Berner Phone - Rosebud Baker: Dark Humor & Devil's Advocate

Episode Date: June 4, 2021

Rosebud is a hysterical comedian whose intensely personal, dry, and remorselessly dark brand of humor makes her one of my favorite comics to watch. She opens up about breakups, insecurities, getting benched as a cheerleader, and explains why love is like a fart.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, hello there. I'm excited to announce my debut comedy tour. You know, I did start the tour pre-pandemic and then that didn't go as expected. So now I'm back on tour. I have shows in Long Island coming up. I have shows in New York City in two weeks. I got Texas, Buffalo, I have Nashville, Indianapolis, New Jersey. Go to Hannahburner.com to get tickets. I'm so excited to see people in person and to laugh again. Enjoy this episode with Rosebud. She is. hilarious. At one point, we were sitting in the kitchen and he's so much taller than me and I was like, you're like a ladder. I get to climb and there's hugs at the top. And then I was like, ew. Ew. What happened to me?

What's up, guys. Welcome to Hell. It's me, the devil. You guys are the little devils. And we've invited Rosebud Baker to the dark depths. And I feel like she's familiar with hell. How are you, Rosebud? I'm good. I'm good. I'm actually zooming in from hell now. No, it's not. It's my own personal hell. It's my pretty nice. Well, you also have your own podcast called Devil's Advocate. So I feel like we're just in the same realm of darkness. You know what's so funny, my podcast is probably as, I mean, people wouldn't, people who listen to it wouldn't say that it's positive, but I think it's really positive. And then like, the reviews are like, she's so good at like tackling dark topics. And I'm like, well, I think, I feel spiritual. Like I do these are light for me. Yeah. I'm like, I should be a preacher? When I, when I'm done, I'm like, should I go to like Catholic school or something or what I don't know. How do you become a preacher? I mean, you're your stand-up comedian. It's very, it's a thin line between preacher and stand-up. But you're known in the community as like being able to have like sick, dark humor and I fucking love it so much. What are some of your darkest jokes about? I've seen some, but I feel like people need to like fully understand where you're coming from. I tackle death a lot, putting down my dog, putting down my cat. Not on purpose. I thought you meant putting down like, um, insulting them. You know, like, like the ultimate insult, like, no, they're gone.

Like, like, I tackle that euthanizing both my pets. David Duke, I make fun of David Duke. Pretty much everything that depresses people, I find pretty funny. You have some exciting things going on. I mean, you were on JFL's newest faces. Newest, funniest faces. Yeah, yeah. Funny new faces.

It's new faces. It was in 2018, yeah. In 2018. before the world burned down you've been on comedy central you've been on amazon you've been everywhere and you found love and you have podcasts so like i look up to you as just like a crushing female comic and you have a special coming out can you tell us about it i can't give all the details i i just did the special this weekend in um Nashville Tennessee because that's where it's legal to do comedy um like it's an album but then

all I was sort of organizing all of this, I saw all these guys putting their specials on YouTube. And I hadn't seen a woman put her special on YouTube yet. And I, right before the pandemic hit, was involved in this like Netflix competition show. Yes. Where we were all like trying to, whoever won this competition was going to get an hour on Netflix. And I had mixed feelings about doing that because it wasn't exactly how I wanted to earn my hour. You know, it's like everybody has an idea of how they're going to be off for their hour. And I just didn't want to do it like that. I don't know why, but it just didn't feel authentic to me.

So I, when the whole thing happened, when the pandemic hit, it's not like I was like, yay, or anything like that. But when it came to that specific experience, I was like, this feels a little bit kismet. Like, it didn't feel right that I was doing this, and maybe it's a good thing that I don't have to now. But I still had seven years of material that I was like, I'm never going to use this again after the pandemic. It's like, what am I going to do? It doesn't even feel it was about my life before the pandemic.

And I literally got engaged, married, got a new puppy. All this stuff happened during the pandemic. Rosebud, the same thing happened to us. My whole set was why I'm single. yeah and now i'm engaged yeah and it's like you have all of this stuff and it's like what how are you going to what are you going to do with that so i just had to i had to put it on an album and throw it away and and just you know while i was let it let's film it and let's put it out and i let the trolls on youtube enjoy it for the rest of their lives yeah exactly my first memory of watching you perform

was so funny because you were murdering um as they say in the community murdering and then out of nowhere randomly you were like i'm so fucking sick of these jokes i'm glad you guys are enjoying it because it's i just feel disgusting saying them over again and i just thought it was so self-aware and so vulnerable and so like you never know what's actually going on in someone's head because you were killing like everything was great and you started something and you're like i don't want to do this one but um you guys are liking it so i guess i'll do it and it was just so funny to me yeah i mean it did it is you do have those moments on stage where you're like am i you like hate yourself for doing it like am i like a fucking birthday clown like what am i am i like a like a gesture in the 1800s

what is my job you know because if you're not connected to your own material and you know it's doing well it's like i don't really get excited about jokes that i know do well it's like certain crowds that will laugh a little too hard at something that you don't think is that funny and then you're like who am i yeah why am i here yes i don't do i like the me that i'm being but i think that's great that you let that material go and you're also able to celebrate it of those seven years that like in the time was you that was rose bud and you know i was talking to my friend about this blair sake who i think you know yeah yeah she's hilarious and i was talking to her about like old material and it kind of reminds me of you know when you see pictures of

yourself as a kid and you're like ugh um and then you grow up and you're and you see those same pictures and you're like oh i wish i could like give her a hug that's kind of how i see it when you're putting material out that you don't necessarily connect to anymore it's a way of just letting that past self know that like they deserve to like be celebrated And so stand-up's the only way that I know how to do that. And it's a cool thing. I never, I hadn't thought about it like that before, but I was having so much trouble getting through my material for the album.

And I was like, I have to find a way to make this worth it where I'm not just like doing the jokes and being like, ew, ew, gross. I don't feel like that anymore. I had to change my attitude about it. And it was like. And that's why you're also an actress. But it also was true at some point. It's not like you're fucking. I mean, making shit up.

all the time were you did you have any other career before stand up i did i was an actor and that was like sort of my job it was like you know i was doing acting work on like non-union jobs doing um i did an i did a reality show with like my gay best friend in oh my god was that like oh my god it must have in 2007 or something or 2009 i I don't know. Anyway, so I was an actor and then I just decided I was with this guy who was like awful, who was abusive and who I tell jokes about now on stage. As one should. And I, he was an actor. And when we broke up, I was like, I want nothing to do with this world anymore. He turned me off to the entire thing. He would wake up every morning and like check his IMDB score

and be like, who's looking me up? And it was just like, I would rather catch. him looking at porn. Like, it's, there's nothing grosser to me than a man in a fedora, like, looking at his own head shots. I just, face tuning his own face. Yes. There's something so gross about that. And like caring about his acne more than you care about your acne.

Yeah, it's a huge turnoff and it's called narcissism. I know. And listen, it's my favorite word. I do it. I'm, I mean, it's not like I got out of entertainment or anything, but I do feel. ashamed for being married to a man who has a headshot and um oh so you guys were were married married no no no no I'm married now to another guy oh no so am I so I mean I'm not well it's funny I feel like me and you are very similar just more similar than different because we dated comics tell me if I'm wrong

did you ever say out loud I'm done dating comics no I never oh so why did you never say that you sick fuck because I'm not and you're wrong because first of all I would have said that to myself but I have the benefit of experience

in the sense that I'm a little bit older than you and I have I have also recovered from alcoholism and I know when I say that I'm going to quit something if I mean it or not and like so I knew I knew

that I wasn't going to go out with a guy who was like a regular guy because I never have. I've never calling for that guy. I feel like I'm out with my dad or something. He even tried dating this guy who was like a fireman and I was into that until he told me that he

was really passionate about being a DJ and then I was like well this is ruined. He's like I really like clicking buttons I'm playing top 40 and then yelling random stuff he tried Hannah he tried to play his songs he tried to ask Alexa to play his music after I'd fucked him I was still my titties were out and he said he said Alexa play blah blah

and then the worst part Alexa was like I don't know who that is you should quit and the woman on top of you should leave you damn Alexa damn keep it to yourself next time wait I love that so much the voice of God right now so you need to get out of my house but what do you think is the hardest thing about this is such a corny question that everyone asked but two comics dating each other you've dated more than one comic what have you learned from the experience of making it work versus why it won't work. I don't know that I've ever had something where like it didn't work. Like in the sense that

I don't, every relationship that I've had that ended, I was like, no, this makes sense. This goes to go past this point, you know? Yeah. Um, but in like what makes it work, I think it's a lot easier if, you know, for me, like I, before Andy, I always dated black guys. So it's not like our material was going to be. It's not like they were up there telling jokes about what it felt like to be a white woman who grew up in the suburbs with money. You know, not like our material was going to be anything like one another. He's tweeting about like avocado toast and you're like, get your own material bit. I'm like, excuse me, that's my genre.

No. Can you stop appropriating my culture? Right. I just feel like now it's a little bit harder because, hey, I'm married, so it's not like if we fight, I can, there's, I have to fill out paperwork to get out of this. Yeah, that's exhausting. That, like, gives me more anxiety than staying with the man.

No, yeah. I mean, divorce would be easier if it weren't paperwork because now I'm, now he has to be the guy that, he has to do all the paperwork, because I'm not going to do it. If we ever get divorced, he has to do all the work, you know. But if you're you're you made a very valid point in that like all the relationships that ended you were like I get it. That's why I think sometimes the weird like situationships that last like two, three months sometimes hurt the most because you can make up in your head how amazing it would have been if you two had actually like committed. But when you're actually with someone for three years, you're like yeah, I've seen it all and I've done the research and the math doesn't add up. Right. And also with the two with the two month ones, the three month ones, I would say. I would say. I've seen it all. And I've done the research and the math doesn't add up. Right. Right. And also. And also with the two, with the two month ones, I would say. even them like you know I look at those guys and every single one of them was like not marriage material like it was very obvious I'm like you are 40 plus and never been married and don't have kids and every time I try to hint at marriage you're like I don't understand why people do that and

I'm like okay well that's my answer you know you're not going to change this guy's mind like were you ever afraid of being blacklisted by dating comics in the community and it not working out no because i i really am kind of a um i think have you ever read about like the love language i mean the love attachment style things oh yes and i'm fascinated by it i don't know that much about it though but it was one of those things i was like yeah i should read that one day yeah i so i haven't read it fully either we both don't know what it is but let's talk on it let's explain for a second as experts um i don't like when i look at that i'm more of like an avoidant i'm not like somebody that i would find it way more embarrassing if i was like

in please please can we be together if that if anybody found out that i was like that with somebody then i would feel mortified you're like then i'd not show up anywhere And it's like, I would blacklist myself. I'd be like, I'm like, no one can look me in the eyes. But I was pretty like, with everyone that I've dated, I've been pretty, like, day back. Put a wall up. Yeah. And, you know, like, hold me while I isolate is sort of my whole thing.

So it's like none of them even got to know me well enough for them to have that much dirt on. on me so it was yeah because it really is like we're in a co-working space where there's like a lot of alcohol and fucking and podcasting where you can talk to it so it can be like a dangerous place but it's also a place for people to thrive and to create together and it could be ultimately beautiful yeah how do you feel about did you were dating and do i remember before the pandemic yeah how did the pandemic either accelerate like make you guys or did you think it could possibly break you guys because I feel like a lot of couples dealt with that. Yeah. I never really felt like it was going to fuck with us. I just, when I met Andy, I was not attracted to him even

and was like, no thanks, not interested. He would like show up places and be like, do you need a ride? And I'd be like, no. Creepy. I have friends who can drive. Like I was very rude. And he was just like sweet he was just like a sweet person and i loved hanging out with him and me and him and gavin mats would go have family dinners at this place called oh and um i love parm yeah it's awesome place bond over just some cheese yeah lots of cheese and um one night we were hanging out and uh we left me him and gavin left and they went on the subway and i was on my way home and i texted andy i I was like, I wish we could have kept hanging out. And he was like, well, I could call Gavin if you want.

And I was like, no, do idiot. I'm talking about, like, I wish we could have kept hanging out, you know. And the next night he came to, like, he was flirting over text. I think he said something like, I want to wear you like a gas mask. And I was like, oh, shit. He said that. And I was like, okay, I'm wet. And I met him that night at like 10 or something.

We were at the cellar. I was like, I'm going to take off. And it was that weird tense moment where we'd been flirting pretty heavy via text. And he was like, do you want me to, I'll walk with you? And I was like, okay. And then he was like, oh, the L's down. And I was like, oh, that's convenient. And then he came over and we fucked.

And then I was like, this guy's like the guy I want to be with. I and I knew it because I never had to try to be like less intense than I am. I never had to like. I love that for you. Like you could take up all the space and there was space for you. Yeah. And he was like, you know, I could have done that with other people, but I really don't think that the relationships would have lasted.

Like, you know, I used to say to myself, well, I'm totally being myself. with this other person, and it's like, if I looked back, no, I wasn't. If I was upset or I felt like jealous or I felt I always had to like make it, I had to like play it down or pretend like it wasn't happening. If Andy mentions an ex, I'm like, well, I hope she's dead. And it's like not the comic exes that he's been with, but like, you know, women met in a bar. I'm like, okay, well, she crashed her car on the way home and, you know,

and he's just like, you're so right like nothing you can say can scare them away it even makes them like you more when i started dating um des he told i like you always have to know the virginity story and i was like so how'd you lose it and he told me the story about when he was like 12 or 13 and this girl emily and the i just like something about how he was telling the story was like a little too emotional for me and he end the story and i go well why don't you just go fuck emily then leave me and go and go and go and go fuck her and he's like she's in her 40s with a family leave her alone so then whenever i'm jealous in any way i just go go fuck emily and i like well you could be any woman and i'm like go fuck emily

because he was like i'd never like liked a girl before and i saw her and i'm like eh like so anyway but it's like i could embrace that jealousy and we could find a way to like laugh about it poor emily doesn't deserve to be part of the fight she doesn't deserve to be brought up right now but i hope someone can understand and feels less alone after hearing that story. I fully understand that because you're asking for the virginity story. You're not asking for it to be like, like, you don't need to give me war on your first fucking love. Yeah. Yeah. No, I wanted it to be like, oh, I, I hated it and it was weird. That's all I need. Yeah. And I was waiting for you. It's your draft of the notebook. Fuck off. And also, we have to just address, can you give me the

story behind Rosebud the name? Yeah. So. So I wish I could, but I can't because I grew up in a family full of alcoholics and everybody takes credit for it, but it's a completely different story every time. Like my aunt says that I went to go play in the garden every day and came back covered in mud and I would say the Rosebud club is made of mud. And that's why my name is Rosebud. I don't remember any of that. Don't remember my neighbor's garden. So I don't know where that story is coming from. My dad says that I was born red-faced, which he always leaves out the fact that the umbilical cord was tied around my neck, so I was actually just straining for breath.

But he said he called me Rosebud because of that, which I guess is like kind of cute if you leave out, you know, the fact that I was strangled. You could have died. The moment I came into the world. And yeah, those are my stories behind it. but I don't like it's just what I've been called since I was a kid like it sounds like it's such a stage name and the truth is it's not I was called bud like it was rose bud and then it was bud from the time I was like three until the time I was I mean at least 17 so that's what

that's what makes me love you because I feel like I love when people expect something and they get something else like you get on state and it's like rosebud's on stage and like you're very petite and you have like the cutest little bangs and then you just you just go dark so fast and everyone's in shock and it just makes me happy like I have the warmest feeling people do this where they and I've noticed it so often we're like it's not okay for women to be angry you know it's like we're supposed to be like polite or whatever and it's kind of like caretakers yeah and I'm like the most i i like love the feeling of being angry like i get i could get high the feeling of you'd be so good on reality tv you know what i mean when you're like you just

it's like it's like it makes you feel alive it makes you feel like you feel like you've a purpose you have to take something down yes it's like cocaine like it really are you sure you're not italian no i'm not i'm not i wish i was i'm literally like like fucking if i did 23 in me i'd get like a blank sheet of paper back. How do you feel being raised with alcoholics around you affected your personality specifically like the flight or flight or like dealing with anxiety and stuff like that? Sorry, this got dark, but. No, I love this.

This is my area. Yeah, of expertise. So there is a thing where you're raised, if you're raised in an alcoholic home, you take on the, um, the, um, the, symptoms of that disease, whether you're drinking or not. And by that being, you either strive to be a perfectionist and to people please and you lose your identity in the process of that or you swing the other way and you become this person who's terrified of any authority or any personal criticism whatsoever or you do both and you sway between the two. So you just have this sense

of like, I have no idea who I am. I feel guilty for not knowing who I am. And I feel guilty every time I stand up for myself. So you're just in this state of, like, confused anxiety your entire life. And there's nothing to really, no one there to be like to fix that because they are dealing with the same thing. It's like generational trauma, but it is, you know, where like ancestral trauma can actually I think make its way into somebody's DNA and they have no idea.

Like, you know how holoca- Yes, I'm fascinated by that. Yeah, like people who survived the Holocaust, their grandchildren are more susceptible to like PTSD. And they have no idea why. I had a strong idea of why I felt the way that I felt. But the people that I would go to for help were causing it. So I didn't know.

I really had to And they didn't find They didn't know the answer within themselves Because they were probably feeling a lot of similar things as well Yeah I mean my mom got sober when I was in eighth grade And that kind of helped a lot And I needed to look up to her so much And and I still look up to her

I mean I'm sober now so there's there's that But like yeah My life didn't even really start until I like Got out of my house lost my fucking mind And then ended up getting so around like 23 or 24 was there a person who might have inspired you to get sober was there like an event that made you make that decision um no that's the weirdest thing like you know when i got clean i remember it was like a night that i'd spent out and it was pretty tame compared to like

other nights i mean there were nights that i came out of a blackout running at the edge of my roof trying to kill myself and I thought I was being pushed but it was like yeah I was just running yeah um I look at those moments and I'm like I cannot believe the next day I was just like I was drunk you know like I was just like don't exaggerate don't get great you don't have to quit drinking but like I really needed to quit drinking and I didn't realize it until one night I just uh I went out after acting class with a bunch of people, ended up by myself drinking in the city. I don't know how I got home.

Woke up the next day, crying, and, like, randomly texted this girl who had given me her number while I was out in a blackout. I mean, I wasn't, like, completely blacked out when I met her because it was the only part of the night that I remembered. But she was in AA, and I had invited her to come drink with me, and she was like, no, I was a heroin addict. And I was like, oh, okay, well, I guess don't.

That sucks. And she had given me her number and I texted her and she was like, oh, come to a meeting with me. And so I just went, it was like noon that day. And I went to go meet her at this meeting, which was happening at 6 p.m. And I just waited for her there until 6 p.m. I was just like, wow. I don't know what else to do. This is the only thing that I can do today that's going to make me feel good.

So I'll just go to this and hopefully it'll work itself out. And I just, I haven't had a drink since then. Wow. Cold turkey. And during those first couple months, were you dealing with emotions that you felt like you'd been suppressing? I felt like I was dealing with emotions that I've been suppressing for the first six years, actually. Yeah. yeah yeah it's for me to like go from just like sober to like someone who feels sober who like

like I felt like I sort of had more my shit together by the time I I was six years sober and it doesn't always take people that long I don't I'm not like a shining example of like what to do but for me I was very stubborn I wanted to do everything my way um you know my mom was in the program so I had like resistance to that where I was like this is healthy and blah blah blah and you know but it was the only thing that fucking helped so I couldn't stop going

and it just it just took what it took it took a long time it took a lot of relationships with guys who like I'd be like I love you and they'd be like why you know and like me going to therapy working through that shit like all of my friends

and myself we all identified as like victims in our life like we wouldn't take responsibility for the shit that we were doing to ruin him and i just learned really slowly how to do all that shit and how to kind of like i gave myself a parenthood when i was already an adult um yeah like i learned how to parent myself and uh kind of redid my childhood over the way that i would have wanted it to be and that's like that takes a lot of fucking it was really boring and i was a really annoying person to be around during that time i mean if if i knew me back then now i'm every phone call would be like uh oh god here we go you know but like self-help is not this like spiritual goddess

awakening that people make it look like online like it's boring hard sad yeah tough and like it's it's you said six years but i feel like it's it's going to be everyone's whole life yeah yeah it's not like three weeks where you're like I get it like no one gets it right it's like like I've learned so much even since then that I'm like there's just been my life has completely like changed so many times since I was born I feel like I've had like you know 17 lives like since yeah what was your like my mind mindset or where was your head at when you met Andy? Like, what was your relationship with yourself when you met Andy? Like, do you think it was different than in the past? Because, like, it sounds

like you were open to him in a little bit of a way. Yeah. I was like, it's so funny, because every other relationship I've had, I've been able to be like, I was in this great place and it just came to me. And honestly, with, with Andy, I don't know what kind of a place I was in. I just know that like I had been in a relationship for five years with a guy that I was positive I was going to marry. And the longer we were together, the more clear it became that like, that wasn't going to be a thing that happened. Like, I was like, five years already, you know, I, there's this, like, strained kind of way that we're communicating with one another. And we still really loved each other, but it was just like, it's not going to work. And I, and I knew that. And

He knew that and we both just kind of got real with each other one day where I was like, it's not, it's not going to happen, is it? And he was like, I don't, I don't see it happening. And I was like, well, then we should like break up before we hate each other, you know? Yeah. It's like instead of waiting five years and ending it with murder. Yeah. I do think that it's the hardest breakup when you really do love someone, but you're like, do we want to do this for the rest of our lives? Like, are you my person that I'm on the couch with for the rest of my life? Yeah. And it was like, no. This isn't it.

You know, too hard. We didn't want to try anymore. We both said we didn't want to try anymore. We were tired and like, you know, in a way that sort of made me feel like I was ready for something. But it was, I think it was another year before I realized that Andy was like, my guy. It was just, but that year I was just like, what the fuck did i walk away from the only thing that i had you know going that was the that was it you know and i fucked it up because i it didn't happen fast enough or you know was i

just too impatient and um i think when you say to yourself there's something really powerful about being like this person is so perfect but i feel like there's something even better out there for me yeah like for you yeah not that he's not he's not perfect for you he might be perfect but there might be someone more perfect for you right and i was like and he's almost it but i but i just feel like this isn't it it's not quite it and there's something really powerful about like taking that kind of like leap of faith and being like i mean my life's always worked out like things have kind of it takes a time. It doesn't happen on my timeline, but things work out. So if I walk away from this, I got to have faith that this is going to work out too. And I think that's what made me ready. But when I met

Andy, I was really in this place where I was like, it's never going to happen. And that's fine. And I'll just be a really funny bitch who is extremely lonely. And I'll just give giving out my number of self-deprecating content will be prime time yeah that's literally what i thought i was headed for and you know there's nothing wrong with that life either but well i like that you said it wasn't your timeline but it still works out because i absolutely i feel like timelines are limiting and i feel like the timeline that's actually going to be right for you is so much better than a timeline you're like basing on because of like social norms and what i also like about andy is you didn't meet him and like in your head make him to be something he's not like you really took the time to like get to

know him as a human and then one day you were like wait i like this human because i've been guilty of like seeing a guy that everyone else likes and then immediately being like he's perfect and then you're like but not for me yes i was thinking about this so much like and my husband's really handsome but like i you know i always make fun of him because i'm like you're balding and you look like a bird and like I'm constantly just like shitting on him but he really was like so handsome and kind and funny he also has a swag about himself that like he has a lot of confidence you can tell yeah and he's like so but I feel like women we kind of like pick men the way that men pick cars in their life this sounds like the beginning of a really hacky bit and maybe it is

but like you know when you're like first driving like a guy wants a really fucking flashy car that like he can go up to his friends and I feel like we do that with men and then eventually you're nailing it place where you're like well he's disgusting um and he's never going to leave me on the side of the highway so this is the guy you're so I always say like every girl has to go through the phase where you date like the athlete or like the model or like and then you realize like This is the worst shit ever. But you have to do it because that's what Disney told you you should do. You have to date the Prince Charming.

They realize Prince Charming will ruin your life. And then you realize, wait, it's about finding someone who's a right fit for me. And I'm like seeing you and Andy also be able to be creative together and make this like fun, relatable content and how you shit on each other. I think it's just, I think it's so great. And not to bring up more bits, but I love fart jokes. And I saw on YouTube, you talk about how love is. like a fart. Could you just explain the concepts to me? Because I'm, I'm very intrigued. Yeah. So, like, I feel like the act of falling in love, I found it very embarrassing. And because when I fell for

Andy, I felt for him really hard to the point where I was like, you were gross yesterday. What the fuck? Like, I was like, what did you slip in my drink? Like, I literally, I say this in my, in my special, but it's like, um, it feels. like farting in public when you're like falling in love because you're like this feels good to only me like everyone around me you should be ashamed of yourself and that is how it felt like everyone was just like ew it's true people are disgusted by it like you start saying these things that you just like you read in a hallmark card and your friends are like who i need to get away from that because if that gets on me i'm going to be lame Hannah i literally said at one point

we were sitting in the kitchen and he's so much taller than me and I was like you're like a ladder I get to climb and there's hugs at the top and then I was like ew ew what's that happened to me you know oh that is so good um so fucking gross and um and I just couldn't help it he was he's too funny and fun and I was just you know I couldn't help it what is your biggest physical insecurity because you come off as you know very confident and like self-aware but i want to get a little dig a little deeper well small tit women will hear this and be like fuck you but my tits are definitely my biggest insecurity because they are um they're like a cartoon like when i like oh when i when i

look at myself in like a tight shirt or like even in the special i'm wearing a button up shirt that is like all the way up to my neck but my tits are they want to be free they're just huge they are like really big and i like have to special order my bras because i'm like um because they don't make them like they don't make them because my teeth look like they were just like i don't know like maybe god rushed it i have no idea what the fuck happened. He wasn't like, hmm, let's just make it's like more manageable for her. I have shitty posture because of them. I feel like you rarely show them off too because I saw like one photo of you in a bikini and I was like, okay Rosebud. I was like I didn't know. And I feel like you

put effort into actually not showing them. I hide them all the time. I literally like not feel like being sexualized by them all the time. Yeah. I don't want people looking at them. I feel like they're distracting. I feel like people don't get seriously. It's like trying to hide a live dog that's attached to your chest, like a live puppy, where people are like, oh my God, look at those. Look at that. And you're like, no, you know, like, look at me. It feels, it really feels like that, like you're constantly being upstage by your own body. And my God. I hate that. I hate that about that. I wish, I mean, I looked into getting them reduced. But then I also found out.

that that sucks with like their sensitivity and I like getting my titty sucked so I'm not really trying to like you know I'm like I'll just for a sweatshirt and still but in the bedroom you're confident in them oh yeah yeah it's like there's a time and a place for everything and that is where they shine

I've always felt that way though like I hate feeling sexualized in situations that I don't want to be sexualized but then there's moments where you fucking love it but it's just there is a time in place for everything what's your big like emotional insecurity like what do you hate about yourself my biggest emotional insecurity is probably how sensitive I am I'm like deeply deeply sensitive and nobody knows it oh my god and I've

done a a really good job of like well I feel like I've done a good job some people would be like Andy would be like hmm not really but I feel like I've done an okay job of like trying to balance that with like human logic where I'm like okay is this happening or are these just your feelings and yeah I was about to say like does something happen in like a social group and then an hour later you're kind of ruminating about like one comment someone made to you no it's not that it's like it happens over a long period of time where like I'll start to notice like I'm a I'm a person that people ask advice from a lot and um and i have a lot of experience and and i like to share it and i connect with people that way but then i end up kind of some sometimes feeling a little bit like

a trash can like people call me up and it's like i get dumped on and it's my fault because i allow them to cross my boundary over and over and over and over again and then i get mad at them for it. Yeah. But it's like I've allowed it to happen and I've allowed it to go on for so long that it eventually I kind of like. And it's like you're the bad guy if you don't do it. Well, I don't think it's like I wouldn't be the bad guy if I hadn't made such a big fucking deal of it. And then I end up being like, you can't fucking do this. And it's like, whoa, they had no idea that I was feeling that way. I did this at my bachelor's party. My friend. You're like, I waited for a good moment to lash out and I thought

Bad Shrap Party would be perfect. You know what? There's five of our other friends here. Let's do it now. And I... You're like, the male stripper doesn't care. Yeah, just snapped at my friend where I was like, I literally yelled it. I was like, I'm not, I'm not a fucking garbage cane. And I just... And then I stormed out and like, slam the door and came back and I was like, I'm really sorry, everybody. That was totally inappropriate.

And, um, and I probably need to... We should probably talk at some point. She was like, yeah. yeah you think i'm just fucking psychopath but i do some conversations you leave and you're like why do i feel like i lost all my energy from that and then some conversations you're in it and you feel like you get energy from it and if you're not like aware of that stuff one day you are left empty and wondering why and not acting like yourself i feel like and it's like and then when i go through something i'm so bad at asking for help for being like i'm really in a bad spot bought right now. It's like my head always goes to, this is going to pass, you're going to be

fine, you just got to get through this, and it's going to be all right. Or I'll throw myself into work, you know, like, I don't talk about this. I haven't talked about it publicly except for on my podcast, but a month before the special, yeah, one one month before the special, I had a miscarriage. and I was like probably 10 weeks along and I what is like called like a missed miscarriage which means that I had no signs of miscarriage there was no reduction in pregnancy hormones like my body was just continuing along as if I were still pregnant and we went in for a sonogram and there was no heartbeat and so we left this sonogram being like holy fuck like I was like I thought I was going to be like doing my special pregnant have the baby then be like on the road

doing all this shit and I never said anything to like I said shit to like my closest friends but I didn't say anything to anybody I was like in the middle of just I was like just throw yourself into this literally four days after my miscarriage um you know I had to go in for like the P&C, I was back on the road and I was just like going through the Midwest alone, crying in a car and then like going on stage every night, doing my hour, going to the next town. And it was like like like that for like five days in a row. And I was like, in my mind, I was like, this is perfect because I'm totally alone in a, in the part of America that is it looks, it looks like a place you go to drive and cry.

like this is you know what i mean like it was just like just snowy desert and um and like trump signs and just like this is eating a cracker barrel like i was about to say a cracker barrel and i was like this is great this is like really healing for me people can't tell what i'm crying about there's so many things to cry about they probably think that like my veteran grandfather died today you know like it's like i was truly just And for some reason, in my fucked up mind, this was the perfect place to, like, heal. Yeah. And it's because I don't know how to just be like, I'm sad.

Will somebody, like, hug me? I just don't know how to do it. And I, the only place I know how to do it is my therapist's office. And he keeps telling me, he's like, you know, this is actually supposed to teach you how to do this outside of the office. And I was like, yeah, but this feels safe. What am I paying you for? well i'm so sorry about your loss but i feel like so many women listening have had a similar experience and no one tells you what to do when that happens because there's supposed to be so much joy

surrounding that moment it's supposed to be like the greatest thing and um i think so many women suffer alone because no like people don't talk about it i think it's starting to be a little more normalized but I feel like so many women we know have gone through it and just never told anyone because it's almost like I mean it's 20% of pregnancies and wow first miscarriage I mean in the first trimester if I don't talk about it I that's just not who I am like I'll I'll talk about it after I processed it but your compartmentalization is incredible that you were doing that every night almost to the point that it's like a little it's it's too incredible. No, it's like, it's literally built from like years and years and years of learning how

to do it. Yeah. And also like your hormones, not to be like, oh, it's hormonal, but they must have been all fucking over the place. And I would have been like, my specials, my both support at night. God forbid I like, I'm off and not fully like balanced or something. Like there's so many things that as a female comic you have to worry about. I wasn't, I was like concerned about how much I didn't how like I was like I don't care about the special enough like I'm not I'm not concerned about it enough I'm just I'm wasting my time like you had real life shit happen to you so that could have helped you almost like like prioritize and realize what's really important yeah it helped in the sense that what do you want mousie here um sorry moussey was trying to climb on

my lap but uh it helped in the sense that I was like trying to just get through every day just trying yeah one day at a time instead of like what does this month look like what is next month look like what about after that how long is it going to take to edit how long am i going to i was like what can i manage today yeah just today and like get how can i just get through this one thing and it's incredible to me how like my best friend is pregnant right now and she's going to work every fucking day until this baby comes. And I'm like, it is crazy what we're capable of. When our hormones are literally like drugs, like especially pregnancy hormones,

those things will fuck you up. I mean, oh, I hated being pregnant. I mean, there was a part of me. And I think a lot of women who have been through this can probably relate where when you have a miscarriage, you are fucking destroyed. And then another part of you will be like, like, but thank fucking God, I don't have to be pregnant.

Holy shit, that was so fucking hard. You're so tired. Food tastes like you are Thai all the time. That part was pretty fucking dope. I was like, I felt like I was fucking my own mouth every time I ate. You're like, who needs sex

when I could shove any scenario in my mouth? For real. I was like, this is delicious. Like avocado toast was just like, I always wanted to be pregnant because I'm like, I get to eat for two and no one judges me. Yeah, it's amazing. I'm like actually being like a healthy person by being like, I have to feed someone else. Pass the fondue.

Yeah. Pass me whatever it is that we got. I'm good. I'll have the whole left side of the menu. Thank you. Yeah. But you've dealt with like an astounding amount of grief in your life from a young age till very recently. How has that affected your relationship with, like,

like just life in general like do you see life differently or based on different times of your life that you dealt with grief has it affected it because like you've been hyper probably aware that life can end yes it has affected my life of course in um in major ways and also in very small ways like in the in the broader sense it's given me this appreciation for how every moment this sounds so cliche, but it only sounds cliche when you don't really understand it in your gut. Because when you understand it in your gut, it's like every moment is so, that's all you have. You have that moment and that's it. Sometimes I can appreciate that.

And at other times, it's like it makes it really hard to appreciate those good ones because the good ones are the good moments. it's like you always are aware of how quickly they're over and then and that has affected me in a sense that I'll look back at things that I that I really should have enjoyed more yeah and all I was thinking about was like this could be over this could be over in five seconds this is it you know and it's it's so funny because when I when the pandemic was starting right before that I remember talking to my therapist and being like, I just have this fear that like

everything's gonna go away like because it was like the best fear in my life before that and I was like I just have this fear like it's all gonna end it's all gonna fucking end and the day that COVID hit I called him up and I was like I was right you fucker like I manifested this shit in your office I'm a psychic I fucking told you so Peter

and um and then there's other moments where I'm really grateful because when something bad is happening, I'm able to kind of just go, well, it's a matter of time till this is over too, and it's not forever. And so it's given me this brace to learn how to deal with really shitty times in my life. But there's also, and I'm trying to, I'm working on this, like, I need to learn how to appreciate the moments that are really good as well. Because I'm never going to forget that yes they do end but like so what someone told me something that was

nice to hear just kind of it's definitely not a fact but they basically said you're happy like 50% of your life yeah and it made me feel better in that like one it's okay to not be okay yeah and two to just accept that like some days are good some days are bad and that's called being human instead of trying to like control your emotions all the time like I'm not living my best life because I'm not fucking running around with rainbows and butterflies around me. Yeah. And then when something good happens, you know, like, it's an up and down journey. We're on a roller coaster ride.

Yeah. And I think also some of the best moments you can always find negativity in. Like, it's so easy if that's just your perspective. And in some of the bad moments, you can find positivity in it. So it's all, yeah. Yeah. What is life? Anyway.

we're not high by the way I mean I don't know about you but I'm not high right now I'm not I'm also not high I will say that what you're trying to say I totally agree with that like it's all neutral until we decide to label it good or bad yes there is something like it's a social construction but it is and it's but it's really

that's really empowering because you go if it's my choice to make this a good or a bad thing then I'm actually more control of not the events but how I respond to them more so I think yeah things that and also things that bring certain people a lot of joy bring certain people a lot of pain like like Christmases my are supposed to be the happiest time of the year but for some people it's the saddest or like wearing a bikini can be like the most incredible feeling of self-love and it also could be like

the biggest nightmare yeah and just because you react to type of way about it doesn't make you wrong or right right yeah but there's a lot of shame when you don't go align with what society wants you to feel. But Rosebud, you are crushing it. And we're going to wrap this up with a final game called The Seven Deadly Sins to get even more hot up in this bitch. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about? Attention.

can be very happy about attention and um and my belongings like i won't throw any of my shit out but andy moved in and i i was like that's going in storage and that's going to go in storage and he has like just his clothes here and um the rest of his life is in a box in brooklyn so do you find that you're materialistic no no you just like things that have like meaning? It's more like creature comforts. It's like there's I like to be surrounded by a space that I designed and that nobody else like, because like interior design is like probably the thing I would do if I wasn't a comic. So when Andy comes in and he's like, what about putting this here? I'm like, no. And he's like, well, why not? And I'm like, because you don't know what looks good.

Like that's why. I'm sorry. It's a specific taste to see a room and know like how to make the space feel a type of way it's like people putting together outfits you could like know what you like to put it together to be a cohesive outfit is very hard so like it takes real skill to know how to do that stuff yeah he like puts shit up and there's like no frame and I'm like ew it's cohenian I'm like I'm not in college it's funny because I never decorated any of my spaces like all my apartments looked like a hotel no no no like a hospital room and people are you okay and i'm like i'm not going to live here for more than a year and it would literally have nothing like nothing and then i realize how important it is to make your space special to go home

and just give that fucking little apartment some love yeah so it is a form of self-love to give yourself a home yeah who are you envious of it's more like a type of person where there's like there's people who are able to just kind of get along with everybody where they're able to make sure if they're faking it or what the fuck they're doing it but like there's people

are able to just get through shit and like be dazzling and I I look at those people and I'm like I'm not saying I'm not likable like I'm very likable to a specific

kind of person you know you can really appreciate authenticity city um to like me you gotta like okay well i hate what she said but she really meant it and you have to like appreciate that but like not everybody appreciates that a lot of people want to have a good time and they're just they're just trying to have a nice night and i to be called out yes and i i think i uh i really envy that kind of person there's they're able to be like just likable like the girls got to eat girls they're so likable like when i see them like

everybody relates to them and and it's like they're just like dazzling you know i i hate to use that word but that's the word it's like i don't know why i hate to use it mostly because it feels like i'm i'm leaving a movie like cinderella yeah you know what i'm saying like she dazzled the room they are but also it's i feel like it is very perspective like there's no way there's one walking around that like doesn't have beef with people or people don't like them for certain reasons or maybe people are like that girl's fucking dazzling too much and I don't like it. Yeah. Yeah. She over dazzled and it's it's too much. Yeah, but there's um, but there is something about that that sometimes I wish I was able to like be that way and I'm, I'm just like not.

Nikki's good at it too. Nikki's really good at like, but she'll sometimes break. Sometimes when I see Nikki she'll go like if she doesn't like something she'll go and I get and I can see it and I love those moments you know but she's good but that's what's like like I like about people is when they're not just like doing the status quo and they're being honest with themselves and they're showing their imperfections and that's how people bond when you both don't like something I'm not saying that the people who are able to do this aren't authentic that's not what I'm saying I'm saying they're able to do it in a way that is authentic And I'm like, how do you do that, you know?

Well, I feel like you're also one of those people that can't fake your face. No, it's so bad. I'm like, I've had people, friends of mine who I'm sitting at a table with them. You know, Mike Cannon. He'll go, it's your face. Like he'll be like like that. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Because I've just been looking at.

But even your eyes, I feel like just it'll say. Yeah. I'm just like even with Botox you can't change nothing can yeah I trust me I've done enough Botox to try to freeze the emotion out of my brow and it's not possible I remember calling you out I was like you have incredible skin and you were like yeah Botox and I was like is that bad for like you're performing ever I'm afraid it would and you go no no no I have a dry sense of humor and it makes my jokes hit better yeah well that's what I'm telling myself anyway I don't my dermatologist was like all you need is the suggestion of movement

and I was like that sounds like it makes sense even if it doesn't I well I'm envious of you because you can pull off bangs yeah well I can pull off bangs but I'll never not have them that's the thing once you can pull off bangs really well you never want to get rid of them if you were meant for bangs, you'll be like, I need someone in my will to fix my bangs at the wake. Yeah. Because I don't want anyone seeing my forehead ever again. Do you have to do the bangs like every day to make them look like that or your hair naturally kind of hangs?

No. So like sometimes they're like pearly or whatever. But most part, they're just, they just come forward. They don't like do weird shit where there's not like a cow lick or anything. Yeah. And when I cut them for the first time, I was like, Like, you know, like in Hook, where they're like, there you are, Peter. Like, that's, I did that to myself in the mirror. I was like, and you fell in love? Yeah. I was like, that's who you are.

You're going to. What do you feel about bangs getting so much hate online as like it's a sign of mental breakdowns for women? Um, they're not wrong. They're not. They're not wrong. Yeah. But what do you say to girls who are thinking of trying out bangs?

That, that's the thing. like I think people I think their bang thing has like bangs getting shit online is because women are just like trying them and it's a lifestyle it's not a try go forward and the bangs are all over the place and you're spending a lot of time on them that you you're not meant for bangs the bang yeah that's how the patriarchy wins out because when you should be hustling or doing things that help you become a better person you're fucking stuck at home stressed out about your bangs and you don't need that shit that's not how women get better gangs are like plants you just they do what they want to do and you you try not to interfere too much you know it's like a relationship if you

have to force it yeah it's not worth it you goddamn same with pooping yeah what are you gluttonous about so like what do you over indulge in food nicotine tv shopping um drugs in alcohol, um, excitement. Instagram, Twitter, um,

selfie. This is the best answer I've ever gotten. Like, don't let me interrupt you. Literally, um, probably, uh, interior design,

research. Researching what? Just, just research, just generalize. How does, how can my dog die? What are

signs that my dog's dying um like is is uh is my dog's hair going gray because he's dying am am i going gray because i'm dying yeah oh thinking about the future that's another one um thinking about the past like literally anything that you could probably indulge in i've over indulged him yeah my favorite was when you said excitement is it like you feel excited and then you just like dive into that emotion and you're doing those like little dances when you click your feet together i just envision you doing that down the brooklyn street clicking your heels it's any emotion so like if i'm excited and it's and i feel it's going away i'll do something to create more excitement like i'll start a fight with my husband or or i'll be like we should go skydiving

you know uh or if i or i'm like we should move we need to move like if and then start a fight if he says you can't go skydiving and you're like, what did I do to you for you to try to control me like this? He's like, maybe we could wait until tomorrow to skydiking. I'm like, you don't like anything spontaneous. Then we're excited. Then I'm excited about how different we are. You know, it's like anything, anything that is an emotion that you can really fuck and dive into, I'll all overdo it. I feel like what sucks about living with a guy is that he's aware of like all your ups and downs throughout the day and he'll call me out on it because normally if you're dating someone from afar he can see all like the positive times you're in a good mood you're like oh let's

use this on him let's be all like fun and flirty yeah we're like he will see me get fucking down and then something good happens and i get out of it and then i'm not shutting up about how happy i am yeah and he's like yeah i can't wait for the downward spiral to happen and i'm like let me fucking live yeah so um yeah there's no mystery to my roller coaster emotions anymore 100% it's so easy to act like you're just this like fun loving bitch for when you have some space yeah when you live together it's like I'm most of the time Andy says um it's like being in the room alone because I'm looking at my phone and he'll talk to me and he's like and I'll just I can repeat something six or seven times and you don't even look up you don't even hear me and I'm like yeah I don't hear

you I don't know what to tell you come over shake me do something it's not my fault then start a fight that's yeah it's his fault that he's not getting your attention the right fucking way maybe if he understood you or took the time i don't know like you're fighting against a carefully constructed algorithm so be more hitting than that i think i had a tweet once i was like i wish my boyfriend understood me as much as a facebook ad yeah really when was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger do you have an angry streak well you said you love being angry yeah i do have an anger history for sure. What was the last thing that sparked your... The last thing that really sparked my anger in like a public and embarrassing way was I was doing a show and I go in the green room and this guy who I've never seen before. I was like, hey, what's up?

I'm Rosebud. And he was like, yeah, we've met like three or four times. And he just looked at me like, and it was like in front of everybody. And I just looked at him and was like, well, I'm sorry, did we fuck? Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? You know, I got so mad. Because I was just like, why? Why should I remember you?

Like, first of all, we're at a show where everyone's in costume. And second, what fuck is you? Second, I don't want to be here at a show where everyone's in costume. So let's just make this as easy for both of us as we can. The show with costumes is fine. It's people who are not interesting enough to be remembered. And they, and then they get fucking mad. I mean, he just said his name to me.

Like, when I'm meeting somebody for the first time, I'm not thinking, oh, remember their name. I'm just going, okay, it's a new person, act like a human, you know? That's what I'm thinking. I'm not logging your name at all. I'm literally just reminding myself to make eye contact and smile like a normal human being. He nailed it. He nailed it. I got fucking mad at him.

And then we haven't spoken since. I don't know if I've seen him or not because honestly, even after that's So you know That's amazing. We're getting on a roll now. When was the last time you were a sloth? So like a lazy piece of shit didn't do anything all day. Yesterday Nice. Why? We're wearing the same clothes But yesterday because it was my birthday and I was like I don't want to go out. I had spent the entire weekend working on the special and did the special felt like that was my fucking birthday present and don't yeah I was like I'm not gonna I didn't even repost

stories wishing me a happy birthday because I was scared it was gonna like invite more birthday texts that I would have to get back to do you think because we're in comedy and we we love the like attention that we need to earn we like hate that like attention like of a birthday where it's like we didn't earn this we don't need this there's some like psychological thing behind it like people singing happy birthday to me is my literal nightmare yeah or even like when i'm if i'm watching comedy and a comedian like asked me a question i'm in the crowd and i can't like be myself i just fucking hate that feeling of like attention that i can't control wait until you fucking get married it is that is like i literally got married i was walking down the aisle people said

I looked like I was late for work. That's how I was just like, let's get this over with. Yeah. To do the wedding thing. I loved the dress. I love putting on the dress and getting dressed and like taking pictures. But, um, and I loved like saying the vows and hearing Andy say the vows. Yeah.

He was just, it was just amazing to like be in that moment just with him. But the rest of it, the like walking towards him with my dad and my mom, lich. I hated that feeling and everyone just smiling looking at you because they have to it was the worst I was like it's so funny planning it I literally was like I don't want to do a ceremony make it like three minutes I just want like the speeches

and the eating yeah like that's what I'm chill with yeah and some but it makes total sense for girls who like never get that kind of attention we're like we want to feel not good enough and then like change people's minds not be like we need to be happy for this woman even if we're not and we think the marriage isn't going to last like i don't need that yeah no i don't i don't want any of that i mean it's half the reason it took me so long

to get married is because i want to earn the right to be like loved and that's that's fucked that's fucked up beliefs yeah yeah yeah i'm the same way where like i have to work on not having to win someone's love but just knowing i deserve it yeah and that's that's the most boring thing of all it's boring i want to trick him and then have a strategic plan to deserve it and then be like i won gotcha bitch right when was the last time you let your pride or your ego get in the way of something jesus christ i mean like probably earlier today anything what would you do there was an argument i was well it wasn't really an argument that my manager was a part of but i was having it in my head

and we were talking about the special and I was saying, you know, I really want this to happen. And he was like, okay, well, you know, we're going to try to do that, but it's possible that that doesn't happen. And, you know, I just want to make sure that you know that, like, it's a possibility. And, you know, whenever managers say that, I just go, you're telling me no. You're telling me no. And I'm saying I want it. And you're letting me know. And trying to do it in this nice fucking way, but like, just say no.

know and I so I just kept being like yeah but it's pretty important if we don't have this then we're not going to blah blah blah blah blah he was like I totally understand and he just like repeated what he had said the first time and I went back again and I was like well I'm not really being listened to and I just sort of like had that moment where I like snapped a little bit and he was like no I'm listening I want you I'm literally only telling me this because if it's something I can't make happen and I don't want you to feel disappointed and I was like well you should have said that he goes he goes roast about I said that four times and I was like yeah you're right you did say it so it's literally two people just having two different arguments in their head

arguments where it's like what he was talking about was really logical and practical and I was like in this world of like nobody listens to women and we're never going to get it ahead and like I just went into this whole and sometimes I lean on sexism to support my own ego and that's when it gets really fucking ugly because it's like you you know you can't take feminism and and use it to like support a nasty thing you know it's like well to like enable shitty behavior right it's like taking spirituality and using that to enable like horrible yeah and yes and it becomes so ugly when something so good is like used to support something that's really pretty shitty well also if you're too aware of it it can you could get super paranoid in this industry like i feel like anything that

happens to you you're like fuck is it because i'm a woman And it's and it enables this like victim mentality where I start I start going back to like how I used to think as like kid where it's like well I'm if I'm powerless then I'm just then I fucking give up. If I'm losing I'm going to unplug the fucking game and I'm going to walk out of the room and I'm going to say fuck this whole thing and it's like no. And that's just self-sabotage. It's totally self-sabotage. Are you afraid that like your career is fucking hot right now and you've worked a long time to get that. there. I sound like an agent right now. I'm like, it's fucking hot. You're going to be a fucking star. We're going to make you huge. 100%. Totally. I'm so pumped up right now. Are you,

how do you think having a baby is going to affect that trajectory? Because, like, I've thought about this too. Like, I mean, I'm terrible with my birth control. Tomorrow I could get pregnant. Like, how do we feel? Especially when our job involves a lot of traveling. It's really scary. think, you know, there's feelings that came up when I got pregnant that were like, I haven't done enough. I'm not in a place where any of the things that I have done are going to count towards anything because now I'm pregnant and it's going to undo everything and it's going to and the truth is I don't think we can really, like I got to this point where I was like, I don't think we can really fucking worry about that. You know, everybody talks about Schumer and Ali Wong and

I'm like, yeah, but those are exceptions that kind of prove the rule a little bit. And but then I look at other moms who are comics. Like, you know, Rachel Feinstein's such a good mom and she's a working comic and she does so well and she's constantly working. And I. And Jessica Kirsten. Jessica Kirsten, who's also kind of like a dad. But like she does both. Yeah, yeah.

Both. And I'm like, this, it's possible. also a lot of them have boyfriends that are their little children so that says something too no shit i mean i really think it's like this industry is one that like if we let it it can really take valuable experiences away from us that we'll that later on we're going to wish that we had because there's if there's one thing that is fucking rampant in the entertainment industry, it's ageism. And it hits, it hurts women a lot more than it hurts men. It hurts all of us, but I think it hurts women a lot more. And I don't want to be sort of like, I don't want to work my whole fucking life to get this career behind me

where all of a sudden people go, oh, she's not, you know, that's it. That's it for her. And then I don't have a family. I don't have kids. I don't have any of the things that really matters. Sure, like your work, it counts. It does. And I'm proud of the work that I've done. But is it all that I want to do? It's like, no, I want to have shit to talk about. I want to be able to write books. I want all the experiences, you know? And you said it earlier. You were like, things will work out for you eventually. It might take some time, but I feel like if I were to have a kid, I'd figure it out. Yeah. I would just figure it out.

How do you feel like being in a healthy relationship right now affects the content you're speaking of in comedy? Because I, it is, I could, I could do sad, single humor like nobody's business. And now I'm like, wait, I have to be creative and original. You know, being happy as a comic, everybody goes, oh, it's not helpful. Like, that's bullshit. shit. I mean, I've come up with some of the saddest shit you can think of as a happy you go actually everything sad if you look at it in the right way. You can you can really

I love the way that being happy has enabled me to like explore different subjects and and it's I was in a relationship for the first five years I was in comedy and most of my material there's like probably 20 minutes of my special that's about relationships and then the rest of it is about everything else family my dogs my political beliefs my you know and none of it is better than anything else but i whatever you whatever situation you're in if you're a comic you're going to find a way to write and you're going to find a way to write jokes and and and it'll take you wherever, you know, you just listen to your life and you go, what's funny to me now? What do I want to say?

Yeah, like your brain doesn't work differently just in a different situation. Like, you're still going to have that same critical eye. Right. I can't wait to watch your special. When was the last time you lusted over someone besides Andy? Like, do you have a celebrity crush or like a hot barista? Yeah, totally. Absolutely.

You're like, where do I begin? Every Wait, every time you watch who? The NBA. Oh yeah. You turn on a fucking basketball game. I'm good. I'm good for the night.

It's like, wow, she loves basketball. I had no idea you had such a passion. I was watching. No, I have no idea. I literally had to remember that it was basketball. Harrison Ford. I like had a moment with Harrison Ford. it was a lonely moment it was on that miscarriage tour um but i was like he's doing it for me

there's something about him he was there for you yeah he was 53 for like 75 years I don't know how or what's going on with him genetically but it's working Brad Pitt I love Brad Pitt I literally would go see once upon a time in Hollywood and I have no idea what happened in that movie, but I watched it. Neither do I. I was watching it on an airplane, muted. As you should. I can't tell you what the fuck happened in that. It was not. I was like, I don't care to follow the storyline, but I like the aesthetic. Yes, exactly. Okay, to wrap this up, because we've been on for a while, but we were flowing. We were vibe in. The hell is our safe space. what do you do

to ultimately cope with your health you've gone there and back the little devils want to know what you do I personally have to go to 12 step meetings not everybody has to do that but I do I go on walks

I pet my dogs I get Instagram off my phone I get Twitter off my phone I take a bath I do a peel I love a face mask skincare walks exercise dogs spirituality those are my five and what is your spiritual go-to it's basically i think it's

like those meetings like they're not exactly like god focused i mean some people might say they are but that's not what i hear um like they're just they just remind me that i'm not the center of the fucking universe and then I'm also not a piece of shit like yeah it's just like I'm just a person among other people and I don't have to be more than that and I don't have to be I don't have to be less than that I can just be that I don't it's like nobody's thinking about me nobody's I'm not that fucking important yeah I like to say when you're really down the dumps it's important to remember that no one give the shit yeah and it really puts them perspective on everything that you're just like we're all just living breathing plants

existing yeah and overthinking at times yeah and we need to be aware of it but this was so fun you're so knowledgeable funny just I'm so excited tell me what people need to look for to watch you to listen to you to follow you give me the goods okay all right so I have I'm going to put my podcast is find your beach um I have another podcast called devil's advocate which I'm not sure if I'm going to be continuing but um find your beach podcast with my husband andy I have my special and my album is coming out I do not have a release date yet so follow me on instagram at rosebud baker and you will see there if my album or what's the title of it um whiskey fists that's what I think the title is now I mean it's my change but we just filmed it so I'll uh

I will let you know when we have a release date. And, yeah, if you follow me on Instagram, it'll all be up there. And, yeah, you're a great follow. We get a lot of humor, hotness. Check it out. We're so excited. Thank you guys for coming to hell today. It was a hot one, and I'll talk to you later.

Bye. Bye.