Berner Phone - Violet Benson: Ugly Duckling Syndrome & Daddy Issues

Episode Date: October 8, 2020

Violet is the babe behind the very popular meme page @daddyissues_. and podcast host of Too Tired To Be Crazy. She opens up about her fear of being boring, why she hasn’t had sex since April, how she left her accounting job, why she got veneers when she was 5, her regrets buying a home, and her hookup with Francesca Farago. Follow Violet on instagram at @violetbenson and check out her interview with Hannah on her podcast Too Tired To Be Crazy now! --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to Burning Hell. What's up, guys? It's time for the remix today. It's too tired to be crazy. In hell. We have Violet Benson. I am such a fan girl. I've been following her for so many years. She is Daddy. She's on Instagram. Thank you for coming to hell, Violet. Thank you for having me. Thank you for being too tired to be crazy in hell. Honestly, I will be too tired to be crazy in hell. And even just from the name, I was like, we are going to go in deep in terms of our emotions. And I'm just excited to talk about our issues today. I'm excited because I feel like I've been going through ups and downs, especially recently. So when you were like, oh, we're going to talk about emotions and anxiety and all that,

I was like, perfect. I just cried to my mom two days ago. So I'm like, this is just what I need. now I'm kind of notorious on summer house for having daddy issues like my dad was my tennis coach so if we're going to get into it it's like he was like my number one fan but also like the number one person if I disappointed I felt like he didn't love me and it made me feel like I always had performed for guys to like make them like me like if I wasn't fucking awesome in every way I'm like why would this guy love me so that's what I've been working on is just like being my boring

authentic self. And you also, I read on your website that your biggest fear was to be boring. Why are we like this? Oh my God. I can't believe you actually read that one. Oh, I love that. Yeah. For those who don't know, I used to have a blog called daddy issues LA.com and I write poems on it and in one of my blogs and one of my poems I talked about that was my biggest fear. It still is sometimes, which is so stupid. Plus I think because we're internet personnel, like A, I feel like people like us were meant to be who we are. this point which is like to entertain people because we have such a need to be loved in life because of our the way we grew up but yeah it's like i always had this fear of them like my biggest

fear was that the men that i would day would find me boring my ex-boyfriend used to always say violet that's literally the last boring is one of the last things i would describe you as that's like a straight-up anxiety thought that makes no sense because your personality is just all over the place you love cats you're an incredibly interesting person you love cats obviously you're like a really interesting good person um also you're russians you have a very fun sense of humor yeah not everyone gets it i feel like a lot of times more british people get my sense of humor in australians because i have a dry sense of humor americans sometimes do get offended by my sense of humor yes and do care when people get i feel like you go off on people when they get offended by you oh my god i feel

so bad like i try not to but i feel like quarantine has really got to me like it's been hard like you don't understand with quarantine everyone is more miserable including myself and i try to say positive and i feel like it makes i feel like some for whatever reason it's always about like i fake it and then it's for other people to feel happy and then it makes me happier like i can't explain but like with quarantine people have become more miserable so people are mean on the internet and i normally am really good at avoiding it but when i'm already feeling down or in a bad mood i have know like i suddenly do start to notice certain things and i also have three three social media accounts on instagram that are large so it's not just like one instagram account where someone's mean to me

i get the three um i get the the the bullying like triple which one do you get the most hate on or affects you the most you're like meme page daddy issues or your individual one violet benson wow uh well there's also my podcast instagram and your podcast um i guess the podcast one is the nicest because people follow it specifically for that daddy issues now you can be mean because i also post reels and videos of my podcast or of me giving advice so um it's not going to be for everyone but people don't know people always get surprised when people when i tell anyone that anyone's mean to me because i am a very like you can sit with us and i'm very inclusive but people get surprised the people that are normally mean to me are men so it is kind of weird

to take in about men are the ones that bully me yeah women women rarely i feel like when i get a mean woman i'm kind of like hey what's up babe like let's talk it out what's going on yeah yeah men they're really mean like men are the ones that bully me on the internet it's so funny the meanest reaction i've ever gotten to a tweet i said like if you write exclamation marks in a text i will never fuck you people were men were going at my family like men who'd be told that they like that you won't fuck them and like but then there's another side of men who were like hey I stopped messaging people with exclamation marks and I've been like getting way more responsive thank you so much it's crazy how some men of the internet because they're so like anti-feminism or they just feel so attacked

because of feminist even though like your tweet had nothing to do of feminism but a man who's like so upset he feels so oppressed as like being a man in this world that he's just like how dare you And he like takes all of his anger of women They rejected him throughout his life Like literally the same thing Like I had I did one video for my I had an episode called Um bitch boot camp

Which I was teaching myself and other girls About like what you need to do In order to get a commitment And I was just like stop fucking these guys Like not everyone deserves your energy Your pussy your time and whatever Oh I saw your cat run in the background Or a dog I'm not sure

Can you relax Pancakes is getting hyped up By this conversation Chill out She said all men are trashed in her meow that was you're just like yeah they are no one's gonna be mean to my mommy that's what happened um but yeah like so basically the video was just like telling women stop fucking him if he's not giving you a commitment like stop fucking him if he's like doing the bare

minimum you know what enough and i'm like it's not just your pussy it's your time it's your energy it's your it's your it's your personality stop and some men got so offended they're like literally telling me calling me a whore for that i'm like first of all how these girls me and these are whores if we're literally not fucking you. So now we're horts because we're not fucking you. Then if I talk about fucking guys, then I'm a whore for that. But then if I talk about don't fuck guys, just masturbate. I'm a whore for masturbating because how dare I masturbate instead of wanting to fuck you?

So it's really like confusing at this point. I'm always a whore no matter what I do. Oh my God. You're so right. It's such a lose, lose, lose. And it is empowering as a female to be like, yeah, fuck guys. Like I feel like me and you are very open about sex on the internet. But like we also have to be honest as like sensitive souls and cat people that

having sex is an exchange of energy and if his shit is toxic, it starts to dim your light. Yes. And that's what I've been trying to tell girls. I feel like, I feel like I'm really conflicted because sometimes I do talk about sex and sometimes I'm like, oh, stop fucking him. And then girls are like, wait, what? Which one is it? Like I'm in the middle of fucking him. I don't know. Wait, wait. Wait, see. Violet. Answer my DM. No, I got so many DMs and so many messages from like hundreds of girls telling me they dumped their boyfriend after listening to my episode um dumb bitch boot camp so i felt almost responsible for so many breakups i felt bad about that part because i was like that was not the point breakups are so empowering

and i'm obsessed with people who break up i think it's like you because you never i feel like people are meant to be together i feel like their energies will find each other i'm very energetic right now but if it's not meant to be like it's so easy to stay in something that's just like good enough. I agree. And that's one thing that people don't understand is that people think the hardest thing in dating is about finding someone. And actually the hardest thing about dating is letting go of the wrong person because you get so comfortable and you get so settled. And you're just like, damn, I don't want to be alone. Like this person is nice to me. And like one time I did like a pros and cons list about this guy that I was dating. There was like 50 cons. And then there was like

a few pros of like, he drives me around. I hate driving. He's, nice of me sometimes. I was like, he's nice to me sometimes. He compliments me. We like the same movies. And that's it. The cons were like, my dad cried when he found that we're dating. He can't get a dick up. We can't have sex. He's an ex-drug addict. He lives at home. He has no job. I'm not kidding you. It sounds like I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. I kid you not. My friends were like, V, read this every day. I'm like, okay, I opened this. I wrote it. The next day, I look at it. And I'm like, yep, uh-huh. I take my phone, instead of deleting his number, I text him.

And I'm like, I text him saying, I think we should be together. I feel like you're my person. And he was like, I am not. And I was like, all right. He also said he hates me. That's on the con list. But another con doesn't even want to be with me. Oh, my God.

You're hitting on so many important things right now. I have a friend who's like the most gorgeous, beautiful, like, smart, funny person who's with the guy. It could be. I keep speaking in generalities, but she's with a guy who sucks. And I was like, why do you want to be with him? And she's like, he loves me. And I'm like, bitch, like, so many guys can love you.

But she's like, but I, everyone's like, find a guy who makes you happy who's there for you. There are so many guys. That's a bare minimum. A guy should love you. It's like, do you love him? And that's how I started on my tweets of like, do I like him or does he just wear his hat backwards? Because it's like, we don't even like the dudes a lot of the time. Sometimes we'll convince ourselves to like them, especially.

when we think we have them like in our pocket and then they're like hey i thought this was just a hookup and you're like what i thought i was doing you a favor giving you my vagina so yeah that's why i stopped giving my vagina so like when was the last time you had sex april which feels like forever ago in quarantine time that's like two years in quarantine years that's 10 years i actually didn't have sex from December to july and you go through a lot of emotions it was just me and my cat But I feel like, have you been public at all with the relationship before? No, I feel like that's the one thing I feel the need to be silent about. Like, I never wanted to suspect anyone I'm dating.

And it's already I feel like hard to date doing what I do because people get so scared I'm going to talk about them. I do some of these make comments. But whenever I make comments of guys I used to date, it's always from years ago. And I never mentioned their names. I don't really like to give them nicknames. And like, I also feel like I've learned because last, that was this year wow time is moving really slowly beginning of this year I was dating someone

and I did kind of talk about him and I feel like it like went to his ego and then when we stopped talking every new girl he would talk to you'd be like my ex-girlfriend is daddy issues I was like bro we never even fucked like I'm not your ex-girlfriend so I feel like that kind of taught me to just not not to really mention people when I talk about things I mean I blow their spot up I give full names and like social security numbers when I'm talking about so I'm like working on not talking about people as much but it's like every guy is different some guys will get like super super insecure knowing that like you have a platform and they might not but you just have to find the right guy who's like cool with it I feel like because you don't want to be filtering yourself

24 seven yeah I mean there's some quote that says if you don't want people to write about you you shouldn't have behaved you should have behaved differently I mean yeah like we're always honest something day I'm being honest and I'm speaking to how I feel but also I like say really positive things about like a guy when I'm really into him so oh me too oh my god I get so I feel like I speak so highly of them when I'm into them and then I but I feel like I've learned from the past as I like I barely knew this guy but I was just so excited to have somebody who was obsessed with me because he like loved me for two years and finally I gave him a chance so I was like nothing can go wrong he's obsessed with me well I was wrong because he just you know but I

I'm so, I'm, like, looking back now, I'm so happy we did end up dating. Like, I'm so happy that last time when I was like, we should be together. And he was like, no, we shouldn't. And I was like, God bless. Like, and angels were watching over me. And they were like, we, you will cheat on this guy if you stay with them because you guys don't have sex. Like, even my mom told me that. And my mom was very conservative.

Have you cheated before? No, I never have in my life. I would never, because I've been cheated on. So I know what it feels like. But yeah, there's also girls who stay with, we don't talk enough about like how dudes have sexual problems not to blow up the spot but like girls are always protecting guys penises when it's like you even said it before like some guy couldn't get his dick up the point is that for all the men who now are going to get upset with this conversation i also can understand

i also can understand how hard it is sometimes for guys to get because for us all we need to do is get wet and if we don't get wet that we just put on lube and we're good for men is the pressure of getting their dick up keeping it up not coming too fast not coming too slow so so so you have to look at the psychology now behind sex and we do make a lot of sex jokes sometimes only because men have made so many sex jokes i'm not saying it's fair it's not as fair but if you can't get your dick up that's okay i'm not we're not here to tell women don't date those men there's been other ways to make that woman come whether it's using a vibrator together on her like going figuring out of go down in a woman like you like the guy who couldn't get a dick up he also was like that's not really

my thing to go down on girls and i was like what what is your thing yeah adding girls on instagram and their picture even though you're dating me that's your thing okay cool no that was this thing I have to be empathetic but I do think like as in like we need to talk about it more and like guys have to talk about it with their partners like hey I have this issue and like how can we help each other and that kind of communication ultimately like I've been like so oversimplifying things where it's like if you have to ask like do I like him are we together if you ask any questions like it's not right and just move on I know whenever I start to Google, like, how to make a cancer man like me. Signs, this man is attracted to me, that's when I'm like, oh, I'm in trouble.

He's probably not that into me. You're on Google being like, how can I tell if a guy likes me? That's when you know he hates you. Yeah. It's more like, when you're in a relationship and you're like, how do you know if two people are right for each other? That's when you know your shit is over. No, but sometimes, like, I need that extra validation.

Like a guy, I feel like that's why. where my daddy just come from. My guy can literally be like, you're so beautiful. You're my future wife, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, love the compliments. And then I still go on Google. And I'm like, how to tell I got, what does a guy need to tell you in order to know that he likes you? And I just need that, like, I even do it with my cat sometimes. My cat's so loving, too loving. And now Google, how to tell if your cat loves you. When Burning in Hell, we talk about like people's dark shit and demons.

But I want to know, like, what was your first time you realized you were daddy issues? Sorry, it's like not a funny story. I just feel bad that I'm going to have to say it. The first time I realized that daddy issues was when I moved to the United States. Oh, I found so foreign. I love it. She's so exotic. I am from the two countries. Everyone loves the most, Israel and Russia. I don't know where to say I'm from. So are you Jewish, by the way? I'm part Jewish. I'm from Brooklyn, so like I have blood. Yeah. There's There's so many Jewish Russians in Brooklyn. I'm surprised you I couldn't move there. I don't know. My dad thought there were too many people in New York, so we moved to Los Angeles. He's not really a fan of people. He's very anti-social.

The first time I realized I may have daddy, she was when I moved to the States, and one of my first American friends was girl Kylie. I was at her house, and her dad walked in the room, and she acted super casual and chill about that. And then she asked her dad for advice, and he gave her the advice. And then she's like, oh, my God, thank you so much, Dad. And they kissed and hugged each other. And I, and then they said, I love you.

She's like, thank you, dad. I love you. And he's like, I love you too. And then they kissed in their cheek to each other. And I kid you not, I was sitting in shock. I thought I was like in the twilight. I thought I was being prank. And I'm like, is this?

And I literally looked at her and I go, is this normal for you? And she goes, what is? And I go, you just always ask your dad for advice, like just casually like that? She goes, yeah, he's like my best friend. And I was like, so you guys, how often do you say, I love you to your dad? She goes, what do you mean like all the time? And I'm like, you guys just like hug each other casually? Like, no, it's no big deal. She goes, are you okay? And I'm like, I was like, I literally can't even imagine like trying to hug my dad. Like, what if I try to hug my dad? And he's like, ew, get away for me. Like, that was my thought as like a 14 year old. Because it seems so not normal to me to have physical touch with your dad. For my dad, he's so like old Russian school that if I have friends in the living room with us and my like if my dad walked into the living room and there were me and other women. girls in there, he would walk out of the room. Or if he was sitting in the living room and me and my girlfriends walked in the underage

girls, my dad would get so uncomfortable to be around us. He would just get up and walk out. And then like the only time my dad and I would say, I love each other would be on a birthday card once a year. We would write it. So it was never, we never said. Or sometimes when we got older, like sometimes it would be my birthday. So or vice versa.

So we know we're about to call each other. So we both don't pick up. And then in the voicemail would say, I love you. but the thought of saying it to like each other when you're listening it was like it's weird yeah so like that was never my thing like i i didn't have this i think that was the first time i kind of was like huh i don't have like what love is from a male figure yeah exactly so it was confusing to me but i will say that now that i'm older daddy's shoes not only changed my life and my followers life and like my fans life in a way that it made you more open because but when i started a daddy

issues, A, it changed my life in a way that I was super depressed. When I started daddy issues, it was in ways I was really lost as a person. And daddy issues, the followers, the fans, helped me find who I was. And they literally created me. And then I continued the creation. But it was the first time my life that I felt like I didn't need to fit in once I finally kind of in a quote, quote, fit in. And it was the first time I found myself.

And daddy issues itself finally made me realize once I felt like I know who I am. And once I felt like I don't care anymore to fit in, it was the first time in my life I was just like, you know what, if I love someone, I'm just going to tell them and I don't need that validation. I remember it was the first time that I realized that I don't care if my dad rejects me. If I want to tell my dad that I love him, I'm going to tell him because I want him to know that because like life is too short and I don't want him to ever like leave this earth not knowing but like I love him and like I forgive him for us not having a good relationship growing up.

So I took, I took, I took the courage on myself and I was okay with accepting rejection. And I started to tell my dad I love him face to face and hugging him and kissing him. And first it was awkward, but then it got comfortable and like me and my whole family were all so much softer and so much more of like a family unity than we ever were before. And it's all things to daddy issues. That's incredible. Well, I feel like the internet is so powerful in that I was similar and that I would post all these like stupid weird thoughts i was having like talking about like farting or like being nervous about

dating and then you see everyone like understanding you and then you feel so much less alone i also know that you came from russia so like did you immediately feel like you didn't fit in um i would say well okay so in russia we the reason we left russia we had to flee it because it was In communism, and during communism, we're Jewish. So during communism, when you're Jewish, you already have a terrible life. My dad's, my mom looks more like me, so white, blonde would, she has blue eyes, every nice. My dad is more like brownish, and he has like darker skin, brown hair, brown eyes. So my dad definitely had a worse upbringing as a Jew in Russia than my mother did.

So for my mother dating would just be like her upbringing was more like somebody would come up to her and be like, oh, I just found out you were a cut. there's no way you're a kike right because i would never date one are you so it was like that was kind of and there would be like that's so disgusting i would never date a kike why would you need why wouldn't you tell me you're a kike that was like my mom's experience my dad's experience is way worse i mean my his father got beat up to death for being a jew when my dad was like 17 18 in jail so um he had a completely different upbringing for being more jewish looking so the reason we had to flee russia so in a way we didn't feel accepted was because um when my mom had my sister and I, even though we're so white-looking, every day she was getting

death threats, they were going to murder her kike children. So when the gates opened during communism in order to go to flee to a different country, my parents did illegally, and they applied in Australia, America, England, Israel, and Canada, and no one accepted yet, and Israel was the first one. So Israel is actually known for taking on a lot of Russian immigrants. That's why there's so many Russians and Israel. Jewish or not Jewish, Israel took in all the immigrants during communism, which people don't know. So Israel is so informative, by the way. Yeah. So Israel was the first country to accept us. So we ended up, my parents obviously wanted Canada, the US, but they didn't say anything yet. They were too scared the gates were going to close. And once it gets

closed, like, and once you leave Russia also, like, they take away, back then, they took away your citizenship. They, you can only have, as a Jew, you can only have one suitcase per person. And like they take away any jewelry or anything you have so you really have to hide it so like I carry around this like here it's for good luck it's a horseshoe and it's a gold necklace with it's from Russia that my mother's brother gifted her when she was young and it's I carry for good luck because I have very few things that we were able to take from Russia even our money you weren't able to take with you like it was crazy so anyway so in Russia it felt like in a way as a family we didn't fit in because we're Jewish. In Israel, it was a way where when all the Russians immigrate

to Russia, we were looked down as, I don't want to sound racist when I say this. I'm trying to make a comparison. But you know, the U.S., sometimes people, Americans talk about people from Mexico a certain way? Yeah. Like, that's how Russians were viewed in Israel. You were looked at like a minority. Yeah. So in Israel, I was no longer Jewish. I was Russian. Now, so in Russia, I wasn't Jewish. I wasn't Russian. I was Jewish. And then in Israel, in the beginning, we first moved to Natanya, we weren't Jewish, we were Russian. So it was like, oh, we're cleaning people's houses. Like those are the jokes and things like that. Like now it's completely different, but they're always like those jokes.

And then in America, I don't like to say I'm American in a weird way. I'm so proud of being an immigrant. But it is funny that for a lot of Israelis or Jewish people, I'm not Jewish because I'm so white-looking, some Russian. And to Russians who are real Russians, who hate Jews, they say, you're not Russian, you're Jewish. And then in America, they're like, you're white. And then I'm like, I'm not fully, I don't consider myself like American white because I'm an immigrant. So I feel like in all three different countries, I don't fully fit in.

Yeah. I just have to accept myself for who I am. But also it's great. I think Los Angeles is such a melting pot that it's kind of been cool to see you, like, create such a unique career path. But you at first were in accounting. you were in the most boring industry in like comedy standards and then you were like fuck this yeah well i enjoy doing accounting but also it's because when you move as an immigrant to this

country you're not you're not your first thought is not like oh i'm gonna make it on the on tv or the internet that's not this doesn't make sense especially because i feel like everyone in entertainment that's famous especially when it was for movies and things like that unless they're from canada they have connections yep And as much as people think that it's random of these models being super famous or these actors being super famous, it's nepotism and it's real. So the internet, I feel like, was one of the first ways to kind of allow people. Yeah, to kind of enter.

And although, like, a lot of influencers do come from really rich families. Yes. Because they have more, they don't. They're the freedom to like. Yeah, the freedom to create. For me, it happened randomly. I was just really depressed in my accounting job because the women in my work field where my team were making my life miserable there so you know I'm I'm thankful for them though

like I never look at myself as a victim um part although my mom then also tells me you need to sometimes feel bad for yourself so it's conflicting I know I'm the it's actually it's funny I'm half Italian and the other half there's like Russian Polish Austrian Jewish so like and I don't know I love but both sides of my family when we talk about anxiety like there's definitely anxiety in our ancestry and that's like it does really come down to us and do you feel like some of maybe your depression anxiety comes from like your family's history and stuff um i wish sometimes i feel like because then i think it's so much easier to to it's so much easier to connect your sadness to something that's why a lot of times like i remember last year

I think I'm sad over a guy and I start crying about the guy and then I really from crying I start crying about my mortgage or then my friends are not sad about the guy you're sad about that you have to pay a mortgage now and I'm like huh that is like so it's like it's so much easier

always to connect your sadness to something so it's almost easier to to feel okay about yourself if you have in your family then you're just like oh well that's why I'm like this I feel like it did help me knowing like oh I definitely have anxiety in my family to be like, this is why I'm like this, but truly anxiety and depression, it's hard to sometimes

find, like, what you're actually upset about. Like, I would cry and then continue crying because I'm like, I never let myself cry. And then you just keep crying for like a hundred reasons, so I totally get it. And depression, you're like, I don't know why I can't get out of bed, but I can't. I can totally relate to that. Like literally right now, you're talking about crying and I'm like, in the back of my head, I'm just like, oh my God, I'm not able to cry. And I'm like, why would I cry right now? I just want to cry. Two days ago, I was on the phone with my mom were talking and then I just got quiet because I have a hard time showing emotions although like I talk about them a lot I only talk about things after the fact it's hard for me

to admit when I'm going through it I only want to tell people once I overcame it it's like my because I it's like my strength like I want to show how strong I am so other people can feel strong I feel embarrassed if if like I'm feeling down then it's just so embarrassing because I'm like I'm supposed to give so many other people there like advice and how to be okay and if I'm not okay right now then then everything I'm doing is fake and it's not real you know like I'm supposed to be strong for everyone else like but two days ago I was on the phone with my mom and we're talking and then I just got got quiet and then she's like what's wrong and I was like nothing and I'm quiet and then she goes violetta you need to cry and I was like no I don't she's like just let it out

just start crying I was like no I'm so embarrassed well it's we're taught especially I feel like Russian culture it's so like strong and like it's not known to have like too many emotions at least, like, on the tennis court, I know the girls, like, they wouldn't show emotion ever. And they're so scary and tough, like, Rocky Four. So, but, like, crying is actually so good for you, but we're taught in definitely in America. Like, it's so weak. But do you always feel pressure to give, like, the right advice or, like, to look on Instagram, like, you're, like, happy and, like, sexy and, like, having fun all the time?

Yeah, I think, I think I do. And I think, and again, when I do show sadness or things like that, it's more once I overcame it. so I can tell people how to move forward because I never I have a hard time like asking for help in general yeah I'm like I don't want to go on Instagram and show that I'm sad and then all these people are like oh you're okay like don't worry my or compliment people worrying about you yeah and just like I don't want you wasting your time right now feeling sorry for me like I'm fine like I'll be okay don't feel yeah yeah you're like what's the point of going on and being like guys I'm not okay, like they can't fix anything. It's going to make people worried about you.

And I feel like it's me. It's going to look like I'm trying to get attention or something like that. And it's like if I wanted attention, I'll just show my titties. You know, like, funny, because I've followed you for so long. So now that I'm like meeting you, I'm trying to think of like what I thought of you in the past. And I feel like in the past, you kind of made like being single and sad kind of like cool. If that makes sense. Like I just remember you being like super hot and just like with your cat and being like, I'm single as fuck and I just like ate a bunch of shit and like I'm sad I want someone but I don't give a fuck like so you kind of like embrace that at time no because sometimes people are like people

sometimes people think that I'm sad because I'm single and I'm like no I like your point of view better where it's like you're sad and single but you're not sad because you're single you're exactly yeah or sometimes now I think about you probably weren't single all the time but it's like just you being like independent and like rolling around with your cat and single until i'm married girl i respect that like i'm always single like i mean i can be dating someone but i'm like yeah i'm dating someone but like i'm single i haven't that it's it's no one no one anymore to start like rushing into like oh my god yeah like do what do you want me to do for you do you want me to sit at the table for you what like do you want me to cook you dinner like no i'm sorry

Your ring on my finger, do I look like your wife? No, they get the fuck out of my house. Like, cook your own dinner. I didn't realize this whole, like, wifie duties thing, because I never did wifie duties. Like, I'm just, I don't. I'm a lazy piece of shit. But I realize it's actually so empowering.

Like, don't do wifie duties for a dude that, like, you're not locked up with. Like, that's, yeah, like, I understand if you enjoy, like, cooking something for him, do it. If it's, you enjoy it, but not to, like, make him like you. Hell to the no. And some women are like, oh, but it takes two people and why can I just show him that I like him? It's like, well, that's because eventually he's going to dump you and he's going to marry the next girl.

And you're going to sit there and you're going to wonder, why did he marry that other girl? All she ever made him was popcorn. And it's like, yeah, because he kept having to work for it. And with you, you made it so easy. He realized at one point, there's no reason for him to work for it. You already gave him everything he wanted and he didn't even have to make a commitment to you. Yes, preach. And never be a try hard in relationships because if you try hard in the beginning, that means you have to try hard the whole fucking time.

and that's exhausting. I like to, like, give the bare minimum. It's, like, blowjobs in the very beginning. I don't even go hard with my blow job in the beginning. I tease a little bit. I'll tease. I'll half-ass at tease if you want the whole thing, wait till later. Because if you go hard in the beginning, then you have to do it all the fucking time.

I mean, like, I'll do it good, but, like, go hard. What? Such a perfectionist. Like, I can't have a below, like, a C-level blow job. I'm saying, like, I won't go for, like, five minutes. We'll go for like two minutes in the beginning because I can't put in that kind of effort. What happens when you go for two minutes and you're like, okay, let's keep watching the movie? Then we'll probably have sex.

Oh, you know, I've done that before too. But I do think in the beginning in general, like, I also want to see what he does for me. Like, I want to know, like, can you drive? Are you driving me around? Like, if a guy can put a license yet? I personally don't have a license. No, I'm talking about an issue. But I don't want to talk about.

right now also like you don't have a license because you're from new york i know but i have to get i got one it expired it's a whole fucking thing violet i don't want to get into it um because i wasn't doing shit during quarantine i should have renewed it but yeah like i want to know instead like of being like how can i help him be like oh like does you like clean up after me like these are things i like i will find a dude who does that or if you got he gets i used to be such like i need to to be like because one thing with my dad like my dad always put me down for everything else because my sister and I were so competitive and she was just better at everything in school than me. But one thing my dad always said about me growing up was that it was beautiful, which sounds so

like shallow now, you know? But it was so it was the one thing I thought that I had was to be beautiful. But then I never felt beautiful enough. I just wanted to be more and more beautiful because it's like the only thing I felt proud about myself that this is why my dad loves me because I'm beautiful. So I feel like when I was dating men, it was always my need to be beautiful. Like one of my ex-boyfriends were on and off for like six seven years maybe longer my body was constantly shaved up if we were together let's say for months without breaking up every day my whole body was shaved and clean every day i wanted this man to think i'm beautiful i would like always wear cute dresses always have makeup on like it was this need where like i'm this objectify myself without realizing where all i am is this a face and a body

and i just want to be beautiful for somebody to love me because that's all i have to offer so um so of course then I would have a perception to be scared that I would end up boring because I didn't even know that I had anything else to offer except my looks or then to be fun, you know, because God forbid you see my- Really good right now. It's all coming full circle, like you're nailing it. But it also goes back to like us in the beginning being like, how do I feel comfortable around him? Like, I don't want to shave my legs every day. And like, it's funny because there's two types of guys. I'm very, I'm Italian, so I'm very hairy. And coarse hair, girl, of course. and like when I shave like my skin sensitive not to get into it but like I'm bad at shaving

every day and either of guys who are like well like you don't shave every day or guys who are like baby I don't give a fuck you could have hair everywhere and I'll still like eat your pussy all day so like I just lean towards those kind of guys and like I want someone who literally thinks I'm gorgeous when I'm not trying at all yeah I mean I've just like I've reached like a while back now like I I do that thing where I finally just don't wear makeup around guys or I do the brain minimum we're like now on my first date I like to dress down and it's the same like for you it's for blowjobs for me it's like outfit I just dressed down on first date so then they can see that so then when I actually

look at my bet like suddenly I put on a dress so like oh my god you know so it kind of versus like on the first day and I'm already like full on makeup and like a cute dress and heels all that like no fuck that i don't even kiss guys you want him to if he likes you you want to be like oh like he he's i love when people say like oh you're naturally pretty like that i feel like that's so much more of a compliment i mean like you're so fucking hot but you also have like huge boobs so gorgeous big boobs i'm like a bee but like my friends who have big boobs they're so easily sexualized yes bitch oh my god it's crazy they're amazing and beautiful but you if we wore the same outfit you would look like a straight up like, like you're in a music video where I could look like cute girl

next door. So how do you, how do you dress for dates like with your tits? I mean, I feel like a lot of my outfits always are closed off on the chest, but even when it's closed off because I like it to be tight on my waist because I have a small waist, then it's still kind of, you can see that I have big boobs. And that's actually the most annoying thing. I feel like people always tell me I have fake tits and I don't. And it's like this whole like thing to prove like, yeah, well, my. Tits are fake and they look just like yours. I'm like, okay, congratulations. And you had a really good boob job. Like, what do you want me to tell you? And it's the one thing that I have that I love about myself. Like, can I just have this one thing? Like, God bless you with night Tits because I had to

move to America at 14 without speaking English and I'm a very awkward child. And he was like, girl, you're so embarrassing. Here's a pair of tits. And you like, I needed them to survive high school. What's your biggest physical insecurity? um well used to me my teeth even though it seems like i have perfect teeth now i have in years used to be my teeth because i was born with enamel deficiency so i was born with uh no enamel my teeth and i've talked about this on one of my episodes of my podcast it's called i was born with a birth defect um yeah so it means i like weren't white it wasn't just white they were all eight aside from the fact they were all yellow and there was like yellow stuff on it on each one um

there was no enamel which means that I was at a doctor I visited the doctor once a week for like most of my life oh my god because I constantly would because there was no enamel to protect my teeth so I have like I have like 20 root canals I have like cavity I have had a cavity in every tooth like it was pretty crazy and kids did bully me for that when I was really young like about me smoking cigarettes when I was five it was like they circled me and they were like do you smoke cigarettes and they made fun of me that's when I found out like I was really bad teeth and then my parents got me they redid my teeth and got me veneers when I was five but it's not like the rich people veneers it was through insurance because it's a real

birth defect so half insurance covers and half they cover but it's also technology back then it was not as advanced so my veneers were constantly breaking I've had veneers lumeniers capsules like all these different bondings all these words for different things my whole life and then when I was daddy issues I was anonymous and my smile always made me very insecure like like remember and they when i moved to america like the first boy that's why i'm a late bloomer with guys the first guy in the u.s i remember we were taking a walk and you're just like you have a nice smile when you smile because you have a dimple and i started crying because i thought he was making fun of me and i was just like why would you say that that's so mean and the thought of like

any boy ever kissing me would just be so embarrassing because it was just like ew like why would anyone want to kiss me knowing like how disgusting my teeth are like what if and then i have to tell them what's wrong my teeth and then they'll be like ew you let me kiss you after you you have that in your mouth that's so disgusting like that's how i thought people would take it so i was just really embarrassed about my teeth and and then i started making jokes about it with friends and it did make my life easier because i felt like it's no longer no one can make fun of me for it because it's it's i can i'm making fun of it but it was still my insecurity in the back of my head and then when i finally came out quote-unquote is daddy issues i we did my teeth

teat like I saved up and I got my uh the celebrity veneers done which are $1,800 a tooth oh my gosh they're really expensive brand partnerships bitch I so it's instead of 50,000 I paid like 25 30,000 because I got a discount from Dr. Daniel Nason he's the best from Bedford Dental you get a discount because we know each other and he did my whole now thank you and now it's so funny everyone always tells me how beautiful my smile is and it feels really nice nice but it's funny that like literally for 26 years i was so embarrassed to smile it's also crazy because smiling is such like they even say like fake smile and it makes you happier when like that was the thing causing you so much like insecurity and pain like that's a lot to go through but i also

love that it explains how like you can be so pretty with such a good personality because you have to deal with some shit like you know some shit but i also think being an immigrant like because of the stress of like our families like some immigrants have the best personalities like they say top comedians are like the jews and the italians like jews yeah because we're self-deprecating sense of humor yeah some people say i have an ugly ducklin syndrome or whatever it's wrong can i end with a final game that i play on burning in hell with you yeah it's called the seven deadly sins deadly sins what are you greedy about my men even if i'm dating five of them like i don't even want

them looking at anyone else so you have a jealousy streak yeah do you think like some guys like like it or some guys are like this is too much i don't show it oh so you're you're like on the download jelly i'm on the download sometimes guys that i day think they're like i never even realize you even liked me and i'm just like i've been like i know your whole family history and i know what you did at 2 p.m without girl you guys went to lunch you say she's your cousin but she's actually your third cousin i looked up on instagram i just hold it in until it finally explodes but i'm working on it how like obsessed are you with their instagram activity sometimes too obsessed but i feel like that's when it's not healthy and that's when it's also

now tells me that that means there's something missing in the relationship because with men make me feel safe and comfortable in the relationship, I don't even look or check. Yes, I think, like, we do have natural intuition. Like, when you feel like something's off or when you feel like you can't trust him, it's not just your insecurity. They're normally giving you some type of vibe. I sometimes, like, it's so easy to just look at who guys follow and easily get jealous. Like, oh, my God, he followed that girl because he thought she was hot. Oh, like, it's so painful. And we would never have that before social media, before you just, like, see him glance at a girl walking down the street and you're like, whatever. No. Seeing a guy follow them and no, he's, he's,

looking at their photos like i'm getting upset just thinking about it right now but i try to just like not even acknowledge it or i follow hot guys on instagram it doesn't matter yeah i also follow hot guys on instagram just to like feel equal that's funny i don't um who are you envious of myself on my good days oh my god i love that answer what makes a good day when I feel happy and thankful for my surroundings and like moments like that, I really try in to take in things now more and to really appreciate when things are happening to me in the moment because I'm more of a person that I want more now and I always want more and I never take in anything. So for example, I went to Utah a few weeks ago and it was a moment where

I just was looking at the water and the mountains and just to be there. I started to be in tears and I was just like so thankful about that I was in this moment right now. And like so right. So then two days ago when I was crying, I'm envious of myself on that day because I got to actually sit there and appreciate everything that I have. I love the crying side to you. I love her. When was the last time you were a sloth?

So like a lazy piece of shit. Because I feel like you're kind of a workaholic. Is that right? Yeah. Can you tell? Yeah. Well, because you're like, Because I can never have enough. I'm the same way. I guess we're the hardest on ourselves. So I'm a

worst critic. So I think a lot of the times I'm being a sloth because to me, I feel like I'm not doing enough. So any moments where I'm not working, I can be hard on myself. And- Do you think that's the fact you're dating? Like, do you ever like not go on dates or social activities because you're like, I need to work on stuff? If anything, I feel like I had to switch it because they used to put men first. So like school, work, whatever, it's like a few And we're all, who gives a fuck? You know what? The person's already dead.

I have a dick appointment. This date, well, it's like, yeah, this dick is like a once in a lifetime. You know, my grandpa will forgive me. My grandpa won't know. I'll pray for him later. So I feel like- Grandpa would want grandkids. Exactly.

So if anything, I feel like I switch to now where I'm like, if I have work, now I have to tell myself, like, put work first before this guy because you don't know if he's ever going to put you before his work. You feel like as an entrepreneur, like, because I know we're doing so many different things. It's like we always have work to do. Do you ever feel like you're just like driving yourself a little insane with that? Yeah.

And that's when I've learned out to take those breaks, especially during quarantine. I feel like it's harder because it feels like there's no schedule. There's no time doesn't exist anymore. No. Do you ever take like a week off? Like I need your help. Like I don't know. I'll be like, oh, I don't want to do anything next week.

And then like immediately in a day, it's packed with like appointments and podcasts and like meetings yeah um i wouldn't say i take a whole week off but like even when i went to utah i finally when i went to utah i know i tried to work but it was really hard because i constantly didn't have service yeah just me fuming constantly because i was just like there's i can't work and then eventually i just had to let it go and i enjoyed a few days but now with my because what we do is on our phones i do take time off in a way that like at 9 p.m i you love the time i put my phone away on my phones always don't do not disturb or on weekends especially like I'll try to take one of the two days and I try not to work like mostly like let's say on a Saturday I do my best

and really not work I'm this I'm the same like if I can't have one of the days the weekends off I definitely get like super anxious and I feel like I'm overwhelmed but it's really a mindset thing a lot of the time sometimes it's not even like that hard something I have to do like I have two podcasts in the day and I'm like I have so much stuff going on But you have to put on your, like, you mental self. Like right now this morning, I could have cried, but instead I said, you know what? No, I'm recording with Hannah, so I'm going to make sure to put on makeup so then I know I can't cry. Or cry throughout the whole thing, but at least you're committed to do it.

When was the last time you experienced extreme anger? Do you have an angry side? I do have an angry side. Shoot. When was the last time? It's hard. I feel like I'm so positive these days. It's hard for me to experience like anger. But it's, oh, I guess anger when things feel like out of my control. I don't want to say exactly what made me angry because looking back at it now, it feels so stupid. Me getting mad at my Instagram rep. Like that's how embarrassing it is. I'm so obsessed with like everything being perfect. They put something up on Instagram. Like I thought, I thought there was a bug on my account. Yeah. It's hard to explain it because I feel like regular. like people who don't social media is not their job will not understand what i'm talking about right now oh yeah because the life flashes before your eyes you're like i'm going to be homeless i'm going to lose on my money i uh my engagements down and this is where it ends literally and i was like you guys are i literally was like if you don't fix this i'm going to go i'm going to make my private my account

private and i'm just not going to post anymore and they're just like we don't care they're like that just fucks you over girl yeah at least just stop emailing us that would be nice I feel like there was in the same day that other things were, it felt like all these things were out of my control and I'm a control freak. So I think I start to get angry about all that and I'm bored and I'm alone and no one loves me and my sister was a second child and I don't even have one. And then I'm angry myself like, how dare I even make a comment with my sister? I should be so happy for her.

That's disgusting. And I'm angry myself about this mortgage. Why do I live in this stupid house and I have to pay this mortgage? Ah, fuck, I'm alone again. And I was just like all these things. things that were not out of my control, and then I just got over it. It piles up. Wait, so you finally bought a home. Congrats. I bought a house last year, and it's, uh, being a homeowner, it's okay. Well, like, I feel like I should like. Why did you want to do it? Why'd you want to do it?

I felt pressured. My dad kept talking about me doing it, and I, um, I saw a lot of my friends were buying houses, and I felt like it's a weird flex and I felt pressure to do it. I didn't. I didn't even want to do it. I was living in an apartment that I was in that apartment as an accountant. So I was renting and it was $1,900 a month. I was an accountant until now. And then when my friends would come over, they're like, V, you're rich. Why are you living in this place? But for me, it was never about things. So I never thought into it. So I always felt live so comfortably because that's so much, not so much money in the bank, but I made good enough money to have in the banks. And I enjoyed my small apartment. It wasn't a big deal for me. But then I

such a cat person too like we just like little cozy areas yeah but then i felt so precious i bought this house i didn't realize the size of it because i didn't really care like i just i didn't i feel like i didn't put too much thought into it but if i um but a when i first moved into this house which is like three plus square feet square thousand three thousand square feet um you can tell you can see it looks gorgeous um i decorate really well but when i first moved in here i lived upstairs and so in this like um um spare bedroom that's kind of small and so i just stayed to my to my living room and to my bedroom and there was like a whole floor downstairs and everything and i just didn't touch it for like five months because it's far for me to like get used to living in a larger space

but i'll tell you something which is really cool if you believe if you believe in manifesting i do okay so when we first moved to america my parents lost a lot of money and we were not wealthy in any way, we're pretty poor. And I remember I always looked at my parents at some of the things that almost divided our family, but you know, we still stayed together. My parents were never able to buy a home, to afford a home in America. So we always just lived, we always leased like apartments or condos or townhouses. And I always was really embarrassed growing up of living in an apartment versus my friends had a house. And I remember at 14 or 15, I kept telling myself, when I'm 30, I'm going to buy a house in the hills.

with big open windows. And I just kept saying it. And I remember, and I imagine what it would look like. And I was like, when I'm 30, I'm going to buy. I just know that's going to happen. Because also when you're 14, 15, 30 seems like 70. So it seems so far away. And then I bought a house last year when I turned 30.

I bought a house, big house with big open windows in the hills. And it didn't even click in my brain until it was sitting in the balcony. And I'm like looking at this view. And then I remembered what I was used to say when I was 14, 15. and like my heart dropped because i was like oh my fucking god i manifested my dream house without realizing i'm literally in my house is like i lit my house is literally in the hills with the biggest open windows for lighting that's like your literal subconscious knew what you wanted and was like determined to get it and visualized it and you didn't need that's insane but i totally

believe in that shit yeah did you think you were gonna be famous i feel like no I don't think I think I always want to be popular yeah I always want to be popular in school and regardless with school because that that meant I wasn't going to get bullied so that's how I was always had it and I'm very like my brain is very mathematical so even in schools like I would just be like okay so Tuesday if I hang out with Rachel then then I notice on Tuesdays like Lauren comes to that group and she hangs on this other group and like the US school that's how I would do and one time I created like a phone list for myself and like drawings to like figure out how to become popular like that's how my brain works it's so embarrassing so i always had a need to be popular so i feel like social media

in a weird way it's like mathematical i wasn't yeah i wasn't working towards being famous i was working towards being popular like acceptance yeah and it worked now i feel like i daddy issues first she was my alter ego because she was so cool then i became her because i felt like accepted myself And now I'm at the point with my podcast and everything, I surpassed her again. So, again, she's my alter ego because I'm a little more grown than her. And, like, evolved and complex. Do you feel like people are nicer to you in L.A. because you have a shit ton of followers?

I feel like something is they get, I'm like, I am overly nice, though. Like, I'm that person that's always been friends with everyone in school. That's one person that's just friends with everyone. So it's still me. Like, I go to parties by myself and then I'll just force myself to talk to people. because it's my way, because I have anxiety. So it's my way to overcome it. So you challenge yourself.

I challenge myself. So I force myself. So it's my thing. I go to parties alone and I talk to everyone, the party and everyone thinks I'm the most confident one, even though I'm not. And it's because I know that everyone else is. Oh, sorry, there's a bug.

My agency was like. That's my friend. He's a bug. Get older to her. It's because I know that everyone else is just as secure as me. So that's how I talk to people. But yeah, like something's not everyone's not nice. to me the minute a lot of times they find out i have followers they get so much nicer and then you're just

like lame like that's pathetic like f off do you hang out with other influencers in l.a or like you made random friends or like who what's your scene i feel like that's one thing that i didn't realize i do hang out with a lot of famous people and were you smiling at the fly oh no my boyfriend just walked out from napping now you're looking at the fly like you're my homie I mean, the flyer having a moment. Don't worry about us. I feel like most of my friends are actors, famous people, or influencers. I didn't realize that until somebody was like,

I feel like I can relate to you less because of who your friends are. And I never realized that I ended up, but it's because I interview people and then I become their friend. Like Christine Quinn, Christine Quinn, I interviewed her two episodes ago. And I'm going to, she's having a private dinner at her house like this weekend. so I'm going to that. Or like Francesca, Farago. I interviewed her three episodes ago.

Now she's moving in. She's going to be my roommate for the next three months. Shut the fuck up. The content you guys are going to get is going to be amazing. But also, I'm like such a New York City girl. So I just envision LA is just like all the like actors and musicians and like creatives just like hanging out and like talking and like smoking weed or like coming up with like new collaborations.

But again, I'm friends with everyone. but I'm acquaintances with everyone. So it's very important for me for my own mental health now to have people that I'm actually really close with. So I do have some friends, quote, they're quote unquote regular who I've been friends with before daddy issues,

but very few like four or five that I know one, nothing from me except my friendship and my love. And they're insane and stable and I love them and they make fun of me all the time. That's how you know they're real friends, you know? Yep, that's how you show affection by shitting on each other.

Yeah. And the few influencer active friends that I have are people that are very deep. And I'm friends with them. We don't even post when we hang out. I'm friends with them for the deep conversations. And they might understand some of your entertainment type stuff where your other friends might not.

Exactly. So, again, I'm friends with everyone because I'm that person, but I'm friendly with them. I'm acquaintances. So sometimes it may seem like a lot of these people are my friends. No, we're just, we're exchanging social media stuff. Like, this is really what it's about. We're hanging out because we both know we have followers and that's the truth.

So that's why you have to, once you realize that, the light of these people are using you and you're like oh that's okay i'll use you back then you find you the real people you can actually be friends with or like it starts with a like oh we both have followers thing and then you're like wait i actually like hang out with this person yeah that kind of happened Francesca because like i didn't even think we vibe during our interview and she i feel like she already knew she like said she already knew that we were going to hook up and i was like i never even saw that like that's so crazy because i didn't know we vibe like i didn't really get her. But then we somehow stayed friends. We did make out. And then I was like,

you should move in. She's like, okay. And that's a whole you hold jokes. So she, she's moving in. And so. Yeah. And I'm friends with like even Jojo. She's a singer. She came in my podcast. We're friends now. He's the shit. I'm obsessed with Jo. I'm going to also, I think, soon have Demi Lovato in my podcast. I feel like anyone I've usually interviewed as people I'm friends with or become friends with after so you're going to have to become my friend now no i've like i've known about you for too long you've been in my you've been my friend in my head for a while but i do think also like this is like getting coffee and like an hour coffee is so much more intimate than like a lot of things i do with friends anyway um wait are you afraid that you and francesca might get too hot and heavy

and then like get a get breakup while living together no because i think we have good boundaries i feel like we now we've hung out together we we travel together we're on vacation together and so whatever happened already on vacation, I feel like has helped us see how we can live together in a small space. And the good thing is that even though people don't believe in Zodiac signs, we're both Scorpio's. But the good thing about us is that she's like opposite of me. She's very quiet and I'm very talkative.

Yeah. So that's and I keep to my space and I'm very clean. Like I already, I just didn't want to have a met. Well, this is what it is. I'm very giving. and I have a hard time admitting that, so I have to give her an excuse. She had like five or six boxes in my, in my guest bedroom and then like three, four suitcases. So I ended up just unpacking all of it for her and putting in the closet and in the kitchen. But instead of just saying, I wanted to do something nice for her, I was just like, well, it's because I'm like, I just don't like your mess. And it was cluttering everywhere. So I just had to, you know, I had to do something nice, but with like a mean like comment. Just like my dad. Yeah. I was like so, you know, I just, that's why I spend the next. seven, eight hours color coordinating the closet and putting everything for you to neatly that you're going to love, but only because it's like, oh, you're such a mess.

I'm actually, I'm dating of Scorpio right now. I know. I'm Scorpio rising. Yeah, I'm Scorpio rising. Yeah, I'm scopio. It doesn't really count. You're a lay. I'm a fake-ass Scorpio, but yeah, I'm such a Leo. Wait, you knew that already? Obviously, I'm going to, I'm interviewing you. Of course I I know this. I'm like such a Leo. I have, I have a too much. more questions in our game. You're doing amazing. Okay, we'll do quicker. Um, what are you gluttonous about? Excuse me? What are you overindulgent? Like, is there any food that you like, what's your guilty pleasure? Ice cream and edibles. Oh, hell yeah. Together? No, I scream. Like, I just started cutting it because I've noticed my body was like, ha ha, we're going to gain weight. And I was like,

damn it. Come on. So I just stopped eating all the ice cream. I was like, I was like, upset. with this like double chocolate caramel ice cream that I was eating a lot of it and I would eat like a whole packet every day thinking it's fine but like I don't even leave my house anymore so then it's not fine like I'm not really moving so uh like I had to kind of cut back on ice cream like I've only cut back the past couple of days and then edibles I also learned I started taking them sometimes during quarantine because I'm like I don't really like to drink I say I don't drink but like I either don't drink or I block out like go home hard yeah there's no in the middle for me so i don't like to drink just i like to drink you know to go hard

because it's like i'm the same way i don't drink just like to socially casually enjoy a paste of pinot noir no fuck me up or don't fuck me at all exactly like i'm fun sober like i can't relate to you boring people that need like a glass of white to be fun like i'm really annoyingly fun sober so if i drink it's so you know i have a purpose to block out but anyway so i randomly started taking edibles during quarantine but then it also it was like my guilty pleasure but then three days would go by and I suddenly like open my eyes and like what just happened and I was on edibles for three days and I lost three days of my life and gained like 10 pounds so I've also learned that that's another guilty pleasure moderation yeah when was the last time you lusted over someone so when was last time you were

like super attracted to someone um and it could be a celebrity crush too no I think this guy a while back, I was kind of into him and we were talking and I always felt like I wanted to touch him all the time. So I've got to have that physical attraction. But I think now I realize because he kind of reminded me because he kind of looked like this guy that was fucking in April. And I still miss fucking this guy sometimes. So I think that's what it is. Yeah, it's the other guy. It's not him. I love that for you. So that was the seven deadly sins. You survived. You did it. And just to like wrap up my section of hell, I like to ask my interviewee to give advice to people who listen, what do you do when you're going through hell?

Like what's your strategy of coping with your hell when you are in your dark place? Allow yourself to feel it. I know though in the beginning it sounds like I'm holding back or whatever. I'm just holding back because we're on the podcast right now and I don't want to ruin my makeup. One thing that I've learned is to allow yourself to feel it. So if you feel like you need to cry, fucking cry. Everyone cries. No one cares that you're crying.

Allow yourself to feel it because I've said this before. Just in the same way in school, when you're walking around, people keep putting books in your backpack. Your backpack is going to be heavy. And eventually you're going to have to stop and you're going to have to unload those books. It's going to be too much. And it's the same thing than for your emotional mental self.

If you keep taking on all these negative emotions and all this sadness, and all these feelings and you're not allowing yourself to feel eventually it's going to be too much in your heart and it's not only going to affect your heart it's going to affect you physically and your body like recently i had a really bad allergic reaction to my cat and i woke up with like really puffy face and it was because my immune system was low because i was feeling depressed and i didn't allow myself to feel those emotions and affecting me physically so don't get to that point allow yourself to feel unload those emotions i'll load those books those textbooks Feel it, cry it, and then be thankful for where you're at.

A lot of times sometimes when I'm feeling really down or ungrateful about my life, I just close my eyes and I pray. And if you don't believe in God, just pray to the universe. And I say everything I'm thankful for. I don't ask for anything. I just say everything I'm thankful for. And those moments humble me and make me feel good about myself. So do that.

And also surround yourself with only people that make you feel good. Quarantine is already so miserable. You don't need more negativity. If it's your phone, then making you feel negative, put your phone away. If someone in your life is making you feel negative, you don't need that person right now. Like, it's already hard enough. So I would say all those things. So in this podcast collab, I actually just recorded on Too Tired to Be Crazy.

So after you listen to this episode, go check out Violet's episode Too Tired to Be Crazy. I went in on a lot of shit, and I hope you enjoy it. Violet, you survived hell. You're the fucking best. Where can people follow you? What are you up to that people can, like, follow and buy or whatever, listen, watch, whatever? Buy my underwear on eBay right now. Okay.

Selling fee picks on Craigslist. Check me out. I should do that, though. Okay, so people can find me on at Viola Benson on Instagram. At Daddy Issues underscore, it's my meme account. And then at Too Tart to be crazy, it's my podcast on Instagram and also on every social media platform on iTunes on Spotify. it's every Thursday and I have amazing guests on including Hannah and then I also have solo episodes where I train you how to be the best bitch ass independent woman you can be

so check it out hell yeah so on brand for us um thanks for coming to health today guys and we'll talk to you later bye bye