Berner Phone - Victoria Garrick: Body Image & The Hidden Opponent

Episode Date: February 25, 2021

Victoria Garrick used to play volleyball at USC and now she is giving TED talks about mental health and raising awareness on social media about body image and eating disorders and so much more. She is no stranger to hell and we love her so much.--- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The fact that I can like speak to high schoolers and be like, I didn't have Snapchat when I was your age. I'm like, but I'm not that old. Like we had to send nudes the old school way. Welcome to Burning and Hell. What is up, you guys? It is another episode of Burning and Hell, but today I am so, so, so excited because we have a badass bitch. And I just met her and I apologize for calling you a bitch so early, but it was a good kind of bitch because you walked on to the number one ranked team in the nation and then fast

forward, you won a lot of shit, let's just say, for volleyball at USC. You are one of the top athletes in the nation at that point. But despite the success of your career, the high pressure environment took a toll on your mental health. You start battling depression, performance anxiety and then you decided instead of letting it kind of take over you you did a 2017 TED talk called the hidden opponent that went viral and you basically became like blew up on social media talking about mental health body image authenticity and you're just the perfect guess for burning in hell so welcome thanks i'm i'm so hyped to be here i know yeah i mean we literally just met but i do feel like i know you because I've been following you.

And I think both of us have personalities where, like, anyone who follows us knows us. Yeah, we definitely don't hold anything back. And then I was looking at your YouTube and you talk about such wild stuff. And it's funny because I had one of those, like, morning poops where I was just reflecting on my life. And I was just like, damn, like, you've been through some shit. And it's like, especially as a female athlete, it's hard to explain to people the pressure. Like, people are like, how do you handle Summer House? And I'm like, I've been through color.

athletics. Wait, yes. Can we just talk about how you are low-key, a division one athlete? Like, why did I have to find that out through heavy research for this today? Like, you are so legit. Oh my God. Well, I played tennis for Wisconsin. Wisconsin was actually pretty big in volleyball. And in my last semester, I was doing some like broadcast journalism and I was interviewing the volleyball girls. But volleyball is such a different sport than tennis because I feel like you have a community around you in a sense and you have a team and like when you lose you could kind of be like yeah fucking jenny was sucking with the serves today we're like i have to go home and be like i suck with the serve i suck but anyway what is this concept of the hidden opponent that you made into a ted talk

well and i'm sure you can relate to this i'm actually curious because i feel like you don't get to share a lot about like literally how legit you were as a tennis player and it's actually i would oh people are sick of it i talk about it all the time Really? No, but Justin, like, no, Justin Burning and Hell in my first season of Summer House, I, like, talked about tennis. You should actually watch season three. And then everyone was like, huh, did you play tennis? Oh, huh?

Does you play tennis? Then I was, like, shame to not talk about it. But now we're fucking back. Yeah, but like, what? That is such an accomplishment. So I would totally talk about it. I mean, here I am, like, I literally built my life out of it. And I graduated.

Well, what happened is the scenes were, like, put back to back to back. whenever I talked about tennis, they used the same like montage and the same quote that I said. So people just thought I was repeating myself all the time. And it could get annoying if you don't like me. But yeah, but you don't have a choice on how they cut your lines. I always thought if I like went on Bachelor or something, which I would totally have done if I was single right now. But it's like I would need to talk and do it. This sounds so weird.

But I feel like I need to be like, yeah, I think I'm falling in love with him. And I'm excited for the date. So like they couldn't cut off my sentences where they want it. Oh no, they'd cut it. they'd find a way to cut it they would fucking find that way so yeah tell me about the hidden opponent so basically when we look at sports and like anything in life there's the obvious opponent right the person on the other side of the net there's winning and losing and that was really like all i thought about especially as a young athlete i just thought you know oh sports i love to play and it's super fun and i'm with

my friends and we just want to win and then i got to college and there's just so much pressure and stress playing at like USC that I started to battle more of those invisible hidden opponents that we don't really talk about which was performance anxiety depression struggle with food my body and that's why when I finally decided to kind of share what I went through I just thought that that name summed up kind of this other battle that a lot of athletes face it's funny though because I felt like when I was in it, that no one else was facing it. Like, I felt like I was the only crazy one on the court, and I would look to anyone else just wanting to switch bodies to be like, she doesn't seem as worried as I am.

Or, like, she isn't as stressed as I am. I actually suffered from, I've talked about a couple times, but the female athlete triad syndrome, are you familiar with that? No. It's basically, like, a combination of having trouble with eating, overworking out, and then you lose your period. So it's like this thing that's very common in female athletes. It happened to me when I was 15 alone at the tennis academy.

And it was just like, you get mad at yourself. And like, that's how I realized moving forward that there has to be some empathy for yourself that like you're just fighting and losing a battle with the hidden opponent. And you're not like inflicting this onto yourself just because it's fun. Yeah. And then when it has a physical effect, like that's the thing about these hidden opponents, mental health, like things you can't really see, they inevitably are going to have a physical effect on you, like if you let it get to that point, whether it's losing your period or I know

some other girls who struggle with eating disorders like are possibly not going to be able to have kids or when I was like so depressed, I just looked sickly. My mom just looked me up and down and was just like, I don't even recognize you. But for you, it's so gradual because you're slowly turning into that every single day that it takes sometimes losing your period or something. someone else saying something for you to really realize you're so far from who you were before. And you can't always control the wins or the losses or the amount of pressure or the like way people are speaking to you as coaches and whoever else is in your life, but you can control how hard you work out and what you're eating.

So I think girls fall into it really, really easy. Sorry to make this about myself. No, please do. In the past, had you dealt with anxiety or depression or did it really come to the forefront with the pressure of college sports. To answer that question, no, I hadn't really dealt with it. I certainly had issues with food and I was definitely someone who was an overthinker, but it wasn't anything more extreme than just an overthinker. And so it was definitely that next level really just enhanced all the problems. But to your point about like controlling it, I was actually just having

conversation about this. Curious what your thoughts would be. Because we think we can control, right? I can just count my calories and I can work out and like it's all in my control and it's about if I have willpower. But you think about like us or anyone else who's an athlete or just in general like you're determined, you're hardworking, you get the job done, you show up to practice. Why is it so impossible for us to quote unquote have willpower to like stay on a diet or cut carbs? And I think the truth is because like that's a completely different animal that is not built

for success like 95% of diet sentence failure. So it's actually not our fault that we can. quote unquote control the diet because literally the majority of them end in failure or you gain more weight back and it has nothing to do with us yet we walk away feeling like oh I'm so shitty I can't stick to a diet I can't lose this weight so what was your relationship with your body growing up like were you comfortable in it and then you kind of felt differently about it in college or let's delve into kind of the body positivity a little bit yeah for sure so I look back and I always had problems, but at the time, I didn't think there were problems.

I was like, oh, everyone knows the names and waste measurements of everybody in the Victoria or Fashion Show. Like, that's common knowledge. Like, I thought that those things were normal, like, that I counted my calories and that the screensaver on my phone was like this really messed up quote about, like, not eating. But then once I experienced that true anxiety when I was like 18 and a freshman, and I was gaining weight because I don't know about you, but I gained lots of, I gained weight and muscle

when I became a college athlete. I was like 15, 20 pounds heavier in muscle. Like my thighs would chafe just walking. Yeah, no, for sure. And I hated that change. I was like, I want to fit into my high school jeans. I don't want to be the person that goes home and gained the quota at the freshman 15 that everyone warned me about. So I hated this change. And so I was like, okay, cool, I'll just count my calories and I'll just, you know, stop eating as much. But because I was training so much and my body needed so much more food I it would then be like eight or nine o'clock at night my roommates would be asleep I'd be so hungry so anxious and I would literally just eat everything in sight and that cycle just continued until it got worse and worse and worse

it's funny because you'd like eat light all day and there's all these memes like literally eating a leaf all day and then it's like four billion Oreos but it's just like not listening to what your body just wants and thinking you know better for it and your body will always win also there's so many times where like i definitely just was hungry or just needed to drink some water we really are just plants it's also funny that you bring up the quote because i was joking to my friend page about the way you can see someone's mental health status is literally just by going through like their instagram patterns of like who they're obsessing over you know who they're comparing themselves to then going into their saved and seeing what crazy quotes they're saving to know like

what's currently bothering what demons are in their mind right now so true when people save things even like i'm sure you get this well you get this a ton with your content because it's so shareable but when people save my post mostly like what does this mean for them and like obviously now i feel like if my posts are not toxic but previously when i was when i first got on instagram every picture was filtered edited just trying to keep up like a persona that really wasn't me also the one difference between our college athletic career is that I graduated in 2014 you graduate in 2019 Instagram just started in like 2014 2015 so I'll look at like Wisconsin athletics now and like the quarterback is like 150,000 followers we're like back then that wasn't a thing and I feel like

a grandpa right now talking to you about that but we already compared ourselves to other athletes like oh who's the pretty girl on the soccer team who's dating the baseball guy and like and you know whose team is winning the most or whatever but to be able have to compare yourself to like their these girls some of them like the track girls who just have like the most insane rib body because they're just running and doing cardio all day like how did that if social media affect your college experience it's really true that we were in different waves and I totally relate to feeling like a dinosaur the fact that I can like speak to high schoolers and be like I didn't have Snapchat when I was your age and I'm like but I'm not that old like we had to send nudes the old

school way so you I'm dead so I didn't have a I didn't have a tons of pressure but it certainly was the element of like when you were joining a sorority or making friends or like a guy liked you like he was going to go to your page and so you wanted it to be really pretty and you wanted to get likes and get comments from your friends that said like you're so that was my Facebook in college yeah oh really oh yeah that's true you had Facebook so you know Facebook so I remember you always go on your Facebook the second you your, your, um, crush adds you and you look at it from the perspective of your crush. And then you decide like, was that cool? Was that funny? Am I weird? And then you'd go on messenger and you just wait and you'd be like, message me, you little bitch. And then if you message

you, you'd be happy. I never even had Facebook Messenger experiences. That is so funny. But we're like, I'm 23. How do you? I'm 29. Okay. Okay. So we're like close but far enough that we can like make one of each other. But did you have AIM growing up? Oh, yes, I had an aim, but that was where it went down after middle school. Like, we would message each other before the dances, like, hey, do you want to slow dance with me tonight? When, like, the door sound would open and you hear your crush come in and it would have, you'd be like, some lame one liner under his profile and you'd be like, it's some quote from like jaw rule. And you'd be like, yes. Oh, yeah, you could have a status.

So what is your experience with editing photos and stuff? give me the download on that what's my experience give me a picture and give me a do list and I could make it happen that's my experience so you used to heavily edit oh for sure like it was it was hitting face tune before it hit my feed like that was the that was the uh what would you call it like order of events whatever but in doing that like and I actually was listening to you on Caitlin Bristow such an old interview but you know I was trying to get the get the scoop and I love I love how you were you were saying something about how like with plastic surgery or face tune. It's like you are ignoring a problem or maybe not digging as deep as you need to dig

to like what you're trying to mend. And with my editing, I was just trying to really fit this perfection. Like I look back at pictures now that I edited. Like how did I even look at this original picture and pick it apart so much that I had to change the coloring and and edit on abs and like, tell me the steps of things that you would add or take away to a given photo of yourself? It was always making my waist smaller, of course, making the butt bigger. But like nothing that I always tried to keep it within the realm of like, I was like, on my best day, could I meet this? Because I didn't want it to be like, you're like, is this my morning waste? Well, no bloat. Well, yeah, and it was just really toxic. And so I would, I would edit everything and I was just super

insecure. And basically I like got to this point where everything that kind of came to a head to me. I was, now I was depressed. So this is my sophomore year. I was depressed. I had been trying to keep up with a standard, not to mention like living in LA, like USC. Everyone is beautiful. So the standard of beauty just felt like heightened. I was obsessed with looking good on Instagram.

And I was on this vacation with my family. And my brothers were there. And I was like, I want to get this bikini picture. Like I wanted this picture so bad. And you know when you literally like go to an event because you are planning the Instagram, like the outfit, you know exactly what you want. And sometimes I was so obsessed that I could not even enjoy the event before I felt like I got the gram or the pick. Then I could take a deep breath and actually enjoy the evening.

So my life was revolving around these pictures. And my mom comes, she has this big photo shoot for me. Like, of course, you know, you have your mom or your friend or whoever's there to like, you know, do it for you. Creative director. Yeah. I get this picture and I'm like editing it. I'm all ready to post it. And my older brother was the one who just like kind of cut me off.

and he was like, why do you want to post that picture? And I remember being kind of caught off guard, but also like, hmm, he like really is trying to ask me this question. It wasn't just like, why would you post it? He looked at me like, why would you post that? And I thought to myself, oh, because I think it's going to get a lot of likes and comments. Like, it's a good pick of me. And he said, why do you want a lot of likes and comments? And I'm thinking like, we're getting deep on this beach right now. Like he's asking me these questions. And I just kind of sat there and it was the first time I really internalized I want likes and comments because they make me feel good about myself and I can't feel good without them and I didn't say that out loud at

the time but I realized it in my head and I just from that point on it was like I just was like holy shit I'm this confident girl I never need anyone's approval or validation yet every single time I post, it's because I'm seeking that from others. And I remember, so I did post that picture, but that day when like the likes and the comments came in, and by the way, I had like a thousand followers. So I did not have a big account. I'm like, my friends are commenting. You're like, I hit double digits and I was like, fuck yeah. Literally, literally. I just did not feel the same. I just felt inside like, wow, this is so phony. Like, I can't believe I'm seeking this so hard from others. And then the next day, I posted a no filter picture of my grandma's face. I'm Greek,

so she's my yaya. And I hashtagged it real post just because I was like, F it. And I just decided I want to do something for me. And I want pictures of her on here so that when I scroll back when I'm 70 on this account, I see her not me in a bikini. And like from that point on, I just went completely in the other direction. And that's kind of where like hashtag real post. ended up developing, which is what a lot of people follow me for now. It's funny because I just saved a quote in my Instagram saved section. And it says if outside validation is your only source of nourishment, you'll be hungry for the rest of your life.

And I think it's that fucking hits, right? Yes. It hits because if your happiness is based on like literally any external factors, which is fucked up because society tells you like, this is what you need to do to be respected and loved and cared for when it's like happiness i always think is just within you and sometimes you just have to kind of step out of yourself for a second be like what the fuck am i doing and i love that it was your brother who knows you for you who is like this isn't you yeah and also you can't really love yourself in real life when you are constantly changing

yourself in this like virtual world we're living in yeah i just kind of realized too and i think a lot of people can relate to this when they really realize it but it's like would you rather be liked for a version of you that you don't even believe in and it's not even you or possibly hated and rejected for being who you are but there's so much more fulfillment on being who you are and i would i chose the latter oh my god that was so powerful what you just said because i also think with going on reality tv i was you're scared like you're just like i'm putting bravo is about judging everyone and just like who are you rooting for who do you like who do people literally go who's your favorite who do you hate like that's just how it is so it's like

why would i put myself up to that kind of fucked upness but i feel like i went on it being like i'm not going to try to be aspirational or something i'm not because i'm not aspirational i am a damn mess but i was like if i go and could really show my ugly sides or like how i resolve issues and how i make mistakes maybe i could relate to someone and someone can help me i mean and help themselves and with that it's like you still get a lot of hate but at least the people who like love you you feel like they understand you and it's in authenticity to yourself that you find happiness definitely and something i want to ask you too is like do you feel like you're okay with being misunderstood by people because i think when a person can get to a place where they don't need

everyone to understand who they are and what their attentions are that's like liberating to go to bed at night like only i need to know what's up and my few rider dies but i don't need everyone else to understand me i'm going to tell you i'm not there yet because there's there's something with like being on a national tv show that i'm fine with a couple people who hate but when like something happens on a show and then you get like 500 messages of a certain like you're mean or like you're so desperate or you're so annoying you're like fuck everyone thinks i'm that person when realistically you text your friend and they're like yeah they're being a little extreme with that they definitely are just like hating um so it is harder for me to feel like one thing that

happens on tv could make people think a whole type of way and it's scary for my career because it's like well if something happens and everyone decides i mean with cancel culture also it's super super scary for people who like do it in a troll way not to actually like help with things you know what i mean for sure wait do you watch bachelor yes i happen to watch this season but i know of it okay so you No, but if I was in your shoes, and I'm not in your shoes, so you're probably like shut up because you have no idea what this is like. But when you watch another reality TV show and someone does something that like you don't like, or you think it's desperate or whatever, yeah, maybe in the moment you check Twitter to like see what the memes are. But then you like go get dinner and you move on with your life and you're not thinking about that person ever. So it's just kind of like also when you get all those DMs, it's probably easy to think like, oh my God, these people are waking up and eating and breathing and thinking about how much I suck when really it was like one.

comment that just shows how little they care about their own personal time and then they move on. I had a viral tweet once that was basically like when things are life is hard and things are going to you down the most important thing to remember is that no one cares and like that really is it and people message me and be like that's so fucked up to say no it's like no no no this is actually a positive thing like once you realize that no one gives a shit and these people go on to like make themselves feel good it's all like a reflection of them to say something mean to me but let's say after your show people say Hannah you're the you're the most badass amazing bitch it's like great but if people are like you're sad and like you're being desperate it's like then hopefully I help someone who's feeling sad

and desperate in that moment to see someone on TV going through it too so I try to be like regardless how people have it at least I'm putting myself out there and at the end of the day this is what also page told me she goes however they feel just be like I hope you're fucking entertained that's all I really want at the end of the day and that's true like you have to really think about like you are going on for entertainment like it's bravo it's not a network where you're going on to like change lives or like be a philanthropist i mean you are there for entertainment and it's putting on a show and i think we see a lot of reality tv stars or people like even singers like when i listen to like myly cyrus and like random podcast or whatever she's like a totally normal down to earth girl

but she puts on a show when you watch her in the media like that's a part of her job and so i think there's a line there but i want to talk about the nobody cares line because that line changed so much perspective for me when I was like really down. So when I was like depressed, I was grappling with, oh my God, no one cares. Like this is so sad. Like nobody gives. Like, you know, what's the point of life? And then I saw this little stick figure meme and it was this little guy and it was like,

and it was like, nobody cares. And he was sad. And then you swiped. And it was the same guy like with his hands up like, nobody cares. and so it just shows the way you can approach life is like nobody cares so live how you want to live tell the person you love them eat the pizza like enjoy your life because nobody cares i literally have goosebumps i literally have goosebumps because that's like really when i start to find my happiness i knew i like wanted to do something more but i people i was like embarrassed that i like kind of want to be in front

of the camera and then i literally was like i don't give a fuck this is what actually brings me joy it's not me trying to find fame or money. It was literally like performing is what always brought me joy. And you have like that confidence of kind of like you've kind of found your joy in this journey of like your body positive positive. Oh my God, I have Envisalines, so I have trouble talking to me. Body positive TikToks. And you do tips for killer confidence.

Do you ever get backlash on these? Because you were like hitting people in a sensitive spot in a way. Like you're talking about something that's very, very sensitive and painful for some people, which is their body image. Yeah, I think I definitely get, I've received two types. So the first is more of like trolling, like people saying, oh, this is not attractive or you must not be a great athlete or like you're fat, like those comments. But then the second type, I've actually received like constructive criticism, which is

from people in the body positive movement who really helped like kind of educate me on the movement. And so I actually now kind of refer to myself as like body image advocate or body confidence because body positivity originated with people who were in more marginalized in larger bodies. And like, while I definitely have insecurities and I struggled with food, I still get to walk into stores and fit the clothes. And like, that's just, that's a shaming, a body shaming I'll never experience because I am a thinner body.

So like, that's something that I was tough for me to digest it first. I was like, wait, but I had a need disorder and I have these problems. And they were like, yeah, and you are totally valid in those problems. but this movement is for people who have problems that are coming from the rest of the world, not themselves. And it is something that a lot of the, if you go on TikTok, like you type in body positivity, if you look, the top probably 30 videos will be like thin white girls. And that's fine. Like they have every right to post what they want to post.

But you have to acknowledge the people who are facing oppression that you're not facing. And so that's kind of more of the, I would call constructive criticism. That's been really helpful for me to understand and help advocate for those people who need the attention more. Yeah. Well, I also think with every great movement, there's people who like jump on it just for the popularity of it and the performativeness of it as in like there's all these jokes of influencers who are like, oh, people are really into the like being like real. So like girls who literally have no body fat will like be in an awkward position or like try to blow it a little. Yeah. And it's just like shut the fuck up. Like your skin folds over when you bend like shut up and it's still edited. shut the fuck up. Like and look, I used to post pictures where sitting down I have roles, standing I don't. And that's privilege, right? That I can stand and that insecurity disappears for me. And there's other people who when they're standing, it doesn't just magically go away and they don't magically fit into the beauty standard. And so it's just really important to understand that. And I think I have a lot

of friends of all different backgrounds in the, but you know, positivity space. And like some of them really take to that. Some are still like understanding it. But that's probably like one of the most awesome things I've learned because it's also like easy for people to follow me and be like, oh, this girl says I should love myself and I should eat the pizza because I still to them might look like a standard that they think they can listen to. Whereas if someone said the exact same thing as me in a different body, they might not listen to them because they're still thinking about the appearance. So that's why like it is important to repost, duet, share the content and the platforms of people who are not getting treated the same. Have you ever noticed the

body diversity on The Bachelor? There is none. There is none. What is your thoughts on that? Because it's recently started to be spoken about in the media. Yeah, I think, well, we realized it during that scene where they all ran into a wedding dress parlor and could all fit the same dress size, I think, was insane. Insane. Yeah, no, I think it's a huge issue. I think we saw an issue with just diversity and race like how is this our first black bachelor huge problem um and so yeah i would love to see body diversity more representation for all people to find love i mean that just perpetuates the narrative that unless you are thin you can't find love and that's not the case but it's also fucked up when like it gets popular to have like huge boobs and huge butts that are then like

perfectly manufactured and constructed through plastic surgery to then also have a tiny waste like It's just like, how many absurd things can you make girls feel like they can't have? Yeah. Well, for my personal body type, like, if I'm going to have a butt, I'm going to have thighs. Like, those things go hand in hand. They do. Your thigh has to connect to your butt. I think they do for most people who have legs in a butt.

And that's why when we see, like, these celebrities who do a plastic surgery and they have these huge butts and these really thin, long legs, it's just not natural. And look, I personally, I don't care. If you want to get plastic surgery, get plastic surgery. But do not pass it off like you have been eating clean and training to attain that body because there are thousands of 14, 13-year-old girls who are now trying to follow your diet and do your workout. And they will never look the way you do because little do they know you don't even look

that way. And then they hate themselves. Can you give me a little more advice on your tips for killer confidence? and kind of ways you get motivated. Yeah, you know, I think this is also kind of an up-and-coming thing. Like a lot of people are preaching self-love and self-love can be like, whoa, like I don't love myself at all. Like I do not want to look in the mirror and say, I love my arms, I love my body, like when you don't feel that way. And I think it's okay for people not to feel that way.

And what's really helped me gain confidence, especially in like when it comes to body image and appearance coming from someone who like I really struggle. with that is shifting my confidence to all the things that are not my appearance. So you will never catch me in the mirror piping myself up for my image. That's just not how it works for me. That puts, that's putting emphasis on my image for me and I don't want to do that. So I take more of like a body neutrality approach, which is like, I don't hate my body and I'm also not going to like praise my body and say those things. I'm just like, yo, my body, I woke up this morning. It allowed me to sit into this chair and like I feel my heart beating and I get to do these amazing things in my body. I'm so appreciative for my body. I want to fuel my body and just

really taking away from the appearance. And that's helped me a ton. And I think that's a really feasible stepping stone for people who are at a place where they really are at end's way with their body image and they're eating. And just try to shift to what your body is doing for you and appreciating that as opposed to how your body looks or is supposed to look. That is so great that you also connected it to eating because as someone who's had an eating disorder, you know that you've overcome it, not when you're now like, oh, I can, I'm healthy with food, I'm good with my food. No, it's when you wake up and you don't think about food. So the way you're healthy with your body image is when you wake up and you're not checking how you look.

You're not deciding if it's good or bad and that's going to set the president for the rest of the day. Like I also really, really think, I have to think my parents growing up, like they never spoke about how I looked. I was never called a pretty princess. I was never, like it just wasn't that I wasn't pretty it just wasn't a thing that was talked about and to be honest to this day like I don't it's not that I don't know if I'm pretty it's just I don't give a fuck like I really don't give a fuck and I know that there's always been guys who were like a crazy attracted to me and guys who just aren't and that's how life is in general you show everyone the same sweater and everyone's going to have a different opinion of it and I can't control that and also but the thing I can control

is like kindness and like empathy and humor and athleticism and you know leadership and that's what I really hope that how I want to raise my daughter is is like making sure choosing the words wisely that you describe her as or even when I meet little kids I never tell the girl oh my god you look so pretty which everyone listening has done it I've done it too but I really try not to and be like oh my god like what's your favorite subject or wow that's a really cool you know basketball you have or whatever just kind of shifting the focus away from the materialisticness that society then abuses you with for the rest of your life it makes you buy products to make you feel better yeah so true and I'm so glad that your parents didn't really emphasize appearance that much and yeah it's

really important the other thing too is like when you talked about not thinking about food I do want to offer like an extra opinion there because I thought the same way I was like, well, because when you have, when I had a eating disorder, it was all I thought about. All I thought about was what I could or could not eat, how I should or shouldn't look. Like I could, I would be looking at you in the eyes thinking about like I cannot believe I just ate something. Yeah. Or thinking what did they just eat.

Exactly. But now what I'm, I am at a place where I really do believe I have a super healthy relationship with food. You're correct. Like I'm not thinking about food right now because I'm doing this podcast with you. but when it does come time to eat, oh, I love thinking about what's going to taste good and how yummy pizza would be if I got peppers and pepperoni on it. And, like, to indulge and enjoy your food is, is okay.

And I think that people are recovering and need to know that. Like, you're never supposed to just... But you're not having compulsive thoughts that are filling up the empty space. It's more like, think about it in a way that you're... You naturally think about it. Right. Like, loving food and, like, I'm so excited for it. lunch today. Like, that doesn't mean I have a bad relationship with food. And I think

girls feel that way. I think sometimes people think, oh, I'm never supposed to think about food too much. Like, I'm just supposed to never. I mean, you need it to live. Like, you should be thinking about it. But also, food is such a beautiful part of our culture. Like, as someone who's Italian, you're Greek, like, that's how our family show love. And to, like, look forward to, like, an amazing dinner that, like, your nona or your nana's cooking is the best. Yes. Oh, my gosh. I love a good meal. Like, food is one of my favorite parts of the day. Also, in terms of comparing yourself to other people, which I feel like is this kind of root of a lot of anxiety, you're in a sport where like it was high competition with other women to, you know, get your spot, how you're doing. Were you able to really root for your other teammates or did you ever have trouble with like comparing or like not feeling good enough?

In the beginning, I certainly had that mentality of I want to be better. I want to win. Like, I want to be on top. And I think I also had that mentality in other aspects of my life. Like, we have so much in common because I was actually studying journalism too. So I wanted to be a reporter. And I was like, there's only room for one reporter. So I want to be her.

And then slowly, I just realized that you can't get anywhere great in life or at least do it in a good way unless you have people around you helping you and supporting you. And it took some of those women who I idolized to reach out. and lend a hand with me or share a secret with me or a tip with me in a way that I was like, wow, like this other girl is just being really kind to me and they want me to succeed. Like I should want that for them. And so slowly I learned that.

And by the time I was a senior, I realized that that was the best way to approach things. Like I had the most ruthless position battle my senior year. Like I literally almost lost my spot as a senior. I would have started for three years and been benched as a senior. That's how cutthroat it was. I ended up winning the position battle. But the girl I competed with, like, we're still really good friends and I really think that if you are out there and you're competing

with people like there is room for everyone at the top. There is room for everyone. Abundancy. What is this mentality that like we both have podcasts. We both have Instagram. Like there is room for everyone. And I think that now more than ever you can carve out your own path and you can do something if someone else has done it too. So I think just remembering that. I once was talking to someone about like money manifestation she was like it's actually the theory of abundance that like the more you spend the more you the more you actually can make and at first I was super confused by that but then I realized like she's kind of talking about energy where it's like the more you root for people and the more you want positivity around you and the more like badass women you surround

yourself with like it's a theory of abundance you just have that energy but if you're constantly like negative rooting against people that negativity like seeps into yourself and you actually will like be hating against yourself and there's no room for that with growth speaking of manifestation and fate literally this morning Hannah I am debating buying this couch that is it is expensive like it is ridiculous and I just feel like I needed to hear that comment to push me over the edge to buy it well look just like you said life is fucking short get that cloud couch or whatever it's called but it's also funny that you're becoming an adult and you're like wait why are couch is like three month salary. Well, here's the thing. Like, if I got like a quote unquote cheaper couch, which is like

$2,000 probably, you're, you're kind of like, well, I'm halfway there to the nicer one. So it's just like how do you even do the math? Also, I do feel like it's a part of self-love to give what your home wants. Yeah. But it's a thin line. I never go on vacations. I never like. So I am pretty frugal, but like I do think I'm someone who will get myself. something nice like but I definitely now especially it's just I always ask my friends to like how do you how do you budget and save because that's totally up to the person like how much they want to be having saved up but also like a lot of successful people it just like nothing's ever good enough and it's just like we work hard you work hard do you work harder so I'm so bad at what they call

like leisure or like I never take vacations I never spoil myself and I realize like it is part of self-love to be like I deserve this and not to feel guilty for that So that's something I'm working on overcoming. You're doing amazing in hell. I feel like as athletes, we kind of just live here. It's time to play a final game called The Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you greedy about?

I'm greedy about... I would say food and friendship. I have high standards when it comes to... the two and I care a lot about them. Tell me more about friendship in that what makes a good friend and what makes a not good friend. I am like fiercely loyal to the point where what's your sign? Taurus. Nice. I don't know a lot about astrology so I have no idea what that means about me. Oh, I can't wait until you delve into that. I didn't know. I need to get into it. So I'm like, I'm the kind of person where I'm like, I either consider you one of my best friends.

friends or an acquaintance, like, I don't have like a happy medium. Like, we are, we are right or we're not, which is kind of bad. And like, I've had to work on that in therapy. And like, even with my best friends who are like, Victoria, you cannot hold everyone to our standard. Like, we are your best friends. Like, you just have friends that are friends for friends, you know. So that's where I'm greedy and it's probably not the best. I need to be better. But I just don't know how I'm a hundred. I'm not like 70. So like if I'm your friend, like I am giving to you, I am there to call you. I will pick you up. I will help you in any way you need. And like, it's really hard for me to dial that back.

So if I'm not getting it from you, it's difficult for me to want to give it at all. And I know this isn't perfect and I struggle with it. I'm similar in that I have a very, very small circle, but that circle is like, they know everything 100 that goes on in my life and I know everything going on with theirs. And then it's like I can't keep that up with that many people. So I'm just like always have like a girl or like a guy, my mom and my cats. Who are you envious of? I hate to sound super like on my self-care high horse,

but like I really don't feel like anyone's coming to mind. Like I've tried to rid myself of that. Like I definitely have moments where I'll open my phone and I'll see a creator in a similar realm as me, like get an awesome deal or do something. And I have that one second of like, I wish that was me. But then I remind myself like I'm so happy for them. Like I'm going to have awesome opportunities come too. So I think I've done a really good job at Nip.

that envy jealousy voice in my head because it's it only hurts you a hundred percent what do you gluttonous about so what do you overindulge in i probably overindulgent self-care so like the opposite of you so i like talking to you as kind as really a self-care guru because i sometimes am very negative with like the self-care space and that like i do feel like i don't know like maybe like gabby bernstein like some of these people who have like been through some stuff they got a book deal and then they you know have people paying lots of money to like change their life and it's like at some point are you like monetizing people who just are going through vulnerable times like when I was super depressed I bought like seven self-help books and then didn't read them and was like

damn it they got me or do you feel like the self-care industry has really positive things at points like what's your opinion all that so the way I make my money currently has to do with either brands and whatnot wanting to purchase sponsorship or ads into my content, which I only know is bringing, which I work to know is bringing value to someone. So that's for free. So that's not taking out of someone's pocket. What I think is wrong is when,

and I know there are these people out there and I've been to some of these like Girl Power events and they just like they get you in your most vulnerable spot and say, but buy my book to find the true answer. And then you buy the book and then on page 20, it's like, and buy my webinar so that you can get the the real scoop on how to do it. Yeah, the only thing my fans have ever had to pay for is my hoodie. And that is if they wanted to buy it to rep me. But that's to support you to keep bringing them the quality free content that they love.

And also your stuff is never like, hey, guys, this is the answer to happiness. You're expressing your journey and you're like giving a lot of your insight. And it's all just quality content that you believe. Even. If I ever did something like a webinar series or a book, like I would want to be sure I was bringing value. But I think in the mental health space, I know how inaccessible so many things are that if my content brings joy to your face and makes you feel you're not alone, I'm not going to put a paywall in front of that. You can watch anything I do for free. But also, I don't hate a paywall. I just don't love like the whole, the secret to happiness bullshit. Yeah. Like it's not a secret. And it's not one. you know recipe fits all right I also feel like I would have to really feel like I had something amazing to to charge people to like clearly you do have amazing things to say because you did a TED talk that went viral like clearly it affected people and I still will book speaking engagements

where like and once again that's that I feel like I mean that's that's a business like being a public speaker but like yeah when it comes to some of those like phony baloney things I really do feel bad when you see those people out there who and I've had people in the industry like gosh say things I'm looking at them like also you are coming from someone who's overcome an eating disorder you're coming or someone who's experienced it like very heavily and then someone who is you know played sport at the highest level there's some people who are literally like for example it's like Instagram girls who have 20,000 followers and are selling the secret to becoming your own business person and I'm like are are you are

are you making enough money yourself before you start trying to make people pay like if you haven't done it yourself stop fucking trying to like make other people who were in as vulnerable place as you were two weeks ago chase it like they're just purely thinking in a business sense yeah yeah it's tough and like and then I feel like there's that voice to me that's like well like a woman should be able to do whatever she wants but I think like in the women supporting women movement we also have to be able to call each other out for not doing like well enough like not like not doing what is is right like we just because just because you're a girl doesn't mean if you're doing something wrong that we shouldn't say it's wrong like like Victoria I think you should write a book

I think if you have like a cool like even an ebook I think if you have I totally think you should make money I just sometimes I think there's self hair self care quacks who take advantage of people and then are just like really good marketing gurus. Oh, yeah. No, I, I, I, a thousand percent agree with you. So anyway, keep an eye for that stuff, guys. So I just went on a rant. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

Hmm. I love this. Oh, God. This is where I have to put on my little helmet of like, you are on a podcast of thousands of people and you can't involve that person because they are not a public figure. Oh, wow.

I wish I did that more often before I spoke. um the last time i was really mad about something i was something my little brother said to me but i mean he didn't really say anything he just knows to push my buttons better than anyone oh 100 do you have like an angry streak to you no if anything i'm like i i tear up and i just like like why would you say that i'm a sad i'm sad before angry um when was the last time you were a sloth so like we're a lazy piece of shit all day probably before i moved into this new apartment i've been in here for like four weeks and it's just been go go go like i haven't had the opportunity to be a sloth in here so before then and i have those days a lot like i think if you wake up in the well this is tough i speak

as someone who's self-employed but like if i wake up and i'm like really not feeling it and like no matter what i do i just can't i'm like you know what day off and then tomorrow i'm like back at it and i rarely do that but every once in a while if i really know i don't have it in me that's like myself care right i'm like you know what i need a day to recoup and regenerate because i think especially with careers like ours we're going going going going no one's telling you when to stop you don't you don't turn it off at five i mean you are always going next thing no you're like once last time i had a weekend where i actually didn't do something no there's there's no it's it's always content it's always creation you're always emailing and so i think when i do feel like

my tank is low i have to respect it also you kind of look like blake lively okay i can die now have you ever gotten that before? I get that on TikTok. That's so funny. Okay, also one question. Did you ever have a gym strike, which is like athletes after college athletics who then like afterwards have trouble going to the gym? A thousand percent. I took like four or five months off of doing anything physical. Because I would like go into the gym and I would like start running on the treadmill and then I would be like, you're such a fucking loser. Like you're not training for anything. Like you're not going to win the US open. Like what are you even training for? Like you don't even have to lose weight like you're just like pathetic and i would literally leave the gym after 10 minutes crying i did

that for like months yeah no i didn't even get to the gym i just like boycotted it entirely and i think we we kind of deserve that like our whole eight past eight years we've been competitive athletes like god we need five months off you know did you did you ever want to quit volleyball for sure i took a mental health leave for two months in terms of your performance anxiety where did it manifest the most in the games. Was there like a certain shot that you like had the yips with or you just like were not up to far? I would say serve receive to be specific.

So that's like my one job. Like that was the and it was not a secret. That was the reason I was getting playing time was to serve receive and pass the ball perfectly. And so like it all I knew that was the only reason. And so that was certainly the specific area. And it's like yeah, you know what's coming. I've had I actually like lost my second serve for a while like I just couldn't hit a second so I had to serve underhand I had the yips so I had to serve underhand and it was another

top player at Wisconsin that called me and was like because I was playing one at the time serving underhand and she was like I served underhand for a year and like you're not alone with this and like you'll be okay so anyway anyone who's going through the yps it happens to everyone sometimes. When was the last time let your pride get in the way of something? I think I frequently struggled to be the first one with my boyfriend where I'm like, I'm wrong.

I like, I get there mentally. Like mentally, I am right there. I'm like, wow, I said that wrong or I should have done XYZ. And then like it just to muster up the to swallow the pride and like say it out loud is tough for me to do. But I've really been trying to force myself like speaking of being athletes like that to me is like a mental where I'm like this is a game I'm like can you be stronger than your pride and like right now say you're sorry and like you

realize you were wrong like why is it so hard for you and so I really push myself to do it using the athlete mindset and a lot of different things like I was doing stand-up comedy and what I loved about it is I was like if I can get the yips on my serve against duke in like a third setter with people watching I can go on stage right now and talk shit I'm just going to microphone to my mouth and talk shit. At least I don't have to kick serve at 30, 40 at out. Yeah, you're like, I've done something way more uncomfortable than this. How did you meet your boyfriend?

College, we met at USC. Where are you living now in L.A.? Yeah, I'm in L.A. I was about to say what city, but I don't want to get too specific. Where are you from originally? Northern California. Oh, nice. Okay.

When was the last time you lusted over someone? So besides your boyfriend, do you have like a celebrity corrupt? Yeah, for sure. Well, obviously, I just watched all at Bridgerton. And I wouldn't say I lusted over the Duke, but I lusted over that's their situation of like forbidden sexual chemistry. Like that was certainly just refreshing to watch. But then I think actual lust, I like, during my sloth days like two months ago, I was like, oh, I'm just going to rewatch the Twilight series. And I. team Edward or team Jacob? Edward. Obviously. Okay, thank you. We were going to have a problem.

I thought I had a Jacob in our midst. And so literally I was like, wow, I'm in love with Edward Cullen. And I just, it took me back to the first time I ever like had those feelings for a guy, which was Edward Cullen. So also you were very good at TikTok. We joke 29 year olds. We were like when I was 14, I didn't look like that. What kind of stuff should people watch out for for?

their mental health when going through TikTok and seeing all these like just like gorgeous people. The thing about TikTok that's so interesting is I've been seeing a lot of stuff right now about how toxic it is when it comes to body image and body dysmorphia. And I literally don't receive those videos on my timeline because all I do is engaged with positive creators who are like from all different backgrounds of all different shapes like who are just kind. And as a result, like because I don't like comment or watch those videos, my feet is great. But I've seen these videos and these screen recordings of these feeds that are so toxic. And it just goes to show like really, you guys, like don't follow, block, mute, delete any accounts that make you feel bad

about yourself. And when you see them appear, swipe fast so that your screen doesn't register your interest. And also if you feel pressure to post like an overly sexualized dance that like what ask yourself just like what happened to Victoria, why? Why do you feel like you have to do this? So to wrap it up, I have one more question for you. What advice would you give to the little devils on what to do to cope with your hell when you're going through the darkness? Ooh, the little devilies. Let me think. If you're going through hell, I promise that eventually you will not be there anymore and you won't even really be able to remember what it was like.

And to expand on that and get really dark here because I don't know. why when you said like when you're in hell. So I'm literally put myself in my trenches. Yes. Yes. When I was at my darkest place, I very much understood why someone would take their life. I just had a moment where I was like, wow, it makes sense to me because of how terrible I feel every single day. I get it and I now feel like compassion and sympathy for those people.

Now I'm at a place where, of course, I still feel the compassion and sympathy for anyone who loses a battle to mental illness, but I, I know longer, like I'm at a place where I truly feel like every person can find the light again. And I'm now at a place where I'm not as, it's not as easy for me mentally to throw in that towel, if that makes sense. And I think it just goes to show how like at one point in your life you can really be a place where all you can see is the negative or what's in front of you or the easy way out. But if you invest in yourself and you see, the help and you really take the time. You can get to a place later in your life where you'll be so proud of where you are and it will be hard for you to even remember the version of you that thought those things. Does that make sense? No, just how like when your perspective changes, you can't even imagine the abundance of joy that you can have in the same body, in the same mind. And it's hard because when you're in it, you can't see the joy. But then when you're in the, when you finally do reach that joy, you no longer can see the darkness that you used to feel. and so I think my advice would be just like if you're I mean it's classic if you're going through hell

keep going and eventually you're going to get to a better place hell yeah Victoria you are amazing so smart so talented so wise where can people follow you watch you everything give me the goods appreciate the kind words well I have a podcast too it's called real pod and Hannah is actually going to be on it so if you guys enjoyed this go check out her app online it's called real pod and then my Instagram is just Victoria Garrick. You can find everything from there. Well, thanks so much, you guys, for coming to hell, and I'll talk to you later.

Bye.