BILFPOD - From Self-Doubt to Self-Respect: The Power of Boundaries

Episode Date: April 10, 2026

What if the real thing holding you back… isn’t your skills, your experience, or even your opportunities — but your confidence?In this powerful episode, we sit down with Julee Gracey to break down the truth about confidence, boundaries, and what it really takes to stop shrinking yourself to fit into a world that was never designed for you.From navigating male-dominated industries to walking away from opportunities that didn’t align with her values, Julee shares the real, unfiltered moments that shaped her journey — and how saying “no” became her greatest power.We dive into:Why confidence is built — not bornThe hidden ways society chips away at self-worth (especially for women)How setting boundaries is the highest form of self-respectThe truth about “work-life balance” vs work-life integrationHow to show up authentically in a world full of filters and expectationsPractical ways to command presence, on camera and in real lifeThis episode is for anyone who has ever felt like they had to be smaller, quieter, or “less” to succeed.Because the moment you stop conforming… everything changes.🎧 If you’re ready to step into your power, this one’s for you.

I found myself shrinking and part of my career shrinking in the room to conform to what society wants. But I feel like there's like an aha moment in everybody's life that says, all right, this shit ain't working for me. When you set those boundaries on what you're willing to do and not do, that is the greatest form of self-respect. When you don't set boundaries for your life, what you're willing to do and not do, how do you expect anyone else to respect your boundaries? Welcome back to the BiltPod. We're authenticity trumps authority. Now, I love to talk about today's topic because here's the deal. It's not a lack of skill, not even a lack of will that holds people back.

It's a lack of confidence. So I am super excited today to have Julie Gracie on. And welcome, girl, welcome to the BiltBod. I'm so happy that you are here, your energy. I mean, it is 10 a.m. Really 9 a.m. And we are just slinging podcasts over here having a good time. I'm welcome. Thank you. I'm excited to be here. So this is going to be a great conversation because I feel like we're too

alpha females, so we're going to see whose energy is bigger, right? But, you know, let's just dig deep. Were you always confident? Absolutely not. Yeah, me too. Same. You know, when you look at a small child and they have so much confidence because society has not tried to shape them yet. And as you get older, society tells you who you are, what you should do, how you should act. And that just slowly. chips away at your confidence. And I see this time and time again, especially with women. We are raised differently than men. I would agree because I have two sons and a daughter. There's like certain things that my sons can do that my daughter cannot do. Right. But here's the thing. When you go into business, we take those same lessons into business and they're the opposite. It is like sit down, you know, be a lady, don't be loud. Love it. All of these things

that we learn. And a lot of these are good for society. This is how we are. We are. raised, but when it comes to building a business and going into sales and marketing, you have to do the opposite. You have to step forward. You have to raise your hand. You have to ask for the sale and why you are worthy of taking up that space. Yeah, it's so true. You know, people or society expects us, you know, be pretty, but not too pretty. You know, you can have an opinion, but don't be too abrasive, you know, and it's, there's always, I feel like it's a catch-22. And as a business owner, too, I found myself shrinking and part of my career. are shrinking in the room to conform to what society wants.

But I feel like there's like an aha moment in everybody's life that says, all right, this shit ain't working for me. So what was that for you where you're like, fuck this? This is not real. Like society bullshit's not real. When did you really have that moment? I think there are just micro moments along the way of when you find like, this isn't right. And you step up and you're like, no.

And you learn the power of that word. Yeah. No. It's a complete sentence and I teach this to clients every week. Let's start using that more. Yeah. Right. And when you set those boundaries on what you're willing to do and not do, that is the greatest form of self-respect. Yeah. I love that. And so when you don't set boundaries for your life, what you're willing to do and not do, how do you expect anyone else to respect your boundaries? So can you think of a defining moment where you were like, mm-mm, this is not, I'm going to rise above this and your confidence set in. you felt confident about what you were saying. Yeah, I mean, it's really insane no. So I was a model in LA for a long time, worked on shows like- Shocker. Just so beautiful. I'm like, thank you. She's beautiful.

Thank you. Worked in, you know, covers of magazines, game shows like deal or no deal. May I heard that one. And, you know, there's a lot of opportunities there, but there's a lot of opportunities that are not good. Right. As well. And you have to have the confidence to step in and say, no, I won't do that. Yeah. And be willing to be fired, to lose your agent for in, so without getting anyone's name involved. Drop it. No. Yeah. Right him out. That's right. But yes, absolutely. There were situations are like, I'm not going to do this. And I walked away. And it was like, well, I guess I just lost my agent and I just lost a job and I know probably blackballed in these areas, but I didn't care. Yeah. I feel like sometimes you can't compromise who you are as an individual for other people. You

know, to shrink yourself. But more importantly, you know, going back to, for me, I grew up. I lost my father when I was very little. So immediately, right off Rip, I was already different. The confidence is kind of already taken out of you. And then as I started to get older, I realized that I am, I don't think I always knew I was different. I am different. And then I feel like sales is like the school of hard knocks where you really gain your confidence. And Asher, who's here in the studio, said something very important. It's about body. language to and posture in those little things, which I'm sure you teach women about all the time. It's the way that you present yourself, the way that you are. So let's talk a little bit about

that. Like when you walk, how do you command confidence and presence when you walk in a room? Absolutely. I definitely teach it. And it's one of those things I didn't realize that other women didn't know this. Right. They don't. The awareness of like, oh, you don't know how to stand properly. And so then I started teaching it again and again. In fact, I made a course about it. It's called confidence on camera academy. And part of the training is that what do I do like with my hands? What do I do with my shoulders? Where do I look? And you'll see women that are looking down and they're, I'm like, hey, hey, shoulders back, right? Plant your feet. And when you get nervous, you ask a question and when they're answering that question, you slowly breathe in and slowly breathe out. You're regulating

your nervous system. You know, hands when you're talking are between your chin and your belly button. this is the space that your hands go. They don't go up here or down here or behind your back or in your pockets. And those small changes along with, you know, you're in sales, the type of questions that you ask and the words that you say can make such a massive difference, not only mentally in what they're doing, but it's physical in their body. When you walk into a room, your chin is level to the floor, your shoulders are back. And, you know, it's that like, instead of like, oh, let me look around down, okay, who's here and what are we doing? Find one place and look and slowly look to the next place.

Even if you're nervous, it'll help calm your body. It's true. Everything you're saying is absolutely. It's so funny. These are just natural things that we do. But a lot of women or people in general don't understand that. But I will say if you're looking for a school, start in sales. Sales, you will learn.

When I got into sales, we were talking about this, I got into sales by fluke. Like I was never supposed to do that. I really wanted to be a litigator. I thought it was going to be like the next Aaron Brockovich. That's what I thought I was going to do in life. I could so see that. Right? I'm like definitely like I assume that.

But it didn't work out. Life happened 2007, whatever the economy. And I go into this space that was completely unfamiliar to me. And I walk into a male dominated industry. So imagine I'm 25 years old. I'm like this little spitfire kind of. And I walk into a room with predominantly older white males. I'll never forget this.

And then looking. at me and someone had the nerve to come up and say something to me like you're cute but you're probably not going to do well and I didn't I did not do well I didn't do well for six months I did really really bad but every there's like you were saying there's like multiple moments of these aha moments that like creep up on us to where we have these these epiphanies or these aha moments and for me it was sales but then I mean I feel like you evolve from there too there's a lot of things that make us confident. So how do you feel, I just want to hold tangent, but how do you teach this to women who are completely not confident? Yeah. So the process I work with women is we start with

what do you actually want? A huge part of why women aren't confident in, whether it's in business, in life, in their physical body, is because they haven't gotten really clear of what do you actually want. And then that brings in the anxiety. It brings in the stress. It brings in the worrying, all these things that then affect us physically. You know, you're not sleeping well. You're overeating because of your anxiousness. And so we get really clear, number one, of what do you want? With your relationships, with work. So that way in the day, you're not like, oh, should I be doing this? And what am I doing? It's a legitimate question. Yeah. I think what you find out what you want, then you can execute. Because you can't execute without a plan. Yes. And that is why, that is. That is.

exactly why I wrote this book is because it literally walks you through. Let me see your book. Let me see this really cool book you have there. I have this book. I'm going to read this book. Where can I find this book? Well, this one is for you. But this you can find on Amazon. You can simply search highly confident. I actually created the audio book too. So if you're not a reader, I totally get it. You can have me in your ear. But it walks through a process, a proven process that's going to get you very clear because then when you're sitting here and people are wanting your time or should I be doing this or Should I be making more sales calls?

It takes all of that anxiety where it gives you peace. Yeah. Because I have a plan for every area. And it's a beautiful process to put into place. And I've seen it over and over in women's lives, just how much it can help them. And one thing that I really teach is in sales, we talk about what are you willing to give up to become successful? Yeah. The question I ask in addition to that is what are you not willing to give up?

Yeah, what you're non-negotiable. Right? So if it's like you're a mother, I know after three, 30, you're not going to reach me. Yeah. My work hat comes off. My mom hat comes on. My kids come home from school.

That is my non-negotiable. I will be present as soon as they show up. But so many women don't have those boundaries set. So they end up giving up the things that are most important to them while they're trying to reach success. And then they wonder why they're unhappy. You know, I have actually a really good question. And I talk about this a lot, work-life balance.

Like I don't think that's a real thing. I don't think there's work-life priority, but I don't think that there's really work-life balance. Not to say, okay, I might get canceled, not to say that you can't have some kind of, you know, the best of both worlds, but what's your take on work life balance? Can you have it? Am I, and you can disagree with me. I won't get mad. No, well, and I just have to edit it out. I think, that's right. We're going to cut this out anyway. You disagree, we cut it out. So it's the balance word is what bothers people of, like, that it's like everything's supposed to be equal. Like you see like, you know, like the lawyer. Yes, yes. So I would probably

rephrase that to work-life integration. Yes. So some weeks I am more work than personal life. And then some weeks are more personal life. But it's whatever, it's individual. What works for you? I have friends that were like, look at me, I would die if I had to stay home with my kids. I love being at work. I love seeing my kids. They're fine. That works for them. And then there's the mom that's like, no, I want to be home and present. So I'm going to take a few years off while they're little and be with them. That works for them. And so you have to create it, but knowing what your goals are will help you understand what you're willing to give up and what you're not. So work life balance, it's, I would probably, because that's gotten such a bad rap, more like work life integration. We're here. We are both here in New York. With our kids. With our kids. In our families, right? But we are integrating our work with our family. We put a plan together that it all works together. Yeah. So why, so, okay, you started in real estate.

Well, you did modeling. You did real estate. So why did you? So why did you? So why did you? you switch to like what is so passionate to you that you felt the need to really focus on women and confidence? Well, I was selling real estate. I was doing really well there and I started mentoring younger agents. That's my favorite, these young little girls. They would come up to me and they're like, Julie, tell me, what are you doing? How did you just, you know, you put so many millions on the board really fast? I was like, well, I followed this process. I'm the process person. I did this and this and this and this. And I do it over and I do it over and over and I get it, you know, I optimize that process and it works every time. And so I started teaching this and then

they started getting results and I found that I loved pouring into other people. And I've had so many experiences in my life that I realized all of those experiences were very valuable. And you talked about how you lost your father. You know, your parents can really affect you whether they're there or not. There's an effect. Well, I grew up with a mother who just absolutely amazing and taught me so much and helped me build so much confidence that I started going out and realizing that all these other women, what do you mean you're not confident? What do you mean you don't feel like you're worth this? I'm like, it's such a strange concept when I hear these, right? I'm like, what do you mean? Yeah. And so I realized like, oh, okay, they didn't have

what I had. A mom. They didn't have that. My mom too. Like my mom, I love my mom. Yeah. They didn't have that. And I'm like, oh, okay, well, what if I take all these lessons my mother taught me and my experiences in life? And I go pour that into other women because they didn't get that. They're missing that. But I never knew. People kept calling me a confidence coach. I'm like, what does that even mean? And you start to realize like, oh, this is where I'm really valuable. And also, selling real estate, I was gone. I worked every weekend. And so my husband travels for work. He was gone all week. And then I was gone all weekend. And, and then I was gone all weekend. And, you know, we had our daughter at home.

We were pregnant with our next child. And I realized this is, I was giving up too much. Right. I love the money I was making, doing very well. But I was like, this isn't worth it. I want to be home on the weekend when my husband is president or president. Maybe president. You know what?

When my husband is present and when I'm there. And so that's when I'm like, I'm going to give up selling real estate and I'm going to take all this money. We're going to go invest it in some different property. but then I'm going to just, I'm starting coaching it. Yeah. That way I could do it on my time when, you know, and I wouldn't give up my weekends and my time with my family. So that's how that started.

And it just snowballed. And then it evolved. And then you became a writer and you have a course. Yes. And you're traveling around promoting it, which I think is so important, especially now. You know, we're in a day and age where you have social media. And while I do love social media, I also think that it's a double-edged sword. because these young girls, they see filters.

And they, you know, they look and they're like, oh, and you see like all these TikTokers. And not that there's, look, I think it's great, whatever. But I think a lot of things are not realistic either. And there's a very, there's a huge lack because there's so much social media and there's so much pressure from society and from the way you should look and the way you should act that, you know, to have women that are willing to mentor younger women, it really is. It's so nice. It is a breath of fresh air that you really take into this.

Because I do the same thing. And I love my young women. I think it's huge to teach our women that it is okay to be progressive and have a mind of your own and be confident. Absolutely. And exactly with social media is, especially with AI now, is it real? Is it fake? We've got all the filters.

So like authenticity. Everyone talks about AI. Authenticity is going to be your absolute superpower going forward, especially for the next few years because everyone is now with AI and everything. You know what? Show up as you. Yeah. But let's talk about like because they use that word. I'm going to be authentic. Well, what does that really mean to be authentic? Does that mean I get, you know, there's a lot of controversy. People say stuff all the time because I use Botox and filler and probably nothing on my body is real. But that's authentic to me. Yes. That is, that's who I am. Like I like my weave.

I like my, I like my spray tan. I mean, this is who I am. And that is authentic. And authenticity. comes in many shapes, sizes, and forms, but people just throw, I'm going to be authentic today. You're right, you're right. That word maybe is used too much. When I speak about it, I would love for people to show up as exactly who they are. Yes, it's fine to do, you know, your hair, of course, that all those are things. That's nothing to do with authenticity. It's more as a person. Who you are as a person. I'm showing up. I'm not coming on here being like, look, you can work two hours a week and make millions of dollars and look at me with my rented fake car and my house I don't even own behind me and like that's we're over that I mean for 2026 please can we just be

done with all of that's just enough like stop parading your cars your rented cars just be you nobody cares yeah and so like I have so many business owners that are so talented from photographers I have roofers I've got um landscapers women or a mix mix no my my woman roofer she is a bad ass let me tell you. She's in Jersey. I tried to see her when I was here. But again, that's a perfect example of a woman started with zero, came to me. She's like, I'm committed. I'm doing this and just crushed it and getting her to do things that were uncomfortable. Putting yourself on camera. So when it does come to social media, one of the most powerful things you can do is video. Yeah. So a lot of business owners, they say, I don't have time to do social media. Okay, well then with the time that you do have,

let's make it the most powerful, which is you talking on camera. And that's why I created confidence on camera academy because it walks you through. What does this even mean? How do I get comfortable? And it's a process that works every single time. I love that. How many different courses do you have out currently? That is the main course.

And then I have a boot camp that I teach three times a year. Talk about each one. The confidence on camera. I love this. Tell me about it. It comes on camera. It's got five modules and it gets monthly access to me. So once a month you get to meet with me on a.

group and how are you doing with this? Where are you struggling? But it really does help you just walk through. How do I talk about my business? What are the words? And this is something I always say, I have a lot of words. I talk a lot. Oh, that's a superpower for other people that don't know how to find their words. Right. And so we help them walk through that so they can start talking about their business confidently and making money because it's not for lack of talent. Right. It's not for lack of hard work. They just don't know how to talk about their business online and market it properly. And that's where it makes me so sad because then they give up and they think that maybe their business isn't good or maybe they're not worthy of a healthy business. Nobody knows you exist.

You've got to get yourself out there and I help them get confident with that. I love that. And then talk about your boot camp. Yeah. So I have a boot camp that is three times a year. We just have it in January. Amazing. I have another one coming up in April. It's four weeks and it's twice weekly calls. Tuesdays, we get really into foundations and marketing. And then Thursdays are just sales, which in sales you know, it is so fun. We just dive into sales. And then in September, I have another one that is all sales. It is all sales because we're preparing you for the fourth quarter of the year, which is the biggest quarter of the year for people spending money. So I don't care what kind of business you have. You got to figure out how to go get that money because people are

spending it. Yeah, absolutely. And so that's what we do in September. So that one's super fun. And then, you know, I have different things, downloads things that can help them with different areas of their business. But ultimately, in the book, it has a process to walk through. How do I get really clear about what I actually want and how do I create the steps to start getting there? And if you can't do that on your own, then you should contact me and join one of my programs.

I love that. Now let's switch gears for a second. Let's talk about what people don't want to talk about. Are there days that you don't feel confident? are there days that you just want to kind of go back into bed and put the covers over your head? Yes, absolutely. Yes. And it's the joke of, I'm like, nope, nope, I'm done.

I'm done. I'm going to cut my hair off, get a minivan, start eating Doritos for breakfast. And I don't know. Start baking sourdough bread and grow some cucumbers in the backyard. I'm done. Like, just so you know if you ever have those moments, those are so normal. And I think business owners, you've got to get around groups of people that you're like, oh, this is normal.

I'm struggling. It's a rough day. And even like looking at you and your success, myself and my success, we still have those days. Yeah, we do. I think that's something really important that people don't talk about. We talk about our trophy rooms all the time and all of our success. But what people don't know is behind the scenes on it. There are many, many times that I personally failed.

And there's many times where I don't want to get out of bed. You know, but you have to. That's the difference, I think. The difference is, is pushing through it no matter what. Like, you're going to have good days. It's sales. It's like sales. You're going to have good days and bad days.

You're going to have good months and bad months. But you're also going to feel like shit sometimes where you don't want to move forward. So what advice do you give women when they're like, I just can't do it? Yeah. Well, number one is you're going to have those days. So set yourself up to expect that. Oh, because now you know when we have it like, oh, it's one of those days. Okay.

And you have a process for dealing with it. Okay. How do I, I already feel overwhelmed. I already feel stressed. Stuff is hitting the fan. What is what is your? process for dealing with that. Okay, maybe it's that what is the rest of my schedule? Can I take things off my plate today? I know that I'm not at 100% today. I'm not going to show up as the

best version of me. So can the things on my schedule today, can I push them later into the week? Right. And you have to remember to care for yourself. Yeah. So what do I need? Well, and I would say check yourself before you wreck yourself. How well did you sleep last night? So if you didn't sleep well, you might be a little more sensitive to things that are happening. Are you hungry? That is the number one thing I ask myself because I get angry. I get angry when I'm hungry and my whole family knows my best friend. She keeps snacks in her purse for me. I just, so I need to eat. Am I hydrated? Did I have a really bad conversation and it was not good and I'm taking that negative energy into the next thing. So check yourself. Do I need to just go

and take 30 minutes and close my eyes and regulate my nervous system. Okay. Then, you know, have a coffee and get back to it. You have to have processes to deal with it because if you take that negative energy and you're like, I'm going to push through, but you don't address it, you're going to just vomit on everyone else that day. And nobody needs that. And that is your problem, not theirs. Yeah. I agree. I tell my girls, see, for me, I'm not a crier. It happens. So like when I see my girls crying in sales. So do you remember like, what was it, a league of their own? There's no crying in baseball. Yes, yes. I do this with my girls. I'm like, stop crying. Stop crying right now. I'm like, you can cry in my office. You get five minutes. You can go

and then you go to the bathroom. You wipe your face and you come back in here. Like nothing ever happened. Because as women, I mean, and tell me if I'm wrong, we don't have the, well, let me phrase like this. We do have a huge advantage in sales because men like to talk to women. and women like to talk to women. The problem is that we are, by nature, we're emotional. And that sometimes gets in the way. So with women, we do have a disadvantage when it comes to sales and being in that board room where we are pretty much the only woman there. So how do you have other women combat that? Because it's intimidating to be in a room. It can be intimidating if you're not trained. Yeah. I agreed. You're not intimidated walking into that room. Neither am I. Why? Because we're well trained.

Yeah. So because I have the confidence because I have gone in those rooms. No one in that room is smarter than I am, but I don't go in there like, I've got something to prove. I don't have anything to prove. I'm here. I know what I can do because I've done it so many times. I'm a big believer. You can outwork your fears. You can outwork your doubts. How do I do that? Again, you'll hear me again. There's a process to do it. If you can't figure out a way to do it on your own, then get a mentor, get a coach. I know you've had mentors and coaches. They're invaluable. I agree. I do. I agree. And I think that you can have several different ones because you might outgrow one of them. And I think that you get trained and you constantly have to educate yourself and constantly do personal

development for yourself and for the people that you're working with. It's such a huge component. But what about the circle of friends when you're trying to build confidence? And unfortunately, not a lot of women are like us where they're trying to build up other women. So do you talk about this with the women that you're coaching. Absolutely. Get in a room or get in a group or a networking or a circle where people are uplifting each other. Absolutely.

And for me, it's very easy. Be like, oh, well, are you the energy? You're growing. You're doing things. You're, okay. Of course I'd want to be hanging out with you. Yeah. It's obvious.

When you start really being aware of who you are around, the words that they say and you start being aware not to get to woo-woo, but literally I can feel the energy of people. It's true. I thought it was cliche. It's a real thing. Yeah, you're like, cheat. I'll feel the energy. Screw this.

Like, this is stupid. No, it's real. And I've had people that I've been around and I literally had to take a step back from because I'm like, I don't know what's going on with them, but I can feel how negative their energy is. And so you will absorb other people's energy very quickly within minutes. And I wrote about this in the book of you, even you walk into a room, you're having a conversation with someone, it's not rude to be like, I can feel this negative energy. You know, let me excuse

myself from the conversation. I'm going to run to the ladies room. I'll be back. And I step away just because I, I cannot. It's a lot. It's a lot, especially in sales. Energy, it's about energy and synergy. And when you have negative energy, you cannot perform. If you find yourself around people that are complaining, they're whining. And it's okay. Look at me, we all have bad days. Look, I complain all the time. But there's a difference. There's a difference of. I complain. all the time. I'm such a complainer, but like, funny complaining. You know, I'm always saying stupid shit. There is a difference of like, oh my gosh, there was so much traffic this morning and I'm so exhausted. Okay. But then you hear the next thing they say is like, all right, let's go.

Right? That's the difference. But then the complaining of people that are like, oh, you know, oh, my client is so terrible. A red flag for me is when other business owners start complaining about their clients. Yes. That's how you know. Like, maybe you need to, to rephrase that. I am grateful that I have this client that I get the opportunity to work with. And I trust me, I've had really terrible clients. But when you put that negative energy out there, you're saying, I don't want these clients anymore. Like, you've got to rephrase that. And I'm a big believer. When you start saying negative things to people around you, you're bringing them down. So it's not about necessarily just who you want around you, but are you

worthy of being around them. Yeah, it's so true. So we're like, oh, this person's negative I had to cut them out. And I'm looking at this person and I'm like, well, you're like the one of the most negative people, you're one of the most negative people that I have met. Yeah. You've got to check yourself. Are you being negative? Are you complaining all the time? Are you, you know, over here talking bad about this person? All of that has to go. Yeah, inspect what you expect. It's hard because I am a huge complainer. I always complain about it like stupid shit. But when it comes to business and when it comes to sales, there's a different cap that goes on. There's no victim mentality here. You didn't make the sale because something you did. You know, this didn't happen. It's you. It's not everybody else. That

kills me. That's the worst when people get in a room and they start blaming everything else other than themselves. Because there's very few things in this world that we can control, but we can control the way that we react and that we can take control of how we execute as well. So when you, you're, you know, you you're blaming everybody. You know, the blame, what do they say? You have all these fingers pointing over here, but there's always one pointing back at you or one four pointing back. You know, you're the problem. You know, and that's what I think happens for a lot of women, though, in business. Women get into this victim mentality, and I might get canceled for saying, but I do. I've seen it so many times. I have a disadvantage. I have my period today. Yeah, exactly. Well, the victim mentality

is easy because it just takes away any accountability. Absolutely. That's what it is. It's lack of accountability. It takes out the accountability. But if I said, you know, what, I went into that sale and I messed it up. I, you know, anytime something goes wrong, how was I responsible and how can I change that? When you have that, I am more in control.

Absolutely. Oh, I couldn't do this. This person didn't do this. Okay, but where was I complicit in that? Yeah. Well, could I, maybe you couldn't have done something better, but I always try to walk away. even if it worked out horrible and maybe it wasn't my fault but maybe there was something that I could have done better to either preserve the sale or the agent because now I you know I build teams

so maybe there was something that I could have done better so instead of failing because how many times did you fail before you succeeded? Thousands. Yeah, I'm still failing. I mean, I'm a work in progress all the time. But for every time I failed, I like to take away a lesson to make me better the second time around. I mean, and I believe that a lot of people don't recognize.

that failure is not actually failure. It's a building block to becoming more successful. Well, and that's because we've taught, we've been taught that failure is bad. It's not. You have to fail. I know, but think about this. When we're in school, when we're in school, what grade are you looking to get on your paper? An A. And what's the worst thing that can happen? Get an F. An F that you failed. Yeah. And so we're taught, oh, oh, fail. Oh, I can't fail. In business, you are actually seeking out failure. I'm seeking out failure. And I teach like volunteer to fail. I'm going to go and I'm going to approach this person. I'm going to try to sell them this product. Don't even know if they want this

product. Probably not going to sell it to them. But I'm going to go and like you have to get those reps in. I need to go fail. So if I need to go fail a hundred times and make one sale, then I want to go fail as fast as I can that hundred times. Yeah. And so. In the nose. Yeah. And so in that failure, you're going to learn what works, what doesn't. And that's how you get better. Yes. So everyone looks at like, oh, wow, you must have never failed. Are you kidding me? I failed so many times. I am really good at sales. I teach sales. I'm a sales expert. But do you know, I started out failing at sales. I tried to go sell hotel products. You know, the little doilies that you put your cup on and the nice hotels. And I didn't sell a single thing. I was horrible at it because I was like,

I'm not sold on this product. Then I switched to real estate. End up selling millions really fast because I believed in it. So part of it is you have to make sure that you're sold on what you're actually selling. And the biggest thing is you have to be sold on yourself. Yes. That's, I think it is. Once you believe in yourself, I talk about this all the time. When you have full belief in yourself, you could literally do anything that you put your mind to, anything. So if I want to walk on water, I'm walking on water. Confidence is mostly genetic. Some people are just born with more of it. False. False.

You can teach it? You think you can teach people to be confidence? I do it all the time. I 100% can teach people to be confident. It's a skill you can build. Okay. Fake it till you make it actually works. Sometimes yes.

Yeah, it definitely does. Most people don't need more confidence. They need more competence. Your competence builds your confidence. Good answer. Women struggle with confidence more than men do. Yes. Okay.

You can be highly, confident and still fail, confidence isn't enough. True. Yeah, I would agree. I would agree too. Do you think that people are born, this is a question, natural born leaders? Is that like, do you think that's a real term? In some ways I could say, I could see that, but it has to be nurtured. Like, we all have gifts and talents, but if you nurture those gifts and talents that maybe you're naturally, your personality, I believe personality plays a part with it. I have two daughters, There's two completely different personalities. But if I nurture parts about them, they're going to grow in that area.

Does that make sense? So, yes, you can have people that are naturally more outgoing, and then there's people that are naturally more shy. But I have helped build leaders that speak up and speak on camera and build their confidence with the most shy people. I'll tell you this. There was a woman. She is a med spa owner.

Stunning, gorgeous. This is in Dallas, the most beautiful location. and she wasn't putting herself on camera to talk about her business and her business was suffering. And I started saying, okay, this is how you speak on camera. This is how we do this. I was like, we're going to go to a networking event. I'm going to take you. She's like, I've never been to one.

I picked her. I said, I'm going to pick you up because I'm afraid you're not going to go. She lost her voice the night before. She manifested losing her voice so she wouldn't have to talk. That's how scared she was. That's what she did physically. Right. So your mind-body connection is real.

Absolutely. So we showed up and she's like, I'm so sorry. I lost my voice. And I made it, no big deal. No big deal. I got you. So we walk into the room and like that's how I knew she was so scared. Walk into the room and of course, I'm like, I'm your wing woman.

And I would tell me, hey, this is so-and-so. This is her business. She's amazing. You know, I was introducing her to everyone. I'm like, you see all this? Just go see this woman. And I'm in sales, right? They're all like, yeah, we want to come to see you.

And then by the end of that meeting, I saw her across the room talking with someone else on her own. And I was kind of like, I in her, like, are you okay? She's like, yeah, I'm good. She got back in the car with me and she's like, I didn't know how that would, I didn't know how that was going to be. And she's like, I see it now. Yeah. I see it now. The anticipation is always worse than the reality.

To this day, she is now putting herself talking on camera way more than I even do. She's talking on camera about her business. Her business has grown. She's going to networking events on her own. it's once you know it then you know it yeah it's not like oh i'll never learn to be confident yes you can it is a skill you can build and i do it every week and so if someone's listening and they're like i i don't feel confident i mean you better come and see me you have to i mean it's absolutely true you can the best thing about life is that you can perfect the skills that you're not good at you can absolutely

do that there's so we're at in we're in a time right now that we have everything to our fingertips including you. You know, so if you want to be confident, literally, not that they shouldn't use you, because I think using a person more than AI is better, but you can chat GPT, give me all the steps in order to become confident. Yes. You know, and it's there. It's right there.

You're accessible before we didn't have technology like this, a Zoom call away to walk to be somebody's personal mentor to walk them through becoming confident. Yeah, absolutely. And here's the thing about confidence. It feeds into every area of your life. So especially, and I dig into my mothers. moms if you're listening i'm going to dig into you right now there you go your children are watching you everything and you want them to grow up and be confident and have the world at their fingertips

and go be the best version of themselves but they are watching you and they see that you are not they see it they absolutely do i do not let my daughter i don't know if you do this but i don't let my daughter use negative language not bad words i'm fine with bad words but like when she's like i'm scared I go, rephrase, she's like, okay, I'm apprehensive. I'm like, don't use words like that. Negative words, you start to believe them. So the more negative that you feed yourself, and I'm not a psychologist, I don't know. This is just through my work through sales.

But the more negativity you tell yourself, the more you believe it, because the bad is a lot easier to believe. And what you're saying is 100% true. So I have a chapter in my book, and it is just, it's about the word can't. Yeah, I don't let her say can't. Can't won't. Those are definitive. I'm like, you get in trouble.

So I'm like, you can drop an F-bomb if it's well-timed. But the word can't is the most limiting soul-sucking word in the English language. So when I hear can't, even with my clients, I'll be like, I can't. I'm like, whoop, red flag, stop. Refraise. Refraise. But here's the thing. When you say that, okay, I can't fly to the moon.

That is true. But the majority of the time, you're lying to yourself. And when you lie to yourself, you say, you say, you. start to wear down your own confidence because you know you're lying to yourself. I can't get to the gym today. No, rephrase that. I don't want to go to the gym. I'm not feeling like going to the gym, so I didn't prioritize going to the gym. I just, I really want to sit on the sofa and watch Netflix instead. Fine, but own that. Take responsibility for that. So I love that you do that with your daughter. because the words we tell ourselves build who we are and it builds our lives.

Yeah, it's true. It's true. And then you're exactly what you said. So I was fortunate to. My mom is like, I love her. And this chick taught me from a little girl that there's nothing you cannot do. Nothing. And it doesn't matter what life throws at you and there's going to be obstacles and there's going to be downfalls. But no matter what happens in life, you pick yourself back up, you put your, you know, you put your beautiful face on because you don't go out looking bad ever. And you put one step forward, one foot in front of the other, and you move forward no matter what happens. So I was lucky enough. I don't think a lot of women are lucky to be subjected to great moms like that.

Well, and what's great about this is you were taught all those lessons. I was taught all those lessons, but now we're taking those lessons and we're teaching them to other women because that is the key. When we want to create these communities of women supporting women, and so many of those, unfortunately, are not the case. Why do you think there's not a lot of women in sales? Number one confidence in doing so. A lot of it is male-dominated industries, and they're just timid to that. Again, how we've been raised. Luckily, I mean, I grew up with a brother. I was a

tomboy growing up, if you could believe that, like baggy jeans and T-shirts, and I always showered, but I never even brushed my hair. I didn't care. I was an athlete, so it was like, I was so used to me being around guys, and I was a contractor. I literally would, I could lay this flooring, I could hang the drywall, I could replace your toilet. I grew up very male-dominated. It was normal for me to be around men. I'm used to speaking their language. And so for me to go into things like a real estate office that was all men and me walking in, I'm like, bring it on. They're like, oh, hi, sweetheart. I'm like, okay, I'll show you sweetheart. And then, you know, a million and a half dollar sale. They're like, oh, sweetheart, was that, that was someone your

husband knew? I'm like, I'll show you again. Million three, million two. And then they heard calling me Gracie, which in a guy's world, you know, using your last name, that's actually how you earn their respect. And so I'm not intimidated, but, you know, it's a different language that they speak. And if you're not used to being in those environments and standing up for yourself, you know, it can be challenging. Yeah, I agree. What is something that you've never told anybody as you've gone on this journey of confidence, like some kind of inner, like your inner, younger self, maybe something that you've never really talked about? I used to hide.

So when I would go to high school, I would, I mean, I liked dressing up. I mean, I liked. I've got a nice dress on, my makeup, fun. I'm a girl. When I would dress up and I would put on makeup and go to school, the older girls were so mean to me. But I didn't understand why. Jealousy.

Well, I know that now, but I truly had no idea. I was so innocent. And I mean, I would cry. And so even I learned that, oh, if I just go to school in baggy jeans and my brother's oversized t-shirt, then don't brush my hair. They're nice to me. Okay. I didn't understand the reasons why at the time. When I was my senior year, they have those superlatives.

Yeah. And they were announcing them, and there was like the best looking. and they said best looking for girls Julie and my whole body froze and I went to the teacher I remember I was in science I went to the teacher and asked to go to the bathroom and I was holding my breath and walked and I started crying because I thought it was a joke I thought that the mean girls were playing a joke on me like to make fun of me I had no idea that like oh this is what you guys actually think. I didn't see myself that way. And I look back at that and I'm like, oh, sweet girl. You know, I just want to go back and hug that girl that was just like, I just want to, I wanted

everybody to like me. I just want to, you know, have friends. And I thought people were making front of me because they voted me for that true story. Yeah. And then I look back, I'm like, oh, I see now. I see now. And I think that's part of why I also teach about how to be confident, because I know what it was like to not be. And not even be aware of your power. Yeah. I think a lot of women don't realize their power. My mom told me really on like the power of the P, it's a real thing.

I didn't even know what that meant. Now I know what it means. I totally get what it means. But it's true. We do have a lot of power and women don't realize that. That men like to talk to men to women and women like to talk to women. And women, we have in sales, we are actually more efficient. If you take any woman that has ever been in my business,

business that has done well. They do exceptionally well because of their efficiency. It's just the lack of confidence that comes with it afterwards, which is sad. Yeah. Well, and here's the thing, okay, I'm really good in business, but then I'm not confident in my relationship or I'm not confident with my health and my body. Those, those leak into it all goes hand in hand. So that's what I love to do too. Like, people get on calls with me. Okay, we're going to talk about my sales this week. I'm like, no, I want to know how many times you moved your body this week. Yes. So that's part. It's true. When you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you do good. That's period. Absolutely. So that's what, because I want you to build confidence in all these areas. Because if you want me to help you grow your

business, it's all going to pour into this area. Yeah, it's mind, body, and soul. You have to, I, and if you're in sales, you have to look good. I don't care what people say, you have to look good. And I'm not saying go by, you know, Louis Vuitton suit. I'm saying you can go to Ross or T.J. Max or Target and look nice and show up because the way that you look is going to dictate everything you do. Yeah, I call it like your uniform. Yeah. Your uniform of what am I right now? Like if I have this dress on, I'm not necessarily in my kitchen making a snack for my kids, right?

But I am, okay, I'm going business, right? So it helps you mentally put your business, show up professionally. And there's factual data behind how you dress will affect how you. Your performance. Absolutely. And even, I think it was, I heard it on Cody Sanchez on her podcast. And, you know, she always dives into deep statistics and facts. I love her. And she dug up the one about women wearing makeup. It's true. It's true. It's like you have a 30%

higher increase in income just by wearing makeup. Yeah. It's true. When you go to like a job interview, you're taken more seriously if you have professional makeup on. And some women get very angry about that. I'm like, okay, well, you can get angry about it or you can do it. Yeah. That's your choice. Do you want to be right or rich? Oh, yeah. be bright or rich. That's what it comes down to. I'm going to put that on a shirt. Yeah. I mean, the way that you look does govern everything. Maybe it's shallow, but it's the truth.

If you come in and you look like a slub, you're going to perform like a slub. And there's been studies that show. That's why I do not let my sales guys come in schlubbing. I do not let them slub because what do they do? They're slubbed over. They're on the phones. You know how you want some insurance? But when you dress nice, you're forced to sit up, posture, and then all of a sudden it becomes

different. and you're more productive. All of my sales guys that are productive, dress well. Absolutely, absolutely. And I worked for a sales organization for three years. And every person in there, I mean, men, suit, tie, polished shoes, present on. They're setting themselves up for success. They aren't just, I'm not in sales.

They are sales professionals. It's true. So in when it comes to business, and I know you'll understand when I say this, are you an amateur or a professional? If you're expecting professional results, professional income, then you must act, dress, and be professional. But so many people act, dress, and behave like an amateur. Yes. And then they wonder why they're not making any money.

Yes. Yep. It's not. That's the funniest part. It's really not that hard to be successful. And then if you're not, like, you can get there too. I was faking it until I was making it. I remember when I started sales, I was driving around in this like maroon Lexus.

I mean, that was all I could afford at that time. But you know what? Everyone thought I had money. I always looked nice. I was pulling the stuff out of, I think, what Plato's closet. Yeah. But nobody knew the difference because I acted as if. And when you act as if, you can assume the role, you manifested to becoming the person that you want to become.

Well, and service comes before sales. Yeah. Anyway. So, like, I'm going to go sell, but serve them so much that they're always going to come to you. And so I learned that obviously very early on. When you want to work with multi-million dollar CEOs to help buy houses, what is their life look like? Well, they have assistance. They have people working for them.

They have people anticipating their needs ahead of time. So how can I do that? Okay, I didn't live in a beautiful multimillion-dollar home. But what types of finishes are in multi-million dollar homes? So I started researching and I would go to open houses of these big homes. okay this is a countertop it feels weird what is this oh this is uba tuba granite okay write that down what the heck is uba tuba granite okay well what are these beams that got like little holes in them too well that's called pecky cypress okay pecky cypress and i started to learn what are the terms yes of finishes and luxury homes

so that i could speak their language absolutely when they're walking through you know what's the difference between granite and quartz and marble and all these things i started to learn their language of their world So not that I had to live in that type of house, but I knew kind of how they operated. Yes, you're credible. You become credible because you perfect your craft. And once you know the ins and outs, you can compete in the world with the people that are there, whether you're wealthy, which eventually you will get there. And it's just knowing a little bit more.

So it's not that hard. I mean, you, wow, I love this conversation. So what's next for you? You wrote a book. I did. I did. I'm super excited. it's already had so much impact on women, which is exactly why I wrote it.

All those lessons that I've learned, I would hate for them to just, you know, die with me. We've gone through too much. We know too much. There are too many women out there that we need to lift up, and that's why I wrote this book. But I have different boot camps, again, that I'm helping women and men build their businesses, and I've got some keynote speaking events this year. So I would love for people to just follow me on social media, and you can kind of keep up where I am. I'd love for you to come to one of my events. Do you have one coming up?

We have two in the works. I can't say yet because the ink is not quite dry yet, but yes, very excited. And where would people find you on social? Yes, it's just on all social media, but it's just at Julie Gracie. My name is unique spelled. My mother's Canadian, so she spells it. You know that my name when you say it in, when you're in French Canadian, it's Julie. But I feel like you're so elegant. I feel like you look like a Jules. In America, I'm just Julie. It's fine. Well, that is so exciting.

So if you heard today's episode, then you know that confidence really is everything, but the nice thing is confidence can be learned. So I urge you. If you feel unconfident, do some little hacks that we talked about today. Put your face on. Dress nice. Smile when you talk. It changes everything.

So if you like this episode, go ahead and like, subscribe. Don't like unsubscribe. Do something. tell a friend. But if you like this episode, please continue to watch BuildPod. And again, thank you for joining me this morning. I know it's been crazy, but I'm so glad we made it work. And I'm so glad that we had this conversation. Absolutely loved being here. Thanks, girl. Appreciate you.