BigDeal - Stop Caring: The Art of Not Giving a Sh*t

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Starting point is 00:00:30 Some of you are one person's opinion away from quitting something that could change your actual life. I have an entire folder on my iPhone. Bullish it like this. Kanye, little Wayne, random dudes screaming into their phones, making me realize that sometimes you need somebody to remind you who the fuck you are. So this episode is for the next time they laugh at you, the next time the comments get nasty, the next time your family thinks you're insane. And the next time you fail. I'm Cody Sanchez. This is the Big Deal podcast.

Starting point is 00:00:58 Let's get into it. because I am going to make you forget every hater that's come across your life. Here's the weird part about success. The exact thing people make fun of you for is probably what they wish they were doing instead. I go back to the first moment that I got public on the internet. Do you know who applauded, who clapped for me? Wasn't my friends and family. It was strangers.

Starting point is 00:01:26 Why? Because for some reason, most people actually do not want you to be great. And you have to say, fuck them and do it. anyway. So I want to play something for you if right now you're sitting in a job you don't like or in a career that you don't love and you're scared of taking the leap. The time is now. The time is now to express and for people to believe in themselves. The time is now for it to be okay to be great. People in this world shunned people for being great, for being a bright color, for standing out. But the time is now to be okay to be the

Starting point is 00:02:02 great as you. It is great to be misunderstood. I love this because Emerson wrote that in 1841. And so apparently greatness has been annoying people forever. And so why are you expecting people to understand something that doesn't exist yet that you have in your mind that is an innovation that other people can't even imagine? And I want you to listen to this video for a second. I mean, one time I was at a show in Miami. It was such a great show. And I pictured in the back of my mind, like, what would happen if something happened to me tonight? and a glimmer of like fear came into my heart. And I prayed and I apologize to God for being afraid of the possibility of going home to see him.

Starting point is 00:02:42 And that and he made me into one of his soldiers by taking that fear away from me. When you understand that your life is in God's hands and he can call you home at any time and he has a plan for you, then you won't be scared of things. And I think you have to remember that. Like are you saying the thing so somebody who isn't going to buy from you isn't going to applaud you? isn't going to stand beside you, likes you more? Or are you doing it because there's a higher purpose? Maybe it's God for you. That's what it is for me. Like what Kanye talked about. Maybe it's because you have a vision for yourself in your life. And it is so big that who fucking cares if you fail along the way? Who cares? At least you're actually trying something. If you actually want to

Starting point is 00:03:23 achieve big things in life, you're going to get pushed out of companies like Steve Jobs, pushed out of the company he helped create, came back, built the most profitable company, maybe of all time, one of the biggest companies in the world. And I think most humans don't realize what it's going to take. And they think that you have to defend yourself all the time. You don't. You know what the best defense in the world is? Winning so big other people can't keep your name out of their mouth. That's hot. And let me show you a clip that gets me riled up when somebody is doubting me. I ain't got to defend nothing. It's not a defense. You know, if every time someone asks you a question, you try to say the right answer, your entire life is a test.

Starting point is 00:04:02 And when did you have the most anxiety in grammar school and high school? No question. On test day. No question. So your entire life become this test. I ain't trying to say the right answer. I am just doing what I feel. My mama said trying is failing.

Starting point is 00:04:16 There is no ifs, woods, coulds, shuds, it just is. And we just are. He says it exactly right. He's like, who are you to give me a test in my life every single day? Why do you have that right? In fact, it's not just Kanye West who says it. Socrates actually says, we should not heed the many, but the one who understands. And that's the rule is you've got to stop giving everyone equal voting rights over your life. Before you internalize somebody's criticism, ask, have they actually done what I'm trying to do? Are they affected by the decision? Do they actually want me to win? And do I care what they think? You know, if the answer is no, why the hell are you listening to them? They're not on the board of directors of your life. And I like to think about it like this. Every time there is a hater that comes after you, they should also realize that you are a force to be reckoned with.

Starting point is 00:05:12 Listen to Dana White talk about this. Listen, if you want to be my friend, I'm the best friend you'll ever have. You want to be my enemy? I'm really good at being that too. It's so good. You know what? We're so scared about what they think about us? What about what do you think about them? What about all of this that they're pushing, putting back on you? What does that actually say about them? Let me tell you something. I had a guy come after me once, trying to say that I stole some of his ideas. I thought that was crazy. I felt a little bad at first. I'm like, God, could I have? Did I? I go back and look. You know what I found? That motherfucker was stealing ideas for 10 years. Literally. Not just ideas, by the way, screenshots of images,

Starting point is 00:05:54 videos from other people, actual quotes, actual photographs from them, not ideas, they're things in the world. So the people who are coming after you, are they just gaslighting you because you had less, but you've done more? Fuck you. I can't go bigger. I depend on you and your ideas. Are you crazy? I don't need you. You know how little I need you? I don't think about you at all. That's the type of energy I want you bringing in. Then I want you to think about something else. Even useless criticism can consume you. It turns out that if you hang out with fools, you might become one. I want you to listen to this from Joe Rogan. People think it's no big deal to hang out with idiots. But the problem is you're absorbing their energy. And instead of hanging out with really cool people

Starting point is 00:06:42 and you absorb their energy and everybody that gets out of there feeling fucking great. What a good time. What a good time. They just suck the energy. They suck it. And they make it about them and they get negative and they're fucking passive aggressive and weird or whatever it is. It's like, I don't want to deal with him anymore, man. Yeah. I call them energy vampires. And I think you should put those people on trial. There is nothing in your life that says that just because you knew somebody once,

Starting point is 00:07:09 you got to stay with somebody forever. In fact, I think half the time, you, if you're doing it right, if we're really doing it right, you are going to grow so big that the people you started out with won't even recognize you, then they'll hate you for it. And that's okay. You can still love them from afar and say, you're just not keeping up, man. I'm not going to run a 20-minute mile just because you haven't tried to hit seven minutes yet. It's not saying you got to hit seven minutes, but I'm saying I want to see what this body, this mind, this life is capable of. And I want to put it all the way on red. I'm going to go all in.

Starting point is 00:07:49 I'm going to bet on myself in my life. And if somebody else isn't willing to do that on there, there's no problem. But don't try to hold somebody else back from it. Could you imagine? I want you to picture it for a second. If you hang out with people that want to hold you back, I want you to picture it like a little puppy dog that wants to run, but somebody's holding it by the tail its whole life. Just holding it back.

Starting point is 00:08:10 That little fucker wants to go running that green grass. And it can't because there's some jerk who says, I don't want to get up, so I'm going to hold you down. that's not the way this works. But I'd rather use arrogance than to let someone diminish my idea of myself because that is what keeps us going. Hope actually keeps us alive. Anybody, as most people, it's like, do you want tomorrow to come? And they say, yes, they have hope for it.

Starting point is 00:08:35 But I went from having confidence and arrogance to having faith. And faith is the opposite of fear. And that created this fearless approach that I have. And that's what now has made me the fearless leader that I am. I want you to think about that for a second. It doesn't mean you're arrogant just because you're pushing back. It means that maybe you believe in yourself. And when did that become such a bad thing?

Starting point is 00:09:02 And by the way, who does it hurt? You know, some people don't deserve to be held back. Some people don't deserve to hold you back because their belief in themselves is so low that they have none in you either. In fact, I think that's saying that you're the average of the five people you surround yourself with is wrong. I think it is, yes, you are the average of the five people you surround yourself with and what they expect from you. That's why it's so much worse than that. And I think the other thing we've got to realize is a lot of times people say, well, why don't you clap back to people on the internet?

Starting point is 00:09:35 Have you ever asked yourself that? Like, God, that hater did this. I wish I could clap back. I wish I could go out them. I have that same reaction too. It's that ego that drums up that gets me mad and wants to go after. somebody. But here's the thing. Every clapback, every word has a cost. I'm taking my creative energy, my time, and I'm piling it into somebody who is creating nothing, who probably will never create

Starting point is 00:09:59 anything. They're just there to not only steal the energy from you, but also to steal the creativity right out of you. And so I know that it's hard to not clap back, to not pay them back, because we're scared they might be right. So let's fight. But the real. But the real, The real truth is, the real players, they just aren't even listening to the sound of the crowd at all. Okay, I think you're going to have a moment where somebody tries to bully you into being less than. See, my belief is that I'm going to bully you into believing yourself, building a business, having a partner and making your body just as strong as your bank account. That's the type of bully I want to be. Like, how many times have you let yourself be bullied into being less than?

Starting point is 00:10:44 Even the CEO of Shopify, Toby, who is an incredible entrepreneur built a multi-billion dollar business, he used to talk about how he was scared of public speaking. Why? Because other people could judge him immediately and he'd have to stand there and take it. And so he used to write out hundreds and hundreds of times. I love public speaking. I love public speaking. I love public speaking. He was trying to rewrite his neural pathways to believe in himself. because it's not that just like not caring is going to be hard for you. And it's not telling yourself, I'm amazing and everyone else is stupid. It's realizing that even if they're right about you, even if you suck at public speaking, even if your business never takes off, you did it.

Starting point is 00:11:26 You survived and you're not going to die. You might embarrass yourself. Your company might fail. They might laugh. And you might have to start again, but you're still here. So actually at the end of the day, I think that's winning anyway. I actually think one of the best at this is Little Wayne. So I want you to think about a concept that he calls the mirror.

Starting point is 00:11:46 And I know sometimes the mirror can be scary. We don't always love our reflection there. But think about how this guy thinks about this. And I think you might like it. Be somebody. Be something more than what you see in the mirror. Let the world be your mirror. Don't let them judge you.

Starting point is 00:12:00 Because the mirror can't judge you. You judge what you see in the middle. Like who's the person looking back? It's really just you. And this guy's wild because Little Wayne went through lawsuits and depositions and loss of loved ones and growing up in poverty, making terrible decisions, getting arrested, being in the court of public opinion, and also one of the greatest rappers of all time.

Starting point is 00:12:23 And I think what you've got to realize is you're probably never going to make it, quote unquote, to this like perfect space at the top where you are untouchable. You're not. But let me tell you something. For all those fuckers that say that it is better, for you to play small, don't take too much risk, you know, keep it tight. No, no, no. Let me tell you that there's a real difference between the top and the bottom. And the bottom sucks more. I've been there many, many times. I've lost millions. I've failed publicly. I've been divorced. I've been

Starting point is 00:12:56 disgraced. I've been kicked out of companies. And every single time, I remember this. I'm still here. Motherfought, you haven't got me yet. Like, don't try to convince people with your words, convince them with your receipts. You don't need these people to understand the plan. Just build anyway. And when you're scared about failing, think about how much better it is to dream at the top and the bottom like this. Sleeping at the top with nightmares at the bottom. Everybody says lonely at the top. It is lonely. So I dream, though. And the only thing I dream about is being down there with the people that ain't lonely. Think about that for a second. He says, it is lonely at the top. But when I dream, I remember being down at bottom. And I thank God that I'm alone at the top. Why? Because it's going to be lonely when there aren't as

Starting point is 00:13:46 many people doing the big, ridiculous thing that only you can do when you've pushed past the misery and the pain that took to get there. So thank God you're alone. That's how it's supposed to be. So maybe in this moment you're like watching this because something didn't work out. Maybe somebody said no to you. You posted something. Everybody hated it. Maybe somebody you would love thinks you're making a huge mistake. Maybe they left you, fired you, kicked you out. Maybe they're right. Maybe they're wrong. But this clip is what I remind myself of every time I think I might have gone wrong. I'm not saying I don't do nothing wrong. But now I'm doing it right. That's always saying. Cash money. Maybe saying money is loose some. Fuck how we used to be. Now we have a need to be.

Starting point is 00:14:29 Like, could you give yourself that? Maybe you did it wrong, but you're not doing it wrong anymore. like you're exactly where you need to be. You don't need everyone to believe in you. You don't need most people to understand you. You need to know whose opinion gets the biggest vote. And that's you in the mirror. And you also need to realize you're right where you're supposed to be. And so all the people telling you things are not the people that have to have that impact on their life. So fuck them. And I think at the end of the day, what I try to realize now is haters don't hate on people they don't think have something. They don't waste their time on somebody who isn't building something big. If you're all alone and nobody is there pushing back on you, I don't know. Maybe you're not doing

Starting point is 00:15:14 anything that interesting. And still instead, be super grateful. Dolly Parton died recently. Dolly Parton, like everybody loved, the left, the right, the up, the down. But if you go watch historical clips of her, watch this one of Barbara Walters asking her why she dresses like that. And is that a choice? You don't have to look like this. You're very beautiful. You don't have to wear the blonde wigs. You don't have to wear the extreme clothes, right? No, it's certainly a choice. I don't like to be like everybody else. I've often made this statement that I would never stoop so low as to be fashionable. That's the easiest thing in the world to do. So I just decided that I would do something that would at least get the attention. Once they got past the shock of the ridiculous

Starting point is 00:15:58 way I looked and all that, then they would see there was parts of it. of me to be appreciated. I'm very real where it counts and that's inside and as far as my outlook on life and the way I care about people and the way I care about myself. This woman used to get shit on all the time. She used to have haters non-stop.

Starting point is 00:16:17 And now she's like one of the most beloved people on the internet. So you need the courage to do what you need to do. The confidence to keep walking when everybody else tells you to stop. Because the goal isn't actually to stop caring what people think. The goal is to stop letting what people

Starting point is 00:16:32 People think, decide what you do. That is the point. Now you go do the thing. I'm going to leave you on this clip from Little Whitwayne. That makes me chuckle every time. I am naturally, organically, amazing. I'm one of a kind. I think you're pretty amazing.

Starting point is 00:16:48 I'll see you next week.

BigDeal - Stop Caring: The Art of Not Giving a Sh*t

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