Berner Phone - Rayna Greenberg: Dirty Talk & Dick Sizes

Episode Date: August 14, 2019

Rayna opens up about career path since college, failing fast, getting boobs at a young age, how to dirty talk, the key to enjoying sex, when her fiancé left her the day before her engagement party, how her podcast has changed her life, drunk personas, cutting people out of your life, how often she likes to have sex, her snack addiction, working with your friend, and hooking up with exes.GET TICKETS TO THE NEXT BERNING IN HELL LIVE IN NYC HERE--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

England Do you milk twat? Yeah, you want some biscuit? What are they? Yeah, now I'm turned down. Do you want biscuit? Oh no, a crumpet. You want some crumpet and tea, yeah.

A crumpet, you know, bitch? Want to put some tea in your crumpet, yeah. Do you know about that, bitch? Welcome to the burning. What's up, my little devils? I'm your host, Hannah Burner, and I have exciting news. Next Thursday, if you're in New York City, is my second live show at Gotham Comedy Club. The Summerhouse cast will be there.

Page de Sorbo will be performing, Frances Ellis, and Fat Carrie Bradshaw. Go to Gothamcomcom for tickets, or the link is in my Instagram bio at Being Burns. Raina's already laughing at me because she doesn't understand that it's a serious episode today. You're about to be dragged in the fiery depths of hell. What's going to happen? I know, we're just going to talk shit. Also, I apologize for my raspy voice. Some people think it's sexy.

I wish I always had it, but it just, I drank a lot this weekend. This is my post-drinking and yelling at people for no reason because I'm drunk voice. If I drank more, do I sound like you? You sound sexy. Thank you. Everyone's like, I hate her. What's it called? Velcro fry.

Oh, people say that about you? No, no one says about me, but maybe this episode they will. I just want attention. Speaking of, if you guys are enjoying Burning in Hell, subscribe, rate, review, screenshot this episode. We're going to have some good quotes. I can already tell. Raina's ready, like, ready to fucking go.

I have a podcast legend with me today. I could even say royalty. Is that me? Is there somebody else here? This is you, bitch. I'm with Raina Greenberg. She is half of Girls Got to Eat with Ashley Heseltine. Heseltine.

Heseltine. She doesn't care. She doesn't care. She's more important things to worry about. But you guys are like one of the top, what, like 75100 podcasts in the universe? Top 20 comedy. Top 20 in comedy. You guys are killing the game.

And I'm fortunate and lucky to have befriended you. And you were one of our June episodes, one of my favorite episodes on my birthday. Oh my God, your birthday. Yeah, we talked about my demons. So I opened up a lot. You guys should check girls, got to eat, subscribe rate review to those motherfuckers. But now you're with me. yeah she's a little nervous i'm not nervous i'm fine we've been here for hours just talking shit on people

i'm ready i'm like we should probably record a podcast by now we're not whatever so rain right now you're a podcaster you're also one hungry jew on instagram yes before one hungry hungry jew what the hell were you i don't did i even exist before that i mean no um my path since college yeah i got a job i got a degree in advertising marketing moved here no one would hire me became a waitress, became a restaurant manager. Then I worked in tech at tech startups for a while.

Okay. Started this Instagram account about food. Decided that was all I cared about. That's what I wanted to do and take photos of food. I built this crazy Instagram following. I went on a press trip

for like influencers. I met Ashley in Aruba. She suggested starting a podcast. Very romantic. We were on the beach, Oceanside with our toes in the sand. Do you like sex on the beach? I don't. I feel like sex on the beach and sex in the shower. I don't want those things.

Oh, I am so, sex in the shower is like for like rub-a-dubbing. No insertion. I don't, it's just like a myth. It's a farcical myth. I don't even like beaches in general. It's just like sand in my crotch and my butthole. Yeah. Nobody likes that. I like pool. I feel like, I don't know, like the Marriott, like the beachside Marriott just invented beach sex. Like hotel, it's a hotel conspiracy. It's from big hotels. They're trying to get us to have sex in the beach. Don't. It's dangerous. It's It's like sandpaper in your vagina. You probably have a hammock or at least a bed. You can fucking fuck there.

I know, everyone. At least find a hammock. Even though it sounds kind of dangerous, but maybe fun. I said once in the podcast that the hammock sex sounds ridiculous. And we got hundreds of messages about how great it is. I still have not done it yet. I know. I don't have any hammocks in my neighborhood right now.

Queens, there's not hammocks abundance. And you fuck guys who have hammocks in their apartment. You're trying to distract me. Back to you. Oh, sorry. I forgot this about me today. No, it's all about you and I'm excited. So were you a very driven person? Like, what was your goal out of college?

Were you trying to be successful? Were you trying to, like, find a husband? Were you trying to just live a crazy New York City life? Like, what was your mentality? I've never been like a five-year plan kind of girl. I've always been like a walk through every Dorisie with behind it, hope it works out kind of girl. I fail fast.

So if I try something and I don't like it or I know I'm not going to be good at it, I just abandon it right away. I love that. Sometimes quitters are good. It served me really well. It's allowed me to just focus on the things I'm good at. So if I like try something and I hate it, I don't do it. And just because you are good at something doesn't always mean that it's something that you should pursue also. But I feel like you're naturally better at things that you enjoy. It's like cyclical, right? If you like it, you do it more.

Then you become better at it than you like it. Exactly. Like if we didn't like podcasting, every conversation would just start getting worse and worse and worse because I'd be like, I hate the sound of my own voice. But it's the best. The sound of your voice is weird to get used to, though. It took a while. But I never really came out of there wanting a husband necessarily. I mean, I always wanted like a husband and kids, I guess, in my life. But it wasn't like, in college.

I have to find this. I came to New York because I just wanted to be in New York. I remember coming here and I was like 12. From where? I grew up in Pittsburgh. Oh, yeah, like Carl. I had the most embarrassing moment with Carl. I told you about this.

I was at H&M. I turned around. Also, why is Carl and H&M? I don't know. He's with his mom. Oh, Sharon. Who I also don't know. I was shopping at H&M. I turned around.

He was staying there and I go, hi. He's like, I don't know you. I'm like, oh, shit. You don't know me. Did he say, I don't know you? No, it was the look on his face. He was like, who the fuck is this? Yeah.

But he's probably used to it because of the show. Well, he is actually, I think, the most recognized on the show. Because he's seven feet tall. Yeah, he's seven feet tall. He has his, and he's handsome and he's just a big booming personality. He's six five. It's impossible to miss him. I can't.

I'm five feet tall. I can never reach him. Do you think he's cute? He's a good-looking guy. His personality is not for me. I'm not looking for a project at this age. I feel like if I was 24, I would have been like, oh, I can change him. I mean, like, I have so much time to decide how I'm going to change this man.

What were you like growing up? You were saying that you... I've been the same size my whole life, pretty much. I became five... Okay, I'm five feet tall now. I had puberty when I was like 10. I got my period at 11. I had titties at like 11.

I have never grown since that. Did you feel, like, sexualized as a 12-year-old? It was tough for me. I think I became really insecure because I got breast at, like, a really young age. And I had no idea how to handle that. And, like, the type of attention I was getting for men. And I was, like, I got my first job when I was 14 or 15. I was, like, a waitress at a diner.

And, like, men would constantly hit on me. And I had no idea how to handle it. And so I would, like, slouch a little bit to, like, hide my breasts or I'd wear, like, baggy clothing. And guys were just, like, always all over me. And I remember, like, people just assumed. that you're like a slut or you're like a slutty girl because your body looks crazy. Also, you could wear a typical shirt that any 14 year old would wear, but because you have boobs in it, it becomes like sexual. Absolutely. So people just assume that you're like slut and they

say things about you and like, yeah, it definitely like informed the way I was. Um, so like I didn't mess around guys that much in high school. Because I just like, I remember like when I was like 14 I did and he was so mean to me like call me a slut and so like I never like touched another penis again for years. Guys love the slut word in high school. Just because like you let one guy finger you. And now I'm like, do you even know what a slut is, honey? I'll show you. I'll show you what a slut is. Also, this generation, I feel like once you're 2730, like, what is being a slut?

It's like, I've had a lot of sex in my life because I'm 27. Well, when you think about it, like if you lost, I lost Virginia when I was 16 or 17, if you have sex with three or four people a year for the next 15 years, that's a lot of people, but it's not that much in the grand scheme of things. Mm-hmm. And also, if you've been dating the same dude for a long time, you're having more sex than the average single person. So I just, I have a lot of opinions on this. So moving forward, where do you get your personality from? I don't know. I don't know. Where do you get your personality from? I think all my dark trauma. All your trauma. I will say I have never, I've had like my, your average amount of trauma, but like I've never lost a family member.

I don't have any like really serious mental health issues, thank God. So I'm. I've only had like one or two really, really terrible things happen to me. Which is normal. I have a brother. I have a brother which... That's traumatizing. It is traumatizing. Like, I don't know how only children function.

Like, I'm exactly who I am because he made fun of me every day in my life. Oh, my God. I love being made fun of. My dad is very funny. And he said when I was little, I'd walk up to him and go, Dad, make fun of me. And he'd be like, you need to go to therapy. I'd be like, make fun of me again.

Make fun of me again. And that's why I'm fucked up. It's nice, though. And it's nice. So my dad is the funny one. He's also the one that's like very loving and sweet and kind. My mom is a, is a psychiatrist. Oh.

So not a lot of hugs. Not a lot of like, like I got off the phone today. I was like, I love you. And she goes, take care. My mom said take care at a minute. But she's great like in a crisis. Day to day, pretty brutal. But when things get really bad, she knows the right thing to say.

Yes. So she's great. My parents divorced when I was super young. So like I grew up with like two homes. My stepdad's great. I don't a second. Does that any of this interesting? No, this is interesting because all I know is like the Raina from Girls Got to Eat who talks about, you know, her sex life and her opinions on things, but I like to understand

where people came from because then I can judge you better. Yeah, you can judge me. I go to the Midwest, so like really like blue collar, which I love. I feel like I relate to people. Where in the Midwest? In Pittsburgh. Is Pittsburgh in the Midwest? You know, I always thought it was East Coast, but it's not.

It's the Midwest. I'm so confused. New Yorkers are so dumb. I'm like, is Pittsburgh a state? What is going on? I always thought it was. I always thought it was East Coast. It was not these coast folks at all. Okay, I'll have to talk to Carl about that, which is interesting. Do you think he's from the East Coast? He's not.

He doesn't know if he's coming or going. Let's be honest. So currently right now, what's your, are you single? What's going on? I've been seeing somebody a little bit. He doesn't live here, which is actually really ideal for me. I love a long-distance. Wait, is this a Seattle guy? He's in Denver. Did I sleep with anybody in Seattle? I don't think I did. I meant Denver. I meant Denver. You're like, ooh, Seattle. That sounds fun, though. Fuck the Denver dude yeah i don't know about seattle i feel like those people are um what are people in seattle watch out we have a lot of seattle fans i just i can't describe them i have like nothing to say about seattle people i just feel like it's beautiful there and i'd love to go i feel like Denver guys

are all big and you know they want to cut down trees and they just want to smoke some weed and talk about how big they are yeah this guy can fuck that's all i can tell when you first meet a guy if you can't no i can't some people i just they always surprised me i'm always surprised 100% of the time like some people will be so nice and then they will be the biggest freaks i dated this guy he was bordering on obnoxiously nice he was just like so doting and like loving and it was like oh can you do less and that guy would like pull my hair and call me filthy slut and like spank me and like the filthiest stuff i've ever heard in my life came out of that guy's mouth i was i love that this is brought up because i date like these like basic

athletes who like just care about scoring touchdowns and then they're just used to girls hopping on their dick they could still be fun they're all really dumb like there's no strategy in it they're just like blah i've just never or i've date guys with big personalities and then in bed they're very like chill uh-huh but i'm now i'm single again i'm always we're back to me so if i was wondering yes i'm single again i'm always single i'm like interested how do you go but if you don't know a guy that well, I don't think I'd like him immediately, like, calling me names and stuff. No, I, so I

talk about, like, how do you transition? I talk about this a lot on the podcast because it's not for everybody, like, dirty talk. I'm really into dirty talk, but it needs to be authentic to you. Like, if I hear dirty talk come out of your mouth, I can tell if, like, you're forcing it or not. Yeah. Like, I slept with this British guy, like, a couple years ago,

and, like, he called me a slap, and it made me laugh because it was not authentic. He should have called you a cunt. That's what they call people in England. You know twat. Yeah, you want some biscuit. What are they? Yeah, now I'm turned on.

Do you want a biscuit? Oh, no, a crumpet. You want some crumpet and tea? A crumpet, you know, bitch? Want to put some tea in your crumpet, yeah. What you know about that, bitch? Hello, cunt. No, I dated a British guy, and he said,

and he said it. I was like, that word is so aggressive. It's like the worst word in the English language. But then I got desensitized to it, and I would call my friends cuns who are American, and they'd be like, do you want to fight me? And I was like, that was a joke. It was a joke.

It's funny. it's a joke get it um the joke is everybody is different with what will come out of their mouth the thing that I just want with somebody is passion I can tell when somebody is just really passionate and I had like a I dated this guy for a long time on and off on for a year and then on and off

you want to feel like they want you he just I never felt like that with him it was like sex was just forced I always initiated it and he would do it but he just didn't seem like really excited and like that was a bummer for me but at first in the beginning you kind of like that because you're like oh I have to earn his affection It's a challenge.

But then after a long time, you're like, I just don't feel good about myself. And that's okay. Get out of it. It's fine. And I think that you develop that love language really early. Like, you have to develop that, like, sex language between you and the other person. Because, like, if it's not there to begin, it's very hard to go backwards. Well, I think there's also a lot of people that you emotionally fall for first and the sex isn't what you think it's going to be.

And then you kind of think it's going to get better and then it doesn't. Or it's like, okay. I think there's a lot of people having sex that's just okay. Which is fine, too. And I, but I think that there's something to be said about. about, like, my grandma, Nana still got it on Instagram, so she still fucks two to three times a week. That is crazy.

And she's been with this guy for 200 years. Your grandpa? My grandpa. This fucking guy. This fucking guy. This fucking guy. He just follows her around. But they're amazing together, and they said sex is so important.

It's just tradeoffs. Look, I was engaged to somebody who I lived with for a long time, and he was checked all the boxes for every love language. He was such a great partner for a lot of reasons. The sex was fine. You know? It wasn't like crazy. It wasn't like super dirty. But it was like passionate enough. And I was like, okay, that's a trade off I'm willing to make. This person like loves me. He adores me. He's my best friend. All right. Maybe we're not having like suck on my fingers and spank my ass sex. But like it's enough. And could it be great vanilla sex. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know if you always get those things. Your grandma's really lucky that she gets those things and she's like super in love with. I have rarely had both things with the person I'm like super in love with. So you're saying that sometimes the sex is really good, but then you feel like there's less intimacy and love in the day to day.

Can be. I mean, like, other people are maybe luckier than may, but, like, I've also had crazy sex with people, and I've probably stayed in those relationships longer than I should have. It's funny because I, like, I'm a very, okay, when I was a freshman in college, I had a bad experience with a football player when I lost my virginity, and it wasn't consensual, and it kind of fucked me up to an extent that, like, sex was a little scary for. me. So any guy had sex with since then has been very like, I want to make sure that it's safe and it's, and he, we respect each other. So I don't, I think I have to overcome that in my head to be like, no, sex is fun. Sex is not scary. Sex is not something that has to be like really, you know, careful and, you know what I'm saying? But somebody took that away from you and that's not your fault. So like, of course you have to work to overcome that. But I think I'm like ready to

be a little crazy. That's really exciting. What, so how do, how do, how do, how do, how do you, how do you transition from being like, I like this guy and you have a little sex to be like, okay, let's see what he's into and what you're into. So it's interesting to me because we get a lot of emails to the podcast saying like, it's interesting. I'll like read these emails and I'll think to myself, why don't you just say this to your partner? Like, don't send this to me. This is perfectly articulated. Just say this to your partner. Yeah. And I think that like, because I'm a New Yorker and my family is so sex positive and like open and honest, it's just, it doesn't occur to me that other people are very uncomfortable with these conversations. And so saying to your partner,

you like what are you looking for is like a really hard thing because everyone wants their own thing i can't read his fucking mind right but you're not a mind reader and you shouldn't have to be and i think that it is super i mean you have like a glass of wine before you start discussing it but like um you're like black out and see what happens i mean what better thing to do than to black out but i think that you can start with different questions and you feel out the mood but like you can say to your partner like what's something you've always wanted to do sexually that you've never done with somebody else um what kind of porn do you like to watch i think is like a great question because if they're into like certain things like maybe they're going to be into that with

you um i've gone to like sex toy shops with guys they date this guy for a while and like we're walking down the street in the west village and i was like do you want to like pop in here i think that could be like kind of fun if you go together and pick out a toy together um i think it's hard to start asking for things that you want if you're just not naturally getting them like dirty talk is hard so sometimes i think you can lead by example and just see how that works also yes but like yeah if you're in this relationship with somebody you really care about and you're really not getting what you want Like, you should absolutely have a glass of wine and talk about it. It's also such a turn off to me, though, if I, like, start hooking up with a guy for the first time and he's, like, immediately throwing me on the bed and, like, immediately assuming that, like, I like, I like when he chokes me.

Yeah, I think a lot of people probably feel like that. Like, I think I would like it if I felt like he was caring about how I felt about it, because it reminds me of a time that, like, a dude didn't give a fuck if I cared about it or not. Absolutely. And I think that's why you have to lead by example a little bit. What are some things you like to be called during sex? slut. I really, really like to be called a slut. Wait, why? I have to understand this. Well, because it means you're like hot and crazy. You're like, I'm a slut. I'm a crazy hot, it just, it depends on who does it too. Like, I don't want to be called a slap by a one-night

stand. Yeah, because then you're like, I'm, can you not call out the obvious? I know I'm being slutty right now. Right. I know that I'm scared. I know I just slid into your DMs an hour ago to fuck you, but just keep it to yourself. He's like, you insecure trying to get affection from anyone, little bitch. That's what I'm going to say to a guy in bed. He's like, your mom didn't love you and you're probably fat in high school, huh? You're a cunt. You're not over your ex-boyfriends, so you just want a little dick to feel love for a second,

but it's about to end in two minutes, bitch. Your last girlfriend left you because you couldn't support her physically, huh? Is that it? Never gave her an orgasm? Little bitch. So you can do that. Yep, that's one strategy. For me, it's sort of like role play. Because, like, when you're with somebody you know really cares about you and, like, really adores you and thinks you're so great, it's, like, kind of a fun role play when they're like, you like, you like that, you little slut.

And I like that. Dirty talk is a good way to, like, get into that. Yeah. Or, like, I used to fuck this guy when I was fucking. I used to say, you're just, she just called me a nasty little girl. You're a dirty little girl. I'm like, yeah, I haven't showered in a while. I'm nasty.

I'm like, I need to cut my toenails. Haven't shaved my legs in a bit. Thanks for pointing that out. I know that I smell bad. I'm trying to think what I would like a guy to call me. I don't think I'd like him to call me a slut. He'd be like, yeah, your podcast is so fucking good. Just giving you compliments?

Yeah, remember that tweet you did about like that one night stand? Oh, yeah. That's funny. That far joke you made. Yeah, but it's just so fucking funny. I just want to fuck all the funniness out of you, yeah. I'll fucking die. My problem is because I have a sense of humor.

I feel like I've been in situation. that, like, I'll just start laughing or making fun of him. And then the... Yes. Some things I think I can't do. Like, I've always... All I want to do is peg somebody.

I've never done it. I've always wanted to do it. And I never get to. But I feel like... You should start a new, like, YouTube series of interviews while you peg people. And, like, they'll talk about

how it feels to them. Like, do they feel emasculated? Are they enjoying... I could see you as a dumb. I feel like I would do anything if pushed far enough. Like, I don't have a lot of sexual boundaries. But I think it's really important

to talk about. about it. We've had so many people. You're like, I have no boundaries, no respect. I will do whatever. You don't have to give them. But like, I feel like you can have no boundaries when you feel safe with somebody. Yeah, like, but you're so right, in my head, I'm like, I don't want to call to a slut, but then if you think of the guy who you're like really into who knows you calling you a little slut, then it's like fun. Because you're like, oh, I'm just like this girl who goes to a different school and I met you at prom and like I was wearing a little skirt and you're like, who's that little slut from that other school.

Right. You're into it now, sweet. Okay, I'm, and I'm ready. I'm taking notes. we're good. Yes. This is fun. Yeah, I've been trying to open my mind. I know I'm 27, but I'm like, I want to enjoy sex more. I think as you get older, and I mean, I think it's, I think porn has changed a lot and has, like, allowed people to understand different things about sex.

But I don't know, as I've gotten older, sex has gotten better. I think that, like, it's no longer acceptable for men to just sit there. Like, the last couple people I've slept with, they were, like, going down on me, making sure to, like, hit the clit when they're on top. Like, they just, I think that. men are like realizing like oh women can come too like men i think are so stupid and i don't think they knew for so long that you could get off because so many girls were faking it or just acting like they enjoyed it i always say to girls like i don't think you should i mean sometimes fake it

because you want the experience to be over yes men have i like that because everyone's like team no fake orgasms if he's trying really hard and you're kind of over it and you want to do something else he could be like um is that what you sound like uh huh uh or if you drank too much i'll never come if I had like too much to drink or that's okay to like be like hey it's really good really good but I'm not going to comment out totally with the orgasms yeah guys didn't know that it was something that they could like feel confident about and like it's it's two people it's a two-way street and make everything better right and I still bother I still enjoy sex even if I don't get off every single time like I just I enjoy like being touched touched and the foreplay and like the whole

the whole thing I like the whole buffet of things and you know your body better now probably than when you were younger? Yeah, and I think that as I've gotten older and had more sex, I've just been more comfortable asking for things that I want. Like, here's this position that I want, or, like, here's what I want to do to you. Do you have any rules in terms of, like, waiting, like, when you have sex? Because you're, you're a serial dater. No, I actually have, like, very strong feelings about this. I think that there's no correlation between when you have sex with somebody and whether they will date you. I think everybody's completely different. So I think that, like, having sex with somebody immediately doesn't mean

that somebody won't date you. And I think that waiting and withholding sex doesn't mean that they will date you. I don't think that there's ever, a reason. I don't think it ever hurts to wait. I don't. Like, I think that, like, yeah, waiting for a little while can always be a good thing, see if you get to know somebody and like somebody. But if you withhold sex for four dates, that doesn't mean that person's going to date you. No, yeah, not at all. And also, I've had two one-night stands that turned into long-term relationships. Like, my last two long-term relationships where people I slept with on, like, the first date, basically. I have many friends who met their boyfriends on one-night

Yeah. Talk about like instant chemistry. Like when you're just swiping on a nap, you can't feel the energy, you can't smell the pheromones. But if you just meet someone and immediately are like, I want to claw their clothes off, that's actually not that hard, like, it's hard to come by. It is. I always just, I caution against using sex as a tool and a weapon. So like, I don't think that you should use it to make somebody like you or date you. I think that sometimes girls have sex because they're like, oh, he'll like me more. And that's not the case. No. I also don't think sex is so great the first time you sleep with somebody. on a first date you're like I don't know this person yeah but it can I think you should do what you want to do I've done the withholding with a guy like I think I really like and then you spend time getting to know him and you vest yourself in him and then you fuck and you're like oh I didn't I don't really that attracted to him yeah so like sometimes I just do it to be like let's see if my intuition's right that I actually am into this guy so yeah sex is for your own enjoyment it's not to manipulate people or play games and I and I love that perspective Yeah. Also, like, it depends how you act after the sex. Like, act cool. Somebody's not your boyfriend because you had sex with them one time, you know? Just, you don't expect something from somebody because you gave them sex. Yeah, it's like a really intimate, beautiful thing. But like, I don't really think he owes me anything, you know? You're like, but if I need sugar, I'm going to go over his place and there's enough sugar, then I'm going to freak the fuck out. I went there for weed the other day. I gave you my vagina. You went there for weed?

Wait, tell me this neighbor's story. How long did you want to fuck him for? I knew him for like four hours. I thought you're going to be like, every time we went to pay rent together and go to the mailbox, I was like, ooh, one day. Nope. He literally moved in and you were like, I'll help you move into my vagina.

You should come over after this. He's hot. Is he Australian? Yes. You are like channeling Australians right now. I know, that's crazy. Raina said she fucked an Australian recently too. I love, I think it's the hottest accent.

They are dangerous wild animals. Yeah, the criminals from London. Yeah, 100%. They're amazing. They're the definition of. a bad boy with with pretty voices so it fucks me in the head this guy plays guitar too dangerous okay so dangerous okay I have something to say about the whole guitar thing because I'm right now kind of messing with the guy who plays guitar what are you supposed to do when he's playing and singing at you

I feel so awkward I love it I don't know what to do with my hands I don't know whether there's smile it's like people singing happy birthday to you like what do you do so okay depends on the guy like there's one particular guy I'm thinking of they're like we're friends with how many people have played guitar for you. It depends on the guitar he has that if it's a B or a C chord. It depends, okay, is it an original track in which case my vagina recoils into itself

and I cannot deal with it. There's one person in Instagram I'm thinking of that I do, he everyone... This guy sang like his own song about like someone cheating on him and I was like, I don't want to fuck you right now. I'm sorry, it's so great. And I'm trying to sing along and I'm like,

let's say along. I'm just kidding. No, I'm just kidding. But I did do one of those things I started clapping before it was over. I was like, you preemptive. That was really good.

That was really good. And they broke his guitar. Just kidding. I didn't break his guitar. I mean, you don't have to let them play for you. I don't get drunk. You like a John Mayer cover?

I don't remember what he was playing. Every time I'm with him, he like plays. I ask him to like play and sing for me. See, I don't trust that. If I walk in his apartment of a guitar, I'm like, this guy fucks with chicks. Okay, so here's how I met and he's alone playing guitar.

He wasn't playing for me. It was just like sitting outside. That's the most adorable thing I've ever heard. Why do you think I fucked up? He was just sitting outside playing guitar. And now every time I see him, I'm just like, Was it on your roof? Yeah.

Okay. But that's kind of like a guy getting a cute dog and just walking around and waiting to see which chick comes to him. So, wait, how did you pull the move? How did you pull it? I asked him for a guitar lesson in my apartment. You're like, underneath my covers, I need a guitar lesson. We were pretty drunk. I'm pretty sure he knew what it meant.

Did he teach you anything? Literally, I just moved in. I had two chairs and a mattress in my apartment. I had nothing there. We walked in there and he was like, are you going to murder me? Like, what am I here for? You're like, you will be my guitar teaching slave

and you will teach me guitar every morning and night. Now I've gotten to know him a little bit, though, because he's always outside of my roof. So, like, I see him all the time. I don't, I'm not crazy about his person. Like, I would never date this person. So it's just, isn't it funny? Some people, like, you want to have sex with so bad,

but then you wouldn't date them. Absolutely. I feel like people talk about guys feeling that way. all the time, but they don't talk enough about how girls are like that. Because everybody, every person on earth assumes that every woman has sex with somebody and they're like, that's my guy. Like, for example, I don't think I can see myself dating

a wild party rugby Australian player in real life, like dating him. But here you are? I'm thinking of somebody who's dating. She was like, that was very specific. Oh, it was very specific. No, it didn't work out with him. But at one point I kind of did want to date him. I was like, we can go to Australia and meet your parents. It didn't work out.

I'm okay though You seem okay I'm totally fine He fucked one of my friends I'm fine Wow New York is small She sounds like a good friend

New York is Yeah there's only 12 million people I was like It was bound to happen Yeah you can't control it There's only 6 million vaginas to slide into So my current favorite

Four plight is I'm seeing this guy And we We literally just flirt And we don't Like whenever he touches me I go don't touch me I love that though the anticipation is so hot.

But I was, like, seeing someone. Yeah. So I wasn't, I literally just flirt with him for fun. Do you sext at all? We didn't. So we literally would not talk that much, but I'd see him, like, because we like, do some work together, whatever. And he'd flirt with me, and I'd be like, don't touch me.

And I'd just act like I hated him. And he would just kind of laugh. And he laughs at everything I say. It's adorable. And we're just. That's my love language. Laughing at my joke. Yes.

I just tweeted. I can't tell if I like him or he just laughs at my jokes. I feel like your Twitter and your memes are like it's the voice of my brain. You and Jared Freed. Like I don't even talk to anybody besides too. You just see us talking together. It's out of control. Me and Jared.

Everyone check out that episode. So finally, he like pecked me this weekend. I've never been more horny for a person. And I literally, people are like, do you like him? Do you have emotion for him? And I'm like, I don't know because I'm so clouded by blue balls. Absolutely. Like the fact that we've barely done anything and we're so.

so attracted to each other, not touching or fucking or kissing, not doing anything is the hottest thing ever. It's wild. The anticipation, I will masturbate to a sex any day. Oh, yeah. The anticipation kills me. I love it. But I love it too because you can make it in your head

whatever. You're like, when I finally fuck him, it's going to be the most incredible sex I've ever had. Even if it's shit, it's so much better. The imagination is always better. I feel like it's just like this fiery passion. You can't recreate it, like waiting. And the Unknown. You're like, how will his tongue feel? What's going to happen? I really thought about it.

Yeah, I thought about it. I'm like honestly really horny and blue balled right now and tongue over. So perfect transition for our next dark question of the day. I feel like I haven't got dark enough. I know because I just, I'm horny and I want to talk about sex. Yeah. I mean, if you want me to talk, I feel like, should I tell like a sad story? Well, here's the question. When was the last time you were depressed? I have never been clinically depressed. So, like, I have never been clinically depressed. So, like. like I would never say that I've like ever experienced what that is like needing to be on medication. There's only been a couple times in my life where I would say like are the saddest days and like experiences in my life. Probably the worst thing that's ever happening with my fiancee left me. And he left me the day after our engagement party. Like he really humiliated me. So that was the worst time of my life. That was probably the last time I was like severely. How did he leave you? Oh, he like laughed me in a big way.

Like I'm envisioning a sex in the city movie moment. Yeah. If I could say it was worse than that, it was. So we were together for like three years. He could just sort of never get his shit together. Like it was like a new job every six months. I was constantly like I was on the hook for a lot of money all the time. I had to pay our rent. But he really was like a sweet guy.

I just felt like I was a little disappointed all the time. But why do you think he was the one? First of all, I was younger. So I think that you want different things at different ages. This person was so loving, so kind. I trusted him. He was a great partner and a great teammate. He really supported me in a lot of ways emotionally, really sexually attracted to him.

Not financially, though. Not financially. But, like, I don't know. I just thought, like, we're young. He'll get it together. I don't need, I'm not going to leave somebody because they don't make as much of money. How old were you? I was 28 when he left me.

And I was sort of just unhappy and I kept thinking, like, why am I so disappointed all the time? Why am I so unhappy? And I think because he was so, yeah, obviously, like, in retrospect, I know exactly what happened. But yeah, because he was so unhappy and unstable, it was hard for him to find activities, make friends, have hobbies. outside of me, you know? So anyway, this is a cycle of things. But he got this job, bartending,

and I had like a 9 to 5. We never saw each other. I was going to like birthday parties and weddings, all the stuff alone. I was alone a lot. And we'd been fighting kind of a little bit, but nothing like terrible. And it was the day before our engagement party. He came home at 5 o'clock in the morning from his job. He'd gone out after. He'd like been partying and drinking. And I woke up and I was like, I wasn't yelling at him, I was like, sad. I was like, weepy. And I was like, you know, like my whole family is coming in town tonight, my whole bridal party, like, do you have to come home at 5 o'clock in the morning?

You're going to sleep all day. He said, basically, you know, been thinking about this for a long time, and I'm not in love with you. And I love you, but I don't want to marry you. And I'm really unhappy. And I just want to see, like, what else is out there? And he said, you know, I keep trying to be all these things for you. to impress you and I'm failing at all of them and I wouldn't have tried them if you hadn't

made me and so the failure is yours and it was really one of the meanest things that I'm like all I wanted him to do was be happy anyways so closet gaslighting move it was real mean you wanted me to be great and I can't be so you're it's your fault I'm so I didn't really know what to do we never had like an argument like that or a fight I mean this was really like out of character for him so I knew he meant it and that afternoon my entire family and my bridal party and everybody that I knew flew into New York for this for the party oh my god that I had prepaid on my credit card oh my god did you get points I don't think so I think it was debit card okay shit um so I had to go to my engagement party I had to go to my engagement party

knowing that he was going to leave me did you tell anyone I was so distraught I went I had a car at the time I don't remember why but I went to pick up my dad at the airport and I like lost my mind I couldn't stop crying. I was like hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe. I just like I'm really close to my parents. My parents know when something's wrong. My mom kept like hucking me because she wanted to go wedding dress shopping and I kept me like, I don't want you. I won't even be with her and something will happen to me and she'll text me and be like, just let you know I love you. And I'm like, this bitch had a feeling. I don't know. They just, they smell at your parent. When you're close to your parents, they just know them. They know you. Um, so yeah,

I had to go to my engagement party. My dad knew. I did not tell my brother because I just didn't want to like burden other people with this. Um, and then the next day, um, So you, like, had fake smiled your whole engagement party? I had to stand up and give a speech. It was torture. It was, like, the worst thing I've ever been through. It was horrible. It was 75 people.

Also, it shows what, like, a kind of, like, in a positive way, people pleaser, an empathetic person you are, because I know some people might have been like, fuck this, fuck everyone. I'm depressed. I'm going to be in the hotel room and they could all fuck themselves. I mean, you're just like, you're in total shell shock. You're like, I don't know what the fuck is happening. I guess I'm going to go to this fucking party.

And for all you know, like, tomorrow he might wake up and be like, sorry, I just had cold feet. So, yeah, the next day, we went home that night and I said to him, we're in bed and I was like, listen, why don't we pump the brakes? We don't need to get married. Why don't we just get back to being us? We'll go out to dinner tomorrow night. We'll just, we'll cancel the wedding.

We'll just get back to us. Yeah. And he was like, I think that's a great idea. We went to sleep, whatever. I went to work. Came home that afternoon. He had packed a backpack, said, I thought about it. I'm not going to try.

And he left me. But it was a blessing. Yeah. I mean, I think that anybody can turn a terrible thing. thing into a blessing. Like, I know that he thinks he did me a favor. But do you really think he was the one? Or he would have been a great husband?

For that time, he was the one. I really loved him. He was great. I think that because I was with somebody that wasn't particularly, like, I don't know, motivated or had any hobbies, it made me. I also, like, didn't ever read books or travel or try to make new friends. It sounded like he wasn't fulfilled in any way within himself. Yeah.

So it was hard for him to experience love when he wasn't loving who he was. Absolutely. And I saw him years later. And he said to me, I blamed you for all these things. I thought all these problems in my life were because of you, and you're gone and all these problems are still here. Exactly. And I thought that that was okay.

So he didn't get better in any way in the last couple years? I think he's just accepted things about himself. So instead of wanting to be more than a bartender, I think he's decided I'm going to be a bartender. I'm going to have hobbies outside of this. I don't need to make a ton of money, and I'm happy with that. And I think that's good too. I think that's good for him.

I think that's what he needed. When you met him was a party, like, what if we can try again? when I saw him a couple years ago, or last year. I met him and we're sitting in this restaurant. I'm like across from him and I like remembered loving him. I like remembered how much I loved this person. It was so easy. It was so comfortable.

He knows my family. He knows everything about me. And as much as you change, you grow up, you're still the same. And so I thought like, wow, I love this person so much. But all the problems that we had were still in that room. And remember he told me about something he was like trying professionally and not doing very well at. And I started being like, well, what if you tried this and this and this? What if you got a mentor?

And I was like, oh, my God, I'm doing it. Yeah. And I don't know. I know that I could never make him happy and he could never make me happy. We would just never mesh today. So it's just there's nothing more than comfortability. And also, no one can really make anyone happy if they're not happy within themselves. That's a great point.

I know that same, when I was younger dating, I dated a guy who, like, had a lot of his own issues. And I loved being able to, like, help him. And he was six, three and really hot. So that was why I stayed in that. That's important. It's really important. I say the amount of inches above six feet he is.

is the amount of the months I'll stay with him even though he's a deadbeat um so so so that's works out though it makes sense makes perfect sense I graduated from college so he I remember sitting with him and I was like oh my god he's so handsome and they started talking about like how he's having trouble with stuff and I immediately became like his mom again where I was like well can you do this can you do that and there's nothing that will dry you up quicker than feeling like the guy's mom or babysitter trying to get him to like get his shit together right well you shouldn't have to do that somebody should i mean we should all bring something to our partner's lives to encourage them and uplift them but like you shouldn't have to be the only one doing it but like i look i don't

hate this person like people are like you must hate him i don't i've never hated them i don't well love is not like there's what is the quote about love is there's no rules and anything is fair in love and war so i feel like breaking up with someone never makes you a bad person you can go about it The way that he did it was terrible. And because it probably was in his head for a while. And he didn't have the balls to do it until he was way too far deep. I think he probably was like, I have a home with this person. I love her.

I care about her. Why would I leave this? But then I think he was like, oh, I'm never going to make her happy. And I'm going to hate myself forever because of this. Breaking up takes bravery and balls and getting her comfort zone. Also, people joke about how in New York City, like, people just get too busy to break up. Like, why haven't you broken up yet? Too busy?

Like, people would just be like, you know, then he was. was at work and then I was at work. Yeah, like, breaking up takes time. I know a bunch of people that have, like, I thought they were going to break up and then they just, like, moved in together because they just, like, didn't have time to think about it. Exactly. Like, sometimes your lives are just going too much and you can't stop and find that, because also breaking up takes, like, a whole three-hour conversation and then another conversation next day, then crying. It takes at least a couple weeks to break up. People in New York are pieces of shit. People in New York are pieces of shit. They're like, fine, I'll save rent. Let's move in together.

Exactly. I hate this person, but we can live together. But speaking of love for yourself, I want you on this podcast because you're in a really beautiful moment, I feel like I feel like you're in alignment with a lot of who you are and your goals. And when you have one of the most successful podcasts in the world, are you happier now than in the past when you were like a waiter, you were lost and stuff? I don't know that I ever felt lost, but I feel like this is really, I think the people

are, I was at the airport the other day and I was like, I wanted to buy a book. and every single thing, Florida's stealing a lot of all was self-help books. Jesus, fucking Christ, why there's so many of these? But I think that people are always like searching for their purpose and I think a lot of people sit at their desks all day long and they're like, there's more of life than this.

Like, I want something different than this. And I think that at least for now I've found like the purpose of my life today. And I know that like even though on the service I have a comedy show about sex and dating, what it has done for other people is really moving. And we'll get 50 messages a day from people that say a whole bunch of different things. So whether it is that we normalized the conversation for them about sex and allowed them to ask their partner for something that they wanted, to somebody who emailed us the other day,

this one girl said her dog died and it's so quiet in her home and that we fill the sound in her home. Another girl wrote me the other day and she said that she became paralyzed recently and she's horrible for her and she's in the hospital all the time and she listens to us to get through the doctor's appointments. So you're seeing yourself affect people in a way you've never been able to before? And I never set out to. like I thought we would start this podcast I have a friend this is fun this is like let's shit on guys who use the shit on us exactly let's build this on the backs of our exes but like what it's been able to do for people and everybody the messages and says like you've given me the courage to have the conversations that I was scared to have and whether that's asking for a raise or asking your partner for something else or to stop doing something I'd like that is I can't imagine ever having like a more meaningful life and I think that the show has done so much like even more for me because I'm

Because, like, I feel like I really understand that, like, everybody is going through shit. Everybody has these horrible insecurities that are crippling. Even the most successful, beautiful, amazing people. Like, every, I feel connected to, like, every female on Earth. Because I feel like they've all emailed me. I'm starting to feel that way, too. It's crazy, right? It's true.

People are just, everybody's just going through shit. They're just trying to get through the day. Also, one thing in life you said, like, people could be sitting at their desk and they don't want to do. A lot of people are actually afraid of success, especially even when you get it, And now that you went into this to have fun with Ashley and make a great podcast, now that it's starting to get numbers and money, do you find yourself ever, like, not enjoying the success or being scared of the success or putting more pressure on yourself? I enjoy it. I mean, I love it.

Every week I'm really proud of what you do. I think Ashley and I have a really good working relationship. We were asked this question yesterday in an interview, and I thought it was a really cool answer. The girl said, you know, what are you not proud of and what would you change? And I said, and Ashley, that every single time we record and every time we walk off stage at a live show, immediately we're like good job here's what I would change and we're always evaluating every single show every single episode let's do something different let's change this I feel like really proud of that I think that as you grow and you have a bigger audience you just have to think about what you say more

so like just because you think something is funny between you and a girlfriend does not mean other people are going to think it's funny and I think as you have more of an audience you have more responsibility true so like Ashley and I are like for it took a while great power comes great responsibility it's aspired of a man quote it's a scary thing though Like, we started talking, like, you know, do we want to talk about politics on the podcast? You know, there's all these things happening in the world in the United States, especially at the border or with abortion. And we were like, okay, we're a female-focused podcast. We have to talk about these things.

And just figuring out how to say those things and realizing you are going, you're going to alienate some people. But you don't want to change yourself to, like, make people happy. No. Because I feel like when you're just being authentically yourself, actually more people are happy because they relate to authenticity. That's probably why people like your show a lot, too, because I feel like. Like, you are like a person. I met you and I'm like, oh, what you see is what you get. There's nothing pretentious about this girl.

Like, she is exactly what you're seeing. And that's probably why people really like your show. I think it was cool because being on a reality show, you can't always control how people will judge you. Because imagine if someone just cut a bunch of parts of your life and put it together. And people, the whole point of reality is like people judging whether they like you or not without meeting you. So I was like, I love that I can use podcasting as a way for people to like hear me unfiltered

and just talk shit with my friends. You're lucky that you get to. control the message, as opposed to Bravo. Exactly. Which is my favorite network on her. Which we should win an Emmy for all of its shows. I want to play our first game together. It's called Heaven or Hell.

Heaven or Hell. And I'm just going to throw some things at you and tell me if it's heaven or hell. So there's this recent thing. I learned that Instagram models and possibly the Kardashians get their bottom rib removed. Okay. Have you heard of that?

Absolutely. So heaven or hell, getting your rib removed. I mean, it would be my own personal version of hell. If I could look like Kim Kardashian, I don't know. I don't know. I think it looks like an alien. I think there is so much pressure when you were on television to look at a story. I see myself on an interview on a very small town.

And I'm like, oh, my God, when did I gain 50 pounds? I'm so ugly. I'm so fat. Like, I can't imagine what does your psyche to see yourself. That's why these girls eat. But my thing is I want to be on TV and eat And then hopefully people be like, oh, it's okay to look like that on TV Like I'm naturally like pretty muscular and I look great

Oh, thank you honey But I did gain 10 pounds last season from eating my face off emotionally And drinking more than I've ever drank in a summer And not working out during the week because I was tired Quote unquote tired My mom's like, maybe you should go to yoga And I'm like, maybe I need a fucking nap and you shut up um getting that done is my own personal version of hell but i guess like if you have those

what if it didn't hurt i'm a tiny person though i don't need it either you would just i mean there's a lot of things wrong with me but i'm i'm petite i wouldn't do it it's funny too because like i mean i would buy new titties they are petite you'd get you would get a i'm ready for new titties a reduction or a left or both both and maybe a little a small implant i don't know i'm going to go into the knife i might as well get an implant i just want them to be like really And like, I mean, gravity can only hold up for so long. Yeah. I mean, they're real now.

Yeah. You don't want back issues. No, I'm just ready for new titties. If you have any surgeons that are listening, they want to give me titties. That's what in your last podcast? She was like, if anyone's listening, send us some ice cream sandwiches. We're like, what do you want? And I was like, um, anything?

I have cheese at crackers. I'm pretty happy, actually. A bangle kitten. People are like, she's a piece of shit. I just think this rib removal thing has, I have to put my foot down. That crosses the line. That's where I cross the line. I think that if you get work done, you should just be honest about it.

And that's my only... But I just think we should never have to start losing bones in our body to look beautiful. I know. It's fucked. But it's like the real housewives effect. Like every single one of those people first season looks like a totally different science project than the second season. And I get it.

It would fuck me up to see myself like that. To be honest, everyone's joking that I have had like a glow up since the last season. Because next thing you know, people are like... like, oh, do you want your teeth wide in? And I'm like, why would I ever get my teeth white in before if I was on TV? I don't know. I wouldn't like go to a doctor and go out of my way. Next thing you know, some hairstylist is like, you know, you should get more, you know, blonde in your hair. And I'm like, okay. Next thing you know, the dentist is like, you know, I could shave this part of your tooth and then you look like fucking. Let me say. I didn't get, no,

I didn't get it yet. I don't think I'm going to get it. You whiten them? Yeah, I whiten them. They look great. Thanks. I think there's a part of enhancing your natural beauty that I'm really into. Yeah. Because if you start changing too much, then you start disassociating. how you really feel about who you are. I think people should do whatever they feel like doing. Whatever the fuck you feel like doing, do it. I just get mad about females having that pressure, and I wish they didn't.

Right. Like, I wish society didn't make us feel like we had to change so much about our faces and bodies. But in the meantime, you feel like doing something and fucking do it and own it. I get Botox do it. Do it. No, yes. I haven't had enough yet recently. I can move my face again.

But as a comedian, don't you feel weird laughing and be like, no, like it incorporated into my jokes. It's funny. I'm like, am I upset? Am I mad? You don't know. Oh, my God, that's be so fun to fight with your boyfriend. He's like, are you yelling at me or laughing with me? Yes, bitch.

Okay, next. Being casted on Summer House next season, Heaven or Hell. I don't think I want to be on a reality show. I don't think that that is for me. I don't know that I would, well, I already don't want to be on television. So, to be on television and I just, I'm too drunk all the time. Like, I can't. You think I'm not too drunk all the time on a house?

That's your personal decision. I cannot control the person that I become. What kind of drunk are you? I'm fine. I'm always like really positive and upbeat, but like I'm occasionally I curse someone out, but it's normal. I live to make people uncomfortable. It's my favorite thing in the world.

That's what I do. Why do you think I have this podcast? I love, oh my gosh. So we have the same agent. I walk into his office and say the wildest shit. He's the most uncomfortable person I've ever met. He probably hates me. I just love, I feel alive when I can get reactions out of people.

I just say shit to get reactions. And when you hang out with your comedy friends, no one gives a, like, they just all laugh. It's disappointing because nobody, you can't ever get that. They're like, oh, you really crossed that line. No, you didn't. But then when you hang out with your like normal friends, people are like, you have no boundaries and you're making all of us feel uncomfortable.

And I'm like, I've succeeded. Yes. And that's why I don't have a 9 to 5 because I don't fuck with HR. People like you and me can't have traditional jobs. And it's because my dad would say I have a dirty mouth. Okay, having our hell guy has a massive penis. It's not for me. I'm not a size queen. Same.

I just, I'm not, I'm not out of, five feet tall. I'm not out here needing like a hog that I can taste while you're fucking made. That's why I asked you, because you're, I mean, I don't, do you think because you're little, you always have a tiny vagina? No, I mean, everybody's body is like a different wonderland, but like, I'm a five foot tall person. The cavity inside of me can't fit more than five or six inches. I've, we've, I've kind of mentioned this before, but I'm going to say it.

British Dave from last year's summer house had the largest. He's a donger? A big old donger? The largest, well, he's six-six. Okay. But that doesn't mean he has... Doesn't always, no. But his penis was so big, and it, like, no matter how good or hot and attracted

we were to each other, it fucking hurt. And that's when I was like, I want a boyfriend-sized dick. I love a medium dick. Now I'll do a thing. Boyfriend dick. Now I'll do this thing where I'll flirt with guys. If we get to the point where we're, like, talking about shit, I'll be like, do you have a medium-sized dick?

Tell me how medium-a-a-average is. I'll go how big is your dick. and they'll act weird because they think I want it to be like, yes, it's so big. And I'm like, it's a medium. Because it's a medium or below average because I want it. I really want it. I need it. The first guy I ever had sex with is the biggest dick I've ever seen in my life.

You poor baby. It was like getting fucked with an anaconda. No. And some people were like, oh, it was the first time. You don't know. Okay, well, I slept with that guy for like 10 years. And every single time, I just like, I could taste it while we were fucking. It was like hard to take.

I had to do like a whole breathing ritual to like, like relax myself enough right take it i was like and you be like are you okay and i'm like no but anyway um good we're on the same page okay so you are one hungry jew on instagram yeah so i had to ask heaven or hell um never being hungry again that was a weird question that didn't make sense it's weird to think but like never having to deal with food again um i feel like i'm never hungry i just eat like i feel like I have a limitless, bottomless pit inside me. Like, I don't need food.

I just, like, shove things in my face. I just tweeted, I've never actually been hungry when I ate a snack. Same. Like, you don't eat snacks because you're hungry. Crush snacks. They're not there for, like, sustenance. It's like how you just craved, like, a little salt in your mouth. I'm not hungry.

I just want, like, a little sweet, little savory. I don't know, whatever I need in that moment. Yeah. I wouldn't mind never being hungry again. I probably look better. I wouldn't stop me for me. You know, like, having an Instagram account that's all about food, like, made you ever feel pressure to eat more because you had to, like, go to restaurants and, like, take pictures of

shit. No, I mean, I don't do that anymore. I haven't done it since, like, December. So I just, I totally quit the food thing. But, um, I think that people think that, like, I stop with food. I was just, like, over food. I'm over food. I'm done.

I'm done. Somehow I'm fatter than I was when I was a food blogger. But it's weird how those things happen. No, you look amazing. Maybe it's just because you look amazing. I know. I've been tanning, like crazy. I go up to that roof.

And we say, um, bitches be crazy once they use self-tanner once, they're just out of fucking control. And that's me. That happens? I'm bitches. You self-tan? I self-tan and I become like my egos out of control. Because you know that you like look so fly.

Because when my boobs are tan, like your boobs never get tan. Because you're, when you're tanning, you don't show your nips. So when I have tan boobs, I'm like, I'm a Greek goddess. Do you think I was like, so I was naked in front of somebody the other day and I was like, I'm butt naked. So like, it's like I have this like white strip across. my titty is where my nipples are like where I'm not tan. Is that weird for guys? I don't think guys even notice. You're right. They probably don't even notice. I could shave my head and be naked and

they're like your nipples look great. They're happy you're just touching their penis. So I'm having so much fun with you. We are going to play our final game called Seven Deadly Sins. You're doing amazing. You're killing the game. Seven Deadly Sins. greedy about? Snacks. What are your favorite snacks? I like the pretzel

fens with hummus. I crush like a tub of hummus and a bag of pretzels every time. It's actually like, is that healthy, right? It's actually, because I have no portion control, I need to pick healthier snacks.

I cannot have a bag of like Cape Codd salt pepper chips. I think the trick is like you can't go to the couch with the bag, so I'll pour it into a bowl, but then I just keep refilling the bowl. I've never done. Also, you can't smoke weed before you do it, which I've also started to do,

which is like kryptonite having snacks in the house with weed and hummus goes down so easy it just melts right down your gullet right down your gullet who are you envious of you know who i would love to emulate as bethany frankle because i think that she's just like created all these businesses out of thin air and she's like such a badass doesn't give a fuck about anybody what they say and she looks so good i just started to watch real houseways in new york from the beginning yeah why do you why do you love bethany so much like why do you think people from the very beginning were, like, obsessed with her. I think that she's just, like,

she's a very strong, independent person. And, like, I had this moment, this morning, actually. I bought a pair of lupitons about my first pair of lupitons. Congratulations, bitch. Thank you so much. We've arrived. We have arrived. And they're $800.

I have to, like, talk to you differently now. Now that you know that I'm rich. Now that you have a leaving. Because you're working your fucking ass off. It was a really nice to do that for myself. It was a really nice feeling to be like, I don't have a kid right now. And I don't have a boyfriend that supports me or a father who supports me.

I did this for myself. And it was a really nice moment. And you really earned it. I did. I talked about Dix and long enough, 75 episodes that got those lobes. I think Bethany Brangle is just somebody who like independently did all these things for herself and like kept creating and innovating and changing. I've heard her speak and I think that she's so brilliant and strong. And I just think she's great.

I think she also, it's hard to be on reality TV and for people to love you all the time because you go through so many trials and tribulations of your life. But she always owns her shit. Like when she messes up, she's like, yeah, I was being a psycho. Yeah. through this hard time and I didn't deal with it well. So I was like watching to kind of learn from her a little, now that I'm in reality of how she dealt with stuff. That was crazy.

Besides snacks, what are you gluttonous about? You're so hard. This is the hardest line of questioning. I just want to say snacks. I love snacks, snack, snack, snacks. I like, I do like snacks. I like sex a lot. If I'm like dating somebody, I'll have sex multiple times a day.

I'm very sex, yes. Very sexual person. What if he's really into you but just doesn't want to do it all day? Do you feel rejected? Not all day. I mean, I like to have sex every day. She's like, honey, not all day. Calm down. Like three times in a night. Do you prefer morning or night sex?

I prefer it all. I love morning sex. I like when somebody's just behind you and they just slide it in a little bit and you're like on your side. See, you can't do that with a massive dick. It doesn't just slide in. It never just slides in. I just want like a schmedium dick. Schmedium. That's all I want.

Shmedium or below average. I shop a lot. Shop a lot for clothing. I bought four dresses before I came to meet you. That was hysterical. For me to purchase. anything i go through like a whole wide range of emotions of like do i yeah guilt do i deserve this do i need this why am i searching for external happiness and you're like hey i just bought four dresses

well to be fair i went to h and m they're each like 10 dollars it's not i'm not out here well i'm now i'm bankrupt because the lupitons i can only afford 10 dollar dresses i'm really proud of you though because also walking in a good pair of high heels i look like an idiot in it like because i can't walk can't walk but you feel like you run the world a little it's for my live shows because I sit on stage and you sit because when I start walking I'm like I'm like a baby deer I try to walk across my living

room today and I'm and I was like I can't fucking do it. I love it you bought something for $800 you can't even walk in cannot walk but it's worth it when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath so extreme anger um I will tell oh so I let things go

pretty easily I'm like a very I'll like have like an emotional reaction or something five minutes later I'm like I don't care about this but when somebody I really love really burns me or lets me down so I would say it was like in January it was somebody I was like very close with and he like really turned on me

and really let me down and like attacked me and that's the last time I took it to him or are you more of like your cut I am never like your cut with somebody I really care about I actually will always sit down with you and try to rationalize and there's nobody that knows me that thinks like Rana cannot self-evaluate and say she's

sorry like there's tons of shit wrong with me but like I will always listen to your point of view and a lot of times say I'm sorry. Because they say there's three sides every story. Totally. And I said you're saying the truth. And at first I was like, now I'm right. And then I thought about it.

And I'm like, but I don't know what they were experiencing. You can at least feel bad that you made another person feel like that, even if you don't understand where they're coming from. See, I'm more of a cutoff type of person. If I hear someone talking shit in some way, I'm like, I don't need another person in my life. It depends on the person. I love cutting people.

It just feels like free. It's like spring cleaning. It's like, look, if you're not going to act right, I don't need to keep begging you. Yeah, if someone's hurt by me, I definitely want to talk to them. But if someone's just talking shit about me, I'm like, oh, then I know that I don't have to answer your text messages anymore. Yeah. Next time you go to coffee, I think, I can't. I'm sorry, I'm busy.

When was the last time you were a sloth? Because you and Ash, a sloth isn't like lazy. Oh my God. Every time I drink the next morning, I is like, do not talk to me. But you and Ashley in the industry are known as like varied hard workers. is what I've heard. I think that we work very hard and we work very smart also.

So I think people are like, oh, it's a once a week podcast like how hard could you be working? But like there's a million things as you know that go into it. The booking, the marketing, the editing, the live shows. We're always on the road.

We're always looking for guests. We're always, also, I mean, it's not just that. We're looking for other things to do, products and books and shit like that. But sounds really important. And also you kind of have to live your life to have shit to talk about.

Yeah, that's true. Like you still have to live. Everything I do is for the podcast. Yeah. but I my hangovers are super ruthless so like I you can't talk to me for 24 hours have you always had bad hangovers they've gotten worse but since I was like yeah I'd be like 25 they've been pretty bad like I won't leave the house I will order take out three times I will watch an entire season of something like total garbage like the league see I've like done that sober like I was thinking

about yesterday anyway um I lay out every day too I like lay out of the roof I list no podcast I sure that that's sloppy. I always think tanning is a legitimate sport because I'm terrible at tanning. Like I'll go out. My eyes start to hurt because my shades aren't the right kind of shades. And then I start to get bored and then I can't get the right position. And I'll last 15 minutes. You're a professional.

Put in work. Do you have any tanning advice for our listeners? Do you need constant entertainment at all times? So like tons of podcasts, murder podcasts specifically or my podcast or maybe yours. Or maybe mine. If you listen to both of our podcasts twice. Yes. Murder podcasts.

Just continue. I can you really rate and review our podcast the whole time. Wireless headphones are super key. Yes. Because you don't have cords all over the place. You can walk on the phone. And then I bring my moleskin up to the roof with me, just so I feel like I'm doing something.

Oh, yeah. And if guys are walking by, they're like, oh, she's artsy. Look how hard she's working on her mole skin. Also, great way to meet guys. Go sit in the park with some sunscreen. Next to you guys will always ask you for sunscreen. It is full proof. Yes.

That's fun. Yeah, because guys don't have their shit together to remember the one thing you need when you're going to the park on a hot day. They'll just pretend. that they need it. They probably have it in their pocket. No, they don't. They're stupid. They're stupid. This is a tough one. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? So like, here you go. It's really tough sometimes because Ashley and I will like that heads about a decision and it's like. I mean, I bet two people working to the extent that you are,

of course you must at some point have like some moments that you disagree. Yeah, we've had a couple moments where I'm like, I'm just not going to let her win. I'm just going to sit here and I'm going to argue until I don't even care what she says she has a point true absolutely she's super she's super smart and great at what she does and there's been times when I'm like I am not breaking eye contact I will not lose focus I will win this argument um but it's been it's been a lot to swallow my own pride I know she feels the same way because she'd rather do everything herself and so would I oh because sometimes two people like one of them is a control freak and one's just more creative but you guys are both very similar I feel like in some ways but I think that like you know

I've had to learn that and she has too, like every decision we make is for the benefit of the business and it is not because I have an ego or she has an ego. I have walked off stage and she said to me that joke was not good. Don't do that again in a nicer way. But like, and I've had to be like, that sucks. That you're like insulting me and saying this. But then I'm like, okay, she was there. She knows it wasn't as funny as it could be. And it's because she cares and she's giving you honesty. Absolutely. That's like your best friends. Like I have who will be like, hey, I don't like that shirt on you. Why do you wear it all the time? And I'm like, why did all my other friends let me wear this fucking shirt but it's hard it is really hard to get there i don't do

once i don't know if i said in this podcast or another podcast but i was with my friend and she has this stunning gorgeous body some of those people who matches like the smallest waist and like big tits she sounds terrible she's terrible but like it was like the middle of winter and we're sitting there and like she gained like 10 pounds like noticeable and like we're kind of looking in the mirror because we're getting ready to go out and i felt kind of like I gained weight over the winter and she was like do you think I've gained weight and I kind of was like

do you think I gained weight and we both were like we both got fat I've never once been able to look at a friend and be like dude you're fat and she was like you're fat and like shit we got fat well you're both like 10 pounds overweight but there was this beautiful moment where I was like okay

we've admitted that we're both fat and now how do we go about that that would crush me but like no we knew we weren't like fat but we knew that you know when you just don't feel that good and people are like no you look great and you're like but i don't feel great it was actually refreshing for someone to be like yeah you gain a little weight but you're still good and you needed to drop your winter weight i think that you look i'm not every relationship is like this i think you just learn though that you can say those things

to people and you can still remain friends and like her and i like are constantly like that was a bad decision that i wouldn't have done that this is a bad joke this is whatever like we're constantly saying that to each other but i think because we both do it i don't feel like i'm victimized And it's also out of love. Like if a random person after your show was like, that was a straight joke, you're like, they might just be saying that to make me feel bad. Yeah. But Ashley's like, we're making the best show possible.

And I respect her honesty. She's actually, of the two of you at first, I was kind of scared at her. Oh, I met her. I was like, this bitch. But then she gets, she softens up, but you have to break through her show. And I fucking love that. I wish I was more like that. So do I.

I'm envious of it because I'm the opposite. People get like really close to me really quickly. And then I'm like, oh, I should have put up some walls. That's how I am too. Is this what's going to happen with us? No. Yeah, I don't think so. I feel like I know enough about it.

I love a good warm, like, friend. But then you're like, wait, they're a little too into me. And then you're like, oh, they're trying to cut my skin off and wear it. Yes. That happened once. Okay. When was the, this is going to be good for you? When was the last time you lusted over someone?

I feel like, I'm like, you know, I'm like so into comedians. I'm such a creep. I would fuck your ex. I wouldn't because I love you. Wait, let's talk about it. Okay, because on your... I'm obsessed with comedians. On your podcast, I, for the first time,

gave a name of the ex that I dated, the comedian, who I'm very cool with. We learned a lot from each other. I went through some dark times with him, but we're all good now. You show me like a hot, funny guy with tattoos. It is crickening. But Dan still doesn't think he's hot,

which is even hotter to me. Because he's like, I don't know why these girls, these girls, they keep asking me questions. I'm like, yeah, they're trying to fuck you. asshole asshole I've been sleeping with this guy and I just

we've a lot of sex so I guess I lost after him we have a lot of sex It's a comedian No Oh no but yeah Watching your man on stage last week He was funny

He was funny Yeah thanks You're welcome Nice work Thanks Yeah You're supposed to say that he was terrible And I got

I was good that I got out it's good that you got out but I think you should still save with them sometimes I've never fucked an ex do you think I should you've never gone back ever no I have like crazy self-control

and I'm very like I'm a very opportunist person I'm always like how do I get better how do I get better so exes to me are like always backtracking yeah but Dan and I are both single right now I think that when you

it depends on the X if you can fuck them again like the person my most recent serious relationship him and I have slept together on and off for years. But do you think it's prevented you from having healthy current relationships?

Not at all. Him and I were never in love with each other. I think we love each other very much. We are really good friends. We were never in love. And I don't think that sleeping with him fucked with me. And I think that sleeping with my fiance, fucked with me. Like you can't, you can't sleep with those people. Because even in the moment, you're like, I'm fine. I feel nothing. And then

for weeks, you're like, what? Yeah, I'd feel something if Dan and I messed around, I think. Yeah, and that's because you're human and you're a sociopath. Like, you should feel something. So what kind of exes do you have sex with? The ones that you weren't in love with. Like, my ex I wasn't in love with. Like, we can have sex and it's very platonic.

It's platonic sense. But what if they were in love with you? Well, that's their problem. True. It's not my fucking problem. Get off of me. Go home. I'll Uber you home.

So to wrap this up, you've been amazing. Those were hard. I know. Did I skirt all the questions? No, you did pretty good. And then you had to, like, help. Raina's so stupid. She didn't answer any of the questions.

Hannah answered them. I always end the podcast with the same question. And that is, what advice would you give people to cope with their hell? What I find people messaging us the most about is that they just want to feel normal and they want to feel connected to other people. And they want to feel like what they're going through is something that other people have gone through and have been okay with. And so, like, even just going on the internet, finding message boards about people that have gone through a similar thing as you, I think can be extremely helpful. And like the saying, like, if you're going through hell, keep going, like, is so real. like I've been through terrible moments in my life and I've taken those terrible times and I've come out okay and I didn't die and I'm fine and you will always be fine. I think that you should surround yourself with people that you love. I think you should listen to a podcast that resonate with you. Like I think somebody listening to your podcast is like, hey, I'm not the only person that I had to go through this. And I think that as much as you can surround yourself with like knowledge and information and love and just remind yourself you're going to be okay. I think that you'll get through anything. Is that good? That was that was my TED talk. Thank you for me. Honestly, that was beautiful.

thank you for coming to our TED talk today about wild sex and what did we talk about i feel like everybody's like she's a slut i didn't get anything out of this no wild she's a fuck hannah's boyfriend she's a whore everyone you should definitely follow at girls got to eat subscribe to their podcast if you are not subscribed yet also follow one hungry jew are you over that or but that's still you're never going to be over it but you're not doing like the foodie stuff it's just it's just my personal Instagram account. And she's not even Jewish, which is crazy. Also, if you guys haven't joined the Little Devil's Facebook group, what are you doing? Go join. We talk shit. We talk inspirational stuff. We talk about bad things, whatever. Also, I have a live show

coming up. Gotham Comedy Club. This summer house cast will be there. We have Frances Ellis from Barstool. Yes. We have Fat Carrie Bradshaw. I don't know. We might get some more people. We'll see what happens. Come, tickets are on sale on my Instagram. And I'll talk to you guys. later. Bye. Hi.