Berner Phone - Remy Kassimir: Laugh Shaming & Squirting

Episode Date: March 13, 2019

Remy didn't have an orgasm until she was 27 years old so naturally we had to overanalyze that. She educates us on the pleasure gap, communication during sex, rejection masturbating, how the P-word is dangerous, sex toys, masturbating tips, feeling sexy, smoking weed everyday, what the clit actually looks like, vagina shaming, naked dating, imposter syndrome, and when you should cut people out of your life. LIVE SHOW (use the code BERN for 50% off): http://www.carolines.com/comedian/berning-in-hell-live-podcast/ Follow Hannah Berner on Instagram & Twitter: @beingbernz Follow Remy Kassimir on Instagram & Twitter: @remykassimir --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning In hell Hey guys, guess where you are? You're back in hell with host Hannah Burner. And today I'm with Remy Casimir. Did I pronounce it right? Casimir, yeah. Yes!

I forgot to ask you beforehand and then I just panicked. We're burning up. We're burning up. And hell, no one even gives a shit about names. No one gives a shit. No one cares. Now, Remy is a very important guest to me because she has a podcast that she started because she could an orgasm.

Yep. And that's a topic that female orgasm is something that people don't talk about. Unfortunately, yeah. And my podcast stem from the idea of people don't talk about their demons enough. Right. So I felt like our energies were like together and I was like, this bitch is going to talk about embarrassing shit. Yeah.

And I need her on it. Yeah. Because that's my favorite kind of thing to talk about. Do you want to hear something funny? So, like, I do stand-up comedy, and when I was 18, like, I hadn't started, but I knew I wanted to do it. And I was drunk downtown by the cellar. And I ran into Colin Quinn, and I was like, Colin Quinn, like, you're a legend.

I, like, hugged him. And I was like, I really want to do stand-up, but I don't have any good stories. And he was like, do you have any embarrassing stories? And I was like, yeah, he goes, tell those. Colin Quinn was one of my dad's best friends growing up in Brooklyn. Shut up. Yeah. Well, tell him he really, thanks, Colin.

Thanks Colin is the best And he let me hug him He let this drunk 18 year old Yeah that could have been weird But he let it happen He was just like listen kid Like just tell you're embarrassing stories He like rumble

He mumbles I love him And he has new shows out Speaking of stuff going on Yes Remy has an incredible podcast How Come Yes She also starred on a Netflix episode

Of Explained about the female orgasm And she's a new podcast out Called We Really Love Island About the reality show Love Island The only reason I know about it is because I dated a British dude who made me watch it. It's basically The Bachelor on Crack. No. I think it's like, it's like Bachelor in Paradise, if it was good, plus Big Brother, plus Survivor.

When it's airing, it comes out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Those poor editors. It's insane. That's mostly what we talk about on the podcast is like how the production happened. And you could get one of the editors on your podcast. That would be hilarious. I've had one of the cast members. Great.

Yeah. And he told us some really, like, insane. Like, he literally said when he got out of it, it was, like, seeing the production of The Hunger Games. Like, rose and rows and rows and rows of trailers. And, like, you just, and then there was, like, a sound guy that had been listening to him do everything. Like, he's listening to him shit. Isn't that insane? It's insane because it's also all this work for us to just numb our brains from the reality of the world. In a beautiful way. In the most, like, fluffy, beautiful. Like, you laugh. you cry and the people are really hot so it's visually stimulating the colors are amazing like everything's kind of neony i was watching the bachelor with my dad yesterday because he he he's very masculine man but he likes to like observe these things he likes to stay in with what's cool every dad loves to come in he loves and watch even if even if they're like what is this junk they like sit down on the bed and they're like well who's she he started asking a million questions he's like wait i thought he just kissed her yeah and then at the end it shows him calling the last girl giving her the

rose and as she walks all happy you see the girl just sulk and I'm like dad this is sports did you see the agony of defeat in that girl's eye yeah and he was into it yeah he was into it I always say that the housewives are like like football for women because it's like the same team tackling each other every week like that's what I love about I'm I'm I can go on Bravo tangents for years, by the way, but I always tell people I got into Bravo because of the editing, because, like, the editors are, like, so on your side. Wait, you don't know this, but when this episode comes out, it's going to be announced. I'm on this season of Summerhouse on Bravo. Shut up. I'm one of the new cast members. That's so exciting. Thank you. It gets announced on

the 24th. You are? Yeah. Oh, Carl. And I was just with some of the Vanderpump people who were also friends with. Love them. Yeah. Love them. So I had a a unique experience last summer where we filmed and as i'm a video producer so as like a video nerd i was just blown away by like the whole production of a tv show um oh my god i was gonna come to your fourth of july party and then i didn't because i was tired oh my god let's transition so what we came here to talk about coming to what we coming here to talk about yes you see what i did there yes um so If you don't know about how come, hello, I'm Remy Kassamere. I had never had an orgasm when I was like, I mean, my entire life.

And then I had started talking about it with people. And it wasn't until I was like kind of 27 that I was having a conversation with my sister. And I was saying, I just can't believe that like other people come and like I can't. And she's like, well, yeah, it's really hard for me to do it with other people. But I can do it alone. And I was like, say what now? Because she's three and a half years younger than me. And I've always done everything first.

and that kind of was like oh shit like this means somebody who's genetically close to me can do this like i should kind of seek out help and charlotte was like well yeah you need to do a few things like a lot of them was just like take your time but you'd also be like you're a lazy masturbator so maybe we need to do something that like holds you accountable and i've been thinking about starting a podcast about death for a really long time because i wanted something that was going to unite us all like what's something we all do die um and then i was like that's a little morbid it's intense for a morning commute yeah it's a little it's a little much um and then i was like well what's something that everyone should be able to do come and like i can't so i started the podcast and i mostly did what

you did in the beginning which is just getting friends people that you know friends of friends like who are like smart fun people to talk to have their own sexual experiences like i for a fact know a lot of their stories because they are stand-up comedians too. So I've heard them that I know, oh, this one's coming. That one's, you know, squirting. And so I'd have my friends on, and they would all tell me their first-time coming stories, which everyone still does every episode. You have to tell me your first time you came.

And then they gave me an assignment. So the first six weeks was just assignments, and every week I'd have to do the assignment that was assigned for the next week. And it was like a lot of like mental, emotional preparation because every week I was wondering, am I physically broken? Am I mentally fucked up? Like, what is the thing that's going on here? And it turned out not so much.

It was like just a small, I needed a different sex toy. Did it episode six, and now the podcast is much more about, well, why did it take me, a very sexual person, such a long time to figure this out? Why wasn't I a loud person confident talking about something that's so important to me? You know, like, why is the pleasure gap so wide between men and women? Because straight men when they're having sex, how many times do they come? 98% of the time. Straight women, when they're having sex, how many times do they come?

Probably, like, 75% at the time. And lesbian women come all the fucking time. Lesbian women, it's 89% and gay men, it's like 89% as well. Wow. So it's like just the gap between. You know what that makes me think about how straight women, we are caretakers and emotionally, like, we're givers and we're, that's what society wants us to be. So it's like almost, you have to be selfish to be like, this is about me right now and my pleasure and what I want. And you have to like stop thinking about like, well, is he, is he frustrated with me right now?

Right. And you have to get out of your head. I was going to say besides being caretakers, we have this gut instinct to protect ourselves. So we don't want to make anybody angry because they are bigger most of the time. I suffered from performance anxiety with tennis. And that's what kind of made me want to do this podcast because sports shows. me my mental fucked upness like yeah one summer my coach told me they want to change my grip on my second serve and then I also had pressure because new girls were coming in and my coach was like

these new girls are great they'll take your spot if you don't keep it up like did you have a western grip oh my forehand I used to have a western grip and then they made me change it I've dealt with that shit wait this is so funny I've dealt with that shit so the season comes and these young girls are in and my coach didn't really like me and I felt so much pressure to beat these like younger girls coming into the team. I literally couldn't hit a second serve without shanking it. And I went through this like mental journey where like it was like a secret I kept inside like the match was about to start and I knew my second serve is going to be shanked.

I knew it and I had to end up serving underhand playing number one for the University of Wisconsin serving underhand. Like my brother would watch me play. It's like having a breakdown. I had so many emotional breakdowns with tennis but off the court I had my shableness. it together like I always had a boyfriend and like straight days in school but like tennis was where all my anxiety came out and I talked to other girls and I I got connected with some other like top performing players who it happened to them where they just lost their second serve yeah but swinging it

back around no pun intended your whole not being able to orgasm is the same thing as me not being able to hit a second serve we innately know how to like I've been doing it since I was eight I've been hitting second served since I was eight years old I've been fiddling with my dittles since I was like three I just wasn't doing it properly nobody gave me my Western grip and literally practice makes perfect

like we just had Dan Savage on the podcast cool yeah yeah so he like I haven't been taking assignments since I came because you know I've been noodling around and I've like done my own stuff where like you're enjoying yourself a little I can yeah that's the thing is like my journey's kind of

it's not over but like I don't need as much help so I kind of stopped taking the advice and the women still listening to my podcast not all of them have gotten there yet so I'm like Dan like give just one thing that you can say what's the best thing that you can like tell women to you know he's like take the pressure off and that sounds so much easier said than done but kind of like enjoy the process and the way that he made me understand that is guys have been fiddling around with their dicks for the longest time they just have and when you do that you're you're making these grooves in your neural pathways that are instructing your body and almost giving you like um you know like muscle memory yeah um like i was fit years after i quit tennis because of muscle memory

um the same thing applies to masturbating like eventually your body gets into the groove and what he was saying was sometimes women are having these synaps flashing and like the things going off that are saying you're almost there and their bodies are doing it but they don't realize it yet um so you just kind of have to keep going until it works and it will eventually work like this is a huge thing too and I'm sorry if I'm rambling but like this is important like I used to think when I was in health class okay female like not that anyone told us about the female orgasm they didn't but I never thought it was important when I had heard about it because it doesn't help you have a baby it's not biologically like imperative but actually the clitoris has so many more

nerve endings strictly for pleasure than the pain it is there's something in your body to make you happy and the chemical reactions that you get when you do have an orgasm like it is such a stress release it's a massive part of our lives that like a lot of people are missing out on just because they're told that's not something we do it's insane because growing up in high school all guys talk about is like jerking off and I remember in high school I didn't masturbate so I was playing tennis I was too busy but I would ask one thing at a time yeah yeah okay I asked I would ask guys because I was loud and had no filter from the beginning yeah so I would just be like how often do masturbate like I'd ask guys all these questions because I'm like what is this life that

these guys are living that like girls don't do I wish I could ask and they would they would laugh and I'd be like yeah like you guys talk about drunken off all the time what are you doing and I'd ask guys and they'd be like oh like three times a week five times a week and I was like cool and they'd be like do you and I'm like no yeah and that was just like accepted I remember there was a guy who I thought was really hot in high school who was like a junior when I was a freshman and he came up to me once in the hallway and he was like do you finger blast yourself what i hate that i hate that name yeah it was but also it's wrong i mean how many girls masturbate by finger blasting themselves like that's i used to think that that's what's how you do it so then i was like okay like first

when he asked me that i was like this very derogatory thing and that makes me sound like gross like no i don't finger blast myself then i i guess i went home tried to finger blast myself and i was like well nothing's really happening like and i'd read cosmos where it's probably terrible in bed at that point Well, he finger blasted me one and it was actually nice. Oh. Yeah, it was good. I love how those are the guys we had crushes on in high school. The horrible one.

Oh, my God. He was so mean. Yeah, he was so mean. And he's still so horrible. Anyway, I thought that the clitoris was like a myth. I thought it was like this weird little triangle like point that like I was like, ugh, it's gross. Like, no, like that's the thing. And you don't talk about it with your girlfriends.

Like guys talk about it. They're like, oh, I just jerked up. Girls, you're not like... I don't know how I was telling you about my shitty friend before we started recording? Yeah. She owned the sex toy that eventually got me off before... She could have helped you.

She just never told me about it. I'm trying to break the stigma on this podcast of a lot of things. I'm going to break the stigma of girls pooping, girls farting. Talking about periods, talking about shaving. It's related. It's all connected. Shame. Shame.

Yeah. No, it makes you not a human beat. You're not allowed to be a human. And I'm so over that shit. I'm so over it. I burped during sex the other day. I'm not even lying. Once I farted when a guy went down on me.

Wow. And I still came. Wow. I mean, that's like a little conscientious. Yeah, it was rude of me, but it wasn't on purpose. Totally. No, and he should be polite and not saying like, whoa, like don't intentionally. We laughed about it.

I actually, I have an Eskimo sister who is my cousin. That's right. My cousin and I met the same guy on Tinder. We fucked the same guy. It's a small city. when I fucked him I didn't really enjoy myself I left before he came

and I was like I don't want to do this anymore he's like but I didn't jizz yet and I was like well I don't know you so I don't care about your giz and then I left yeah and then when she fucked him I guess they both came or whatever

but then he stuffed her head under the covers and farted in her face okay we don't want to use farts for torture we want to use it for happiness but also when you learn about yourself you then can teach guys because also women are taught

to not be assertive and it's like especially with younger guys they just assume that like they'll do whatever and girls will like it you have to tell guys like this is how my body is this how I like it and then train them but didn't you think also oh well that's what happens guys just do stuff to you

and then eventually you let like that's what I thought I was like oh guys are the sexual ones they know the most stuff how the fuck are they going to know more about your body than you. That's why no one knows about female orgasms because white men have been writing about it until like the 50s or 60s. It's like me writing about how a dick comes. Like I will never know that experience. Right. Yeah. I can look at guys coming all day and I'll never know the actual like feelings that are happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually was in a museum in Stockholm this

summer. Yeah. It's called the Vasa Museum. You guys should check it out. It's a massive ship. And there's one room in the Voss Museum that's like women of the Voss Museum. It's like, and it's a very empty room and it's like, not a lot is known about the women because the people writing it were men. They're like, but we are dedicated to finding out more about the women. We know they were a big part of this. We know, but it is, it's who writes the history. It's who writes the textbooks.

I like that they gave it space. They did. And saying like, it's not filled yet because we don't know, not that they're not existed. Not that they weren't there. Yeah. I love that. Right? But I think there's a beautiful connection with like men and women that like the more we learn about our bodies, the more they learn about our bodies. And you work together like sex is a two way street. And it only gets more fun when you have more of a communication and you have more of like a willingness to be like, hey, what do you like? Let me do that for you. Like, 100%. Everyone's different. You can't go into a relationship assuming like, yeah, my blow job is going to just blow his mind. Like you're probably good at giving blow jobs, but sometimes guys like different things. Yeah. Or have you ever like hooked up with a guy and he does a move?

and you're like, who were you dating before? Yes, a hundred percent, a hundred percent. And like, did she love this or did she just never speak up? Because... Well, I've, once I hooked up with a guy who had just been dating a girl for like eight years. And he just ended it. And somehow I was the unfortunate one that got him right after that. And he was, like, trying to finger me.

And he was nowhere, like, if he wasn't anywhere in the vicinity. Like, he didn't know. He didn't know what was happening. Okay. And I'm like, this poor... Maybe the girl didn't know. no, so she couldn't educate him, but it's like two blind people trying to find her clit was in a different spot.

Like, you don't even know. You don't know. But I'm like, you got to communicate. Yeah. Somebody asked me, they were like, what is like the best advice to give a woman an orgasm? Ask her what she wants. Do what she wants. That's it.

Because the thing is, is everyone is so different. Like, it's hard for me to give advice to other women. Like, there are things you can try, but everyone's body is shaped different. Yes. And also it's a beautiful thing. They can be like, oh, and they're so weird. No, women are incredible, beautiful souls with nerve endings every fucking way. Think of it like unlocking a new level in a video game. Yeah. You know, like if every level was the same, you'd be like, this is pretty boring. Yeah. A hundred percent. Then you get that treasure chest at the end, you're like, oh, it was the

right swipe twice. Sick. Exactly. Yeah. It's not this like magical thing. It's actually anatomy yeah that lets us orgasm yeah we do a lot of science like a lot of stats on the podcast i love because it's like it makes it more digestible and less like oh this is about like yeah it doesn't associate with shame and it doesn't associate with all the other bullshit they're basically like if you stimulate this long enough this will happen yeah and i was like oh i'm gonna try that yeah it's basic chemistry it's and i love how you talk about it because i talk about everything. And I was a little, not nervous, but I was like, oh, I hope it doesn't get weird. Like me? Not weird, but like, I hope it's not like, I don't know. I don't talk about, and also

like my dad's friends listen to this sometimes, so it's weird. Hi dad's friends. But you talk about it in such a like matter-of-fact way that's so empowering. Thanks. And we also, it's also just like my voice. I'm like, well. You're a little monotone. Yeah. But I love the delivery. I love the dry delivery. I do think that the orgasm is equivalent to life. If you enjoy the journey, you don't even give a fuck what the result is. The results come and go. It's like this podcast.

If I didn't enjoy this moment with you, why the fuck am I doing a podcast so that I get on the charts for a second and then I fall off it? No. Don't you fall off. I know. I better not fall off that shit. Don't you fall off. I'm not going to fall off.

But I'm not worried about it. I'm not going to sleep worried about it either. It's like it's about the journey of things. And with tennis, I stopped enjoying the journey. I just wanted to win. Yeah. So when you're so obsessed with the result, your mind plays tricks on you and you're not in the present moment.

You know what I always think about? Vacation. You know when you're on vacation and you know you have a set amount of days and like the first day you get there, you're like, eight days left. Yep. Don't think about eight days left. Be like, we just got here. This is sick.

Let's go outside. Let's have a snack. Yes. I once had a moment where like I was with this guy I was seeing and I couldn't orgasm when he was fingering me one day. And then the next day. When you say fingering, you're saying stimulating the whole. area. The clitoris. Oh, okay. See,

I think of finger blasting, like, vaginal canal. Like, I don't, I guess fingering is anything with your fingers. With your fingers. Yeah, so I think fingering is, like, playing with the clip. He was masturbating you. He was masturbating. Well, because I'm like, do what I wanted to do myself. Yeah. And he, and I

couldn't come that one time, because I think I was stressed about something. Then the second time, I was thinking about the result of the last time, and I'm like, oh, no, what if this is a thing? That's me thinking about the result. And you push it even farther. And not being in the present moment of just enjoying it and then it just happens. That was sex for me every fucking time. It comes with trusting that like it's going to happen. If you lose that hope, like I lost the hope

that my serve was going in. Yeah. I literally was like it's never going in. So let's see what kind of terrible shit happens. So if you go into it like I'm not going to come and that's what's repeating in your head. How the fuck are you supposed to come? I literally would be having my boyfriend go down on me and it would be he'd be doing a great job like technically. But in my head I'd be like, this poor guy oh my god i've never come i'm not going to come if i do come it's going to be bad i'm going to make a noise i'm going to fart in his mouth i'm going to like all this like rapid rapid thoughts and then the second i had told anybody oh i have never come then you get this you've never come somebody something must be wrong with you psychologically so then when you're

fucking somebody you're also thinking well what's wrong with me psychologically do i have a weird kink do i want to fuck kids like what is this thing that's why the podcast was so great because people started to reach out to you right and say you're not crazy not all they were like oh my god i've been i had a woman we interviewed her um episode 20 it's called what about ben i finally had my boyfriend on to talk about like his point of view because the men's point of view is very important i was about to ask um but the guest that we interviewed was 50 years old and she had never had an orgasm and she had one because of our podcast my podcast i'm gonna cry insane i'm gonna cry and her husband came on too i okay i need to listen to this guys go listen

How come? I also think that we were talking about this before. What is your boyfriend call your podcast? I want to address this. Girls who laugh like dudes. So this is a very interesting topic because girls are taught to giggle like, I am known to laugh just, it just comes out. It's loud.

And you could say it's like a dude because it's a like social construction that guys laugh loudly and strongly and girls are like oh so giggle we're not supposed to take up space oh my god and that's what orgasming is us taking up space it's our moment oh you just blew my mind yeah just blew my fucking mind the first time somebody ever said that was a slam poet i saw an assembly at in high school i wish i could find the video if i do i'll send you the link because like holy shit but basically she's talking about how she's been watching her mom like becomes skinny and skinny and skinny and quiet and while her dad gets big and booming and stuff and she watches as like she physically gets smaller and quieter because she's trying to take up less space because

she doesn't feel like she deserves to be there because she doesn't think her opinion should be out there in the world and like a lot of men get like kind of triggered by this they're like but we're not trying to silence you it's like we don't know who is trying to it could be other women it could be this puritanical society that we grew up we don't know we're not blaming men yeah but the fact of the matter is is i've always been told by my mom you're so loud you're so loud don't be so laugh my ex called me loud and i was like i need to get out of this and it's like i have it a whole episode episode nine where i talk about um the fact that i think my laugh shaming made me ashamed of other aspects that i was like well then i really can't orgasm because i'm probably going to

holler you know it's funny i've haven't once you've probably laughed a couple times i haven't once processed like oh that was a loud laugh i've laughed a lot and but i wasn't like oh that was a weird laugh right and the thing is orgasming on tv is like oh oh my god oh like it's so beautiful yeah oh sexual where guys are like disgusting and no one cares you don't know what's going to happen in that moment of release yeah you don't know what's going to happen i also will do different sounds different times It's just how I'm, like, I'm a, I'm a dramatic person. You know, sometimes I've been like, you should see me grunt on the tennis court. That was the other thing.

Wait, dude, I can't believe I didn't even bring this up. My mom used to make fun of my grunting because I would grunt when I would hit four hands and backhand. Whenever I feel like it, sometimes I don't. But I was eight the first time I did that and she was like, oh, look at you. You don't need to do that or whatever. So then I would keep it in, which makes your stroke softer. know that like I would feel so empowered when I was like I would do this double thing like and I'd be yelling and I'd be crushing it and then I'd win the point and I'd be like let's

fucking go yeah I'd get warnings because I like curse and like I didn't give a shit I knew that like what I was doing was right even though like the umpire would give me a point violation for you know like getting mad at someone but they wouldn't give it to like a guy on the men's tennis team because it's just him with serena this year you're taking up space when you orgasm and you're letting it be free. And if you're saying, hey, pay attention to me for a little bit. And that's why, honestly, I'm single right now. And people are so kind of like, they message me on Instagram.

They're like, you're pretty. You're funny. Why are you single? And it's like, you know what? I haven't met a man that, like, has made me feel like I have enough space yet. And I've dated, like, very successful men who don't give me space. I've dated guys who, like, I've dated a variety of, like, quality on paper men. Yeah.

And they haven't done it for me because I haven't felt like I had enough space. I have a question because earlier you said you were in high school and you were doing everything right and you were like, I did everything right. I had a boyfriend. Do you still think having a boyfriend is doing everything right? No. Okay. Yeah.

Because I used to think, I used to feel, I didn't have a boyfriend until I was in my senior year of college and I felt like I was the biggest fucking failure of life. Oh yeah. Having a boyfriend was like having a little metal walking around for the first time. at 27 I'm like I don't want to just have a boyfriend it's exhausting especially when I know he's not the one I'll be like oh we get a long well he's tall and handsome let's see where this goes for six months yeah now I'm like I don't really care to just have someone I'm talking to to talk to I don't need it can't do casual sex I just don't crave it I crave more yeah I'm not good at it like my love language is like

spending time and yeah I love quality I want a best friend me too I want a best friend I can masturbate. Yeah, that's the thing too. Okay, so I used to sit around and I feel like such a fucking loser and then like, let's say I'd go out to a party and I intend to hook up with Donald because that's a guy, and it's not a guy.

Donnie. Donald. Oh, God, no, that's Trump. Okay, no. Oh, no, no. Oh, no, I'm not going to be to orgasm for a year now. Yeah, no, oops. Okay, say I was going to hook up,

I was going to say Jared. No, that's good. Steve. Steve. And I was really wanted to hook up with Steve. And then Steve would go home with someone else. And I would go home and I'd be thinking about it. And I'd be like, well, I guess I could just masturbate thinking about Steve.

But it would be like you were just rejected masturbating. So I would associate masturbating with you're alone. That's why this is the option. You know, it wasn't like, oh, what a nice opportunity to like go home and like take care of yourself. It's more like you weren't chosen. So now you have to finish yourself off or whatever. and then obviously that would never work. But it's funny because I don't want to say it's better than being with a guy

because it's just really different. It's so different. It's a self-love experience versus like a guy is like, but I've had some really bad experiences with the guy. So sometimes it's just like safe when you're with yourself. It's definitely safe. And it's empowering. I just always thought it was going to be on me to find the perfect guy

to have the perfect sex with and then I can have an orgasm. The P-word is so dangerous. It's so dangerous. No, you can buy a sex toy. And not the penis, I was saying perfect. Yeah. But penises could be dangerous too. Yeah.

But just find a sex toy. Find something that works. Like, I went to a masturbation class as one of the assignments. And she said, like, stuff that people made fun of me after for not even realizing, like, touch your own boobs. Touch your butt during. Like, you know, kind of like, you can tickle yourself. You can like just make yourself feel good. Anything that you would ask somebody else to do for you, do that.

And it's like, wow, you really can take care of yourself. Like it's even like a little thing like I was depressed for a while and when I got out of the depression, sometimes I'd wake up and I would just like hold my own hand. Oh yeah. And it was such a beautiful. Have you ever kissed your own shoulder? I don't know if I'm flexible enough. I have like tight shoulders but oh. Oh. It's really cute. Like sometimes I'll do it in the morning. I'm just like wake up. Good morning you. No one could take that away from you. And that's just unlimited, unconditional love to yourself. And how mean are you to yourself a lot? Because like, I'm just like, I'm just. I'm going to morning. I'm just. And me personally I will look at myself in the mirror and I'll tell myself everything not maybe verbally but like you look at everything like if you're able to be mean to yourself be nice to yourself it's also hard to come if you don't think you look pretty in that moment yeah you don't feel sexy yeah feeling sexy is purely mental like sometimes I'll like talk to a guy and I'm like I'm arena shake whatever I just feel like her like in that moment like I have a vision of like the hottest photo I've taken and I'm like that's me right now and I'm and I'm becoming that it's so that's mental too yeah

so all these things are purely mental to have self-love yeah the also thing about looking sexy like we were talking about Lindsay Metzlar before from we met at Acme she has a really great um millennial dating podcast in the city and um she came on my second episode and she was saying she's like well you have to get wax before you and I was like I was like well no no no you don't and she's like like no no sorry she's like i do because that's what makes me feel good she's like sometimes i'll even do it to masturbate like and i'm like oh like that changed things up for me because sometimes i'd be having sex with somebody being like oh i'm hairy he thinks i'm gross no no no the problem was i thought i was gross it wasn't groomed in the way that i wanted and i hadn't taken time to like

find me sexy that day yeah so like now sometimes if i'll master i'll shower i'll like you know like get groomed I'll I'll lotion up I'll like feel good sometimes I'll even put on underwear just and like dance around the room of it like like it is it's for you and also you're taking up space you're taking up space for yourself I have there's a great Instagram called selfish ladies she's like a life coach her name is Kim she's great and like she's taking the word selfish and making it a positive thing yeah I feel like we hit some really powerful topics And we've learned kind of, we've hit some G spots. We've hit some G spots. And we've learned a lot about orgasming. Yeah. Female ejaculation. And tennis.

And tennis. But I want to play a game to finish this off. Okay. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Time. Other people's time. I've been told that I like to keep people in my house like a house cat because I just like

them to like be back when I'm there are you the kind of person that gets energy from other people I need one on one time like no but but I if I'm out in public with too many people I get sucked same when did you realize that about yourself um probably when I started comedy actually I don't know I've never been a group friend person but I always blamed it on me I was like oh my god like just groups of people don't like me it's like no you don't like being in groups it's so funny my friend text me the other day and she was like, I feel like so-and-so doesn't like me. And I was trying to like make excuses. I was like, wait, wait, do you even like her? Right. Like, you guys clearly just don't hit it off. I tweeted one. Do you like her? I literally said I spend most of my time thinking

about why people I don't like, don't like me. It's a psychosis. It's like literally if I have a show and I invite people, like I'm just thinking about the one person that didn't show up. Yeah. Which is horrible. Yeah. Well, it's like when I dated a stand-up and I was. wasn't allowed to go at any of his sets because and I was like this is insane like everyone thinks you're funny but he didn't want to deal with the pressure of having me there I don't let my boyfriend in the room yeah yeah but that's also like a performance thing yeah who are you envious of besides people who were coming all the time before you started your podcast oh I was so envious at them I'm less this now it used to be people who are good at social media just because I feel like

I am so bad at it, and I have a lot to sell, but I can't... Did someone tell you you're bad at it? Maybe. Maybe people have told me that they don't like it. Yeah, a bunch of... Because I found you on social media and like, I thought your social media was great. Oh, great. Okay, good.

I mean, people go through a lot of different strategies. I recently, I started posting tweets and people, and like, I know that... I liked yours. Oh, thank you. Yeah. You're very fun to follow. My thing is, I actually don't... like posting photos of myself yeah it's just like I don't I'm the kind of person I go out and I'm like fuck I didn't get a photo like it's I'm I don't like wear an outfit for that day for a photo

like I'm just not that human see I'll wear the outfit but then I won't ask somebody to take the photo because I'm like I don't want an inconvenience and then I don't want to not like the photo taking up space yeah and then I don't want to like ask you 20 more times to do it and then eventually just get no likes on the photo like it's just yeah it's a lot of effort I don't like taking photos where it's like just me because I feel like it's a little like tell me I'm pretty and I don't I never like cared about

that stuff as much I'm more like tell me I'm funny yeah yeah that's what tweeting is that's the thing is I was just like I just wish I was better at this so that I could let my real shit shine most comedians are so shitty at it you should just put your hand on your back because like

and be like listen listen to the room when they laugh they laugh that's good also everyone follow Remy What's your, what's your handle? Remy K-M-Y-K-A-S-I-M-I-R. Also, she just dyed her hair blonde. Like six months ago. Six months ago.

Sorry, I watched you on Netflix and your hair was brunette, so I'm like, oh, my God. Oh, yeah. We filmed that like a while ago, though. What are you gluttonous about? A weed. I smoke a ton of weed all day every day. Why? I love it.

It makes me, first of all, I have a very Jewish stomach. If I wake up without a stomachache, I'm like, am I Christian now? what's going on um and i it just it calms me and do you ever feel like it confuses you uh i mean i definitely have had like some memory loss yeah that's a thing but um yeah i try not to do it is your boyfriend mind oh he smokes way more okay cool yeah my ex-boyfriend minded and i minded having him as my boyfriend i wanted to ask you this is like going a little backwards but how did your whole not being able to come affect your boyfriend and like because guys have egos guys do have egos ben was very sweet and he also i mean i i don't even want to say very sweet he was a great

person in saying well no you need to come this isn't really about me at all like let's do this together you've been you've been remi for 26 years before we started dating like it's something you need to figure out before i can help you so he didn't take it personally no wow he's a confident guy not Well, because he's made other people come and like, and yeah, I would always get really pissed off when people would be like, oh, Ben must be really bad at sex. And I'm like, no. And I'd also get pissed off before I was well informed at my previous boyfriend because I was like, you're not trying hard enough. But that's not nice to him. That's like handing somebody like an eight-sided fucking Rubik's Cube and being like, solve this. No one's ever done it. Do it while we're naked. Yeah. Like that's not fair to another person. Not fair. but it's great that you guys communicated about it and wasn't like a secret you kept in and you were kind of open about the journey together like it probably got you guys closer

100% now when you come it's like he loves it he loves it yeah because yes guys also as girls also like you love making the other person happy it's beautiful and the first time I ever like squirted with him like I literally yelled I was like I'm squirting also ladies squirting is not a crazy thing

that's in porn. Mm-mm. I feel like everyone? Almost everyone? I don't know. I think most people have the capabilities. Don't go out there and be like, I can't squirt.

It's horrible. It probably takes people different ways to go about it. Exactly. But I feel like it's a thing that people can do. This is something I want to tell your listeners just because I find it the most fascinating thing I've ever learned during the podcast. Do you know what the clit actually looks like internally?

It's like a V with a little, like. Yeah. we only see like that little iceberg that sticks out but then that goes back like four inches and then it's got these big long legs that go around the whole of your vagina so actually when you're having a vaginal orgasm as 75% of or no lower 25% of women can yeah yeah 28 to 25% of women can come strictly vaginally but it's not the canal that's giving them the orgasm it's that their clitoris is bigger or closer to their canal So it's really the clit that's getting stimulated through the vaginal walls. Wow. Yeah. That's why shit is so complicated because no one's vagina is the same. It's the same.

Exactly. So it's like beautiful flowers. Yeah. Also, I don't like this vagina bashing where people will try to be like, oh, because her lips are longer. Oh, because she's like, it's different colored. Like, stop it. Do you know people have different preferences on their vaginas?

And what you think is a beautiful vagina might not appeal to somebody? Yeah, like people are paying money to like to diet or cut their lips off. And it's like, if it makes you feel good, okay, but I just wish that our society wasn't going in that direction. Yeah, it's, it's tough. But there's a show, another British show that I'm obsessed with. British reality TV is the best because you get to see them make. But this one's called dating naked or naked dating. And it literally starts with five people in booths.

and at first you only see legs and penises and you vote them out or legs and vaginas you vote them out based on their penis or vagina and it goes up the next round you see their torso vote them out based on torsos

next round tits tits you know vote them out on tits next head vote them out on head and then the next they finally get to speak but my sister and I were watching it and we were like

oh my God we would win this because of the vagina we have the best vaginas or whatever matching sister vaginas and then the guy picked totally different vaginas he eliminated the vagina

that look like ours and we were like interesting he likes it oh yeah just because what society says guys like isn't necessarily what they like isn't it horrible that people can't be openly i mean they can now but people couldn't be openly attracted to uh overweight people without being called a chubby chaser that's what you like that's a person i think the only reason we don't have names like that we use all the time is because people don't talk about vaginas yeah it's just something that people like people don't even like the word vagina yeah i'm not thrilled by it i don't think penis is that great either no it's not but i feel like yeah i love saying box i love box i love dodge i love crotch i've never heard jodge i don't feel like i'd use crotch in a sexual situation yeah i never got rub my crotch

rub my crotch it sounds like it reminds me of like an over-the-pants hand job yeah start a fire i'm like Crotch. Yeah. Nothing against fire crotches. When was the last time you experienced wrath? So anger. I actually have like anger. Like I have an angry streak for sure.

Are you 100% Jewish? Mm-hmm. Okay, I'm half Sicilian, so, and half Jewish. Okay. That's why I have a lot of anger, yeah. Exiety and anger. Yeah. I'll just get, honestly, it's like when I fall lower on the charts, like I'll get angry,

and I shouldn't. but I'll I'll freak out that I'm like I'm putting out this great content and I'm sharing my life and I want you to appreciate it but that's maybe too much of an overshare I tennis was always the rankings and who you're playing and you're ranking and I'm like so over that shit that I'm like if I rank that's great but I know my content right and I don't need the charts and whatever like who even knows the subscribers control it who knows I just know that my people are enjoying it yeah and i think it makes having a good time yeah your people they talk to me and i i love my companions the most i'm just saying you can't control the charts no that's the thing that's so that's where it's like it's like frustration yeah yeah yep but it's good to hear like you guys listen to podcast and it's like we have a a whole business side that like we want advertisers and we want this and like charting helps we want better guess so um subscribe rate review what did you do before comedy so many things so many things because i was in

digital marketing. So like I have that brain too where I'm constantly like going back between the creative and then like well what's the best strategic way to get it in front of people. Yeah. I literally so with a thing the job that got me wasn't a job. I started a company and it was the thing that got me starting improv which led to stand up. But I invented an expandable leather belt loop. So if you had like a floppy belt, you could put this belt loop on and it would tuck in and like blend in. I'm obsessed. And Lindsay Metzlar was one of my models way back. in the day and I yeah I just like problem solving and I just wanted I was like oh you have floppy belt you look like shit let's let's fix it that's so funny so stupid I'm so I'm so impressed

that you were like I'm gonna start a fucking business yeah you were talking about you mentioned imposter syndrome before oh my god I just heard my imposter syndrome come out and I just heard it come out because you're like I'm like wow you try to start a whole business which is something that people wouldn't even try it's almost like you've the balls to do things other people wouldn't try but then you're like oh i'm crazy for trying it it's not me right i have this theory in the world that no one actually knows what's happening no one knows what's going on and i've read books that are like just because a doctor has 50 years experience versus a doctor with three years experience doesn't mean the experience doctor is actually better sometimes the younger one is actually

more passionate and more refreshed on what they know and they're actually going to do a better job yeah so it's like where do you think your imposter syndrome comes from i don't know but i've always had this feeling like, how could you have the audacity? How could, and not just me, how could anyone have the audacity to go out and think that somebody would want to listen to them talk on stage? Specifically with stand, like, because I've wanted to do stand-ups since I was like 14, but there weren't, there weren't female stand-ups that were coming from the Upper East Side that I could be like, oh, I'm going to be the next, you know, her.

And people would argue millennials are the people that their parents are like, you're so special, you're amazing, you could do anything. Mm-hmm. but you still were like, who am I? I don't think I had parents who, my parents said I was adorable and they said I was creative, but they didn't really say you can do anything. They were like kind of like Jewish, like, you know, go into fucking business. But once you started getting some traction and people were like, we want you on a Netflix series.

We want you headlining this club. Were you starting to change your mind on? No. I mean, every time I get like my validation, I'm like, Great. I deserve that. And then somehow it washes away everything that has gotten me to this point. And I'm like, well, anybody could have done that. You know what I'd argue? No one deserves anything, which my mom will say to me because I'll be like, I deserve to get that part. I deserve to get. And she's like, you don't deserve anything. But also, not everyone can do it. Do you know when kids are running around and like one kid is like bossing everyone around or one kid's a class clown? people are different yeah go to like when you're a kid before society tells you things like i was the kid that was standing from the class being loud trying to make people laugh well not when i was really young

but when i got to camp the first thing i ever i directed an air band you know when you have to like record everything first and i was a slave driver you're so funny but we won that air band and we were the third to oldest age group like that was unheard of we beat tamery the oldest boat and that's why you started your own business yeah I like to be bossy But then I'm like But I'm just that girl I'm so bossy

Yeah But I tell myself like I'm not bossy Sorry I'm getting shit done Yeah Moving on We got in side tracks But these are important side tracks Yeah

When was the last time You were a sloth? This morning I feel like comedians I love stereotyping comedians Because I dated one So I'm like I know Like comedic standups are like

Well standups are very different Than others Yeah yeah yeah But like you guys are always calling yourself lazy and I'm like you guys have so much pressure all day and then you have to perform at night right but you call yourself lazy all the time I am very I mean I I I naturally wake up at 7 a.m but then I watch like seven episodes of the office before I leave the house wait I love that it's like a combination of not lazy but very lazy yeah like so I'm and I've said to my mother I'm

starting a revolution from my bed you know like the oasis song and she's like what do you mean and i'm like like you think that like you have to go up and go to work like i sent five emails this morning while i'm watching the office i get my best work done in my bed with my cat like editing my podcast editing videos writing scripts that's where i love to be i like to be in a comfortable position i'm not a psychopath i don't like standing desks i don't like like walking on a treadmill brainstorming yeah no i want to not worry about my physical being so So my brain can flourish. Exactly.

I, what's your sign? Leo? Interesting. I'm a Virgo. I was thinking that we were probably like the same or like... What birthday are you? September 9. Are you on the cause?

Uh-uh. I'm August 12th. Theoretically, we don't, we're not like great together. No, we're not, but we're very similar. We're New Yorkers. Okay. I'm just going to say that. New Yorkers are so cocky.

That's our star sign. Yeah. When was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something? Oh, every. every fucking day if somebody doesn't respond to an email of mine that's actually become the thing in 2019 like you know how you you're like you're my first DM that I reached out to on the podcast like if I send a DM to somebody and they don't reach out or like back out I'm like well that's why I was nervous because you know we have a ton of mutual friends and I'm like

if this doesn't go well I'm going to feel awkward because I'm going to run into her right so it was kind of in my head I was like this kind of balls it's not a random girl and i think i'm going to run into because besides my imposter syndrome i'm i also have a grandiose complex that i think like i'll go shopping for a t-shirt and end up buying a dress that i'm like i could be in the oscar someday like it's like so i'm like oh my god i better not say something weird about set together i always joke because guys want me to send nudes and i'm like i'm going to be famous i'm going to be famous i can't do that yeah i would do that like in college they're like i'm like if i win this match tomorrow like i'm going to the u s o

open so I can't have my titties running around. It's a good thing like I I took the season two photo like last weekend and uh so hot by the way thank you uh the photographer was like let's do a different backdrop this time it'll be really fun like I was like no no because eventually I want to write a book so I want them to match and she was like what but you know what that vision is something that other people don't have right and that's why your imposter syndrome is bullshit thank you because I just need to keep you around. You'll remind me and I'll remind you and we'll take tennis. Yes. My friends call me hype girl because I'm like that friend that like I will run to someone's house and be like, you stop talking yourself like that. You stop it. You are good. You are amazing. I was shaking the

table. I'm getting really pumped up. But it's true. Like I quit my marketing job because I wanted to be in video and I started at a company for freelancing for $300 a week and my friends were like, I know they were talking shit behind my back like, oh, did you see Hannah? Like she quit her job. She's don't like doing anything she's 25 i had this long-term plan that people didn't know like of what i it could have gone to shit but i at least had this plan that other people didn't see you're creative your life is what you can create in your head yeah do you know how many people would come up to me when i first started comedy oh i see you're really involved in that comedy community that's so cute like really looking down on comedy and me and then the second i'm on fucking netflix whoa so

comedy's going really well right like well when you're getting like lunch and I'm like oh now you want lunch now you want lunch mm-mm I hate the word cute you didn't believe in me I know it's funny but not even that you look down on an entire profession that is a very worthy profession well now it's like cool and now people are like it wasn't cool two years ago it's more like no but it's more like comedy used to by my ex used to say that comedy was like the kids you make fun of the cool kids yeah and suddenly now like the comedians are the cool kids in a way in entertainment like everyone wants a piece of it it just got more mainstream yeah yeah yeah um yeah one of my friends wrote a joke like if you're the loser at a comedy party you're like the loser of all the losers final question besides your boyfriend when was the last time you lusted over someone i had a weird sex stream

who's gay and yeah and now i have like this crush on him but he's like so gay and he wrote a comment on my season two photo making fun of it because he's like in photography and styling and stuff and it felt as if like a like he is a real crush but he's like there's no there's no way and like i have a boyfriend are you tight with him enough to like make out with him at a party as a joke no no I have like one gay guy friend whenever I see him I'm like no no he's like my friend's friend like we've only met a handful of times is he like your type if he was straight no like he's bald it's so weird and he has mustache don't say too much because people

find out who he is your boyfriend will start to get jealous yeah well Ben can I hook up with gay guys is that cool you never know to end this podcast I like to ask I'm like that's the same question what do you do to cope with your hell you have to take your bestest people and only your bestest people and let them know what's going on and they will fucking help you because the worst thing that I can do when I'm feeling shitty is I will isolate and then I start to spiral into these thoughts of this person hates me they've hated me forever they told all of their friends about they hate like everyone hates me I'm a hateable person I'm a bad person I'm a bad

You'll think of, like, one comment you made that they responded weirdly, and I'm like, oh, yeah, that ruined the friendship. Even if the thought is dark as fuck, I'll reach out to my friends and be like, I feel like no one likes me. I feel this way or whatever. And then they'll correct you. First of all, I like you. Second of all, you're amazing. You know, like, don't say this stuff because it's scaring me and I love you and whatever. And like, that stuff lifts your spirits.

Go outside. Smoke a joint. They always say the best way to get out depression is friends. Yeah. And it's funny because, like, friends are actually hard to have. They are hard to have. And if you're, like, at home and you're like, I don't feel like I have a circle of people like that and you, or you feel like your circle isn't that great, fucking lose them.

Like, lose them. Cut them off and stop trying to force something that's not there. Yeah, I have this one bitch friend that sometimes I would want, like, help. And every time I go to her, you end up feeling worse. cut them out they're not helping like find people that give you energy you're just going to end up expending the energy trying to make them care when they you know like fuck that person if you have energy suckers in your life it's selfish and good of you to remove it so that you have your safe space yeah let them suck on someone else i like that as a way to wrap this up remi thank you so much

for coming on everyone listened to her podcast how come and The Love Island. We really love Island. We really love Island. They're both available where podcasts are available. And they're both online on Twitter and Instagram. How Come Podcasts? We Really Love Island.

And I'm Remy Kassimir. Amazing. And follow me at Being a Burns. You guys are the best. Talk to you later. Bye.