Blank Check with Griffin & David - Best of the Revenge of the Podcast

Episode Date: January 16, 2017

Presenting a best of episode with all the favorite moments from our mini series on Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith.

Welcome to Blank Check with Griffin and David. Hello, everyone. It's producer Ben. Now, this week we have another installment of Best of Moments, this time from our Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the Sith miniseries. Now, normally, you know, guys, this is a podcast where we cover directors' filmographies, right? We examine these filmmakers who have massive success early on, and then Hollywood is just throwing them blank checks, right? Just throwing it at these auteurs.

And sometimes, well, the check's clear, and other times they bounce maybe. Originally, though, Griffin and David Present was a podcast that exclusively discussed the star Wars prequels. And like the previous two episodes, I will also remind our listeners. This is still very much a no bits podcast. No bits pro smits,

but Griffin and David started out by viewing first the phantom menace as a standalone film and didn't know that episodes two through six existed until amazingly discovering these movies at the end of each miniseries run now finally one last message um before we begin if you are in fact a sith lord i ask that you kindly stop listening right now all right enjoy the best of the revengevenge of the Podcast. This is Griffin and David present. Revenge of the Podcast!

This is our new mini-series. Do they say, I have a bad feeling about this in this one? They say it a lot in the second one. Oh, yeah. They say it within the first 20 minutes of this one, which is what we're covering today, on today's episode, as is tradition. We have so many hoary old traditions. We break off a miniseries, which is the first, up into the first crazy edit.

So there's, what do you call it? It's not a wipe edit. It's like a windshield wiper edit. It's like the clock edit. It's like the hands of a clock. Yeah, we're doing the first battle sequence slash lightsaber fight slash plane crash. 22 minute. I just called it a cartoon episode.

It's like an episode of Samurai Jack. I have an analogy. Well, except it's not a masterpiece. Right. I have an analogy I want to throw out later in the episode. Let's just set the table quickly. Yeah. Because who knows?

Maybe first time listener. It could be. This is my series. It started out as us doing a limited series about The Phantom Menace, a film that we thought never got a sequel. Yeah, we're real stupid. George Lucas' sci-fi opera

clearly had big plans, bigger narrative ambitions. We found out at the end of that mini-series that in fact there was... A sequel. Called Attack of the Clones. Yeah. Real good.

The second Phantom Menace movie. Yeah. We took a brief detour into judging the judge. It's okay. Let's stick on Star Wars for now. The original question was, what is the Phantom Menace about? Oh, yeah. Yeah, right.

And then with Attack of the Clones, it was, is this a good sequel? Wait, do you have a core question for this third film we've just uncovered? You don't. I don't have one yet. I mean, I have to make a confession. I, this week, for two reasons, only watched up to the point that we're

discussing today. One is I thought, let's keep it fucking pure. I have now uncovered the memories, because we didn't know this movie existed and then we realized we did in fact know it existed. I know why I buried the memories.

I'll tell you that much. I saw it three times in theaters and I don't remember I don't remember like any of it. Like you really don't? I remember the end only. Sure.

I feel like. I was watching this shit and I like none of it was ringing a bell. But so I watched the first 22-man song because I was like keep bell um but so I I watched the first 22 minutes on because I was like keep it pure actually don't have the knowledge of where it's going when you're watching it you know and only talk about it what the beginning sets up yeah um and uh two was a

poor time planning on my part yeah um that's the real reason time management I put it on last night and uh just couldn't turn it off yeah um i'm just bringing up the opening crawl i don't have a core question yet because i i i haven't seen the whole thing yet but i i think it um shoot i'm trying to find the right word this i feel like it has to be something about like now that we know he's made three of them george lucas we can't writer and director we've been analyzing these movies from this stance of like what was he trying to do what what what did he want this to build to okay we now have the complete picture the star wars trilogy the phantom man is trilogy that's true right yes i feel like the question has to be like, what was...

Does this conclude the story well? Yeah. I guess that's the question. Is this a fitting end to the Star Wars trilogy? That's the question. That's the mystery. That's the investigation. We figured it out.

There we go. Jeez. It's like pulling teeth with you. I haven't been sleeping well. All right. Now, this is about his blinding a left turn. This is a U-turn. Okay, I'm gonna eat some peanuts

while you read this, yeah. In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader, General Grievous, has swept into the Republic capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, leader of the Galactic Senate. Okay, first off, George,

a little, you know, to describe your own move as stunning. Yeah, pump the brakes. You know what I'm saying? Like, you off, George, a little, you know, to describe your own move is stunning. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're not saying like a man of stunning power. You're saying like a stunning narrative turn.

Yeah, right. In a stunning off-screen narrative turn, a person you've never heard of. Okay, wait, give me the sentence again. In a stunning move, the fiend-destroyed leader

General Grievous has swept into the Republic Capitol and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine, the leader of the Galactic Senate. Okay, okay, okay. So Palpatine's a hostage. Yeah. Pretty cool. Which is interesting because we also know

Yeah, he's pulling the strings on both sides. Right, and we don't know who Grievous works for. Who he is, or what he is, or what's going on, or why he's fiendish. Yeah, no, okay. So I'm kind of liking this now. Okay, so Grievous... I'm not. No, I am. I'm liking this a lot. I got a stiffy.

Grievous is a droid general. Does that mean he is the general of the droids? Does he command all the droids? Is that his job that they went, okay, clones, one side. Humans, non-cloned humans, one side. Droids, one side. Three sides, like a triangle.

Or do they, is he, did they need a general and they were like, let's build one? As the Separatist droid army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their valuable hostage, two Jedi knights lead a desperate mission to rescue the captive Chancellor dot dot dot. I wonder which two. It's good to know, it's interesting to note that like this preamble really only speaks to the first 20 minutes of the movie. The rest of the movie, this doesn't really have anything to do with. Which is maybe- Because the first 20 minutes solves this issue, the kidnapping, and the war, 90% of it at least.

Maybe how the crawls would function. Maybe just set up- So we have mysteries. It's just a backstory. Right. Okay, so the two Jedis, I'm guessing, are going to be Yael, Puth, and Yaddle. And you're absolutely- Yaddle never shows up again.

We actually never talked about that. She's only in episode one. She's not in the council in the other ones. They fired her. Yeah. This is a good sidebar, just because lateral thinking. No one listening would have this thought. Yaddle and queer man Yer man Yerial Poof

Makes me think of Last night I was reading our reviews On iTunes Producer Ben A.K.A. Purdueer Ben A.K.A. Ben Ducer A.K.A. Hello Fennel A.K.A. Mr. Positive

A.K.A. The Haas Hey that's great I'm so excited to hear that people are leaving reviews That's so awesome 25 five star reviews Wow that's really great Thank so excited to hear that people are leaving reviews that's so awesome 25 five star reviews that's really great thank you guys that's so great one star review what

from some fucking Sith Lord out there I don't know who it was they didn't write the review did he identify himself as a Sith Lord they did not write the review they just left the star can you pull it up though cause we have I'm trying to find it yeah The internet in here is really bad. We had a review that corrected this.

Very nice things people had to say, including the two reviews written by Ben. Thank you, Ben. And you'll know which two they are because one of them is signed The Haas and the other one is signed Mr. Positive. But one of the reviews pointed out that we have been making a big faux pas across too many series the jedi with the cockroach face who we have been calling

clue clune this entire time yeah is in fact called plow clone oh shit that's how you pronounce it sorry about that so his name is never said aloud. I believe that's part of the problem. Apologies to show clone. Yeah. Apologies to the cockroach race he represents. He's got a cockroach face. Okay, well, I'm just loading these reviews. They'll be ready in like 20 minutes.

But hey, you know what? Keep it up. Keep rating. Keep reviewing. Unless you're a fucking Sith. We got no time for your one-star garbage. Three or higher. Guess what?

No, five or higher. Okay, how about this? Six or higher. Well, no. Then no one-star garbage. Three or higher. Guess what? No, five or higher. Okay, how about this? Six or higher. Well, no. Then no one's going to leave a review because no one will figure out how to leave a six-star review. Have you been watching the review? Yeah, it's the best. Did you see the six-star episode?

Yeah, it's the best. It's fantastic. That's my favorite show on television. It's the best. I give it six stars. Me too. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm throwing down the gauntlet right now. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm throwing down the gauntlet right now.

If you give us a one-star rating or review, you are not allowed to listen to the show anymore. Done. Done. Fuck you. Done. No fucking sifts allowed. Crawl, crawl, crawl, crawl, crawl. Yeah, does that.

It fades into just space. Then we see a ship go by. Yeah, crawl, crawl. Yeah, does that. Then fades into just space. Then we see a ship go by. Yeah, that's true. The first one, it's the Jedi ambassador ship, you know? And in the second one, it's Amidala's ship. Yeah, Royal Cruiser, whatever. Yeah, and this one, it's like we see the sun, and then we kind of pan down to Coruscant,

and then we see this epic battle is happening over Coruscant. We see there are like a billion ships. Right? And already I'm like... This movie is kind of saying, it's zooming out as wide as possible. This is something I'm going to talk about a lot. It's really trying to show off how much detail it can fit into a frame.

Which is annoying. Congratulations. You've done it. Great job, Georgie. Tons of detail. I hope you're happy. Yep. Drink that detail in a cup of my diarrhea.

Mix it in with diarrhea. I got a fucking diarrhea McFlurry machine. You can pick your mixing. Your mixing is details. Carry on. We pan down. Yep. One ship, the central ship, sort of flies by in classic Phantom Menace fashion.

Yeah. But there's so much other fucking shit going on. What usually happens is ships flying by. Right. But there's so much other fucking shit going on. What usually happens is ships flying by. Right. Then there's like a big action. Right. And then there's like a lull, right? And then, yeah, we get to something.

So in Clones, we got ship goes by, lands, there's a lot of silence, you see people standing there, it's like peaceful, it lulls you into it, explosion. It's a bad opening. In Phantom, we see the ship going by. They're communicating permission to dock, this and that. There's like four minutes before they get in, but it situates you into the world.

Not this time. War. My brain immediately turned off. I know. It's really terrible. It's such a fucking overload. Well, especially because it's like, yeah, it's a cartoon. It's just a fucking overload. Well, especially because it's like, yeah, it's a cartoon.

It's just a cartoon thing you're watching. It's just like. And it's like 17 minutes before we have more than one line of dialogue at the same time. Real long. Right? So you've got. I like the balance between like, because this shit's going on. I don't care.

You've given me no reason to care. Don't assume just because I watched the two other movies. Maybe do your big space battle at the end, like in Phantom Menace, where it doesn't work, but it works better than this. You gotta let us get into our seat. You gotta let us kick our shoes off. You gotta let us resituate ourselves to the characters. War! War! War!

We got the battle, and then I think, as you're mentioning, there's this thing where they, like, crash into the ship. Oh, right. Into a crazy crash. Oh, they barely make it in. Yeah, and there's a bunch of droids in there and R2 has four things. Okay, we gotta talk about R2. We gotta talk about R2.

He's running around. He lights them on fire. He sprays them with oil. R2's suddenly Inspector Gadget. And it's really annoying. It's really fucking annoying. R2 has, by and large, been a tactical robot. Yeah.

He's the repair droid, basically. Right. And he's just simple, utilitarian. Yeah. He's not meant to move around. You put him in the ship, you repair ship, right? And in the second movie, he had this brief moment of insanity where he brutalizes C-3PO and flies around, but it doesn't have any relation to anything and it just sort of felt

tacked on. And also, the only special power we saw him use was the rockets. Like even knocking off C-3PO. Like he did that in a very like in a way that was consistent with his movements in the first movie if that makes any sense. Sure. Yeah. Dragging C-3PO's head was like okay he's got like a core. All of a sudden he's got like four arms that come out of his body

like those blue lines. He's like holding a cell phone. He's like holding those blue lines on his chest. I know. They're like little arms. Aren't just like they flip out. They're like articulated with like multiple joints in them. And then he's also got that data spike thing. Plus he's got the like the rockets. Yeah. And he can shoot.

He can fucking pee pee oil. He pee pees oil. And then he uses the rockets to burn people with the oil. He's fucking he's Inspector Gadget. And he's goofy. But not only that. And I watched. He's moving so fast too. I watched the movie with my girlfriend last night. And she had some insights. A humble goofy. But not only that. He's moving so fast, too.

I watched a movie with my girlfriend last night, and she had some insights. Humble right. Because she hasn't seen this movie. I don't think she'd ever seen the movie. Okay. She'd seen the other one. Okay. And she was just really horrified, especially when he pees oil all over them and then sets them on fire.

Yep, gross. The big battle droids. And she was like, he's not supposed to be violent like r2 is like a you know cute little guy he likes you know you know he's sort of an ornery little guy but he's not like it's like a shockingly violent scene like imagine if those weren't robots general grievous is there i was based and he's like like it's all right the second this feeds into like the white noise thing of the movie that's going on right like

they introduce him and he's got seven different tics at the same time he's got a cape he's limping he's coughing he's got weird eyes he collects lightsabers in his jacket I already can't pay attention to this character because too much because there's too much business.

There is entirely too much business. And not only that, we've been told this is an important character who somehow kidnapped the Chancellor. He comes off immediately like a fool. Like a fool. He's decrepit. He doesn't seem to be able to walk around really well. This whole Chancellor kidnapping plan isn't working. He takes the Jedi's

lightsabers and literally puts them in his pocket. They immediately just call them back. You couldn't put them in a locked box, at least? He's like, I'll add it to my collection. Opens jacket, has a pocket, puts them in the pocket. The jacket doesn't close. There's no zipper. It's a cloak.

It's not a jacket. It's a cape. He's got a cape pocket. It's literally what? Why do you? Put them away. They have force powers. He's a bad character. They can make anything go into their hands.

He's a bad character. He's the worst character. There's so much more to talk about with him. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Now, I think that he's in the cartoons, right? Yes. That's where his backstory lies.

He's really cool in the Johnny Tarkovsky cartoon. I bet. I'm sure. He fucking makes a meal out of his design, and they make him an almost silent character, and so he's just a physical present. Wait, we forgot to mention his accent, because he has, like, a Dracula accent. Yeah. He's like, bring the Jedi to me.

It feels very inspired by Hotel Transylvania. It's a very Hotel Transylvania vibe. Blah, blah, blah. Now, I read that Gary Oldman almost played this role. Yeah, and then I heard John Rhys-Davies almost played the role, and instead a guy who worked at Industrial Light and Magic played this role. How did that happen? Was he just in the canteen and was going like,

and Dracula, and George Lucas was like, hire this man. I really think Georgie Porgiou wanted to get this movie over with. Yeah, it's possible. Because I believe Oldman couldn't do it because the movie has these weird union rules and you had to be like, you know. And that was the rumor I heard at least, that that was the reason he couldn't do it.

I think it also just fits into his... I've been trained in lightsabers by Count Dooku. The same part of him that would rather CGI a helmet rather than put a helmet on a head would rather just get a guy

Obin's fussing fucking Jimmy over there can do it get a guy from down the hall oh should we have one of our finest living actors

no that guy over there mopping up have him play Grievous can you do a voice I'm trying to I'm trying to find this guy's name the actor's name

whatever no I'm interested but find this guy's name, the actor's name. Whatever. No, I'm interested. But this is a very important point, David. Matthew Wood. Yeah, right. Go on. But it's also so modulated. I mean, it's like whatever voice he's doing, it's also run through like 17 filters.

No, I mean, it sounds awful. There's so much fucking going on. You can barely tell what he's talking about, not that it matters. There's so much camera movement, too. There's so much fucking going on. You can barely tell what he's talking about, not that it matters. There's so much camera movement, too. There's so much fake CGI camera movement that you barely can get your bearings within a single frame, David. So much visual information, so much noise. He's a sound editor, by the way. That's who Matthew Wood is.

Well, it sounds like he did two bad jobs on this movie. Grievous is like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. What's going on here? No, wait. We should actually pull back because in between the space battle and Grievous is the Dooku fight. I'm talking about the very first introduction of Dooku. Oh, okay.

Grievous. I'm actually going back further. This is before he captures them. Which is just when he sees that they're coming towards him. And he turns to like a Neimoidian and goes like, whatever the fucking dialogue is. I don't remember what it's on.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But the Neimoidian, and it's a new Neimoidian I don't think we've seen before, goes like, sir, the Jedi's are coming for us. Yeah, he has an American accent. I know, I noticed that. This is huge. It is, it's interesting. They're like, maybe this guy should talk different.

He almost sounds like a Californian surfer. Yeah, you're right. You're absolutely right. He's looking at some- Sir, the Jedi's are approaching. Yeah, and Generaliths is like, Use the blaster shields! Spaghetti!

Make a pizza pie! He's like a diner chef. Jaxer Jaxer's not in this one, by the way. Not at all? Fuck this movie. Just turn it off. TC-14 comes back, though, right? Double fuck this movie. Yeah, just turn it off. TC-14 comes back though, right? Griffin.

Double fuck this movie. It does feel like in a severe instance of too little too late. Someone finally prevailed on George. Or the Georgie Porgie was trying to go like, see, they don't all sound like that. It was just those specific characters. But Newt Gunray does come back and guess what? He sounds like that. Yep. just those specific characters. But Newt Gunray does come back, and guess what? He sounds like that. Yep. Yeah, no, I know.

You're saying, look, he just has an accent from his planet. Those guys, specifically, they're all regionally, that was... Not Chinese aliens. Maybe that one grew up in space China. Yeah, space China. This guy grew up in space Valencia. He sounds like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. For one minute.

He's got like two lines, yeah. And he goes like, Sir, I think the Jedi's are here. It's been three years. Okay. Just to let you know. So it's a three year war. Yeah.

Anakin. Anakin chops off, in a kind of a weird fluid move, chops off Dooku's hands. Both of them. Yeah. Gross. Really violent.

Yeah, it's pretty nuts. It's pretty nuts. It's pretty jarring. Dooku falls to his knees. Yeah. Anakin catches his blade with ease and just gives him the old sort of, you know, puts them to his neck. He's got like chopsticks going. He's got like a blade in each hand pointing the opposite direction, so he's got a blade against each side of his neck.

And Dooku just looks like a sad grandpa all of a sudden. He's just so upset. He's so defeated. And Palpatine's like, finish him. No, he literally says, kill him! Kill him! Just like a command. It's not like he's requesting it. No, he goes like, good, Anakin, good!

Kill him. And Anakin's like, oh, I don't know if I should do it. It's not the Jedi way. It's the Jedi way, God, yeah. Anakin's getting really gay. Yeah, yeah. And Palpatine literally, you would hope maybe that there'd be, Palpatine would really sort of try and sell this and be like, oh, you gotta kill him, he'll come, you know hope maybe that there would be, Palpatine would really sort of try and sell this and be like, oh, you got to kill him, he'll come.

You know, like, he just said, do it. Isn't there a moment too where he goes like, remember what we talked about? No. He just says, do it. It might happen after he kills Dooku. But there's a line in here that implies that they have been meeting and talking a lot. They were supposed to know that, yeah, that Anakin's gotten very close with the Emperor.

I mean, the Chancellor. Right, and it's like, well, show us that. No, no, no, they won't. That should have show us that. No, no, no, they won't. That should have been happening in two. No, no, no, thank you. That's an interesting dynamic. Maybe that should have been on screen, the developing of their relationship,

how they go from zero to 60. The end of Phantom Master, he's like, I'm going to keep an eye on you, boy. Attack of the Clones, he does almost nothing. Pats him on the shoulder. Barely corresponds with Anakin. We shall watch your career with great interest right

exactly and then in this one he just something everything good happened off screen anyway Anakin chops off his head

and he's immediately like he's so even keeled about it right Anakin yeah he's like

I don't know if I should Palpatine's like you shouldn't he's like okay I will decapitates right head rolls

gross what the fuck is this movie okay and then Anakin goes like I shouldn't have done that like immediately that was a bad idea which by the way no it wasn't like kill the Sith Lords they're magical

wizards of dark evil I don't actually really get why it's supposed to be like no they should probably die. They are impossible to imprison. But he was like so wracked with guilt. They shoot lightning out of their hands for crying out loud. So wracked with guilt about the slaughtering, the genocide of the Tusken Raiders.

Which was pretty horrifying. Let's not. Yeah, no, agreed. Right? But he was very emotionally affected by that. Yeah, this one he's just like, ugh. You know what? That was my mistake.

You know what? That was bad. Bad on me. Anyway, he frees Palpatine. And Palpatine's like, no, no, no. It was good. It was good. And he's like, I don't know.

Now, this movie really is about how every character's internal logic radar is broken. Yeah. Because Palpatine is basically just like a serpent at this point. He's like, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then he's like, Palpatine's like, we got to go. Forget Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan is- Palpatine's got a big foam finger that says Sith on it.

Obi-Wan is literally lying peacefully with a staircase kind of touching his ankle. He looks beautiful. And Palpatine is like, it's over. He's like Sleeping Beauty. He's dead. And Anakin's like, don't worry about it. Just like. He says.

His fate will be our own. Yeah, right. So they take Obi-Wan. But why isn't Anakin like, don't worry about it. Like, just like. He says. His fate will be our own. Yeah, right. So they take Obi-Wan. But like, why isn't Anakin like, hold up. Like, excuse me. Like, I just like stormed this like whole starship. Like, I can pick up the stupid staircase for one second. Why are you pushing this?

Yeah. Because Palpatine doesn't drop it. He's like, no, there's no time. Boyhood's a good movie. Yeah. What was I. Why was I acquainting to Boyhood? You're talking about

Ellen Sleazebag, I know. Oh, yeah. We want him to come back and go like, I don't know if you remember me, but I met you at a bar. Episode four is probably about that. I'm just assuming now

we're so stupid that there's an episode four. Well, Disney did buy the company, so I'm assuming they did that in order to make an episode four. Maybe that's what it is. That's probably what... We could probably look forward

to an episode four from Disney sometime in the next five or ten years. I mean, it takes a long time for movies to get off the ground. Yeah. Well, we'll be talking about this movie for a bunch of weeks. And then after that, I don't know. We'll go on to other movies because we'll have to wait for episode four to come out.

We got some great guests coming up this season. People hate the bit. We got some great guests. Yeah, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. Ben's looking at me with just scorn. You're being a real sleazebag right now. Yeah. We got some great guests coming up. David doesn't even know about them. about. Ben's looking at me with just scorn. You're being a real sleazebag right now. We've got some great guests coming up.

David doesn't even know about them. They're going to be fucking exciting surprises. They've got tons of Twitter followers. Let's turn this off and you can tell me who they are. They'll push to the top of the charts. Tons of Twitter followers. Let me take some guesses. Taylor Swift. Yep. That would be amazing. What if Taylor Swift came on this podcast? You know what I've been thinking a lot lately? Shoot. I think Taylor Swift would like me. Yeah, probably. I think she would

think I was fun. I'm not saying she would like like me. Go ahead. Although a boy can dream. But I do think we'd hit it off. And we'd shake it off. If you know what I'm saying, David, I think Taylor Swift and I would shake it off. Ben, turn off his microphone.

Please, rate, review, subscribe. Listen to other UCB network podcasts. Please, rate, review, subscribe. Listen to other UCB Network podcasts. Please, yeah, listen to all of those. Subscribe, rate, review. Don't be a fucking Sith. Five stars or nothing. That's great. And once again, remember, if you give us one star,

you are not allowed to listen anymore. Or be a guest. Think through on that, Taylor. Dear, oh dear. That is all I have to say on the matter. I look forward to watching the rest of this film. Unlike with Attack of the Clones where I loved the beginning of the movie

and then knew already that it didn't pay out, I'm going into this with the opposite opinion. I know you hate this movie. I do. When I look at the first 22 minutes, I'm going, who knows what happens in the back. We just dissed it for so long. Yeah, but I've only seen the first 22 minutes.

I don't know. This movie is the worst of the Star Wars. Impossible. It's not impossible. In fact, it's very likely. Impossible. Although I haven't liked one thing that has happened on screen so far

other than E. McDermott's performance. Thank you for listening. Mm-hmm. We'll be back next week with Taylor Swift. Will we? Yeah. We'll be discussing sound mixing. We'll be discussing...

Taylor Swift is like a J.D. Amato-level savant when it comes to the technical aspects of sound. She's been in the music industry since she was 16 years old. You think I'm fucking joking. I'm not. Taylor Swift will be our guest next week talking about sound mixing. She's going to teach me a thing or two. Yeah.

Great. She knows we're at the UCB training center. Why do you think I'm bringing her in? Oh. I'm glad you're taking the hint. Oh, okay. I've been realizing some old episodes, Ben. You haven't done some of the edits that we asked you to.

That's true. All those times I told you to edit out. Mention of your father's financial problems. Yeah, I think fucking you added some in. It feels like some episodes you dropped audio from other episodes. Ben does a great Griffin. He does a great Griffin. Taylor Swift will be coming here next week to talk about Matthew Wood's sound mix on the film.

His sound editing on the film. We'll give Ben some helpful pointers. And we'll try to hit it off. Look, just as friends. I'm just looking for friends. If she wants something more, I don't know. That's fine. But I just think we'd really get along. I think we have a just as friends. I'm just looking for friends. If she wants something more, I don't know. That's fine. But I just think we'd really get along.

I think we have a lot in common. Great. Thank you for listening. And as always, shake it off. Hindsight's 2020. Exactly. But before we get into this, a little housekeeping. Oh, okay.

Housekeeping. Just want to quickly remind everyone to please continue subscribing, rating, and reviewing on iTunes. Helps us. Yeah. Helps UCB comedy in general. Producer Ben Hosley, a.k.a. Purdue or Ben, a.k.a.

The Ben Ducer, a.k.a. Hello Fennel, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. The Haas. Sitting to my right. Hello, gentlemen. Hey, Ben. Yes, fans.

Come on, guys. Rate and review. It's so easy. We have a responsibility. Ben has done us a mitzvah by allowing us to do this podcast, and we need to help line the coffers. That's right. Metaphorically.

There's no money to be made, but we're lining the metaphorical coffers. There's no money to be made? No. You thought- Hit stop. I'm out of here. You thought the checks were just eight months late? What do you mean?

Oh, that was just a classic Sims bit. One of my patented Sims bits. I want to make it clear. We don't do bits like that on the show. We don't pretend that movies don't exist. This show doesn't like bits. No. We don't pretend that we thought we were getting paid.

This is serious talk. It's a serious show. I mean, I'm thinking about changing the genre from comedy to just like TV and movies. This is a culture show. At the very least, dramedy. I think that there's a dramedy section. We're the Nurse Jackie of podcasts. We are.

This fucking movie is a tragedy. That was funnier than the reaction it got in this room. It's funny. That's really funny. All right. Tragedy of Revenge of the Sith. Please. But this is the point I want to make, and I'll tie into everything.

Please rate, review, subscribe, unless your review is going to be negative. You're going to give us low stars, which I'm going to restate because maybe you skipped over episode one of revenge of the podcast. You're jumping in today because you don't like hearing about the beginning of movies. Hey, how about this? You don't want to,

you don't want to review the podcast, review the movie and just put that up. Just put that up. Who cares? But if, but you better give us five stars. If you give us a bad review or anything less than five stars, you are a Sith Lord.

And I want to state this very clearly before we get into the meat of this episode. Because if you are a Sith Lord. That is a bad thing to be. If you are a Sith Lord, stop listening now. I threw down the gauntlet last week. You are not allowed to listen to this podcast. All right, Griffin. If you are a Sith Lord.

Let's move on. Are all Sith Lords out? Let's move on. No bits. No bits. I'm serious. I don't want fucking Sith Lords listening to this episode. Griffin, Griffin, let's move on no bits no bits I'm serious I don't want fucking Sith Lords listening to this Griffin Griffin let's get to the movie

all right all right no more yelling about Sith Lords despite what he says to many people including his wife married life seems to have given him no happiness no it's true he I mean the there's the scene where they see each other like for the first time since he got back from Clone Wars. At Pillar City?

Yeah. At this set that we keep returning to that's just 80, it's just an auto-population of Pillars. It just runs to two Pillars. It's just Pillars, Pillar, Pillar, Pillar. Yeah, well, they did copy-paste. I mean, it really looks like someone took SimCity and just was like, drop a Pillar every five minutes. There's a lot of copy-pasting in this movie. A lot.

Yeah, they meet, buy some Pillars. Yeah, and he's just like, oh, pillar every five minutes. There's a lot of copy pasting in this movie. A lot. Yeah, they meet by some pillars. Yeah, and he's just like, oh, Batman, I miss you so much. Oh, what are you doing? I was at the war. The last movie was about you fucking fighting to be with this woman. It's been three years or so. Against all odds, against all judgments. You're laying low.

Like, you've sacrificed so much to be with her. You should fucking still head over heels in love with her. Or the fact that you're falling out of love should be the point. Instead, it's just like, oh, he's just a boring couple. And what news does she give him right after the first 22 minutes? She's pregnant. She's got some news. She's pregnant.

She's pregnant. But I think this is a different episode. I want to stay on Anakin, okay? Just his emotional journey in this film, okay? Okay. Because we got to fucking, we got to. Relax. Let's just tell the story. I'm so, David, I'm so frustrated with this film. Okay? Okay. Because we got to fucking, we got to... Relax. Let's just tell the story.

I'm so, David, I'm so frustrated with this movie. You're worried too much. Do you remember last week when I was hoping that I would like it watching the whole thing?

Yeah, but that was just stupid. Yeah, it was dumb. That was real stupid of you. Okay. We should also say that you earlier today saw a very depressing, traumatic movie. And I earlier today had to say today saw a very depressing, traumatic movie.

And I earlier today had to say goodbye to a friend who's moving to LA and I'm very upset about it. Oh, who? My manager. Aw. Yeah. I'm sorry. He's not technically my manager. He was my manager's assistant.

Okay. Yeah. But he's become one of my very good friends. Yeah, we were recording this late in the day and I saw Room is a real, it's a punishing film. It makes you feel like you're trapped in a small, enclosed room from which there is no escape. And another thing that makes you feel like you're trapped in a small room with no escape is having to say goodbye to Nick Damiano. Bye, Nick. Bye, Nick.

All right. Please, let's carry on. Finds out Padme's pregnant. They're living in an apartment in Coruscant in secret. No one knows they're together. They have a huge apartment. She has this palatial apartment with a great view of downtown Coruscant. I don't know.

Is there not paparazzi, too? Like, how are they keeping this a secret? She's, like, in the government. Whole planet's a city. Pretty sure that's always going to be the answer. Whole planet's a city. A lot of alleys to duck down. Big old city.

I mean, it's the whole planet, so. There is an actor who I'm working with right now. Who? I don't want to say anything, because the whole point of this story is a desire for anonymity. I'm not saying anything embarrassing, but you'll see when I explain. But you're going to tell me off mine. When I tell the anecdote. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Obviously. Yeah, you'll fucking, you could figure it out too. Yeah. I could always cut it out. No, you're not cutting it out. I'm trying to make a point here. Ben never yeah, yeah. Obviously. Yeah, you'll fucking, you could figure it out too. Yeah. I could always cut it out. No, you're not cutting it out. I'm trying to make a point here. Ben never cuts anything out. You,

okay. Ben, cut out this part. All right. No, go on. No bits. No, Ben, cut out the part about you not cutting stuff out. All right, fine.

Because that makes the podcast sound sloppy. You're right, you're right. No bits. Okay, so cut, starting from when David said Ben will cut this out to right now. Now. Okay. There's an actor I'm working with right now. Oh, wait, but from when David said Ben will cut this out to right now.

Okay. There's an actor I'm working with right now. Wait, but you're going to have to cut out either that line or the first time I said there's an actor I'm working with. Griffin, I hate this. This will sound like redundant. Okay. There's an actor you're working with. He was talking about on set earlier this week

how he bought a new place with his Paramore. Oh. And did it under his own name rather than creating an LLC to buy the place. Sure. And because of that, I guess real estate listings are public. If things are bought and sold, they just are publicly released in the paper and stuff. Check out, like,

ex-celebrities listed their apartment or whatever. Well, that's the point. He just bought something, and then it was just listed on, like, the big New York Times list of, like, apartment sales in New York City. Sure. And then a bunch of outlets picked up his name

on this list of non-famous buying stuff. And then it was like a fucking People magazine thing, and people were investigating their place and all this stuff. People like to know these things. The point is, it was that easy for 47,000 outlets, and now I can't help but be hounded by fucking stuff about the place I'm moving into. Everyone fucking knew, and now everyone knows everything about his life.

You tell me fucking Anakin and Padme have like a beautiful They are married. They are married? Yeah. They have like a beautiful like it looks like a penthouse.

It's huge. It's got this crazy balcony. It's the craziest balcony I've ever seen. I mean it's almost it's 50% balcony in this apartment. Not to mention

Lady's pregnant. She's pregnant. And becoming more and more visible by the day. Yeah. Anakin and her spend a ton of time together. They do. So probably at the end of Jedi Council meetings, they're like, hey, Anakin, do you want a ride? I'm going back to our Jedi chambers.

He's like, no, no, no. This is where we already don't know the answer. Where do the Jedis live? Do they live in the temple? Do they have little apartments there? Yeah, they probably do. These questions are never answered. No, but that's my assumption.

So my assumption is Anakin's got his Jedi temple apartment. Yeah. Padme bought that place by herself. Right. And he goes over there every night and no one's ever noticed? Palpatine mentions, like, you know, the Dark Lords of the Sith kind of know how to bring people back from the dead. Or at least one of them did. Darth Plagueis.

We'll talk about that more in another episode. But he dangles this carrot. Armed with this measly piece of gossip. Hearsay. Hearsay. Yeah. Anakin, I guess, just deduces that he's a Sith Lord? Okay, so we didn't...

He doesn't cross-reference this with anybody. No, he doesn't talk to anyone else. We know they have a library. Well, but in his defense, Jocasta News is playing fast and loose, deleting files. It's just real pain in the ass. But he does trust Obi-Wan. That's true.

And at this point, Palpatine has not tried to instill doubt in him. Not really. Yeah. So he just kind of, like, would trust Obi-Wan at this point. And Palpatine would tell him this thing. Look, Obi... No, no, I know. Obi-Wan's basically saying, I mean, sorry, Palpatine's basically saying, like, I know you're a Jedi, but you're worried about your wife.

And unfortunately, the dark side's the only part of the force that can do the kind of shit we're talking about. Okay, so even if he's conflicted enough and he's still trying to figure out the lay of the land and he doesn't want to rat out Palpatine, I do think he would turn to somebody. A Kenobi, a Yoda, a Windu, a Clune even.

A Poof. He doesn't. A Mund poof he doesn't a mundi he doesn't a galia now he now but then he does figure out

that Palpatine is a dead lord how does he figure it out exactly so the point is I think he would turn to them and just go hey have you heard

anything about anyone being able to prevent death he doesn't do this he just goes huh interesting huh Darth Plagueis you say anyway

now Anakin's the worst person in the world. Not only that, he is immediately, Palpatine's like, rise, Lord Vader. Like, he's like, he has a name in his pocket. Darth Vader. Can we say it though? Cool fucking name. We gotta say this. Look, I'll say this. All the Darth

names are good. Darth Sidious, good. Darth Maul, great. Darth Tyrannus, I wish they'd said it out loud more, but pretty cool. Darth Vader. This guy, I mean, there's a weight to that. Do you know what I'm saying? The only problem I have with it is literally that he's just like, yeah, yeah, you know what, Vader? Like, he just has it ready.

Yeah. But it's a great name. It is the best name. It's a cool name. And he's like, all right, so welcome to the dark side. As your initiation, do please go to the Jedi Temple and slaughter every child in it. Yeah. And literally, I'm not joking, that's how quickly that is.

Right, Ben? Yeah. It's not like, okay, so you can go to my dry cleaners and get my Sith robes. Yeah, no. He doesn't build. He's just like, you know how there are all these adorable children that we've seen last movie and this movie who run around the Jedi Temple being little tykes? Kill them all.

Please slaughter them. Now, I think they missed out on a great opportunity for a real funny scene, which is having him chase the kids around. Because you don't get to see the murder. Yeah, a little Benny Hill music. Why not? Like the classic door, you know, hallway scene. I watched this movie.

As I mentioned last week, I watched this movie with my girlfriend. And that scene where he shows up at the Jedi temple. Yeah. And he's like, they're like, a kid's like, what's your matter, Mr. Master Anakin? Like the cutest little dweeb. Anakin, we're scared. Can you help us? And he just goes like, he like ignites his saber. Master Anakin. Like the cutest little dweeb. Anakin, we're scared. Can you help us? And he just goes like,

he like ignites his saber. No hesitation. She just went like, like it was the stupidest, most horrifying, like rapid transition. I'm so close to being on the verge of tears right now. Just in frustration over everything.

And laughing at the Benny Hill imagery. And that was really funny. But no, but I don't want to keep harping on this because I like subversive cinema. I'm not asking everything to be put in a box. I'm not saying you have to fucking save the cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I like, especially within mainstream filmmaking,

you know, populist filmmaking, even children's filmmaking, it's a twist shit. I don't have a, no, the problem is that it's unearned. So you're like a six-year-old, right? Yeah, yeah. And you're fucking watching the Phantom Menace trilogy. Oh, here's a movie about a little boy. I'm six years old.

He drives a race car. I don't have... Well-developed critical facilities, so I love it. I love this little boy. Go on. Second movie. Ooh, love. I don't know what love is yet,

so this film seems like an accurate representation of how adults relate to each other emotionally.'m in and he's cutting robots ooh this series is fun you're a kid this movie's made for kids these movies are made for kids and he watched the third movie and it's like ooh Anakin's uh getting tempted by the bad guy so this must be the setup so that at the end he can come back and find his way the good side oh now he's murdering kids who look like me yeah little little little white babies oh so everything in the world is terrible i guess so this is something i see this is something i don't care about this i feel like this is more your thing than my thing i don't know if i care about it i'm just like it's just unearned that's my problem with it everything in this movie is on it well that's

fair but but like the leap i mean the reason this seems to happen in the middle of the movie is that we need to definitively know that Anakin is beyond hope, right? Yes. That he does an act that is so reprehensible. Zero to a hundred. Exactly. It's zero to 800. Yeah.

It's zero to, yeah. It's so stupid. Because, you know. And then you've got a whole movie left like a whole hour plus this is the shortest of the three though it is I mean like I said it's really just it's you know that little movie and then you can kind of

just wrap it up it's just a lot of wrap up it's a lot of wrap up but the wrap up is just conclusively telling us that this guy sucks and he's beyond saving do you have a merchandise spotlight? I have a merchandise spotlight I was going to have a merchandise spotlight. Is it a burned up Anakin merchandise? Yeah, it's a burned up Anakin. I was going to ask if there's

a Youngling Massacre merchandise. They made some of the kids. You know that one scene where Bail Ariana, played by the great Jimmy Smith, goes to the... Yeah, and there's the kid who sort of valiantly fights off some clone troopers and then

dies. And Jimmy Smith's just like, no! Yeah, right. So we've seen all these kids get killed. We think all of them are dead. Then Jimmy Smith gets there. He's trying to get out. The fucking clone troopers are trying to shoot at him. This little boy comes out, protects him, dies in the process.

And it's like a weird scene. You're like, why would they put this into the movie? The kid's just doing crazy space karate. That kid is played by George Lucas' son. Oh, really? Who is really into karate.

And so George wrote the scene to the movie so he could do his martial arts in the movie. Although it's a little weird that George Lucas is like, you will have to die on screen. Yeah.

But you die a martyr? You die with smits going, no! Yeah, no one's happy about the fact that you're dying. No. Here's the crispy Anakin action figure. Oh, this is terrible. He doesn't look crispy. He just kind of looks hairless. Yeah. And covered in mud.

Yeah. He's got a robot arm. He looks like the I Am Legend robots. I think the legs are removable. They're not robots in I Am Legend. The movie's not about robots? I gotta re-watch that movie. Oh, boy.

I thought it was about robots. This is terrible. Well, okay, so here- It doesn't look like Anakin's face. No, it doesn't. Here, this is what it looks like. That's terrifying. Yeah, who does it look like? It looks like

this, I mean, this is, what kid wants to play with it? A broken toy? It's a broken toy to remind you of how everything in the world is terrible and everyone you love will hurt you. And then we'll get hurt in the process. This is just a plastic

representation of misery. Wow. But it comes with a cloak so you can turn him back into regular Anakin. Oh. You put the cloak on top of the thing. That's weird. So how did we get here? This is the Anakin episode, but we don't know why this happened. No.

It's like the whole movies are now revealed to be this ultimate tragedy of one man, right? It's like you have this person, like, prophesies to change the force, prophesies the future of the Jedis, and it turns out to be their worst nightmare. Yes. He brings about their very end. Although, it's really Palpatine who does most of it. Yeah, and it's also so muddled. It's like, in a way, they're sort of trying to say that, like, you know, by putting the pressure on him of having to restore the balance that maybe that made him crack, but they don't do the work to make that pay off. Is it just, hey, he was just a kid and evil corrupted him and evil could corrupt anyone.

All of us are corruptible. Are they trying to say that he was destined to fall? Are they trying to say that he just had the bad luck of being in Palpatine's way? There's a real hint of destiny to it, don't you think? Yeah, I mean, there's another angle I want to get at in the Palpatine episode. But there is kind of a hint of, like,

even if the Jedi had played their cards right, which they don't. Yeah. That all of this, and like we talked about in the Phantom Menace, that all of this was kind of coming to an end. That like there's opulence, you know, there's rules of the game. Yeah, you know, exactly. The red tape.

Les règles de jeu. I recently re-watched that film. It's a great film. Yeah, it's a great film. It's an anti Revenge of the Sith. But it's very similar to Revenge of the Sith, or some parts of the Phantom Menace and it's about these rich fools kind of ignoring

society crumbling around them. Dealing with petty domestic dramas focused on how the world around them crumbles. He needed three movies to do that? To trick us into thinking we were going to watch someone save the world and just watch them die? Not only that, he needed three movies to finally maybe get a good character out of Anakin Skywalker and give him to us for two minutes.

Yeah. Maybe there's another Star Wars movie. Hello. Hello. Welcome to Revenge of the Podcaster. I knew you were going to do that. I didn't either. I'm going with the flow.

No. No! Power! Power! Do you know that on a recent list of the 1,000 most popular baby names in America, according to the Social Security Administration, which is a very official list, Anakin was number 957.

So he just crept in the bottom there. He's finally on the top 1,000. But that amounts to 218 babies a year. So just for comparison, the other male baby names tied for 218 Yeah Are Emmett Baylor Judson

What? Judson is not a name And Truman Now Truman and Emmett Are real person names They are just about Emmett You don't know a lot of Trumans No it is That was his last name Emmett. You don't know a lot of Trumans. No, it is. We have a president after him.

That was his last name. Emmett Otter. Emmett Otter, thank you. You're welcome. The Truman Show. Yeah, that's what I think of when I think of Truman. Right, his name was Truman Show. His name was Truman Burbank, wasn't it?

And we called him The, like it's The James Brown. Isn't his last name is Burbank because the studio is in Burbank? Yeah, I think it's in Truman Burbank. He's owned by a corporation. Truman's his first name, right? Yeah. Anyway. I think it's in Truman Burbank. He's owned by a corporation. Truman's his first name, right? Yeah. Anyway. I love that movie.

Anakin is a name that was created by a maniac, a soul associate named George Lucas. Yep. And now we know that this franchise, this trilogy is about watching him murder children. Mm-hmm. So to the 218- And strangle his wife. Yep. And abuse his wife.

And I'm not even fucking joking. Like, it's insane what And strangle his wife. Yep. And abuse his wife. And I'm not even fucking joking. Like, it's insane what he does to his wife. To the 218- Anakins. Parents. No, parents. No, parents, sure. Who named their child Anakin in 2014,

knowing all that we know right now, go fuck yourself. You're a bunch of Sith Lords. What's wrong with you? Bunch of Sith Lords. 218 people who won't listen to this podcast. Don't listen. You cannot.

You are not allowed to listen to this podcast. Alright. Final order of business. Oh my god. It's a segue. Okay. And I ain't talking about the... You're not talking about the people moving piece of transportation. This is a gooder thing. Right. This is a transition. Good, yes, Anakin. Do it. Good, Anakin.

Do it. Do it. Right. Do it. Already a little weird. Different than we've seen. Do it. Do it. When. Okay. Do it. Already a little weird. Different than we've seen. Do it. Do it. When's someone going to give us $200 million to make a movie? The three of us. We would buck it up so hard. Are you kidding me? It'd be such a good movie, right, Ben?

It'd be a really good movie. No one would want to make it. I'm full of ideas. Ben, give us a quick pitch. We're going to- Oh, you're saying we shouldn't get sidetracked. Now you're asking Ben to pitch a movie. Every 15 minutes, I'm going to throw to Ben.

He's going to give us a quick pitch. Ben, quick pitch. $200 million. One sentence. But it has to fill $200 million worth of budget. Okay. It's an organization that you hire to play pranks on people who were mean to you in high school. Okay, that's a plot of dirty

work. Okay, let's go on. Oh, fuck. You're right. That's a plot of dirty work. Alright. And it's at most a $20 million budget. Palpatine. Let's bring it back. Okay. No, Dirty Work, but with an Ocean's Eleven cast. I want to see how they became dirty. Let's do six movies.

Okay, fuck everything, fuck everything, fuck the world, cut everything, start over. Hi, this is Griffin. I don't want to do the starting over bit. We've done that too many times. No bits, no bits. Do it, do it, do it. Palpatine opens up with her, I heard that I'm electing you to Jedi Council. How does that make you feel? Must not make you feel

great, huh? It's like, well, first of all, let's just point this out quickly, okay? Jedi Council, limited membership, right? There are literally very few seats. It's like 16 total. It's however many seats fit in that circle. Okay. They do give

him a seat, though, because they're like, yeah, we're not giving you master. Take your seat. Yeah. But there are very- It'd be good if his seat had a different leather backing, if it was blue instead of red. Or there wasn't a toilet in it. It looked the same, but you couldn't poop inside of it. That would be a real outrage.

That's a callback for you, Phantom Podcast listeners. There aren't that many seats available. The only new Jedi we have seen appointed to the council has been Obi-Wan. And those were extreme circumstances where his master died. Right? A seat was, therefore, given up. I guess so, yeah. But this is new business.

Also, everyone else on the council is significantly older than Anakin. Age is hard to tell with some of these aliens, but certainly, yes. David, we've looked up most of these people. Well, how old is Mace Windu, though? Mace Windu's probably 55. Yeah, he's like 20 years older than Anakin. 20, 30 years older than Anakin. Okay, within human years, that's a good difference.

That's fair. Right? That represents a good portion of your lifetime. It's fair. It's a fair of your lifetime it's fair it's a fair point okay so it was unlikely it was a stretch that he was going to be made a jedi master and put on council no absolutely he's only on the council because palpatine asked them because they wanted to play this crazy role but you know if they wanted him to play the crazy role they could have at least for the sake of show given him that rank of master now maybe they're trying to play their own game where they're like oh we don't want palpatine to think he's in with

us yeah you know it's a lot of chess being played right but they don't know that palpatine has like a big hammer that can smash all the chess pieces at once yeah that's the thing they think they're playing 3d chess he's playing like 8d chess yeah palpatine's kind of a G. I said he was a basic bitch, but he's kind of a G. No, he is crazy. Yeah. We'll get to it. So they're talking, and he's like, how's that make you feel? And he's like, not good.

I don't feel good about it. I feel like everyone's disrespecting me. Jedi's are not supposed to not feel good. This and that. Stressed out, having these dreams. And he's like, talking about all this stuff. And then he goes, you know, oh, they have this conversation. He goes, well, you know, the Jedi see things in very didactic ways,

this and this and that. He's not wrong. Yeah. You know, and he says, you know, there are other forms of the Force. He uses this line I think is very interesting within the context of our larger exploration of this movie, which is, he goes, you know, there are other forms of the Force. He uses this line that I think is very interesting within the context of our larger exploration of this movie, which is,

he goes, you know, what do you know about this? He goes, the Sith are driven by passion. They make decisions only based on themselves. The Jedi's are selfless.

Like he's saying there's not much difference between a Sith and a Jedi. Right, that it's more about... Huge difference. Yeah. They're driven by passion.

They make decisions for themselves. Don't you think it's interesting? The ultimate point he's making is, oh, the Sith are acting in self-preservation and the Jedi care about the world at large, the galaxy at large. Yeah. But the first word he uses to describe that divide is

the Sith are driven by passion as if emotion is a bad thing. Yeah. He doesn't say vengeance. No, no, but you're absolutely right. But that is in keeping with the logic of these movies and the logic of the way the Jedi's behave. And beyond that, the logic of how these films were made.

Yeah, that's true. That George was like, the scene is too emotional. We've got to reshoot it, right? I find that very fascinating. So, all right, it's presenting this thing. But Sidious is being kind of seductive. I forget exactly what comes up, but he goes, let me ask you a question.

Has any Jedi been able to cheat death? Whatever. He asks the question. And he's like, one guy. Yeah. Have you ever heard about Darth Plagueis? Darth Plagueis the wise. He's like, no.

And he's like, bet the Jedi wouldn't tell you. Here's the basic deal. Darth Plagueis? Darth Plagueis the wise. He's like, no. And he's like, I bet the Jedi wouldn't tell you. Here's the basic deal. Darth Plagueis was the most powerful ever. He was Sith as shit. Right? Like Sith through and through. He became so addicted to power that he could do almost anything. He could protect the ones he loved from death. Mm-hmm. Some believed he could even

use the Force via midichlorians to create life. Right. Ah! Right. Handbrake. You're saying he maybe created Anakin? Anakin's the Immaculate Conception?

Hey, I don't know. I don't know where he came from. Now, we always like to say that Watto was his dad because his little boy, Pe boy PP looks like Watto knows. But let's be honest for a second. You mostly like to say that.

I like to say that. And we also, I'm going to flip some cards over on the table. We don't know that for a fact. We don't. It's true. We don't know what Anakin PP looks like. Thank God. We've been joking.

What a terrible thing if we did. Yeah. We would never be able to get over it. We're not those types of guys. Carry on. Who like to look at little boys' pee-pees. I just want to say that

very clearly. And if we were, it would just be for the purpose of figuring out who's a Toydarian and who's not. That's all we're saying. We wouldn't be getting

any pleasure from it. We would just want to know who is part Twiggy. Griffin, I hate this bit. Carry on. I'm Griffin Newman. Welcome to Griffin David Presenter, Revenge of the Podcast. Power!

Yep. He just says the word, power! He zaps him a lot. I think he might say like, power, absolute power! Yeah. And he zaps Windu and Windu falls out the window. Yes, the Jedi tried to kill me, but we will have a galactic empire! Why do you have the body language of Mr. Burns now?

It's crazy. Why are you literally putting on a fake mustache at the end of every sentence just to twirl it? Before that, he was kind of just like, oh, I am Chancellor, you know, this old wizard man. You know, this burden does, you know, does not suit, but I will accept. I'm not going to be paying much attention to you. I am the Chancellor of Amity.

He's having a lot of fun with it. It's the only interesting arc throughout the three films. No! No! But, it's the only interesting arc, but it makes you wish that episode one was him training under Plagueis. No! Right? Don't you wish? Yeah, sure, but it makes you wish that episode one was him training under Plagueis. Yeah. Right?

Yeah, sure. Fine, yeah. And then episode two was them finding Anakin. He's the Phantom Menace. I know. Well, anyway. Anyway. But that's just my guesswork.

Well, anyway. But anyway. Hi, this is Griffin. Welcome to Griffin Day Present. Revenge of the Puppets. I hate that bit. I officially hate it. Ben cut out everything from here on out

and the episode at the last part where David said that he hates it. Yeah, and also delete all former episodes. Yeah. All right. Got it. Erase them. Scrub them.

Scrub. So Phantom Menace. Do it. Do it. Do it. Moment of silence for the Jedi Order. Single tier. Just to start out. Let's take. Moment of silence for the Jedi Order. Single tear. Just to start out.

Let's take one moment of silence. Hello. Welcome to Revenge of the Podcast. I'm Griffin. That was awful, Griffin. That was so loud. You just totally peaked out. I had to cut the moment of silence with some energy.

I didn't want the episode to be a bummer. We're going to talk about some sad stuff. You're right. You're right. Come on, Ben. That's Producer Ben, of course, a.k.a. Purdueer Ben, a.k.a. He's getting the intro before I get the intro. He cut in.

Because he yelled in the microphone. Because I want to cut the silence. You're doing it again. I'm watching your levels right now. I'm going to talk very quietly. Hi, this is Griffin. This is David Sims. Welcome to Revenge of the Podcast. Part of the storied Griffin and David present franchise. The rude interruption of my emotional oscillation was from Producer Ben, a.k.a.

Purdue Urban, a.k.a. The Ben Ducer, a.k.a. The Haas, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. HelloFinal. Oh my God. Fuck this movie. Yep.

Seriously. I didn't rewatch it since the last time I watched it. Good. I'm just on the way over here thinking about talking about it again. It's just so painful. What is this?

How many have we done now? This is four out of ten. No, no. It's not four. It's not four. Yes, it is. Are you serious? Uh-huh.

A hundred percent. No, it's five. No, it's four. This is four. That outburst of anger, this is a new speed. Wow. I literally thought

this was the sixth episode we've done on this super movie. No, this is four out of ten. We do ten episodes on each movie. Oh, no. I'm talking this was the sixth episode we've done on this stupid movie. This is four out of ten. We do ten episodes on each movie. Oh, no! I'm talking to our guest. That oh no is coming from our wonderful guest, the great Mike Drucker. Hello!

So we're talking about the Jedi Order today. We're talking about the Jedi Order. Okay, of course. We've done an episode on Anakin. Okay. We've talked about Palpatine. Right. But we want to talk about how the rest of the Jedi's are functioning in this movie. Not well. Not well not well not well really really everything they've been doing wrong comes back to bite him in the ass yeah for three movies yeah for three movies we've been getting warnings like hey it turns out they're Sith Lords yeah right well maybe we keep it pretty heavily let's keep

an eye on that oh hey like someone in the the Jedi Order ordered a clone army without us noticing that. That's weird. Aren't we psychic? Yeah. Like, shouldn't we be on this? Yeah. The third movie, like, oh, yeah, the whole clone army, they're genetically programmed to kill us. We missed this.

Well, what I hate is you see the first movie and you have two Jedis that are just fighting incredibly well against one guy, obviously. But then the more Jedi you add add to every movie the worse they are to the third movie where they order order 66 and they're just shot yeah they just get shot they're just good shot like one lady doesn't even turn around like she definitely senses shit but she doesn't turn around can i say shit yeah oh you can say anything you want i don't know if this hasbro pays for this yeah hasbro does pay for this but you can say whatever you want second no i mean griffin has paid hasbro um i but you can say whatever you want. Second, I mean... Griffin has paid Hasbro for this. I paid Hasbro.

You can say whatever you want, but just advance notice just because you're a comedian, you're a comedic writer, and I understand. I come from the same world. This is a no-bits podcast. We should make it very clear. We hate bits. We don't believe in bits. We want to talk. This is a serious film criticism podcast.

We want to talk openly about the films we're discussing with no sort of overarching bits. Mike, don't give me more work. I don't want to have to do any editing in post, okay? Right, exactly. No bits. Mike, just so you can feel safe in this environment if you aren't already, Sith Lords are not allowed to listen to this podcast. This is a thing Griffin's been doing recently.

I'm only half on board with it. I don't want people rating us fucking zero stars. I mean, wouldn't it only be two ratings? That's true. There's only a master and an apprentice. We got one one-star rating so far. Okay, but who was it? I don't want that second shoe to drop.

The master or the apprentice. I don't know. But which one was it? Well, here's what you do. This is what I'm saying. That's an episode one, that exchange of dialogue. Yoda and Mace Windu. Oh, look, seems like it was a Sith Lord.

Which was it, the Master and the Apprentice? I don't know. Let's do no work on this. Let's just not do work on this. The way to figure out who, whether it's the Master or the Apprentice, is look up the age of the person who commented. And if they are 90 years old, then they are the Apprentice. Yeah, you're talking counting.

Yeah, because you got to get they are The Apprentice. Yeah, you were talking about Count Dooku. Yeah, because you've got to get some young Buck apprentices. I tweeted out as a joke that we weren't recording because I was filming the new Colin Trevorrow movie. Yeah. A lot of people took that seriously. Well, congratulations, though. Thank you. I just want to clearly say that I would never work for Colin Trevorrow. And I have no hesitation saying that publicly

because I doubt that Colin Travereau will ever make a film that I want to be in. I will say that. I don't mind what bridges I burn publicly. Colin Travereau will never direct a film that I have any interest in being part of the cast. As we said, no bits. No bits. Yeah, a sort of

sub-theme in this podcast is Griffin just ruining his career. I'm ruining my career. Burning it to the ground. Straight just shit. I have no allies anymore. Obi-Wan follows the lead to the planet where... What the hell is the planet called, actually, where he's hanging out?

I don't know. It's sort of the jungle planet, but it's like a big hole, right? The whole planet, the whole city, it's like someone drilled a big hole in the ground. hole, right? Like the whole planet, the whole city, it's like someone drilled a big hole in the ground, and it's sort of like there's like a Guggenheim level, you know, like where there's all these sort of spiraling sub-levels. It's not Kashyyyk.

No? Is it Utapau? It might be something like that. We're all bummed out just saying these names. Tian Midan, we're bummed out that we know these names. What? Tian Midan. Who's that? Who is the tall dude with the slits on his face and the sharp teeth.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, with the sort of high collar. Yes. Who's played by Bruce Spence. This guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bruce Spence, who is the gyrocopter pilot in The Road Warrior. Who's like a fucking awesome

I think you expect us to go what? holy cow he's like a cool fucking Australian well cause this movie was shot in Australia he's a cool fucking actor he was the mouth of Sauron in Return of the King he was one of the side sharks in Finding Nemo

yeah you were right it was Utapau Utapau. Utapau? How long did George spend on that name? Sometimes, I'm not trying to be childish here. I'm trying to grow up on this podcast. But sometimes I really do think that George just

recorded the sounds of himself pooping and then named things after the sounds that the poop made when it hit the water. Mostafa. Utapau. Yeah. self-pooping and then name things after the sounds that the poop made when it hit the water. Most of all. Most of all. Kashyyyk. Yeah. Most words in this universe sound like diarrhea sounds.

How many whys are in the name Kashyyyk? All the whys. Just put all the whys you got in there. Yeah, if there were a vowel, just make it a why. That's sort of the rule. Yeah. He goes to Tian Mi Dan and he's like, hey, I'm looking for Grievous.

And Tian Mi Dan's like, no Grievous here. And he's like, because there's this war going on. He's like, hey, I'm looking for Grievous. And Tian Mi Dan's like, no Grievous here. And he's like, because there's this war going on. He's like, nope, no war here, no Grievous. Don't know what you're talking about. And he's like, do you mind if I use the bathroom quickly? And Tian Mi Dan's like, sure, use the bathroom. Hold on, I just have one thing to tell you.

There's a ton of war going on here. Grievous is right here. Grievous is literally downstairs. Right. But he leans in and speaks in a quieter voice, but not that quiet a voice. We're like, I don't understand how anyone who is spying on him, because then they cut to the balcony and there's like a balcony that's like maybe a hundred feet away where one of Grievous' like Magna guards is spying on them. And it's like, oh, he didn't raise any suspicion when Obi-Wan was there.

Yeah. I understand what you're saying. I don't know. It's stupid. Whatever. Dumb. Dumb. So he's like, you gotta... Please kill General Grievous.

He is in room A-14. He's in conference room A-14. He is here. Yeah, anyway. He's giving a lecture. This planet's like the Guggenheim. It's like a weird tube in the ground. I also think for a series of films that are hyper-titled Star Wars, I don't think Georgie Porgie understands what a war is.

Because any time a war is brought up in this movie, he's like, no, there's a ton of war on this planet. And you see the planet, and it just looks like a museum. There's no battle happening. Well, the other thing is the movie's called Star Wars, and they're like, oh, oh shit we're at the Clone Wars at the end of Attack of the Clones right? Yeah. Alright this is gonna be awesome we're gonna see all this war and then we cut

to like ten years later it's like well the war is over. We just finished the war. Yep. War finished. And with that Yeah. Yeah. And the way the war breaks out at the end of Attack of the Clones is like if they called in cops to mediate a boxing match

that got out of hand and then it turned into a war. They send in the clones because there's a bad arena battle happening and then within 13 seconds

it's a full on war. Yeah, within 13 seconds people are being loaded into ships. So. Yeah, who's your favorite character? Tia Maldon goes,

hey, you want to help find Grievous Jump on that thing right there And it is Boga Yeah he's a He's a dactyl A veridactyl

Okay yeah I thought it was a dactyl I've been misspeaking For the last couple weeks It's a veractyl From Utapau It looks like an iguana Right Yes

It's a big iguana It's a big iguana It's a big iguana Obi-Wan rides it around In some of the worst Most spectacularly bad CGI Right iguana, right? Yes. It's a big iguana. It's a big iguana. Obi-Wan rides it around in some of the worst, most spectacularly bad CGI. And it's also like it just feels like they're like, oh, we could do this, so let's

make the scene with no real purpose to it. Yeah, it's kind of like, should Obi-Wan just walk over there? Nah! Let's get an iguana! Yeah! Why don't you rode a giant lizard? And everyone's like, sure, George. There might as well be people like carrying plate glass that he could smash through it. Like, I mean, sure, George. There might as well be people, like, carrying plate glass, like, that he could smash through it. Like, I mean, it's that sort of, like,

unnecessarily silly. It also feels like the movie was made with less enthusiasm. The movies were made increasingly less enthusiasm. Like, one is weird, but fun. Yeah. Two is terrible, but trying to do interesting things. Yeah. And then this one's just like, I don't know.

One of them all turns bad. Like, at least in two, you had, like, a wacky bounty hunter. Yeah. And then this one's just like, I don't know. What about a lizard? It all turns bad. Like, at least in two, you had, like, a wacky bounty hunter. Yeah. You had, like, that fat dude who owned a diner. Dexter Jester. Part two of My Holy Trinity. Yeah, you're hitting all of Griffin's favorites. Yeah, we see very similarly.

Let's see if you can get the third guy in Attack of the Clones. I don't remember who it is. I'm trying to remember who it is. Oh, it's the returning character from Phantom Menace. Oh, Watto? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Watto plus Hattany?

My Holy Trinity from Phantom Menace is Watto. It's just that Watto's not in this one. Is Watto, Boss Nass, and Tarples? That's who you like in this one? No, in Phantom Menace, that was my Holy Trinity, right? Watto, Boss Nass, and Tarples? But then there was TC-14.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, I love TC-14. Oh, my God, god mike how do we not get you on here you really should have been on this podcast from the beginning birds of a feather yeah um well i just heard boga's entire wikipedia entry and there's nothing of interest in there uh but but i because you had said maybe that's your favorite character and i said i don't think because i don't think it's a defined character i think it's just part of a species has a name though boga and she's

it's female and she's the fastest on the planet and that's all they have to say about her. The other thing it says is that Obi-Wan leaves her for dead because he assumes that she dies but she doesn't. She goes on to live a long life. She falls. Yeah but she survives the fall it says. She goes on to live a long life like does she have kids or? Yeah. Probably some

iguana babies. Oh that's great. She has 10 husbands. 10 husbands husbands 30 children but none of them replace the the part of her heart that obi-wan held um does obi-wan just kind of randomly jump on her or is she like given to him i can't remember i think tiaminon's like go jump on we have this lizard yeah do you know she's the fastest on the planet i know it's a big imposition to ask you to kill general grievous, but maybe if you jumped on the Sigwana. Let's sweeten the deal. You can ride my lizard.

You don't even have to give it back. It's cool. Let it fall as far as you want. It'll live a long life. This is my favorite section of the movie. I don't know why. I'll tell you why. Although I can't name another section that I really prefer.

I have no favorite section on this one. This is why. And I liked it, I'll say, a have no favorite section on this one. No, this is why. And I liked it, I'll say, a lot less this time than the first time. Sure. Rewatching it. Now this fourth rewatch or whatever it is. But it's my favorite section of the movie because it's fucking silly. It is very silly.

It's very silly. And Ewan McGregor is playing it up. Yeah. He's having some fun. He's doing like a sort of Harold Flynn, old-timey swashbuckler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like really broad. up yeah he's having some he's doing like a sort of errol flynn old timey swashbuckler like really broad and the rest of this movie is so laden and like fucking just self-serious and everything

and it's like i you know we've talked for the opera house scene except for the opera scene oh yeah we've talked about how fucking funny phantom menace is and how much we're missing those wall-to-wall laughs in this movie i don don't mean comedy, but if you're doing it in a way that's set in space, why not? And everything's CGI and you can create anything you want. Yeah. Why not have a fucking dude on a lizard chasing a coughing robot on a one-wheeled bike? Because it's too much stuff. No, just enough stuff.

It's so much stuff. It's too much stuff. I'm saying maybe he should have that much stuff. No. Organa is like, why don't you go to Tatooine where Anakin's relatives live? And by Anakin's relatives, he means- His only living relatives. His step, I guess, stepbrother and his wife.

Right, right. So it's his stepbrother and wife. It's just such a weird place to drop off someone's kid. Through the stepfather he met only after- One time, yeah, yeah, yeah. One time. His mother had been kidnapped from the- Yeah, yeah, yeah. His mother had been kidnapped from the father. Like, he met her.

He didn't even see them together as a family unit. It's basically the second owner of his mother who then married her. Right. Yeah. His kid. Although, maybe that's a great place to snatch, like, a baby to be like, all right, who would you never go to see? Oh, your stepbrother you met once.

A lot of bad memories over there. That is not a fun place. Not bad memories, but who gives a shit? You don't got to keep up with them. It is kind of fun to imagine just robot Darth Vader showing up and being like, hi. Like getting dinner with them and being like, so how are things at the Moisture Farm? It's crazy. We didn't even recognize you.

You look so different than the last time we saw you. You look crazy different. Has anyone told you this? You're unrecognizable. I went through a thing on Mustafar. Oh, it was real bad. Trust me, you do not want me to take this mask off. All right, not at dinner.

This is delicious, Beru. Beru is a good chef. But yeah, Obi-Wan goes to tatooine and uh yoda goes somewhere he just he just goes he leaves he gets in the ship and leaves i'll hide but they have one final conversation it's not that i think it's a little before when they're traveling wanted to get to this because it's hysterical this is an important conversation yeah it's literally they're like okay so what what happened today uh we didn't kill any of our enemies palpatine took over the galaxy all the jedis were exterminated that kid you were training was instrumental has turned Okay, so what happened today? We didn't kill any of our enemies. Palpatine took over the galaxy.

All the Jedis were exterminated. That kid you were training was instrumental. The kid you were training has turned into a homicidal maniac. Yeah. And, oh, I forgot to tell you. One crazy thing that came up today. Remember Qui-Gon? But he literally pitches it like,

do you remember that guy who was your master? Do you remember Qui-Gon Jinn? He says it like Obi-Wan might not remember. I recently recently heard from him i can't believe i didn't tell you and obi-wan's like oh god he's going senile qui-gon's dead he doesn't remember it's like when your grandma calls out for the daughter who died 10 years earlier he's qui-gon figured out how to i don't know turn into a spirit or something he says he figured out how to transcend death by becoming part of the Force or something like that. Good news, right?

I got you a workbook. I want you to look at it while you're in hiding. You're going to have a lot of free time. Yeah, you know what I really dislike about how they deal with Anakin? They constantly go like, Anakin, I think you're really angry. They don't go like, Anakin, I think you're really angry. Like, they don't go like,

we're the Jedi's, we're these wise people of presumably, you know, selflessness and hopefully empathy. Right? To go like, Anakin has anger problems. Let's try to talk to him and be like, hey, Anakin, are you doing all right?

Yeah. What's up, Anakin? And so they just keep on like... Then maybe he'd say like, well, I fell in love with Queen Amidala. And then be like, what? Whoa! Whoa! No, no, no, no, no? What's up, Anakin? What's up, Anakin? Then maybe he'd say, like, well, I fell in love with Queen Amidala. And then we're like, what? Whoa. Whoa.

No, no, no, no. That's bad. That's bad. We got rules here, buddy. Do you remember when you were, like, a little kid and your parents would go, like, somebody's tired. And you'd go, like, I'm not tired. Yeah.

Like, you didn't want people telling you what you were. Yeah. That's how they deal with Anakin throughout all three movies. Yeah, but he's- They just go, like, somebody's angry.'s angry and he's like i'm not angry yeah it's like just talk to him about what's going on in his life massage these issues i mean it just seems like they don't there's a lot of red flags oh yes movies hell of a lot of red hell of a lot of red flags yeah um and also the sith like let's not forget they unveil themselves in episode one. Oh, yeah.

They literally give them every opportunity. Like, figure out who we are. We keep showing up. Yeah. They have three movies to do it. They don't do it. Yeah. Anakin figures it out and gets tempted to the dark side.

Also, this is over the course of, like, I'd assume 20-something years. It's a long time. You know, like, and the Sith are back. They're like, ah, I mean, fine. We killed one of them. That's it! There's so many frustrating things about this series. We killed one of them. There's only one Sith,

right? Or is it two? Eh, it's usually two, but we're probably fine. I always forget if it's one or two. Yeah, we should check the Jedi archives sometime. Oh, our power to sense the Force has been diminished. They say that all the time! They keep saying their powers are diminished. Also, all the files in their Jedi archives have been deleted.

Weird. And there's this clone army that a Jedi ordered. Let's not look into it. Also, it's weird. The Chancellor's not leaving office. He just keeps staying around. And everything kind of conspires to keep him in office. He keeps on creating new positions and then electing himself to them.

It's weird. That seems bad. Yeah. I can't sense anything about him in the force, so it's probably okay. He's probably a good guy. I gave him a once over. He's fine. I gave him a once over.

They're like airport security, where they're like, hey, you don't have any dark side water bottles. All right, you're in. And then you find out someone just brought a bomb onto the plane. Right. They pat him down once with the back of their hands. Right. They're like, you're cool.

You're clean. He literally decorates his whole office red. Yeah. His whole office is red. And black. Yeah, red and black. And he writes Sith in the carpet. He's also always asking a young Padawan to hang out with him,

which if not dark side, is still something to be questioned. Check that out. Seems like it has a taste for the younglings, if you will. Can you let this 15-year-old kid hang out with me for a few hours? Nothing will happen. It would be satisfying to have one of those endings where you realize that Yoda was kind of a villain all along. And not like a twisty, must-have twirly,

like I was working the gears, but it's like through negligence. The fool on the hill. was kind of a villain all along. And not like a twisty, must-have twirly, like I was working the gears, but it's like through negligence. The fool on the hill. He was as bad a force as those who were deliberately evil. Pun intended. And to see him get a lightsaber through the brain might have been nice.

And why not? This is the last movie. What are you saving, George? Why let him go off and have a nice life in seclusion? Why? I don't know. David's holding his hands up. Maybe he wanted in seclusion? Why? I don't know. David's holding his hands up.

Maybe he wanted to make a fourth movie. I don't think. I mean. Padme has two kids. A fourth movie. No, Mike, Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Mike, yes.

Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Hashtag Mike, yes. Mike, yes. Please tweet at Mike, hashtag Mike, yes. Yeah, please. No, I mean, we talked about this. I don't know if you know this, Mike.

Yeah. But George Lucas did sell Lucasfilm to Disney recently. I think mostly because they wanted the Indiana Jones franchise. Yeah, right. And the remake rights to Tucker, A Man and His Dreams. Yeah, and Strange Magic. Strange Magic, Willow. There are a lot of good things.

Yeah, they wanted to make the Monkey Island games again or something. They were able to work Howard the Duck back into Guardians of the Galaxy. That's true. Yeah. Radioland Murders, of course, would work very well as a TV series. Anyway. Please, just keep naming Lucasfilm properties. I think there may be two more.

Yeah, there's not a lot. Yeah. If he had wanted to make a fourth film, I think he would have done it. What was stopping him? Lack of finances? Age? Lack of confidence? Or maybe just burnout from doing three in a row, but you still want to make...

Maybe he wants to do other stuff. He produced Red Tails. He produced Red Tails. He sold the company to Disney. Right. We've been saying, I mean, they are sitting on, despite how hated these movies are,

what was a very successful trilogy of films. And Disney's very property-minded, franchise-minded. It would not be out of this realm to assume that someday Disney would try to do an episode four. Yeah. Do you think they try to fucking work Yoda back into it?

Hey, sure, why not? Frank Oz is still available. As a villain? As what? What has he become now? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is. Yeah, I guess.

Yeah, Yoda turns evil. But does he fight Obi-Wan, or is there, like... I mean, you have those babies, but... Maybe he tries to kill the babies? You think Yoda tries to kill the babies? Probably. That's where I would take it.

Or steal them to raise them himself, maybe? I'm just saying. Then again, he also hid them. I don't know. If you brought me into a pitch meeting and were like, a fourth Star Wars movie, what would you do? I'd be like, okay, Yoda's creeping

into a child's bedroom. Lightsaber brandish. This is the opening scene in the movie. And then Obi-Wan chops him in two. The opening scene is Obi-Wan kills Yoda. Bisects him. Okay. So now Obi-Wan's standing with a bisected Yoda over two babies.

Yeah, sure. Now they get, sure. What's scene two? We have two and a half hours after that. Cut to 20 minutes later. 20 minutes later. So let's just briefly say our respects for Adi Gallia. Yadimundi.

Plo Kloon. He bites it. Who's the little guy? The little guy with the sort of Kit Fisto. Oh, Kit Fisto. Who's the little guy? The little guy with the sort of droopy ears. Oh, I forget. Oh, yeah, I forget. Yario Poof. No, he dies between, like, episodes two and three or something.

Really? Just like a bully? I was reading his Wikipedia. No, he dies, like, tragically. Really? He chops him into pieces or something. It's crazy. There's a comic book about it.

Wow. We liked Yario Poof. He's the one with the kind of long stalk head. Oh, yeah. The Q-tip. His race is that he's a queer man. And his last name is Poof. Good job, George Lucas.

Yep, that's what we said. R.I.P. Yaddle, we suppose? Yeah, a lot of these characters died off screen, but yeah. We lost a lot of good ones. Evan Peele. Evan Peele. Evan Peele. Yeah.

Agent Kolar. Yeah. All these just great characters. Bruce Ophie. Don't even mention it. Some of our best friends. Some of the most beloved characters in the history of pop culture, all gone.

We have a very special guest with us here today. David, would you like to introduce her? Because you, and I'm not angry about this You shouldn't be Have podcasted with her in the past Yeah, but she was the original podcast I'm not jealous You're the cheat

I'm not jealous You know, you're the other woman I'm not jealous This is Sonia Soraya Hi Hi Hi David Who I do a podcast with called Night Cheese

Hi Yeah, it's fun We should eat cheese actually on this podcast We should have gotten Sonia Soraya. Hi. Hi. Hi, David. Who I do a podcast with called Night Cheese. Hi. Yeah, it's fun. We should eat cheese, actually, on this podcast. We should have gotten. Well, I did just have a chicken parm flatbread from Pax Wholesome Foods. Is that really what you want to put on the line right now? Look.

Look. That's what they had, and that's what I got. What did you have? I had a crispy chicken club that had cheese on it as well. Sonia's the TV critic for Salon.com. Yes, and Griffin, you are the other woman. Oh, well. I actually... I did cheat on Sonia with you.

When you guys first started talking about the podcast on Twitter, I did yell at you both about starting this. I know, I know. We got you on. No, I appreciate it, obviously. Obviously, whatever... This is a threesome, literally, right now.

Yeah. Well, hey, let's not let Ben... Ben can have some fun. I can watch. Ben's watching. Ben's in the corner. Yeah, of course,'s not let Ben. Ben can have some fun. I can watch. Ben's watching. Ben's in the corner. Yeah, of course, we have with us, as always, Producer Ben, a.k.a.

Purdueer Ben, a.k.a. the Ben-ducer, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. the Haas, a.k.a. Hello Fennel, a.k.a. Peeping Tom. Hey! He's got a new nickname.

He's got a new nickname because he's going to watch while we all boon. By the way, I think it's also interesting that they don't have sonograms in this universe. No one knew? No one knows that she has twins. Look, it's inexplicable

because it's not a twist in the movie when she has two babies. Yeah. Like, it plays no plot point, but for some reason they decide to reveal it then.

Like, I don't know why. Like, they could have just said, like, I'm pregnant, Annie. We're twins. Congrats. We're twins. Congrats.

Twins. I guess it's so Anakin doesn't know there's a sister or a brother. But, I mean, these are obviously the only three films that he's ever made, so it doesn't matter. But, you know.

It's very annoying. I don't understand why you keep on restating things. Our listenership is not stupid, Sona. You can just... Look, we don't like bits on this podcast. We know how many movies there are. Look, I just want to make this clear. We have a very erudite listenership.

They are well-educated. Oh, can I read some of the reviews? Oh, sidebar! I'm sorry, Sonia, to cut you off, but it's very important we do some housekeeping every episode. I'm cutting you off to read some listener reviews. It's very important we do some housekeeping because rating us, reviewing us, subscribing to our cousin podcast on the UCB Comedy Network.

We have 42 reviews now. Don't you want to pump us up to 50? Well, I don't know. 42, Jackie Robinson. Maybe that's the right number. It's a good number. Maybe we go one above. We become problematic.

Noted baseball fan Griffin Newman. Yep. Okay. No one mentioned Hitchhikers. Hitchhikers? Oh, Hitchhikers got to go. Of course, 42. Life, the universe, and everything.

So everyone, please keep rating but don't review anymore because we found the perfect number of reviews. Don't say that. No. Please review. Don't listen to him. Don't review us. Keep reviewing. Do not. I want to, so I just want to say

some things. Read out I want to so I just want to say some things read out some reviews we've got a review from Ramona Castle have you read this one? I think this is from Ramona perhaps

there's a heart is the title hi Griffin and David I love you both even though every episode of this belies it you're both perfect gentlemen five stars

wow now how about this one from Conrado Falco did you read this one? I'm looking at this one right now David, I love you both. Even though every episode of this belies it, you're both perfect gentlemen. Five stars. Wow. Now, how about this one from Conrado Falco? Did you read this one? This one's really good. I'm looking at this one right now. Why do you read that aloud? Mozart. Tolstoy.

Picasso. Griffin and David. P.S. Producer Ben is also a genius. That's the full review. All right. All right. That's the full review. All right. All right. That's the full review. All right.

And here from Monkey Shines, Hello Fennel, he says, though I am dismayed and a furious at the fact that there's no new episode this week,

that was last week or two weeks ago. When is this episode coming out? Yeah, we were recording two at once. I've decided to give this

a five star rating because only David and Griffin could piss me off this much that Ben Ducer is just charming and never rankles me. There you go, Ben. That's enough reviews.

I got one more I want to read. This is the last one. Five-star review. The subject heading is delightful. Love the podcast, but if I have it my way, you will never work and show business again, Griffin. And that review is from Colin Trevorrow. You're an asshole, Colin. What if it was from Colin Trevorrow?

I mean, who knows? Maybe that's his iTunes account. Was so obsessed with himself that he even heard our podcast dissing him. We don't like Colin Trevorrow. You know, director of Jurassic World? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He's a bummer.

And he should be kicked in the penis. Didn't he say some dumb shit about women? He did. Oh, yes. This is like what I know him for. He gave one of those answers where it's like, look, of course I think more women should direct movies, but they don't want to, and there's not enough women, and where are the women anyway?

He said like eight things that suck. He said, listen, sweetie, the thing you don't understand is that- We are going to get sued. Women don't want to do big budget movies that's not what they're interested in I have no interest in doing big budget movies myself no one does

just why I'm here talking about Star Wars that's why there's a reason it's a white man's game because only white men like them only white men like being successful that's why throughout history

only white men have succeeded I hate college it's because they're the only ones that want to other people like failing it's weird it's true so listenership please rate, review, subscribe I hate Colin Trevorrow. It's because they're the only ones that want to. I know people like failing. It's weird. It's true.

It's true. So. Listenership, please rate, review, subscribe, and kick Colin Trevorrow in his wiener. That's now end of housekeeping segment. Yep. It would be great if we could talk to George Lucas. Could you imagine if we got to sit down with him? Hey, George, you want to be on the show? Email us.

I'm DavidLSims at gmail.com. Let's sort this out. Griffin and Dave present at gmail.com. George Lucas, if you're interested, we've been ragging on you a lot. If you want to come on and defend yourself, we would happily have you on gmail.com. Let's start us out. Griffin and David present at gmail.com. George Lucas, if you're interested, we've been ragging on you a lot. If you want to come on and defend yourself, we would happily have you on an episode. Yeah.

Just keep that out there. If he is on the show, can you please ask him if his nickname has ever been Georgie Porch? Georgie Porch. Yeah, Georgie Porch. That's his nickname on this one. Let's talk about the actual, no bits. Let's talk about the actual death.

Okay? Oh, yeah. You really want to talk about it. This is a big thing. You know it's really hung up on this. It's shitty. It is shitty. It is shitty.

So when Anakin reveals to her, all her suspicions are correct, right? Yeah, he's been murdering children. Yeah. He's working for the dark side. Yeah. He exterminated a bunch of Jedi. Yeah. He's like, Anakin, what. Yeah. He exterminated a bunch of Jedi. Yeah. She goes like, Anakin, what are you talking about?

How do you? Anakin, I don't. And she, I'm sorry. She manifests the first rejection of, like the first like, oh, wait, I'm a person that isn't in love with, like that isn't totally just this person's like wacky. Yes. Yes. She gets a little disillusioned.

And I appreciate your apology because I was really connected emotionally to that performance and it's going to take me another second to get back into it. You made a good point, Sonia, and I'm glad you did, but I just,

hold on. The train was running. Okay. She goes, I don't. She has a line, I think, that you're trying to get to.

You're breaking my heart, Anakin. There it is. Now it's this very, very earnest, I actually kind of like the way she delivers it. She's a pretty good actress. Right?

I think given that line on the page. She's bad in the movie, but she's pretty good. Yeah. But I think given that line on the page, having to deliver that line, I think she makes a kind of interesting choice, which is to really deliver it as like a girl caught up in a romantic fantasy that's now crumbling around her. Yes. She had this very simple idea of like wanting to be together and be happy with him.

Yes. And she's now reduced to, like, you know, breaking my heart is, like, this very childlike notion of, like, literally a heart being broken and twain or whatever. She says that. He chokes her. Obi-Wan says, stop. Yeah.

Right? She's lying there perfectly. She's in a perfect line. Yeah, she's just perfect. But it's in a perfect. Yeah. She's perfect. But it's like literally when they cut to her on the ground, her arms are still held out as if she was bracing the fall. Yeah. Obi-Wan takes her back on the ship, brings her to Bail Organa's place. He has the droid with the clasped hands.

Wait, does Obi-Wan take her back on the ship? I want to say C-3PO and R2 do. Is this a crazy thing? Obi-Wan's on the ship with them, definitely, but it might be C-3PO and R2 do physically take her. Obi-Wan checks her pulse or something, then they go fight.

And then they come back and both of the droids are whistling a bunch. They're like, oh my god, something's happened, you gotta do a thing! Whistle away! He's like, okay, and he goes inside the ship. my God, something's happened. You gotta do a thing. Whistle away. He's like, okay. And he like goes inside the ship. Yeah,

because I think they get her to a hospital ship. It's not like their ship is a hospital ship. Yeah, they have to fly her to, and that's where Yoda and Bail Organa are.

Right, I think that's on Bail Organa's planet. Oh yeah, his fantastic ship. On his ship. Right, they use his fantastic ship to get to his planet

where the hospital is, I believe. It's hard to keep track of this movie. No, it's on a ship, bro. Is it? Yeah. Who knows? I thought the thing with the crater... This honestly doesn't matter. It's okay. That's a good point. Genuinely

impossible to follow. But somehow she gets to a hospital. Yes. Right? Far away from Anakin. Yep. In answer to your question, Sonia, I do like paralleling those two actions against each other. I wish, for someone like George George who talks so much about trying to create like visual repetition, circular imagery throughout the films. They're constructed in very different ways.

They're cutting back and forth between the two. And I think he could have like from a nerdy filmmaking perspective, really created visual contrast and similarities between the two things, whereas now it's just two actions being presented, shot in very different ways. But delivery room, the robot comes out.

She hasn't given birth to one, even one of the babies yet, right? And the robot comes out with his little clasped hands. He's got kind of like sad face. He looks a little bit like WALL-E. Yeah, he has these droopy WALL-E eyes.

It would be funny though if he was a doctor and he had to like load like a frowny face emoji, you know, like, but then if he had good news, he would load like a happy one. I was going to say, do you think they have a bad news robot and a good news robot? Yeah, they might. Like a Patch Adams robot.

The other one waves his arms around, and he has big, goofy eyes, and this one has sad eyes, and he clasps his hands. But he goes, it's fascinating. Medically, she's in perfect condition. I'm paraphrasing here, but this is really what he said. There's nothing we can—this is really wrong with her. He goes, she's in perfect condition. I'm paraphrasing here, but this is really what he said. There's nothing we can, this is really wrong with her. He goes, it's weird. Medically, she's in perfect condition, but yet she seems to be, we seem to be losing her.

It's almost as if she has lost the will to live. She delivers two babies, which is a very taxing physical act. Not easy. Although, it seems easy, so maybe there's some technology. Yeah, they use like the scoop arms and a vacuum. I don't even know what's happening under that hood. That is true. My point is, within the world that we know, perhaps not Georgie Porgie's Phantom Menace world,

but within the world we know, it is very difficult to have a baby, to physically deliver a baby. It's a memorable day when it happens. I think it's usually like, this was quite a baby. Yeah. To physically deliver a baby. It's a memorable day when it happens. I think it's usually you're like, this was quite a day. Good or bad, you remember it. Yeah.

And two in a row. Two in a row. Two in a row. Pretty big. Not easy. In olden times, and let's not forget that Revenge of the Sith

is a period piece. It is a period film. In olden times, many women would not survive childbirth. Sure. And they would not go, I guess she just lost the will to live. They'd go, hey, guess what? Delivering babies is really tough. And if you're even slightly hobbled when you start doing it, it might kill you.

Why doesn't the doctor say, yeah, it seems like she has just been choked and assaulted by an extremely powerful Jedi. Did that happen recently? That would help explain all of this. Did she? I mean, they're making dying of a broken heart into a real thing. But your point is, like, from a story perspective, she is in a weakened physical state, did not know she had two babies within her, and now has to deliver both at the same time, that might kill someone in her position, especially someone as slight

as she is to begin with. She's undernourished. Right. Clearly she'd never been to a gynecologist because she didn't know she had two babies inside her the whole time. Maybe it's because it was a secret pregnancy. Yeah. That must be why. Although she could have just bought this doctor, right?

He's a robot. Just go to like Sears and get a doctor robot. That's a really good point. I want to say something about Pale World. Please. And I hate bits. I hate bits. Are you going to say Jimmy Smits?

No, I love Jimmy Smits. I hate bits and I love Jimmy Smits. Hate bits love Smits. Pro bits, anti-Smits. No, fucking, I flipped it. Oh, fuck. Oh, no, now we're pro bits. Oh, no. Anti-bits, pro Smits. Anti-bits anti-smits. No, fucking, I flipped it. Oh, fuck. Oh, no, now we're pro-bits. Oh, no.

Anti-bits pro-smits. Anti-bits pro-smits. Anyway. So, this movie has a lot of CGI. Correct. Has a lot of crappy set design as a result. I can't wait to hear what we're doing. It's got pillars.

There's that scene with the pillars. I've mentioned it so many times on this podcast, but when the pregnancy is announced, they're in this room that's just infinite pillars. It's just a copy-paste of pillars. You know, like, it's just, there's some things where you're in this room that's just infinite pillars. It's just a copy paste of pillars. You know, like, it's just, there's some things where you're like, well, come on, guys. Jimmy Smits drives a ship,

and he's got, the Organa people have this ship. The Organamobile. Jimmy Smits. Jimmy Smits ship. The Jimmy ship. We're pro-Smits. God damn it. Go on, go on, go on.

It is the greatest set they have had in any of these movies. The ship itself. Yes. It's got this like crazy like white interior. It's really minimal and simple. Do you know what I'm talking about? You only see it for like one minute at the end of the movie.

Wait. It's called like what the hell is the ship called? But which one? I'm sorry. I don't even remember which one it is. Jimmy Smith's ship. It's. Jimmy Smith.

It's organic. It's a huge ship. We're not talking like a little cruise. No. It's a big ship. He's ship. It's... Jimmy Smith... If I start back... It's Organa... What's... It's a huge ship. We're not talking like a little cruise. No, it's a huge ship. He's in. Bail Organa Spaceship Interior. This is what's being Googled right now. Do you guys not know what I'm talking about?

No, I do know what you're talking about. I have no clue. I do know what you're talking about. I'm going to try to find the scene where it happened. Here. Tontiff. Heroes Regroup. That's it.

The Tontiff 4. What, are we watching it now? Yeah, it's this thing. Oh, I watched this. The ship on the outside kind of looks like a wiener. The Blockade Runner. That's what it's called. It looks likeive IV. What are we watching it now? Yeah, it's this thing. Oh, I watched this. The ship on the outside kind of looks like a wiener. The Blockade Runner. That's what it's called. It looks like a wiener on the outside, we have to say.

It's long and it's got protruding top and then it's sort of- It's got wings. It's got ball wings. No, it's that thing. Oh, it's ball wings. Okay. It's that thing. Oh, got it.

It has like a bunch of circular engines. It looks very strange. We see inside this thing briefly. Are we going to see inside it now? And- Is it this thing? No, no. Here, watch. Watch it. We see inside this thing briefly. Are we going to see inside it now? And, oh, I see. Is it this thing? No, no. Here, watch, watch.

We're about to see it. Who's this? Is this Obi-Wan docking with it? Yeah, I think so. No, but this is your point. And that ship has a nice interior, too, I want to say. I liked it. Look at this interior.

Look at this. It's a real set. This is really good. It's fantastic. Yeah, that's a great scene. And, like, it feels like a definable place. Right. Okay, can I?

And it has the right aesthetic. A lot of the stuff on Coruscant doesn't feel right. And there's one other time the movie does this, and I hate bits. I hate them. We don't like bits. And it's at the end when Vader and Palpatine and some other guy are hanging out on an Imperial cruiser, and they're looking out at the stars at this thing being built the killer planet whatever it's called

that is also a great set with this corridor that he walks down and there's all these people working in the pit below him and you sort of get the idea that the empire is sort of brushing away all the sort of art you know the gold and the lavish of the old era you're talking about the killer star

the killer star death planet I the killer star, death planet. I also hate bits. It doesn't even need repeating. The thing I... I hate both of you so much. The other thing I think, because I'm looking at this design, right? Look at this, look at this.

No one can see what we're talking about. This is a practical set. It's a white hallway. There's some stuff on the walls, but it looks like the real inside of a military vehicle, right? Of a submarine or something. There's a basis in reality.

It's not just business. It's not just ornate design for design's sake. Right. And it is. It's practical. Yeah. And it's clean. It's minimalistic.

There's not all this chaos. They had to build this. Do you know what this kind of reminds me of? What? In a very primal way. What? And I hate bits. I'm just going to restate this.

Because I know- Fuck bits. People are saying, oh, this is getting so dry now. This is getting so dry. But it's because we hate bits that we're going to talk very dryly about all this. The Darth Vader design. Honestly, there's a classicism. Yeah, exactly.

To that, to the killer star, to the interior of this ship, they all look fucking- They're intelligently, elegantly designed. They're tactile. They're great. Love it. Anyway. Good sidebar. They're tactile, they're great. Love it. Anyway. Good sidebar. We were talking about Bailarcon.

I hate both of you so much. Sonia, thank you so much for being on the show. We love you, Sonia, and we love bits. I mean, we hate bits. That's what Ben's been doing. That's what I've been doing, guys. Keeping Tom Hosley over here. He's the peeper.

He's the peeper. Look, the peeper's the new name. Just so Ben's suggestion wasn't a total dead end, I would like to present for this new segment

Star Wars What Ifs. Okay. I'd like to present this is Al Pacino as Padme Amidala. Anakin. You're breaking my heart!

That was terrible I'm not laughing oh I loved it everyone else loved it the room the room loved it the room the room loves it

maybe we'll do the performance review next time or yeah it's about syncing up guests but we got some good ones going up we're gonna do a performance review and we're going to do we're gonna look at

Jenny Tartatovsky's Clone Wars. Jenny Tartofsky, my favorite living filmmaker, director of Hotel Transylvania and Hotel Transylvania 2, did a Clone Wars micro series, animated micro series, I think is better. On the Cartoon Network, I believe. Yes, better than the film. And so we're going to do that.

We're going to do a performance review. We'll see which one comes next, but those are both coming up in your future. They're coming a long a short time ahead in a galaxy very close by don't make fun of me that's my real voice it is not yes it is i talk like this you're never gonna get a pixar movie i'm never gonna get a pixar movie my career is ruined. Producer Ben, final thoughts? I don't know.

Sorry we dragged you out here on a Sunday. No, it's okay. It was fun. I mean, at first. You're least convincing. No, it was fun. Yeah, it was fun. I mean, the previous episode, I was mad.

Yeah. I was very mad. He doesn't talk much in last week's episode. Wait, why was Ben mad? I don't know. I just didn't want to be here doing it, but I warmed up, and this one had a lot of fun watching you guys. It was because of me.

I think it was. Aw, yay. No. No. Do it. I got very little sleep last night. I'm ready to fucking slam performance left to right. I'm hungover, and I'm tired, and I'm sad.

I'm doing great. We have a very special guest today. Chris Gethard. Chris Gethard. How you doing, Chris? He's a comedian. He's an actor. He's a hero of ours.

Thank you. He's the host of the Chris Gethard show, right? True. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. But you are an actor. I also am an actor, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, this is an important thing to know. I'm not an actor, but you two are actors. You guys have a perspective on this. I didn't even think of that. I'm a critic. I'll be reviewing other actors. I have to be very mindful of the craft. Yeah, of course. Their work. And like you should be mindful of the situation

they were in, which was a tough one. Absolutely. Context is important. The environment. You spent a lot of time on set. You've been working a lot the last couple years. I've been on sets. In multiple different capacities. I've seen a set or two. I've lingered around a craft service table or two. But you've worked on big budget stuff. You've worked on small budget stuff. I guess seen a set or two in my day. I've lingered around a craft service table or two. But you've worked on big budget stuff? You've worked on small budget stuff? I guess that's true.

I mean, you've been cut out of some very big budget stuff. What's that? Are you angry at me? I'm not saying that as a slam. That's a fact. You were on a very big budget set. It's a bit of a sore spot. He's literally two minutes into the podcast. You just made our guest furious.

Cut out Iron Man 3. I'm not psyched about it. I'm not psyched about it either. I wish you were in it, but you were on that set. I might get cut out of Ghostbusters next year. You were in Ghostbusters? Who knows? I have a question.

Is that just called Ghostbusters, or does it have a new... I'm actually not sure. I actually don't even know if I was allowed to say That might be a sclusey Or it might be something exclusive exclusive Yeah, I know. Welcome to our podcast. How long is this? Oh, you know 90 minutes 90 minutes and Griffin behaves this way the whole time

This is maybe the best behavior. I've been on in weeks. Usually I talk about robot pussy and read racist essays I wrote in eighth grade. You only did that the one time. Robot pussies I talk about a lot. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not that much this season because my favorite robot side piece is that. There's another very basic thing about watching Revenge of the Sith last night. And this is something I knew, but I don't think, you know, I had so much emotion watching them in the theater when they were out.

Of course, the big conclusion of the famed Star Wars trilogy. Yeah, I had watched the first one in the second one and everything had built to this right but one thing I know really really that really rings out that's such a simple fix that I think makes all three movies we love the 20% better yeah if the droids are your bad guys they should not all sound like assholes. Yeah, they should not all sound like total dorks. Everything is like, meep, meep, meep.

Roger, Roger. Roger, Roger. The worst thing to me is that they literally go, uh-oh, and like, uh-oh. There's like one part where in Revenge of the Sith, and I would imagine free reign of spoilers, right? Yeah. This is spoiler-ific. We've gone backwards and forwards. spoilers right? yeah it's a spoiler like when Obi-Wan and Anakin go in to rescue

the Chancellor and those two big R2's hiding out those two big droids come back and they're straight up like oh yeah that's a Jedi

that's a Jedi warship so these guys are supposed to be fucking scary make them sound formidable there's never any stakes when the Jedi

are facing off with the droids which they do frequently they're completely disposable. Yeah, of course. It's just like, oh, let's deal with this like they're sneezing on him, basically. The Jedi just, you know. But even R2 with his Inspector Gadget routine can shut down a few.

He can pee pee oil. Make them slip. That's not the greatest moment in the trilogy. I would also say that when it lights on fire, it's actually weirdly grim and violent compared to everything else that's ever happened in Star Wars. This is a pretty grim movie, right? It is. Compared to the other two movies, there's some grim content in this movie. And we've talked about this before.

For some reason, I don't know if it's thematically the way the scenes are set up, if it's visually the way they're designed. The robot deaths in this movie are a lot more violent than in the first two. The deaths feel kind of gross and sad. I would say this, too. I watched the movie, and there were stretches where I got very bored and restless because of...

Oh, yeah, it's long. Yeah, but I noticed they all involve specific actors, which probably ties in well today to a performance review. Oh, definitely. A lot of stretches I was actually into, but I noticed they all involve specific actors, which probably ties in well today to a performance review. Oh, definitely. A lot of stretches I was actually into, but I would also argue this. If it ended, was it Order 66?

Yes, Order 66, yeah. If it ended after the sequence that showed Order 66 and Yoda just went into hiding, if it ended with the thing where Yoda gets inside that little cartoon rocket ship, if that movie ended there, I would say that it might actually be a satisfying film. So that's probably an hour 45 in. There's another 30 to 40 minutes.

You still got the whole Anakin. And them going back to the Jedi Temple. All that nonsense. All that stuff. If it just ended with Yoda taking off, not a bad film. Even darker, though, than the film we have. That would be a film that was setting up another film, right? All that stuff. If it just ended with Yoda taking off, not a bad film. I agree with you. Even darker, though, than the film we have. But you know what that would be?

That would be a film that was setting up another film, right? Exactly. That would be a film that was leaving you with some nice, meaty cliffhangers. What's going to happen to Anakin? This is the completion of a story, Chris. You have to remember. Absolutely. And I would also leave so many loose ends that you couldn't tie up all those loose ends.

You'd have to commit to making another three films. Yeah. That's the dream. That's the dream. I mean, I don't know if you know this. George Lucas did kind of stealthily sell Lucasfilm to Disney a couple years ago. And so we've been theorizing that Disney, I mean, they have this property.

The original three films aren't very well loved, but were very successful. They might try to make another movie. I mean, we keep on hoping that they'll announce an episode four any day, which probably wouldn't come out until like 2018. I mean, we keep on hoping that they'll announce an episode four any day, which probably wouldn't come out until like 2018. I mean, if they made an episode four, I'd be really interested.

And you know what would be cool about that too? Is like seeing all our original cast come back now aged. You know, seeing like Hayden and Ewan and Natalie. Like a 40-something

Ewan McGregor? Yeah, the Holy Trinity. You know, our three leads. An Oscar, now an now-Oscar McGregor. Yeah, the Holy Trinity are three leads. An Oscar, now Oscared Natalie Portman. Yeah. Okay, let's get through the cast. Okay, yeah, so I'm looking at, as I usually do, I'm looking at IMDb. So we're going cast member by cast member?

Yeah. IMDb, Bill. And we go from the top, which is fun. Oh, can I say one other thing? Anything. One other general thing before we get into this. Go right ahead. Because I'm going to really focus on this.

You can say anything you want, yeah. thing before we go right in the in the when they go wait where are they when obi-wan is riding around on that giant lizard that's my favorite part of it's called like it's a general grievous oh my god okay we're gonna talk about general grievous maybe the worst fucking worst. Maybe the worst thing. But that lizard that Obi-Wan inexplicably rides around on, there's never been a more blatant cash grab at making a toy than that. Works for me. My favorite character.

Why does that shit exist? I don't know. We've talked about this. The scene is like, they're like, oh, he's downstairs. And Obi-Wan's like, great. Do you have like an iguana maybe I could ride downstairs? It sucks. Like rather than just take an elevator.

He's like level 10. Great. Should I wait for help or should I get on this thing that kids might buy? But I would say General Grievous is a pretty blatant toy. Oh, my God. General Grievous is the worst. I mean, poorly. Everything about him is poorly.

Poorly executed, animated. No one cares about his opinions He's constantly just like That one part Remember that one part Where he shows up on a ship And then it's just like Him and

Huffing and puffing He just like Gets off the ship And he's in a big rush He looks like a fucking dickhead Man Looks like a dickhead Well he's always coughing

I mean He's coughing There's another middle manager type And they did not do a good job Of explaining who he is At all They don't do any job Who is he? We did We did some research We did a little investigation He's carving. There's another middle manager type. And they did not do a good job of explaining who he is at all. They don't do any job of explaining that. Who is he?

We did some research on Wikipedia, which is the Star Wars Wikipedia. And General Grievous was a young warrior who fell in love with a woman who died. And he wasn't General Grievous yet. He had like an identical arc to Anakin. I don't think you can tell the whole Grievous story again the love killed him and then they they turned him into a robot

so he's like an early prototype of Anakin so yeah and like as far as Darth Vader goes it was like there were some things about him

that were messed up and then they got it right for Vader yeah they were like we need to make some changes one he shouldn't cough he can have like a throaty breathing maybe

but no coughing I'm sure everybody has a weak point but if his is that you can just shoot him in the heart, maybe we use some of this armor to cover his fucking heart. You can shoot him in the heart? When you shoot his heart, it catches on fire? And then his head explodes off his body?

General Grievous is the worst thing about all three movies. I would say worse than Jar Jar Binks. Can I say something controversial? I've been in the river of ham. Please go ahead. Ian McDermott. Fail. Oh my god. Now what's your reasoning? And now I was watching with this

analysis in mind. And I think we've given him passes for every movie. And he's great. He's great. Except for one scene. What's the scene? Which ruins it all. Oh my god. His behavior during the confrontation with Mace Windu is... No. No.

Okay. And again, he's killing me. It is so bizarre that it undercuts everything else he did in that movie. I felt bad. I felt like Kevin Arnold bad. You know what I mean? Now, what do you think was... Of course I can't know. What do you think was going on in that movie. I felt bad. I felt like Kevin Arnold. You know what I mean? You watched The Wonder Years? What do you think was going on in that?

That's the scene. It all rests on that scene. That's where Anakin betrays the Jedi. That's where he's got to turn it all around. I thought Samuel L. Jackson was pretty great in that scene. He's fantastic in that scene. We're about to get to him. Ian McDermott.

There's so many moments in all three of these movies where you're like, was anyone watching? Like, was anyone even watching them? Or were they all just fiddling with gadgets and lights?

Probably. You gotta remember as well, these are basically independent movies. I don't know if the studio is looking at the dailies and being like, hey, George,

do you want to maybe like, adjust every, well, the problem is the tone is all out of whack, right? He's all the way up here, and then Hayden Christensen is all the way down here.

And Samuel Jackson's really, I think, finding a sweet spot. But his- I would say- Because I was- I'll tell you, all throughout the beginning of that movie, I was like, this feels great. This feels like a bad guy performance in an old Boris Karloff style.

Yeah, mm-hmm. It feels like a lovably hammy bad guy performance in like an old like Boris Karloff style. Yeah, mm-hmm. Like feels like a lovably hammy bad guy. Yeah. But once he, in that Maze Windu scene, oh my God. And then even afterwards, once he turns into

like a total, and for a movie that's so dedicated to CGI, all of a sudden you just hang, you fucking, it's like you just melt a couple pieces of plastic

and just stick them on his cheeks. Like that's the one real thing you do? Even that, when he was like, and that address to the Senate. Yeah, where he proclaimed the empire. He has now settled into it as

he's a total evil cartoon character. And even that I buy. That Mace Windu scene is so bad that it makes me fail him. You don't buy the transformation? I mean, it's so... Anakin, help me! What about the...

Do you like the earlier scenes? The opera house scene, all that stuff? Oh, my God, and the writing in that. When he literally... When Palpatine goes, He's a traitor! And Mace Windu's response is, You're a traitor.

Just for background, this podcast generally is anti-Bits, very much pro-Smiths. We've never weighed in on the nature of this performance exactly, but we just like Jimmy Smiths a lot. Who doesn't like Jimmy Smiths? That's what I was going to say.

Give him a soft pass. I would too. It's a soft pass. He didn't do much except just be Jimmy Smiths. His big scene is where he watches the teenager Jedi die, remember? And he sort of goes, no! Like, during the-

That teenager Jedi. That's one of the best performances in this film. Well, Griffin's got some news for you. We'll wait till you hear who he is. We'll get to his fucking real name. Wait till you hear who he is. Smith is a soft past. Mostly just, I mean, charm and handsomeness.

And he's got that one scene where he's like, my wife and I have always wanted a girl. And you're like, I don't know his wife, but I believe this. I will say it just again about the writing of that. I'm like, dude, straight up, the whole world is falling apart. There's been a coup of the galaxy. The entire galaxy is a coup and the defenders

of peace and justice are all dead. And you're like, my wife and I, we don't know. We've been thinking of getting a three bedroom, you know, expanding. It has that vibe in a big way. I'm giving him My wife and I We've been thinking of getting a three bedroom You know expanding It has that vibe in a big way I'm giving him a fail I'm gonna give him a fail too He never brought it home

Yeah and you're saying Oz did a good job Yeah it's a great voice We know Frank Oz I give him a pass just because he's a hired gun And he does what he's done This is a guy who's sitting in a booth not on like this one He doesn't even have the pleasure of green screens or eye contact. You know what I mean?

Just to clarify, when you say a booth just like this one, you mean the booth that is currently being run by Producer Ben, a.k.a. the Banducer, a.k.a. Purdueer Ben, a.k.a. the Haas, a.k.a. the Poet Laureate, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. the Peeper, a.k.a. Oh, yeah, that new one. Of course, the Peeper. Hey, yeah, I've been here the wholeate, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. The Peeper, a.k.a. Oh, yeah, that new one. Of course, The Peeper. Hey, yeah, I've been here the whole time, guys. Thanks for introducing me. Sorry, Ben. No, it's all right.

I mean, I don't have much to add. I hate this movie. Ben's really mad at us. Ben was, like, actively angry last time we recorded. He doesn't like that this show exists. Well, I had to come in on a Sunday and hear these guys for like four hours talk about this one movie. Ben's face is turning scarlet right now.

Yeah, you're legitimately furious. Yeah, it's all right, though. We call him Mr. Positive for a reason. It's okay, Ben, just four more. No, we're so close. Four more years. I want to move on, though. I want to move on to Anthony Daniels' C-3PO.

Yeah, but also rate, review, and subscribe on iTunes. Yes, please. Those are the two things that Ben asked us to do at the beginning of the show. Do it. Do it. Next is Wayne Pygram as Governor Tarkin, who we don't even hear speak in this movie. I don't even remember him being in the movie. He's in one scene at the end of the movie.

He's standing with Darth Vader and Darth Sidious, watching that circular, the sphere thing get made. Oh, the killer star. Yeah, and he's just standing out there with them. What was that sphere thing? Oh, who knows? They're obsessed with it. They vaguely allude to it being a big weapon, but it's never really fucking explained. Weird.

So I guess he's like a sort of future empire bureaucrat guy. But he's literally a background player, right? And he's got this insane makeup. He's got the biggest cheekbones. This guy probably wasn't even SAG. He had to be non-union. This guy's background purely. You think he got an extra rate? I think he got extra. I'm giving him a fail because

he's got a dumb face. You're just dumb face. I don't like his face. You're just giving him a dumb face. I would say fail. If they want to bill him that high, then I'm going to judge him for what he did. I was not impressed. I'm going to move on to David Bowers as Mas Amedda. It's this guy. Oh, pass.

He's Palpatine's. That blue guy with the horns? Pass. Yeah, Palpatine's like, what is he, like his secretary? Doesn't say a word. Can't take my eyes off him. Pass. In one of the movies, he says, this is a crisis.

Really? I don't remember which one, though. I think it's Attack of the Clones. Attack of the Clones. Because it's in the trailer. I just remembered that. There is a crisis. Really? I don't remember which one, though. I think it's Attack of the Clones. Attack of the Clones. Because it's in the trailer. I just remembered that. There's a rant. There's lots of chaos.

And then they just got to him going, this is a crisis. But David, you remember that line reading enough to be able to properly impersonate his voice. He's in there. He had a buttery baritone. He's a pass. Big pass. One of the top passes. Now I'm interested enough just to find out who David Bowers is.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm glad I clicked on his IMDb page. Here's his bio. He is best known for his classic line. I'm not kidding. In Star Wars Episode II, Attack of the Clones, quote, this is a crisis. That is literally the top of his IMDb profile.

Best known. He'll be remembered I'm amazed he didn't pick up more work off that. Because he killed it. Okay, here we go. This is good. This is good. Matthew Wood as General Grievous. Fail.

Now you wanted to talk about it. What a fucking piece of shit character. What a pile of shit performance. What an insulting to everybody's fucking intelligence, both intellectually and emotionally speaking. What a fucking train wreck character, skittering around on the floor like a little fucking jerk when you're supposed to be this person everybody's chasing.

How did this person rise to prominence in any army? Why are the Jedi so obsessed with getting this bumbling fool that can't do anything right? None of it makes sense. The performance is deplorable. I hate it. I hate everything about General Grievous. Three fails here, no question.

I'm also going to give him my LVP. I'm going to give him my award for least valuable player. I didn't give out a most valuable player. I don't know who I'd give it to. I guess I'm going to have to think about that. It might be Sam Jackson As what? As your MVP? I'm wondering who the MVP is

I think this might be it Is it Ben Cook as Kit Fisto? Ding ding ding Kit Fisto is the shit Did you sense from the Ki-Adi-Mundi-Plo-Kloon obsession I got it Is there a character in these movies that you see less of,

that you want more of, more than Kit Fisto? In the second one, in the third one, give me my Fisto. What's the deal? He looks cool, acts cool. Everything about Kit Fisto is fucking cool. Carries this film. Carries this film.

Absolute MVP. Without the keystone that is Kit Fisto, this whole movie crumbles. Kit Fisto, by far, by far. You get this sense. I could tell you. I saw Kit Fisto for roughly four seconds in this film. Here's what I know.

Kit Fisto, Jedi Master, yeah, but probably on the younger side, probably on the more rebellious side, goes off and does Kit Fisto's thing a little too often for the Jedi Council's comfort, but gets things done his own way. Maybe he doesn't need the clones as much as others. Maybe he's one of the ones that's voiced some discontent about, why are we relying on

this? Because it's easy, that's never been our way. Kit Fisto is someone who gets out in the field, does his own thing. Kit Fisto doesn't care if he needs to go undercover, clandestine, for months, even years at a time. Kit Fisto gets the job done. Maybe Kit Fisto is someone who gets out in the field, does his own thing. Kit Fisto doesn't care if he needs to go undercover, clandestine, for months, even years at a time. Kit Fisto gets the job done. Maybe Kit Fisto doesn't play nice with others. Maybe Kit Fisto doesn't get along with everybody all the time. He doesn't play the politics.

He doesn't play the game. He goes and he gets it done like a Jedi. Kit Fisto, MVP, now, always, Ciroc. Wow. Just to clarify for you guys, he's the guy with the green treadlocks. He's got big black bug eyes. Big bug eyes. And treadlocks.

In the second movie, I think he pushes someone over, a droid over. And he's got like six fingers. No, but he's running like a motherfucker. When they go inside that big stadium that's very convenient for the fucking battle, he's running like, I'm going to fuck shit up, and he's psyched that he gets to do it. Kit Fisto seems,

you know what it seems like? Like every Jedi master has a stretch before he's a master where he just gets real into the fact that he can fuck shit up. And I get the sense that Kit Fisto is right in that phase. He hasn't settled down yet.

It's not about wisdom. It's about fucking shit up. And talk about tragedy. Cut down on the prime of his life. I mean, you're saying this is a man with only potential ahead of him. My guess is that if you, like, if, I would have to, because I'd have to imagine

that these Jedi as individuals are legendary characters, like, you know, like baseball players or basketball players are to us when we're kids. And I have to imagine, I don't think Kit Fisto's the LeBron James. That's probably Yoda. Yeah, sure. Right.

And then you got Kevin Durant is probably Mace Windu. Yeah. Ki-Adi Mundi is probably- I think he's DeMarcus Cousins. He's like a DeMarcus Cousins. Wait, wait, wait. How the fuck did you do this? You're talking about basketball.

Yeah, DeMarcus Cousins. But wait, who's your Kit Fisto then? He's like an Iguodala? Westbrook. Oh, that's great. Kit Fisto is Westbrook all day. Yeah. All day.

He just brings the thunder. Tell me that doesn't make sense. No, no, it makes total sense. Kid Fisto is the Jedi Russell Westbrook. He's someone who approaches his job with joy and energy and fury. And he's a wrecking ball. But here's the thing. But he needs to be pulled back sometimes.

And a surprisingly high assist rate. Yeah, you know. Like you think he's a wrecking ball and a ball hog, but guess what? Serge Ibaka is not hitting corner threes without Westbrook going one-on-four and drawing all the attention. But Kit Fisto enters situation. You know what he is? He's responsible Anakin.

Yeah. So you think maybe they should have just invested the Anakin money right in Kit Fisto. I want to see a movie about Kit Fisto. Do you want to see it with Ki-Adi-Mundi and Plo Kloon? Yeah. Maybe the three of them hanging out? Tell me you wouldn't

watch a movie with the three of them. Of course I'd watch that movie. Are you kidding me? Jedi Wrecking Crew. Those are the three everybody wants to see. So do you want to know

something interesting about Ben Cook who plays Kit Fisto? Plo Kloon is like the Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe. Yeah. He's Snake Eyes. Uh-huh.

Now, I just want to show you. Here's a picture of Ben Cook. Tell me everything. Here he is. What does that guy look like to you? Who does he look like to you? Jason Statham. Guess who he is.

Jason Statham's son double? Boom. Oh, my God. He plays Jason Statham's son double? He's Jason Statham's son double in, like, so many movies. Wow, man. And he's a fight coordinator in a lot of movies. Other people obsessed with Kit Fisto?

Yes. Oh, yeah. I think Kit Fisto is a real... Because his lot of movies. Other people obsessed with Kit Fisto? Yes. Oh, yeah. I think Kit Fisto is a real... Because his look, you know? The best. There's like a big Kit Fisto following online. I'm really glad. Is there any place I can get more info on Kit Fisto?

Wikipedia. Wikipedia will tell you lots about Kit Fisto. And are there comic books and shit? I think so. Do we know? Yeah. There's Expanded Universe Kit Fisto. I think there's a lot of Expanded Universe.

I want to read all the Kit Fisto. We're basically done, but there are two performances. Come on. We're not done. We're just getting started. We just got the Fisto. There are two performances I really want to highlight. It's Fisto. We're basically done, but there are two performances. We're not done. We're just getting started. We just got the Fisto. There are two performances I really want to highlight. Kit.

Kit. Single syllable. Strong. Kit. It's not like Plokvar or one of these dumb fucking Busby, whatever these fucking dumb George Lucas names are. His name is not Plokvar or Busby. It's Kit.

Fisto. Oh, my God. Fisto. He's a Jedi. He's a fighter. It makes sense. Even Plo Kloon is pushing. Ki-Adi-Mun-Rad name.

Plo Kloon right on the edge. Yeah, yeah. Kit Fisto? Tell me more. Kit Fisto. Yes, yes, yes. His distinctive head tentacles contain highly sensitive olfactory receptors. Yes, he smells through his tentacles.

Yes. That allowed him to detect pheromonal expressions of emotion. Yes, he could smell emotion. Yes. And other changes in body chemistry. What a crazy power. This was indeed a unique attribute

not afforded to any other species of Jedi. So is it his species or is it him, him personally? Is it the combination of his species and his Jedi ability? Both. Oh, nice. He was a master. He Is it the combination of his species and his Jedi ability? Both. Oh, nice. He was a master. He was on the High Council. What's his planet?

What's his race? Yeah, what's his alien type? His alien type is- There's a lot of tentacled peoples in this universe. All the Twi'lek. Of which I think there maybe was only that one. I see people dressed up as Twi'lek, though. Yeah.

His planet- There is another guy. There's a guy, I see people dressed up as Twi'lek though. Yeah. His planet. There is another guy. There's a guy I think. Please. His home world is called Glee and Selm. Huh, I like that. Cool, alright.

His species is that he is a Nautilin. Nautilin. Nautilin. That's kind of a nice old fashioned name. Dude fucking swims. He's amphibious.

He's an amphibious Jedi. Like a motherfucker. I'm going to let you, because this is a very long Wikipedia entry. Give me your phone. Can I just read some of the headings of the separate sections? Yes. For how cool this guy's history was, okay? Battle of Genosis.

We know this. This is when he comes into the arena and starts fighting the Klumbo. Battle of Mon Calamari. Ooh. Tasty. And look, it's him shirtless underwater, fighting with a lightsaber underwater. Is this from a comic book or something?

Let me see. Holy shit. Ripped. Skirmish on Kamino. Not of battle. Skirmish. Just a skirmish. You know why it was just a skirmish?

Because Fisto ended it before it could become a battle. He nipped that shit in the bud. Kamino, to remind you, is the planet where the clones are made. That's true. Ooh, skirmish. Someone was trying made. That's true. Skirmish. Someone was trying to shut down those clones. Skirmish on Deveron. Okay.

Whatever. Mission on Ord Sestis. Down to mission. So he's maybe secret agent stuff at that point? This is infiltrating. This guy goes undercover. He don't bring- It's crazy to imagine a guy with like-

55 clones in a big weird helicopter he has green tentacle hair how's he gonna go smells your happiness and he gets it done smells your deception in your life duel with a cyborg what oh damn why isn't this in the movie though this is the thing anytime i read this shit you're like wait where is this in the movie all this shit fisto this is why so fisto is, even though, again, all Fisto does in 3 is get cut into pieces by Palpatine. He at least fights him for a second. He fights Palpatine. Does he come in with Mace Windu?

Yeah. And that cool badass shot where they walk through. He's what's cool and badass about it. Return to Mon Calamari. He remembers. Back for more. Honest to God. And I know I'm hyping him up. I know I'm flipping out. Return to Mon Calamari. He remembers. Back for more. Honest to God. And I know I'm hyping him up.

I know I'm flipping out. Yeah, but it's fun. It's justifying. This is the Star Wars fanboy in me. Yeah. Not that I grew up with it, but I locked into it. But like,

if you bought a Star Wars toy, you might want yourself a Kit Fisto. Kit Fisto. I'm just saying, wouldn't you, if they let those Jedi charge in and Mace Windu charged in and was like,

go, and Kit Fisto ran for it, and it was like a three-minute battle between Palpatine and Fisto, wouldn't it be significantly better movie? Yeah, no question. I mean, it would probably have been an Oscar contender in that case, right? Absolutely. No question.

Jason Statham's stunt double. Amazing. Killed it. Any other thoughts, Chris, as you leave us? Let's see. The other people I have on my fantasy team, I took Kevin Love when Hassan Whiteside was still available. I don't know if I like that choice. Kevin Love's a good choice.

Did you see LeBron saying they're going to run the offense through Kevin Love? I know, and Hassan Whiteside is kind of a hit. So, Griffin, you're starting to kind of get what I like every week. Now I finally understand. This is George Hill. George Hill killed me last night. That's good. Yep.

This is what it feels like to have the haunted goblins invade your studio every week and talk about things you hate. It just sounds like another language happening in front of you. Yeah, that's what this feels like to me right now. You did. I don't understand it, and I'm angry simultaneously. And then I got John Wall at like 16. But you can't even add to it. You have nothing you could offer. You did. I don't understand it, and I'm angry simultaneously. And then I got John Wall. Right, no. I always, but you can't even add to it.

You have nothing you can offer. So happy. And I'm nothing. He's top 10 in most of the league. This is also terrible podcasting right now. I've always wanted to have a team with John Wall, but he never. Last year I picked first. This year I picked last.

He always goes right. George style. I almost got him this year. Sure. I would love to have John Wall. John Wall is going to be a superstar this year. I'm not sad about Damien Lillard, but I'd prefer John Wall. Lillard's going to be great.

And Paul George, I think, will be good. You know who I took, though? CJ McCollum. I mean, he scored 37 points last year. So you guys are going to go off this year. I'm not a love that guy. I mean, he's like Portland. That's awesome.

I could come up with a cooler character. He's been laboring for two years. I asked if you love him. There's a difference between being in love and loving. Trying to think of love. No, I don't love him. I honestly, I'll put it as a challenge. I'll show you my G-Mart face.

I bet I could come up with a better character by next episode. Okay, that's your assignment next week. You have to come up with a better character. Griffin, can you hand me my phone? I want to show David my fantasy team. Okay, so thank you so much for listening to this show. Thank you, guys. It's right behind you.

Rate, review, subscribe. I'm really busy finishing the podcast. I'm sorry, my hands are occupied. David, don't hand that phone over. We're signing off. Rate, review, and subscribe. Listen to other UCB podcasts. Next week, Ben's going to come up with an original character.

That sounds awesome. Star Wars What If segment. This is if Al Pacino was a battle droid. Roger, roger. And as always. So it's always going to be Pacino? I don't know. We're pressed for time.

We always put it off to the last second, so I don't know what else to do. Merchandise spotlight by a Kit Fisto action figure. This is a great one. This is a great one. This is a great one. Was it okay? Oh, this is one of the best. For the first time, producer Ben, a.k.a.

Perdue or Ben, a.k.a. The Ben Ducer, a.k.a. The Poet Laureate, a.k.a. Purdueer Ben, a.k.a. The Ben Ducer, a.k.a. The Poet Laureate, a.k.a. The Haas, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. The Peeper, a.k.a. I like the Peeper. We all like the Peeper.

Peeper plays. A.k.a. Hello Fennel, Ben Hosley himself, played our theme music. I know, it was weird. As we started recording. And then he said he would fade it out, and then he just abruptly cut it off. He just turned it off. No one needs to know that, David.

Shit. You're a shoddy producer, Ben. I'm calling you out. Fuck you. Once again, Ben is red with rage. Yeah, it's like I'm trying to do something nice, and you're going to give me shit about it? Fuck you.

You're never getting the theme song playing again. Ever again. Thank you, Ben. You're welcome. Our guest is laughing. Our guest is having a great time. I'm very excited about our guest today. Me too. He has been one of our earliest and most vocal supporters of the show.

I mean, you know, genius. Game-recognized game. Game-recognized game. He messaged me like three weeks into, I think, us doing the show and was like the thing I hate about the show is that I didn't have the idea for it. It was just like, hats off. Or people should talk about

The Phantom Menace. Yep. He himself is a comedian and an actor and a podcast host of what is my favorite podcast right now. I will officially say that. You tweet about it a lot. I tweet about it a lot. I fucking love it. It's called Black Man Can't Jump in Hollywood.

His name is Jonathan Braylock. Hello. Thank you so much for being here. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for being on the show. Thank you guys for having me. And you brought a concept with you for this week's episode, too. I would say.

Okay, that's awesome. Yes, I did. I guess I did. I was like, hey, did you guys watch the animated cartoons? And you had. You're entering as an advocate. Yeah, yeah. Oh, totally.

Chapter four, Kit Fisto. Yes! And it's right off the bat, and it's Kit Fisto with a big smile. Like, the first three episodes, we're just dealing with our main heroes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's the first guy we're taking off the bench? Fisto. And it's on Mon Calamari.

I think we talked about it with Chris. He goes underwater. It's a bunch of people with squid underwater. He rips off his clothes. Rips them off. Rips them off. With a big grin. Shirtless. Yeah, dives in the water.

You guys liked that? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What? Yeah. That's so lame. You're lame. Wait, you like this series and you don't like the Kit Fisto episode?

Kit Fisto's lame. Oh, fuck you. Listen. All right? Shots fired. Yeah, I'm calling it out, okay? Because if you think about Aquaman, he's the worst character. Why do I want to see a fight in the sea?

I like Aquaman. Kit Fisto has a lightsaber. Yeah, Kit Fisto's got tentacles. That's bullshit. Underwater. I want to see space fighting. I want to see some fucking... So did you like the pilot stuff, though, like the weird loop-de-loops and all that cool shit?

Of course. Yeah, that stuff's cool. If I'm watching Star Wars, I want to see some space fighting. I don't want to see some underwater bullshit. So you just hate water? Yeah, I don't know. Do you like swimming, Ben? I actually love swimming. Yeah, me too. Did you like the snorks?

What are snorks? They were like the Smurfs, but they were underwater. It was like a Hanna-Barbera. No. I haven't seen it, but I'm going to say no. Okay, Ben, I think this is a good time to do a little sidebar. What's up? Last week, you were shit-talking Kit Fisto. At the end of the episode, when David and Getha were talking about stupid basketball.

Yes, I recall. And you said that you thought he was stupid, and you said, I think I could make up a better character than Kit Fisto, and I said, I challenge you. And you today have prepared several characters. You told me that, not just one, Ben's character spotlight. These are Producer Ben's original Star Wars characters that he's going to present for us right now.

Not better than Kit Fisto. Not Kit Fisto out of the park. Okay, here we go. Where to start? Anywhere. Literally anywhere. For a second I thought you named a Jedi where to start. I would believe that. Where to start? Okay. believe that. Where to start? Okay.

First character. His name is Bat-Peki. Okay. Okay. All right. Bat-Peki. He's from the cave planet called Kraygon. I hate this already.

I don't know. I like cave planet. Guys, he's a Batman. Why? Okay, go on. Sonar hearing. Well, you're really against him. Braylock hates Bat-Peki. Why? He, go on Sonar hearing Wow, you're really against him Braylock hates Batman

Why? He can fly around Yeah, because he's like a bat I get it He's got white skin His parents are dead Alright, so he's just Batman No

It's a different thing The villain Batman From Batman You mean Man-Bat Man-Bat You're talking about Man-Bat I'm talking about Man-Bat So this sounds like Man-Bat with Batman's backstory.

I want to point something out to you, Griffin, by the way. It's chapter five is Kid Fist, or chapter four. You're off. You're off episode duty. I'm on Wikipedia. Well, fuck you. Is this from now? I'm on Wookieepedia, the definitive source.

Chapter four is the one with that weird robot who's made of muscles. These are flips in my thing, but whatever. We'll talk about this one. Well, these are very important things. Ben's character spotlight. Everybody cares about. All right, second, we got Alogashu. That's a pretty good name.

Yeah, I actually like that. All right. He's a fucking huge Jedi. Tired of this small bullshit. I like that. All right. You know, what's his species? Oh, he's big.

He's a big Jedi. I'm tired of these small Jedis. Attached to him is a quaddo-like conjoined twin named Frank. So, like, from Total Recall, he's got, like, a tumor baby in his chest. Big guy is all brawn,

little deuce smart. His name's Dink? What's his name? Frank. Frank. Frank. Allo Gashu? Allo Gashu. Can he do, like, any cool things? What's his name? Frank. Frank. Frank. Allo Gashu? Allo Gashu. Can he do any cool things? He's huge. Because Kit Fisto can swim and he can breathe underwater.

He can smell emotions. He can throw force bubbles that can blow ships up. Kit Fisto, in episode four or five, depending on what source you're going off of, makes a force bubble. A force bubble. And then throws at him and blows shit up. I don't know. He claps and it's like really loud.

And then like knocks people away. So Alugashu has an unformed twin coming off of his body. Who speaks in the bigger one's ear. It's like, clap with it out now. Can he reach the ear? Where is he located? I think he's like on the shoulder. He's on the shoulder.

Yeah. So he literally just whispers in the ear. Uh-huh. He does all the talking. All the talking. Okay. Alugashu. And you have one more?

Yes. Darth Stupid Idiot. Wow.'s he's a fucking jerk uh he's always wet and tired he's always wet and tired why is he wet i don't know it's just kind of like i was thinking of like the coughing thing yeah like grievous is coughing so this is his he's just like can't wait to talk about that. He's always wet. We're going to talk about Grievous. He's always tired. And he has a lightsaber that's a prolapsed anus. With that, I feel like we need to return. Yeah, we have to return.

I think that was pretty solid. Yeah, that's pretty solid. I got to say, too, when Ben said that he prepared characters before he started recording, I said, I bet one of these is going to be named Darth Bullshit. I was pretty close. Yeah, you were. Two additional thoughts as to why season three isn't as good, and they're connected. One is, I think-

More Anakin-centric. But go on. Yeah, yeah. It is. Well, and this is all tied to this thing. I think it was more handcuffed to leading into Revenge of the Sith. Like, to the P. That is true. They have to set into Revenge of the Sith. Like, to the T. That is true.

They have to set up Revenge of the Sith. They literally leave it off at the exact moment that the- And this aired in March 2005, and then for the next few weeks, so it was literally right before the movie came out. The effects weren't locked, but they were writing and animating this series knowing what Revenge of the Sith was. Yeah. They probably were finishing the effects, but had a final cut, knew exactly what the movie was, and

George was like, you have to take us to this finish line. Point two is, I think George was far more involved in this one. And I think that's connected to point one. But I think these episodes are a lot more plot heavy. There's a lot more dialogue in them. It's not ever as bad as it is in the prequels

but there are two things that happen a lot with the dialogue. One is dumb jokey one-liners. There are some dumb jokey one-liners in season 3. Wait, can I tell you some... Can I tell you... Oh yeah. What do you mean dumb jokey one-liners? Oh no!

The lady must get you to safety. No. We have to evacuate the building. Get everyone to a shelter. Yes, my lady. An army of droids. Here, I'd like to have a serious talk with your programmers. Come on, 3PO. Oh, that shit.

Okay, great job, Ben. That was really good. I feel really good about that. Great job, Benny boy. Can I tell you something? Braylock is losing here. Listening to that out of context, it is so bad. Yeah, we don't really need to discuss the dialogue anymore.

You now get, it's jokier, it's a lot more exposition heavy. He's just yelling. He's just yelling while battle's going on. He can't believe an army of droids? I'm going to talk to your programmers. What are you talking about? C-3PO, you've seen droid armies for years. I think Morgan referenced this in episode two

when he's like, machines making machines. It's like, what are you doing? What are you talking about? It's the most commonplace thing in the world. Why is C-3PO so knowledgeable on so many things but on the most basic functions of machines? He doesn't get it? He knows 6,000 languages with a flip?

Oh, yeah. He knows how to talk to other robots but doesn't understand machines make machines the other what the other thing with c3po is he seems to think that he's the only robot that can do anything like any a droid picking up a scarf yeah how dare they why did anakin program him to be this elitist, snobby, uptight? Oh my God. It's everything that George claims he was trying to do with Star Wars one-upped by someone he hired as a throwaway.

Give me three-minute shorts that air before Operation Kids Next Door or whatever. Ben 10 Alien Force. Right. And this guy just fucking ran circles around. Jendi Tarakovsky is a fucking boss. I love it.

He's a boss bitch. Super quick merchandise spotlight. Okay. As you said, he created this. He really wanted to jumpstart the toy sales.

Well, because Attack of the Clones is mostly romance. So kids didn't want to buy the toys. So he was like, let's make a war plotline. So they made up,

designed all these characters like Durge and Asajj Ventress, I think were created to sell toys first. And they started selling toys that summer that were, like, realistic. Like, they looked like they were from the live-action movies. Oh. And they did all right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people immediately were like, why don't you have toys that look like these cartoon shows? Badass cartoon. Like, the cartoon shows, episodes were made to support the toy line. Right. And so they finally, like, bent

and were like, fine, we'll make them, but they're going to be really limited and they're only sold at, like, Target and we're only making a couple characters. And I, like, grew up in New York City, was not a Target, couldn't get them, didn't have them. Last night while watching this,

in the middle, like, in breaks in between, ejaculating everywhere, I did immediately go on eBay and I ordered every... So what are the toys? It's Dooku, Yoda, in breaks in between, ejaculating everywhere. I did immediately go on eBay, and I ordered every... So what are the toys? Dooku, Yoda, Asajj Ventress, Durge, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Mace Windu, and a Clone Trooper.

Damn. So I ordered all of those. You got all of those? How much did you spend? $60. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. There was a Grievous.

Those were released during season one and two, so Grievous wasn't released until season three later. So I have to buy him separately because it wasn't part of the set. But Grievous was at the end of season two? Yeah, but they didn't make a toy until season three. Because it was only in the last episode. Yeah. The only other ones they made were Grievous and then they made Anakin covered in the blue

lines and they made a bunch of clone troopers in different colors. But Grievous is like the only unique character I don't have. So I ordered all of those merchandise spotlight. That's the power of merchandise. Can you bring them in when you get them? Yeah. At least bring in Ventress. You make a thing I like, I'll buy it off eBay immediately.

We have a special guest with us today. We definitely do. I'm putting my arm on his shoulder right now. We've been talking to this guest about being on the show for a long time. I know. Possibly even dating back to the Phantom podcast. I think we've been trying to get his attention for a long time for a long time. I know. Possibly even dating back to the Phantom podcast. I think we've been trying to get his attention for a long time.

A long time. Mr. Rick McCallum. Mr. Rick McCallum is here in the studio today. I'm the man who coordinates. I can't really do a Rick McCallum impression. It's Mike Ryan of Uproxx. I was a little scared about doing another deleted scenes episode because I thought it might be a little thin, a little sweaty. But then I watched these deleted scenes.

Whoa, Nelly. There's some weird stuff in there. There's some weird fucking stuff to talk about here. Yeah. On one hand, I understand why all of them were deleted. Yeah, but then if you watch the movie, I don't understand why the whole film wasn't deleted. Right.

Just wipe your computer hard drive. Don't keep any of this. But these scenes actually do attempt to resolve some of the issues that we've been complaining about in this movie for the last years. They add a lot of depth. Well, let's ask Mike about the movie. Okay. Because Mike... The movie or the deleted scenes?

Just before we get into the deleted scenes. Your overall impression of Revenge about the movie. Okay. Because Mike. The movie or the deleted scene? Just before we get into the deleted scenes. Thoughts on the movie. Your overall impression of Revenge of the Sith. I don't like it. Yeah, me neither. Bad movie, huh? Bad movie. Crazy that we've done now eight episodes on it.

Yeah, still don't like it. Every week we think maybe this is the week we're going to like it. Nope. I rewatched it in honor of meeting with you two gentlemen. And we had like a 45-minute conversation on a New York City corner a few weeks ago about it. It's – I think George Lucas somehow got a memo between Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Like, oh, man, they're just not having enough fun. So his idea of throwing fun is just the same kind of kind of dialogue only i'm gonna smile while saying it

yeah like look at that having a great time like how many times is ewan mcgregor like smile in this movie as he delivers a stilted line a lot of cheeky line delivery it's true hello there big smile it's almost like he's like there's some horror of war thing going on with him because he's in the midst of like and battle and he's always grinning kind of almost like he's overcompensating. He's going through a disassociative episode. Yeah, I mean, to that point, it's almost like people told him that the last two

were really staid and boring. A little stilted and dour. And so he googled fun and then was like, okay, smiling. Everyone's smiling in these stock photos when I Google fun. Oh, yeah. And he comes on set and they're saying, new rule, guys. We're going to have fun.

And from what I understand, that means smiling. Yeah, the corners of your mouth need to be upward. Yeah, that's what we need. And then there's that other scene that really kind of pisses me off every time I see it. It's in the opening shot where Anakin Skywalker is, they're flying through all the mess, and he says, here's where the fun begins. And he says it in such a terrible way,

he can't deliver it with any kind of authority like anyone else can. Well, you know what scene I like is a great display of George's emphasis on fun in this movie is when they go to retrieve Emperor Palpatine, Senator Palpatine, from Greece's clutches. Chancellor. Chancellor, yeah. Go on, sorry. Why am I nitpicking?

I picked the one that wasn't the right one. Why am I nitpicking? Go on. When they go to rescue him, and he's in the chair, and then Count Dooku comes up behind them, and he turned around, and Count Dooku has two noisemakers, and he's setting off fireworks, and he's doing a little mariachi dance.

It's fun. All right, all right. I listen to all that for that. It's fun. I think you can be a little bit more stronger on that, not moody. This is exactly. There's these great little snippets. See, Ben was listening.

Oh, you're talking about Producer Ben, a.k.a. The Ben-Ducer, a.k.a. Mr. Positive, a.k.a. Hello Fennel, a.k.a. the Haas, a.k.a. the Peeper. The Peeper himself. He was peeping on these deleted scenes. I sure was. And you see George Lucas directing Hayden Christensen, which I've never seen before. It's incredible. And it's awful.

You feel so bad for Hayden Christensen. It's like walking in on your parents having sex. It's like, no, this isn't fun for anybody. It's like walking in on your parents having sex. It's like, no, this isn't fun for anybody. And, like, there's this scene where he walks up to Hayden and he says, like, so I've really expanded, like, the scene with you and Chancellor to give you a lot more to do. Oh, wait, I got the clip.

Go right ahead. Ben's certain clips. I have rewritten. I spent the whole weekend rewriting the scene between you and Palpatine where you turn. Yeah. And I've added some more to that. Hayden's just like that. You do not do a very good George Lucas. No, a terrible George Lucas.

You do a better one. I've added some scenes when you turn. He's difficult to do. I tried one once, and someone thought it sounded like a combination between Kermit the Frog and Lorne Michaels. Yeah.

There's a lot of Lorne Michaels in there. Wow, that is a good... It's a sort of soft-spoken... Anakin. There's a lot of Kermit there. Back when Chevy was on the show. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. That was great. That was great. I ruined the whole thing. You're wearing a Star Wars shirt, I just noticed. I ruined everything. You are wearing a Star Wars shirt. But I just want to say, the look in Hayden's eyes when George is saying that to him, when

he's saying, like, I wrote for the whole weekend to make this scene better for you. Hayden just looks like so lost and like it's like I mean I've had the feeling when your boss comes up to you and he's like oh could you you know he's giving you nonsensical advice and you just have to be like oh yeah sure sure yeah no that's fine I'll do that. Like Hayden's just obviously

like whatever like let's just do it let's just get through this. I felt very bad for Hayden for the first time in a while. When you say, I want more, but I know I shouldn't, you can turn away. I want more, but I... So when you're saying, I know I shouldn't, you're turning away.

There's a part where they go into like him dealing with the previs on all the special effects um and he's like going over the storyboards with them so they can pre-visit out and he just goes like well i like it but we'll see what the director has to say and he keeps on saying that you're like what you're you're the director you're the director what are you talking about and then it cuts to like an interview with George, like to the camera interview. And he's like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Okay, that's been editorializing here a little bit, throwing in his two cents.

He goes, director, director. And they cut to him and he goes, I've asked a very good friend of mine who is a director to come give me some advice on the previs, Steven Spielberg. Who's a good friend of mine and a great filmmaker. And it just cuts back to a montage of him going like you know the director said that maybe he just calls him the director yes and he's giving notes on the storyboards and being like

I don't know if this is too ambitious and don't blame me blame the director but he thought it would be cool if the thing flips over and then they cut back to the interview George and he goes it's nice because it gives me a bit of a buffer so I can just blame everything on the director so people don't get angry at me. George Lucas doesn't want people to get angry at him. Insanity.

But they don't make it clear if he, oh, because he goes, well, the director's coming in on Monday to one of them. And they go, when are you going to tell us who it is? And he goes, you'll see. But you never see him referring to Spielberg by his name, so it's unclear if he's just had everyone on his staff go like, who the fuck is this director?

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Jonathan Levine. Taylor Hackford, everybody. If you want to actually motivate people, say, hey, Spielberg thought this was a good idea. Steven fucking Spielberg. Master of visual storytelling and fucking narrative economy. Steven Spielberg. Anyway. But on to And fucking narrative economy. Steven Spielberg. Anyway.

But on to this scene. What do we think of this scene? I love this scene. It's defining the opposition in the Senate. This is what I like in this scene. They're setting up this idea that Bail Organa is leading a charge of- Democracy. Like-minded people.

He says- We're not going to put up with it. He's like, we're going to preserve democracy in this galaxy. Yeah. Even if it's's all fucked up right now. And Padme is really- She looks ridiculous. You have to admit she looks ridiculous right now. She looks ridiculous. I think she looks stunning.

She's a beautiful lady. She looks ridiculous. Mon Mothma is wearing- Is that headgear? I don't know their native- She's got Beats headphones on. I don't know the native customs of wherever Mon Mothma is from. Beats headphones on her ears, but also on her forehead.

She looks like us right now. She does look like us right now. That's a fair guess. Oh, wait. She looks better than us. Come on. I love that you're making fun of her because she has headphones on. Look at her.

Oh, what a nerd. Well, it's a little rude. She could be listening to this meeting rather than- They could be doing a podcast about, well, we're going to start the rebel alliance. She's listening to a podcast. Why don't we record it? She's listening to all things considered. She's the only one that's going to a podcast. Why don't we record it? She's listening to all things considered. She's the only one that's going to sound good.

Is this sort of the NPR crowd in the Galactic Zone? No question. I have some concerns about what's happening right now. There's unquestionably a Whole Foods on Alderaan, right? That's a Whole Foods fan. Are they on Alderaan? Is that where this is supposed to be? This isn't on Coruscant?

I think he's from the planet Alderaan, right? No, he is. They're all big fans of Wait, Wait, Ichuta. That was stupid. I'm sorry. No, that was great. I should be banned. Padme has a lot of agency here.

And is it this scene where they're talking about it, about their plans to start this group, and they go, if we're going to be successful, we have to be secret. You have to be ready to not talk about this to anyone, including your family. Yeah, so it's right. It's setting up a little more of a conflict

with her and Anakin that's less one-sided. Right. Because we talked about this earlier, but the movie gives Padme nothing to do. No agency. A lot of time in her apartment waiting for Anakin to show up. Just waits for Anakin. She cries.

That's it. Right. And here, like you're saying, they're planting the seeds of rebellion, which is the name of the next scene. Yeah. Here's C-3PO, who's not in the movie, basically. Yeah.

Totally different hairstyle. Yeah, it looks good here. This is her apartment. Yeah. So this is just another scene kind of following on from the same thread, right? Yeah. Yeah.

But it is- Marmoth was taken off the headphone. Yeah. But let's point this out. There are like four deleted scenes focusing on Padme. Oh, and that's Bai Ling. Yeah, which is really weird. Did you see her?

Because she's not in the first meeting and not in the third meeting, but she's in this one. Wait, come on. Get back to Bai Ling. Did you notice Bai Ling, Mike? I did not. But this is another major complaint we've had across this movie is that Padme is given nothing to do. And it turns out they shot an entire plot line for her. Like an entire subplot.

Oh, there she is. That's by the way. That they removed. Yeah, they took it out. Yeah. I mean, the movie's like two hours, 25 minutes. Yeah, I could suggest

they had to cut something. 45 minutes, that could be. I agree. What about R2-Ping? Cut that. You don't get on AFI's It's true. It's true.

It's a funny scene. It's a funny scene. It's a funny people or whatever it's called. Yeah, it's called Funny Times for Funny People or whatever it's called. Yeah, it's called Funny Times for Funny People. That's what it's called. Yeah. Mike's just dying at that. They're smiling. She has a whole line.

This drives me crazy, though. A. Smith is getting a lot more to play. He does kind of look like Mussolini, though. What is this uniform he's got with the epaulets? I like it. Bale's a solid name. Bale's a good name. And Organa's kind of a cool name too. And then there's Confronting

the Chancellor. These scenes all follow on each other and I assume would have been kind of part of, Jar Jar's in this one, would have been part of sort of interspersed just against the other plot lines. Rather than not seeing Padme for 40 minutes. Speaking of funny times for funny people. Oh, what a guy.

Yeah, Jar Jar. I mean, that's what makes Phantom Menace such a ribald comedy. On the DVD release of AFI's Funny Times for Funny People, it's Jar Jar Binks. Yeah. They don't give Jar Jar any gags in this scene, though. Yeah, he could fall over. Is he friends with the calamari man?

Yeah, there's an awesome fucking, like, crustacean. So cool. This scene is them coming to Palpatine and trying to level with him. Whose friends? Jar Jar and the calamari man. Probably, right? I mean, I don't want to cast any kind of aspersions on frog aliens tend to hang out with each other, but I'm sure they have a lot.

We're aquatic folk, you know? Yeah. Game-recognized game. Yeah, they have a lot like where there were aquatic folk, you know? Yeah. They recognize game. Yeah. They have a lot to talk about that the other group guys might not understand. But but Anakin is. This is just them saying to Palpatine, like, we don't like that you are a dictator. Yeah.

We have some reservations. And you see, this is the dreadlock hairstyle. Dolezal. It's a little. This is a little much. Mike's just just. You don't say anything say anything, Mike. But your silence speaks volumes.

But this scene is insane because we have seen how easy it was for the clones to kill the Jedi. There's no need for them to go undercover, pull a ruse. All they needed to do was pull out a gun very slowly. Wait for someone to turn around. I'm going to shoot you.

I'm trying to figure out what the plan was there. It doesn't seem like they had much of a plan. The clones' plan. Wait someone to turn around. I'm gonna shoot you! I'm trying to figure out what the plan was there. It doesn't seem like they had much of a plan. The clones plan. Wait till they turn around. Wait till they turn around. Hey, Ayala, look over there. And then the Yala Secure turns around and they shoot her in the back. Is that more Jedi? Yeah.

Oh, look, free titties! And then Kaia Demon D turns around and they shoot her in the back of the head. The old free titties ruse. The next scene is called... You know, Mike, the old free titties ruse. The next scene is called. You know, Mike, the old free titties ruse. Mike knows what I'm talking about. Mike's laughing right now. Mike agrees.

Oh, man. Maybe this podcast will make AFI's, what's it called again? 100 Laughs for Funny People, 20 Times for Funny People. 20 Times for Funny People. 20 Times for Funny People. All right. The next scene is called Yoda Communes with Qui-Gon. Now, this scene's huge.

This scene gives some backstory to that random conversation Yoda has with Obi-Wan at the end of the movie. FYI, I know all the Jedi are dead. But I talked to Qui-Gon. I totally forgot to tell you this. So here he is talking to him, but the voice is hilarious. He's on an asteroid, by the way. It's obviously not Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson did not do any voiceover.

Liam Neeson was, yeah, not available. We heard in interviews that he said he just turned it down. Is that true? Well, I mean, maybe because of unavailability. But they shot this scene. They did a 10-second. They thought they were going to get him to do it. I think this scene was cut because he couldn't do it.

Because this scene is visualized. It's on an asteroid. The effects are finished. It's all done. It's all CGI. Yoda's totally finished. The background's totally finished. What is this asteroid?

We never see this asteroid again. It's not in the movie. No, this is the base. No, that establishing shot's there. This is where they meet with Bail Organa at a point. Really? I don't remember. This is where Padme's babies are born.

Oh. I'm telling you, they use the same establishing shot here. Okay. Well, I don't remember it. Because it doesn't make any sense. But Yoda's sitting with his eyes closed, and there's this voiceover of Qui-Gon. But it's not... He hasn't even introduced himself.

But it's a really funny voice. Yeah. He's just like, hey, Yoda. It's obviously just a fill-in going, okay, I'll do this real quick. But I found a way to transcend life and death. It's a little creepy because he's saying, like, you'll be the most powerful Jedi ever. Can we put the voice on? Because it's the funniest voice.

You don't have the clip, do you? No, I didn't pull that clip. We could add it later. When I became one with the Force, I made a great discovery. You will learn to merge with the Force at will, but you will still retain your consciousness. You will become more powerful than any Jedi could imagine.

That's supposed to be Qui-Gon Jinn. The Force. It sounds like the Apple MacTalk. Yeah, where it's just like the Force. It's got this sort of bass sound effect. You will be the most powerful Jedi. Also, he's not talking. It's like a

way message or leaving a voicemail or something. Hey, I'm Qui-Gon. I can't get to the phone right now. Yoda's not like, I have some questions about this. I have transcended death. I have become more powerful than you can imagine. Yoda's just sitting there. And then Organa shows up and he's like,

Oh, Obi-Wan's called sitting there. And then Organa shows up and he's like, Oh, Obi-Wan's called. Weird scene. What a weird scene. What do you think Jimmy Smith's face looked like at the premiere of Revenge of the Sith when he's like, Oh, literally every shot I'm in. Except one got cut. That's neat. Yeah, it's true.

It is astounding how Jimmy Smith is in almost every one of these deleted scenes. Because he's like fifth build on IMDb and we is astounding how Jimmy Smith is in almost every one of these deleted scenes. Yeah, poor Smith. Because he's like fifth build on IMDb, and we were like, how did he get up that high? Clearly in the script, he had a role. Yeah. Yeah, and now it feels like a camera. Well, and he's going to take one of the kids.

They're setting him up for big, big, big things. And this also establishes that he has a relationship with Padme, that they were allies. I mean, all of this. That's why Anakin was so quick to flip on Padme. Love that ship, though, huh? That ship is great. No bits. That ship bits.

So those are the deleted scene guns we did. I mean, it's a whole other movie with these scenes, right? Yeah. Wouldn't you agree? It's still not a good movie, but it's a different movie. It's a movie. It's a little better movie. It's a more sensical movie.

Yeah. I don't know if it's good, but at least it does help out, like, fill in a lot of gaps. It wouldn't be as frustrating. It'd be like, well, I can understand why this person did this. Yeah. Yeah, your criticism would more be like, oh, I don't like the acting or the visuals. Hey. Right?

Not the story. Why don't we talk about scenes we would have liked to add? Okay. I've got one. Everyone add a scene. Ben? The Jedi play a game of basketball. The council, like, puts together council puts together a basketball game.

That sort of sounds like X-Men, where they'd always be like... Or Avatar. Yeah, ooh, they're playing baseball. And then we get to see them use their cool powers, like ooh, a little bit of fun, you know? But the Jedi's aren't a lot to have fun with. I think that would have been a really fun scene. Alright, I'm going to play your game here a little bit.

Mike just said that like, I'll play your game. Resentfully. There's this interesting character at the end that's standing next to Vader and the Emperor. What is that? Tarkin. And in the credits, his name is Tarkin. And he's like my villain. I would have loved to get a little bit of more backstory on that guy.

Who's that guy? Who are just like the suits? You know, we know the Sith, but who are the people who are just doing the menial evil day jobs? I bet he has an interesting backstory because I bet he plays like a larger role later. He makes it to the fucking podium with Palpatine and Vader. It's the three of them. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I think that's a really good call. You know what? I feel he deserved a little more than a cameo. You know what would have been cool? If instead of him, Watto was just flying, hovering there. It's like Vader and Palpatine looking out at the thing being built, and then Watto's just there, too. And then Vader and Watto look at each other.

They both nod in acknowledgement and then stare at the Death Star. Glad you could be here. This means something to me. Do you have a deleted scene, David? I don't know. You go ahead. This is the scene I wish was in the movie. Funny times for funny people. This scene's going to have everything. It's going to have

laughs. It's going to have chills. It's going to have thrills. You know the bar where they chase Zam Wessel to? Yeah, in the second movie. Right. Death Sticks. I think that's actually the name of the bar. Death Sticks. They cut back to that bar in the middle of Order 66. They cut back to that bar just to a little middle of Order 66. They cut back to that bar, just to like a little palate cleanser.

And like a bunch of people are drinking slumped over at the bar. They're all like pissed off. And then the DJ throws on I Want You Back by the Jackson 5. And then it's just like who hits the dance floor? Gra Gra, Watto, Tarples. All the old favorites. TC14. Oh, she's dead.

No, she's alive. Is she rebuilt? Like can you tell if they said like tape on her? Yeah. Do you14. Oh, she's dead. No, she's alive. Is she rebuilt? Like, can you tell? Is there, like, tape on her? Yeah, and she looks better than ever. So, if 3PO gets rebuilt, like, of course TC-14's still alive. The donut ship blew up, though. Let's not forget.

I feel like I'm bringing some past sort of anger into this. You know, I'm not trying to. I'm trying to give you a platform to defend your work. We have George Lucas on this show. We have George Lucas on this show. This is a huge opportunity.

This is what we wanted the whole time. We're trying to make sense of these films. That's what we're doing and we sort of view ourselves as pop culture investigators, detectives.

I guess so. Maybe. One could say that's a better branding hook. I'm here to, I can answer any questions you have. Okay.

Obviously, this is the story I wanted to tell. Yeah. Well, let's get on to that. So, Phantom Mass comes out in 1999. That's right. Great year for movies. It was. It was a banner year for American cinema.

Yeah. I don't know what else came out. A lot of stuff. I mean... So, you're saying just on the basis of Phantom Mass alone, it was a great year for movies. Yeah, I don't remember what else came out, but I know it was a great year. That was definitely... I mean, you're saying Just on the basis Of Phantom Menace alone It was a great year Yeah I don't remember What else came out

But I know It was a great year That was definitely I mean that was The number one box office Film of that year I know Toy Story 2 My favorite movie

Of all time Came in that year Pixar Oh you founded Pixar Yeah You know Or you didn't found it But you owned it

For a while I owned it And then It was bought from me But still I get the credit Okay we gotta We gotta talk about The Star Wars movies, but another quick sidebar. I can't help it if I point out. No, because I want to stay focused, because this is what this podcast is about.

And they did the stained glass man in Young Sherlock Holmes. Young Sherlock Holmes, right. Which I misidentified as being from Young Indiana Jones. Which was also a George Lucas production. Pixar, you buy it. At the time, they have, I think, three animators on staff. John Lasseter, Andrew Stanton, and Pete Docter. Sure.

All three of whom have gone on to win Academy Awards. Yeah. You, after a couple years, sell the company because it is losing money. Yeah. And you don't see a reality in which it will ever turn a profit. Sure. I mean, that's one way to spin it. I believe that's... I still get credit for it.

Well, my question is does it burn at all? You're a man of tremendous success. You've broken records in both directions. Do you look at Pixar, the most consistently successful movie studio in history, arguably? I still ended up getting all that money.

From when you sold it? Yeah. No, in the end, the money came back to me in the end. I still ended up getting all that money. From when you sold it? Yeah. No, no. No, in the end, the money came back to me in the end. Pixar goes on to make all that money for Disney, and then I end up getting that Disney money. That's a good point. Money always comes back to Georgia. Is that your catchphrase? No, that's not a catchphrase.

That's a true fact. I want to get back to the point that you were making, which is the first movie has tons of Jar Jar Binks, delightful characters. Give them what they want, because things are relatively we're in a good place in Phantom Menace. There's some bad business going on. It's a little bit under the surface. It's going to get a lot worse. It's going to get a lot worse.

he does have a Shadini grin. He's grinning so wide. You guys can see this. Part of the reason why you deprive the audience of Jar Jar in episodes two and three is that's, the audience will feel it. They absorb it. They think, why is it? The lack of comedy. It's not as much fun now.

The lack of smiles. Things are less fun than they used to be. And that's a loud and clear message. To what ultimate end? What's the payoff there? You take him away so they feel the absence and then you never bring him back his final month? I did bring him back. He's sad when... Yeah, that's my point. So the final payoff is you see him shed a single tear?

That's what I want to get this to. The final payoff of the whole movie is that the galaxy collapses into ruin and is controlled by a tyrant, and the Jedi are massacred, and our hero turns into a villain, and his legs get chopped off, and he's set on fire, and he gets put into a villain and his legs get chopped off and he's set on fire and he gets put into a metal iron lung. There's not a lot of up. No. Of course not.

The only up is that his two kids are alive. You know what? I have a suggestion for your next podcast. You should read all the Shakespeare plays and then have William Shakespeare come in here to defend the end of Hamlet. Well, that's not a problem. We couldn't book the real William Shakespeare because he's dead.

No, but I bet you have a lot of problems with the ending of Hamlet. I don't have any problems with the ending of Hamlet because Hamlet was structured from the beginning to be a tragedy.

Well, this was structured from the beginning to be a tragedy. When the kid's saying yippee and he's running around with a space Caribbean? Yeah, Hamlet's having fun at the beginning of that.

Yeah, I forgot Hamlet has that big pod race scene at the beginning. Remember that first act of Hamlet? First of all, Shakespeare... Billy Crystal is in Hamlet, let's not forget. A version of Hamlet. Billy Crystal is in the original text of Hamlet. What about Hamlet 2? Hamlet 2 is a lot more fun than Hamlet 1.

That's a loose sequel. That's a loose sequel and you know it. There's none of the same characters. It sounds like you're criticizing me for things that I did on purpose. I'm trying not to criticize you. I'm trying to make sense of this, okay? Can we ask about the directing of Jake Lloyd? Yes, great question.

So you bring in, yeah, that's a great question. Poet laureate. This is why we have you in here. We asked you what Phantom Menace was about, and you focused on Anakin. Sure. I still think we can get a better answer, but we'll get back to that later. So we've got Jake Lloyd. You bring him in.

Yeah. What about Jake Lloyd spoke to you when you were casting? Yeah, talk about the casting process. If you ever saw Unhook the Stars, Jake Lloyd's very good in that movie. Yes, he is. We agree with that. Yes, we've said that in the past. That's obviously got a different acting style than the prequels do.

Naturalistic. Human. Jake gets a lot of, early on, there were naysayers. I think they would be a little bit hard on Jake, but I think if you look at the baseline acting style that I established for the whole movie, I think Jake Lloyd's acting holds up with Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, I think across the board.

Categorically incorrect. I would say he's a little more one note. You're actually going to sit here in this room, look me in the eyes, and tell me that Jake Lloyd is delivering the same level of performance as Liam Neeson in that film. I would say that. You are a sociopath. George Lucas, you are a sociopath.

I would say that. You would say that. Okay. Well, you're a lunatic. I'm sorry. I didn't know you were going to be this angry. I didn't either. No, I really thought.

I think you should relax. I have to relax. I'm sorry, Dave. You take the next question. No, I would say the reason you're angry is because you should be angry after you watch these movies. That's the point. Episode seven.

What are you? So they're just skipping four, five, and six? I pitched some ideas. J.J. Abrams is directing it, but I have not had it. Hold on one second. They're coming out with a script in December? So they're in pre-production? No, no.

It's done, apparently, and it's going to come out. I'll be seeing it like an audience member with everybody else. Wait, but so you're going from episode three straight to episode seven? Yeah, are they going to fill in the blanks later? What's the idea? That's so weird. No. Good what there, Ben?

Well, I mean. What? I've already. The episodes four, five, and six are available on Blu-ray. Those are all. You can see those. Okay, George, I know this has not been a very civil interview

and I've been fucking with you a lot but this is not funny Ben's got something Ben's got something old Ben old Ben's got something old Ben

producer old Ben's peeping on something there's an episode four no there isn't how would we not know about that

Griffin you're not facing his screen I'm seeing it there's a Darth Vader mask it's called The New Hope it came out in 1977. That's impossible, Ben. That's 30 years earlier.

That's impossible. I hate bits, but we have talked a lot about there's one movie in your canon that we kept forgetting the name of. Yeah, but I thought it was another character drama. Guys, there's two others. It was like THX 139. I know. What are you talking about?

He's a hook. Actually, you've got the dates wrong on that. Those were rough drafts of movies that I came out with. The real episodes 4, 5, and 6 came out in the 90s. Do you understand how hard it is to believe anything you say with answers like that? What are you talking about? I understand where you're confused. In the 1990s, I finished the original trilogy just a few years before Phantom Menace.

A New Hope is episode 4. Empire Strikes Back is episode 5. Empire Strikes Back is episode five. Return of the Jedi is episode six. They came out the same year. I released three movies in one year, brand new, and those are the movies. I did test screenings in 1977 and the early 1980s of episodes four, five, and six.

They went very well. Probably the most successful test screenings in the history of film. But you really refined them in 96. But the actual movies themselves came out in the 1990s, and that's why you might be confused. So just to clarify, the first film chronologically came out in 1999. Yes. Second came out in 2002.

Third came out in 2005. Oh, that's right. In 1997. That's right. That's the year. You released, quote unquote, three movies simultaneously that were shot in the 70s and 80s. That's right. We shot them in the 70s, but not all of them. We finished them. They took a long time to make.

We did some test screenings that went very well in 77, re-released for a second round of test screenings in 78. Then rather than completing the fourth one, we said, let's make the second and third one, do test screenings of those, and then eventually we'll release the final version of those in 1997. And now there's a seventh one coming out in a month. But I don't have anything to do with that. But J.J. Abrams, creator of Felicity, directed it? Creator of Felicity, screenwriter of

Regarding Henry. Joy Ride. He wrote Joy Ride. Can you process this, David? This is huge. You know, I just have one thing to say, which is that I hate bits. Well, I hope all you listeners enjoyed today's ep. I know for me it was a reminder of just how proud I am of this show, and I know it will continue to evolve,

and I will have way too many nicknames, and the episodes will all probably be like three hours long. But on behalf of Griffin, David and myself, we love making this podcast and are thankful for everyone's support out there. Later this week, we'll have a final best of out from our episodes on the original trilogy and holiday special. Next week we'll have an episode on M night's new movie split,

and then we will begin our new mini-series on director Steve Spielberg, The DreamWorks Years which we're going to be calling Pod Me If You Can't alright, this has been producer Ben and taking us out is a supercut with our favorite moments with, I don't know, this Chewbacca character. Yoda's off on some planet with these things called Wookiees that is this, like, bizarre diversion.

Whole other episode. Even for this movie, it's really weird. Whole other episode. It is so weird. I agree with you that it sets up literally nothing. It's a planet Kashyyyk. It's these hairy... Yeah, these Wookiees, including, like, a Wookiee called Chewbacca, who he like is like, hello,

Chewbacca. It's nice to meet you. You know, we are great friends with you. I think he wants to get like the big furry dudes to be to join the clone troopers. But Wookiees. I think they're called Wookiees. Good relations with the Wookiees I have or something. He says something like that.

Which you don't know anything about. Don't even talk, I don't think. No. That fucking Wookiee. Not harmful. We talked about this last week. How weird it is. But goddamn Chewbacca.

Yoda is so nice to this random Wookiee called Chewbacca. Who is he paying off to get this kind of billing? I bet he's the fucking fourth billed in this movie, Chewbacca. He's high billed in this movie. If that, he's barely in it. He's barely in it. He doesn't do anything. What kid wants to eat Chewbacca?

What kid remembers Chewbacca? Like the Wookiee style. I thought that battle with the Wookiees was pretty cool. I like the Wookiees. They seem like an interesting group. Where are they coming from? What the fuck is this shit? And then he climbs onto that one Wookiee's head and goes, I'll miss you, Chewbacca.

We've talked about this five weeks in a row. Why the fuck is that important? Who the fuck is Chewbacca? The guest we about this five weeks in a row. Why the fuck is that important? Who the fuck is Chewbacca? The guest we've had on has pointed that out. Who the fuck is this one guy? He's single. Yeah, why is he just friends with this one guy? And he has a good relationship with the Wookie I have.

Since when? So apparently you've been buddies with this one guy, Chewbacca. Cool, man. I think there's two Wookiees. It looks like Chewbacca, although it's like... He doesn't say his name. But also, I feel like you guys are making a bigger deal of Chewbacca than cool, man. I think there's two Wookiees. It looks like Chewbacca, although it's like... He doesn't say his name. But also, I feel like you guys are making a bigger deal of Chewbacca than he is in the movie. Because in the movie, it's just like Chewbacca.

Yoda's just like, blah, blah, blah. It's that Yoda line. It's the Yoda line. It's the Yoda line where he's like, we've always been friends. And you're like... I don't think he... Does he even say that? He says...

Chewbacca, thank you so much for speaking at my wedding. That time you gave me a loan of $5,000. I feel like he's just like, thanks, Chewbacca, but you helped save me. You two Wookiees helped save me. You wrote a college recommendation for my kid. One time, quickly to process, and then you can leave. What are the three titles of these films?

Because there was a lot to process at once. I need to hear the new. I just found out that three new Star Wars movies exist. Star Wars, A New Hope, the special edition. Star Wars, The Empress Strikes Back, the special edition. Star Wars, Return of the Jedi, special edition. Those are the three titles. And they follow the same exact plot lines as the prequels.

They mirror them. I did them ring style. I don't even know what to say. Oh, I mean ring style. Is Darth Vader in them? Wait, is Jimmy Smits in them? No. Dexter Jester? No. Watto? No. CC14? No.

Gragra? So none of our favorite characters. Wait, wait, wait. I have a question. What about this Chewbacca guy? Is he in it? Oh, yeah. I brought Chewbacca back. God damn it! Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah.