Blank Check with Griffin & David - Aliens of the Deep/Ghosts of the Abyss

Episode Date: November 19, 2016

Griffin and David this week discussed two documentaries directed by James Cameron: 2003’s Ghost of the Abyss and 2006’s Aliens of the Deep. But what were the early days of IMAX like? What kind of very rich person loves risking their lives in a submarine? Does David or Producer Ben rep Jupiter's moon, Europa, harder? Together, they examine Bill Paxton’s Texas accent, water drones James & Elwood and play a double dose of the box office game.

it's ghosts of the Podcast slash Podcast of the Deep. It's the documentaries episode. Yeah, great. Let's get through it. Delete. Hello, everybody. My name's Griffin Newman. I'm David Sims.

Welcome to Blank Check. Ben, I swear to God. This is a very underwater episode of Blank Check with Griffin and David. Yeah, this episode's going to start underwater and just decline further deep into the water. We're going to make a big splash and then drown. This episode's going to drive its boat out into the ocean, and then something about the boat's going to break. It's just going to kind of sit there for a while. Yeah, we're going to send two little robots out, and then one of them, the tether, is going to get caught in that thing.

It's going to get stuck on the ceiling. Grabbing it, pulling it out. Well, we finally got to that point in that miniseries where we talk about a thing that no one's seen. Hey, we're entitled to this one. It's been movies that everyone's seen so far. Some of the biggest movies of all time.

Not this time. With this podcast, we talk about directors, filmographies, filmmakers who have had big success early on and get a series of blank checks. And sometimes those checks clear and sometimes they bounce, baby. Blank checks, of course,

meaning the freedom to make whatever projects they want. And boy, these are blank check projects. I mean, the fact that he got Disney to flip the bill to do these two things. How much do you think? They must have cost a fair amount. Yeah. I think Ghost of the Abyss have cost a fair amount. Yeah.

I think Ghost of the Abyss was profitable. Quite profitable. Yes. Aliens of the Deep was not. Probably not. But they got some science out of it. Still, it's like, I mean, these movies are the equivalent of taking a vacation but writing it off as research and your taxes. Yeah.

Right? I guess so. Yeah. They probably, yeah, exactly. They probably buried all this at the end. Like, it's all charitable contributions to marine biologists or whatever. Two IMAX documentaries directed or co-directed by James Cameron. 2003's Ghost of the Abyss.

Yes. Which is, despite having the word abyss in the title, not about underwater aliens. No, but one assumes it's trying to be cute. A little bit. Yeah. A little cute. And then 2006, he gave us Aliens of the Deep, which is about abyss type aliens. I guess.

It's about James Cameron. Both of them are about James Cameron. The second one's really about James Cameron. The first one's kind of about Bill Paxton. Yeah, Bill Paxton with, let's say this, because you and I love billing, love talking billing. Oh, yeah, this is a Podinator Judgment cast. It's a miniseries about the films of James Cameron.

Yeah. I don't know the last time I saw this. Ghost of the Abyss has a, not just Bill Paxton first bill but only build is he the only builder i mean the credits go they don't even bill lewis abernethy or whoever nope here's how the crude here's how the credits go for ghost of the abyss okay produced and directed by james cameras the first credit card boom and then solo card billxton. And then it says second unit director. Wow.

Then it goes on to technical credits again. But there are two IMAX documentaries. Combined runtime of two hours. Yeah, Ghosts is a solid 61 minutes, right? I think. I think a little bit over. Aliens of the Deep is 47. 61 minutes, right? I think. I think a little bit over. Aliens of the Deep is longer. What?

Oh, I'm sorry. I got them flipped. Yes. No, Ghosts of the Abyss is longer. No, Ghosts of the Abyss, 61 minutes. Aliens of the Deep, 95 minutes. The version of Aliens of the Deep I watched was 47 minutes long. I don't know what to tell you, buddy.

I don't know what you rented. Is it possible that Amazon did me dirty? Did you rent the wrong movie? Aliens of the Deep? What happened in it? They went underwater and saw some things that look like aliens. And what did the ships look like that they were in? Little pods, little submarines.

What do you mean? They're pretty special, those ships. Aliens of the Deep. The big globes. Yeah, cool. What do you mean? Is there a specific answer I should look for? No, I just I'm worried you saw the wrong movie. Where did you watch it? I also watched it on Amazon. iTunes. 47 minutes, right Ben?

47 minutes. Right, Producer Ben? Well, yes. Wikipedia is saying 95 minutes. The Poet Laureate? Yep. Mr. Positive? Yeah. The Fuckmaster? Yeah. The Tiebreaker? Mm-hmm. Birthday Benny? Always. Dirtbag Benny? Yeah. Positive? Alright Yeah The Fuckmaster? Yeah The Tiebreaker? Mm-hmm Birthday Benny?

Always Dirtbag Benny? Yeah Hello, Fennel? Yep You graduated to certain titles over the course of different minisers? Producer Ben Kenobi?

Kylo Ben? Ben Say? Ben H. Hamlin? I feel like I'm missing out with David's face right now He's just writing a piece. I'm just not interested. He's filing a piece. I am not filing a piece.

I am trying to figure out what version of Alien to the Deep you saw. Yeah, but how did we see the wrong fucking version? Are you saying it's longer? My guess is that it was 95 minutes in theaters, which is why this is saying that. And that the version you rent is cut down because a lot of the 3D stuff was cut out or something. I don't know. I would maybe guess the opposite because for a long time- The opposite?

Yes. Can I tell you why? Yeah. For a long time, IMAX movies had a real cap to how long they could be because the IMAX projectors were so big and the film was so big. Like famously when they re-released- Nodding. Apollo 13 and IMAX, they had to cut, like, fucking 25 minutes out of it.

Yeah. Same thing with Attack of the Clones, you know? That's why, like, this is, I mean, these two movies are dinosaurs. They're relics of a bygone era. They are. Where IMAX theaters. Where you would, like, go to the museum. Right.

Yeah. Most IMAX screens in the country were museums or planetariums, you know? Aquariums. Your areas. I remember the first one. Zoos. All right. The first one I saw, it was called like, I don't know,

there was like asteroids like shooting at the screen. When I was a kid, I went to see it at the Museum of Natural History. Yeah. And you wore like the old paper glasses. They were very big. I think that perhaps Ben and I saw an IMAX cut, and then when it was released on home video, it was expanded. Because I think the same thing happened

with Ghost of the Abyss. I think there's a longer version of Ghost of the Abyss as well, but the IMAX versions are short. I think the version, I can't remember now, but I feel like the version of Ghost of the Abyss I saw was,

you know what? Hey, hey, I just realized we're hosting a podcast. Jesus, nobody cares. All right, we're moving on. Oh, wait, I just realized something too. Who gives a shit? Yeah, who fucking cares? Who fucking cares? Nobody cares. People don't we're moving on. Oh, wait, I just realized something, too. Who gives a shit? Yeah, who fucking cares?

Who fucking cares? Nobody cares. People don't care about these movies at all. Like, you know, like, baseline, they don't care about the movies. They certainly don't care to hear what the running time of them is. But you know what they do care about? What? Hashtag the two friends, baby.

That's us. I mean, if they're listening, that's why. Griffin Davey. They weren't like finally aliens of the deep someone's gonna talk about it but what was the run time by my count 47 and 114 so

47 yeah so these two movies were like museum IMAX documentaries they were sort of at the vanguard of new live action 3D technology. They were using experimental cameras. It was the beginning of

James Cameron's mission to bring 3D back. To make 3D happen again. Make 3D great again. And those are the two things. A, there were two cool underwater missions he wanted to go on. And B, he wanted to set the runway for him to be able to make a big, new live action 3D movie. And he got Disney to foot the runway for him to be able to make a big, new, live-action 3D movie.

And he got Disney to foot the bill on both. And it was worth it because, you know, eventually, yeah, Ghost of the Abyss cost $13 million. Okay. And Aliens of the Deep cost $9 million. So, you know, big budget documentaries, not big budget movies. Do you think the difference between the two budgets is that Paxton got four? Yeah, Paxton's quote just, it had to come in at four. All right.

But yeah, these are short IMAX documentaries, and then that stopped being a thing once James Cameron brought 3D back. You can't, they don't make those anymore. They don't? I mean, I don't think really. Like if I go to the Museum of Natural History, they don't have something. You can see Doctor Strange, you know? It can't be true. Magnificent Seven.

Remember Everest? Remember when everyone saw Everest? Yeah. About climbing Mount Everest in IMAX. Yeah, they were big. And there was like a Hubble Space Station 3D movie narrated by Tom Cruise that made like $100 million. And it was like 45 minutes long.

And I saw some movie that was in 3D that was about like a guy who wants to like deliver the mail in Alaska on a biplane. Interesting. It was set in the old days of mail. I remember one that was called Voyage Through New York. And it was about immigrants coming in through Ellis Island. It used to be this quasi-educational, quasi-spectacle. It was sort of that weird.

And that's what these movies are. But I would say both of them are not good versions of that. I would say these are both movies that I would not recommend. Which one do you think is better? Ghost of the Abyss. I disagree so hard. This is going to be the biggest fight we've ever had in the podcast. I got to add some dramatic tension to this episode.

I just remember the worst IMAX 3D movie I ever saw was literally it was a series of like conversions of pre-existing animation that were now in 3D. So it was like an anthology movie that was like the CGI Treehouse of Horror segment, the dance scene from Ants. I vaguely know what you're talking about, but OK. I remember this existing. Yeah. Yeah. And they like advertised it as like Simpsons 3D. And I was like, oh, shit, Simpsons 3D. Right. And it was like that thing you've already seen, but now in 3 existing. Yeah. Yeah. And they like advertised it as like Simpsons 3D. And I was like, oh shit, Simpsons 3D.

Right. And it was like that thing you've already seen, but now in 3D. Yeah. And it was like, yeah, it was like four minutes long. And we paid like $75 for tickets, I'm sure. These two movies exist in the 12 year gap between Titanic and Avatar where everyone's like, what the fuck is James Cameron? When's he going to make a movie?

Get back on land, pick up a camera, make a movie. And he was like, no, I'm going back in the water. And he just took this massive 3D camera with him. Massive. These things are big. These rigs. They're huge. That's like, and that's, I wish.

It's the IMAX rig. Yeah. People say it's like the size of a whatever. It's really loud. Yeah. Really loud. It has to be really close. Yeah.

I wish that the movies covered how difficult the cameras were more. No, because these movies are meta enough as it is, especially the second one. But, all right. Let's talk about one. No, I'm sorry. The one other major thing we have to acknowledge is that these movies are 3D spectacles and we saw them all in 2D. We did.

And certainly that's maybe why. Yeah. Right. I'm sure in 3D they'd be better. It's cool. They'd have an allure. I think Ghost of the Abyss especially would. Alien to the Deep is a bunch of shit. Okay. So let's go through Ghost of the Abyss. Ghost of the Abyss 2003.

Is that right? Yes. Released in 2003 but you know, not to foreshadow the twist, shot in 2001. And we should say, spoiler alert, Titanic sunk. Yeah, okay, right, yes. So this does take place after Titanic.

R.I.P. Titanic. That is, Ben, thank you. It is weird that it didn't come out in 2002 just to get that sweet 90 year sinking. Yeah, that's true. true came out on the 91st anniversary ish of the sinking yeah i have a theory uh as to why that happened but i'll uh i'll get that later um but uh this movie is about jimmy c going back to titanic he's going underwater he wants to look at the wreckage there's no real specific goal in. There's not a thing they're trying to learn or discover.

They're not looking for heart of the ocean. He's on the boat that is the boat that they used for Titanic. It's called the Academic Midslav Keldysh. I can't. Some Russian boat. It was the boat he dived in like the 95 where he got the first footage of the Titanic that he used in the movie. And yeah, he wants to do it again. Do more diving with these Russian friends of his.

And it's like with Bill Paxton and Louis Abernathy. So it looks like the real version of... Louis Abernathy was always with him, right? Because Louis Abernathy is into this stuff, right? Louis Abernathy is the one who sort of got him really into Titanic. But then the arc of the film Ghost of the Abyss is partly that Bill Paxton, who was in Titanic...

Right, playing the Cameron analog. Right. James Cameron's like, you should come on this dive we're going to do. And Bill Paxton's like, I don't think so. And James Cameron's like, no, you got to.

You got to come. Paxton like narrates the thing, and it's sort of like they try to set it up like it's a story about like. They're getting us in through Paxton. When my friend Jim Cameron asked me if I wanted to go to Titanic, I thought it'd never actually happen. But here I was about to board a ship to go down to Titanic. And he boards a ship and he's like,

which way to the Titanic ship? And the Russian guy's like, Russian, Russian, Russian. And he's like, man, who knew what kind of journey I was about to go on. Right. It's really clunky. It's very, very clunky. And here's the thing. This movie has no propulsive

narrative whatsoever. It seems like it's going to with Paxton but then it's like then Paxton went underwater and was like oh wow there it is. The Titanic. Yeah. And you're with him you're like I bet that's crazy. And he's sort of fun to watch react

for five minutes. And then you're, I don't know, half an hour in and you're like, all right, let's wrap this up. Right. But, you know, you've got another 40 minutes or so to go. Yeah. This movie, I mean, they they clearly just shot some stuff. And then afterwards, it's like watching someone show you their like vacation slides and they're trying to like throw a narrative onto it. But there's no tension because you already know how the story ends which is them back in

their living room showing you the slides. So all the narrations in past tense being like I had no idea what was going to happen down there underneath Titanic but then I saw this. The Titanic. Right. That's what happened. That's what happened. I saw it. It definitely existed

down there. And it was crazy. Yeah. And then let's reenact some bits of the Titanic with not the actors from Titanic, new actors. No. Remember those scenes you loved in Titanic? What if the same director made them shitty? Yeah, same director made them with actors who are not particularly good. Yeah.

Shorter. Right. And kind of almost like a Ken Burns documentary or whatever. Yeah, like very low production value. Sort of like a slow pan on an image. Right. And kind of almost, you know, like a Ken Burns documentary or whatever. Yeah, like very low production value. Sort of like a slow pan on an image. Yeah. And someone going like, I'm the captain here. The captain of the Titanic.

But sometimes it even feels like word for word recreations. I mean, they do the moment I talked about in the Titanic episode with Ismay going down in the ship. Yes. And they like frame it the same way with him looking over the shoulder. Which, why? We saw Titanic. We know. We like Titanic. We saw that movie. It's good. It's good. It's really good. same way with him looking over the shoulder. Which, why? We saw Titanic. We know, we like Titanic.

We saw that movie. It's good, it's good. It's really good. So you didn't see either of these in theaters, right? No, I saw neither of these in theaters. But he's restaging the things

and it's this weird like, they go down to the bottom of the ocean to look at Titanic. Guess what? It's like a rusty ship. They find some like cool little artifacts

but most of it's just like the rust you expect and then they'll like superimpose over that like a weird CGI recreation of what it would have looked like in its glory days but like very low five pretty simple because they don't have a 200 million dollar budget right they have 15 and then they'll overlay over that like like blue translucent like ghost like you know dramatic recreations they do a lot of like picture in picture but it looks like just

a basic like samsung demo at a best buy so it's just like there are four little boxes on the screen the main screen is just some rusty barnacles on the edge of a ship and then there's like here's what it would have looked like here's a guy doing a worse version of bernard hill in titanic yeah and then here's james cameron wow, wow, that's Titanic. I want to get to that. There's not much James Cameron in this movie. Very little. James Cameron is not a character, quote unquote, in this movie.

Obviously, we hear that he brought Bill Paxton in, but Paxton's your character. You see James Cameron. A little bit. A little bit. He's not on the sub that Paxton's on. He's on the other one. They're two submersibles.

So you'll cut to him. And we mostly hang with Paxton. You. He's on the other one. They're two submersibles. So you'll cut to him. And we mostly hang with Paxton. You'll cut to Cameron, but he almost, if you didn't know what he looked like, you could almost just think he was another scientist. Which is 100% why Paxton's in this movie, because Cameron clearly wanted someone the audience could see through, you know? See through their eyes and feel like they're on the expedition and didn't want to be that guy himself.

Right. And he was like, Bill Paxton, steady hand, audiences love him. To his credit, I guess. Yeah. He didn't want to make himself the star of the movie. But maybe he should have because this is his obsession. 100%. It's a documentary.

Right. Why not? I don't know. And Paxton clearly, you know, like, is interested by this stuff, but is no Titanic expert. Everyone else we talk to when they go back above ground, like Abernathy's fucking crazy about this shit. Louis Abernathy just to remind

people he's the kind of big fat beardy guy who gives the big ass monologue in a Titanic. Right. And he's like a documentary maker. He's a horror filmmaker. Horror filmmaker and like James Cameron's friend and they both like diving. And he fucking loves the Titanic and then they got this guy who's like an expert on

the way the Titanic looked inside the interiors. I like that guy too. I like the experts. They were fun. Experts are cool. This is my problem with the movie. This is a problem I have with the movie is that Paxton is just a guy who's like oh this is cool but he doesn't really know that much but he understands that he's at the center of the

film. He's there for your wonder. But he has to be there with a little bit of weight and sound like he knows what he's talking about and Paxton's performance in this be there with a little bit of weight and sound like he knows what he's talking about. And Paxton's performance in this film, if I can call it that, reminds me of when we'd be on vacation, my family growing up. And my mom would be like, we should go to this art museum or we should go to these ruins. And my dad didn't give a shit but had to act like he was in awe because he knew it was good for us to be going. Right. So he kept on being like, guys, this is really old. This is pretty. Yeah. That's crazy. being like, guys, this is really old. This is pretty.

Yeah. That's, ooh, that's crazy. Did you hear that, kids? That's incredible. A thousand years old. Yeah. Wow. You, Griff, you should be paying attention to this.

Put down the Game Boy Color. I'm going to be the dad who is actually excited and the kids are like, all right, it's fine. But that's Paxton. Seems like he's just kind of like, oh God, I really need to be playing up how amazing this is. And they just keep on cutting to him going like, it's crazy to think that 90 years ago someone was touching that banister. Sure. And then they show a ghost touching the banister.

And you're like, okay. Yeah. I get it. The first time he says it, you're like, yeah, oh, wow, mortality, life, everything cycles. And then he says it 80,000 times. Nonetheless. Nonetheless. Nevertheless. My says it 80,000 times. Nonetheless. Nevertheless. Nevertheless.

My argument for why Ghost of the Abyss is maybe a little better than Alien to the Deep is it has a point and a pretty solid through line which is like, we're going to explore the wreck of the Titanic. Here's how we did it. Here's us doing it.

Here's 15 minutes, perhaps needless of us, rescuing a little broken robot. Let's get to that because we have to talk about that for a while. And then here's 15 minutes perhaps needless of us rescuing a little like broken robot let's get to that because we have to talk about that for a while and then like here's a bit of reflection and another little twist that we'll also get to in a second but and then that's it you know it's it's i know what's going on with the movie i get its point see if i saw it in imax 3d i'd probably appreciate the sort of wonder of the imagery well and just the i mean look it's it's kind of visually unsophisticated like you know it's it's clear unfussy imagery but you look at the framing

of everything and it's so clear that it was to utilize 3d and there are long sections where you're sort of just looking at technology or looking at pieces of the ship with nothing really going on other than bill paxton going like hey kids look at that yeah but you can tell like well the way that's framed that's the bow of the ship and it would be coming out towards the center and be cool in 3D. You know? Yeah. But you're losing that.

But I just think it looks a little clunky and it feels like they shot a bunch of footage without any real thought about like how to construct a narrative later and then in post had to kind of like come up with fucking something and like a lot of voiceover that is just going like,

it was crazy looking at that and realizing. Lots and lots. There are a couple lines I want to throw out that were standouts to me. One is, so they have these submersibles, but then they have these little box robots that are able to weave a tether. Yeah, I think we see them a little bit in Titanic too. Yeah. It's the thing you send into the ship because obviously your big sub can't go explore the rooms.

But the idea with this is that they're able to weave this tether that links them to the video screen but it's like a spider web so it's not like they have a finite amount of tether to begin with. They're like creating tether as they go deeper and deeper in. They're two little box robots. They're named Jake

and Elwood. Blues Brothers. Funny. Five comedy points. Right? Five comedy points. Two. Five. One per robot. One, two. 2.5 per robot, five.

They are piloting them around, and Bill Paxton puts on his serious reading glasses and is looking into the thing. Yeah, I liked his serious reading glasses. I did, too. He's a sweet guy, Bill Paxton. He's a sweet guy. He's never done anything bad, right? I just want to like Bill Paxton. Yes. There's one moment in this movie

that I think he crushes. He's got a little Abin Costello routine with the Russian guy who's in his submersible. Yeah, they're cute. Where it's like, what happens if the pressure goes too low? And he goes, we're screwed unless we drop the battery. And he goes, why wouldn't you drop the battery? And he goes, it's pretty expensive. And he's like, how expensive? He's like, $250,000.

And then Bill Paxton takes like a moment and he goes, I mean, can I write you a check? And you're like, okay, great. I mean, that's five comedy points, no question. He nails that. But he puts on a serious glasses and he's maneuvering the little thing with their remote control handles.

And then they cut to James Cameron. And Bill Paxton has this real sense of awe and wonder and he's very focused and serious remote control handles. And then they cut to James Cameron. And Bill Paxton has this real sense of awe and wonder and he's very focused and serious and it's cool. And they cut to James Cameron and he goes, oh man, it's just like piloting a helicopter. And it's like, okay, fuck you. Like he does this offhand like, oh man, it's like a helicopter. This is easy.

I can do this. I just learned something fascinating about Bill Paxton. Sure. As far as I can tell, he hasn't done anything bad which is good. Although this is cursory. You looked up Bill Paxton bad things to make far as I can tell, he hasn't done anything bad, which is good, although this is cursory. You looked up Bill Paxton bad things to make sure we weren't lauding a man. Bill, yeah, right.

Unfairly, yeah. Bill Paxton was in the crowd on the day of John F. Kennedy's assassination when he emerged from the hotel in the morning, and there are pictures of him being lifted above the crowd. Little Bill Paxton,

eight years old. Wow. Little Billy Paxton. eight years old. Wow. Little Billy Paxton. He's that. Jeez. So there's something you didn't know about. I knew he was from Texas. They should make a documentary about that.

He's got a great accent, Bill Paxton. Yeah, and you know what? Watching this movie made me realize how often he doesn't use his real voice in films. Yeah. Because so often if he's playing Southern, he'll actually amplify his accent from this. Right.

He'll go sort of more rural. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Or he does a sort of like flat sort of He can affect it. mid-Atlantic thing

but with a little twang. He always does that Yeah. I can't do it. But he's got a lot of twang in this. And he's funny and he's nice. He's a nice boy

and I like him. Same. There's a moment where he has a bit of a Mark Wahlberg 9-11, if I'd been there, the plane would have gone down kind of thing. Does he? Yes. It's little. I don't fall for it too much.

What is it? Well, they're looking at the ship and they're remarking upon the fact that the cabin boys locked the gates. Pal. Pal. Wanted to undercut your pal. And he's like, oh, man, look at that, a locked gate. And then he's like, oh, that must have been when the stewards locked the gates to keep the below deck passengers from getting to the lifeboats.

And he goes, man, if I was them on that day, I would have just climbed over that gate. The gates keep the below deck passengers, you know, from getting to the lifeboats. And he goes, man, if I was them on that day, I would have just climbed over that gate. I would have gotten through. Sure you would have, Bill. Right. Yeah. I mean, come on. Whatever.

He's free ascension. He's in a sub. He's at the bottom of the fucking ocean. But then there's a lot of like, well, you could tell that he's like, oh, shit. Like, Jim's paying me $4 million. He gave me a free ticket down to the bottom of the ocean. gotta keep saying stuff i gotta sing for my supper like he's narrating a lot because it's like well that's my job my job is to like make this compelling for audience yeah uh but i'm sure there's a lot of bill paxton rambling on the cutting room floor right yeah um but but he like you know oh they look at a glass and a vase

there's a glass of water and a chalice. And they're like, that's crazy to think that someone took a sip, put it back down on that table. And then 90 years later, it's still sitting there. And then you see the CGI of the guy lifting up. Right. All that sort of stuff. All right. We're going to move on from Ghost of the Abyss in a minute.

So what do you got? What's left? Okay. I got a couple. You got do you got? What's left? Okay. I got a couple. You got a couple things? I also have some final thoughts. But go ahead. Go ahead.

There's a moment. I'm going to misquote him. Okay. Where they're back on the ship. After? In the middle. They've done like one day. Yeah.

They do a few dives. They do a few dives. Right. So they've done like one or two two days. Yeah, they do a few dives. Right, they do a few dives. So they've done like one or two dives, and they're talking there, and they sort of talk about... Oh, that's the other interesting thing this movie does. Because you brought up the Murdoch controversy. Yes. In the Titanic episode. Yes.

About how a lot of people... People were mad because... They showed him firing the gun. Suicide in the film. All that sort of stuff. This movie does a lot of scrubbing Murdoch's reputation. It does. They say Murdoch.... This movie does a lot of scrubbing Murdoch's reputation. It does. They say Murdoch, they say his name a lot.

They talk about like, he was an honorable man. He did this and that. It's obviously the thing that Cameron feels bad about. Like everything else, he's like, fuck you. I know what I'm talking about. That one, he's like, all right, maybe I was, yeah. Because they said on one side of the boat, they weren't filling up the lifeboats to full capacity.

The rule is women and children first not women and children only so they were putting like 10 people on a lifeboat not letting any men yeah that was yeah that was one of the guys and then they go but on the other side murdoch and then they show like a beautiful picture of murdoch and they go he was putting as many people on as he could no delineation between lower class and upper class you know like murdoch was the man they keep on pounding in the Murdoch thing. But they're talking about that and talking about sort of survival of the fittest

and, you know, the people on the rowboats who were further out who didn't row back, you know, and they show the recreation of Molly Brown, like not saying the Kathy Bates speech, but kind of looking upset that they weren't going back there, right? Right. And they're on the boat talking about

that. And Abernathy's like, come on, man, it's suicide if you go back there. You have like a thousand people in the water. They're screaming. They're cold. They try to pull the boat overboard. The thing would sink. You're already hypothermic. Like, you can't go back there. And the other woman's like, are you crazy? Like, be a human. Like, this and that.

And Bill Paxton has this line that I'm going to misquote, and he words it very beautifully. He does. He does. He does a good job. But he's like, the test, it has been proven time and time again that the test of morality and heroism happens in the individual, not in the group. Yeah. Yeah. And he words it even more beautifully than that. Essentially, it's like, you know, individual people do all these wonderful,

I mean, he's not saying it this way. But he says it very poetically. He does. He does. And it almost is so Essentially, it's like, you know, individual people do all these wonderful. I mean, he's not saying it, but he says it very poetically. He does. And it almost is so good that you're like, did they like reset and get that just right or something? Because it does come out of his mouth very beautifully. And he does it off the cuff and it's like and they hard cut out of that scene. And you're like, that is an incredible point. Like that's, you know, group mentality changes the psychology of every individual within it.

You know, it's very easy to sit back in your armchair and go like Bill Paxton, like I would have climbed over the gates. Or I would have rowed back. But it's like if you're surrounded by that many people. Of course. No, I mean you can't relitigate this and be like, oh, well, if I was on Titanic. Come on, please. The ship literally sank an hour after it hit the fucking iceberg. Come on.

Come on. The ship literally sank an hour after it hit the fucking iceberg. Come on. Come on. So they're restating a lot of the things. You know, Ismay cravenly getting on the lifeboat and letting other people die. Andrews with the guilt and the weight of the thing, you know, about not fighting harder to get more lifeboats on the ship. Yeah, Andrews is the, yeah.

That's sort of fun when they, yeah. I mean, fun. It's interesting when they explore, or at least Cameron and Paxton's idea of Andrews, which is, especially Cameron's, which is like, yeah, here was someone who obviously wanted more lifeboats, and he caved to the pressures of the company to have less, and maybe that tormented him. We're projecting a little bit, obviously. We don't know too much about what everyone felt on the last hour of the Titanic.

There are some stories of Andrews doing X and Y, but you know. They ask the question of like, which guilt would weigh heavier, Ismay for not letting Andrews put more lifeboats on the ship or Andrews for not fighting that battle harder? Right.

And then later in the film, the guy who's like the Titanic interior expert who's really into like the wood carvings and the fucking windows and all this sort of shit, and they do, oh shit, we didn't know the windows looked like that. That's huge discovery yeah they're telling you how important the discoveries are when they try and tell you like it turns out there was stained glass on this inside and we're like okay okay yeah i mean i get

if you were a titanic scholar that would be interesting i don't know if anyone else would really care but that feels like my mom at the museum being like, guys, this is really cool. Like, empathetically trying to get you to care. Whereas my dad's like, boys, look at this. They, uh, he says, like, you know, you just have to imagine, you know, if you were able to go

back and tell Andrews that 90 years later these things that he designed would be here at the bottom of the ocean with us looking at them, what do you think he would say? I'd go, I think he'd say, I wish I had fought for the lifeboats. Wish I wasn't dead! But they make it like he'd be like, you know what, it was all worth it. If James Cameron gets in a submersible and looks at my wooden table,

I think he would have said, yeah, I should have probably made the ship a little better. Yeah, I don't know. It sucks. Bummer, I'm dead. I am a dead person. Okay. Minute 50, major conflict comes in. Go ahead. They're diving into... Are you talking about the stupid thing getting... It's not a conflict. It's a major dramatic conflict. Which one is it?

Elwood. Between Elwood and ceiling. So... This is where I was sort of into the Ghost of the abyss and then this started happening and i was like this will be two minutes right and then 20 minutes later i was like i i really don't care i don't care this was my favorite part they go into the like this crack in the ship and they're like oh shit there's jagged glass it might tear the tether this is a suicide mission and jim's

like i'm gonna do it i'm gonna fucking do it and he steers like a helicopter the little thing in humble bragging they get through and they're like oh man that's awesome and then it it gets stuck up on the top of the roof and they're like what the fuck's going on and the other one's like looking around they got Jake looking at Elwood he's like what the fuck what the fuck and Jim's like freaking out and they were like, abort, abort, abort. We gotta get out of here. We're losing the camera bot. You do see him lose his cool. You see like a sliver of the Cameron we hear about.

Right. Of Midge. Yes, and they're like, let's just cut our losses and get up out of there. And they're like, so how was it? And he was like,

well, these two little robots, they work perfectly for the entire mission until there's one day of complete and utter failure. He's a really cranky baby. He just loses it. Yeah.

And then they're like talking about like you can't go back down there. Jim, of complete and utter failure. He's a really cranky baby. He just loses it. Yeah. And then they're like talking about like, you can't go back down there. Jim, it's a suicide mission. How much worse is it to lose one or lose both? You know, what do you want? And he's like, I'm fucking going back. I'm doing it. And then it's high stakes. Race against time.

They got to send Jake in with a little hook. Yep. And he's got to hook Elwood from the seal and get him out of there. Guys, are you on the edge of your seat listening to this? Because I wasn't. And they're like hooking him. And he's like a hook elwood from the seal and get him out of there guys are you on the edge of your seat listening to this because i wasn't and they're like hooking him and he's like i think i got it i feel a lag i feel a lag i'm steering i feel a lag and then the other guys in the other submersible go like he did it god damn it he did it and cameron's like shut up do i have elwood or not like he yells at them they're like you're out you're clear and he's like i'm not asking about

that i would never want to be on like a spaceship with james cameron okay and then they play just the two of us and it gets cheeky and funny right and they show jake and elwood together going back up to start just the two of us you're like okay this is getting like really dad humory right and then they see the guy you see one of the guys and he's like unbelievable we did it we rescued elwood with jake i'll never forget this day september 11th 2001 yeah i was yeah rug pull yoink they get up onto the ship cameron's pumping his fist in the air i saved the robot i saved a robot bill paxton's like hey oh worst terrorist attack in the history of america have you checked the tv yeah and then the next five minutes are watching everyone find out about quiet reflection september 11th about september 11th and it is weird because it is they are at

the same time in throughout the movie they've been quietly reflecting on the tragedy of the titanic and like a global incident that is like such a, you know, dramatic loss of life and such a, you know. Imagine the last person to touch that bandstand. Yeah. I know they're dead. Yeah. You know, and like there's reverence, I would say. I mean, they're also, you know, but there is.

And like, and yeah, and then, I mean, I get that they couldn't not acknowledge it because it does seem to have affected them a lot. But it is. It's weird. It's a weird little twist. Yeah. And then they do this thing of like. They do these cabin reflections. Suddenly our mission feels so stupid.

You know, I mean, what we're doing is just so frivolous in the wake of these real things. Here we were all ramped up about a robot. Should we even continue? And they're like, nah, we should continue. And they go back down the next day but all of that is done in narration like voiceover which makes me think that they like finished filming and then they got back to land and they were like well no one wants us to release this fucking thing 9-11 happened which is why i think it sat in a shot for two years

took a little while and the editing feels really slapped out but it also it probably took a while to get it ready right the? The 3D and all the conversion. But it just feels odd and they go back down and they see the stuff and, you know, they're not searching for the heart of the ocean. There's nothing they're trying to find, but they save Jake and Elwood and they throw this kind of heavy-handed, like,

well now, you know, we were looking at tragedy from a distance but now we know what it's like to live through a tragedy like this that makes the whole thing hit home harder. Okay. That's enough. Bill Pa whole thing hit home harder. Okay. All right. That's enough. Bill Paxton. That's enough Ghost of the Abyss.

Okay, performance review. I think Bill Paxton's good in this. B plus. Okay. That's the end of Ghost of the Abyss. Ghost of the Abyss. I did have one dumb point to make that's very inappropriate because you just started talking about 9-11,

but we have discussed in the past ghost logic. Sure. And I really started thinking a lot about water ghosts or wet spirits that are trapped in boats and vessels. That's boring comparatively to a house. At least you can

haunt people. What are you going to haunt fish? Love to add my two cents whenever I can. You're welcome. let's play the box office game i was about to say let's play the box office game ghosts of the abyss opens number 13 at the box office that's pretty good 1.4 million dollars yeah it eventually grosses 17 million dollars at the domestic box office and a few extra worldwide. But that's basically it. It is like,

I think it's probably still one of the top 10 documentaries though because, you know, that's not a deep list. But there are some other IMAX documentaries that played for like a decade and made $100 million. If you look at the-

What? Not $100 million. I swear to God, one of them, I think the Everest documentary ended up clearing like 95. Everest made 87. Good job, Everest.

Yeah. And there was a Space Station one that made a lot too. Anyway. Space Station 3D made 93. Thank you. T-Rex, back to the Cretaceous, made 53. Okay. On and on it goes.

Ghosts of the Abyss. Because those movies would play for a decade. Not in the top five. It's 13. 13. Lucky number 13. Not in the top 12. The movie 13. 13. Lucky number 13. Not in the top 12. The movie above it is Piglet's Big Movie. Oh, well, yeah.

Which I don't remember. Yeah, it followed the Tigger movie. Number one this year, this weekend. Preceded Pooh's Heffalump movie. Which was April 11th 2003. Okay. I was a senior in high school. Okay, let me just ground myself. No, sorry, a junior in high school. Let me just ground myself in a time and a place,

time and a place. Okay, go on. Was a comedy film with a legend, or not legend, that's the wrong word, with a star of comedy, big star of comedy, and a legend of acting facing off in a movie that is bad.

And was later turned into a TV show. Oh, interesting. into a TV show. Oh, interesting. Yes. TV show. It opened to $42 million, which in 2003 is a lot for a comedy. Yeah. It grossed $135,000,

$200,000 worldwide. Well, see, I was going to guess it was bringing down the house. No. But it's not. I know that came out around that time. It's around.

But I think that was like a Christmas or Thanksgiving era. No, that was an early part of the year. That was a spring release. They made it into a TV show. When you're saying it's a big comedy star and someone who's more known as a serious dramatic actor, is that what you're saying?

Absolutely. A two-hander? One is an actor who was just a big star of comedies at the time. Huge, huge star. He's still a star of comedies, although his star has diminished. The other is an Oscar-winning legendary actor. Is it a De Niro comedy? No, but you're on the right track.

In that sort of vein. Oh, I know exactly what film it is. I almost forgot that it existed. It is Anger Management with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson. Easy to forget that that one exists. Yep. Easy to forget that it was made to a TV show. That aired for like 100 episodes.

Yeah, but a very loose adaptation. Okay, yeah, huge hit. Huge hit. Huge hit. Number two is a film that I saw in theaters. Okay. Starring an actor that I hold near and dear to my heart. Okay.

It is in its second week, coming down from its number one position the week before. It has made $26 million. It will gross $46.97 worldwide. It's a fun little thriller with a gimmick. Thriller with a gimmick? Identity? Real gimmick. No, that was 2002.

Okay. Or maybe it was 2000. I can't remember. Okay. It's got a gimmick. Is the gimmick a twist or is it in the setup? It's in the way the story is told. It's basically real time.

Basically real time? I think it's entirely real time. It's basically in real time. It's a little thriller. You love it. It was number one the week before. I love the actor. I like the movie. I've always

sort of stuck up for the movie. It's a silly movie. It's a silly movie. It's from a director of many films that are bad. It's not a director of many films that are bad. Many, many films that are bad. And some that are okay. That's got a gimmick. I believe you auditioned for this director once.

Oh, oh, I know exactly what it is. It is Phone Booth, starring your boy Colin Farrell and Joel Schumacher who I did audition for and he told me that I overthought sex. Yeah, we talked about it in a previous episode. Who else is in that movie? You got Kiefer Sutherland, Boris Whitaker,

Katie Holmes, Radha Mitchell. Ooh, the great Radha Mitchell. It's a fun little movie. Have you seen it? I've never seen it. Oh, I think it's okay. Number three is,

we have to start rushing through this, is a dumb teen comedy with Colin Firth in it. What a Girl Wants? We've talked about it on this podcast before. I think so. Number four is a movie you just mentioned, so I couldn't believe I didn't even notice it in there. I didn't?

Huge hit. No. Comedy. Bring Down the House. Yeah. And number five is a big play for stardom from an actor who eventually found it. And had already found it, but was like, it's an action movie, like kind of a grim, gritty, R-rated action movie starring a guy who had been in some hits.

And I feel like he was trying to make a play to sort of like just have it. Be a leading man, or what? Just have a couple big action movies every year. And this is the start of him super decline, which he then bounces back from, and now he's one of the biggest stars in Hollywood. Again. Well, not Tony Jr. No. He's one of the biggest stars in Hollywood again?

Yeah. I don't know. This is tough. It is. It's hard to, it's not an interesting movie it's a cruise no no

he really was like big young star youngish you know bottoms out comes back and then he's huge again he's in a movie

in January this coming January that looks so incredibly bad and I just watched the trailer for it big action movie that's a revival of another of his franchises. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh. Okay, all right. Don't yell. It's my boy Vinny D. But do you know what the movie is? 2003, A Man Apart? Correct.

Nailed it. Nailed it. It's my boy Vinny D with A Man Apart. Not a good movie. I mean, what do you say about that movie? Nothing.

Yeah, no, you nailed it. There's no better way to explain that movie. F. Gary Gray? Is that an F. Gary Gray picture? Director of Fate. And FF... That's what I'm calling it. Oh, Fate. I'm calling it Fate. I'm Gary Gray? Is that an F. Gary Gray picture? Director of Fate. And FF... I'm calling it Fate.

I'm calling it Fate. I'm hoping that's what they call it. Okay. Okay. Aliens of the Deep. Yeah. 2005. The superior film.

Yeah. Co-directed by Cameron and Quayle. Steve Quayle. Steven Quayle. Okay. Who also directed Final Destination 5. Oh.

And Into the Storm. Okay, so he's a 3D guy. And is now directing The Lake, which is an upcoming film starring J.K. Simmons, in which the Navy SEALs find something in a lake. Oh, cool. That's literally the plot. I think this movie looks a lot better.

I think Cameron has figured out how to make it look more cinematic I'm sure this movie looked terrific in 3D I was saying to this to Griffin Off Mike and I'm going to say it on Mike this is a film that feels like him playing around with Avatar

yes like this is a straight line from this movie to Avatar very much but even Ghosts of the Abyss feels to me like okay let's turn the camera on see what we got Yes. Like this is a straight line from this movie to Avatar. Very much. But even Ghosts of the Abyss feels to me like, okay, let's turn the camera on, see what we got, edit it later.

And it feels half like a Titanic knockoff, right? Like them cashing in on that. This one, I think he's figured out how to make the images pop a little more, even in a flat 2D form. You can see, you know, James Cameron loves his blue. It looks good. I'm with you. He loves his blue.

All his movies have like a lot of blue tints and then blue sheens and shit. form you can see you know James Cameron loves it looks good I'm right he loves his blue all his movies have like a lot of blue tints and then blue sheens and shit in this he's got these blue lights inside the submersibles so when the people are inside the bubble capsules they look good that's what I was talking about when I was asking her they're big bubbles yes the cool bubble yeah the cool bubbles that they like invented basically right but so he's got these big bubble windows so that way like whereas in Ghost of the Abyss, if you have a shot of Bill Paxton inside the submersible, it's just him in a fucking fluorescent lit little sub,

and you can't see what he's looking at. In this, you get to see the background around them as they're looking because they're in these 360 domes. Although they still have the more classic submersible things that can go way deeper. But even that, the shots of them looking out through the portholes are, I think, nice images. Yeah, it's fine.

They're well lit. I mean, he lit these ships well. Looks good. What's the movie about? Cool shit. It's about the ocean. No, no, no. It's not just about that.

They think that maybe- I want it to be about that. They think if they go to the bottom of the ocean, figure out how life is able to live without sunlight, that they might understand how life could exist on another planet. Uh-huh. That's what the movie's about. So they send a bunch of people down there, marine experts, space experts. I think they got a good team.

I like that it's sort of Cameron back in grunts mode, where it's like, here are a bunch of hard working people doing their job. It's a lot of women which is really cool. A lot of scientists we got a sort of like big ensemble cast. And they're all going down there looking for different things that can help them piece together this puzzle of how aliens could exist.

That is a stretch in terms of the movie communicating that. I think the movie communicates that very well. The movie is like it just bounces from thing to thing every ten minutes. The shit looks cool! No. I think the movie communicates that very well. The movie is like, it just bounces from thing to thing every 10 minutes. The shit looks cool. No. I want a movie

where about people going down to the bottom of the ocean, they see weird fishies and I learn what the weird fishies are. The end. I think this movie does that.

No. It starts doing that and then they're like, you know, what's interesting is the aliens and the space. Let's talk about that

for a while. Yeah, aliens and space are cool. And what else is interesting is the tech. No, no, no. I want like a David Attenborough documentary. I just want like a planet earthy thing

that's about what the cool little fishies do down at the bottom of the ocean. I wholeheartedly disagree, David. David, here's a big difference. Why? Because what they're doing is they're making the connection between deep sea diving

and the world that exists deep below the fucking surface. Yeah. Hells yeah. And making that connection to exploring other planets. They make that connection by saying it.

Right. And then that's where they leave it. But David, here's the big difference. Ben and I saw the 47 minute cut and you saw the 90 minute cut. I don't... Not to get into this running time thing.

I don't think mine was a 90 minute cut. I just think it was over an hour. I don't, I can't imagine. I don't think mine was a 90 minute cut. I just, I just think it was over an hour. I don't remember. What I watched was literally 47 minutes long and it felt pretty lean and focused on the thing that I wanted to see. Maybe I saw some longer thing.

There's no, there's, this is possible. Because there are longer cuts of both of the films I know. Yeah. All right. And we watched these shorter versions

that felt pretty focused on that one theme to me. Right, Ben? Yeah. I thought like just having the mention of Europa was so cool. As somebody who likes science fiction novels. Ben, listen to me. That is such a recurring-

No, no, no, no. I am so down with Jupiter's moons. Excuse me. I love Jupiter's moons. I want a Jupiter moon movie. I've loved Jupiter's moons longer than you, David. No, you, David. That is not true.

Do you want a challenge to order Europa off? You may be older than me, so you may technically just have more time on this earth to beat me with. But I've been into that shit since I was a baby. I was born on Europa. I was born on Io.

Yo, Ben. What's up? Before we recorded, when you were in the bathroom, low-key, I heard David talking dirty about Jupiter's moons. Get the fuck out of here. He was like, they're fucking dumb and I don't like them. Saturn's moons are better. Yeah, he was talking fucking dirty. Nothing better than...

That sounds like something David would do. I was very... I did enjoy the weird little 3D presentations of Jupiter's moons. Where they're like, oh, here's the deal with gay and me. Like, ooh, and then here's the IO. It's close. Ooh, volcanoes. That's cool.

But I had lost the thread of what the point of this movie was. Yo, Ben. What's up, Griffin? You haven't talked to me, man. Low key? Yeah, no. Actually, David, can you just? Yeah, David, can you just not listen to this for a second

don't worry guys I'm not listening we're going to be all over here just talking let's just test quickly David are you listening to this great low key but like Ben actually low key yeah what's up low key

like low key god of mischief yeah what's up Tom Hiddleston though? Hey, you guys still talking? Yeah. Wait, hold on one second. We're going to be with you one sec. I'm not listening.

I was just checking. Okay, so before we recorded, I was like Europa though? Right. And David was like, I'd make a stinky fart on that. I mean. I swear to God, David was. I'm not surprised at all. He sounds like, he's like trying to play up like how much he likes Europa.

He's secretly a hater. I know. And then he was like, I was like, I know, though. And he was like, I know, though. Damn. Too much, man. All right. Well, you know what?

I'm glad we had this talk. Yeah. Because I feel like this has really shaped my sort of understanding of where David's coming from. And I know you're repping Europa hard. No one shows more respect to Europa than you. You know I have that Europa necklace. I do know that.

Yeah, and I wear it close to my heart every day. Yeah, and then Bill Paxton's looking for it. He's searching down the bottom of the ocean looking for your Europa necklace. You got it the whole time. It's been here the whole time. Deep in your heart. Okay, let's get down the bottom of the ocean looking for your Europa necklace. You got it the whole time. It's been here the whole time. Deep in your heart. Mm-hmm. Okay, let's give it a podcast.

Hey, David, what's up? Sorry. Sorry about that. So you were saying how much you like Europa? Yeah. Go on, David. Love Europa, baby. Okay.

All right. Interesting. Alien's Deep's okay. I bet I would have liked it a lot more. Whereas Ghost of the Abyss played pretty good on the smaller screen. Here's what I prefer about Aliens of the Deep. One, James Cameron still doesn't

want to make himself the center of the narrative, but he does a good job introducing a lot of different characters with real palpable enthusiasm. He gets a lot of really young, excited scientists who have not seen anything like this before. And I think their enthusiasm translates on screen.

Okay? Two. I love the main woman who's the marine biologist. She's great. Cool. I don't remember a lot of the other scientists very well.

Dijana Figueroa? Yeah. I like that conversation where James Cameron is, like, sitting at the table with them and he's like, would you all go to Mars? And they all, like, raise their hands. And then he's like, would you all go to Mars? And they all raise their hands.

And then he's like, you know, you might have to say goodbye to your families for years. What do you think about that? And she's like, huh, I didn't think about that, but I put my hand up, so I guess I don't care. And like, Ghost of the Abyss. Kindred spirit here, right? That's what Cameron's identifying? Yeah, Ghost of the Abyss is like rich man goes on vacation. Like, Aliens of the Deep is him being like,

I want to give this next generation of scientists an opportunity. Like, I'm getting Disney to pay to send all these guys down. You know, these guys and gals down to the bottom of the ocean, see some cool shit that they can use to support their theories that they're working on, right? And they're down there and they're seeing, like, underwater lava. Love that trench stuff. The trench stuff is cool. The black smoke.

Black smoke like Lost. Wow. There's animals that don't eat. They just absorb light and chemicals and shit. That's amazing. James Cameron throwing shade on some fish. He's like, that's the ugliest fish I've ever seen. And the fish is like, I don't give a fuck.

The weird lippy tube things. Here's like, that's the ugliest fish I've ever seen. And the fish is like, I don't give a fuck. The weird lippy tube things with the lips. Here's what I want. All that. There's more digressions. There's more tech stuff. There's that whole sequence at the beginning where they're like, we've got this A-frame for putting the subs in the water. And then the A-frame breaks and James Cameron's real

mad and his arms are akimbo. And he's like, we've got to fix the A-frame. I'm like, I don't care about the A-frame. I care about the A-frame. I care about the A-frame. I don't care about the A-frame. I like when they do like zoom outs, graphic zoom outs where it's like they pull out and you're in space now and shit. Yeah. That's fucking cool. Space rules.

You guys are selling listeners on this movie and so listeners, I apologize when you, if you rent this movie and watch it and you think it's kind of a disjointed mess. Nah, you love it because it gets some cool shit. I wanted more cool shit. There's a fish that looks like a goddamn tissue. There's 10 minutes on the...

No, that stuff's good. That's what I'm saying. But then there's 10 minutes on the bubble craft and how the bubble craft works. I don't care. Nah, bubble craft looks cool. It looks cool. I see it.

That's all I need to know. I disagree. You can tell me it's new, and I'll be like, great. It's very new. Yeah, great. And then I'll be like, what does it go down and look at need to know. I disagree. You can tell me it's new and I'll be like, great. It's very new. Yeah, great. And then I'll be like, what does it go down and look at though? Please now. But there's something one other element I need to throw into the

dish and maybe it functions as a spoiler but I got to. It's a spoiler that is never acknowledged in the film but I gotta talk about this. Uh-huh. I like Aliens of the Deep more because it has a real emotional undercurrent. It's about trauma

and loss and how people try to move on from those things. You know? Okay. These failures that are unspoken

but people carry with them in their body language and their actions. Because in this film, Waiting. We have Jake, but we don't have Elwood. It's true. Jake is all up in this movie, Elwood's not in it at all,

and they never explain what happened to Elwood. So you think Elwood may have bit the dust? I think he might have hit the ceiling again. I think he might have got stuck on that Titanic ceiling and never come back. Which one was Ackroyd's character? Elwood. Weird, it's a reversal. It's a reversal, huh?

Hey. Hey, guys, a quick tangent. I have to step out to a meeting. So I'm going to have somebody finish out. But can I just do my final thoughts and we'll cut this out? This is the most exciting episode. Keep it in, baby. Okay.

Ben is leaving the episode. I have to go. I mean, it's time to stop. Yeah, I have to go. Okay. All right, so I'll mean, it's time to stop. Yeah, I have to go. Okay. All right, so I'll just say this final thought. Yeah. Rich guys fly planes.

James Cameron goes to the deep ocean. That's cool, man. I like that. Oh, yeah. I like Europa. I rep it hard. I will always rep it hard, David. I rep Europa hard, too.

Yeah, right. Yeah. I do. I love it. Big ice planet. Okay, I love you, Ben. Big skating rink. All right, love you guys. Yeah, right. I do. I love it. Big ice planet. Okay, I love you, Ben. Big skating rink.

I love you guys. I'll see you on Friday. Yeah, I'll see you Friday. We'll talk about a real movie. Cool. All right. I think we're done talking about Aliens of the Deep, right? David, now that Ben's gone, I've got to tell you something.

What happened? Ben fucking hates Europa. Shit, I knew it. I knew he was. You could tell he'd never even heard of it. He was playing his hand way too hard. Exactly. Doth protest too much. Yeah, it's the least crispy, I knew it. I knew he was. I swear to God. You could tell he never even heard of it. He was playing his hand way too hard. Exactly. Doth protest too much.

Yeah, it's the least crispy acting I've ever seen. Yeah. He's soggy. Not crispy enough. He's soggy like he's at the bottom of the fucking ocean. Can't wait for him to hear this. Oh, dude. We owned him. Oh, I got Europa necklace.

Oh, you know I love Europa. Come on, man. Do you want to play the box office game for Aliens of the Deep? Yeah, let's do it. I just can't believe what a fucking phony Ben is. Ben's a phony and a liar. He is. He's a phony and a liar.

I know you love Europa. January 28, 2005. Okay. Aliens of Deep opens number 22 at the box office. January 2005. With $479,000. Not great. Opening weekend. The movie eventually makes $9 million. $12 million worldwide.

Okay, okay. Number one is a horror movie starring a prestigious actor we just mentioned and a little girl. It's a creepy little girl movie. The film is titled Hide and Seek. It stars Robert De Niro and Dakota Fanning. That's a good pull. I want a little more recognition for it. Pretty impressive pull.

Right? I don't know that I could have remembered that movie off the top of my head. And I did. I could have remembered maybe like, oh yeah, Robert De Niro and Dakota Fanning. I don't know if I could have gotten that title. I don't want a trophy, but I got that without hesitation. Melissa Leo is in that movie. Uh-huh.

Famke Janssen is in that movie. I think that movie is creepy little girl. They have her meet with a therapist because she's talking creepy and they're like, she might be going crazy and he's trying to talk her out of her craziness and then it turns out that he's the creepy thing the whole time. I think the twist is that he's the creep. I think you're... I remember someone explained the plot of that movie to me and it was dumb.

The film has a total of five different endings. Fuck that. Okay. Number two at the box office. And at the DVD, you can watch all five. Fuck that. Number two at the box office. But just want to say, also, it was from the director of Swimfan.

Fuck that. Number two at the box office. Made $51 million. All right. And $122 worldwide. Not bad. Jesus Christ. Not bad. Jesus Christ. Not bad.

Number two is a comedy starring an actor you love and were just repping to me off, Mike. Made $82 million total, $97 million worldwide. Family comedy. It does well. It's a hit. It was turned into a TV show later. The family comedy. Oh, yeah. America put a couple. It was turned into a TV show later. The Family Cut. Oh, oh, yeah.

America put a couple cubes in the glass. They did. Well, just one. One big cube. Well, there was a sequel. Okay. This was Are We There Yet? With this film, they put one cube.

This was Are We There Yet? And then it was followed by Are We Done Yet? And then Are We There Yet? The series starring Terry Crane. Correct. That was a big hit. Are We There Yet? That was a really big hit.

Yeah, totally a big hit. Road trip movie, kind of a bachelor has to get used to family life movie, I guess, right? He's dating a woman who has two kids. He needs to drive them over to her. I believe she's played by Nia Long. I believe so. He gets thrown

in the deep end. They throw the cube in the deep end. He's got to get to love those kids in the backseat of a car and they keep on asking, are we there yet? It's from Brian Levant, the director of The Flintstones,

Jingle All The Way. People love that Flintstones talk last week. I was very surprised. That popped. Number three at the box office after expanding, growing by 1,800 screens

and entering limited release. This is an end of year 2004 film, probably an Oscar play that's now going wide. A major Oscar player of that season. Million Dollar Baby? Correct. Cool. Million Dollar Baby, a grim boxing movie that made $100 million at the domestic box office.

As they always do. 260 and worldwide. As they always do. Huge hit, good movie. Yeah, good. If reductive at times. It's a good film. Period. Huge hit, good movie, if reductive at times. It's a good film. Number four is a film that is a comedy that I don't like.

And it's the second in a series of family-ish comedies. PG-13. Big Mama's House 2? No. No. It's already made $258 million. Jesus Christ, it is. And it would make 516 worldwide. Yeah, Jesus Christ. million. Jesus Christ, it is.

And it would make 516 worldwide. Yeah, Jesus Christ. I know exactly what movie it is. It was one of the biggest hits of the holiday season 2004. It is Beat the Fockers. Correct. That's a shitty movie. Barbra Streisand. It's the one where there's a lot, another De Niro movie.

Yeah. A lot of De Niro with the fake boob that he uses to feed the baby. Yeah, you know what's another thing? You know the comedy, if it bends, it's funny. uses to feed the baby. Yeah. You know, it's another thing, you know, you know, the like a comedy like if it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't, you know? Sure. The reality of that movie is the first movie he's ex CIA, but they treat CIA as like a

real world job as it is. Yeah. Right. That he was like an analyst and like an interviewer for the CIA. Right. And the craziest it gets is the lie detector test, which is technology that anyone could buy. Sure.

In the second movie, he has an RV and at one point he's suspicious of Ben Stiller's character, so he hits a button and the RV turns into a DNA lab. Yeah. I forgot about that. That movie fucking sucks. Well, that movie is kind of like the first Meet the Parents. They're both kind of about weird Jew versus wasp panic. But then it gets insane.

I mean, that movie heightens to like his fucking like dried up foreskin lands in their salad and they think it's a walnut and they eat it or some shit. It fucking blows. It's all that stuff but also there's like it's the weird like feminization like that like

De Niro always disapproves of. You know it's like the joke in the first movie is like he's a male nurse. his name is gay lord like it doesn't it doesn't track it's not funny uh no the first one doesn't hold up very well i think it's fine the second one's a disaster the third one i've never seen uh i have also never seen the little fuckers the thing i like about kevin hart movies is that kevin hart movies are kind of playing off that same dynamic where it's like oh he's the feminine the sensitive the vulnerable guy and everyone else is like challenging his bonafides but kevin hart owns his fucking shit he's like yeah i love fucking flowers don't fuck with me and they don't make

it a joke i like kevin hart's comedic persona in motion pictures because i'm a sensitive guy and i want to own it. I think it's okay. I think Kevin Hart walks this line a little something. I don't think he's made a great movie yet. No. But I like the persona

and I'm hoping one of these days they're going to place it in a good film. I'm a little sick of the persona. I like the persona. I'm pretty sick of the persona. Number five is an inspirational sports movie starring a great... Miracle?

Actor. Nope. That I love. It's a basketball movie. Glory Road? Nope. There's a lot of these. Okay.

It's a Disney film though, right? It's a Disney inspirational sports film? Or is it not? I don't know. I don't think so. Oh, okay. Coach Carter? Yeah.

Okay, so it's not Disney. It's Paramount. With Sam Jackson. Yeah. Film debut of Channing Tatum, I believe. Is that right? I think that's his first picture. Directed, strangely enough.

By a guy named Carter. Thomas Carter. Yeah. Who's mostly a TV director. Solid movie, 67 mil. That was a good hit. So that's your January 05. You know, that's a good mishmash.

Horror, Oscar leftovers, you know, Christmas comedy leftovers, and like sort of inspirational sports movie. That's like, you know, a lot of what you get in January. And this is a lot of what you get on this episode where we talk about documentaries that you haven't seen and don't really care about. But boy, what a fight we had about Aliens of the Deep versus Ghosts of the Abyss. Wasn't that exciting? Didn't that justify you taking the time to listen to this? Edge of your seat.

Thrilling, thrilling episode. I can't wait for all of you to get to Reddit and debate this one. It's going to be a real knockdown drag out fight across the blankies. They're going to be divided like the Civil War. Everyone is loving it. I expect seven separate Podmas write ups they're gonna keep on every week going I know we talked about this episode last week but there's a little more we gotta go back down

another dive to find out what was really going on in this episode next week we talk about Avatar yeah that was a funny little movie

the most successful movie of all time still to this day worldwide the highest grossing film in history. I think that might get more listens

than this episode. Thank you all for listening. Please remember to rate review and subscribe. Oh I have a little plug.

By the time this episode is coming out I think middle November I'm on a TV show called Search Party little plug uh by the time this episode's coming out i think uh wait middle middle november uh i i'm on a tv show called search party that i believe is all premiering uh the week of thanksgiving tbs is doing some some sort of funky thing where they're premiering the show uh i i think uh as like a marathon on thanksgiving day and then they're later gonna release episode i don't know tbs is weird with the uh they're they're later going to release an episode? I don't know. TBS is weird with the

They're trying to mix up the distribution system, the release schedule for TV shows. But then what happens is like Keep your eyes open. The show will be available in some form and some schedule I don't totally understand the week of Thanksgiving. I have a little arc. I have one episode that's a really

it's a juicy part. Yep. My friends Charles Rogers and Sarah Violet Bliss who directed the motion picture for Tilden. It's their TV series stars Ali Shaka and

John Reynolds and John Early and a lot of really fucking funny people. And I have an episode called Who's Afraid of Gavin Rolfe. That's like a weird

bottle episode dinner party where I play like the worst dinner party guest of all time. I think it's really good I'm really proud of it. It's some of my favorite work I've ever gotten to do. Yeah. I think it's a good show. I just think people should watch it. I never plug shit on here but I actually I like this a lot.

You did it. I did it. Plugged. Damn plugged. No more leaks. Safe to go underwater with the pressure but don't drop that battery because it will cost you $250,000. Ha ha. What are the robots called again?

I already forgot. Jake and Elwood. Jake and Elwood. R.I.P. Elwood. Yeah, R.I.P. Elwood. Avatar next week, guys. Avatar next week. Listen, we're going to be back, baby.

Yeah. Full force. This wasn't even fun like Buried Secret of M. Night Shyamalan. We didn't get crazy. It's so weird that it's fun it's okay yeah cause

because we've liked the James Cameron movies up until now so we're not at the point where we're so punchy that we're like losing it we're just kind of bored right now yeah exactly

we're just okay okay okay alright okay thank you all for listening no burger report

no but you know feel free to write them in, whatever. No merchandise spotlight. Yeah. And no orange toast file. No. No Ben's Poetry Corner. No on the record.

No on the record. Ben's new segment. And as always. Uh-huh. But, like, actually, on the down low. Uh-huh. I fucking hate Europa. Twist. Cuck. but like actually on the down low I fucking hate Europa twist

cuck this has been a UCB comedy production check out our other shows on the UCB comedy podcast network you