Berner Phone - Silly Things We Believed as Kids

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Des reacts to silly things the Dialers believed as kids, like getting arrested for turning on the lights in the car and watermelon seeds growing in your stomach.   Call [phone] to leave us a voicemail! International Dialers can leave us a voice memo on WhatsApp: [phone]   FOLLOW DES: Tickets: https://punchup.live/desbishop Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/desbishop Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/desbishop X: https://x.com/desbishop YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Desbishopcomedy TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@desbishop5   FOLLOW NICOLE: https://www.instagram.com/nicoleclyons/   Produced by Nicole Lyons Productions Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolelyonsproductions/ Website: www.nicolelyonsproductions.com

Hi, it's Hannah Burner and Des Bishop. Thanks for calling the burner phone. If you leave a message after the tone, we may have to make it into a podcast. Hello, my little dialers and welcome back. Nicole is back. Nicole. Hey. We missed you.

I mean, the dialers haven't missed you as long as I've missed you, but we haven't actually spoken in a month. Has it been that long, really? Yeah, it's been a month. I'm not going to, I can't give up my spot. You know, I got a lot of secrets about where I was for a month. But the actual, we were so organized and we downloaded so many, we did so many episodes before I left that it's only been, according to the dialers, it's only been two weeks since you've been gone. But it's actually been a month since we have spoken.

It's, how are you? I'm doing great. I miss you every day. How was your vacation? Because that was the original, the original banking reason was your vacation. was your vacation. Well, I haven't been on a vacation in years. So this was the first time I've been on a vacation in a while where I'm like not

bringing my laptop. No one texts me. And it was really nice. It went to the beach. We went to Aruba. Oh, you went to Aruba? Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm a regular.

Performing? Yeah, because I do Aruba Rays, comedy club. We did see Aruba Rays. You saw the poster. Yes. For those that don't, for those that are listening, is a comedy club in Aruba, run by. comedian called Ray Allen. Club is called Aruba Rays. And there's a big poster on the main road as part of the hotel where the gig is. And Aruba Ray is pretty famous in Aruba. He's everywhere.

He was like in the airport. Like it's so, what it's weird when you like know someone personally like that and then you just see them everywhere. Like with that he has like that one headshot. That's so stupid. Yeah. And then he has he has swag. You know, he has merch that he wears all the time. Oh yeah. When you meet him, he's wearing. the same stuff that he's wearing in the poster, you know? Anyway, Aruba Reyes Comedy Club. If you ever go to Aruba, it is actually a great time. And I've had a lot of, I've had a lot of fun times there.

Hannah and I did it once together, but most of the time, I just go on my own. In fairness, not that Hannah can't handle that crowd, but the audience is, it's a bit of a cruise crowd. You know, a lot more gray hair than Hannah's normal crowd. They're at Aruba Ray's Comedy Club. So my boomer humor goes down great, but not as, you know, I mean, Hannah had some fans there when she was there. But, you know, it's just not like, it's not like a spring break type place. Did you find that when you were in Aruba? No, I mean, everyone, we, we also stayed on a, like, a part of the island that was definitely meant for, like, older people and couples.

Like, we weren't, weren't near the downtown. We were Eagle Beach. Oh, yeah, that's where Ruber A's comedy club is. We're very close. We love Eagle Beach. What hotel were you at? Of Bucuti and Tara? Oh, Buccoot.

Myanmar stayed there. Oh, really? Yeah, because... It's nice. Aruba Ray made the recommendation. I'm not going to lie. I think that's the best hotel in Aruba. Really?

Have you stayed at the other ones? I've stayed at quite a few other ones, but the thing about Eagle Beach is the nicest beach, I think. But most of the resorts on Eagle Beach are across the street. But Bukudi is one of the rare ones that's on the beach, and it's one of the ones that feel like proper high end, but also like, I don't know, like a real getaway. So you nailed it. That place is cool. Did you guys talk to Paco the Parrot?

I don't know if I don't remember Paco the Parrot. What? Paco the Parrot was the highlight of the trip. Paco the Parrot is like in a cage by where you, by the beach bar and where you have breakfast and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And is just the chatiest little parrot.

The funny part, I think you'll appreciate this about Paco. they found Paco, I guess, on the side of the road in like 1991 and was injured. So Paco's been at the resort ever since. They just found out that Paco is a girl. And her name is still Paco. That is so funny. So Paco's older than Hannah. Paco, yeah.

Panama was born in 19. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then I love the coffee shop just down. I don't know if you went outside and there's a coffee shop. I forgot the name of it, but it's just down in the corner. Yeah, oh, that's so great. So anyway, shout out to Bakudi Tara Resort.

They're always, honestly, in the winter, it's very hard. I've tried to go back there and I've never, never been organized enough to book it in time. You know what else we saw there? We saw the sea turtles hatch. Oh, wow. Pretty magical stuff. Jesus, you had a real experience. Now, I've seen the sea turtles, but I've never seen them hatch.

Yeah, on our first night there. Were they, are they doing the slow walk back? back and all that? Wow. We watched them walk down the beach. It was awesome. But it's such like a hard thing too because there's like all like, you know, older people that are like trying to take pictures with their flashlights going off. And they're like, you can't have any lights on at all because the turtles might, you know, lose their way to the ocean. So, you know, you have to be very quiet, no lights, whatever. But people don't, people disrespect to the nature? Yeah. They have, they have no idea. They're just like, it's just classic like their flashlight on

their phone accidentally going off and you're like killing a baby turtle in the process. Gotta go slow exposure. And the iPhones just do that now anyway. So, slow exposure. So, uh, all right. Well, that's great. So you're back. Right. We missed you. I was, I was on my own, you know. When I'm on my own, you know, it just gets very introspective and, and, you know, very ranty, you know, I need protection from my own. Not that I think people hate them or anything, but, no, I think people like it. But, uh, but, but, you know, thank God. Riverside, you know, we're really, we're really taking it into the next, into the next level. So other news, today is my special coming out day, which is Friday.

This will be out on Monday, obviously. So hopefully you've watched it on Hulu. If you're not in the United States, which is the only place that it's available on Hulu, it will be on my YouTube in two weeks. That's the unique deal that I have with Hulu. So it's only two weeks exclusive on Hulu. Then it'll be on my YouTube in two weeks' time. So if you're frustrated, you don't have Hulu,

you live in Ireland or Australia or Canada and you can't watch it. Don't worry. It'll be out in two weeks on my Hulu. And I'm sorry, on my YouTube. And the original one that I recorded, which I had to re-record because Hulu wanted it at a higher spec. I'm going to put that on my YouTube too, probably like in a month. So you'll be able to compare and contrast the different vibes and the different lighting, you know. And so I'd be curious to see.

Honestly, the vibe on the original one was better, but the second one looks way better. So it's kind of like vanity versus atmosphere. here. But I don't know if you guys won't notice as much, but I certainly, I certainly notice. But anyway, watch it, share it. And actually, some people use the Google phone to give me some feedback on the, on the special. So I appreciate that. Don't forget, it's 9-1-175-1-2-1-7-8 or plus 1646, 4-2-3-7-0 on the WhatsApp. Send a voice note. Don't call me. The amount of miss calls I get now on the WhatsApp. It's quite funny. It's also on my. my Instagram profile if you need the numbers.

This is a special episode because the prompt was a suggestion from one of the dialers last week. And I didn't even put out a prompt on my Instagram. Everything came in from people that listened to the last episode. So this is genuine dialer generated people that listened to recently content. But if we could start actually somebody, oh, actually, you know what? There's a bit of feedback. I don't have the list in front of me.

I sent it to you, but one of them is from somebody who messaged in last year. It's quite serious one, actually. But she sent us an update, which the regular listeners, I think, will be curious to know. You see the one I'm talking about? Hi, Des. This is from the mom from last summer who called you in a panic because my son had a little issue that we found out. Just wanted to call in, report back. he's doing really good

he's back home for the summer things are really good for him he's just a really good kid you know while I know you will say you did nothing I have to tell you that you did provide a refuge for me to go and feel non-judgmental

and I looked back at those Spotify comments and I'm so thankful for them now I'm getting emotional I just wanted to wholeheartedly thank you I'm patiently waiting for you to tour in Southern California, Arizona or Nevada, so I can just personally thank you. It means a lot to me, just to know I wasn't alone, you know? So thank you.

I'm a huge fan. Can't wait to watch your special. Just thank you, man. You're great. Your family, it seems great. And you, thank you from this mom, my son. One day I will share the stuff years from now when he's ready. But just from this mom to you, just wanted to say thank you.

I appreciate you. Bye. Yeah. So you weren't here at the time. But this was quite, this was a biggie that came in. I think on an advice day or something. But her son was like struggling with like, I think addiction and alcoholism. Anyway, it was at it was at its peak at the time.

So whatever. You know, I always think she gives us way too much credit. But I'm glad that it meant something to her, you know? And the Spotify comments were very supportive. at the time because I remember she was in the Spotify comments. So we appreciate the feedback. This is our Dr. Phil moment, even though Dr. Phil is an asshole. No, but listen, it's an issue close to my heart.

And I was that troubled teenager, you know? So that's pretty much all I shared. And I hope it keeps working out for him. You know, I'm sure it will. It does for a lot of people. So that's great that shared the feedback. Good news is I'm in like Irvine Improv and I just booked the Tempe Improv in Arizona. And so check out my dates.

You'll be able to find me. But I do think that the people that remember that episode will be happy to hear that. So and also before we get into this week's prop, which is basically about things like dumb things you believed as a kid. There was one other gripe that came through after the fact from Boston. Can we listen to that? Hey, Des, calling in for a previous episode prompt. Sorry, I'll probably always be late. But yeah, I'm calling in about what is something that honestly makes you angry.

You know, what is like one of my gripes that I have in life? And boy, do I have a lot of gripes. So I live in the greater Boston area, and I usually take the public transportation. We call the train, the subway, we call it the teeth. And I love the tea. I think the tea is great, but most Bostonians hate the tea. And I just don't get why people hate the tea. Like, I understand sometimes, you know, it's slow, sometimes it breaks down.

But honestly, for the most part, it always runs, you know. It's only, like, really, like, kind of made me angry twice. But I've always gotten to my destination. It's pretty cheap. You don't have to Uber. And it's just great. But, yeah, everyone always hates on the tea, and I just want to spread some tea love, you know, the team employees, they are the best people in the entire world, they make my day, they're always

so sweet and kind, they're always smiling and waving to you, they're just the best people ever, you know? And, yeah, just one piece of feedback, though, so the prompts, can we have the prompt idea put on the previous week, you know, can you release the episodes? Oh, God. Hey, I agree with you. I just, I'm not organized enough sometimes to know the prompt. But of course, this week we're actually doing it, which is great. But if anyone who's watched Love on the Spectrum, if they hate the T after watching Love on the Spectrum. Nicole, do you remember her name?

I follow her on Instagram, but her name has gone out of my head. I'm not going to go and try to. You know what? I'm just going to look it up because she's so cool. And like, I just think it's like, I'm contradicting myself that I can't remember her name. Princess Perry is her Instagram. Parry. Parry on Love on the Spectrum is obsessed with the tea.

It's like her whole thing. And it's so cute and it's so amazing. And she sadly lost, she lost her mother, actually. You know, she features on the show and she lost her mom. Like, you really feel connected to these people. So if you hate the tea after love on the spectrum, you have no heart. Right. I'm with you 100% because people love ripping on the subway. People love complaining on the subway. But I've lived in cities with really actually shit public transportation. And when you contrast that to like actual public transportation, yes, it's okay to be critical. But in the big picture, the New York City subway system is amazing. I can't speak for the tea, but I feel like our sentiment is the same. So yes, it's okay to want a little bit more from your transportation. system, but it's so much worse to live in a city without good public transportation.

I'm looking at you, Los Angeles and Atlanta, or most American cities, to be honest with you. So, you know, and honestly, Dublin, all my years in Dublin, it was, you know, it got better, but it's never been, in my opinion, a good enough transportation system for the city that it is. And that's really the city that I'm talking about, which every time I came back to New York after being in Dublin, I was like, this is amazing, you know. So shout out to good public transportation systems everywhere in the world. Beijing had an amazing one, which I used all the time. So anyway, let's get into today's prompt, which is things that you believed as a kid that were kind of silly or stupid came in last week on the episode. So one thing I believe when I was a kid, like probably like 10, maybe even

younger than that, too young to be on the internet, but for whatever reason I had a Twitter, and I had super strict parents, and I thought that 420 meant pie day. Like, I love pie. So I went online and I posted, I love 420. I love 420. And I got in a lot of trouble for that. And I just thought it meant like you like eating pie. Anyway, love you, bye. Why would it mean I like pie, by the way? Any idea? Well, there is a pie day, but that's... But that's the number pie. Yeah, 3.14, yeah.

So the wires got crossed somehow. Yeah. Maybe like munchy's related? Yeah, because I was like... When I read this, I thought maybe she's saying the number pie, which is close enough to 420, I guess. But anyway, it's cute. You know, it's funny. Like, listen, there's loads of stuff that locks into your brain.

And you can be there for a long time, you know? I mean, I obviously, I've talked about this before in the pod, but I believe for a lot of my life that cracking your knuckles gives you arthritis. Did you believe that? Yeah. I feel like I still kind of. You don't want to let it go? I also saw an article recently on Instagram, of course, that was like something about like picking your nose causes Alzheimer's. I like believe all of these, honestly.

No, but cracking your knuckles does not cause arthritis. It doesn't like mess up your knuckles at all. I think if you look into it, perhaps they argue that there's a small amount of evidence to suggest that it may lead to weakness. But I think that's like also speculative. but like cracking your knuckles just does not cause arthritis. You see, you're still holding on to it. I can't.

This is one of these ones that like people don't want to let go on. Yeah, but that's like, I don't know, that one I feel like is more realistic compared to like, there might be one in here about this, but like if you make that face, it'll get stuck that way.

No, that's not there. That, I feel like that stuff you realize as you grow up like, oh yeah, like that's not, you know, that's not a thing. But the cracking the,

knuckles, I feel like has some substance to it. Yeah, except that, yeah, I mean, the perception is that there's substance to it. But it's just like, it's not true. The other one, yeah, exactly. I love cracking. I'm cracking away. I feel free. But a lot of people struggle with the sound of knuckle cracking.

Oh, my apologies, trigger warning. Yeah. By the way, anytime anybody, like a post on Instagram about misophonia goes viral, like 30 people send it to me. Like I get like every viral misophonia post like the latest one, which was quite recent was people with misophonia, it's evidence that you're more creative. You know, like it's a sign of being more creative. So like loads of people are sending it to me like, you're not insane. You're just creative, you know. I wonder what the correlation is. Yeah, I mean, something to do with how your fucking brain fires. Who knows? But,

here's one thing I can guarantee you. Okay. This is science. This is Des science. New segment. People with Misophonia are more intolerant. Well, you must always be on edge. No, not always.

Just certain things. You don't feel like you're like hypervigilant, like looking out for these things? Nah. Nah, they just, when they happen, they happen. But the problem is that one of the things is typing. I know you don't like typing. Yeah. And like that can be difficult because you can't tell people not to type, you know?

Yeah. But how often are you encountering typing? Oh man. I was in a situation recently. I'm like, let me tell you, whoa, this is a hard one. I was in a situation. Why is that so funny? I don't know.

I really was like, I mean, how often are you around someone type? Maybe if, like, you're saying next to Hanon or computer. Yeah, she's a big typer. She's a big type. Right. We know this. I would, I would call it more pounding. It's like the fucking, like the cylinders of a fucking, of a fucking Mac truck.

Fucking, blah, bra, pa, pa, pa, pow, pow, pow, pow. Hammering. My, my friend Bob back in Ireland. What a fucking typer he was. I was like, bro, you're going to fucking crack the computer. Some people are just like pounders, you know? Is it keys only? Or is it also like a phone?

No, phone. Like a tippy tap. No, no, not the tippy tap, but the keys. But the thing is that some people type like it's the 80s and you're still on a fucking, you know, you're still cranking back the fucking typewriter. It's like these buttons don't need that much pressure. You know what I mean? Like this MacBook Pro, it could just gently tippity tapety.

No. Anyway, I was in a situation where on this secret thing that I was doing, which I can't discuss, my undisclosed monthly absence from my normal life. One day it'll, one day it'll be exposed. You guys can try to guess if you want. But anyway, it's all positive.

It's all happy news. He went back to rehab. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, I've come back. I'm more positive. For a month. I had a relapse. I have to, too much oxy from my fucking knee surgery.

I had a massive relapse. So, no, it would be 31 years, July 16th. But anyway, speaking of July, we need to do the bonus episode about yesteryear. So, guys, let's let's, you guys can start. If you've read yesterday year, you can start messaging in on the Google phone or the WhatsApp. And in the next two weeks, we will record that episode. So the first ever sort of random episode of Burn a phone bookup will be a bonus. I don't want to hear any complaints, all right?

Because when I suggested it originally, there was a lot of pushback. Like, no, but it's a bonus. you don't have to be involved. And by the way, our last bonus episode with Dr. Kazarian ended up being our most listened to episode recently. I have to get her back on to actually give feedback to the dialers. So anyway, I was in a situation on my secret gig. And it was my dressing room. But somebody who needed to like ask me a couple of things came in.

but then they decided to like stay and like work on some stuff related to the project. And I, he was typing. And I was like, I was the double dilemma because one, I fucking hate typing. But two, like, you're just, it's like, this is a convenient place for you to hang out and do this. But it's actually like my dressing. I'm not going to be a diva and be like, excuse me, this is my. personal spies. But I was fucking going insane.

You know, and I had shit to learn. I had shit to memorize, you know, and he's fucking clacking away. And I, like, and the problem with misophonia is,

like, to the average person, they're going to think you're out of your fucking mind, you know? But he might as well have just been like hitting my brain with 10 little pins with every clickety clack. So anyway,

And if you put in headphones, would you still be bothered knowing it's happening? No. No. No, the headphones work. Okay. But it's, it's, you know, not to bring up love on the spectrum, but like, if you, if you, like, if you tell them that you need to put up, like, I would have to lie and say, you know, I'm putting on headphones. I would have to be like, I have to listen to something. but in actual fact, I would be drowning out the clickety clackety.

You know? But that's not a, by the way, that's not a slight on some of the people on love on the spectrum that I've had, you know, they wear headphones to keep, you know, the words that they use for, what's the words that do? Like triggers and different things that like, that. Oversimulated? I mean, in that situation, I could have actually been well served by that method. but I think I would be too embarrassed to do that actually truth be told maybe if you had earplugs like I feel like that's like kind of more subtle or the confidence to be like bro stop typing the fuck out of my dressing room

get out of my dressing room but he the thing the problem is that like if it was somebody that I really didn't like I might have been like yo I got some shit to do but like I like this guy so I'm not going to like I'm not going to like I'm not going to sacrifice our friendship on my my quirks you know have you ever done that though before like been like hey look I know this is crazy but the typing is driving me nuts no but when you're closer to people sometimes I can actually just have like well no I just have like a reaction which can actually cause arguments yeah yeah so anyway listen I know I should have just called this fucking podcast uh there's a podcast because

It comes up so often. But how do we even get onto typing? What was the context of? People sending you reels about misophonia. Oh, yeah, but something. But how did we get there? Yeah, how did we get there? Who knows?

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So something I thought as a kid is I would get really bad motion sickness, so I would always have the window down in the car so that I could get fresh air. But when we were on the freeway, my mom would make me put the window back up. And when I asked why, she said that the car would flip over if it was open. And I was a child, so my knowledge of physics was obviously limited, but I was like, no, wait, this makes so much sense. The speed of the car, plus the force of the air coming in would for sure flip this car. And I'm about to turn 30, and I didn't actually find out it wasn't true until a few years ago when my fiancé put his window down, and I started screaming out of pure terror. And he was so confused.

I asked my mom about it and she doesn't even remember telling me the lie. It turns out the noise from the window being open bothered her ears. And honestly, fair enough, it bothers my ears too. But yeah, to this day, I still can't put my windows down on a freeway. Dressing face. Yeah, well, it's fair enough when you open the back window when you're driving because you get that weird, you know, that like, go-go-c-c-c-c-do you know that. I don't know what the actual. noises. But isn't it funny, the random things that adults say, they don't realize that they're

like lock in her brain to the point where she like panics when the thing opens. That's a great one. That's a great one that stuck, you know? Like, think about all the ones like, well, okay, so I was like, I would always have intense fear when I have my hand at the car that like my hand was going to get like cut off by like a passing car. What are other, like, car ones? You can't turn the light on? Oh, that comes up. Although I still make sure that, like, I still think it's illegal to have the light on.

Is it? I guess it's not. I guess it's not. I think that's what came up. But I guess it's just stuff that, like, annoyed your parents. So they just made up a crazy lie. I mean, my parents would have just been, like, put the window up because I say so. but just be telling your kid the car is going to flip over and you're responsible for killing

your whole family if you don't put that window up it's crazy it's crazy but it's fine when you're small you know just like don't do it hey we teach i have to stop myself sometimes but some of the shit we like okay listen uh s a nta like that's fun and then it's not right but then it's so funny you do that by the way like you always like spell that out as if kids are listening. There was an episode recently where you said S-A-N-T-A, but then immediately afterwards said like bullshit or something. Like you just censor yourself in the funniest ways. I'm sorry to interrupt you, but I've been thinking about this for weeks. Well, okay, so you know, because I'll tell you why, right? Some parents, like, they might feel

like a lot of that stuff goes over kids' head, so they may just have it on in the car with the kids, but it's just like, oh, that's a bad word. Get over that. But like, you won't get over the, did he just say Santa's you know what I'm saying? Or we do like an episode about like crazy things you say during sex and then you're like essay in today. It's so funny. So anyway,

that's a dumb. You know why? Because I think I got in trouble once on like real radio. Oh really? Yeah. Back when like the radio was the radio. I think I got in trouble once for like saying and there was complaints about like I had my kid in the car, you know? So I may. But anyway, it's not illegal to have your interior car lights

like dome or map lights while driving. The dome light ban is a classic urban legend. However, doing so is highly discouraged due to safety risks. So I think there are some safety risks associated. I definitely don't like when I'm driving and like Hannah puts the light on. I do think it is distracting. I think it's because you get a bit of that. The outside starts to kind of glare a little bit, you know, particularly like at night. So I do, I do. I do. I'm a bit of, I do think there are some safety risks. But yeah, I still to this day am inclined to turn that off as fast as possible. So that'll probably come up in one of them.

But what was that one again that she said? Oh, yeah, the car would flip over. Yeah, I mean, God, this like all the things, like going outside with your hair wet, not really. What's that? Like that, that you'll get sick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, not really a thing. Let me just double check on that.

We might as well debunk them. But we talked about these in the past, but like it's always good to remind because, you know, like sometimes I give bad advice. Like I was like, what's the big deal? Swallowing cherry pits. And it turns out like there is a big deal. You guys. Really? Yeah, I had to fucking, I had to go back on that one.

Because there's like a poison in it. Oh, really? Yeah. I was like, whatever you just like get a tummy. Shit them out. You just shit them out. No, I was wrong. So I had to.

Well, the stomach is so sensitive. One of my, uh, friends said that, like, her dad ate a bunch of shrimp tails and then had to go to the hospital. Because it like, shrimp tails? Yeah. Really? It backed up his stomach.

Yeah. Going to bed with wet hair. Going out. Yeah, that's what I've heard too. You're not supposed to go to bed with wet hair, but I do that all the time. Yeah, but apparently it is bad. That's what that was just saying. Like you get mold on your head?

Like what happens? It's bad for your, it's bad for your, um, going outside will not directly cause you to catch a cold of flu. They're called by viruses. However, doing so can make you uncomfortable, cause headaches and leave your hair extremely vulnerable to breakage. So the sickness thing is just total bullshit. Since it came up, why shouldn't you sleep with your hair wet? Who needs Dr. Kazarian? Right?

Who needs it? Sleeping with wet hair is bad because it leaves your hair fragile and prone to breakage from friction. So there's no, like health risks. No, no, no, health risk. It's about hair health. It also traps moisture on your scalp, creating a breeding ground for yeast and bacteria. Ew. Ew.

Ew. So increase friction. Tossing and turning on your pillow causing friction against these delicate wet strands. Did you know that your wet hair was more delicate? Well, I have heard this because, like, I am kind of a slick back bun every day, kind of gal, including when it's wet. and I have noticed over the years my hairline is for sure receding. But I'm not doing anything to stop it because I just, I wear it up all the time.

So that causes a receding hairline? My hair being yanked back every day? I feel like probably, but also it's for sure breaking. Like I can tell I have like breakage in my hair from pulling it back and wearing it. Like you're not supposed to wear it up wet either, I don't think. Really? Wow.

It's just turning into a hair care episode. Misinformation podcast. Hey, if there are any hairstylists out there? Let us know. Hair health. By the way, I'm very prone to dry hair. Dry hair.

I'm always looking for, well, you know, gray hair is coarser anyway. And I'm always looking for tricks on like something better than just moisturizer. You know, I tried that Moroccan oil. But, you know, I really need, I need something to get the dryness. It's a bit much, you know. How do you style it, though? You have like a nice wave to it. Today, that's, that's, that's the Lord's styled that.

Air dry. No, that's styled by the Lord. Oh, I'm sorry. Not air dried. Stiled by the Lord. As in, this is actually my hair texture when I don't blow dry it. And when it's dried by the air. Yeah, when I just let it dry.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the natural curls of it. But I did brush it with a bit of gel, though. If there was no gel, it would be even fluffier. And like more, I call it a half row. like I have half an afro. So I have a half row. I never showed you the,

the few, one of these days I'll show you the picture from, I let it grow during the pandemic. And the day that I went for a haircut, I took a picture. And people who think I'm exaggerating about the afro thing, you see that picture and you'll see

that this is not an exaggeration, not by any stretch of the imagination. So anyway, it's a hair care podcast. I guess we should, I was going to, there was something else on my mind there, but it doesn't matter. I'm forgetting everything today. I can't remember anything. I feel like I keep derailing you. No, no, no. This happened yesterday too. I was doing the Bishop Exchange and I thought of something

I could remember. It's just, I don't know. I don't know where my head, you know what it is. Because I'm posting clips for the special and then you're doing all the things you're not meant to do. I was like seeing if it was going viral and, you know, it was just, you know, like notes back and forth about like little edits and, you know, so I'm like, I'm like wound up. I'm not myself 100%. So anyway, let's take another. Your choice. Guys, you may and may not know about Ruggiat,

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All right. So what's modular furniture? Modular furniture means that you can fully customize your living space and rearrange it whenever you feel. If one day you want a blue sectional and the next day you want two gray sofas, cozy makes that possible. And that's what's so cool about it. Okay. So we have a cozy couch at numerous times we have changed its configuration. right and easily washable which is very important because hannah's a spiller i'm sure you've heard

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the home of possibilities made easy. Hey, so something that I thought was something when I was a little that I found out to not be true. Sorry, I completely botched about it. It's midnight and I'm tired. I would hear people, like for instance, my parents would be like, oh, he had goosebumps. And I used to think that that meant you were actually. getting bitten by geese when I was younger and I was always like oh my god like you know I'm hearing about people having goosebumps like they're so brave that's so scary like did that hurt and in my little

brain I'm like wow like am I going to have that happen one day and I just think that's just I don't know it's silly now because it's so innocent and it's so cute um yeah do we know Do we know why we call them goose bumps? Let me look. This is a Google. I thought because it's like, like it looks like, because you know, some people say like goose flesh or like chicken skin? I think because it looks like a chicken skin. Because of the raised bumps resemble the bumpy check texture of a plucked goose.

Ew. Of a plucked goose. Jesus. Does that, does that take away all the joy of having goosebumps? It's way creepier. Yeah. Who? Is everyone aware of that?

We'd say I got goosebumps? I only know that because I've heard some people say chicken skin or goose flesh instead, and I really don't like when people say that. Goose flesh? Yeah, you've never heard that? No, flesh just- It's yucky. Yeah.

Well, no, you know what, though? It's honest. Here's the truth. Gooseflesh is an honest assessment of what we're using to say goosebumps. I almost want to stop using it. Out of respect for geese. Yeah, I just, okay, I'm eating chicken. I'm not a vegetarian, so I'm a hypocrite.

But goose flesh is the honest assessment of why we're calling it goosebumps. Yuck. Yeah. So, yeah, I never had one about goosebumps. But I've definitely, I definitely, well, I had the crisscross, you know, if you cross your, if you get a mosquito bite and you cross it with your fingers. Yeah. That came up on a previous episode. We googled that bullshit.

Does it work? No. It's bullshit. No. You know what else is bullshit? You can't get Peptobismo in Europe. Oh, no. That's not good.

Not good, man. And I don't know why. I really don't know why. Because Peptobismo is so good. It just doesn't exist or what are the restrictions around it? I got to Google that because I got back into Peptobismos. the last couple of years because for you I forgot about it. I was in Ireland for so long

that you can't fucking get it there. Why can't you get peptobismal in Europe? Yeah, I'm a big emodium girl myself. Oh, unfortunately. I keep that on me at all times. Unfortunately, last week I had an emodium situation. I had an emodium emergency. Yeah, the first, I'm not going to get into detail,

but it was the, yeah, I've had some days we're a little upset, but this was the first time in a long time that I was in a full. It was, I got a little food poisoning because numerous other people I got it. Numerous other people in my situation got it. And it was like, oh, there was something. There was something wrong with the curry. It was a curry situation.

And, yeah, that was my first time. I'll get you. And I was not happy that I could. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I can't give up my spot. So it's restricted or unavailable in many European countries. Concerns over bism of toxicity and its salis, silite content. because bismuth is a heavy metal, Jesus,

and a major healthcare in the 1970s involving bismuth encephalopathy, a brain disorder, prompt a strict regulatory limits or outright bans. Wow. Well, that's not good to hear. Yeah, I didn't want to hear that one. I'm talking about how great it is. Thinking of how much I've consumed it.

Oh, so interesting. Well, we'll have to get the doctor back on to say, Are we out of our minds for using Peptobismos? Jesus, we're learning out too much on this episode, man. You know, I love Pepto, bro. So anyway, let's take another. Hi, Des. I'm calling in about the prompt for the misinterpreted belief as a child.

These are quite sexual, so fair warning. I believe as a child, age-wise, I don't know, that humping was sex. I believed that, like, the humping, the grinding, that meant that you had sex. And then another belief that I had was you only had, you could only come so many times in your entire life. And those were, like, after you did all of them, like, you ran out of, like, come. You couldn't come anymore. Obviously, that is wildly not true. I'm pretty sure I had a friend tell me that.

But I believed it for a really long time. So there's that. Okay. Love you, bye. Hilarious. Well, I've done a bit about it on stage, but I had a teacher tell us, all of us, and I've talked to kids that are in the class in adulthood. In fact, not that long ago, like a year and a half, no, two years ago, actually,

this summer was doing a show in West Niagara, New York, and a kid that was in the class. with me back in seventh or eighth grade, late 80s, remembered this also, but Miss Moore, I won't name her. I almost did. It doesn't matter. She said that if you masturbated too much, that when you needed to get an erection with somebody else, you wouldn't be able to get one, which I have a bit about it. I think I've talked about it on this before, but that was such bad advice, like literally got in my head. Like, I was thinking about her when I lost my virginity.

I thought you'd go blind. Well, that was as a kid, yeah, as a kid. Yes. Well, how old were you when you heard that? Well, seventh or eighth grade. I mean, it was sex education. Yeah. So I know I was a kid.

And that sex ed class? That's brutal. She said that. Wasn't in the fucking textbook. This was at Catholic school? Yeah, but they call family life. Right. Sex education in Catholic school is family life.

But, yeah, she brought that up. And by the way, her, we were all mad. This is the whole. thing is like you're at the age where you say you don't do that but we were all doing it okay so part of my joke is always that like I thought I was the only one you know so I had to act like this had nothing to do with me even though it had everything to do with me but now I really like when you get older you realize oh we were all fucking thinking that we're all sitting there on her own freaked out trying to hide our red faces right uh while listening to this incredible misinformation

so anyway uh that uh so her bringing that up was bad in that it was the right time to say, guys, you're masturbating, you know, but it was the wrong time to give bad information. Like, she should have been like, you're masturbating. You're not going to go blind. And it's not a sin. That's what she should have said. There's just like a new fear associated with it.

Yeah. Well, listen, we're all Catholic. We're all Catholic. We're already guilty. We already can't believe we've given in to this. You know, we already can't believe we're on the dark side, right? of our religious beliefs. Like we're sitting all over the shop.

And I was sitting on a regular basis multiple times a day. It was 100% blowing the previous dialer's message out the water about the amount of orgasms that you can have. But anyway, so that's understandable. It's funny, though, because I remember being very young. the first time I actually remember hearing what sex actually was. I was pretty young because I'm not going to name all the people, but an odd little neighbor there, 188 Street, 47th Avenue with a lot of kids.

I mean, it was an idyllic childhood. Just kids up to Wazoo all hanging out unattended, like six years old, we're all just like sitting around. But a couple of the older kids, not that much older, but probably like 10 or 11, like they already knew about sex.

And I remember like, being told like, oh, this is, this is how you make babies, you know? What did you think it was before that? I can't remember. You know, it's funny, I can't remember. I, you know, honestly, I feel like I was so young that I haven't even crossed my desk yet. Of like, or it was like just God decided. Well, because I, I, up until a certain age, I thought that adults were always adults and kids were always kids.

Oh, that's so cute. Did you, did you, did you, I, some people, I, I, I know I can't be the only one that like, there was a time where, Like, it took me a long time to realize that my parents once had been my age. Yeah. I feel like also learning your parents have a name is a pretty crazy experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like beyond dad and mom. Eileen was my mother's name.

But anyway, yeah, I can't even remember when that came up. But, yes, I can't remember what I thought. I mean, I can't remember if I was told about the stork or, you know, like, but I remember being told. And then there was this one girl who was older to me. And I think she was like part of the ones that was in the know. And I remember like saying to her like, oh, we should we should do that. Like having no idea of like this series.

I was like, can we, can we try doing that thing? Just to see. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, can we do that? Let's test it out. So anyway, I know all these people still today. That's why I'm not naming them.

Yeah. They may and may not remember. But it was outside my garage. 47th Avenue, 188 Street in the, I guess this would have been the early 1980s. But anyway, yeah, so I was actually in the know about that pretty early. You're lucky then, because I feel like as another, you know, girl who was raised Catholic and they really don't tell you anything about anything, it took me so long to figure that stuff out. Well, because I think I was a...

Everyone that I just mentioned, they went to public school. the public school kids yeah but so did i you did i was just yeah but i was just very sheltered i think i don't know because i i until i was maybe an eighth grade i thought you could get pregnant from giving a blow job and i've talked to other people yeah that's common i think who relate to this and yeah because i remember i had been like talking to some guy about it and i was like well we you know we have to be careful or whatever and he's like what are you talking about like i learned it in such a shameful way yes i felt too old to yeah it's like it's embarrassing Yeah.

Yeah. But I think a lot of people think that or like a lot of people think that, you know, it's just like easy to get pregnant by like sitting on a toilet seat or, you know, these things where you think it can just happen randomly. So there's actually, I think there's an, I think there is an oral sex one. Oh, something I clearly misunderstood when I was younger was oral sex because my only basis for something similar, at least wordwise, was oral report, like an oral book report that you would do in, like, middle school. This is when I'm like 11 and 12 years old. And me and my friend like brainstormed. They were literally like, it must be when you do a presentation about sex.

We weren't correlating that oral meant mouth. And that presentation meant presentation. I think we were just like we couldn't figure it out. And then there was another time, and this is way even younger, but I pretended to know what words were that I didn't know. and a kid called me a lesbian in third grade. And then I would call him a lesbian. And he was like, do you know what a lesbian?

And he was like, obviously you don't know what that is. And then we dropped it. And then I went home and had to ask my mom what a lesbian was later that day. So yeah. All righty. Love you guys. Bye. Yeah.

By the time I was aware of like oral exams and oral reports. I definitely knew what oral sex was because I remember thinking it was hilarious that we were doing anything. But that's a fair enough one to have wrong. You know? By the way, in America, because by the time I got properly like in the game of like hooking up with women, I was already in Ireland. Do Americans use the term dry hump? Yeah. Okay.

I just wasn't sure if that was a universe. That's like a universal thing. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's so funny, the things, the sort of phases that you go through. Yeah. Anyway, the things we did were young. So, all right, let's take a couple more before we finish up.

Hi, Dad. I'm just calling about the things I felt when I was little prompt. And I always thought that we called Dragworth Face and, like, far drag racing, we're the same thing. And you just remind me with your little drag race gripe. Anyway, I intend to watch

Rupal's drag race now that Hannah's getting into it. That's cute. I tell you what I found fascinating about that message was that RuPaul's drag race has been around long enough for this person to have been young.

Because that's like depressing me. But I guess it's been around for like 10 years at least, right? Let's find out. Yeah, because like, you know, if it's been around for 10 years and you're like 20, 21, then how long has it been around? Well, yeah, 2009. I mean, oh, my God.

Yeah, I guess if you were, if you're like. 2009. It's 2026, bro. Oh, my God. Tyler, how old are you? That's shocking. No, but 2009, that's 17 years ago, no? I guess so, but...

17 years! So this person, how old is this person? Yeah, but they're in their early 20s. That's totally understandable. If they're in their early 20s. That's crazy. I know. God, to me, Rupal's Drag Race started last year.

In my perception of time, I don't mean I didn't know about Rupal's Dragress. I just mean, I can't believe it started in 2009, even. Yeah, I don't think I became aware of it until. until, I don't know, 2015, but that's still, it still feels so new to me. Yeah, but 2015 is 11 years ago. Like, ugh. How the fuck? How did that happen?

I know. Oh, my God. Just time. Just flies by. Actually, on my secret project, I did actually improvise when somebody was like in a bad mood and they were walking by me. I said, sashay away. But, uh, that's fun.

That's thanks to Hannah. just rewatches of Rupal's Drag Race. So, all right, let's take one more to wrap it up. Hi, I already called in, but another thing that I thought that I thought something as a kid that's not true, whatever the prompt is, I thought that if you ate a watermelon seat, of course, all of this stuff was told to me, if you ate a watermelon seed, that you're going to grow a watermelon in your head, I also thought, because my mom always told me that if you have a light on in the car and you're driving, like, on the highway or something, that you can

get arrested by the police. And so that would always make sure that, like, lie wouldn't make sure that my brother and I would keep that light off. Otherwise, we and my mom would get arrested, but, of course, it's not true. And she was just making sure that we wouldn't keep that light on, because, of course, it is very distracting. I don't know if there's any. actual rules on that, but like that's what she told us our whole life, that we could actually get arrested for that light being on, when should it be on while you're driving. So, yeah, and also the rear view mirror, uh, if you touch it, it can't reset to like the setting that it's at. So I was terrified to touching that, that mirror in the front. And I remember one time I

bumped it, I started crying. My mom was like, it's okay. It's fine. Like, I was able to fix it in the original position. But yeah, my mom, um, I love her. But I'm like, dang, she really gasped at us to make sure that we were in line. But we turned out to be okay. Okay, we'll be bye. Yes, my mother fucking, she used to flip a lid when if I fucking knocked the stupid stupid fucking rearview mirror. Actually, yeah, I think of it.

That just reminded me, too, that I've been thinking about this a lot recently. My mom would yell at us for running around the house if she was making a cake. And is there something, like, she would say like that it would mess up something. something in the oven. This is like unlocking so much stuff for me. I'm always like, why, you know, why do I have so much anxiety? Like, you know, whatever. And this was, this was childhood. Was just being told the car is going to flip over if you open the window. You're going to get arrested if you turn the light on. Stop running and having fun because something's going to get the cake fucked up. Yeah, like running at the pool. Well, that does feel like no, I know.

It's dangerous. It's a good safety thing. But it's just so funny, that was like such a huge things, kids like don't want to. So then you would try to walk as fast as possible, but not be running. I also never saw someone fall at the pool. I mean, I think I, maybe once or twice, but like for the amount of fear that I had about running. But you know what's going to happen? Someone's going to message in now and be like, oh, you know, like, I had to 40 stitches.

Yeah. So I get it. I understand. It's a safety thing. Actually, do you know what I still have tons of fear of today? even though I know it's not even close to as quick enough of the thing for the amount of fear that I have. Like, not idling the car. Because I don't like idling the car.

It's bad for the environment. But like having the car on without idling like really drains the battery. Like I know it does drain the battery. But the amount of fear I had for like the five minutes where I was like listening to the end of a radio show or something thinking that like the battery was going to die. It's like off the charts. You know? Actually, I'm going to look up. How much does it drain the battery?

Drain battery when not idling. Okay, here we go. How much your battery drains when it's not idling depends entirely on the specific device you are using and how hard you are pushing it. Active use will always consume more significant. So light use 10 to 15% per hour. Oh, no, actually, sorry, this is not about cars. Sorry.

Ignore me. God damn it. You know what? I'm trying to Google it so fast that. But good news is that it's only 10 to 15% when you're idling on your phone. Anyway, dialers, you can message us about how serious it is to idle. That's one of the things I love about having an EV. Do not have to think about that.

You don't have to feel bad about idling, chilling in your car. having the AC on, not an issue. If you're still somebody who thinks EVs are bad or, you know, like you have a lot of misinformation being pounded into you about EVs, you're wrong. Evies are awesome. I highly recommend you get one. And they're the future also.

And America's going to be behind because there's so much negativity towards EVs from the highest parts of our administration. And China is going to absolutely murder our car industry because they're miles ahead on EV technology. And as much as I hate Elon Musk, Tesla's fully self-driving is better than people think, and it's only a matter of time before bad drivers like Hannah can stop giving me anxiety because they can just use fully self-driving,

even though I wouldn't get a Tesla because I hate Elon Musk. But I'm looking forward to other EVs having similar technology. A lot of information you guys didn't need to know. You ever been in a Waymo? So I haven't. We discussed Waymo's actually. actually on the Bishop Exchange. I haven't been in a Waymo. Hannah has. Everybody I know that's been in a Waymo talks positively about the experience. You know? I kind of love a Waymo. Oh, so you've

used a Waymo? I have. I love that there's not someone in there that I have to talk to. Yeah, that's what a lot of people say. I love that I can turn on the AC without having to ask. Yes. It's a lot of like me lacking people skills that are supported by being in a Waymo. Um, but I, I do know people who have been in it and like, you know, gotten stuck somewhere or not had such a good experience with it. So I've just gotten lucky in a few times that I've been in one. But yeah, but like people have negative experiences in taxes all the time also. Yeah. You know.

My neighborhood also has those little robot delivery. Yes. Things. Do you guys have those or no? I only see them when I'm away. Yeah. Where was I? Oh, yeah, Miami has a lot of those.

And L.A. when I was in West Hollywood. Actually, I'm going to, I'm going to L.A. for some press for the special in the middle of July. And I'm going to get a Waymo just to get a Waymo, you know, but I'm so behind like in L.A. It's like, it's been there forever. Yeah, it is pretty fun. It's pretty fun. It's like when you go in for the first time, too. It's like kind of scary, but it's pretty cool. Yeah. And it, because, because Brad, Bradley was saying, like, you can, it's like, hi, Bradley.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's, it also is, um, this is probably like, I, like, am very left on everything. And I'm like, I don't want robots taking people's jobs, whatever. But this particular thing, I'm like, you don't have to tip. There's no one in there. Yeah, that's what a lot about the tip. It's kind of nice. Yeah, well, I'll give a report. I'm going to do a Waymo in the middle of July. So, hey, guys, here's your homework. One, you got to watch my special on Hulu. If you don't have Hulu, you can wait for two weeks. It'll be on my YouTube.

Two, you have, we don't have a prompt. So any suggestions in my DM? I'll post them on my Instagram, but send me some prompt suggestions for next week. Three, you got to, if you want to be part of the book club, you've got to read yesterday if you haven't already. Now, I know it's a bit after the sort of yes, year bonanza, but I have to tell you that I have a lot of opinions on yesterday year. And they're not all positive.

I want to let you know. Okay. Did you finish it, Nicole? I am a little over halfway through. And to be honest, I'm kind of struggling because I am so desperately trying to figure out what is going on in terms of like, is this a dream? What happened? Like my brain is.

I'm not spoiling anything. Anyway, we'll discuss it. You want to be on that, right? Sure, I'll be there. So now you have to finish it. But I have very strong opinions. Okay. Like with this book, I'm very opinionated for a lot of reasons.

Okay. And so if you read yesterday year and you have strong opinions, we're going to do a bonus episode. We'll pick a good day. And it'll only work if you guys send in. You can start sending them in your messages. Now, here's the thing. Every message can't be about the end.

Now, obviously, if you have a big take on the sort of final third, final 25% of the book, then that's why I don't want anyone holding back. But also, or for example, if you have a big opinion about the end, also send another message with an opinion about something else. Right? Because, you know, we want it to be varied. And then I'll pick them. I'll try to pick them in a way where we're,

can talk about it somewhat chronologically and related, even though the book itself fucks with chronology, but we'll try to do it in a way where there's some sort of structure. And we'll see if it works. This is an experiment. And it's a bonus episode, so it doesn't matter. So that's your homework. You know, leave a Spotify comment. Although it's interesting because with the Google phone number, I've noticed the Spotify comments have diminished. And the feedback comes into the Google phone number, which I like. To go into the source. Yeah, the Google phone number is a great way to give your feedback.

So we'll see you guys in our various places. And thanks very much, everybody.