Berner Phone - Remi Bader: Not Loving Your Body & Blowing Up

Episode Date: April 15, 2021

Remi has exploded on TikTok while showing what shopping and clothing hauls are REALLY like. She explains how she went from jobless to having 1 million followers in 6 months. She opens up about eating disorders, anxiety, and her crush on Jonah Hill. --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

When was the last time you lusted over someone? So, like, who's your celeb crush? Who were we sliding into the DMs? I have to stop DMing you're in hell. Like, I'm feeling. Welcome to Burning Hell. What's up, guys? We are in hell.

I'm your host, Hannah Burner. And we have a very, very, very special guest today. We have Remy. Bader. She has broken out into the scene in an incredible way. However, I remember her humble beginnings. So long as I short, you had worked for Bravo, like doing some PR and stuff. And I guess that's how we connected. And then she sent me a message basically being like, yo, I got let go. Shit is rough for your girl. I have like a modeling gig that's like kind of part time. She's super slow um i just want to like work right now and i'm i just that's what makes me happy and it's not

happening and if you ever need any help like let me know to which i never read it and then you messaged me only four or five months later it was basically like hey girl so some things have changed my ticot blew up and it's been insane let's get together and i was like this is a story i need to delve into. So Remy, welcome to hell. We're about to get dark. Thank you. I'm happy to be or I'm happy to be in hell. So where was your mindset when you sent me that first message? What was going on? Oh my God. It's so crazy because I sent you that message. And to be honest, I sent it to probably like, only like 400 people. And I unsend it from those people. So I'm not even going to say who they are because like, wait, this is weird now. But I couldn't unsend it from

because I knew you would see it eventually, and I just thought it would be funny to eventually, like, go back and talk about. I love it so much, but I also hate, like, I wish I saw it because it's the kind of thing. If I would have seen, I either would have gotten nervous, like, oh, I don't know what I could like. Also, like, this bitch is probably smarter than me, so I'm not going to have her, like, help me with stuff or I should have her help me with stuff. I just remember a lot of people, I think, were in that place. I also used to do fit modeling, too, when I was in my weird, because I'm 5-7 as well,

and I have the kind of ratio of my body of, like, a solid six or, like, sometimes an eight. yeah and I was I quit my marketing job and I was just doing some fit modeling which is good money when you get it but it's like if you don't get the gig you're not making the money and everyone's like once you get the gig girls have it for 20 years unless they get pregnant yeah you are basically not doing well in terms of your career you were feeling yeah but you were fucking hungry like I wanted to tell you like that message looking at it it was so beautifully written it was so vulnerable and honest but it also was just like I'm hungry I don't know what that next step is, but I know I need to put myself out there. Yeah. I, well, I appreciate you seeing that. I was 100% losing my mind. Like, I was literally, like, I really, like, need to be working or doing something. And I truly was like, what do I do with myself? Because the six months or whatever, I was home with my parents and my sister, like, during quarantine was actually not as horrible for me. Like, it was kind of nice to be back at home with my family. I lost my job but I really was

well I was furloughed in April so for those months I was home I was trying to be positive thinking I was going to go back to work so I wasn't as upset at the time once I really got let go in July I was still okay it was really like when when should I message you do you know I don't know it was in September yes because like that is recent one summer ended was when I was like holy shit like I the summer's over

like I'm back in the city I need to do something and like the modeling was so slow and I was like, what do I do? So I was like, who do I get me? Did you also want to be a model? Like, were you passionate about plus size modeling? It really was so random. My dad does women's jeans. He's in the fashion industry. Oh, cool. Oh, he does has like a plus size lines and stuff like that. So he always brought up to me and I would get like in fights with him and be like, I'm not plus size and get so mad. Like obviously times have changed and like I know I'm a curvy girl like it's okay. So when he gave me the idea again was like Remy, like why don't you try fit my? modeling specifically where you go to the different brands and you don't really speak you kind of stand there and they just fit the clothes on you but you make good money yeah so people don't know what fit modeling you're basically the human mannequin so after they design on a mannequin they have to see how it fits on a body but also like it's hard with plus size fit modeling too because it's like if your boobs are too small you won't make it like you have to be big in the right place and like a certain like proportion portion and then when I went in they were like oh you're

perfect for this Yeah. I was excited to do that, but it's boring as shit. Also, I hate heels and I had to stand in heels. You'll stand for like five hours. And I remember being like, this is where I die. Like I could play a six hour tennis match, but I'm like, this is where I die. That's how I felt like standing there and not talking about like sometimes it'll be four hours or something. And then like not, it made me like almost more tired. Like I would fall asleep, like want to fall asleep. I thought I was going to faint multiple times. I'd rather be running around and doing a million things and then being like, whoa, my day went so fast because I was so busy. So I really,

I went into the fit modeling, but then they said to me like, oh, like you could actually do modeling modeling. And I was like, okay, I never thought of that. Obviously it's like a curve plus model. But that was slow as well. So I've been the past, the past six months of that time, I was, I've been doing like a few consistent fittings. Cool. Not loving it, but liking the brands that I'm working with. And then, you know, like what happened was I guess like around that time in September when I messaged you and like no one got back to me it's okay that you didn't read it. It's also like now I see it from the other end like I you unfortunately cannot answer everyone. Like it's just like it's really hard and like as much as like I really want to and I try

to respond people as much as possible like as it gets bigger and bigger you actually mentally and physically cannot. You get bad social anxiety like in the beginning I had like all these people who liked me and I'd respond to them all the time. I'm like this is awesome. Like I have with people who I don't know who like want to talk to me. Yeah. And then you start feeling guilty if you can't get back to them. And then you'll get overwhelmed and you feel like you're a shit person because you're not talking to these people you don't know.

Yeah. And the next thing you know, people start sending you like emotional stuff and then you start getting all their energy. And next thing you know, you're a you're like fucked up pot of emotion. Yeah. That's literally what's been happening. People write me novels how I'm changing their life. But then they'll write me like really personal stories.

And those are the ones I definitely try and respond to. If I see them, I'm not going to ignore them. Yeah. But also you want to. to give back enough energy to the energy they gave you and you don't always have it and you're afraid like if I just say like thank you so much I hope they understand but also I just want to say Remy is being very humble right now she's kind of the hottest fucking thing on TikTok right now she got her write up in vogue like that's some A-list shit like that's like she's and I'm looking

there's a stylecaster article you're also on E like the world is buzzing about you and I and people today by the way i'm and people like the press is crazy and it's because she's doing something that's really unique and kind of i mean i hate to be go with the amy schumer jokes about but like brave but i the one of my favorite titles was remi bader on ticot fame she has over a million followers realistic calls and why she'll never pretend to be perfect so that struck me because i want to know did you ever want to be perfect or is this just been who you've been yeah well going back to the first part of what you said I think that it's not even me trying to be humble. Like, it's almost, like, bothering me that it's not clicking in my mind.

Like, everyone else is like, no. Like, I was just on Taylor Strecker's podcast, who I know you know. And, like, she's just like, wait, how do you not get that you're, like, a big deal right now? I'm like, no. Like, I just, like, when people say it, I'm just like, what are you saying? And it's not me trying to be, like, stop up. Like, I literally, like, it won't click in my mind because I one think it was, like, you said so fast that this happened. And also, like, I don't know.

I don't know what it is. I think TikTok is such an interesting platform that never existed before. So the growth on that and just like slowly met so many people through that and then just randomly grew on Instagram only like two months ago. I had like 5,000 hours now. I have like 116,000. Like it's a very weird thing that it's hard to be in it and understand what's even going on. It's because of quarantine.

It's all virtual. So you're literally the same fucking bitch. However, there's a different number on your phone. Yeah. So it's very hard to like, it's not like you're walking down the street and like you're able to like see people or like be recognized that much. Even me like I feel like during quarantine people are like you're killing it. And I'm like, I mean, I don't know what that means. Like no, I agree. That's such a good point and that honestly makes a lot of sense because I actually just said I'm now signed to UTI. So I have three agents and a whole team helping me. And like even to them, I'm like it's so weird because I think like once this all ends like quarantine and the pandemic like it's going to be. very eye-opening to be going to events and like going to things in person like maybe that's when it'll click for me it'll click a little but you're still going to have that feeling where it's like you did not change who you are even though I'm like oh my god the last come was you're the same girl who messaged me you just like had an idea that like has helped you and you've been

really good at marketing it but I want to talk about that idea how did did you like TikTok were you intimidated by it did you think it could potentially be good for you what was your initial feeling with TikTok. Yeah, it's so funny because in the middle of the pandemic, like, I literally was like, I refused to go on TikTok. Like my sister, who is two years older would come and like, do these dances with me. Like, let's learn this. I'm like, Nick. And that was when I gained like a decent amount of weight. And I was like, I'm not going on TikTok. Like, I literally remember freaking out trying to find like the right, like baggy enough sweatpants and sweatshirt to work because I was embarrassed. But it was really her that wanted to do it. And I was like,

I'm not into watching videos and doing all that until you let yourself. Let's let yourself go. on that app. I'm sorry, anyone's going to love it. Like, it's a, it just, the algorithm is so genius. Like, suddenly they know, like, I was like getting pissed about guys who were narcissistic the other day. Now, if I go on TikTok, it's all narcissism shit. Like, how do you know my brain? Like, it's wild. So, like, my page could be so different than your page. But it's like, like, like, like, I really started sitting there in the middle of quarantine on my phone and just, like, laughing. And that's what I needed. I think that's what everyone needed at the time to be able to connect with, like, normal people all around the world that are just like making you laugh or making you feel

recognized and that relatable and all these things. So I started, it was once I, in September, when I found those videos that were like curvy fashion that were never on my page before. And I was like, this is interesting. I feel like I could do this. Could I do this better? Could I add humor to it? But I never thought it would be anything at all. I kind of just made these like three videos that were like celebrity look alike in a size 16 body videos and no one saw them you know and I was like holy shit like the amount of work and effort that goes into making these videos I and then people not seeing it like what's the point and then it wasn't until I made a video where it was so not planned that I was sending to my like group chat

of friends where I was trying on like a pretty little thing package that I got and looked insane in every single outfit and cracking up and I put it on TikTok and made it like one video and like for my friends and it went viral and that's kind of kind of how it all started. And I'm obsessed with that. I'm obsessed with that because people ask me about how I got into comedy and I always say it's because I always like to make my friends laugh. Yeah. So it's like you can find ideas based on just like what really makes you laugh, what makes your friends laugh. And that's what really authentically brings you joy. Because also I was thinking about it, you definitely didn't do it thinking like how can I make money off this? Because you're literally

shitting on brands. Literally. It's the opposite. I literally did this. I was like, all right, these people are going to Pete. I should be a little careful with what I do. Maybe not do like, I don't know, a brand where I'm like obsessed with the person who, like, I don't know. I just kind of started it and was just like, okay, I don't really get it. But also if you're a smart brand nowadays, you'll be like noted. Remy, you shout on us before. What if we do a collab and like we hear you, we listen to you, just manifesting. Who knows if you're already on to that stuff. Yeah. And that's what's happening. The brands that message me are the brands that I'm like, all right, I respect you. Like urban outfiters, Abercrombie. There's like there's been a few free people that are constantly sending me things now like literally not asking for anything but just appreciated that I did it because I didn't you really think about it. I'm not shitting on them. Sometimes you like this stuff like I know like you'll put something on you be like oh damn and then you put something on you're like oh shit. Yeah. And I don't know about you. Are you a good shopper because I am a shit shopper? I'm a terrible shopper and people don't talk about shopping talent enough. Yeah. I was the worst shopper my whole life until actually six months.

ago. Like I, my mom would beg me growing up to go shopping and I was like, would cry and say no because I had tantrums in the store, like her taking me to blooming gales. And I'm like, nothing fits. Like I just like, why am I going to put myself through that? So I didn't even put in effort to it. And then when I gained more of the weight the past year, year and a half, that was like a no. Like, I literally would sit in these clothes that don't even fit me all day at the office when I worked, you know, at title and would just be miserable because it wouldn't fit me but not even try and buy new clothes. So like I was very anti-shopping. Well, it's, it's, oh my God, you're making me cry because it sounds, it's like you literally took your biggest insecurity and you

brought it to light and was kind of like, like this is fucked up and it might be me, it might be them. It's the whole experience. Like I'm, I need to bring this to the forefront. What are the reactions you've gotten from putting herself in such a vulnerable place? For people who are confused, she will literally order stuff she likes online, try it on, and show realistically how the clothes are fitting to her body. And I've always said, like, the truly, mostly, for the most part, when I try the clothes on, it's the first time I'm ever seeing it. So it's like my initial reaction also. I think that that's what made it, what it is, is getting these responses. Like, I think, like, when people say, well, don't let the followers matter and all of that. I can be totally honest that it does,

because when people weren't looking at my videos at all, why would I want to keep making them? It was like I was doing it almost for no reason. Once I saw it was making a difference, which I never thought would happen, and people were thinking me and saying it's making them feel seen, and it's changing their life and making them want to shop. Like, of course that's going to make me want to keep doing it.

And I think that's why I kept going with it. There are so many different parts of social media. They're so fucking fake. I'm getting angry now. We're going through a lot of emotions in my end. so and this is an angle where like these girls do these adorable tryons of all these freaking outfits and i'm speaking from like i i'm like kind of plus size in the bottom half of my body and then kind of smaller in the top yeah so like my waist never fits my butt and like i'm a tennis

players my my thighs are always fucking chafing no jeans fit me so you're watching all these outfits and you're like my body just couldn't do that and you feel shame and there's no one showing like really there wasn't one outfit that you didn't like how you fit in also there's brands like nasty gal there I order from them a lot but there do you do halls with them because you show that was my second one that blew up that was really the reason there is no give in any like if you're not the perfect fit model size for an I've torn so many nasty gal tops just because like my forearm is a little big because I was a tennis player yeah it's like I want to like I can't say I hate them because they've tried to do plus Kirby before other people, but it just doesn't fit my body great.

I'm going to, it's actually funny you say that because I am trying. My friend is doing a collab with them. And I was like, you know what? She's doing it. She's great. She's a Kirby girl. I'm going to give it one more shop. But the last time I tried it was like a pretty negative haul that I did in the beginning.

It was like, wait, what is this? Like literally, what is this? Yeah. And do you get hate from people? Like what kind of- Very little. It's weird because I started it knowing, all right, Remy, you got, I'm a sensitive girl. So it's like, I got a toughen up my, I'm a sensitive girl, but I also

like, like, stay true to what I am. So as much as I'll get upset, then I'll like be like, well, fuck you after. So like, yes. I, I was like, all right. I saw on a lot of like the curvy girls and whatever their videos, they're getting a lot of heat. So I knew beforehand it was going to happen. I almost was shocked that I haven't been getting as much. Of course I get some trolls. Well, I think some of the plus size modeling is like very one dimensional in like, I'm I'm beautiful, fuck you guys, if you think differently, where you're like, look, these clothes make me feel terrible. So you're literally saying what they would want to tell you to make you feel bad, but you're

like, I feel bad. Yeah. I feel bad in this. But also watching you be in something that doesn't fit you and then watching you be in something that fits you right, I'm like, damn, like some clothes you wear, I'm like, oh, my God. So I think you're just being, when you're that fucking honest and that fucking real, no one tries to, like, expose your shit. Yeah, that's true. And I think kind of what you just said is actually, like, when you were talking about that headline, I think it was the stylecaster

article, the one thing. And I actually think that was like my favorite article yet that came out this week because kind of what you were saying is so true. I'm not a body positive gal. Like I'm not going to be, I've nothing against people that are body positive influencers, but I don't, I really I'm, like, happy that I have figured out what I am, and I think it's to be, like, I would consider myself a real content creator and a real influencer. There's nothing more to it, because I'm not standing in front of the camera and being like, oh, I, like, lost my belly and, like, I accept all of me all the time. And, like, screw you if you don't look like this. That's not how I feel. I'm going to be completely honest. I have not weighed myself in, like, two months. I weighed myself today.

And I gained, like, since a year and a half ago, I've now gained, like, 56 pounds. And this is the first day I realized that and I had a shitty morning this morning. I'm piss, but I'm working on it, so I'm not letting it like bring me down, but I'm just realizing like, no way am I going to make a video now after this and be like, I love my body because I'm literally not happy with it, but it also doesn't mean that I'm just going to hide away from the world. So that's, that's the part I'm trying to show. Like, I'm not, I'm a happy person. I'm happy I could show myself to the world. Am I super happy with my body right now? No, and I'm going to be so transparent about that. Oh, you're amazing. Quick question.

Yes. Are you happier now than when you messaged me before, even though you've gained weight? Like, even though I've gained the weight over time, like, I am like a different, like, when I think of me messaging you sitting in like my bed, like I was so sad and like so like just like, like, like, like, lonely and just like what do I do with myself? And like, and now I'm, no, mentally I'm very happy right now. And I'm so, I'm sitting in my mom at lunch yesterday and she's like, I feel. like you're so much happier and I'm like my friends notice it and like I notice it so I feel like

you feel seen now and I think that's all you want to do was like it was hard for you to probably ask for help and you also you you didn't know what you wanted but you just knew you wanted to be in the creative field like did you manifest this shit a hundred percent explain how you did it because I know like I manifest all the fucking time in my own ways but I love hearing like you made this happen for yourself. How did you mentally do it? I, so the day that I was, I was going out, I've talked about this in a few different, like, articles, but I was going out for a test shoot and I was able to buy my own clothes. I went to Soho. Soho, I went to like 15 different stores and not one store had over a size 10 or 12. And I always was a 10, 12 now. I'm more of like a 16. I was in awe and like in shock and

like pissed. And I called my dad, who I said from the fashion industry. And I was like, this is so fucked up. like I just wish that I had like I just want to cry because I wish I had some sort of platform to share my like anger with all this with the world and I never will like I just never will and it's so frustrating that no one will ever know who I am I feel like I've so much to say and like somehow like literally like a month later it all happened so it's like not even a month later I'm like I don't even know like what that was but then when I noticed that like wait this just happen like I started doing that more and more where I was just like I would get these ideas in my head and I'm like instead of thinking like no I'm not going to allow this to happen like I'm making

this fucking happen and like it keeps happening like it's so weird I don't know how you like necessarily like I'm interested how you say like you manifest and how you make things happen I I just feel like it's a lot of like in my head and then instead of like kind of shutting it down I'm like oh no like this is happening like soon I'll be announcing something which is like I I basically manifested as well and like it just keeps happening like it's working for me yeah it's kind of like you you got kicked around in different paths of the universe like you got fired you left this job you got furloughed and finally you found your path and i always felt like it's like surfing like when you find the right not that i can fucking surf i can't but if i did it's like when you find the right wave

you just go like you fly it's like when you do you find and also there's so many different things you can do that you'll fly but you found one thing that like has it almost feels easy i manifested mine just i was like miserable doing marketing sales and i saw an old video of me like doing sports reporting and i was just like i want to do video yeah and i just had it in my head i talked about it to everyone i didn't even know the extent of it i took an unpaid internship and then two years later i was on a national tv show which is fucking crazy but it's literally like what you said where you were just like this is what I'm doing. And it's like you have to really believe it. It can't be like people telling you you can. Are you being like I should? It's like in your gut like you'll die if you don't.

Yeah. And I'm missing a part of that you saying that reminded me when I actually, I did actually tell like probably very few people like just my close close friends and was like I'm going to start doing these TikToks. And that was like those TikToks. I said there was a celebrity ones that never took off. And I'm going to put time and effort into it. And I feel embarrassed that I'm doing it. But I'm going to do it. Because to them, I didn't say that it was going to happen, but in my own head, even though I say, like, I never thought it would take off, which I didn't. Like, once I made that one, that fourth one that, like, went semi-viral, the pretty little thing, I was like, oh, this is happening. Like, once that one was seen by people, I was like, oh, I'm not stopping. Like, I'm going to keep doing this.

And, like, once I just started seeing more and more people be like, wait, you're bringing humor into this. We like your personality. we like like make bringing my self confidence up being like you're why are you like hating yourself like you're beautiful like all these things and i was just like wait i have to keep going with this and like it's gotten to another level but like yes there was a point now that i think of it where i in my head was like oh i'm gonna do this even though i kind of act like to the world that i wasn't or that i was just like yeah yeah i mean you have to believe it like that's really yeah i remember my friends were talking my friends we're talking shit like ooh hannah's like 25 and doing it

unpaid internship and in my head I'm like talk whatever shit yeah I know where I'm trying to be and I'll deal with the awkward conversations you know at family gatherings what are you what do you do do it and you're like but I also want to take back I said in the beginning like you clearly didn't get involved in this for money but in our especially as like a marketer type person followers are like social currency so like you knew that if you got the followers then it's like you can start your own fashion line which I really hope you're doing or like doing some kind of collab And there's just, you don't know what you can do once you have a voice. I remember the first time I realized people were following me.

And I was at first, I had a nervous day where I was like, wait, so I mean all my shit has to be good all the time. Yeah. And then I had to like talk myself down to be like, just be yourself, just be yourself. But then you're like, who am I? And then the second one was like, oh, I can make a difference with like, I could do a swipe up for a charity and like money will go to the charity. Like it was kind of crazy. do you ever feel pressure now that you're like in vogue and all these places to like for every video to be better than the next or are you kind of just like on a flow um i actually like

it's not even being better than the next i actually to be really careful with everything i post because i have that whole realistic brand yeah the money is definitely important to me now because if i'm if i'm putting my time and effort into this to be a full-time job which i decided i am And then thank you. But then my followers are getting mad at me for posting ads saying like, how do we know if this is realistic? Like all I can say is like, no, like I'm doing this because I believe in the brand. But I also need to make money and like make a living and pay my rent. So that's where it's like hard every day when I get these brand deals through my agents.

And I'm just like, I will think all day. Should I do this? I want to make sure that this is right. I want to make sure my followers will believe that I actually love the brand because I do. like I'm so well if the clothes fit the clothes fit you can't fake that if they send you a gene that makes that booty pop that booty's popping well that's very true and that's why when I did the second free people video and everything looked good by chance like it really did I'm sorry and I was so upset I was in I was with my sister and I was like I'm so upset everyone's like saying that it's not real because everything looks good and Nikki my sister Nikki was like we it literally looks good on you yeah why like you're literally showing that it fit to you how is that I would furthermore say that you're challenging brands to be like, oh, you want to work with me? Then let's make it work. Let's see if you can make me feel comfortable in the clothes.

And that's the point. But also what followers have to remember is you have been giving this fire-free content for so long. It's like if you guys want more realistic content, I need to be doing collaborations. Yeah. And that's just how it is. I get how much work and time goes into it. Like I know half my friends are probably like, Remy's sitting on her ass all day just living the life and going to like get a facial we know like I'm rewarding myself for like being exhausted

and making this content I love it but at the same time like I'm sometimes it takes it takes me hours to film and then it takes me hours to edit and then if I'm doing it with a brand and I send it to them they might just be like literally the other day they were I edited for two hours for this brand and they're like we don't can you redo the whole thing yep that's why you got again the contracts I'll do like two edits max yeah I mean your agents will know that but I know that's because I do the comedy videos and they'll be like oh like we don't actually like this joke and I'm like well I have to do it over now. Yeah it's like literally like okay like I know it's the worst I'm working with you because I thought like you believed in me and now you're not you don't

like this like also they'll be like we want to work with you because we love your voice and then I will literally like do something dirty or like cursing it and they're like oh we don't want that and I'm like but that's what that's what I'm going to do but that's why it's a learning experience too like there's brands recently I've worked with that I've done that and been so straight like you have to do this this and this and like editing it making me edit over and over i will never work with that brand again because i'm not gonna i'm not gonna edit myself to someone that isn't myself yeah that's how you start getting gray hairs prematurely like me the question is how is it on the boyfriend have you ever been nervous no honey zero

have you been have you been nervous about posting like unflattering stuff for yourself for like romantic reasons at all like what goes through your head in terms of dating oh all the Like, because you know when people search you, you're about to be like, look at my ass in this. It does nothing. Hannah, not one guy. I'm like a very, I, people don't know that, like, there's this whole other side to me, which is really interesting. Like, people know most sides of me, but no one knows this, like, wild, sexual, Remy, open

girl. Like, I, like, love boys. And I've always, I've never had a boyfriend, but I've always been a pretty, like, sexual gal. I've hooked up with, like, a decent amount of guys. I don't care, like, a lot, like, whatever. And, like, I have always had. someone to talk to casually this is the first time in my life since i posted content like six months ago not one guy has reached out to me not one guy okay i want to i want to rejigger that how amazing is

it to have so much time on your hands because you're not talking to some dude who you're waiting to see if he responds or what he's thinking like the freedom in your head is a little fucking nice no it is because you know what like i don't i wouldn't say that i've ever to be honest the last i've even let myself life was probably like three years ago because i get i don't get up to them, but in my mind, it takes up so much time. If no girl admits that, like, you're going to be thinking about that, especially if you're not in a relationship and I've never been in one. So I've always had talking situations or we hook up, but they don't want something serious and I'm waiting for them to text me. Do you know how much time that takes up? So, like,

when my mom, like, we'll check in and are you okay that, you know, you're not talking to boys right now, is everything all right? And I'm like, wait, no, mom, I'm, I know, like, the world might think I'm lying and bitter, but I'm genuinely happy. I don't have to deal with that right now. Yeah, I want to, like, maybe get late or something soon, but, like, I really don't, I don't know. Like, I'm not that upset. I mean, it's nice to have the comfort of having a random dude that, like, rotates that is just, like, in your phone, checking on you, making you feel good that someone cares. But it's like, you most of the time don't even fucking like them.

Yeah. But I'm after all of my situations, I'm like, oh, my God, what was I doing? Like, I've never even, like, who have I actually really liked? Like, I don't even know because I've never been in a serious relationship. So it's like, why am I going to waste my time? Like, yes, it's fun to be able to like, that's the one thing. I'm like, of course I'm going to realize like, whoa, no one's even Snapchating, me, texting me, flirting with me, like, no one.

And like, I've always had like maybe two or three people at once to flirt with. So I'm like, this is a little, clearly, like, I, of course I'm going to think like my content isn't hot. My content is, you know, like, I don't know. I know your content's amazing. And I do think that the more you, what you, what you. said to me earlier where you said you're your happiest right now that's the energy that like attracts a partner that attracts quality friends like I also think we're in a fucking pandemic

yeah and and you're probably not don't don't have as much time to like invest in the apps and stuff like you can make anyone like give you attention and get attention and I think that you keep focusing on yourself and getting comfortable in your skin and then people like people don't remember what you say they remember how you make them feel and you make them feel a type of way starting with how you feel by yourself. Yeah. No, definitely. And I think a big piece of it is that I just said I'm not that happy with my body and that like physical aspect. And I think I want to work on it, which I am right now. And I'm not saying I never want it to be like work on yourself before you date because I don't believe that. And I used to do that a lot. Like I need to lose this amount of weight

before I date. It's not that. I just want to be like so fucking happy and confident with who I am. You want to feel comfortable in your state. I want to share that with like, guys and I want to like I think that's one big piece I said I always was like a sexual person like I never even though I was always like a bigger girl never was self-conscious when it came to like sex or anything like that and honestly in the past year year and a half like I I'm hey des um even in good job all the other time I'm literally talking about my sex like Des walked by with his shirt off hey does she's talking about her sex life and feeling comfortable in her own skin and you're just walking around with your shirt up um avoiding it the whole time i forgot but i'm going for

this move okay have fun in terms of your insecurities what is your biggest physical insecurity now that we're in the dark depths of hell um like just about my body in general um my stretch marks, my stomach that I never had in my, like, I always was like a bigger girl, but never had, like, a stomach and, like, no, I do. Um, honestly, all, I, like, I don't know, like, I just feel, I don't feel great about how I look and I, like, feel that. It's interesting, though, when I make my videos, I don't look at my videos, like, ew, never. I really look at the fun, like, I'll laugh at, like, some of the funny things I say after, and, like, I enjoy the videos. It's when I look at myself in the mirror lately. I am going to be honest. Like, I literally, like,

will look down like so I don't have to look like not at my face but like at my body so I think it's an overall thing just knowing I've just recently gained even more weight and I'm uncomfortable so when you get in a funk from like getting reminded that you don't always like what you see what do you do to get out of that and not ruin your whole day that's a good question I guess this is one of them doing a podcast having a nice conversation because this morning was a bad morning for me um I think really just not you know getting your mind off of it and doing other things because literally for three hours this morning, I was in a shitty mood and just like laying in my bed because I weighed myself, which was stupid. So I think a big piece is not weighing yourself, which I know everyone says, but that totally could

fuck up your day. I just think, and I say to everyone because it's like so funny because so many people ask me that question, like, how do you become more confident? And I'm like, when you're feeling this way. And I'm like, well, clearly not much is working for me right now when it comes to that body thing. I'm still figuring that out and I can't wait to share when I do. figured out with the world. But I think the main piece, which is what goes along with my content, is finding clothes that fit you and look good and feel good and that you're comfortable in

because that changed everything for me in the past few months to at least feel like I want to walk around the street and like look cute and stuff. Like that changed at all. For curvy women, do you feel, and also like speaking for me, am you interested? I want it because clothes is not fit me as well. What are your recommendations for spring for feeling sexy like what is in style right now what are you gravitating towards i love a blazer yes like an oversized moment oversized but also colors like i think it's like i hate when people are like oh i'm oversized and i want to wear black i actually did that lester wore a lot of like black and hiding like no like i like i've been getting so many like fun blues and greens and yellow

shoulder pads on yep fun colors big jackets like don't hide just because of the way you look like actually like if you're going to find things that are like gorgeous pieces and even one piece that makes you feel hot like my whole mindset changes so like when I walk around and I'm in like a really nice place or even like a fun colored bag I wear a lot of like because I'm bigger on my bottom half I like to wear a lot of like high waist of like flowier pants or jeans or even like I was very anti the mom gene like no mom jeans are gonna fit recently like the actually Abercrombie jeans are like amazing you just have to size up always in them um they have like great mom jeans which for the first time for spring i've been finding

like really good ripped ones and like i feel like i wear i'll wear a blazer or leather jacket or something with those jeans and then the top doesn't even matter like you literally wear like a chain top a body suit like i'm a big body suit girl which a lot of people know for my content because like i feel like you could wear one thing that like matters that you like that makes you feel good and then we're the most like basic outfit under yes yes it's like I don't even have like that many pieces in mind it's like you just like like I said you need one simple thing to make you like feel good and then I feel like I literally notice myself when I just feel shitty someday than I'm not trying to when I like throw on something that makes me feel good I'm like stradding around

the city like oh I hope people notice me because I feel cute like you you also have amazing dimples thank you that's that's something I do like I want to squeeze them um also do you deal with anxiety or depression on a daily basis like give me your mental health parameters oh yeah i mean that's where that's like what's been the most difficult for me my whole life like and also that my family's never even like understood because when i was like very little i i feel like we notice now all these little things i did for my whole life that were from i think when you're everyone's anxious but i think there's some people that kind of have a that have it ingrained in them and it's just the way their brain is works and I actually, you know, when I messaged you

in September was when it all mentally went downhill where my anxiety got so much worse where I couldn't even be in restaurants because I was having panic attacks when cars would go by and I was sitting outside and like anything was making me panic. And then on top of that I have always, which I don't talk about a lot, but I mean, I should talk about it more as I've always had like a tick disorder like mild Tourette's kind of thing where I've like I do little ticks with my neck and my, they've changed my whole life. It's weird, like blinking, like it's always changed. And that just goes along with when my anxiety's worse.

So I've been on medicine for that for like eight years that I probably will sit there. I think a lot of people have stuff like that. Yeah. A lot of people. I even notice, like, I have little ticks what I'll do with my muscles where like, or like I'll play with my eyelashes whenever I'm fucking stressed and like watching TV. And I'm so many people have things like that. And it's that subconscious we're like, I'm great.

But next thing you know, I'm like. that's weird yeah like your body tells you how your mind is no it really does like visit like a lot of people don't realize like I'm so used to it now so lately I've actually been doing the thing with like my neck more and I'm like holy shit I'm pretty I've overwhelmed lately I'm anxious I'm this I'm that I don't think I've always I've had very small parts of like depression in my life I don't think I'm a depressed person I think I'm an anxious person and I think that's when like the physical things come out and that's a big part of why I've then also gained the weight when that happens the binge eating gets worse and it all comes together so like six months ago when we you know when

I messaged you or maybe even like two months after that when I realized I went on um anxiety medicine and I honestly for the I tried it for probably times in my life and I was like screw this I don't want to be a medicine like I don't want to be this person and like now I'm feeling I think that's a piece of why I'm feeling happier and I'm probably never going off of it yeah I'm on anti-exiety as well um I take like 20 milligrams of Paxil yeah And I was very anti-taking any meds. Like, I don't do drugs in general. But it's like, it helped me be more myself and stop these, like, crazy fucking thoughts

from me not being me. It's all thoughts. People might not, people could see it from the outside, just whether you notice it or not. But, like, also, like, it's most importantly what you're thinking and how you feel in your head. And I think around, I think especially someone who's an anxious person when they're not doing a lot, that's when it's the worst. like you need to be busy as an anxious person because that's when your thoughts will make you

crazy and and that's also hard once you're an entrepreneur because like i've had times where people are like you're fucking killing it and i'm doing like three podcasts a day like recording like chat room um and then like writing stand-up bits and my mom would literally call me and be like you're not doing well are you yeah like what and she's like stop working so much and face whatever shit you're running from and I'm like but mom I'm doing well and she's like no you're not fucking stop working like my mom would literally take my phone away mom's no best mom's fucking no you'll literally call me to you and I'm like I have this today and I miss and I have this and I she's like are you okay okay um you're so annoying okay this is a stupid question but I just want to ask

it are you this is like a catastrophic anxiety thing but it's like if you like lost all the weight you ever wanted to lose would you be afraid of your brand um yeah people have been saying that more recently and i'm like we don't have to worry about that because i just keep gaining weight so i don't make it i um no i i think it's a i think it's definitely a possible thing like there's people on ticot i've been seeing that lose weight and are getting these mean ass comments of people like you're not even a body positive influence there anymore like people are so fucking mean like it's crazy but that's why it's a stupid question like i it's not even a stupid question because yeah i I can say to the world, like, whether it's healthy for me or not, because I genuinely

have been eating disorder. Like, what's my goal? I want to lose weight. I 100% do. That's the end goal for me. It doesn't mean I need to be a certain weight. It doesn't need to be mean I'm going to go back to exactly what I was two years ago because I don't think that will happen. But also, clothes will still not fit you the right way because you're a woman with a body. People need to get that. Like, whether you're your weight, my weight or someone, I don't know, anyone else like my content's for everyone like whether you're like the most sick skinny girl in the world and going to a sword that you're going to have issues too because a lot of skinny girls also look in the mirror and don't see themselves that way 100% they feel gross it doesn't matter what your

weight is you can still find a way to hate yourself that's why I'm never going to be that creator on TikTok that's like you don't get it because you're not a fat creator and you're not about it because I've been seeing videos like that every day and it kisses me off I'm like leave her alone she clearly is insecurities too like it's just the same thing we all so many of us feel the same way and I want like everyone what I think they do like a lot of my all my fucking friends my close friends from school like skinny ass bitch is beautiful love them but like they like they really do identify still with my content and they get it too but also people don't necessarily watch you just to be like what is this Abercrombie top going to look like they're watching you because they're starting

to fall in love with you and you know you're going to change in different ways and people might not like little things, but they overall like the energy you're putting out. So whatever happens with your brand in terms of like, Remy loses some weight or like Remy gets a boyfriend. It's like me. Like I was like the single like tugged and now I'm fucking engaged. And people are like, oh no, what are you going to make jokes about? I'm like, I'm still going to be my stupid self.

No, 100% people told me my whole life, wait, when you get a boyfriend, like that's going to be so weird. Like we're not even like, you're just going to be so like different. I don't even. I'm like, we know. First of all, like, no. And like, I don't know. I just think that's impossible.

Like, if you're, I think, like, you're not a body influence or anything in that kind of way. But I, the reason I even messaged you and liked you in the first place is because I feel like you've a similar vibe to me where you've just always been real and not given a shit. And people like you for that reason. I think that's why people follow you. Oh, thank you. I mean, it's funny, too, because people started calling me cool at one point. And it was really weird because I didn't consider myself, like, uncool.

I just never considered myself aspirational in that kind of cool way. but then you start questioning yourself you're like well was that what like people think Hannah would do and it starts getting messed and then people see you in a certain light from like something that happens on a two minute scene on reality TV and they're like

oh Hannah's different than we thought and then like you have to have that real security of like I'm evolving on myself I have a question for you oh yeah going off of that how do you feel because people have been asking me like ooh would you ever do reality TV would you do this would you do that

like to me i am like very that scares me the most as cool as it might be and as fun as it might be because i think that i don't know like what are how are you feeling i think like being in a show like that where like the show can dictate how you if i don't know if it's exactly how you are they might dictate a certain way or just because the people you're around like that scares me like does it scare you this last season it has well like i went on the show basically being like I'm going to show people that you can be girls can be loud girls could be athletic girls could you know make mistakes girls could be depressed like a lot of people I think go on trying to be aspirational like they have their shit together and then they just get like exposed and it's

not relatable where I was just kind of like if I'm not trying to be perfect I can't get mad like I gain 10 pounds every season like I'm a different person by the end and I was and I was just messy and I was fun but I find in the media that like I people started to like like me I guess and then they like to build you up and then they like to be like but wait she's you know she has daddy issues and she's just crazy and she has emotions and she gets angry and um filming this last summer was so hard because it was like we were in a house for at least six weeks together and we couldn't leave so you find and then you're reacting when i watch it that's how i feel i'm like oh my god like imagine being in that house all together not being able to leave and i was getting super i was getting super paranoid that

like some people were trying to make me look really bad and then watching it over I was like wait I was right and it's crazy and then I see like some articles where people be like is Hannah the villain and I'm like this is the worst thing that anyone's ever thought of to go on reality TV however Remy my biggest fear has always been like not having control and people not liking me so like me doing this is just like a fucking like the biggest learning experience in my life. And I mean, is it a little masochistic and abusive? Yes.

Do I think it's given me a platform that I can like take advantage of? Is it easy? No. Are certain seasons easier than others? Yes. So, but it's also like what you're doing is scary. Like I don't think a year ago you. I think I have the control to edit everything myself and do that where it really scares

me looking at, you know, like knowing also because again, I worked at Bravo TV, not I think that their shows are pretty, you know, pretty realistic. Like I worked there in the behind the scenes, but no matter what, production and TV, it's out of your control. And it could be turned to any sort of way. And I'm sure that for someone like me who's very similar to you where all I want to do is like be liked deep down and all that stuff, like that would make me a little crazy. But also the fact that I have my stand up, like burning in hell, the little devils, like it allows me to have my voice. And one thing that someone said about reality TV, they're like, the worst thing you can do is go on and people. people to be like Hannah who or like I don't know I feel better they're like either people love

you or hate you and all I know is right now like it's not that people like hate me but they have strong opinions because I gave like I gave everything this season like I gave all my emotions I didn't hold anything back when you give a lot anything could happen with it so but also it's true people know you people love you and you're going to have haters too I'm sure I have haters as well the more popular you get then people start getting up especially like people getting upset about your ads it's them being like wait this girl went from like probably having nine to five to now doing this for a living making money while i'm sitting here do my nine to five that i hate so a lot of it is just like them projecting on you and if people are responding to you it just

means like you're doing something yeah that's true yeah but i do it's funny i was thinking like you'd be great on Summerhouse like you would we you know who told me that yesterday our one mutual friend Michelle Michelle she was like you would be and we were and I was like Michelle I really don't think like the way that like because of course I've been watching every episode like I mean I love Summerhouse I'm just like just watching it gives me massive anxiety for all of you like it just like it seems fun but then I'm just like oh like I just like wow it's also like you'll see a little back and forth and you're just like oh like why did I say that or like why did I say that or like why did it like someone's reaction to you and you're just like god, like it's like this season has been

like a lot of humiliate like I'll watch the episode and I'll have a panic attack because like I'll watch it like before it drops too and I'm like Thursday's going to be hard so but it's it's it just shows like this is the industry I'm in and this is what I want to do and it's there's been so many pros like when you're going to get the feedback it's like you you chose I chose to be in this spotlight I like when people ask me I'm like no what like are you having a hard time people And I'm like, no, I'm okay. I like people knowing who I am. Like, I think I've always deep down wanted that.

Like, that part's fun. So you're going to get negativity with that. And if you don't know that going into it, like, and also for everyone, every person who's like, oh, Hannah's being desperate with this guy. There's another person who's messaging me being like, oh, my God, the way you handled that, like, or watching that made me realize I was with someone who wasn't respecting me. So, like, I've also, I just, I'm like you.

I like to be seen. I like to be heard. Sometimes I'm not seen in the light I wanted to or heard in the right. way but that just gives me more hunger to keep being a loud-ass bitch and i do like that also yeah i think the media likes to be like if a girl is not you know quiet saying the right things just caretaking of everyone you know taking out the trash every two seconds and god forbid she's messy god forbid she has emotion it's like let's hate her and i think you are fighting that where it's like you're speaking up saying this is not okay

this outfit and how this is made is not cool and like you're doing something that's really fucking brave and feminist to be frank do you remember when was your first time that you remember like meeting me I don't even Was it a betches? No like a party

Yeah because it's like it was such I thought that the first time because I asked you when I worked a title I had you come to this like influencer dinner Yes but we met before that which was such a random time and it was like so quick but I remembered it the other day that we were an okay magazine party and I was like following around Michelle because like she always taught me things when I worked there in PR and like she was like you were working in marketing and

and you were there or doing something for video for this I don't know you were there for something yeah this is my friend Hannah and I was like hi nice to meet you um but we literally met for two seconds but I totally forgot that we met then and that's when I was it like near the elevator like you were just chilling right near the elevator I know exactly that moment and then she told me like then after a little like it was before summer house and then she was like oh she's going on summer house and I was like no way like and then I met you like once in the bravo office like when you're with Michelle and then I was like you want to come to this influencer dinner I'm doing it's so funny because I've never done an influencer dinner

before and I remember feeling like kind of out of place but I was a page and I'm like just do what page does but I remember everyone I also invited them purposely because I'm like I love like mixing random people together and I literally invited the most random people and then there was like it was a good vibe everyone felt like random but the food was good. It was like really cool. But what I also, we're so similar in a lot of ways. Like you have the experience behind the scenes. You understand like the actual like strategy behind marketing a video and people will be like, oh, this girl tried on clothes. And it's like there was so much thought and strategy behind it. And to anyone who wants to get an industry, like especially if you

want attention like in front of a camera, if you know how to work behind the camera, if you know how to work the posting, like that just makes you so much more valuable. So if anyone, like, I started in the industry as a video editor and then I became a video producer and the next thing I I was throwing myself in front and it was kind of similar to your journey yeah so and someone that at NBC that like kind of helped me get my job in the beginning like texted me the other day and she was like she's like I remember sitting with you in Starbucks when you started just being a little unhappy with your job and me you know doing PR and thought it wasn't for you and like she's like you were never meant for that like I always were meant for something else and like you're meant to be in front

of the camera. And I was just like, you know, like her saying it made me realize I feel the same way too. It's not that that wasn't great. I actually always want my dream is to do PR and marketing and be behind the scenes. I thought it was fun. I thought it was cool. But like this is just making me so much happier. And also the hardest thing to do is admit to yourself that you want to be in front of the camera because people hate when women are confident or want attention. It's like a bad thing. People say you're too big for your britches or whatever. To which I say, be the biggest bridge in the room and I think that like saying you want attention like people call you like attention or whatever yeah people are meant to like I just love entertaining people and some people

would literally you couldn't pay them money to go on a stage and try and make people laugh so it's like everyone finds who makes them happy finally a little darker you explain like with your eating you have a little bit of you you have a disorder when did you realize that was a thing and what have you've been doing to cope right now? Yeah, I realized I would come home from Tidal every night, work, you know, was stressed all the time, would come home and just start ordering like $60 of food a night and just like, I always had like random roommates before now. So I would sit on the floor in my room and just like eat and shut off my phone so no one could change my mind and like hide from my roommate and whatever. And I started doing that too consistently to

when two months later, it just actually caught up to me. So I think that, it wasn't until it wasn't when was it like there was definitely like a breaking point and then it was finally probably a year ago or a little more than a year ago that I started seeing someone that was helping me and realizing that I had an issue realizing that some you know parts of my childhood has affected this you know just a lot of things that came together um and then I started finally bringing it up to my family kind of right before last January I would say like right before the pandemic started, and that was a very hard time. And then you were stuck with the family, but that was probably a catharty way.

No, it was insane, Hannah. Like, you don't get it. Like, I forget. Like, I just think of like, oh, I had a bad, like, a bad experience. I was, like, truly not even speaking to my dad because he didn't understand, like, eating disorder. And he was just like, just stop eating. Like, and like, like, I love my parents more than anything.

And I'm actually, like, abnormally close with my family. So I would call them five times a day each. Like, it's crazy. But, like, so I cared about. their opinions of trying to make them understand and then all of a sudden I was forcing a house with them for months and not like refusing to talk to my dad was like if you're going to be in my house you have to talk to me and like it was just the whole thing I remember passing up my dad during quarantine and going yeah I went to the city with a huge two piece and I'm like I'm done

and then I realized how scary the city was like during and I came back two days like and I was like I need to be like can you pass the salt like that's why I say going back that like that was the time when I realized the binge eating that was when I started like seeing people to help me and that was when my family I was forced with my family and forced to have them understand and honestly did you binge when you were younger at all never binge I always did the classic like ate healthy during the week on the weekend eat a little worse but I never knew what binging was I never did till now and to be honest in the past year I've seen so many dietitians this this this and finally a month ago I decided or a month

a month and a half ago. I'm done seeing everyone, which I don't know was the best idea, but I said, I need to refresh. I'm getting so many opinions from the world because I'm so open about it. I'm getting so many opinions from all these different people that have different opinions and it's making me crazy. So finally, actually, which I'm starting this Friday, like, for the first time ever, which I haven't told anyone, like to do, like to really do eating disorder treatment with like a center and I'm really like, you know, not addressing really just the weight loss right now. She said that'll come later, but like truly addressing, like, I have a problem and I want it. I'm exhausted by it at this point. I want it to be gone and I'm going to be a

little bit quieter about it during that process, hoping it really helps me. And something I really did like about her just to say is that I asked, of course I'm going to ask. I asked if we could do some sort of like maybe make it a little cheaper and I'll promote her type of thing. And she said, I don't, I want, you have an issue and I want this to be about you. And I think promoting it and making it so public will actually take away from that. And she, you know, she, I'm going to work with her. She wants it to be like a really pure, focused experience. Yeah.

She's like, I want to help you and I want to see you in like six months or whenever it is. Like feel like you've overcome this. And I know that will happen if you put your time and effort into it. And as in my embarrassing as I used to be by it, like I'm part of that is going to O.A., which actually I'm not sure if people are like aware what that is. But instead of AA, like alcohol is anonymous, there's literally meetings all over the city for overeaters anonymous. I went to place last year and was like, oh my God, I can't do this.

this like I'm going to do it like I want to be I want to overcome this and feel better and it's a big part of my life right now that's fucking awesome and I'm so proud of you because again you're doing something that like if someone injured their knee they'd go to rehab and it's like you right now are in like kind of a brain pattern that has been a not your fault it's a result of like other past things and your brain is trying to survive through it and it loves the serentone and hit of that fucking Chinese food and it's just like human nature So you doing this is like, you're putting yourself first, and that's fucking awesome. Yeah, like, I've had eating disorder.

I've dealt with similar stuff where, like, it's just one day, it's not weighing on you. Yeah, and I'm so excited for that. You're not, like, scared of it. And also, when you keep something a secret, it gets bigger. Like, it's like this big thing that you can't, like, it's like, don't think about a red car. Now you're thinking about a red car. So, like, it's working through it to the point that, like, it just doesn't become a thing anymore. it's not that you walk around like I'm cured it's just not a thing you've other issues but it won't be

that and I really want to get to that point like I said I love helping people and I think I've always put everyone else before me I care so much like I said about people think I care about I've never had a boyfriend so my friends were always I was always obsessively wanted my friends to be happy and just like thought like about everything in my family and what they think and I'm like no like I know it might sound selfish but for the first time in my life I just like want to literally focus on myself because I really it's a hard balance where I'm really have to focus on the world because I'm putting content out there but like okay set aside just some time for myself in the day where it's only about me like that's what I need to do now what do you think about this Chloe Kardashian scandal right

now I so one is asking me about this but no one really I'm so excited to ask you about it so growing up she was my idol no one no I don't think anyone I had a celebrity birthday party last March before whatever and I was Chloe Kardashian like dressed in her exact outfit like I have been in love with her my whole life this is i think my take on this might be a little bit different than what other people are saying kind of what we just discussed before i think it's so sad that she feels like she you know might have to hide this well has to hide this like real her because clearly every it's everyone knows what she's putting out there is just not what she looks like even though it might be similar and she's clearly lost a lot of weight over the years like

you have to think that like everyone's getting so mad at her but the only thing I have to say is like she might have just as much of an issue as I do and I think that like has literally talking to my sister about this last name she's like no I get what you're saying but like also it's so damaging to you know other people out there and I agree with that too I do I think that it's not it's crazy that she can't put you know that they have to take this photo down and do all this but it's like clearly it's an issue if it's that big of a deal to her and that all of her stuff that it's not I don't know it's crazy that she can't put you know that they have to take this photo down and do all of her stuff's that it's I don't know I don't know. and people are constantly commenting like this isn't you and all this stuff she sees it but she's still doing it so it almost makes me feel bad maybe that's because i have a little place in my heart for her and like what growing up everyone was like oh my god you're Chloe Kardashian that's why because also when i weighed less like i'm a Chloe stand too yeah like everyone's like you look like her you act like her and then like she lost a lot of weight and i can't say that anymore but i don't know instead of people being mad at her and for people who don't know what's going on there was a photo posted of her that wasn't edited where she looks great

but she doesn't look like the brats Barbie doll that she's putting online your body literally looks great in this photo oh but i almost think that like it's more sad than we should be mad at her this is not chloe this is chloe after society has put a bazillion um just like like um reasons for her not to be perfect like this is a result of what society has put on her and what they put on women but also i feel like if she didn't try to take it down, no one would have cared about this. Yeah. Like, as everyone's talking about how she's trying to take it down, that's a story. Because honestly, I saw the photo and I was like, oh, yeah, that looks like Chloe.

I don't, I feel the same way. I literally, when my sister sent to me, I go, wait, what's going on? Like, I didn't even get it. I'm like, I don't get why everyone's mad. Like, I just didn't understand. I was really confused. But that's how I feel. I feel like it's like why it's like people think that they could, like, people are bashing

in this, like, curvier world since it's great. I'm part of that curvy world being like, be, put yourself out. there and whatever, but it's like, do we also need to bash other people that actually might have similar issues just because they look better? I feel bad. I also think it needs to change, hopefully from here. Like, maybe they'll start putting more real things out there. I think, like, my content and other people's real content is going to change the game eventually. And I hope that they, like, learn from that too. But I am, I am a Kardashian fan. I always will be. Yeah, I think it's more a bigger issue of trying to change the overall game. And Chloe's a victim of it.

And we send our love to Chloe. We're going to gonna wrap this up you're you're we fucking flow me and you and i know i loved this i do see a podcast in your future i'm pointing at you with my pinky right now um we're gonna play the seven deadly sins seven deadly sins what are you greedy about okay i'm greedy about lip gloss yes what's your recommendation what's your lipstick i mean your lip gloss go to because i hate when it gets sticky and it has a weird smell okay mine are well you might not like these because i like sticky i'm like weird okay i have like three favorites i have fendie yes fendie is my favorite yes i've literally been next to me like i reapply all that yeah fendriana i like mac lust

specifically and i like hourglass lip glosses so you're you're a legit influencer and that's a Colin, who are you envious of? Who are you jealous of? I think based on everything we talked about, I'm really actually jealous of people who genuinely feel happy. This might be a little like lame, but feel happy in their bodies and just like genuinely feel like body confident because I really want to get to that point someday. And I also think even people who are confident in their bodies, everyone has like a healthy weight and a weight that like isn't their best. Like no one just stays at the same. and if you are always staying at the same or losing it's like that's not great either and you're probably restricting a lot and you can't enjoy margarita on the weekends I'm also jealous like any it's weird because I don't I don't look up to like influencers and never really did but like I look up to like singers and like literally like like that's my thing and like people that have just like insane voices like I literally like Jennifer Hudson or someone that has like just like just like belts it out because I love to sing and like it's something I definitely do less of on social media and want to do more.

of, but, like, I have, like, a soul voice and, like, I'm jealous of what that kills. Remi. You have so much stuff in your future. It's so, I've already manifested it for you, so don't even worry about it. Like, you're literally going to drop a mixtape soon. Like, you in a fucking music video, shaking your ass, singing? Are you kidding me? My new person that I talk to on the daily is Megan Traynor.

She's my new best friend. Oh, my God. What have you learned from Megan Traynor? Oh, actually so much. She's actually an amazing human. Like she literally just like was my first fan. I'm not kidding on TikTok. And we actually now connected more as like friends and, you know,

I've been talking. And she's just like literally said it. She was just like, I know you're probably like just dealing with so much, but just like not knowing what to do when it comes to like this industry. And she just gave me all of her advice. And I was like, I love you so much.

Because she's been through it. Like she's been like people hating her, people saying they love her, then hating her again. Is there any advice that you think we could learn from her? It's not that she said anything specific. I think she just like she manifests, she knows her shit, she knows like she wants to be on top of the world. She's not even like stopping at singing.

Like she always, she has so many other things that she wants to keep doing. Now she's a baby, like her husband's the shit from Spy Kids, love him. And she's just like, I don't know, she's killing it and she knows it. And she's been like really trying to help me with my eating and everything else right now. And I really like just appreciate her for just like being a normal, awesome person. So that's that's a good. I wouldn't say I'm jealous of her. I genuinely am so excited to like meet her in in real life.

And, you know, those are the kind of people. That's like the main reason from all this stuff. I'm so excited is meeting people like you or her. Just all these people I'm like connecting with that I've always wanted to. I'm like, oh my God, this is my favorite part of it. The best part is like, you're finding like minded people. Like you inspire me like just seeing how you've like taken this concept and like worked your ass off. And like I like to surround myself with people who are like dreamers and hungry and like not afraid to like,

embarrass themselves like because i want that energy on me so it's a thin line between envy and like wait like i want to be your hype girl yeah yeah definitely um what do you gluttonous about so what do you over indulge in food okay no but with food i want to know what is your go-to like let's fuck up a a takeout order oh this is a wild this is a wild order i literally something is wrong i literally I'm upset. Like, I like, like, the worst. No, I shouldn't say the worst kinds of food. But, like, I like, like, tortellini Alfredo, like, chicken cotlet, like, mozzarella sticks. I like, or if I get sushi, I'll get, like, way too much of it. I could just eat an endless amount. Like, I'm, like, I'm, like, I've, like, have this conversation with my family so many times. Like, you could say,

like, my family loves veggies. No. Like, yeah, they, like, well, my sister, not my dad, my sister and my mom. And I'm like, they're just like, mm-hmm to, like, cucumbers. And I'm like, ew, like, I literally was like, I would never. So it's just like, like, It's just so funny. Like, I'm like, no, like, give me rice balls in my face. And, like, that's what I'll literally, like, have 40 of them. And, like, I'm sorry, like, that's what I like. And, like, it's just, like, I like heavy food.

And that's, that's, that's the ball. Honestly, the only thing better than balls in your face is rice balls in your face. That's, like, my new saying. Change your TikTok bio. I love it's also rice balls. So underrated. Why don't people talk about rice balls more? Yeah, no.

My mom, like I said, doesn't really eat food like that in the other day. Like, I was like, I want rice balls. because I was like in a mood and I was just like whatever and I literally like meed her try and she was like oh my god I'm like yeah you don't eat good food like this is what I feel but loki like the peas in it can like like the texture and the sweetness just like brings it together the cheese someone recently said that like cheese eating cheese is equivalent to like a dopamine hit of like a drug and like I felt that's so hard I mean yeah like that's how I feel it's true I do remember with when I was struggling with eating I remember we're just looking around thinking like how are there all these people not thinking about eating right now and why am I the only one thinking about eating and if it helps you at all like I got through it yeah like I love to see that people get through I know I will I had a two or three year like tough time but when you're in it you're like this is me but it's like what we've learned especially in burning in hell is how your brain is like so fucking malleable your brain evolves so much and but when you're in it obviously it feels a type of way but yeah I just got to the point where I was like oh yeah like food isn't because i also enjoy i'm italian like food brings me so much joy it brings together i'm jewish but i got an italian side and me too and i have a jewish side to me too it's part of like the communities but it just comes to a point where it's like i enjoy food i love it i overindulge sometimes but overall i respect and listen to my body when it wants to stop

and try not to i i i'm an emotional eater though like when i first met my fiancee we both gained like 20 pounds because it's so weird hearing you say fiance i literally don't even know it's like croissant i'm like fiancee like i'm like fiancee because if you say boyfriend it's much cooler but then it's like lying anyway what was not your boyfriend no when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger do you have like an angry streak like do you get pissed easily i wouldn't say it's an anger streak but i'm very um i i what's the word for I react very quickly. Same.

I literally my whole life, I think, like, I've always had like more, I've always had like a lot of guy friends. And I just think that like people like to fuck with me and mess with me because they know I'm going to react and get really pissed. And that goes along with just me being sensitive. And like my, it's just like they love to do it. And I just get very, I just, I just react. So it's more. I wouldn't say I'm like very, I don't think I'm an angry person.

I just like, I'm quick to react. And then I'm like, shit. Why do I say that? I just like fucked that all up, you know? because sometimes I say things I really wish I could take back and sometimes you girl I feel yeah I was pretty angry this morning when I weighed myself and I wouldn't say it was wrath but I I definitely have that that in me at times I would say yeah when was the last time you were a sloth actually like I decided that I'm going to be a sloth more like once a week I love that because I I did it last week like one

time. And I was like, wait, I need these days. I can't, like, for the first time I life, I've control over my schedule and I still think I don't because I'm still in like corporate in my mind. And like, no one's going to fire you. And like, I can lay around and like do that and I deserve to. So I so I find I get snappy when I'm overworking. Because you're like, I don't have time for the shit. And it's like, okay, just like breathe for three hours. I feel bad I'm the most snappy with my mom and she literally would do anything for me. And like, she'll like say one thing trying to give me advice and i'm just like like i literally like freaked out like and i'll make her come over to like help me clean my apartment's very scary like you just don't

i get like 20 boxes a day i've clothes all before i i have boxes everywhere and then i pretend i don't know how to deal with boxes i'm like i don't like it's like doing laundry it's not that hard but i'm like i can't fold the box i can't bend it the right way no i call my mom to help even just my mom being in the room i will do more things because she's standing there no me too so i'll have her come over but then it's like she says one thing and it's right like she's like saying let's do this like let's do this and i'm like i literally that it was like leave my apartment you're making it worse and i was like why'd she leave so like i just like it's classic though you can let out stuff on the people you love because you know they'll forgive you yeah and she's your mom and you're the light of her life

when was the last time you let your ego get in the way of something i think that lately with my friends to be honest like i said i've always put everyone first and i've definitely let in i think it's, I don't regret doing this, but I think I've more been like really aware of who's there for me right now, who's not there for me and let this whole thing been like, all right, there's a little bit of fame here, but like for, I've always like sat around just trying to please everyone. It's like who's going to like be pre, who's, it's not like I need praise every day, but who's going to say like, I'm so proud of you and those things because the people, not even anymore, but the people that have been, like I noticed that and the people who haven't, I noticed that too.

Hell yes. And you'll see which people like just assume like, oh, she must be so happy and doing so well because she has followers. But also as a people pleaser, you have to set boundaries. And I was super bad at that when I first got on TV. So many people that I wasn't that close to were like, can we get coffee? Like can we catch up. And I would just feel bad to say no. Because I had no. That's me. Like I've been feeling so bad. And that's where I say like finally. I'm like finally like just being like I can't, you know, like someone reached out yesterday who wasn't reach out to me in seven years. Seven years. years and I was so upset that like it's like why do you owe them coffee but I literally felt like I was such a bitch I felt like I was such because people were like I caught up with him or she and when I realized like oh they're just using me and like what how does this benefit me at all and like these people don't give a fuck about me but imagine like you have like three people hit you up in a given week but then when you get some fame multiply it by like 10 and you have 30 people asking for your time and I was saying yes to everyone because I wanted everyone to like me and then I was so stressed out and I had to get like my mom had to like yell at me that's what I've been doing the past two months this is the

first week I'm not the first week that I feel free a little bit happier I'm like like like literally just respond and be like oh my god shit's crazy like thanks for reaching out and it's like because also you want to be with the people that you want to be with and there's an authentic reason why you want to hang out with them because you're going to feel the right vibe I'm getting better at it I'm like really trying and like just realizing like oh my god these people are crazy everyone's going to want a piece of a pie when someone has a pie they want to want to they're going to certain people you're going to be like damn you're pushing your fucking boundaries with me but our people well is my question because I'm aware of everything and I'm like a super

like I just like know people's motives and know what they're up to and it's like I would never do that like I would be embarrassed someone and all these people think I don't know what they're doing and I'm like wait you're crazy like to be like asking to hang out when you haven't asked me in years and I also when it comes to networking if you're one of those people who like hit up a friend who starts to do well like network with the people who you actually hit it off with like for example when I found out that you're in West Hampton and like I've always loved like your energy I was like okay this is someone that I would like take an hour of my day for but it's like then you'll have people where it's like if you don't actually authentically connect getting coffee with them is not

going to create any type of connection or long term like relationship and you have to think the other way too like lately I'm like I really unfortunately like I'm going to be away the next few weeks I'm doing a lot of like things and then I'm moving and I was just like the people people keep texting me and like being kind of pushy, just like, oh, like, but I want to get dinner and this and this. And I'm like, I'm going to say no. And if those people get upset about it, they're not my friends because they need to understand. I've never been this busy in my life. Now I am. Like, I always made time for you. So right now, I can't. And like, those people that understand are my friends. Hell yeah. Okay, we're wrapping up. When was the last time you lusted over someone? So, like,

who's your celeb crush? Who are we sliding into the DMs? I have to stop DM and don't know. Like, he's married? No, no, no. He, like, I think he, like, cheated on her in the engagement, and he's so single now. Okay. Well, side note, I'm very good friends with his mom. She runs this amazing organization called Your Mom Cares, which you should probably get involved with. And I'm just... I'm literally going to be their number one person now, like, just involved every day. You're like, can I volunteer?

I, so I weeded till I was verified. And then I was like, this is it. I mean, I, I DM'd multiple times and always unsent it because it was like he's never going to see it but like waited until it was verified I'm like he's gonna answer like I feel like we'd have so much fun together and I just want to look up and he hasn't he hasn't gotten back and but more and more people keep saying like no rami like you could you better I have very different taste like I have like Jonah Hill but then I like like like Drake like I like I like I like you know what do you like about Jonah Hill that he's funny yeah and smart and that he's like we'll have a talk about male comedians there some good ones and some bad ones we'll get into that another time final question i've kept you on

so long and my fiancee is yelling at me because i have to go get the vaccine but this is more important what do you do to cope with your hell when you're in it when you were in that dark dark dark place what do you do to survive i think i get in those places a lot and it's hard for me to get out of it but I've learned to actually that the best thing is having conversations with your friends to like snap you out of it literally getting out of my damn apartment like sometimes I don't realize I'm in here for 48 hours in my room doing content and things and I get maybe depressed or upset like go for a damn walk like getting out and to be honest too not exercising for weight loss or anything like that but when I do release my endorphins and like actually sweat and like do

something even for a little and I don't push myself anymore like it really just makes me like snap out of like it's like a dog who needs to go for a walk I'm the same way like I've just been walking recently because working out for whatever reason I like can't do it's like too much emotionally for me and I've just been walking and it makes me feel even New York City because you walk you realize there's like life happening people don't give a fuck about you and you just get perspective Remy I could talk to you forever we've actually had a lot of people I had a couple people reach out to be like you have to have remi on and i i'm really proud of like of your success but also like this is this isn't like you did it this is a very like i'm so excited to see your journey of it there's no like final boss

like you're just you're in your lane where can people follow you watch you read about you give us the goods yes um right now just TikTok and instagram my name at remi beater r-em-i-d-d-r there is more that will be coming but those are the two places you could follow me reach out to me, anything like that right now. Yay! Well, thanks for coming to hell, and guys, I will talk to you later. Bye!