BILFPOD - Growing Up After Divorce: Lessons From a Daughter

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

Her story is about resilience, healing, and the quiet strength it takes to turn pain into perspective. With vulnerability and wisdom beyond her years, Lilli reminds us that sometimes, the most powerful truths come from simply being present.In this episode:• Life after divorce—through a daughter’s eyes 💔• What kids really need during difficult times 🤍• Healing, growth, and finding your own voice ✨• Why love and presence matter more than words 🌱✨ This conversation is emotional, real, and eye-opening—a reminder that healing isn’t about perfect answers; it’s about showing up with love.🎧 Catch the full episode streaming now on all platforms.Get Connected:Follow Lilli Brockman → @lilli.brockmanFollow Mara Dorne → @maradorneFollow the Podcast → @bilfpod#BILFPod #BossIdLikeToFollow #Maradorne #LilliBrockman #MiniMara #DaughterOfADream #BigSisterEnergy #HeartfeltEpisode #NextGenBoss #AuthenticityFirst #UnfilteredSuccess #LegacyAndLove #BILFCommunity #PodcastDrop #WomenWithVision #InspirationDaily #FamilyAndFuture #bilfpodcast #LifeAfterDivorce #DivorceHealing #FamilyMatters #ParentingJourney #HealingTogether #MentalHealthAwareness #ResilienceStories #RealTalkPodcast #UnfilteredConversations #EmpowermentJourney #EmotionalHealing #Storytime #PodcastLife #GrowthMindset #BreakingTheCycle

But I think for like a really long time, like I was very embarrassed to say that like I had divorced parents. Just like ask your child, like are you okay? Like are you okay? Like, and you can literally just be like, are you okay? I want you to know I'm here. I'm going to leave the room. And when you want to come talk to me, come talk to me. Like imagine being told like what's going on.

What's wrong? Are you okay? Tell me what's going on. It just makes you not want to say anything because then in a way you feel like you're going to get in trouble. Welcome back to the BILF pod where authenticity trumps authority. Today's guest is, I always say they're special, but this one happens to be extra, extra special. As I've told her this a million times, but I literally dreamt of her. She is my daughter, my first born, 17 years old, Lily, Sophia Brockman.

But the best part about Lily is I truly believe that I was meant to be her mommy. I don't know if she thinks that I'm meant to be her mommy, but I believe so. And Lily is everything that I strive to be. She really is, and I don't say this lately. Yes, we have our moments. We don't always have the perfect relationship, but it's perfect in my eyes. And it's been quite a journey, like through life with her. So without further ado, I am going to introduce my very well-dreamed-up,

and honestly I couldn't have dreamt up a better human being than my very own flesh and blood, my first-born, my best friend, my sister, my everything she is, Miss Lily. Lily Brockman. Woo! Hi, Mom. Thanks for having me. Hi, Lily. Are you, like, nervous laughing over there?

A little bit, but, like, your introduction had me cheesing. Did you know that? That, well, you've heard me say it a million times. Did you know that I dreamt of you? Yeah, you tell me all the time. I really did. I literally dreamt of you since I was a little girl. I knew exactly what you were going to look like.

I knew that you were going to have brown hair and brown eyes with brown skin. Like, I dreamt of you. Yeah. And I knew your name was going to be Lily. I know you tell me all the time. And there was one time I remember I told you I was like, Mom, like, I think I had a dream, like, about if I have a daughter one day. I told you that one day. Yeah, you think you're going to, did you see what she was going to look like?

I mean, I don't remember, but like I said that to you one time. Really? Yeah, I did. So it's been, I would say it's been quite a ride with you and I. Yeah, a long ride. Long ride. I think we have like a little role reversal problem sometimes, though, where you think you're the mom and I'm the daughter. Would you agree with this?

Yeah, I do. But I think that's also like the beauty of our relationship. relationship. Yeah. At times, like, when, even it's, sometimes it shouldn't be like this, you know, when you need me or I need you, like, we can know how to like balance it out. Yeah, our relationship is really unique. And for those you that don't know the backstory about Lily and I, um, I was 24, 25 when I had her. So relatively young, younger than most, any of my friends, actually. And I had this beautiful little girl and Lily, really grew up with me and unfortunately for her I was divorced by the time she was five years old.

So I thought it was very important to bring Lily on the show because there's a lot of criticism about, you know, different things between me working and, you know, different beauty regimens that I have and everybody has all these different opinions about me. But I felt like it would be really helpful to have you on so you can kind of give your perspective of what life has been like with me and, you know, just kind of be a voice of reason. There's a lot of daughters, I'm sure, that are going through divorces. And, you know, you can kind of understand and resonate with these young women and even moms to know that there is life beyond divorce. And it's not necessarily where your, it's not necessary where your kids are going to turn out

crazy or, you know, effed up or whatever you want to say. So let's let's talk about that a little bit. So do you remember when I got divorced? I don't really remember it. I mean, I think, like, there's, like, little moments where maybe I remember, like, the bickering of you and dad. But I think for, like, a really long time, like, I was very embarrassed to say that, like, I had divorced parents. Especially in, like, elementary school, you know, like, maybe a little bit in middle school. It was really weird, like, you know, and, like, obviously, like, you and dad tried as hard as you could to make things as normal as possible. But, like, I always knew, like, things weren't normal.

Like, it just wasn't normal at times, as it were for other, like, for other kids. I never heard you say that before. But like it was normal for me, but like compared to other, you know, like if I were to compare my family situation to another family situation, it was different. Yeah. And like I think for a little while I was a little embarrassed by it. And I remember like, you know, like times at like graduations, like it would be weird or like, you know, like different things like that.

But like dad made it, you know. Dad's dad. Dad's dad. But like I think like you like always did great. Like you no matter what. what, like, you were able to play both roles, which was amazing. And I think, you know, that has shaped me who I am today. But, like, um, I think, like, it was, you know, different. But at the same time, like, it's been like this my whole life. And, you know, I think if anyone were to ask me,

like, if I would ever, like, want my parents together, if I would ever, like, want it that way, like, I can 100% say, like, no, like, no. I wouldn't want it like that. Um, and, you know, like things weren't always great, you know, between like your relationship with dad and like, in my relationship with dad, you know, things weren't great. But like, I wouldn't have wanted any other way. Yeah. I mean, she's being really nice. I wasn't always, I would say the most, I don't even have a word.

I probably wasn't the best when it came to the divorce because I always felt like the two, both Lily and her older brother from my ex-husband that those kids were my, that they were my kids. So I didn't always make it really easy, but it's interesting because I never knew that you were embarrassed, that your parents were divorced. I'm sure you were embarrassed the times I went a little crazy in public, probably yelling at your dad's ex-wife. I'm sure that wasn't great, but what I think is important, I think that you would agree for a long time. What Lily's not telling you is she didn't have a relationship with her dad, and that definitely could have been partially my fault, too, because I didn't make it very easy. but I would say for the mom, I think going back, if I could, I probably would have changed the way that I handled things with your dad.

Because now me and her dad have a great relationship. He's one of my best friends. I really do love her dad. I've always loved her dad. But, you know, for the mom, and maybe you can chime in on this, the mom that is so headstrong on keeping that fight going and getting, you know, not getting along with the dad, like what are the effects of the kids on that?

Um, honestly, especially like having a younger brother. And even to this day, like him and I are like, you know, me and Liam, we're each other's best friends, you know. We do everything together, you know, whenever we need anything, we're always together. But it obviously made me, like, develop this, like, sense of constantly having to feel like to take care of someone. Yeah. Whether it was you, whether if it was Liam, like, I would never want, like, I would want to make sure everyone is okay before me. but honestly I couldn't even really tell you like when we were super young like about I don't really remember but like I know now like when it comes to anything you know any

fight anything like all I want to do is like make sure Liam's okay no matter what and I think that you know everyone fights with their brother everyone has like you know moments but like at the end of the day like Liam is like everything to me like everything and I think that like kind of like grew and like like I don't know how to explain it like I don't even know how to explain my relationship with Liam like it's just such a like well you're like the mom yeah and like I think you know watching all that happen and I think like you know when you say that like you weren't very easy and like obviously like that you know that's true but like I think it also has to do with like you being very territorial over me and Liam yeah you know as much as like dad is half of us at the end

of the day, like, we are 100% you. I love you. So it doesn't matter. More money for you out. Anything you want after all the clothes you want. But, like, um, yeah, I think it like was challenging at times. You know, it was hard. It was weird. It was really weird, you know. Um, you know, especially like for years, you know, me and Liam went back and forth. We did go back and forth for a little bit. Like, you know, when we would see mom or when we would see dad and we would hang out, you know, I was never huge on like sleeping at dads. And that, what?

wasn't, obviously it was in the beginning huge because, like, I just wasn't comfortable, but at the same time, it's just like, you know, now that I'm older, it's just like, I don't know, like, I like, I like the grip of being in one household. Yeah. That's just who I am. You know, I like the organization, I like having a standard schedule with everything in ice. Like, that's why that is how it is now. But I don't know, like, it was a little weird, but, like, I wouldn't have wanted any other way. Like, I would never want it any other way, especially, you know, with having Seth there now and, like, everything like that. and I just wouldn't want it any other way.

It works, though. I feel like a lot of people, like our relationship and our household is very unconventional. You know, it's not, it's definitely not uncommon to walk in my house and see your dad cooking in my kitchen. Not a normal at all. It's really bizarre, but, or, you know, dad just walking in whenever he wants. Or with the dog. Or with his dog, yes, very even stranger. But, like, it works.

And it's really nice to sit around, especially during the holidays. You have both your parents there. And you know, dad and I come to, like, we really do have a very loving relationship, but it's nice, I think, and I think for the people that are still having this battle and this struggle of, like, what does it look like to be normal? I don't think there's any such thing as normal, number one. But I do think, and you can chime in on this, that kids at the end of the day, number one, they want their parents' date be happy. And they also want to be happy and feel loved. And then everything in between that really just doesn't matter. Yeah.

So the ongoing battle of fighting, and it took me a really long. long time six years of fighting with your dad like fiercely embarrassing fighting I would say that that would be my biggest regret not getting divorced I don't regret that yeah and I think what also made the challenge so so hard is that like dad wasn't always there you know what I mean and like because you just said all kids want us to be loved and to feel you know wanted and stuff like that and I don't think it was always like that with dad you know he wasn't like always there yeah and like I think that was also a huge part of like me not talking to dad for a really long time And I wasn't the nicest.

Yeah. And like it was, yeah, and like it's hard, you know? And like, even like at the end of the day, like you want to make both your parents happy,

you know, all this stuff. But like, and we were also young. Like at the end of the day, like we knew what was going on. But like, you know,

you can only understand so much to an extent. But I don't, I think like, I wouldn't have wanted it in any good way. You know, like obviously there were hard times. Trust me, if there were like moments we could tweak and fix.

For sure. For sure, I would like, you know, want to fix. but like I feel like if I were to say that I would want my life differently than like, you know, like then the last 16 years of my life has been like, you know, for nothing. Yeah.

I think it all happens for a reason. And I think that everything that has happened with dad and everything, like, it has shaped me who I am today. And like, I love who I've become today, you know. I wouldn't have wanted any of your way. And I think that made you the woman you become and like the strong woman you are, you know, like you were a single mom. And like, I think that like, you know, gave you. you like strength and it gave you like the strength and confidence and like the

amazingness that you have and it I don't know I just I don't know there's so many words like I don't even know like all the words to describe you but there's making me cry but yeah I would say that you're probably the only person in my life that really understands and live through the struggle with me like what it was like what our life looked like what our what was it how 13 years ago our life did not look like this yeah no and like It's crazy because, like, you know, obviously we have friends and I have friends and all this stuff, and they're, like, amazed by the life we live now.

And it's just, like, it wasn't always like that. No. Like, it really wasn't always like that, you know? Like, there was a time where we used to live, like, next to, like, a forest with, like, you know, this small, you know, this tiny house. And, like, it's just, like crazy, you know. And, like, it's like, it's like, it's like mind blowing because you never want, like, when people are like, oh, wow, you live amazing life. Like, you don't want to be like, oh, but, like, it wasn't always like. you know, because I can come off like weird, you know?

But like, it wasn't always like this. No, it wasn't. I don't think you remember. But there was times when there was really no money to pay rent. Yeah. There was no money. There was no money for nice clothes. There was very little money for the after school program.

There were times where I had to sacrifice leaving Lily with friends. Do you remember that, staying with Kay and Allen for a long time? or staying at Mrs. Lies longer. There was a lot of sacrifice. And, you know, the one thing I want people to understand and stress, and I think, again, you can chime in on this, is that a lot of moms struggle in general with trying to be everything that they possibly can be

to their children or to their husband. But if you're trying to, you know, show your kids that it's okay to work, it's okay to live this, you live out your dream, it's okay to sacrifice. And I don't think that you look at me or Liam or even Levi, like all the sacrifices that I made. I don't think you ever look less at me like, oh, man, my mom hates me. I don't think it was ever like that. No, yeah.

And like, yeah, no, not at all. And like, I think a matter of fact, like watching you do this, like, it's inspiring. And, you know, I know for me and like, you know, I hear Liam talk about it all the time, how he knows exactly what he wants to do with his life because, like, that's what he's been shown. And, you know, like, as I'm getting older, you know. you know, colleges coming up, all these college, you know, tons of college things. Like, I'm starting to figure out what I want because I'm watching you, because I see you. And, like, I feel bad for, like, people that feel that way.

Like, I genuinely, like, feel bad because never in a million years, like, do I look? And I'm just like, oh, God, like, my mom's not here. She's traveling. Oh, my mom's not here. Like, I never look at it like that. And I don't think I ever would look at it like that. And I think if I were to ever look at it like that, I'd, like, give myself a slap in the face. Because, like, at the end of the day, like, you know, if there are times, you know,

times, you know, maybe there have been a couple things that you've missed or, like, you know, a couple things that you haven't been there before. But, like, I just, like, tell myself, like, she's not here because of me. Like, you know, she's not here because of us, like, for us. And, like, you always tell us, like, your biggest, like, motivation is, like, obviously me, because I'm the favorite child. But at the end of the day, because of all the kids and, like, everything like that. And I think that's, like, super motivating and it's super inspiring. And, like, it makes me, like, I don't want to live my life any less than that. You know what I mean. I don't think we're any less close. That's what people, I think that's what people, I think

that's a big misconception that people don't think that I am close to my children. Yeah. And that's 100% false. I talk to you guys all the time. Yeah, I was going to say, like, I think it makes us stronger, you know, like, I'm constantly texting you if you're gone, you know, like, obviously we talk when you're here, but I'm like, when you're gone, I'm facetiming you to show you my outfit in the morning, face-timing you before I go out, calling you, like, all these things. We're even more intentional. Yeah. And like, even then when we see each other, like, we haven't seen each other in so long, all we want to do is see each other. So then that just makes it. it even better, you know?

Yeah. But like, I don't know. I just, I've never looked at it as like a con in my life or a negative thing ever. I think it's hard. It's definitely hard. Yeah. But the best part is that I get to do is I can bring you. Yeah.

And I can bring Liam. Levi's still a little younger. But it is nice having that availability to bring you when you, when whatever I'm doing and to see these different things and experience it together. And I think so many moms are so stuck in this mom sheeming like, oh, I have to be home at a certain time. We were talking about it yesterday. Like, we're never even home to eat dinner together.

I know. And I think, like, honestly, as, like, time goes on and on, like, there's no normal way of living life. Yes. There's no, there's no normal way of parenthood or, you know, anything like that. I think, a matter of fact, every single family has their own different life, you know. And, you know, I will say, like, going back and back, like, you know, I'd be at my friend's house and, like, oh, their friends and family would eat dinner together. Oh, and this. You know, I have a couple friends.

I can't tell you one friend that I have that they even sit down with their family and they eat dinner or things like that. Like, it's just not normal. And it's, you know, it's just... To us, it's not that it's not. That's just not our normal. Yeah, and like, even as you get older,

like, don't get me wrong. Of course I want to sit at the table with you, but I also just want to eat and go on my phone and go to bed. Like, you know, that's what I want to do. This is what it is. That's just what it is. That's what I want to do.

I want to go on my TikTok. I want to face-time my friends. I want to know the gossip that happened. That's just how it is. Yeah. But, like, I don't, like, I, there's no normal set of life. There isn't. Yeah, or family or anything like that.

Like, and I think if we were to eat dinner every single night together, we would get bored of each other. You know, we wouldn't, like, we would get bored. Like, you know, but like, I don't know, we do have our moments, you know, and, like, we have those times where, you know, we order in or, like, anything or you'll cook. And, like, I think those are what makes them really special times, you know, not necessarily sitting around the dinner table all the time. at all. Whenever we're home, we're so intentional and maybe a little dysfunctional. But the one thing that I try to always

keep in our home is an open space where the kids, will the kids, you and your brothers feel completely okay to say whatever. And I think a lot of people would disagree with my parenting style that it really is an open form in our household. Anything goes

within reason, but it's a safe space for you and your brothers. Yeah, and I think, like, obviously as I get older, like I'm exposed to much more. And, you know, the life, society is very harsh and, in a sense, worse than, like, you know, as the time goes on. And I think that, like, with you being so open and understanding and sense like that, like, and that's why me and Liam are, like, good kids. You know, like, we don't get in trouble in school. We don't have a bad record.

You know, nothing like that because, like, in a way, I've always said that, like, if you're not open with your parents, in a way, it makes you rebellious. Like, it can make you. I think that. Yeah, and I think that, like, us having an open relationship is, like, the best thing possible. And, like, again, watching, like, you and you teaching me, like, this is only what I would want for myself, you know? But I think that, like, having the open relationship that we do have is, like, the amazingness of our family. Like, you know, we're all open with each other. You know, like, even little things, you know, like, me and Liam, we can sit at the table and tell you guys about our little crush that we have going on.

You can tell us a little too much, but, yeah. or, you know, things like that. But it's, I mean, I honestly believe in my heart is that you're going to find it out anyways. You're exposed to all the stuff anyways between alcohol and drugs and sex and all these crazy things that go on. So I would rather be the one to talk about it with you

than you're misinformed. And I think that's when a lot of problems happen for kids because even with your friends, like within your groups, the ones that are the most sheltered and don't have that kind of relationship with their parents, those are the ones that are probably the most rebellious. Yeah, and like it's like in a way, like, and it always makes me want to help them, you know what I mean?

Yeah. But like, yeah, and I'm grateful that we have this relationship, like, so grateful. You know, sometimes it might get like out of hand in times, you know? Yes, I know. The role reversal, yes, I'm aware of the role reversal situation. But I wouldn't want to come home to tell anyone else about my boy problems or any school going on or any drama going on within my friends. Like, I wouldn't want to tell that to anyone else. Yeah.

So, like, I think that's also the beauty of our relationship, though. We're so open. And even at, like, you know, your age, like, you still have drama and things that go on. And, like, you being able to call me and tell me. I'm like, oh, okay, like, I want to know, but let me tell you about my drama, too. And then, like, we just go on and talk and talk. I think it just makes for just a more natural relationship. It's not superficial.

And we both know that regardless, like, it is a safe space for us. And that is the beauty of our relationship. Some people might not agree with it. People have been very opened. I mean, even in our family, they don't, some people don't agree how close we are. and there's been many people to say stuff, but at the end of the day, I don't think that I'd change anything in our relationship.

Maybe that I'd be more of the mom. Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, but, like, I think that's also what made things, like, great. You know, obviously there is times, you know, where, like, you obviously play more of a mom aspect than I will ever play now.

But, like, at the same time, like, I know, like, it shouldn't always be like this, but, like, I love taking care of you. And I love being there for you as much as I can. but, you know, sometimes it gets a little out of here. I hope you remember that when I'm going in the home. Like, you don't send me to a home and that you're going to end up taking care of me.

Well, what happened to you getting a compound and I'm going to just raise a family in there? I mean, ideally, that's what I'd really like. So maybe we can have a nursing home in the compound. Yeah, I think so. I think that would be good. I hope that you are going to say, that is ideally what I would like is to have a compound

and you and Liam and your spouses, maybe, maybe a little bit, that you guys all live there with my grandchildren. I don't want to say that. But yeah, everybody. That's really hard for me to swallow. But there would be all of this going on on my compound. That would be ideal for me.

But I know that that's not realistic. And realistically, my dream for you is to find your own voice. And as hard as this will be the day that you end up leaving the house, which I know is very important. I know that you need to spread your wings and find your own voice outside of me and outside of this little world. Yeah. And just get that going for you.

And I am excited to see that for you. I'm excited too. And I think for a really long time, like, I was always so set on, like, oh, I want to be here. I want to stay here next to my mom, here, here, and nothing can change that. And, like, as I get older, not even just as I get older, as the months have gone on and, like, watching you, like, bloom. Like, I realize, like, I want to go out. Like, I want to find what I can do.

And, like, you know, we've been talking about college a lot and, like, finally came to the conclusion that it looks like where I'm going to be is in New York. You know, that's what it seems like. and I couldn't be more excited. I'm excited for you. I'm really excited. And I remember, like, what, five months ago, four months ago, going out of state wasn't even an option.

Like, it wasn't even. But it's important that you do that. So I just want to switch gears for a moment because another big thing that people often comment about with me is my appearance and cosmetic surgery. As you know, I am very open that I do not like getting older. We know this is a big huge issue with me, But beyond that, I mean, even something from grandma, the one big thing is, you know, if it's broken, fix it doesn't matter.

You have to look good and feel good. So how would you? And one thing I do want to emphasize is I never push this on you to go get cosmetic surgery. This is not something that, you know, that I'm, oh, yeah, you know, here, it's never like that. But let's just talk about that and how you feel that I always joke. And I'm like, my hair is not real. My, you know, my tan is fake. Like, how do you, what is your take on that?

I think it's hilarious. I do. It's literally. I just think that, I mean, we're in 2025. Yeah. You know. I think that any type of surgery, any type of thing you can fix, cosmetic, no matter what it is, it's 2025. And I think it's much more common now. But I don't care. I don't care. And I don't think anyone else should care. I don't think it's that big of a deal at all. I think at the end of the day, it's your body. Whatever you want to do, like, that is completely up to you. And at the end of the day, every single person, should feel confident within themselves. And I think if that's like making a tweak here and there, putting some fake hair in, you know, not wanting to go in the sun, but being able to get a tan, like, why wouldn't you do that? You know what I mean?

And if it makes you feel good, like, that's all that matters. And I think, yeah, I don't, I don't even, like, you know, I hear about it all the time. People, like, have things to say, you know, not even just about you, like, in general. You know, like, oh, this girl's lips too big, oh, this, that. Like, I'm just like, why do you care? Why doesn't matter? Like, it does, it's not you.

It's like, it's not you. It's them. Like, that's their choice. It's completely up to them. Like, that has nothing to do with you. Yeah. But, um, well, a lot of people say that, you know, this is like the topic of conversation that they'll say is your daughter is watching. So be very careful what you're doing.

Yeah. But I feel like I'm glad that you're watching. You watch me, you know, because you know how I am that if I don't feel good on the outside, I won't, or even on the inside. It's my body and soul, period, right? So you have to feel good inside, you have to feel good outside. But if you don't have all of those components together, then you just don't feel good.

And you already know how I am that if I don't feel the best version of myself, then I can't be a good mom. Yeah, and you know something that I always do. So I get up for school every morning at 5 a.m. Kind of. Yeah, but that's the goal. 5 a.m. 35% of the time.

5 a.m. And nobody at 5 a.m. wants to wake up, get dressed, put makeup on, look good for school, and then you're, you know, you know what I mean? So when I wake up in the morning, most days, I try to tell myself, like, if I look good, I will feel good. Like, I say it all the time. And about 95% when I have an outfit that I can proudly walk in, my day goes 10 times better. No matter if that means I don't get in drama that day, no matter if that means I do good on a test, no matter if that means, like, I don't get in trouble. You know, any little thing, like, I just feel like,

that is what makes me, you know, that's what starts my day. And honestly, like, I, like, you know, like, even, like, seeing you with long hair, like, that makes me want to take care of my hair better, so I have longer natural hair. You know what I mean? Like, it's just, like, things like that, but, like, I think that, like, that's, like, you. Like, that's what you decide to do. And I don't think it's a bad thing at all. Like, you know, and if I want to do it, cool, you know, there's some things that you do do,

cautismatics wife, that I don't want to do, but then there's some things that you do that I'm like, okay, maybe. But it's not because I'm like, oh, I'm watching you. I want to beat you. Like, you know, like, you know what I mean? No, I don't, I think the, I think the premise behind it is when you feel good, you do good. Yeah. You know, and that's the biggest thing that I'm trying to teach you.

It's not like, hey, listen, you have to go under the knife. You know, you have to use Botox and fillers. That's not even what I'm trying to preach to you. What I'm preaching to you is when you look good, you feel good. When you feel good, you do good. And that looks different for everybody. And it doesn't make you unauthentine. because people like to say that, you know, oh, you're unauthentic.

That's not true. Yeah, it's different for everyone. I think that is authentic for me to recognize that, and that's what I want for you. I want you to look and feel your best. You have one shot at making a first impression. And you know this. I've always been like this for you. The biggest thing, the biggest pet peeve for you and Liam was the way that you guys looked

when you guys went to school. Do you remember that? Yes. The way your hair looked, that you always look clean, right? And you always had nice shoes on and nice clothes. Always. And that was a big thing. And it wasn't because I wanted to pretend like we had money.

It had nothing to do with that. It was always the perception of you have one shot and making a good first impression. And that's what it always came down to. Yeah, and you know, for sure. And like, you know, being able to like look good, feel good, that's different for everyone. You know, like for you, that's being able to wake up,

run your business, you know, all this stuff. For me, that's being able to want to go to school, you know, important things that you have to do. But like, yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. There was definitely like a rough patch where like we would decide if you were gonna dress me or if I was gonna dress myself and you know I wouldn't always come out looking great.

Now going to school like I always wanna look good. Like I always want to look good. But like obviously- It dictates your day. Yeah, I mean, and don't get me wrong. Like I'm still a teenager. There's definitely days where I wake up. I put my sweats, my hoodies and my ugs

and I walk out of the house, you know, like that. But then I still make sure like my face is okay, my hair is okay. And it's not because like, oh, like I'm trying to impress or anything like that. It's genuinely like it just does good for me. It's the way inside. It's more about how you feel.

It does good for me. If you're not feeling good inside and you don't love yourself inside and I also want to stress this, you know, one thing, like Lily is my only daughter. I have two sons and the biggest thing for me is the way that Lily sees herself and the eyes that I see her. And I will say that Lily, out of most girls that I know, values herself and her body and she, and that is a big thing for her. And that is what I've been trying to teach her her whole life.

is that she has to love herself first inside and outside before anything else. And you do that. I mean, you are 100% a strong woman. Yeah. You are. And I think no one takes advantage of it. She has a big mouth. She's righteous.

There's some things we could tweak on the mouth. But as far as like honoring who you are inside, you very much know who you are. Yeah. And like even like even you saying like that, like I don't want it to make it seem like, oh, I'm perfect. Oh, I have perfect thoughts of myself. Well, thoughts of perfect of myself, but like, you know, at the end of the day, I am 17. I'm in, you know, high school right in the middle.

You know, I'm figuring out kind of what I want to do for the rest of my life. I'm kind of like, you know, adapting body-wise, every wise, you know, if possible. And, like, you know, it's not always easy. You know, you're in high school. You know, people say things, drama, this and that. And, you know, I do have times where, like, I want to come home and cry myself to sleep. You know, there are times like that. But, like, at the end of the day, like, I am really starting to love who I'm becoming.

and everything like that. And, you know, like, it's always, a huge thing for me has always been, like, change and, like, the transfer, you know, transforming. But, like, I am finally at a point where, like, I am happy with myself. I do love the person I'm becoming, you know? And don't get me wrong. I still have moments where I'm, like, you know, freaked out and, you know, slacking off a couple years back or, you know, not loving who I was, you know, little things.

Like, they do catch up to me now because now I'm, like, you know, paying the price and figuring it out. But, like, I really do. love the person I've become and like I can confidently say that you know and it wasn't always like that and like you know like you know there's everything you know there's times where I didn't always feel like that yeah you know there are times where I wanted to tweak things about myself there were times where I just told myself like be better like just be better but it's not that's not the reality you know it takes time and like I am like I do love the person I because I do I think every single thing becoming from my parents getting you guys getting divorced as such a young age to

you know having a bad grade you know drama losing friends gaining friends you know all this stuff like i think that has made me love who i become today and i really finally you know at a place where like i do love who i am yeah it's okay too that you have imperfections i try to tell lily all the time or whenever i have the moment i always tell her she's perfect because you are perfect to me but i want to talk you did you talked a little and i don't know how comfortable you feel about talking about this on camera but and we can omit this if you don't want to talk about it but but and we can omit this if you don't want to talk about it, but I've spoken openly about my battle with anxiety. And we found out when Lily was 10 years old, 11. So 10, 11 years old, that Lily battles anxiety. Hers is a little different

than mine. She has a lot more control over it and just understanding that mental illness is a real thing. And I hate to even talk about it, like, because for kids, some kids, you know, they think they have anxiety or, you know, because we use it so lightly, but that is something that she battled. It's something that you still battle occasionally from time to time. So what is that like being a teenager that battles anxiety? Um, so like you said, going back, um, I was diagnosed with anxiety sixth grade. And like I had just said, I don't do well with change. It's not my thing. I don't like it. Um, I like to have things in a certain order. If things don't go out of the, if things go wrong, I freak, I flip. That's just like the person I am. Yeah.

And, you know, it's a really good thing about me, but it can also be a really bad thing about me because, you know, life changes, things adapt. And you have to adapt to that. But, yeah, sixth grade, I was taking the transformation from going to elementary school to middle school. And I, at the time, went to a completely different middle school than where all my friends went. And I was so excited. I was so excited for middle school. I was so excited for the seven periods, you know, waking up late. It was great. I was so excited. I went to my first day. You know, this is like what I remember. I went to the first day and it was great. I had a great first day. Yeah. I had a little bit of like, you know, an uneasy feeling, but I was like, oh, it's the first day of school. You know, that's what it is.

Yeah. I go back the second day and my first period in my theater class, I'll never forget, I freaked. I started hysterical crying. I couldn't stop. I didn't know what was going on. I don't, I was like, I felt like I was like dying. Like I didn't understand what was going on. I kept crying.

I kept crying. and all I wanted was to stop. I went to the bathroom. I literally was like, stop, and I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop. Then I went to my second period. Happened again. Crying, crying, crying.

And I remember it was science class. And in science, we have these big black tables. So when you put your head down and you lift your head up, if you're crying, it's on the table. And my tears were everywhere, everywhere. And I was freaking out. And then I don't really remember how I called you. I don't really remember.

You went home. You came home in this one for weeks. I went to the front office. You came and picked me up, and I refused to go to school for two weeks. I wouldn't go to school. You guys couldn't get me into school. I just wouldn't go. I remember, like, dad had to come.

I was screaming. Like, I didn't understand what was going on. And, like, I think, like, if I remember, like, you were scared. I was terrified. What is happening to my daughter? Like, what is going on? And I couldn't figure it out. Like, we couldn't figure it out.

And we finally went to therapy, and she told me that I had anxiety. Yeah. And I remember, like, it was an option, like, do you want to go in medication? And to this day, absolutely not. I just won't do it. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. It makes me feel like different, you know? And obviously, it's good to be different, but not in an aspect where it has to do with, like, you mentally.

Yeah. So we came up with this idea. Okay, let's get you to the school where all your friends. are the first couple days were rocky and then I finally got back in and dance and dance and dance was amazing for me and then I finally got back in I was good and then you know I kind of learned as time went on and then I was okay and then my seventh grade year was COVID and um the first two weeks we were online we went back I freaked again and a huge part of that was because I think I saw like the mask it was freaking me out and then I was okay

Okay. Eighth grade, I was great. And then it happened again going from middle school to high school. Yeah. I freaked. Again, I went to another high school. I don't know why I keep doing this, but I went to a high school where... That's right. I forgot that happened. Yeah, I went to the high school where only my best friend was there. Nobody else was there. And I had a great first day. Second day. Same thing happened. Same thing happened. Freaked. Couldn't get into school. And then with the amazing mother I have, she got me back into the high school with all my friends. And a huge, obviously the reason why that happened was because of the change. Now, I'm in my junior year and I don't get it as frequently.

I definitely don't get it as much as you get it. But when I get it, I cry. Yeah. I have a really bad problem where I cry. And I like freak out. I like hyperventilate. And I'll like sit there, like, you know, fidgeting around, like playing with, you know, whatever I can find and just feel.

fidgeting. And then, like, I'll look at you, and I'll be like, like, like, you know, like, the look. It's happening. It's happening. Um, and then I cry. And then I start to cry. Then you stop. But then I stop.

And, um, I figured out that going on my phone helps a lot, but that's obviously, like, not really the best thing you want to rely on. So I honestly can't even tell you what I do. I literally just sit there. I think you don't let the anxiety. control you. And I like, you know what's there. It's not something we dwell on. We don't really talk about it when it happens. We know what's happening. I know from the look and you just, you don't let it control you. It'll, it'll be there. We know what's in the room, but it's the same thing. You know,

same thing that I preach, that the anxiety is there. And yeah, we can stop our day and we can stop and really dwell that we have this issue, this mental issue that we have, but we don't let the anxiety control us. Yeah. And I will say, you know, I definitely have to, like there must have been a few, couple times where it has taken over my day. You know, it has gone to a point where, you know, you'll come pick me up from school and I will lay in my bed and cry for the rest of the day. Like, you know, that's just the reality of it. But, like, it does suck.

You know, it really, really sucks. But it kind of, like, makes me stronger in a way. It kind of makes me stronger. And it also makes me, like, now that I have, like, the ability, you know, because not everyone's like this, now that I have the ability to know. you know, certain triggers, you know, I know that when I put myself in uncomfortable situations, that's a huge problem. When I dwell on situations for too long, when I anticipate the worst, change, like when all these things happen, like, I know that the anxiety is bound to come,

like, once these actions or, you know, events happen. So I try to kind of, like, you know, in a way warn myself, you know, talk about what could happen, you know, all this stuff. But like, It's going to happen no matter what. Even, you know, I can literally tell you right now, you know, I can be going to college tomorrow and I know my anxiety is going to happen, but it doesn't matter. Like, even if I tell myself it's not going to happen, it's going to happen. Yeah. I'm still going to freak the same. I'm still going to cry.

I'm still going to lose it. It's just going to happen. But, yeah, I don't know. It's just a part of you. Yeah, it is. It's just a part of who you are. It's probably one of the shitty traits you got from me, but it is a part of who you are. And it's a very real thing.

Yeah. And you deal with it. Yeah. And, like, another thing. And obviously I have a, I cry, but I don't want anyone to know I'm crying. No. So that's another thing that helps is that if I get it in public, even like when you get it, I know.

Even when we're at the airport anywhere, I'll be like, stop. Like, you're embarrassed to yourself. People are watching you. Like, do you want people to think you're crazy? Like, is that what you want people to think? So, like, when I'm by myself or, you know, in school or anything, like, I'll literally just like, none of my friends really know how to handle it. You know, nobody really knows.

There's no way to handle anxiety. Like, there's just no way. So, like, I'll just, like, sit there. they're going to be like, okay, like, all these kids are looking at me right now. Every single person is looking at me right now. And then once they see me, they're going to ask me if I'm okay, and that's just going to make it worse. That's just going to make it ten times worse. So stop crying.

Stop crying. Like, get up. Go on with your day. Just get up. And like, that's what I tell you too. Yeah, no, it's the truth. I think some people that suffer from mental illness, they think it's like the tell I'll be all end of the world.

And it's not. I mean, we live with it every, I live with it really bad. You live with it occasionally. It is a part of who we are. this is just what it is, but we manage to maneuver through it. We know what's going to happen, and that's just it. It's just, I don't think there would not be Lily without anxiety, and same thing Mara without anxiety.

And that's really what it comes down to. It's not something we're embarrassed about. It is something that we do talk about openly in our family. We know it comes from our family, but again, we don't let it control us, and it's not something that's ever going to hold either one of us back. Yeah, and I think also if you don't face it and you don't admit that you, you know. Yeah, a lot of people are embarrassed. Yeah, and like, even like for us,

Like we have the same thing, but we do it very differently. Like, you know, sometimes you do take the medication to help, you know, to calm me down. But I refuse to take it. Yeah. I will not take it. I just, it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me. And I don't think anybody in this world wants to feel like there's something wrong with them. And then also, like, again, I cry.

Like, you don't necessarily cry. You just get up and you lose it and you, you know. Freak. Yeah, you freak. You completely freak. But I think, like, it's very different. And maybe it is a good thing that we handle it differently, you know? So there's times where, like, I'm crying.

You tell me to like stop, you know, same thing. If you're losing it, I'll be like, enough. Like, calm down. Like, you're fine. It's not real. But I think that's the hardest thing is like when you're like, it's not real. And you're like, yes, it is real. I'm feeling it.

Like, it's real. And then you're like, it's not real. And we know the difference. I mean, I would say like logically, we know. Yeah. We know that it's not like this is not really, it is really happening. But yeah. We also know that it stops.

But, you know, you're going, this is like the hardest part for me is that you in a year and a half are going to be away from me. Like my baby is going to be gone and she is going to turn into an adult and not that you are, we aren't, but you are, Lily, you're growing up to be such a perfect human. And I might be biased, but you are, you have so many amazing attributes. You are exquisite inside and out. Your heart is unimaginable. When you love, you love hard. I mean, you really are such a breath of fresh air. So if you could give some advice to maybe a teenager that's kind of struggling right now or even a parent, some advice for a parent, let's do it for a parent because I feel like you're always the voice of reason. So for a parent that's kind of struggling with a teenager right now that doesn't feel as close because we haven't gone through that because our relationship is just very different. But I know that there are, I know with my mom there was a time where I just didn't feel as close.

What kind of advice would you give to a parent that's just not feeling that close to their parent? Honestly, I would just say listen. Like, just listen. Don't try to fix because at the end of the day, there's no way to fix anything. I would literally just say, just listen to what your kid is going through. Like, listen to what's going on. You know, you can try to help, but don't try to fix. I think a lot of people nowadays, teenagers, also me, I want to do things on my own.

I don't want my mom behind me. I don't want my dad behind me. I don't want anyone behind me. I want to be able to do it. And I think that the biggest thing is, first of all, be able to create that relationship with your kid for them to want to be open with you. And then if that's not the case,

then, you know, like, I promise, like, just sitting there and just being, like, are you okay? Or, like, what's going on? Like, that just opens up a ton of doors, you know? Like, if I'm having a bad day, you see I'm about a cry, and you're like, all I want for you.

you to say is what's going on. And then I will open and tell you everything that's going on. Don't push it. But don't push it. Because if you push it, then that's where, like, in a way, because you're like, like, imagine being told, like, what's going on, what's wrong? Are you okay? Tell me what's going on.

It just makes you not want to say anything because in a way you feel like you're going to get in trouble. You feel like, you know, you might not get the response that you want. But I think that if you have a child, boy or girl, obviously I'm speaking as a girl, just like ask your child. Like, are you okay? Like, are you okay? Like, and you can literally just be like, are you okay?

I want you to know I'm here. I'm going to leave the room. And when you want to come talk to me, come talk to me. I'll be here to listen. But I think that just letting your child know that, like, you are there is like the biggest thing, the biggest thing. No matter what it is, no matter if it's drama with a boy, a girl, drama with your friends, you know, mentally, a test, anything like that. Like, just leave the door open. you know, don't necessarily walk in there with it open and then close it.

Like, leave the door open the whole time. And that'll want your kids to talk. I know it does for me. That's sound advice. I think that is really sound advice. So, you know, if you're listening today's episode, there's no smoking mirrors here. Literally, like, I wish that they could watch our lives. Like, what you see is what you get.

We have a very unconventional. Like Lily said, I don't think there is such a thing as normal. I don't think it works for us. It works for our family. But the one thing I can say that being a. parent, it does not come with a set of directions. And despite what we think, our kids are not sitting there judging us and they're not there with the checkmark. You know, oh, they did good, oh, they did bad. It has nothing to do with that. At the end of the day, the kids just want to know

that you love them. That's what it is. And the time that you're there, it's intentional. And that you really, you value them as people. And as she gets older and she comes into her own, I try to give her that space. And again, I am not an expert on raising children. I am hoping that she doesn't end up on somebody's couch, you know, in 10 years, talking about what a crazy lunatic mom she has. But, you know, we do the best we can as parents. So if you're that parent that's really hard on yourself, stop, stop. Stop being hard on yourself. This is, you know, it's a learning experience. We're all flying by the seat of our pants constantly. But, you know, if your child knows that they're loved and you really are showing them whether we're not affectionate people, but we know

that we love each other, that's really all that matters. So Miss Lily. Sophia Brockman. Thank you for joining me today. I think we should do many more of these, because you really are insightful, and you're such an old soul, and I just love you so much. I love you.

I love you. Do you know what a bilf is? I do. What's a belf? What's a belf? What it is? Or like... What it stands for?

Boss, I like to follow up. You are. You're like a baby belf. I hope I'm a baby belf, and then eventually I'll be a bilf. You'll be a big belf. I love you. I love you, too.

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