Berner Phone - Zarna Garg: Arranged Marriages & One In A Billion

Episode Date: July 12, 2023

The internet's realest mom, comedian Zarna Garg, came to hell! She opens up about being kicked out at 14, her one-of-a-kind career, and why mother-in-laws are the worst.  Come to my stand-up shows: Newark, Tarrytown, Mashantucket, Westhampton, Austin, San Antonio, Dallas, Houston! Get tickets here!

Welcome to Burning Hell. Okay, so now I have to introduce Zarnagarg. Did I pronounce it right? You absolutely. Zarnagark. I'm so honored to have you because I started following you just because you're hilarious and you have this hilarious family and I also just love women who don't give a fuck and are just so authentically themselves and I just your energy like I just want to be around

you all the time and then you messaged me and I was like are we best friends now same same how few women that you're like she's so cool we have to be in each other's orbit that's literally what I was thinking literally why are we not in each other's orbit you know what I mean. And then this variety thing happened. I was like, yes, I totally forgot. I was like somebody is listening. You know when that Google machine is listening? Yeah. It felt like somebody listening to both our brains. Yes. I know. China knows what's going on. Keep TikTok. They're doing a better job. Well, we're actually quite similar me and you. Yeah. I did some research. You know we both started stand-up around the same time. Is that true? My first show was at Caroline's.

No, mine too. In April 2019, to a crowd of 300 people, I did 10 minutes. It was like a podcast show. My friend was like, I dare you do 10 minutes of stand up. Because I've been writing and doing sketches and stuff. And everyone has told me they're like, you're so green, you're so green. I'm like, I know. And then you come out with a special on Amazon.

Everyone's losing their shit. And I do some research. And I'm like, she has a similar path to me. And she doesn't give a fuck. No. Because you're doing what you're meant to do. No, and you can't give a... No one is going to invite us, okay?

Here's the thing. No one is going to say to you, you are ready. Here is a million dollars. No. No, you have to barrel your way through. That's how women get it done. Yes. You have to say, oh, no, no, I'm ready when I say I'm ready.

But what do you say to women who will constantly tell themselves, I'm not ready because it has to be so good and so perfect? Do we not know that perfection is the enemy? Come on. This is old news, though. Yes. This is, if you haven't been reading up on this. A man has never done anything perfect in the history of men.

Perfect. They're not even on the path. And they don't think twice. They're not even playing the game they're supposed to play. Like, you will have a golfer who will join a basketball team because he's like, I've played with balls. You know what I mean? And the women will be like, I know, let me make it shiny.

No, just go. The reason there's not more female pilots is because we don't have the delusion to be Like, yeah, I could fly a plane in the air. And men are like, I'll figure it out. Yeah. They can't even find something in a grocery store. And they're flying planes, but we're like, oh, we have to do it perfect. My husband doesn't know where the kitchen is.

We've lived in our apartment for 10 years. He's like, can you get me some water? And he's really that helpless because, like, he doesn't know we have a faucet and the glass is right next to it. So this is my question to you. And he's one of the better ones. That is the scary part. I don't even know where to start with you.

I have so many fucking questions. Okay, let's start from the beginning. So you're in India, doing your thing. Yeah. One in a billion, your Amazon special. How'd you get that name? Well, I took it. It's hilarious.

No, I took it. I was like, I am going to own the whole madness. Whatever this is. I'm not going to be coy about it. I'm not going to be shying. You know, I'm not going to call it daisies and puppies. Like, no, you know, no one else is doing what I'm doing. I'm freaking sticking my neck out there.

And therefore, and if I say so, I am born in a billion. Yes. It is so funny, so smart and so iconic the title. So the title could like be everything for a project. It helps. It helps for sure.

And I do think that women generally try to underplay. Yeah. It'll be a little modest. Like you can't, where is modest to getting anybody? Are you looking at the women who are succeeding? Yeah. Everything about them is out there.

Like when I say everything, like the Kardashians, who I worship. I love them. I love the Kardashians. But like I've seen. it all haven't we all you know and they own it they're like cash with cash with two kids yes yes

you're kind of the indian Kardashian I dad could oh my god stop this podcast now we cannot top this you're like if Chris Jenner because you're a momager well you're putting your kids on and then but you're your own talent

you're like if Kim and Chris moved to India had a baby that would be probably me and my kids you're so you're in like you like pop culture you like a lot so you're scrolling all day I'm the worst that's why I'm no role model to my kids I have kids and I have to fill out the reading lock I'm like it's a lie nobody tells the truth on the throw the thing away like let's watch Netflix you know because you know why they do all that all those things like reading log or blah just because they know the moms will obsess over it

and put them on an endless cycle of nonsense yes no dad I know ever cared about do you see a single man missing. My dad can't read. And he's fine and you're fine. Are you here with me right now? Are we doing this? Do you have the hottest podcast in the business? You just became the poster child for it. Like seriously. They do all these nonsense things just to keep women on these nonsensical like treadmills of like, no, we should do nothing.

Well, you were, let's be honest. We are similar but we are different in that I was born in Brooklyn, New York, in a very progressive city everyone could do what they love i studied drama oh my god oh no it was a like specialized drama we did like project-based assessments where we would perform our essays like i was in full my essays we in histories of tests we would explain what happened at the war and i don't remember anything it didn't work but nothing really worked but you were born in a place where like they told you what your life was going to be from the second you popped out of the Pussy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Well, they tried. When did you feel like this wasn't the traditional

path I wanted to go down? So my mom passed suddenly when I was 14 and changed. Yeah. And I was the youngest of four. And my dad, the next day, he's like, you need to get arranged. I'm done parenting. Literally, this is what he said to me. So they say arranged. They don't say marriage. No, you need to get arranged. You need to get settled. Marriage is like the mom. It's basically like you need another man to be taking care. My dad, literally. said I am done parenting and and I was the youngest of four and honestly I have three kids now if I had a fourth I might throw my own kid out of the window but I didn't just say that but I said it you know what I mean yeah we it is a lot but he was like so over the whole

thing I think he was also broken because my mom you know whatever and I grew up on American pop culture in India yeah I grew up watching like every TV show every comic book I was like you know there is a world where people don't just get married yeah like all these tv shows they're like roommates like whatever that is you know you're like what about friends with benefits yeah i mean i was like why i'm not looking so bad there's a lot of them just having coffee all they're 14 have you even kissed a boy before no but i was the intellectual i like going to school and that's a big problem in india you if you're the kid the girl who's like i love reading they're like no no don't expand your mind we don't need your mind needs to be contracted the men

you expand your mind and those dummies don't dread yeah so I was a kid who loved going to school who was like I'm gonna go to college and I'm gonna change the world like you know so you had it in you at a young age oh my god I would like I would have rocked an Ivy League degree to the endth degree you don't even know it if I had the opportunity yes but it's it's it's funny because my grandma who is way older than you they dealt with it similarly in brooklyn she was Italian yeah she told her dad at 17 years old i want to go to art school which you know not i believe but like she wanted to study he started to cry and said you need to get married married yeah it's literally the patriarchy just like suffocating these women and you know the crazy thing is that that didn't come i'm sure

for your grandma or for me didn't come from a bad place like my dad was like the more you know the more sad you're going to be and the more the world is going to be harder just get married i'll find you a nice guy you will you know he'll take care of you yeah it wasn't like you know they're following what they know as work exactly i think it came from a good place yeah but i was like i am so not you know not doing this because did he try to arrange you at 14 yeah yeah he did but i left and so he's like if you don't want to listen to me you can't live here anymore now when you say that to a 14 15 year old to me I was you know I've been wanting to do pajama parties at that age you're like I remember

my friend Sonia has invited me like three times and I haven't gone so like guess what I'm ready now I dare you to kick me out I dare you know really it went like that and I showed up at my friend's house and after two days they're like my mom thinks you need to go back. Oh, God. And I was like, okay. Didn't think this through. So then you get up and go to a new high school in Ohio.

College. I just finished. Because in India, everything. Like, so India is harsh across the board. If the kid can sit up, they're going to school. Yeah. Like, so we start school at like two, three. And it's like not very logical.

It's like they're holding a pencil first grade. Yeah. here it's a lot more like enjoy your childhood there they're like put them to work put them to work so but then the girls are like don't learn too much but learn but not too much and have one skill don't overwhelm the boys like do one thing paint paint is a safe skill yeah and I literally but you know when I was getting arranged like what's your hobby reading like literally the number one thing that's going to get you knocked off every list cooking painting art dance singing those are the coveted hobby

I just like doing massage. Oh, exactly. Oh, that, exactly. You just acted out the dream arranged candidate. Would a lot of women fake what they're like? Of course they did. Come on, wouldn't you? If you knew this was the system.

You're like reading, what's that? I mean, let's be honest. I fake to get married. You don't think I knew how to cook for the first couple months? You don't think I was like cleanly and, you know, pretending like I chew when I eat. but you were smart you were smart to fake it because those of us were stupid then we ended up being the ones doing it all the time oh yeah you're so good at it I that's one thing about me I'm not a

babysitter I'm not a caretaker and I never was and I never will be and I did learn you yeah you can suffocate yourself in a situation being what a man wants but if you you're not who you are like i don't care how rich he is how hot he is how smart he is you'll be miserable oh and who i am is like pretty lazy yeah i don't know i don't know i was literally i was on the phone with my mom walking here and it was so funny because i was like i love zarna on instagram and i was like mom you have to follow her because you'd love her too and i had this moment where i was like wait this is a comic and my mom loves comedy but i'm like you're going to love it so much because she's going to have so much like my mom's a badass too she was like a

principal of a middle school she's your mom first she yeah like it was no women as principals like back then and she was like badass so you moved to ohio yeah what was the culture shock like and were you a slut in college i was not a slut in college because i was scared not for moral reasons at all my sexuality is so fucked up in india yes they skis the shit out of you yes and they scared the shit out of me and now I use it on my kids so I'm yeah I'm all about it yes but I was petrified I was like if I touch somebody also we're India so there's some truth to that if I touch somebody I'm gonna get pregnant if I stand next to a boy I'm gonna get pregnant you know we come from a land

of so much population and everyone's pregnant in India and everybody like literally like got married yesterday today like oh baby you know the whole thing goes so fast and it's so scary to us that we're like we live in fear and plus also I like had no money I was like just hanging by a thread trying to finish my degree yeah so I could get another foot hold in America yes so it was like the men were the last thing on my mind I was like whatever you're gonna just sidetrack me for no reason yeah but Ohio was interesting very warm very loving but the year that I moved and you may actually be too young for this but the biggest person in the news was Jeffrey Dahmer.

Milwaukee. No, actually he was in Akron, Ohio. The town I moved to. Oh my God. So I was like, this is what people do in houses in America. You know, I was like, that TV show in India is all made up. This is what's actually going on. My dad was right.

Serial killers are like the scariest thing in the world and I love watching all day. I know. But like to be like, the first thing you do in America is like there's a crazy man running around but he was I don't know if he was into Indian women he was no he wasn't but the fact that that like you know I came but you were kind of jealous you're like why wasn't he into me well I mean I feel like that about everybody but yeah what are you know somebody doesn't pay attention to me I'm like something's wrong with you I was like I love attention I don't care of it's

bloody I'm a pick me girl I take the engagement I have bludgeoned on Instagram like every comment is like hate I'm like thank you so much your call is important to us so shameless it's not funny you answer every hate comment like you're like a automatic like little heart emojis like you know I'm like you hated this let me show you two more but you know what they say about some people online to get viral videos is they'll create a fake account and say something controversial so people start fighting in the comments yeah isn't that crazy i've no no i know whatever it's a war you're like it's me that i've been doing it i don't do it because i don't have the time yeah if i had the time i would do it i'm not above it i'd be honest it's a war out there

and however you can get it you know building these things it's like it's a grind 24-7 yeah and you're battling yourself a lot because it could be lonely you know completely i mean it's like thank god for the drugs what's your favorite drugs come on you're not you know what i maybe you'll be no description drugs prozac prozac zanex you know the sleep one what's the ambient ambient yeah so you're i just imagined they should just sell it in grocery stores at this point yeah i mean we're all taking them at least like the amount that i have to fight to get my birth control every couple weeks i actually kind of i'm stopping it's like too much that's why i started get pimples but anyway i don't want to talk about it. So you, you're in Ohio. Just spend two days with a kid. You're going to need no

birth kid. Spent two days with a baby. You're like, I hate this. You will understand why not to do it at all. That is a perfect segue. Did you want to be a mom and how'd you become a mom? Well, I mean, I married my husband. I mean, first of all, full disclosure, I completely trapped him. That was not, you know what I mean? That was, but that you do what you have to do. Why him? But he was good, he was smart, he was Indian. What does good mean? He was a good guy from a good family. Like, you know, it was like all the few basics that I really wanted were met.

So I was like, let's not overthink this. I'm in Cleveland, Ohio. Do you know what I mean? Like, like relax with how many options you have. And he was in Switzerland. It's a whole thing. We met online. We met at JFK.

Yeah. So, yeah, so in 1997, I was, I think, the only Indian woman speaking for herself online. because everybody else was like my mom you know back then anything you did on social media or on no there was no social media on on the internet was like what if it's a serial killer yeah everything and then you knew there was an actual serial killer run around so it made sense you just didn't put yourself out into the world the way you do today so your parents were trying to get you arranged no that was done I was in America I was finishing up law school at that point and I was like I'm old I was 21 it's old for the world I come from you have to understand it's all about where you come from and so I was like you know internet was new internet dating I had seen like glimpses of I was like oh I should check this out so I found this Indian matrimonial site it was called matrimonial like for marriage which was perfect because at that time in America the show Friends what was at its peak do you know the show friends yes and that shows

horrifying to Indian people because no one's ever getting married on that show do you know that he him and her and him and her and then they keep switching and it's like when is the wedding going to happen so I was like my dad was so right like every fear he had pounded into my head was like coming true so I put an ad out there to meet somebody and I was like you know what there's no point attracting 10 wrong guys just put what you want out there I was like you got to be brilliant I got to see proof of your brilliance bring your tax returns because that's how in an arranged marriage that was what the families would match so we can learn from arranged marriage

is maybe to cut the crap with some online dating. I believe America needs arranged marriages. Yeah. Because what goes on here? Like, you see The Bachelor, that TV show? Yes. Okay, what is happening? I always say that as someone who knows about reality TV,

I could fall in love with a fucking barnacle. If there's a producer in my ear saying he likes me and that America's into it and I'm competing with other women for the barnacle, I will fuck a barnacle, okay? So I've seen one of my friends, Marybeth Barone, this joke where she was like, I want to know proof that you've been to therapy. I want to see a recommendation from your therapist that you are equipped to have a healthy relationship.

So what do you think people should ask for on first dates to stop doing? Because I'll get along with any hot guy for six months. I'll pretend to be like someone I'm not for six months and then I realize who they are and then I'm miserable. Right. It's very easy to fake a good relationship for six months. And I think there's a lot of pressure on women especially to do it. Like to, you know, to feel like they're in a relationship and blah, blah.

I think you should just honestly be like, first of all, do you have a job? Yes. No, like a real, because in today's generation, you have to specify, job means money. Because everybody's got a gig, you know what I mean? And then, like, how much money do you make? You know, it's part of the thing. And this is what I do. I would be like, this is everything that I do.

Just say it. And this is what I want to do. How is your husband dealing with your success right now? Oh, he's having a boss No, let me explain something to you People hate on me They love him He's done nothing

They don't know him They don't know his mother They love him, they love his mother They like trolled me They like, how can you talk about your husband like that? I'm like, you don't know him He could be beating me up for all you know And they're like, how can you talk about his mother

It's his mother I'm like you don't know her She's the biggest gun on earth Like seriously No I am You have one of my friends who's a comic, she talks about her husband all the time, and everyone's like, you're so mean to him. And she's like, he's sitting on piles of money that I'm making from him from this show.

Yes. So he's happy. He's on a boat right now that I paid for. And you know, when the guys do it, everybody's like, oh, you know, if Ray Romano did it, it's like, oh. My annoying, cunt wife. But the women do it. And it's like, oh, my God, I can hate, like, you want to tell your troll story, like, for real for you. This guy, like, I get hate.

Like, I get hateful trolls all the time. If I post a mother-in-law joke all the time. And they all defend my husband and his mother. Like, they just spring to his... Mother-in-law jokes are, like, the center of comedy. And it has never been done for the Indians, though. Can you believe? Can you believe? Can you believe?

What have we been thinking? So you are really, like, breaking boundaries. I mean, breaking something. Relationships. So anyway, this guy is, like, trolling me about some mother-in-law joke, and he's like, if you were... my wife I would tie you up and I would beat you with a stick and I would put my dick in your mouth and I would put my dick in your eye and I would put two dicks in your mother's mouth

and we're like just going on and dick here and dig there and dig in your back and dig on your head and then I felt pressure to offer locations I was like dick under my toes and dick in my armpit and dig in my elbow I felt for this guy you know and his rage in the moment so I'm like yes we should do dick this is all going on on Instagram I'm like dig dig dig dig dig dig and then I My maternal instinct kicked in, I'm like, are you just having a bad day? You know, and the guy's like, how did you know? But you know what's funny?

You getting hate is just part of you going viral. Like when you become popular, then all these people see it and people love to attack something that a lot of people are liking. And that's just part of the game, unfortunately. And you can't, my thing is I don't look at comments. Oh. So, you know, by. husband said that he's like don't look at the comments my husband made me stop looking at

right they all the comment i'd be like me and he'd be like why are you in a bad mood did you look at the comments and i'm like yeah yeah and he's like okay so this happens every time so either you can live the rest of your life like this my thing is if a comment causes you to stop wanting to post to be creative then they won right yeah but you can't and you can't so but if you're having fun with it and you're mature but like i feel like when you're younger sometimes you could really believe some No, I'm sure I can see that. I really can. But, I mean, I'm married.

It's night. I'm late at night in my bed. What do you want me to do? Of course, I'm scrolling the comments. I want to fight some trolls. Did you want to be a mom? Yes, but I didn't know what all it was in day. Like, you know, I come from a generation where you just had kids.

Yeah, you don't question it. You didn't think about. And I come from a world where you have so many kids and everybody turns out, you know, they're fine, whatever. But to do it in America, in New York City, and by yourself, I had no idea what I had signed up for. None whatsoever. So you raised your kids in New York City? All three are raised in Manhattan.

Shut up. Yeah, all three of them. Do you love New York City? Not exactly, because I have hated it. I love the city, but it's so expensive. It's so expensive that for 20 years I've been like, we shouldn't. Like, every relative I have in America owns a motel.

and has paid off their house and put their kids through free college. Like, meanwhile, I'm like, I don't know, it's Christmas. Am I going to get a subway cart? Like, you know, I feel like I live the most sad, pathetic life even though people think I'm rich.

Like, some people think I'm rich. I'm like, if you only knew the stresses. You know, you live in New York, you're never rich. You never. You leave the apartment. It's like $100 just went somewhere. I don't even know where it went.

And then I have kids. So every time they go somewhere, the money is gone do you know what i mean like we don't even know where it went like i'm reusing my starbucks cup i like show up like a sad homeless lady i'm like i just madded yesterday it's been three months i'm trying to get a refill wait why did you guys move to new york for work work my husband's job was we've been here since the beginning of his career so you went to law school you got married and then you become a stay-at-home mom yeah because the kids you know it was like more expensive to actually I couldn't even figure out how

you know you see all the Hollywood movies and it's like Jessica Alba is looking sexy and she's running with the kid on her high heels that's the opposite of my life I was at Costco big tubs like 10 bags of grocery I was like I can't do that I'm gonna lose my mind

so I stayed home I was with home for 16 years did you enjoy it yes but I really wanted to work I was desperate to go back to work. Desperate. My friends who know me from back there say that I was acting like a cage tiger because I was so angry

with what my life had. I had fought so much to get an education to come to America and then to somehow turn into the mom who was like doing mommy and me class and another mommy and me class and then soccer. Like no, you know, let me just tell you something. I hope my son doesn't

listen to this. He listens to your podcast. My kids are not going to be soccer superstars okay somebody in America the parents need to tell their kids that if your kid is running away from the ball that is a sign that you don't have a soccer superstar on your hands and yet we all stand there like fools and we're clapping and you went some more water no one wants water go home do your chess do your spelling bee let's say we did and not you know like it's nice we got some vitamin D but let's not that we have an Olympian on our hand.

I mean, for years, you just stand there and you lie and you lie. And I'm sitting here thinking, what have I become? What am I doing? Like, my daughter is like twirling on ice, like, you know, the ice skating. She was an ice skater and whatever. I was like, but it was like four in the morning. Show up at the rink with the thing and the thing. And like, what am I trying to turn her into?

She's not going to beat the ballerinas and the Russian ice skating gymnast by doing ice skating in freaking central park for twice a week. And I'm standing there, like, lying like... Because I come from, like, a family that's all about sports. Like, my grandpa was a basketball coach in Brooklyn. Like, everything was about is Hannah athletic. Like, at a young age, I was throwing the ball. I was punching people.

I was playing tennis. Everything was hand-eye. Was I fast? I was running. I was like, me and my dad would be, like, in the gym when I was, like, six. Like, I was that... He had a son, but I was his... like I was like his son so when I I totally understand that like sports is so good for like your

confidence team building all that stuff but like you people like do you want your kids to be athletes and I'm like honestly it's a pain in the ass do I want to be waking up at 5 a.m. all the time so I want them stressed as an 8 year old about if they're going to win their match I want them to just like have fun like finger painting okay the thing is that I see all the merits of athletics and my kids are athletes yes but the entire burden is on the mother let me explain something to you if the men had to handle it all the sports would be over by now because and and they might do it because there are guys who like your dad who like to do the sports thing but like the organization of like getting me to the tournament oh my dad and i once forgot my shoes

yes i showed up to the tennis match with no shoes exactly and my mom was just like this was you It was, that's my husband. He would be like, you're tired, I'll take them. You just get them ready. I just get them ready. Hello, you just named the most important part of the job. Like, actually driving there is the easiest part. What are you talking about?

No, I have no water bottle, no socks, no tennis racket. The uniform or whatever T-shirt you're supposed to wear for the team. The socks, there was so many times my son was benched because he got the wrong, whatever. it's like we got the uniform from last year and I didn't know and the husband didn't know oh my god so I loved having kids I think they're fine yeah they're fine yeah they're expensive but they're fine yes but it's been so much work and now I know but cutting the bullshit help my sanity yes and I advise it to everybody including my own daughter I love hearing your mothering advice with your knowledge of like multiple cultures of how to have a successful family whatever you're defined success say random things in America. Like, I remember when the kids were born, they were like, women in the third world breastfeed till they're three.

I'm like, no, they don't. No one is doing it. What are you talking about? We have formula. We, like, what? People here, like, romanticize the whole old school way of doing it. And I'm like, I'm watching Netflix.

Like, they're not, like, what's your religion? Hindu. What should someone who doesn't know about Hindu know about Hindu? Do we have many, many, gods. Many thousands, but there is not a god of height. The one thing every Indian person needs we don't have. There's a steam engine god. There's a rain god. There's a wind god. I wish there was a god that helped you find your iPhone. But that doesn't exist. And I can only say it here

because those jokes got cut out of my special in India. They're like, you can't say the minute you say the word religion or Hindu, you're like in trouble with the biggest of the biggest people. so they like edited the whole thing out of my special in India but like if you're in America and you can hear this you know it's true so in India when it airs it's different than in America that couple of jokes have been taken out only because I mentioned the word Hindu I'm not I'm a proud Hindu so I have not like I would never trash my religion or any religion I wouldn't it's not my wife yeah like I'm not an insult comic in that way that like let me pick on you you that's not my wife yeah it's just a comment or like oh

there's no god of height and they're like you can't say that i mean that's that is so funny we're all short people do you think it would have helped like retire this team i've never i don't i haven't seen an nba hindu before i think there's one guy somewhere people quote him i've never seen him yeah he's like but we've never seen him i've never seen him and he may be the one tall guy like you know you know there may have been some like 23 and me situation probably not true I mean he could have converted

also but I feel like these 16 years have during a time that you might have felt lost or not sure what's going on or you felt like I want to do something else I feel like so it's given you a wealth of comedic material I know

that in hindsight I didn't back then but my kids and their friends would always hang out at my house because I was I was still the hangover from Akron, Ohio, I was like, don't go to their house. Because you don't know. Jeffrey Dahmer. Or there's guns and they have

pet snakes and it's like all kinds of things that I'm not used to. So you were like come here at least I can see you. Call them all here. I'll feed everybody. I always offered free food to everybody. I'll feed it and that gets kids. Yes. You know. And so they would come and my daughter is like you know they all think you're so funny. I'm not

trying to be funny. I'm actually yelling at the kid. Like don't do poetry club. Don't do. Don't waste time. on that like go do math and they think it's so funny so that's where they were like you should do comedy so your kids yeah told you did when was the first time you knew that you can make people laugh i didn't i still don't i'm not trying to be funny that's the funniest part of my comedy is that i'm actually being everything i say on stage does your husband laugh at your stuff he does now he's like oh my god he actually he used to we go for walks famously because

because it's the only cheap activity we can do. We go for long walks. And during our walks, for years, he would tell me, like, what happened today? And I would think, oh, this happened in school. He's like, no, Zarnah, the story. So my name had become a verb in his life. Because he knew I could always exaggerate and embellish and be like, and then you know what his mother said and the teacher said?

And they've all lost their minds. So he would always be like, Zarnafai the story. And I would like, you know, exaggerate. Yeah. And now he's like, oh my God. god now you're going to do this for everybody this was my thing wait this is incredible i just i love when you take an idea in your head and go i think i could be a stand of comedian and then you see someone execute their dream because my thing is what psychotic thing was going on in your head that you thought yeah i'm a mom

of three and i can do this when there's not a lot of examples of women who are mothers and indian doing stand-up in America? I think not knowing is a blessing. Yes. I was under the stay-at-home mom cloud for so long. Actually, rock, not even a cloud. Like, I was diapering babies, you know, the classes, the school. When I came out from under it and this situation, my daughter is like, you should do it.

I was like, first of all, they ganged up on me. So they were like, oh, moms too scared. For 15, 16 years, I made them do things they didn't want to do. so it kind of turned on me a little bit so I was like all right I'm going to go and just do something so I can come back and say I tried it so you found an open mic

I found an open mic a friend's mom said oh my friend runs an open mic you should go there I didn't even know what an open mic was I had never been to a comedy club to watch comedy so I didn't know what any of this was so I just showed up there and I said my kids have sent me here I don't know what to do And she said, why don't you go on stage and just talk about whatever you think is funny?

And I was like, anything? And she goes, anything. And I said, so I just started trashing my mother-in-law. Because who doesn't think that's funny? And the audience was dying. And I was like, really, this is a job? It's so funny because I was raised on my dad and my grandpa who were so funny. And all they would do is tell these insane mother-in-law jokes.

And I was like six years old. I don't even know what a mother-in-law is. and I was dying, laughing about the mother-in-law. You know that if that's the name of it, mother-in-law, there's a dynamic that's just waiting to be like, oh, my God. Can I tell you one of the jokes? Tell me, yes. And it might have, I don't know where they got it.

Maybe you've heard of it before. But my dad does this whole spiel about that these guys were asked, they were like, if you want to be in the FBI, we have to be able to trust you. And you have to, we have to know that you'll do anything to get the job done. So the final step is in each room, is your mother-in-law and there's a gun and we need you to shoot her oh yeah so the first guy goes in you wait a couple minutes he comes out he's like I couldn't do it I'm sorry this job isn't for me

second guy goes in waits a little longer comes out I couldn't do it this job isn't for me third guy goes in goes in they start hearing some like slapping and screaming and punching and like glass breaking he comes out and he's like who sorry someone put a blank in a gun so i had strangler so that's what i was raised on as a kid oh my god talk about dark no literally i was seven years old i was like what the fuck but anyway so we love mother-in-law's here so so you're kids when you said um that like you don't know anything that's what happened to me because I actually I dated a comic before so I like knew the scene I knew the people but no one told me like how he got to

where he is right so the first time I did comedy because I was tweeting a lot I was like I'll do 10 minutes yeah and they were like you did like people take five years to get to 10 minutes and I was like but I have a story and I have a couple bits yeah and then I realized like so much is people tell like Like your whole life, people tell you what it should be. But then if you can get the nerves to be like, I want to do it my own way, sometimes like magical shit happens. And we live in a different world today. Like, I think there was a time when you sat and you honed every joke to perfection.

Like, this word doesn't work. Let me try it on 50 open mics with this word. With this cadence. Yeah. We don't live in that world anymore. You and I could probably do like a five-minute IG. live and just read out whatever is on our mind and we would know right away what's resonating what's not resonating yeah i mean that's what i did during the pandemic i used to just tweet and

have a tweet did well i go that's my new closer exactly that's the new thing and we don't have the luxury to save anything yeah whatever is you're thinking it's out in the moment you know there was well yeah people people don't burn your material oh my gosh i used to yell at people i go okay so and it's funny because like we both like you have a special I'm working on potentially of a special one day. And I'm like, I want, I'm not going to save it for the Netflix special that I don't have. No. I'm going to post this bit.

And if a million people see it, that's a million people that didn't know me before. Or should I hide it for the Netflix special that's not there yet? No, exactly. And I think you and I kind of caught on the social media wave around the same time. It seems like, because it's like, people used to like, don't burn your best jokes. I'm like, but no one's seeing it. No, I'm seeing it. Yes.

And we're dying. And you know what? The jokes that I love that you do, I would pay to watch you say them to me. Yeah. Because they're fucking hilarious. And you got to keep creating. Like you can't. We don't have the luxury today.

Oh, you have an hour. You release an hour. Now take three years to do the next hour. That's not how it's going to work. I feel like nowadays, everything is so fast. We're like jokes that were relevant three months ago that I was saying aren't relevant anymore. And like, yeah, you can't work on material for six years and put out that special like six years ago that shit was not funny and no one's going to know it two years from now

and we love pop culture so like i want to make jokes about the submarine now and i can't be doing in my special a year later yeah so it's a balancing act i now that i have put a special out there it's a balancing act like you can put the idea the idea is i think on social media and correct me if i'm wrong is for people to know what kind of humor you do yes because once they understand the vibe they either want to buy into it in real life or not or on a digital space but in order to get that vibe out there you do do have to put material out there how else are they going to know exactly so i'm like i'd rather people know and possibly hear a joke like a similar joke that i've been working on but your videos with your kids are so good and there's first of all your kids are so cool

and just like down to be in it and they're at that age where like you know they're becoming who they are so it's this beautiful like it's actually at then they you're shitting on them you're making fun of them they're making fun of you but it's so cute that you guys have this fun relationship together you know we didn't grow up like my kids my family didn't grow up with a lot of means even though it looks like we're a very wealthy upper east side family we're like upper east side by a thread and we live there for our kids schooling mostly and so my husband could get to his job we spend all our time together we rarely I think in 20 years we've taken two vacations wow because we work both my husband and I are immigrants like we don't have the money and

to take five people out anywhere it's expensive yeah so I believe in fun yes I believe we can have fun right here like we don't need to go anywhere I love that we do everything on the cheap it's not where you are to you're with it and it's what's inside you you can if you just want to have fun that fun can be had here like I now in summer I'm working on a whole series of videos because you know it's such a New York thing to ask where do you summer I'm like at work where do I summer like I'm not in school I have to work so you love being like what are my videos I'm going to be putting out yeah I mean and I like to offer my life as hopefully as a therapeutic soothing bomb that if you're a family that cannot go to Italy and post

the business class photos and like all is not lost in fact nothing is lost yeah i feel like we created a very loving unit right here yes just taking our ball to central park whenever we had time the whole joke is that yeah you're on business class but you're fighting with your husband who you hate and you're miserable and you're still scrolling instagram you're just sitting you're still comparing yourself to the other person who's going to you know Italy and you're going to sweden and you know you want to go to it no you're so fucking right about that I could totally see you starring a sitcom, obviously, but I also could even see, like, a reality-type family show,

like, the Kardashians, like, centered around you and your sense of humor because it's so fascinating and your kids, I mean, because the kids grew up in America, and they have all these, like, very Western ideals, and to hear you bring your two cents in is just, like, gold. What they're, you know, my daughter's dating a white boy. Yes. You know, and it gets a lot of, no, it's okay, it's about,

face everybody goes through and he's very sweet so it's not like he's not he's Jewish and he's very very sweet and I like tell my daughter I'm like whatever makes you happy you know you do you because if I don't then she's going to need more therapy and I got to pay for the therapy I'm like no no no and you know kids they like feeling like they're being naughty yeah yeah like my brother wanted a tattoo my mom was like why don't you think it over for a bit and I was like mom what the hell and she's like if I said no he'd get it yeah exactly and I was like you little sneaky woman super you got to be super you know what i mean but my daughter you know she's doing her thing and she's dating this jewish boy who's a very sweet boy and i'm very supportive because i also

know his mother's going to put an end to it true why he's the one that's going to end it yeah for sure so i'm like you know what i'm not going to be the bad guy on this one like go this is this is when the mother-in-law could be good yeah that is so funny also i totally forgot. My first ever boyfriend was Bengali. Oh yeah. No way. From Queens. He was Muslim. Okay. And how was that? So we were on the tennis team together because I ended up playing for the boys team at Beacon on the Upper West Side. That's where I went to school. You went to Beacon High School? My son is at lab. Oh my God. Yeah. And my daughter graduated Bronx Science. Warped, New York City Public League. I literally had no idea. I was going to ask all the high school stuff. So yeah, I went to Beacon and they didn't have a...

Beacon is amazing. It's great. It's an amazing. I couldn't get my son in, but it was amazing. They didn't have a girls' tennis team. Oh, yeah. So because of Title IX, I was able to play on the boys' team. So it was like me and all the guys, and this one guy was like this cute Bengali guy from Queens. He would pretend that he couldn't speak.

Oh, yeah. And I'd hear him on the phone, and I'm like, you're speaking another language. And he'd be like, no, not. But we do that. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. And he was crazy. And my mom's like, does he speak another language? And I was like, he does, but he, like, lies about it.

Yeah. It was so, like, but he was kind of, so because he's Muslim, like, dating a white girl. Yeah. Was not the vibe. No. And I remember once we were, like, playing tennis together, me, him, and a friend, and his parents came, and he, like, made me leave. Oh, yeah. But I was feeling kind of naughty.

Like, I was like, ooh, I'm just, like, how sexy am I? But, meanwhile, like, we weren't having sex. We were, like, we just, like, liked each other. Like, he was really funny. We would just laugh all the time. He's an immigrant from Queens. He said that he would get calls from tennis coaches about colleges, and his parents would be like, I don't know who you are and hang out.

No, never, never. Absolutely, that would be me. And he's like, I'm losing scholarships because my family doesn't know who these people are. But then once, finally, I don't know what happened. He invited me to his house, and his mom made me like curry. Yeah. And one thing about me, I love to eat. Okay.

And I love Indian food. I knew we were connected somewhere. I love, well, because I'm half Italian, so, like, food is everything to me. So I remember, I'd devoured it. And she looked at me and her, she got this huge smile. And she was like, do you want some more? And I was like, uh, yeah. She's feet next to you know, she's making me shit.

I'm eating everything. She's cooking up new stuff. I had a day where all I did was eat the mom's food and love it. By the end, we're best friends, you know? Granted, she was like, don't ever marry my son. But we had fun. And then I ended up going to college. but like he was my first love

was this Spangali guy from Queens gorgeous, very handsome and decently tall like 511 511 is tall for us that's not decently tall that's like one of the tallest you're gonna get he would be if India had an NBA he would be on it

he was so athletic it's so natural athletic and yeah I loved him see that was a wow throwback same as Imran Oh handsome and there was an Imran Khan president of Pakistan and Prime Minister and captain of the Indian cricket team

and the whole of India rooted for him even though he was a Pakistani cricket because they loved him and he was so handsome and then we all bought the soap he recommended and we bought the shampoo and we ate whatever he said yeah of course wait so are people in India aware of you right now they are I mean and not all awareness is good yes yes yes you know what I mean like that's a lot of people in India that's a lot of people I was in India a few months ago and I couldn't believe how many people knew who I was.

This was before my special even came out. I couldn't believe. I was like, you what? I have to play one final game with you called The Seven Deadly Sins. Seven Deadly Sins. You're doing amazing. You're crushing it.

Oh, God. I'm trying not to get crushed mostly. Okay. first question what are you greedy about oh money simple no no no it's like I'm a mom it's I don't even pretend and I encourage others of women especially not to pretend because you know women have to like put on and I'm gonna say the one I'm a caretaker yeah there's all these no I need the money I have three kids and they're very people ask me how are your kids but you decided the job you want to do was a job where most people who do comedy are broke I know but I

saw a clear opening in the market I was like no one on earth is doing this is waiting to happen it's like you know I look in some ways I feel crazy saying it but I feel like the Christopher Columbus of like Indian comedy you know so are there no

Indian stand-up comics there is one there's men there's one or two men there's one India in India and he comes here he works the seller he does shows here he's amazing Russell Peters Indian he's Canadian Indian Canadian Indian So he's good. I loved Versa Peters.

He's the OG. Yes. He's the OG. So it's him, it's Hussein Banach. His dad watching the Pride Parade. Yeah. I mean. The child abuse wants about calling the, I don't know.

I loved his stuff growing up. Oh, love. And I continued. I'm in awe of everything he's done. Yes. But it's all guys. It's three guys and basically three, four, five guys. And no one does Indian mom humor.

It's unfathomable. When I saw that no one was doing. I was like I'm gonna go all in and go so hard that no one's gonna be able to catch up to me now that I've seen it I literally have chills because I felt that a little in my space too where I was like with the women in comedy it's so sparse and I was like there's no one kind of like my yeah I don't know I just felt like there's no one like me your voice pops you know that it pops and because you do it the way like we're manic we're like constantly working yeah it's like at some point people can't catch up because It's just sheer work ethic. Honestly, you're an athlete that explains it. And I'm not an athlete. I could never be. But I always worked hard my whole life.

I mean, yeah, if you, I was telling, we were talking about in the beginning. If you have, you have to have that X factor, but if you combine an X factor with some due diligence of like every day I'm going to do something. And yes, is it coming from some mental illness? Yes. Am I chasing something that I'll never probably take? Yes. But is it at least making me feel alive?

Yes. or make me money yes and you and it's funny because you also have i come from like i've done sales i've done marketing too so i have i love how do things go viral i love the marketing aspect of it and you are so smart and like have your lawyer background and degrees and shit you're a problem solver you're problem solver who are you envious of the guys in comedy i do think they have like an inherent in inbuilt advantage that we're working at as women, I feel like we're working to get there. I'm envious of guys in our business who just say it without a speed bump.

Like, I still have a mental, like, should I say it? And then I have to hop over it and be like, I'm going to do this. But I feel like the guys just say, there's no, if you look at the biggest names in this business, they are people who just speak their mind. Yes. And I feel like I'm working. But I think you have to go over that speed bump so the next woman can be like Zarnah did it. so I can just say it. I think so. Like you're actually, even though, yeah, there is an opening

the market, you're putting in all the hard work and you're in those meetings with the people being like, I don't know if this is going to work. And you're like, no, you have to take a chance on me. And it's happened. I mean, you're so early in your career too, which is fucking insane. Like, it's so exciting what you're going to be able to do. But you know what I mean, right? I think as women, we like, we do, even the most bold of us is like, should I really, like, it's that. Yes. I mean, I feel like, I feel like, inherently have a name I also was raised with like no religion like no and my my dad was like my dad was kind of a feminist king where he was just he cheated I love your dad your dad needs to be a guest on the

he's he's amazing and he's like you're you he just I mean he had so much belief in me that like I didn't even understand and sometimes there's a lot of pressure because I wanted my dad to make me proud and that's why I have daddy issues now but it was like he believed in me always and he he he fought any dude he loved to see me beat them like he loved it so i kind of get off on being like oh they i'm gonna say this and they're gonna feel weird but i'm not yeah i'm not and that comes from like my privilege of being in a place with like a dad that was like you are better than the boys like literally that's what he put inside me but but also i do feel like with comedy too you ever feel like i'll be doing really well on stage and like

the girls are laughing the guys are laughing but sometimes it's like oh well that's female humor yeah And then I'll get off stage and some guy will go on and all the comics are watching him. Like he's doing some unique art. Oh yeah, yeah. Like no one watches my set. No, it's the rigor. They dismiss you because you're a woman. Or like our crowd is somehow different than them and it's like, no, like our crowd wants funny.

Exactly. But you know what? Part of it now I've realized is that we as women also seem to seek their attention and approval. And I'm so over it. I'm so about bonding with other women who are doing cool stuff. I'm like, you please go in your own late. We're the ones with the buying power. Like, I've had enough.

We're the consumers. We're buying the tickets. Who's sharing the videos? Exactly. Who's sharing it to the group chats? You know, I'm so over it. In real life, they all act like they know what they're doing. Like, you please, you know, step aside.

Oh, the amount of times I've been taken to a corner, been like, hey, I have some advice on this bid or this whatever. And it's fine. Like, some men have really elevated. me to where I am for sure or out of spite they've helped me because I'm like I have to show you but I do think that also the internet has enabled us to not have to suck their dicks because before how do you get on a show no of course a guy or sometimes a female booker but like another person has to believe in a female comic and if they believe in you there's not room for more female comics on that lineup they're done you're done sometimes they'll put them back to back because they'll merge into

one yeah so like I'm like I see this yeah and I go but you know what I could also go my way yeah and I think the dudes respect it at the end of the day because they're like like I respect them they respect me but I don't need to wait around for you to pick me exactly and I think we're all we're there now we're like you know what respect me or not I don't even care I honestly I'm so over it I'm like I have my relationship with my audience and that is what I care about yes That is number one, two, and three, and everything else is irrelevant. A thousand percent. When is the last time a guy was like, you know what?

I have a sold out show. You want to come on my show? Most times I get invited because they know I'm going to sell tickets for them. Yeah. You know, Hannah is being generous in saying, come perform for my crowd. Because you know, as you know, the number one challenge in this or any business is actually getting the audience. Yeah, getting. And what's crazy is people do have followings, but you've gotten the,

people to buy tickets to put seats absolutely and that's the game change that's why like you see someone with a lot of followers it doesn't always equate to ticket sales no and we work we do like I know you have the show last night I have eight shows over 4th of July weekend they're all sold out it's amazing so if Sarner is saying come perform and if you're gonna whine about my audience please don't you know what I mean no and also like I I like to perform in front of other audiences because then you know what material really works. Because they're not going to give you the like mercy laugh of any kind. What do you, what's the last time you experienced extreme wrath or anger?

Oh, on the daily. I live in New York. You know what I mean? My daughter, I mean, I can't even, she's going to college and she always has these ideas about like wanting to become an artist. And, you know, I can't. And you're an artist. No, okay, we are not going to, we're not going to talk about me

because I've told my kids, you cannot do one. what mom is doing you just cannot okay you're not smart enough so every day she'll call me she's like you know my latin teacher is so nice and my computer teacher is so mean you're gonna learn the computer i'm not paying 85 000 so you are like going to learn latin in college and you're like but she's so nice i know she's nice because there's three people in her class and there's 700 in this class you know why because they need jobs Like, you know the W-H-G-8 strike that's happening right now? I send it to my kids every day.

I'm like, look at these poor people. They're, like, fighting for a 2% raise. Ain't no Google engineers fighting for a 2% race. Do you see any, like, Boeing aircraft people, like people who design rocket ships? Like, try, oh, please give me a race. No, because they're designing shit that the world needs. That's so funny, because my brother is in finance.

My brother and I very opposite, and he just had a baby. Her name's Lois. She's adorable. And he is like, I'm not going to do it. my dad did. I mean, I'm going to let her play sports, but he goes, this girl is going to become a computer engineer. Yes. She's going to be a coder. He's sitting there. He has Legos in front of her. That's the new... Your brother needs to meet me. We need to, like, play sports for fun. I believe in

sports. It's like, be Richard Williams for coding, okay? And also, because women now, it's like, let's be honest, women are more women are in college. Women now are like, okay, we'll admit, we're smart we could yeah we're not gonna hide it anymore you know what I mean there was a time when you like suppressed yeah I mean Ali Wong jokes about like maybe it was smart these girls were pretending they were dumb so they could just do Pilates all day and get their nails done and it's like stop telling people we could do shit but at the end of the day it's like we could actually make serious money yeah and not have to like depend on these guys at all exactly and that also isn't that true love to be with someone that you don't need you just want

Yeah, I don't know about that Because I have messed up I've fucked up there My sister got arranged And she like has a 15,000 square foot house Yes A private plane Yes

And a dead mother-in-law Yeah, oh She got it all Wow Meanwhile I am going to go And I'm like hoping for a metro car On Valentine's Day You know what I mean

So I have mixed feelings About the whole thing They say like love is a lot About the love story in your head And if you truly believe in arranged marriage, I feel like that is love. Well, she's in love. They've been married like 30-something years. And all their kids are doctors.

Meanwhile, my kid wants to be a writer. I'm like, you know what I mean? Like, there is, I have mixed feelings about the whole love thing. I mean, it's fascinating, especially because, like, love evolves and becomes, like, best friend, comfort. You have, like, attraction is definitely nice. But, like, it's not the dopamine it was in the first six months. Oh, six days, you know, depending. Six hours.

Oh, wasn't even there. You never met your husband. When was the last time you were a sloth? So can you ever just like sleep in and be lazy? Yeah, yeah, all the time. Is your son still home? He is, yeah, he's in, he just finished junior year. Oh, nice.

So my kids, so what we love to do, my kids and I on our, my off days, because they're off for the summer and is watch. crazy shitty TV. Yes. Till 2, 3 in the morning and then sleep in. That is our biggest luxury. You guys are wild. We're wild.

And I'm keeping them up. I'm like, one more episode. One more. Because I have so few days that I can do it. The day that I can, I'm like, one more episode or whatever. How do you manage your schedule as a mom and also just someone who like has a husband? Like, you have a real life. With a husband, I don't really pay attention to.

that's he's fine he's doing great he does his own thing like he he goes to sleep at 8 which he should because he has a job yes and you know he should focus on that yes somebody needs to make money and i have now because i'm on the road so much but the days that i'm off we really try to seize those yes i'm the same like i like to just numb my brain because we always have to be on i'm like i want to be completely off as many stupid shows as i could watch right what's your what's your biggest guilty pleasure show i'm i'm into just like i'll watch every documentary oh really i like to watch the like i love murder documentaries and cult documentaries any like disturbing documentary or i love the like corny music docs of like how a star became a star and does is like this fluff piece it's the same

thing every time you know they're in the uber and they're like i wanted this life like i love watching that stuff and you know it's like this is my town and someone tries to like touch their their hand and they're like ill please stop and yeah i love to see people like live their dream i think it's also a manifestation like when i watch it a lot i'm like this is what life should be and i love seeing people do it too and i love telling my friends like what the fuck are you doing and i like to be the hype person i don't know i'm a leo um when was the last time you lusted over someone so besides your husband who we love do the celebrity crush 25 years yes yeah i have a thing for power.

Oh. Yeah. Like, I think, like, you know, political people, people in power, people who... I like Justin Thoreau. Justin Thoreau was... I actually got to meet him a few years ago. Wait, is he the Canadian Prime Minister? No, that's Trudeau.

Oh, I like Justin Trudeau. Oh, I thought you were talking about... I like them both. Justin Thoreau is Jennifer Addison's ex. But he also wrote Iron Man. Did you know that? Actually, I heard of that, but I thought it was made up. When I met him, I was like, you wrote Iron Man.

I love Iron Man. And I was like, and we know you because of her? What? So I, yes, he's cool. Justin Trudeau, very cute, very cute. And people, the Canadians, so seem to be mixed on him. I was just in Canada for a while. Yeah.

But, but I get it. Like, he's, you know. Yeah, I said it was hot in Toronto and people were like, in between. I was like, you're too close to him. Yeah, yeah. I look from afar. Yeah. And also, you're like, what are your options here?

No, literally. The bar is solo in America. Girl, I relate. He only touched one girl inappropriately. He's an angel, okay? Final question. You're doing amazing. What advice do you give to the listeners on how to cope with your hell?

When you're going through it, when you're a dark place, when you feel helpless, how do you survive? You should know that somebody, else has it worse. I'm very motivated by knowing that I'm not the worst, worse, worse than anything. That's why I read, I also read a lot of the murder mysteries. Oh, exactly. I said, don't get murdered and raped.

Life is about perspective. It's perspective. And you have to shake yourself. And I'm not making fun of the people to whom bad things happen. No, you have to realize. You learn. Like, I actually spent a lot of time at the Museum of Jewish Heritage, like learning about the Holocaust during my very dark days.

And it gave me a lot of hope. came out of that yes and built lives well yeah you realize your mind could play tricks on you and I would I was guilty of like something bad would happen and I really would believe I'm like no one has it worse than me like I'd be like I'm in such a fucks up situation like and that's how like people get into their horrible spaces because you literally believe that there's nothing worse than what's happening to you I know but it's a spiral you have to get out of that spiral but the best way to get out of that spiral is to know that you have to live on a other day so you can torture your kids and their, their spouses, just the way your mother-in-law

tortured you. You owe that to yourself so you cannot allow yourself to fall into that abyss. At the end of the day, just exists, even just to piss off one man. Yes. And you've done your job. And you've done a job for all of us. Yes. A feminist icon. Zarna, where can people watch your special, follow you on social media, give me all the tea? One in a billion on Amazon Prime. It's an Amazon original. It's streaming all over the world. So good. If you don't have prime, get the prime to watch this and you get free shipping on stuff.

Yeah. How do you not have prime? Exactly. Or steal your someone else's prime. Oh, for sure. Like, there's, our morality is right here. Do whatever you need to do to get to it. Your mother-in-law's prime password.

Get it. Gifted to your mother. And I'm at Zarnagark on all major platforms. Yeah, your TikTok's amazing. Your Instagram's amazing. Thank you. And you're on the same. the road.

I'm on the road. I'm performing like every weekend because, you know, built. Make that money. Yeah. Dara, thank you for coming to hell. You're amazing. I'm so happy we did this and we're going to be friends for life. Yes, I feel it.

I feel it. Thank you for having me. Thank you.