BILFPOD - From Divorce Attorney to Divorce Coach: What Lawyers Won't Tell You

Episode Date: June 11, 2026

🔥 Special Offer: Get 72% off all Sintra AI plans at https://sintra.ai/bilf or use code BILF — backed by a 14-day money-back guarantee. She went from contemplating divorce in silence, to hiring an attorney, to completely reclaiming her identity — and she's just getting started. In this episode, divorce coach Kara Francis — former attorney turned women's empowerment coach — sits down to share the raw truth about leaving, staying, and what it really takes to choose yourself. We talk about: ✅ Why most women know their marriage is over 6 months before they admit it ✅ How she went from divorce attorney to coach after seeing what women really needed ✅ Why staying for the kids may not be the right call ✅ The truth about prenups and why every woman needs one ✅ Why "nothing is wrong" can still be a reason to leave ✅ How to stop people-pleasing and start choosing YOU. [00:00] - Intro [00:30] - Kara's journey from attorney to coach [03:00] - What women really go through before divorce [07:00] - Identity loss & rediscovering yourself [10:00] - Prenups — why Kara loves them [14:00] - Are finances still the #1 reason for divorce? [18:00] - Rapid fire: marriage truths [22:00] - Kara's coaching program & how to find her Whether you're contemplating divorce, rebuilding after one, or simply trying to find yourself again — this episode is for YOU. 🔥 Ready to stop surviving and start choosing yourself? 👇 Drop a comment — are you a "stay and work it out" or "know when to go" person?

The most dangerous moment in a marriage, it's not the big fight, it's the silence that comes after. I don't even know who I am anymore. I've completely lost myself. Stop crying, like we got to put up big girl pants on. How are you able to do that? Because it's heartbreaking. From an attorney to now a coach. Those are really hard marriages to end because technically nothing's wrong. It's fine. But you sort of just feel dead inside. Getting divorced and going through that process and is really, such an act of self-love. Does the husband know this is going on? Or most of the times, no.

Most of the times no. I think I'm in the right table, but I'm in the wrong chair. I think I'm supposed to be sitting over there because what they're doing resonates much more deeply with me. Before we get into today's episode, let me ask you a question. How many decisions have you already made today? What to prioritize, who to follow up with, what content to post, what problem actually need your attention first.

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do. Lead, create, build, grow. That's what leverage looks like. If you're looking for a smarter way to operate, create, and scale, go to cintra.a.a.a. backslash build. Use code BILF for 72% off all plans. Plus, they even offer a 14-day money-back guarantee, so there's absolutely no risk to try it at all. that's cintra.a.ai backslash bilf code bilf bif. Now let's get into today's episode. Welcome back to the bilf pod where authenticity trumps authority. Well today's guest is, you know what? I'm just going to say it is really in the space that I know personally. You know, being a woman that has been a part of a divorce, I can tell you that it's not always easy. So today's guest knows what it's like on both sides of the fence. From law, from an attorney to now a code.

Coach, welcome to the show, Ms. Kara. Welcome. Thank you. I'm so glad that you got to come on. This is so exciting. I know. It worked out really perfectly. It was a line.

It was a line. The stores were, yeah, the start of the store. Well, stores might have been a line, too. It depends on you like the shop. So, yeah, so I am definitely no stranger to divorce. You know, fortunately, in the end, it worked out really well. And my ex-husband happens to be like one of my best friends. Or I just can't get rid of him.

Or he just took till death through his part. way to the other level. But how does one, I have to ask you, because when I was really trying to understand what you did, how does one go from being an attorney, a divorce attorney, to a coach? So, gosh, I feel like I just took the long way to get, I was always supposed to be here. I just took the long route. So when I was a young teen, my oldest sister went through a divorce. And I come from very small town, Ohio, where it doesn't happen very often. And so that was really my first experience with it and just to see her really reclaim herself and completely turn her life around and choose herself was just really inspiring. So I was like, I want to help people

do that. And I was like, I already decided what I'm doing for the rest of my life. I got to figure it out. So I was like, I'll be a lawyer. And did everything I had to do to get there. And after working for a little while, pretty quickly saw it was not compatible with my personality. And I also wasn't having the type of deeper impact that I was hoping to have with my clients. But the silver lining was that is where I learned of divorce coaches because a lot of my clients had them. And so the more I sort of observed how they were working with the client, I started thinking, I think I'm in the right world, but I'm at the right table, but I'm in the wrong chair.

I think I'm supposed to be sitting over there because what they're doing resonates much more deeply with me. And so after spending a few more years as a lawyer trying to make it work and it just wasn't, And so it just seemed like a natural segue for me. Yeah. So I was actually on my way to becoming a lawyer too. I have a master's degree and undergraduate degree in criminal justice. So I really, I was, I did not make it as far as you because the economy happened.

And there was no money for me to go to law school. But I ended up, you know, I would say exactly like you. Like in a, I feel like what I do in life, it didn't, you know, I didn't grow up wanting to do this. I feel like, because I do insurance. I'm a senior regional sales leader. So I say insurance chose me. I didn't choose insurance, but I'm in a space the same thing where I get to help people and help them live out their dreams and help them make money and show them how to do that. So I feel like when you know, you know, right?

You could just kind of know that. So just kind of switching gears and I'm sure it was emotional, you know, going through a divorce and watching women especially. And I've seen this firsthand. You know, women are going through a divorce. They have no idea what to even expect, right, on the other end. How were you able to like separate the emotion from like the legal? Like this is what we need to do. Stop crying.

Like we got to put a big girl pants on. How are you able to do that? Because that was heartbreaking. I think it's helpful that I've seen divorce not only as an attorney but also personally. So I know what it's like to get bogged down in the emotions. Personally with my divorce, I was very clear on my decision, but I had trouble executing because I struggled a lot with people pleasing and fear of conflict and just guilt. And so I know what it's like to be in that position.

where you know what you want, but you're having a hard time following through and actually taking steps to get there. And so when I became a coach, it just sort of felt natural because oftentimes I feel like I'm talking to past versions of myself of I've been there. And here are some of the things I learned the hard way. And here's some wisdom or reframes of mindset that I can offer to you that can hopefully help you save more time and emotional anguish than I did. Yeah, I always say this, like getting divorced, it was awful. I wish I did it many years earlier because it's probably the best thing I could have ever done. You know, my ex-husband and I, we coexist as like best friends. We were just not compatible for marriage. But, you know,

you totally change, not change, but you evolved into this new woman. I don't know if that happened for you, but I've seen it like from other, just friends. I mean, would you agree? Like, you just finally take on, like, after you go through a divorce, you're like, I've arrived, bitch, I'm here. Like if I could go through this divorce and you have every, because everybody in my family, in my family, nobody got divorced. So you hear like, are you sure you want to do this? And then the separation whose friends are going to go where. So did you feel like a lot of women, they take on this new persona of like awakening?

Yes. And it's so beautiful to see. And it's so amazing to see it happen on the coach side of seeing them actually choose themselves and take steps to change their lives. I feel like as women especially, you know, there's so much. many different roles and identities that are sort of expected of us or thrust upon us. And so we do our best to do it all and be everything for everyone. And getting divorced and going through that process is really such an act of self-love.

And like you said, here I am. I'm choosing myself. I'm stripping away everything that's sort of been piled on me over the years. And it's very cathartic. And so it's hard. It's painful. but there's also just such a catharsis with just coming clean and starting over. I feel like I grew up.

Like I went, I found myself, I mean, I was 30 with two kids and we were broke. So there was no like, there was real, there was nothing in the divorce to like do me up. You know, thank God. You're going looking now. But, you know, this whole, I think prior to getting divorced, like I relied so much on my ex-husband that I don't think that I knew how to really, because I went from, I mean, I was 23 years old when I got me. What the hell did I know at 23 years old? So much changes.

So much. And then by 28, I have two kids. All my friends are partying and having a great time and here I am. I'm working. I'm a mom. I'm a wife and I'm miserable. And it's such an evolution and I think when I got divorced, I don't even think I knew like where to go to get my car insurance.

It's so funny because when I first got my post-divorce apartment, first apartment by myself, I had never lived by myself before. Yeah. Because between living with my parents through high school, then college, living with roommates and then I went straight from that to law school with my former husband. And so it was the first time I ever lived by myself and I had this huge TV stand to put together with like a million pieces. And it was on me to do it. There's no one else there to help me. So I put on a Bravo show that I'd seen a million times and just let it run. And it took me

like seven hours, it took me the whole day to do it. But when I was done, I was so proud of myself. It was hard to let that one go. That was a hard way. Yeah, because it symbolized so much. Yeah, it does. I mean, it really shows you a divorce, the strength that you never knew that you had within. And I think people, I don't, I think there's two things to it. I think this day and age, and you can correct me, I think people do throw in the towel a lot earlier because it's a lot easier.

And I think looking back, had I tried a little bit more, maybe it would, it would have been better. But I think also for women, I don't think people realize how tough it really is for women, because, everything falls on them after the divorce. The kids fall on them, you know, the financial responsibility. Every, like you really do become the mom, the dad, the sister, the brother, the advocate, everything. You're the one that's doing it. So when people use you, are they using you while they're going through a divorce or is it post-divorce? So interestingly enough, most of my clients are actually pre-divorce.

They're contemplating. So they're in a place where they've done everything they're supposed to do to be happy. and they're not. They don't feel connected to their lives. They feel like something's missing. They're waiting to feel happy, and they keep checking things off the list, and they're not feeling happy.

And so they come to me, and those are really hard marriages to end because technically nothing's wrong, it's fine, but you sort of just feel dead inside. And so women really struggle to make that decision to leave those types of relationships because they feel guilty, and then they're scared, well, what if it's worse out there?

and it's helpful for them to have someone to be by their side as they make that decision and more so be a mirror to them of what they're putting out there and what they say they want and reflecting back to them. This is what you say you want, but this is what I see you doing and this is what I see your current relationship as. And I'm not biased in favor of any ultimate outcome. My role is to just help them make decisions instead of just have it weighing over them all the time. I love that. So you're not, so let's be clear that. that, you know, that cares not saying every woman should get divorced. And like, yeah, that's not what you're saying.

Like, you're walking. I mean, I think it would have been helpful had I gone and, like, consulted with somebody what to expect, you know, all the, I don't think that I knew. I think at that point it was just so done that I was like, all right, I'm doing it. But I had no idea what was coming after. I had no idea. Like, I didn't know that, you know, I needed to go to, I needed to go to mediation. I didn't even understand what that meant.

And, you know, I didn't understand that they were going to divvy up our assets. and I had no idea what it meant and had I had somebody to walk me through it, as opposed to consulting with my mom that was like, you know, whatever makes you happy? Well, and it's so important because, yes, that's an important factor, right? What's going to make you happiest? And it's important to also have the other information like you were saying. What would it actually look like if I went forward with this? Because then you can make a well-rounded decision.

Yeah. How do you feel about real question, I should say, how do you feel about pre-nups? I love them. Do you? Yes. I don't have one. He's not, I'm married again. I'm married. You could get a post-knup. It's not too late. I might have you. I don't know. I got one for my second marriage. You did. And was your, was he like offended by it? No, he was on board. He's also an attorney, so it sort of helped. But I think he just respects me as an individual, and I respect him as an individual. And what I learned a lot through my first marriage and divorce is that it's really about two individuals coming together to build a, like,

together not about completing each other and so I want to respect and love the person who is entering into my life and vice versa and it actually forces you to have those uncomfortable conversations about money and lifestyle and retirement and kids and those conversations even though they're very uncomfortable they're so important to have before you get married and if you can't have them now when you're more in love than ever, you know, what makes you think you're going to be able to have them later when life life's you? Yeah, for sure. So it's just about laying that foundation for getting comfortable, talking about uncomfortable things,

making sure that you're aligned with what, you know, short term and long term for your future. And I also think it just sort of releases some of the pressure on the marriage because there's not that uncertainty looming up. Well, what happens if this doesn't work out? You can just be fully present and know, well, I already know what would happen if it doesn't work out. I already took care of that. And then you can kind of take that out of the equation. So, like, if you decide, you know, later on, like, this is not for me. At least you're financial, because I think a lot of people, men and women stay in a relationship

because they're codependent on each other. Yeah. I think that is a big, I don't know, I'm not, I would just say from people that I know personally that that's a big reason that people stay together. But I think that's good because it really just kind of stayed, like, this is already taking care of. We're going to stay together because we love each other and we're going to build a foundation in future.

but if all this, which is a big reason, is it still a big reason that people get divorced because of finances? Like, is that a driving reason? It used to be like a huge reason, like the number one reason. Is that still the reason? I would say it's not, I mean, sure it comes up. Money's a struggle. And, you know, it's a stressor in every relationship. However, I think these days, because the world has changed so much, especially for women in finances and women can be self-sufficient now. and it's not as big of a barrier. I find that more women are thinking along lines of, well, I'm staying with you because I love you

and because I choose you, not because I feel like I have to. And a lot of the women that I'm working with are feeling like they're not feeling that that connection and that alignment is there. Like this is a good person. They're not a bad person, but we're just sort of existing as roommates

and I don't really feel that connection with them on a more intimate level. Now, do you feel? because I feel like marriage is ebb and flow. Like there's some days I really like my husband and there's some days I really don't like him at all. But, you know, for the women that come and they're like, well, you know, it's like some days I'm really in love.

I mean, is that a thing? Is that a thing? Are you always really in love with your partner? I don't know. I agree with you. I think it ups and flows. There are some days where I don't want to be around anyone, including my husband.

And there are other days where I don't want to be anywhere else but with him. Yeah. I think especially as women and, our bodies and our hormones. I mean, we're always fluctuating emotionally. And so I think the important thing is, is trying to make decisions when you're in a place that's grounded and calm, as opposed to when you're in those more emotionally reactive places and allowing the emotions to come and go and then coming back to yourself and checking back in with yourself. Yeah, I would agree to because a lot of times things are emotionally driven. But when women come to you,

Is there like a criteria that you're looking at? Like this is like I'm going to help this woman just get rid of this person or like we're going to help them like keep the marriage together. Is there like a, is there something that you're looking for? So my work is regardless of what happens with a relationship, my work is focused on identity. Got you. So because so many of my clients come to me and even past clients as an attorney

who would say, I don't even know who I am anymore. I've completely lost myself. Yeah. And that always pains me because these women are fantastic and they were not always feeling that way. So you know it's there. They just need help getting back there. And so the work that I do is really about helping them reconnect with themselves. Own what's not working.

Own their part in that, right? So it requires a level of accountability and responsibility for your own decisions and how you're showing up. And so those are the type of women I sort of have my barometer set for clients. is women who are ready to make changes in their life and ready to really take a look in the mirror and own their stuff and also be ready to change it and not be a victim to it. Yeah, that makes sense. So there are women that you actually help the marriage too, where you put the marriage back together, so to speak, because sometimes it is our fault.

Listen, I know I'm no picnic. I have no picnic in the park. You know, I hate to admit it, but I know that I'm no picnic in the park. But a marriage is tough. And I think we forget that as a society in general. Look, women as women, and I talk about this all the time, we think we're so progressive and we are really not as progressive in society as we think we are. It wasn't until what, like the late 1970s that a woman can have her name on a mortgage, right?

So, you know, we're in like a really delicate turn point, I think right now for women. Where women are, you know, we're in this women empowerment. I know because I'm part of this. Like I'm on the bandwagon. You know, I am on this bandwagon teaching my daughter. can be anything you want. But, you know, I also, this might sound crazy, but I also kind of believe in chivalry. I do a little bit. I do play, like I'm definitely an A-type, you know, dominating person. But at home, because my husband and I work together, I am, like, I want to be his wife,

you know, I don't want to take the trash out. I think that's probably why I believe in chivalry. And that's what real shiver is. Yeah. No, I want to be his wife, you know, I don't want to, I don't want to be his business partner. I want to be his wife. I want to take care of the of the children. And we do not because we define them, but we do have pretty defining roles, you know, when it comes to the house and the kids and keeping it clean. And I mean, how do you feel about chivalry? I, that's, that's where the romance is. Yeah. You know, a lot, because a lot of my clients say, you know, I just feel like we're roommates or we're just co-parents, but there's nothing else there. So I think for a healthy, long-lasting marriage,

you need both compatibility, right? You're aligned with how you want to live your life and things run smoothly. And you need the chemistry. And the chemistry will ebb and flow as well. But there's got to be like that foundational, you know, I want you, you want me. I want you to, you know, I can take care of myself, but I want you to take care of me a little bit. You know, it's those, it's that dance that you do in a romantic relationship. I think it keeps it going.

Yeah. And who doesn't want to be taking care of a little bit? I feel like a man should, right? That's what the man is the protector, right? I don't really want to be my husband's protector. I don't want to do that. Yeah. I really don't want to.

And sometimes it is nice, you know, you want to be taken care of. And it's hard to be, listen, it's hard being a dominating fee of male out there. It's hard on the streets for a girl like me. It's hard being a badass bitch. I mean, come on. It is. All right, I'm going to switch gears. We're going to have fun.

I'm going to do a little rapid fire, okay? You've been in the room for the best and worst of marriages. for people. Okay, so you're going to tell me true or false. Okay. Most women know their marriages over long before they admitted even to themselves. True. Probably about six months ahead.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. At least. I knew. On my 30th birthday when I blew out those cameras, I'm like, there's no fucking way. I'm staying. I knew it. I knew.

A woman who stays in a bad marriage for the kids is making the right call. It's making the right call. True or false. What do you think? I will say false with a caveat. If the only reason she's staying is because she thinks that it will harm the kids to leave, then yes, I think she's making the wrong decision because studies have even shown that kids are resilient. They are. And in the end, they want you to be loved and happy. And in the end, they want two happy parents as opposed to two people who are together but miserable. So that's my that's my coffee. I agree. My kids tell me all the time the best thing you

could have ever done in life is leave dad and they love their dad. I love that. They just know that like I'm like I there's just no way. We just can't we cannot we can be best friends but that's it. That's all we could be. Yeah. That's it. Couples therapy saves marriages most of the time. I would say gosh, I'm such a lawyer because I always want to say it depends. You're like you cannot hold me. I would say saves marriages most times. I would say false if it's going in as a reactive. I think couples therapy as a proactive step can definitely save marriages because you're getting ahead of things and you're establishing how to communicate. But if your marriage has reached a place where it's resentful and you don't even want to be

around each other, couples therapy, it's kind of hard to come back through that. But it can be a good venue to talk through what comes next. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like it's a little triggering. You know, you go to therapy and they're like bringing up all the shit. You're like, like, I hate this person even more. Men are more afraid of divorce than women. They just hide it better. I'm going to say true because I think I read a statistic the other day, 70% some even more of divorces are initiated by women.

Wow. I think, yeah, I think men like to have, you know, generally speaking, straight heterosexual men like to have a wife. And that's why too, it's interesting. men tend to move on much faster after divorce than women because women are okay being alone or they have their community of their girlfriends. And I feel like there's just not that equivalent on the male side. Yeah, I would agree to. Yeah. The most dangerous moment in a marriage, it's not the big fight, it's the silence that comes after. True. True. You cannot avoid conflict in fighting. Like that's going to

happen. It's about how do we fight and what do we do after the fight? Do we come back together or do we turn away. The silence is deafening because I remember living in the house, you know, you have that transition period where you're living in the house and you're not talking to one another. And it's so uncomfortable. And meanwhile, like, you're on the phone with your attorney. You're like, oh, God, like it was, it was not a good period of time. Yeah. I would say when it, when things are silent, that's a sign that the relationship is probably on its last legs. Yeah. Because neither of you are engaged enough in the relationship anymore to fight. Yeah. So now you have your practice, right?

going, it's booming. You're in a happy place. You feel like this is your calling in life. So let's talk about it. Like how would somebody come to you? How would they find you? Like talk about your packages. Let's promote yourself. So yes, I currently offer a one-on-one program and it's five months. We do a deep dive because I want to help women make long-lasting changes that are going to set up their future for themselves as opposed to more situational or reactionary things. So yeah, we're together for five months. We meet every other week. And then you also have me via chat at all times. Does the husband know this is going on or most of the times no? Most of the times no. And sometimes we have to get creative with how they're paying me.

I was just to say how they're paying you. Oh yeah. Crypto girl, crypto. We figure it out. That's never a barrier. But yeah. And I'm really just your sounding board, your support system, and someone who's going to help you think about things in different ways and also reassure you when you feel like absolute crap and help you ride the emotional waves of everything. So, yeah, people find me on social media, on podcasts, referrals. What's your handle? If somebody was going to look for you, where would they find? Like, what handle?

At Kara Francis Coach is my handle. And I'll have it in the notes so somebody can, and your website, you have a website as well. Yes, Karafranccoaching.com. And all of it's confidential, right? Nobody has to worry about any of that. Okay. Yep, all confidential. I wanted to be a safe space for women to just be real.

Yeah. And even sometimes with friends and family, it's hard to be completely honest because it's not an objective, neutral relationship. Yeah, you're afraid. You're scared. I mean, I remember going through it. And my family's pretty open. Yeah. But I was just, I think it was more worried about what everybody else would think of me.

Yeah. Like, are they going to think, like, oh, my God, she's 30 years old, two kids. I mean, and then you think about dating on top of them. Like, who is ever going to date? I have two kids, 30 years old. Like, what am I doing in life right now? It's scary. Yeah.

It's very scary. More scary than people even really can understand how scary it is to go through this process because you're going alone. You're walking alone in this. And then trying to, like, keep a straight face with your kids. So I don't know if you had, did you have kids when you were going through your divorce? No. And actually, the question of having kids is sort of what caused me to sort of,

wake up and be like, what am I doing in this relationship? You know, because I don't want to have kids with this person and having kids with this person isn't going to make it better. And so that was sort of my tipping point of, okay, this isn't going to, yeah, this isn't the place to be. In your marriage now, how long have you been married? Less than a year. We got married last June. Well, see, there is love beyond yours. Yeah, I've been married nine years to my second husband and we had one more baby after I said absolutely not. No kid. I was like, there's no way. I'm never having. I'm never having another kid. I'm never getting married again and here I am nine years later. Oh I hear that all the time from my clients and I'm like okay. Yeah never that's such a definitive word. Never going to have

that. Those are my famous last word and here I am. Yeah I already married but there is. I mean today's conversation was absolutely amazing and I think it's much needed as women it is nice to know that there is somebody foundationally ready and supportive and they're not like you know the ride or die friend like yeah girl you need to leave them type of you know that kind of friend but really somebody that is a sounding board for women because we need that, you know, a lot. We are emotionally driven. And for me, like, I know how I am, like, oh, yeah, you know, when I get mad, I'm like, it's done, we're over.

But it is nice to know that you have these services available because women need it. We absolutely need it. So for those you that are watching, I urge you, you know, if you are going through a divorce to contact Kara, she obviously seems to know exactly what you need. She does seem like that. And her energy is so good. But, you know, it's not always easy to stay and it's not easy to go either. but it is nice to have somebody that can direct you in either direction.

So my challenge for you is if you need any services, we have a wonderful lawyer, so she's a lawyer too, so that's important, that can help you. If you like today's conversation with Kara, please tune in, watch more episodes of the BILF pod, but go ahead and hit that like, subscribe, I mean unsubscribe, do whatever you want, leave us some comments, but thanks, girl. I appreciate you coming on today. The conversation was beautiful. It was much needed, raw, authentic, and it's what people need to hear. girl. Thank you. Thank you.