinking. And I don't know, oh, you know what? I was

listening to Sirius XM, which is very Gen X, boomer of me, right? I'm listening to, I need to be able to plug it in on the car. I don't want to have to look for the thing on my phone, which, by the way, I can do that. I know how to use Apple CarPlay, okay? But I was just, like, I mean, we're talking like I was driving for two full days, all day, Wednesday, all day, Friday, and quite a few hours in between from Charlotte to Raleigh. So you just run out of content, right? So I'm listening to Sirius XM. I'm just like, look. looking for, you know, I'm just looking for like variety. I'm looking to like not make a choice, the way the radio used to be. I'm looking for like having to listen to whatever the hell is on,

if you know what I mean? It's like we got too much choice. It's like, just make the decision for me. You know, I just wanted it to be the 90s, right? So I'm sitting there in the 90s in series X-7 in my car. And I was actually listening to the politics, you know, talk show thing. But they keep advertising some house music, new house music channel from some DJ whose name I can't remember. And so they keep playing his house music. Now, fun fact that the dialers may and may not know, but I actually am quite addicted to house music. And my peak going out era was in the rave era. So I have like, I'm like a refugee from the rave era. I feel like it's not a good night out unless you're dancing until your shirt is ringing, you know? Like that's a good night to me. Right. So that's who I am in terms of

going out. But obviously, I haven't done that in a long time. So I had this thought, this random thought of like, you actually never know when your last night out in the club is. Like, I'm, I mean, I'm not saying I'll never go to a club and dance again, but I'll never go to the club in the way that I used to. And I actually can't remember the last time I was properly in the club, you know? I was in my 40s for sure, but like, I'm probably never going to do that again. And you never know when that day is. So listen, if you're in your late 30s and you 40s and you're still going out, every single night that you go out, you got to like cherish it, like take it in, absorb it. Obviously, nowadays you have the pictures, but like, it could be the last one. Because you're not going to know.

You're not going to be like, hey, this is the last time I ever go out. But it's coming. And it hit me. I was like, oh shit, I'm never doing that again. Like, I'm going to listen to Sirius XM with all the other boomers listening to house music thinking about the good old days, right? And I know I'm a Gen X, not a boomer, I'm aware. But anyway, my point is, you never know when the last one is. So post-75, you go back to every year for your birthday, all right?

Because happy birthday is awkward. All right, we all love doing really loud. Although, can I just add? I just want to add a little caveat here. If you're good, if the waiters, the waitress, if the staff are going to come out and sing happy birthday, then the onus is on the entire restaurant to get involved. Because it's more fun when the whole restaurant gets involved. And then the whole restaurant claps, right?

That actually, to me, takes away a bit of the awkwardness, you know? It's like, okay, this is weird. Now we got a happy birthday. Everyone's staring at me. So let's lean in. All right. So anybody who's ever in, and this is, by the way, I always sing happy birthday. when a random table is getting a happy birthday.

Like, I feel like it's my job. So this is just a PSA to the dialers, okay? If happy birthday starts in the restaurant, fancy restaurant or a shitty diner, even a hooters, you got to sing along, all right? Unless, of course, you're in Applebee's where they have their own fucking song and they can go fuck themselves. Unless they want to advertise on the podcast, then, you know, whatever the song is. I only know this because my brothers both worked in Applebee's. So I know that they had to learn, you know, you had to the birthday song, you know, and they make, or they used to. I could stand correct.

I could be stuck in the 90s with the Appleby's happy birthday song, too. Do you know, Nicole, by any chance? I mean, I definitely remember there being a thing, especially at all the chain restaurants, it was a huge thing. One of my friends once, it was Texas Roadhouse or Outback where they make you get on a saddle. Are you familiar with this? Oh, no. They also bust out a saddle for that one. So it's an added layer to the humiliations. Oh my God. So you have to sign a waiver? You don't get on the saddle. Yeah. You don't get on the saddle, you're saying.

No, you fully get on the saddle. This might be discontinued at this point. The waiver was a really good point I never considered. Well, no, but it's not like you have to ride the bull. It's not like that, right? No, it's like a dismembered, like just the saddle alone. A dismembered? I'll find a picture and I'll send it to you.

It's just a sound. on a slice of the horse. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Well, anyway, I thought that was a good one. Happy birthday. Always embarrassing.

And shouldn't be. You know, let's take another. Something embarrassing that shouldn't be is opening a snack at work. Like the sound of opening a wrapper or a container. And like, it's not embarrassing. We all have to eat. We all eat snacks or we all eat lunch. But for whatever reason, at least.

in like a traditional office space. It's like so embarrassing. Like is everyone looking at me eating this granola bar, but also like, I don't give a fuck if someone else is eating, but it's embarrassing when I do it, you know? Listen, I 100% I agree because here's the thing.

It's not really just at work. It's making noise in a quiet but public space. So like making noise in a situation where there's other people around, but it's quiet enough that you know that other people can hear what you're doing. So then suddenly, everyday mundaneities that you would normally do, you just become acutely aware of how they sound.

And Nicole, you're new to the podcast, but I speak often of misophonia, so I have all that like sensitivities to sound. And like it can be, I then have the paranoia that other people are having the same experience. Now, I know they're probably not, but I can't stop myself from thinking like, oh my God, like somebody can can hear this, you know. But what I will say is that actually, as a stand-up comedian, I think one of the worst experiences you can have, and it doesn't always mean that you're bombing.

It can just be like a bad moment in a bit. Like you're building up some tension. But like somebody may begin to like open a snack, like some comedy clubs or whatever, they do like weird popcorn. People just have things that could be noisy. and if it's like a quiet moment of the bit and you can hear that, like I actually think that's like worse than a heckle.

Because I don't think the audience are as distracted. But for me, it's like I nearly, I almost have to stop the bit because I'm like, I can't believe I'm hearing the crinkling of a peanut bag when I'm doing this bit. But of course, I don't think the person's doing anything wrong. I just have that hyper sensitivity to the noise. But also, as a comedian, you can't help but think, holy shit, I'm doing so bad that the entire audience is hearing this fucking bag. You know what I mean?

So it's just the worst thing in the world when something that shouldn't seem loud seems loud. Are there any other good examples of that? I'm trying to think of a good example. For me, it's when I'm in the movies and like trying to time eating snacks around the silence. I usually am like housing my snack during the trailers and it's gone. but even in the moments of silence between trailers, if you have the crinkling or dumping something out. Yes.

It reverberates. Yes. I struggle actually sometimes in the movie theater if somebody's like making a noise that's acceptable, but not acceptable to me. And I know I can't say anything. I can't be like, yo, you're breathing through your nose, bro. You know, like somebody breathing through their nose during shinless list. There's a very, very deep meaningful movie.

It's like, yo, the fucking noise noise. Because, like, people, you breathe through your nose. It's your right. It's your human right, you know? But, of course, I'm hearing it. It's, like, going through me, like, you know, like, like a poison. So, yeah, you know, but, you know, even chewing, man, like, I can't, you know, like, I can't, I can't eat a potato chip in public. Like, it's just not happening, you know?

I mean, unfortunately, other people don't have the same respect. Other people aren't like, I'm aware that this might drive some other people care. So I'm not going to eat this potato chip in a quiet place. You know, like when they hand out the potato chips on the plane, I'm like, oh, here we go. It's like, it's just like torture. It's like handing out AK-47s when everyone's in a bad mood. It's like, okay, let's destroy society here as far as I'm concerned. All right, let's take another.

Hi, Des. Hi, Hannah. I'm a major giggler. I think you and Paige have probably talked about this on the pod before, but quefeing. Like, you made me quefe. I didn't quefe on my own. Stop pulling out that fast. And maybe your dick isn't big enough. But yeah, it shouldn't be embarrassing. It's not my fault. It's yours. Okay, shout out to Hannah. It's literally Hannah's bit from her Netflix special, you queefs me. Which I would think is the top three. bits from that hour that she did. Also, just a reminder that Hannah's not going to be around for quite a while, you know, I feel, no, I feel bad because, like, it's still our picture on the pod. And, like, that's what Burnaphone is. But, like, she has taken, like, a, what's the word, indefinite sabbatical? And I feel like not everybody knows that. And I feel bad when people are like, people are like, what, what's going on? Like, where's Hannah? It's like, well, unfortunately, Hannah's, she's doing more episodes on Gigloor Squad. So you can get tons of Hannah over there,

which is awesome, you know. And Hannah and Page just have this, like, incredible chemistry that can't be recreated. It's just, it's just the reality. And so now you can get more of that over there. But Burnaphone is here, figuring out what it is. And so Hannah's not here. However, we don't mind when people think Hannah's here and they leave a message for Hannah, especially for quefeing, because obviously I'm not a Keefe specialist. And by the way, I have created Kweef. I've been in the presence of queffing as a result of the air that I'm pressing in. And it should never be embarrassing, like ever. How do you feel when you get a queef?

Is that too personal? Great question. Well, I just like, it was kind of just like a rumor to me for a very long time until like. Oh, because you had never, you had never queefed? I hadn't experienced it. So I thought it was just something that like guys made up to make us feel bad. and eventually it did, I feel like sometime, like mid-20s, it happened for the first time, and it was, like, kind of uncontrollable and embarrassing, like, after having sex.

And it was like, well, it's, again, it's like the snack and the quiet. It's like, we have to acknowledge this thing that's happening. Like, it's over. You know what I mean? So I didn't know what to do. It was bizarre. Yeah. It's just, listen, like, so much of, this whole topic, to be honest, it's so interesting because it's just like, why are we so

self-conscious about things we have no control over. Queefing's kind of funny because it sounds like a fart, but it's just like air, right? So it's like, it kind of sounds disgusting, but it's not remotely disgusting. Like, listen, we all fart, but like farts can be disgusting, you know? Like, if somebody farts during sex, that's like, that's like a vibe killer, you know. Queefing is just like a byproduct of the activity, you know? I'm aware that people don't like to get too in detail that I think I told the story once with Hannah, but Hannah doesn't, you know, you know, Hannah doesn't love like the, the,

the stories about other sexual experiences. And I won't get too into detail because it is quite in detail. But I was with an uncontrollable quefer once. And it wasn't, I wasn't quiffing her. Okay. You know, so you know the joke is you queefed me. And this woman is talking about how like, the guy is queefing you. Without getting into detail, I wasn't in a situation where I could provide the quefe pressure. So, so in other words, she was quefeing at what one would say is the worst possible time to quefe in terms of my position in the situation. But she was an uncontrollable quiefer. It was like, it was like, she just always queed. And she was like, I'm sorry, I just, I just always queef, right? So I was like, fine, you know, but after a while, because I was down there

without getting into too much, I was down there, right? I like, after a while, I just like, it wasn't like, it wasn't like I wanted her to be embarrassed, but eventually I just couldn't handle it. I was just like, I'm sorry. But like, it's just, it's just. It's. It's. It's. just too much like there's too much quefin coming at my face so i i did we had a laugh about it obviously but i wasn't able to i had you know i was very determined for a while but eventually i was just like yo like i don't mind the queffing but at the same time like i just can't i think i was more like i just couldn't keep like from not laughing you know so uh listen quiffing is not embarrassing so you never need to be embarrassed and uh go check out how this queffing bit which is somewhere

on her Instagram. You queued me. That should actually be like a t-shirt. I mean, Mark Norman very much has like, he's kind of cornered like the quefe. The slogans. Yeah.

The slogans, I feel. He's got like a quefe thing. But you quefeed me, I feel like is a phrase that Hannah could have been selling his merch. Let's take another. Hi, Hannah, Des and Chris. Something that's embarrassing that shouldn't be is sneezing a bunch of times. when you're in public and people keep telling you bless you. Yeah, that's something that's

embarrassing that shouldn't be because he can't control it. I mean, when you sneeze out of control that it's literally the, it's the worst thing in the world because really when you sneeze that often, more often than not, it's like allergies. But particularly post-COVID, it's impossible. It's like impossible to, you know, have not think that everyone thinks that you're, like a horrible diseased person, you know? And it's the worst, you know, this time of year, especially with the allergies, you know? And like, this came up in this podcast before, but like, bless you needs to go. Bless you just needs to go.

You know, it's from an era where if somebody sneezed, it was like, please God, don't have tuberculosis or some other disease that's going to kill you. like, we're going to be fine, okay? We have all the medicines. We have all the medical advancements. There's no need for bless you. And I'm sure some people will disagree and they'll be like, I know, but it's a nice sentiment. But it's not really.

Because like there's so many other situations where you could say bless you also and we don't. So let's just, you know, we can do ringa, ring a rosy, right? Even though that comes from the bubonic plague. All right, we can hold on to that. But let's drop bless you. Other remnants from an era where we were all

universally religious and we're worried about dying from diseases that now don't even come up as a threat to humanity. So let's just drop bless you. Okay. And in China, if you're Chinese, let's drop I-Bai-Sui. Let's drop 100 years. Because nobody really wants to live to 100. Because like 90 to 100 is terrible. All right. So no more I-Biswe, no more 100 years, and no more bless you. Okay. Not to get overly multicultural. Let's take another. Hey, Des and Chris, and guess if you have one. I love this prompt. I've got a short list.

First one is having something stuck in your teeth, God forbid we eat and not have time to floss right after. Farting during a workout class, especially Pilates when we're working our deep core. Sometimes air comes out. As women yeast infections, I remember having my first one and being so embarrassed that I made somebody else go by, the little egg that you have to shove up there because I was too embarrassed too. And then this last one, especially in a work setting, being corrected in front of others or even just being corrected during a one-on-one, I used to get super embarrassed. If somebody would correct me in front of others, I'd get red, I'd shut down. But as I've gotten older, especially if it's done in a really nice, constructive way, I just look at that as an opportunity to grow. And I still do get a little bit embarrassed when I'm corrected, especially in front of others.

but I'm trying to look at it from a lens of improving myself now. It's not nearly as embarrassing. Thanks, love you. Wow, so many. Let's start back to front. Fair play to you for growing and being able to take criticism or a correction and experience it as an immediate learning and growing experience. Because despite my 50 years,

I absolutely have the ability to learn and grow from either a correction or a criticism or even a suggestion. But that experience only happens approximately 24 hours after it happens when I get over whatever the fuck emotional response I have to people correcting me. Because I need to like calm down, not take it as a personal attack, stop whatever emotions that I think is intergenerational trauma that probably goes back to when the English. originally took over Ireland. And whatever it rises up in me, I need to let all that fade away. And then 24 hours later, I'm like, you know what, they're probably right. And then I take in the information. And I do actually learn and grow. But the only learning and growing that I've done is knowing to not react, to not be like, you know, saying like, I know, or no, what happened to or coming up with like a reason, you know, I now no longer

react externally. But in my mind, I'm like, you and your next three generations will die in painful infernoes for opening your mouth internally. And then 24 hours later, I'm like, bless you, hypocrite, bless you for imparting your wisdom. You are correct. And I am a better person as a result. So that's where I'm at in my, in my spiritual growth around that. topic. So I have mentioned the teeth thing. And the reason why I wanted to discuss it again was because somebody either in the Spotify comments or else on another prompt that they sent in said that it's actually just as embarrassing to have to tell somebody. I actually think the confidence, like the ability to tell somebody they have something stuck in their teeth,

particularly if you're like not that close with them. I think that shows incredible character. I actually think that like your ability to do that shows that you're like an incredible person, like that you have a confidence beyond most of humanity because you know that the person's going to be embarrassed. But it's it's more embarrassing to not get rid of it. So you say you work it out in your head like an insurance actuary, you know, you work out the pros and the cons of actually saying this and you say, that this is a net positive despite the emotion and I'm going to tell you. And you're a better person.

And I find it hard sometimes. But what's worse? Having somebody tell you you've something stuck in your teeth or going to the bathroom after an hour conversation and realizing that the fucking spinach leaf has been on your front tooth for most of the conversation, date, business meeting. Like that's worse. what's your telling people policy, Nicole? I will always try to.

If I'm not super familiar with them and there's other people there, I'll give someone else a chance to speak up first. And if they don't, then I'm going to do it because I get so pissed when people don't tell me. It's like, come on. Like, that would have taken two seconds for you to just give me a heads up. Yeah. I mean, you can do the, this is a visual thing. So I know most of you aren't watching, but you know, you can do the like sign.

If you can try to do it without anybody seeing and you sort of point it. your teeth. But like, it's impossible to get rid of it without, you know, and it's so not embarrassing. Having something in your teeth is not embarrassing. The problem is that it just looks so fucking stupid. Isn't it amazing how bad it looks to have something in your teeth? I mean, like, that's literally the last thing I do before I go out on stage every time is make sure that I don't have anything in my teeth. So yeah, shout out to all the brave soldiers out there who are are not afraid to let people know they have something stuck in their teeth. These are actually, this is, was I saying this last week?

Like, we need like a whole new set of like laws and etiquette around certain things. Like, this is one of the things. You know, like, people sneeze. You say, bless you without thought. It should be like, you've something in your teeth. We should just have a saying. Like, something, you know, something in your tooth. Or maybe something more fun.

You know, maybe somebody with a sharper mind could come up with something quicker. Or like, it should just be a given that like it gets. dead. All right. So anyway, what was the other, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, what was, farting and Pilates. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's just, that's just part of life. Let's take another one. We love baked by Melissa here on burn a phone. I've talked about it before and I'm very happy to be talking about it again because there is no nicer sweet treat. Not only does baked by Melissa, hit you in the taste buds and in the nostrils with the sweet smell of their wonderful cupcakes, but also on the eyes, because they are some of the coolest-looking sweet treats you have ever seen in your life. And what's so awesome about them is they're the best gift. Never show up with one hand as long as the other, as my grandmother always said when you're showing up to somebody's house. Well, baked by Melissa has got you covered. By the way, not just when you're showing up to somebody's

house, but also like as a gift to send to somebody, congratulations, birthdays, just so many different reasons why you can just send baked by Melissa. Their handcraft bite-sized cupcakes are thoughtful, baked fresh, and delivered right to the door in just one to two days. It's the easiest way to make someone's day feel special. They come in a variety of flavors, so there's guaranteed to be a flavor for everybody. Baked by Melissa cupcakes are made entirely by hand and turn any moment into a celebration. They come in beautiful gift boxes that make it effortless to send someone. Works for family, friends, clients, truly anyone and everyone. Baked by Melissa has celebrated more than 100,000 birthday since 2008 and is featured everywhere from the Today Show to Good Morning America

and People magazine. It's one of those brands that people just coming back to. And right now, baked by Melissa is offering our listeners 20% off your order at Baked bymelissa.com slash burn. That's Baked by Melissa.com slash burn for 20% off your order. Baked by Melissa.com slash burn. Guys, you know, I love coffee shops, which means I love square. Because it's so handy to just be in a place where you could just tap on the square thing. And you don't have to worry about waiting for the bill. Just come over, tap.

Go to these workout studios where you have to pay per class. Tap. It's so handy. Who doesn't love Square? Square helps you run your business without running yourself into the ground. And right now, listeners can get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at square.com slash go slash burner. That's SQA-R-E.com slash go slash burner.

Visit Square to get started because the right tools make all the difference. Now, I could give you a list of all the coffee shops I go to all around America that use Square. lately I've really been enjoying Angelina's cafe in Midtown in Miami. Such a cool little spot. It's great. They come over to the table. Taparoonie. Super easy.

Tapety tap, tap, tap, tap. I actually, I'm so of the opinion that Penguin Square is so great that we need to change the universal sign for looking for the bill from like doing the pen thing to like making a Square with your hands. By the way, it's not just point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go, software for managing staff, marketing, and customer insights, and banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly.

Why do businesses love it? Because it makes running a business feel a little less like putting out fires. Square simplifies the messy stuff. It works for one location shops and businesses with multiple teams or service areas. You don't need an IT team or a degree in accountant. It scales with you, whether you're selling from a stall or expanding to storefront. So if you're starting a business or running one that deserves better tools, Square helps you sell, manage, and grow without slowing down.

Like I said, right now, you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com slash go slash burner. That's SQA-R-E.com slash go slash burner. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today. Thank you to HomeServe for sponsoring this episode. As a homeowner, I can tell you it's awesome and then it isn't. Okay, because one minute, you're sipping coffee.

the next, your ankle deep in water from a burst pipe, which, by the way, I think, is a big thing at the moment because it was such a tough winter for so many people. Repairs don't care about timing, and they definitely don't care about your budget. Listen, you protect your health, your car, even your phone. What about home? It's probably your biggest investment, and when things go wrong, the cost can hit hard and fast. So that's where HomeServe comes in. Regular homeowners insurance usually doesn't cover a lot of the day-to-day wear and tear. Plumbing failures, H-Fact breakdowns, electrical issues, you're often on your own for those. And that's where home serve comes in. It's like a subscription for your home for as little as $4.99 a month. They've got your back.

Repairs hit fast and hard. You can be searching for a contractor in a panic, or you could already be on the phone but homeserv's 24-7 hotline scheduling a repair. Like for example, last year, Thanksgiving morning, hot water thing blew up in the house. Water was pouring out onto the floor. I didn't have homeserve then. Could have used them. It was a disdive. It was a disaster. We had to go with no hot water for like four days until I could get somebody come over. It's super simple. Choose a plan for your needs and budget. And when something on your plan goes wrong, call their 24-7 hotline to start the repair process. They've helped homeowners like you for over 20 years with a trusted national network of 2,600 local contractors with 4.5 million

customers and a 4.8 out of 5 post-repair rating and an 8-plus Better Business Bureau rating. They're the real deal. So help protect your home systems and your wallet with homeserve. against covered repairs. Plans start at just $499 a month. Go to homeserve.com to find the plan that's right for you. That's homeserve.com. Not available everywhere. Most plans range between 499 to $1,199 a month your first year. Terms apply on covered repairs. So, Hannah, Hannah's mother and I, we all love quince. And I'll tell you why. Because it's about quality over quantity. If it's not well made and versatile, it's just not for us. That's why we love Quince.

The fabrics feel elevated, the cuts are thoughtful, and the pricing actually makes sense. For all our female listeners, Quince makes high-quality wardrobe staples using premium fabrics like 100% European linen, 100% silk, and organic cotton poplin, lightweight cotton cashmere sweaters, perfect for the changing seasons, and can't miss seasonal colors and prints for spring, versatile, well-made pieces that make getting dressed simple. They work directly with safe ethical factories and cut out the middleman. You're not paying for brand markups or fancy retail stores, just quality clothing. Hannah just got this amazing 100% European linen long sleeve shirt, perfect for spring.

Just effortlessly elegant but also super comfortable. Hannah's mom also loves this amazing Italian wool long blazer that she got in Navy. I mean, honestly, we're such huge. Quince fans here. Right now, go to quince.com slash burn for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to wear it and love it and you will. Now available in Canada too, don't keep settling for clothes that don't last. Go to quince.com slash burn. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash burn for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash burn. Something that is embarrassing that shouldn't be is when you're in public and you go on like any social media and a video is playing out loud,

like on full blast and you have to like fiddle with the volume button to like turn it down fast enough and it takes like four whole seconds to get it down. We're all on social media. The videos are every, any, you know, videos are everywhere. So it's normal. But like, why is it so embarrassing? And of course, everybody turns and looks at you because it's a loud noise, but like happens to all of us. Why is it just crippling? All right. Well, let me add. Let me, let me one up your embarrassment.

Okay. When it's your own video. When it's your own voice and you just want to read comments about yourself and you didn't realize the volume's on and you're around like three or four other people. And suddenly it's like, you know, me shouting into a microphone unnecessarily because the microphone amplifies my voice. after 29 years in comedy, I'm still shouting into the mic, right? Me shouting some dumb joke, you know, especially when it's like, and the fucking pussy. You're like, oh God, sorry, the volume is on.

So, yes, that is embarrassing. Wasn't, was it TikTok or is it still TikTok is the one that like, because like Instagram like is not as, it's not as easy to accidentally have the volume on an Instagram, I feel. But isn't it TikTok? Like you open it and it's it's like a video. But yes, that is. That is super embarrassing.

Especially because I'm such a hater for people that like listen to things in public. That like I just, I feel so, I feel like such a failure, you know, to have like done that, you know. But again, not embarrassing. Just a part of life. Part of modern life. No big deal. Let's take a couple more. Hello, hello. Why is dropping things so embarrassing and having to pick it up and everybody kind of just looks because it made a loud noise and I don't know. And then why is having your phone flashlight on accidentally? It shouldn't be. Okay, I'll actually hit the button. Who cares? And then it's like, I mean, girls' pants usually don't have pockets, but like if it's in a pocket and you see it the flashlight through the pocket, even worse.

And then it's like, oh, your flashlight's on. Oh, like, that embarrassing. But it is. Actually, I remember reading this one. Like, that, to me, is hilarious. Like, why in the flashlight thing is like, like, I don't know. Like, that is actually embarrassing. And it literally doesn't matter.

And we've all done it, you know. But dropping things, dropping things is embarrassing. Yes, we do drop stuff. But like, when something drops. and it's super loud. Like when you, especially, especially if like, so say your phone drops, you know the way sometimes your phone drops and it just lands perfectly flat. So you don't just get the sound of dropping.

You get that like that snap sound, you know, that like, that perfect, whatever the physics is on the perfect kind of clap of the floor and your phone. And it just makes this incredible noise. And then everyone looks. And then you look at your phone and it's actually like cracked a bit. So now not only is everyone like, what the fuck? But like if they can see the crack, then they're like, oh, that sucks. And then like, you know, you just like, people just like up in your business. So dropping things, I actually think dropping things is embarrassing, you know. And there's nothing we can

do about that, but it just, it just sucks, you know. I know we all drop things, but it is embarrassing. Are you right? It shouldn't be. But it, it truly is. Although I have to say that the flashlight on the iPhone has been one of the great, like, evolutions of modern time. Because, like, I think if people said, what are the things that you can never find when you need them, but always when you don't need them, you see them? I would say flashlights, minimum top 10, probably top five things in this life that when you need them, you can't find them. But when you don't need them, you see them.

And now, like, I never need to find a flashlight. Like ever. And that's that's one of the great things. So I'll take the embarrassment. You know, I'll take, I'll take the embarrassment of the flashlight and live with it. All right, let's take a few more. I think going to the club and not dancing is embarrassing. Like I'm embarrassed for people that just stand around and aren't dancing.

Like me and my friends like to go out where I live. There's not really a lot of places to dance. we like all go out of town with each other like we're wanting to go dance so we'll show up at a place and you know we're like our friend groups like late 20s early 30s so you know we're not these young hos out there or anything but by the time we're going out like we're wanting to dance so we've just found ourselves being like the ones that kind of get the dance floor going because we have no shame but we'll literally be hitting the floor you know and then we'll just look around and And there's like people that are like scared to dance.

But what we've noticed is we're the ones that usually get invited to like a table because we're literally just having so much fun that people want in on that. So just fucking dance. Like bring it back. I mean, amen. Amen, sister. You know? Now, here's the thing. I love dancing.

But like starting to dance is the issue. Right? dancing always feel stupid before you start. Well, certainly to me. Sorry, I only speak for myself. But I think this goes for a lot of people. Like, before you start dancing, you feel stupid, you know? But then once you're dancing and you get in the groove, it's like the best feeling in the world. I don't know the science behind it, the endorphins, the adrenaline, whatever it's doing, the communal experience, you know. Like, it's one of the great things we discovered as humans to make us feel better is dancing. dancing, you know, and the social aspect of it is off the charts. So you got to dance. I get it. All right. And listen, I'm aware that we have a huge spectrum of, you know, extroverted people, introverted people. I'm aware that there are different rates of people finding this difficult. But I'm going to go out on a limb and say that even the most introverted person, if they let themselves go, would feel better after dancing. And I'm open to correction on that.

shout out to the introverts. If you want to hit me up in the comments anonymously, you can let me know how difficult it is, even when dancing, you don't get the relief. But I think I'm right. You know, I think that when you actually let yourself go, you're going to feel better. And hey, you might be a bad dancer,

but actually nobody really cares. Because here's the thing about dancing. Nobody's looking at you as much as you think. And that's actually the overriding theme for this entire episode, two weeks. in a row now, we're basically trying to get to the crux of a human problem. Nobody gives a fuck, but we think they do. Okay. Now, I'm aware that people give a fuck in certain situations, but what I mean is most people don't care as much about the things that we're assuming people

care about. And as a result, it's affected our behavior, right? But it's in your head. Okay. So the only person that actually gives a fuck is you. Right. And if you can look at you, liberate yourself from that, and I'm speaking to myself as well, if you can liberate yourself from that, then you're going to have a happier life. And whenever we're the least aware, or whenever we're the least in our head about what people are thinking, I think it's one of the happier times of our lives. Okay. And I think dancing actually gives you that. Dancing is like the Xanax for being worried about what other people are thinking. Because it's so, you're so full of, my God, what's everybody thinking at the beginning? And you have to overcome that. It's almost like a

triumphant action to be like, fuck this. Fuck it. I'm going to fucking do this. And then it's just so fucking fun. So not because you're not just, you're not just getting the endorphins, the adrenaline. You're not just socializing with people. You're not potentially meeting new people, you know, but you're actually overcoming like personal adversity. So it's like, it's actually like a victory. Like a victory. Like a. growth victory for some more than others. You know, more for some than others. But for everybody, to a degree, you've got to overcome at least a touch of awkwardness,

unless you're a professional dancer, you know. But I bet you professional dancers. I did dance with the Stars in Ireland back in 2017, and I hung out with the professional dancers. And I got to be honest with you, they were the best nights out of my life. All right? I'm just going to, I'm going to throw this out there, right? Shout out to Julia and Kai and Kurt.

You know, Kurt, you know, Maure Higgins is huge now. You know, she's like an American celebrity, but she's been an Irish and UK celebrity for quite a while. And she was on Love Island, and she actually got with Kurt. But Kurt was originally a pro on the Irish dancing with the stars, right? And he's actually a lovely guy. You know, these shows, you know, they do different things. They make people look bad or good or whatever.

I mean, I think Curtis came out generally okay. But, you know, there was a couple of things that, like, you know, the internet went hard on him on. But he's actually, he's a little. lovely guy, right? Anyway, long story short, Emily, who was actually his girlfriend at the time, a few, you know, just some of the pros, we had the best nights out of my life, okay? Dancing with them. Because truth is, they don't give a fuck, right? And the dancing with them was so fucking liberating. And I'm not talking about in the show. The show was awesome, too, but it was the

nights out. Honestly, I've never, Kisenya, especially, Kisena used to do this thing where She liked to get real low on the ground. God, my knees. They were so good back then. And I'll never forget. I think 2017 was actually the peak of my life. Now that I realize it, now that I'm thinking about it, I think that was the most fun I had because I was in my 40, so I was free of like, you know, youthful, you know, hang-ups, right?

But I was still young enough to be able to get low with Kucenia. Not in a section where this was all dancing, right? And it was just like, it was so fucking fun, man. Anyway, I got to think if you're a pro dancer that the only thing you're self-conscious about is at the beginning not like showing off. Because that's what I feel like with those guys at the beginning, it would like, but like once the fucking vibe got going, next thing like, yeah, we got pro dances on the floor, everybody get involved.

And it was fucking amazing, you know? So you may, I may not know this, but I'm very pro dancing. I don't know if this was coming across on the pod. But I love Talib Kuali. Great. Great rapper. He had a duo with Most Deaf, when Most Deaf was still, Most Def called Black Star and two incredible lyricists. But in the intro to one of Talib Kuali's songs, he says, if you can walk, you can, you can, you know, if you can talk, you can sing.

If you can walk, you can dance. It's an African proverb or something to that effect. The proverb I said is the way he said it, the way he describes it as an African proverb. But this is true. If you can talk, you can sing. If you can walk, you can dance. By the way, if you can talk, you can sing, it doesn't mean you can sing well, but you can still sing and it feels good. You know, a lot of people in these karaoke rooms, they're not Celine Dion, all right? But they're having a good time. So if you can walk, you can dance. Just get out there. Miss the beat. Who gives a shit? You will feel better. All right. So if we learn nothing else, I'm positively passionate about dancing. You know, I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't. I don't have the same perhaps negative passion. Oh, by the way, of course, did I end up in a fucking three-star hotel breakfast buffet yesterday morning? Yes, I did. I was at a home to sweets in Lumberton, North Carolina. Lumberton, North Carolina is like, apparently a dangerous city, which I found out afterwards, which I didn't know, because I was like, I'm staying in Lumberton.

Because when I drove the car down to Miami originally, Lumberton is officially the halfway point between New York and Miami. So I had stayed in Lumberton before, but, this time, I was doing my show in Raleigh, and then I was like, well, I'm driving back to Miami tomorrow. So I'm going to, I'm going to stay somewhere that's like a little bit south of Raleigh to get a jump on the journey. So I drove the 90 minutes from Raleigh to Lumberton in the same hotel I stayed at the last time, home to sweets. Lo and behold, there I was, looking at the fucking twisty, fucking cereal thing and shitty bowls. And I thought, well, this is, this is karma right here. But also, by the way, I do want to point.

out since we're on the subject. Like, this is kind of like the way the pod's going now, right? Because it's very hard to get guests. And, uh, you know, it's just going to kind of be the dialers and me, Nicole's producing. And like, this is the vibe. Okay. So just so there's no more confusion, right? Like, we're settling into this. All right. And, uh, like, because I feel like the buffet episode, the buffet incident. Buffet gate. was like people were like, whoa, like, why is Des talking so long? But actually, it is the onus is on me to keep the air flowing. You know what I'm saying? So similar now, we can have dance gate. By the way, also, if anybody has any questions about my time on dancing with the stars, don't be afraid to hit me up or even leave an audio message. Because it's a part of my life that I, uh, I, I feel like I haven't discussed that much, but actually it was like one of the best experiences of my life and has made me very positive about dancing.

Obviously, I'm not a great dancer these days, but I will still dance, you know? And I'm in Miami. I should be going to these damn raves. The problem is that you get through a certain age. No, the problem is you get through a certain age and you're just like, because I would go out of my own and dance. I love dancing. But like, I'm 50 and I'm gray. And it's just like, I don't care what anybody says.

People are making an assumption. You know, like, I just, how the fuck am I going to go out and dance on my own? You know, on a night where like Hannah's away on the road and I happen to be, you know, around. I would love to just go and dance. But you look like a fucking weirdo. And, you know, maybe somebody can hit me up and explain. Now, by the way, of course, Hannah and I could go out, you know, which, you know, actually, I'm going to say that to her. We need to go out dancing, just me and you, all right?

even if it's the last night I ever quite dancing, at least then I'll know. At least then I will have been aware. This is the night that either makes me off or does me quite, as Iago said, in Othello. So, anyway, shout out.

You know, actually, I take it, you know what? This is what we're going to do. This is what we're going to do. We're going to do a live burn of phone show, one of these days. We're going to get Hannah back. We're going to do a live burnophone show, all right? Maybe even down to Miami, since it's come up as a, as a theme, we're going to do a live

burniphone show. And afterwards, we're going to have a fucking rave. And me and Hannah are going to dance, right? Hannah is one of these people that is a good dancer, but she can't not joke dance. Do you have any of these people in your life, Nicole? I'm one of these people. The joke dancing people? Yeah, like just mixing stuff in just because if you're dancing together, does she, like, subject you to do a bunch of, like, weird shit?

Oh, you know, she's got to like do the, you know, she's got to, she's got to twerk and, you know, she's got to do. Yeah. But, like, not an embarrassing man, because I'll go with it. But, like, there's just some people that, like, I think, I don't know if it's self-conscious. By the way, I don't want to throw a hand under the bus here because she's a very good dancer. But there always has to be, like, a moment of, like, being silly or, like, joking. which I've talked about before should be reserved for the circle.

You know, I had a whole circle. We had a whole circle discussion before on this pod or some other pod. And it's just a universal rule that when the circle forms, you've got to go in and do something stupid in the middle of a circle, unless you're an amazing dance.

So either you're like break dancer fucking from like, you know, Beat Street, the king of the beat. You go rock a nap beat from across the street because, you know, so like if you're like from the era of like being an incredible break dancer, okay, great, break dance. Or make a dance.

Or make a job. joke. Hannah's joke is the worm. We all know this. Um, and, uh, my joke varies, but most Irish men will do a jig, you know, and a jig is always funny in the circle. Everybody knows this. So anyway, long story short, uh, Hannah is like a joke dancing person, but she's like, she's, she's dancing well, but also trying to make me or others laugh. Okay. And I think that's like a type of dancer, the joke dancer. You, you think you're, you're, you think you're, a joke dancer? Yeah, for sure, especially when my boyfriend and I get together, we're both kind of joke dancing. Like, we'll actually be trying to, like, bust some moves, but then he's

going to, like, twerk on me. I'll make it rain on him. Like, we try and, like, do some weird shit. But a lot of times, it's like, no one else is dancing either. So it's kind of like, who are we doing this for, you know? You know, back in the day, I was like a first guy out in the dance floor guy. I, you know, of course, it's an ego. You know, it's like, I'm a performer, right, by trade. but it's not by trade. That's wrong. I'm a performer by soul. Like, it's in my spirit.

Like, my inclination is, let's fucking perform. So I actually used to get a kick out of being the guy that, like, brought them, got everyone comfortable getting on the floor. You know, which should literally be like a job, you know, like. But nowadays, I got a wedding. It's always like your 60-year-old uncle that does that. But I guess that's, I'm going to be that guy. I'm close enough to being that guy already, you know? You know what else?

Just funny things you get a kick out of. You know, when you're like, it's so stupid, but obviously, like, you realize aspects of your personality. When you look back in your life, I always got a kick out of being the person that, like, started a round of applause. Can anyone identify with that? Like when you think, like, oh, I'm the, I started that, you know? or like starting the standing O, you know, it's a certain type of confidence to start the standing O. Because some standing O's are like unanimous. And other standing O's like nobody's sure if it's a standing O.

And then it takes, it takes a brave soul to be like, I'm going to fucking get these motherfuckers to stand up. And I used to, back in the day, I used to get a real kick out of like being that guy. But not anymore. No, I've gotten shy. Well, you know, because I'm performing as a job, so I don't need to get my petty kicks, my little ego boost by doing something so silly. Well, let's take a couple more before we wrap it up. Hi, Burner phone. I'm applying to the prompt things that are, feel embarrassing, that shouldn't be.

And my thing is when you're in like a single bathroom, like not where you go into a stall. and somebody knocks on the door and I just I always feel awkward of what to say like somebody's in here and then it's even more awkward when you walk out and they're like standing by the door I don't know why that seems awkward to me I mean embarrassing or when you're driving and you are worried that everyone is judging you by the speed of your windshield wipers like if mine aren't going too fast and everyone's around me aren't going as fast I'm like I think I'm just a little bit Anyway, love the pod. Goodbye. I never thought that in my life.

I've never looked at the speed of anybody's windshield wipers. You know, the only thing that's embarrassing is if somebody else is in the car and you kind of forget to turn them off. And they're like, are you going to turn those off? You know, if you have ones that, like, you know, sometimes a windshield wipers will, like, start jumping on the, on the thing. But, like, some windshield wipers, they just keep flowing despite the fact that there's nothing. but actually I've never I've never paid attention to the pace of anybody's windshield wipers in my life. Now that's a perfect example because she's like embarrassed about the pace of her windshield wipers. Does anyone care?

Am I wrong? Do you care? Have you noticed Nicole anybody's windshield wipers? I don't even know how you'd really even clock that on somebody else. Like how you would be able to see that. But it is like so funny too of her being like, I just think I'm a loser. Like, come on. Yeah.

But what was the first thing again? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So the bathroom thing. So I got, so the thing about the stall is like pooping in a public space, obviously, kind of embarrassing. This, you know, if you have to, if you're, if it's like three or four stalls in a row and you like fart and it's embarrassing, even though like everybody's doing that. But what I hate is if like, so say there's like four stores, like airport bathrooms are notorious, right? They have a lot of stalls, but like a lot of people.

So like sometimes you'll walk in and like all four will be full, right? And then, you know, you go in and like somebody will like knock on your door like 30 to 60 seconds in. And you'll be like, no, motherfucker. I waited. These other three guys are the ones that are the problem. But unfortunately, I can't escape mentally from the fact that now I feel rushed, you know. And I don't think, I think there's a certain amount of acceptable time in the bathroom. but it doesn't change the fact that I am now worried about what you're thinking.

So I'm now like rushing. I think this should be like a clock, actually. I think every stall should have a clock outside that's like, this guy, this stall has been occupied for this amount of time. And then eventually, you know, the outside people, if there's, particularly if there's a line, eventually they have to be like, yo, bro, it's been three minutes. Statistically, the average human can finish this business in two minutes and 45 seconds. and you're over the time, right? So I just hate the feeling of being rushed. But I also hate the feeling of like fancy coffee shop.

Like coffee shop, you're having coffee. You're going to want to use the bathroom. It's just, it's science. But you get these coffee shops, they only have one toilet and they're small. So the line is like everyone can see the line. So then you're in there and you know the entire coffee shop, is going to be aware of how long you're in there. That's a, that's a pressure situation that I find very difficult to deal with.

Of course, I have no choice. It's not like I have the choice to be like, no, screw it, I'll go home. You know, we're in a situation where I don't have that liberty. So that one I find hard. But, you know, bathroom situations are just embarrassing in general. And there's no need for it to be 100% true to the theme. But you're going to be embarrassed. It's just for whatever reason.

We've made these things embarrassing. I have nothing else to add. Let's take one more. Okay. One thing that's so embarrassing for me, that shouldn't be embarrassing, is parking in front of other people. Like, not like when they're in the car, but when they're just like, there's people out and about around you when you're trying to park in a space, especially if it's like parallel parking or, like, backing into somewhere. I get so stressed out and embarrassed. Even though I can park, I've been driving for years and years.

But I just, like, all of a sudden I'm scared, I forgot how to drive. Amen. It's a fact. It's a fact. Especially if there's teenage boys. If you can, that should actually be on the driving test. That when you parallel park, there should be like teenage boys, standing around making comments or like wrestling each other, just being teenagers, and you have to

park in front of them. And with every move, you feel like they're going to talk shit. If you can parallel park successfully in that situation, then you are equipped to drive in New York City. I will point out that what is actually embarrassing and should be, well, not that it should be, but like it truly is embarrassing for me anyway is like when the wheel hits the curb and like makes a loud enough noise that people react. I mean, is there anything worse? You know? And then you have to like, especially if you have like nice rims on your car. And I'm not like a, I'm not like a big driving guy.

I feel like even saying the word rims makes you sound like a tush. Like I feel like talking about your rims immediately. the dialers are drying up, drying up. But just in the context of this conversation, the information is necessary. You know, if you have like nice rims where if you scratch them up on the curb, it's going to be out like people are going to see it. And some people care about rims, you know?

So some people are going to be like, ooh, you know, they're going to feel that one in their soul, right? So then you have to just like ignore it, act like it's no big deal. And then like for me, I never want to look because I know if I look and the scratch is like really bad, then I'm going to be in, then I'm going to be in a terrible mood. So I try to just like not look at it. But eventually I am going to have to see it and it's going to put me in a terrible mood. But anyway, that that is that is genuinely embarrassing. Hitting the curb in general, I think is is embarrassing.

What's your parallel parking skills like, Nicole? Not good. I mean, I passed it initially on my driver's test and then kind of never used it again. Like, I grew up in the suburbs, went to school in the suburbs, and then in the city I'm not really driving. So if I ever have like a rental car somewhere, I'm doing everything in my power to not parallel park because I do feel like everybody's watching and it's never good. I'm someone that's like reset multiple times, pull up to the car in front of me again, pull back in. A lot of times I just bail and I'm like, well, this block is not ruined because

everyone's seen me try and do that. I just have to find a new spot. Yeah. I mean, the pressure of people looking, or, by the way, in New York especially, the pressure of a car being behind you. I mean, fuck you all the dicks that, like, you're, you indicate and it's clear you're going to go for the spot and they pull up too far and make it impossible for you. Like, fuck all you motherfucker is out there. I'm saying. But for the people that, you know, like, when, when, when, somebody's even if they've left you enough space, the pressure of knowing that like they're waiting for you to finish, that's tough. And if you have to reset in that situation and you're holding up New York City traffic, that's a lot of pressure, man. You know, that's like, that's why a lot of people have to leave New York. Because that's like, that's everyday stress. And that's real stress.

No, that's real stress. You know, I don't care what anybody says. I'm not saying it's the most stressful thing in this life, you know? There's much more horrible things that you can have to endure. But, you know, that if you think about the amount of times, if you've had to parallel park in New York, the amount of times you've had to parallel park under those stressful situations, because I'll tell you right now, I hate to admit it. You know, I'd be getting judged in the manosphere for this. But I have bailed out of embarrassment out of a parallel park. Even one that I know if I reset, I could achieve my goal, I have still bailed. I'm like, fuck this.

Too many people have seen this. I can't, I can't handle this anymore. It could be somebody up in an apartment filming me, putting me on fucking parallel park TikTok. Have you ever seen those TikToks? It's like, look at this person trying to parallel park. You've never seen that? It's like a real thing. Like people like ripping on bed parallel parking, which honestly, it looks so much worse

from a height because from a height, the angles are just so much more obvious. It's like, oh, you're a great parallel parker from fucking seven stories up. You know, you got so much perspective. I don't have this perspective, you know? But it is funny, though. Like, parking, parallel parking stuff is funny. So anyway, it's a fact. Parking is embarrassing.

All these things are embarrassing. We'll play out the rest. Any ones that we have left over will play them out at the end of the episode. Thanks so much for all the dialers dialing in. Of course, did I think of next week's prompt? No. I didn't. But I'll think of a prompt in the meantime.

I'll post it on my Instagram. But in the interim, don't be afraid to message in. Any reactions, any follow-ups, anything you want to let us know. The Telby link is on my Instagram at disbishop. I haven't been plugging my shows. But Friday night, I'm in Rochester, New York, which was a rescheduled show because I had some knee stuff that I had to deal with. the previous time I was supposed to be there. And then where else do I got? Oh yeah. And then I got

Calgary, which is sold out, but I got Edmonton, which is like the opposite. Like Calgary, it's a city in the same province, but Edmonton, tons of tickets left. Calgary totally sold out. Pittsburgh, I also have. And Cleveland, Ohio. I've never actually set foot in the state of Ohio. So it'd be very exciting for me to be in Cleveland, in Ohio in general for the first time. So come out and support the show. And yeah, leave a comment, Spotify, like, subscribe, spread the word. Thanks so much, everybody. As a hairstylist, there's a lot of embarrassing interactions that happen, especially if it's like with a new guest.

A lot of it being like grabbing the person, bringing them back, you know, and then after you do the service, you know, just being like, all right, how does that look for you? Is everything good? Yep. Okay. Tell me. If you need me to change anything, let me know. That part's always awkward. I've been doing here for 13 years, so I'm usually not in a position to where I've, like, fucked anything up. But then also, even the checkout, like, I did not grow up going to high-end salons, and I now work in one. So just, like, the amount that I'm charging people is kind of shocking, but I only get 50% of that anyway, so it's not really at the end of the day, but I'll, like, pre-book someone and everything and then still have the front desk girls, like, do the money part. So, yeah, bye.

Okay, something that's so embarrassing that should not be is when you have to cough and you're in a quiet room or, like, a lecture hall that's filled with people and you're having a cough attack that just won't stop for some reason. It is so embarrassing. I have a couple embarrassing things that I'll pop and end up submitting, but one of them that comes mind is when you are talking to someone and there's like phlegm that goes in your throat and then you go and then you try to speak again and then it's still there or you speak and it sounds fine and then it comes back after five seconds and then you're just trying to clear your throat and it you can't and it takes like five to ten tries for it to go away it's always so embarrassing it happens to me all the time um

Yeah. Why is it so embarrassing to squeeze past people like when they're sitting, like say you're at like the movies or like a sporting event? First of all, the seats are so small. The room to walk by is even smaller. And then you have to like scoot past them. Like say they awkwardly and politely like get up. Okay, thank you. And you're still hit them. And then there's the people that don't even bother to stay. stand up and just keep sitting and then you hit them. And it's like, do I put my ass in your face or do I put my crotch in your face? Like, come on. I don't know. Make it bigger. Another one. I'm sending another one. When you're walking and you trip over your own foot, even though there's literally nothing in front of you. The ground is completely flat. Or you see somebody else do it. And so you feel embarrassed for them. and then try to look away, but you are feeling equally as embarrassed because, damn, you just tripped over your own foot. That, and then if you know what word you're trying to say, but then

say it kind of weird, but then, like, either you mispronounce it or you just can't pronounce it, and then everyone just stuck on you mispronouncing that word or not being able to say that word at all. Hate it. Hey, does. Another thing that feels is embarrassing, but definitely should not be, is when you're trying on clothes at a store and you either you know, don't end up taking the clothes or you have to ask for a bigger size or another size. And I just think it's just so embarrassing because now everyone knows like, oh, you didn't fit or you looked fucking ugly in those, so you can't take them. And like, it's not embarrassing because I don't think about anyone else when I'm in a clothing store, but that is what goes on in my head.

So, yeah, kind of embarrassing.