Berner Phone - Taylor Tomlinson: Quarter Life Crisis & Comedy Crushes

Episode Date: May 7, 2020

Her Netflix special “Quarter Life Crisis” is sweeping the nation, so Hannah had to being her to hell to discuss becoming a Fashion Icon, going public with her comedian boyfriend, breaking off an engagement, growing up in a religious household, finding the right medication, and the struggles of having a round face. Get 2 free months of Free Premium Membership at Skillshare.com/BERN --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, yeah, you had a really funny tweet. I just read that was like, how are people bored when there's so much to be depressed about? Honestly, I'm like, there's so much to be afraid of. There's not enough time in the day. Someone recently was like, I feel so bad for people in quarantine who don't have ADD. Welcome to Burning Hell. What's up, guys? we are in the hot fiery depths of hell. Welcome to Burning in Hell. I'm your host Hannah Burner. And today

we are with Taylor Tomlinson, who I met about a year ago. I'm not sure. Time is just a construct now. But I think it was like a year ago. She has an incredible podcast, the self-helpless podcast with Kelsey Cook and Delaney Fisher. And we're here now. So Taylor, welcome. Hello. Oh my gosh. I'm so glad we figured this out. You guys have no idea how many wires we just untangled to make this remote podcast happen. Comedians and technology don't mix. Comedians, we're artists, we're creatives. Yeah, it's comedians in quarantine becoming different people right now, developing new skills. We're evolving.

We are evolving into a new species, and I'm scared for us. But I want to, first off, just say congratulations. I just think you're one of, like, the hottest, physically and funniest. people right now in comedy oh my gosh thank you i don't watch a lot of stand-up specials i get bored and like in my head when i watch them all the time first i watch your boyfriend sam burrilles on youtube before yours came out and nailed it incredible but like we know sam's amazing and then your special came out on netflix quarter life crisis listen to every second laughing out loud you should be so proud of yourself oh my gosh thank you so much that was like so nice it's gonna keep me

going for a week this compliments i did um i listened to an episode of yours this morning uh and i was looking uh china alexander because i follow her on instagram and i was looking through all the people you've had on your podcast and everyone you've had on is really hot and i was like am i hot i think i think i did it i only have good looking people on this podcast because life is short and i'm shallow um but also people were like obsessed with your look like your shoes and would you consider yourself a fashion icon at any time in your career no the jacket I wore I bought so many jackets in preparation for that special trying to find the perfect one because I wasn't going to show my arms or anything you know what was I cool in middle school and the one I ended up wearing I founded a buffalo

exchange two days before I filmed it in San Francisco for $17. It spoke to you though. It spoke to me and thank God I didn't go traditional leather jacket because I would have been pouring sweat. They did edit out some lip sweat very strategically in editing. And then the shoes I also bought on the road, everything I buy on the road because that's when I get sad and I need retail therapy. And so I bought these like Steve Madden wedge sneakers.

I got so many messages about those shoes. I got so many messages. Couldn't find them online. People had to find them for me on third party sites. And then someone from Steve Madden reached out to me. It was like, thank you for posting about the shoes. We put them back on our website. You've single-handedly brought back wedge sneakers.

Quarantine style is wedge sneakers because of T-T squared. I love it because I think you are not necessarily a girl that people follow for fashion, but you carried yourself with so much confidence and like that cool girl swagger that people are like, she did it, I want to do it. Everything's made up. Fashion is made up. It's just you were aspirational in a way, but you were aspirational with your humor and how you carried yourself and people tricked themselves thinking it's the shoes. Absolutely. Well, and it was also just like, it was how I dress, but the best version of me. Yeah. You know?

authentic to yourself. Yeah. I mean, I, like, I did the Tonight Show to promote the special. And I had my hair and makeup person with me. And everybody was like, you have to leave your hair down. It looks so beautiful. And I was like, okay. And I did. And I hated my set afterward. And I think it's because my hair was down. I've never performed with my hair down ever. And so going into the special, there was like, no question. And whenever I've had people even do my hair, it just doesn't feel like me i cannot do my own makeup so that was absolutely going to happen but when i when i watched the special afterward i was like okay this is what i look like on my very best day when everything went exactly according to plan did you have a spray tan no i didn't have a spray tan

i just had good makeup on i am going to say spray tan is my one secret that like you lose 10 pounds immediately and you just like are glowing so in the future I know it sounds weird, but after filming reality TV where there were cameras up my asshole all the time, it's the only thing that made me feel like I have at least makeup all over my body. Kelsey and Delaney both swear by spray tans. I have never had one. I'm too afraid, but they swear by them. Well, when you do it, can you do a little video for content purposes at least for our enjoyment? Absolutely. Okay, great. I mean, that's the only reason I do anything. now same

literally people start asking me questions on a podcast like what would you do if you walked into your parents having sex or if you had sex with a guy who had a live laugh love tattoo on his back i'm like make a joke and screenshot it and post it on instagram what do you want me to do you're like i would film it with a ring light grab my ring light which i always have by me um but i really quick i just want to give you your credits um she's been featured on conan mtv safe ward comedy comedy centrals blah blah blah top ten finalists on last comic standing hello her stand-up special um quarter life crisis is this is me trying to be a radio host is um core life crisis is airing on netflix okay everyone

who is listening right now all millions of you i'm just kidding all of you need to watch this special because if you think that my podcast is funny you will die over all of this um and she started stand up at 16 years old and on her website it says she's been slowly letting stand up ruin her life ever since did i miss anything no that was perfect are you kidding me you're so funny by the way your tweet about checking on your friends making banana bread made me laugh I've made so much banana bread Hannah so much it's insane like because everyone was doing it about like checking on your friends who have bangs or checking on your friends who like are taking up rock climbing classes so i had to bring banana bread into the situation it's such a cry for help right now

you're right i just saw an article yesterday i forget what it was on i screenshot it i should have sent it to you there was an article that came out yesterday i think that said how banana bread became the official like recipe of the pandemic we've all become just like sad ants like yeah you know what i think it is we don't have actual hobbies i think nobody's right there's that but also nobody is going anywhere and bananas are such an on-the-go snack yes that everybody's bananas are going bad and then they're like what can i do with this because i can't waste it people are getting mad at people baking banana bread because they thought it was because they like hoarded a shit ton of bananas and then like had to bake a ton of bread but i've seen

some spectacular banana breads people putting like chocolate chips in it and i think it's incredible um where are you quarantining right now i'm in los angeles i'm in my apartment thankfully amazing so and you you've went public with your relationship with with famous new york city comedian samaril these are this blew my mind because you guys are single-handedly uniting the comedy scenes of both ghost that's that was our goal that was our goal how did you meet him by doing stand-up i mean he had sent me a couple messages after late night sets that i'd done i think he either posted about my tonight show set

or sent me a message i can't remember which one and then my second conan set which i did almost exactly a year ago he sent me a message on instagram it was like hey really great writing really great set um nothing weird not like sliding in just was genuinely very nice about it and i was like oh man that means a lot because obviously all of his late night sets are incredible um but there wasn't there wasn't anything else i mean besides like one or two instagram story responses maybe like we were not friends we didn't know each other and then i didn't meet him in person until like I was in New York doing spots at the cellar over the summer and he said like great set to me once and I was so like oh god I'm so did you think he was cute before you met him I did I thought he was cute but I was also like I was more so just impressed by what a good comedian he was and obviously looked up to him and and I remember seeing him on the lineup that night and going oh my god I hope he doesn't see my set live because he already thinks I'm funny and so i just want him to keep that video like you know something crazy because i've been

in stand up for one year and you've been in stand up for a hundred years and you still have those that's something i would think like oh i hope he doesn't watch my set because like what if i forget a joke you're hysterical that you're still going to be hard on yourself it's i do it with anybody who has complimented me that i respect i'm like please don't ever watch me live because anything could happen and I just need you to think I'm good. And then they'll feel like you lied to them. Like, how dare you? Lie to me on that set on YouTube. You fake little fuck. Right. Well, and I've seen people that people will tell me like, oh, they used to be funny. And I never want to be that person where they go, they used to be good. And something happened. I've only seen them bomb in real life. And you're like, I was working on stuff. Like, you're just so scared. Comedians love talking shit about other comedians. It's just part of the culture. So it's like, exactly. that every negative thing you've ever heard you go wait do they think that about me it's like when you hang out with friends they're like i hate her outfit and you're like oh my god does she hate my outfit all the time when i walk away yeah oh my god stressful so what happened that night so stressful nothing that was it he said great set and he remembers it is like i had a very uh cool line and i the truth is i was just nervous and thought i you know when you don't think you hear what someone said and then you go wait what was that and then you while they're saying it again you realize you did hear it you were just panicking so he said great set i i didn't hear him i blacked out because i was like there's too many comedians here that

i respect and i said what and he goes great set and i said oh i heard you i just wanted to hear it again and then i left because i probably had diarrhea or something and he was like he was like that was really cool and i was like no no that was anxiety all i do when i do stand up is have diarrhea with breaks of stand-up in between exactly i do joke joke joke diarrhea hop in a cab preset diarrhea i asked you if you thought sam was cute before you met him i think sam's adorable but i'm just saying when you meet him in person the height hits you're like oh he was sitting down luckily because he was sitting down me once i see a man is tall it's game it's a different i have to like act totally different i have to pretend i'm something i'm not it becomes a whole thing

you have to move your chin up to actually view him yeah you know everyone I dated except for one person has been around six three so I think I'm very much with you on that one and then I but I don't really consider that when I met him like then like I don't know a month and a half later he was in L.A and he was doing a show at Dynasty Typewriter and he just messaged me and was like hey if I just I don't know a lot of comedians out here and I would love it if something someone funny did like 20 minutes up top he's like I'm sure you're really busy so if not it's fine and I was like oh totally and I got there like five minutes before the show because I had other spots so and I didn't know what he was like at all so I thought he was going to be really

standoffish yeah because his like kind of on stage persona is very like cool and laid back and like a little bit of an asshole sometimes and so I didn't think he was going to like be super warm and talk to me I thought he would be kind of like quiet and just going over his set yeah businessy and he was like he's like very surprisingly very nice very warm like gave me a hug i was like i've never met you and was like thank you so much for doing this i really appreciate it and i was like yeah of course but i didn't i barely talked to him that night how was your set it was great i had a great set so i had a good set and then i had a really early flight the next morning to go to i think i went to madison wisconsin and i left like halfway through his set and

just sent him a message and was like hey thanks for having me you're very funny i caught like half your set and he sent me his number and was just like hey if you're ever in new york and um he was doing a club he was doing like my favorite club comedy works in denver for the first time that weekend and i was doing one of his favorite clubs comedy on state and madison and so i i i think i texted him and was just like hey what do you think of the club and we just like became like texting friends for you know however long the next month or so before before we started dating. I was also like at the time slowly breaking up with my ex-fiance so I was like not in a place for like anything and also I was still when I really met him met him

it was maybe like two weeks before we actually like ended ended but we were still technically like trying to work on it and didn't know exactly and things were just really bad. So it wasn't like it really wasn't anything like we were like being super flirty or we were just like friends and even after I broke up with my ex and we were just talking I just liked him so much that I even after he was like well I like you I was like you but I don't there's so many reasons not to date like first off you live on the opposite coast you are a comedian you're you're a better comedian than me which I don't care for and I just got out of a big thing and um and i like you and i'm like i want to be friends with you like i want you in my

life for a long time and he's like well it's a little late for that we're not going to be friends and i was like okay well then i guess we're going to date and um it just kind of happened it really did just kind of happen and uh it was definitely too soon for me to be in another relationship but i'm so glad i did it and something sometimes those things are just sort of inevitable well i think like you just you have to ask like are we dating dating is like is actually an Like it's not even if you talk about labels, it's sort of complicated. It sounds like you two naturally got to point where you just liked each other enough that's like we don't care to talk to other people and you can't help that. Yeah, I remember he came out to LA to visit and he said at one point, he made a point to like tell me that somebody had tried to hit on him after a show and he had like turned them down and I was like, so do you not want me to see other people? And I wasn't going to. I never have been able to do that. But he was like, I mean, yeah, I'm not. going to do you want to and I was like no and that was kind of how it happened now after that he was like well you're the one who said are you going to see other people I'm like that is not how I

remember it at all from now on we're doing a podcast so everything is recorded when you say things and I will that's what bring the receipts that's why we started a podcast because I was like I need if you want to talk talk into the mic and but yeah it was just all of it was very natural and organic and he's just like he's just my friend like we're just friends and I could not have picked a better time to I didn't pick it but I met him at such a perfect time because I cannot imagine being quarantined with anybody else like friends family like anyone else I am so amazed at how well we have been able to cohabitate through all of this in your apartment now he's in my apartment he was out here visiting when everything like shut down

And there was a day that was very tense where he was like, I got to go back to New York because we were like, you're not going to be able to go back to New York at some point. Like it's going to be impossible. It's not a good idea. And thankfully, you know, we went over different options. Like, should we both go back to New York and stay there for a while? Should you stay here? Should you just go back to New York? Like, and thankfully he stayed here, which I know was a super hard decision for him because he's such a New Yorker. And I'm so great. I tell him like every day. I'm like, thank God you did not leave. But he seems like the kind of New Yorker. Like, you know, sex. the city where they're like, we'll never, we'll never go to the West Coast. I can't do it. I can't do it. And then they just fall in love with like the weather and pools and shit or whatever's going on. He, oh no, he's never, he's never going to move here full time. Like, he's not the type of person who's like, the weather is great. I'm like, but the weather's so nice. He's like, that's all you fucking have. Like, he will not give me an in L.A. He has to admit that being quarantine in L.A. is a bazillion times better than New York.

He does admit that. It is way better being quarantined here. I'm jealous. I want to also talk about this 20 quarter life crisis is a real fucking thing. Like I remember just all my friends at 25 started to just go on like retreats. Like they would like quit their job and just like go to Thailand to like learn yoga. Like multi. Yeah. That's like three, four years after college when you've like done your job.

You did everything society told you to do. And then you are miserable. And then you freak out that you have to do this for like 50 more years. What was your quarter life crisis? that hit you um i i got engaged and then called it off two months later how did you know it wasn't right for you not to talk shit on your ex-fiance but like in your heart with you how did you know he wasn't right um i didn't i was really really happy and then again i don't want to get into specifics because i don't want it to sound like if you heard his side you'd be like she's a crazy

bitch and if you heard my side you'd be like he's a sociopath so like i never i never want to like go on podcasts and be like he did this and then this happened because the truth is um basically he he did some stuff that i was like a deal breaker for me but i didn't handle it well like when when something happens in your relationship that you're like this is a deal breaker i don't know if I can get past this, you, you can make that decision for yourself, but you cannot like punish somebody for it. You can't get crazy and like just make your, both of you miserable. Like it, but maybe the reality is you couldn't move on and you tried to fake it and like you couldn't. Right. I just didn't handle any of it well. And so it became a thing where like it was

both our faults but what i'm so glad it sounds like he started it but i'm not playing sides no i mean you know it's did he do these things after he proposed yeah we did we'd been engaged for a couple months okay so it was a tumultuous like post proposal thing when he proposed were you like he's he's this is the guy i'm going to have babies with and like this is it yeah totally And we got engaged, like, almost exactly a year after we started dating. It was, we had not been together that long, but we had been talking about it for like five months. I mean, I don't know why we wanted to get married so badly, but we just were like, I think it was the first time we had lived with somebody. And we, once we lived together well, we were like, this is it.

I mean, I don't even know. it's it's so weird to think back on because we are so not right for each other and I to be honest I think both of us dodged a bullet in different ways um but it's hard because I feel like you never actually know like even people who go you don't you don't how do you think um you've changed as a person since that relationship um I think I have given up on the idea of being the person that person that my conservative family might have expected me to be. I think getting engaged, and this is not to say that I didn't love him because I really did,

and I did feel at the time that he was my person, and I'm so grateful that I was with him because he was what I needed at that time of my life. But I think when I moved in with him, I felt guilty about it, because my parents were very unhappy, obviously. They're very Christian. And I think part of me wanted to prove to them

that I wouldn't just move with anybody. I was like, no, no, this is the guy, and I'm going to prove it to you. And, like, he proposed me in the perfect way. I mean, my whole family was, a lot of my family was involved in it, like, such a beautiful day. To this day, I'm still happy it happened. Um, but I remember feeling like, okay, great. I, and I knew I had the Netflix special, like, a month after we got engaged and then I wanted to like get married before it came out because I think I was afraid that my family would like disown me once the special came out and they saw some of the material and so I was like well if I get married to this really nice you know cute pleasant guy

everyone will be like well at least she's pure in this sense you know or something like that I don't know and I think I also just wanted to be settled like I was afraid to move on to the next phase of my life and the next phase of my career and do it by myself or do it without it was a nice thing to check off your to-do list as you're getting busier and busier exactly and i am such a relationship person um that i just i was coming out of like a really when i met my ex-fiance i was coming out of a really toxic um on again off again relationship and i just wanted to be done yeah i wanted stability and i wanted to feel safe and like i met somebody who was very even keel and, you know, easy and wasn't, like, threatened by my success and all these things that I

hadn't found before and I needed. And there were other things in the relationship that were lacking. But I was like, no relationship's going to be perfect. And these things are more important than the things that we don't have. But for me, in relationships, like, the biggest thing I can't get over is lying. And so, yeah, as soon as you lie to me about stuff, you can't trust is the one thing that you have it's the most important thing if you fucking lie what cereal you had that morning i'm fucking on to you right seriously that's why i feel too but then at the same time from his perspective for him to you know lie to me or mess up or something and then for me to react like we're not engaging more everything's over like for me to like go atomic and just be like

everything's done and that like freak out because i'm triggered and and whatever else um i think because deep down hurts trust on his side you also didn't were a little unsure about him so when he did that you were like oh no the universe is sending me signs yeah i don't know to be honest i mean i've i've spent a lot of time talking about it in therapy i know you are very well spoken about this like i thought i was going to pull it out you'd be like so why did you feel that way and you were like abc d right well my psychiatrist called that relationship a mirage and i was like oh my god but like you know he i was unsure about him for the first few months we were dating which is not usually how i feel in relationships usually i'm like very sure and like intense and quick and i wasn't sure for the first couple months i wasn't sure if we connected and then we like went on a really great vacation and we both fell in love and that probably has something to do with it um it's like the bachelor it is like the bachelor and then i was like so happy and so sure about him i really was i was so sure i mean the day before I gave the ring back. I was like, I don't know what I would do without you. Like,

so sure about him. And then once, you know, we had that thing happen, I remember talking to him about it. And I was like, we don't really have a lot in common. And he was like, what are you talking about? I was like, we just don't have a lot in common. Like, we're, we're totally different people and we like doing the same things, I guess. But even that, like not really. We're just, just so different and we we didn't connect on a certain level um we connected on other levels but it was just it was just this you know what i mean there's like some intangible thing in relationship sometimes where sometimes you don't even realize until something serious happens because the fact of the matter is if you're with somebody long enough like they're going to lie to you

they're going to hurt you they're going to mess up like people are are going to hurt you And you have to be connected enough to get through it together. And what that showed me is that we just weren't and we were too different and we didn't understand each other like emotionally. I could not wrap my brain around the way he handled things and he couldn't wrap his brain around the way I handled things. So it's like you had your first crack and like where it could have been solved, you saw all these differences that really made it more complicated.

Yeah, I think so. I think that's probably what happened and, you know, he and I will probably never talk again. Like, it's- Don't talk to your exes. People, can people stop doing that shit? Like, you have friends for that. You have friends. And, like, you don't need to hurt your current relationship by being like, oh, but I'm nice to him. I care about him.

Do you care about sucking his dick anymore? No. Sorry, I'm going, I'm taking my own stuff out on you. I'm sorry. No, honestly, I agree with you. But then I also, like, there are sometimes that people. are friends with their exes or they keep in contact with people that they had stuff with I just want to know about it that's my only thing I'm like if you are friends with an ex of yours

or you are going to coffee with someone you used to sleep with like just tell me just give me the opportunity I'm okay with a happy birthday I'm fine with let them you don't want to be like they died in your life it's nice to acknowledge them I think it's interesting too when you line up all your relationships I have this thing where I've dated comedians too in the past and I will like go for fun I'll go for a narcissist and then they will like drain me like I'll be empty and then I will go for a guy who I have complete control over to make sure I don't get hurt and then I so now I've been doing that back and forth for my 20s and now that I'm 28, um hello mature I'm trying to find that middle ground where it's not like I've no power or all the power um but I also do think It can be as simple as you want to find someone that you could have a conversation with throughout your life, that you just love to talk to. I used to think it was like someone you can sit in comfortable silence with.

And then I was like, oh, you can actually probably do that with a lot of people if you don't care what they think of you. But somebody that you just want to hang out with all the time, that's like, that's what you need. Sam is witnessing your, like, honestly, your come up. And when I say your come up, you've been doing comedy since you were 16. But, like, your Netflix, people put out Netflix specials every day. And so I'm very passionate about you. I'm your spokesperson now.

But, like, your stand-up special spoke for itself and how, like, it spread. Like, you probably didn't have insane marketing, like, some other, like, huge ones do. And I feel like everyone was sharing it. And how has Sam kind of been there for you? Do you ever get scared, since you're in the same? You're both in comedy to make sure. that he's okay that like he doesn't feel intimidated honestly i was never worried about that with him because in my eyes and i think most people's that pretty much everyone's eyes he is so far above me

comedically i mean he's been doing it yeah i've been doing it 10 years but like the first two years i was in high school you know what i mean so it doesn't even feel like a new york city legend he is yeah and he's been doing it like i think almost 15 years now um all of our favorite comics think he's, like, one of the best comics. So for me, going into it, I was never like, ooh, he's going to feel threatened. I was like, I'm going to feel threatened if anybody does because, you know, if I go to the comedy store with him for my spot, there are people coming up to him, like, oh, my gosh, I'm such a big fan or, like, comics coming up to him and he's going, oh, do you know Taylor?

And they're like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. I'm like, we've definitely met, but that's fine. think it just depends on the person though like no matter how successful he is like you either are completely supportive of your partner or like anything they do you could get jealous of like it's true i think it depends on the the human that you attract but also he knew what he was getting involved with he he knew that you were incredible he was the one who's told you you were and i kind of like that as a sign in the beginning that he went out of his way to not like be like hey i'm cool um Sam. No, he was like, I think you're good. Yeah, yeah, which I really appreciated too. And I mean,

I'm so glad I met him when I did because I met him a couple months before I filmed mine. I filmed mine. We started dating like late September and I filmed my special at the beginning of November. And he filmed his at the beginning of December. So we were both in special prep mode. I had never been in that mode before. He had. So he like watched my hour for me. And he, and gave me some notes and like was just very motivated it's so motivating to be with somebody who works really hard and even more motivating to be with somebody who works really hard at the same thing you love so i mean everything that happened last summer that was good bad everything really made quarter life crisis what it is and so much better because if i had stayed engaged

that special would have started with I just got engaged and you have to say it in that voice you have to when you do it you have to that was how I was opening sets it was like and I in the back of my head I was like I wasn't unsure about my ex I was unsure about whether or not I was ready for it I knew I wanted it and I was like marriage is going to agree with me and and I knew I wanted to be married someday but I remember I think I asked him the day before we broke up I was like or the day before I gave the ring back I was like, are you afraid that we're too young and we're going to change too much and be totally different people in a few years? And he was like, no. What did he do for a living? He used to be an accountant and then he was like a comedy show producer. Oh, okay. So that's how I met him. But he wasn't like

a comedian himself. He had like dabbled in it, but he wasn't doing it really anymore when I met him. And so I felt like that was the perfect, in so many ways his lifestyle fit so perfectly into my lifestyle where he could work from anywhere. He loved comedy. He got comedy, but he wasn't a comedian. But yeah, I mean, when we broke up, it changed so much about the hour. I mean, obviously, I wrote a bunch of new material about breaking off my engagement and not being ready to get married. I, you know, restructured the entire set and moved things up to the front. And, that wouldn't have been there. And it brought everything into focus for me in a way that only traumatic events can.

Yes. Yes. And then when I met Sam, it was like, it was crunch time when I met him. And even if I had just been friends with him, it would have helped me so much getting ready to film that special. I love that because like I always say when you feel like a boy is distracting you or a boy is making you I say boy but like when a boy makes you feel crazy it's just not right no one did anything wrong it's just not right but the right person does enhance you like so many of us are like I'm too

busy to date the right person is just a fucking like fire that makes you stronger um when you're a little more into your comedy when you're writing your material how much in the back of your head do you filter will my parents like this or not I used to weigh more I was super squeaky clean Well, you were, can you explain you were like a religious, or you were on like the religious tour or what a circuit? Yeah. It's on the church circus. Circus.

Yeah, the church circus. Yeah, I started when I was 16 because my dad wanted to take a stand-up comedy class at a church from a church comedian. And so that's why I started doing stand-up. I didn't go to a comedy club for the first time until I was like 18. And then I was like, oh my gosh, this is where I need to be doing it. But I was doing churches here and there up until I was like 22, which is four years ago. And then at a certain point, I was like, I don't want to have to be watching everything I say all the time.

But even after I stopped performing at churches, it was a very slow process of accepting myself as not a clean comedian. I don't think of myself as like some raunchy comic. But I didn't watch it like, what a fucking prude. like I never crossed my mind it's good do you do you it's oh my god it's fascinating to me because I am like we're similar but opposite and that like my parents watched me on a reality TV show I literally had a guy go down on me last week on television I mean oh my god but just like heard me like make sounds and my dad was just laughing so hard he was like you're so fucking out of control and just laughed it off and like walked away and I was like there's something what is that like just my parents

We have a great sense of humor, but also my parents, like, I was a tennis player, so I was an actual prude. And at some point, my parents were like, get a fucking boyfriend and stop playing tennis all the time. So when I finally got one, they were like, yay! That's hysterical. I always felt like because I'm the oldest, my mom would like, didn't want me to be a loser. And she'd be like, this is what a blowjob is. It's like you put a penis in your mouth. It's like a lollipop.

She said that to me once. She hates when I tell that story. But like, I would have, then I knew what it was. And it wasn't like the scary. grows thing it's like i mean granted i did then see every adult for the next five days just envisioning them having a penis in their mouth but naturally we have that different lifestyle but for me my parents just want me to be happy because i've been through other shit with like an intense career of sports and i think for you it's like have you gotten to that point with your

parents where they they obviously want you to succeed and be happy but also you don't want to let them down by like hurting some morals or crossing some lines yeah it's been interesting we've we've sort of found a good dynamic i think i mean my relationship with my parents like ebbs and flows i know that they're proud of me for being successful and they're proud of me for my work ethic which obviously is due to them credit where credit is due and i think the humor is due to them too also like totally yeah absolutely but yeah it was it was hard for me when they watched like the comedy lineup. I did a 15 minute episode on the comedy lineup on Netflix as well. And that was before the special and they watched me on the tonight show the

week before and were like so proud and amazed. And then a week later that came out on Netflix. They watched it and didn't talk to me for a little while. And I had to call them and be like, did you watch it? And they're like, yeah, we hated it. We're very disappointed. And that wasn't even that bad. I hate the D word. I know. Disappointment's the worst. So for me, it was like, like once it was like the church thing I was like once I accepted that I just wasn't going to be what they wanted as much as I would like to be I would love to be a church comedian do you know how much money I would have if I was a church comedian do you know how much I would love to have the approval of my parents and my entire family do you know how much I would love to have gotten married

at 22 yeah and built a church like you can't do stuff for money or other people's approval that doesn't help you sleep at night it doesn't and I'm just not that person I'm just not what is your relationship with God now? I don't know. I really don't. I don't know what happens. I don't know if there's a God. I would love it if there was. Now you're with a nice Jewish boy from New York City. Right. They're the best. A nice Jewish boy from Manhattan. Yeah. Oh, I, um, I just, no, I, I, I love what you're doing so much. I want to get a little bit darker with you. Let's do it. Um, what is your way of sabotaging yourself in life like what's that bad habit you tend to do oh my god in what area of life relationships career where do we start with a self-sabotage let's start with career then relationships

i mean here's a perfect example my therapist told me that i have a tendency to self-sabotage and i stopped seeing her i just ghosted her like she called me for like a couple months and i just never got back to her it's so hard to break up with therapist way harder than dudes it's so hard um i think in my career i will self-sabotage by just telling myself i'm not good enough yeah but then that'll drive you so i don't know if it's totally self-sabotage i mean i'll be so nervous to turn people off or or bother people that i will not hang out or talk to people and then people think i'm standoffish when i'm really just afraid um in relationships I self-sabotage like crazy I just I will obsess over things I won't let things

go I will when things get really good in a relationship I will look for things that are wrong with it because I don't want to be I don't want to be like bamboozled or something like I don't want to be surprised if it's going to not work out that's fine but I don't want the rug pulled out from under me yeah you don't want to be like I don't want to look back at this and be like what an idiot how did you not see that exactly yeah we could all do well yeah that's what relationships are it's called rose-colored glasses until six months and then you're like oh what's your name who are you now that I'm done just like humping your leg right exactly I also yeah Nikki Glazer once gave me advice that um because she said that she copes with um she has struggle with imposter syndrome

sometimes and she said something that was I think so so so on point she was talking to therapist therapist about it and said don't give yourself so much credit that you think you're so smart that you've outsmarted everyone into thinking you're funny oh that's such good advice and I was like that's so good it's true like you can't convince everyone who watches Netflix that you're funny that's so true you didn't like do one smooth swipe up that made hundreds of thousand people trick them into thinking you're funny oh my god but I do think that that question of am I good am I good is what lights the fire for you to improve what is your biggest physical insecurity oh my gosh I can only pick one you can pick

Top three. Honestly, probably my face. I have always hated that I have a really round face because I feel like it makes me look young and like also makes me look bigger than I am in certain ways. So I think that, and I used to get like teased for it when I was younger. I used to be heavier when I was younger. And I think just like having like a full face is probably also being in this industry, you get your makeup done professionally a lot. and makeup artists pull no punches you'll be like oh i'm sorry that i have these dark circles under my eyes and they're like yeah there's really nothing you can do about that it's genetic or they'd be like

i have a big forehead so i can't do this usually and they won't be like no you don't they're like yeah we're going to tone that down with some powder i're like i've had my makeup done by people where i go i know i just i have like i just have like a very round face and they're like yeah don't worry i already i'm handling it like that kind of stuff but then you know it's hard when i first first got into the industry I don't wear a lot of makeup so my biggest fear was to like be changed and like have a lot of makeup on be put out there so my biggest fight was with a friend because I thought I had too much eye shadow on and she was like no you the eye shadow is fine and I was like no like I really feel too insecure with this eye shadow and I started crying because I was like I was the first time

I was like doing a carpet or like getting photos taken of me and I just didn't want to feel not like myself and it seems like just a little layer of makeup but I just felt like I was not, I was being changed. I was like, I'm going to be like Britney Spears. I'm like, calm down. You're on one reality show for a second. Calm the fuck down. But we've lived our whole lives a certain way. And then suddenly when more people are going to see you, people start changing your face. And I really didn't like that. Yeah. Oh, I don't like it either. And I, I don't look like a drag queen when people put too much makeup on me. Because my face looks so young, I look like a toddler in a tiara like I look like someone put a flipper in like I just I look like a little kid whose mom

wanted to be prettier than she is and is living through them it's not good do you feel like when you get on stage because you look young I mean you are young you're 26 but do you feel like yeah because you look young and you're a woman you have to like prove yourself more yeah absolutely and because I started at 16 I mean I had to make people feel comfortable when they weren't like even when i was like 18 19 i had to learn how to carry myself in a way yeah that made everyone stop going ooh is this going to be bad yeah how long could you have been doing this like i don't know so like even just simple things like taking it out of the mic stand and moving it confidently were really important for me early on so when people go like oh my gosh your

stage presence is you know so much more advanced than someone would expect for your age i'm like yeah because I had to. What were you talking about when you were 16? How I didn't go to prom. Like I was making jokes about being chubby and like not going to prom. I mean, it was a lot of them were sad. Like when I watch old videos of me doing stand-up, which I barely ever do,

but whenever I've watched like clips that I've now made private on YouTube or whatever of me in a church talking about how ugly I am, I'm like, this is so sad. It's really, really sad. And at a certain point, maybe like, I don't know, it was probably like five years ago. At a certain point, I went on the road a lot and I was doing all these clubs and I was doing jokes about my looks and not even like super bad. Like I'm so ugly jokes more so just like, I look very average. I'm not that hot or whatever.

Girls would come up to me after shows and make kind of like joking remarks like, oh my God, if you're not. hot than what am I like things like that and I go oh my gosh am I making other people feel bad with my self-deprecating jokes and I've certainly felt that way when other people do bits about not being that hot and I go you're so much hotter than me what what am I then you know like which hotness is subjective and everything but like like you mentioned Nikki Glazer I did her show the other day for serious and I told her I was like I saw you do a set at the cellar over the summer where you were talking about how you're not hot and I was like you know you're hot right like i remember i i texted sam and was like can someone tell niggi she's objectively

hot like objectively oh my god i love that because i look because i'm the same way with her we get we get into fights because i literally should be like talking about how she's single or whatever and i'm like you deserve the fucking best and these men are not ready for you and she's like Hannah just like it's how i feel but like let me do my bit like and i'll like hold her hold her shoulders and I'll be like, you are such a strong woman. Shut up. It's 10 a.m. in the morning. Back when we were allowed to hold each other's shoulders.

Remember that? Oh, throwback. We'll never shake hands again. But that was also pretty awkward. But I think for you to even do stand up at 16, you had to have a self-awareness. And now I've like, now that I'm getting to know you even more, I've decided you're just like a weird genius freak. And you and Sam were like weird comedic genius joke people who like comprehend each other

in a special way. That's my synopsis. you do that is so nice i think we're such we're such different comedians is the thing like you're both really great tight joke writers thank you i hope so i mean yeah like i i made this distinction we were talking about this the other night he's like you don't really think that i'm better than you and i was like no i do i was like i don't think you're funnier than me i think we're both really funny but you have just been doing it longer you work extremely hard like you are a better comedian than i I think that's a great distinction that you made.

Yes. Because I've been with comics who gets so weird about the funny thing. Like they'll make a little side remarks like, yeah, but you know you're not funnier than me. And I'm like, okay, I mean, that's a little subjective. Like, I think you've done comedy longer, but you wouldn't be with me if you didn't think I was funny. And also funny is like a chemistry of a sense of humor with two people. So I kind of, he's, he's, I like that he's made that difference where it's like he has more experience in his job. but I also think um it is again you're in showbiz so like anything happens at any time and when

people get people pop at different times and it just sounds like you found someone who understands you and is helping you grow and vice versa so I'm very happy for you and I enjoy watching thank you I enjoy watching the content on my end um selfishly oh good yeah we we would have never been this public if it weren't for this pandemic was it like was it a big do you feel weird going public with your relationship like you've never had to do that before no i mean i was i was pretty public with my ex-fiance because i thought i was going to marry him so i was like why would we not so i had a lot of you know videos of him in my stories and pictures of him on my instagram which i of course deleted but i had a lot and now i feel bad about it because you know i do jokes about being engaged and

stuff and i i think you can figure out who he is even if you didn't know before um but yeah with Sam, I definitely didn't want to be, like, posting all about it. I don't think he's that type either. It wasn't like a thing where we didn't want people to know we were dating. Or a laugh. You guys don't care, I feel like. If it's, if it's funny content, you're like, this is, this should be posted. Exactly. I mean, we both posted photos to promote each other's specials. And they were both funny photos. Like, I posted one. Like the sleeping one. Yeah, Exactly. Like, I posted, I posted one to promote his that was us in an arcade with like prizes, which could have just been us as friends. So it wasn't even clear. His was like a photo set of me sleeping. That was when it hit me. That's when I literally texted like four people who know him. And I was like, oh my God, do you know, I like started the rumors on the New York coast. So I apologize for that. I was like, oh my God, couple alert. Comedia couples are big fucking deal. We're like, there's hope. They are. There's hope for.

oh my god rosebud and Andy are engaged oh my gosh but there's a thing it's hard once you're dating comics and they're so funny and witty and they get you to then date like a normal dude but that's where there's a difference between funny and a comedian and ideally i'd like to just date a funny person um but if they happen to be a comedian who is very compatible with me and has done work on themselves and i do work on myself now this is just becoming about my own issues i want to wrap this up are you dating right now what's your situation i'm currently in a kind of complicated relationship because i was seeing a guy on this tv show that's airing now and everyone is very invested in it but like it's seven months later where things are like a little different and i like can't really talk about it

and then it's a whole fucking thing but um yeah that's so complicated yeah like imagine if you meet a guy like we film in the summer if you meet a guy in like april and then if he likes you you have to be like well i my my life is filmed for three months every year so do you want to be on national tv that's so massive i mean the only way i can relate to that is like when my exfiance and i were like going to couples therapy because we went to couple's therapy for like two months after when we were deciding if we were going to stay together and like be unengaged for the time being I was like, I kind of need to figure this out because I have to film a special in November and I cannot film a special where I say I'm with somebody and do jokes about you and then five months later it comes out and we're not together anymore. I just can't do it. So luckily we figured it out that we were breaking up before then. But even if we hadn't, I might have just taken all the jokes out about him anyway. Like I have zero jokes about him. In that special. I have jokes about the engagement breaking off. But yeah, man, I can't imagine having something come out where I was in a relationship after it's like in a different place. Not to say that yours is ended. I don't know your situation. But mine also like we were we're like fighting about the same things that happened over the summer where he's like, yeah, but you know I wasn't in the wrong. And I'm like, I mean, clearly you're in the wrong. And then he's like and then all of Twitter has opinions on us.

So, like, I'm getting messages, like, you're too good for him or, like, he's too good for you, or, like, he was using you for a storyline or you were using him. It's, but that's why it's nice that, like, you guys are public with your relationship, but at least you're deciding what's seen, which is nice. Right. Yeah, we're controlling it for sure. I can't imagine giving that power to reality show producers and be like, yeah, no, we like each other. Edit it however you want. Also, does Sam have any rules or do you have any rules about jokes about each other? limits? Yeah, we have to run jokes about each other past each other first. That's respectful.

And I think, I think that's respectful in any relationship, not just comedians and comedians, but especially if you're public with somebody, you don't want to be putting stuff out there. Yeah, even like you know those like couple stories that you guys tell your friends about. It's like there's limits to that. Like there's some you keep within yourself. You know, you tell my like diarrhea episode in Mexico, you know? I'll say it on my own podcast. Right. are you writing right now like am i writing stand-up right now i mean here and there i feel like it's more like tweets yeah than stand-up which tend to be more like premises or lines yes i have sat down to

write a couple times for the most part not really because every day has been like how do i come up with how do i write like a sketch for sam and i to do how do we write a sketch together how do we you know write jokes to say on the podcast like how do we you know come up with video ideas like it's been the writing has been so different like I've been writing you know show pitches and sending those out like that's been the type of writing I've been doing more so than stand-up because it's it's so painful to write jokes that you can't say on stage that you can't try out and see how they work I mean I've written down so many ideas in my phone that I would have been able to try on stage that night or the next night normally and see if there was anything there.

And I can't. So I'm kind of just keeping everything in a folder. And once we have a date, hopefully, that we can at least perform for like 20 people all spread out wearing masks, I will have some stuff to go about. But like, it was really frustrating for us because obviously Sam put out his special in February. I put out my special in March. I mean, I did one road weekend before everything shut down, and it was great. Obviously, Sam did like two. And we put out these specials to sell tickets on the road. That's why we put them out.

We didn't put out specials and go like, I'm done. And we had been working really hard on brand new hours since November and December, and we both had hours that we really liked, and we were excited to do and hone and craft. And so to then have everything shut down. And now we can't even remember. a lot of our jokes like it's nuts like when we are finally allowed to be comedians again it's it's gonna be weird we're gonna have to watch videos of ourselves or listen to audio recordings to remember what we did at first i was like i should practice just once a night just do this i haven't done that

i haven't done it has it been weird for you since you've been doing this forever because stand-up i mean in new york city they're trying to do like 15 sets a week but yeah how has life been not doing stand-up at night. It's been weird. It's been really weird. I feel like I'm getting used to it. I mean, we have watched a couple things on Netflix. Like, we watched, I think it was Goodfellas and Jackie Brown. And for whatever reason, Netflix suggested my special next, like once it ended, once the credits finished. And both times I had to turn off the TV because I was so, it made me so sad to see myself doing like what you were doing yeah just a still of me doing stand-up because like I can barely remember what it feels like now because I've never gone this long without doing stand-up

since I started the longest I've gone you missed you're like I know I love it but also is pain the ass driving around late at night all the time but yes you know like you know that feeling when you break up with someone and it's hurt so much that you can't remember what their voice sounds like that's how I feel about stand-up right now and then once you once you start to feel better once you start to heal then you go oh this is what they sounded like or like yeah you know maybe you break up with someone and you can't see a picture of you two together without crying or you can't watch a video without breaking down and then at a certain point you can watch a video and go oh that was me a year ago interesting yeah and I I hope I get there with stand-up but right now

it's just like too weird right now because I don't think we're still kind of in shock almost of this We're absolutely in shock. But for comics like you, I think it's great creatively to put your brain in different places, like pitching stuff and writing short sketches. I think it's just going to help your stand-up. I can talk to you forever, but we're going to wrap it up with a final game. It's time to play The Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins.

What are you greedy about? Right now, toilet paper. topical how many bathrooms do you guys have two okay good thank god so we're all right that's why I'm like why would we quarantine in New York are you kidding me I have doors I'm greedy about like time with people I care about I feel greedy about that like if I'm in a relationship and I I'm usually only home for like two days a week and the rest of the time I'm on the road two or three days I will get really greedy with quality time on those days which has been hard in relationships with people who aren't comedians because they're like I have a life too and I'm like yeah but I'm

home for a very short amount of time so when I'm home you should clear your schedule because this is our opportunity that's my love language too quality time yes I want quality time and physical touch yeah yes who are you envious of oh my god everybody I'm envious of you are you kidding me like I am I seriously am I think you're so cool and confident and like you just seem very very like you seem so comfortable with yourself which granted if I were hot and talented like you I probably would feel that way as well but I'm envious of a lot of people I'm envious of people who just generally I'm envious of people who can sing really well like if I could sing I would not do stand-up you know be cool like being a jazz singer like Amy Winehouse like

I just been like slinking around the stage And do like three songs and then leave I'm so jealous of musicians I know that's such a basic answer Because all comedians want to be rock stars and musicians Is that why I love documentaries Of like how musicians came up Like I love it

It's so fucking cool I recently you know what you guys should watch Have we watched the Lil Peep documentary on Netflix? No You guys would I think like it I just thought he was some like crazy kid but he was actually a really talented singer who got addicted to some stuff and there was some shit going down. But yeah, the little peep documentary on Netflix you'd like.

Oh my gosh. Okay. Hot tip. Hot tip. Do you, sign a note, do you deal with depression and anxiety? 100%. Absolutely. When was the last time you had your like a dark depression? Like two nights ago. Maybe three. Maybe three nights ago. I mean, this is a very special time in history. for depression and anxiety I think were you the one oh yeah you had a really funny tweet I just read that was like how are people bored when there's so much to be depressed about yeah honestly I'm like there's so much to be afraid of what there's not enough time in the day someone recently was like I feel

so bad for people in quarantine who don't have ADD like are you guys okay because I'm entertained that's hilarious that's so funny yeah I I have major depression and anxiety and I did I had trouble finding medication that worked for me over the last few years. And once I called off my engagement, I mean, part of the reason I didn't handle it well is because I was mentally ill. Yeah. So, you know, when you're like having panic attacks and depressive episodes and like calling suicide hotline. Your body will tell you when you're not on the right track. Yes.

Like my breakup, I lost my appetite. I couldn't eat. And like I wasn't like, yes, I look so good. I was like, you look malnourished, you're not healthy. And my heart wouldn't stop beating, like constant, intense beating. And then I broke up with him and it was fine. Whoa, that's crazy. It's so true.

I felt like, yeah, I felt like someone was sitting on my chest. I went on SSRIs too. That helped. Oh, you did? Yeah, see, there's that. What are you on? I'm on Paxil. It's like 20 milligrams.

It's just like quietes my brain a little because I just, it helps me just see clearly and not just spiral into like insane things that i'm just like a perfectionist and kind of like overthink shit yeah yeah i i have those issues too i had trouble getting on antidepressants i think technically i'm on a mood stabilizer now which i think it's i think i got on it specifically because i was reacting poorly to antidepressants i mean i tried lexipro when i was sleeping like 16 hours a day i just like couldn't stay awake and then i tried prozac and I had like really bad chest pain it was weird like just weird side effects yeah everyone's different yeah you don't know so now I'm on lemictal and I take that at night and it helps it you know

and it's hard because those things don't help right away no so you have to like take other stuff as needed until that helps so like that cocktail so was sleeping at night hard for you yeah I mean it's still hard I have like night terrors unless I take an edible. Unless I have weed in my system at night, which is probably not good. But like last night, because I have, I have, um, Sarahquil for insomnia as well. And that's so strong. That'll knock me out like crazy. And I took, I took half a one last night. And I had the craziest dreams because I didn't take weed with it. Um, but yeah, I have all kinds of stuff. And obviously I have clonopin and traveling and like sleeping in different hotel rooms and stuff. And like,

a high from your performance than having to like knock yourself out to like go to sleep to wake up to travel wild but you're on that grind you're on that grinds I'm proud of you you're figuring your shit out um back to us what are you glutness about I mean obviously TV shows if I get into a TV show I'll watch all of it especially if I started on the road I mean I will burn through it so hard um Sam and I started watching Bosch on Amazon and and And we went through two seasons in like two and a half days. I love when two people are mutually excited about crushing a show. Like when it's like 4 a.m.

and it pops up again, you're just like, should it be noddy? And you're like, yeah. That's what our relationship's about. It really is. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath? Like someone else's wrath or my own? Like you were angry. You snapped at someone.

Ooh. I got mad at Sam for something. He, like, said something that I interpreted as condescending, and it became, like, a much bigger thing than it needed to be because I was just so furious. And, like, you know, your own insecurities will be triggered by certain things where you just, I wouldn't call it wrath. They might not know your history with something.

And then, like, you should have fucking figured it out. Right. Exactly. Exactly. I mean, I don't really experience. I'll be honest I haven't felt super wrathful is that a word yeah wrathful I knew what you're mad I mean I think I think at my core I'm an angry person I do I think I'm just not an angry person no no no I'm at my core I'm angry sometimes the angriest people come off the least angriest because they're trying so hard to

not snap it everyone all the time yeah yeah people always tell me they're like you seem like so sweet and so like innocent and good and like a good person and I'm like no I just have a round face like I'm really I'm pretty petty and upset the pros of having a round but then like you'll snap over something stupid because people don't know that you've been hold I had a boyfriend like that who was like always angry but in front of everyone he'd be fine and then we'd like get home and sushi would be closed and he needed to have sushi and he'd like slam the table and I'd be like okay let's let's figure our shit out yeah the only I really I experience wrath or unleash wrath on people is honestly when people lie to me because I'm like I'm like this may I don't I cannot wrap my head around lying it's such a waste of

time to me and it doesn't do anyone any good no and it like you said it wrecks the trust and so that that's the time and those are the times I don't feel bad like writing mean jokes about like an X or something's like well you lied to me so I get to do this now which is probably not healthy. I get in trouble all the time because I'm too honest and I just, I can't live through like a constant filter so it's like occasionally I'll piss someone off but it's like I'm not lying about you. Yes.

I'm not going to do that. I can never do that. That's how I feel. Oh my gosh. And people get so mad because you're like speaking a truth that like they don't want to face. But as I've gotten, this is the thing. I didn't come out of the womb with 300,000 followers. This is a new thing to me and I forget that people are listening to me.

And someone's like, how could you see that? And hundreds of thousands of people heard it. And I was like, what? Right. Right. You're like, those are my friends. Don't talk about my friends like that. You told your friends some stuff.

They're like, I have four friends. You're like, well, I'm sorry. I'm more popular than you. I've had to be careful. I have to be careful. More careful. But I realize when I don't tell someone how I feel, I'll keep it in and then passive aggressively do a dig on a podcast.

That will get me in trouble. And so I'm trying to face. people on instead of just being nice to be nice say when I'm upset more often right yes I've definitely done that too that was not cool but this is like what we have to deal with putting our big mouths out there when was the last time you were like a complete sloth like a lazy piece of shit we started taking Sundays off so that's been really nice we got some stuff done on Sunday this week. But like the Sunday before I woke up and was like, we're not doing jack shit today. Because we are still really busy. Yeah, you guys are like waking up. What time do you

guys wake up? I mean, we let ourselves wake up whenever. So, you know, it depends. But like I've done, I've done like three or four mornings of just radio where I wake up at like 5.30 in the morning. And I'm on the phone with a different radio station every 15 minutes until like 10 a.m. and so we have that we have days where we wake up and like I have like he is like four zoom meetings and I have like three podcasts to do and like in some ways Sam said that he's like it's like we're busier than we've ever been yeah because every day you wake up in a panic like how do I stay relevant how do I keep busy how do I make things happen in case the thing I've always depended on doesn't come back because like we're all unemployed right now it's a nightmare

so but we were going so hard that a certain point I was like we really need to give ourselves a day off a week just so we don't go crazy i feel like when we're doing stand-up sometimes you're like i'm too overwhelmed i have time to write that script or work on that podcast yes or or when people ask you to be on podcast you're like i can't and now we're able to stop and like put energy into other things but yeah we're all fired um yeah when was the last time you let your pride get in the way of something oh my god like do you have an ego morning oh my god yeah i definitely it's funny because i have i have an ego but i also have the imposter syndrome stuff so i have an ego about certain things i just don't want to be embarrassed i hate

feeling embarrassed which is why i need total honesty because it it doesn't even hurt me that someone lied to me it just embarrasses me that they thought i was so stupid that they could pull one over on me i'm like i'm just embarrassed that you thought you could lie and that it worked um i'm embarrassed you showed my true stupidness right exactly i think that's what it is um but also it's more no it's not that you're stupid it's that you were being trustworthy of them yeah that you were being vulnerable to someone yes that took a good i saw i saw somebody post something about noticing who like being so bored in quarantine that they notice who's unfollowed them and stuff that's like the dumbest thing that i've gotten upset about where i i will like notice

somebody i follow doesn't follow me back or usually that's what it is and i go i don't even like you i just followed you because i met you i followed you because i thought you were following me or you wanted to follow me exactly which is so stupid and that's a real ego thing um which is like it's also easy to have that in a relationship with somebody who's in the same field as you where like if they do something you want to do first you're kind of like ugh like there's there's that ego which is all again ego is so stupid and pointless i mean my friend hana imbinder and i were just talking she's a comic we were just talking about this the other day and then she sent me a picture like a half hour later of somebody's dirty car window that someone had wrote ego is worthless in the

dirt and she's like oh my god it's a sign and i was like oh you're so right there's a train in the city where it has like the e train the g train and someone put a oh and it says the ego is not your amigo so that's what i tell myself that's so good and it rhymes yeah it's cute that's a cute little pot um she's sipping on a pot you guys very l-a oh yeah when was the last time you lusted over someone so we know that you lust over sam but who's your like celebrity crush oh you've obviously asked too many people this and they were like my partner yeah they're so they're like you're trying to get me in trouble I'm like I literally just don't care about you saying you have the hots for your partner we know that yeah we know that we get it um who's my celebrity

crush I don't know you're like Jesus I know the Lord maybe you've heard of them this is so hot um I'm like have you see I know Jesus is hot but have you seen his dad God I saw the funniest okay so this is a little this is sort of on topic I didn't lust after this person but it's similar but like I don't go on TikTok I've been on it for like half an hour twice in the last week because it's wild to me and there is some guy his name's Carl something I only remember that because he's so hot and his name's Carl and I'm like what and he like his I don't know if it's his twin brother or just his other hot brother posted a video on TikTok with like a bag over their dad's head in between them and said and it says we know a lot of people have been asking us who our

dad is I'm glad because I've seen this and the dad was fucking hot it's a tweet but like we're at this weird age where we think the sons are hot and the dads are hot yeah it's confusing it's very confusing but yeah TikTok is just like getting weird feelings that you shouldn't have for 16 year olds and I've just oh my god your videos are so funny about the video because I'm so horny right now I'm alone and horny and I have this group called giggly squad I'm doing this live every night and I now post all the pictures I feel inappropriate watching I post the videos on that page so I make all of them look at it because I'm not about to be alone being a creep I'm like I'm not the only fucking 28 year old

these kids you can't it's dangerous it's not okay I'm like, where are your parents? You are too innocent for that shit. I will not let you. Look at that stuff. Yes, it's not okay. I wish I had a better example. I will say, watching Bosch, we have been like looking people up because everybody's older,

but they look great for their age. And so we've been like guessing how old everyone is. Also, Detective Bosch, the people he's like, the first like woman. he fucked was like the youngest person on the show and I was so angry because there were all these hot older women on it typical they were like oh my god it's so annoying but then like the next woman he fucked I was like how old is she and she was like 45 she just looks amazing her name's like I think her name's like Paula something I would have to look her up she she's in season three of Bosch and she's so hot so maybe maybe her the best things to do when you're bored is

Google celebrity heights, celebrity ages, and celebrity post-surgery before and after. That's what I've been in. It is wild. The shit you guys have going on in L.A., wild. It is. It's a lot. I mean, that's the funnest thing to do is sit with your boyfriend and watch something and be like, have him say, like, she looks good for her age. And I go, she's had so much work done.

And they're like, really? And you're like, yeah, do you see how her forehead doesn't move? And then you see another hot, older female actress? you go now she's really hot for being older and she has had a maybe minimal work done but you can't tell you see how her forehead moves like that whole thing like pointing it up think that if you don't wear lipstick you're wearing no makeup oh I know it's it's hilarious when guys are like I think you look great without makeup and you're like you've never seen I have always had mascara on. So finally, oh my God, finally, last final question, what I asked to everyone is, what advice would

you give to people on how to cope with their hell? Like, how do you cope with your hell when you're going through it? Oh, it varies. I have a checklist that I will go through if I'm feeling super depressed or anxious. So first off, I will exercise, which usually at least works in the moment. If sometimes you exercise and you feel a little better in the moment. What's your go-to exercise? Cardio is what makes me feel better, but if I can do weights, that helps too. Like, I have to, I have to, like, be sweating. Although I have started doing some, a little bit of yoga, which I don't normally

gravitate towards, but I live on a higher floor than the ground floor, and I got some, like, noise complaints from my neighbor who doesn't realize that she lives in an apartment building. And so I'm afraid to, like, you know, be doing a bunch of heart cardio on that. You're like, I just punch pillows now. Right, exactly. Recommendation. Search Y7 yoga. Do you know Y7?

No. It's hip hop yoga, which I was addicted to for a while. Oh. But it's a great combination of like flows and you do some fast, you do some slow, and then like abs in between. And then they let you flow on your own. So you have to actually like remember the flow. It's not just you spacing out being.

like it for someone with ADD and anxiety it was actually helpful and cool why seven oh that's interesting okay i love that and then sometimes sometimes all you need is like a walk i so i'll try exercise um fresh air so if you can like run or walk outside that'll knock out too if you're low on time um calling somebody who i love and trust and cares about me um like a friend or my sister or something like that um drinking a lot of water i found out sometimes you think you're anxious and you're just dehydrated which is wild yeah we're hungry we're just plants we're just plants we're just plants we're just plants who overthink things yeah and then if none of that works i take a claw on a pin um and pull the covers over my head and then call it a day put yourself to bed something else something else i've done

this is helpful if you do journal if you don't journal start just for this i go back and i will read times that i was really upset and going through it and read back through those times and go like okay well i got through that which means i'm going to get through this or i felt this way before and everything turned out fine that really helps me when i'm going through it i like that one a lot um t t where can people follow you where can people consume your content give us the low down You can watch Quarter Life Crisis on Netflix right now, which is my first comedy special in case you just skipped to the very end of this podcast without listening to it. And then I'm at Taylor Tomlinson on Twitter and Instagram.

Amazing. Amazing follow. You guys should listen to it. Watch it. Screenshot, tag her, tell you what you think, send her messages, write, subscribe review. Also, listen to Taylor has like a bunch of podcasts right now. She has self-help. Yeah. And you're one with Sam. Yeah. So I have self-helpless, which is where Kelsey Delaney and I basically just review different types of self-help and self-care. The way I describe it to people is like going to brunch with two of your friends who read a self-help book that you were kind of interested in, but didn't want to actually sit down and read the book.

And then they just recap it for you in a very real funny way. And then Sam and I have started a podcast where like 10 episodes in now called This Is Important to Me, where we do that thing. that couples do where we show each other movies that the other person hasn't seen that are really important to us. Like, you know, when you get in a new relationship and you have to, like, sit your boyfriend down and go, I know you don't care about 13 going on 30, but it's the reason I am who I am. You're like, you can't see all of me unless you've seen this movie. That's exactly what it is.

You haven't seen all of me unless you've seen this movie. Like, you have to see little women to know what is going on in a part. little woman once i was so that's what we're doing like he showed me he showed me good fellas and i showed him like you know harry potter which he'd never seen and i'm like well then you don't know who i am and um it's really fun puff um such a huffuff and if you guys want you can google self-helpless hannah burner to watch my listen my episode watch listen who knows back in the day yes you were so good oh thank you and you were so good and you killed down burning in hell everyone thanks for coming to hell and i'll talk to you later

Bye.