Blank Check with Griffin & David - Aloha with Esther Zuckerman

Episode Date: August 26, 2016

Nearing the end of the Cameron Crowe mini series, Esther Zuckerman (The A.V. Club) joins Griffin and David to discuss the writer/director’s most recent theatrical release, 2015’s space militarization romantic comedy, Aloha. But doesn’t someone in Emma Stone’s camp look at this script and see at least a few red flags? Why is the movie set in Hawaii but features 99% white people? How do you make being a fighter pilot sound sexy if you’re a woman? Together, they examine Alec Baldwin’s yelling, defining gate blessings, why one can’t buy the sky and offer up their solutions to fix this film.

My father was half Chinese and half Hawaiian. My mother's of Swedish descent, so that makes me a quarter podcast. Great. Hi. Hi. Aloha, everyone. How are you doing? Aloha.

Aloha. My name's Griffin Newman. I'm David Sims. This is Blank Check with Griffin and David, colon, we podcast. This is a podcast where we go through directors who had big success early on and are given a series of blank checks. Right. And sometimes they cash out and sometimes the checks bounce, baby.

This episode is not about the movie Bounce. It's about the film Aloha. We should do a Bounce podcast. Yeah. Bounce cast? Bounce cast. This mini series we podcast is about the films of Cameron Crowe. And we are on.

Not Don Roos. Not Don Roos. Don Roos directed Bounce? The director of Bounce, yes. Really? I didn't know that. That guy's got a weird career. That's what I'm saying! Bounce cast! Yeah, let's do Roos cast. The opposite of pod. The pod of... The opposite of podcast.

Did he do a movie called Happy Endings, too? He did. He did a movie called Happy Endings. It starred Adam Pally and... No, no, no. Happy Accidents was Brad Anderson, right? I don't know. Okay, and there goes... Happy Endings is the one where, like, Ted...

Oh, it's Roseanne's husband's name. Ex-husband. Tom Arnold. Tom Arnold! Yes. Gets, like, jerked off. Right. At a massage parlor.

But Happy Accidents is Marissa Tomei and Vincent D'Onofrio time traveling? Is that what that movie's called? Have you heard of this movie? You're not going to be introduced yet. No. Wait a second. Do you see that off in the horizon? That's our last listener turning off this episode.

I see them waving goodbye as they walk away. All podcasts have been canceled. All podcasts have been canceled. You're correct. And it was directed by Brad Anderson? It's, yes, whoever that, who's that? It doesn't matter. He did The Machinist.

Well, apparently it's about a woman who meets a man who claims to be from the year 2470. Thank you. Thank you. Apparently at the end they both turn out to be time travelers. Well, fuck that. Spoiler alert. Never seen it. And now, guess what?

I will never watch that movie. That is the dumbest twist ending I have ever heard. But now on to Aloha, a great movie that we just watched. Imagine if the end of Sixth Sense was that Haley Dullesman is also a ghost. Yeah, that'd be good. Fuck all movies. My name's Griffin Newman. This is Blank Check, the podcast. The miniseries is called We Podcast. We're going through the films of Cameron Crowe good. Fuck all movies. My name's Griffin Newman. This is Blank Check, the podcast.

The miniseries is called We Podcast. We're going through the films of Cameron Crowe. We did all that. Today we're talking about the film Aloha. His most recent film. Your name's David Sims. Yeah. We have a guest.

We have a great guest. She's great. She's great. Oh, here she is. I've been so excited to have her on the show. It's long overdue. We used to work together and then sit next to each other. We did.

I never worked with you. I wish I had the pleasure. I'm sure it'd be a great experience. But I've had a lot of fun nights. After movie screening discussions and parties and bars and stuff, you're always one of my favorite people to talk to. Aw, thanks.

Currently of the AV Club. That's true. But formally, I mean, long list. You have written for Refinery29. You've written for The Atlantic. The Atlantic Wire. The Atlantic Wire. Back in the day. R.29. You've written for The Atlantic. You wrote for The Atlantic Wire. The Atlantic Wire. R.I.P.

And Tim Weakley, correct? Many others. Yeah, I've done some freelancing around there. Esther Zuckerman is on the show. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm very excited to talk about warmest aloha, I should say. Thank you.

We need a warm aloha on this warm, sunny, humid day. Yeah. It's better than yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. Which was better than the day before. Yeah. I feel like Monday was the worst.

And tomorrow will be better. Yeah, let's hope so. It will, Griffin. Turn that frown upside down. Yeah. So we've gotten to Cameron Crowe's last theatrically released feature film. Is it his eighth film? I believe so.

Maybe this is the last movie he will ever make. It's his eighth film. It's his eighth film. It might be the last movie he ever made. Is he going to make another movie? Has there ever been? I don't think there's been anything in that. I've heard him express no.

Right. Yeah. Because when Elizabeth came out. Yeah. In Elizabeth Town. Yes. Not Elizabeth with Kate Blanchett. Yeah. This was the next project. Yeah. Because when Elizabeth came out in Elizabeth Town, not Elizabeth with Kate Blanchett, this was the next project.

Yeah. And so then even when he made other things, it was always like, oh, well, he's got his Hawaii movie that he's got to do. Now I don't think anyone's like, oh, Cam's, you know, he's busy working on his Alaska movie or I don't know. He has roadies to keep him busy. He's got roadies.

Did that get renewed? I don't know. I don't think so yet. And of course we'll be discussing roadies next episode. How fun. How many episodes have you watched? Two. How many have you watched?

Zero. I've watched one. I won't be here but I've watched one. You can come back if you want to do it. I'll say this because a lot of my friends such as you who work in entertainment writing and TV criticism and such watch the first episode out of job obligations or morbid curiosity and they didn't watch the second one. I think the second one's better than the first. I honestly didn't hate the first one.

I mean, I hated a lot of parts of it. But as a whole, I didn't like I didn't hate it. I feel the same way. I thought I was going to continue watching it. And then there was other television. It's it's not a show that demands, like, you don't leave the first episode being like, oh man, I gotta see what happens next. There's no cliffhanger? In a time with like five million TV shows on the air, it's very hard to compel yourself to keep watching it.

What's gonna happen to Image and Poots? Yes. I, every night, I'm like, oh fuck, you should watch Roadies. You know, because I'm like, I know I got to catch up with this thing because we're going to have to cover it. Nah. But it's like, I prefer watching, you know, The Incredibles again. I thought we said we would never do a TV show on this podcast again.

And yeah, here we are. We're doing it again. I know. Thank God James Cameron never made a TV show. It's not terrible, but we'll talk about roadies next week. Yeah, this is terrible. Aloha. Aloha.

Aloha. Aloha. Aloha. Aloha. Can I say something? Aloha. But once again, I don't know if this is like a Stockholm Syndrome thing. Oh, boy. I liked the movie more the second time. Well, I thought I was going to like it more the second time, because it's so weird and

discombobulating. Yeah. The first time. Well, you have no idea what's going on. No. And I was like, or maybe the second time it's going to click for me. So we all now have seen it twice? Yes.

Yes. Okay. I saw it in theaters. I saw it with past guest pilot Virawit. We went to see it at the Williamsburg Cinema in one of those. Have you been there? No. Have you been there?

Yes. You know, there's those theaters that are like down the stairs that are very small and kind of, that's where they put, it was just me and her. Yeah. Just watching Aloha. And just like, I think we were like, oh, this is going to be fun. We're going to have a laugh at Aloha. And we just sort of sat there silently.

I feel like I insisted that you go see it. We were recording the podcast at the time. And you were like, I'm not going to do it. And I was like, Aloha is fascinating. And it is. It is really interesting. It is really interesting. In a lot of ways.

Yeah. But so the first time I walked out of there and I was like, well, that was a disaster. And also we were all just so mad about the casting and that was all floating and that was very hard to ignore. And the second time I was like, well, maybe I'll feel differently. And then immediately I'm like, why is Emma Stone? Like immediately I snapped right back into it. I couldn't get over it. And here's another thing.

You can't get over it. You can't get over it. You can't. But you cannot get over it. It is inexcusable and it is awful. But that having been said, this time I knew it was happening. So I didn't feel as much.

I knew it was happening the first time. But didn't everyone know it was happening the first time? Well, I was going back and looking at the timeline, okay? So he originally announces this movie in like 2006 or 2007, right? When it was going to be Reese Witherspoon playing the part. And Ben Stiller. And Ben Stiller. I was going to say Reese was definitely playing this part, not the Rachel McAdams part.

At that time, he only announced one. Yeah, I mean, you would think Emma's the lead. Also, do we know that it was like exactly this character? I don't know. Hard to know. I don't know. You know, I think the was exactly this character? I don't know. Hard to know. I don't know. I think the script changed a lot. I don't know, okay?

But Reese Witherspoon was announced to be playing the female lead. I don't know if there was a second female lead at that point in the development. Right. And after We Bought a Zoo- All we knew was Ben and Reese. Right. Had they been in something? No, they were almost in four movies together.

Yeah, it feels like they- There was that Jay Roach movie, Used Guys, which was also one of those movies that got pulled like three weeks before filming. Yeah, like sprockets. Right. And I think Deep Tiki was like two months away from filming. They were in pre-production. It's just the fact that it was named Deep Tiki for a really long time.

Can I compliment one thing about the movie from the onset? Don't say the title. I think they nailed the title. No, they blew the title. Warmest the title. I think they nailed the title. No, they blew the title. Warmest Aloha. I think they nailed the title. You can't make a movie called Aloha that's set in Hawaii and have the cast be three white people. I don't think that.

I think that's the fault. You can't. It's another language. Can I make a point? I think that's the fault of the movie and not of the title. It's a bad title. What does the title even have to do with? Because he said goodbye to one relationship and said hello to another. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yes, the title. It's a bad title. What does the title even have to do with? Because he said goodbye to one relationship

and said hello to another. Oh no. Yes. Oh no. Yes, the title is clever. His old life and his new life. I just wanted to say

I just feel like Ben and Reese were in a movie together because they were both very famous at the same time. And they kept on getting attached to projects. That mid-aughts like oh, Ben still

and Reese Witherspoon the big A-list stars. Yeah. That's a weird time. What a weird time. Yeah. I remember when the year that Meet the Parents came out. So this is already-

2000. Yes. It's already two years after There's Something About Mary, and he had some other films of varying success in between, but Meet the Parents was his second huge movie. People Magazine, they're like, entertainers of the year, wrote like Meet the Parents was his second like huge movie. They, like People Magazine, they're like entertainers of the year wrote like who do you think? Not Entertainment Weekly? It wasn't Entertainment Weekly. Weird.

I know the Entertainment Weekly is the branded. It wasn't, yes, it wasn't the branded title. I mean it was, you know, important figures of the whatever it was. They were clearly wholesale ripping off Entertainment Weekly. Same parent company. My response was, ew.

Because I was grossed out by how much they were ripping off EW. If you catch my drift. This last film article from 08 says Reese is probably playing Tracy, but they're not sure. Okay, interesting. Not Allison Ng. My sidebar here

I was going to say was just the fucking in this piece about Ben Stiller as one of their like important people of 2000 they were like who do you think was the lead of the biggest comedy film of the year if you guessed Tim Allen or Jim Carrey you'd be wrong would you believe that it was actually Ben Stiller like their position was this underdog

even after there's something about marriage yeah what could you believe that Ben Stiller was the lead of the biggest comedy of the year? Also, it's like comedy is like his thing at this point. So it's not like comedy is the crazy part of this. They were fucking writing about him as if he was Sholto Copley, like after District 9. And it was like they found this guy working in an office and they made him the star of a movie and the movie did well. So the way Slash Film describes this project in 2008 is kind of

fascinating okay they say you know they explain like uh he's gonna play byan gilchrist a seven a disgraced u.s weapons consultant just i mean right there you're hooked right of course his only friend is a techie named jeremy uh a super smart and highly aware computer. What? Now, I think this is a typo. They must mean computer programmer. Nope, nope. Or is it like the Friends show within a show, Mac and Cheese, in which there was a robot called Cheese, which I referenced in our Elizabeth Town episode.

Yes, the second time you've referenced Mac and Cheese on this podcast. And I'm going to try and reference every week from now on. Is it like Chappie? David, that is not an error. I remember closely following Esther 15 comedy points I remember closely following the development of Deep Tiki at this time and that was the big thing that like they were being

very hush hush about it but the movie was definitely about a guy being friends with a computer that would be weird I want to see that but the thing is that sounds weird but also Aloha's weird. It's not like Aloha, they paired the weirdness out of it with multiple rewrites. It's still weird.

It's weird. He kills a satellite with the history of media. He does. The power of music. Together with the anal and humorless major Lisa Ng. So they changed her name. Okay, so they hadn't cast that part yet, I guess. And apparently she's anal and humorless.

Which is not exactly how I'd describe her character in this. She's kind of like a go-getter. I, so they hadn't cast that part yet, I guess. And apparently she's anal and humorless. Which is not exactly how I'd describe her character in this. She's kind of like a go-getter. I feel like there are hints to that. The first five minutes I'd say that's totally

what she is. The first five minutes it's more, I mean, she's very type A, I guess. Sir, listen, but she's very rigid. But also the first five minutes are really weird

because she's like, you know, hi, I'm here to assist you and he's like, I'm a renegade! Nobody get near me! I'm fucking crazy! Look! Look at me! And you's like, you know, hi, I'm here to assist you and he's like, I'm a renegade. Nobody get near me. I'm fucking crazy. Look, look at me.

And you're like, why is he so hostile? The first five minutes of the movie, she is the most like rigid, humorless person in the world and he's telling everyone

how awful he is. He's like, I'm a renegade. Go on. Right, and then it cuts to her in her hotel room talking to her mom going, there's greatness in this guy.

Which is, that scene upsets me so much. After that opening that she that quickly bizarre. Now her shirt's untucked and she's got her hair undone and she's beautiful.

Yeah and she's like sexy and she's like and it's like very clear that she wants to like get with him. Oh yeah. I mean alright I have a lot of questions

but first let me just finish this. Yes. Gilchrist also gets blah blah blah gets a chance to meet with the love of his life who got away along with her husband and two kids. On the island, he discovers himself. And then apparently there are visions of Hawaiian gods and they throw a sacrifice into a volcano. So they cut a lot of that.

There's the one scene. And you also have the kid talking about the arrival, which never pays off. It never pays off. And I feel like there might have been a more supernatural version of this story that he was told, like, you can't do this. But it's bizarre because it feels like he handed in that script and they were like, this is a little too weird. It's a little too complicated. Let's pare it down. And he pared it down 20 percent.

And they were like, you have a green light. And he should have pared it down like 70 and they were like you have a green light and he should have pared it down like 70% 20% is high 8% we're talking talking computer and fucking throwing

a ghost into a volcano I already forgot about the talking computer there aren't possibly ghosts in this movie 100% yeah no no but they're not like

a prominent part which in a way makes it weirder right I don't know I don't know I think if you're a ghost movie fucking own being

a ghost movie yeah no be a ghost yeah yeah not like a quasi rom-com slash i don't know right um i all i was trying to say was at that point in the i guess resource one had not been cast to play that part when they announced emma stone it wasn't clear you know the ethnic background like i remember at least in my memory, and I was Googling to try to figure out this timeline, the trailer didn't sort of imply her heritage at all. No, no, no. No, it was, that was definitely something that...

It was when the first wave of critics saw it. Yeah, when the preview screenings, they were like, P.S., her character is Chinese and Hawaiian. But they held it off. Like, no one saw the movie until, like, the week it came out. Maybe two weeks. Week before, you know? I mean, they were not like proudly showing this movie.

No. And the film was released. When was it released? Oh, no. May 29th. It had been pushed back. It was supposed to come out Christmas the previous year. In 2014, it was supposed to come out Christmas Day.

And then in July of 2014, they pushed it back almost a full year. Yes. And it had already been shot like nine months earlier than the original date. So the movie was like coming out almost two years after it was shot. Right. I mean, it's a very interesting Emma Stone timeline, too. And B-Coups. And well, and Emma, I because I remember actually writing a piece for The Wire.

R.I.P. Remember? And Emma, because I remember actually writing a piece for The Wire, RIP. Remember? In 2014, talking about how she needs something better than Gwen Stacy. I remember that piece. And I looked this up because I was like, huh, I want to remember what I had said. And it was supposed to be Birdman and Untitled Cameron Crowe Project coming out that winter. Right, right, right. Because best case scenario, she was going to have a Spielberg year.

And it was going to be like, she's going to get nominated for an Oscar for Birdman. And then she did. And then Aloha is going to be her big movie star romantic comedy. And she also had a Woody Allen movie coming out. Right. Her first of two. Yeah, her first of two. Why am I forgetting the name of this movie?

Magic in the Moonlight. Because it has the most forgettable title in am I forgetting the name of this movie? Magic in the Moonlight. Magic in the Moonlight. Because it has the most forgettable title in the world. Yeah. I mean, I've seen Magic in the Moonlight. I have not seen Irrational Man, which she's also in. I saw both. Irrational Man is better.

It is better. It is 100% better. Magic in the Moonlight isn't anything at all. I mean, Irrational Man is sort of interesting. Irrational Man is kind of interesting because it's a movie that hates itself. Yeah. It's like a movie that understands how disgusting it is. And it sort of understands.

And it's sort of if you like whatever. It's a long tangent. But if you think about like there's a self-criticism in it too. That's like. About a guy skirting responsibility. Yeah. And you're like oh okay. Whereas Magic in the Moonlight is about a guy who has to prove that a woman is a liar.

Yes. Yes. Yes. And then also fuck her. And. And then also, fuck her. And then he does and her response is let's marry or whatever. Let's be together. Weird movie.

Also, Colin Firth is in Yellowface in the first scene of that movie. Yeah, I mean that's so buried under so many levels. It is. It is. He's playing someone who's... I don't like it. I'm not defending it.

No, you can defend it. There's movies in which that would be... Okay, I like it. There's an Emma Stone... I loved it! There's a thread here that goes right back to Aloha, unfortunately. The funny thing is, though, like you say, Emma Stone had actually had a great 2014

because she got an Oscar nomination. Sure, Amazing Spider-Man 2 didn't really go anywhere. And was coming off of doing Cabaret on Broadway which was a very well-read Bradley Cooper had an amazing 2014. He was in the biggest movie

of the year and he was Rocket in Guardians. You know, he was like having fun, right? I mean, technically looking at the calendar

because they counted American Sniper as a 2014 release, he had the first and third highest grossing films of that year and was coming off of three consecutive Oscar nominations, acting categories, and then additionally a fourth Oscar nomination for producing American Sniper. So he's like, really?

I mean, at that point it felt like he's now the guy. It's inarguable. Sure. Even though we kept arguing with it. So Stone was cast in this movie, I believe, in 2012. Makes sense. Okay, so that would have been right after the first Amazing Spider-Man? Right.

I don't know when Cooper signed on to it. I couldn't quite, I don't remember. But I believe this is sort of an interesting move for her because it's like after the first Amazing Spider-Man, she has her franchise. She hasn't quite had, she's had EZA she's been like sort of October 2012 is when he was okay so it feels like this looks to her like obviously it hadn't quite come out yet but this could be like a silver linings playbook moment for her uh-huh I feel like this is like it hadn't come out yet but I feel like this is like she signs on to do it thinking like okay great like I'm going to be the lead in a Cameron Crowe

movie and still still sort of trying to find that like one thing that hits for her here's the thing all of what you guys are saying makes sense but Cameron Crowe had not made I don't care if you don't want to make fun of him, he hadn't made that movie in 15 years. Agreed. They're wanting, they're thinking, oh, he's going to get me this movie, Crowe, because he's done it before. But he hasn't done it. Okay, but I think Cameron Crowe, I think actors signing on to a Cameron Crowe movie are holding out the same kind of hope that me, as a diehard Cameron Crowe fan, hold on to every time heces a new thing, which is like maybe this is the one where he gets it back. Did they read the script of the movie?

I don't know. It's about the militarization of space. Here's a situation. Because I was watching this film as like an actor who was embarrassed by most of the things I've been in, right? On a very different scale with no like career to maintain or whatever. But I was like, okay, so you put aside the fact that they offer you this script, right? The script makes no sense.

Right. But they're saying, do you want to go to Hawaii? You work with Cameron Crowe, who's an important filmmaker. We got Bill Murray. Whether or not he's at his peak. And you get to work with all these actors. On that level, it's like, why wouldn't I do this? If you're Danny McBride, why wouldn't you do it?

Totally get it. But then you go into Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone, where it's like, well,'t I do this, right? If you're Danny McBride, why wouldn't you do it? Totally get it. But then you go into like Bradley Cooper and Emma Stone where it's like, well, they're at these tipping points where it's like they have been deemed potentially the next great movie stars and they're just circling around this thing. And if you're in the zone that they're in in 2012, it's like, well, you definitely have it right now,

but some people have it for two years and then it never comes back. And some people do enough work over a period of time that they become iconic and legendary. And like Julia Roberts hasn't made a movie that anyone's loved in a very long time. But Julia Roberts will never stop being Julia Roberts. Right. Well, but Emma Stone is so similar to her, but she's never had.

We've had this discussion before. And this is the whole thing. This is what I think makes Aloha so fascinating. And it ties into what you're saying, David, which is there's always this conversation about like, why don't we have bankable female stars anymore? And it's because the thing that made bankable female stars were romantic comedies and dramas, which studios aren't making a big way anymore. They're not making enough. Jennifer Lawrence got so lucky that she had Silver Lines Playbook, which was like an 18 million dollar Miramax. And a big franchise.

Right. But that she had both in one year. And it's the right franchise but the fact that like silver lining's playbook worked that it connected that way that made that much money that it got those oscars that she won it was like it gave her that clout but then she hasn't made a movie like that since then other than the other david r russell movie the thing about stone that's interesting though too is that like she obviously was searching for this through these sort of old paths that don't work

anymore because it's like Woody Allen and Cameron Crowe who I mean Blue Jasmine is sort of like an outlier at this point but like in terms of these movies that he's been making and the parts that he'd be writing for an Emma Stone type not the right choice and same with like a Cameron Crowe thing. But this is my read of the situation. I feel like the people who used to have it and don't have it anymore, but had it in such a large scale way are the only people who can get a movie like this made anymore. I don't think there's a young upstart who is Cameron Crowe, who he was 20 years ago,

who can get a movie like this made on this scale with these actors and a studio budget you know yeah i think the only people they're willing to take a chance on are people who made hannah and her sisters or you know right or made jerry mcguire or whatever who made a human story that connected like in a way like that a movie star based like human sort of right bittersweet dramedy and that And that's the problem, is they're like only giving the chances to people who have lost the touch. They're not creating an environment where anyone new can develop their voice.

And you look at if it does happen, it happens in something like EZA because teen movies are like a programmer. They have a genre. Oh, yeah. And someone can pop being like a teen star or in a YA franchise. But then if you're a young actress

and now you're in your mid-20s and you want to get that thing that takes you to the next level, it's like that movie doesn't really exist. No. You bet on doing the Sundance version of that, which is like, you're probably working with a first-time filmmaker

with limited budget, who knows if it's going to work, this and that. At this point, when you're making independent Sundance, films where you're aiming to get into Sundance that's the goal you're not like an esoteric like fucking art house director you're trying to make like Sundance Angelica like summer you know you know alternative box search like comedies

you have enough investors that they're actually having as much creative interference as a studio would and it's hard to get that through. In a weird way, more interference because you're not dealing with, you're dealing with independent investors and financers rather than a studio who at least has experience making movies a lot of times, you know? And so it's very hard for someone like Emma Stone to find her thing. And you get people like Emma Stone who are just stuck in this neither here nor there, where it's like, everyone kind of loves her. There's like no one arguing that she's not like a great actress and a great movie star,

but she doesn't really have the things that show it. I would argue that she's not a great actress. I don't think she's a great actress. I think she's a very good actress. I may be overstating a little bit. She's a promising actress. I think she's a very good actress. I don't know if she's done anything that, I mean,

makes me think she's a good actress. Not in five years. I mean, certainly at the start of her career, it was like, oh, you know, this is someone to watch out for. But I also think it's like, she's a great personality. And she's a great actress in terms of charisma and stuff like that. But in terms of playing levels and doing different things. Maybe La La Land will change everything.

Well, but see, I feel like La La Land might be the exactly right thing for her. That's the hope, yeah. I feel like La La Land, if it is good, is like, it's a musical. She can sing, she can dance, she can be charismatic, and she probably doesn't have to do something that is wildly away from what she is as a person and an entertainer. Yes. Yeah, that's the hope... I don't know. I don't know, man. I don't know.

That's my contribution. About La La Land or just about everything? Oh, I definitely don't know about La La Land. I just... I mean, I have to see that to believe it. I'm sorry. I'm just... You can't convince me that's gonna be good. I want it to be good. I want it to be so good. I don't

necessarily have faith in it yet, but I just want it to be good. I want it to be good. I want it to be so good. I don't necessarily have faith in it yet, but I just want it to be good. I think it's going to be Arch is my key thing. Yeah, I love Arch shit. I'm fine with Arch, but I just don't think it'll connect on a broader level if it is. Yeah. I don't know.

I think it just looks like a tough sell. A real tough sell. Yeah, although the internet was crushing real hard in it. They liked the trailer. Yeah. Remember when she was in Crazy Stupid Love in 2011? She's really good in that. And that's an attempt to make a pretty broad rom-com.

But she's also supporting in that. I mean, that's a movie where it's like two different romances, and the men in the romances are definitely the two leads. That movie is a mistake. It's Crazy Stupid Love. She's very good. Yeah, I definitely saw it and I remember her being charming. I don't, yeah. It's not a movie

that stuck with me. No. What's the matter, Esther? I was just, I feel like she's made a lot of mistakes. Well, here's her run, you know. Super bad. She's out in the world, right? Boom. And then like supporting roles in The Rocker and The House Bunny and Ghosts of

Girlfriends Pass. I like The House Bunny. House Bunny's cute, but these are supporting roles. I'll say this. That run of supporting roles through to Zombieland is kind of what makes me really take notice of her because in all of them she's playing totally different characters. That's true. In those early films she's not doing the movie star thing. She's actually doing

and her nerd in House Bunny is very different than her nerd in Ghost of Girlfriends past they're very specific and both attuned to the film

as someone who has unfortunately seen both the House Bunny and Ghost of Girlfriends she's really good in House Bunny then you've got

Zombieland which so like and she plays a badass in that and she plays it as a real human being and not as like a fucking stock figure

and she's good in it and then you got Easy A and it's like she gets the Golden Globe nomination. Everyone's like, yeah, right, right. We're cooking with gas here, right? Yeah.

And then, well, she's not, she's barely in Friends at Benefits. Yeah, she has two seconds. She's the breakup at the beginning of the film. So in 2011, Crazy Stupid Love, eh, I think people were excited, but it doesn't go anywhere. And then The Help, which she's the worst thing about, but like it's not really her fault i disagree with that i think she's getting it and i think the help is the first time you see her being like okay like let me find this thing that's going to like make me serious apology accepted uh i think the help her performance in the help ruins the movie i disagree because she's playing it like she's from now she's not playing it like

she should she's not playing it like someone in the 60s i think the movie ruins the movie. I disagree with that. Because she's playing it like she's from now. She's not playing it like she should. She's not playing it like someone in the 60s. I think the movie ruins the movie. Well, I mean, I think she was poorly directed by Tate Taylor. I have seen that movie once. I will never watch it ever again. But while watching it, I remember thinking that I thought she was very good in it. I think you like Emma Stone. I do like Emma Stone.

I'm not even trying to fight that. Right. You're rooting for Emma Stone. I'm rooting for her real hard. Crazy Stupid Love to Say didn't do anything for her, I think, is a little untrue because, A, it did well. Did it? It did like 75 or 80, I think, domestic. Pretty good.

Yeah. And B, everyone was sort of talking about the gods on stone. 85 domestic. Thank you. Pretty good. For a movie nobody likes. 85 domestic. And a movie that costs very For a movie nobody likes. 85 domestic. And a movie that costs very little.

$50 million. How much did it make overseas? Another, like, I don't know. It clears like $130 or $120. Okay, and I guarantee it's well on home video. That's a home video. That's a fucking Redbox movie. No, I'm just saying 50 mil for that.

I remember there being- Does it take place in like three houses? Yeah, but it's got like a ton of actors in it. I remember there being a lot of excitement over the Gosling stone chemistry. There still is so much excitement. They have not made a good movie together. But people love them together. They do.

They're hot. So to say it did nothing for her isn't really accurate because there was this thing of like, okay, we got something bottled here. There is somewhere a great Ryan Gosling Emma Stone movie. It's also, I feel like her staying power is largely because of gifts as well. Interesting. The young person. What?

This is the young person's angle. This is my sort of theory, is that, like, she has this staying power for having been in, like, this, you know, not, like, like nothing that has really been like, oh, my God, like amazing. Because she is all over the Internet constantly. There's that eye roll gif from Easy A. There is like I'm not sure, you know, you have, I think, like her jumping on Ryan Gosling in Crazy Stupid Love. You look like you're photoshopped. Yeah. You look like you're photoshopped which maybe isn't a gif but like more of a clip.

Well the gif with the little. Yeah. With the little thing. There was a line they really tried to sell the photoshop line. Remember that was like their trailer. Right. They sold it. I bought it.

And then there's like the Jimmy Fallon lip sync battle thing, which she made take off. I love how Jimmy Fallon has celebrities on his show and stuff. That's all I'm going to say about that. Sorry, carry on. But like her doing like all I do is win is like a huge. Wait, I'm sorry. Who did you hear? Ben.

He was laughing at my Fallon joke. Producer Ben? Who? The Ben Ducer? The Poet Laureate? Ben. He was laughing at my Fallon joke. Producer Ben? Who? The Ben-ducer? The Poet Laureate? Mr. Hositive? Hositive? Mr. Hositive. I know, I know. The Poet Laureate? The Peeper? The Tiebreaker?

Birthday Benny? Yeah, recently. Do not call him Professor Crispy. Dare you, sir. Do call him the Fuckmaster. Please. Do you want? Over time, he has graduated to different titles. Oh, my God. Such as Producer Ben Canove, Kylo Ben, Ben Night Shyamalan, Ben Tate. We recently concluded a poll. We're tabulating the results and are going to confer about what his title is going to be at the end of this.

Wish him a hearty aloha fennel, ladies and gentlemen, Ben Hosley. Guys, what an episode so far. All Emma Stone, no aloha. Yeah, and I just don't follow the biz like y'all, so I've got really nothing to add. We should really get to aloha. Yeah. But let me just give you her 20.

Also, I did cut off Esther because I didn't know Ben was in the studio. I didn't know. I was surprised that Ben was in the studio. And I'll just say this. I, too, David, like when Jimmy Fallon has celebrities on the show.

We agree. You know what's really cool? What? It's that everything they're doing is just so great. So great. It's so relatable. I never knew that celebrities

could play beer pong before. Dude, and they're really good at it sometimes. And that's so great. It's so relatable. I never knew that celebrities could play beer pong before. Dude, and they're really good at it sometimes. And that's like me. We've had two Tonight Show writers as guests on this show. We have. Esther, what were you going to say? I was just going to say that she has this strong internet presence that is tied to her movies, but only sort of tangentially.

Is she on the Twitter or anything like that? She's not. She's not on the gram. But it's similar to Jennifer Lawrence in that she is a presence. No, she's just a sector of the internet. And I think she's sort of become, in a small sector, a sort of generational spirit animal. Yes.

A lot of young women, especially teenage girls. I mean, my sister who's younger, I feel like really feels like, oh like oh emma stone like represents and they grew up and they saw eza when they were 10 and so that was a big one for them or whatever and they were running to see aloha probably nobody ran to see this movie uh so in 2012 she has the amazing spider-man where she's unfortunately overshadowed by dennis leary and then giving the best performance of 2012 correct and then gangster Squad in 2013, which is like, I mean, like a huge bomb. That's actually a movie that doesn't exist.

It really is. That really is a movie that doesn't exist. It came out on December 32nd or something. Like that's how much it doesn't exist. Warner Brothers tried to get like fucking, like they bought that book and they were like, this is a huge film. And they offered it to like Aronofsky, Affleck, Eastwood,

like all their biggest guys. Yeah it's weird. And then they were like Ruben Fletcher and then he assembles. He's the zombie land guy. He assembles an incredible cast and then the movie doesn't fucking exist. Well I mean there is a reason, another reason outside of the movie itself for the movie not fucking existing which is the Dark Knight Rises

and the shooting. And it was about to come out great during that period. And they had to push it. And they had to push it because there was literally a shot in the trailer where they pop out of a movie screen shooting guns at the shooting. And it was about to come out right during that period. And they had to push it because there was literally a shot in the trailer where they pop out of a movie screen shooting guns at the audience. And in the movie as well, which I believe they had to remove. So it came out in January, right?

And they were like, the weird thing about that is they were like, this is a big movie. And then it came out in January and it got 0% of reviews. And it was never a good movie. And then it came out in January and it got 0% like the reviews. And it was never a good movie. No.

It was never either... Do you know what the name of that movie was? Gangster Squad. Yeah. I, an 8 year old would write a title, like a movie with that title. Gangster Squad. Josh Brolin, Ryan Gosling, Emma Stone, Anthony Mackie, Giovanni Rabisi.

Oh boy. And then she's in movie 43 and The Croods. So, I mean, obviously, upswing there. Yeah, I mean, she's great in The Croods. And then Amazing Spider-Man 2, which is another movie that doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. Isn't it crazy how we just forgot that movie existed? That's not true.

I mean, it exists in the same way that Freddy Krueger exists, in that it sneaks into my dreams and stabs me. And then Magic in the Moonlight. Like, that's a bad run. That isn't objectively hard. And then, you know, she gets Birdman, and that's supposed to be the bounce back. And let's also point out that during that run, Jennifer Lawrence jumps up, like, 17 tiers. Right, Jennifer Lawrence is, like, the big, anointed the big star of her generation.

And it feels a little bit like Jennifer Lawrence stole, like not stole, but got to the finish line before Emma Stone. But got to the thing they were both running towards and now is just lapping her. Can you just quickly look up what Emma Stone's character's name is in The Croods? It's Eep Crood.

Okay. Glad I had that for you. And then so Birdman, so as we were saying, Birdman does well. Okay. She gets an Oscar nomination. Great. Here comes Aloha. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no-ha. Because we're fascinated with this movie. Oh, no-ha. One comedy point. Thank you. But she got the most shit for this movie, right? Yes, which I

Okay, so I was talking about this. It's unavoidable. She's going to get the most shit for this movie. I was talking about this with a friend of the podcast, friend of my life, Sophie Fader, who I invoke many times. Great person. Because she's my voice of reason in my life. And she was saying, like, just,

you know, having not seen the film, I was telling her like, oh yeah, I gotta go watch Aloha tonight. She saying like, just, you know, having not seen the film, I was telling her like, oh yeah, I gotta go watch Aloha tonight. She was like, what do you do if you're Emma Stone in that situation?

What do you do? Say, I can't play this character as written. I can't be Hawaiian and Jamaican. I mean, Chinese,

why did I say Jamaican? That would be amazing if she was like, I'm half Jamaican, half Hawaiian. Yeah. And then... Oh, boy. And then half Swedish, so that negates everything. Yeah, right. I like that you had to pick the whitest. I mean, how else

do you explain? She's white. She's a very white woman. Remember the part of the movie where she shows a picture of her parents? Yes, I do. I mean, but the problem is, as you're saying, what do you do if you're Emma Stone? They offer you the film. They go, hey, Emma Stone, here it is on your desk. Maybe you meet with Cameron Crowe first.

You're a fan of Cameron Crowe, and you go meet with him, and then they send you the script, and you read it, and they go, $5 million on the table. The role is yours if you want it. But there are other people. My question, though, is like there are other people in between her and Cameron Crowe. Probably. Yes.

In terms of and doesn't someone I mean, I probably not because Hollywood is so fucked up in terms of this. But like, doesn't someone look at the script and go, huh? This character's name is Alison Ng. Huh. She has a whole speech about how she is Chinese and Hawaiian. Emma, like, maybe we should think about this. The terrible reality is all those people read it and they think that and they go, yeah, but we need a bankable name. I'm trying to find his apology because he wrote like.

Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yeah. a bankable name. I'm trying to find his apology because he wrote like... Yes, he did. Yes, he did. Yeah.

So he... The other problem I was going to say is like it'd be one thing and it would still be a big problem if the character was presented

as being Hawaiian for some reason. But that was that. I don't know. But like the other thing is like she's obsessed with Hawaiian culture. And trying to prove

to everyone. Yeah. In an upsetting way. Yeah. I mean, the movie strikes you when you're watching. This feels like a very touristy movie that is taking very broad tropes

about Hawaiian culture. White man's Hawaii. And kind of just like, you know, a movie like The Descendants, which I don't like, doesn't try to do this quite as badly. No, and they at least go, he's like eight generations away. Well, and also, he's been a while since I saw this. No, and they at least go, he's like eight generations away. Well, and also, he's being presented as like a white land baron in Hawaii, and there's

like some tension to that. Yeah. Whereas this is like a bunch of white people come to Hawaii to like, you know, truck with the savages. For a gay blessing. Yeah, to get a gay blessing out of them. Yeah. And.

What's a gay blessing? I mean. I mean, I think I figured it out now. But. I think I've maybe figured this movie out. Oh, well, I'm excited to hear that in one second. But the fact that she is the gatekeeper of Hawaiian culture in the movie, that she is the one who delivers all this information and, I don't know, seems so obsessed with, it's so bad. It's such an absolutely disastrous idea disastrous idea okay you want my ranking of

solutions in order yes number one hire an actress of hawaiian descent or hire an actress with some asian heritage because like his whole idea for the character is that she looks white and but has hawaiian heritage and camera crow said in his apology that the fact that she keeps on pushing it so much was meant to be a joke because he knows someone he claims who is a quarter Hawaiian and doesn't look at it all and always is bragging about not bragging about it, but always talking about how proud she is of it. And that was supposed to be the joke in the film. It feels like them explaining away the problem. It doesn't play as a joke at all. And if it was a joke, it'd be a fucked up joke.

Yeah. Yeah. Saying that it's a joke doesn't make it better. No, but it also definitely doesn't play as up joke. Yeah. Yeah. Saying that it's a joke doesn't make it better. No but it also definitely doesn't play as a joke. No. If the joke had worked it still would be

if it felt comedic it still would be shitty but it also doesn't feel comedic watching the film. No. Yeah. It's double shitty. Yeah.

Because they failed doing a shitty thing. His apology is not good. No it's bad. I remember it at the time being not good and I'm rereading it now and it's not good

because he's basically like you know he's explaining this idea that, oh, she's supposed to look white because that's the character, and she's based on a real person, quote unquote, whatever the fuck that means. And then he's like, but we did employ a lot of Hawaiians. And Bumpy. He keeps on bragging about Bumpy. But it's like, yeah, you employed some Hawaiian actors who are very low on the cast list, who don't do much. And then, like, are you saying you employed some crew guys? I mean, like, what's his argument?

Like, how dare you? I came to Hawaii and, like, gave them jobs. Who's above the title on this movie? Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray, Danny McBride, Alec Baldwin, John Krasinski. Those are the people above the title. Seven names. Seven people above the title. Seven names.

Seven names above the title. And then even when you go below that, I think the next couple of names are The Two Kids, you have Bill Camp, right? You know? I mean, it's like Michael Chernus, who plays his friend on the other side of the phone. Like, I mean, you probably have to go like 12 or 13 names deep in this film. Bumpy is the highest, and he's playing himself. Right. And he's on a shared title card with three to four other actors.

Oh, boy. Bad idea. Number two, I think, solution is... These two are tied, I'd say. I'd say number two is, uh, don't make her Hawaiian. No.

If you want to cast Emma Stone, then you have to pick one or the other. It doesn't have anything to do with the movie at the end of the day. Right. It really doesn't. It doesn't play into the story much at all. You have to pick one or the other.

Either the character's Hawaiian or you want to work with Emma Stone. Right. Those two things are mutually exclusive. I think the third option Oh boy. is, uh, she was raised in Hawaii.

She is white with white parents, and she feels attached to the culture, but you never have her claim that she's Hawaiian. Not a great option, though. But you already have that in the kids. Exactly. What about option four? Don't make the movie. Vanilla Sky 2. I'm sorry.

Vanilla Sky. Vanilla Sky 2. Open your eyes. That's the subtitle. Yeah. Eyes'm sorry. Vanilla Sky. Vanilla Sky 2. Vanilla Sky 2. Open your eyes. That's the subtitle. Yeah. Eyes wide open. Eyes wide open. That'd be a good sequel because he made a movie called Eyes Wide Shut.

So Vanilla Sky 2, Eyes Wide Open. It's a combo sequel. It's like MIB 23. That's never going to happen, right? I just read an interview with Jonah Hill. Yeah. Jonah Hill. That's not actually going to happen.

That's the stupidest idea I ever heard. Another thing is that those two movies are both, Aloha and M.I.B. 23, are both like integral in the Sony hacks. Yeah. This movie is like the fulcrum of so many different like things. We really don't want to talk about this movie. Yeah. How long we been going, Ben?

42 minutes. Okay, that's the end of our episode. So the plot of the movie, and this is crazy for Cameron Crowe. Let's see if you can pull it off. Is that a disgraced former Air Force pilot, military, I don't actually, U.S. military? Yeah. He's disgraced. Well, you're still saying that he used to be great at something. I know, Cameron Crowe wrote a movie about someone who's disgraced. And now he's disgraced well you're still saying that he i know cameron crowe wrote

a movie about someone who's disgraced and now he's haunted by his failures okay he comes to hawaii to organize a traditional gate blessing now he's a military contractor yes he works for a billionaire called carson welch played by bill murray in a really locked in engaged performance from bill murray can i say i think this honestly thinks like it's like they bow fingered him like they just Bill Murray. In a really locked in engaged performance from Bill Murray. Can I say, I think this- He honestly thinks like, it's like they bow fingered him. Like they just sort of like, you know, would like corner him with a camera and he'd be like, huh? The most damning thing I can say about this movie is that Emma Stone plays an Asian person.

The second most damning thing I can say about this movie is this film has provided what I think is the only Bill Murray performance that just doesn't even register. It's a waste of him. But it's not even like, I've seen him be worse in movies. I mean, I didn't see like Rock the Casbah. performance that just doesn't even register. It's a waste of him. But it's not even like, I've seen him be worse in movies. I didn't see like Rock the Casbah. I've seen Rock the Casbah. And how is it?

It's not good. I've seen him be worse in films. Yeah, he can be bad. But usually it's bad in a way that's kind of intriguing. You know, he just doesn't, I forget he's in this movie. Yeah. He's like vaporware.

But he dances and it's quirky. He is briefly quirky. And can I give them two points? His look is great in this movie. The look is fine if he did anything. Yeah. No, his performance just doesn't exist. Much like Gangster Squad.

It's the Gangster Squad of performance. Oh, is he in Gangster Squad? No. But he embodies Gangster Squad as Carson Weld. So his name's Gilchrist, Bradley Cooper's character. Brian Gilchrist. Gilchrist. So yes, so he's in Hawaii to organize this gate blessing, I guess.

He was stationed there for a while. So he knows about Hawaii. I guess that's why he's been sent there. He's got history. He also has roots in the form of an old flame. Now you might also think, hey, a military contractor's a lot of money. They wanted to organize something in Hawaii, and they might hire a Hawaiian guy.

Nope, they just hired a white guy who... No, they hired a disgraced military officer. Yep. So he's in Hawaii. Well, so he was blown up in Afghanistan, I believe. Yeah, he was blown up in Afghanistan. And you know that because everyone tells him that he looks terrible.

And God, if I could only look that terrible on a daily basis. Indeed. He's got a limp. But guess what? He's still Bradley Cooper. He's got a weird toe. He's got a weird toe,

which we see later. Yeah. Spoiler alert, weird toe. Yeah. So he's in town for the gate blessing. And yeah, he's got an old flame,

Rachel McAdams. The great Rachel McAdams. Another person who I think is a victim of the thing we were talking about at the beginning of this film. And now he's just got to the other side of it where it's like, well, it's too late. Like now it's not going to happen.

So she's just going to have a good career being a supporting actress. I mean, she was great in Spotlight. Yeah, and she got an Oscar nomination. And she got an Oscar nomination. And I think she'll probably be great in other movies. She's not in this. But I think she's not bad in this. I think she's now resigned to being a supporting actress. I think she had to fucking accept that the vehicles that would have existed for her in the 90s,

would have existed for her in the 70s, would have existed for her in the 30s, aren't fucking happening. And now you have four new women who are waiting for those vehicles to happen, and it's also not going to happen for them. That is true. So McAdams is his ex-girlfriend who he broke up with when she went on vacation and he didn't join her. She asked him to go on a vacation with him to talk about the status of their relationship. Just what you want on a vacation.

He says that is antithetical to what I want out of a vacation. Sure, why not get a cup of coffee, you know, and then decide whether or not to go on vacation. Right. Whatever. Here's the thing. The movie's trying to position him as an asshole. It is. It fails. He definitely, well, I think he's not a likable guy in the movie.

But that situation, I'm like, yeah, I hear you. I wouldn't want to go on a vacation that's probably a breakup. The way she positioned it to him, it's like, hey, do you want to go to a tropical location and then enact the plot of forgetting Sarah Marshall? Right. And he was like, no, I didn't like that movie. I don't want to do that.

It's a 6.5 out of best, you know? Well, okay, so now she's married to another guy in the military who flew Gilchrist into Hawaii, and they have two kids. So she's around. Lieutenant John Krasinski. Woody. Woody. And as he lands, having been flown in by Woody Krasinski,

as he lands on the fucking tarmac. That is a weird choice that this film may decide to make Woody the brother of actor John Krasinski. I know. It's really weird, but it's canon. It's canon. And he says, his first line is, my brother John was in the office. He's like, yeah, no, I know.

You look just like him. You look like John Krasinski from The Office and License to Wed. Who made brief interviews with hideous men. Yeah, directed that film. Yeah, yeah. Who's married to Emily Blunt? Yeah, I know your brother, John Krasinski. He's married to Emily Blunt.

He doesn't look in the camera, though. No. He should have. But that's the difference between John and Woody. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, I guess. John looks a man in the eyes. No, John looks a camera in the eyes, Woody looks a man in the eyes.

All right, anyway. Fuck you, whatever. Anyway, so he lands on the tarmac. John Krasinski flies him in there from one angle rachel mcadams shows up and she's like god it's great to see you it's been 13 years we really need to talk about this yeah it gives him a salute esther for our listeners at home esther's giving the sharpest salute of all time and then fucking emma stone buzzes in from the other angle and is like sir yes sir i'm here for you. Sunglasses.

To organize this gate blessing sunglasses. Not a hair out of place, she's Allison Ng. Oh boy. It's like Ring, but without the R or the I. It's like, I don't know if maybe he was told to cut things down, but it's just trying to throw everything on the plate right away. I think there was probably 15 minutes cut out

of this movie. And he's like barking every, he's like. And he like moves the camera, he circles the camera around them. Okay, I like that. You like that? I like that. You like that? I like that. Shot by Eric Gauthier who shot The Motorcycle Diaries and other good movies.

I do think there's some interesting visual stuff going on in this movie. But it goes away. It goes away. The beginning is a lot more interesting than the rest of the film. I would say that's true, yeah. It is initially kind of visually interesting. And you forgot to mention that it opens with the same opening Cameron Crowe has used in four of his last five films. Where there's voiceover and a photo montage of different stock footage and photographs of the characters explaining the background.

And a view from space, which he also uses in Jerry Maguire. The whole movie's about the sky. It's about the sky. The movie is not about anything. It's about the sky. Good job, guys. I i'm gonna fight this you can say whatever you want about aloha about it being shitty and i will support you in that but the movie is about something it's about the sky and who owns it david who owns the sky nobody owns the sky thanks to bill murray cannot buy the sky thanks to a

space treaty signed in the 1960s uh the sky is free from military interference. Nobody can claim it, right? Yeah. So that's one plot element, the militarization of space. Yeah. And then another plot element is getting this gate blessing ready. Got to get that gate blessing. Then plot element three is will he fuck Stone?

And plot element four is will he fuck stone and plot element four is will he fuck mcadams probably not but they definitely need to chat see i feel like there's no for me watching the film because the way the trailer was cut together you have to say that there's no plot because that's kind of accurate there's a lot of plots about this guy the sky plot i think this movie has too much plot that's what i'm saying it like sort of throws a lot out there and then it doesn't know what to do. Yeah. Yeah.

You look at something like Jerry Maguire, which has a lot of things going on in it, but all of them come down to a basic theme. You know what I'm saying? You could, in essence, sum Jerry Maguire up in one sentence, and you wouldn't perfectly describe every element of the film, but you would describe common threads that connect them all. You could do that for a lot of his movies. This film has a lot of disparate elements.

Yes. And you just imagine that like, he spent like 10 plus years. Esther just mouthed the sky to me. Esther. He spent 10 years trying to find the... Hold on, let me mouth something to Esther. I mouthed Esther 5 million comedy points. Great.

I think It feels like he read like 3 Vanity Fair articles You know He read like one about the militarization of space And he read one about like guys getting blown up in Afghanistan He read one about you know Hawaiian gate blessing He was like oh this is all gonna work together

This is great The sky He wrote this film over the fucking course of 10 years he kept he kept revising it it was called deep tiki and there was a big deep tiki scene in it i don't know if this movie came out and they were like he wrote the script in six weeks it sounds deep tiki sounds gross yeah it sounds like a porn do you think the porn version of this is called deep tiki and like a cute little nod to cinephiles. Yes. Yes it is. And Peter Labuza is the only one who liked it. Shout out Peter Labuza. Yeah.

Love you Pete. I feel like if you had told me he wrote the script like you know sometimes filmmakers are like the movie just came to me and I wrote it in six weeks. Yeah. Right. And I brought it in. They bought it. If you had told me that that had happened like straight off of Almost Famous or Jerry Maguire

and this was the movie we got, I'd be like, I understand how this movie turned out this way. But to be like, for 10 years, he wouldn't give up on this script. And clearly rewrote it, you know? Probably rewrote it. Because we like fucking lost the computer and stuff. In the sky? Yeah. The big thing that came out of the Sony hack

was Amy Pascal seeing the movie for the first time and complaining, going like, this is the last time we ever green light a movie with a script

that doesn't make sense. It doesn't matter how much we love Cameron. It doesn't matter how much we love the actors. Can I read her actual remarks? Please. Okay, so here's an email

she sent after, like, test screenings had gone on in Huntington Beach in New York. I love the way she writes emails, by the way. I know. It's this weird haiku with these line breaks. Her emails are incredible. It's an invasion of privacy, but it's also great. We should note that, yeah, whatever. I agree.

Scores same as last time and way, way worse in NY. Referring to test screenings and the scores they get from the note cards they hand out to people. It's a wrap. There is no more to do. Camera never really changed anything. People don't like people in movies who flirt with married people or married people who flirt. Which as a line is quite something. I don't know if that's true

I feel like there must be examples that contravene that Yes and I have a lot to say on that subject but let's go on. The satellite makes no sense. Fair. Right about that Amy. Yep. The gate makes no sense. Fair. Right about that, Amy. Yep. The gate makes no sense. Indeed. Fair.

I'm never starting a movie again where the script is ridiculous and we know it. We all know it. We all know it. We all know it, actually, technically. Yeah. I don't care how much I love the director and the actors. It never line break. Not even once line break ever works.

As much as I want movies, this is way worse, at least the marketing, you know, like, Scott, you know, so,

and then she's complaining about Scott Rudin who produced the movie for like not helping edit it, not helping like turn things around. Scott Rudin notoriously likes to, he protects the director.

He creates an igloo around the director, let them do what they want and she was sort of complaining, I think, that he created that igloo and then when the chips were down and the film was in trouble, he didn't do anything to help it. Right.

He should have probably recognized, like, this movie's not going to work. Especially if he had prevented her from intervening creatively. Yeah. And the line, like, he didn't make, he didn't change anything is like, well, clearly they were trying to get him to change stuff. But it does speak to, like, I mean, this is such an ultimate blank check movie because they were like, the script doesn't make sense to us, but maybe we just don't get it. Yeah.

Let's give him the money and assume that he gets it better than we do. Which makes sense if it's Elizabethtown time. Yes. But you would think by now they would be on their guard. I guess this script had been floating around basically that whole time anyway,

so I don't know. I don't know if you could attach these actors to it. I mean, that's what she's saying. These actors are big, but they're not like,'t know. And if you could attach these actors to, I mean, that's what she's saying. These actors are big, but they're not like, you know. At that point in time, I think it was a good idea to bet on a Bradley Cooper,

Emma Stone romantic comedy because they look like the next two people who are going to rise to the surface. In a lot of ways, it looks like a safe bet. Yes. But in a lot of ways,

it's a movie in Hawaii starring a bunch of white people. And stacked with a supported cast like that. Yeah. Yes. And it's about the militarization of a space. It's about the sky And it's about the militarization of space. It's about the sky.

It's about the sky, David. Please stop being glib. Wait, it's glib to say militarization of space? Yeah, that's fucking glib. It's about the sky. It's about one thing, and that's the sky. One thing, and that's the sky. Anyway, I think that it's weird because I'm always someone, not always someone, but someone who will most usually come down on the side of like, let filmmakers make what they want to make.

You know, like fucking Suicide Squad we discussed a couple weeks ago, which is like, I don't know if I would have liked David Ayer's vision of the film, but I hate watching the movie that is cobbled together from 20 different visions, including a trailer company. Right. Like, I'd rather watch the cohesive, coherent film that he wanted to make, even if I hated it. Oh, God, if you hear about what they cut out of that movie, though. Yeah. Oh, boy. But I would have preferred that movie.

I guess so. Because it would have been... I know what you're saying. A movie. I know what you're saying. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like this is a case where it's like,

you wish that the check hadn't been blank. You wish they had reined him in a little bit. He needs help. He needs help. I mean, I don't know. I'm a firm believer. I believe in, you know. The sky?

I believe in the sky. I do really believe in the sky. But I also believe in editors. Yes. And I believe, I mean, and not just in film editors. I believe in, like, people sitting and going through your work and being like, uh, okay. And pushing back. And clearly just no one was doing that. At least

until it was too late. Yes. That is true. The movie does feel harshly edited in that it's not very long. It's about an hour and 40 minutes and doesn't make any goddamn sense. So definitely something happened there. But I don't know if it was Cameron Crowe just kind of trying to like vainly tie things together. It feels like there's things missing. There definitely something happened there. But I don't know if it was Cameron Crowe just kind of trying to like vainly

tie things together. It feels like there's things missing. There's a lot missing from this movie. Because I basically just described the setup of the movie which is like Guy arrives on Hawaii and there's a bunch of stuff he has to deal with. He has to deal with Gate Blessing. He has to deal with Bill Murray. He has to deal with Emma Stone. You know like but they're all

kind of separate things. Yeah. Yeah. And you know they send him like well so the whole. Well then. Yeah, and, you know, they send him, like, well, so the whole... Well, then the movie is, like, he deals with this for 20 minutes, and then he goes and he deals with this. Like, they're not really that connected. Yes, but it's also, I mean,

the crux of the movie is the idea that, like, Carson Walsh wants to put this satellite in the sky. Yes, the billionaire. No one can own the sky, but Hawaiian culture especially really values the sky, and it has this mythic power to them. And they need someone to mediate between the sort of Hawaiian elders. I mean, Bumpy's the king, they say?

Yeah. Kanahili, who is like, he's the leader of a group called the Nation of Hawaii, which is like a sort of like. Which is not explained. Yeah. It's not explained. It's sort of like a Hawaiian independence movement that is sort of quasi-recognized by international law as something that needs to be. Sort of in the same way that we. Wow, that's interesting.

I'd like to see a movie about that. Interesting, right? Sort of in the same way we have Native American. And I'm sure I'm botching this because this is mostly off the top of my head. But I can probably read more about it. They're trying to get their blessing. They're trying to get their blessing. And so Gilchrist is like, we'll give you two mountains and cell phone service.

Now, the audience has no idea what that means. No. And there's also some part... But they also haven't explained the fucking gate at this point. No, no, they haven't explained anything. We don't know what the gate is. I don't think we ever know. There's one line at the end of the film.

There's one newscaster at the end of the film who's when they're blessing the gate as well that's talking about that they're building some sort of... They're building some sort of... I'm forgetting actually what they're building, honestly. I failed. I caught a line it was earlier in the film okay there's one line where i think uh baldwin is yelling at him about fucking

blowing up the satellite yeah that's it's about two-thirds of the way through yeah and he says like this military gate and he like makes it clear quickly that it would be like an air force gate like a landing gate and a base essentially right right that's what yeah that's and that's what i think what the newscaster says right something along those lines that there's going to be some sort of facility that carson welch is building yeah as well i don't know when you when you talk about gate i don't know if i'm just like an idiot but when you talk about gate that much in a film that's so much about like Hawaiian spirituality, I'm like, is it a gate to like the other side? Like what is it like a monument of a thing?

Is it like an actual practical thing? Is it like what is it? And I kept Googling like pedestrian gate blessing and pedestrian gate blessing Hawaii. And the only thing that comes up is this movie. Right. pedestrian gate blessing Hawaii. And the only thing that comes up is this movie. Right.

It's not. The problem is that this movie has ruined any info you can find out about this stuff because it's just article after article that's like Emma Stone. Like, what is she doing in this movie or whatever? You know, I don't think like a Hawaiian gate blessing is like a tradition. I think that he wants to make a film about the U.S. military and private contractors trying to build something new in Hawaii and looking for the approval of the locals.

Yes. And in the process, words it in a way that makes it feel like there's something you're not getting. If he had gone new military base, we want your blessing on new military base,

this movie would be 20% easier to follow. Yes. The other thing is, but that's, all right, so there's, like you said,

maybe you would be interested to hear about, to see a movie about the nation of Hawaii. Yes. The other thing is, but that's, all right, so there's, like you said, maybe you would be interested to hear about, to see a movie about the nation of Hawaii. Yes. And like Hawaiian independence. That would be very interesting. And like the natives of Hawaii

and how they, you know, that's, maybe you're interested in seeing a movie about how the military has to contract more and more things out

and is more in the hands of like wacky billionaires like Bill Murray's character. Perhaps. And like that weird tension. I mean, look, it's not the most fascinating movie I ever heard of,

but whatever. I don't like you stereotyping me as someone who wants to see that movie, but sure, I'll accept it. I'll accept the title. For the purpose of what you're doing. For the purpose of what you're doing, fine. I think it's a little reductive. I like to think of myself as more than that. I'm a human being with many facets. And maybe, like, in either of those movies, you can have as

well, like, a rom-com subplot. See, that's probably the movie I want to see the most. Well, right. It's just Cameron Crowe doing like a straight down the middle love story. But the love story in this is not enough like on its own. He definitely needs to embellish on it in some way. The love story I want to talk about as well. Yeah, we should talk about it.

Because Emma Stone has a hard time being sexy because she is a fighter pilot. And she says, how do you make I'm a fighter pilot sound sexy? Right. Which is baffling to me. Because there are entire movies about how male fighter pilots are very sexy. The motion picture Top Gun. Top Gun. Which is about almost nothing else.

Exactly. It's called, look at the sexy fire pilot, the movie. And then they changed it. Fire pilot. Fire pilot. This guy. Yeah. Fire pilot Verwith.

But when Emma Stone says it, because she's a girl, she can't be sexy. And so she's a sad, alone person. Well, right. and so she's a sad alone person well right and but who creepily has an interest in Brian Gilchrist from before she even meets him

she knows his life story but also she's playing someone with a stick up her ass and that's like for half of the movie it's a Dr. Dracul Mr. Hyde thing

I mean it switches from scene to scene when she's wearing the uniform she's like straight up and then she lets her hair down and the next scene she's like vivacious

but Esther I need to ask you this okay okay okay what young beautiful intelligent woman with a at the beginning of a promising career full of potential wouldn't unconditionally be attracted to every fucking shit show of a man she met because what she wants to do most in her life is fix a broken man who she thinks could be great. Why wouldn't she? Why wouldn't she fall for him? You know, it's the ultimate question.

He's got a weird toe. He does have a weird toe. Alright, so we talked about Elizabeth Town a couple weeks ago. Yes. And obviously in Kiki Dunst's The Manic Pixie Dream Girl. And then in We Bought a Zoo there's a Manic Pixie Dream zoo that fixes his life for him. Yeah, I like that. And in this one, there's a Manic Pixie Dream country, essentially, or culture.

Like the Manic Pixie Dream Hawaiian culture repairs everything for him. But there is a very- Manic Pixie Dream sky. Yes. I think the dynamic between Emma Stone and Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Cooper in this film is very similar to the dynamic between Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst and Bradley Cooper in this film is very similar to the dynamic between Orlando Bloom and Kirsten Dunst. In both cases, it's like, here's a guy who's fucking miserable. Sure.

And he's a mess. And he keeps on going, like, get the fuck away from me. Largely for the first part of the movie. I'll say at least. And she's like, you know what? That's what I'm looking for in a man. I'm going to commit all of my time and energy. She's like rubbing her hands together.

To fixing him. But the thing is. It's what I just met. I mean, I'll say just met, I mean, I'll say at least, I mean, Bloom and Elizabeth Allen, we talked about it,

you know, there's no character there. There's no performance. At least Cooper is, he's got a little bit of an edge to him. He's a pro. He's a pro. Cooper,

what do you think of Cooper in the movie? Cooper gives a functional performance in this movie. Yeah, he's fine. I mean, he's fine. I think Cooper can be quite a good actor.

Yeah, he can be a great actor. Not in this, but he's all right. He's not trying, but he like has enough like's not trying but he has enough mojo or whatever to sustain it. He doesn't seem broken down enough and the

only way he does seem broken down is that he barks at everybody and you're like He literally barks also at one point in the movie. He literally barks like a dog. Pretty early on when they're driving in the car and she's like, so what's your deal? And he just starts barking at her and then rolls down the window and howls at the sky i don't know if he feels uh yes cameron crowe thinks that's a great idea yeah and 15 comedy points to cameron crowe i don't know

take him back i don't know if he feels uh broken enough but i do think cooper does play the defensive like guarded asshole element of it which feels like a side effect of it which is much more than Orlando Bloom did which was nothing. And also Bradley Cooper doesn't sound like a fucking cartoon tugboat in this movie. Yes. You know?

That was a good call about Bloom. Thank you. I just need to get to Elizabethtown. I mean Elizabethtown is a much worse movie than Aloha. No question. Yes. There's no doubt about that. Because before this rewatch, I was like, gonna be tight.

Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I watch this now and I'm like, this is much better. Here's the difference. It's not good. In the parlance. It's like half a star versus one star. In the parlance of Elizabeth Town, I will say this movie is a failure more than a fiasco.

And I will also. I think this movie is a fiasco. I thought it was a fiasco at first. My new, on my second viewing, I think it's now a failure. I think the race. There's also the thing with Aloha, though, is that like, and I've gotten to an argument about this recently. Not an argument, just like a discussion that like the offensive parts of Aloha are so offensive

that it's like. I don't know if you can totally evaluate it like as a movie in like knowing that. But also the movie's plot is weird. It's weird. They go to make the deal with the Hawaiian

guy. When they're coming back they see a procession of like ghosts maybe. Right? Yeah. When they're coming back, they see a procession of ghosts, maybe. Right? Yeah. Right? Yeah, maybe. And they have to look at their feet while the ghosts are going by. Yeah.

Then they go back to the hotel room. Do they bone then or do they bone later? No, they bone after the party. They bone after the party, right? They go back to their hotel room. She gets drunk. She asks him for drinks and he's like, no way, fuck you. Why would I sleep with Emma Stone?

14 years my junior, Emma Stone. That's the other thing. When are these women going to get to do films where they play anyone within 10 years of their own age? Fucking Stone and- Outside of the franchises. And Lawrence just don't get to fucking do it. It drives me insane. Well, Lawrence is always playing older than, and that's just-

Or younger. She never plays her own age. She used to play a teenager in X-Men First Class. Oh, I guess. Never think about their ages. She's younger in Hunger Games. That's true. She either plays like 18.

Or like 42. Yeah, let her play someone who is 26. You know the age she is? I mean, Joy was where it really, you were just like, what on earth is happening? All of it. I can't deal with it anymore. So, then he goes over to Rachel McAdams' house. And it's, I mean, we've talked about show, don't tell or whatever a million times.

Like he shows up and she's like, I really just wanted to talk to you about the time 13 years ago that I asked you to go on vacation with me in San Francisco. And I was in San Francisco and you didn't show up. And he's like, well, the reason for that is that you had told me that if we went there, we were going to talk about it. They just explain this boring backstory. There's also this weird thing where she's like, you're going to be my girlfriend right now. You're going to be my girlfriend. I'm going to talk to you like my girlfriend. Yeah.

I'm like. They're going for it, I'll say, those two actors in that scene. They're trying to pep up that weird dialogue. But here's the thing I find interesting. Not about the movie itself, but about, like, how it was positioned and everything. That Amy Pascal email focuses on, people don't want to see movies about

people flirting with married people. And the trailer for the movie very much played up that it was, like, a love triangle. It did. And the poster. Yes. It was literally a triangle. Yes. The poster's literally Bradley Cooper in a triangle. It's a bunch of isosceles triangles dividing them.

But that very much positioned the film as being, like, they didn't mention any of the fucking satellite stuff in the trailer. How are you supposed to mention the satellite stuff in the trailer? The trailer reduced the movie to- Military guy goes to Hawaii, ex-girlfriend, new girlfriend? Which one? Right? Sometimes you have to say, aloha.

Okay. The tagline for the trip, I mean. I don't think there's a single moment of this film, and maybe it's just my viewing. I don't think there's a single moment of this film where I feel any tension about whether Bradley Cooper and Rachel McAdams are going to get back together. No, absolutely not. But I'm not saying I think the film is trying that and fails. I don't think the film is trying to make you think he's going to get back together with her. I think he's trying to come to terms with what happened, but he knows that door is closed.

No, you never think it's going to happen. I mean, I guess you're supposed to think that Woody Krasinski feels threatened by... Thank you. Because he's able to talk about stuff. Yeah, and he's not able to talk at all. Right. Which is another part of the movie. That's a thing.

But he doesn't like talking. He doesn't like to talk. He doesn't like to talk. He's a strong silent type. There's an early scene in the scene we're just talking about where they're having this San Francisco 13 years ago fight and then he comes in and he kind of like pats him on the shoulder and like nods

and like picks up a beer. And he like looks again. And then he walks out. And she's like, see, he didn't say anything. And Bradley Cooper's like, he said a lot. Like that touch on my shoulder means this. Because you know bro code. Bro code.

Bro code, bro. Now, like so many things in the movie, it feels like something Cameron Crowe is like, oh, this is a great idea I have. Right? Like this is going to be great. What if I had a character who basically never spoke at all? One problem. John Krasinski has, like, five of the first six lines in the movie.

Yep. So it suddenly is weird where it's like, oh, you know how he doesn't talk? And I'm like, wasn't he just like, now we're landing, Bradley Cooper. Nice to see you, by the way. You were in Afghanistan, right? This is the airport. Like, gate blessing, huh? I did think it was maybe supposed to be that he doesn't talk to her.

Well, that doesn't seem very good. No, not a great marriage. But that's the problem. They're having troubles with their marriage. Right, and so she's like, I'm going to leave you. And he's like, it's just because of him. And she's like, well, we've had trouble already. Does the audience care about this at all?

How could they ever be on his side? On whose side? Woody Krasinski. He's playing himself. Woody Krasinski's a real person, I've decided. Yes. He's the Donald Kaufman of this podcast. He's not in this film.

Yeah. For me, I mean, A, you know, this is not about the film itself, but I find it fascinating that that's what Amy Pascal responds so strongly to and then chose to focus the marketing on that angle.

Right. Like that email was from six months before the movie came out. Yeah. And they proceeded selling it in that way when I don't think that's what the movie is about. Not really.

And when you said, David, maybe you want to see a movie about this, maybe you want to see a movie about this to explain how many different things the movie is trying to be about. I said that you wanted to see, you griffin a movie about the militarization of space. see a movie about this to explain how many different things the movie is trying to be about. I said that you wanted to see, you griffin, a movie about the militarization of space. I know.

But can I tell you which movie, watching this film and all the various pieces it's throwing out that I want to see the most? The one I want to see the most is Guy gets a job in the town of his ex-flame and comes to term with it. You know, not, maybe

getting into a new relationship with it. I mean, that's a movie we've seen before, but you could do it well. I think Cameron Crowe could make a good movie about that. Cameron Crowe at the peak of his powers could do that. And then also the element of the film that I find the most emotionally investing, although it's the one that is sort of thrown off the most, but I think leads to the best scene in the movie, is the daughter thing. And the best scene in the movie is the hula scene?

Is the ending, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I think the ending is the one scene in the movie where I'm like, that's Cameron Crowe. That feels like you doing your thing. And the best scene in the movie is the hula scene? Is the ending, I think. Yeah. Yeah, I think the ending's the one scene in the movie where I'm like, that's Cameron Crowe. That feels like you doing your thing. The daughter scene? The daughter is great. That scene is terrific. I mean, it's unfortunate that the movie, you know, struggles to earn it, obviously,

but it's a good scene. Why I want that to be the movie. Of course, of course. That's the thing, the most human thing that he's grappled onto. Immediately when you see the movie, and she says like 13 years ago, anyone who's paying half of attention is like oh that girl like he might be that girl's father she just introduced it's two lines in a row where she goes uh this is brian he was my boyfriend uh 13 years ago this is my daughter she's 12 like she it's literally that quick yeah and uh and then like um she says in like a few scenes later an hour into the movie yeah he's or something he's basically like so

13 years old huh or whatever and she's like yep he never asked about it that conversation happens an hour into a movie that is an hour and 45 minutes long uh-huh and she says like are we gonna talk about the thing that we're not talking about? And what clearly Cameron Crowe thought was, like, a funny Cameron Crowe way of talking about it, like, let me put it this way.

If it's Father's Day, do I have something to celebrate? She goes, oh, you celebrate. I, I, but in, that scene is so rushed at that point because the movie is, like, so behind and he knows that's the ending he's trying to get to. Yeah.

But I look at it and I'm like the scenes with him and Rachel McCallum's kind of work the best because it's an interesting dynamic. Yeah. I think that's fair. And also there's no racism at play. Yes. Right. You're not just thinking about the fact. Yeah.

It's the element of the film that has nothing to do with white people being in Hawaii. Right. Right. Like you could have set that anywhere. I think it's kind of interesting dynamic. And I do like like I do. I think they give such short change to all the Rachel McAdams stuff. It's like every 20 minutes they're like oh we got to get back to that stuff.

That the thing it doesn't earn that I kind of find interesting is the thing of like I'm going to make you my girlfriend. You're my ex-boyfriend who I've held this resentment towards for years. I'm now going through marital troubles. You show up at this time. We're not going to get together. There's no threat on the table

of us having an affair. I just need you as someone I once trusted to talk me through what's going on here and then also realizing at that time that he's part of this family

inherently. Totally. Could be a good movie. Could be. And I mean and the scene at the end is a great scene. It's a great scene. And the girl is really mean, and the scene at the end is a great scene. It's a great scene.

And the girl is really good. But it also, I was re-watching it again last night. It's not. The scene at the end is where the girl is realizing that she is Bradley Cooper's daughter. She is hooling. She's, yes, she is. She's hooling. He's tied off every loose end.

You know, we'll get to some of the other loose ends in a second. We'll get to some of those other loose ends. But he stands outside her hula class at night in abandoned street in picture windows. Yeah. Like every Cameron Crowe movie where he's stalking. Thank you for interjecting with watching her. I'm surprised that you of all people, Ben the Peeper Hosley,

would be opposed to the only film we've discussed that ends in cinematic peeping. I know, but it's just, it's every movie, it's like, he's okay with, like, his characters watching people or listening to them and shit. It's creepy. I watch you guys because I'm recording you. I'm doing my job. I'm not, like, following you home, Griffin, to your apartment and standing outside last

night. Yeah, you didn't do that last night. Also, Esther, when you said, I'm watching you because we're recording, Esther looked around the room. She did. She looked around alarmed. To look for a hole, a peephole. Esther, I have a camera set up. Esther's laughing hysterically.

Sorry. I see that, of course. What I was going to say about the ending scene before I got paranoid was that yes it's a lovely scene sort of in and of itself

but there's something so upsetting as Ben said about him just watching there's something that troubles me about the fact that she gets it but we have no sort of there's only a couple moments when you're like oh she may be questioning her parentage and she just accepts it if i were 12 and i finally got the news that my father who i thought was my father was not my father who i love and they make it very clear that the kids love Woody. He's a good dad.

Was this other guy. There would be a lot more going on other than, oh my God, I'm going to hug you, and it's going to be great, and then the movie's going to cut to black. And it bothered me so much watching it again. He spends more time talking to the son in the movie, because he even has that one scene

where he goes to his bedroom, looks at his collection, talks about Hawaiian Miss, all that sort of stuff. There is no such scene of him and the daughter. They sort of have like, oh, hey, how are you doing? And when Rachel McAdams comes by his hotel room to do the like, oh, yeah, you're celebrating things.

She's just outside. There are a lot of moments in the film with him looking at her and being like, ah. But they don't really communicate. Right. And there is no sense that she might like suspect this. I mean, except for like there's that moment where he brings the Santa and she comes in and she sort of like looks at him.

But I feel like you I mean, this movie should have several scenes of them bonding. Yes. Yes. If it's going gonna earn that moment a hundred but if you're of them just talking and having some sort of you know whatever right if they even just gave it the one scene they gave to the son in his bedroom if there was one flag planted it wouldn't be totally earned but it's like they don't even lay out the breadcrumb trail you know to get to that scene yeah and we as the

audience go like oh is that that was the most important thing in the movie it's like it's the most honest thing in the movie i don't know if the movie positions is the most important thing also how would she runs back into the hula class do her friends not go who the fuck was that guy you know bradley cooper it's it is a very moment, and it's very much a Cameron Crome moment, but it does have this sort of cinematic... It's beautiful. ...concedence to it. And then being able to go back through the window...

...and having her... With a little more, you know, proper grounding. We're so not buying into the film at that point that it's very easy to pick apart the fact that he's creepy being there and then she goes back into the classroom. Well, no, it does feel like the film is like, oh, right, also, yeah, okay, okay.

And then it just ends. Now, can we talk about this satellite? Yeah. Let's talk about the satellite I love. So there's going to be a satellite. Right. Not a gate. This is another thing. That's the other thing that's confusing. You're like, is he here for the satellite launch or for the gate?

I thought they were connected. The gate's a cover for the satellite. That is very true, Ben. Thank you. They don or for the gate. I thought they were connected. They're not locking the gates either. That is very true, Ben. Thank you. They don't lock the gates. They don't lock the gate blessing. 200 insight points because that is a very, very good point. This film is about them trying to

get a gate blessing, but maybe if they had just gone to Bumpy and said, hey, we promise we will lock the gate. And brought Marin with them. Yeah, Marin was there. He would have been the real media. He was like, what's your deal?

Yeah. So, who are you guys? I went to a Hawaiian, but I had some mahi-mahi. I feel like Marin always just goes to the most obvious thing in the world whenever he's talking to someone who's not white. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Do you eat, like, the roast pork in the world whenever he's talking to someone who's not white. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Do you eat like

the roast pork in the pit? I can't do Marin today. Do they always put an apple in its mouth? How? What's the deal with that? Who are that apple's guys?

What about that big guy who did Over the Rainbow? Is that one of your guys? Is that one of your guys? But she's like, the comedy store just has that evil menacing energy to it. The Honolulu comedy store? Yes. He's working the original

room. The apple from the pig in the joke that we've created. What are we even talking about? The satellite. Satellite of love. Bill Murray wants it in the sky, but then secretly he's going to put a nuclear bomb in it? This is one of the things that I did understand more

on the second viewing of the film. Sure, sure. When he goes there, he doesn't tell anyone that there's a satellite. The gate is the cover for the satellite. That's the moment where Emma Stone watches the video footage that the boy shot and sees the truck and gets scared.

Because she goes, that's something. She knows how sacred the sky is. She knows that they don't want to put satellites anywhere above Hawaii. She sees that, then goes to him and he then reveals to her that yes, there is a satellite we're trying to put up there. What he doesn't know is that the satellite has weapons in it

because they've told him it's just for cell phone reception and it's co-financed by Facebook? But then he figures it out before she figures it out because he looks at his laptop or whatever. Right. And so he has like she has enough reason to be mad at him because she flips out at him

after they have sex. She has a ton of reasons to be mad at him. They have sex by the way. They do have sex. And then she looks at his weird toe. And here's the thing when you have sex. She has a ton of reasons to be mad at him. They have sex, by the way. They do have sex. And then she looks at his weird toe. And here's the thing. She does. When you have sex, your body makes a promise. When you have sex, your body makes a promise.

Whether or not you know it. There's so many things we could say. Okay. Go ahead, Esther. No, I thought something different when watching the movie. I thought they always knew

that there was going to be the satellite, and then it felt like there was loading. I thought her watching the footage was them loading something into the satellite but I think what you're saying makes more sense

because she's talking about early on because she sees the satellite after they have sex she sees the footage after they have sex and right before they have sex she's like showing him the stuff about the satellites and I think that's maybe just because she's obsessed with satellites and he's showing him the stuff about the satellites.

And I think that's maybe just because she's obsessed with satellites. And he's showing her his cool laptop and it's all military grade or whatever. There's a lot of stuff about his laptop decals. But doesn't that lead to the scene with the sunglass hat? No, because she sees the satellite after that. And that's when she wants to break up with him. Because she views it as betrayal. And she goes to Bill Camp and is like, I can't work with him. Or she goes to fucking Fingers.

Can we talk about this for a second? Danny McBride is Colonel Fingers Lacey. I had to look up his last name. So his character is that he does weird shit with his fingers. He's like. Which is not clear. No. I mean, he is sort of twitching his finger when you meet him.

Yeah, but here's the way he's twitching it. He's doing like full like finger ruffles. Right. He is. Yes. And he also is doing them always right up next to his face so that it's in shot for a close up. Which is like.

Can you put in the fingered thing. Oh yeah. Can you please put in finger. I've already taken notes on that. Great. You're a pro. That's why they call you the pro doer. you're a pro that's why

they call you the pro doer I just feel like if it's supposed to be a nervous tick in real life he would be trying to hide it

and in this film it feels like he was in the US Air Force it feels like he's showcasing it and then Badly Cooper calls him fingers

and he's like I'm not fingers anymore and then Alec Baldwin yells at him Alec Baldwin I love in this movie he's great why does Alec Baldwin

know he's good cause he's good he's good that scene where he walks in and yells at him. Yeah. Alec Baldwin I love in this movie. He's great. Why does Alec Baldwin always good? Because he's good. He's good. That scene where he walks in and McFingers is like maybe you know it all depends on his mood

like maybe he'll be alright and he comes in and he just screams which no actor can get that like that's hard. You know he doesn't even scream in like a weird way

he just screams aloud and it's so funny. There's also my favorite line in the movie is when he goes don't make me like you any less than i already do and bradley cooper goes i didn't know you didn't like me and he just sits there he stands there and looks at him for a while and he's like yeah but he holds that moment so beautifully he's good he's good yeah it's just funny that he seems he steals the scene in both of crow's worst movies. Because in Elizabeth Downey, he's also very funny.

Remind me of this at the end of the episode because I have a thing I want to say about that. Okay, lock the gate? Yeah, but I want to say it for the end of the episode as we're wrapping up our thoughts on the filmography of Cameron Crowe. When we're locking the gates. When we're locking the gates. I don't know which of those situations it is, Esther. I feel like it could be either one. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong.

I don't know. The Facebook thing that you mentioned is also weird because I feel like Alec Baldwin either one. Yeah, maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. The Facebook thing is also that you mentioned is also weird because I feel like that Alec Baldwin says that. Yes. And then that is in like the day of six mocking a moment where suddenly like everything's okay because Carson Welch was actually going to put nukes on

was the military didn't know the full extent of like what he was going to do. So they thought it was something for Facebook. Maybe it was something for Facebook maybe it was something for Facebook but really then Carson Welch I feel like I am word vomiting right now. If you want to make a movie about Facebook trying to have a nuclear arsenal and launch

it into space. I'd watch it. That sounds good. I'd watch that movie. Social Network 2 War Games. If your clients had created Facebook they would have created Facebook Follow us on Facebook yeah please do this was my read on that okay and even the fact that the plot of a romantic comedy is this hard to parse on a second viewing for all of us and we're people who like make our lives around analyzing I explained the matrix sequels on this podcast. Yes, you did. That shouldn't be easier than this movie.

This was my sense of what it was. Yeah, it was way easier. I did have to watch the Matrix episode like eight times, but still. My sense was they wanted to create a new Air Force gate. From that gate, they could launch a satellite. They wanted a satellite there for like NSA reasons, general communication, whatever. But they knew that the Hawaiian people would never allow them to do it because of the already tense relationship between the American military and the Hawaiian natives.

And also the sky. Yes. Right. And how. Yes. So Carson Walsh, as an independent contractor, agreed to pay for the satellite because he wants to gain it from I guess he runs a tech company and he has cell phone reception fucking shit he wants covered. Facebook put up half of the money for the satellite, or so he said, because they want to have Facebook be covered in that area.

Sure. Right. Right? This is all in this movie, by the way, guys. That way they could sort of hold up their hands and be like, it wasn't us, Carson Welch wanted to put it up there, we're just taking advantage of it. But then explain the nuke.

But then Carson Welch puts the nuke on because he wants to privatize the military. Yeah, he believes in American sovereignty and he wants nukes in the sky. Which is never explained by that character and is not clear in any of his behavior that he feels that way. And he's not doing it in the satellite launch. It's like it's going to happen later. Yes. They're going to add the nuke. So that actually makes me think that you were correct that at some point they do know about the satellite launch, it's like it's going to happen later. Yes. They're going to add the nuke. So that actually makes me think

that you were correct that at some point they do know about the satellite but they don't know the nuke that he's putting into it and that's what she recognizes because that's why she comes to the place?

Yeah, I think that's what she recognizes. Yeah, yeah. But also that's not something that you'd recognize. It feels at the beginning that he's pitching them on the gate

and not the satellite. Do they know that the gate means that the satellite's going to happen? I don't know. It doesn't matter. Because Bumpy says no satellite but also if we're going to allow you to do this, I need free cell phone reception.

And two mountains. And two mountains. He gets two mountains. What does that mean? I don't know. It means they give him back the land. I mean, I'm assuming that that's what that means. That had been previously taken over by the American military occupation.

This is honestly making me so upset. It doesn't matter. The history of Hawaii is too complex for us to get into on this podcast. But we do need to talk about the fact that the satellite launches, Bradley Cooper does a great job launching the satellite. It's probably the best satellite launch I've ever seen. Michael Ternes is somewhere else, right? Yes, on the phone. On the phone.

He's at a different base, somewhere that's not Hawaii. He plays a nerd who helps Bradley Cooper with his nerd beard and his nerd glasses. He did with Annie Baker. Does he really? Yes, I just dated Annie Baker. Oh, does he really? Yes, I just found this out. Oh, wow. Or at some point dated Annie Baker. I know someone quite well who used to date Annie Baker.

I'll tell you later, Esther. Can I sidebar for one second here? Was it you? No, it was me. At Comic-Con, I went to the San Diego Comic-Con a couple weeks ago at the time of this recording, right? I went to a panel about action figures, as I want to do, and on the panel they accidentally, when they were like,

are you doing toys for Amazing Spider-Man, Spider-Man Homecoming? Yeah. And they were like, yeah, you know, we plan to, but it's tough right now because they haven't given us enough reference material, so we, like, want to make them.

We want to do a full line where we have, like, not just Spider-Man, but also, obviously, like, Vulture, Shocker, Tinkerer. All the villains. But they hadn't announced those villains yet.

No, no, that was, that was... Oh, I see that. Right, I remember reading about that. You broke the news. I fucking broke the news. I'm not sure they've announced all of those. They have announced that Michael Shurn is playing. I fucking broke the news. I'm not sure they've announced all of those. They have announced

that Michael Shurness is playing Tinker now. Right. I don't think they announced the middle person. Shocker? I think they announced

Shocker, but maybe it was just that. They announced that Logan Marshall Green is in the film and that he's probably playing a villain, but they haven't announced

who he's playing yet. Right. There are a couple other actors who they haven't announced that they're playing. They also, Bo Keem Woodbine, they said that he's

playing a villain. And no one knows who fucking Dal Glover is playing, and like, there are a bunch of actors who have unclear roles at this time. Annie Baker and Michael Churnis might not still be dating. But they were at some point. Michael Churnis is playing Tinkerer.

I broke the fucking scoop. The Tinkerer's in the movie. I looked. No one else tweeted about it. And fucking a bunch of websites covered and cited me. Oh, that was you? That's great. Good job.

I fucking broke that story. I heard that Marissa Tomei's going to play Aunt May in that movie. Yeah, that's exclusive. But it was a little frustrating because I got so much more coverage for that than any of the fucking tics up. Well, thank you for all of that. August 19th. Anyway.

I just needed one second to brag about the fact that I broke a fucking story. It's out at this point so see the tick guys. Yeah August 19th. Watch it so many times. The screeners went out today I'll say. Oh really? You haven't watched it yet right? Either of you, like you both have to be like I can't review it right? I can't review it. Yeah I don't think I can. I definitely can. Esther probably could. Yeah. I was going through the list of

people who were like probably gonna have to say they can't review it. I can't review it. I can't review it. I bet it's great. You want me to review it in your name, David? Yeah, of course I do. The satellite goes into space, and it's in space. Michael Shurness tinkering away, and they're communicating.

And then Bradley Cooper's like, wait a second. Michael Shurness, why don't you upload every recorded sound? Well, he sees sad Emma Stone. He does see sad Emma Stone sitting there all sad. She's sad. And he had sex with her, and she forgave him for his weird toe. So that's crucial to know. And the sky is important.

She swallowed his cum, that means something. We don't know if she swallowed his cum. That's fanfic. I'm sorry. I'm bringing my own fanfic into the film. All right. All right. Esther just did a spit take.

No. 25 comments. I didn't do a spit take. She took a swig of water,, you know, it was an awkward gulp. She was one of my first punk fans. Oh, no. Awkward gulp? No, no, no.

Lock the gates. So she uploads, no, he uploads all sounds? The history of sound. The history, yeah. Every recorded sound? Correct. Yeah. Which also at some point becomes the history of movies and TV.

I was about to say. And music. There's a lot of music. They're all of Cameron Crowe's favorite band. He uploads a lot of Don Abbey. Yes. I just wish it was mostly atonal bleeping or whatever rather than a Cat Stevens song or whatever.

I think there's Bob Dylan in there. I think Bob Dylan's in there. Yeah. And there's what? There's a movie theme that's in there. There's some iconic movie or TV theme that I'm forgetting is in there. There's some dialogue, too. Yes, there's definitely a clip from Animal House.

I will say that when- I saw fucking Bluto Blutowski. You can't tell me otherwise. When I was watching it just now, I was like, I remember this part. It's so stupid. The first time, me and Pilot had been sitting there mostly in stony silence for an hour and 15 minutes or whatever, being like, God, this movie's a mess. When that scene happened, we were, I mean, it's weird.

It's hilarious. It's really funny. We're laughing out loud because it's completely out of nowhere. Yep. And so weird. And then the satellite explodes. It like blows up in space. I feel like I'm glad.

This isn't this movie. I know. I'm glad. This isn't this movie. I'm really glad you had me on this episode, but I feel like you should have had someone with some science background to explain how the fuck this might be possible. No, I think someone with a science background would just be very quietly like, well, none of it has anything to do with anything. Like, it's all made up. But Esther, like, if we were going to really do this episode properly, we'd need a panel of like eight experts. We need someone on like Hawaiian history, U.S. military, science. We need a married person. You know?

Like we would need. Yeah, we need a married person. Yeah. I'm an expert on marriage. Child psychologist. We need a child psychologist definitely. That's true. I felt the same way on both viewings.

The first time I watched it, I was like, well, this scene at least is really swinging for it. And it's kind of beautiful in its cacophony of chaos. I guess so. And then the second time I was like, fuck this. It's so dumb. It's not really swinging for it because it's so basic. Like the weird montage that plays out. It's really basic. I mean, it's like a MasterCard commercial. Right.

This is also the second of three times he does this montage of the entire history of like pop culture thing because Vanilla Sky ends with when he jumps off the building his life intercut with all the movies he's seen everything and it's already about him constructing it and the fucking pilot episode of roadies oh yeah the pilot

episode she has her running thing we'll talk about this next week but he does he has a character in the film who in the series who is a filmmaker who makes a film that is just a super cut of similar scenes from different movies. And it's the same thing where it's just like cacophony of images. Kirk Russell. That would be a good pseudonym for Cameron Crowe.

Do you get it? Yeah, I get it. Great. Kirk Russell. Yeah. Honestly, I will say that moment in roadies sort of like made me tear up a little bit and I don't know why I may have been going through something were you going through anything?

I wasn't so I don't know why that's the horrible thing about like doing a Cameron Crowe miniseries in the wake of a breakup is that like even the bad movies make me cry and I respect myself less yeah I haven't mentioned it before on this podcast going through a breakup

is puts in a lot more of a present tense as if it's still a process that is happening to me rather than just me not getting over it. Anyway, I wasn't going anything through anything and I'm just a sucker. We have to lock the gates.

We have to lock the sky. Oh my god. No, you can't lock the sky. Yeah, how dare you. You have to lock the gates. We have to lock the sky. Oh my God. No, you can't lock the sky. Yeah, how dare you? You don't own the sky, Griffin. Yeah. Can I? So, go ahead.

No, what were you going to say? I'm sorry. Well, after he blows up the satellite, there's 20 more minutes. Yeah, he has to wrap up each individual plot line of the movie. First, Alec Baldwin yells at him. Which is good because Alec Baldwin's good. He does a good job yelling, but then like five minutes later... Mr. Hotshot! Mr. Cool Guy over here!

Then five minutes later, Alec Baldwin's like, Jesus, we just found out Bill Murray wanted to put a nuke on the satellite! He's arrested and thank you for that! And you're like, wait, the military wasn't on top of the nuclear weapon he wanted to put on the satellite? It turns out no one knew everything, but everyone knew a little. And we pieced it all together. This is also a movie where they don't tell you the thing that they just avoided happening until after they avoid it. Yeah.

Like, there's no stakes in any scene because you're like, I don't understand what the risk is. And then they go like, well, it was going to be this, so thank you for stopping that. Well, okay. Sorry. That gets into the weird timeline of the movie, which I do think Bradley Cooper knew that there was a nuke. Yeah. Because he gets the plans. He knows there's a nuke. Because he gets the plans, which he looks at on his computer. Exactly. He doesn't know initially that there's a nuke.

But then he looks at his laptop, which has cool decals on it, after he fucked Emma Stone with his weird toe. No, no, no. Before he fucked Emma Stone with his weird toe. It's before they have sex? Yeah, maybe you're right. He's looking at his cool decals. It's after the party. And then she shows up and she's like, I hear you have a weird...

We haven't even talked about how uptight Emma Stone at this party gets a little drunk. And she's in her uniform. In her uniform and gets down with Bill Murray. Which, there's no excuse for that other than, hey, Bill Murray likes to dance. Sure, why not? Why not have Bill Murray do something in this movie? It's not like he's doing anything. Yeah.

Yeah, he's not doing anything. No. He plays the guy who wants to put a nuclear weapon in space. And then, oh. That's like what Dr. No wants to do. Talk about his final moment. His final moment is a beautiful shot of him essentially being engulfed by the sky. Right.

It's like this pure white sky and the beach. And he's so small in the image and just a clear sky. You can't see anything else. Right. And he's like walking around with his arms out, you know, like the fucking poster for shine. And he's sort of looking up at the sky. It's like the poster for shine. It is like the poster for shine.

And he's taking it all in. He's like Jeffrey Rush in the movie Shine. And he's getting like a little teary eyed like you know overwhelmed by the majesty of the sky which is what the movie is about. It is. And then you know they cut from the wide the super super wide shot to

a close up of his face and he's tearing up while he's looking at it but it seems like out of joy and they cut back to the wide shot and a bunch of men run behind him and they arrest him and he's still sort of like ah the sky doesn't it feel

like Bowfingery that that was just Bill Murray hanging out and they were like okay quickly bum rush him and we'll get it on camera well I don't remember

who tweeted this but I saw Pete's Dragon last weekend which is a delightful film I'm looking forward to it a really really charming movie but someone tweeted

I thought he was good in Pete's Dragon I'm going to paraphrase I'm going to fuck it up and I can't remember who wrote it but I thought he was good in Pete's Dragon but I think it was a little irresponsible of the filmmakers not to tell Robert Redford he was in a movie. I think it was Joe Reed wasn't it? Was it?

I hope it was the great Joe Reed but I just like I always that joke always gets to me yeah of like oh bill murray didn't know he was in this they just found him in hawaii drinking and shot a movie around him like the bowfinger thing is always funny and especially because when i say that he looks great in this movie he looks great in this way because they make him look so shitty yeah they do they make him look so bad in this movie like he's never looked older and more worn out than he does in this film. Maybe it wasn't. I can't find the tweet.

I saw that tweet and laughed. It was a great tweet. And especially after you've seen Pete's Dragon, I dare you to watch the movie with that tweet in mind and not laugh every time Robert Redford comes on screen and is like, we're going to chase that dragon. The idea that he didn't know it was a movie. Sigh.

What's so bizarre about this performance is like bill murray especially in like the post like aughts you know post-lawson translation right like you know 21st century bill murray is known for being like this like you know like mythic figure so full enigmatic but But like so minimalistic. So stripped down, so understated. So few words. It's his energy. It's his body and whatever. He's conveying these multitudes of sadness without making jokes or whatever. And then you watch this film and it's like

oh, he's literally doing nothing. Usually he's able to imply a lot of depth just by sitting on a bed. But also usually there's a story that makes sense to go with him sitting on a bed. But also usually there's a story that makes sense to go with him sitting on a bed. But the way they position him in the film it's like, okay, is he supposed to be like Richard Branson or is he supposed to be like Elon Musk?

You know, is he supposed to be like someone that people like and think that he's kind of a cool renegade and he's sort of like a slob? Or is it supposed to be that he's like the man? Because they say that Bradley Cooper is selling out to him and his company is definitely the man. And she says something about how he's the devil. I danced with the devil.

But he seems like such a loose, low-key guy. And he doesn't seem like in a snake in the grass kind of way. He just seems like, oh, there's some old guy who's drunk at a bar. Yeah, more like the film plays him for most of the movie is kind of like, oh, the eccentric billionaire you have to put up with, but he's paying your salary, so, you know, whatever. And he says these like marginally profound things like he says that like

what's the it hits you like a ton of bricks what is it the you know what I'm saying the scene where he gets angry at Bradley Cooper after the thing like he's not even angry at him in the way that like you'd expect Baldwin's reaction is what Bill Murray's reaction would be but instead he's like well I can't say you

didn't make an impression you know or like whatever the fuck he said you know I guess this is payback instead he's like well i can't say you didn't make an impression you know or like whatever the fuck he said you know yeah i guess this is payback like it's like it feels like they shot the rehearsals before bill murray like turned it on yeah you know which quote i'm talking about yeah if you can find that thing because even in the trailer they put that in there to make it sound like that's uh bill murray talking to bradley cooper about love make it sound like that's Bill Murray talking to Bradley Cooper about love. And in the movie that's Bill Murray talking to a reporter at the party about his business. The future isn't just something that happens. It's a brutal force of the great sense of humor that will steamroll you if you're not watching.

That's a line he has. So in the trailer they make it seem like that's like Bradley Cooper's like, I'm in love with two women, I don't know which one. And that sounds like a classic Cameron Crowe thing that someone would say in response to that. But it's a line that doesn't make any sense if you think about it for one second. It makes no sense. It doesn't have anything to do with anything

and he says it to a reporter at a party with no context. And then also so then also there's the fight between Woody Krasinski the real life brother of John Krasinski who plays himself in this film. And this is canon now. Within this podcast, this is canon. Yes.

There's the fight where he has a fight with Bradley Cooper that's nonverbal. You also forgot to mention that he destroys their Christmas lawn. He karate chops like a Santa. Also, I feel like that's not really a fight that's nonverbal. No, it's a summit. Yeah. They decide who the vagina belongs to, right? I mean.

Yeah, well. Wait, I shouldn't have said that. David. Go ahead. You said the cum thing earlier. That was gross. And he acknowledges that the daughter is Bradley Cooper's. And they're like, okay with it.

Does this all without talking. Yes, there are subtitles. Yeah, it's done in subtitles because, again, James Cameron Crowe, Kirk Russell is like, guys, wouldn't this be amazing if it was subtitled? Like all of his subtle, it would work if you would set it up very nicely through the movie. Yeah, I kind of like it, but it's too much to throw in the last scene. It's too much. It's the second to last scene of the movie.

You're like, oh, this movie's going to go there? Okay. And they're also basically, he's, you know, being like, Rachel McAdams. And he's like, you can have Rachel McAdams.

You know, and you're like, oh, great. What a great decision these two are making. And there's a moment where he goes, did you fuck my wife? And he goes,

no, I fucked Allison. I fucked Allison. Which is so disgusting. Yeah, it's gross. He fucks him. And he's like, what, she's like 25. You're 40.

Don't do that, you disgusting man. What would you have to talk about? You're at very different places in your life. My toe. Yeah. The sky. Yeah.

How there's definitely not a nuke going on that saddle. She loves fixing old broken man. My decals and my laptop. He's a wreck of a human. But there was greatness in the sky. And there was greatness in the sky. The sky. It's about the sky.

Aloha. But the sky. The sky. It's about the sky. Aloha. But the sky. Okay. So the sky thing. I was thinking about this watching it last night. If he thought that Alison Eng was supposed to be a joke or all of her stuff. Is her love of the sky supposed to be just her personality? Is it supposed to be tied to her Hawaiian heritage?

I don't know. I don't know. I like the sky. Shrugging. Yeah, we know you like the sky. That's why they call you the Sky Master. God. They call you Sky Captain for a reason.

I'm one of the best cloud pointer outers you ever heard. You're good at pointing out clouds in the sky? I feel like we're all in a weird mood. Yeah, we are. We are. Do you want to play the box office game? I'll be like, yo, check it out. That's a dog.

And everyone's like, you're right. So you're good at pointing out what clouds look like. Yeah. You also upload files into the cloud. That is true, and I am a fucking pro, baby. Like that movie. Yes. What?

Sex tape. Oh, I... That movie. Yes. What? Sex tape. Oh, I... That movie. I thought you were implying... Is that what it's called? Yes. That is what it's called. Okay.

It's about two people who make a sex tape. And it goes into the cloud. Yeah. And then they give out free iPads to all their friends with it on it. No, because of the cloud. They gave them out first. You know when you give someone a device as a present, you always put them onto your cloud account? Yeah, of course, of course.

Obviously. So they gave everyone iPads before making the tape, all tied to their cloud, including their mailman. Uh-oh. Esther, when you said that, what I thought you were saying is that Ben uploads this podcast to a satellite to try to jam in. What if he did? This is a history of sound. How quickly would we destroy a military satellite if our file was uploaded to it? 70 episodes of Blank Check with Christina David.

Do you know what this movie doesn't explain? How uploading a bunch of movies and sounds to a satellite makes it explode. Nope. Doesn't explain that. Makes my brain explode. Let's play a box office game. May 29th, 2015. This movie opened number six with $9 million.

Do you want to know how much this movie made total? How much? It made $21 million domestic, which is about half its budget. Wow. And it made $5 million foreign. I'm sorry. It made $5 million in the rest of the world. Yeah.

That is astonishing for a movie starring white people. Like, but I mean, how are you going to sell this movie? This movie doesn't make sense to America, Americans, and Hawaii is technically in America. I think they just gave up. I bet they just barely even released it in other places. Yeah, that's a good call. I mean. Not that it would have done well there, but to make 5 million shows that they weren't even trying.

Apparently this movie made $1,900 in Spain, just to let you know. I just looked up the breakdowns. How'd it do in Hawaii? Hawaii's part of America. So that means 200 people in total went to go see Aloha in Spain. So it opened number six with $9.6 million. dollars okay so it's not even in the top five the top five it's may 2015 so it's you know what you might have met furious seven isn't there no furious seven is number 11 that came out in april but i thought it was still going strong

at this point i mean it's collected a very healthy $350 million. It's 11. Okay. So then if we go- Number one is a new movie starring one of the stars of Furious 7. Number one is a new movie starring one of the stars of Furious 7, San Andreas. Correct. $54 million. With The Rock. Avengers Age of Ultron also in the five. Number five.

Ooh. How the mighty have fallen. Well, it's its fifth week. Wait, wait. What week is this? May 29th, 2015. Oh, Avengers came out last week of April? Yeah, or first week of May or whatever.

Whatever, whatever. Okay. So that's number five. Number one, San Andreas. Aloha's number six. Mm-hmm. Give me a hand about number two. Number two is a sequel.

Did much better than the first movie. Oh, Pitch Perfect 2. Yes. One of only two films in history to outgross the original film in its opening weekend alone. And the other one was? I don't know. Austin Powers, The Spy Who Shot Me. I thought that.

Those are the two sequels that outgrossed the original in one weekend. Okay. Number three is a sequels that outgrossed the original in one weekend. Okay. Number three is a great movie that nobody likes. Do both of us like it or do you like it? We both like it. Oh, baby. It fell from number one the previous week. It was a financial disappointment for the Disney company.

Okay. The company of Disney. So it came out May 21st. It came out Memorial Day weekend. It did. That's right. It was a Disney picture that we both like. I saw it.

And that movie is called Tomorrowland. That's right. Yeah. I saw it alone in a theater, Court Street Regal. Yeah. There was two other people sitting like a few rows in front of me who were making out, and then they laid down oh on the seats and i think there was some funny business going on they were not that invested in tomorrowland

i'll tell you that shame on them they didn't seem very interested in the lives of the movie to choose to do that they they they got up to no good like five minutes in it wasn't it like i don't think they were really there for tomorrowland. Also, it is known that Hugh Laurie is a natural aphrodisiac. It's true. Number four is maybe the best movie of the year. Number four is maybe the best movie of the year? By acclamation

it was probably the best movie of the year. It was the best reviewed film of 2015? I mean, kind of. Certainly big film. Lots of top ten lists. Lots of top... So you know what it is? I'm looking at it. Oh, you're looking at it. I was not. I didn't think I mean, kind of. Certainly big film. Lots of top ten lists. Lots of top... So you know what it is. I'm looking at it. Oh, you're looking at it. You saw it together. I was not. I didn't think I was playing this game. You're not. I'm not.

Did it become an Oscar play? Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It was my number one film of 2015. It's Mad Max Fury. Yeah, that's right. So there you go. I mean, pretty fun weekend, actually. A lot of fun stuff. Not Aloha. That's not fun. No. Pitch Perfect 2 isn't very fun. I never saw Pitch Perfect 2.

It's not good? Not good. I didn't either. Hey, guys. Did you know that this movie was nominated? For what, Ben? Teen Choice Award. It was?

Yeah. For what? It was a choice comedy movie. Aloha? I dare you to find me one teen who saw Aloha. And then also actor to comedy, Bradley Cooper, actress, Emma Stone in a comedy. I mean, I know those awards are decided by publicists, but that's insane. That is a point again.

Emma Stone and Bradley Cooper to show up to your awards show. Indeed. They didn't win any surfboard. I will say this. The Martian is funnier than Aloha. Yes, it is. The Martian deserved that. Hearing that movie nominated as best comedy,

I was like, well, but, you know, maybe The Martian, yeah. It's much funnier than Aloha. Okay, so can I throw out... Some of the movies in that top ten are the Poltergeist remake, a lot of forgotten movies, Far From the Mad the madding crowd hey you want to do something weird that's of no interest pursuit home remember when we wanted to see hot pursuit we just never did

yeah we were like we're gonna see it oh we're gonna see it and everyone else thinks it's bad but we're gonna think it's cute we were so defensive and ready like two days after we like never spoke i don't know why i see it. In Poltergeist, the remake, the young boy in the family is named Griffin, the character. Cool. And the actor who plays the young boy in the family,

Colette, is the actor who plays young Arthur in the take. Oh. Oh, that's so funny. That's kind of a funny little circle, right? Yeah. Griffin. He's an amazing actor. Oh, that's so funny. That's kind of a funny little circle, right? Griffin. He's an amazing actor.

He's much better than me. He's incredible. That's not true. I'm sure that's not true. He's really fucking good. He's more professional than I am. He's like

unbelievably professional. I felt so bad. They had to work so hard to make him look like me. They like put us in a chair together and they were like, can we break his nose? Put shit in his hair. I felt so bad. They had to work so hard to make him look like me. They put a Sanchez in there. Can we break his nose? Put shit in his hair?

They didn't say that. They didn't, but they had to put glasses and all this sort of stuff. He's a good kid, good actor. Doesn't listen to this show. Here's the thing I want to throw out that I sort of teased earlier. Okay? Yes. You look at Cameron Crowe's two worst films.

Aloha and Elizabethtown. I sort of teased earlier. Okay? Yes. You look at two, Cameron Crowe's two worst films, both, Aloha and Elizabethtown. Both have, like, Hail Mary Past, small performances by Alec Baldwin. Sure.

I look at Cameron Crowe at this point in his career, and I think Rhodey's falls into this too, although I haven't seen the whole season yet, and it's this thing that's very,

very hard and upsetting to watch, which is a filmmaker feel like they're trying to do a cover of themselves. know yeah they're trying to make the films that people expect them to make and those films i think were a reflection of where he was at those points in his life he's now a divorced man he's 60 years old he's had a lot of acclaim and a lot of failure and he's still trying to make like a young

man's films in a certain way and a film films from a worldview that i don't think is totally what his worldview is anymore his experience base is anymore right so definitely not what the worldview of the world is yes right now which is the biggest problem with the low i mean look at his haircut it's like dude get a different haircut's fucking 2016. He does very much still have the same haircut he's always had. It's very, very... It's true. He broke up with Nancy Wilson. Yes.

Who I think was a big creative partner for him. I mean, she did the score for all of his films, but also I think she was sort of... Then the Sigur Rós guy took over. Yeah. Jonsi. Jonsi. I think he's trying so hard to make the sort of like

bittersweet but open-ed kind of Cameron Crowe thing rather than like taking a step back and not trying to figure out what the next Cameron Crowe movie is in quotes, but go like, what's the movie I have in me right now to write rather than like pushing anything. Right. And I look at how good Baldwin is in these two movies

and I'm kind of like- So you're saying make a Baldwin vehicle? Make a Baldwin vehicle and allow it to be angry. Angry Baldwin. Oh boy. You know because it's like... Should he play a Hawaiian guy though? Or like an Asian guy? Obviously 100%. What if in the first scene he was like I'm half black but half Swedish. Swedish descent. You look at these movies that are about men who are angry but don't really act it and then you know who need to be saved by a woman

who wants to commit their entire life to it. Make a movie that isn't about that. Make a movie about a guy who's fucking angry. Own the clear anger you have because this is like a big current running through your movies now and put Baldwin, who feels like a more interesting surrogate for you now. You know, whether or not you're literally an Alec Baldwin type, your dialogue

is connecting more coming out of him than it is out of orlando bloom or fucking you know bradley cooper any of these other people uh i i kind of want to make him break the mold and not try to make a cameron crowe movie do his like the visit i well i mean he should definitely do his the visit yeah but i think the problem is i don't think he's ever really successfully written an angry character like lead character like alec baldwin's fun for two minutes definitely but like i mean you don't buy bradley cooper as being angry you definitely don't buy a fucking orlando bloom as being angry but who do you buy as being angry well baldy in both yeah In both. Yeah, but because Baldy, he, I mean, he's got the

match game and you buy him as a man that's like basically brimming over with rage. I'm saying make a movie about an older man. He's an older man now. Make a movie about anger and let Baldwin fucking carry that anger. I mean, that's fine. Just don't make a rom-com. Like, don't do it.

Don't make a movie where the whole arc of the movie is that the guy has to get saved by the girl. Well, I also think, I don't do it like don't make a movie where like the whole arc of the movie is that the guy has to get saved by the girl well I also think I don't know if this is a stupid thing to say but like when I was

watching this movie I kind of went like okay let's try to separate the two facets right as a writer director let me try to separate this

and if this was written and directed by two different people I'd be like okay who the fuck wrote this but I think I'd be like this movie's kind of

well directed for how terrible the script is Esther? No I don't disagree I mean like it's got it's moments it's got a visual style it's got some ingenuity at moments oh totally it's not yeah it's not

bad in that way that's not the problem this is not yeah I think there's like a weird transformation it's not flat. That's not the problem. This is not, yeah. I think there's like a weird transformation. It's not flat. No. You can tell he's good with actors. You watch this and it's like, there are more sort of behavioral moments than you would get in your average romantic comedy. I think he was

good with actors. I don't know. I can't tell. I can't tell. I don't know. I feel like people just fall into tics in this movie. She does that like... I mean, I'm sorry. And McAdams with her People just like fall into ticks in this movie. Like she does that like. Yeah. I mean, I'm sorry. And McAdams with her like her knowing glasses. Her exasperation. I just love McAdams.

I love McAdams too. I love her. You can do no wrong. I hate seeing her shafted by like this. I do too. I hate it. I just think there's a weird transformation that's kind of happened where I look at like, and We Bought a Zoo, which is the best movie he's

made like you know in 15 years. Right. You know is him adapting someone else's thing rewriting someone else's thing kind of just like up for hire Yeah but We Bought a Zoo is not good enough for him to be like let me make more I'm not trying to over hype We Bought a Zoo Zoo 2. Because We Bought a Zoo

Sophie said to me also last night. she was like, I was defending we bought a zoo to her because at the time we were recording that episode, it hasn't dropped yet, and I was defending we bought a zoo to Sophie. And she was like, I know, I understand what you're saying,

but you have to know that from the outside, you defending we bought a zoo at 11 o'clock at night at my dinner table makes me believe that you like everything. Now, to be fair, you did defend The Lady in the Water. I did. So that might be fair. I did.

But I feel like for a guy who was so much a writer first, started out as a journalist and then was a screenwriter, you know, and then was like a filmmaker where the writing was definitely the dominant force. I think he's become a better director than he is a writer. And I think if Cameron Crowe, like aside from the Alec Baldwin thing, which is like, okay, how does he write this thing? This is the last part of my pitch. I think Cameron Crowe would be better off directing other people's scripts right now.

And that would have seemed a sacrilegious thing. What if he directed Cop Out? I think he could have plussed it. He could have plussed it. He could have plussed it? No, but I do think there's a universe in which if you gave him a script and you allowed him to add his flavor onto a script that was fundamentally sound

and relatable, he could make a good film out of it. What if he directed The Intern? That's a perfect example. Don't take anything away from Nancy. I think some things need to be taken away from Nancy. No, don't take anything away from Nancy. I think some things need to be taken away from Nancy. No, don't take anything away from Nancy. But that type of movie, if you handed him. Yeah, no, I do think, I mean, yeah.

Or a comic script that was functional. And I don't think it's like a sacrilegious thing. I think like there is this fundamental thing of writers who need to, you know, it's why you adapt things. It's why you, you know, it's why playwrights write translations of plays, you know? Sure. Aloha should be a play. How are they going to stage the satellite blowing up? It'd be great. It'll be a musical. Satellite of the Mind.

Aloha the musical? That might be good. Yeah, okay, fine. I mean, Emma Stone. Fine, I'll do it. I'll play Alison Ng in Aloha and Bravo. No, you gotta play Baldwin. You gotta do it. I'll play Allison Ng and Aloha. No, you got to play Baldwin. You got to, you got to do Baldwin.

He's a cool guy. No, no, no. Play Fingers. Fingers. I kept on thinking like, because I do a lot of weird finger shit. I was like, I could fucking play Fingers.

We'll do like a weird theatrical thing where you have like a giant hand, like one of those Michelle Gondry hands that you can wiggle around. What if Julie Taymor did Aloha on Broadway? That'd be great. It was all puppets. And it cost as much as Spider-Man Turn on the Dark somehow.

Turn off the dark, turn off the dark. You have to turn off the dark. That's true. I'm sorry, I wanted to turn it on. No, you can't. No, it's too much. Do you know why it's called Turn off the Dark? Why?

Because, like, the Edge's kid said that once or something. Like, literally, it's the stupidest reason in the world. Bono said it, and he thought it was a profound thing to say. It's literally someone's kid said that once or something. Like literally it's the stupidest reason in the world. Bono said it and he thought it was a profound thing to say. It's literally someone's kid said it. It was like turn off the dark and he was like, oh yeah, that should be the name of the Spider-Man musical. In the plot of the musical it's because they want to reverse the effects of a New York City blackout. I really wish we could do a blank check about Spider-Man Turn Off the Dark. It's not on Broadway anymore, right?

No, it's not. Which is too bad. I never saw it. I'm really, I'm sort of sad I didn't. My brother saw it. Did you see it? No, I didn't. Oh, see, I saw it before Julie Taymor got fired.

Oh, man. Did somebody fall on you? Yes. Okay. I liked 25% of it, and the 25% was the stuff they cut out after they fired Julie Taymor. That makes sense. Yeah. That's how they would have done the satellite, though.

Yeah, of course. They would have had swinging and falling on people. I was working, actually, for the show, and I got fired the first day. Really? Is this true? I let go of a rope or something. I don't know. Ben, goddammit.

You're a piece of shit. Ben, goddammit. You're a piece of shit. I want to put you in one of those springboards they had to just launch you against the Empire State Building. Oh my god. Alright, so it's time to turn off the dark. Five billion comedy points. Camera Crow may never make another movie.

He was briefly, I was poking around on the internet, he was briefly attached to some memoir about a kid who's like a dad whose kid has a meth addiction there are two which sounds like like no Cameron no that's the last thing I want you to make we bought a meth a meth lab that's just Breaking Bad right

I forget the names of the books but there are two memoirs one written by a son and one written about a father, that are both about the son dealing with his meth addiction. I'm just going to Google Cameron Crowe meth. Yeah, please do. I think it was crack. I want to say it was crack. No, it's meth.

You sure? Oh, yeah. It's called Beautiful Boy. Do you think there's a type of meth that goes by Cameron Crowe that's a street name? Yeah. These were two separate books that were written at different times that were published separately, but they function as two different perspectives on a difficult period in their lives. Yeah, I remember reading about this.

The other one is called Tweak. And it was kind of an interesting idea to buy both books and make a movie based off of both of them. I don't really trust him at this point, although I do trust him more to adapt something and write an original screenplay. He was thinking of casting Marky Mark as the lead of this movie. This all sounds bad. As we learned with Shyamalan, like, I don't know. Marky Mark's a bad rebound candidate. I'd say Cameron Crowe, go cruise the Blacklist, you know?

And I'm not talking about the James Spader show. Look at some good spec scripts. Why doesn't he do a couple Blacklist episodes? He should do a couple Blacklist episodes. Name Blindspot? I'd love to see what he did with Raymond Red Reddington. That's his name, right? The star of the Blacklist?

Yeah. Yeah, his name's Red. Red Reddington. Raymond Red Reddington. He wears vests and hats. He does wear hats. I saw that. I've seen that.

Yeah, he dresses exactly like Nathan Fielder. Well, this has been our episode on Aloha. Thumbs up. Thumbs up. Are we going to do our ranking of Cameron Crowe movies, or do we save that for the roadies episode? No, let's do it now. Why not?

Do you want to do a Cameron Crowe ranking, Esther? I'll leave this one to you guys. Okay. I have mine prepped already, so I'll read it as you organize your list, David. Oh, sure go you already got yours yes and I got to make one change actually because of as

noted my shift in opinions about Aloha my mild shift number one film almost famous and I should clarify my ideal form is the theatrical cut not untitled no but I'm not ranking that as a separate film.

No. Number two, Jerry Maguire. Number three, Say Anything. Number four, Vanilla Sky. Number five, We Bought a Zoo. Number six, Singles. Number seven, Denim Invasion. number six you wanna slow this down? singles number seven denim invasion

number eight aloha number nine Elizabethtown okay yeah it would be number one Jerry mmhmm

number two say anything mmhmm number three vanilla sky sorry vanilla sky comes in at three wow yeah number four, Singles.

Number five, Almost Famous. Number six, what other movies did he make? You gonna buy a zoo or not? Yeah, number six, Zoo. Number seven, Denim. Okay. I mean, the bottom is the same. Number eight, Aloha.

Number nine, Elizabethtown. No, it should be like, number eight, Aloha, and then I just take a long pause, and I don't know Go for a walk Yeah exactly You look up at the sky You get arrested

I go on like a night drive And like music plays And then finally I like stop And I have children around me And I'm like Number 9 Elizabeth town Yeah

Esther thank you so much I just don't like Almost Famous I know That's stupid The only currency We still have in this Bankrupt world

Is the things you share with someone when you're uncool. What a... Oh, I hate that. I hate that line. No, I love that line. I masturbate to that line. That's exactly why I hate that line. I write it on my bathroom wall and then I have to paint over it every time. Oh, boy.

On that note, Esther, thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having me. It was a real pleasure. Esther, you were a great guest. Thank you. Of course. Unsurprisingly. Aloha, Esther. thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having me. It was a real pleasure. Esther, you were a great guest. Thank you. Of course. Unsurprisingly. Aloha, Esther. Warmest aloha.

And for a plug, you can be found on Twitter at Easy Writes. Easy Writes. Which works on several levels, much like the title of Aloha. When did you think of that? Oh my god, I was like in college. Yeah? I'm a little embarrassed by it now. Really?

I think it's a good handle. I think it's really good. It was first going to be Easy Writer but then somebody had that. I like Easy Writes more actually. Your initials are EZ. Do you have a middle name? I do.

C. Claire. Good name. Good middle name. That doesn't really work. No, you don't want to. You don't want to use a middle initial unless you have to. No. Your name's Griff Lightning on Twitter. Your name's Griff Lightning on Twitter. My name's Griff Lightning on Twitter. Follow me there.

You can make trades with me on the Star Wars card trader app under Griff Lightning. Do you still use it? Barely. I have like 800,000 credits right now because I'm just not buying anything. You have to log in every day to get the credits. You open it to get the credits and then, okay, that's what I've been doing too. I'm waiting for some new wave of things. I like vintage cards. I like the 77s... I'm waiting for some new wave of things. I like vintage cards.

I like the 77s. I'm just waiting for that to come back. Anyway, follow me on Twitter, and please keep watching The Tick. And you know what? Honestly, tweeting about it, if you like it, posting anything about it. If you don't like it, you don't owe me anything.

But if you like it, Amazon does pay attention to sort of the social media. People like that what did they just say about larry wilmore it didn't resonate on social media yeah let them know it resonates i uh yeah well of course want to remind you to rate review subscribe all the ucb podcasts and and us you know rating reviewing it it helped have you rated and reviewed us on itunes i haven't. Yeah, no, of course not. Nobody has. I never, but who rated? I know, I know. A lot of people do.

Hey, no bits, though. No bits. No bits. Pro Smiths. We haven't even talked about that. Smiths is in Rogue One. Yeah, we haven't even talked about that. We'll talk about that. Jimmy Smiths is in Rogue One.

That's very exciting. Oh my God, he's also in The Get Down. He is. He's quite fun in The Get Down. I like him a lot. I wish there was more Smiths in The Get Down. Oh, I feel like we have differing opinions. I just want to do away with adults entirely.

Well, I think that's probably fair for making the get down a good show but i also think i just want a show about like 70s real estate development in new york city with jimmy smiths like a crazy guy who's like yeah yeah yeah the get down real estate yeah yeah colon we podcast Yeah. Colon. We podcast. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. We're so tired. I'm so beat. Next week,

roadies, wrapping up this Cameron Crowe thing. And then after that, the long promised Cameron Crowe. Let me see. We might do a power cleanser in between. You just said Cameron Crowe. Fucking,

I'm losing my mind. James Cameron. James Cameron is coming up. Yeah, we're going to do a Ben's choice though, aren't we? I think we're going to do a Ben's choice. Ben,'t we? I think we're gonna do a Ben's choice. Ben, what's your choice? I don't know. What if he said Aloha?

Yeah, I don't know. We're running it back. Lock the gates. Yeah, we'll find out soon. I have some shit I'll run by you guys. It might just be The Man Who Knew Too Little, but I feel like we already sort of did that kind of comedy. I have no problem doing that film.

I would happily do that. Yeah, I mean, I love that one. Yeah. We'll definitely figure something out. We'll have something for you. We'll have a nice little bonbon for you and then James Cameron's coming up after that. Oh, here's the thing we haven't been mentioning

because we've been out of order and on delay and everything. My life exploded and as you may have noticed, it took us fucking forever to update the artwork for this miniseries. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We have now officially outsourced artwork

because I just was not getting the Photoshop done. Yeah, you're a real disaster. I'm a disaster. And someone stepped up to the plate, one of our fans, Patrick Reynolds, Pat Renz, on Twitter, has been unbelievable. And I haven't even shown you yet. I'll show you right now, actually. He has already prepped our art for the James Cameron series. He justeron series he just sends me stuff and goes like what do you think of this

idea like just sending me like a drafts of stuff the cameron oh god it's it's unbelievable i'm gonna send to you and you're gonna fucking freak out uh i'm just trying to find it right now okay well why don't we do that after we've stopped recording. Yes. Griffin Newman. Thank you so much for everything. Our great listeners. Right? That's unbelievable, right? I need a second with it here to close off. Listeners, get ready. He has found

a way to cover, I think, six... I look okay. It covers six different films in one piece of artwork. I just saw Ben. I just saw Ben. It's amazing. So Patrick Reynolds, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, thank you. For the artwork.

Oh my god, dude. And thanks to Lane Montgomery for the theme song. We don't thank him enough. And as always, and as always, it's about the sky. The sky. My father is half Chinese and half Hawaiian, and my mother is Swedish.

She's of Swedish descent. Okay, let me restart. No, she says my mother is Swedish. She's of Swedish descent. I couldn't find the exact quote. Do you want to try to do it? It wasn't on IMDb. It wasn't on IMDb. It wasn't on IMDb. I just think it's so funny

that she reinforces that she's Swedish. It's just like, that's why I'm white. Okay, Ben, don't cut any of this out. No, put it all at the end. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Ahem. This has been a UCB comedy production. Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Production.

Check out our other shows on the UCB Comedy Podcast Network.