Blank Check with Griffin & David - Assassin's Creed

Episode Date: May 5, 2019

This week is a special Ben's Choice episode. He selected 2016's excellent video game adaptation, Assassin's Creed. But is it very good? Yes. Do they talk about apples? YES! Is there a lot of discussion about Marion Cotillard believing this project was a documentary? YEAH!!! Together they examine the huge role Michael Fassbender played in this production, Justin Kurzel's moody directing, this film's relationship to the video game franchise and parkour. Plus, #thetwofriends announce the next 2 directors Blank Check will be covering in upcoming mini series! 

Blank Check with Griffin and David Blank Check with Griffin and David Don't know what to say or to expect All you need to know is that the name of the show is Blank Check Our own lives are nothing The apple is everything The spirit of the eagle will watch over the future. Where other men blindly follow the truth, remember, nothing is true.

Where other men are limited by morality or law, remember, everything is permitted. Travahamos en la ascuridad para servir a la luz. Somos podcast! Hello! And welcome to Blank Check with Griffin and David. I'm your guest host this week. That's right, producer Ben. Hi.

Is taking over the pod. You're looking at us like you're waiting for us to challenge that, but no, it is your podcast this week yeah yeah and i'm gonna discuss a really important film and the canon of cinema in general an important work a contribution to media in general it's one of you keep looking at it you you got this you keep on waiting for us to tell you no dive off the building okay do a leap of faith oh baby we're not stopping you all right well get on the train because here we go okay assassin is a train in this creed right now we on this podcast and tell people what podcast this is ben i did already it's blank check griffin and david this is a podcast about directors filmographies you know the kind of guys who

have massive or girls who have massive success guys and gals guys and gals have massive success early on their career and issued uh by hollywood a series of blank checks to make whatever kind of crazy passion products they want now sometimes, sometimes the check's clear, and sometimes they bounce, baby. Right. Now, sometimes on this show, we hand the checkbook to you. In between miniseries, a little palate cleanser,

we say, Ben, pick a movie. Yeah. And you tend to pick a movie that you watched on loop when you were growing up, and those movies tend to be opportunities to talk about movie stars.

They tend to be films that are less director-driven, maybe people who haven't made very many films, aren't very well-known, but are real vehicles for a sort of seminal movie star to you. And this is kind of one of those movies, even though Fassbender might not be your guy, this is a movie where the blank check was clearly everyone saying Michael Fassbender is a movie star, right? He's going to have some big franchise at some point. Yeah. And he signed on to do an Assassin's Creed movie a while before it got made.

Yeah. And he was able to take his favorite weird, moody Australian filmmaker. That's right. Justin Curzel. Right. And look how moody he looks in this photo on his Wikipedia page. Wow. That's a frown but this feels like a movie where like michael fassbender just threw his weight around was like if i'm doing

this you're gonna let me make my kind of movie and he was very hands-on with the whole project i mean he was signed on to this thing for like six or seven years so right you're kind of yeah i think it was about five years i think he signed on in like 2012 13 somewhere he got the checkbook and handed it over to Curzel and so that's right you're saying not only is this a Ben's choice in which we get Ben the checkbook and he gets to write his own check to talk about this fucking movie but also uh it was there's a blank checky a whiff of blank checkiness to this one there is there certainly is do you know who justin kersel is married to uh essie davis yeah which i didn't know who's in this is baba dude this film plays the mother yeah you know she's uh yeah she's uh but but she's what what were you what were you she's not into much but she's yes she's great yeah it's a pivotal role uh she she's the lead in the babadook and she

what the what are those those that mystery series uh mystery oh you mean like that like she has like a long running BBC when you said mystery series it's called Miss Fisher's murder mysteries yes I was like a mystery series like what's this yeah she's a great she's a great she rules

I love Essie Davis yeah recently I've been making a lot of jokes because my friends are having kids now about like, what if you took your kid to the doctor? And they told you that your kid was a Babadook? Yeah, and they were like, everything looks good. We ran all the tests. The only problem is, wait, wait, positive for Babadook.

You're going to need to vomit a bunch of black oil in your basement or whatever happens in that movie. I've told you, I took- Have you been picking up any weird picture books? Because that's usually the cause. That's the vector. I told you, my mom hates horror films. Sure.

And I dragged her to see The Babadook. And I was just like- You did? I just think you'd really like this. And then she sat there and she like turned to me and she was like, this is like a movie about me raising girls. Yes, right. And I was like, oh, right.

That's why unconsciously. Like, I was this weird kid who was scared of everything and kept on doing magic tricks in front of the TV. Jesus. I would have. And she was like, oh, right, that's why unconsciously. Like, I was this weird kid who was scared of everything and kept on doing magic tricks in front of the TV. Jesus. I would have. And she was like. As I've stated on the record, thrown you out the window and said you walked out by mistake. Yeah, my mom put up with a lot.

What floor were you on? Were you, like, on a high floor? Right. So you probably had the bars on the window. 11G is in Griffin. Yeah. Yeah, we had bars on the window. You were in apartment 11G?

Yeah. Were you in apartment 11G? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's really weird. way. You were in apartment 11G? Yeah. Were you in apartment 11G? Yeah. Really? Yeah. That's really weird. Weird. I mean, different buildings.

Yeah, but the same city. We both grew up in New York City. Yes. You lived in an apartment in New York City your entire childhood. I lived on 89th Street when I was a little, you know, the apartment my mom had lived in since she moved to New York. Right, when you were a little kid and then when you were an older kid and then through the rest of your life.

In 1973. And she, yeah, we were in apartment 11G the rest of your life. In 1973. And she, yeah, we were in apartment 11G. That's just funny. That's nuts. Yeah, that's really crazy. I feel very defined by like 11G. I know. I still, I have, when I moved out, I took down the 11th floor like sign that was posted in the

hallway and I still have it. And of course, Ben, the sign on your door said, condemned, do not enter. That's right. Very good. Very good. Stay off porch. Have you, I've had too many trips to LA recently.

La La Land? La La Land itself. A city I like about as much as I like that movie. Wow. I like La La Land. No, you know that- La La Land? La La Land itself. A city I like about as much as I like that movie. Wow. I like La La Land. No, you know what- And I like to visit LA once in a while. I'm being too harsh. I don't hate La La Land the movie.

I do think I like that movie less than most people because it reminds me of the city. Wow. I think that's the more fair- And yet I know some Angelenos who hate that movie because it doesn't remind them of the city. Yeah. Well, those people are being dishonest with themselves. Ouch. There's a thing in like LA, if you go to like almost any place, there's like a little sign outside the door that says like,

note, the air and water in California may cause cancer. It's like statute like two seven, whatever, due to test, da, da, da, da. Like there's that plaque. Because my girlfriend and I went to a Starbucks and she was like, wait a second, what the fuck does this sign say? It's saying like,

hey, we waive any like liability if this coffee gives you cancer. And she was like, why is this Starbucks telling me there might be cancer in the coffee? And we looked up and it's like, oh no, like all businesses and hotels are legally required to say

that the air and water and the radioactive waste in California may give you a little bit of cancer. A little touch of the cants. A little touch of the babadook. Anyway, Assassin's Creed. Okay, so I never played the game. You're not a gamer.

I'm not a gamer. You're not a gamer at all? You've asked us a couple times in the last couple years, like, should I get into gaming? Yeah, yeah. I just, I fell off after 64. You're not a gamer at all? You've asked us a couple times in the last couple years, like, should I get into gaming? Yeah. Yeah. I just, I fell off after 64.

That was your system. That was my last system. Okay. I would say. You're a Goldeneye guy? Yeah. That was your one. Who's your character?

Um, uh, who's the, uh, little. You played Oddjob? Yes. That's not cool. You can't Oddjob. Why? Because he's so short. Yeah.

That's the whole thing. Oddjob was short yeah in um golden eye yeah because wasn't he a big guy in the movie in the movie he is not particularly diminutive i think he's supposed to be a little smaller because the whole point is it's sort of like well this guy seems unthreatening he's dressed like a butler you know and then he but he's certainly i mean he's thick well that's the thing he's chunky I've been rewatching he's a chunky boy he's chunky he's a big chungus

there is no question that he's a big chungus I mean Ben says little guy playable in GoldenEye and I'm racking in my head right here going like

was Hervé Villachez a playable character in GoldenEye like what little guy but no in GoldenEye he is very small a little shorter

which makes him harder to shoot because you have to sort of like aim down a little bit whereas Jaws is the worst character to play because he harder to shoot because you have to sort of like aim down a little bit. Whereas Jaws is the worst character to play because he's very tall. Right. And you can just get him right in the head.

He's real simple. Does he throw the hat or does he just fire a gun? No, you know, in GoldenEye, multiplayer is very simple. It's just like a skin. Right. And you're really just seeing the arm. I played it, but it was like not a game that had a big imprint on me. Like, because we were like a Nintendo 64 family. We didn't have a big imprint on me. Because we were a Nintendo 64 family.

We didn't have a video game system ever. It was years of James and I filibustering to get a system in the house. And so I have a lot of N64 nostalgia. And it took me 10 years to realize, oh, that was the game for everyone else. Right. Blitz was great. You're not really a shooter. You.

I'm not a shooter. I don't like shooting games. I don't like that kind of, right. So Assassin's Creed, you've never played in your life. No, not there.

And there's like 4 billion of those games. They release like two a year. Yeah. Cause the whole thing is, it's like sort of somewhat stealthy. Right. A lot of stabbing. Right.

You do a lot of stabbing and then they can kind of just like do a new version every time set in another historical period. They do proper sequels, but then they also do sort of Vice City style. Exactly. Like, here's a re-skinning. It's the same game engine, but now it's pirates or whatever, right? Yeah, they've done a pirate one. They did an American Revolutionary War one.

They've done many, you know, Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome. They did a Lehman Brothers one, I think. I'm coming with the jokes today. Because the one in this is original to this film. There's not like a conquistador one. There's not a Spanish Inquisition one. Because did Ubisoft fully self-finance this movie? Let's look it up.

Ubisoft in the early 2010s was like, we know that everyone else has fucked up making video game movies. And we think the reason why they fucked up is because they handed off

to studios and the game developers themselves didn't have any involvement. And they announced a slate of like 15 films. They sold the rights off to like a thousand places.

Because around this same time they announced that Tom Hardy is going to do, what's the Tom Clancy game? Rainbow Six? Yes. That's one of them. The Division as well? I think it was Rainbow Six because Jake Gyllenhaal was supposed to do The Division.

But they announced like Tom Hardy's doing Rainbow Six. We're getting all the guys who are like the next big movie stars. The respected actors who haven't gotten their own big franchise yet, and we're attaching them, and we're attaching big directors, and we're making all these films.

They fucking set up Just Dance at Lionsgate, the sub-Dance Dance Revolution game. They were just setting everything up. And then this was their first big one, and for years they were like, we're taking our time because we're going to get it right, and we're not just going to adapt the game, we're going to make a totally original story that is set

within the universe, so it doesn't overlap with the game itself. And they brought on, in 2012, Michael Fassbender, who at that point, I guess, is probably mostly still just the guy from Inglourious Bastards, had the first X-Men come out, maybe first class had come out. Yes. So he had a little bit of a cachet. First class was 11? Yeah. Yeah. So he had a little bit of a little bit of cachet. Yeah.

Yeah. But right. He was kind of tapped. I remember reading this like Terry Gilliam interview in 2010 where he was like, you go into financing meetings now and they say you need a hard bender in your movie. And the interviewer said, what's a hard bender? He said, they either want Tom Hardy or Michael Fassbender. Those are the two guys.

Sort of like English guys with some grit. I mean, Fassbender's Irish. Right, and you're like, they're serious actors, but they have movie star qualities, and it feels like they're going to be the next big dudes, and they're still kind of cheap. Right. That was the other thing. They're pretty cheap. They're still pretty cheap.

That's one reason he was in Steve Jobs as well. It was like, yeah, he's affordable. Because Christian Bale passed, and DiCaprio passed. Those were pricey guys. Sony wouldn't make it at the budget they wanted well. It was like, yeah, he's affordable. Because Christian Bale passed and DiCaprio passed. Those were pricey guys. Sony wouldn't make it at the budget they wanted and they were like, we can get Fassbender for like a million? A lot less. Right. But these two guys have integrity. They haven't sold out.

They paid their dues. They're handsome. They're charismatic. They're imposing physical presences. Get them a franchise. And so it felt like, both Hardy and Fassbender are going to do these video game movies? The Hardy one he never seems to talk about in interviews. It seems to have fallen by the wayside.

The Fassbender was always. What was the Hardy one going to be? Rainbow Six. Oh, yeah, right. Sorry. But he, like, at this time, Fassbender, anytime he's promoting anything, it's like. Can't wait to do that one. And we're working to get it right.

Like, I really think there's an opportunity here to do something with it. He produced. It's a weird movie. I don't think it's that. And we're working to get it right. Like, I really think there's an opportunity here to do something with it. He produced. It's a weird movie. I don't think it's what people think we're making. And he makes this the foggiest movie ever made. Justin Kersel's Macbeth. It's real fog. Which have you seen that?

No. You should watch it. I know. I know. It's got a similar visual vibe to this movie, right? Right. You've seen it. Yes.

And it also has Marion Cotillard as Lady Macbeth. Lady Macbeth. Right. But it's like, you know, Fassbender and Cotillard and like Paddy Considine. Love him. Like all these great actors

and it's like very foggy and moody and like whispery and intense and dirty like this. Kind of dirty battle scenes. Right. And it's just like

this is a more visceral Shakespeare movie than I've ever seen anyone make. And it's one of those movies that is so aesthetically tight without feeling hermetic. And I saw it with a friend of mine, future guest, Jordan Fish, or at this point he'll have been a past guest. And we walked out of it and I was like,

that guy is doing Assassin's Creed next. Right. And they were basically like, they were very close together, I think. Right, and I was like, if that guy can make a $100 million blockbuster that looks like that, he might finally break the notion of the video game curse. And here's what happened. They cast Marion, right? Yeah.

They initially cast Alicia Vikander as well as the lady assassin. She dropped out to do Jason Bourne. Which is sort of like a lateral move, I suppose. I don't really know if she would have gained anything from that. And were Fassbender and her together at this time? That's a great question because they are now married. They got married two years later.

I think they got together on Making the light between oceans which is the year after right so they could have fallen in love a year earlier but they had to wait for that light

that ocean light yeah what's between it I don't fucking know they were two ships in the night looking for the light so instead they cast Yorgos Lanthimos' wife

Ariane Labed they're married? they're married I did not know that she's in Alps she's in The Lobster. I believe she was one of my blanky picks for Best Supporting Actress that year at The Lobster.

Right. I think she was. I certainly intended to nominate her. Well, no, wait, wait. Yeah. For The Lobster, she's the maid. She's the maid. She's incredible in that fucking movie. She's a great actress. And so they cast her instead. She's fun in this. She does, you know, a mostly hooded performance.

Right. If you're in the assassin part, you know, a lot of hood wearing. But putting like... When they announced that like Jeremy Irons and Charlotte Rampling were in this movie, you're like, those people don't do movies like this. Well, right. But I think the pitch to Irons is probably like, look, you come to this set for three weeks, you have some shadowy

conversations then you leave see I think the pitch to all these people was we're somehow going to make 115 million dollar art yeah and it's like we're letting us do this right we've got good actors we've got an interesting director right you'll have to talk about an apple

from time to time rambling will do anything do you remember I I mean, when- Rampling and Marion Cotillard are on the same conspiracy theory board probably anyway, right? Like the French actress conspiracy theory board. I just want to get this in the open to start. Marion Cotillard believes this film is real, right? Yes. She believes the Knights Templar control everything.

There's just no question. I mean, that's how they got her to sign on to the film where they said, hey, we're doing a documentary. It's about the Knights Templar, you know, and she's like, of course. Right. They have been in battle with the assassins for a thousand years. The Apple, La Manzana? Right. She kept on wondering why they referred to it as a fictional film.

Yes. No, but she thought she was just recording talking head testimonials. Yeah. And they just cut around her bow finger style. Yeah. No, when Infinity War came out and people were like, it's like a fucking experimental art film disguised as a superhero movie. Right. This is actually like an experimental art film disguised as $125 million video game adaptation.

Right. But when it came out, I think what you're interpreting is experimental, which I think is fair. Yeah. Most people just interpret it as confusing and forgettable. Right. Like, that was sort of the hit on this movie. That was the crazy thing was I feel like most critics responded to this

like it was one of the Resident Evil movies, which you and I both agree don't get enough credit, but you understand why it's easier to discount something like Resident Evil. And they were just like, I don't know, it's like one of these complicated video game things. I can't understand what's going on. And it's like, first of all, I don't understand how less than 10% of critics

made any mention of the fact that this movie is aesthetically gorgeous. It doesn't look like any film of this size. The sequences are all so well done. And it's like super patient. How did you watch this movie, I want to ask? I watched it on Apple TV. Right, because I watched, alright, so

my story with Assassin's Creed, we'll get to yours which I'm sure is detailed. You're going to have to run down each of the 15 times you've watched this film. Yeah, and what I was on. I did not see this film at any kind of press screening I assume if it was screened for press it was probably

not like a lot of screenings Christmas Day and there's always that one movie in the Christmas mix that you can feel like the studio is just like let's just sneak in there and not tell anyone about it like you know so if it was screened for the press I was not invited or I didn't attend

and you play the games? No, I mean, I played them, but I don't really play them. And so instead, on like Christmas Eve or something, like some random day, Joey and I, my brother, just were like, fuck it. I mean, let's catch Assassin. Let's go to the Creed. Yeah, I mean, that's the kind of movie that you and Joey see together. Exactly. And we just went to the Regal Court Street.

Right. You know, saw it with like two or three other people. Yeah. And I just remember it looking like a mess. Like it was probably like, the projection probably wasn't great. Interesting. It may have been dark. And I just remember being like, I don't even fucking know what's going on in this movie.

Like any sequence that's dark. Yeah. I struggled. Don't you think it was kind of the same thing though that happened with Solo? Solo, sure. We saw Solo in really good projection. It's purposefully underlit, and so if you're not projecting it well, it's just going to be so dark.

But you start to wonder, is there a method to the madness of all the Marvel movies looking so bland because he shoots... Kevin Feige makes sure to shoot and color balance them in a way where you can't really misproject them. Right.

Whereas when like a big tentpole film like this goes out on a limb and like has a weird, interesting like, you know, color palette. Right. And like shadow scheme and everything that then most people are like, it just looks like mud. Like I can't see it.

But then. Yeah. For this episode, I purchased this film. Yeah. In 4K. Yeah. purchased this film in 4K. Yeah, I rented it in 4K on my Apple TV. And I gotta say, it looks terrific. Unbelievable.

I now have, like, you know, I've got a 4K TV and a player, so it can make it look all fancy. But it looks great. Like, incredible. Yeah, yeah. Like, this film should have been nominated for, like nominated for like every like craft category at the Academy Awards. Like this should have been nominated for cinematography, for art direction, for costumes. Yeah. Now I'll say this.

I got a lot of aesthetic pleasure from this movie. Yeah. And I got a lot of excitement from just like, wow, they're really like somehow no cooks in the kitchen. I don't know if it's because Ubisoft took the control of this movie and they hadn't made movies before. Or if everyone was so desperate to overcome the like video game ghetto that they were like, let's go as hoity-toity as we can. Right. Because we, you know, want to try to prove that you can make one of these movies with some intelligence. Yeah.

So all of that was exciting to me. I could not get my head around the plot of this movie. And the two other films that I compare it to are Primer and Soderbergh's Haywire, where I'm like,

I think this thing is well made. I don't know whether I understand anything that's happening. By the end of Assassin's Creed, I will say, I felt like I retrospectively got it a little bit more than with either of those films. With both of those Creed, I will say, I felt like I retrospectively got it a little bit more than with either of those films.

With both of those films, I'm like, maybe if I watch this four more times, I could untangle it. I'm not unhappy watching this because I think it's well-made, but I just don't know what's going on a scene-to-scene basis. Assassin's Creed, I finally sort of got on a basic level by the end of it, but because it's so aesthetically pleasing, I'm like, fuck, I might watch this two more times. Like, I see what Ben's getting at.

Yes, I will say. Because there's a lot to dig into in this thing. I only saw it, you know, I saw it in theaters. Was kind of like, you're kind of like, what's going on? Yeah. Second time on, you know, my rewatch, I was kind of like, I'm beginning to grasp the spine of this thing.

Right, the spine. I'm still going to need Ben to maybe lay some details out for me. I assume you've seen this film more than anyone, including Michael Fassbender and his family. Yeah, 100%. He's seen this more than the editor of this film has seen this movie. No, but don't you think there's a thing, too, with when critics reviewed it that they were just like,

I don't know, I haven't played the games. I don't understand what's going on here. They assumed because the film is so dense and kind of obtuse when critics reviewed it, that they were just like, I don't know, I haven't played the games. I don't understand what's going on here. Like, they assumed because the film is so dense and kind of obtuse that it was because they didn't get it because they

hadn't played the games rather than that it's a movie that you have to kind of work with. Yeah. You know? Like, I remember seeing

the Warcraft movie with my friend who's a big, like, wow person. Okay. And he kept on leaning over to me and being like, that's a thing from the games.

This movie doesn't do that. This movie doesn't do that. That's my point. But the Warcraft movie is insane because it's a prequel to the games. It's so deep in the lore. And this is a little deep in the lore too, I think. But that's my point is that World of Warcraft, it's kind of like, these things don't have any meaning

to you unless you understand their power in relation to what the games later do. Whereas this movie, everything that's confusing about it isn't any more clear if you've played the games. Because it's spinning its own wheel entirely. I feel like, from what I understand, the games are a lot less based in the machinations of the Animus than this is, right? The games are more just kind of playing the thing with that as like the basic superstructure. Yes, although I do think you switch.

It's got the animus and it's got the idea of genetic memories. And you do, I think you do do some playing in like the real world. It has that whole concept. But is the ratio, I mean, because this movie is like 70% Animus, 30% like the actual, it's 70% real world, 30% in the Animus. Yeah. And I feel like the games are maybe. I would maybe push it to 65, 35.

Sure. Tops. But the game is maybe flipped from that. Correct. I think so, yeah. This also is one of those video game movies, like when people say like Edge of Tomorrow is the best video game movie because it's one of the few movies that understands. This also is one of those video game movies, like when people say, like, Edge of Tomorrow is the best video game movie because it's one of the few movies that understands

storytelling, the advantages of having to replay something over and over again. This movie kind of does the same thing because it's sort of a movie about playing a video game. Well, okay. That's why I love this movie. Which is what's interesting. And we're going to dig into that. But now I think Ben should talk

because, Ben, we want to know your journey. I cannot run through the plot of this film. This is also one of those things where you... we're going to dig into that. But now, I think Ben should talk because Ben, we want to know your journey. I cannot run through the plot of this film. This is also one of those things where you, you didn't just like sit down with us and say like,

opening weekend, I saw that and I loved it. Like, you've sort of crept up on us with this news that this is one of your most watched films. You know what I mean?

You'll sort of sprinkle that in. Every other Ben's choice is like, I've seen this movie 15 times starting when I was nine. And this one is like, you know guys, I've seen this movie 15 times starting when I was nine. And this one is like, you know, guys, I've seen this movie 15 times in the 18 months since it went up on HBO Go.

Right, that's the thing. It's a recent movie. What's it, four years, three years, three and a half? One out of every five records, before we record, you go like, I watched Creed again last night. And we're like, the Coogler Creed? The great Coogler movie?

Right, and you're like, no, Assassin's Creed. You just keep... Right. I just had to keep coming back for more. When you can't fall asleep, you watch this movie. Yep.

This became... So, all right. I saw it on HBO. Yeah. So you didn't see it in theaters. Did not see it in theaters. Yeah. I was very hung over i remember

my harvest ball right it was something it was something that you very much watched because it was on not something you actively sought out not something you were in any way interested in when it came out you didn't care about the games yes no i just i was care about fastbender like i'm trying to wonder what you're kind of indifferent to him so you were just kind of like assassin's creed must be It was literally just on. I straight up was like, assassins are cool. Okay. Play.

Yeah, play. Okay. And you said that into your remote. Yeah. And it just started. Yeah, right. I didn't know what you were talking about. Right.

And Siri was like, I got you. The algorithm was like, mm-hmm. Of course. There's one movie in particular. You could either see Assassins or Assassin's Creed, and I'll tell you could either see uh assassins or assassins creed and i'll tell you you don't want to see assassins and i started sort of half watching it and then i found myself just drawn into yeah the the um the time travel or going back in time those like sequences yeah i like loved it because it a i was just like i don't even know what this time

period of the world was like at all sure i've never seen anyone do something about the 1500s yeah so i was kind of like all right this is weird this is a weird take and you like dirty stuff i mean this is one of those period movies where it's like you get the sense of how like difficult those times actually were yeah like it doesn't look hermetically recreated it's like you get the sense of how difficult those times actually were. It doesn't look hermetically recreated. It's like this is a movie that looks like it has gangrene. You know?

You're just like, God, this time must have smelt awful. It's so difficult to get around so violent. Now here's the thing. I'm just assuming you reacted to this. I react to this very strongly. When I went to see this with Joey, I was kind of, like Erlich had given it a good review.

Erlich is like, to his credit, one of the only people who was like, this is the best video game movie ever made and I don't mean that as a backhanded compliment. He's like, this genuinely is an interesting movie. Matt Singer had also expressed a claim for it and like when that opening card comes up and it's like for centuries man has hunted for the apple of eden i'm like excuse me hello that's the craziest thing so like a this movie is like a meta narrative about the experience of playing video games and b this movie is about trying to find the cure for violence. And maybe free will.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is all sort of tied up in video gaming. And if anything, this movie doesn't have enough Apple talk. Like, I want a lot of Apple talk. I want less. I want more roof sliding. We're in a fight right now.

You know that whole thing. Because you like rules, and I don't want more rules. But, like, when they have a fucking apple at the end i'm like what's the apple tell me what it is because they kind of it's god's apple all right they sort of hinted in an ancient alien scenario right they sort of say like some long lost civilization may have given us this apple so you think i i did not pick up on that cotillard says in one of her info you think the I did not pick up on that. Yeah, I mean, Cotillard says it in one of her info documents.

You think the movie is implying that what we perceive to be the apple from the Garden of Eden was actually an alien apple and we've converted it into that story

over generations. Like the Bible is like symbolic. Yeah, right. Right, okay. So the apple does, is imbued with like some weird science.

Possibly. But I also think the movie could be about literally trying to like get back to like God's perfect world. Like I don't think this movie necessarily doesn't believe in a literal God and a literal garden of evil. You know? I mean it's like these are, that's the other thing. This movie is like leaving it open to interpretation.

It certainly is. And also to sequels that will never come. But you go like- Why? Poor box office. Yes. Well, this episode is going to change that. Yeah.

This might be the first movie that actually ends up making a profit solely from Ben re-watching it. If you keep at it for another 15 years they might eventually you're gonna like run to the black i'm gonna direct yeah you're gonna direct right he'll be like the state film should be assassin's creed you're gonna revitalize the new jersey economy by getting them to commit to making a 200 million dollar assassin's creed sequel shot entirely in jersey city uh yeah as we park maybe you know you could go to the Creed sequel shot entirely in Jersey City. Yeah, or Asbury Park, maybe. So, Ben, you watch it on Hippogo.

I do, and then I find myself then, a week later, doing it again. Right. Almost as if you lost your free will. This was some kind of animus or genetic memory. This was one of those movies for you where, much like wreck it ralph although this becomes more regular rotation like while you're in a relationship when you can't sleep at night and your girlfriend's asleep you're

like fuck i gotta do something you start watching this relentless throw on the creed yeah throw on the creed and just start relaxing what's that what's that for you recently for me recently that's a good i mean taxi was working that way for a while. I've been going down weird rabbit holes. I've been... Doesn't sound good. No. You know what I've been watching a lot lately?

I don't. Hot Ones. Don't know what that is. Do you watch Hot Ones? Nope. Hot Ones, I'm like starting to think like, is this the best TV show anyone's ever made? What?

It's like the one good show on YouTube. Okay, right. I have not really ever um dove into that me neither and this is like i'm all in on hot ones is this guy sean evans and he interviews like big people but at the table and it's like a charlie rose style like like um chicken wings or something i am aware of increasing. Of increasing hot sauces, like increasing spiciness. And he's a really good interviewer. Sure. He's one of those guys where it's like he's clearly not someone who trained to be an on-camera personality.

So he seems kind of stilted at first, but he clearly does all his own research and asks people really good questions. And it's like Natalie Portman comes in or like Gordon Ramsay. There's a lot of these. How long are they? Like 20 to 30 minutes. Like they're full-sized things but it's a really good interview show and then the other incredible thing is as they start like the first three wings

everyone makes it through. Right. And then like four through six are kind of tough and then seven through ten they're losing their mind and it's just like he's destroying. Was Shaq on this recently? Shaq was incredible on it shack was incredible shack can't handle spicy food no he talks about he's like tearing down the wall of like the carefully manufactured personas that all these public celebrities have and that's a way to do it you're you're making

them physically vulnerable right and they're just like physically vulnerable like crying trying to answer these questions honestly that are actually pretty deep insightful questions or or just he's done his research of things that no one ever thinks about um it's it's really good the shock one's incredible uh but yeah anyway i've been watching that a lot it relaxes me okay i like that actually i'm gonna take that recommendation and i didn't even realize that this movie had become a thing i mean now my ex my ex at one point was like, you're fucking watching this stupid assassin movie again. I'm like, I guess you're right. I am.

How many times have I watched this? Oh, like more than 10 times the last three months. It's almost like you don't have free will. Like you're destined to repeat the cycle of watching this movie. I made that joke. Twice as nice a second time. It's okay. I stole your Jupiter Ascendant.

You did. So that's payback. Yeah. So, okay. So let's Jupiter Ascendant. You did. So that's payback. Yeah. So, okay. So let's get this back on track. Sure. So I was sort of just mentioning it over the, I don't know. Ben's doing currently a sort of a pinch of salt gesture.

Yeah, a pinch of salt. I started to mention it, just kind of peppering it out to the boys. And eventually I was like, hey, you know what? We got room on the sketch. Can I do maybe a bench choice? We had vaguely penciled in King Ralph for a while. King Ralph is the sort of episode that will never come. Right.

We're always like, well, we could do King Ralph there. Right. Yeah. And at a certain point, all three of us were just like, we should just do the Creed, right? I mean, it feels like we're avoiding the obvious. And King Ralph is in the vibe of things we've done with you already, like Fletch.

Yeah. You know, 80 Fletch. Yeah. You know, 80s comedies. Right. Or early 90s. You know, this is not in that. This is new territory. Yeah, this is new territory. This is very new territory.

This is dark territory. This is very dark territory. It's real dark. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dusty. Dark and dusty. Yeah.

But good. I do think it's good. I do. I think it's good, too. I think it's good. It's an it's good too I think it's good it's an unusual yeah thing

yes and that's what I think yeah I don't know why I've just gravitated to it maybe because of that it's just to me even watching it now

I watched it twice yeah before recording this episode recently and it's just it's such a strange

look into maybe what films could be in the future kind of thing. Right. And there is this aspect of just like so many of these films over this size are so micromanaged as part of like brand silos that if you see something that has like 20% personality in it, you're like, this one's really good. And then this movie, you're just like, it feels like no one fucked with this. Yeah, it does. It feels like they developed a script that you can see how this script could be made into a more conventional movie.

Right. And Fassbender was like, if we use this script, you're cool with me hiring my people and we can do whatever the fuck we want? And they were like, yeah. And then they made a really big, really expensive, really slowly paced movie about like cycles of violence. Yeah. That kind of doesn't go anywhere. No.

Like, it's much like Warcraft, in fact. Right. It's sort of a lot of setup for future shit. Yeah. I mean, you know, the assassins do gather at the end. But you watch something like Warcraft and you're like, this movie is failing to pull off like Lord of the Rings. At 100%. And you watch this movie and you're like,

this movie is pulling off whatever it's trying to do. This movie is pulling off question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark. Right. Like the struggle with this movie is, can you get on the wavelength of what this movie is doing? But I have no doubt that this movie is like entirely the execution of what everyone intended to make. I think you're right. And certainly there was never any like fast bender giving interviews later where he was like

that movie got taken away from us or anything like that no he was like involved in post-production all of it yeah he was like start to finish on this project um at the same time well i guess well certainly kerzel has not made another movie. He's doing a Ned Kelly gang movie now. But that's in sort of like TBA status, isn't it? I don't know what's up with that. I think he'll go back to doing another small Australian movie. Yeah. Fassbender,

I guess, you know. This is the start of a bad run for Fassbender. Or not the start, it's kind of the middle of it. Yeah. The story of Fassbender's career is very much like, he has the X-Men movies, which do pretty well. Right. They're not, you know, maybe Marvel level hits, but they do pretty well. Yeah.

And then apart from that, everything he does is a failure. Right. I would say the exception to that is the Alien prequels do do okay. Yeah. And he's wonderful in them. But covenanted half of what Prometheus did. Yeah, they're not doing what Studio wants. Right. The X-Men

films are certainly dipping. Yeah, they're dipping. And the other thing was, for a while it was like, oh, but he's giving these really great dramatic performances in between. In the last four or five years... Same year as Assassin's Creed he does. Oh, no, the year before. Steve Jobs. Right. But right after this, his

prestige plays stopped working as well. Well. Like, Light Between Oceans. That's actually before this. Oh, really? Same year. Okay.

They're both 2016 movies. Right. This is the year where things get a little rocky for him. 100%. This year he had Apocalypse,

Light Between Oceans, something called Trespass Against Us, which I think was like a tiny indie movie. But then you go like Song to Song. Next year he had Song to Song, which was shot in like, you know, the Stone Creed. Song to Song. Next year he had Song to Song,

which was shot in like, you know, the Stone Age. The Snowman. Alien Covenant and The Snowman. Right. He hasn't made a movie since The Snowman. Right, he's got Dark Phoenix. Have you seen The Snowman? I tried to make Snowman a movie I liked.

Yeah, no, it's impossible. I tried. I did the same thing where I'm like, I like this director. I like Snowman. Yes. I like Fassbender as an actor. I like the promotion of the movie.

It was good. It gave you all the clues. You love Harry Holes. I do love Harry Holes. And the Holes. And I like Kilmer. Yeah. I know.

And then you watch that movie. Kilmer is not looking good. He's overdubbed. He was sick. Like, it's insane. Yeah. And then, I mean, have we talked about it? You know, Alfredson was like, yeah, we didn't finish it it you know alfred sim was like yeah we didn't finish it yeah like literally like we we didn't finish it and then the studio was

like rather than give you money to finish it we'll just edit this together into something that runs the length of a movie right without being one i've talked about this i feel like too much recently but like i feel like people ask me all the time now, like, oh, just, like, now that you've, like, worked more, like, does it ruin watching movies and TV for you now that you, like, know how it's made? And I'm like, the only way it ruins it for me is when I watch stuff like that, I just have a panic attack. When I, like, watch something like The Snowman where they, like, yeah, I have I have like a flashback and I'm just like, Oh Jesus Christ. I know what it feels like on set when they tell you, Hey, we're just not going to be able to shoot these six pages.

You can just see stress on the screen. I feel it. Really? I feel it. Like, yeah, I can see the stress on screen and I can feel what it felt like in the moment.

Like I have, it's like the animus link. It's like the, the needle goes into my spine and i'm just on set when they announce like um so uh they pulled our budget so we're just not gonna shoot scene 24 26 or 29 and you're like those scenes are important aren't right yeah those are those like the end of the movie yeah well we're not gonna do it yeah that's my assassin's creed is like watching this and being like i have

lived past lives as an actor on underfunded projects it's in my dna the snowman i think was just it's the rare time when the studio was like you know what it'll never be good yeah if we gave you the money it'd be bad so you know what we just won't but one of those crazy things where it was like almost a martin scorsese, Leonardo DiCaprio project. Yeah. And then became a Michael Fassbender. Alfredson. Right, project that then wasn't even finished. Right.

Yeah. Not finished. But Assassin's Creed was finished at the low, low cost of $125 million. Now, the Assassin's Creed games do sell. But there's never been much correlation between video games that sell and video game movies that do well. Because no video game movie has ever done well. No, it's the one thing they're always trying to crack. Shouldn't this be a built-in audience that will all show up? But the problem is that video game fans are so fucking cynical.

They are, and they tend to be a little mean sometimes. Right. So it's just like they sniff it from a mile away, and they tend to be, yeah, they're a little mean sometimes. Right. So it's just like they sniff it from a mile away and they're just like fuck this. Can you tell me the number one video game movie of all time? The number one highest grossing video game movie of all time is the first Tomb Raider? Correct. $131 million. Yeah.

Number two is the Angry Birds movie which I guess counts. Yeah. Number three is Rampage which also, fuck off off it's not a video game no like sure there was an arcade it's so loosely based off that game um and now we are done with a hundred million dollar grossing and a video game films right you know next is prince of persia which is by all a flop a huge flop uh next is pokemon which okay right i guess detective pikachu is almost guaranteed to make

the run to number one here. And it literally is based on a video game. It is. It counts. You can't say, like, oh, well, it's loosely adapted. That specific game has that plotline. And, you know, the longest running and best video game series is the Resident Evil movies, and those movies have never done

well domestically. They do very well far in the future. And their budgets are low. And their budgets are fairly low. It's like the one way people have crashed how to do these things. Their budgets are like half of this movie. Right. Usually like 50, 60. Right.

And yeah. And like Resident Evil Afterlife, which I think is the best, most successful one and one of the best ones, made 60 in America and 300 worldwide. And they do like really fucking well on like home video all these things but those movies also are just like their own fucking continuity. Like they have so little to do with the games now. Right and if they have anything to do with the games it's like a wink or a reference.

That's the thing like the first one is like maybe 50% the game 50% it's own thing and then every movie from there on out goes like 7% more into it's own thing. It's like it own, you know. I think that's sort of what they were trying to do here where it's like, can you make an Assassin's

Creed movie franchise that has its own sort of continuity that's a cousin to the video games but you're not just readapting the whole thing. Which is smart. It's smart because that's the other thing people say is like, if you're just making the video game as a movie, gamers don't want to see that because they'd rather play it.

And the people who like movies first and foremost are going to go, well, I don't like the game. So what does that matter? Right. And I feel like this movie would have done better. I mean, it's still a weird fucking film, but I feel like it would have been received better and probably would have made a little more money if it had been an original property. How do you do this as an original you mean like it just it's the same movie but assassin's creed doesn't exist yeah well and that's the other crazy thing is you go like this is like the kind of concept that someone would have sold to a studio for like five million dollars in 1992 there would have been an intense bidding war of like, oh my god this fucking pitch. It's like through

the bloodline they can travel through time into the past and kill people. And now you get to the point where- This pitch is so specific though. It's so bizarre. They really need to explain it and they don't. Right. Alright Ben, come on. Ben, get in here. I'm getting in. Get in here Ben. I'm getting in. Okay, well

I think that yes, I will agree that the story is kind of sweaty. I won't give you that much. It's complicated. I don't even know if it's sweaty. I don't think it's sweaty because it's very patient. Right. It's just very convoluted.

Very complicated. But see, the thing to me about it is if you look past that, the rest of it holds up. Which I largely did. And I also think it's just like, it's one of those movies where it's hard to totally figure out what the dramatic stakes of it are.

Because there's such complicated world building around it where you're like... The dramatic stakes in the simplest terms is that you can't let them knights get that apple. Right. That's about it. It works well as like a movie with a MacGuffin where you know at least what the one objective is

and everyone's trying their best to get it. Everything else is so fucking insanely complicated. Right. But there is that simple sort of like, there's this apple and the knights want it and they can't get it. Can't get the apple. Assassin's job? Keep them from getting the apple. Do they have other jobs? They must.

Right. But right in this movie, apple. But then you go to this other thing where it's like a father and daughter fighting over technology where they've essentially invented time travel through DNA. So if you have ancestors, you can go into their shoes. But also assassins apparently are like a blood type.

Like it's not just a job that people have. Like the assassins are like a lineage. I don't think it's like Maclaurian though. I don't think that it's- Maclaurian. Yeah. Whatever. But I think it's more, it's just, it's, you know, it's the bloodline.

You have to continue that legacy. I guess in the sort of same way as the Knights Templar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. bloodline you have to continue that legacy i guess in the same way as the night tradition the the people on the mayflower it's like yeah i mean you know it's bad luck to be born to that family yeah you don't want to be gleason's kid anyway here's a quote from michael fassbender when i met up with the guys from ubisoft yeah and they started to explain this whole world and the idea of dna memory you know I think it's a very feasible scientific theory. So he's on board. He's like, this is real. He's all in.

I'll say this. Watching this movie, I was like, if we ever figure out time travel, this is what it's going to be. I don't think we will ever figure out a way to step into a— To move your body. Right. Right. Like step into a. To move your body.

Right. Right. But I think at some point we could in the next 100 years crack away to like you end up like fucking. Now. Seeing through the eyes of a. Right. Being John Malkovich style. Totally agree. And I'll say this.

That I think the movie does like the design of the animus. Yeah. Is it. It's not over. It's very animus. Yeah. I think it's very animus. Yeah. It's very animus is it's not over explained. I think it's very animus. Yeah, it's very animus. But it's not over explained. It might even be the animus.

I might say it's under explained. Go on, go on. But I think that you just you snap right in. You know whether we all know that it's time travel through DNA. And you don't need to be like

because of this and that. No, I'm not asking for that. I'm shaking my head. I don't think you need what you're describing, but I don't think for everyone they were like, oh no, I get it. It's time travel through DNA. Right.

Did you see the lines of the brains crossing paths and stuff? Boom. So the concept, all right, so first, just so I can, let me get some plot out, please. Cal, Calum Lynch. Yeah. Lynch, our hero, is sentenced to death for the murder of a pimp.

You're going way too fast. Way too fast. Let me read the beginning part. For fuck's sake. We're not going to talk assassins just now. There's that early flashback of Callum seeing his mother's murder. We open with BMX riding in the desert. You know what?

You take it away. I forgot about the BMXs. Fatass kid. Misses the jump, but he's trying. Kind of redhead kid. Kind of like me? Mm-hmm. Yup.

Yeah. I definitely used to hang out by myself and ride jumps. Of course. And hurt myself. Yeah. Comes home, his dad killed his mom. With a wrist blade.

Yes. Yep. Yep. Standing there all assassiny. Uh-huh. In the hood. Yeah. Yes.

Pretty intense. Pretty intense. Yeah. No further explanation given. Because he walks in and they cut it and cover it in a way where you think the mother has committed suicide.

Sure. And the father is framed out. And then you see his father standing in a hood with a crazy knife attached to his arm. Crazy is also playing. Oh, yes. The song. That's going to be an important thing later in the movie. You mean by...

Paddy Kline. Paddy Kline, right. Yes. Okay. So anyway, kid gets away, runs off, the bad guys show up

in black cars, assumingly take the dad. Right. Assassin's Creed. Do you think Ben can quote this entire movie? So then we cut to 30 years later. What we missed is that

in between... Here's my complaint. Yes. Go on. Go on. In between, this guy has... Murdered a pimp? Right. Who? Why? years later and what we missed is that in between here's my complaint yes go on go on in between this guy has murdered a pimp right who why why do you need to know i need to know i don't need to know before kersel came on in the early days of them developing this movie fast bender pitched

it in interviews as like it's a movie about like a bartender who is recruited and they tell him that he's like in a lineage of assassins and that he's the one person who has the DNA to be able to get this thing for them which felt more Avatar like hey you gotta plug you into this machine you're the only one who's the right genetic match we need you to do this

thing you're not equipped to do and then Curzel comes on and the movie becomes like here's a young man who witnessed a horrible murder in the 30 years in between we need you to do this thing you're not equipped to do. And then Curzel comes on and the movie becomes like, here's a young man who witnessed a horrible murder. In the 30 years in between that we're not really explaining. He's been a violent person. But you're supposed to get the sense of like Ant-Man style, like, oh, but he's a good criminal because he hurt the bad people.

I don't even know if we're supposed to get that. There's really not a lot of moral weighing in on what he is. But he's on death row. Yeah. He's executed. Yes. He dies. He's well,

they fake it. They fake it. Uh, I will say I photo, I videoed the scene where, you know, you sort of see like look into his eye and then it gets all trippy and weird. Yeah.

Cause I was just like, this is very bad. Like, I'm sure this is one moment where Ben's like pumping his fist. Right. Cause he's on death row. They lethally execute him. He says, I'd lethally, lethally inject him. Right. But when they go like pumping his fist. Right. Because he's on death row. They lethally execute him. He says, lethally inject him, right?

But when they go like, you're a murderer. And he's like, I killed a pimp. And it's supposed to be like, well, yeah, no. I mean, clearly he was in the right. But I'm sitting there going like. That's it. And that's the only discussion. Right.

Like, did he in the 30 years following have psychopathic tendencies? Was he violent in general? I think that he witnessed his mother be murdered. Yeah, there's some implication. Of course he's going to be fucked up. But implication but my question is like did he kill one person or was this guy like a fucking is this what he got caught for right yeah he's a bad dude

oh I know that that's all I need to know okay yeah I would like a little more because there's definitely this concept that they're trying to conquer violence right and that violence is like sort of in you yeah no matter what and he's a good test case for that because he's this violent guy he killed a guy a pimp no further questions all right right right it is a uh you know a form of mental illness that is passed down and that perhaps he was you

know destined to become violent because of... But really, I feel like what they're saying is, what they're not telling him, but what they're saying is like, you're an assassin, you know,

it's in your blood and that's another reason that you're kind of, you know, because this whole movie is being spearheaded by the villains. Right.

And they don't really rebel against the villains until the end. Very end. You know, so like the whole time Aaron Cotillard... Because he doesn't realize.

No, I know. I get it. Because his motivations are so mixed up. Right. Because at one, you know, at first he's just thrown into it. The second time he's intrigued. He thought he was dying.

And then he wakes up and they're like, hey, JK. Right. You're not dead. But here's crazy technology you never knew existed and we're going to need to immediately throw you

into the middle of the past. And you can't leave. Right. and try not to talk to anyone it's like kind of a future jail everyone else here hates you but don't worry we'll give you a break get in the animus and murder some people right yes um and also if you get too into the animus it could make you like brain dead or something but yeah the rules crazy yeah and when he's like screaming that, we'll get to that. Yeah, Marion Cotillard is playing this sort of clipboard-carrying rules explainer, right? Right. But of course.

She is the rules. Right, but then. She walks up, her entrance in the film is, je t'aime les rues. She, that means I love the rules. But I am. Je suis. Je suis le rule. Wait, what was I going to say? She does love the rules. But I am. Je suis. Je suis le rule. Wait, what was I going to say?

She does love the rules, too. I mean, both apply. They do apply. Je suis le rule? No, rule isn't a thing. Le regle. Le regle. Le regle.

Of course, the rules of the game. Yeah, regle is a show. Fucking idiot. She's the clipboard-carrying carrying information dispenser but she's biased she is biased as the internet would say yeah and well because disney paid her off exactly she's a disney show yeah and um i kind of like that concept where she's like well of course we all know this is what the animus is for and this is what we're trying to figure out and it's like no you're lying right you're a little and she even believes her own bullshit and i think she's realizing

and her father was also lying. Like everyone's trying to use this thing for their own. Many layers of lies, right? There's a lot of manipulation going on, which is fuels my sort of like Marion signed on. Cause this is a very conspiratorial movie. Like it's a really like there are layers of control at every part of society.

Right. Knights, Templar, apples of Eden, seeds. The seeds seem to be control in every part of society. Right. Knights, Templar, Apples of Eden. Seeds. The seeds seem to be an important part of the apple. Yeah. The seeds, I think, play a crucial part.

I'm not sure what way. That doesn't matter, though. It's sort of like through history, there have always been people trying to control us like the Spanish Inquisition. Yes. You know? us like the Spanish Inquisition. Yes. You know? I, just recently, it may be a little while when this episode comes out, Al Modratas in New York has been doing all the Wachowski movies.

Oh, yeah. My girlfriend, TC-14, had never seen Jupe Ascending before. So I went to see it in a theater that unsurprisingly seemed to be 90% either people who have been on our podcast or listened to our podcast. I was so mad I was not there because it literally appeared to be like% either people who have been on our podcast or listened to our podcast. I was so mad I was not there because it literally appeared to be like film Twitter was the only people there. Yeah.

I'm seeing The Matrix movie. That's what I did in that. Right. Yeah. But there was a contingency that seemed to be seeing the movie because of an incorrect reputation of that movie being... Sort of a camp classic, you mean? Right.

And they seemingly were showing up just to laugh at it incorrect reputation of that movie being a sort of a camp classic you mean? and they like seemingly were showing up just to laugh at it and dunk on it which I have no patience for. I hate that. As one of our blankies said and I forget who it was

I'm sorry I'm not giving you credit people showed up seemingly to ironically watch Jupiter Ascending not understanding that Jupiter Ascending is post irony. Right.

It transcends it. As we've talked about in our Wachowskis. Very sincere. Very sincere filmmaking. One of those scenes where like Sean Bean is explaining why like bees are attracted to royalty and why the currency is like youth and why like earth is a battery for, you know, these like this horrible capitalist system in space. What a good movie.

Good movie. Good movie. Good movie. Fucking masterpiece. And the audience is like laughing at like, this horrible capitalist system in space. What a good movie. Good movie, good movie, good movie. Fucking masterpiece. And the audience is like laughing. Like, this is like fucking ridiculous. And my girlfriend just turned to me and she said, this is like exactly

what my father believes. Interesting. Did not expect you to say that. It was at one of the B moments and she was like, no, I totally get this movie because this is the shit my father's been saying to me

since I was four. Interesting. I got to talk to her about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her father, TC-13. Right. And you're saying so maybe there's someone out there who's watching this and they're like, yeah, I mean, we all know this to be true. I think her name is Marion Coutillard and they sent her the script and she was like, yes, finally.

Finally, someone's speaking the truth. Finalement. Well, okay. So I don't know why she's. and she was like yes finally finally someone's speaking the truth right finalement well okay so I don't know why she's now I am a person where I

sort of got into conspiracy stuff yeah that's another thing for this I mean this movie's like very sort of like there's the secret cabal controlling

yeah so I'm pretty familiar with like the Illuminati conspiracy knights they're a big part of that yeah it's templar really around yeah yeah you know because after one of my many watching of this movies i then went down a whole rabbit hole reading about the knights templar yeah and their history yeah it's fascinating this is a real thing that existed on our planet at one point.

It was essentially like a, cause the church sort of had so much power, like more power really than like any governments. Right. Right. And this was sort of the, what's changed. Yeah.

Wait, I'm sorry. Which year are you talking about? 2019. Hello. What if one day like Jay Leno is like, I'm coming back to to tv you know and they're like okay jay leno show and he comes out he's like do you guys know about the night's tempo like he was immediately just like i'm here to speak the truth finally and here's the truth it would be incredible if like jay leno mister like i just want to tell the jokes

then the illuminati control all the banks right but. But Jay Leno always tries to be like, I mean, it's just a job. You know what I mean? People think it personally. It's just comedy. And then he showed up and he was like, so the whole world is controlled by four people. Like suddenly it was like all hard takes.

Kevin's like, that's right. That's right. He's like sitting there with a guitar. Like, oh, this is why you were saving all your money. You're something. Because you knew that someone was going to sue you. Yeah, exactly. You're something. My genetic, that someone was going to sue you. Yeah, exactly. For like $200.

My genetic, I was in an animus recently. Right. And my genetic memory is tied to a crusader. Right. I don't know. Hollywood makes sci-fi films because they're trying to prepare us for the alien invasion. They all know what's been going on. The aliens have been laying among us for years.

You hear about this? You hear about this? You hear about this, Kevin? Yeah, no, that's right, Jake. Hey, Kevin, why don't you take that skin off your face? And he's just an alien underneath. He's a lizard. Yeah. You hear about this? You hear about this, Kevin? Yeah, no, that's right, Jake. Hey, Kevin, why don't you take that skin off your face? And he's just an alien underneath. He's a lizard, yeah. You hear about these lizard people?

You hear about Adam Weisfott? Anyway, love Illuminati shit. Majestic 12. Should we talk about the Majestic 12? Oh, what's that? Oh, I'll explain off mic. It's too much. It's too much for this episode.

So, and I think that this movie is diving right into that sort of, like people, like there's context going into this movie with all that sort of like. That paranoia that we all feel about some weird old European aristocracy that is still pulling the strings in society and has been for centuries. Yeah, so he's there. Yeah, and so what's this place called again? Oh, I forget. Something project. I can't remember now.

It's in Madrid, the Abstergo Foundation. Yeah. And I'll say this is one of those movies where it's like they the Abstergo Foundation yeah and I'll say this is one of those movies where it's like they fucking went to locations I like this set they fucking built

humongous sets like this movie it's this sort of mix of like old brick you know old like 15th and like fancy sort of

squishy tech I love that it's two aesthetics I love super clean crisp modern

with like stones and dust and I'll say even clean, crisp, modern with like stones and dust. And I'll say even the animus design, it's like cinematically compelling. But it does look like how they would maybe build that thing. It doesn't look like it was just designed by a movie artist. It looks pretty practical.

Right. It doesn't have like a bunch of colors and like cheesy lights. You know what I mean? Where it looks like a bunch of colors and like like uh cheesy like lights and like you know what i mean like where it looks like it looks like it would be practical and made by science i like that the movement of the arm is kind of like janky and unnatural yeah me too these arms are like a big thing that are used in theme park rides now right it's called like a cooler arm i mean it's a similar kind of hydraulics right but it's that sort of like the Harry Potter ride and all these new rides that they're developing are like rather than being on a track, the arm is on a track, maybe hanging from the ceiling. So it can wiggle you in multiple ways.

Right. It's like a totally free moving arm. That's crazy. Yeah. And like this looks pretty similar and realistic to how these arms actually work and how they move. Did not expect you to bring the theme park into this. Yeah. I love it.

This movie is also going to come with a theme park. Interesting. More in video games. It's a video game thing. It's a video game thing. Okay, so let's get back into... Maybe this movie is about cosplay? I don't know.

So anyway, to get us back on track, did it really die? Marie explains to him essentially the rules of this movie. Oh, her name is Marie in this movie? I don't know. It's Sophia. Sophia. She explains the rules.

They put him in the machine. Boom. We're now in the first sequence where the prince's son son or the king's son, the prince, has been being hid in this village. And the Knights Templar are in control of, I guess, Spain? Yes. No, no. All right. To give you some actual history context. Jesus Christ. Wait, we're going to hear some European history. No, no. All right. To give you some actual history context.

Jesus Christ. Wait, we're going to hear some European history. No, this is- From a guy who's only ever lived in New York City. What does he know about Europe? What does he know? Spain was ruled by Muslim caliphates and rulers for about 300 years, from about the 12th century to the 15th century,

which is why the Spanish language is so influenced by Arabic as opposed to the other romance languages which are not. And why the food is a little different. There's the Alhambra which is this beautiful piece of Muslim architecture. Ben, describe my face right now. I would say half tilted.

Meh. And Ben, I'd say his face, his head's kind of half tilted going meh. Okay,, I'd say his face, his head's kind of half tilted going, meh. Okay, go on. The ruler in this movie is Mohammed XII, who is one of the sultans of Castilian Spain. I believe the last Nasser ruler of Granada.

Yeah, we all know this. So these are real people, just to be clear, and this was like a Christian, you know, it's like crusade influenced stuff. It was a Christian war against Muslim rule in Spain. just to be clear and like this was like a christian you know it's a crusade influence stuff like it was a christian uh war against muslim rule in spain and uh that's who this uh this guy there's another real person tomas de toquemada who was the first grand inquisitor of spain and was like you know a leader of the cath Catholic Church who persecuted Muslims and Jews in Spanish history.

Bad man. No good. Don't do it. Yes, agreed. Here's another thing with this movie. We often are like perplexed when we see like big blockbusters that just casually invoke like horrible periods in history. Right, right, right. Sure, sure.

When you see like your Transformers the last night and it's like. The best example. Right. Like they're like implying that. When you see your Transformers the last night and it's like— The best example. Right. They're implying that the Transformers were fighting the Nazis. They were in league with Harriet Tubman. Right. That the Transformers created the Underground Railroad, all these things. And you're like, the implications of this are fucked and the movie doesn't want to deal with them.

This is a movie that's about living in how fucked the implications are. This is part of the conspiratorial mind of this movie where it's like, we're not just casually invoking these horrible, like, regimes in history. We're making a movie that's like, yeah, it's- We're throwing you in. We're throwing you in. We're making you live in this shit.

And here's this idea where it's like- And putting it right on your doorstep. Callum, what are you? You're just a casual pimp murderer. Uh-huh. You know, what do you do? You like beer, murdering pimps, being executed on death row. What an insane not explain exactly i agree did you know that your circumstances i don't know

pimp was there yeah needed murdering i don't know um did you know that your great great great great great great you know grandpa was an assassin who you know fought the uh spanish inquisition and gave the apple of Eden to Christopher Columbus. And you assume it was on his father's side because his father, of course, wore the hood. You know, might have switched mom to dad. I don't know. But yeah, it's on his father's side.

No, no, it's an implication in this movie that's the sort of misdirect and that his mother was the one who had the assassin genes and asked the father to kill her because they were trying to protect him. Yeah. Is that what's going on? I don't know.

I think you're getting mixed up. I think it really just, I mean, once again, I could not follow this. The thing that is hardest to follow is what you're talking about. Right. Because when Gleason is introduced in this movie and he is his dad,

it's kind of casual. Yes. They're like, Oh yeah. One of the, one of the guys here is your hated dad who murdered your mom. Right. And Gleason's whole performance is given in profile looking out a window.

Yeah. And he's just like, you know, the assassins, you know, you can't defy being an assassin. Yeah. Like, that's it. Good Gleason. Yeah. I mean, that is it. What is he?

He doesn't have a relationship with his son. It's just weird that he's not just like, dad? Couple of questions. son yeah i mean that is it what is he he hasn't he doesn't have a relationship with the son it's just weirder that he's not just like dad a couple of questions one why'd you murder my mom two what are you doing here three what's this place for what do you do people don't talk like that in real life no what if if i hadn't seen a family member a really long time, we had bad blood. I'm not going to go up and then be like sort of like open to a person. What if you saw him in a special prison where they were mining your genetic memories? I'd be even less so. I think I'd have a few questions.

No, I wouldn't be asking questions. I'll tell you another weird thing with this movie. It does feel like there's a version of this premise that's like a 1991 jean-claude van damme movie where it's like like here's the here's the log line like when they execute murderers it's actually a false flag to turn them into like time cops right right they like real time cops right you'll get your freedom and a new identity if you can use your violent ways to help us. Right. Right.

Right. And then you would have a lot of like lunchroom scenes with the other assassins, which this has like a little of, you know. Right. This sense of like. A lot of this sort of team building stuff. The jail mentality of like he's like fresh fish and they're all like against him. Right. And they set up, what's his name?

Callum Turner? That's his. Oh, the him. Right. And they set up, what's his name? Callum Turner? That's his, oh, the actor. Yes. Callum Turner, who is, he's in a Grindelwald.

He's Newt Scamander's brother, right? He's, as my girlfriend who watched this movie with me. Scamander? Yeah. Fuck, what is,

athesius. When she saw him in Grindelwald, she was like, wow, they found a guy who looks like Eddie Redmayne. I guess you can find that person props to that but like there's like him and Michael K. Williams

and like all these other people they're setting up and you're like is this kind of like a face off magnet prison thing but then they kind of just leave them simmering for most of the movie yeah they don't do a ton the other jail people they get the end they get to well because and like I want to say yeah I want to say that Ben is fucking riled at us right yeah the other jail people. At the end, they get to do some fighting.

I want to say that Ben is fucking riled at us right now. I'm riled! I want to say that when he is going back in time, he cannot manipulate the past. Right. Essentially, he is just really like

they are looking through him in order to get the information to find out where his ancestor hid the the apple yes he hid it with christopher columbus he hid it with christopher columbus which we find out eventually right but i just wanted to make that clear he left christopher columbus two things and said take them to your grave one here's the apple two here's the idea for grandma's very good

too bad he lost in the bracket I know but that's the thing Bim is the movie is positing look if you use the machine you're not doing this

it already happened it's being drawn out of it it's programmed you're just getting a view and you're looking at it you're watching it firsthand and yes okay

to use the machine you do have to mimic what the guy did you gotta punch and stab you gotta jump You're just getting a view. And you're looking at it. You're watching it firsthand. And yes, okay, to use the machine, you do have to mimic what the guy did. You got to punch and stab. You got to jump. And it's taxing for you. But there's no consequence here. It's fine.

It's fine. And then, of course, the counter to that, which the movie is eventually going to make, is kind of like, no, it gets in your brain. Yeah. And it's fucked up. And do you have control? Or control or like do they have control? And that's what is playing a video game, right?

Right. These are the questions it's asking. Right. And like the constant like moral panic for the last 25, 30 years of like do violent video games make people more violent or do we have violent video games because people have such violent tendencies there's a need to give them an outlet to get rid of that aggression you know it's like do violent video games prevent people from being violent in real life or does it neutralize them to the idea of violence because you spend so many hours stabbing someone

virtually this is what I love about this that's what's kind of brilliant about this movie I never thought of this this is what kind of turned me on that's where I started going like galaxy brain on this this it's kind of the oh is this cooking with gas thing right right yeah um because i don't know how else you're supposed to take it all like why else would it be such a convoluted concept of like we put you in the machine and the machine moves you around you know like and the Otherwise, they would just like plug into his brain.

Of the predestined. Like, look, the violence just exists there. Yeah, right. We're trying to get rid of it. The only way to get rid of it is to live in it more. Yeah, exactly. Right. But the thing is, is then it, of course, Cal is now becoming more proficient.

Right. It makes you an assassin. It kind of makes you into an assassin because it's like training your body. Or you're always an assassin. Right. It's free will predestination. Now, the look. Does this movie fucking rule?

This is what I'm saying. It kind of does. This is what I'm saying. All right, let's talk about. And what he's saying. I'm going to watch it like 15 minutes. Exactly. So the design of the assassins, their wardrobe is so great.

It's right out of the game. The costumes are amazing. Hood, knives. But it lives up to what it- They look better even than the game one. I agree. They look great. They look so good.

They're also very- His eye tattoo rules. I forgot about, like, Ben loves a tat and they are tatted up. He does look kind of like a cross punk. He looks... And I love it that like... I think that you could plausibly watch this movie and not get that Michael Fassbender

is also playing the assassin. Correct. Because he's so shrouded in darkness. He's bearded. He's dirty. He's tatted. Like that you'd be like, is that just a guy who looked like him?

No, that's obviously a Tim. It's a pretty bold move. And that's like a thing of the games which I have only played fleetingly, like someone hands me a controller and I play it for 15 minutes or whatever. Right. But the games also kind of make it so you can't really see the guy's face. Right. That he sort of

becomes this blank that you can like, you know, superimpose whatever onto. Right. Which I love. And, you know, Ariana on the bed too, she's all, she's got the cool writing on her face. That's the crazy thing about the idea

of them casting someone like Vikander. And I feel like I read another name of someone big they almost cast and it's like, if you would put Vikander in this movie,

you probably would not have been able to clock that it was Vikander. Right. Because I was watching this movie and I was like, that actress looks familiar but I can't figure out

who she is. Ariane Labed, baby! Yeah, Mun wanted to be in it Olivia Munn Olivia Munn right campaigned really hard to get the part

yeah interesting and there was another big young actor who I think yeah those are the ones I've got here for you

okay but yeah when we're in the assassin flashback in Spain there's a lot of Spanish being spoken yes

another bold thing like they're not having people speak English and Spanish. No. Subtitles are nice. I like the font. Yeah. It's insanely confusing. Insanely confusing. Even though the plot itself is actually simple, which is just like there's this apple and they need to, it's the same plot.

Right. But also because he's being lifted out and put back in, you're sort of like skipping through. So it's got this like, why are they all being burned at the stake now? Like, you know, it's got that kind of stuff.

And I like that. It just kind of moves that way. Whereas I think like it's sounding like for you guys, you need a little more context. I'm the kind of person where I'm like, I think Griffin's in the middle here. No, I don't,

I don't just move me to the next thing. I don't need more context. It's just that I literally, uh, don't understand. I can't like process context. It's just that I literally... Don't understand something. I can't process all of what this movie is throwing at me. That's fine. That's fine.

Which, like, it's the same thing. You're going to watch it 15 more times. No, I'm not saying that's a negative. It's the same thing as Primer where I'm like, I can tell they know exactly what they're doing, and I just can't process it all right now. I'm more compelled to go back and watch this again. I want them to make

a movie about Michael K. Williams as a voodoo assassin in like 19th century New Orleans. His assassin. Because that's the thing is like everyone in this place, when they plug in the animus, they go to wherever they're going. And they do that sequel set up where Fassbender the camera's circling around him and you see

all the different Fassbenders. Because that's the premise of the video game. It's like, well, also the assassins were present at the fall of Rome and here they are. You know, your objective is to stab people. Right, the American Revolution. Oh, yeah. Apparently, Krozel said that he wanted his sequel

to be the Cold War. All righty then. Sounds good. And so, we're gonna talk conspiracies. We might as well talk, you know, the real one, Bohemian Grove. You guys know about this?

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, all the powerful men. Bill Clinton. Yeah. George Bush. This is a real thing. I'm aware of Bohemian Grove. I know. We've all done the Wikipedia deep dives. Secret societies are real. Right.

Who is to say that there isn't some weird evil corporation that's looking to harness human genome technology to start making superhuman people? I mean, that's stuff that could really happen now in 2019. Bohemian Grove, they frame as like, oh, this is just like these people who are at such a high level. This is the only, they need to chill.

They just burned an effigy of an owl. This is like our club men. It's so nuts. But there are all these weird traditions to it and people who have like gone have been brought

as guests like kind of talk about, Harry Shearer made a movie that's like a mockumentary that's a parody of Bohemian Grove, I think called Teddy Bear's Picnic. And he talks about that someone took him once. Oh, weird. And he's like, it's one of those things where it's like, they don't like go like, no, this doesn't exist. They'll like invite people in. But when you're there, you get the

sense that there's more that you're not sort of being keyed into. Right. And that even a lot of the people who are formal members maybe don't know everything. Right. In the same way that something like Scientology functions and like,

a lot of members of Scientology don't know the alien shit. Yeah, sure. They wait until you're like deep in to be like, oh, so this is about aliens. But now more people know because now you can like

Because the internet exists. But Bohemian Grove is one of those things where you're like, is this like a weird space for like the most powerful people in the world to like murder people

or is it just them playing like tennis in the woods it might be both right it's probably a little bit of one and a little bit of the other yeah anyway anyway it does feel like it's like we are the people who have inherited the power and we make sure the world is running properly we have to

elect God's president Donald J. Trump yeah right but the plot is kind of hard to talk about so why don't we done it yeah i mean i think it's over right and yeah so you've got irons there who sort of like wants to leverage this to like dominate all free will you've got a rampling who's showing up and she seems to want to leverage it for like something else i don't know she's got like some other agenda. It's never really very... Does she represent the church?

No, she's a Templar person. But aren't they all Templar persons? Right. Because, yeah, I mean, the Iron's got the necklace and everything. Yeah, they're both Templars. I think they're just sort of... She just sort of comes in

and she's like, well, what's up? And Kutziar is more of a scientist. I mean, that's her god is science. But her dad is a Knights Templar. A Knights Templar. So he keeps on taking her projects. And she doesn't really get

how, like, you know, the dark underside is. Now, what I love about... I will say that Marion Cotillard described her relationship with her father as, quote,

twisted. Really? Twisted. Wow. Just saying. Wow, that really just knocked me for a loop. I don't even remember

what I was going to say. Yes, it does. was gonna say Yes it does Wow Yes it does Brian Gleeson played A young Brendan Gleeson In this movie I'm just trying to run

Oh yeah Dennis Menashe Love him I love him From that one scene In Inglourious Basterds Oh Denny Menashe That one 30 minute scene

Great scene I mean Should've been nominated For an Oscar for Inglourious Along with Walt In sci-fi In action movies Right The scientist The character Is given the exposition It's like Oscar for Inglourious along with Walt. In sci-fi, in action movies, right, the scientist,

the character is given the exposition. It's like, you know, they're always trying to justify whatever kooky, crazy thing. This movie is straight up. I love it. It's just like, it's like, yeah, the scientist is trying to cure some like, like macro

level idea of conflict in general. That's so crazy. I'm not asking for them to explain the little details. This is a sci-fi premise that you just have to get on board with or not. There's just so much going on in terms of what the separate motivations of the characters are and what they're tied to in terms of

millennia long traditions that it's hard for me to totally get my head around what's driving everyone right i don't need anyone explaining animus any more than they do one thing i do want ben's take on yeah is that scene where fast bender's just screaming the song crazy yeah as he's like lifted into the air right which i don't think there's any explanation for except that he's going crazy right it looks and feels weird when you watch it a bunch of times but after like the 10th time

of seeing it it's still really weird it stands out in this way where you're like i guess nobody really told them no and also this is a movie with zero jokes. Yeah, not a fun one. Not a funny one. I mean, you rarely see a film that doesn't even attempt to land one joke. Who wrote this? It's like three or four people who were just sort of like... A couple assassins. I think Scott

Frank took a pass. There's a lot of people who probably had a hand in this. But once again, you could see this exact same script being done in a very straightforward way. This is just, yes, yes, you're correct. I just think that this is a movie. Every time I've watched it, all two times, when you're watching it, any time it cuts to a new scene, you're like, did I miss a scene?

Yes. Every time. That's one of the things that makes it a little hard for me to watch. Every scene that it jumps to, you're like, I definitely wasn't listening or something. There's something that wasn't explained for this. But I think by the time you've come around in your 12th or 13th watch like Ben has, you go like, well, of course they cut there. That's when Assassin's Creed cuts to the next scene. Right.

Like you don't, you stop getting thrown off by that because you're just letting it fulfill the rhythms of Assassin's Creed. And we all know Ben is running this movie for president in 2020. Right? Yes. Assassin's Creed 2020. Yeah. The movie. Yes.

Okay. Well, I want to ask you boys, what's your favorite past? There's four. The four past like sequences. Sequences. Set pieces. They're all heists too, pretty much. Right?

Wouldn't you say? Because they're all running, right? So each one is like a... I forgot also another thing you like about this is kind of parkour-y. It's a lot of building climbing and jumping. Oh baby, it's good for that. For me, the best stuff is definitely the steak scene.

I like that. For one, it's outside, which I like. When they're trying to burn him on the steak. Yeah, yeah. I thought for a second you were talking about like a top sirloin steak. Mmm, delicious. Delicioso. Yes, when they're trying to burn him.

Ah, la España beef. Yeah, no, yeah. The ways they jump out of the, that's all fun and there's fire. So cool. Yeah, that's cool. And you have that shot that Curzel loves where it's like, we open on an eagle.

Eagle, eagle, eagle. Now let's leave the eagle behind and go through many layers of distance fog. Can we talk about the eagle thing? Is that tied to anything bigger that I'm not getting? It's from the games. And they're always talking about the eagle in their... What's the deal with the eagle? The eagle is kind of like Beastmaster.

The eagle always follows them. It's like that kind of idea. So it's like in the game, you could access the eagle. It's like the bees in Jupiter As So it's like in the game you could access the eagle. It's like the bees in Jupiter Ascending. Let's read the Assassin's Creed wiki. In the game you can access the eagle to get like a bird's eye, a literal bird's eye view. Yeah. Do you want me to read from the Because there's also that one scene in the present

where he transitions using a helicopter and it feels like he's trying to match the rhythms of the eagle shots. Can I explain the eagle to you? Please. Because I just knew there was something I was not going to. Eagles play an important role in the Assassin Brotherhood in that many of the Order's outfits and weapons bear resemblance to eagles in their details. Right.

Because they do, the hoods kind of come to a point, geek-like. And they got like their talons. And the birds perch on the viewpoints assassins use to navigate their surroundings and perform leaps of faith from. So I think in the games, they are sort of a camera mechanic. It's literally the bird's eye view. They're trying to make an analog version. But as you say, you can also sort of send them to go

get shit for you, which is cool. Yeah. I think that's cool. Yeah. But in the movie, it feels like they were like, you know, we can't get too much eagle stuff in here because that's where we lose them. So let's just have like a reference to the eagles. A lot of, about eagles. He just kind of uses them as a visual

pattern. And it's also a great way to justify getting some drone work in there, baby. The drone work in this movie is solid. Another thing Ben loves. Drones. Yeah. He loves drones. I love drones. And also the physicality to all these

action sequences feels weirdly kind of grounded. Only drones. I love drones. And I'll say that the physicality to all these action sequences feels weirdly kind of grounded. Only drones. There's a messiness to the choreography in this movie that I like.

That makes them more impressive. He loves drones. He loves drones. I love drones. I love them big. Yeah. I love them small.

You running out of steam, Griff? A little bit, but let's keep going. No, I think we're close. I think we could wrap up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a merchandise spotlight. We got to do the box office game.

Do your merchandise spotlight. Apples. They're in my salad that I'm eating. What's your favorite kind of apple? Oh, I'd probably say Granny Smith. Yeah.

You like them tart? Okay. I like them tart. Can I recommend if you're a tartman? Yeah. Try yourself a pink lady Griffin loves that

Are you deep on apples now? I know a lot about apples Apples are good Braeburns are also great What? Braeburns can be good But they You know you gotta

You gotta get the right one Right They gotta be real crisp My mom is a huge apple fan And like Clearly Ben is as well Loves to go apple picking So I know a lot Yeah You got to get the right one. Right. They got to be real crisp. My mom is a huge Apple fan and like. Clearly Ben is as well. Loves to go Apple picking. So I know a lot.

Yeah. Well, my dad makes his own jam. What? That's a classic retired person thing to do. He's always done it. My girlfriend's mom does that too. Makes a lot of jam. And then the problem with that is you end up with a lot of jam.

Yeah. The jam sort of gets passed down. I have so much jam. You know what? I'll bring in some of my dad's jam for you guys. Take some off your hands. Yeah. The jam sort of gets passed down. I have so much jam. You know what? I'll bring in some of my dad's jam for you guys. I will take some off your hands. Yeah, you're a jam man. I'm a jam man.

You love a jam. Yeah, jam's my jam. I'll get you some blackberry. It's really good. Well, I'm more of an apple guy. Oh. Apple jam guy? You said that he makes

apple jam, right? Yeah. Assassin's Creed. We should say the ending of this movie is that Fassbender and the rest of them escape from the evil prison and now he's got

like kind of a trio that's him and Michael K. Williams right? Michael K. Williams is one of the guys yes Callum doesn't make it

there's also there's an Asian lady Michelle H. Lin there's some other folks and they're wearing like hoodies now present day and they've taken weapons

and what is also cool is that they kill irons and steal the apple. Before they join together, right before he leads, he joins in with their like escape. Yeah.

He has that scene where you realize that the past version of himself can communicate to him in the future somehow. Because they have that weird sort of like moment where they have a ghostly convo right yeah like they're like they're he's not even like plugged into the animus anymore but he's still like being able to like they have some name for that yeah she's like you're gonna experience some shadow vision or something yeah uh and i thought that was really interesting so i just wanted to point that out but honestly this is just a solid

movie no that is not how you describe it this thing is bizarre it is not a solid movie it's not like the fugitive where it's like oh yeah I can jump into any point it's like a classic meat and potato you said this is one of those movies of course it comes on TV at 3 o'clock in the afternoon it's a relaxing watch

and I'm like no this movie's making me work. And I'm not complaining. This movie's like a Tesseract. It's constantly changing shape. You don't understand how deep it is. This is how my brain works. The very thing I like

about this movie is that it is intellectually rigorous. Yeah. And like, you can't jump into it. No. If anything,

you need more. The jump is about as painless as getting plugged into the animus and making a leap of faith the box office really really bad box office

Christmas 2016 what time passes I know just a couple years ago we were doing this podcast it opened number 5 14 million oh it's Rogue One yeah I was just going to give you the final totals We were doing this podcast. Yeah. It opened number five. 14 million.

Right. So this is not... Oh, it's Rogue One? Yeah. I was just going to give you the final totals, though. Rogue One is number one. Right. Okay. 54.

Domestic. Bad. 240 worldwide. Okay. Which is just about acceptable. Right. They still apparently lost $100 million on this movie with marketing and everything combined. But Ben's, you know, chipping away at that.

I'm contributing. I'm telling you, they should make a sequel. And they should set it in... What would be like a cool thing I haven't seen from history? They're doing a Netflix anime series. Are they? Oh, really? Yeah. Is it going to be connected to this

or it's just a dumb thing? I don't think so. And I would guess it's probably going to be like... A little more hack. Well, I just think it's going to be connected to this or it's just a dumb thing? I don't think so. And I would guess it's probably going to be like... A little more hack. Well, I just think it's going to be a little more like just sort of the fights. And I would assume that it's going to be somewhat of a like every episode's a different time period or something. Right. Okay. Yeah.

That's my guess. I mean, that seems to be the way that all these things are going because it's now like you don't hear a lot of video game movies in active development. And there's more and more like they're doing Witcher for Netflix. Yeah. Well that's going to be a big one. Huge one. That one they're sinking a ton into. A lot. Yeah. Number one is Rogue One and it's second weekend. Only dipped

38% which is very strong. That's like one of the 10 highest grossing movies of all time. Such a huge movie. Yeah. Let's see where it actually is. And while he's doing that I bet that that's like one of the 10 highest grossing movies of all time. Such a huge movie. Yeah. You might get it. Let's see where it actually is. And while he's doing that. Yeah. So it just got knocked out. Genghis Khan.

Mm-hmm. Sequel. You want the sequel to be Genghis Khan. We have to assassinate Genghis Khan. Do you know what knocked it out? What knocked out Rogue One? Mm-hmm. So it's a January movie.

Was it split? No. No. All time. Oh, oh, oh. What knocked it out all time from 10 to 11? Incredibles. Correct.

Did you know that a lot of people shared genetics with Genghis Khan? He made love to so many people. Yeah, he made love to them. That's what he was doing definitely. Every time it was definitely a love-making scenario.

That's a guy who made hate. Sure. He hate-fucked his way across the globe. Number two is a film that passed in the interview. His face is half-tilted and sort of meh. He left it all on the bed.

And it was not kind. No good, very bad. Don't do it. Don't be Gungus Khan. Can I use my platform for a second to say this? David, let him use his platform. Guys, what are you thinking?

Don't be Gungus Khan. Gungus? Gungus Khan. Don't do it. What about Kublai Khan? Like Benedict Wong. Do it. Okay.

Yeah. Koopa Troopa? Do it. Super Troopers? Do it. Okay. Yeah. Koopa Troopa, do it. Super Troopers, do it. Hey. Super Trooper. All right. Number two at the box office.

Do you know who's a guy, I'm sorry, just because we just did that. Do you know who's a guy I'm really angry at myself for leaving off my best supporting actor list at the blankies? Who? The dude who played young Colin Firth in Mamma Mia 2. You like that guy? Is unbelievable. Yeah, he's good.

That is the best I've ever seen an actor impersonate another more famous actor. I'm finding his name for you because he's in some TV show. Yeah. I think he's from one of those. Let's find. I saw that with our friend Ramona. Hugh Skinner. And we were losing our fucking minds during the Waterloo series.

Hugh Skinner. He's in Fleabag. Right. He's in Fleabag. Right. He's a Fleabagger. Right. He's her ex-boyfriend. He also, I think, is in the soapy Windsors.

It doesn't matter. Okay, look. Number two at the box office. Rogue One, by the way, made $96 million in its second week. Crazy. Number two,

which made $75 million over, I think, several days. Written by a past guest. Not Rogue One. Yes. Forget. We're going to number two. Okay, I think, several days. Written by a past guest. Not Rogue One, yes. Forget, we're going to number two. Okay, number two. Number two.

I was just trying to think of more things to interrupt him with. No, it's a movie that past and future guest, Katie Rich, I believe it is her son's favorite movie. It's her son's favorite movie? Yes, and I have a video of him singing along to a sequence in this movie. Moana?

Nope. But it is, sing bingo one of those another thing he loves the sequence apparently where taryn egerton is a pig sings elton johnson excuse me he's not a pig he's a gorilla oh okay because peter serafinovich is his gorilla dad okay fine he likes that but he also likes the sequence, I think maybe, someone sings My Way in the movie? I believe Nick Kroll and Reese Witherspoon are the pigs. Fine. I've not seen this film. I have a video of him singing My Way.

It's very cute. A thing I am low-key obsessed with in my stupid internet rabbit hole way is, you know that phenomenon with like CGI movies where they put out press photos that's like the voice actor

posing with their animated cat part. They make it look like they were on the same like Annie Leibovitz shoot. The ones for Sing are like very self-serious. They're like very dramatic. And there's one that's like Nick Kroll giving like ultimate serious

actor face standing next to a pig in a spandex onesie. Can you tell me the final total on Sing? Like 260? 270. Insane. Very huge hit. Yeah, huge humongous movie.

634 worldwide. Yeah. Number three, We Saw It Together. We Saw It Together? It's not Jumanji, it comes out the following year. That's the next year, right? Right. And we don't like it?

Oh, oh, it's Passengers. There you go. Yeah. Keep it pasta. You know, that movie... Opened to 29, ended up at 100 domestic. It's kind of a good, like, artifact that sort of encapsulates just, like, toxic masculinity. Well, I mean, look, here's my argument with that movie.

And somehow, how would that get, how did that get made? I'll tell you why. That was like one of the hottest scripts in Hollywood. Why? Because it was a movie about creepiness. Ugh. But the script was so hot that then they were like, well, we have to get big director. We have to get the two biggest stars.

And we can't have the biggest stars playing creeps. So let's act like this is charming and romantic, which made it creepy. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes, yes. Like the movie is supposed to be about a person making a terrible decision and living with that guilt. Right. And instead they were like, well, but it's going to cost a lot of money because it's in a spaceship. So let's make it like Chris Pratt.

Also, he should be kind of like a nice guy. So then it becomes a movie that's like excusing his creepiness and trying to get you to go like, but come on, love! Could have been a great film as a fucking Black Mirror episode. That's what it was written to be. Number four is a movie that doesn't exist. Number four is a movie that doesn't exist. Final total? $60 million.

It's opening this week to $15 million. Above Assassin's Creed, which made $14 million. And it exists less than Assassin's Creed. If I told you about this movie, you would remember what it was. Was it an Oscar play at all or was it a commercial play? Commercial. If I told someone else about this movie, they'd be like, no. I'm the only person who remembers that it exists.

No, I'm just saying you remember any movie. Right. You know, like, it's just like, if I went up to a person on the street and I was like, did you know that X, X and X, X, Y and Z were in like this movie about this and it came out like a couple years ago. Two names. Give me the genre. Comedy.

It's comedy. This is like a first sale at Best Buy movie. 100%. It's not Father Figure. No. But it falls into that kind of category. Kind of, yeah. Right, because it's always bad when they dump a comedy that isn't a family comedy on Christmas.

That's another tax write-off thing. It's kind of a family comedy, but I think it was rated R... Maybe not. It's not Bad Mom's Christmas. Yeah, it was rated R. Wow, so it's an R-rated kind of family comedy with two names in it. Yes.

And are they... They're not like colossal, but they're names. Are they mostly comedy people, or are they people stepping outside of their usual wheelhouse? One of them stepping outside a little bit. It's not daddy's home.

No? Seriously, it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. It's got somebody in it who is pretty problematic. Correct?

Someone who has been canceled since the release of this movie or at least is on the canceling block. He's on the block. He's on the block. He's on the block. He's kind of evaded cancellation.

Interesting. And he feels like, how has that not happened yet? Yeah. We can talk about it once when you guess what this movie is. Not Sean Penn. No. Comedy. He's been on the block.

He's skirted by... Give me another hint. The title is a question. The title is a question? Oh. Yeah. You're right. This movie does not exist.

No, it doesn't exist. It's called Why Him? Yeah. And legislation was passed in 2017 to strike it from the congressional record. It was thrown out of the Library of Congress. Jonah Hill weirdly has a story by credit on that movie. I think it must have been some movie they had developed for him long ago.

Maybe. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's Brian Cranston's the dad. Right. Zoe Deutsch, I believe, is the daughter. Right. Zoe Deutsch, who was like 20 at the time of filming.

And it's like, what if your daughter dated James Franco? Yeah. And he's kind of like a, I don't know, idiot. Like, I don't even know what his deal is. He's like a stoner. It's like meet the parents from the side of the dad, where it's like, what if the nightmare was your son was, your daughter was dating.

But it's rated R. Yeah, that's a weird fucking thing. But doesn't it feel like some movie that they were ordering the same time as The Sitter? And then it just kind of got tossed over? Yeah. I obviously haven't seen it. It's a Hamburg movie. People forget also that Jonah Hill kind of took a while after Superbad to make another vehicle.

He clearly was a guy who was turning down a lot of obvious vehicles. Right, right, right. And studios wanted him to make more R-rated comedies. Yeah. So I think he developed a lot of half-premises. Right.

Because he doesn't really, like, star in a comedy between Superbad and Get Him to the Greek. Huh.

Which, at that point, it's, like, three years. Yeah. And then he doesn't have another good comedy until 21 Jump Street. So it was like either he'd take a supporting

part in something or he would do like Yeah he does a lot of supporting parts. Cyrus. Or he does like Cyrus. Like either it'd be a small movie and he was a big part

or he like shows up for a scene in an Apatow. He did get him to the Greek though. That was the one I'm saying. That was like he was like I turned down all these big comedies they offered me because I wanted to develop my. He did get him to the Greek, though. That was the one I'm saying. That was like, he was like, I turned down all these big comedies they offer me

because I want to develop my own thing. And Get to the Greek was like, you waited for that one, and then he gets his groove. The Sitter comes out in 11, but wasn't it supposed to come out earlier? I don't remember. That was supposed to be like, yeah,

one of his big follow-ups. Yeah. Sitter was another one where like, I remember reading that script and being like, this is amazing. This is an incredible Blacklist script. And it's one of those things where you're like, it kind of only works as a writing sample

and you can't really make it. It's funny on paper to just imagine an adult saying those things to kids. And then once you actually put it on screen, you're like, this makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, because your sister auditioned for it. Yeah, my sister got very close. It was down to her, the girl who got the part,

and Teresa Gadis' daughter from Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yeah, we talked about this. Yes. And Romley was not an actor, but she somehow got very close to getting that part. Some other movies, we got Moana, as you mentioned. We got Fences. Uh-huh.

La La Land. What a weird time. La La Land made... $120? $151 million domestic. Should I see it? $440. Yeah, it's a great movie. It's, yeah yeah it's a great movie it's yeah it's a great movie it's fun um fences 57 pretty good pretty good yeah uh good movie too i really like fences yeah um office christmas party is hanging around kate mckinnon is great in that uh collateral beauty

is is not hanging around, is leaving. It's on its way out. Yeah. Hidden Figures coming out. The Patriots Day. A lot of the, you know, Silence. Yeah. A lot of the Oscar players.

I still get angry. Tony Erdman. Yeah, Tony Erdman. Bucks. I still get angry when I think about the fact that you remembered a gay best supporting actress to Kandi Alexander. It was a great moment by me. Right, because I saw it in theaters and I was like, this is definitely my pick.

She's a griff pick. Right, and then I just forgot until you said it. She was a dog pick. Barf Barn. She got the golden bone. She got the golden bone. I don't know. So did I do okay?

You did a great job. You kept me. All right, I just wanted to make sure. You did great. This movie's hard to kind of wrap your head around. Wait, there was something we were talking about right before we started recording, and then I demanded we have to start recording because we need this on mic. You said something crazy right before we started recording.

It was about David being the dog. It was about you. Do you remember this? Yes. I remember that he says it wasn't about this movie. So in high school- Yes. By high school, we didn't have-

David was talking about speaking foreign languages because you wanted us- Because it was Spanish. We wanted us to read the whole paragraph in Spanish. Yes. My high school, we didn't have... David was talking about speaking foreign languages because you wanted us... Because it's Spanish. We wanted us to read the whole paragraph in Spanish. Right. And we said we don't really speak Spanish. And then I said in my school, we didn't have any foreign languages. They didn't teach foreign languages. They just had a swearing class. Okay, thank you all for listening.

Please remember to review, subscribe. Thanks to Andrew Goodo for our social media Pat Reynolds and Joe Bowen for our artwork thanks to Lane Montgomery for our theme song

thanks to Ben for hosting the show Ben's choice thanks for letting me do it guys what's your next choice? King Ralph I don't know maybe King Ralph

yeah I've see the thing is though is that now I feel like scumbom-ry is thing is though is that now I feel like scum bum re is my thing uh-huh and so I feel like maybe it's a scum bum flick it's the only thing is it's the balance of will we make such as I mean high time high got high when I saw it. That movie, you know, you were never really there.

Here. Whatever. Where? You know what? I don't know if you heard, but the movie has The Mend right now. He should watch The Mend. The Mend? What's The Mend?

The John Magary movie. I don't think I know this movie. Really? Yeah. What movie is this? You know, Josh Lucas. Oh, oh, oh, yes. Sorry.

Yes. No, you would love that film. Why was I not? I don't know. Yes. I forgot that movie is called that. The Mend. You should watch that. Okay.

Yeah. But we'll see. You know, I only do these every once in a while, so it'll probably be a ways from now. Speaking of, though, should we, I'm sure we already did, but should we announce what next week is? Oh, that's a good question. Yes. Is it a burger report?

No, it's very serious. It's been a long time since we did a burger report. Yeah, they stopped coming in. All right, sorry. Sorry. Serious news. We thought that tap was never going to stop flowing. And in fact, it started really dripping.

David, I have a very important news update, which is why we had to interrupt. Hit me. Oh, we got to read it. We got to read the she here. Rip it off a big fax machine. Here you go. Oh, my God. Let me.

Hot off the presses. Yeah, yeah Let me. Hot off the presses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hot off the presses. We're on the case. That's right. And next week is going to be a very special episode on the man himself, Detective Pikachu. Pika pika? Pika pika.

So grab your coffee mugs. Grab your tickets. Start looking for clues. Go see the movie. Because this is why it's a very special episode. We're going into the Pokeverse. We're going pretty deep into the Pokeverse. Benji Salmon?

Yep. Dan Hernandez? That's right. Screenwriters of Detective Pikachu on the show are going to tell us how the Pika sausage is made. Yeah. show are going to tell us how the Pika sausage is made. Yeah. Sometimes people ask us because we were kind of served a context

how we know all this stuff. They ask us questions. Why didn't you weigh in on this? We don't know the answers to other things. So we're trying to get some context. We're trying to get some context. Hot tap of context. Hot tap of context for Detective Pikachu. Yep. So now we're going to take you

out of the future and drop you back into your regular episode. Here is where we announce the next two miniseries. You want to announce both right now? Yeah, I think we should because I think people need time to prepare. And also no one's guessed either of these, so it's going to blow their minds. But don't you think so? Don't you think people need time to prepare?

Yeah, the second one especially. Yeah. Take it away, David. Oh, you want me to take it away? I mean, these are kind of more your guys. Well, no, wait a second. Well, they are my... Okay, look. I just want to give you the pleasure of announcing them.

I'm not saying they're yours. Take care of it. I'm saying be gleeful. I mean... These are two guys you want to talk about. Yeah. I mean, this is my guy. Michael Mann. my guy Michael Mann

The great Michael Mann The great American filmmaker of my life The best one He's the best one You challenging me? No I'm saying He's my Burton I'm letting you say this

Alright alright alright Is who we're doing next We're doing Michael Mann I've wanted to do him Since we started this i guess right and there have been uh production delays and budget conflicts right exactly uh yeah an intimate you know drama suddenly cost 150 billion dollars for some reason somehow every episode of this miniseries has ballooned to 200 million dollars in nine months of filming. And Ben has had to re-edit each episode

six times. And everyone hates each other. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we keep disagreeing on which 80s cover should be the theme of this wordless action sequence in the middle of our episode. Every week, the previous episodes of this miniseries will be re-released

in radically different cuts. Yeah. Where we're changing the order. We're going to have to talk about that because some of these director's cuts must be avoided at all costs. Right. Miami Vice is the one. Don't watch the director's cut. Terrible.

Interesting. Ruins the movie. Interesting. It's an unruinable movie, but no, the director's cut is worse. I mean, it is going to make this miniseries tricky because it's like he keeps on futzing with these movies. Yeah, I mean, Miami Vice is the one he futzes with the most. He will always add like eight more

seconds to every so often. But they're all very similar. But yeah, Michael Mann. The Ollie, I haven't seen that expanded. Neither have I. And of course then Black Hat which we're doing a lot of investigative work on just how deep we can go on it's director's cut oh my god it's gonna be so good

you gotta wear the hat folks men we're gonna be men we need a title oh for the miniseries yeah I mean the cast of the Podheekins feels a little tasteless yes but the problem is so many of his

other titles are one word. Also true. Yeah. Podcast Enemy Public Podlick

Enicast Oh boy. Oh, it stinks in here all of a sudden. What's the next longest title? That one. Because I'm thinking like Manhunter, Thief, Collateral, Ali.

Yeah. The only two word titles are The Keep, Miami Vice, and Public Enemies. I have no idea what the fuck we're calling this thing. Mancast. Once again, great optics. Oh, it's going to be great. And then, yes. What if we call it two and a half man?

Who's the half? Me. I'm a little. Wow. All right. I'm a little guy. I don't know. Man, man, man, man, man.

Man, man, man, man, man. Michael. Man, man, man. What are you guys doing? Yeah. I can't do Michael. And then after Michael, man. Yeah.

This is a longer term thing, but it's kind of, I just feel like we should alert the viewers because his movies are a little harder to find. He is a man who pointedly does not allow his films to be available on any digital services. Exactly. I tried to.

I literally reached out to the American distributor to see if there's anything on the horizon of the streaming and they confirmed no. I talked to this guy a bunch at like a party. I sat next to him at a screening and was talking to him about it. The GKids who controls

the filmography. Obviously the director we're talking about is Walt Becker. No. Hayao Miyazaki and he does not believe in digital rental or streaming. Nor should he. talking about is Walt Becker. No, Hayao Miyazaki, and he does not believe in digital rental or streaming. Nor should he. So you can buy physically,

but also they tend to re-release these films every summer. In theaters. In a pretty wide way. You know, they're limited screenings, but they're playing at most theaters. You can check your local multiplexes. There's a good chance

they'll be playing some of them over the summer. So we want to give you the heads up so that if you see an opportunity to go catch porco rosso in june exactly you know it's on the horizon and use your library too yes yes this is this is the kind of like these are good library yeah these are definitely going to be available at your library and also say this i mean they're pretty widely distributed in terms of physical media, even as that is a dwindling thing. Sure. They are some of, like, the only movies that you can still find

in, like, any Best Buy. As, like, the DVD section of a Best Buy increasingly becomes a corner. Right. They do stock these, and these movies still sell really well in physical media because that's their one outlet. They do. I have the box set. And so you want to do an animator every year.

I like the idea of doing an animator. I think I like that idea, too. And we have other animators we'd like to do sometime. And a lot of them are very short filmographies. Henry Selick. Blues is another long one, but yeah, a lot of them are. No, it's not that long. Well.

He's got some pictures. We would combine some of them. We'd combine a couple. Thumbelina doesn't need its own episode. No, it just needs a little episode. Exactly. It needs a thumb sized episode Musker and Clements we could do

Takahata we could do Yeah I'm really excited to do this Because I know nothing about anime I've actually literally never seen An anime movie before I've only seen two of his films Which one?

Spirited Away and Totoro. I am admittedly like a neophyte. This is going to be fun. And I've never been able to fully get on board. But I haven't tried watching his films in a very long time. And I know I'm in the wrong. And I want to be educated. Yeah.

So that is our future plan. So now you can stop guessing. Now you can stop guessing. Those are the next two directors. Then after that, we do whoever won the bracket, who is... Jonathan Demme. Of course. Yes.

We knew all along. I honestly, I didn't see that coming, that Demme would win. Yeah. Well, I mean... And of course, the current ratio between the US dollar and the euro is... One euro equals 1.13 United States dollar. Well, now you're just giving me more work to do. Yeah, that's right.

I wanted you to just look up what the front page of the New York Times was in May 11, 1912, and it was... Vote. Disaster. I'm glad that we all learned that. And, of course, at the time we're recording this, of course, we're recording this right when it's about to come out. The most insane thing that Donald Trump tweeted that day was had a long and very good conversation with President Putin of Russia. As I have always said, long before the witch hunt started, getting along with Russia, China, and everyone is a good thing, not a bad thing. We discussed trade, Venezuela, Ukraine, North Korea, nuclear arms control, and even the Russian hoax.

Very productive talk. Wow. What a piece of trash. Is there any more we want to do? Number one at the domestic box office is... Pokemon. Detective Pikachu. Top box office is... Pokemon. Detective Pikachu. Top selling apple is... Gala apples.

Oh, boy. All right. Sometimes you get the choice, but... The choice chooses you. Yeah, I don't know. Whatever. Whatever. Yeah.

Man Miyazaki. Man Miyazaki. will it top this assassin's creed episode likely not probably not untoppable untoppable um but uh no it'll be so good oh my god michael man you're excited i am excited i'm just genuinely going crazy now trying to think how we name this miniseries because i think we might have to fully break format i mean michael man's name doesn't work cleanly with podcasts. No. So it's like, is it something where we come up with another man pun?

Because I don't know if any of the titles work either. Like, do we call it like man of the house or something? But then it's like, then we're losing the podcast thing. Podcast vice. I'm getting so stressed out trying to figure out how to do this. Podcast hunter. What about podcast lateral that doesn't work i mean it's not doesn't it's not a word like it doesn't like even resemble well hey buddy i hate to tell you this it might not be a word whatever we like podcast hunter is pretty solid actually podcast hunter Podcast Hunter is one word.

So it's sort of funny. I don't know if I agree with that. I think everything I just said is true. I mean, I'm not laughing. I'm laughing. You're laughing. The Podkeep? The Podkeep.

I mean, what? The Podcaster? What's that? Insider. I don't know. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, Miami podcast. Black Hat.

Maybe it's just Miami podcast. Maybe it's just literally Miami pod. Podami vice cast. Like we could do like some of the more old fashioned where we just sort of splooge the words in. Yeah. All right alright I don't know you're losing your mind right now thank you all for listening I said all the other stuff before and then now

I'm going to continue media res go to reddit blankies.reddit.com for some real nerdy shit go to tbubble for some real nerdy shirts go to the patreon subscribe to blank check special features yeah

and as always yeah we didn't discuss it in the episode so we should just mention that there is

a horrifying section of Michael Fassbender's Wikipedia based around a restraining order filed against him by an ex-girlfriend who claims that he

committed horrible acts of violence against her but I just think we should mention that filed against him by an ex-girlfriend who claims that he committed horrible acts of violence against her. But I just think we should mention that so that the episode ends strong and everyone walks away having a good time. Yeah, yeah. No, she, yeah, she, she alleges some terrible things.

Yeah. It's bad. Really bad. Yep, yep. No, I mean... Damn it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm actually not even remembering...

Yeah, she filed a restraining order against him. Yeah. That's really, really awful. But go buy some apples.