Berner Phone - Rachael O’Brien: Plastic Surgery Secrets & Psychotic Breaks

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

Rachael was the first one on Vanderpump Rules to date Jax!!! Okay, now that we got that out of the way, comedian Rachael O'Brien opens up in hell about botox nightmare, why she thinks she’s bad at reality tv, , why she moved to Los Angeles, small towns with heroin, being a big boned child, and much much more. SHOP CUTE MERCH HERE Join Hannah's Patreon to get bonus episodes and get added to her close friend's list on Instagram!  EVERYPLATE Get 3 weeks of EveryPlate meals for only $2.99 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com and entering code bern3. BELLESA Visit bboutique.co and get 15% off your new toys and free US shipping today when you use code BERN at checkout! GLOSSIER Get 10% off your first order on Glossier.com/podcast/BERN --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What do people say you sound like? Kermit the Frog? I think people have left a review a few times about that on my podcast. Yeah, one, you're like, that's funny. Three, you're like, that hurts. That really hurts. Yeah, it's like something I really can't control. So you finish a sentence, you're like, would Kermit say that?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm more sensitive about something like that than if someone was like, you're ugly. I'm like, fair enough. I can change that. There's stuff I can do, but. Well, you are an L.A. comic. Do you feel pressure to, like, do you work on your face and shit?

Work on my face. We are recording now, by the way. Do you mean, like, get plastic surgery? Yeah. Because everyone's stereotypes L.A. is like they do more work on their physical. True. Physicalness. I had been getting Botox since I was about 26.

Mm-hmm. And that's pretty normal in your friend group. Yeah. Or just, I don't know. I think my mom got me into it. Who knows. Yeah. Preventative, if you will.

Sure. And then about nine months ago, I got Botox that paralyzed the bottom half of my face so I couldn't smile. Shut the front door. Swear to God. So I don't have anything in my face right now. So basically what happened was no Botox was placed near my mouth. When I went back to the doctor and I was like, hey, I can't smile.

I look like Bob's big. boy. Actually, my mom is the one that told me I looked like Bob's big boy, which was so mean of her. And Fire Marta... Love your mom's like, go go Botox. You look like an idiot. Well, once I, like, showed it to her, like, I facetimed her. I was like, mom, no, my face is paralyzed. And she was like, oh my God, you look like Bob's Big Boy. And then she also called me Fire Marshal Bill. I got Botox. And then like a week later, my friend and I were taking a photo at this, like, party. And I, like, look at the photo. I was like, why has my face

look like that? And then I went in the bathroom. I was like, I can't smile. I can't smile. All your comedy just becomes really rye and dark humor. So then I went back to the doctor. I was like, yo, what's wrong with my face? And he was like, oh, this happens to like one in a thousand people. Sometimes it just like the, the Botox will trickle down with the facial muscles. Oh, that is disgusting. So I'm not sure I'm ever getting Botox again.

I literally had to headline a show in Seattle about a week afterwards. I'm an hour long set and I couldn't make facial expressions. You guys, we're in Los Angeles right now, Los Angeles. This is the second time I've ever been here. And I am with Rachel O'Brien. Hello. So Rachel, I actually first figured out who she was because she is in a lot of scenes of Vanderpump Rule. Some would say she's the glue.

Some would say I'm the greatest background character they've ever had. I'm an extra. But you really, you are great at it because you could tell you're authentically friends with them. And you didn't always seem like you necessarily wanted to be there. Did you watch the first episode of this season? Oh yeah, you were there. It literally looks like, so I rarely watch the show, but I got a bunch of messages from people being like, you were in the whatever and so I watch it it looks like I'm trying to like blend in with the wall I look so

uncomfortable yeah like you're never trying to get a word in I remember if I just close my eyes and pretend to be still like I'm not really there but on Instagram you're like so clearly all their friends like I feel like you'd always be at dinner and stuff and you were kind of the the person who was with Stasi during her epic breakup like Carrie Bradshaw moment where it was like an anniversary trip anniversary trip and he like didn't get on the plane and he didn't drinking on the plane and he broke up with her and it said you went and she was just like having a full on mental breakdown and you were as one would and you were that friend who was like holding her hair back when she or when she was singing selene dion in the closet I just remember

like it was so epically raw in one of those moments I feel like you're never going to forget yeah she I loved how actually raw she was with like her followers and stuff like I think it's so relatable for I mean it's even it's to admit that that happened to you it's more like you can't lie about it you just kind of have to accept it and she owned it and then showed the sadness of and I think that's why maybe people are so excited about her and Bo because like we've seen that pain yeah yeah you want you're rooting for her for sure yeah but that was wild and at that time that was I still I was still was had like a side job so it was basically like oh my god i i could afford to go on the trips and do the things but i would still like

i was managing much of air bs and apartment buildings and stuff that's how i so i never had to like go into work anymore but i did it from the side and so i'd be like hold on stasi yes i'll take that shot with you but let me just go someone's toilet stopped up like i would like have to like it's funny because we were saying you're close friends with the vandy people i don't know if did they say vandy that was weird but anyway i think you may have coined it i think now they do The bandies. But usually like they can go out the next night because like they're on their filming schedule or whatever or not filming and you're friends with them doing everything they

do but then you still have like responsibilities in the morning and places you have to be or people you have to call. But you said that you were kind of cast net whatever. Why do you think you it didn't go that route for you? Why do you think you didn't ultimately end up being on reality TV? I think I'm way too much of a perfectionist and like way and I think so like when I originally got like cast to be on the show I I had already yes I had like a side jobs and stuff but I had already been doing stand up for like four or

five years and it was I still that was my career that's really what I wanted to do and I was very conflicted about like would reality TV ruin that for me and it was still that time reality TV were like fame was not necessarily in the cards yeah and it could have been and it was really messy back then yeah and i had a um my friend uh who kind of agented agented my deal during it he basically said to me like it's not worth it for you to sign like the full contract to be on the show because they own you at that point so like let's say you got like a netflix special they could say you're not allowed to appear as yourself on any other show or like they could technically stop me from doing it he was like it's not in your best interest to fully go all

on it see what happens but yeah so like i i only signed like basically a background character contract that's what i've done every single time i've been on the show um and you know refused payment like didn't get paid anything because i i think he maybe even instinctually knew like probably wasn't for me and then after like you know a season or two of doing it i was like i couldn't figure out a way to insert myself i wasn't good at it i i got uncomfortable like and i i also felt really bad in the moments where I was involved in some sort of fight. Like, it just bothered me too much afterwards. It was like, I just, I knew in my gut I wasn't good at it.

Who would you categorize yourself as, like, what kind of friend within that friend group? Because it's like, you do hang out with them all the time. But then I guess when it's on camera, you can see the most intense moments. Like, what do you mean? Like, what type of friend? Yeah, like, are you, are you the calm one? Are you the one who, you're just the side joker? Or, like, because we know, like, Stasi can be, like,

the bossy one or like Kristen can be the flailing around one. Hey, you can say it to her face. I'm a spastic person, so watching Kristen Fall is the best thing ever. Well, she's so lanky. I don't, I don't blabber. Yeah, she probably doesn't even know where her limbs are. It's so true. I would say like, this might make me sound like a dick, but like I think I might be the most mature, maybe.

Oh, so you might be the wise one. Wise, but maybe, I don't know, but I can have fun and, like, I'll, like, party with them and stuff, but, like, I don't know. Like, it's just, like, for me, like, there's just a certain level of where I won't go to, and I don't, I don't like fighting. It makes me uncomfortable, which I will say, though, the only times, so I've had two outbursts, I think, with, one with Chris and I called Kristen a cunt. Sorry, everyone who doesn't like that word, because she was acting so insane. And I was like, stop being a cut. So, like, I will, like, react majorly, like, once and every three years or something. But I realize there's something about me that I do unintentionally that just makes people who are mad even more mad.

I get very quiet. And then they think I'm doing it as, like, a tactic. They'll be like, oh, you're so smug right now. Oh, you're so quiet. But it's more just, like, I, like, kind of just clam up. Uh-huh. And so it makes them even more mad. Also, I think you might be the most mature because you dated Jack.

first. I just found out this information. Did you really? I didn't know that. How did you meet Jacks? Um, you might be the beginning of all of this. You started, you created the monster. I mean, Lisa should really should start sending me checks. Um, so Kristen and I were, um, I used the term modeling very loosely. Um, but we were modeling together. Um, how'd you two meet? So we were both with the same agency, even though she wasn't living in L.A. at the time. So she was still living in Michigan. But I forget how she got signed with this agency, but we were both, whatever. And so we started doing something called fit modeling together. $200 for the day and standing on your feet and just trying on jeans. Yeah, no, no, it was nothing. No, fit modeling when they like sew

it on you and shit, that's where the money is. I didn't last, but that's where the money is. So I'm using the wrong word. We were not doing that. We were doing something else. Showroom modeling. Oh, showroom modeling. That was what it was. Yeah. Yeah. So basically like, it would be like Joe's jeans is what we worked for and like even markets would come and be like we want to buy jeans and we'd be like let us just try them on for you wow you guys have fucking history oh yeah this is so Kristen's a few years older than me so I would have been 21 she was probably 24 or something oh my gosh and yeah so we ended up so that we were at a trade show in Vegas called magic I know exactly what that show is yeah and we were in a booth and jacks was across the other booth from us also

trying on jeans for people and uh he waltzed over and it's really funny Kristen says it on our live show where she literally was like she was very into him and she goes he basically like face palmed her out of the way to like start talking to me but I was like Chris it's probably just because I looked naive which I fucking was yeah he was yeah she's weak yeah she's weak yeah manipulate her she's a dumbass yeah so then we started dating and then Jackson I introduced Kristen in sandoval and then there is history oh my god you guys this is insane as you can tell I do love Vanderpomp I really love Vanderpump I told us to Sheena, I've told it on the pod, during my depressed times, the dark ages.

The dark ages, yeah. I would like work my little butt off at work, get home, did not want to be with my own thoughts. And I didn't do stand up yet. So instead of putting that energy there, I would just turn the lights off, go into the covers, start Vanderpump from the beginning. I made you feel better about yourself. Oh, my God. Because you're like, the insanity.

I was like, no, because I just immersed myself in the psychoticness of their friend group. And I just felt like my friends that I was like, what kind of crazy shit are they up to tonight? And then after about a month of watching it, the depression had kind of faded. And then I was like, I got new friends and I feel good. Honestly, I can see how that would maybe make you feel better about yourself. And I'm like, at least I didn't, you know, slap my fucking, who knows? Slap who? Didn't someone get slapped at one point?

Yeah, Stasi backhanded Kristen. Yeah, that was fucked up. I mean, Kristen did sleep with her. But that was, oh, so epic. Anyway, back to your intro that I was getting through. Okay, Rachel is a hysterical comedian. who I had known she'd done comedy she done on Vanderpump and um I'm doing my first show in LA tomorrow dynasty typewriter you guys are not this is going to be afterwards probably and you guys

fucking missed it and you didn't get tickets and I'm mad at you but um we killed it I know we did we did so good standing ovation so many applause breaks the whole thing was one long applause like I didn't even have to say anything I signed so many autographs afterwards sold some merch I don't even, oh, I think I have merch. Anyway, so I basically asked Rachel if she would feature for me. Rachel called me and was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, please. And she was like, okay, I like you.

And let's do podcast swap. So here we are. But it's such a beautiful connection of comedy, reality TV. I feel so connected to you. I love you. I love you too. Too soon? I've been here for maybe seven hours.

I'm fully laying down on her couch. Like, it's my couch now. She's on another chair We're drunk on one glass of wine I'm on one glass and I eat all her cheese and crackers But I'm certainly not drunk Yeah well yeah you're Irish You can handle a lot more than me

I've eaten all your cheese and crackers You haven't even touched it Well I made a chicken breast and didn't get to finish it yet I know I feel bad Fried chicken breast by the way I know it did look good You have an air fry or something in there You gotta get one

Okay you don't like to cook We have to talk about that We do have to talk about it But you are an Oregon native and you moved to West Hollywood to pursue your acting comedy career. You're actually reading my bio out loud to me right now. And after graduating for the University of Oregon

at the age of 20, you then studied screenwriting at UCLA. You're a smart one. Genius. Look at you. And you have some stuff in the works, always projects going on. Did you always want to move to L.A.? Yes.

Well, this is so embarrassing. Did you guys have like in junior high? you have like eighth grade graduations and like a little yearbook thing yeah cool so did we um and uh i finagled my way into working for the yearbook that year and so me and my best friend we wrote our own eighth grade prophecies and printed them um pretty much verbatim mine said that um i was going to graduate from high school i'm a showroom model with kirsten go on a road trip in a rainbow-colored Volkswagen van, then moved to New York, own and run my own studio 54, and then moved to L.A. where I'll become an actress and never look back.

So you were living the high life from a young age. I was crazy. I was crazy. You wanted to start your own studio 54. What kind of, what are your parents telling you? I've always been obsessed with like 70s music and stuff. So I think I was just like, this is the natural next step. Do you do, do you have the BGs on your phone? Is that your staying alive that is, uh, is that PG? Yeah, that's a BG. It's from Saturday. Saturday Night fever. The BGs are the fucking best. I think I actually want my wedding song to be the BG's.

Is it more than a woman? More than a woman. More than a woman to me. Yes. Yeah, one of those I want to be my wedding song. Yes, I love that. So yes. I think I do.

I wanted to leave my small town and be an entertainment. But Oregon's beautiful apparently. Like I want to go. Yeah, it rains a lot though. But it's pretty. It's sure. Then how come Seattle's called the rainy city? Is it though?

is it my small town's real big on heroin right now oh it's one of those we've gone hard with it yeah oh god i mean there's only one way to go with heroin yeah exactly you go hard to go home you don't think it's something you just try you don't you don't lightly pursue heroin it's not like a casual it's not like how we're having a glass of wine or two and i don't think you just want to decaf heroin really just little having a hard day little heroin no whole milk just almond milk thank you people probably think we sound like such assholes we are not making fun of addiction. I've known many people. I dated a heroin addicts. I'm allowed to. Did you really? Yeah, I didn't know he was. He was doing it low key. Like it was a thing where like every day he would take a

little. He wasn't like a partyer. Wait, we might need to talk about this off air, but maybe we'll talk about it now. We have a lot of similarities to freaking me out. Yeah. Like, I feel like my gauge on you based on what we talked about on my podcast and just even like, you seem very naive towards like drug stuff. So naive. Me too. Like I didn't, I didn't. I wouldn't have even. I wouldn't have even known I thought he was a diabetic no I'm just kidding there were so many needles I wouldn't have listen I dated someone that did a lot of coke and I just thought he was hyper when he drank like I was like alcohol affects him so much differently I I also used to call him the dragon I was like he breathed so heavy when he drinks like oh my god I just didn't know yeah I'm just I didn't know

but it did give me some street cred being like I dated everyone at it oh yeah yeah you're like I have tattoos but it didn't I realized like I've I love dating addicts and it's something I'm working on of now like when I see an addict I'm just like I've dated you in other forms before and let's not do this yeah you don't want to I think it's because I like to they deserve love yeah sure but not at the expense of other people wait till they get better yeah and then they're strong for overcoming it I just like wasn't that you don't need to put yourself through that or your children figure your shit out before you love someone else now it's just a rant on heroin addicts well well I just think both of us didn't know I didn't know I didn't

any better. We didn't know. But now we are older and wiser. Um, what's, so you're like kind, I hate to say this, but you're kind of a hot comic. Oh, thanks. Like, you're, you're good looking and funny. Do you think it's hard for, to be so ridiculously good looking and have people laugh at you? Oh, I wouldn't say I'm ridiculously good looking. I have grown into my features, though. Um, when you post this podcast, I will give you free reign to post a hideous photo of me as a child. You won't even I would love to. So Rachel's mentioned multiple times about how big bones she was and how many times she broke her nose as a child. Yeah, no, I, I don't know what I topped out at weight wise, but I just know. Were you eating a lot? Yeah. I didn't know that, well, first of all I have

no thyroid gland, so maybe. Where did that happen? I probably had like hypothyroidism when I was younger and I didn't know in my early 20s. They were like, got like all of a sudden I like, I was like normal sized and thin, but then all of a sudden I got really puffy and, like, ballooned up for no reason. I went to the doctor and they were like, yeah, you have like Hashimoto's hypothyroid, whatever. It's not the cool one. Hyper would be where you were skinny. And then eventually, like, my body just sort of radiated the thyroid gland. Like, I just don't have one anymore.

Okay. Whatever. Bodies are weird. Yeah, who knows. I imagine I probably had a low level version of it when I was a kid, but I did also eat like two plates of nachos after school, bare minimum, and was very confused by like, I don't No, I was 16. I'm so curious.

But it just makes your laugh so hard because you have like the daintiest, cutest, cutest little nose now. You are the tiniest little body except you have nice boobs. But like, it's hysterical, but I think it gave you some personality. Yeah, but I truly didn't know. Like, I look back at photos. Did you think you were hot by then? I thought it was so pretty. I love that.

You have no idea. I was like, I should wear a crop top to school. I love that. Because I'm from such a small town, though, we didn't have like, there was 50 people in my graduating class. You probably were the hottest one. not necessarily but there wasn't clicks like it wasn't like the cool kids and the jocks or whatever it was just sort of we were all kids that's amazing and so i didn't have any frame of reference for yeah i didn't realize i was fat yeah i had really good hair so i just like really leaned into that good for you honestly hair can make a face yeah just saying seriously so i just didn't know like it wasn't until i looked at like a victoria secret magazine or something where i was like oh oh fucking victoria secret magazine always has to ruin everything for everyone It was probably helpful, though, because I was like, that's what a waistline is. And now you're in L.A.

But I do think it did give me a very healthy sense of like, I care about what I look like, but not. You know that it was okay when it wasn't okay. Yeah. And it's only gone up from then. Yeah. I know some people who at their skinniest, they're their most unhappy. Yeah. Because it's when they're like their highest anxiety and their most critical of themselves.

Because they're starving. Yeah. Because they're just really hungry. Because they're moody because they're starving. Dude, I will be like an hour late to lunch and I will be the worst human being forever. Same. I can't imagine being. I mean, actually, I can't imagine because I've done it before.

But like everyone's been through it. What, like an eating disorder? Yeah. Oh, yeah. We all have. Yeah. Once I learned like, oh, you don't get to eat two plates of nachos and English muffin with peanut butter and cookie dough after school.

Oh, yummy. Then I went completely another direction. I was like broccoli only. But that's every woman, I think, just experience with their body. And I've recently read something. It was kind of annoying because it's from one of those fitness accounts and one of the girls who's like so fit. She's some Australian hot blogger and she's like, eat when you're hungry, work out a

couple times a week and don't overthink it. But it really was amazing advice because that's like great advice. But she's like sounding imperfect. It's almost side note like love is blind right now. I haven't watched it. I watched the first episode. I didn't get into it. I'm going to try to get more into it.

But I couldn't get past the fact that Nick. cliche and his what's his wife's name Vanessa and Vanessa are the two fucking arguably most beautiful couple in the world who have dated the hottest people in the world who are like we you can find love did you not find it annoying I watched about 20 minutes of it when he said and this is my wife Vanessa and obviously I'm Nicklisha he said and obviously it's like um dude you were relevant 400 years ago because of another woman you have a tattoo on your arm of the name of your band let's take a nap sir but seriously they're saying they're being like love is blind and you can find someone not based on their looks and we're like you dated derrick jeter yeah like who i'm pretty sure

i don't know he used to send people gift baskets after everyone knows about him it's hilarious i wish i got one anyway i love him did you hook up with him turns out he's married to a girl named hannah who looks just like me but like 20 times prettier and she's the sports illustrated model she used to play tennis but not as good as me and I'm like oh my god I'm his type dude I looked at all the girls he dated I'm his type what did you why didn't you I thought he was too old for me I thought he's not too old

I thought it well he was when I was like 20 but who knows listen if it doesn't work out you know you're there I know she's my age the girl really yeah she's 28 I did my research anyway it's fucking ridiculous for to bring on the hottest couple also all the people are like decent looking like throw in like someone who's like cross-eyed yeah exactly love is blind should mean like all right when you open the door it's going to be yeah one of the guys it's a legit shrek one of the guys was

basically just like yeah I'm kind of short like you're still he has like a model good looking face yeah arguably I thought the guys were hotter than the girls I think I don't know I think they're all attractive people yeah I wish like it's not like a love is blind situation I wish someone was just like missing their torso like that would be so much better I mean I probably would have dated him. I also am like painfully love to talk about how tall guys are and just So that's what Deanna said about you. She was like she really likes tall. So I had a whole list of things I was supposed to ask you. Are you going to ask you now on my body? Yeah and I was like and she was like she really likes tall guys. Is it just because you're slightly tall? No I think what happened well

first of all because I'm like an athlete I I feel like kind of masculine around dude sometimes like when I was young guys would make fun of my arms because they're really muscular. Let me see. I mean, I do have like muscular arms. You're muscular too. I'm very muscular, yes. And I felt very self-conscious about that many times. But it makes your metabolism stronger.

Well, I need that. But I've always felt very self-conscious about like my shot putter shoulders and legs and stuff like. It's so funny because I would never take you as that. Have you seen my legs, my calves? Oh my god. My calves are huge too. oh my god so don't you like bigger guys to make you feel dainty yes yes i do so first of all don't

come at me i know sorry i apologize that was my fault but part i've dated shorter guys it was part of me after having a bad relationship like being emotionally detached and like making fun of men and just like objectifying men and that's like kind of just how i've been doing it and recently someone posted a really funny ticot i love objectifying men because guys get so mad about it and it's funny because guys get so mad about it and it's funny because guys will be like i want a girl with like a tiny waist and a huge ass and like a tiny nose and a big mouth you know for the most part those are all fake no one the figure now that people have sorry i hate to interject no those butts at our shelves those aren't when did those happen okay there's this thing you should that's not a natural thing you probably

know about it all these girls on instagram oh yeah but then i'll be like i want a guy who's tall and they're like oh my god that's so fucked up that's so fucked up shut up anyway i'm allowed to have a type. So these girls are doing this thing at a young age where they're putting the like floss in their eyes and they're getting it pulled so they all look like Kendall Jenner eyes who has it done like Bella Hadid all them and now every girl in L.A. has it. I beyond appreciate you saying this. It's fucked up. No, because I just discovered that that was a real thing and let me tell you why. So my friend's mom got like her eyes done fairly recently and I saw her like right. Does that mean she got that procedure done? Well, I just saw her like right post surgery and I noticed.

that like I mean she'd gotten like their like lids or whatever done but then like her eyes were sort of tilted up and I looked at her and I went oh my god that's the shape that all these girls are getting at a young age their eyes were never alien like like that before they're they look like a like a filter and it's making me so angry and I think I've probably bitched about this before but beauty you remember like you'd see a girl and you're like oh she's so beautiful I've never seen a face like that that's so beautiful yeah everyone now has to look the same to be hot and it's like you're not unique anymore every guy's just like oh you look hot because you look like bella hadid whose face isn't even fucking real they look like avatars of people and i'm so over it

they they do not out of jealousy if i wanted to i could do it right now i'm in l a but it's i i know what you're saying like i like i i hate to sound like jealous about it because that is not how i feel about i'm not like i'm angry that this is what it's come to for beauty standards know that they had work done. They think like, well, that just person just came out of the womb like that. No, no, no, no. No one's eyes have ever been the exact same shape, like tilted up like that. Like we're wearing winged eyeliner right now.

Because it makes our eyes look more like that. That helps, but it's not that. No, it's a full on freaking procedure. It's just everyone's trying to look like the same thing and it's so unhealthy because no one actually even looks like that in real life. So they all hate themselves. Let's go hard in the other direction. Okay.

Let's just be like, listen, let's go back to eighth grade Rachel. Crop tops in a big stomach You know what I mean? I mean you're halfway there Just throwing people's faces You're wearing a crop top right now I am I cut it But I love that

I love a crop top Well I was recently talking about spray tans Because I got a traumatic one yesterday It was really dark It was And oh yeah I didn't even know you well enough To make fun of you

But I was like I love being made fun Like literally my comic friends Shot on me for And my non-comic friends Shown on me for 12 hours Spray tan place closed at four And I had a show at three

So I had to go at two because I was not going to wake up early and then go back to Queens. So I get the spray tan. The second you get it, it's always really dark. But normally you like go to sleep or something. I show up to this comedy show.

They're straight up like you're doing blackface. Like this is not okay. It's not appropriate. It was not appropriate. But the thing with spray tans is I used to get them all the time. Especially in the winter because for summer house, we were doing interviews and you want to look tan. But then you start really hating yourself when you're pale.

And it made me realize it's kind of like makeup. Like you know if you go a long time, I'm wearing makeup a lot like you have a lot of vents or something then when you see yourself without makeup you're like oh god yeah or like your nails if you like your nails aren't done and your nails are normally done you're like oh god but if I never wear makeup never got spray tan and never do my nails I literally love how I look yeah and then when you do do it you're like oh this is fancy and nice so it's like we are in control of our self-esteem and you succumb to the society when it's like fucking change you are it's not good enough you have to look like something

that's not real then how do you it's like a filter and how do you like yourself in the mirror when you need to put filters on i just think yeah i agree with you and i just think it's very unfair that like most men don't re like we've talked about a second they don't realize that that is a filter or that they don't realize that that took a lot of surgery and things like where it's like you can't just be a normal person and like it used to just be like does she have fake tits or not yeah and now it's become a whole different thing sheena got mad at she didn't get mad at me but i was like blatantly making fun of people from LA on Insta Stories before I did her podcast

and she's like, what's their problem with L.A. people? And I was like, I just, I make fun to everything. How would you stereotype the culture in L.A.? Good or bad? I honestly don't think it's just an L.A. thing anymore. I think everyone because of social media thinks that they can be

and they all, everyone gets work done and all this stuff. I honestly think that I don't know, I think L.A. is kind of a nice place. Like I actually like a lot of the people. maybe I just have chosen good friends and I'm not totally involved in anything like that. But, like, I don't think it's any different in L.A. than it might be, like, in the Midwest or something now.

Because I think that if you're going to be the type of person that's attracted to or drawn towards, like, vapid stuff, that's just who you are. It doesn't matter what place you live in. You're going to have your network of friends that are like that. You're going to, that's what you're going to pay attention to do content-wise. That's what you were talking about. We were talking about drinking and how, like, sometimes, there's phased in your life you drink more just because you have people around you who are and they

normalize it i know some people who like hung out with girls who were getting work done who like got their whole face done because their friends were doing it and i could totally see how i just started in reality tv but you'll someone will recommend like a doctor to like whiten your teeth the next thing you know they're like you know i could just do a little you know take off that on your tooth and and and add this like it's so accessible now yeah and if your friend did it you're like well she fucking did it she's normal yeah no one makes fun of her yeah and you follow into it. Next thing you know, you look like Michael Jackson. I'd prefer not to look like everyone else. Like I, I, like, I find, well, maybe it's just because we're both comics, but I find, like, weird or quirky parts of myself. Like, what else am I going to fucking talk about if I like, what? Yeah. Someone did call me out on a podcast because I was going on one of my antipusic surgery rants, which is really more mental, a mental health rant. Like, I just want people to work on their insides before they go quick to cut themselves up. And listen, and there's nothing wrong with doing certain types of positive. surgery but the fact that there but it is a mental health thing if you think you have to be a

certain way to be happy and I I can attest to it I was probably even happier when I was like a fat weird kid that didn't know any better I was like whatever everything's fun ignorance is bliss I love playing n64 and like eating a lot of food like I I not just twice a day and still think you look on a crop top yeah fuck and you still can it's all your perspective yeah and I didn't have any trouble like dating or anything like it was like yeah because i was just happy i just had this dude in a podcast be like you can't say all that shit when you don't have like a real big abnormality of your face or your body and i'm like first of all some of the most insecure people are the prettiest ones but second of all he is right to an extent but well yeah an abnormality is different than not having

turned up eyes or huge lips exactly a lot of these girls are like so cute and then they turn into robots of each other and I do think that the it takes whatever just work on your insides first before people are going to think we're being so mean aren't they no this is pretty standard for me yeah I don't think it's mean though I think it's like we're actually encouraging people it's mean for you to put yourself under surgery when you don't actually have an issue that's mean you could die from anesthesia yeah did I make that up yes you can okay good no you didn't make it up you can die I don't want to start a rumor about it getting all tangled up anyway that was Um, okay, now we're getting into it.

When was the last time that you didn't feel like yourself? Like, when was your last dark period? Ooh. I would say, well, I mean, if any of your listeners have listened to my podcast or listen to a podcast called The Honeydew, I do talk about a very dark part in my life that, uh, so I went to, um, like, emotional rehab summer of 2018. Really for no good reason, it's very hard to explain. It's a long story. Listen to Honeydue podcast.

And I know that there's a lot of people that are like, that story is so confusing. It's because it was confusing to me too because I was very manipulated and it was a very strange thing. I felt very much like myself before that experience happened. I felt very much like myself while I was there. I did not feel like myself afterwards because I started to put the pieces together of the fact that like I was didn't know how to stand up for myself there was no reason for me

to go through that experience and uh it took me probably close to a year to feel like myself again and that's only been about maybe six months ago like so it took me a long time to be like I didn't need that uh someone convinced you that you were crazy um yeah it was yeah someone that uh I worked with uh was calling my parents and saying a bunch of weird stuff that was not true and I but I didn't know what was happening no one was talking to me they were talking about me around me and so I just I didn't I honestly didn't know what was happening and then so I went through the experience and literally like you know medical professionals were like there's absolutely nothing fucking wrong with you like they literally like when I signed off my paper to leave they

were like general anxiety or something that yeah like nothing yeah um and it was really traumatic really painful for me and my family and I didn't I went see. How long were you there? I went twice over a summer so a total of like 45 days because it was also very confusing. I didn't know why I was there the first time and then I didn't it's very confusing. It took me probably a full year afterwards to feel like myself again because I didn't I almost wanted to be like, it's hard to explain like I because I didn't have drug or alcohol problems I couldn't be like yeah well I did that and then I got sober or and it wasn't like yeah I wanted to kill myself or I was so depressed or I had I didn't have anything diagnosable it was so you wonder if you were a good person no I just was wondering like well why doesn't no one like me or

what is so wrong with me or what is it that and then I realized like I was just really manipulated and a bad person was in my life and and my parents are also very sweet and very naive and just took me along the time to put the pieces together and then I was like fuck it like I was always fine all along it wasn't weird so it was like one of the things was like I walked everywhere I remember I was saying that to you earlier like it'd be like why is she walking everywhere it's so weird like oh it was a very very strange experience but it took me up until probably about six months ago why was that person doing that to you um I probably wanted to get in with people that were cooler than me I'm I'm lightly dancing around it because I don't because in my heart of hearts I do not want this person to ever feel as sad as she made me feel yeah and I don't want her to ever get public backlash or anything because perhaps she didn't know why she was doing that I do think the moral of this this story is that it's like the happiness is always there it's always in you I think there's so many experiences where people are searching outside they have to fix themselves they have to

search for things they have to change things when it's like you're you're there you're always there it's more like you just have to find it and it's not and it's inside you totally like i honestly before the experience and even during the experience i was like i mean fucking yeah of course i get sad over certain things but i was when i like what's happening like i enjoy i'm envisioning like girl interrupted yeah it was an interesting experience yeah but uh no but for the most part i was really fucking happy and it was the fact that that I didn't know myself enough to stand up for myself. And like that, that I regret.

But it takes moments like that to know that you need to work on that. Yeah. Like, because you would just live your life the way you have been and being manipulated all over the place until you get in a really bad situation. Then you're like, holy shit, I have trouble saying no to people and I'm a people pleaser. 100%. And I would say that that would have been my problem. I was probably codependent and a people pleaser where I didn't know.

I just wanted everyone else to be happy. Like that was me and my bad relationship. I literally spent seven months making sure he liked me. and then one day I woke up and I was like I hate myself 100% I've been in those many times too where you're just like if I just make them think that everything's okay then everything's okay and they're like is it okay if I smoke weed all day and you're like yeah I'm a cool girlfriend and then you're like no you're a loser oh there's nothing I hate more than a pothead like well an alcoholic bad too all of it but like someone that be but we love a heroin but yeah that too but like something about like the fact that people like okay like let's say so I don't smoke pot but I do like drink if I started drinking you every day at 10 a.m. That'd be a fucking issue. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. But everyone's like, pot's my medicine now. Like it's so, like this is how I function. Like, no, you're lazy right now.

Everyone says they function better once they quit weed and everyone says they're not addicted. I could get addicted to cheese and crackers. Like you can get addicted to anything. I am addicted to cheese and crackers. That's what I'm trying to say. Same.

That's literally, no. Perfectly layered nachos. Oh my God. I made homemade queso like two days ago. That was meat in it? Did you ever put any meat in it? But beyond beef.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I just happen to have it. I'm fancy. Anyway. So, I'm rich. I'm doing well. Don't worry about it. Whatever. It's very goop lifestyle.

I know. So goof. Oh, God. What do you think? Oh, yeah, this is I was going to say. In our hang session, as you guys can tell, for me, it's pretty late. It's three hours later. Who knows?

It's like, whatever, one, 12, who cares? So it's just, we're tired. I've flown six hours. I've flown six hours, but this is very fun for me because I feel like I'm high. High people like me because I'm always tired, giggling a lot and eating a lot. I literally fit in with them. But if I smoke weed, I start crying in a corner and ruins everyone's night. Everyone thinks I'm the fun one that wants a hit and I'm like, no.

And then they like have to re-program me in their mind. Same. I've tried to smoke probably maybe under 10 times in my life. And like, I'll tell people like, I'm not good at it. You don't want me to do this. Every time it goes badly. Sure, I'll try, but it's not going to be great. Like I take too big of a hit and then I'm like, I can't form a sentence?

They're like, can you tell your friend to leave? I don't, they like say they don't know me. Some people aren't drug people. You know, people are like, you should totally do mushrooms or whatever. I'm like, do you want to cart me off to, like, I'll be in the corner like rocking myself? If I drink coffee too fast, I have to like call the emergency room because my head starts spinning and my legs start shaking. Like I say I'm sensitive to stimulants, which I don't even know if that's a thing. Maybe I'm just like stupid.

She can't do roids. Yeah Right in the butt Yeah that's a fun thing to say Venice Beach so close I'm so L.A. right now I've become more L.A. throughout this podcast Totally.

After my plastic surgery speech I yeah people at L.A. got in L.A. got mad at me because I was using the plastic surgery app and I was like walking around L.A. like talking like hospital. What's the plastic surgery app? It makes your lips look really big

and your nose like really small and your eyes really big. It's really fucked up. Is it Instagram or Snapchat or what? I'll hook it up with you. It's pretty funny for content. But then I have this joke I'm doing now where because this girl commented and she was like, that is so not L.A.

That doesn't represent us at all. Also, you need to fill in your eyebrows and get invisible. And I was like, if that's not the most L.A. comment I've ever heard. We're so not that. But let me just give you a little tip. It was the funniest thing I've ever, ever received. But then like the fact I was doing Instagram jokes on stage, I was like, I've been in L.A. too long.

but you've in conversation over the last 12 hours that I've been here you've brought up things like I know this is what makes me happy and it made me realize you've probably done work on yourself well I mean I just I went to emotional rehab for an entire summer honestly I feel like everyone should do that except not be manipulated to like yeah no it was just do it was a great experience what did you learn or like what did you learn of what makes you happy well first of all I met some of the coolest friends I've ever really oh my god like it was because it wasn't like it was a combination of like there was only like six of us there like some people did need to be there for like drug and alcohol issues but most of them were just there because like one person was you know from a very wealthy very good old boy family and uh was in the closet and didn't know and was you know kind of self-medicating with zanax to like feel like okay another person was you know married to the wrong like just going they were going through something yeah they were going through a hard time in their life. Yeah, like just various things and it was just but there, but all people that like literally showed up and they were like, hey, this weird thing's going on. And, and I mean, and I had my own weird

thing because I obviously I didn't know how to stand up for myself and the fact that my parents didn't speak to me and were listening to other people. So it was like, whatever. They were worried about you. Yeah, everyone was there for a different reason. But so, but just kind of cool that it's not like people just masking their problems, just showing up and being like, hey, this. Yeah. kind of sucks and let's work through it it's almost like when you see people homeless it's like they weren't always that way and some of them are just like going through a really bad time and like in a couple years associated me to a homeless person I just say that some of your darkest times are not like they don't define you well but I also think that like the cool part about it it wasn't like

these people were not like oh this is my dark time and I'm just going to keep self-medicating or just keep going into whole it was like hey I'm brave enough to admit that maybe Maybe I need a little break. It's kind of like brain school. And it's like I always joke about like shit we learn in school when you're younger. It's like, teach us how to be happy. Yeah. Teach us how to quiet our minds.

But what are some of those strategies you like to use to be happy? Like just the simple day to day stuff. Well, one of the cool things I did start doing there was meditation, which I know sounds super corny. But it is like sometimes it's not even just like sitting down and being like, I'm going to meditate. It's like kind of meditating in like the busy moments of your life instead of of being like let's say you're in line to you know maybe at the DMV or somewhere shitty I don't

know who knows and you're just like I'm so mad about this just be like is it really that bad and like you kind of bring it through those moments I learned that um yeah and if you do that like a couple times a day and it teaches your brain to instead of react in like stress and react instead in like living in the moment yeah look at you well and also like one of the things I forget if I mentioned it on no I mentioned on my podcast the whole thing about like a lot of the stuff we tell ourselves are not true, not believing the negative self-talk that you tell yourself. And it's like you jump to the worst conclusion or, you know, like that whole like your brain only processes like 50 bits per second of conscious thought. The rest is just crazy behavior

that you've been taught or people have said to you. Like just being like, you haven't even made sense of those subconscious thoughts. Yeah, exactly. Like is what I'm saying to myself healthy or normal or okay? Like probably not. Like what I do. What I do. do in those moments when I do get in one of those spirals is first I say this is an anxiety thought this isn't the truth then if it doesn't go away and it's still bothering me I literally call my mom tell her the thought and go is this something I should be stressed about and when she goes uh no I'm done I'm like it's done because it sometimes when you leave it to yourself you don't have someone being like that's literally yeah you got to bounce off someone exactly they actually one of the things I did learn there too

is that, like, loneliness and not having human connection can take the same amount of time off of your life as, like, let's say you smoked a pack of cigarettes a day. Like, people need human connection and, like, just to be able. What about cat connections? I think that's fine. Okay, because I spend a lot of time alone with my cat. Listen, whatever works for you? She has helped with loneliness, but I do know.

You do need to, like, every now and then talk to something that responds. But I do talk to her a lot. And I'm sure she paused right back at you. sets to hurt when I used to start I'd just be practicing at her oh it's bad that can't be good for your anxiety that the cat's not going to laugh you're like you don't like this it's her she fell asleep once and I was like are you fucking kidding me that was a new one and I really needed to laugh there um okay I have like some new questions that I've added to my list like I have some general ones but this one okay this is kind of dark okay do you have a hunch of how you're going to die no no is that like way too dark no I actually think it's an interesting question. I think this was a question I got from the New York Times list of questions to fall in love with someone. They have like different intensities and this was like the most intense and I was like, I want to ask people this in my podcast. I would guess that maybe like just because my dad was sick growing up that maybe like disease, like maybe I got like cancer or something.

I don't know. Can you tell us that story? Because I was like wild. but he's awesome you can't kill him he's too mean yeah that's what he says your dad told you at 12 he sat you down and said dad's leaving go to heaven goodbye so my so my dad is like also like one of the best looking muscular athletic men you'll ever see so uh he was probably 39 and um he all a sudden looked like he was 70 very quickly like he his body just deteriorated he got very sick but they couldn't figure out what it was.

So it mimicked the symptoms of Lugarik's disease or ALS. And so, um, but by the way, my parents that were so protective of my sister and I, they told us he had carpal tunnel. Swear to fuck with my God. Oh my God. Meanwhile, they had told my dad, you have six months to live. You have Lugarik's disease. Shut up.

And they were like, my mom was like, he's fine. Don't worry about it. Yeah. I'd put myself in a mental institution because of that. What was them saying that? Yeah, them, like, what was she going to do when he died? I don't, I think. well my mom had a handle on it because here's a thing the doctors told him you have six months live

you have lug eric's disease and she goes my husband's not fucking dying yeah and she literally was like I don't believe that's what he has like she just kind of knew it in her gut wow and he kind of knew it too they were like I think this is a misdiagnosis so they just kept going to their doctors they ended up going to a doctor um a couple years in and they were like you have a very rare form of cancer called waldenstrom's disease you're going to be fine they were literally high-fiving over cancer they were like fuck yeah this is all good so they knew i don't know i don't know what their mentality was if they wanted us to have a good child but who knows yeah but my dad and i are very close and so when it was looking pretty bad uh i finally was just like what's up with this

you look like you're dying yeah and he was like yeah it's probably it's possible and like i want to be buried nearby there's like this you know cemetery like a half mile from my house or whatever he's like i want to stop and and visit you girls from time to time how do that affect you uh it's harder for me to now when I was a kid it was like I had the conversation with him I was like hey we'll put the old Irish blessing on your tombstone your dad will sing Danny boy at the funeral like it was like a very like I don't know like is a kid sometimes you can just accept certain things yeah granted yes I went back to you didn't understand the like maybe the impact it would have on your life no I think I understood it but I think it was there's nothing I could have done about it and it wasn't yeah I don't know

yeah you almost don't overthink things as much as a kid exactly I think I I think that's what it is. Yeah. And my dad and I are just so fucking close. Like, my mom didn't even know my dad couldn't drive a car anymore. Like, his body had deteriorated so bad. And his, um, he owns a logging company. So he has to drive into the woods and all this stuff.

So over the summer, when I was like 14 before I even had a license, he owed even a permit. We would pull out of the drive, but he'd be in the driver's seat. And then we'd switch seats and I would drive him in, up into like the mountains and the logging roads and stuff. And like, oh my God. This is some small town shit. Yeah. The logging company. And then I would like, he would, I'd have to go, like, walk a job for me.

He'd be like, tell me what the trees look like. I'd be like, oh, sure. I'm like, they're about yay big. I would charge this much for the job. Look at you, you fucking lumber queen. Yeah. But anyways, but he's fine. You see a tree now and you're like, yeah, it's about 35 inches on a.

Pretty much. Pretty much. Pretty much can sell that. You like recognize trees. Yeah. I see a couple trees every month. Yeah. Or so.

You live in New York. But anyway, so he's fine. Well, that's amazing. Yeah. And amazing that he's still out here. My grandpa's 90, knock on wood. And they told him he was going to die like four years ago. Oh shit.

And we were like, he's too fucking stubborn. Yeah, no, there's certain like. Wait, it's true. They literally said grandpa's dying in four months and I'm like, no, he's not. No. He's just not. My dad's the same way. Like, no.

As long as his dog's still alive, that motherfucker's living. Like, he will not leave that fucking dog. He loves that dog more than anything. Some people are just tough son of a bitches. Oh, okay. That was a good answer. Oh my God. this is a good one too i've never asked it if you went to a psychic what would you want to know

about your future oh my god um i don't think i don't think i'd want to know anything that would break my heart you know what i mean i was i've already to say like will i have kids or something someday but i'm like i don't know if i'd want to know it would you ask about your career or about love i'm very confident in where my career will go so i don't think i would need the answer i think it would be something about like love health or kids isn't it weird later in life how like i used to only care about my career and then now that I feel like I'm in alignment and I'm on a road yeah I know which road I'm which highway I'm on now I'm like do people like me like am I going to get a boyfriend that was like what I used to think of in high school I'm like do boys

even want to kiss me well I think it's like once like because you are on like a good trajectory with your career like you're just sort of like okay well what else is there like you want to know like where do you want to be with your career because I feel like you have so many you have like You have played, I mean, movies. I want to win an Oscar and a Golden Globe. I don't know. Because you can act, right? Yeah, but I just, I haven't been hired for that a lot recently.

Not because I'm not good at it. It's just hard. It's competitive. And I think that, well, I already know. Like, I have a very good, like, visual of, like, I will, I'm never going to be cast in something and make it in that way. It's going to be something that I write. and then either like have you love writing i love it yeah but i i just know that my career's not going to be like you were so pretty and so great like here just we'll throw you in this it's

it's like i'm going to have to be like i wrote this fucking thing about this thing that's important and i'm an executive produce it i'm going to put myself in it and yeah hell yeah hell yeah that's the biggest best advice for like if you want to do something don't wait for the opportunity create it you got to do it especially a lot of women have to do that it's like it's not like the old studio system like back in the 20s where it was like you just get a comment contract and then we Howard who puts you in a movie it's like no no you got to start a YouTube start a podcast um okay I have well I have some okay we're gonna play three games and we're done um this is a Vanderpump related game okay because you know the cast better than

anyone and I want you to give your opinions okay I did this with Sheena and I want to know what you say um who is the messiest um Katie and Schwartz me Maybe. Although their new house is so clean, but I feel like their other apartment was more cluttered. But not because they're messy, but just it was too small for two people. Yeah. Yeah. And like 400 dogs. But it's not messy. It's just more like, yeah, because they had too much shit in it. Who eats the most? Me? Who's the grumpiest in the morning? I feel like Jacks is always the grumpiest at any point. But also the happiest at a certain point.

We have, what puts them in a good mood? Hot wings and boobs and Brittany? I don't know. Who's the flakiest on plans? Frankly, a lot of them. I would go with 80% of the cast. Well, I love that. Who's the best drinker?

Kristen Stasi or Bo? Oh, I feel like Stasi and both, they had to both be good drinkers. Well, she's like Southern, so that's like in the club. Yeah, I think it's like a different, like, yeah. That's a whole different game. Yeah. Who's the worst drinker? Um, I feel like Schwartz gets like real like goofy.

Like I just feel like, I feel like alcohol hits him harder. He, when he came to film at Summerhouse, he, his butthole was bleeding because of Mexico. Like everyone had gotten some, but like, we didn't know. and then he was like hey i have to go the hospital and we're like why and he's like my butthole is bleeding and it's been bleeding for two weeks i just got to go check on it we were like what wait what do you mean he got like he like ate something bad and then yeah like yeah he got like a really bad he's also fucking hilarious though so when i say like so funny so when i say he's a bad drinker it's not because he's ever like mean or anything it's more like i feel like he's like oh baba i don't

know if i can handle this right now like oh yeah um who sent who would send food back at the restaurant the most. Kristen, maybe, just because she's a vegetarian? I don't know. I was going to say also me, I've been very picky about stuff. It could be you. Yeah. It could be you. Who are you closest with right now in the cast? Kristen. Are you cool with Sheena? Yeah, I love

Sheena. She's coming to her show. Yeah, I love She might not. She might cancel a second, but she said she would. Okay. Now we're going to play a quick game of heaven or hell. Heaven or Hell. I feel like this is so where people are going to listen to this like late late night conversation for me it's 1 a.m okay heaven or

hell living in new york city heaven oh that's nice heaven or hell moving back to Oregon with your parents hell heaven or hell um being the bachelor at god do like attention heaven yeah heaven or hell choking during sex hell i'd listen to way too much true crime for that to be it's like it's like a thing people are like i know but i get really freaked out that like someone's going to have some weird actual fetish towards that and be like squeeze too hard and then kill me i don't oh 100% that's a very very valid thing to be scared of when someone's choking you um heaven or hell face timing hell oh my god a random face time my friend zach wickham does it all the time i'm like you're a serial killer so i have certain friends that like only want to face time it is it couldn't

be more rude intrusive I will Andrew Collin only facetimes me and we're like people like why don't you guys date and I'm like he literally I answer when I'm at the toilet and he facetimes me I'll just be like what's up he's like are you pooping and I'm like yes what's up oh I can't leave you

answer I get so mad Heaven or hell anal Hell I love how angry you get He goes hell God no Amo um okay

you survived and now time to play the 7 Deadly Sins Oh Oh Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Success. Mm.

Yes, bitch. Who are you envious of? Anyone that has a cooking show? Oh my God. Why aren't you for comedy cooking show? I want one so bad. Then fucking start that shit. I know.

I'm working on it. Okay, good. I'm telling you to manifest it. Thank you. What are you gluttonous about? All food. Cheese plates and wine. Yeah.

I really, I just really like food. You did good. You did good tonight and I enjoyed it. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Rath? Fucking, the last two years of my life up until fairly recently. Yeah. Because of all the drama and shit.

Yeah, yeah. When was the last time you were a sloth? That's pretty rare. I really cannot sit still. Really? I guess when I fractured my spine about a few days ago I was forced to be True, she chucked herself out of a minivan When was the last time you lusted over someone?

This is going to sound corny, but I'm pretty into my boyfriend right now Where'd you guys meet? He stalked me basically. No, he did the sound of my podcast and Yeah, forces his way into my life and I didn't realize it How long have you been dating? Coming up on a year almost. Wow!

But we met like, we've been. been friends for several years and wrote a script together and stuff and yeah did you think it was hot before you were dating i thought he was very good looking but i thought he was homeless to be perfectly honest it's a lot of guys in brooklyn to be yeah like i didn't understand the look i was like he's so pretty but he's what's going it looks like he's like heroin she because we're into that he's he's he's very thin but it's he just he'd just come off of like filming something in the desert for a while and he hadn't really showered and like i was confused by if he had a home because he lived on a tour bus i like dating a guy in production though that like behind the scenes guy is he what's is he like

kind of shy no he couldn't be more loud and annoying but yeah but you're funnier oh obviously yeah that's the important thing um to wrap this up you've been through a lot in your life what i literally feel like i'm drunk doing this you've had like a glass of wine it's because i'm so tired from travel she was like i sure you want to do two podcasts i was like yeah Yes. Okay, let's do it in hell. What advice would you give to the audience on how to cope with your hell? With your hell? Know that it is only temporary.

Everything is only temporary and you can get through it. And honestly, it makes you more interesting a lot of the time. Honestly, do it for the story. Yeah, you get street cred. That's what gets street cred. Maybe get a joke or two, even if you're not a stand up, a little funny comment on Instagram see the light at the end of the tunnel

and it's called humor yes and you can help other people with your story 100 but that was where I was going thank you for taking it there Rachel where can people follow you where can people listen to our episode of your podcast my podcast is called be here for a while and you can follow me on the social

media's at Rachel R-A-E-L-N-O-B-R-I-E-N reads like Rachel No Brian and it's really my middle initial is N it's funny though thank you guys so much for coming to hell and i will talk to you guys later thank you bye