Betrayal - Passing the Baton — Bonus | Ashley's Story

Episode Date: May 17, 2024

In this bonus episode, Andrea speaks with the Director of Stop It Now, an organization working to prevent the sexual abuse of children. The team also checks back in with Erin from Season 2, and Ashley meets the person at the center of Betrayal Season 3.  If you would like to reach out to the Betrayal Team, email us at [e-mail].    To report a case of child sexual exploitation, call The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's CyberTipline at 1-800-THE-LOST   If you or someone you know is worried about their sexual thoughts and feelings towards children, reach out to stopitnow.org   If you or someone you know is worried about their sexual thoughts and feelings towards children, you can find help at Stop It Now! by visiting, www.stopitnow.org or reach out via the confidential helpline by visiting www.stopitnow.org/get-immediate-help.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Hey, it's Joel and Matt from How to Money. If your New Year's resolution is to finally get your finances in shape, we've got your back. Prices, they're still high. And the economy is all over the place. But 2026 is the year for you to get intentional and make real progress. That's right.

Yeah, each week we break down what's happening with your money, the most important issues to focus on. And the small moves that make a big difference. Kick off the year with confidence. Listen to How to Money on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm John Polk. For years, I was the poster boy of the conversion therapy movement. The ex-gay who married an ex-lesbian and traveled the world telling my story of how I changed my sexuality from gay to straight. You might have heard my story, but you've never heard the real story. John has never been anything that gay, but he really tried hard not.

to be. Listen to Atonement, the John Polk story on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Dr. Jesse Mills, host of the Mailroom podcast. Each January, men promised to get stronger, work harder, and fix what's broken? But what if the real work isn't physical at all? I sat down with psychologist, Dr. Steve Poulter, to unpack shame, anxiety, and the emotional pain men were never taught how to name. Part of the way through the Valley of Despair is realizing this has happened, and you have to make a choice whether you're going to stay in it or move forward. Our two-part conversation is available now. Listen to the mailroom on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.

I'm Andre Gunning with another betrayal bonus episode. As the betrayal team works hard to bring you season three and at the same time, turn Ashley's story into a docu series, we wanted to introduce you and Ashley to Stacey, the person who will share her story in season three. We also wanted to check in with Erin Adams, who was having a hard day after getting some bad news. First, we wanted to learn more about one of the organizations working to keep kids and family safe. So we asked Jenny Coleman, the director of Stop It Now, if she would sit and speak with us. Jenny, thanks so much for joining us today. Oh, thank you for having me.

I'm really happy to be here. I'm with Ashley Lytton. She's the subject of season two of betrayal. Before we get into Ashley's story, I want to hear a little bit about what you do. Can you tell us about Stop It Now? Oh, absolutely. Stop It Now is a national child sex abuse prevention program. We actually focus on perpetration prevention, which means we really want to help folks who are in a position that they're seeing warning signs or a vulnerable environment and help them know what steps they can take to interrupt any sort of harmful or abusive trajectory. It could be signs in a spouse, a partner, a family member, you're concerned that they're struggling with safe boundaries. But we also serve everyone. Parents who have found out their child has been harmed or abused or that someone they know has abused someone. Anybody who's in position that says, you know, I want to keep kids safe and I feel like I could do more or I'm seeing something that's concerning me.

And to do that, we offer a free confidential helpline. We also have a website full of free downloadable resources on everything from what are warning signs to how do I check into my child's school. So visit us at stopit now.org. Ashley, do you want to share with Jenny a little bit about your story and some of the hurdles that you're dealing with now? Yeah. Hi, Jenny. Hi, Ashley. I'm glad to meet you. So my husband was convicted of child sexual exploitation. Boyerism. He served 10 months in County Jell. He will be on our sex offender registry for 10 years. And now we have been going through a pretty terrible divorce for two years now. And because he is doing well in his court mandated therapy for sex offenders, he has had supervised visits with our 10-year-old.

And as soon as the end of this month, he will have unsupervised visits with her. I'm so sorry that you and your family have had to go through this. I can't imagine just what a difficult time. And you've been such a protective mom. And you are the epitome of what to do when you make such a horrific discovery. In your line of work, do you see a lot of parents navigating this process of visitation? and what are some recommendations that you can offer to Ashley? I was thinking earlier about how important is to know that we can't control everything that happens in the world,

but how we respond is what really makes or breaks us. And so we look at what do we have control over? And that's how we talk with our kids about safety. What are good boundaries? What are our rules? So if anybody, even someone you love and care about, a parent, a grandparent, professional, someone in, a faith-based institution does cross your boundaries. We give our children tools to keep them safe.

Statistically, the recidivism rates for sex crimes are pretty low, but you're kind of on the ground running. What do you see? What are your thoughts on that? So recidivism is really tricky because it is low, but that's what we know. Interestingly enough, what we do here is from people who do want to change and who want help, but that's why they come to our site. They recognize that they're struggling with safe boundaries or struggling with their thoughts, feelings, and

behaviors. These are people who want help to not cross a line or if they have crossed a line, they want help not to. But I think the point with that is that they've taken responsibility and are accountable. So there's kind of a model of success. In terms of model for success, if you hear I found God and now, I'm healed or I was sick, but now I'm healed. How do you feel about those statements in terms of recovery? This is not to in any way diminish the power of anybody's faith. It is fine to say I have found faith

through this process, but here's how that's impacted me. Here's what I've learned about myself. Here's what it is that I plan to do differently. Here's how I plan to get support. There's got to be a lot more than just, oh, I didn't have God in my life before, and now I do, and so I'm a safe person. That is not going to cut it. And if someone is communicating just that, does that give you cause for concern about their rehabilitation process or where they are in their recovery process? It absolutely does. That statement in and of itself to me is really leaving out such a huge, important part.

It doesn't help heal the harm. It just doesn't demonstrate an understanding of the harm that they've caused. God didn't cause this harm. I as a human being harmed the people I love in my family by crossing their boundaries and violating their privacy and engaging in a legal harmful behavior by doing X, Y, and C. It doesn't include that. So it's not enough. So much of this process, I feel like you were voiceless, Ashley. And part of the podcast was you reclaiming your voice, reclaiming your power.

Jenny, do you have any recommendations for Ashley on how she can stand in her power and all of this? That's a great question. Just because I already see you doing that. I mean, you're such a protective mom and you are speaking out. And I do want to say I'm not one of those folks that feel like everybody has to disclose abuse in their life. But I do think being able to use your voice to educate other. share your experience, encourage others is incredibly powerful. And realizing I couldn't control everything and I'm doing all the right things now.

Forgiving yourself, having your own good personal therapy or counseling to support you, and just self-care, really important to reclaiming your power as well. Well, Jenny, thank you so much for joining us today. And I appreciate all of your insight. Yeah, thank you so much. I will definitely look for some different resources on Stop It Now. I didn't know that was also a resource for people like me. So thank you for that.

Absolutely. Write me directly. And I'd be happy to point you to some resources I'm thinking about that may be helpful as well. Oh, all right. Cool. Thank you so much, Jenny. And thank you for all the work that you do. Thank you.

Again, go to stopitnow.org. If you or someone you know is worried about their thoughts and feelings towards children. Next, we'll get an update from someone you met before in season two, Aaron Adams. And if you haven't heard her story before, check out season two episode six. New year, new goals, and in this economy, a better money plan is more necessary than ever. I am Matt. And I'm Joel. We are from the How to Money podcast. And every week, we help you to spend smarter, save more, and make sense of what's going on out there. If you want 2026 to be the year you finally feel in control of your money,

We're here to give you the tools and advice to help you make it happen. Listen to How to Money on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanko Wally. And I'm Hurricane DeVolu. It's a new year. And on the podcast's health stuff, we're resetting the way we talk about our health. Which means being honest about what we know, what we don't know, and how messy it can all be. I like to sleep in late and sleep early.

Is there a chronotype for that or am I just depressed? We talk to experts who share real experiences and insight. You just really need to find where it is that you can have an impact in your own life and just start doing that. We break down the topics you want to know more about. Sleep, stress, mental health, and how the world around us affects our overall health. We talk about all the ways to keep your body in mind, inside and out, healthy. We human beings, all we want is connection. We just want to connect with each other.

Health stuff is about learning, laughing, and feeling a little less alone. Listen on the Iheart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Every January, we're encouraged to start over. But what if this year is about slowing down and learning how to understand ourselves more deeply? What if this year is about giving ourselves permission to feel what we've been holding and knowing that it's okay to ask for help? I'm Mike De La Rocha, host of Sacred Let's. This is a podcast for men navigating stress, emotional health, fatherhood, identity, and the unspoken pressures were taught to carry alone.

We talk honestly about mental health, about healing generational wounds, and about learning how to show up with more presence and care. If you want a healthier relationship with yourself and the people you love, then Sacred Lessons is the podcast for you. Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Dolorotcha on America's number one podcast network, IHeart. Follow Sacred Lessons with Mike Delocha and start listening on the free IHeart Radio app today. You might remember Erin Adams. She was a marriage and family therapist whose husband Joel pled guilty to 25 felony charges of child sexual abuse material and was sentenced to eight years in prison, but was released just after three years. After finding out that Aaron's husband had reoffended, Ashley and I wanted to catch up with her to see how her custody fight was progressing.

Erin, do you have the hiccups? I do. I'm trying to call myself. I think it's cute. How are you? I'm mad as hell today. Big mad? Yeah, big bad. Big sad. Aww.

What's going on? I just thought this was over, you know, and it's not. Yeah. Basically, they just said, yeah, you still have to take your kids to supervise visits. I'm like, he's awaiting sentencing next week. But they said, this is family court. We know nothing about that. You still have to take your kids.

I'm just irate about the best that this has caused. Joel reoffended? Yeah. How did you find out? about that and how did that all play out? I don't know the circumstances of how or why he reoffended. All I know is that it was a felony charge. It's public on the court county website.

And my lawyer had called me to prepare me for court and she said, guess what? He did it again. So this should be easier now. I've never once felt anything got easy. Right. Throughout this entire process, I've never felt that freedom. Like, how did he get caught? He had things on his phones that violated his parole and got him sent back for more charges. Wow. I think you and I both are fighting that same bite right now. I was like, fuck, no, he's not seeing her. I'm not doing supervised visits. And I got in trouble for it.

they told me I had to let her go to supervised visits, even though I said she doesn't want to go. How are we supposed to protect these kids? That's exactly how I feel. I mean, it'll always be our job. But I don't think they should have to be on us because I told the judge the very same thing. I said, my kids are still the same age as the kids that he's viewing. And he just did it again. So this isn't an oopsie-whoopsie.

This isn't he accidentally stumbled across this page. He purposely made a habit out of this. This is something that he does. She didn't listen to me at all. And I said, we've moved on. I'm not even mad at him. I feel sorry for him. Right.

I'll abide by the court order, but if he ends up going to prison, I might have bought us some more time. And I absolutely don't coach my kids. I'm only trying to inform my kids. I know this is a super fine line. I said, if you ever change your mind and you want to meet him, you have questions for him, I will 100% uphold that. I will make sure you go and you get your questions answered and you are in a safe place. I don't know that every parent would do that, but I know I will do that. You're a wonderful mom. You really are. And we are thinking and rooting for you on the sidelines and keep us updated for what happens in the next few weeks, okay?

Yeah, I'm always a text away. Coming up, we'll meet with the woman at the center of betrayal season three. New year, new goals, and in this economy, a better money, plan is more necessary than ever. I am Matt and I'm Joel. We are from the How to Money podcast and every week we help you to spend smarter, save more, and make sense of what's going on out there.

If you want 2026 to be the year you finally feel in control of your money, we're here to give you the tools and advice to help you make it happen. Listen to How to Money on the IHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanko Wally. And I'm Hurricane DeBolu. It's a new year. And on the podcast's Health Stuff for Resetting

the way we talk about our health. Which means being honest about what we know, what we don't know, and how messy it can all be. I like to sleep in late and sleep early. Is there a chronotype for that or am I just depressed? We talk to experts who share real experiences and insight. You just really need to find where it is that you can have an impact in your own life and just start doing that. We break down the topics you want to know more about. Sleep, stress, mental health,

and how the world around us affects our overall health. We talk about all the ways to keep your body in mind, inside and out, healthy. We human beings, all we want is connection. We just want to connect with each other. Health stuff is about learning, laughing, and feeling a little less alone. Listen on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A new year doesn't mean erasing who you were. It means honoring what you've survived and choosing how you want to grow.

It means giving ourselves permission to feel what we've been holding and knowing that it's okay to ask for help. I'm Mike Dolorotcha, host of sacred lessons. This podcast is a space for men to talk openly about mental health, grief, relationships, and the patterns we inherit, but don't have to repeat. Here, we slow down. We listen. We learn how vulnerability becomes strength and how healing happens in community. not in isolation. If you're ready to let go of what no longer serves you

and step into the year with clarity, compassion, and purpose, sacred lessons is your companion on your healing journey. Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Delo Rocha on America's number one podcast network, IHeart. Follow Sacred Lessons with Mike Delo Rocha and start listening on the free IHeart Radio app today. We wanted to introduce you and Ashley to the person we will all get to know in season 3 of betrayal. Stacey Rutherford. Hi, Stacey. Hey. I have Ashley here with me, and I want to introduce

you guys finally. Hey, Ashley. Hi, Stacey. Good to hear from you. It's so good to hear you. So Stacey wrote in after hearing season two. Stacey, do you want to just share, you know, what hearing Ashley's story was like for you? Yeah. Well, my boss at work had told me that she had listened to podcast, and it was so similar to my story that she shared it with me, and I went home and binged it that week. It was just like for the first time, I felt understood like I wasn't alone. I know Ashley probably realizes, like, in this situation, there's very few people you can talk to who know what you're going through. And I just, I wanted to reach out. Actually, I wanted to find her because I just wanted to talk to her. Like, I just wanted somebody that understood me and

understood my situation. Wow. As you're telling me that, it's kind of getting teary-eyed because I think when I first started out on this journey, it was for the exact same reason. I mean, I could be in the room with, you know, all the people that love me and care about me and still feel really alone because nobody really knows. What was it about Ashley's story that felt similar or felt like you understood? I think it was after everything happened, you know, having that anger to, you know, towards my husband at the time for the betrayal and for doing what he did. But also, when you go from loving someone one day to the next day, finding out all of these things, everybody thinks you're just automatically supposed to just shut these feelings off. Your love just doesn't magically go

away. Neither does, you know, the memories that you had with that person. And I felt shameful. And I think when I heard in Ashley's story that she still had those similar feelings to, it was like, okay, I'm not abnormal for feeling this way and missing those parts of my life. That's been like a really hard thing for me to reconcile. We did build a life with these men. They were good fathers. They were good husbands. And we did have really great times.

But then to have them also be the perpetrator of these terrible things, for me to bring those two together was insanely hard. but I had a therapist tell me that it's possible to have had this past life with Jason that was happy and good and Jason to be this good person and he is also a monster. In the beginning stages of the podcast, I was embarrassed, but I had made a vow to myself that I was going to be 100% truthful with the whole story because I knew that I couldn't be the only one that felt these same. same things. And so, yeah, I'm glad that that was something that you were able to connect with because I knew people were going to either love it or hate it. Well, that's my fear also just like, oh, gosh, what are people going to think? And I think you can very much compartmentalize those kinds of things in that moment, you know, of this is the person I know in this box. This is the person

he truly is. Right. And it's hard for someone who was on the outside to see that and understand that, that it just doesn't stop overnight. And so you keep it quiet. it and you don't tell anyone. And so therefore, I just like say I suffered in silence. Right. I just think people expect grief to be a linear process, but it's not. And what I've gravitated towards both of your stories is that it's very real. And the struggles and the things that you have to ask and question yourself is what I believe people relate to. And it's a very real human experience and we're not hiding from any of that. And so I applaud both of your ability to be vulnerable and transparent. Stacey, do you have any advice that you want to ask Ashley going

through this experience? Yeah. When everything happened, ours was very highly publicized. And I shut everything down on social media for a while because I was afraid people would try to reach out. So, you know, it's just that kind of thing. Like have you had any issues with that, with people trying to reach out to you to say horrible things, not like what I wanted to reach out to you for? Yeah, actually I did. Surprisingly, though, I was in a social media support group for women going through divorce. And I had asked a question, nothing related to our story or anything. And somebody posted links to the news article and just said things like her husband's a pedophile. So I did. I shut my social media down, started a new one with just my family and close friends.

For me, you know, I had some of his family who didn't support him, but yet wasn't ready to tell certain family members. So it was kind of one of those things of like, can you guys just not blast this all over social media, which I hadn't intended to anyways. Right. You know, it was on the news, but luckily we had moved back home. So we were far from that. But, you know, I kind of feel the same way. Like, we had to be quiet for so long. Mm-hmm. Stacey, do you mind sharing with Ashley a little bit about what happened to your family? Sure. In summer of 2021, July of 2021, we had social services show up at our house. They basically just said that there had been a complaint filed. So for the next three weeks, social services investigated us. And at the end of the three weeks, I go to work, our nanny calls. And she's like, you need to come home. So I pull in the driveway and there's a lot. And there's a lot of the driveway and there's a lot of, and there's a little bit of the three weeks, and there's a little bit of the day. And there's, all these vans and SUVs and they're raiding my home. I walk inside. I see my husband sitting at the

table with police officers around him. And they take me downstairs and they proceed to tell me that for those three weeks, they had been investigating us. And they laid out all these photos. So from there, I ended up making him leave the house. So they didn't arrest him that day? No. Oh, wow. This was July and he was not arrested until October. Wow. They told me that, They wanted to build a big enough case because that was my question too. I was like, what are you guys waiting on? You know, what more do you need? Right.

From there, my understanding is he left the country pretty quick after that. He spent a month over in Europe. He ended up being apprehended when he came back that October of 21. Wow. Our timelines are pretty similar. Really? Yeah, because Jason was arrested on the 29th of September 2021. Oh, wow.

So he was like a month before Justin was. Wow. I have so many questions, but I'm going to, I'll wait. You know, it's so interesting because when Jen approached me to tell her story, our goal was if we could make one person feel less alone than we did our job. And then through that season, you found the podcast, Ash, and we told your story. And then through Ashley's story, Stacey, you reached out to us. So I just think it's so amazing that, like,

You know, our little community has gone from Jen to you, Ash, and now we have you, Stacey. And I am so grateful that you guys trust us to tell your story. It's truly remarkable. Yeah. I call you guys part of my tribe. Stacey, you're part of it, too. Yeah. I can't say it enough.

Like, we have to build up so many people and bring light to this, like, really ugly, dark thing. Yeah. That is so prevalent. Well, Stacey, thank you so much for giving us your time this afternoon. and I'll connect you guys so you can continue to talk throughout this process. Yeah, that'd be great. Yeah. As you go, if you have questions or anything, you just go ahead and give me a call or shoot me a text.

It was so awesome to meet you. And, you know, like we said, if it reaches, you know, a few moms or people questioning things, it's worth it. Absolutely, you too. So hold on tight because here you go. Yep, exactly. Woo! Okay.

Bye. Bye-bye. Thank you to our growing betrayal community. If you missed all of our big updates from the last bonus episode, you missed some pretty exciting news. Season three of betrayal will follow Stacey Rutherford's story. When she laid eyes on Dr. Justin Rutherford, she was sure that she was looking at her soulmate.

They fell in love and life was perfect. But this family doctor, beloved father, and treasured husband, had dark secrets. The man who had sworn an oath to do. no harm, would go to great lengths using any means necessary to save himself. Listen to Betrayal Season 3 on May 23 on the IHeart Radio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Also, because of the overwhelming response, we are launching Betrayals Weekly series. It's about the people we trust the most and the deceptions that change everything.

This new series debuts end of July. And look for Ashley on the small screen as her story has been turned into an ABC News Studios and Hulu docu series, streaming this summer on Hulu. If you want to contact the Betrayal Team, email us at BetrayalPod at gmail.com. To report a case of child sexual exploitation, call the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children's Cyber Tip Line at 1-800 The Lost. If you or someone you know is worried about their sexual thoughts and feelings towards children, reach out to Stop It Now.org. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group

in partnership with IHard Podcasts. The show was executive produced by Nancy Glass and Jennifer Fasen, hosted and produced by me, Andrea Gunning, written and produced by Carrie Hartman, and also produced by Ben Federman, an associate producer, Kristen Mulcuri. Our IHart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Kreincheck. Audio editing and mixing by Nico Aruka and Matt Dalbekio. Betrayals theme composed by Oliver Baines, Music Library provided by My Music. For more podcasts from IHeart, visit the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, it's Joel and Matt from How To Money. If your New Year's resolution is to finally get your finances in shape, we've got your back. Prices, they're still high, and the economy is all over the place. But 2026 is the year for you to get intentional and make real progress. That's right. Yeah, each week we break down what's happening with your money, the most important issues to focus on, and the small moves that make a big difference. Kick off the year with confidence, listen to How to Money on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm John Polk. For years, I was the poster boy of the conversion therapy movement, the ex-gay who married an ex-lesbian and traveled the world telling my story of how I changed my sexuality from gay to straight.

You might have heard my story, but you've never heard the real story. John has never been anything that gay, but he really tried hard not to be. Listen to Atonement, the John Polk story on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Dr. Jesse Mills, host of the Mailroom podcast. Each January, men promise to get stronger, work harder, and fix what's broken? But what if the real work isn't physical at all? I sat down with psychologist Dr. Steve Poulter to unpack shame, anxiety, and the emotional pain men were never taught how to name. Part of the way through the Valley of Despair is realizing this has happened, and you have to make a choice whether you're going to stay in it or move forward.

Our two-part conversation is available now. Listen to the mailroom on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows. This is an I-Heart podcast. Guaranteed human.