Berner Phone - Out & About: Drag Queens & Conversion Camps

Episode Date: May 11, 2023

Patrick McAuliffe and Joey Camasta are my besties who stopped by hell to discuss anal, how they came out to their parents, what fixed their anxiety, and much more silliness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell Sometimes when I invite my guests to hell I like to put them through hell before we get on the pod And I hoodwinked, bamboozled, and led astray these guests today Yes Joey and Pat, thank you for surviving the first hour of hell. You're welcome.

Burning in hell. I thought this, that thought it was a hidden camera show. So I record at two different places and I get there, they get there,

we're so excited. I've been trying to get these guys on the pod for a year and no producers there. Joey breaks in. We realized we don't know how to turn it on though.

You broke in too easy, by the way. I felt a lot bob. He's like, I got this. Beepa, beep, beep, boop. Pulled it and then,

yeah. Like full James Bond. Yeah, we got in and we didn't how to press the button so we had to go across town in a Uber pool. I can only explain it as

First question is this a black I go oh gosh because it's a corolla deer It's a girl Don't move if you have something And then Joey has not Gotten his medication His OZEmpic No I had the OZEmpic

It's my cosentic I need What is Cosentic It's for my psoriasis Oh My um He's trying to be Kim Kardashian Basically It's for my

Sorotory arthritis How many things Do you have to take In addition to the OZMPIC Because the side effects of the Ozempic Oh, nothing. Oh, okay.

O'Zepic is, like, the healthiest thing I take. That's like, that's like an energy, that's like a green juice for me. That is. So where do you stab yourself for those of it? For OZepic is in my thighs. And I usually am the one who administer something. No, OZepic is in my stomach. My thighs are co-sentics.

Okay, got it. And testosterone is in my ass. That's what I give you. What about the heroin? That's between my toes. Got it. The track marks. So we have the stars of out and about.

You guys have brought a whole new energy to Barstool that Barstool did not have. Right. How do you feel being the tokenized gaze of the office? I'm going to let you take this one. Well, prior to that, I'm going to, I'm going to, it's fine. It feels good. I finally get the recognition I deserve. Yeah.

I think it's good. I think people look up to us. They look up to us for style advice. They just, like, you know, anything that's taboo to say, they'll make us say it for them because gays can go away with it. We repressed people our whole lives. We can get away with our repressed people our whole life. And the oppression has caused you to have an incredible sense of humor.

Yes. I do also love your bit that you have with Dave Portnoy. I feel like no one's been able to accomplish as successful of a bit. Because I think Dave at the end of the day always gets the last laugh. I feel like with you, he's intimidated by me. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't. That's the one time he actually, it's speechless because he doesn't know.

I'm so out of left field, he doesn't understand what I'm saying to him. Do you think Zay, Zay, Zay, do you think Dave is a Zatty? Do you think Dave is a Zaddy? Yes. A.k.a. Zave. Yeah, you go. Is he your type? Like, are you actually attracted to him?

Yeah, he's got money, so he's my type. No, no, he is my type. But the only thing I wouldn't like about Dave is that I like to be the star, and he thinks, I think we'd fight over the limelight too much. I agree. You would submit to him. I would succumb to him. You would submit to him.

Yeah. In terms of the camera and in the bedroom, I believe. Well, because I don't have to work as hard. I don't have to do as much. I think you'd like to look, you'd be okay with being the beautiful one. Oh, yeah. as long as people acknowledge your beauty yeah speaking of your beauty

everyone's been talking why have you guys why were you snubbed and not asked on the tart trip I don't know what's happening there I mean I was they reached down I've been using tart shape tape concealer religiously to cover my C-section scars for years

it's the only thing that I can cover when I'm wearing when I'm wearing a revealing swimwear or lingerie which is interesting because you'll let the bush grow yeah but you do want to cover though he had a forest cover the scars for years. Yeah. But now that he's dating someone, he's going to shave everything down, so he's got to go on, and Maderma wasn't working. I mean, we are looking to go on the new, some other cosmetic companies have reached out to us recently. We're in cahoots with them right now,

so I really can't say too much about it. Oh, okay. But yeah, the Tart brand trip. Now, this is the, the first, this is the Dubai trip went with Tart, right? No, this is. That was a year ago. This is the new one where they all went to, like, an island. They're all just flacking out. The first, the first big Tart trip was in Dubai. Silvon is there and Brie is there. Yes. And I was just feeling like, How did that come about? Yeah, well, we couldn't go to Dubai because we would have been stoned to death. Well, we had to go, we had to get to the Met Gala and my gown wouldn't allow for Chanlines, so.

Oh, that does make sense. And people forget that you are a professional makeup artist. Yeah. Are you, are you less interested in the game now that you've become a podcast? I'm getting more interested in because now this, the job is actually becoming work and not fun for me anymore. So this is, this is the attitude that comes out when the medication doesn't come back. So I do feel like I miss. Yes, if you're listening, Dwayne.

Read, right aide. Wall Street, anyone listening right now, send it to his house. NYU Langone. We need something because this is not just affects him. I think I know some drug dealers in the corner. I stopped doing makeup for walks because it felt like I was like a job for me. So now I enjoy doing it. So it's like almost like a little reverse.

And how is your guys's partnership? Because were you friends before? Did you immediately kind of start as podcasts? Start as podcasters. Wow. So it's always, it started professional and then. Downhill from there. Yes.

We look, we go through ups and downs. We go through ups and downs. We hit it down like a week and a half ago, and now we're on and up. Nashville wasn't up, and I thought Nashville might have been down. No. But it went, Nashville went well. It was great. I just, you know, I was about to, I had a, I fell sick right before the, right before a curtain.

You felt ill. Right before a curtain, so. And did you, were you there for him? No. I was, yeah, I was saying, get the fuck away from me. Don't let your mood be a black cloud over my night. And then I look over and he's doing, uh, shots of tequila, which I was like, good.

Get them. Well, they told me that I take a shot of tequila. If you're feeling ill, you're supposed to take a shot of tequila, it knocks it out of your body. You know, the adrenaline when you go on stage, fixes everything. Paige fell ill before one of our shows,

and I ignored her as well, because I was like, she loves attention. We're speaking colonial. That was the fan. She fell ill as well. That was the fan, she did hit again. That's her old fenfin,

her old appetite suppressant she's been taking. I do think that it's like a couple where, you know, you go and things are bad, and then you go on vacation together on like a trip. Yeah. And suddenly it reunites. Exactly.

This is like a brand trip. Yeah. Out and about by... Down to the East Village. Yes. The wild goose chase, aka Burning in Hell. Yes.

So, let's go a little deeper in hell. What's your least favorite thing about Pat? I have notes. I can pull them out of my notes. Oh, my God. How much time do we have? This is going to be. My least favorite thing about Pat is that she doesn't know...

My face, my model. No, that she can. She can't control herself, just have one drink. That is the nicest thing. I am so happy with that answer. Now I need to adjust mine. I was Joey. I mean, because it affects my life.

I'm able to like, you know. Oh, please, you're able to have one drink. No, one drink. No, but I'm able to party even if I'm not in the mood. What? And you're not. I'm a rally. Oh, so when he's not in the mood, he won't.

Like, if I'm not in the mood to drink, I will not drink. If he drank one day, that week, he won't come to dinner. He won't do anything. So he's very, like, testing with him. You're really. good friend in that way yeah yeah but what's your least favorite thing about joey joey joey likes to complain and i can i cannot like i just cannot deal with complaining are you complaining about his complaining right now you got me yeah i haven't complained eureka you're speaking of elephant queens

we have eureka no i think i we've like learned we know what each other's needs need now yeah we've been at this for like a year it's like a business mayor it's like a business man I know when to back off. He knows what to back off. He rarely does. It is an arranged marriage. Yeah. Dave Point where I put us in a sari.

And I wrote it on an elephant queen, and here we are. And you're all in. You're both in your own relationships. Yes. I'm so in love. I remember when you met this man. Yes. In bed, are you subservient?

Yes. I'm subservient to everything. I like taking care of people. He wants to be like the mom at the firehouse. cooking up like grits in the morning is everyone okay does everyone like it did you not like the pasta yeah yeah you are i'm surprisingly zen with my with my relationship oh he's the best thing that ever happened to him it's like he's like calm when he brings him around it's like joey is like calm he listens he makes everything better i love him yeah and he's got a cock on him like you would not

believe joey or joey well no it's my bagger no joey does not have a god i do what i take vagra i know it's very it's really changed a lot of things for you physically and Mentally. But it's good for you. Are we versed? What's going on? Versed with sex? I'll take it any way I can get it, yeah.

I'll do whatever. Does that mean you're a bottom? I do, I do bottom. But I also blouse. You say a blouse? It's a feminine top. It's called the double bead ear. It's called the double helix.

I'll do anything. You don't, yeah, you won't like, you won't dobtop like, oh yeah, take that. You will? With a packer. with a strap off no it's a packer he's probably wearing one right now it's a fake dick that lesbians use

to fuck their partner no that's not what it is a packer is what a trans man uses to get rid of their gender dysphoria down there you put it in your underwear so it looks like you have a bulge so you can double penetration with it

no it's soft it's flaccid you can't fuck with it but you can do a strap on one oh we have just what they use to get rid of their gender dysmorphia okay so they don't use to get rid of it not to get rid of it but like you know

when I look down there I don't see my vagina, I get, you know. But it flares up. Like, at time, I know every once in a while. We're having, like, a late night. That's the meds you need. I know he's having a flare up, but because we'll be there and, like, all of a sudden, he'll disappear into the back room.

He'll come out. He's in lingerie. And it's like, this is Joey just kind of quieting the inner lady. Do you know my boyfriend's really? Because then he'll be back. Remember my boyfriend told me? He told me that he has, like, you know, like, like, second thoughts? Not second thoughts, but he's, he has in the back of his head.

He's his fear that I'm going to want to transition one day. He fixed up like if he likes women's clothing I was like Why are you wearing a red lipstick You have everything going on You just had to just like Why did you have to put the lipstick on

I was like I wasn't even wearing it That's my favorite story about him Was we were doing like He dressed as a lady For like an award show We had at work And his

His husband does I need to get you the pictures You can put in the club I think I visual I remember it He was in a beautiful gold sequence Yes I remember Two piece

Two piece A flare pan It was a little midriff A midriff with a braulet And I had my hair and like an app-jew. You had your chicken cutlets on the as well.

He went all out. And he sent a picture of champagne to his boyfriend. His boyfriend goes, are you just like a lady? And Joey goes, no. He said back on a screenshot

of the photo and it was a reflection in a black television screen of him looking like the fucking queen of England. It was my favorite thing. So now we just sat even wearing women's clothes.

I think I took it off and I'm not even wear women's clothing anymore. Oh, so good. So, I mean, but gender is obviously, We can unpack this right now. I think, well, Jeffrey Starr came on both our pods. Yeah.

And his whole thing was like, I'm not trans. I'm just Jeffrey and I'm androgynous. Yes. But I feel like you're not like that. No, no, no. I don't wear, like, I do as for a joke. I like wearing like comfortable things. Who's screaming?

Oh, that's your drug dealer outside. You got you some off brand. I feel like you like to get reactions out of people. And you don't hate looking fabulous. I dress up as a woman for like comedy things. I think it's funny. Yeah. But you wear, you've put me up in Yags a couple times.

Like we had, I forget who we had on, some drag queen. And he was like, I want to do your, I want to do your makeup. I was like, all right, like a little like foundation, whatever. Yeah. It was an hour to half. I looked in the mirror. You face got a full, I mean, I bra. Do you look good as a woman?

No. No, I look terrible. I look really bad. When did you start dressing like a woman? She's passable. Well, they, I was really worried. I'm surprised by this time. You look very elegant today.

Thank you. They did like a full face of makeup for my shirt. show in Nashville and I was afraid you're going to get arrested for a garbage. Yes. I was like, is this drag? Because there's a thin line. Were you at Zanis in that show? We did.

Grandal Lopry? The Lopry. The Lopry. Yeah, something with Dolly. Dolly opened for us. It was crazy. One of my favorite clips was when I went on your pod, you have to listen to all my episodes without about Des one and one two.

Des is having FOMO. He wished he was here. Yes, you too. When I asked you guys about going down south and going to conversion camps. Oh. They're hard to. find a good one. It's hard to find like a celebrity one. Because

they're not dot-coms. They're like dot-x-Z whatever because they're legal. Like you can't just sign up on things because any like any left-wing person can sign up and like go in there and protest and stuff. How do we have to just like know someone and really like you know get drafted? A documentary on Netflix. It was like called like

conversion something and I like looked up the people after like oh this is my in like this person is cured like maybe I can bamboozle them into thinking I can be cured and They don't have Instagram. They don't have anything. They just live by the good book.

I want to produce a reality TV show with you, too, going down south, doing conversion camps. Doing the tour. And I'll play your wife. Should we tour, conversion camps? We go to the conversion camps. Yes. Fully. I'd probably be nice.

It would be off the grid. Think about how hot that would be all those closeted, like, Bible thumping, whatever. They're all lispy faggots anyway in their own right. They're all fucking each other in the bathroom, in between. I didn't think I could cure my desires, y'all. It was my desires. And then I realized Jesus is who I have a crush on. And I met Kathleen.

Now, Kathleen and I have similar interests. I've had same-sex desires since I was 14. I mean, I could see if you're, like, Jesus is hot. If you just wanted to put your all into Jesus. I mean, those abs. Oh. Jesus Christ and the homeless have. some of the best bodies on earth.

Do you think Jesus was straight because he refused to have sex with Mary and just had 12 men following him around? Well, how did he get pregnant? How did he get a lady pregnant? Oh, he got Adam and Eve pregnant? No, he got married. No, Mary got pregnant, but not through Jesus. Through who?

Mary Magdaline. Was it Adam then? It was God, apparently. It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. God and Jesus? Now, this is what I've been saying for years. I can't see, no one can seem to answer that question. Ladies.

But Adam and Eve came first. How did God become the one that, they were here for? First, how did God make the house, the earth, if Adam and Eve were here first? This is a question that has been puzzling humanity. I did too, but he's also the same guy. What about cavemen? Weren't they here before us?

He's like a junior. Were they before Adam and Eve? But I thought God created the earth. This is why we have to go to conversion camp, because they know evolution. They've studied. They cover evolution for sure. This is such the, like, corny, generic question for the gays, but, like, what age did you guys come out? zero months

you go oh honey I'm not out I asked him that he was confused he's like what do you mean did you just come out no he's never

I always always said like oh god he's so cute like I had a crush on Jonathan Tamer Thomas and like and Ricky Schroeder from Silver Spoons and I just like always vocal

like oh my god he's so hot he's gonna be my boyfriend like it was just natural for me I never like thought it was a bad thing I didn't know it was a bad thing and your family was very like some people are gay

some people are straight your old family's straight though right do you have any gays in your family is that the trust I need it family but extended my late mother okay this is what I'm trying to ask you what turned you gay um it was

you no it was bud light it was it was but seeing bud light can seeing gay people kiss in public it was bud light cans it was Dylan Mulvaney on the Bud Light can't it was Dylan Mulvaney that made me gay yeah how's what is your guys perspective on but light is it a good drink it's hilarious is it a watery drink no I like Bud Light I mean I don't drink a lot of beer So you guys didn't get involved to the Tart trip, and you also did not get tasked for any kind of Bud Light. I used to be a Bud Light sponsorship for a couple years, and they stopped sending me stuff. Because you got up when Ozempic, probably, and it wasn't aligned with, I understand that. With their values.

So you're from New Jersey? Yeah. I mean, you just. I grew up there. Yes. I got out. When did you come out? College, maybe like 20.

You went to college? Did you go to college? Yeah. Where? University of Wisconsin. Woo. Go badgers. You know.

She's had a little. Yeah, I had sex with Bucky, the mascot. I know you did it. From Bucky's? While he had the uniform on? He tried, but I was like, what's not. But it was like really mysterious

because there's like eight different Buckees. So when you'd see Bucky, you didn't know if it was hands. You'd be like, hey. And they'd be like, when he takes the black dick out of the costume, you know it's him. She had the furry, like the butt-plug tail in.

Hannah does it. It was like a furry. She lifted it up. I was doing furry before it was like, Cool, for the Gen Zs. So how many girls did you date before coming out? I never, like, dated a girl, but I had sex with one. Okay, you're a fuck boy.

Maybe, like, I was a fuck boy. Maybe, like, four or five. I mean, I lost my virgin. Why'd you keep doing it? Because I thought it would fix me. I didn't know I needed conversion camp. Only conversion camp will fix you. Yeah.

You know that. But I lost my virginity on the front seat of my dad's Chevy Trailbla. While she's on her period. To a girl while she's on her period. I remember being confused. I was like, what is in your panties right now? And I was like, oh. you're on your period my dad has to work in the morning let me get some carpet cleaner

that was like the carpet cleaner was for her pussy believe it was all you did was trying to have sex and the devil came out of her pussy was like how dare you try that was the moment that turned me you actually were straight until you hit period sex it's so funny because you never hooked up with the girl did i figured my friend john the couch once john jenn oh but that was it i never no i never did sex with the girl and Jen was actually me. So you have no interest in what it might feel like to put a Pee in a V? Maybe.

The sounds just annoyed me. I think I'm too old now. Oh, the sounds. Yeah, I was like, it's not enough with the moaning. You're not doing anything for me with the moaning, please, enough. Yeah, I don't think I need to feel that. No, if you've gone this far, why would you? It's like people who are in their 30s or 40s who have never drank.

You don't start drinking now. What's the point you made it this far? Who is your first celebrity crush? Oh, my God, my first celebrity crush? You can't pick me. I'm trying to think back to like, probably like Kim possible but she was a woman isn't that cartoon yeah do you know I met Kim possible what do you mean isn't it's a cartoon it's Christy Carlson Romano my first

celebrity crush she has the voice she does the voice I'm trying to oh um Tom Brady who are the kids and Mrs. Doubtfire Matt LeBlank oh the kid from Brink stud oh right he's great teen poppin's son oh little button nose yes oh yeah and he was so innocent but you could tell he's naughty Joey he slung it Joey was his brother I don't know I never did like Yes he is boy bands never did it for me

Like in sync back street plays Like get out of there with that I don't know I mean Patrick I kind of had a thing for Justin Timberlake a little Timberlake see he was too like Metro What about JC? Jason I was much more a The actual singer

No JCP none of them did it for me Chese? Chezze Chez That was the one I picked Yeah because I was like I was like no People don't acknowledge that he's the really good singer in the group, and he's so undervalued.

Yeah. So I liked him. You like a project, someone you can help. Someone you can lift up, which is why we're here today. No, I quit that. I got an old train dog back at home. Des. Oh, remember when we were at my lover's house in the Hamptons?

Yeah, that was fun. Des took his shirt off. He started to get up a drool towel. No, Des loves the attention. Yeah. And all I remember is I'm floating around my little bikini. No one gave a fuck. Yeah.

It was, you guys were all helping. We were bird watching. I was like, Kanna, can I have another drink? Next time you get out, just go grab me a shampoo.

I was just the server. No, Des was doing like, like water aqua therapy in the pool and you guys were like helping him. And I was like. Lifting his legs over his head fall.

ankles to ears, Jerry, ankles to ears. Joey's got his hand under his lower back because he's on his belly button to the sky. He's back. That's the only way you're going to float,

darling. He's buoying. Oh, my God. So, and you were in Boston. Yeah. And were there, were you Catholic growing up? Like, we went to CCD, like, but we were like Christmas.

No, it was like Sunday school, were you? Yeah, Sunday school. Yeah, it was like we were fake. The parents wanted to party for brunch. They drop us off. Yeah. In Sunday school. Christmas Catholics, and we do it every Sunday and then like the church.

We have to go after school on a Wednesday. Oh, God. Did you go to Catholic school growing up? No, regular school. Yeah. You scream public school. Yeah. As do I.

You went to public school, well, public school kids. Speaking of darkness, you need another layer of nail polish on those nails. Well, they've outgrown. I can see through them. They look like a window, a glass window. You're right, you know she only did too. Stained glass window? Stained glass window.

How is your anxiety? Do you guys suffer from anxiety? I do. I take medication for that. Which meds? I take Symbolta every day, and then I take Xanax for my flare-ups. What are we going to flare-ups? When was your last war?

When had an outbreak? Before Tennessee, Zanex, I see him taking a Zanax. That wasn't because it wasn't my nerves. I was like, I was, the only nervous I had was I knew I had to throw up, but I was nervous I was going to miss the show. So that was my anxiety because I didn't want to, like, miss the show. I was having anxiety about missing the show. But aren't you afraid ever that you'll take a Xanax and it'll make your life so much

more difficult because you can't, you're too chill? Oh, no, I need to be brought down. Yeah. Yeah. When did you first remember you of anxiety? When I got cheated on 2012. Oh, I'm so sorry, babe. Thank you.

We're back. back go ahead let it rip joe let's that's that's that's a story wrap i went on medication right after that what did you how did you suspect of him cheated no we had a lovely day oh oh we had a lovely day together you're with him for a day and then oh no we dated we dated for three months do your affirmations my 90 days my 90 day fiancee remember we do seven thank you's how did you find out he cheated he told me why would someone tell that because he felt bad he knew that he wanted to get the guilt off of himself and put it on to him how did you tell your love you cheated on them.

They're going to find out right now. Have you ever cheated? Never. I would never. I'd rather, I think to me, I think cheating is worse than murder because if you're murdered, you get to be dead and not have to deal with the repercussions of it. True. Cheating is like getting killed and having to still still live life after the murder.

That's what I say. I'd rather be killed than what you're cheating. A lot of guys do so many horrible things. Ted Bundy was bad, but like at least first date, he tells you what's up. Like, you're fucked. You're done. He doesn't gaslight you. Yeah.

No, I can never, I can never cheat ever. But do you have anxiety? Yes, but I just raw dog it I just don't deal with it I just raw dog life There's nothing No it's I mean it comes and goes I think it's lots of Celsius

It's more man Caffeine does make it worse Yeah Caffeine makes it really bad Adderall Adderall gives me But I take it Adderall gives me the worst

Anxiety She doesn't take it He buys it from a stranger at work And then you don't need to have it Yeah I mean I was prescribed it Like from her college But I never just Just a girl who sits at a desk upstairs

She's like She doesn't even work there. She doesn't even work. I like, I clear off a space for her every morning. She's Tyra Banks just typing, pretend, and giving people out her all. I was prescribed back to the two, um, Selexa and... Were you like a hyperfibromyalgia? No, I was just going to kill myself because I was a closet of gay guy.

Was that for fibromyalgia? Okay, that's the tea that we want to get to. Yeah, yeah, I was like, oh, I'm going to fucking off myself. Like, I need something. And then I went and saw a therapist and she was like, what's wrong? I was like, yeah, yeah, everything. Believe it or not, Sunshine and Roses after that. fibrosis it was permanent pulmonary arthritis after that that was a really powerful story and I know

you guys are joking about fibromyalgia which is we're sorry to the fibromyalgia community I am so sorry they apologize but it's true I feel like there's a lot of people that are in the wrong situation in life and they'll go to like different pills and stuff I didn't need to look at you because you're right where you need to be yeah you've just found the perfect cocktail yeah he's gonna make sure it's coming like the fact that the you became aligned with who you really are and just like leaned into the truth

how scary it was and then your anxiety faded a little bit is fucking powerful I mean it was like I couldn't not to be a down like I couldn't get out of bed I was just like a nervous wreck like it was terrible

oh my God it was brutal it was just so much anxiety and then it's like okay let me admit this to myself let me go talk to someone if your parents disowned you that would help even better

because I wouldn't have to talk to them I wasn't worried about my parents I was worried about my friends I was like that's what's crippling to have to come out and hold that secret and then when you come out. Oh, yeah. People want to shut you down and try to kill you. Yeah.

No, that would be brutal. Stress. Stressful. Were your friend straight? All of them. So you were like the bro's bro. Yes. All of them.

I remember I was telling my friend and my friend Damien's basement and they're like, no, you're not. I was like, you're right. That's totally not. I'll have a bud light. That is the most straight dude responds. Like, but you fucked a girl. Yeah.

You fucked. She was hot. You fucked her. I remember telling people that's a little, no. One of them was hot, but I had to cut it off because her dogs were around, like, every time we did it. So it was too much. But, yeah, I told people in cars, I told my brother, I told my brother in a car. I told my mother in a car. Because you could jump out if you had to. Yeah, because I could jump.

And I could also take control of the wheel. I mean, I could reach over and throw that thing right into an oak tree. And then, you know, if they respond wrong, it's done. But it's funny because especially nowadays, Gen Z's, when I say Gen Z's, I mean, younger people, you're figuring out who you are. And now there's all this media of like what are you? Are you a they? Are you by? Are you there's such a spectrum to it because like I mean you guys are both gay, but you express it in different ways. I'm straight, but I'm not the same as every straight person. Right. People are all the same. We're all the same. It's so boring and sad. But with when you were getting these feelings, did you think actually you were just playing tricks with your own mind and you were actually straight? No. I always knew. I was gay and then I was tricking myself. We like dick too much. Yeah. I was tricking myself into things. I was tricking myself into things. thinking. I was like, oh, just suppress, suppress, suppress, suppress. And then eventually I was like, yeah, no, I need to come out. And then it's all... What was your first hookup like? Did you jizz in your pants?

Joey? It was, I could have hit the ceiling for me. It was at UMass Amherst, in the dorms, shout out Worcester Hall. I went over, I found a guy on Craigslist. She was a custodian. He was a custodian. Why did you find a guy? Because there was no grinder. There was no any, there was like plenty of fish. like there was like websites like that match.com match.com what was another one see see some i don't know okay cupid okay okay cupid yes oh yeah okay cupid yeah and i went to his place and i was like okay like he must have been just gooning over me like this like straight looking guy like first time that he said like

looking for the chat oh my god i still have my burner email from back today i should log it open it up and should be i i tried to like a month ago and i couldn't figure out the password but i went over and he like was he a college kid he was an r a so he was a little older. Okay, naughty. Yeah, naughty. And so I went to his dorm. He had a double with just him living in it. Did you think he was hot? No. I just wanted to get my dick sucked by a guy to see if it would work. Oh, you weren't craving his cock. He was just, you just wanted your dick to him. Yeah, he didn't even want me to blow him. I was like, yeah, you can just blow me. And then like, right after I finished, I was like, oh, yeah, this is, this is going to be a bad habit. You'd prefer a guy you're not

attracted to sucking your dick than just like a pretty girl. Yeah. I would prefer an ugly guy over pretty girl yeah of course Hannah would you rather fuck a hot guy or eating a pretty girl's pussy yeah because I feel like I'd rather eat a pretty girl's pussy than suck a guy I'm not attracted to's dick but I feel like it's different

because guys when they're bad are like bad yeah this guy was not bad he was just like I need to get this over it was like it was like on my to do list for the day and then after that you were like it's game time I drove my friends 1999 Honda Accord back to our off campus housing yeah the uber we just talked literally and i'm still waiting outside for us on the wrong avenue yeah that was the end of it what was your first hookup um he's in the third grade

no it was a Nissan Pathfinder it's always cars for gay guys always it was I was like 16 he was 17 and um he picked me up in the nascent Pathfinder we went up the street to abandoned parking lot I thought we did it there the exchange Felacio I love how it starts with fallatio, because you can't just, you have to prepare for the butt stuff, right? Why didn't you the butt sex until I was 22? So you were a little virgin running around.

I was a kind of hungry cock slut. Well, I used to do that in college. If I didn't want to have sex with the guy, I just blow him and be like, because then he's done. Yeah, yeah. That's more work, though, right? Not if you don't want him inside you. I'll do anything.

You don't start. sacrifice your body you don't let people into your body who you don't want inside you what's that like energy because my mouth is full of bullshit bullshit bullshit my pussy she's protected but also I feel like lesbians I have a joke where I talk about how lesbians are always just like they're coming they're coming sex takes forever yeah with gay guys like once one of them comes I know when guys come like you like can't speak for like four minutes yeah yeah how do you keep it going guys got out of there jerk off on their head until until you're done with yourself

on their head you stand by behind them with your balls over their eyes and give them Arabian goggles. Yeah. I feel like you guys are the right ones to do this with. I. Eiffel Tower. I told my... Dez, come on in. Not with me. Not with me. So I told Des that on our wedding night, I would do anal with him. Like, I'm saving it for our wedding

night. You're nervous all wedding day? But you blacked out at John Scotson night of your wedding. Yeah. It had to be dragged home and it was with dirt in your feet. No shoes, huh? No. That's what we did. I know. You've got your period on your wedding night, too. Well, I was spotting because I forgot to take my birth control. And in the morning, I took a plan B because he did, we did have sex, humble brag on my wedding night.

But I was like, let's do anal. And he was like on our fucking wedding night. So he rejected my, he called me like a poop slut. And I was like, no, he didn't call me that. So he said no. So that's what girls think is. It's kind of a gift to a guy. It's like a special treat on their birthday.

You give him anal when you want to do this special. That's not a wedding night, though. That's like a lot. No, he was not about it. And so then he was like. okay so when you're going to do it and I was like I gave you the option and didn't take it so you lost it but realistically I don't know how to do it or prepare for it correctly and I feel like I've learned how you're about three bottles of what is the prep yeah but you have to clean out

from back there you see what does that mean like how many how many years of chiplet do I have to undo you need a full calonic unless his dick is really long you do need a full calic no you don't need a full okay so what do you really can't eat that day and you have to okay I'm already out yeah and you have to juice you have to put it uh what's it's it's not that extra i don't think you can eat you just can't like eat chapolite like like you can have you know like maybe some avocado toast so that's gonna come out easily so when you just when you do the the enema you have to stick the enema up there and you hold hold it in then you're the least you have to keep doing that where does one buy an enema you just get a fleet animal or you can see v yes yeah yeah

yeah so you keep doing that and how close to sex do you do the enema like you say when you go freshen up right before you yeah I think you do it before that you do it like so you just shit out the water and then you're ready to go you need like an hour after the water's out what if there's water in there still what happens if you squirt yeah that's like squirt he's like wow you're really wet babe she's a squirder um i totally man i'm freshly clean yeah well you shave your we both shave our assholes i don't shave my asshole you trim it no he pretends like he does it he's a italian hairy man honey as in a speaking from a fellow italian we need a weed whacker back there i don't i'm not that a hairy

down the, you know, you've seen me new from the way down. I took his temperature at his birthday with an asshole thermometer. Hot. It's a COVID scare. It had to be up the bottle. That was the beginning of long COVID.

Yeah. Why am I getting top energy from you? Because I'm sitting next to him. Maybe something in the room, girl. What would I be? You'd be a, no, you wouldn't be versed. You'd be a party bottle. Pass around party bottle.

Yes. Pass around power. Pass around power. party because someone called me a verse otter before yeah you're definitely an otter i don't otter i'm a bear i'm not a bear maybe she's gonna be a wolf a wolf and otter is a slim hairy i don't like it okay i kind of i'm an otter you're an animal yeah no you're an otter for sure you're verse ardu she's a pleaser people pleaser a verse out otter power bottle what's your side leo but i have scorpio and virgo a lot of virgo want to break that down

for us. Well, Fergo, that's the controlling part of her. She likes to be in control at all times. At all times. And Leo, that's the showgirl part of her. She wants to be all eyes on me. On the stern of the ring, she's like a circus. Mm-hmm.

And then Scorpio... Is sexy. So I'm a fucking freak. Yeah. So I'm an otter. Yeah, you're an otter. You're a power of honor. So your verse.

Yeah. Like Joey said, I'll take... How do you decide before, when you're in the bedroom, two verse people? It's whoever wins the arm wrestle. It's whoever wins the wrestling match. It depends if you're like, if you're a little bussy's vibrating and needing attention. But it's great.

It's two completely different orgasms, though, like the dick versus the butt. But there's usually something in the other person's ass when they're coming if they're topping. It could be a finger. Smart. Who's finger? Usually a third party. The eating lady usually hangs around after.

We say, here you go. I mean, your hands are already dirty. If you're behind me doing anal, how am I supposed to? to get my finger around. Oh, no, this is if you don't finish at the same time. Got it. Yeah, so if you're laying there,

then you have to do that, like, that sad jerkoff thing, like, where it's like, you're, the second person comes always, like, you feel bad, because the first person has to make me come. And you already came,

you're like, you don't want to fucking be seeing anything. Like, after you come and draw with your porn, you like, flip the thing down, like, what the fuck did I just do? You're disgust it with yourself. So, like, that was Uber.

So that was Uber, so that's, you have to do that naked with a sweaty guy, like panting trying to get that nut out for like 25 minutes. Zach's a gentleman about it. He always wants to get me up if he comes. You don't care about coming. No, I don't.

He doesn't care. He just wants to swallow that nut, baby. You're so Italian. You're just like, as long as you're happy. His stomach is full. My stomach's full, but with your cum. Yeah. As long as he's happy, then I get up and clean and I go back to the dishes.

You know, getting his outfits iron. Getting his outfits iron. This is so educational. Okay. We're going to play the seven deadly sentence. What are you guys greedy sins? What are you guys greedy about? Food.

What kind of food? Like, I'm greedy about, like, not having enough food. No, I don't think that's right. I'm not for greedy, greedy. I don't know greedy is the right word for food. You just want to make sure you're full. My time. I'm greedy with my time.

I'll say that. So you'll say no to things. Oh, yes. Have you always been good at being greedy with your time? Yeah. It's not a good thing. No, I think it is a good thing. Okay, good.

Because if you have no boundaries of other people, you're left empty. Right. So deep. Why is it sexual? You're empty. Yeah, like, I don't like to give away too much of my time. I like to have my options open. I like to have like things like online.

I mean, on my terms. But do you ever feel FOMO, like, or you said no to an opportunity that could have, like, been great? Yeah, I don't have a good gauge, but I already know if something's going to be bullshit before I get there. That's great. I can smell it some bullshit. You're right. That's great. There's like the latest thing ever to copy him, but I'm greedy of my time, but for different, like, reasons.

Explain. I just like to be alone. It's like, I don't like to do anything. And I disguise that as being, you know, I need my, what's the worst answer ever. I don't know what I have an idea when I have really. No, I actually love being alone, too. Yeah, it's like I'm greedy just with my alone time. Like, get away from me when I'm done working.

I don't want to be around anyone. Yeah, when people are like, I'm bored, I'm alone. I'm like, I'm so jealous of you. And also I'm never bored when I'm alone. I'm like, tits out, just like, I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm naked the second I get home. True. Oh, yeah.

Sure. Just labia flapping around. Do you take naps? Girl, I'm a nap queen. Me too. Like, I could nap right now. I'm so excited for me nap. My knaps got pushed back an hour today, so I'm a little upset.

I apologize for that. Not because you. Okay. Well, naps are important I got like a little addicted to naps Like I was like a heroin napper How long do you nap? Oh, if I don't sit an alarm

I could do five hours I could do six hours Also I don't wake up in the morning Like if like Des is very sensitive He's like he's we need to be pitch black No sounds he wakes up with movement Because he said he's a hunter What is moving mean?

He's a hunter No like if I walk in the room I make no noise he'd be like Oh And I'm like he's like you woke me up I'm like how am I going to get into bed I can't just like So and then I

I, nothing can wake me up. Nothing. Burning building, I'm asleep. It is good to know. I don't have a sleepover. But I have to consciously sometimes not nap because I get addicted to napping where it's like every day my body will crave it.

I'm craving it so bad right now. Oh, I know. That couch has my name on it. Oh, I know. Do you mind if I finish the podcast from over there? Yeah, no problem. That's totally fine. Who are you guys jealous of?

I am jealous of Oprah. Why? Because she has everything I've ever dreamed of. She has her own garden. and she has her own talk show She has her own lace front install She has everything

I ever wanted She's American dream She is And that's what I want for myself Wow I'm gonna be kind I want to give She's a giving person

Cars Cars she's a very giving person She never got defined by marriage She let she's get in control Of her own relationship She wants to make sure That she's satisfied before And she's like that right level of fame

Where the paparazzi is not like Up her ass Yeah She's very wealthy She's respected Even by the paparots Her home she loves entertaining

She loves having family and friends She's having tons of people around. She loves gardening. Oprah has my life. Do you like Anna Garden? I do. I stole a hydrangeer from a front yard in East Hampton one day. Went over ride with a pair of scissors?

I did. Stepped her down. The gardener was, I thought I was going to get caught. I thought I heard Jeffrey bottoming in the garage. I didn't know where she was. Who were you jealous of? I'm jealous of people who have it easy. Like, people who are, have a list, like a serious, not a serious one.

People who have, who were like, born on third base and act like they hit a home run. Like, people who are just given things in their career, people who are like, I think that's it. Just people who don't have to work hard. I'm not jealous. And I wouldn't like, I like to work hard, but it's like some people are gifted careers by, like, who they know. Like, NEPO. But I always argue that, like, it doesn't equate to happiness. Right.

There's a whole difference between feeling like you really deserve something. We're sitting there knowing deep down that, like, you're not actually and earn it. Right. What do you guys think about that Haley Bieber has been called Nepo Baby? What is the Nepot Baby? It's being born. Nepotism baby. So, like, born into famous parents.

Oh, I fucking. Haley Beaver's a nepo baby, but Sophia Richie is old money. Yeah. Old money, I love old money. Why are they calling them different things? Well, I guess his line of which is richer than the Baldwin. True, but it's still nepo baby. Yeah, it's still nepo for sure.

It's just, like, branded in a better way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But Baldwin, I feel like Richie didn't take herself seriously. Haley Baldwin takes herself very seriously. So if you take yourself seriously and then, even if you have, like, money, whatever, then you're nepo baby.

But if you can, like, fuck around and be funny, then it's like, oh, they're old money, they're normal. You're right. I think that, yeah, Haley Bieber is trying to be famous and actively going out and trying to, like, use her popularity for, you know, to get famous. I think that, so if you're rich, She really didn't really cared if she was famous or anything.

She's just there to have a drink and have a good time. She's always been very private. You know what? That's so smart. Even when she was dating Scott Dissick, she was very private. She wasn't posting. They actually had to make a TikTok for her just to post her wedding to, like, pay for those Chanel dresses. That is so funny.

Do you know what I mean? So she never's on TikTok. She never wants a thing. She's pre-influencer, I think, is what part of it has to do it. Like, she doesn't realize what her fame and, like, her money could get her because she came up before that was a thing where it's like people now who are, like, young and born those families are like, they crave the spotlight because they see it all fucking day on their phone.

Yes. Look at this person. Look at how many likes they have. Poor North Kardashian. Yeah. She had no chance. She had no chance. You think she's an asshole?

North. North West? Yeah. A hundred percent. She's the biggest asshole. How? How isn't she? I mean, one thing that's not, does it have asshole is and all over it.

Did she wore a nice outfit to the Met Gallo? We. Chris Appleton, did you see he kissed her hair and then she fixed. She got an attitude. Her hair. Yeah. It was amazing. Oh, I did see that.

It was iconic. Her. She's her father's daughter. I'll say that much. When was the last time you guys were lazy? So, like, had a day where you did nothing. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. No, I guess, I've been busy this week.

I haven't had a chance to do that yesterday. I would have done it yesterday, but I had to. It's Tuesday. But I guess I like to be as lazy as possible. Do you guys have, like, a nine to five? No. No. Do you?

No. No, I've been fired from my nine to five. I like having my options, but I do like, you know, I do feel bad when I, when I don't do anything for more than a day. Yeah. I mean, I like sleeping in and be cozy, stuff like that, but like if I do it like, no, especially if it's nice out. If it's shitty out, by all means, I'll say, but if it's nice out, I can, I get, I get angry with my people and my friends. If they don't want to do something when it's nice out, I get mad. I can't be a house.

That's why you should not live in L.A. because then you, every day, you'd feel pressure to be fun. And I don't need that. Yeah, that would be impossible. When was the last time you guys have felt? rage or anger oh I have just today on the phone yes we did see that that was a full breakdown yeah the Uber ride over here

you burned many bridges within three minutes of every drug company I don't know rage and anger I even felt like rage I don't think in a while I mean I'll get angry but to be like but I get over it and like you know an hour I could be over I mean there are things that upset me but like true rage I feel like straight men feel lot more rage like they suppress their emotions road rage or they just like punch a wall like

if it's any emotion besides anger they get very confused and they just become angry where i feel like gay guys to stereotype are a little more multifaceted with their emotions yeah and a little more emotionally intelligent perhaps i go through rage fits quite often speaking of i've never punched a wall no why does straight guys punch walls because they're so they don't punch their wife It's the wall of the wife. You take your pick. It's quite simple. Okay, this is a hard one, but when was the last time you let your ego get in the way of something?

How are your egos, your pride? I'm pretty, I'm egotistical, though, back to what we said about, I'm not getting involved. I know that I'm too good for things. For myself. But you've probably been fucked over before where you've been taking advantage of. Yeah, so I know that it's about to be some bullshit. So it happens quite often where I'm like, you know, I'm like, no, I'm above this. I'm not doing this.

My ego gets in the way in the arguments. Like, I can't, like, if I'm arguing with someone, I don't stop. Like, I'm not going to stop until I win. And even if I know I'm wrong, it's like, I'm just going to go and go. And it just goes and goes. So let's say Zach walks away. Do you follow? Oh, well, he's not walking away either.

That's our biggest issue. He doesn't walk away and I don't walk. That's literally been the biggest hurdle. It's like we both, it's just like, it sounds like alpha male, like once we start arguing. But he relents more than I do. I just can't. I've learned that as a married woman, this is the first relationship I've ever said sorry so much

because I really don't, I'm like, what are we fighting for? And I'll be the one that's like, yeah, you're right. Happy wife, happy life, saying happy husband, happy life. It's literally happy husband, happy life. So much easier to say sorry and like be done. Because it's not a thing. Right. Like it's not a thing and I, it's, you choose your battles. Like I'll choose a battle, but I haven't found the right battle yet.

But I know that I'm counting all these battles I let him win to them for my, Okay, so that's sick. Yep, that's fully sick. I do this same, though. I also, I like long, long, long term revenge. I like long time. Slow. Slow.

No, no, no. I want slow and creative. I want them to see it coming. I like that, too. You don't want to quench it? That's what I do. That's Italian. Yeah.

No, it's more satisfying when you do it slowly over time. Oh, yeah. Sometimes when you let... Because then things that you just, you just teed them up for downfalls that you set up and then you watch them down. And then it's like you're bringing up an old... You just never know that you just know how to manipulate people. God has a better plan for your butthole than you think. And instead of you forcing it immediately,

you let the universe conspire and come up with their karmic strategies. And then you sit back and you're innocent because you didn't cause it. I do believe in karma a lot. Like even like career-wise, like there, I've dealt with some fucking awful people. And even two, three years later, like something comes out about them. I'm like, yep, I told you. You had to massage Epstein, right?

It's massage Epstein. I truly believe that if you, like, are actually good, like, when no one is watching and you treat people right. And your kind. And your kind, like, that will come back to you. And it's so satisfying seeing someone fucking fall into that. This is what Burning Hell is about, though, because I'd interview people that people look up to because I'm like, not everyone has it together like you think.

But I think those people that even you're like, oh, they have it so easy, they're not sleeping well at night. And I don't know why, but it's something you did. And you just want to be able to sleep at night with a piece. in your heart because you know that you're a fucking kind um but i didn't realize that until like he laughs he's like miss i haven't sleep slept for years um final question you guys have done amazing in hell thank you what advice would you give to the little devil's listening on how to cope with your hell when you're going through it when you're in the darkness how do you get out

you just know that you get to die one day and it'll all be over one day do you know what i mean everything's temporary including life Yeah. Including our heart. It'll all be over soon. Yes. That's what I tell myself. Life goes fast.

Well, I was going to say the only way out of the storm is through it. Keep going. Don't stop. Give yourself a second to get hung up on something and then keep it moving. Life goes on. No one cares about you as much as you think they do. It's like if you rerun a conversation in your head, like I'll do that and rerun it and run it. I'm like, are they thinking about me?

No, they're thinking about how they work. You're so right. Yeah, everyone's who can see. No one's thinking about you anymore. I've once had a conversation where I was like, I was fucking weird. To the point that I'm like, should I message this person? They text me first going, I was so weird. I'm so sorry.

And I'm like, we're all in it together. And it is a point of like, it sounds depressing, but it's like at the end of the day when life is getting you down, remember that no one gives a fuck. And that's the sadness of no one caring is actually the light that no one cares. Oh my God. I love you guys so much. This is lovely. Very deep. You're my favorite.

I'm sorry. it took so long and I'm sorry about all the mistakes to get this to happen but we made it and we will forever be trauma bonded by this experience yeah where can people follow you listen to you watch you give me the tea westboro baptistchurch.com is our homepage it's um it's out and about podcast on youtube TikTok Instagram Twitter or out and about out about pod and then my stuff is barstool pat and Joey Kamasta everywhere Joe you don't have an only fan I do it's only fans it's only fans it's uh It's in my link tree.

Yeah. Just go to my link tree. Go to link tree, Joey Kamasso. There's all my links. Yeah. We love you guys. Thanks for coming to hell. Bye.

That's fun. Thank you.