Berner Phone - Violet Benson: When To Have Sex & False Intimacy

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

Violet had a WILD trip to NYC and she tells us ALL the hot and heavy deets. For Birthdate Co book and candles: https://birthdate.co/discount/BERNING15 --- This episode is sponsored by · Anchor: The easiest way to make a podcast. https://anchor.fm/appSupport this podcast: https://anchor.fm/berninginhell/support Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I get really stressed out when I have to pack, and I had to, like, pack everything right now to check out of this hotel to go to another one. And, like, two of my drinks, like, I couldn't fit in the suitcase. So, like, it's basically, like, my weed drinks, because I don't like to drink alcohol. It's, like, it's, like, edibles, no big deal. But one of them is my purse, and then the other one wouldn't fit. So I drank it on the way here, and, like, no big deal, but it may kick in, like, in 10 minutes. Welcome to Burning Heaven. Oh my gosh.

I'm back in New York City. And someone followed me here. We are with the daddiest issue. Violetta. Benson. Benson. She's famous now. So we go,

Yeah, like, once I became famous, it wasn't Benson anymore. I was like, it's a pronounce Benson. And it wasn't Violet, viola anymore. It's violetta. Well, actually, no, it changed to them, Violet. We used to be just violetta now, or violetta.

And now it's like, it's Violet, Benson. Velaire. And they're like, are you French? And I'm like, no, why would you ask? I always say it's Hannah Bernier now. Ooh, I love that. Yeah, whatever makes you feel good about yourself. None of that, but drugs, just kidding.

You guys, I just went on Violet's podcast too tired to be crazy. And we were too tired, but we still were crazy. Yeah. It was a wild episode. It's actually funny. So Hannah went on my episode, and obviously now it's out, so you guys should listen. And it actually will make a lot of sense because it's kind of like it starts on my episode, and we talk about things that are going to happen.

And now on this episode, we get to talk of them actually finally happening. But also on my episode, it was when Hannah was visiting L.A. And she was really tired and, like, going through it. And now I'm visiting New York, and I'm really. really tired and going through it. So it just means that like, existing is hard. I love Violet because she can't not just say how she's authentically feeling. You're always going to get the realest shit from Violet. And I visited you. I don't mean to like make her hebbock, but like kind of in her mansion in L.A. And she has like floor to ceiling windows.

We're like in the hills. It's gorgeous. She's showing me all. Now she's in my dark apartment in the Lower East side and times have changed. Vives have changed. I mean, I'm not going to lie, I love your apartment. It's so cute and cozy. But when I walked in, I said if I, if my grandparents weren't dead, this is what their apartment would smell like if they lived here. If someone walks in and they go, it's so cozy. That means you're poor. That means you're poor. That means you're poor. It just means I'm an L.A. Cunt and I need to go back to L.A. She's like, oh my God. And I'm like, do you want anything? And she was like, I don't want to touch anything. Thank you. I didn't say that.

It was, I'm drinking water because I'm on Adderall, so it's not like I'm actually eating her B-12. Yeah, she needed if she could. We will have some noises outside, but the mics aren't going to pick it up. There is some construction. There are some people fighting and yelling at each other. This is just New York energy. Imagine if there wasn't, you actually just continuously put that in the background just to show for people have the feel of New York.

We're in New York. I'm walking here. Okay. I want to talk because when we. did our we did our podcast episode you guys should listen like deep quarantine and then you've been abstinent from sex for a while yes how long so and we've talked we talked about this in my episode it's uh basically i it it wasn't even it wasn't like on purpose it wasn't like oh i'm going in a journey i mean eventually i was like oh i guess this is a journey now like first it wasn't

on purpose it was just like i don't want to have sex with this person okay you know and and then as i kept because it's like I feel like when you have sex then you keep thinking about it then when you stop having sex the longer you go without it the longer I feel like you suddenly become kind of okay with not having it you almost like forget how it felt like so you don't miss it I do well I masturbate all the time so but like then I got used to that it was okay cool there's just random sounds the building's imploding but that just new york don't worry but it was only towards the end of like this uh journey of no sex that was like wow even masturbating is so boring to me now like it's time to just I my thought process became well I stopped having sex at one point because

I wasn't like a wasn't really sexually attracted to anyone and B a lot of the time it feels like I either with men either want to have sex with them or they're like oh they're good to date I've never been able to meet someone where I'm like I like both like that can be my best friend and it's someone I want to have sex with so last during this year there has been two guys I think one or two that I literally did say hey we're getting really close I'm just afi I'm not interested in dating you

but I'm open to for us to just fuck and there's something about men who like even though they probably just wanted to do that with me anyway the minute you tell them that it ruins everything and then they're like no how dare you and so oh so I thought you were gonna say

then they want to date you because you're available well they did want to date me and they were upset that I just want to have sex with them and didn't want to date them and then they both stopped speaking to me but at least you were honest and you didn't like waste your time necessarily sometimes i feel like fucking the wrong dudes does like fuck with your energy a little it's

almost like i have to be like i love you and then like effie i'm gonna fuck this girl and i'll ever speak to her again but if i say like i'm just looking to have sex with you i don't want to date you they're like how dare you it's like they're not winning if you tell them like yeah i'm giving you like i choose it you're not choosing it i'm choosing it but do you feel like it was healthy for you to go abstinent yeah um i think so it was just basically a i was trying i i felt i fall in love through sex and I understood that a long time ago and I talk about it on my pocket that's one of the reasons I can't be promiscuous like I wish I could but like I literally the guy enters me and I'm like should we be dating like I feel like you're the ones I don't know daddy issues like I don't know so then I was just like I need to get to know these men and I rush into sex so then because I don't want to create false intimacy so I want to actually get to know them and then see do I even like this person that's how I was to date guys and i was like ha i don't like you i don't like what you have to say you wow the most interesting thing about you was me interesting we've talked about that was on my podcast i love it so much

because so many times when girls especially burning hell listeners we're funny we're charming we can entertain ourselves with a wall so then next thing you know six months later you're stuck with a guy and you're like wait you're fucking boring and your mom needs to stop texting me so i feel like with you, this is great that you're deciding who you actually like, but have you found guys who you like? And then you're like, oh, I still want to have sex with him and I like him emotionally. No, obviously not. What? Are you how I've been paying attention to my life? Okay, but so then, so then as it kept going on after a while, I was just like, you know what? I give up. Like even the guys I talk to I'm not sleeping with. Yeah. They still kind of disappointed.

I was like, you know what? If men are going to keep disappointed me, I might as well get disappointed. know one of them inside of me yeah so then on my episode we're talking about how i'm going to go to new york and i'm just going to fuck this guy because i'm over it some finance bro no he's not finance bro okay he's an actor so then how'd you find the one fucking actor in new york city this la bitch i literally go to crypto conference and then found the one actor guy here he's so hot um so then i was just like my brain i'm a very awkward person and like with me in reality like i come on like i know guys i come off so cool i know i know i know but i'm i know what you're all thinking how cool am i yeah like you're listening to me you're like wow

this girl seems super cool yeah that's me i'm the cool girl i know but in real like in real life not as a bit awkward because i don't have like social cues but you know that yeah violet was telling me but I feel like your lack of social cues makes you fun to be around. Like I love people who aren't like too normal because being too normal makes me feel like I'm not normal where when we're together, we're not judging each other on any social cue. That's true. Yeah. Which is quite freeing.

So tell me what happened with this dude. Give us a little romance. Oh, I can't believe I'm going to spill it here before I even talk about my podcast. I wasn't even planning on talking about it, to be honest. But I was supposed to do Hannah's podcast. well we've been chatting and like literally in the text it was more like my brain was like I literally felt like a guy because like this guy is texting me and my brain's just like all right I'm gonna fuck this guy and I'll look at the text and be like what is he talking about whatever

he's good looking I don't get him inside me yeah he's good looking whatever I'm gonna fuck him like that was my brain like thought process I wasn't trying to get to know him and you're leaving anyway to go to LA so he lives in LA oh of course how convenient for me that's like from all the people I find wow so um one night week one day one day we couldn't end up to hang out because we both got like we both end up doing something else and then the next day um i was supposed to hang out with them later that day but first i had to do um hannah's podcast and i was literally sick that whole night because i was like throwing up from having one drink and i was and i didn't sleep i was like whatever you know work is work like i have a responsibility i'm gonna i i slept for

30 minutes i put my alarm clock at 10 a.m i put my alarm clock for 10 30 so then i can start getting ready for Hannah's podcast. I power through it, you know, God bless meth. I mean, Adderall. And then I'm fully ready. And then Hannah's like, I don't feel well. Can we cancel? And I was like, you know what? Today's the day when I have a dick inside of me because I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of everyone. So if you guys listen to Giggly Squad, I explained how I didn't fall asleep on my red I then took a NyQuil and slept for a full 26 hours woke up was like okay I have to do podcast of Violet and then I was like am I kidding myself I can't form a sentence right now so I helped you basically I was like she's not sick she's lying but I understood I said you know what

this wasn't meant to be I no it wasn't that I was like she probably needs rest like she's probably she was like stressed out in LA I could feel her energy like she needed to cry or something she's going through it I'm not going to give her a day or two she'll come back to me I was a like verge of a mental breakdown in LA when I saw Violet because I really missed my cat and I missed my home I know you're sitting here being like how could you miss this piece of shit but I missed it that's how I feel right now so I completely understand and I just and I had a whole week of podcasting ahead of me and I was like it only goes downhill after violets pod so I was like just not looking forward to it and I was feeling scared and then I realized I did have a fever that night I really I think I got a fever I might I got sick I got tested

negative for COVID and flu but I was sick but I got back and now I'm feeling better but now we're reverse roles so what happened with him so I can't on you she canceled on me and I'm like through this I'm already like already sign Texas guy was like hey my pocketouts got canceled should we hang out And he's like, I just finished playing basketball. So I'm like kind of sweaty, but I'm about to go have lunch with my friend. I was like, lit. I'm going to join you guys. Where are you?

So he told me where he was. Assertive. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I forget how assertive I am. You're like, yeah, I'm joining. I'll sit on your lap if it's a res for two.

You know what's crazy? It is so liberating when you're not trying to date someone. Maybe it's just me, though. I feel like I don't self-sabotage. because it's like I'm maybe I'm more myself because I just don't care but when you like someone you forget how to form sentences yeah like I literally don't know how I would respond I'm like how would Hannah respond to this what would what would normal Hannah do is that is that what's not I ran into this guy that I used to sleep with and I was just like the last guy I slept with a year and a half ago

last night I ran into him a day after I sleep with the new guy thank God and I and I ran into him and I'm like hey what are you doing what's happening he's like uh yeah I was like why I'm like dude are you good what's what and he's like uh the weather's so crazy here right and i was like and i was like what and he's like where are you staying i was like financial district blah blah and he's just like yeah oh new york is so like i don't really know i was like wait what and he's like uh wait why you at this conference and then and then he got really awkward and then the people and then introduced myself to people next to him and then there was a girl there so then i'm like oh maybe this is why so to introduce myself to her, she's not friendly at all.

And I was like, and then I look at him and he's like, looks like, like, look, I literally thought he was like about to throw up. And they're just looking at me. And I was like, I'm like, right. Okay, well, you guys have fun. I'm going to go over there. And I was like, in my brand, I'm like, what have I done to this person? It's literally just like sexual chemistry.

Like all the blood went to his dick. And then he was like, I don't know how he gets my brain. But it's a thin line between people making you so nervous that you literally like don't know how to act because subconsciously they're actually like making you uncomfortable. like you don't feel right about them versus you just being nervous because you like them and then that should fade eventually i was actually kind of upset about that part today i was like thank god i already slept with someone else because like what was that but then you wonder like was it me i did i thought it was me because i'm already like having an up and down experience in new

york but then i realized that my producer made a really good point because i i i was like you're an aries why is this guy being weird with me is that an aries thing what's up with that and then he goes dude you don't know what people are going through like you don't know what he went through in that moment or like you don't know what he was on in that moment i was like he was on edibles i can tell like and you like and you guys says like don't take it personally and if it still bothers you like then you know reach out and say something yeah yeah also that made me feel better it if it still bothers you like yeah totally just like hey it was good seeing you like just letting him know like whatever that weird interaction was like it's good over here in case because i feel like a

of times people leave conversations and they both think they fucked it up yeah so then i went home and i tweeted how do i unfuck someone me taking it so personally we try to be a grown person said i'm just like screw this guy took yeah i took it very personally i shouldn't have now i understand the next i had an interaction in l.a with like an l.a comic that was like kind of nervous to meet and he was being really nice to me and then i kind of like took it further and like tried to have a deeper conversation he got kind of weird and walked away and I was like oh my god I fucked it up with this person and then I talked to someone the next day and they're like oh that's just him he does it to everyone and I was like oh but then I realize I have so many awkward conversations the only way

I get past them is by having new awkward conversations and then you forget the other awkward conversation because you're stressed about the last awkward conversation I'm just like not it's weird when I'm in the social settings I'm like the most confident person so it is genuinely hard for me to understand why people get awkward or weird but when it is one-on-one with me with people who I may actually like I get awkward too so it's like I well some people are better in group dynamics versus one-on-one like I'm way better one-on-one or group dynamics I like don't know how to play I'm like I could be the loudest one right now or I could just not I could just sit back like what do people want me to do yeah I hate them just able to like read energy so well but like I can because I wish

I could just be completely like oblivious to things and then I wouldn't be able to tell and I could I could have just, like, continue to hang around that group when everyone, like, been looking weird at me. You know what? I think we're just disgusting why people drink, you know? Yeah. Like, I know the second I have, like, three drinks. I'm with a group of people and I don't give a fuck what they're thinking. I'm just like, me, me, me, me, me, me. Yeah, okay, that makes so much more sense. But I also think that I'm way less fun. Like, no one's, like, I'm just, like, in my head or, like, want to dance. Okay, well, that makes me feel better. Yeah. Maybe I'll see him, like, around again. I mean, the fact the guy was weird around you, in my head, I'm like, oh, he liked you and, like, didn't know how to handle you in the context of that situation.

I know. And my, like, instead of me understanding my brain, I just want to be like, who cares? Get over it already. He literally probably is just, like, thinking about crypto and, like, his finance brain is like, uh-uh, and then he saw boobs. And then he, like, couldn't compute the two in the same situation. Yeah, I just forget that, like, he is an awkward person. And whatever, it is what it is. So, whatever.

So what I love about burning in hell is we always have. have like one story that goes throughout and then we go on side. Okay, back to the actor guy. How'd you meet the actor guy? Through friends, but we never actually met each other yet. Like, we just known each other through friends. So you join his mandate. Is this a thing that you do a lot?

Just like, joke. No, but this is kind of like, I think I just wasn't thinking. I just like, I just, I, like, it was just, I want to fuck this guy. Like, that's what it is. So I show up and then I'm like, I sit down and be like, oh, hey, nice to meet you. And I go, hey, I'm just going to be. honest um i get really stressed out when i have to pack and i had to like pack everything right now to check out of this hotel to go to another one and like two of my drinks like i couldn't fit in the

suitcase so like it's basically like my weed drinks because i don't like to drink alcohol it's like it's like edibles no big deal but one of them's in my purse and then the other one wouldn't fit so i drank it on the way here and like no big deal but it may kick in like in 10 minutes that's the first impression you give the guy you're like i'm about to good night good night in about five minutes goodbye i'm not responsible for anything that happens in about three two want by and like sometimes i forget like i did you wonder sometimes what is it like for other people like i do wonder sometimes they're experience for someone to meet me because that's just like well he's probably just telling his guy friend like hey she's coming

like she's cute like i think she's cool and you come down you're like guys i'm about to go really fucking high bear with me literally and then i'm actually wearing this outfit yeah cute then um i sit back and then i look down one of my buttons opens because like this shirt is really tight then i'm wearing to the like a shrunk in the laundry and go oh also yes i did laundry the shirt shrunk i had no idea but like already packed everything i'm like so please like i get it I've big tits, get it out of the way, and don't stare at them again. Do you not like when guys stare at your boobs? It makes me uncomfortable, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. It's not, because I don't do it on purpose. Like, I've had tits since 12. Yeah. So everything I wear is going to, like, sexualize me. And at this point, I'm like, I have only a couple more years before my tits stack to the floor. Like, I might as well just, like, wear cute clothes. Like, 100%.

I'm not going to keep hiding them just because you have eyes. But it's funny how I have, I rarely have a mood that I want to be sexualized, except like with like my person but some girls are like put on this earth and they love being sexualized and that's where they feel they're most comfortable but i think in a way you can meant people in general will sexualize you regardless yeah especially if you're like you can literally just show your ankles someone's going to be like oh you wanted me to see those ankles so what are the guys responses to you sitting down and telling them everything that's going on in your brain as you normally do you're violet Bensoning them I literally say everything I always think

last night I'm walking we I was we were trying to get food with friends I ended up just being just me and some guy and towards the end of the 90s like oh we can order food in my in my apartment we can just like I can order delivery pizza since everything else is closed and I was like yeah okay that's fine we're walking I go wait oh my god please don't try to have sex with me I literally had sex yesterday I can't handle this and he was like what that's amazing though you probably saved yourself from so many even more awkward situations because you're so open and I kind of it's like you know when you have a pimple yeah and you know everyone's going to stare at your pimple and you just want to walk in and be like yes I have a pimple let's all address it now I do that I do that like that's amazing that you sat down you're like yes I know I'm my boobs popping out I'm about to act really fucking weird in three minutes let's just continue the day and it probably makes everyone feel better okay that that's nice that's good to know but I personally like it okay so that was the guy just said please don't have sex me sorry that was Monday. Let's go back Sunday is when I did have sex. So now you know how it ends. But you're at this group date. What does he do? I'm at the group date and you're on the bachelor's. Literally. Was the other

guy cute? Uh, yeah, but not as cute as my guy. Did you think threesome? No, I thought that guy is really hot. You're like, how do I murder? My eyeballs are about to kick in. Because I'm going to get awkward. I'm like, how do I murder that other guy so I could be alone with this guy? No, no, it was just like, we're just sitting talking the three of us. us and we're coming up with stories and then that guy made me feel really comfortable by like saying some really wild story like something really hilarious that happened to him that's like really embarrassing so then I shared a really embarrassing story and then we just like vived really well and then I was like I'm like okay well I'm like usually I like to walk after I eat like you guys

want to go on a walk and then like you didn't eat anything and I was like yeah I took adderil before I took edibles I'm like oh cool oh my god what does that feel like Adderall and like you kind of are hungry but you're not right and i and you're like up but you're also down i'm not a doctor so i probably wouldn't recommend like prescribing yourself no but i took adderall because i had like am prescribed it but i had to stay awake for hannah yeah so i took i don't take i don't take um adder on weekends yeah but i took it that morning because i'm like i have to be awake i didn't sleep we planned a sunday pod which was problematic um in general it's the lord's day we shouldn't be working it is the lord's day

So you make this guy's going to walk with you. No, the other guy was like, I'm not going to walk with you guys. I was like, okay, cool. So then. Perfect. My plan is working. Yeah, so then me and my guy walking in my brand, I was just like, oh, my God, does he think I'm a loser? It's like, I'm a loser for like the way I'm talking or like, do I look fat and his alpha?

I'm like, am I ugly? He's so good looking. Like, does he think it look just like my pictures on the app that I also met him technically from? Or like, does he like me? do the same as on the internet slash better yeah you thank you so i was kind of nervous uh and one thing i love of him he doesn't have social media oh wait how's he like in the industry without social media good for him there's a good um some actors are like that like i really like normally it's like the really successful

actors like i want to be successful enough that i don't have social media one day but that won't happen we like need social media so people remember us i know it's like i have to remind everyone i'm fucking funny today with a stupid tweet literally that's me like that's me like posting something and I'm like fuck I'm losing followers here's a tit don't sexualize me I'm kidding I'll like post a photo of myself being happy and I lose a bunch of followers I'm like oh I have to post a sad tweet oh I guess yeah but we talked about my podcast so like how LA were always like crystals and happiness and New York wakes up you're like fucking hate my life yeah you're like fuck I'm up again it's happening again oh that's what I've been experiencing here got it so you're on this walk

so we're walking and then i'm like whatever it doesn't matter like what he thinks v like you're just here fuck this guy yeah so we're supposed to go on like romantic date to central park he decided to make that happen that's cute which was really cute but my head i was like okay where can you fuck in central park literally so then he goes i'm like so sweaty and stuff from basketball do you mind if we just walk to my hotel room so i can shower yes bitch i feel so bad i'm talking about this no but it's funny how smoothly you actually did this while there's so many things that could have gone wrong really i mean you barged in on his bro date and then you could your edible could hit fucking wrong and then your shirt could have like exploded and then he could have murdered you in central park

everyone would know like you can't like he's known i've seen a lot of Netflix documentaries that's what they all say picture and that's what they all say okay we'll get the the real time reaction okay i'm looking at the foot Oh, don't say out loud. I feel like I recognize him. I feel like he works. Also, his eyes are gorgeous. Oh.

Oh, that's why he doesn't have social media. Anyway, so. Okay. So then I was like, oh, yeah, lit. Let's do that. So then we go back to his hotel room. He showers and stuff, and I just sit on the bed, like, hang around. And I'm on my phone, and my edibles kick in.

So I'm like, giggling and stuff. Then he comes back in his rope. And we just start chatting without realizing we end up talking for like two, three hours. Like just talking in the bed. And then I'm like, hey, can I be honest with you? I haven't been listening to you the last of three hours. No, I'm just like, look, I was like talking to this guy and I was planning a meeting up with him in New York. And then like last minute, we just like, it didn't work out.

So then I was like, and like, I haven't had sex in a year and a half. And then I realized, like, you know what? Men are so disappointed. And if men are going to disappoint me when I'm not having sex with them, I might as well be disappointed with a man inside of me. So to be honest, when we started talking, I was just like, I'm going to fuck this guy. And when we were texting, I was like, that guy's kind of weird. But it didn't matter because I was like, whatever, I'm going to fuck this guy.

And like, you're really attractive. And then like in real life, you're very good looking. So like, and now we're like on the bed here in the hotel. My brain is like, should I have sex with this guy? I'm definitely thinking of having sex with you. But right now, like, I'm saying everything out loud and I'm just understanding like how weird that is. So like right now, don't try to have sex with me because I'm.

starting to feel really uncomfortable but i do think we but i want to say but like i am planning having sex with you so you don't have to keep trying to impress me like you could actually only make your worse from here because i'm already planning on fucking you and then he was like okay like that's a lot of information yeah and i was like were you not thinking of fucking me like are you you like what like was the not it didn't cross your mind he goes i mean no i mean i thought like we vibe like i just go with the flow like oh this girl's cool like i'm going to take her out she lives in so I could take her out in LA and I was like oh I was like that's really nice um I'm like right and then it got quiet and I was like um I'm like okay but like I'm like I know everything

I said can we just like talk about something else I can get over feeling uncomfortable you're like so the weather is crazy in New York so the weather is crazy that we like try to talk about other things and of course sometimes you get close to me and I'd be like um I like you know I'm like you know to be honest now that it's about to happen like I'm like I'm just a really awkward person I'm sorry I don't know how people do this like uh and then he was just like and then finally as we keep talking and chatting made a comment like we should just like we should just like get naked and cuddle watch TV and I was like you know I respect that because if you don't ask, how will you get what you want?

You were basically saying, I'm cool if you make your move. Yeah. But like if you make your move badly, I'm not going to want to do it. And he goes, you're not like, he's like, everyone gets awkward. Like I'm, I get, I've already gone awkward with you too. Like it's very normal. People don't talk about it enough. And I was like, really, if you, you're awkward too.

And he goes, yeah, but like, I feel like you think like, like, that's actually what I really like about you, like, when you act like this is more real. And then we're just like talking and where you just like, you're just like damn you're just so pretty like i love your eyes like i love your mouth like you have really nice lips you have also really nice ears i love your hair i love like like i love the way you look and i'm like this is my love language i would have been like labia out i would have been like let's fucking go i am such a leo born in november i'm like yes and i'm like that's crazy i love your eyes i love your lips i love the way you look it was just us like being too narcissistic people

well too good looking people trying to fuck each other he's so hot but it's also having sex is like like saying you want to have sex is one thing but the act of it like you don't just have sex there's like shit that has to happen beforehand that's like weird so you were just like saying as you do you're violet bentoning it everything in your you were just like we're just throwing up from every word in your head so he so then he finally was like I mean we should kiss I was like oh yeah okay we should try to kiss yeah so then we kiss the first kiss super awkward our teeth knock so then I make a joke maybe we should just be friends you're like um I need to leave the weather's too weird

yeah and then he's like sorry let's try again let me try again and it starts like being good and then I was like wait okay let's stop for a second you're getting too excited and then I'm like um okay and he's like I have to go to the bathroom I was like lit okay cool And then he comes out and like, okay, I've been thinking. Let's just take our clothes off and just see what happens and stuff. He's like, okay. So then I get like half naked. And then we just start like making out again.

And then I actually rush into the sex. I'm literally just like put it in. You're like, hey, I just want to take it. Literally like he tries to go down. I'm like, no, it's fine. Just put it in. I don't give him. had nothing i'm just like it's cool to put it in i'm already wet i haven't done this in a year i've

got wet just looking at you oh my god that like post one year sex you yeah you don't you don't have time for anything and imagine i having a sex for a year and a half and the first dick you see is the most beautiful perfect dick you've ever seen and you're just like wow god is real yeah his penis was so nice i feel so about talking about this is auto i mean an audio erotic whatever novels now his dick was perfect his dick was perfect and i like girth and like those girth there and then like i love my favorite feeling is the one like the penis is about to go inside of you and like it can't like slide in it has to go like slowly it's like my favorite feeling and like i love that feeling i love it unless the dick is too big and you're like fuck i need to like meditate and get like a breathing

pattern to like relax my muscles i hate that i've never experienced a dick too big maybe i just have a really big large gaking vagina i'm a white sub vagina so i've never experienced it's usually like if you haven't had sick like you don't like re virginize yourself but your vagina like tights and tightens up and it's like wait what is this um you're like this isn't a tampon yeah so the first time we had sex um it was like it was chill and it wasn't that long and i was like okay cool that sex whatever i didn't really feel anything cool whatever then we just start then we then we finally got both got comfortable and i was like dude I'm so happy we got sex out of the way. I feel like we can finally be comfortable with each other.

And he was like, yeah. But then the funniest thing was he starts talking and he was just like, yeah. And I was like, what was your thought when you first saw me? And he goes, I felt like I was just like, oh, yeah, we fucked. And I was like, wait, did we? And he goes, no, I mean like mentally. And I was like, wait, can I tell you something really weird? And he goes, yeah.

And I'm like, when I like someone, I will masturbate to the thought of them. And I was like, so. And I was like, have you? I'm like, I'm just curious. of you masturbated thinking about me before we met and he goes yeah two nights ago and i go wait i masturbated thinking about you two nights ago wait that's the hottest thing i've ever heard and he goes i knew it and he's like that's why when i saw i was just like oh yeah we already like mentally you're like i put a i put a crystal in my and i was like it's gonna happen in two days

wait this is some la psychic shit you guys were fucking each other mentally yes and he like said he experienced that he like he could tell or whatever he was like oh we mentally fuck but it was like i was like that is so hot so we start making out again and then we start fucking and this time it was like so good like it lasted a good amount of time and like he like pull me to the corner of the bed and just like like literally we were laying there after we just finished having sex like i don't even know where the cum went or whatever um but like he we're fucking we're starting to like hook up again this time it's so steamy it's so high so much sexual chemistry so explosive we're like mentally connected then he pulls me to the corner of

the bed and like starts eating me out and i was like no it's fine but then he just keeps going and it becomes good and i'm just like oh my god it is funny the beginning when any guy starts eating out you're like it's not it's gonna you're not gonna and then you're not gonna if he does start doing your right then you're like oh now this is a journey now you have to be down for 10 minutes sorry i was just like holy shit i i threw me off and then he just like i don't know i think i start to give him head or whatever but like then we start fucking and it was like I'm like oh my oh no I'm gonna fall love with this guy this is burning hell audio porn this is so fucking hot this is why one night stands it's funny that you'll fall in love with the guy on some one night stands because like

I feel like so many of them are just bad like the first time you fuck a guy you're like yeah and they're nervous again together you did it again and then it worked I didn't know like I feel like at this point like when I've dated guys like I'm not used to a guy being able to just keep getting it up and having sex after they just finish having sex. I was actually surprised. I feel like some guys can do that. Sometimes it depends on their age. Like, and it depends on the dude.

But I remember getting to a point where like, but sometimes it's annoying. Like they just keep poking you and you're like, how many fucking time? Well, that's like two years into the relationship, I feel like. Yes. But wait, this is like a great sexual experience you had. Yeah. So then I was just like, oh my God, this was amazing. And I'm just like, dude, you know, the first time I was like, ugh, I don't know.

but then I was like maybe I should go but then like this one I'm like dude that was amazing did you feel that too and goes yeah and I'm and then we're like I felt that cuddling like talking and then we're just like talking about so many different things and then he's just like you're so hot I'm like no you're so hot wait you're in love we're like in that moment yeah like I can't get over how you are I can't get over how you are and then we start making out again we fuck again and then is and this is just midday like it's light out yeah this is amazing with hotel room like decent it was nice yeah it was nice because i know that you were in like like some hotels in new york city they could be really expensive but they're like

tiny no it was like a really nice hotel and then hotels are also hot like i walk into hotel and i'm like there's if there's two beds one's like the fuck bed one's the sleep bed like i just hotels turn me on i yeah hotels do turn me on i literally was like holy shit like i met i met a guy and i fucked them that day like that is like I mean my fiance I fucked the second yeah day at least you waited and I had it was just because we

we didn't go back to his place the first time he definitely would have if I I hadn't had sex in like seven months I remember I kissed him and was immediately like I need to have sex with him and we were like I guess my baby I was in a bathing suit because we went to the beach and my bikini was wet we walk in his house

and you know how you want to like slowly strip like maybe take your top up first i was just in a wet bikini so i was like fuck it and i just took it all off and i was like like i didn't even have like a slow like reveal i was like i'm not going to jump in his bed in a wet bikini and i remember feeling kind of like annoyed like but like we were past it like we just like needed to have sex at that point and then and then we never stopped i love that yeah so we ended up having sex four times that day and then we morning like good for you I know that was the universe being like let's fucking go yeah um we like really and I felt bad like

I think like as we were connecting he was just like you know by the way like like I'm not stupid like I and he starts talking about all the books he reads blah blah and I felt back because like oh man I did what guys do like I focus on his looks so much he was like I don't normally do this no and then he's just like I'm like you know I think about a lot of things too other hot for the first four hours and then you were like like I have brain cells like sometimes I bring cells and I'm talking about all these thoughts and it was really really good and then finally I was like sure like I really need to go but like it was just like we're just so entrant intertwined and with each other and it was like fuck like I miss this so much like just

having like even though it's false intimacy which is one of the reasons I stopped doing this but I was like wow I miss this intimacy but wasn't really false intimacy because because you talked for so long and you guys just hit it off. I know. And you fucked mentally two days before that. Like that's intimacy. Yeah, it was just nice. Honestly, I feel like I deserved it.

And it was just a good day. And it was the first time where I didn't fully overthrithing something. So I was able to just go with my impulses. Yeah. Versus like. It sounds like you tried and he kind of was like, we're not overthinking this. Like we're, he has a dick. Of course, he was like, no, we're not overthinking this.

We should totally do this. Yeah. I feel it too. This makes sense. That makes sense. So then I was like, oh, should, I have to go check into my other, like, to the apartment that I have to check into because my friend just, like, flew in. And it was also Halloween night.

And it was like the first time on Halloween that I haven't done anything because, like, my body was in so much pain. From fucking? Well, because the day before that I worked out. And it was like so already in pain. But then the fucking, I was just like my vagina was hurting. My body was hurting. And it was like, I was just exhausted.

So then when I got to my apartment, I texted. I was like oh yeah the apartment's like really nice blah blah and like first he didn't respond because apparently he completely passed out once I left yeah and then I passed out so then when you text me back and he's like oh you end up going out because we were supposed to meet up that night too and then I woke up in the middle of that I was like holy shit my body was just out yeah I just felt asleep while I was sleeping through all this shit yeah so it was nice it's so crazy actually happened two days ago like it feels like forever ago because then like yesterday we were texting yesterday's Monday when he flew back and then I was just like sounding getting my head because I'm like

did I sleep with him too soon? I'm so stupid like what if like I didn't realize and I'm because basically I was like fuck like I'll fall off on love through sex like what if I accidentally I'm gonna put like love goggles on him but you know what that's so crazy like I did think he was like whatever but then after we slept together and we start talking I'm like he does have interesting things to say and I was like wait does he have interesting things to say or do I think that because I put him fucking love goggles i'm like oh my god i can never speak to him again is he being weird with me in text oh he doesn't he oh my god like what i'm being so fucking needy and weird with him like i should never speak to him again you need to work on saying what you really feel you know so then i deleted

his number no you didn't yeah no you didn't yeah are you serious last night oh my god i was like he doesn't want to hear for me this was a one night stand who do i think i am okay he could never like me after this i'm done this is self sabotage this This is a serious self-sabodage. Is it? Yes. Because, well, this is the thing, it's, like, is it anxiety or is it a gut feeling? Like, I deal with that a lot, too.

But this is the thing. You let yourself have love goggles, let yourself enjoy it for a second. But then I think you've matured enough where if you start seeing the red flags, like, this is the problem. Love bombing, all that stuff. It all starts with crazy dopamine. And it's very hard to tell the difference. It's just once it starts to fade a little, knowing, like, oh, those are red flags.

But, like, everyone is dopamine in the beginning. everyone has red flags me already being having love goggles yeah so he murdered a couple of people but everyone has those days no but you are right everyone has red flags no one is perfect but it's finding like the imperfections that you you're the demons that want to fuck his demons like the demons that are compatible with each other yeah like the secure um attachment styles that actually like work together yeah well i think we both have avoided attachment styles it literally talking to him I was like looking at a mirror of myself and I was just like and I was like oh my god I literally we were like hanging out and eating food towards the end of the day because you were probably

starving after all the orgasms we were so then I was just like dude it's so crazy like I feel like it's like this is a mirror of me and I think at one point we're laying there and you're saying something and that's why I started giggling because I was like that's exactly what I would do and I was like dude is this like God showing me all the parts of me that I like and also don't like and it's like my brain I'm like I felt like am I making me? mistake right now like what is happening and goes we're eating amazing indian food how can this be a mistake i love how he like wants to help you when you like get in your spirals and he's like trying to figure out your brain and how it works i mean it's really fucking cute you believe in energy you're from l.a this

i believe that when two energies are right for each other like you can do whatever you want but if it's meant to be like you can't fuck it up you deleting his number not great not great Well, that means just so I won't text him. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. But also, like, I feel like if it's the right guy, if you text him, who cares? Like, if I think about the beginning with me and Des, not that we're, like, we've only known each other for a year, but it worked out so far, that I don't remember a fucking single text I sent that guy.

Like, it's, none of those little details actually matter in the big scheme of things. And also, like, it's hot to, I kind of like just being like, you're hot. I think you're great. Like, then they lose the power over you. Like, we're not playing games. like yeah I think you're hot and then he's nervous like oh does she like me more like I would do that part is walks to a guy I'm like you're hot I don't know I just feel like like my whole podcast is like my dumb bitch my bad bitch bootcams are literally about from all the

research that I've done researching male therapists what the advice they give and all this and dating advice and all that it's actual full on research and literally from all the research is how I go back to women and I always say there's the guys you want to fuck and those are the guys you fuck so don't expect commitment just have fun And then the men you do want to date, you don't sleep with them. You have to wait so you can get that emotional connection before you rush the sexual connection. My dumbness is literally, I was talking about this research

and I'm telling the guy, I just had sex with like. Like I, it's either if I want to date a guy, then I won't sleep with them. But then if I'm not trying to date someone, then I'll fuck them. But then if you don't sleep with a guy you like, sometimes he just takes it as like a chase. And then once he gets it from you, it doesn't matter if it's a week or three months. Once he gets it, he gets it.

And he's done. No, 100% If a man is not looking for anything serious It doesn't matter how long you wait Once you fuck him He's still gonna walk away But luckily he'll also walk away When you don't fuck him

And that's how you like Get rid of those guys Who are not looking for anything True But I mean I hate to say it But this guy You kind of broke all your rules

And it kind of is working No it's not Yesterday I was like Maybe the text or weird I was like wow I'm such an idiot Like he doesn't want to hear from me Like this is so stupid I was like fuck why am I getting in my head

Because first I was like I'm amazing one And then I'm just like You're getting your head because you kind of like him right and then like oh now i remember why i don't have casual sex i fall in love but also it's like okay you're mad that you fell in love so i mean you're not in love no you're in lust and you could have waited a couple months and you'd be in the same situation well don't like not a couple months like come on three weeks and you'd be in the same situation

it's just you're into this guy yeah but then we would actually have a foundation now it's like I feel like I know it sounds so stupid I feel like your foundation I mean I had a very I'm not trying to say that you're going to marry this guy but does and I our first date talk for four hours second date we like played golf fucked and then like talked on the phone didn't stop talk or your whole we just keep talking yeah well he didn't call me yesterday I mean yeah he was flying for six hours back away but like he's flying they probably fell asleep so yeah and then that night you guys have a foundation you know when you meet a friend like me and you we never fucking hung out first day we mentally fuck we mentally we girl we mentally fucked yeah over memes and then i met you for

the first time in your house and didn't we immediately feel comfortable yeah have a foundation we immediately felt comfortable literally in my pocket so was like it was so weird because for when we were like chatting before you're about to come to my house and i was like hey bitch what's up and i was like wait do we have this friendship before that i just make it up in my head and she's like why is this girl calling me a bitch but do you know when you meet you someone and you immediately feel like more comfortable with them than someone you've known for like 10 years like that's how it is with men too it's quite similar with friendships and romantic relationships and that if you vibe you vibe and what is the foundation just spending more time with them like no you could spend so much time with someone and still be like you just trying to make me feel better but like based on my research and following continuously the rules I'm going off my research my research is my own relationship bitch facts exactly and I have a friend who first night fucked okay this This is a very funny story. Interesting.

My friend fucked a guy on the first night. And then it was amazing. And they, like, talked all night and they loved it. Next day, she texted him. He didn't respond. Following day, texted him again, didn't respond. And she's like, fuck this dude. He's a dog.

Like, I thought we got along. Turns out he actually, his phone got lost. And, like, you know when it's like, oh, his phone fell in a lake. Like, it actually fell in a lake. And then he ends up hitting her up, like, hey, I'm sorry. And she's like, dude. what the fuck you ignored me for three days he fixes it he's like my phone got fucked up they're married you're married okay but this is literally i talk about this in my bad bitch boot camp but there's

always that one story well my friend of a friend yeah that was the exception yeah you have to remember that you're probably not an exception i think you just sped your shit up you could have waited three weeks you think three weeks is going to affect it i just like i don't know i got my head and i was like Fuck, this is going to make me feel bad. Maybe the lesson I'm supposed to learn here is that, like, I should hold off. Like, I should wait because now it confused me and I don't want to find love. Yeah. Okay, then do it.

Wait? No, find love. Like, let love in. Aw. Okay. Because you're similar to me where I'm so guarded. I have intimacy issues and I will do what you did and I'll fuck hot models so that whether they reject me or not, I'm like, I never wanted to fucking.

be with them yeah like where is that going that was the whole thing that's what i tried to tell him i don't know why i actually verbally said everything because i was like and he's just so on to fuck you well because he has a dick obviously i have a hole he was like damn your tits are so nice i was like i know oh wait on my pockets i literally flashed hannah my tits i was changing in front of her and she like she was trying to be respectful looked the other way and i said what are you doing look in my tits. She was like, well, okay. And I didn't know how to look at them because I was like, if you look too long, it's weird.

And if you look too short, like you didn't really look at them. And then I was just like, look like, you looked at it like it was like a storefront window. Like, oh, I buy that. That's cute. And then she had a nipple piercing. I was like, oh, my God, it's fun accessory. We love. But you do have incredible natural boobs.

Thank you. Yeah. I don't know. It was really fun. But I freaked out last night. I were already having weird energy in New York, to be honest. And it took a lot in my head So then I like my brain

I was like fuck I'm such an idiot Like he doesn't want to talk to anymore He got what he wanted And I gave like I got what I wanted And I need to just have that one fun memory And not ruin that one fun memory This is all it was meant to be So I was like last night afterwards

We texted a bit I'm like I'll just Because I feel like his response To one of my texts was weird And I'm like oh yeah Leave him alone So I deleted his number And then I go to this event

The Crypto Men are really weird Because I've never spoken to a woman before so that's even more uncomfortable And then I run into the last guy I slept with Before the guy slept with yesterday And his energy was off And I was just like, what am I doing wrong? Like I'm gonna cry

So that's when I'm walking home with some other guy And I'm just like my brain was like Holy shit There's so many opportunities to have sex with everyone Like right now I can literally fuck this guy And that's why I looked at him I was like I don't want to have sex with you I was like okay

No but that's good before you like end up in a fucking hotel room with a guy and then you have to be like feeling ain't I want you like let him know up front and he totally tries to have sex with when we got to his apartment of course like making jokes about it and then I was like yeah I just have a hard time like I just like fall in love through sex and I had sex yesterday and I love how you're like I had so many dicks in me recently and I just don't need another one and he's like so should we do that and he's like so many dicks so many dicks but also you are what you're basically what you're doing is you're trying not to get hurt which is so

so fucking normal natural but if you constantly are avoiding things to avoid the chance of getting hurt it's like it's like in sports Russians love tennis right with tennis if you're so afraid of missing that you don't even try to hit a winner you can't ever win the point I know so it's like you might well be reckless and and fuck up a lot because there's more you have to put yourself out there yeah and I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there with this other guy well because I wasn't trying to date him yeah that happens all the time that's true but But, like, I did, like, yesterday when I went back to this other guy's place and we're chatting, things about him irritated me.

So then my brain went, like, my brain is, like, processing everything because I think about everything. And then I was like, how, this is interesting. Like, I do want love, but I can tell right now talking to this guy, I don't want love with him. Even if I had sex with him, I don't, like, he's annoying me. So, like, I can tell, like, I'm not connecting with him. So it was. So I'm like, okay, so I did have a connection with this other guy on Sunday. But do you think if you fucked that guy yesterday that you would have fallen love with him?

No. No. I think you need to start trusting your gut more. That's so true. Just trust your gut. Like you're growing up. You've experienced sex. You've experienced a lot of men.

You've also gained a lot of more like self-awareness where it's like you know when you hit it off with people. And what's worst case scenario? You have great text with this guy and you get along with him. But he's an actor and he's like not ready to settle down. Whoopi-whoop-de-do. Not the first time. That's true.

But like it's really interesting. This one therapist that I interview that's going to be on my podcast soon. They made a really interesting comment about the fact that. that sometimes you meet people and you're just like oh my god is this like my so me is this my twin my twin flame like i just they feel like home and we don't realize the reason that person feels like home is because based on their childhood trauma of one of our parents not giving us something we're so used to growing up with something like that person has emotional intimacy issues or emotionally unavailable whatever it is so when you meet different people and they feel like home it may not

be your twin flame or so may they feel like home because they remind you of one of your parents that's not that never gave you a certain emotion a thousand percent so it's like it's hard well it's a it's a pattern repeating so when i read so many of these dating books and because i want to be able to help everyone i give all this advice it does fuck me up a little well this guy you were with was giving you emotional and physical intimacy and that made you uncomfortable because that's not what your dad gave you well he has mommy issues which was really funny i was like of course guys with mommy issues are complicated wait can i tell you the hottest thing what i loved about him Yeah.

I made a joke. Like, I was like, I don't know how the word daddy came into it. When we made a joke, they should call me daddy. And I was like, oh, I fucking love that. And he called me daddy during fucking. And I was like, say it again. Fuck yeah. Say it again.

Wait, so his mommy issues and your daddy issues are like, vibing. Yeah. I'm telling you, it's fine. And he's like, can I call you mom? And I was like, no. No. Can I suck on your nipple? Yes, but don't call me mom.

I mean, it's interesting, but what you said is so right. Like sometimes people feel familiar because they're just a toxic pattern that you grew up with and it's not actually healthy for you. And a lot of people just end up in relationships like he'll find his mom or you'll find someone who's similar. But like, A, he goes to therapy. So I was like, you know, I'm like, I don't know you. I'm like, I don't know you.

But I'm so proud of you. That's so hot. I know. That is really hot. I know. But like I feel like I'm just right now, I do feel like every time I meet a new person. and I'm talking to them, we're interested in them, it's like they're becoming more and more mirrors of me.

So I feel like, holy shit, I'm like literally closer and closer each time to finding, like, exactly who I am as a person, to finding my person. Because it's becoming more and more like, whoa, than in the past. So I do like that. And so I think that's why I need to take.

It sounds like you're fucking hearing your inner voice more and you're actually, you can start trusting your gut. and also the thing with love is there's no rules there's no like trick that you can do to win a person over like you're either gonna vibe you're gonna not and it's nothing to do with like your value yeah 100% I do agree with that like that is one thing we have to remember I think I just got in my head especially from like suddenly why would I do that like that's not part of the rules I'm like a very logical try to be a logical person uh whatever it's not a game there aren't rules I just I don't I just based on all the research I've seen men do tend to lose interest a little faster

if you give it up faster but then I was like whatever it is what is and then no he's like fucking texting his dude right now being like I just had the most mind-blowing experience with this girl and I'm like can't stop thinking about it I hope so let me feel good but regardless I'm just gonna pretend like I don't care I'd be like whatever I don't even like what was the same again what a loser who cares god it wasn't even that big oh my god Violet we went on such a journey of your sexual hell it was fucking hot it was fucking fiery it was spicy and i'm turned on and this was thank you for bringing us with you on this amazing story and experience i everyone go to too tired to be crazy to keep up on like your journey your vibes hopefully you guys started

from mine and then you got here so then you can see the full circle journey because i literally talked about how i'm talking to one guy who won to date so i'm not having sex with it and And that's why I'm going to fuck this other guy. They don't want to date. And now you're like, forgot about the other guy. You're like, are we married? Literally it was inside of me. And I was making those jokes.

I was like, ha, ha, oh, my God. I love you. Ha ha. But I really feel the right dude. You can't fucking scare them away. Like, you really can't. That's interesting. Text them, tell them your pregnancy.

What happens? Oh, I would make a lot of money. Oh, my God. Okay, Violet. Where can people, we, I had so many other boring questions, and this was so much better. the same thing happened on both our podcasts

this episode is so much better than mine I hate saying it but is the truth no I like yours was you told some fucked up crazy stories about your LA experiences it was good it was good don't worry where can people follow you listen to you watch you give me all your details buy your merch

yes okay you guys you can find me at Viola Benson that's my personal Instagram at Daddy she underscores my meme account at Too Tart to be crazy it's on every Thursday's my podcast from solo episodes where I tell you to do everything that i do do i tell you what not to do even though so listen to me and don't do do do what i say don't do what i do perfectly said perfectly said and um it's amazing and also

shop my daddy issues merch on shop daddy issues dot com so good you are so perfect for as a guest on this podcast thank you guys for coming to hell and we'll talk to you later bye bye Ha ha ha ha. Thank you.