Berner Phone - Tefi: Red Carpet Problems & Pop Culture Obsessions

Episode Date: March 25, 2022

Tefi is one of my favorite personalities on TikTok and interviews celebrities on the red carpet. She discusses her career trajectory, how she gained confidence in herself, why she died her hair pink, her part in the Free Britney Movement, her fashion snafu on the red carpet, meeting Zendaya, and much more! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Were you always this confident? Are you just always just confident that in front of Zendaya, you could just rock a dress that isn't worn the right way? If you look at the video, my knees are a little tucked in. I'm like a little bone legged. I'm like, fuck my life. Welcome to burning heaven. What's up guys? We are in hell today. I chased this guest down for seven years and we finally found her. I'm so excited. This is where we talk to people about their demons, their hell. I feel like she's going to crush it because she just dyed her hair pink. And she has so many. We're with Teffi Pesoa. Welcome to the dark depths of hell, bitch. I love it. I live here. I feel like we hit it off online. Like our energies were good. And I feel like I've met you before. And I've past life. Absolutely. I feel like sometimes when you're talking to somebody, like when you're

talking to somebody and you haven't met them in real life yet, like, there's a certain like exchange that has to happen for you to be like, it's like when you're dating. You know what I mean? Like you meet somebody and if they're like, the meme game is weird or like the meme game is weird or if they don't get a reference. It's like one emoji and you're like they don't get it. That's hell. They don't get me. Yeah. I want to know why did you dye your hair pink. Oh, I'll tell you. Yeah. So after I save those children from that. burning building. I'm like, give me the thesis.

So I had long, dark, brown hair, and I hadn't dyed it in like 10 years, but not because I was trying to keep it healthy. It's because I was poor. Very much so. I was like, it's either this or lunch. You know what I mean? And I'm always going to go for the... I mean, the upkeep for this must be rent.

Well, so I had this, like, super long hair down to my fucking belly button. I looked like cousin it, truly. And again, I didn't want to get my hair cut. And I kept getting like a blowout. Like I was starting to go to these events when the world started to open up again. And I'd go get a blowout and it would be beautiful. And I'd walk out the door and it'd just be flat again. And the hairstylists were always like, it's just that your hair is so healthy and heavy that it'll never hold a style.

And I'd look to myself in the mirror. I'm like, what the fuck is this for? What the fuck is this for? So I was like, fuck it. If I'm going to fry it, I'm going to fry the shit out of it. And I've always wanted to be pink. So I went to the salon and I was going to Basel the next day and it was my friend because I knew I could only take advantage of a friend like this.

I feel like other people would be like, I'm not going to do this to your beautiful purebed hair. And I said, oh, I want to dye to color or whatever. He's like, okay, come in and I get there. I'm like, I'm going to Basel tomorrow and I want pink hair. And she goes, where? And I said, oh, sweetheart. Sweetie.

That was her hell. I was there for 13 hours. You know what's crazy? I was like, I'll order you lunch. I got her a pie, a big pie of pizza. and they got the order wrong, they brought one slice, one little slice. I was like, it was her hell. She was hangary and ruining your hair.

She got a little sassy at the end. It was 1 a.m. Oh, yeah. She's like, at the very end, the last three minutes, she was like, this is fucked up. I was like, I've been perfectly pleasant. I've only vaped four times. I asked you if anything had happened in your personal life or that caused you to dye your hair because that's what you do.

You check if your friends are okay when this kind of drastic change happens to their outside external person. when I went to college I cut my hair short to try to be different how to go I felt like a little teenage boy so that's different yes but then I go I'm gonna bleach it blondes for $30 and at a student run of Vita that's and the girl literally looked at me she said I'm not doing this to your hair and I said bitch you said pussy in the eye don't be a pussy yes bitch this is your Super Bowl yeah this is your time to shine you're gonna rock it did not shine she did not shine nobody shine that that day. It was, I mean, you don't just, it was horrible. It was horrible. And it got to the point where people, you'd see your friends in the hallway and they would have to quadruple take because they were like, what happened to you? And I kept my eyebrows this dark. So I looked like Gwen Stefani, um, if she worked at a Walmart. Gwen Stefani was my inspo for this, for sure. Well, Gwen Stefani, this should be everyone's inspo. Yeah, but she's also the one that said in an interview in Teen Vogue in 2004. I'm sick.

You, I'm sick. You're a genius. I always tell, I tell people. You're a niche genius. What could have gone in that place? Could have been, I don't know, counting. Like, what could have gone in that place? Understanding taxes.

Credit. Mortgages. I was talking about it yesterday, too. Like, I was like, when I checked my credit score, I had to go get an apartment for the first time. I was like, oh, my God, 500 points. I didn't even do anything. It's amazing. Like, oh, my God.

Are you smart with everything? Are you, like, obsessed with pop culture? sweetheart. No. No, no, no. Because I'm like, do you just suck in these kinds of data points in every type of thing? Or does your brain just... I feel like I'm the kind of person where like if we meet and like I have a conversation with you, the next time I see you, I'll be like, how was your daughter's gymnastics competition?

Like I love picking pieces of people. I feel like I really want people to feel like safe and understood all the time. because everything else is just a fucking landmine. You're a sensitive soul. I'm a sensie. I'm a sensie girl. Are you a cancer? I was just watching your TikTok.

I love a whole lot of ice twist. I love a cancer woman. Don't love a cancer man. Not going to get into it. If their home life is not together. I have trouble with it. No, no, no. Cancer men should absolutely be put on a block of ice and then pushed out.

Left to survive. You think you know everything? I wish you told me that at 25. I thought this was a wig That you were pulling off People have tried to take off my hair Yeah Bar fight

I'll be at a bar Where they're serving alcohol So I understand And girls will come up to me and be like Is it a wig? And as I'm answering They're like this I'm calling small cleans

And I look at them I'm like listen you're 21 And you're in a bar So I know you don't know how to Not overdo it yet But you're going to remember this tomorrow You're going to remember this tomorrow and you're going to want to die

and that's punishment enough. But this was not just like a little phase. Like you've actually sustained it and kept it and it's become... I'm in. Do you... Yeah, like how's your identity? How's this Teffy different than black-haired teffy or dark-haired teffy? It's the same thing that I say when I, every time I like my Botox kicks in or I get filler, I'm like, I don't know who she is, but I like her.

Like I look in the mirror, I'm like, that's not me, but she's cute. So I feel like for me, it's like, you know when Miley Cyrus cut her hair and she's like, my outside finally matches my inside? even though it was horrendous, it was so bad, that haircut. Yeah. So I thought, was that the info? Yeah. Well, no, you know what it was? Alexa Chung.

You remember back in the day? I literally talked about her today. People don't talk enough about Alexa Chung. News TV? Her talk show? Oh, my God. I loved it. I loved it, too, but I also loved that she was just so skinny.

I remember Alexa Chung was like, I'm not stylish. I just got money. And I remember that. Well, it's hard for me, too, because I look at an outfit and I'm like, is it cute? or is she thin? True, valid. If I put on a baby doll dress with a little farmer bow on top,

you're going to tell me I'd hit it that's going to hit the way it hits for her? Absolutely fucking not. We were talking about earlier, dress for your body, long torso, wear those high-waisted pants. True. I dress for the weather I want,

not the job. Fuck it. I dress for the weather I want. Well, you're creating your own jobs. Yeah, I am. I don't know what I'm doing exactly, but I'm having a good time. But I have to say,

your pink hair is so fun, but it wasn't what made you. you like no people were teffy stands before the right hair the pink hair they weren't expecting no just it was a it was a like cherry on top of the sunday people saw me with the brown hair they saw me as this like dark-haired like penelope cruise i was gonna say they took me seriously do you get different attention from men uh no okay i actually don't get attention from men and it's driving me absolutely in fucking same sometimes because i'm like dude I'm like one centimeter away from showing you my uvula in this photo.

But it's like 2%. What do you think about her with pink hair? Would you hit on her in a bar? Yes. But are you like, are you more open-minded than the average? Do you? Like, you think this would scare like a basic dude? Yeah, they definitely, I definitely scare people.

I know that I scare people. Bushwick. I am out in the wick. It's true. Mood ring, stand up. I do think some guys who are simpletons might see that and be like, oh she's probably so complex and has all these other things when it's it's it's a lot I mean you are but well I feel like also sometimes people feel like like like men are like brave to speak to me like like stand back

boys yeah I'll do it and I turn around like oh my god I love your outfit like I'm just like a normal yeah I know this is crazy but I'm like a normal person I think it's when when I'm go when I'm out with people and people come up to me that's when people are like more scared of me it's less the pink hair I feel like in the pink hair, they think they're smarter than me. Sometimes. Like you're an art project that went wrong. But I don't feel, I feel like with dark hair, people thought I was Penelope Cruz. Yes.

And then now with pink hair, people think, I'm bad with money. I think this is fourth wave feminism where like before women had to prove that they're smart and they're not dumb. And you've gone so far to be like, I can look dumb because everyone knows that, or I know. I'm smart and I don't have to like get people's respect but I've been following you and your TikTok for a while where you talk about celebrity culture and you are so immersed and you're amazing at it and you're really really fucking good at it thank you and you have a hosting natural ability but now you're kind of becoming your own kind of celebrity has that affected how you think how you speak about celebrities what like the other day so like you're asking

aspirational within yourself. My aspiration within myself is to just be professionally myself at all times, you know? Like, so when people ask me what I do, I'm like, I talk to people and I've always wanted to be paid to be myself. Oh, I love that. So far, so good. I of course have interest. You don't think I want to be a little fucking ham, like me and Meryl, chopping it up. You know what I mean? Like, I could do Lindsay Lohan in Georgia rule. Like, if you're mean to me, I'll fuck your boyfriend. You don't think I'd love that fucking line. I love that. Jennifer's body. Have you guys been fucking? It smells like Thai food in here. I tattooed on my fucking forehead. I love that shit. Of course I wanted to get into scripted stuff and that'd be so sick. Am I good at it? I don't know. But we'll see. Well, you're on doing these like interviews at all these big movie premieres. Are you manifesting being on the other side of that or do you really like the hosting gig? I feel like sometimes I imagine it like two days ago I was and I imagine it and it's weird for me something that worries me I feel like that little girl in Grey's Anatomy that couldn't feel

pain I never get nervous and sometimes I should be because nervous lets you know I never get nervous okay or your body's telling you this is home right so but a part of me is like okay it's like when people are like manifesting being a bodybuilder like you still have to go to the gym yeah so of course at some point I would love to be recognized in a way where it's more of a like like something small like an iconic legendary status is what we all want to do I want my kids to be like that's my something tiny but like changing the world like I don't know um an Oscar who would do you think I'm gonna get nominated for an Oscar I'm say no it's not for me please I'm showing up with a feather boa but there are sides of me now where like recently somebody was somebody was in my common section and you know we always get that like one or two that just like respond to every single comment because they're mad like recently is because I said the stock market wasn't real it's absolutely made to fuck up you just choose to play absolutely like my mom works in investment banking like it's absolutely fucking made up I was joking that the stock market and like NFTs and bitcoin are like Lula Roe for men literally I imagine like the ticket raffles in an arcade and

then you go get the bike. Yeah. Like, that's what I imagine. And they get so... It's multi-level marketing to an extent. It's Tupperware for men. Absolutely. It's Monet shampoo.

Absolutely. And we don't even know if it works or it'll make you bald. Same fucking thing. So this person's arguing with you. So this person's arguing with me. And it's about celebrity culture, right? And I think this was like my... What's the last one that I did?

Was it Tiger? No? It was Tiger. And they were like, who are you to dive into people's lives? And then what if somebody made a series about you? And then somebody commented saying, which I know they meant it with love, but they were like, why would someone do that? And they're like, because she's a celebrity. And I looked at that and I responded to it.

And I was like, I know you're here to hurt. Like, oh my God. Like, who do I look like? Angelina Jolie? In the right life. In the right line. In the right line. So have, what were you doing before this?

Like, where was Taffy once you graduated college? I was such a bad. Graduated. Oh, never mind. Never mind. I dropped out of college four times. I really, I really was like. Oh, so you committed to. I committed to dropping out.

Mm-hmm. The thrill of it all. Like, toxic relationships. Like, maybe this will work. Why do I find, like, there's always, like, beautiful, successful people who did not fuck with college? I just couldn't, I truly could not handle the freedom of it. I am someone who I need.

And people think that I'm all loosey-goosey and that I like smoke weed all day. First of all, I only smoke weed when I'm trying to, I don't know, visit Mount Sinai. I never smoke. People think I'm like acid and like lava lamp and I know I need order. Like I need stability. I need structure. I need routine. I love routine. I just told you. I only eat turkey veggie wraps. I'm just because it's comfortable. You know what I mean? And a smoothie. Yes. A green smoothie. I get hydration is important. So when it came to college, people just being like, okay, well, that's your responsibility. What the fuck are you talking about? What are you talking about? And then also it's like the idea of like, they won't call my mom. If I fuck up, they won't call my mom. And I had worked so hard in high school that I burned myself out and I just couldn't do it. And I really wanted to pursue something creative.

But I come from a family that, I mean, I think just in general, parents want you to do well. and to be able to afford food, so maybe something creative isn't the best way to go. Yep. So I wanted to do something creative, but I just, I was scared that I was going to be, like, starving. Or I wouldn't, I would never be able to leave my house or, like, I don't, I'd live with my mom. I would live with my mom right now. Rent is due. But, like, we love mom.

Shout out to mom. Shout out to mom, MJ. You don't, you're a real one. But so when it came to getting jobs, I led the job interview as if they were doing me a favor. all the time. Like, I had so many skills. You know what? My, I don't know if it's a guidance counselor. I don't know if that's what they call it in college. That's how long I was there. Yeah. Like a counselor. Like a counselor, right? They were like, you have enough credit to get two degrees. You just haven't stayed long enough in one. I was like, why the fuck would you say that to me? He's like, you've wasted all your time and money in the most stupid way possible. Literally. But he said something to me, like, so even though you're not choosing, like, the education route or whatever, you have skills. And I just, I didn't believe it. So I would go to these job interviews.

So I was always getting paid like the lowest of the low. What kind of jobs? I was a receptionist. I mean, I was like a social media manager. I was a receptionist. I was a receptionist. Like all these things. But at the end of the day, I was administrative and like bottom of the barrel.

But then people would hear me speak and I would have ideas. And they would bring me into meetings. And they would hear me out. And they would help, they would make me help them with like the marketing of it, like an idea here and then send me back to my desk in the front. So that was fucked up. But I started giving, and I thought they were doing me this favor, you know? And then as I got older, I started working around these people who were creative. I worked in production houses, right?

And they were directors and photographers and wardrobe stylists and all these people that like, if you didn't fuck with their vision, don't hire me. And I was like, that's super dope that they stand. like within their own identity and like this if you hired me for my skill set and you don't want to use my skill set or my ideas why the fuck did you hire me I rather not take the job and be attached to this project and I was like that's fucking sick and when you're around confident people like that who are like what do you want to do and you're like I don't know and they're like no tell me what the fuck you want to do and let me see if I can help you I have these connects to have people around you be confident and tell you that you're smart is as a kid when

you don't know if you're smart or whatever like it really changed my life. So I started talking more and more. And what do I know? 2019, Britney Spears. I started to crack the case. I was in that bitch. Like the fucking Spy Kids Giff with a... Wait, is this how like... That's how I started. You started? Did you have like a weird obsession to it? Or did you... Like, why were you so obsessed with it? Well, I grew up listening to Bernie Spears. And Britney Spears is my fucking girl. Like when her album came out in 1999, I went to Virgin Records to go pick it up

and when I was having a bad day I had my little Sony gray stereo by my bed and I would play it to sleep and it would go all fucking night so she helped you with your life when you're a little girl and you're so excited to go to high school

and be blonde and thin but you know what I mean like so you go and like get a layered haircut Bob So, like, she really helped me, like, feel like everything is going to be exciting. You know what I mean? Like, the boys, the breakups.

Like, when we watch, like, TV and you're like, every high school has a locker. Mine didn't. That was terrible for me. I'm like, how the fuck is somebody going to leave me love notes? Who ruins your whole aesthetic? I know. So when Brittany, when I, somebody called into a podcast and said she's being held against her will, I said, I don't know who you are or where you are, but I don't. I'm going to fucking find you.

And so I started Googling, Googling, and I got into like public records. I don't know how the fuck. I could barely figure out how to get, how to log into like find my dental insurance card. I know I pay for it. But like there's... We just don't know how.

Absolutely. I think it's made up. I don't fuck with admin. I don't fuck. Truly. But I got into it and I started reading things and I started researching the people that were around her. And I was like, where the fuck is Larry Rudolph, her OG manager?

This reminds me of the documentary, don't fuck with cats except don't fuck with Britney Spears. And you're like that woman who's into the... documentary being like there's something fucked up here and I'm going to find it once I found out that her OG assistant and like family friend what the fuck is her name I love her she yeah she was great I see her face it's like the face of kindness and joy yes she's like curly hair yeah um long brown supportive she's talk like this yep I love her and when I found out that she was no longer part of the team I said they've gone rogue they've gone rogue and I started looking at like social

immediate post and I was looking at old captions I'm like somebody else is writing I I remember making a story like somebody else is writing these guys what sucks though is the people that worked at the place I worked at also followed me so they were like why are you doing this at the desk and I'm like a woman needs our help yeah is on Instagram that you were doing all that yeah to my I don't know 500 followers did you get fired no no no they thought it was hilarious okay so so they loved, that company supported me so much, like Dune Studios. There's a, the owner, Jay.

He is Canadian. He lives in Toronto, but he flies into New York every day. He's just the funniest motherfucker. He's a Gemini. I love him. I would die for him. He loved me so much. He owned the company, like Dune Studios owner. All these employees, like 500 to 1,000 employees. And he loved me so much

that I went up to him and I said, I have a really big problem because I have an audition for this YouTube show and no one can cover me. and he said, I'll cover you. He was the owner, and he sat at the reception, and he sat at the reception and answered calls for me. And you might potentially get a different job and leave his company. Leave his company.

He was like, you don't belong here. Like, you need to go. He was the owner. I came back, and he was wrapped up in wires. And I was like, I told you we had to go wireless. He fucked up my whole system. I know. And he was like, why is Netflix open on the desktop?

I'm like, why are you snooping through my things? It's called research about how culture. motherfucker we're in a production company he's like who gave you access to my iTunes every single Britney Spears album has been downloaded and I was like I was worried that you hadn't didn't have them I was worried you didn't have them but that's how like so being around people who like see you and aren't there are people in your life that like that you don't know who you are because you have potential to be the main character and if you are that like big of an energy and you're their supporting character that makes them feel good you know what I mean like it's your hot air

but it's their balloon. So, but to be around people who are like, no, like you, like, you should be like, like, focus on your own cup, you know, like, refilling your own cup. That's like life changing. But I think at that time of my life, if it had happened before, I wouldn't have been ready. You know what I mean? To believe in yourself, to really listen to them and know where to take it. I love what you just said because Chris Jenner's been going around with the speed.

About wise woman, about how. you surround yourself with certain people it affects you. I don't think she was referring to OJ back in the day, but I think her group of people. The juice, yeah. But I realize now your storyline of yourself is sometimes a mirror of the people

that are around you. 100%. So like I, because I feel like we're similar where I can only be myself, when I'm in the wrong situation or friend group, I will be deported from it. The universe will be like, get the fuck out. And then it's like surfing where when you find the right

group or the right scene or the right energies, you will just flow. And you'll be like, holy shit, I thought I didn't know how to swim and now I'm surfing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a lot of metaphors. That was beautiful. Thank you. I was like, I felt myself on the wave. We were California girls for a second. Did you see that? You also went viral in the most funny way. I mean, in multiple ways, but my specific fun memory is you were doing the Dune premiere, not connected to the Dune studios no oh my god but we love the synergy of it look at that okay uh-huh and you showed up in this dress that looked gorgeous you find out after there was a hole in it and you were supposed to put your leg through it and you didn't you wore the dress completely wrong and you were able to

completely the arms were in the holes laugh at yourself but you also look so hot with it the wrong way low-key i was like honestly she pulled it off better though well let me tell you i was serving that little leg to the side every moment i could i was like yeah you're like they didn't bitches never saw a dress like this and they hadn't because it was not meant to be like that and that went viral like everyone was looking at it but in the way where I think people are like this girl is so confident and relatable and also able to laugh at herself which isn't always on the internet right I feel like so that weekend was insane to me it was insane like not to me it was insane for me I was I left New York for a week to do something in L.A. for TikTok. And they kept me an extra day. And my plan was that that day that they kept me, I was supposed to go to London. And I was going to go to this little very small indie shop that I love called Thada. And I was going to get something super cheap, like 38 bucks and just go because who fucking cares. And they kept me an extra day. So I was like, fuck, I'm going to get there

on Sunday at like 5 p.m. Everything's going to be fucking closed. So I don't have any clothes. So at the time, Like my assistant at the time, I text, I stopped her Because that's what 20 people do now. Everyone's all year. I see people leaving voice and I was, I'm like, grow up. Okay. So I messaged her and I was like, I need an outfit. Like, I need clothes.

And I don't have time because tomorrow have rehearsal all day from like nine. And you're with the team all day, you know? And also, you think I'm going to leave Jason Mamoa to go to Thada? I'm fucking, babe, you got to get me some clothes. So, please. Is he as hot? dude no you know what fucking kills me is it's not a it's not a front he loves his children so much and even off camera he's like man my kids are going to be so fucking proud of me and i'm looking

at him and i'm like enter me he's i feel like and he's funny too no and he he also is shy like he like the way that he like looks he's just he's a normal dude i know it's crazy but like to say because of course he's a normal dude but he got famous late he got famous God, he's hot, though. He's back together with his wife. But then yesterday he did a caption that was weird. He made a caption with his kids at the Batman premiere. It's weird because I was there and he didn't ask for me.

So I was like, that's weird for me. Like, what are we? But he said, thank you for all the kindness. Separating private is hard and public is even harder. So I'm like, you're giving me mixed signals. Also, I've DMed him. I'm friendly, not sexual, because I'm not a monster. Like, to be honest, I'd rather be with Lisa.

You get very confused when you look at them. She's very kumbaya. I don't know if she would, like, be able to handle, like, me eating, like, a red steak and a vape. Like a dinner. Maybe it's what I need. But sometimes now I have COVID PTSD that when I see kumbaya, I'm like, are you vaccinated? Yeah. Yeah, I get it.

So I look at Lisa and I'm like, you're so fucking cool. You're iconic. I would literally pay you to punch me in the fucking face. Yes. But why aren't you going to events? Interesting. You know what I mean? I'm like,

well, I feel like a bunch of marriages have fell apart during BLM, during Trump era, during like all these things that like politically you can't ignore. Dude, Shailene Woodley, me and Aaron Rogers are working on understanding our political differences. But I feel like she's woo-woo. Yeah, so he must be. He's woo-woo.

He's not, Aaron Rogers? He's not vaccinated. So he's not, so she's definitely like, hey, people matter. Yes. And he's like, racism isn't real. Like definitely, like, definitely. I don't, like, I'm not trying to be mean. I love how I want to like rip you apart and get to your demons, but I'm also like, wait, well, what do you think about the celebrity couple?

I mean, they broke up. Yeah. They broke up. And right after they said that they were open minded about open relationships, meaning. she's like a threesome would be cool and he's like well either way I'm gonna fuck other people that's how I fucking heard it she said it but about the dress whatever

basically it was late it was a one minute like one minute to the carpet I put it on and I was with my manager and I looked at her my makeup's already done and my hair was done I looked at her and I said oh my god look how retro like Austin Powers and she said oh my god I love it ready 60s I'm like this is amazing and when I'm on the carpet I'm about to interview

I think it was like Zendaya and she's coming you're like looking at I spit on this fucking Mike. It's moist. Oh, droplet. Droplet alert. I got a little droplet. You're welcome. I'm about to, and I, my, but not my, well, she is my friend, but a TikTok rep when you go and do things, they want to make sure that their TikTok creators are being taken care of, right? Like, if Instagram could just hear me out, that'd be nice. But so, um, she's like, showing me my phone. And she's like, you have 46 WhatsApp. And I was like, oh, that's my mom. She's like,

it's not your mom. And I was like, what? And she's like, it's somebody else. So I take my phone. And in my mind, I was like, oh, my God, my news leaked. Everybody's going crazy because they're hot. Oh, my God, not Playboy reaching out. So, but then it said it was all from my assistant at the time saying, for the love of Christ, put your legs through the fucking hole. And I look up and everybody's there and they're like, your turn. Like, we got it.

You got interviews and day it. And then you got to get on stage and say bye to everybody who's watching. And I go, how many people are watching? And they're like, it's up to 40K. And I said, I fuck my fucking. So I get into the Uber quiet like this. And a part of me is like, just put your like to the fucking hole. Like when I'm on stage, like before I go on stage, put it to the fucking hole.

And then I'm like, no, because I don't know you fucked up. That's like when you're, that's like walking and being like, do I just turn around right now because I'm going the wrong direction or do I cross the street and then go? You know, you can't admit. No, no, no. I always say, how could he tell me to go this way? That's what I say. How can he tell me to go this way? So you own it.

I owned it. And then when I got to my hotel room, I was so worried that they were going to be me, because my assistant put all this, like, put it together. I literally was about to leave, and the messenger threw me the dress. Like it was down, and she made it work. I didn't want them to be mad at her.

So I was like, let me make a video. It'll get 10,000 views. And so that they know when they watch, and I tag them that it's not her fault, that it was me, that I was in a rush, that my poor planning was not her. her fault. You know what I mean? And then I woke up and I was like, why does this have, why is German news emailing me? Like that was, and so I opened it and I closed it. And I said, I can't

believe I'm having a stroke at 31. I can't believe it. But yeah, it was great. And I feel like I didn't get any negative. I didn't get, that was, that's the only video I've ever made that nobody said anything mean. No one said anything mean. All the thousands of comments, everybody was like amazing. The next one, what's up, you stupid fucking bitch? You thought I fucking forgot about you. Moli. Guacamole. I'm like, I, you think

that's going to hurt me? I was in the theater for that Austin Powers movie. You know, it's like for everybody that you're with to slowly turn to you and you're like, wait, your, your mole is like beautifully placed. I do have to say it's very beautifully placed. How, were you always as confident? You're just always just confident

That in front of Zendaya You could just rock a dress That isn't worn the right way If you look at the video My knees are a little tucked in I'm like a little bow-legged I'm like My life

But you know I thought it was weird Because every time I walk You can see a little bit of my panty And I said that's a little too sexy for me Like there's a video of me walking You see a little panty It's because my leg The thing is I thought it was iconic

And I didn't I saw someone They looked like they were like tripping in their dress when they put it through the hole. Also, like, I'm a Latin woman. Why would I want to sausage link my thigh? No. Why would I want to do that? No. I could own it. I wouldn't like it. But bitch, you did a TED talk about confident. I did. How did you get to that point? Well, I think it's just like you have to, I mean, you know, like in relationships there are always like you have to choose one another. So you like, you got to choose. Like you got to choose. So

there are obviously things I'm never going to like about myself and I'm like, I'm always, we're not never, but there are things where I have to like look at myself and you're like, like toughy chill you know what i mean like relax um and i mean like hello uh sometimes i'll be in a group of people i can't even talk about it sometimes i'll be in a group of people what happened last night and like you'll say a joke and people keep talking and then you repeat it they're like we heard you and you're like like those moments like you want to go in the mirror and be like like you're beautiful like mascara and you're like you're such a fucking loose why do you go outside bro so there are of course those moments and then of course being a woman

like unfortunately I have like 99% of women cellulite and the idea that like I could get rid of that was like insane. The word thigh gap ruined my life because Y2K, Y2K was the accessory was the body, not the clothes or the purses, whatever. So people are like, why can't you remember anything from school? I was too busy trying to get protruding hip bones. I was working my ass off for it to last like a month. And then, you know, like my body, I became like a woman. A woman. That's how I sing the Doja Cat song.

Yes. Woman, woman, woman. Your thigh gap is so fucked up. I'm like, look, if you want thigh gap, you man spread. You make it powerful. You do. Because I was Quadsilla in college. I was a tennis player.

And I would run and I would start fucking fire with my thighs. That was a very empowering feeling that if you have a thigh gap, you can't experience. Not only can I give life, but I make fire. Like, so, like, this is my sister, third breast prostitute in Kazakhstan. Also, Ali Wong would say that you can crush a man's skull with strong thighs. That was a thigh gap. It's way harder. If I would use strong thighs for anything and be that.

Yeah. Yeah. A thousand percent. But so I think it just got to the point where I was terribly insecure. I was around people. When you are needy, you seek out people that are scarce to give out their validation because you're trying to prove to yourself that you are worthy. So you attract these people that don't share your love language.

you're trying to show people how to love you all the time and then they don't because that's just not who the fuck they are and you're trying to force it all the time you're trying to force and then you feel responsible for them liking you so the moment you like disappoint them or get to a fight which is normal in any platonic relationship romantic relationship you feel like you have failed in some way so i was constantly like failing at pleasing these people that didn't even fucking like me and they didn't like me because the world is your fucking mirror and if you don't like you, you're going to attract people that don't fucking like you. Or if you feel like you're only likable when you're

entertaining, you're going to attract people who only like you when you're entertaining them. So I was doing that over and over and I just got to the point where I was on my rue shit, for real, my before you're rude shit. And I looked in the mirror and I was like, I'm so fucking tired of being sad. It was like eating the same food every day. I mean, I love the, I told you. We love the turkey rats. I do. I'm never going to tired of them. That's my baby. That's good as turkey wrap.

Or friends, too. Like, I remember being left at a bar by people and me being like, where are you guys? I'm like, we left. I'm like, I'm with people that don't fucking care if I live or die. Like, literally. So I could, anything could have happened to me and be like, oh, let's just tell Teffi that we're leaving so that she, like, nothing. And I remember, like, looking at myself and being like, what if I just decided? Like, you know, in a beautiful mind how, like, he pretends, like, not pretends, I'm so sorry.

He's a mental illness, it's schizophrenic. And he imagines these people, right? I was like, what if I just imagined me being the best version of myself? Because I was so sick of it. When you don't have boundaries and when you don't have standards, you fucking, it's like leaving your house door open for like bird, like enchanted with the birds and the cockroaches. You know what I'm talking about when they all come? Yeah.

Like you, and I felt like I felt like I was absorbing all the time how much people didn't like me. I was absorbing it all the time because I absorb your energy and then I carry it home with me and I think about it and I like ruminate on it and then I just one day decided I was like if I woke up

like if I was that girl right if I was that girl that woke up fuck it 7th 8 a.m. 7 please something aggressive please please we can we can achieve but that's not over do ours okay 8 a.m. goes for a run drinks a green smoothie takes care of herself

writes on the to do list only like drinks like once a week somebody like balance if I pretended to be her for two weeks how long would it be and I love her already how long would it take for me

to actually like be her and I realize I've been pretending to be her for so long that I think I just really like me and when I started to say out loud I really like me I've always had the same friends but because I was chasing

these new friends I neglected those relationships I was able to tap back into like my real core group of friends that I've had since elementary, middle, and high school. And I was able to meet people who respected me that wanted to like take me out or heard me or came to me for advice. That was new to me. People were like, they looked at me like, why would I get advice from her? You know what I mean? And now I'm like, you know what?

I went through all of that. So God forbid you or my friend's kids or. or my own kids or my sister's kids, whatever, somebody or even my friend, acquaintance, they come out to me like, yo, X, Y, Z happened to me. I can say, all right, this is what we're going to do. I got the game plan. So I have to believe that my hurt has to help in order for me to be able to live with myself. And I also have to accept that in some people's stories, up from the past, I'm the bad guy.

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finding peace with being misunderstood. Yeah. And that's almost like you being like, I'm okay. Even though I didn't want to be that, that people think of me like that. How did you do that? They have to misunderstand you so that they can survive. Some people cannot face that they fucked up or that they fucked up with you. Some people have to be the one that got away.

Like I have friends in Miami that I know they probably never want to see my face. And I look back and I'm like, you hurt me. and you need to be the hurt one so that you can say yeah i dealt with that a very public um friend group on reality tv well i missed it i understand so fuck up no so i understand i understand exactly what you're saying i also think when you said like i wanted to be that girl if you can't visualize it it's not going to happen so even though it might have seemed like really far away at the time the fact you even visualized who you want to be is the first step to making it happen because If you're just like, I want to be better, who knows where you're going to be.

But if you really fucking imagine who you are, like, I feel like some of the best people, like, I always think of, like, Rihanna. Me too, when I think of good people. The best people, Rihanna. I think she knew this was going to happen. I think from a young age, she was like, I'm going to be a superstar singer and I'm going to be like a crazy great entrepreneur. You have to see it. It doesn't just happen. Dude, I was watching inside the actor's studio one day in high school when I was pretending to be sick.

Yeah. And this guy, Jay Leno was on. it and they opened the floor for questions and this college student stood up. It was like at Pace, I think, at Pace University, I think that's where this, whatever. And he stands up and he's like, how do I get to be you? And J. Leno said something that immediately I started practicing my Emmy speech. He looked at the kid and he was like, be honest, do you look at me and think I could do what he could do but better?

And the kid's like, no, he's like, be honest. And he's like, yes. And I'm like, as long as you think that and as long as you work towards it, that's it. And I heard that and I was like, and here I am thinking I'm going to be the best Pam in all the land. Like Pam like in the office. Like I'm going to be the best Aaron. I'm going to be this. You know what I mean.

And I know that I'm capable. And you know as a person, like a creative person or somebody that wants to be in the public eye, you know you want to be seen. You know you want to be heard. And that that's okay. And that's the only thing that you can do. Like everything else will never align with that moment where you know you. you're being heard and you're being seen and you're being valued for it because you're good at it because you're born to do it. You know what I mean?

I feel that in my heart. And that's why Rihanna, and back to the baby of Rihanna, who will be born and take over the world. But that's the thing. Like if you decide, like, when people say, like, you have to choose happiness or, like, you have to choose your life, when I tell you that so many people have convinced themselves that they're just living the life that they were given, I'm like, if you just chose. Yes. If you chose to break up with him, if you chose to leave that friend group, if you chose to look at them and be like, go fuck yourself, I'm getting the fuck out of here. If you chose to do better, if you chose, if you chose to wake up earlier, if you chose to go to sleep, if you chose to say no, no is a full sentence, you know, it would be better. But you don't want to to not anger or annoy the people that don't even fucking like you.

That's fucking powerful. Rock and roll. That's really fucking powerful. and I also think that a lot of those with the news they're like oh this person just became famous or like newcomer and it's like they didn't just get hit by a piano I've been in the mud no and that's why these people can't be like oh either an agent's going to find me one day or not it's like Esther Pavitsky was just on my pod and she said like between you and your goal is a hundred annoying things that you have to do the other people don't want to do oh they don't

you know what I was talking about in my mind to myself to my shampoo bottle We don't remember all the cringe-worthy, prideless promotion Kim Kardashian did. I remember seeing her face on the ugliest gin. I've ever seen Minari. Minari. Do you remember that gin? I remember her doing weird-ass fashion shows.

I remember people like hearing the live stream of red carpet saying, this is Kim Kardashian and people saying who? Who is that? In 2007, I remember the Spider-Man premiere. I don't know why. I don't know why I remember that, but she was wearing a strapless purple dress and it's one of my first

like Kim Kardashian memories I remember thinking who the fuck is this this girl that went on a date with Nick Lechay one time true, true, true, you know and she dated Nick Cannon to this person

you know, whatever, let her have her moment the weird fashion shows that she walked are you fucking kidding me so when I look at people like sometimes I get these requests and I'm like Teph just fucking do it dude shut the fuck up

just fucking do it bite the fucking bullet put on the wig I do it for the plot because you're like when I'm really successful I can tell the story of when I was a receptionist and no one gave a fuck or I was you know getting yelled at for like getting the wrong coffee at something and that's

like the empowering thing because everyone's been there but you can like Kim Kardashian fucking chose how many people to her face were like you'll never be on vogue you'll never be treated like a real fashion icon some people are like they told me that if I worked with her like her glam team if I worked with him Cardassian to be the end of my career.

Yo, if somebody told me that somebody said that about me, I would be devastated. I would be devastated. I was like, oh, so I fuck one time on camera. I'm just fucking, like, you haven't fucked a couple people? Give me a fucking break. Like, you haven't been like, film this? Because you know you're dehydrated and your abs are showing a little more.

Get the fuck out of here, dude. Because he doesn't know you just pooped and you're feeling light and you're like, you're never going to get this again for the next like five, four days maybe. But turn it on. Let me see that red light. You know what I mean? Like, shut the fuck up. But it's crazy to me because when I Kim Kardashian as a kid she's on camera at 13 saying I'm going to be famous and there was a point in my life where I realized that I was treating the universe or whatever energy out there that you know whoever I really believe that things happen when you will them but also I was treating them like a boyfriend that I was expecting to read my mind oh so I started so people at when I was at reception is people are like so what do you want to do and I said and I would look at them in the face and I'd be like one day I'm going to be paid to be myself.

One day I'm going to be paid to be myself. I'm going to be paid to be myself. I'm going to be paid to be myself. And I started saying it over and over and over again. And then people started hearing me so they started giving me opportunities. Oh, I heard that's what you wanted. So here. So I was like this whole time I thought it was going to on my lap.

And all I had to do was claim it. That's all I had to do. Not tweet it. Not think about it. Not write in my journal about it and set it on fire and let it go on the full moon. I had to fucking say it. You know what I mean? Well, people say.

Oh, like keep your dreams, like a secret, whatever. You don't want people fucking with that energy. But I'm the opposite. I feel like if you say it, you're holding yourself accountable and you don't know who's going to hear it. And like you really have to own it to sit there in your space in front of someone. And I was doing like marketing, cold calling sales. And I wanted.

Oh, cold calling sales. I've been there, babe. My dad was like, if you want to be respected, you got you cold calling sales. You'd be so tough for the rest of your life. You mean a Zoloff prescription? If you want a Zoloff prescription. Did I cry in the bathroom? It would take me 40 minutes to make the call.

You had to like talk yourself into getting her anyway so I did all that shit and then finally I was selling cruises by the way cruises selling cruises oh no no no that's a that's a fun breathe yo like do you fucking hate your life right now you know it'd be better hating your life on the water stuck with a bunch of people you don't want to be with literally how do you feel about a buffet of only chicken finger no so bad how do you feel about a creepy magician forcing you to laugh and then you're stuck yeah I decided I want to video I just, like, knew I wanted to do video. I didn't know if it was going to be sports broadcasting or something else.

And I just said it to a bunch of people. I was, well, I was like an athlete, so I was like, I know sports. I'll do sports broadcasting. Amazing. And then some guy, random guy who I saw who started working for a random company, LinkedIn messaged me. It was like, hey, we're looking for a video producer for this company, Betches. I've heard of me. I was like the seventh hire making funny content for them.

Never had made funny content. I was just very funny in the group chat, but I submitted a video. they were like okay you can freelance and it's funny because i had the same thing i wanted to be paid to be me and then i got on reality tv and i was like this is awesome and then three years in i was like wait i'm not i'm not me right now because it's reality tv and because you evolve and you exactly i wasn't 26 single getting drunk on reality tv i started to like find myself you were 29 single getting drunk on reality exactly being in hot tubs and i was like i'm more important now but then you start finding your people and what you want and then you get closer and

closer to it but it's an active process it's not re it's no it's very active and your decisions you make every day add to where that is in that moment oh shit we're fucking hyped up no dude i fucking i feel like a basketball coach right now i'm about to fucking if you can dodge a rent you can dodge a ball you missed 100% the shots you don't take okay um final game we're ending with a game okay called the seven deadly sentence i love it What are you greedy about? I'm greedy about my space. No, when it comes to my apartment.

I'm very greedy about that. No subway clothes? No subway clothes allowed? No subway clothes. I'm like, I just learned that the other day. I sat on my friend's bed and they're like, why are you on the bed of my subway clothes? And I said, I don't make sandwiches. Oh, the other day somebody asked me if I was sag and I said, no, I'm a cancer. That fucking killed me, dude.

That I was like, gung-h-h-h-h-h-h. That's when I looked in the mirror and you're like, Like, you're a fucking loser. That's in all the confidence that you've built yourself on in 15 years. Let's rework it. We're on E. Let's do it again. No, I think it's my space.

I feel like I'm very sensitive to like my quiet time. It took so long for me to like being alone in my house watching TV and not having to like, hello, my baby, anybody, you know? So my, so when you come to my space, I'm very, like you are like I love you. I love you. If not, I'm like, I'll meet you down. stairs in the lobby. True.

You know what I mean? But that my space, I feel also for a long time, I was like really insecure about, like, I was depressed. I, like, suffered from depression for a very long time. So I was extremely messy. And I still have a little PTSD from that, like, somebody's coming over. Even if my cleaning lady just fucking left and everything's pristine, I still have a little PTSD of like, they're going to see the real me.

They're going to see that I'm not well. You know what I mean? Loaded. Loaded question, because I also suffer from. from depression and a lot of messiness, but I tell myself it's because I'm a creative. Oh, I'm a bohemian. I'm more of a bohemian girl. They're like, oh, dirty clothes is bohemian, and I'm like, absolutely. Yeah, don't you see the beads door?

Were there any kind of main things you did to get out of the depression? Are you still, like, in and out? Mean things? Any, like, main things. Oh, yeah, I started. You're like, yeah, I started being mean to everyone. Yeah, I was like, I was dissing. It's really calming for me.

The therapeutic just yell at the fingers. I feel like it's the main thing that I did was I started writing down skits and jokes. I started writing them down. And for me, I know immediately what works. Like in my mind, I just know immediately what works. I can see the pacing, the timing of it, where I would end, where I would stop it. And I can write down, like every single TikTok I've ever fucking done, I've written down every single one. I mean, I don't look at it like a script afterwards, but I'm like, this is the premise, this is the two jokes, this is the angle, and this is why it's shareable.

I'm not stupid. You know what I mean? So it's me, but I'm trying, if I'm going to find a message and I have to compact it and I want you to laugh at it, that's on purpose. You know what I mean? How do you structure your content each week? I, when people ask me like, what's funny, how do you know what's funny? It's stuff that I find funny. I don't have to tell, I don't want to ask people what's funny.

So for me, if I wouldn't watch it, I'm not. going to fucking do it. I don't care what's popular. Like if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West got back together, it's just not fucking interesting to me. So I'm not going to, I'm not going to talk about it. But if like Katie Perry being a triple fucking Scorpio, I'll talk about all fucking day. That's dark. That's dark. Yeah. So I'll talk about that stuff. That's stuff that interests me. And I learned that on the YouTube show because it was live and people could see when I was interested in something. And I was like, people are so sensitive to that because they've been absorbing the internet for so fucking long. They know when someone doesn't like something. So I would

talk about like Chrissy Teagan or something and just wasn't craving sick cookbook I can't make cereal babe like please so for me it's just like that stuff I realize if you like it the people that like you will like it but if you don't like it you're gonna get people watching your video that expect that content and you don't even fucking like to talk about that you know what it's not bringing you Joey how's it going to bring other people Joe I will talk shit on Tristan Thompson all fucking day though what I do the two I go how does this man find the time to play

basketball you can see because he's so bad at it that he doesn't he's so bad at it this i'm watching i'm like bro put me in at this point yo literally um i do think also your content it's like you know when the news cycle is going around it's like yeah you see the same message everywhere but your content like you're on your own fucking journey of where where you're exploring in celebrity culture and i think that's why people start started being obsessed with you Who are you envious of? Oh my God, nobody. I literally, so when you are sad and when you are in the wrong place emotionally, I used to be super envious and jealous.

And hurt people, hurt people. I know that I know that you're my bestie. I'm like, no, no, no. You have to know that the only way I know how to love people is because I love them so bad, so poorly at some point. Like I was not a good friend at a point in my life. I think like 19-20, I look at people and I'm like, I'm always trying to have a conversation. the conversation to be my own. I feel like if it's a cheap joke or an obvious joke, it's tacky. I never want to do that. So I'm like, how can I take this conversation to where it relates back

to me because that's the person I know the best? So if it's about Tristan Thompson, for example, I'm going to talk about, you know, how I have cheated before. That guilt of being like, I acted out of character because I was hurt by something that I haven't worked on yet. That's fucking jail that locks from the inside. But I would, and I had all these thoughts or whatever about content, but I would saw people. And I was. I was making this content, but I saw people who started at the same time as me doing more things, you know, and I'm impatient. I'm a very impatient person. I've learned to absorb it. So I actively would look in the mirror and I would say, I'm going to make up a name. Stacy. Stacy works hard and she creates her content and she deserves this recognition. I would say it over and over again. She works really hard because content creation is a bitch and a half. And she's putting it out there. You know what I mean?

So you have to acknowledge she works hard and she deserves recognition for her hard work. And you say that over and over again until you look at people and you're not envious of it anymore. You're fucking proud of them. So that's what I did. I'm also 31. Like if you're 22 and you're like, how can I get there? Bitch, I didn't get there for eight more years. Be a bitch for eight more years.

You're fine. Well, that's important. I'm 30. And like your 20s are so hard. Your 20s are you just figuring your shit out. Yeah. You're just trying to stay fuckable. You're making mistakes everywhere trying to be fuckable and like it's exhausting.

And you're already fuckable. Yeah. And then you look back. I'm like, bitch. Yeah, like your pH is like an armor. You're fine. Mine is a Kleenex now. If I think about a UTI, I'm like, where's the Azo?

Oh my God. Literally. Oh, my God. That's my friend page. Okay. What are you glutness about? Oh, my God. What are you overindulgent?

Attention. Yeah. I love attention. I love attention. I never want to get attention. Like, I don't want to be remembered for being a serial kill. You know what I mean? Like attention in that way.

Yeah. Like, but I love, I love being heard. I love being seen. I'm gluttonous with it. But I'm also, I'm also really good at I feel making sure that you know that if you want to be heard, we want to hear you, that your voice is vital. Like, maybe we're missing that. So I feel like I'm gluttonous with attention because I want other people to also see. Asking for what you want isn't selfish.

So I'm asking for everything. I want everything. I want the egot. I want every award. I want every ribbon. It doesn't make me a bitch or arrogant, you know, because I'm a person. And I love the people around me. But I love you enough that I want you to see me doing it so you can do it too.

Does that make me? Yes. Yes. Well, you want to inspire people and be, there nothing feels better than a girl being like, oh, I got into podcasting because of you. Or like, I did this because you. That is like, sick. Incredible because that means you're beyond yourself.

You're actually affecting people. I also think having me in character energy and wanting attention, wanting to be heard, as a woman can be used against you a lot where like I was in a company once and I started to do well and there will be a lot of people that will be like, oh, she just wants attention. And it's like, well, first of all, we all want attention in this business. And then it's kind of like we don't like her because she wants attention. And then you feel like, am I a bad person? Am I, like, that I want attention? And then you realize, oh, I was one of those people pulling this earth to entertain.

Like, that's what I'm good at. That's what brings me joy. I'm going to tell you a Bible verse. I don't mean to bring up religion, but it's very important to me. There are two kinds of people in the world, the ones that entertain and the ones who observe Britney Jean Spears Circus.

I am sorry that that's not you. I don't know what you. in the past life you're living your karma and now your karma is that you get to watch me me be happy period like and i don't even look at it as a main character i'm like i don't even think about his main character i'm like you're in my fucking movie well also i have this new thing where um i only have time for girls around me who i who have main character energy not that they're necessarily loud or want attention like we're here with jade who we work with that bitch is running shit And I want to be surrounded by girls who are so driven and so creative or so smart that I am like, I brag.

Like, you think I'm bad? These girls are bad. You know what I mean? I feel like it's important to be around people who are never, who get tired, but also they're never tired. Like, I feel like when it comes to like writing, when it comes to like writing like skits and like things like that, like I could do it for fucking ever. You know what I mean? And sometimes, but a bitch has to sleep. but I'd like to be around people that are like

sit down, do it like you can fucking do this I hate when people say like Beyonce is the same 24 hours as you Beyonce has a staff I have a tabby and a Wi-Fi connection. Get out of here Are we a cat? Marjolina Jolie How do I not know about your cat?

Oh my God, she's... Has she been in the content recently? Yeah, she's always in the back. Okay, she's always I have butter. She's my baby. That's a good baby name. Baby butter. Oh stop You know, honestly, I'm trying to town right here. I got it. I do love dairy. I do love dairy.

Okay. Gary doesn't love me. This is making sense. I mean, fellow cat lady. Okay. Ooh. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger? How's your anger?

The last time I exce- Oh, yeah. I feel like if you're going to feel one emotion a lot, you're going to feel them all a lot. I always say like I'm an extremist in the way where I'm like, I'm never happy. I'm like ecstatic. I'm never like, I'm never sad. I'm like, dad. She's passionate.

Yeah. I'm a passionate girl. The last time I was really, really mad. I hate to bring up fell hello fresh right now. When I looked, I have the, I'm trying to hold myself accountable, so I have my checking balance sent to me every day. And for some reason, Bank of America, I'm not loyal to them. I just don't know how to change. I've been 2006.

So Bank of America text me my balance every day. And for some reason that day, Bank of America fucked up and they sent it to me 10 minutes apart and it was $50 different. And I was just in bed and I didn't buy anything. And I saw that even though I'd canceled Hell of Fresh, that they had been charging me every fucking month for six years. What?

Can you fucking believe the nerve? And I looked at them and I was like, you know any times? I got to client at Dunkin' Donuts for a hot coffee and a smile and it was you the way that I went I was

blinded and I said where the box is going where the box is going and they couldn't figure it out so that little fucking intern that fucked up six fucking years ago if I see you Kimberly

I have no idea Wait, did you get the money back? Of course I did. Oh, of course I did. That's a nice little paychecky. Of course I did. Oh, not for all six years. Just the 50 bucks that one time. No, no, no.

I won't all six years. I was literally, it's to the point where I look at people on the phone and I go, I understand. I literally get furious. I understand that you are, like the world right now is understaffed and overworked. But $50 is a lot of fucking money. But it does a lot of fucking money. That's a lot of fucking money. I don't care how rich you are.

Bill Gates would be like, that's what. a lot of fucking money. Bill, it is a lot of fucking money. It's a lot of fucking money. Like, I'm, I know they're not the Tinder swindler, but, but that was not, she was looking a little Simon to me. I was looking a little Simon to me. I recently thought I was that bitch who, like, discovered something wrong, because I'm pretty cheap. I like to keep my finances in, in check. Rich people are cheap. I got to be cheap. And I saw my, my, and health insurance is the whole thing. And I like, got off it because I got a job, like, a, like, a, talk show and then I got fired and then I'm sorry and now I'm back on my own Oscar health insurance

and I called them and I said I'm back which is back put me back on whatever I had they said we got you and then I realized I've been I've been charged $600 each month the last six months and I literally was like so excited to be like this is a mistake I I pay like $150 for health insurance this is a mistake so I call them and they're being very nice and I'm being nice but I'm like someone messed up and I'm not mad about it but we can fix this right now and they go oh no when you turn 30

it goes up by $500 and I was like what? I didn't ask to be here I don't ask to be here I go wait wait so even like so you're saying 10 months ago I was $500 cheaper and then I just turned 30 and now I'm just a fuck I'm Prince Philip

the body is born to decompose And you're charging me for it. There's nothing I can do. I have this awkward moment. And he goes, and you're 30, right? And I was like, yes. Why are they asking, like,

it's death becomes her? Yes, I'm 30. Yeah, and I'm not in a fucking old people home. I'm the same, I have the same chance of getting hit by cars as 10 months ago. So we're sitting there. And he's like, I feel like we're done here. And I was like, I feel like we're done here.

Well, it just nothing happened. Like, he, I couldn't come up with anything. I was going to be like, I thought you meant we're done here. Like, like, I'm breaking up with you. And like, you think you're done. me. And then I just felt like he was just like this fucking old-ass 30-year-old just try to get her health insurance cheap in. But I was like, no one warns you in school about this shit. What happens when you turn 40? Why can't it be a gradual thing? Because this was a punch in

my face. Literally, you don't even know how long I went without health insurance. My gynaecologist is like, you got to stop putting garlic up there. I'm like, I don't know what else to fucking do. I don't know what else to fucking do. I'll have health insurance, but I still hate the admin of going to the doctor. And I'm like, mom. And she's like, you got to grow up girl. And I was like but it's so confusing what is like all the words of health insurance i just said tic talk about it where i'm like i'm the baby it's like the copayment plus the deductible plus no one teaches you about deductible i was like if the copay is 30 but i can't get it until it's $3,000 why am i paying $800 plus my medic you go plus my hulu and my fabletics and my hello fresh is

still charging me and i don't know how to get out of it fablics that that shit too you could get hooked yeah kate hudson fuck me i love her i love her i love her i forgive her and Demi Lovato when I signed up. And shoe dazzle owned by Kim Kardashian. Fab Lettix. 25. What's the shoe one? There's like a shoe. It's shoe dazzle.

Yeah, but it's also, but they changed it. It was fab something. Yeah. $25 a month for shoes from forever. Also, I'm not trying to lose every brand deal. I might potentially get in the future, but there is. You need me. You need me. We love all of this stuff. We love it. I can make you better. We're very

bad at the month to month figuring out. There is an app though where you can unsubscribe from everything apparently apparently okay when was last time you were a sloth or like a lazy piece of shit didn't do anything all day what days are today Friday Friday for sure for sure Tuesday I feel like I work on my so I get up and then I see all my notifications and then I go to on my phone I go to the couch and I lie down I put the blanket right up to here yes sometimes the computer gets hot yes and I go like this and then I Marjolina's right here. Yes.

So, and then I'll be like, I want to, my favorite game is being next to the phone charger and then my phone die regardless. Yes. Yes. And then you have to go out and you feel like, I wish I was a time traveler. It's like, if you were home all day, what do you have, 12%? Why are you in my fucking business, dude? So I feel like that's a...

Then you have to be flirty at the bar. Be like, does anyone have a charger? Can I just leave it here and please don't see my phone? You'd be doing me a big favor. You'd be doing me a big favor to give me the thing that I have at home that I had all day. You've been being big favor. I feel like we have similar work ethic where I'm actually, you're like, I hate people being tired, but I'm tired all the time. But I'm also not tired all the time.

I can work. I want to work more. I will be working. I will be horizontal. That is my prime. I could work a 16 hour day and the next day being like, I wish it was 18. I love working. Yes.

And I love the building of it. But, you know. Well, you need a. Being in my sweatpants, eating chips off my chest, like a little. Yes. Yes. A little reptile. If you get two chips at one time.

I mean, who needs college Right Well When was the last When was the last time You let your pride Of your ego get in the way of something Oh I don't think

How's your ego She's good She's healthy But she's good She's I feel like my ego Is to the point right now Where like

I can feel triggered by something Like if someone's like You know what today Fuck it This brand wanted me to do more than they asked for and I feel like it's not their fault they're not like a creative team

they're just asking me things and people who don't know the work that goes into it say it like it's fucking easy they're like oh can you just reshoot this with a whole different thing and we might want you to do it again but you just want to see what it looks like

and you're like absolutely not yeah and I'm working with somebody who I love and I started yelling I was like why the fuck would they want me to do that that's fucking stupid they'd want me to fucking do this bullshit and it's gonna be my fucking face

And I have to look at the fucking TikTok with 2,000 views and three comments are on my mom. I hate that shit and doing all this stuff. And she looked at me and she was like, why are you screaming at me? And I was like, I'm not screaming at you. You know? This is how New Yorkers speak. And then I had to like look at myself and be like, this is a fun project. Yeah.

They just don't understand. You can explain it or you could just say no. Yes. Relax. But I'm making my friend feel uncomfortable. Yes. And you realize like, oh, this is my own experiences that I'm projecting onto this to be this pissed when it's like you know what I also just sometimes saying I don't think that's

going to work for me in a very calm way I didn't realize was an option but then you realize it actually is a very valid thing to respond to people yeah and then I also think you used to do that shit for free and you're going to pay to do it you're going to pay to play really is what it is you're going to pay to play and do something that comes easy to you let's say like you're about to get paid a couple grand to do a post and then I think oh that's what I used to make in two months at this company? I think the first time... You have to know the value of a dollar.

Yeah. The first time I did something really big and they offered me my old salary for a post. I was like, I do this thing all the time where I go to 15 year old me in my teen bedroom. Ooh, I love that. And she's like reading Teen Vogue and I'm like, close it. She's like, okay, I'm like, well, you should read it because it's going to end soon. But so you're never going to be in it, babe. Oh, throw back.

So she closed, like I'm looking at it. at her and I'm like your highlights are yellow but we'll talk about that another time but I tell her the things that we're doing and I picture her and I like jumping on the bed together and we're like fucking screaming and that is enough for me to snap out of ego and pride because that little girl never gave up on me. She was dreaming about me my whole life and I owe it to her when I visit her to say I'm doing it because even 15 year old me, 22 year old me, 25 year old me, they've dreaming about me and they never gave up because they knew that I could do it. So when I visit them and I'm like, dude, we're making so much cash. Like, you know what I mean? Like,

we're fucking meeting cool people and you're able to invest in this stuff and your mom is so proud of you. That's why when it comes to like, I spit again. Well, we love it. She's expressive. Well, when you come, when it comes to choosing, you're also choosing to make the youth that love you proud of you. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. And also, but I love that the use that love you is, yeah, you're making yourself proud because so much is like, how are other people going to view me? How are other people going to view me? And I think that's ultimately how you deal with backlash of when you start getting popular, you start getting hate, is that you still love yourself and you're still that little girl. And Joe in Michigan being annoyed by you.

Yeah, of course. And also, the way that people look, no, see you, that's never been in your control. even when like when you were a teenager that's never been your control so bitch isn't gonna be bitches so when was the last time

you lusted over someone besides Jason Mama that's somebody that's somebody yeah who's your like celebrity crush or who were we manifesting

no one I don't have a celebrity crush I think it's Javier by them I don't know of it but I think it's Javier about them but it's because

I love people who like speak with their hands and they talk to you like they love what they're doing what's your type My type I love God I don't know

I like people I know this is crazy To be hot And I feel like I like people No what it is to me What's really fucking hot Is people who are comfortable Like you don't have to babysit them

And they can like run a room And they can charm everybody And like you don't have to watch them And you don't have to worry about them But at the same time I'm also describing a scammer So it's really about what I find hot And so when I look at Javier Bardem

And the way that he isn't like What's that one film Like Biggie Christina Barcelona And he's so like Powerful and like That he knows what he wants And he knows what he doesn't And he's so like loving and caring

He's also like a self-centered dick You know what I mean? So I feel like the things that we Love and want as women Men they're like This is awesome. like it's a fuck everybody you know what i mean so it's hard so what i think of like somebody that i really oh my god i really have to work on my daddy issues i feel like i'm i was like a dad

figure and i'm like so yeah i think i like i love feeling taken care of too like but not in a sense that's like i don't want to be kept i want to i like the feeling of like if somebody fucks with you i'm gonna fucking kill them but now i'm describing a murder yeah yeah it's a thin line I have a whole bit in my stand up about how we're attracted to narcissists and like the guy of the party because like that's what Disney princes were. Like you don't think Prince Charming was like so punchable. Never had any consequences because they're so cute and pretty. Yes.

And then even the Beast who like super hot six four were obsessed kept the girl. Like he's so controlling. And I do think that Prince Adam, I hate myself. It's a thin line. It's a thin line between a guy being a narcissist and everyone loving him and it's like, what is he hiding versus someone who. I think you just want to find someone that you respect who can carry themselves and you respect them like you respect yourself. Right. I want an equal. I want an equal. I want somebody that is never jealous or condescending and is living their own lives.

And like I know that in every relationship there's going to be codependency, like some degree of it. You know, you want to keep it as low as possible. But even like me depending on you is a little bit of like depending you to be faithful to me. That's a little codependency, right? So there's always going to be a degree of that. But I feel like I really want like a person that's like I come home and it's like peaceful. I don't think I've ever been in a relationship where like I'm like I've always been like the sense of like peace and like we can do this. But no one's ever been my lighthouse. Oh yeah. You know what I mean?

It's like the, let's talk about the gardener and the flower and like someone garden, someone flowers. But it's great when it could like switch off like when you're being the flower like the rock versus the it's a lot of metaphors. You get it. I love it. So great. I love it. My final question to you. Oh, one last thing. I was talking to a very successful woman yesterday who happens to be single. And she was like, I've been leveling up. And I'm like, hell yeah. And she goes with the problem with leveling up is suddenly there's like a lot fewer people that you're going to date because you've leveled up. She's like. A standard. Exactly. Like you said before, you let anyone in. But then once you level up, it's like, oh, you have less people to choose from. And then you just focus on your shit more. And it just takes one. I mean, there's that quote from, Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss that I think about all the time. I was hoping it was another Brittany one, but continue. That would refer to the Bible. Oh, got it. No, it's this quote that's like, and sometimes you'll play lonely games too because you'll be playing you against you.

Single player games. All the places you'll go, I always have a hard copy of it in my house. Always. Wow. Because you need to, because that part of like, oh, and you'll be alone sometimes. And it's just part of life or whatever. But nobody told me that if you like yourself, it's so much more, it's easy for people to hate you and to be jealous of you or like just send you negativity.

And the people who like love, love themselves are not like threatened by that in a way. Like a person that like really is like, that makes me uncomfortable or this is my boundary or like whatever, whatever. Nobody told me that that was going to be like three or four dudes. In the world, three or four dudes, you know what I mean? Three and a half. Just three and a half. One of them, you know, has halitosis because the numbers, you know. Yes.

Final question. I mean, tell me. Oh, I was into it. We're in Miami today. What advice would you give to the little devils who are listening on what you do when you're in hell? When you're in your darkest, what do you do to cope with your hell? It's not forever. Like, everything is, is it cyclical?

Everything is in a circle. Everything is, everything is spherical. Everything is going to change. round it's i feel like when you are young you feel like everything it's because of SAT PTSD i believe because they're like this every year in high school counts every year counts like when you're an intern everything you do counts and it's like you're hit all the time with this like like sit up and if you fuck up you could fuck up for life right yeah and but my mom has to saying like life is long right so meaning if you make a decision and it could impact you for you for

for life, you have to live with that because life is long. But also, if you're in a bad place or you fuck up, life is long. Nothing, nothing is forever. Like no, if the most wonderful things in the world don't even last forever, like my pH. If the most wonderful things world, how could something so negative and not for you? You know what I mean? Rest and peace to your pH. Refresh. I'm an ambassador and that shit. Oh, hell yeah. That shit works. I fucking love this interview so much. Teffi, where can people follow you, listen to you, watch you? Give me the goods.

My address is. My social? I'm on Hello Teffi. No, I'm on Instagram as Hello Teffi. I'm on Twitter as Hello Teffi. And I'm on... Yeah, I guess. The memes are on there, dude.

And then I'm also on TikTok, I guess. Sometimes. Settle. It's subtle, but it's beautiful. Go follow. her. Thank you so much for coming to hell today, guys, and we'll talk to you later. I love you, Britney. Bye. Bye, Brittany.