Berner Phone - Victoria Paris: Blocking Queen & Bisexual Baddie

Episode Date: July 6, 2022

Victoria Paris is blowing up because of her fashion, home decor, sense of humor, and overall business savvy. She explains how she grew her social media to over 1.5 million followers, how she handles haters, performative social media relationships, and coming out in the public eye. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Heaven Okay, you guys know two things about me. One, I'm very humble, two. I have the best fucking guests on my podcast. I have the best fucking guest. I don't know how I got her on. Actually, I do.

It's called Connections. I have such an iconic sweetie. on this pod she's not only badass with fashion with sports with business with just her overall like outgoing style and personality i have fucking victoria paris on burning in hell thank you so much for having me that's like the best intro i've ever got it goes downhill from there but yeah yeah yeah okay i want to give you a little too a little background how i discovered you i was not the first wave of girlies because i'm old I got TikTok a little later, and I remember just seeing you, like, talking about, like, a cool thrift you did and then saying some funny shit. And I was like, oh, I would be friends with this girl and I followed you. And then I realized, like, you're everything.

Oh, that's so nice. Thank you. I mean, like, we talked about this before, but, like, I, I knew about you before I ever did TikTok because I was, like, a reality show horror. Like, I watched everything, like, everything on Bravo, TLC. Like, John and Cape L.A. It was my childhood. And then, like, Summer House. I was like, like, summer house. I was like, like, you know. Like, yo, this is like, these are like grown-ass adults in New York City, and I was in college, and I was like, I want to be like them. Like, I want to go out to the Hamptons for the summer. Like, and I, you know what, inspired me to start nannying because I started nannying for a family that took me to the Hamptons. Went to the Hamptons for the first time was just stuck in the house with like three kids. I was like, yo, this shit sucks. There's nothing like their show like, oh. You're like, where's the theme party? You're like, where's Surf Lodge? Like, how do I get to surf? I was in, I was like 40 minutes away from Surf Lodge and I was like, I will get to. I never got to surf Lodge like, ever. Well, you will. You have a lot of time now. Hopefully.

You started, though, I love a multifaceted bitch. You started in finance. Yeah, my last job before TikTok, I was working at a fintech startup. Wow. And I heard that you heard that you were getting paid less than people. Yeah. I mean, like, rightfully, so because I was in college. But like, the thing is, is that other people working there were a year out of college. Yeah. And they were doing different jobs. But the thing is, is that the pay disparity was so. It was like, I was getting paid. $15, $20 an hour, and they were getting $75. Yeah. And, like, obviously, like, they were doing more technical jobs, but the thing is,

is, like, a living wage in New York is not $15 or $20 an hour, especially for a college-educated kid. Have you always been, like, against authority or kind of, like, entrepreneurial? Oh, yeah. I mean, my dad worked for himself our whole lives, so that, like, kind of set the precedent. But, like, I had so many problems growing up, getting, like, thrown out of schools, like, got arrested. Oh, hell, yeah. Like, just...

What'd you do? I was racing my car, and they took me to jail for racing. I got, like, a felony misdemeanor for, like, reckless driving. That's kind of the most badass. Yeah. It's like, peeing on in the corner. No, people were like, yeah, like, they took my fake and I was like, racing. Bro, I was fast and furious.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I have, like, I have an Ares. I don't know what you are, but like. Leo. Okay, yes, yes, yes. I have, like, a little bit of the temper, a little bit of fire signs.

So I like to go fast and all the good stuff. Okay, so how was your mental health when you were in finance? You know, it was like the beginning of my girl boss, Arch, or era. And I was like, you know, this is, this is just what I have to do to prove myself. I have to work so hard, like, double my dosage of Adderall, like, really show up. And I was like, actually, like, that's not great. I was burning out, like, working, like, 10-hour days. And then my boss texting me after hours or telling me to come in early and not paying me for that time.

And so I was feeling empowered for the first time, but also burnt out. Yeah. It's almost like you kind of abandon yourself because of what, like, you see in the media of like what a girl boss is what do you think about how gen z has kind of been like can we stop with the whole girl boss thing oh yeah i mean i think that like we live in the united states like very capitalist country where it's like you have to work to live but it's like i don't live to work i mean there should be like some people like don't want to do that and i totally respect that but you know you you said that you grew up in brooklyn my mom was born and raised

like queens and like split time in the city in brooklyn and she was the first in her family to go to college. She went to Stuyveson. Like she got, yeah, she got all these awards. She was like super smart. And so her telling me that story growing up was like, okay, well, I was never doing enough as a kid because she's like, you have all the privileges that I didn't. And so when I actually, yeah, when I actually started working, I was like, oh shit, okay, let's go. Like my mom did like worked really hard. I had to swim across the Hudson to get to school back my day. No, literally, literally. That's so amazing. Okay, so when did you quit. I love a quit. I love a breakup. I love these stories. When did you get out? So I tried to quit

before. It's hard to quit. It's so hard because they kept manipulating me. They kept asked me to come back. They offered to pay more. I came back. It's just like a toxic ex-boyfriend. It's extremely toxic. And it was also because the company was all men. So it just felt like I was like, is this normal? Should I feel this way? And then I quit. They asked me to come back. I needed money because it was in the middle of COVID. I was in my last year of college. And I was like, I need a job after college. Let me just take this. as like a means to an end to get another job in the city and pay rent. And then the company actually

ended up going under and I quit like right before that because I was like, I'm not going down with the sinking ship because he didn't pay us our last paychecks. I'm leaving you for dead. Oh, period. Period. Period. Period. But he wasn't going to pay them, people their last paychecks because the company was going under and he's like, we have no money. And I was like, that is ridiculous.

It's like the company might, but bro, I know you're vacationing in Turks and Cato's next week. Oh, I knew. I had his apartment address. I was like, yeah, his kids were going to private school. I was like, okay, so You go, does Tommy need another semester? I don't think so. No, literally, like a SAT shooter, like multiples. So you then start creating on TikTok. But what people have told me, because I've like asked around to kind of get the vibe of like what people know about you. And they were like, she went after TikTok in a unique way that other people haven't. What was your TikTok strategy or was it just not strategic and just like an expression of yourself? for me like I was never like an artsy like drawer kid or like whatever I was always super like

like logical about things and really about numbers and I think I have like an obsession with numbers and so I would put out like 20 to 30 videos a day because I was sitting in my room during COVID like in the middle of New York City like there was nothing to do and I would you're like the phone was my best friend no literally and people are like how could you put so much out there without fear of like your peers or your friends like thinking it's weird and I'm like bro I didn't have any peers or friends. I was stuck in my apartment. But I put out like 20 or 30 videos. I would watch how the numbers trended. And so I'd put out like five fashion videos and like five fitness videos and then like a grocery hall and see what did well. And then the next day

repeat that and try new videos. Ooh, I'm like obsessed with reality. And I love that you fucking went for it. And you also through stuff out there for pure analysis, not like in a like win loss thing but being like okay ab testing like that kind of shit yeah and then also like once i like made it further than the industry was like asking around and meeting a ton of people and be like so are people making money in the fashion niche or in the fitness niche or in the like like the girl boss entrepreneur mentor way and then figuring that out kind of helped me like usher my own career um towards like what i thought would be lucrative and be able to support me so that i can pursue my passions dude you're fucking smart what is your favorite kind of video that brings you joy to make oh my gosh just

Just the random ones that do well. I'm like, oh, people like this. This literally took me two minutes to make. Those are always the one. I'm like, oh my God, they like me for me. Not like a video that took me like two hours to make. Not the crafted one using like a viral sound. It's always you just like farting after eating something late at night.

I love that for you so much. I also, I like it because I feel like we see so many facets of you. Like when I see your video, I'm not like, oh, she's going to. talk about something specific. I'm always like, what's you going to say? What's you going to do? Yeah. I want to know how your mental health has evolved from starting off no pressure, just thrown shit and seeing what sticks, to getting momentum, to then having a following, to then people coming for people with followings, to then trying to upkeep your following. Yeah, I think like there's so much pressure in this industry to grow and grow fast. And what happens is when you scale so fast, you also, like, can scale

backwards so fast like you blow up overnight and then they pull like they try to cancel you and then they pull everything back and it's extremely stressful and like taxing on your mental health to be given everything and then it feels like it's all being taken away like that and so I kind of control oh yeah it's like mob mentality and so I kind of got to this point where I was like just like I want to keep high engagement and engaged audience and I'm not really focused on like amassing millions of followers but more like a cult like following yes and I really like that I do find when you're losing followers you can immediately be like oh no like what did i do wrong or you go oh what did i do right that these people realize that like they're not my people and that's okay and sometimes they

come back like later down the line oh yeah like i've like for i've never lost until i was like last year for a six month period i lost like 100 000 followers on tictock and also gained 100 at the same time so it kind of like there was no like it was like this and then on instagram i lost like 50 gain like 50,000 gain like 56,000. And that was extremely hard on my mental health because I was like, what is wrong with me? Why am I not interesting anymore? What's happening? But it's always, I feel like, especially with women, after you spike, like after people start noticing you too much. And it's also the people who didn't originally know you being like, what's this girl's deal and then trying to see like the problem with it when before they were just trying to see like what they loved about you.

Yeah, they're like trying to get to know you and figure you out. But now that I've been in the space for like almost two years, they're like, okay. she's growing on me like we we kind of know about her she kind of annoyed me and now she's kind of growing on me I'm like oh that's good I'm glad it's funny because I did see you through like the blocking scandal which some I it made me love you yes yeah because there was like a rapper who apparently blocked like 500,000 people on his Instagram and he was like look it's my house if you're coming in with dirty feet you're going to get kicked out you know yeah yeah protect your Yeah, exactly. So have you found that like people blocking certain people has helped with you continually to create and be your best self?

Yeah, it's created such like a safe environment like in my comments and even on my page because the thing is is like, you know, like somebody can't come into your work and literally it costs you. Like my videos are my work. And it's like if you're going to come in here and tell me like I'm an ugly like my like Jew and like stuff like that like that's not going to fly. No also like it's not a fucking town hall meeting. Like I don't need people like coming in with like hate. shit. It's also like free for you to consume and it's like I put it out there for you to watch freely and it's like I can take that right back anytime. But the thing is that people are like oh well then you're going to exist in a vacuum and not take any criticism. And I'm like yo you can still make hate videos on your page and I still watch all them and I read every comment. Okay. Why do that? Um, I think for me it helps me stay in front of the narrative and understand like what public opinion is of me. Like I also watch all the videos that are super positive about me. Yeah. I read everything just to know like the landscape of how I'm resonating. That takes a lot. lot of mental strength. I got to a point where I've decided, like, I don't read comments about me and I don't read, I don't, I just don't consume anything about me. I don't even Google myself, just because sometimes that could, like, ruin my fucking day. I would say, like, it can throw me off for, like, an hour or two, but I'm getting so good with it. It used to throw me off for days,

like, to a point where, like, I become so neutral and emotionalness towards it. I think eventually I will get to that point where I don't read anything, but it doesn't really affect me. But then, like, Alex Cooper, call her daddy, she consumes everything because she, like, she, loves kind of getting the feedback that she can get ahead of yeah um but i also think with you you have so many people that are like she's been through so much and she's still here that it's kind of like iconic i don't know what that accent was iconique that was q ue at the end i love that i love that do you um tend to go more towards depression anxiety or both um both for sure oh yeah yeah she's one without the other like do they not go

Hand-in-Han-Han-A-Rae. Name a more iconic duo. I think some people have more depression, like 90% depression, 10% anxiety, but I think that the two exist in tandem. Yeah. What are you insecure about? Failure. Like, I'm insecure, like, if something doesn't do well, like, what that looks like, I'm insecure, like, not succeeding. I'm insecure about, like, the way I come off to people. I'm insecure about so many things. I mean, isn't it funny that your insecurities are the things that you are like going after? What do you mean? Like, if you're insecure about how you come off to people, putting yourself in the public eye and putting your personality out there is like the ultimate fear.

But it also is like the biggest high. Yeah. I also think it helps me like conquer that fear. Yes. I used to be like when I was younger, like I was like two or three years ago when I was in college and somebody would say like, oh, like you gain way or like, oh, you look skinny. like you would ruin me and I would literally cry and not even want to be friends with that person now I'm like you can say anything to me and it won't affect me and I'm like really proud of myself for that but it also took like so much self deprecation and like subjecting myself to that to overcome it yeah so I think my insecurities have become like not that many because I'm like actively trying to combat them I love that so much how's your um relationship with your body right now considering you put it out there like every fucking day yeah I will a lot of people like try to give me flack for like saying I bought each check and stuff like that, but it's more so like me just being confident in my body and like my gains. I think that body checking is a, so body checking the term is that like you're like

showing off your body and like trying to flaunt it and trigger people. But I think body checking is a term that's thrown at like petite women a lot of times or women who fit the beauty standard. And it's like if you like I'm looking snatched. Yeah. It's like if you have a plus size body and you're like showing it off on camera, people aren't like stop body checking. And so I think that can be super like counterintuitive to the body positivity movement when you're only like telling a certain subsection of people that they're body checking you know yeah I feel like body checking is for bodies yeah yeah all bodies and also like anyone feeling good in their skin at that moment wanting to show it off yeah but right now I'm like pretty body neutral like I'm kind of like over it

I've been working out for like five years I was a personal trainer at equinox like I've been super fit been not fit been in between and like I just want like this is just like my vessel this is just what I travel in and it doesn't dictate my happiness wait that's so fucking like wise of you it's fucking so woke bro like Renee Brown right here bro she tripped on acid like a few times and like she just one ayahuasca trip and she's like I'm just a soul living in some skin it's a vessel but I do I'm similar to you where like I was an athlete I stopped working out for a bit I started I did some yoga for a bit I stopped that and I realized like, oh, I'm still me. I'm still me existing and like the happiness does not correlate with my external normally.

The confidence correlates with the way the external resonates. Exactly. What does the typical day in the life of Victoria Paris look like? I mean, this is where you're like, oh, this is just depressed. Like, it's a struggle. It's a really, it's a struggle to leave bed, honestly. Same. I'm the same way.

Yeah. Like, it's like 11 or 12 and I'm like, oh, shit. Like I'm starving. I have to leave bed. because I'll sit and I'll consume so much online, which is part of my job. It's like research. And then I'm like, oh, I need to make stuff. Maybe I'll get to the gym.

I'll get out of bed at like 11 or 12. If my girlfriend's in town, maybe earlier, but she's working. And then I'll go get a coffee and a bagel. And then I'll kind of make some videos. And then I'll go to the gym around one or two. And then I'll, like, clean up. And then maybe see my best friend, maybe go out and do something at night with my girlfriend. But yeah, that's pretty much it every day.

So how much do you care about the engagement right now of your videos? How much do you put pressure on yourself to get like certain amount of videos and stuff like that? Well, it's not about like how many videos like engagement is like paramount to me. So if I put out one video and I guess like 10 million views, I'm like, oh cool, did my work for today. But like a million views is like when I'm like happy. So I'll put out like 10, I'll make like 10 to 15 videos on a normal day, a work day. And I work like Monday to Sunday, but some days more intense than others. And if I have a video that trends, so it's trending to hit a million, I kind of,

feel less pressure every day. But every day I feel the pressure to like put out a video that's hitting a million. I want almost every video that stays up on my page to hit at least like 600 or 700,000 views because that's almost 50% viewage wise engagement. When you're thinking of ideas, do you normally know like this is good or you just, you kind of keep throwing stuff out there? I don't really think of ideas. I just make them and it's like I know furniture content as well and I like periodically do furniture content. You're fucking, I think that's also why I initially followed you. You just were like, look at the sick couch. And I was like, follow that bitch. She knows what's good. I currently, I just got my first apartment. And I'm that New York City girl who was moving every year. It would look like a hospital room. I wouldn't invest at all in my like space because I'm like, I'm not living here. And for the first time I'm trying to invest in my space. Can you describe your like home space? What aesthetic you wanted, what vibe you wanted? What feel for your mental health you wanted? Yeah. I mean, I've lived in New York for like four or most five years now. And I felt like I was always so transitional.

I felt like I never had a home base. And even as a child growing up, like my parents, we were like renting for a bit and we weren't allowed to like really decorate. And so I was like always just like pressed to feel like I could go home somewhere and feel like I was at home. And that got even worse in New York because the thing is is that New York City spaces are so weird. Like they're not like a home. Like you never walk into somebody's apartment.

You're like, I feel like I'm in a house. Like I can relax. Yeah. You're like, why is the shower in the kitchen? No, literally. And like, oh, you don't have a dishwasher or same. But, like, how much rent I spent, how much money? I'm paying a mortgage in rent.

I don't have a dishwasher, but whatever. Great space, though. I wanted you to walk. The lighting is amazing. No, the lighting is only good in the summer, but I wanted you to walk into my apartment and feel like you were at home. Like, I took a box. Literally, my apartment is a box as a studio.

It's like over 1,500 square feet. And I wanted to feel like I was in somebody's house. Like, I could have relaxed and escape from the city. Yeah, because you just have, like, like this wide open space and I was super impressed with because that could look shit that could look oh my god studios are harder to decorate than a one bed yeah because there's nothing to work with and it could look kind of vacant and it could look kind of like you just clinical yeah kind of like a or or cluttered you see like they like stack books on the wall and they try to make it look so

artsy farty and I'm like no it just looks cluttered like it looks like a warehouse true well I'm very into like the maximalistic 70s vibe but then I'm also like I'm ADD so I'm like I'm I don't want to look, like, it goes quick from maximalistic to you or a hoarder. And then I'm depressed. It's a thin line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's finding, do you have any colors that you love working with right now? Okay, so I have to say, like, I think part of being a successful person is employing the right people.

Like Kim Kardashian employs like amazing hair and makeup artists and, like, people who work for her. And so I kind of got to this point where I'm like, I can't do this. I can decorate a one bed. So on TikTok, I found this dude. His name's Addison Bird, Brother Bird. And he's an interior designer. And I was like, yo, do you have any ideas for my. MySpace. And we started talking. He also grew up in North Carolina. He's around the same age. And he's like, I would love to design your space at a subsidized rate. And we do content together. And he is like 27 years old, never really did anything like it before. And I got so lucky with him. That's amazing. I actually was looking on TikTok for inspo because it's so good for inspo. And I realized I found this girl Lale Buzz. She's amazing. And I hit her up. And she was like, oh, I follow you on Instagram. And she's helping me design my space. But I love that.

that at such an early young age, you've been able to be like, oh, I want to delegate shit to make myself, like, the most complete kind of. Yeah, I think for, like, big things, like, an apartment. Like, if my, if my rent is going to cost, like, a lot of fucking money, then it better be done well, you know? But for me, I still struggle on the day to day to delegate. Like, I'm so type A and, like, a micromanager. And I'm also so young.

I'm like, so young. I'm like 23. I feel like if I were to hire an assistant, they're going to be around the same age. I'm not hiring a college kid. Like, so I feel like that relationship would be weird, but honestly, like, I probably need to. Yeah, the thing with assistant is they're in your space 24-7. So you need their energy to be fucking right. But you know, like, that friend that you meet that you're like, oh, I could be around you all day and I like it.

And they don't feel the need to always be like chatty or like, like, I feel like sometimes you can find that right person, but it's fucking hard. Bro, my anxiety is more so paranoia. It's like rooted in paranoia. So I'm paranoid if I employ somebody and they see all behind the scene. they'll turn around and like flip on me later in life now that that's really like I mean yeah that's called NDA baby yeah for six months when it expired she thought about it she thought about it oh I really thought about it like I just feel like I've been subjected to cancel culture even before like the blocking thing where I blocked a lot of people like I just don't trust a lot of people and in that it's put

a lot of burden on me to like do everything myself and that's real like that's just a response to past trauma was the blocking thing like did you just go off like one week or like oh I I've been always saying it. Also, like, since I was a kid, like in high school, like, I'd fight with people at my high school and just block them on everything always. And I was just kind of like something I always did. And I think other people in the space saw that and people giving me flack for it, like other creators. And they were like, wait, I do that too. Like, why are people so oppressed about her? Well, that's cancel culture where like it gets popular. It gets popular. Also, you, so you're in a new relationship. How is it like navigating, dating, dating, being in the public eye on TikTok? oh my god because you were like you were hiding her and like that was kind of fun well okay so like my first so my first relationship on t'clock was super public and then like we literally had like no sex life like like we didn't have sex at all and like it wasn't really a real relationship it was super performative it felt like but the videos i would like find myself getting entranced in the videos of us and the idea of us

and the time we spent together that i convinced myself that it was a good relationship and really it wasn't. That is so reality TV-esque because reality TV like producers will kind of be like, oh, they like you, you like them. And then you have cameras. All the comments are like, you guys look amazing together. And I'm like, we do, don't we? If this relationship doesn't work out, I don't believe in love. And then you like get high off. Yeah, the idea of you two. And the next thing you know, it's like, do these people like each other or do they like? I didn't even know his age until we were like together for three months. And I was like, wait, how old are you? That you could say his name. No, no. Wait, so how did it end?

randomly like one day he like broke up with me and I because I didn't even realize to like after the fact that I was like oh my gosh wait though the thing is that people think that you're in on it especially in reality TV that you're in this fake relationship no for views it's a meta reality like people go is it real and I go it's real in its own fakeness you have to be so mentally strong and like I thought I was so mentally strong it could take so much but like the the subconscious manipulation that views and comments and like opinions like well that's why in reality TV the show ends then the couples break up and you're like what how how happened and they're like they lost the drug they didn't get the high anymore of the attention so you're navigating this one a little different so then that happened and i was like oh shit like i'm not putting something out there for a long time and i'm really going to make sure i build a steady healthy relationship and i started dating my my first girlfriend i've only dated two girls kind of came out as i was in i came out as bisexual i was in my like straight relationship and i just had never been with the girl and then with my ex-girlfriend i waited and i didn't put us online for like three months and I was also contractually like required to not put us online because I was doing like a dating thing with Amazon and so I waited and like the first three months were kind of tumultuous but I thought that that's the norm with gay relationships because I had never felt so loved before and except when I was with a woman and that was the first woman I was with so I was like oh well if she loves me so deeply we're bound to fight so hard and so intensely and this justifies the other end especially after being in a relationship that was kind of like neutral no passion nothing no fighting no fight

That you had a lot of passion. So much passion and so much love. And I was like, well, this is the other end of it. This is normal. And so for the first three months, it was so hot and cold off and on. But I still waited and didn't put it online. And then once the contract was up and I could in the last month of our relationship, I put it online. And boom, it ended.

I think that it being online contributed to that. It was so bad. It really amplified all our problems and put us under a microscope. And you can't just take somebody. She wasn't in social media and put them in front of a camera and millions of people and expect them to be able to tolerate it. And I realize that. And they can't sift through who fake people are.

So if people from their life from months ago are hitting them up, they think it's genuine. And I'm like, I can't be like, baby, they're only hitting you up because we're together now. Because then I sound like the dick. But I'm like, they remembered you because of the video. And then the same thing happened with my ex-boyfriend. Like people fall in love with them online and then build interest in them again in the same way that you fell in love with the relationship. Oh, for sure. And then, yeah.

So my most recent girlfriend. obsessed with her. She's older, successful in her own right. We love a zaddy. We love a zaddy moment. Well, she was, like, clouded on lesbian Tumblr. Like, she's had followers and then, like, took a step back. So she's vintage chic. Oh, yeah. She was like, I don't give a fuck about any of this. And all she lives in L.A. And all her friends are, like, very in the space. Like, my husband is also a comedian and he's 46. And, like, it's, oh, I love it. And I've been promoting, like, I love dating older. if the power dynamic is right as if you have your own shit going on because then it could get kind of like weird but I love that like you have your own shit going on she understands it yeah she understands a space like you like respect her mind like she and she can give you good insight with stuff yeah she's an amazing photographer like initially was in a photography she's a scientist now and like has her PhD and her shit together and she just lets me like drive the boat whatever I want to put out there whatever I feel comfortable with she's like she let to be yourself yeah and she's not pressed over any public opinion or comments or anything and like that's hot it's super easy because it sounds like she's a little more secure in who she is super secure you said you kind of

discovered you were by while in a straight relationship how did that go about well i think that i like kind of knew before i got in the relationship but didn't really like i just my whole life i had struggled to be closed with women because i felt like the friendship got way too deep it felt like it was a partnership and whenever i had like a girl best friend i never had a boyfriend and i was like why is that like why do they fill all the roles that a boyfriend would but the sex and I was like I think girls are just obsessed with me I was like bitches are so obsessed with it I was like it's so weird I love me I know and I would literally say to my guy best friends I'd be like they all just want to they're like they act like they're my girlfriend and I don't get it and I wonder if it's because I let them in in that capacity without realizing that like I like you were caring for them in that way yeah and then they expected it from me and I was like bro chill you're just my best friend like I'm not your fucking boyfriend yeah yeah and so I had struggled with my relationship with women and I had had a best friend she's she like I think she kind of like I was like oh wow okay well you're really attractive like and kind of realized but then didn't think anything of it and kind of docked that and then me and my ex-boyfriend started dating came out as by very publicly and then yeah most

people who were in their early 20s who come out as by don't have to deal with the public opinion your family could be like hard enough in certain situations yeah well the thing is is that I grew up in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, which is, like, relatively progressive, and all my friends were like queer, pansexual. And from a young age, like, my girlfriends would literally, like, be like, we want to hook up. Like, we're, like, down. And I was like, I'm not, like, I'm not attracted to you. And then I thought I was straight because of that. And then I got older and I was around other women who I thought were really beautiful. And I was like, oh, shit, like, a girl who's, there's girls who are taller than me. And because I'm, like, five, nine. And all my friends were

shorter than me. And I was like, there's girls who were, like, hot. Because I wasn't around the type of woman I was into. Well, that's the thing. If you think about like, I'm attracted to guys, but I'm not attracted to 99% of them. Yeah, that's the thing. And if you're, if you're, if it's, if it's normal to like feel that way, then you're like, okay, I'm straight, whatever. But like, people are like, oh, I can't be gay because like I'm not attracted to girls. And I'm like, bro, it takes one right girl. It takes like the girl of your dreams to change everything. That's why it's their soul. Yeah, 100%. And that's why I think the default sexuality should be pansexual, not heterosexual. Well, as speaking as the millennial, but I get along with the gender. And Z is the Gen Zs like me. I learned that you guys are sometimes going to your sexuality more like we don't know and we're going to figure it out. And that blew my fucking mind like low key jealous because I grew up with like everyone straight and then if you're not you have to come out. And as a young kid I thought that was so creepy to be like, why does that person have

to say they're sexual like what they're into sexually? Like it's so weird to be like I like to fuck this kind of person when like straight people don't have to. So I kind of love the going into life being like I'm going to figure out what I am and I don't have a default. Yeah. Or the default should just be pan. You like everything. You're not like press. It's also like with pronouns. Like we assert that he, she is like the norm when really we should assert that they, them is the norm and allow people to correct you or like usher you in the way of their pronouns are actually this. And it's like being more inclusive and neutral when it comes to terminology and orientation is what's going to like really promote inclusion. Yeah, I also think I gravitated towards you because I like when women kind of challenge the norms of like masculine versus feminine energy where like one second you're like look at this hot tennis skirt which is like more traditionally you know feminine and then a second later you're like talking shit in a very like comedy is more of like a masculine quality and I'm putting in quotations because this is socially constructed and but people look up to you like she's the hottest she's the cutest and like how they talk about like straight girls but you are. kind of I think you make people question like what is stereotypical femininity yeah yeah it's also like all these comments being like I'm just gay and I'm like no you're just gay like you're just gay like if

there was another girl who was like me you'd like her too like I'm sorry like what did you just read that back to me and think critically about that statement or they're like I'd leave my boyfriend for you you make me question everything I'm like you are just gay bro and it's not that deep but you're not like queen of lesbian TikTok because no but I'm realizing is like a whole thing the thing is that I you get in at all? Like, are you part of the algorithm? I think Lesby and TikTok knows of me. I'm not part of it. You like blow the fuck up though if you got involved in that algorithm, I feel like. Well, I feel like I discovered that a lot of my followers were actually like very queer and very progressive and I didn't realize that before. And yeah, I don't know. I think that a lot of my followers

are age like 15 to 25 like predominantly white women, probably in progressive swinging states. And so they're like, oh, well, maybe like maybe like she looks like. she looks like me and I really like her skirts and her hair and also her body's kind of killer like and she looks happy yeah like oh oh yeah and they also watch the videos of me and my girlfriend and they're like ooh I do also think that girls who care less about the male gays sometimes are able to dominate in more like male dominate spaces or just like in general with their business I think that for me I conquered the male gays at a young age like I had I was like a self-proclaimed like I had so much sex and there's nothing nothing negative about the term slut like I was just

slatting it up like full bust down every day titty's out at all times like yeah like talking to like so many dudes and I never had a problem getting male attention and I know that if I want to like slip into this role and like present myself in a certain way like I could pull dudes out the ass but it's like for me it's a choice to like feel comfortable in my skin and dress the way I want to I loved your before and after showing how you used to do like fake tan full make up, tweezing the eyebrows or whatever. And then now you're kind of more yourself in terms of less makeup. What is the like decision process behind like when you want to wear makeup or not when putting yourself out there? I think that like I haven't found makeup type that like kind

of amplifies my like natural beauty. I think that if I could find a routine that really works and like was easy to do in 15 minutes and made me feel good I would do it. But the thing is is that I work out every single day. And it's like that's going to fuck up my hair. I'm going to fuck up my makeup. And at the core of it is me working out and not wanting to hinder that. Does that help your mental health working? Yeah, and also being strong makes me feel beautiful. More so than like a full bus down every day, probably. Hell yeah.

Oh, my God. You're killing the game. Okay, we're going to play a final game called The Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. What are you gluttonous about? What do you overindulgent? I'm not a super gluttonous. Like money-wise.

What's, what's, I'm, what's your, like, guilty pleasure? Oh, blowouts. I love a blowout, yeah. Where do you go? Dry bar. Hell, yeah. How often? Probably, like, once or twice a month.

Great. And then you kind of, like, let it. I'll wear it for, like, a few days. The thing is, is I can do it myself. I'm super stingy. So, like, growing up, like, a Jewish father. And then my mom, who's, like, first-gen, it's, like, don't spend money and don't do anything.

So I get me super restrictive and, like, not gluttonous, but with... I just went to L.A. And I was talking my friend is. a little woo-woo about that stuff and about abundance theory and she's like if you hold money too tight it wants to go away so tight bro i've really like have so much money you'll too but i was about to say like now that you're making money how have you been navigating like deciding what you should spend on how much to spend because i'm like that too oh i'm gluttonous with home decor oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you'll spend anything but i think it's like my apartment

looks the way it does because anthropology's paying for all of it so i'm like yeah give me all the furniture because it's free yeah yeah yeah but like i paid like a lot of money for a couch but that's the most money i've ever spent on anything or like my rent i guess i guess that's the most money i've ever spent on anything or like my rent I guess I'm gladness with like a nice place but I think that that's for my business you know and also it is your office and it also like it's my set think yeah think how much time you spend at home like if you aren't proud of the space around you like that seeps into you yeah yeah it's like your starting point every day and I've also made all the money back from it but probably like home decor and like aesthetic stuff like hair and like getting my eyebrows

done I love it who are you envious of and it could be a kind of person too um I would say like people, I'm envious of complacent people. I feel like I'm extremely like, like, it's never enough. And that's like the root of my unhappiness. Girl, it's, it's hard. It's a double-edged store because it's what makes you successful that you constantly, like if you watch these documentaries of these really successful people, they're always like, we need more. And this is not good enough. And you're like, that seems kind of sad. And they're like, I've only slept for three hours. And it's like, oh, fuck. I want to make a bag in sleep. I find what's helped me is redefining what success is because we're always going to want success but redefining it like oh it's

waking up in the morning and not being depressed or like oh yeah I want that I'm jealous of those people yeah like not like that like those people who jump at a bed in the morning and like attack the day like for me it's like a slow burn I literally don't wake up till four like just like I'm not like I'm not like this is an 11 a.m. podcast I'm not going to remember it I've it takes me so long to get the day going and also I do stand up so at night I'm like all over the place and then I can't calm down anyway that's my own issues for another time. When was the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger? You said you have a spicy side?

Yeah, anger. Anger is my old best friend. But the last time I felt extreme anger, when somebody said I read the Reddit, the New York City influencer Reddit. Oh, that's naughty. Yeah, it's small and it's a dark place. And I don't comment. People think that I'm in there commenting or they think influencers are in their commenting.

I just read. But somebody said my best friend is trans. and she's also black. And somebody said, does Victoria Paris hang out with any POCs? I was like, what the fuck are you saying? And they're like, does she date any POCs?

And I'm like, yo, like, I don't tokenize my friends. I don't take every single one of my friends and put them in front of the camera for the exact reasons we listed. And for you to like question that, especially, and then they went on. Oh, they try to start some shit.

And then they went on to say that they think that I'm only friends with my best friend out of like pity and to look better. And I was like, this is the one person who's been there for me. We lived together. We grew up in the same place.

And it just makes me mad when people attack not me, but my friends or like my best friend. And, like, I'm just so defensive in that way. And I was like red with anger to be like, who are you to even put my best friend in a box that way? That's why I don't go near Reddit because I would have thrown my fucking laptop out the window. And then they're anonymous. You can't find them. Oh, yeah. And kidnap them.

When it was the last time we were a sloth, so like did nothing all day. I was just talking my girlfriend about that, how we don't do that. Like, it's an issue. Like, I used to, like, get fucked up and, like, spend Sunday just in bed all day. Do you not drink as much now? No, I, like, went back and forth with, like, being sober fully. I, like, tried to be sober for my 21st, like, my 21st present to myself, but it's hard. Why do you want to be sober?

I think that it affects my, like, working out. And, like, my happiness, my depression the next day is so bad. Your muscles also don't recover the same way. Yeah, and I just feel like shit, and the depression is so bad the next day. I would say the last time I was a sloth, uh, whenever I get back from trips, you know, that one day when you're back and you're back and you're you're like don't want to unpack the suitcase and you're just sitting there in your apartment like okay it's always weird though because you're like i just like i just traveled like i signed a plane for four hours i shouldn't be exhausted but i am yeah it's so taxing um when was the last time you let your

pride or your ego get in the way of something oh my god every day every day i'm like you can't do that you can't say that who do you think you are but i do think there's an element of like self respect versus like okay am i am i letting my ego take over yeah i think that my um my ego i don't know can you give me an example this is a tough one it could be like um business wise where you're like i don't do shit like that or personal friendships where your your ego gets involved relationships it's your ego i i know my ego is just i'll i'll like take things more than I should. I think,

I think, like, something that I don't really talk about is, like, when something's unpaid, I'm like, go fuck yourself. Like, why would I go or whatever? That's something I've had to get over. Like,

not everybody's going to pay you for your time, and that's okay. And it's your choice to value yourself. Yeah. And also, like, pick the right things and show up to the right things. So for, for, like, a year, it was like a hard know on any unpaid events

or, like, showing up anywhere unpaid because I was like, I know my worth. And if people aren't going to pay me, I'm not going to show up. But it can be a means to an end. yeah i don't i could see how that's like actually not ego and just really smart business because you only have so much energy and if you're going to put yourself out there like if you see a long-term relationship with someone it's different but i think it's i'm kind of a yes person where i'll be

like okay i want to make these people happy when realistically like you're abandoning yourself yeah by trying to like be nice to brand yeah okay who's your celebrity crush right now oh it's always bella hadid but tell me your oh it's always belahadie phenomenon Why so into her? Oh my God. I've been into her like since like a young, young, young age. Because I watch Real Housewives and I watched Real Housewives in Orange County. So you like her over Gigi?

Yeah. I mean like my like I. I don't know. I just don't really resonate with Gigi. I think like I resonate. First of them, I resonate. I just think her. I think that there was like this distinct moment in her career where she chose happiness and she chose to be the light in the room and to be confident.

And you can visibly see it in her pictures and her style. Like she definitely. self-styles most of her outfits and she looks so happy and it's extremely empowering to see like another woman just go out there and decide to be the good obviously there's a privilege involved in that to be good and like like whatever but I think that I just love her energy it's so like ethereal yeah how would you describe your style eclectic I think it's like a mix between like my mom's influence my aspirations the people I've been around the places I've traveled I love that it's funny I didn't realize how much my mom influences me because this summer, I was like,

I want to look like a pregnant 90s mom. Because that's really how I think of my mom in the 90s, like with the smock and then like sneakers with socks. And I'm like, I don't need to be pregnant, but like I like the pregnant mom aesthetic. People are like, what do you talk about? And I'm like, you'll see. Cottage core. Yeah, cottage core, but also like kind of sweaty in the city, though.

Like you're running errands and shit. She like shaved her head. She was a badass. Shout out to moms. She was pregnant and shaved. It looks so hot. I keep telling everybody. When I get pregnant, I'm going to shave my head because the most feminine thing you can do is get pregnant.

Like, I feel like that's peak feminineity. And like, releasing yourself from your hair and beauty and just embracing like motherhood is such. She said she was like in Brooklyn in the summer. She was like, it was eight months in and she's like, fuck this shit. Shaved her head, sweating profusely pregnant. My dad goes, so your mom used to be fat and bald and he goes, then I became fat and balls. But anyway. Yo, come on.

Like, riddle me this. Like, you shouldn't inherently want to fuck a pregnant woman. Like nobody's out here. Like, it's kind of weird to, like, fetishize pregnant women. So, like, if people aren't finding you beautiful by the baby. Serotypically beautiful, then fuck it. Like, like, like, it's so empowering. Dude, you don't even have to get conditioner or shampoo.

No, it's so empowering. Like, that's when I want to do it. I've never heard of somebody actually doing it. If you have a good jawline and a good shaped head, or if you don't, go for it. Honestly, just send it. I got chin lipo. Fire. I love it.

Did you really? Yeah, they sucked out all the fat here because I, I have always had a snatched jawline because I was super thin. Yeah. And then I gain weight, and I was happy with the weight I gained. And it was all right here. Yeah, my fat goes right here. Right here.

Because my dad is, if you have a Jewish dad, your nose starts to droop, your chin. My dad's Jewish. Yeah. Yeah. If you have Jewish parents, period. It's like, you like get this deposit right there. And your nose starts to fall. But it's funny because it's not fat.

It's just like starts to kind of like fall. Like when I gain weight, it goes right here. They do J-Pasma too, which tightens it. So it like burns the skin and tightens it. I love it. Do you do Botox? I used to. Not anymore.

I feel like it made me in my face puffy. Yeah. It's interesting because like the young girlies are experimenting where like girls when I was on the precipice of that making those videos. I was like, oh, millions of preventative Botox. Millions of views on that. And then they just kept juicing me up like every two months when you're not supposed to get a retouched until like the six month mark. Because it was, they came out in an article after the fact the Botox clinic saying I upped, I single-handedly, the only influencer they worked with up to their customer base 50%. And so they just kept doing it to do more videos every two months. And I didn't realize because I didn't know how long you're supposed to. It was the first time I got Botox. So I got it. getting retouched for a year. No movement, nothing. Like, no movement. People are like, oh my gosh. People are like, she has such a dry personality. And you're like, I can't move my mouth. I'm like, I can't read her. She was so beautiful. And then she opens her mouth and she sounds like a frat, bro. And nothing's moving. I'm so confused. What's happening right now? No, I like, I like love move my eyebrows in my face. Um, so I haven't done it yet. But we'll see. I was interested in mass of tear Botox. I got that. Does it help with like headaches? You don't realize how much you clench in headaches until you get it.

It also defines your chin a lot more. Yeah, I think I need to get mass into your Botox just because I think I wake up easier in the morning if I didn't wake up with like my my jaw throbbing. Yeah, you should definitely get it. It's like, but it hurts like three. Like they like go deep in there. Okay, good shot. Okay, final question. What do you do to cope with your hell when you're going through it when it's dark?

What are your coping strategies? Oh my gosh. Revenge. Fuck it. Like I just. I'm like, I'm like, y'all are praying on my downfall. I'm going to work harder. Like, I just kind of throw myself out.

I feel the emotions fully. I allow myself to be really upset. And then I'm like, you know, I'm just going to do you one better. Like, after every breakup is always a glow up. After every job loss is a better opportunity. Like, I just try to like push, push through. I do have to say after spending an hour with you, you're so wise. You're weirdly mature.

And that, because, like, I interview a lot of people in their 20s and you have like an old soul type. vibe to you. It's just a plan. And yeah, and it's not a coincidence that you're successful. Where can people follow you, listen to you, watch you? I had Victoria Paris on everything. Hell yeah. And I'm just so excited to see what you do in the future. I'm a stand. Thanks for coming to hell with us, guys, and we'll talk to you later. Bye. Thanks for having me.